Archive of Our Own

If one were to ask, Ava wouldn’t be able to identify the moment when Beatrice went from being Beatrice; her super cool, low-key funny, crazy intelligent best friend, to being Beatrice.

Maybe it was at the start of semester party Randall threw to kick off their junior year of university, where Beatrice indulged in a little too much tequila and decided to show off her aikido skills (as if she wasn’t already badass enough), accidentally kicking a hole in Randall’s wall. Or maybe it was last summer when they went camping and Beatrice showed endless patience in teaching Ava how to swim (and how to pitch a tent and start a fire and grill the perfect hotdog. (But it really wasn’t Ava’s fault she was useless in the wilderness; growing up in an orphanage hadn’t offered Ava the opportunity to gather much life experience)). Or maybe it was a few weeks ago in their Religious Studies lecture they were taking for extra units where Beatrice totally stuck it to Professor Duretti when he was lecturing on loyalty to church politics versus loyalty to God (the look on Duretti’s face was priceless when Beatrice absolutely ended him). Or maybe it was the time when...well, the list goes on, really.

The point is, there was some unidentifiable moment where the script changed; where there was some subtle shift and the lines started to blur, and Ava was suddenly unsure just what was going on between her and Beatrice. Because, lately, it really seems like something is there.

It’s not like things were different, not really. They were just as soft and gentle with each other as they always had been since the moment they sat next to each other in Anthropology 101 freshman year. If you were to ask Ava, she would tell you it was fate they met that day, always meant to be. They were two halves of the same whole and all of the forces of the world had worked in mysterious ways to place them in the same city at the same university and in the same freshman lecture hall just so they could finally enter each other’s lives (and had absolutely nothing to do with how soft Beatrice’s hair had looked and how fine her facial features were that drew Ava to her like a magnet). If you were to ask Beatrice, she would tell you it was lucky Ava had chosen to sit next to her that day because if it had been anyone else, Ava would probably have driven them away with her unique mixture of poor social awareness and cringeworthy puns (but she would’ve had to fight back a smile as she said this because everyone knows that, while often brash, Ava was effortlessly charming and confident and could really make friends with anyone).

Since they had started college at Areala University over two years ago, Ava and Beatrice had been thick as thieves. When outside of their classes, you’d be hard pressed to find one without the other. They were the glue that brought their friend group together and kept them together up to this point in time. Ava had been roommates with Mary freshman year and Beatrice roommates with Camila, and once Ava and Beatrice met the four of them often grouped together around campus. Lilith, who had lived in a single dorm room thanks to her incredibly wealthy family, was across the hall from Camila and Beatrice’s room. She had been dragged into the group by a very persistent Camila, whom even stoic and sometimes uptight Lilith couldn’t ever find a way to say no to. And just like that, within the first month of their freshman year they were set with their little group, and none of them would have it any other way.

For Ava, this group of friends very quickly became her family; something she hadn’t really had before. She had always felt so alone and unwanted growing up in the orphanage, but here at school, for the first time in her life she felt loved and cared for and like she was actually worth something. She had no trouble recalling the last night of finals week their first semester, where they snuck bottles of wine to the roof of Ava and Mary’s dorm building and celebrated surviving their finals. It was the night Ava, drunk off the cheap red blend and the warm affection she had for her friends, finally told them about how her mom had died when she was young and how she never knew her father and grew up in an abusive orphanage. She was so open and vulnerable, but they didn’t leave her. In fact, Beatrice promised her that she would never leave Ava alone again. And it was after that night that Ava finally felt she had found a home (the next morning Ava decided to name their group the Sister Warriors after they all managed to successfully overcome their hangovers and the name has stuck ever since. Mary claims she hates the name, but Ava once overheard her on the phone telling her mom about her Sister Warriors, so clearly it was all a front).

Ava started dating JC at the beginning of sophomore year. He was tall and handsome, and Ava had no problem getting him to fall for her. They first met when waiting in line at Holy Grounds, the undoubtedly best coffee shop on campus. After a brief, flirty discussion trying to one up each other with the complexity of their coffee orders, they discovered they were both in the same Public Relations lecture and made plans to meet up before the next class the following day. Things started easy with JC. Their flirting was fun and harmless, and JC made it clear he was attracted to Ava right off the bat. And when things escalated between them, Ava let them. To an extent, she liked JC, even though her friends weren’t too supportive of their quick relationship. Mary thought he lacked any braincells (“But so do you Ava, so in a way he’s perfect for you!”) while Lilith was convinced she could knock him out in one punch if she wanted to (she did want to, in case you were curious). Camila never outright spoke badly about JC, but she wasn’t very good at hiding her facial expressions and Ava could see the grimace she would get when the others talked about him. Beatrice, on the other hand, had no qualms voicing her distaste. She would dramatically roll her eyes whenever he was around and would effectively change the subject if Ava talked about him for too long (in hindsight, it really was no wonder JC avoided spending any quality time with Ava’s friends).

Despite all that, Ava and JC had fun together, though time spent with JC usually involved partying and drinking way too much on nights when Ava had 8am classes the following morning. JC ran with an interesting crowd. Nights out with him usually involved Randall and Chanel and Zori and they were all certainly something, but it never felt quite right with them. On the nights when Ava decided to back to JC’s dorm instead of her own, she would feel this strange emptiness, like something was missing even though she was in bed with him. She had to try too hard with JC and with his friends and it just wasn’t right. JC was the first relationship Ava had ever had; he may not have been the perfect boyfriend, but he made Ava feel wanted and he gave her the affection that she craved. (Ava ended up breaking things off with JC after just four months, though, much to everyone’s relief.)

Ava had known for a long time that she was bisexual, or pansexual, or whatever-sexual that allowed her to be attracted to whomever she pleased; ever since she first watched Pirates of the Caribbean when she was fourteen and found she enjoyed looking at both Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan. Labelling her sexuality had never been an issue for Ava; she liked who she liked, and she didn’t really care who knew it. This was endlessly amusing for her friends, as she tended to have no filter whatsoever and would say whatever was on her mind, happily pointing out anyone who was attractive to her when they were out together in public. Ava figured, in a way, she was one of the lucky ones. She didn’t have any family to disappoint with her choice in romantic partners and she had a supportive group of friends who allowed her to be out and to be herself. Beatrice, on the other hand, wasn’t so lucky.

Beatrice had tearfully come out to Ava towards the end of their freshman year after a rather difficult phone call with her mom. While Ava hadn’t heard the gist of the argument, Beatrice was obviously rattled from the conversation and eventually gave in to Ava’s gentle prodding to tell her about how disgusted her family was with her sexuality and how much pain it had been causing Beatrice to hide that part of herself from the world. It brought Ava back to that night on the roof when Beatrice promised she would never leave her, and Ava found herself making a similar promise as she swiped at Beatrice’s tears (“Don’t hate what you are. What you are is beautiful. And you could never scare me away, no matter who you choose to love. What would scare me though is if you thought there was any compatibility between Callie and Penny because they just never made any sense. It’s been four years and I still can’t believe they would hurt my girl Arizona like that”). Ever since, Ava has been trying to help Beatrice come to terms with herself and her sexuality by allowing Beatrice the space to speak openly about her sexuality when she chose to do so.

Gradually, Beatrice was able to come out of her shell a bit, but her internalized homophobia ran deep. Even Ava’s easy-going attitude towards gender and sexuality couldn’t seem to shake the influence Beatrice’s family had on her. She was making progress though. In the last year, Beatrice had officially come out to the rest of the Sister Warriors, so she at least had the support of her friends when she needed it. She was openly gay when around their friend group, but still had some reservations in public spaces. It was a start, and Ava was endlessly proud of how far her best friend had come in learning to accept and love herself. It also helped that Mary was openly interested in dating women, too, and with her and Ava tag teaming, they were doing wonders in normalizing homosexuality for Beatrice. Ava liked to refer to herself as Beatrice’s gay guardian angel; her guiding light in the realm of homosexuality. When Mary caught wind of that, she dubbed Ava with the nickname ‘Baby Halo’, and her friends have been calling Ava that ever since (and Ava kind of loved it).

