Work Text:
Migraine
Alicia/Kalinda
Summary: Kalinda has a migraine at work and it’s up to Alicia to care for her.
Alicia had been looking for their moody investigator for over an hour. Buzzing back and forth through the halls, checking both floor bathrooms, and sticking her head in break room. She didn’t need anything important at that moment, but the longer she couldn’t find her partner, the more worried she became. It usually didn’t take much effort for the lawyer to find Kalinda. Typically, Alicia could think about the investigator and she would appear. Four years ago when she couldn’t find her partner, Cary had arrested her and moved her around so many times, it took Alicia hours to find her.
Before Alicia left the office for a bail hearing, Kalinda promised she would be waiting for her outside the courthouse steps. Grace had asked them both to come to her career day at school. It was surprising that Alicia was the one that took some convincing. The investigator had been excited about speaking in front of a room full of students. Excited to answer their questions about what she did every day. That’s what concerned Alicia. Kalinda had been preparing for this career day with Grace for a week. Her not showing up when she promised she would, wasn’t like her at all.
It was the third time she passed Kalinda’s office. She was now actively searching for the younger woman. Her cell phone was going straight to voice mail and her office phone was being redirected to her secretary that informed her that she didn’t know where the investigator had gone. As Alicia paused outside the office door, she noticed that the blinds were now pulled down and her assistant was no longer at her desk. The lights were still off, but this time she could see the investigators purse and keys sitting on the table through the spaces between the blinds. Kalinda never went anywhere without that damn bag. She carried her taser and gun in that purse. Alicia pushed the door open, leaving the lights off, shutting it quietly behind her. Not only were the wall shades drawn, so were the ones on the outside windows. It was difficult to see across the office. Luckily, Alicia spent more time in Kalinda’s office than she spent in her own.
She heard the moan before she spotted Kalinda curled up on her couch, trash can nearby. The blanket that she kept in her bottom desk drawer draped over her shivering body. Her black thick curls were free from the tight bun she had spent thirty minutes putting into place that morning. It caused Alicia to freeze for a moment. The investigator had been fine that morning. She had woken up a little more grumpy than she typically would. Kalinda had refused to eat or drink anything when they sat down for breakfast with the kids. When she had tried to read Grace’s report for school, something she had been looking forward to all week, she had to have the young girl read it to her. Kalinda had made the excuse that her glasses, that she didn’t ever wear, were in the bedroom. She had been a little tired and got a little dizzy in the shower. Alicia remembered Kalinda attempting to laugh it off as her naked back rested against the attorney’s chest under the hot spray of the shower head. The more Alicia thought about the first few hours of their morning, the more she realized her lover had been in pain from the moment she awoke.
Alicia went to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her. As she pulled the blanket down Kalinda’s petite frame, she could feel the sweat pouring off her partner. The purple tank top she had worn under her suit jacket that morning was wet and sticking to the investigators rib cage. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were squeezed shut tight. Alicia heart ached as she watched the investigator try to cover her face again. “Kalinda,” she whispered. She brushed her hand over her forehead. She was hot and sweaty. Her hair sticking to the damp skin. If anyone walked into her office looking for her, Alicia doubted anyone would recognize her at first glance. Her makeup was smudged around her eyes. Her lips were puffy as if she had been biting it through the worst of the pain. “Honey?”
Kalinda batted her hands away. Her arm coming up to cover her face from the little light that was coming in from under her office door. “Stop,” she whispers, catching Alicia’s hand and bringing it to her chest. She didn’t have to open her eyes to know who was hovering over her. She could smell her. She could feel that graceful presence the second the door opened. Kalinda, through her haze, was only grateful that it hadn’t been Will or Diane that had found her. The last place she needed to be was in the hospital and that’s exactly where they would have put her. It wasn’t the first time Kalinda had experienced the worst of her pain in the confines of Lockhart/Gardner and ten of those times, Diane and Will sent her to the hospital. Alicia didn’t punish her. Two years and no telling how many migraines, Alicia never called for help. She took care of Kalinda herself.
Alicia allowed her hand to relax against the hot, bare skin of Kalinda’s chest. She could smell vomit as she glanced at the trashcan. Could see pain on Kalinda’s face. The sweat pouring from her body. She had never seen her partner in that much pain. They understood how to control Kalinda’s pain levels during an attack. They had both sat through the numerous doctor’s appointments. Had read everything she could find about the different triggers. They had Kalinda’s medical care down to a very specific science. The investigator rarely allowed her pain to progress to the point that she couldn’t handle it on her own. “What’s wrong, honey?” Alicia felt it in the pit of her stomach before the word left the investigator’s lips. She knew what they were looking forward to in the next few days.