There was an ongoing joke between Beatrice and Ava about what kind of girl Beatrice would one day end up with. When they would be sitting in the quad on campus between classes, Ava would often point out different women who walked by their group (“Ooh Bea, what about her? She’s hot! And the leather jacket and snapback combo doesn’t exactly scream heterosexual.”) Beatrice would flush red every time, but she was a good sport and played along (“But how can we be sure if she’s not wearing a flannel?”) Beatrice was pretty secretive about what traits and characteristics she found attractive in women, but from what Ava could gather she knew Bea was looking for someone who was shorter than her, with fair hair, dark eyes, and who was a perfect balance of fun and sunshine (Ava always failed to notice the knowing look Beatrice would give her after making that assessment).

The Sister Warriors moved into Cat’s Cradle at the start of their third year. The Cat’s Cradle was just a house, only a few blocks away from campus, that was clearly built to house college students. The house was two stories with five bedrooms (none of which were a master bedroom), two bathrooms, a large open living room and kitchen setup, and a decent sized backyard. It was perfect for them, even if they were all paying a little more in rent each month than they would have liked to. The name Cat’s Cradle came about when they discovered a family of wild cats living in the bushes in the backyard, a mother cat with her three kittens. Camila and Beatrice spent their first few weeks in the house trying to get the cats to be comfortable around the humans and gaining their trust. Ava stayed well away. While the kittens were cute and all, she was mad allergic to cats and her skin would break out if they came too close (it was a disappointing revelation for Beatrice and Camila, who would’ve happily taken the cats in as pets otherwise. Ava tried not to feel too guilty about this fact).

Cat’s Cradle quickly became the place to be for the Sister Warriors. While they still frequented the library and the student center on campus, it was much nicer to spend the hours out of class in the comfort of their own home. And with five of them living there, there was always bound to be activity in the house at any point of time. Ava reveled off of the freedom the house provided them. There were movie nights and family dinners and backyard games and hardcore study sessions and no residential advisors to scold them when they got a little too rowdy over a game of Pictionary (Mary and Ava were banned from being on the same team during game nights after the incident freshman year). Though initially Ava had had some reservations about the Sister Warriors all living together (okay, mostly reservations about living with Lilith), they all seemed to fit together like a finely tuned engine. Two months in to junior year and the worst Ava has screwed up in the house was forgetting to refill the Britta and that time she accidentally melted Mary’s favorite Nalgene water bottle (but in her defense, Mary had left the bottle in the sink for days and nowhere on the bottle did it say that it wasn’t dishwasher safe). Oh, and there was that time that Ava drunkenly decided she wanted to try her hand at Five Finger Fillet and Lilith had to wrestle one of their kitchen knives out of Ava’s hands and somehow, somehow, that knife ended up embedded in the wall between the microwave and the toaster (but that was just as much Lilith’s fault as it was Ava’s. Besides, Camila got the wall patched up the very next day, so no harm done, really.) The point is, Cat’s Cradle was everything Ava needed in a home.

We’ve gone on a bit of tangent here, so let’s circle back around to the beginning of this story because things were as good as they could get in Ava’s life, and yet there was something different between her and Beatrice this year.

They had always had a touchy friendship, Ava and Beatrice. Ava had taken every test she could find, and physical touch was without a doubt her top love language. She loved contact with others; absolutely thrived off of creating physical connections with people. Whether it was a quick hug in greeting, or a high five after one of her terrible jokes, or a head resting on a shoulder when sitting on the couch together, or an arm around a waist when walking home after a late night at the bars, Ava loved physical touch. She assumed it had to do with how touch-starved she had been in the orphanage growing up where she really had no close friends or loved ones who cared about her. She was making up for lost time now. Her friends were all aware of this, of course, and for the most part would indulge her antics.

Mary and Lilith had their limitations though and would only let Ava go so far in her contact with them. For example, there was that one time Lilith brought Ava a cup of coffee to the library when she was studying, and Ava was so excited she crossed all boundaries and tried giving Lilith a sloppy kiss on the cheek, to which Lilith responded by putting Ava into such a tight headlock that she almost passed out. And there was that time that Mary, sick of Ava’s constant poking and prodding during one of their hikes, shoved Ava off the trail where she tumbled gracelessly down the ridge (Beatrice: “You pushed her off a cliff?” Mary: “Only a little one!”). For all intents and purposes, Lilith and Mary loved Ava, truly they did, but they also were the ones who kept Ava in check when she was being a little too Ava. And honestly, she needed that kind of balance in her life.

On the other hand, Camila, sweet angelic Camila, was always receptive to Ava’s touch, though she usually didn’t initiate contact between them. She seemed to understand Ava’s desire for closeness and would dance with Ava at bars and house parties and would let Ava hug her for as long as she needed when she was in a bad mood. Camila loved to please others, so of course she would give in to Ava’s touch when she asked for it.

With Beatrice though, it had always been different. Touch was a built-in part of their friendship from day one. When they occupied the same space, they were always touching, however small the action was. A hand on the other’s arm during conversation, a head in a lap when watching Netflix before bed, fingers running through hair when relaxing in the quad after class, legs thrown across thighs when studying in the student center. It was a widely accepted fact of their friendship; Ava and Beatrice were touchy with each other and that was that. Things were never awkward with Beatrice, never even remotely uncomfortable. Ava, who was no stranger to getting herself tangled in awkward situations, had been so at ease with Beatrice from the beginning. It was in the way that Beatrice would smile so fondly whenever Ava did something stupid or how she would indulge Ava in her bad puns or how she would just let Ava exist and take up space with no judgment and no expectations. It was easy, Ava’s friendship with Beatrice. It had always been easy.

Until It wasn’t.

***

A cold Friday afternoon in early October found Ava and the gang in the student center of Areala University. With it being the start of the weekend, the student center was mostly empty, allowing Ava, Beatrice, Mary, and Camila to claim prime spots by the large electrical fireplace in the student lounge area that was usually impossible to get seats near during normal campus hours. Mary was lounging in an armchair while Ava, Camila, and Beatrice occupied one of the couches. Ava was sitting in the middle with her legs crossed facing Camila and her back pressed against Beatrice’s shoulder. They were working on finishing the last of their school assignments before the weekend while they waited for Lilith’s Macroeconomics lecture to end so they all could walk home together. Okay, well Beatrice and Mary were working. Ava and Camila were currently locked in a fierce battle of tic-tac-toe they had started on the back of Ava’s most recent essay for her Media Ethics course (which, not to brag, but she got a 91% on).

“God damnit!” Ava cried out suddenly, startling Beatrice so much that she threw her pen across the room, as Camila once again managed to get three X’s in a row.

“Ha,” Camila said with a smug smiled as she added another tally to her side of the scoreboard. “That’s 9 wins to 3. You make this too easy, Ava.” Ava muttered something under her breath as she dodged Beatrice’s attempted flick at her head while she got up to retrieve her pen.

Mary just rolled her eyes, not even looking up from her Constitutional Law textbook. “Got to go easy on her, Camila. Tic-tac-toe strategy is a little beyond Ava’s skill level.”

“Hey Mary,” Ava said as she drew another board for her and Camila. “How many birds can play tic-tac-toe?”

“Don’t even try to finish that —”

“Toucan.”

There was a full five seconds of total silence while Mary stared incredulously at Ava before letting out a long groan and putting her head into her book. Camila just laughed in amusement as she placed an X on the game board.

“Ava, that was just terrible, even by your standards.” Beatrice said as she reclaimed her seat on the couch next to Ava.