Alicia watched Kalinda concentrating on the words. Trying to find a voice through the pain. “Migraine,” she mumbled. The pain had been getting worse as the day went on. Beginning in her neck at four in the morning and now taking up residence in the right side of her head. She had tried all her usual tricks; had tried taking the pills before the pain was unbearable. Nothing even took the edge off her misery. Her right temple was throbbing, her stomach was doing somersaults with every jolt of pain, and every sound around her office seemed to be amplified. She had barely made it through her meeting with Diane that morning. The auras started after she talked through a case with Cary, excusing herself to the bathroom for over an hour. Cary had been nice enough to wait for her, working from his laptop while he sat on the hallway floor. He had offered to get Alicia or Diane, but she had refused. She knew they both had meetings all morning with clients that could save or bankrupt the firm. No amount of pain was worth both of them seeking new employment; possibly apart. Before she had finally crashed on her office couch, Kalinda had tried to give herself the emergency shots she kept in her purse. Her hand shook to badly to get the needle into the vial and when she had tried to call Alicia for help, she couldn’t remember the number to her office. She had given up. Before she surrendered to the pain, her heart ached for Grace. Her last thoughts were of the young girl waiting for her outside the school.
Why hadn’t Alicia thought it? She knew Kalinda had Migraines. Had experienced enough of them with her. But she could usually see when one was coming. She could usually see it in Kalinda’s mannerisms and lack of focus. She never saw any of the symptoms. “Where’s your shot?” The mergency shots Kalinda kept in her office, Alicia’s office and her purse were only used if the pain had already surpassed her normal everyday dose. It had twice the pain killer than her prescription pills that could be taken at the first signs of her pain.
Kalinda made a vague attempt to motion for her desk, it was the last place she remembered handling her medical bag. She couldn’t remember if she filled the syringe or not. She couldn’t remember if she was even able to open the bag. “Purse,” was all she could manage to say. She wanted the questions to stop. She wanted the noise outside her office walls to stop. For the first time in six years, Lockhart/Gardner was the last place she wanted to be.
Alicia started rummaging through Kalinda’s belongings. It was not something she was normally comfortable doing. In their home, the investigator has her own drawers, has her own space to hide things if she chose. But as she saw Kalinda’s body shake violently out of the corner of her eye, she threw the bag open, finding the needles and vial of clear liquid that she had become intimately familiar with over the last year. She filled a syringe, something she had become particularly good at. Making sure the air was clear and went back to Kalinda. She knelt back down, nudging the investigators hip. “Turn over, baby.” It wasn’t that Kalinda couldn’t give herself the shot. Alicia had seen her do it many times before. But when the migraines became that bad, she was lucky if she could remember where she was.
She watched the woman as she adjusted her body. Turning to face the outside of the couch. Alicia knew better than anyone that the medication could cause her to vomit. Kalinda’s movements were slow and rough as she readjusted her body to curl onto her side. Alicia ran a soothing hand down the trembling hip, the muscles trying to relax under her touch. She could visibly see the investigator trying to force herself to relax. She pulled the zipper of her skirt down without waiting for permission. The tear tracks on Kalinda’s face were permission enough to do whatever she needed to do in order to stop her pain. She pulled the skirt and panties away from her hip. As the cool skin touched the hot bare skin, Kalinda whimpered and buried her face deeper into the darkness her pillow provided. “Take a breath,” she whispered, wishing that she could take the pain from her faster. She had seen Kalinda fight migraines before. She had seen the dizziness and vomiting before. But she could usually take Kalinda home and take care of her there. They had privacy there. Alicia had never been forced to medicate the love of her life in a setting other than their home. She inserted the needle into the shaking hip, injecting the medication slowly, hearing Kalinda moan as someone outside her office door laughed. When she was finished, she recapped the needle and gently rubbed Kalinda’s hip. It would be sore for a few days, it always was after an injection. It would be impossible for her to sleep on it tomorrow night Alicia knew.
Alicia threw the used needle back in Kalinda’s medical bag. She would have to remember to throw it away when they returned home. The last thing her love needed was to use a contaminated needle during another attack. “I’ll be right back, love,” she whispered, running a gently hand down her hot arm. Kalinda only offered a moan in response, but it was more than Alicia had expected.