“Eh, there’s not a lot of tic-tac-toe related humor, had to work with what I’ve got.”

Ava settled back into Beatrice, feeling her shake her head in exasperation at Ava’s antics while she refocused on her Diplomacy and Global Security homework. And Ava felt it; this weird tingling sensation stemming from where Beatrice’s shoulder was in contact with Ava. It wasn’t even skin to skin contact, but Ava could feel electricity pulsing all the way to her fingertips anyway. This had been happening a lot lately, if Ava were to really think about it. This strange new feeling she would get whenever Beatrice touched her, or gave her that little half smile when she met Ava’s eyes, or when Beatrice said Ava’s name in that way that just rolled off her tongue and made Ava never want to hear her name come from anyone else. She couldn’t put a finger on what it was, but it sure was distracting, to say the least.

Looking back at the game board, Ava cursed quietly when she realized Camila had once again led her into another tic-tac-toe trap. “That makes it 10 to 3.” Camila said gleefully, and Ava just pouted back at her.

Lilith joined them, finally, looking disgruntled after her long Friday afternoon lecture. She perked right up though when Camila handed her a steaming thermos of her homemade sweet nettle tea, and the five of them gathered their things to walk home.

It was a quick walk from campus to Cat’s Cradle; less than ten minutes. Ava spent most of it in a quiet daze, unable to really think much beyond Beatrice’s arm that was thrown casually around her shoulders. Lilith was going on about how much she despised macroeconomics, and felt the class was pointless for the Political Science degree she was working towards. Camila gently reminded her that she was taking it as an elective course, so odds of her really needing knowledge in macroeconomics after the class was over were pretty slim anyways. Ava snapped back to attention when Beatrice’s voice echoed close to her ear.

“You’re being awfully quiet.” Beatrice noted with a tug at Ava’s sleeve. “You okay?”

Ava met her gentle gaze, feeling lost in her warm eyes. “I – yeah, everything’s fine. Just…just happy it’s the weekend, that’s all.”

They walked up the steps to Cat’s Cradle and waited while Camila dug her keys out of her backpack.

“You know,” Ava mused thoughtfully. “Funnily enough, today happens to be every psychiatrist’ favorite day of the week.

“Oh? And why’s that?” Beatrice asked absentmindedly while Mary said, “I swear to God, Ava –”

“Because, it’s Freud-day.”

And with that Ava received a punch to the shoulder from Mary and a scornful look from Lilith, but Beatrice’s exasperated smile made it all worth it as Camila unlocked the front door and let them into Cat’s Cradle.

***

They decided to spend their Friday night at ArqTech, the weird science-themed bar that was only a seven-minute walk from Cat’s Cradle. It was Beatrice’s favorite bar, mostly because she liked ordering a ‘Galaxy Mule’, which was just a Moscow Mule but with colored ice cubes that made the drink look like a little galaxy in a glass, and she liked that the bar served shots in test tubes instead of shot glasses. There was a certain novelty ArqTech offered and the bar had become a hotspot for the Sister Warriors to frequent on the weekends. Ava’s favorite part of ArqTech, though, was not in the fancy, colorful drinks or the clever science puns, but rather the mysterious bartender who could always be found working behind the bar. Whenever Ava stopped by the bar, without fail, Mother Superion would be there.

Her name wasn’t really Mother Superion, but that’s what the Sister Warriors had taken to calling her due to her shrewd and stern nature and her vigilante gaze, despite the long scar that marred her right eye. Her nametag simply read S. No first name, no last name, just S. And Ava had made it her mission to figure out just who S really was and what the letter stood for.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite bartender!” Ava called loudly as she led her friends into ArqTech. The bar was relatively empty, despite it being a Friday night, but Ava knew it wouldn’t remain that way for long. ArqTech wasn’t usually a starting spot for a night out, but because it remained open late it tended to get more and more crowded as the night went on. S was behind the bar cleaning one of the beer taps and spared Ava a glance. She rolled her eyes as Ava approached the bar, but Ava saw the corners of her mouth twitch up in a small smile. While Ava could be a handful, she tended to brighten the bartender’s day (and their group always tipped well so she could never be too upset with them). “Happy Friday, Siobhan. It is a joy to see you this evening.”

“Nope, nice try.” S said as she pulled glasses out from under the bar. “Your usuals, I’m assuming?”

“Damn, I had a good feeling about that one.” Ava pulled up her notes app on her phone and crossed the name Siobhan off her list. “Sienna?”

“You know the rules, kid. One guess per drink, that’s the deal.”

“All right fine, if you want to be a stickler to your made-up rules.” Ava leaned further and lowered her voice. “Just tell me, am I at least getting closer?”

Mary stepped up the bar and nudged Ava before she could annoy S any further. “Give it a rest Baby Halo. S, we’ll have our usual drinks and a round of tequila shots, please.”

“You can put that all on Shotgun Mary’s tab.” Ava said with a grin, throwing an arm carelessly around Mary’s shoulders as S started making their drinks.

Mary was graced with the nickname ‘Shotgun’ Mary at this very bar one night during their sophomore year. A group of frat guys were causing a ruckus in the bar; being rowdy and taking up way more space than they needed to (as hetero men in packs tend to do). Once their catcalling and overall obnoxiousness became too much for Mary, she challenged the pack of bros to a classic drinking contest; if she could beat them in a shotgun race, they would have to leave the bar and find some other establishment to drink at for the rest of the night. The boys had agreed to her challenge enthusiastically, and S provided canned beers for the occasion.

Mary finished her shotgun in three seconds flat and the bros left the bar with their tails between their legs.

Ava dubbed her Shotgun Mary to rousing applause from all of the women in the bar, and that was that. Shotgun Mary was a legend at ArqTech, and the name usually warranted her and her friends free drinks every now and then, especially on nights when S was in a particularly good mood.

They brought their drinks to the table Camila, Beatrice, and Lilith had claimed for them in the back of the bar. Ava slid into the booth beside Beatrice, their thighs just touching under the table.

“You guys, back me up here. S has got to be some sort of ex-federal agent, right? I’m thinking MI6. And her last mission, it must’ve gone bad. That scar on her eye? You don’t get scars like that unless you’re doing some deep undercover shit. My bet is she got in some trouble with the Russian mob. I’m picturing her disguised as a man infiltrating the mob on, like, a train maybe? Something like that. Ooh, and there was a lot of vodka involved.”

“Ava, we go over this every time we come to this bar.” Lilith said. “You’ve got to leave Superion alone before she bans us.”

Ava gasped, placing a hand on her chest. “She would never.”

“She almost did, just last weekend.” Camila reminded. “Remember when you decided it should be karaoke night? They don’t even do karaoke here.”

“In my defense, it was 90’s night. It’s almost blasphemous for them to have 90’s night but not have a karaoke machine.”

“Your rendition of ‘Man! I Feel Like a Woman’ was pretty impressive.” Beatrice admitted.

“Thank you, Bea!” Ava grinned. “At least someone here appreciates my talents.”

“Beatrice, please don’t encourage her.” Mary groaned. Beatrice just stuck her tongue out at Mary, much to Ava’s delight.

They spent the first round of drinks teasing Mary for how quickly she jumped to answer her phone every time her ‘special friend’ Shannon texted her, though she swore there was nothing going on between them. Her and Shannon had met last semester in Mary’s Public Policies course (as her and Shannon were both criminal justice majors) and Mary was a goner from the start. Ava had only met Shannon a few times, but she thought Shannon was great and the perfect counterbalance for Mary. Mary was still in denial that there was anything romantic going on between them, but it was obvious with anyone who had a working pair of eyes that the two were heavily interested in each other.

Teasing Mary eventually evolved into playing Fingers, which Ava was strangely excellent at. Lilith not so much, who lost three games in a row and had to go back to the bar to get their next round along with an extra shot for herself for losing the game.