Alicia almost ran to Will’s office, bursting through the door and telling the secretary to get out. In any normal situation, Alicia would have politely waited for her to finish whatever it was that Will needed to know. She had done it a thousand times before. Alicia was the kind, quiet, accommodating partner. She wasn’t mean like David Lee. She wasn’t over demanding like Diane. Alicia was the partner that every secretary wanted to work for. Everyone envied Courtney for being the precious chosen one. But today wasn’t a normal day. When it involved the children or Kalinda, the gloves were off. Alicia did whatever she had to do in order to protect and comfort them. She waited to hear the glass shake before she spoke, Will’s face showing nothing but concern. “I need to take Kalinda home. She has another migraine. She was supposed to sit in on a deposition with David Lee this afternoon. He either needs to reschedule it or do it without her.” She said, trying to rush. Her hands were shaking as she crossed her arms to hide it. No one needed to know how much Kalinda’s pain affected her.
Will got up from his chair quickly, starting to search for the emergency kit that was kept in his office. He glanced up at Alicia as she was shaking her head for him to stop. They had all experienced Kalinda’s migraine attacks first hand. Before their relationship began, Will tended to her during the more painful hours. Those hours were now allotted to Alicia. But Will could remember all those all nighters trying to calm and sooth her pain. It tore him apart to see their badass investigator shaking and in tears from the pain that was tearing through her head. “What can I do?”
Alicia ran through all the things she needed in order to get Kalinda home without causing her more pain. And although her mind was always constantly spinning, Alicia found it difficult to focus with the memory of Kalinda’s face floating around in her head. “I need you to bring her car to the underground parking garage elevator. I’ll bring her out through there.” Alicia pulled a piece of paper out of her pocket. It was her and Kalinda’s schedule for the day. At that moment, she was praising whatever God Grace believed in that she had a type A personality. “Cary needs to handle the Platt deposition in an hour. He may need to sit first chair in court tomorrow if I can’t make it back. Kalinda was supposed to meet with the IT specialist for the Curtis case. Reschedule that for Friday. I have no idea what she was meeting him for but I’m sure he will remember.” She thought for a moment. Her brain moving ninety miles a minute. “Can you get my stuff from the office. I’ll work on the case from home. And let Cary know that the next time he just sits outside a bathroom while Kalinda is sick for over an hour and doesn’t come get me, I’ll gather the partners and have him removed.” Alicia had passed Cary sitting on the floor outside the women’s bathroom several times as she searched for her partner. He never said a word, but it explained why it had taken her so long to find her.
Will nodded, motioning for Diane to come in just as Alicia was leaving. He wouldn’t stand for anyone allowing Kalinda to suffer alone and not saying anything to anyone that could possibly help her. He didn’t care what she had told the young attorney to do. “I’ll meet you in the garage in fifteen minutes.”
Alicia didn’t stand around for Will to explain the situation to Diane. At that moment, she couldn’t have cared less if they fired her. She walked quickly back to the end of the hall ignoring the sideways glances she was receiving from half the firm and smirks from the other half. She only stopped to ask Courtney if she could call Grace’s school, explaining the situation as quickly and quietly as possible. She slowly opened the door and closed it quietly behind her, locking the bolt in case anyone became curious. Courtney would protect their privacy, that’s why Alicia kept her and advocated for her raises every year. She knelt down next to Kalinda. Brushing her soft black curls away from her face. Alicia could see the chills beginning to run through her body. The medication was working, it just wasn’t working as quickly as they would like. The doctors had warned them to keep her pain under control. They had spent two hours with the doctor explaining to them what could happen if she allowed the pain to progress beyond what her body was capable of handling. They had been lucky in the last year, there were no hospitalizations and the attacks came further apart. As her lips gently grazed her lover’s forehead, she squirmed closer to the edge of the couch. Her hand slowly reaching for Alicia. Kalinda would be asleep soon and only feel half as bad when she awoke the second time. “I’m gonna take you home, baby,” she whispered, moving the trash can away from her face.
Kalinda tried to open her eyes. Catching a quick glimpse of her lover before closing them again as her vision sparkled. Hearing Alicia’s voice was never enough when she was in pain. She needed to see her and feel her. She needed to be close to the only person that had ever seen her fall apart. “They’ll know...” she mumbled. Alicia had never taken Kalinda home from work with a migraine. They never showed each other anything but professionalism while in the Lockhart/Gardner set of offices. They would exchange the occasional loving glance while in meetings that weren’t intended to be seen. They would leave little notes on the other’s desk. But no one had ever seen Alicia taking care of her. Showing her affection while she was at her most vulnerable. They had never seen Alicia touching her in a loving and concerned way. Everyone would know as soon as the door to her office opened. And through her medically and pain induced fog, she wasn’t sure if she cared or not.