Ava was warm in the booth, surrounded by her friends and with the pleasant buzz of alcohol coursing through her body. Beatrice was pressed against her side, and when she rested her head on Ava’s shoulder after laughing at a story Camila was telling, Ava felt it again.

That damn tingly feeling.

Ava could feel Beatrice’s laughter vibrate from her neck down her chest and all the way to the tips of her toes. Beatrice smells good. Ava noted. Does she always smell this good? Ava could feel her face heat up and it was like her skin was on fire.

Ava stood up suddenly, knees banging into the table in her haste. Mary just managed to stop her drink from spilling over and rose her eyes at Ava from across the table. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Let’s go dance!” Ava said all too loudly in an attempt to save face. She grabbed Camila’s hand, forcing her to get up (she had to climb over Beatrice to get out of the booth) and accompany Ava to the middle of the bar.

“But Ava, no one’s dancing yet!” Beatrice called after them. Ava ignored her and focused on Camila, who was laughing as she let Ava lead her to the dance floor. Sure, no one else was dancing yet, but who was Ava to let that stop her from having fun? Ava had no problem being the center of attention in a half-empty bar. Camila was a good sport about it. She danced enthusiastically with Ava to the CHVRCHES song playing in the background, even though Ava was a pretty terrible dancer.

Ava and Camila seemed to kick off the mood of the night, as the music soon changed to Today’s Hits radio. More patrons of the bar decided to join the dance floor, and soon it felt like every other Friday night they had spent here. The bar was slowly getting more and more crowded and tables were pushed off to the side to create a larger space for the dance floor. It wasn’t too much longer before the rest of the Sister Warriors decided to join them in their fun. Mary passed Ava another drink, and she downed it, not having realized how thirsty she was.

The night began to pass in a blur. Ava’s head buzzed from the alcohol and she lost herself in the music and the dancing and the people and the overwhelming sense of happiness that had taken a hold of her. Lilith had handed her another drink at some point, and she had a brief moment of panic when she realized the glass was no longer in her hands. She hoped she had set it back on the bar and didn’t drop it and break it on the dance floor (which she has been guilty of doing a few times in the past. It was surprising, really, that S still allowed her to use real glasses instead of plastic cups). And Ava wasn’t sure when it started, but her and Beatrice had gravitated towards each other as they sang along to the music and swayed their bodies in time with the beat.

Beatrice was glowing.

Her hair was tied back in a messy bun and her smile was as wide as Ava had ever seen it. And her eyes were on Ava, always on Ava.

It was like Ava had tunnel vision. Everything around her seemed to disappear until it was all just background noise. She knew Camila and Mary and Lilith were right there dancing alongside her, but Ava couldn’t look away from the burning gaze Beatrice had her locked in. They were close. They were so close. Ava’s hands wound around Beatrice’s neck, scratching at her soft baby hairs, and Beatrice’s hands were soft and warm as they pulled at Ava’s hips, tugging their bodies ever closer together. And there was a lot going on around them, but Ava saw the flicker of Beatrice’s eyes as she switched from Ava’s eyes, down to her lips, and back up again. Ava would be downright lying if she said she hadn’t thought of what it would be like to kiss Beatrice before, but she had never imagined it like this.

And maybe she would have gone through with it. Maybe she would have closed the remaining space between them and pressed their lips together. Maybe she would’ve pulled Beatrice down to meet her halfway. Maybe she would have been brave enough to kiss her best friend. Maybe, had Mary not chosen that exact moment to stumble into them, breaking Ava and Beatrice out of the private world they had just been living in. Beatrice pulled away from Ava, cheeks flushed and eyes wide. A part of Ava was grateful for the separation, as it gave her a moment to collect herself and have some semblance of rational thought again, but there was another part that was furious at Mary for interrupting before things could have gone further.

“Ava, I need another drink!” Mary yelled into her ear. “Come to the bar with me?”

Ava wanted to tell Mary to fuck off and go by herself, but when she looked back at Beatrice she was dancing with Camila and Lilith with her back turned to Ava. Whatever had just happened, or almost happened, between them was officially over, and that realization was like jumping into cold water. Ava let Mary lead her to the bar, where they luckily found two open stools next to each other. Ava sat down, feeling a little dizzy all of a sudden, and a hell of a lot confused. She briefly registered Mary ordering two shots of tequila and Ava downed hers without thought when the shot glass was placed in front of her. Mary said she was going back to the others, but Ava decided to stay right where she was until she was able to get her bearings straight. Mary clapped her on the shoulder before leaving her alone with her thoughts.

Get it together, Ava. So, you almost just kissed Beatrice. So what? Friends kiss friends all the time, it doesn’t have to mean anything. Stop making this weirder than it has to be. Unless – unless you want it to mean something? Is that what this is about? Did you want to kiss her? Oh my God. I definitely wanted to kiss her.

Ava placed her cheek down onto the cool (but also kind of sticky) surface of the bar, breaths coming out in shallow gasps. Her vision swam and she closed her eyes, feeling sick and hoping that she wasn’t about to throw up. She felt tears begin to roll down her cheeks, though she wasn’t really sure why she was crying, and tried to focus on her breathing and ground herself. She took deep breath in, held it for as long as she could, then released it in a soft hiss. Ava repeated this process a few times more until her tears stopped and she was able to breathe regularly again.

Ava wasn’t sure how long she sat like that with her head down on the bar before she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. Ava lifted her head and saw S standing across the bar from her with a concerned look on her face.

“You all right there, kid?”

Ava forced out a laugh as she uncomfortably wiped the last traces of tears from her face. “I think so. It’s been a weird day, Simone.”

S just shook her head. She poured Ava a glass of water, sliding it across the bar to her. Ava downed it gratefully, and S didn’t hesitate to refill the glass.

“All right, look.” S said, leaning in towards Ava so that she didn’t have to yell to be heard over the noise of the bar. “I’m going to give you some advice, because you look like you could use it.”

Ava looked up in surprise.

“Life is messy. Everything about it is messy. Friendships and relationships and school and work problems. It’s all a mess. But the thing is, there isn’t enough time in the world to fix everything that feels like it’s out of your control. So, you have to pick and choose what it is that matters most to you and start fixing those problems one by one. Start with the small things and work your way up.”

Ava must have looked confused, because S just rolled her eyes and nodded over to where Ava’s friends were still dancing.

“I’m talking about your girlfriend over there. Whatever it is that’s broken and making you get your tears all over my bar, start with that. One issue at a time. Accept that things can be a mess and put in the work to make it better.”

Ava frowned. “She’s not my girlfriend.”

S rolled her eyes even harder than before. “Okay, start there then. You have got to figure out what matters to you. And who. Just work it out, one problem at a time.”

Ava still didn’t really understand, but she nodded anyway. Mary plopped down in the empty seat next to Ava, slinging an arm around Ava’s shoulders. “S! Two more shots of tequila, please.”

“I’ll give you one.” S said. “I think this one’s done for the night.”

Ava chuckled in agreement and rested her head on Mary’s shoulder. Mary took her shot, then settled her tab, careful not to move too much to keep Ava comfortable against her.

“Come on Baby H,” Mary said, pulling Ava to her feet. “Let’s get you home.”

“What about the others?” Ava mumbled tiredly.

“They all left a while ago, it’s just you and me kid.”

Mary started leading the way out of the bar, but Ava didn’t follow right away. She turned back to the bar, catching S’s eye. “Thank you, for the water and the advice.”

The corners of S’s mouth twitched up in the beginnings of a smile. “I hope you think about what I said.”

Ava laughed. “I’ll try, but it’s pretty likely I won’t remember this conversation in the morning. Good night, Saffine.”

“Nope.”

Ava groaned and let Mary walk her home.