Alicia knew what she was referring to. They had decided to keep their relationship private until they were both settled. It had been over a year since their relationship started, five months since Kalinda had moved into the apartment, and they still hadn’t told anyone. Alicia’s children knew, of course. The investigator had become Grace’s new favorite person to hang out with. Peter and Eli knew, for political reasons. In case someone asked about Peter’s ex-wife’s lesbian relationship, they would be prepared. But no one outside of Alicia’s immediate circle knew. Their colleagues didn’t have a clue, not that Alicia hadn’t wanted to tell everyone. But she needed to keep Kalinda’s intimate life private until she was ready for everyone to see that side of her. “It’s time anyway,” she whispered, brushing Kalinda’s hair away from her sweaty forehead. Her eye makeup that she had spent forty-five minutes that morning perfecting was now smudged around her eyes. The sweat from her overheated skin causing the ‘water proof’ mascara to slightly run down her cheek. Only Alicia was allowed to see her like that. Only Alicia could see the chinks in her armor.
Kalinda reached for her, trying to sit up on her own. Pushing herself against the solid arm of the fancy sofa Diane had put in her office when they were redecorating. She felt as if she were moving in slow motion. Her body felt like a lead weight that had been dropped into a bucket of water. Feeling the medication slowly starting to take effect as she pushed on the side of the couch again. The nausea disappearing was the first sign that sleep would soon come, then she would awake and feel foggy and lethargic. Alicia helped her to sit, Kalinda’s legs draped across her lap, her hands coming around Alicia’s neck. Holding her close. The investigator whimpering as the pain shot through the right side of her head. “Hold me, please,” she whispered almost so quietly Alicia would have missed it if she hadn’t had all her focus on the sick woman. She tucked her head in the crook of Alicia’s neck, slowly climbing into the lawyer’s lap. The pain shooting through her head and neck, causing her to care less who saw them.
Alicia laughed lightly as she pulled Kalinda against her body. It was a rarity when Kalinda Sharma asked to be held and coddled. For the first two months of their relationship, the investigator had refused to be touched after they had been intimate. It had taken a lot of patience. A lot of love and understanding to get Kalinda where she was at that moment. Alicia had started out slowly, sneaking up on her lover while she was cooking dinner, wrapping her arms around Kalinda’s body for only a few seconds. As the investigator had come accustom to her touch, Alicia progressed to cuddling her a for a few minutes every morning. As time went on, Kalinda began seeking her out in the middle of the night. Reaching for her in the shower when she was warm and sleepy. Most mornings after the first year, Alicia would awake to her partner against her chest. Those mornings were now what Alicia looked forward to the most. She brushed away a few stray tears that had fallen from Kalinda’s closed eyes. Gently covering the side of her face with her hand, blocking out what little light was in the room. “Thought you were worried about people knowing,” she whispered against her hair, not expecting an answer.
Kalinda nuzzled Alicia’s neck, bringing a hand up under her chin. It was a gesture she had done since her early teen years. Her mother could never explain why she tucked herself into the same position she had when she was an infant. But that never stopped her mother from holding and rocking the full grown woman. And it didn’t stop Alicia either. The lawyer knew she was trying not to crying as she pulled her hand further beneath her chin and against her chest. Curling further into her comfort. Pretending everyone else didn’t exist. “Don’t care. Hurt,” she mumbled against her neck.
Alicia glanced down as her phone vibrated. The car was already downstairs, it was time for the walk that she had been dreading since she discovered Kalinda had the office couch. Her thumb moved gently over the young woman’s cheek as she kissed her slowly cooling forehead. “That’s Will; we need to go honey.” Alicia gently moved Kalinda back to the couch. Laying her head against the soft fabric. Hurriedly grabbing the bag, keys, and sunglasses from the desk. She handed the glasses to Kalinda, instructing her to put them on before she helped her to her feet. Alicia understanding her partner was extremely particular when it came to how she was perceived by the people that she worked with. Kalinda didn’t show weakness. She didn’t show her pain or fear. And she would never show them how vulnerable she could be.