***

Saturday mornings were usually spent lying in bed until 11 while Ava pretended that she wasn’t as hungover as she was, until she got too hungry and had to get up and make herself breakfast. Then she would normally go on a walk around campus with Beatrice for some fresh air before returning home and posting up in the living room for some bad reality TV. In the evening, the Sister Warriors would generally make dinner together before they embarked on whatever evening activities they had planned to finish out the weekend.

This Saturday morning, however, Ava woke up bright and early and strangely not even the least bit hungover. This was a miracle in itself, considering how much she had had to drink at the bar. Ava was confused, to say the least. Last night seemed to be playing on a loop in her head and she couldn’t get the look in Beatrice’s eyes out of her brain. Ava decided she needed to get out of the house for a while so she could better process whatever the hell was going on. She packed up some things and headed to campus, figuring she could spend the morning in the library and at least try to get some studying in.

She had the best intentions, even opening her laptop and pulling up the study guide she was working on for her World History midterm next week, but two hours in and she hadn’t gotten any further than when she had first started it. She literally was just staring zombie-like at her computer screen, willing the words to distract her from her constant thoughts.

What even was that last night? Everything had started out so normal and suddenly it was like Beatrice was just there and she filled up all of the empty spaces around Ava and was Ava crazy or had she really wanted to kiss Bea? And what was all that stuff S had been going on about? There was no need for her to be all cryptic like that. If she had something to say she should’ve just been straight up with Ava. At least it would have left her with less of a headache this morning.

Ava jumped, startled out of her thoughts as her phone vibrated loudly against the library table.

Shotgun Mary [10:43 am]: Baby Halo where you at? I thought we were training this morning.

“Oh shit.” Ava muttered. She totally forgot she and Mary had made plans to go boxing at the gym today.

Baby H [10:44 am]: Sorry Mary, rain check? I kind of have this midterm on Tuesday that I really need to study for…

Shotgun Mary [10:47 am]: Fine, fine. I was really looking forward to kicking your ass today though. Guess I can save it for another day. I’ll make Lilith go with me instead

Shotgun Mary [10:48 am]: On an unrelated note, what the hell was up with you last night?

Baby H [10:51 am]: What do you mean?

Shotgun Mary [10:52 am]: With you and Beatrice? There was some weird energy there. You wanna tell me about that?

Baby H [10:55 am]: Weird energy? I don’t know what you’re talking about

Shotgun Mary [10:57 am]: Hmmmm ok ok, I’ll leave it for now, but this conversation isn’t over Baby H. Shit was weird

Baby H [10:58 am]: You’re imagining things, you probably had too much to drink. I tried to warn you that last shot of tequila was a bad idea

Shotgun Mary [11:01 am]: Ha whatever, I could’ve easily had more, you know this. See you at home?

Baby H [11:04 am]: Definitely

Shotgun Mary [11:07 am]: Don’t study too hard now, you’ll hurt yourself.

Shotgun Mary [11:08 am]: Seriously though, I’m here for you if you need someone to talk to

Ava sighed and set her phone aside, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. Even Mary thought there was something going on between Beatrice and Ava. At least that was confirmation that it wasn’t all just in Ava’s head. Well, whatever it was that happened was over now, and dwelling on it wasn’t going to make Ava feel any better. She would just have to hope that things between her and Beatrice weren’t awkward and would just go back to normal on their own.

And with that happy thought, Ava resigned herself to actually working on her study guide before she allowed herself to go back home.

***

Ava found Beatrice and Camila in the living room of Cat’s Cradle when she got home from the library. They were lounging on their sectional couch and watching reruns of Cutthroat Kitchen.

“Hi Ava,” Camila greeted her with a warm smile. “Where’ve you been? You missed Terrace House.” Ava pouted, she loved Terrace House.

“You watched without me?”

“We always watch on Saturday morning.” Beatrice said with a small frown. “You disappeared on us.”

“Sorry,” Ava said. She mumbled something about having to study before she plopped down on the couch next to Beatrice.

“Studying? On a Saturday?” Beatrice casually tossed her arms around Ava’s shoulders, pulling the smaller girl in to lean against her chest. “Who are you and what have you done with Ava?”

See, normally Ava would’ve had a witty retort on hand ready to snip back, but being this close to Beatrice was causing some sort of short-circuit in Ava’s brain. This must be what an aneurysm feels like, Ava thought. Beatrice was there and she was so close and just when did Ava’s heart start pounding whenever Beatrice so much as touched her? Ava tried to regain some sort of control over her breathing as Beatrice rested her chin on Ava’s shoulder, clearly not having any idea of the panic that was currently occurring in Ava’s brain. How was Beatrice so unaffected by this? She had been at the bar last night too, staring at Ava’s lips, hands pulling at her hips. Ava may have been a little drunk but there’s no way she had imagined all of that.

“You’re hot.” Beatrice said, breaking into Ava’s gay panic.

“I—what?” Beatrice thinks I’m hot?!

“Your skin, it’s all hot. Are you feeling okay?” Ava flushed even more as Beatrice placed a hand on her forehead.

Ava jumped up abruptly, needing to put some separation between her and Beatrice so that her heart rate could calm down before she noticed. “You know, now that you mention it, I’m not feeling too great. I think I just need to go lay down for a while.”

And she ran out of the room and up the stairs to the safety of her own bedroom before Camila or Beatrice could ask her what was wrong.

***

“Ava?” Beatrice knocked softly on Ava’s door later that evening.

“Come in,” Ava said. She was burrowed in a nest of blankets in her bed while she watched reruns of Parks and Recreation on her laptop that she had perched on her desk. Beatrice walked in and made herself comfortable next to Ava in her bed.

“How are you feeling?”

“What?”

It took a moment for Ava to remember that Beatrice had thought Ava was sick earlier.

“Oh umm, better, I think.” Ava said sheepishly. “How are you, uh, feeling?”

Beatrice chuckled. “I feel just fine, thanks for asking, weirdo.” Beatrice rolled over on her side so that she was facing Ava. Her face was so close, too close. “So, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

This was it, Ava thought. She knows something’s up. She’s going to tell me I’m crazy. She’s going to tell me I made her uncomfortable last night and I went too far and I’m stupid for thinking she felt anything different for me and I’m not good enough—

“I’ve been thinking about winter break this year and I think we should do something special. I know you usually go home with Mary for the holidays, but I – I just really don’t want to go home this year. What if we went somewhere instead? I hear France is beautiful during Christmas time.”

“I—you want to go to France? With me?”

Beatrice nodded, her eyes sparkling. “Yeah, wouldn’t that be fun? We can see if the others want to go, too. But even if they can’t go or don’t want to go, I bet we would have a good time if it was just the two of us.”

Images of Beatrice and Ava wandering around Paris flashed through Ava’s mind. Breakfast at little cafes near Champ du Mars, wandering around the Louvre while Beatrice points out all of her favorite pieces and shares all of her knowledge on art history, holding hands as they walked along the river Siene...

“What do you think?” Beatrice asked.

I think you’re beautiful.

I think France during Christmas wouldn’t even hold a candle to you.

I think I wanted to kiss you last night and I think I’d want to kiss you every day in France.

“I think that’s a great idea.” Ava ended up saying.

Beatrice beamed.

***

The rest of the weekend passed without too much of a hitch for Ava. Sure, she still felt light-headed whenever Beatrice was around, but managed to keep her composure for the most part. There was a small incident on Sunday morning when Beatrice smiled at Ava in the kitchen and Ava stumbled and accidently dropped her bowl of Lucky Charms. But she had been able to play that off as if she had stubbed her toe on the ground and just ignored the weird looks Camila, Mary, and Lilith were giving her. All things considered, Ava was grateful that the weekend ended so that everyone had school and classes to worry about again and that they weren’t paying as close attention to Ava and her sudden inability to act normal in Beatrice’s presence.