Kalinda moaned as she got to her feet. The muscles in her legs feeling as if she were a fawn learning to walk for the first time. She couldn’t even think about opening her eyes as she reached blindly for Alicia’s hand. Keeping her eyes closed kept the nausea at bay. But as she moved, her head began to spin, the pain returning in a violent blast for a slight moment. Kalinda took in a shaky breath as she rested her head against her partners chest. “Alicia, I can’t...” She mumbled.
Alicia’s hand came to rest on the small of her back, her other hand on her arm. She moved away from the woman just enough to see her face. Even with her eyes closed and covered in her dark sunglasses, Alicia could still read her better than she could read anyone else. She could still see the pain. She could still see the anxiety and discomfort that was trying to consume her. “I got you. Just close your eyes and focus on me,” she whispered, tucking the black curls behind her ears. If people were gonna talk, she could make Kalinda look as normal as possible.
Kalinda took a tentative step, allowing Alicia to lead her across the room. She crossed her arms over her chest, fingers touching her partners as a soft sigh was released from her lips. Hearing the door to her office open, she continued to take slow, calculated steps as Alicia led her into the eerily quiet hall. She continued to walk, hearing the whispers of their colleagues. It made her want to stop and say something. It wasn’t like the investigator to not speak her mind. She hated when people stared at her as if they were trying to solve a puzzle that was never theirs. She hated the inquisitive looks and awkward questions. It was one of the reasons she refused to work with most of lawyers Diane and Will hired. She could smell Diane’s perfume. She was there. Their boss was watching their entire interaction while Kalinda was at her weakest. She could feel their eyes on her. Alicia squeezed her arm when they reached the elevator. The investigator had to fight every muscle in her body that told her she could lean against her partner. She could take comfort in her touch if she needed. But she couldn’t force her body to relax in front of so many onlookers. “They’re all talking,” she whispered, keeping a straight face, the typical Kalinda face, but she could feel her lower lip slightly quiver from the pain and embarrassment.
Alicia tightened her hand around her arm as she saw the young woman biting her lower lip. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop her chin just shaking. It didn’t stop the flush reaching her cheeks. Or the single tear that ran down the side of her face. Alicia’s natural instinct was to wipe the tear away; to make everything all better. But she feared that would only embarrass Kalinda more. Instead she gently played with the ring that was on the investigator’s thumb. Alicia had learned long before their relationship began who gave her the original ring. Her husband had used it as a way to possess her. Alicia had replaced it with one that they had chosen together. One that matched the ring she wore on the chain around her neck, out of sight. They had decided when they told everyone, they’d be worn as they should be. But the gentle caress over the investigator’s hand, settling over the one piece of jewelry she never took off, she felt Kalinda release a breath she had been holding. It was a silent reminder of her commitment to her. She wasn’t gonna leave. She wasn’t gonna allow her to suffer alone. And she wouldn’t allow her pride to be damaged. “I don’t care. I just want you to feel better,” she said, rubbing her hand protectively down her back, catching Diane’s compassionate smile out of the corner of her eye.
Kalinda flinched as the elevator dinged and the doors opened. Everything in her body was tense. She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to ride the elevator down twenty-seven floors. Alicia moved them forward, allowing her to relax against the wall while she selected the underground parking garage. She knew Kalinda parked her blacked out SVU down their in case she needed to investigate. It had the easiest access to the street and it was unlikely that anyone would follow her. The investigator moaned as she cool metal touched the side of her head. The cold metal against her over heated skin relieved the pressure in the side of her head for a few moments. “I want to go home,” she moaned. Reaching out for her comfort. For the one person she could be weak in front of. Kalinda was well aware the elevators had cameras. She was also aware that there was someone on the other side of those cameras watching them. But as a tense spasm ran up the back of her neck all thought of Lockhart/Garnders voyeurism moved to the back of her mind.
Alicia went to her, feeling the elevator begin it’s descent. She wrapped her arms around the smaller woman. Pulling her against her chest, kissing the side of her head. Alicia didn’t care if every person in the office building saw her holding Kalinda as closely as she was. All she wanted was for the pain and discomfort to stop. She wanted to do everything she could in order to make her lover as comfortable as possible. “We’re going, love.” she whispered, covering the investigator’s ears for the incoming ding of the elevator. She kissed Kalinda’s forehead, shushing her as an almost silent whimper escaped her chapped lips.
As the elevator stopped and the doors opened, Alicia caught sight of Will before he even got out of the car. She could see from the look on his face that he saw the intimate interaction. She could only smile as she watched him get out of the car, smirking and shaking his head. Will was at her side in an instant, helping navigate Kalinda to the passenger side of the car. Only making one or two sideways glances at her as Alicia muttered words of love into her ear. Once she was safely buckled in with the seat reclined, Alicia went to the drivers door. Will opening it for her. She could feel the slight blush in her cheeks; could see the uncomfortableness in their boss’s face. “I guess I can reach you at her place?” he asked, shifting from one foot to the other. Only catching Alicia’s eye for a moment.
Alicia shook her head. A smile creeping to her face. He had already seen their interaction in the elevator. He already knew something was going on that he wasn’t privy to. “Nope, just call me at home if you need anything.” She heard Kalinda moan from the passenger seat. Alicia made a note in the back of her mind to twitch the house phone off. “Actually, text me if you need anything.” Alicia climbed in the car, shifted it into gear and began their journey home. She didn’t look back in her rear view mirror to see Will’s private reaction. She didn’t really care. By the same time tomorrow, everyone in the office will have either seen the elevator video tape or have heard about their interaction from Will’s secretary.
Kalinda curled onto her side, covering her face with her arms as Alicia drove into the blaring Chicago daylight. She pulled her legs onto the seat, feeling a sudden chill run through her rapidly cooling body. Her head no longer pounding, instead felt like a pile of mush. She already knew it would be two days, at least, until she returned to work. Grace would stay by her side all weekend instead of going to her father’s as they had all planned earlier in the week. The young Florrick was just like her mother; completely attached to the newest member of their household. She felt Alicia’s hand protectively on her thigh, squeezing the muscle lightly while weaving in and out of traffic. “He knows I moved in with you,” she mumbled, thinking of the moment in the elevator, remembering the lovely words Alicia whispered in her ear with Will so close.
Alicia smiled as she continued to drive. Her fingers playing with the fabric of Kalinda’s skirt. Her hand rubbing slowly over the soft fabric of her damp thigh highs, searching for that first strip of bare skin. Alicia didn’t know who needed the skin to skin contact more. She suspected it was her after the uncomfortable interaction they had with Will and the constant knowing glances from the lawyers as they passed by on the way to the elevator. But those were all things she wouldn’t bother Kalinda with. “That’s okay. Maybe now he’ll stop hitting on me,” she said with quiet laugh.
Kalinda’s hand moved over hers on her thigh. Enjoying feeling her lovers skin against her own since the shower they had shared that morning. “Mine,” she whispered with a slight tired smile. Kalinda had always been protective over Alicia. Hiding information from Will and Diane when they first hired her. Keeping Cary away from her and blocking his email access when he started sending Alicia reports of the scandal. But she could never keep her from Will. It had been a problem the first few months of their relationship. Kalinda knew how much Will loved Alicia. She feared that the love of her life would wake up one day and suddenly want him. It took several deeper conversations from both women in order for them to fully understand how much the other had already invested in their relationship. Neither was going to leave. Neither wanted anyone else. Kalinda had cut all ties with everyone she had relations with prior to meeting Alicia, a step that she wasn’t sure she was prepared to take until the only person that saw her body was Alicia. And Alicia had taken a step back from her friendship with Will. Preferring to work more closely with Diane and David Lee.
Alicia squeezed her hand, smiling to herself. She loved when Kalinda was possessive. Loved that she played the protective, dominate partner when they were out in public. There were even occasions when that possessiveness came into play when they were alone in their bedroom away from the prying eyes of the world. But most of the time Kalinda was the one being cuddled. The investigator was the one that wanted to be close and be held. “All yours, love,” she said with a smile as she pulled into the one parking spot that was available in front of their building.
Once at the apartment, Alicia quickly made Kalinda comfortable on the couch before putting the white placard on the outside of the door. They started doing that for the kids when Kalinda moved in. If she was dealing with a migraine, they hung the white hanger on the door knob, Grace and Zach knew to enter the home quietly. Alicia thought they would have a problem with being quiet in their own home when an outsider moved in, but they were quickly surprised that her children were very accommodating. Zach bringing her water and changing the wash cloth on her forehead. Grace sitting quietly with her, usually working on her homework. Helping her to the bathroom and changing the trashcan when she was sick. They had both grown to depend on Kalinda when there mother wasn’t home and she was always quick to help them with what ever they needed. They both had grown far more attached and loving toward the new parental figure in their life. Grace had become more and more attached to Kalinda the longer the investigator lived in their world. She no longer hung around with the friends that Alicia had a problem with a year before the big move. When she did hang out with friends, it was Shannon; the only other person that loved Kalinda just as much they did. Grace wanted their new parental figure to help her with her homework, because she said Kalinda had more patience than Alicia; which was normally not the case, but with the young girl, the investigator had more patience than any parent she had ever seen. Grace went to the investigator when she had a problem with a boy in school and Kalinda enjoying every minute of teaching her how to defend herself with their own martial arts sessions. They had been lucky that the young girl had bonded with Kalinda so quickly and with relative ease.