Ava and Mary both didn’t have class on Tuesday mornings, but they usually chose to get up early and walk to campus with their housemates and spend the morning at Holy Grounds instead of at home. They would claim a table in the back with the comfy armchairs and order steaming cups of coffee to sip at while they tried to get work done. On this Tuesday morning, Mary, who was a Criminal Justice major, was quizzing herself on different proceedings of Constitutional Law, while Ava, a Communications major, was putting the finishing touches on a paper for her Media Theory and Research course. They had been mostly quiet, with the only sounds coming from Mary as she occasionally muttered answers under her breath; but for the most part they worked in a comfortable silence.

“So,” Mary said after they had been working for over an hour. “How are things between you and Beatrice?”

Ava flashed back to their texting conversation over the weekend where Mary had insinuated that things had been weird between Ava and her best friend. “Things are fine.” Ava said. Yeah, fine. If you call me not being able to look her in the eye or my skin being on fire every time she so much as touches me fine. If you call how close I was to kissing her on the dance floor, and probably would have, had you not interrupted us fine. “Things are completely fine.”

Mary gave Ava a piercing look, staring at her for so long that Ava was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Okay, I’m just going to ask you outright because beating around the bush obviously isn’t getting us anywhere. Feel free to tell me to fuck right off, but do you have feelings for Beatrice? Because from what it looked like at the bar, you were two seconds away from doing something downright sinful.”

“Fuck off.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Ava groaned softly and put her head in her hands. “Ugh, I don’t know what I feel.” She admitted. “She’s Beatrice. My best friend, Beatrice. My best friend who I definitely can’t have feelings for because that would be just – just crazy. Like that’s just too much crazy, even for me. I mean, not that it’s crazy for someone to have feelings for Beatrice. Why wouldn’t someone like her? I mean, she’s beautiful and smart and she can come up with some really good puns when she feels like it. So yeah, someone should definitely have feelings for her. But me? No, that just doesn’t make sense. Sure, she’s the only person I feel like really understands me. Sure, Linger by The Cranberries plays in my head every time I look at her. And sure, she always knows how to comfort me after having a bad day, and she always remembers to cut the crust off of my sandwiches for me, and she sends me videos of cute animals whenever she comes across them because they remind her of me. But me and Beatrice? No way, that’s just too crazy.”

Mary watched Ava’s ramble with her eyebrows raised so high Ava was worried they would fly away.

“Damn, you’ve got it worse than I thought.”

Ava closed her eyes and let out a long breath. Maybe Mary had a point. “You don’t think Beatrice has noticed anything, do you?”

“Well, she has two functioning eyes and you’ve been acting really weird; so, I can only assume so.”

“Fuck.”

“The real question is, what are you going to do about it?”

“Hope it goes away?”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Oh, you poor little gay.”

“Can we keep this conversation to ourselves?” Ava asked sheepishly. “I really don’t need any of this spreading around Cat’s Cradle.”

“Sure thing, Baby H.” Mary said, but there was a gleam in her eyes that Ava didn’t quite catch. “Sure thing.”

***

“Shannon is having people over tomorrow and you’re all coming, no exceptions.” Mary said Thursday evening while they were cooking dinner together. Well, Ava was mostly watching the others cook. She was currently banned from using any kitchen appliances after accidentally starting a small fire and ruining pizza night last month. Now, during family dinners her only responsibilities were to help with the grocery shopping and to provide carefully curated cooking playlists.

“Wait, no Mary, tomorrow is boxing night. We can’t miss that.” Lilith said.

“No exceptions! I already told Shannon you all would be there, so you will be there.”

“Ooh, we finally get to see Mary and Shannon in action.” Ava said, bouncing on her toes excitedly. “Shannary, if you will.”

“Shut up, Ava.”

“Or…Mannon?”

Mary gave Ava a withering look. “If you ever refer to us as ‘Mannon’ again, I will cause you physical harm.”

Beatrice laughed as she chopped vegetables for the pasta dish they were making. “I can’t believe you’re willingly inviting us to hang out with you and Shannon. Didn’t you say just last week that you didn’t want Ava corrupting her?”

“Bea, I don’t ‘corrupt’ people. I simply show them a more fun way to live life. I’m like a guru.”

Lilith looked at Ava incredulously. “A guru of what, snark and poor life decisions?”

Mary rolled her eyes. “Please just keep your guru-ness away from Shannon. It sounds like a disease”

“I make no such promises.”

“I think it’s nice Shannon invited us over.” Camila piped up innocently from where she was stirring the pasta sauce on the stove. “She must be getting serious about you, Mary, if she wants to spend time with your friends.”

Mary’s mouth twitched, but to her credit she didn’t deny the insinuation that her and Shannon were more than ‘just friends’, instead she just added pasta into the boiling pot of water on the stove without comment.

“What’s this?” Ava asked excitedly. “No retort about how there’s ‘nothing going on’ between you and Shannon?” Ava said using air quotes. “Does that mean things are finally official between you two?”

“Things might be.” Mary admitted with a nonchalant shrug.

“Aww,” Ava cooed while Beatrice said, “Mary, that’s great! I’m so happy for you two.” Camila squealed and abandoned her pasta sauce duties to pull Mary into a tight hug and Lilith gave Mary a solid high-five.

“Okay, okay, let’s settle down.” Mary said once Camila released her. “It’s not a big deal, but yes, we are very happy together and no, I will not be discussing the nature of our sexual relationship with any of you.” She added that last part at Ava, who shut her mouth in disappointment as she had been on the verge of asking.

“Well, that certainly changes things. As long as Mary and Shannon express their feelings for each other in an appropriate manner tomorrow night, it should be a fun evening.” Ava said.

Mary shot Ava a knowing look, eyebrows raised. “Do you really want to be having a conversation about inappropriate feelings right now?”

Ava’s eyes grew wide as she realized what Mary was hinting at. “Mary, don’t. You promised!”

Lilith and Camila glanced between Ava and Mary curiously. “I’m sorry, did we miss something?” Camila asked. Lilith, however pounced on Ava with a shit-eating grin.

“Feelings? There are feelings? For who, Ava?”

Ava’s cheeks burned as she stared at the ceiling, muttering curses to Mary under her breath. Lilith and Camila crossed their arms and stared at Ava with matching raised eyebrows. Mary gave Ava a sheepish smile, which Ava returned with a glare. Beatrice, Ava noticed, had suddenly become very interested in the pepper she was dicing and didn’t even look in Ava’s direction.

“There are no feelings.” Ava said, crossing her arms defensively. “Especially no inappropriate feelings. Mary is just trying to distract us from asking more questions about her relationship with Shannon by deflecting the conversation to me.”

Lilith snorted. “Well whoever it is, you must have it bad if you don’t want to tell us about them.” She looked at Camila. “Remember when she started seeing JC? She literally wouldn’t shut up about him. But now there’s feelings for some mystery boy and she doesn’t want to talk about it?”

“Or mystery girl.” Mary threw in, just because she loves to go and stir up the pot.

“Mary, come on!” Ava said indignantly at the same time as Camila said, “Mystery girl?!”

Lilith laughed gleefully “Oh this is good. Who is she? You have to tell us now, Ava”

“I have to do no such thing.” Ava snapped. She briefly met Beatrice’s eye, but Beatrice quickly focused back down at her cutting board. Ava didn’t miss the sad look in her eyes, though. “There is no mystery girl. There are no ‘feelings’; not of the appropriate or inappropriate kind, thank you very much”

“Fine, keep your secrets.” Lilith said, hands up in defeat. “I’ll just ask you tomorrow night after you’ve had a few drinks. Drunk Ava has no self-control and will tell me everything I want to know.”

Ava remained tight lipped and the conversation dropped off after that, though Ava shot Mary glares every chance she could. Their pasta dinner was delicious, just as they all knew it would be, and if anyone noticed that Beatrice and Ava avoided each other’s gaze for the rest of the evening, they didn’t comment on it.