Alicia walked back into the family room, watching Kalinda slowly curl up in a ball, a blanket draped over her. She felt terrible there wasn’t anything more she could do for her partner. When Alicia was younger, she used to help Owen through his own migraines. It broke her heart to watch her baby brother suffer when their mother was drowning her sorrows in the bottle. It was the same heart break she felt as she listened to Kalinda whimper in the dark room thinking of all the times she had suffered and her husband hadn’t lifted a finger to help her. Picturing a much younger Kalinda, or Leela, suffering alone, dealing with the beatings and assaults while she was incapacitated with white hot pain. She had listened to the stories, holding back her own anger as Kalinda cried.
Alicia grabbed a glass of water and Kalinda’s mediation, sitting them down on the coffee table. She would need the pills when she woke up the next time. Kalinda had her entire body wrapped in the blanket. The blinds were closed, the lights were off, but she still preferred the darkness of the blanket. Alicia sat at the other end of the couch, lifting her legs into her lap, rubbing Kalinda’s foot. Massaging out the knots that were caused by her everyday leather, high heeled footwear. She watched her peek out of the blanket, her face turned to see Alicia’s sweet smile. Her pained, sweat covered face tore a deep hole inside her heart. She patted her lap, lifting the blanket. “Come on, baby,” she whispered.
Kalinda, as quickly as her body would allow, laid her head in Alicia’s lap, pulling the blanket tight around her body. Her face buried in Alicia’s stomach. It was the first time since she had awoken that morning that she was completely comfortable. “I let Grace down,” she sniffled into the fabric. She had wanted so badly to speak in front of an entire class of female students. It was something she had become passionate about since the first career fair the year before. She enjoyed answering the questions the students had more than she had expected. When Grace asked her to do the fair again, she didn’t have to think about it. She wanted to do it. Kalinda would spend more time at the high school if Diane would give her more time off.
Alicia ran her hand softly through her hair. Stopping on the right side of her face. Gently moving her fingers in light circles against her temple. That was always the point of most of her pain. “I got a text from Grace’s teacher while we were in the car. She said if you were feeling better, she would love to have you talk to the class on Monday,” she whispered. Alicia was grateful the principal of the school enjoyed listening to the investigator’s question and answer sessions with the students. She had been amazed at how Kalinda took immediate command of a room with her mere presence. At how completely engaged the students were with her. Alicia was just as equally amazed, but not surprised. She had watched the young girls quickly taking an interest in the law and criminal justice field. Wanting to know more about what she did at the firm on a day to day basis. Even the male students were completely enamored by her, as if they had never seen a woman quite like her in their lives. If Alicia was honest with herself, she still found Kalinda completely fascinating.
She knew it wouldn’t take long before the discomfort subsided, but the side effects of a terrible migraine for Kalinda meant days of feeling foggy and exhausted. She would be agitated and aggravated when she woke up in the morning. She wouldn’t be at the breakfast table when Alicia sent the kids off the school. Grace would wonder into their bedroom and say goodbye to her before running to catch up Zach at the elevator. And Alicia would slip back into her pajamas once they were both out the door, crawling back into bed next to her partner. That was the next few days she had to look forward to, but Alicia would never complain. As her finger applied more pressure against Kalinda’s now cool temple. She felt, more than heard, Kalinda moan against her skin as her fingers moved to the back of her neck. Messaging the muscles that were far too tight. “Relax, baby,” she whispered into the silence.
Kalinda curled further into Alicia and whimpered as her fingers touched over sensitive nerves. Her mind was furiously working as the pain in her head finally subsided. A gnawing feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. It was the same uneasy feeling she’d been having for the last few weeks, she was only afraid of saying anything about it. But the longer she was in Alicia’s embrace, the more uneasy the feeling became. “I want everyone to know,” she whispered. The pain medication slurring her words slightly.
Alicia wasn’t stunned by the confession. Kalinda said a lot of things during her migraine attacks. She meant every word she said, but Alicia never brought them up and neither did she. “We’ll tell them tomorrow,” she said, still massaging the muscles of her neck. Working the last of the knots away.