***

Shannon’s house was in the same neighborhood as Cat’s Cradle, just a five-minute walk away. Their group arrived a little after eight, Ava and Mary each carrying a twelve rack of cheap beer to donate for party games. It had been a while since Ava had been to a house party, and she was excited for the more intimate environment house parties provided that you just don’t get when you go out to bars. Shannon opened the door, smiling widely when she saw Mary on the other side. She gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling Mary inside, with the other Sister Warriors following quickly behind.

Ava set her case of beers down on the kitchen counter and grabbed a drink for herself. There was a decent crowd of people already at the party, mingling around in the open kitchen and living room. Ava recognized a few people from Shannon’s inner circle of friends, but there was no one there she knew well outside of her housemates. Shannon was a year above Ava and her friends, so it wasn’t too surprising that she ran with a different crowd.

Ava hopped up onto the kitchen counter and tracked her friends around the house. Camila and Lilith were standing off to one side of the living room together with a couple of other people Ava had never met before. Camila was talking animatedly, waving her hands around, and had completely captured the attention of the others. Unsurprising, really. Camila was such a little ball of sunshine that it was impossible not be enamored by her. Over on the couch, Beatrice was sitting next to a woman who Ava was pretty sure was named Melanie. She was one of Shannon’s roommates, whom Ava had only met very briefly a few weeks ago when she ran into her and Shannon on campus. In the kitchen across from Ava, Mary and Shannon were setting up a game of slap cup on the kitchen table. Ava met Mary’s eye and Mary jerked her head to indicate that Ava would be participating in the game whether she wanted to or not. Ava slid off the counter and bounced over to the table, passing unopened beers to Mary to help set up the game.

In the first round of slap cup, Ava made the foolish decision to stand in between Mary and Shannon, thinking she could at least get Mary a few times. However, she really underestimated how good Shannon was at bouncing the ball into her cup, because between her and Mary tag teaming, Ava ended up drinking more than half of the cups on the table. Feeling slightly sick after having chugged a little too much beer, Ava politely declined the invitation to play again (much to Mary’s disappointment).

After leaving the playing field, Ava went searching for Beatrice. They hadn’t had much chance to talk since the ‘mystery girl’ incident during dinner the previous night and Ava missed her best friend. She found Beatrice leaning back against a wall in the living room, a beer bottle in hand and a small frown on her face. Ava went to join her, bumping their shoulders together.

“Why the long face, Bea?” Ava asked. “This party not up to your usual speed?”

“Oh, no, this is fine.” Beatrice said. She smiled at Ava. “It’s nice to see Shannary actually act like a couple. They’re cute together.”

Ava smirked at the term, excited that ‘Shannary’ was catching on. “Yeah, if anyone’s good enough for Mary, it’s Shannon. Just don’t stand between them during slap cup. They’re ruthless.” Ava warned. “Shannon may look all nice and friendly and shit, but she is surprisingly competitive. And when matched with Mary, well let’s just say I had to drink a lot of beer in a very short amount of time.”

“Oh, are the two of them too much for you to handle?” Beatrice rose her eyebrows suggestively. Ava stared at her for a few seconds before she got it and started to laugh.

“That was bad, Bea. Absolut-ly terrible. I’m so proud.”

“What can I say? Your tragic sense of humor has been rubbing off on me.” Beatrice turned so that she was leaning against the wall while facing Ava, and Ava copied her position, both smiling broadly. “Seriously though, I’m sorry if Shannon and Mary crushed your spirits.”

“Eh, that’s okay, I’m not one to wine about it.”

“That’s good, no one likes a pour sport.”

Ava was just getting into their little game when Lilith walked up to them and threw her arm casually around Ava’s shoulders. “Baby Halo!” She said with a wide, mischievous smile, smelling like a mixture of sweat, tequila, and beer. “I’ve been looking all over for you.”

Ava glanced around. Her and Beatrice were the only people on their side of the living room in clear view, and it really wasn’t that crowded. “How ever did you find me?”

Lilith flipped Ava off, before jumping straight in. “Who is your mystery girl? I need to know.”

Beatrice frowned at the question. Ava frowned at Lilith.

“Ugh, seriously Lil, it’s no one.” Ava lied.

“Hmm, not drunk enough yet.” Lilith turned to Beatrice. “Bea, you’ll tell me who Ava’s mystery girl is, right? What do you know about her?”

Beatrice fiddled with the label on her beer bottle. “There’s no mystery girl, Lilith. Mary was messing around yesterday. She just wanted to get Ava all riled up.”

Lilith narrowed her eyes like she didn’t quite believe her, but she shrugged and dropped her arm from Ava’s shoulders. “All right, if you say so. But I’ve got my eye on you, Baby H.”

Ava grimaced. “Lovely.”

“Anyone want to be my beer pong partner? Mary and Shannon are getting way to cocky and someone needs to take them down a peg.”

Ava laughed and shook her head. “No, we’re good, thanks. I am not getting involved in that battle again.” While Ava may be okay at slap cup, her beer pong skills were abysmal. The last time Ava had tried to beat Mary in beer pong had resulted in Ava losing way too many games and drinking way too much. Ava had woken up the following morning in her dorm room bathtub wearing a cowboy hat and suspenders over a t-shirt with a picture of a cat shaped avocado that read ‘Avogato’ that she definitely hadn’t been wearing the night before (and to this day she still doesn’t know how any of that had happened).

“Camila will do it, I bet. She’s great at beer pong. She may look all small and innocent, but her accuracy is killer.” Lilith scanned the room, eyes landing on where Camila was sitting on the couch with one of Shannon’s roommates. “Camila!” She yelled. “CAMILA! We need to destroy Mary!” Ava watched in amusement as Lilith pounced on a very confused Camila and dragged her into the kitchen, Camila’s eyes lighting up as she realized she was there to play games.

“Ava,” Beatrice said, pulling Ava’s attention back to her best friend. “Is there a mystery girl?” She asked quietly. She was playing with her beer bottle again so that she didn’t have to look at Ava. “Because if there was, you know you could tell me about her, right? You don’t have to keep secrets from me.”

Ava’s mouth was suddenly very dry, so she took a few gulps of her beer to appease it. “Look, Bea, the girl Mary was referring to yesterday, it’s not what you think –”

“Ava?” Ava was cut off mid-sentence as a group of people walked into the house. It was JC, followed by his usual gang. What the hell were they doing here?

“JC?”

“Hey!” JC gave her a wide smile. “I haven’t seen you in weeks, how are you?”

“Umm,” Ava cast a glance at Beatrice, but was disappointed to find that the she had slipped away upon JC’s arrival and was now in the kitchen watching the beer pong showdown. “I’m good! What are you doing here?”

“Oh, uh Chanel knows Jonah who lives with Alexandria who is dating Melanie who I think lives here,” JC explained. “So, we figured we’d stop by for a bit, see what’s going on before we hit up the bars. What about you, why are you here?”

“Mary’s dating Shannon, one of the other people who live here.” Ava said. She had to almost yell it though because Zori had gotten control of the music and had cranked it up a bit. People cheered as the speakers blasted and there was a rush of people flooding into the living room to start a dance floor. Ava looked anxiously to the kitchen to see if the change in pace had bothered Shannon at all, but Shannon was wrapped up in her game of beer pong and didn’t seem to notice the sudden increase of noise and activity.

When Ava turned back to JC, she noticed that he was looking at her expectantly, and realized he must have just asked her something. “What?”

“I asked if you wanted to dance?” He looked so hopeful that Ava found that she couldn’t say no. JC took her hand and led her to the middle of the living room where other groups of people were already dancing.