Kalinda moaned, frustrated that she had such a difficult time expressing what was deep inside her. She had gotten better at letting her emotions run freely while they were in the confines of their home. But she still struggled with expressing the things that she wanted and needed. She didn’t like pushing Alicia. Kalinda blamed her miserable, failed marriage for her lack of communication skills. Nick had never really cared what she needed or wanted from him. Her parents had given up on her once she was her husband’s property. She hadn’t wanted the relationship she had with Nick. She did, more than anything, want her relationship with Alicia. She wanted everyone to know how lucky she really was. How much more stable in her life she had finally gotten. Kalinda wanted everyone to see how happy she was with Alicia and the kids. “I mean it,” she whined, clutching the blanket tightly between her fingers.
Alicia ran a hand down Kalinda’s body. She had been tense and quiet all week. She had wondered why, but chose not to ask. She had never felt comfortable forcing Kalinda to tell her things before the investigator was ready. She had tried the forceful approach during their first few months of living together and Kalinda had pushed her away. Alicia had learned over the last year, that she would tell her things in her own time and in her own way. But one thing she did remember from all their doctor’s appointments, Kalinda’s migraines were quickly triggered by anxiety and stress. And the lawyer knew work was not the thing that was stressing the young woman to the point of causing her nerves to seize and refuse to loosen. “Is that why you’ve been so quiet? You gave yourself a migraine worrying about all this, didn’t you?” she asked as she moved the investigator’s hair from her face.
Kalinda whimpered, but didn’t say anything. She had been worrying constantly about how Alicia would react if she suddenly decided to let their entire outside world know of their partnership. She had never found herself in a situation where she genuinely cared about someone else’s feelings. And the last thing she needed was for Alicia to turn down what she wanted.
Alicia continued to stroke her hands down her body. “You should have talked to me.” The lawyer had never been the one that wanted to hide their relationship. She wanted to tell everyone that she was finally happy. That she had finally found someone outside of her first marriage that loved her children just as much as they loved her. Kalinda had been the only person that put her heart and soul into making Zach and Grace as comfortable with her as possible. When the couple ventured outside the walls of the apartment, Kalinda normally insisted on bringing the kids along, especially if it was something that she found particularly fun. On their third date, Kalinda took her to the fair. The very next day, she had picked up the children from school and taken them to the fair on her own. When they had returned, all the kids talked about was how much fun they had. Those outings become a regular event every weekend. On Saturdays, when Peter didn’t have them, Kalinda would would take them on some outing. Either picking up Shannon on the way to the movies or taking them to Zach’s favorite science museum. Alicia didn’t want to keep those happiest moments to herself any longer. The investigator was the one that wanted to keep it quiet in the beginning. “I’ll tell Diane and Will tomorrow.”
Kalinda tried to sit up. Alicia could see the tiny smile on her face, but Alicia pushed her back down. “Bed,” she whispered, trying to get up again.
Alicia smiled. She knew the pain in Kalinda’s head was finally gone. She was starting to feel sleepy and foggy. The lawyer knew what she wanted. “Since you asked so nicely,” she said, helping her sit back against the couch. Her eyes finally open. The black circles around her eyes told her that she was correct when she guessed the cause of her migraine. Kalinda had been losing sleep because she wanted people to know about their relationship. She just didn’t want to ask.
Alicia helped her to her feet. Slowly walking towards their bedroom. Careful not to move too quickly. She didn’t want to clean up vomit along with everything else she needed to do. She guided Kalinda to the bed, slowly helping her slip her boots and skirt off. Alicia unbuttoned her blouse, allowing Kalinda to slip it off her shoulders. She watched the other woman crawl into the bed and underneath the cool sheets. Alicia quickly changed into a t-shirt and pair of shorts, in case the kids came home early, and climbed in bed behind the investigator. Wrapping her arm around her waist and pulling her back to her chest. Nuzzling her nose in the loose bun. “Next time tell me when you want something,” she whispered against Kalinda’s ear, placing a gentle kiss on her temple.
Kalinda yawned, pushing her exhausted body back against her partner. “Jus’ wan’ you to be happy,” she said into the pillow.
Alicia’s arms tightened around her. Reaching for Kalinda’s left hand, gently pulling the gold band off her thumb. It was a moment she had been waiting for since the investigator had asked her. For five months, they had both watched the other battling off others advances. Neither saying anything other than they were already spoken for. It didn’t have to be that way anymore. She watched as the investigator smiled when she moved the ring to it new home. “I couldn’t be happier.”