They danced together for what felt like hours. His hands felt warm as they roamed over Ava’s exposed midriff, and she briefly remembered why she had liked JC in the first place. Ava was buzzed and a little sweaty from the mass of bodies around her, but she was having fun and it was the first time all week that she wasn’t thinking about someone else. JC was smiling at her like she was the only girl in the world, and Ava really wasn’t surprised when he pulled her in for a brief kiss. Ava pulled away, a voice in the back of her head screaming at her to stop and get some distance, but his eyes were so warm and inviting and he just felt so familiar. And suddenly Ava forgot everything else and just dove back in.

JC kissed her with eagerness. His mouth was rough against hers and he tried to introduce their tongues way too quickly for her liking, but Ava grasped at his arms and pulled him in closer anyway. The kiss lasted much longer than it should have, both of them fighting for dominance and control. It was only when JC got a little too handsy that Ava opened her eyes and fully realized that this wasn’t what she wanted, not at all.

Ava broke away, breathing hard. And it was then when she looked past JC, to the far side of the living room, she saw her. Beatrice was there. And she was staring right back at Ava. And there was an emptiness in her eyes that took Ava’s breath away. And then Beatrice turned and walked right out the front door to the outside world.

JC cut back into Ava’s view as he gave her his trademark smile and leaned in as if to kiss her again, but Ava took a step back. “I’m so sorry.” She whispered. “I can’t do this, not with you.” Ava didn’t even wait to see his reaction before she was running out the door after Beatrice.

***

“Bea!” Ava called after her best friend, who was already walking briskly along the sidewalk a few houses down the street from Shannon’s. Beatrice didn’t turn around. “Beatrice, stop!” By some holy miracle, Beatrice did as Ava asked, keeping her back to Ava with her arms crossed tightly across her chest and head down.

Ava ran up to her, maneuvering around her so that she was standing in front of Beatrice. It was a cold night and Ava noticed that Beatrice was shivering.

“Bea, where are you going?” Ava asked softly, watching tears silently track down Beatrice’s cheeks.

“I’m going home,” Beatrice choked out, voice a little rough. “Just leave me alone, Ava.”

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

“Nothing!” Beatrice swiped at her cheeks in an effort to stop her tears.

Ava frowned in concern. “‘Nothing’ is making you cry? Please talk to me, Bea. Don’t shut me out.”

Beatrice shook her head laughing incredulously. “You don’t get it. How do you never get it, Ava?”

“Get what?” Ava was thoroughly confused now.

“Do you have any idea how insufferable you are sometimes?” Beatrice was practically yelling. “You just – you always completely miss the point, even when it’s right in front of you!”

Ava took a reactionary step back, shrinking under Beatrice’s harsh gaze.

“I’m sorry.” Ava whispered.

They held eye contact for a long, heavy moment before Beatrice’s anger deflated. Her features softened and she looked away.

“Just forget it.” Beatrice sighed. “Go back to the party, Ava. Go have fun with your boy toy or something.”

“Can I least walk you home?” Ava asked quietly, not wanting to leave things like this between them.

“No,” Beatrice snapped. “You’ve done enough tonight already.” And with that, Beatrice pushed past Ava, leaving Ava alone on an empty sidewalk feeling nothing but the lingering sting of Beatrice’s words as they hung heavy in the cold October air.

***

It wasn’t the first time Ava and Beatrice had fought, not by a long shot. But it was the first time where they didn’t immediately make amends upon realizing they had crossed a line.

Ava leaned back on Shannon’s front porch steps and took a drag from the cigarette she had bummed off of a wayward partygoer, blowing the smoke out in one long puff so that it fanned out warmly into empty space. Beatrice’s tear-stained face was imprinted in Ava’s brain, and she hated that she could have been responsible for making Beatrice so upset. But why was she so upset? We were having fun earlier, trading puns and making each other laugh just like normal. Was this because of JC? I know Bea isn’t very fond of him but it’s not like I was going to let things go any farther with him. I mean, there’s a reason I broke up with him in the first place. Ava let out a sigh as she checked her phone for the sixth time in the last two minutes, where a string of texts Ava sent to Beatrice remained unanswered. Ava was hoping Beatrice would have at least let Ava know that she had gotten home safely. Maybe it has nothing to do with me or JC. Maybe there’s something else going on that’s bothering Bea.

“Ava?” Camila’s voice broke through Ava’s thoughts. Footsteps echoed on the porch, and then Camila was settling herself beside Ava on the steps. “What are you doing out here all alone? It’s cold.”

Ava flicked ashes off the end of her cigarette. “I think I’m all partied out.”

“Oh, okay. Want me to walk home with you?”

Ava shook her head. “Not yet, Beatrice is there.”

Camila bumped her shoulder against Ava’s. “And that’s a problem because…”

“We got into a fight.” Ava grumbled. She wrapped her arms around her legs and tucked her chin on top of her knees. “I’m not even sure what it was about, but I don’t think she wants to be around me right now.”

Camila hummed softly and placed a warm arm around Ava’s shoulders, tucking her securely into Camila’s side. “Well, whatever’s going on between you two I’m sure it’s not as bad as it seems. Bea never stays upset with you for long. Maybe just give her some space to calm down, then go from there. You’re Ava and Beatrice, things will work themselves out before too long.”

Ava gave a weak chuckle. “Seems like that psychology degree you’re working towards is coming in use already, isn’t it?”

Camila smiled. “According to my Intro to Counseling professor, I should be practicing my therapeutic skills every chance I get.” She gently pried the cigarette from Ava’s fingers and put it out on the porch step. Then she passed Ava a thermos she had brought outside with her. “Here, drink this; it’ll warm you right up and maybe help you figure out whatever it is you’re overthinking about.”

Ava took a sip from the thermos. “Sweet nettle tea?” She looked bemusedly at Camila. “How? You definitely didn’t have this when we left the house earlier.”

“Shannon let me make a batch here. She has a tea infuser shaped like a dinosaur!” Ava laughed as Camila’s eyes lit up. She gave Ava a warm smile. “Want to go back inside? Lilith was about to do a dramatic Shakespearean reading with Nicki Minaj lyrics.”

Ava snorted. “Oh, this I’ve got to see.”

***

Beatrice was avoiding Ava.

Ava wasn’t positive at first when she wandered into the kitchen on Saturday morning and Lilith mentioned that Beatrice had already gotten up and gone to campus to study at the library. She didn’t jump to any conclusions when Bea didn’t come home until late that evening and claimed she was worn out and needed an early night. And the next day, when Beatrice again chose to go to campus to get work done, Ava didn’t question it. It was midterm season, after all. They all had a lot of assignments and studying they had to do. But on Monday morning, when Ava got ready to walk to school only to realize Beatrice had left without the others, there was no more denying it.

Beatrice was avoiding Ava.

It didn’t make sense. Between the two of them, Beatrice was definitely better when it came to communicating (kind of ironic, when you think about it, considering Ava was the Communications major and all). If there was one thing Ava was bad at, it was having the hard conversations. Back when Ava and JC were together, it had taken two whole weeks for Ava to work up the nerve to break up with him because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Confrontation just wasn’t her thing. But Beatrice never let Ava run away from tight situations, so it was a bit concerting that she was putting so much space between herself and Ava.

Ava heard the unspoken message loud and clear.

If she wanted Beatrice back (she did. She really, really did), then this time around, Ava was going to have to do the hard work herself.

Beatrice was worth the effort.

***

Ava paced back and forth outside of the lecture hall Beatrice was currently in for her Global Security class (Bea was an International Relations major). Ava’s hands were shoved in the pockets of her jacket and her shoulders were hunched as she went over the script in her head of what she wanted to say to Beatrice once she was able to confront her. After four days of silence between them, Ava had had enough. She missed Beatrice, so much so that she was willing to wait out in the cold evening air on her night off of school and force Beatrice into making amends.

The class ended at 6:30 pm on the dot and students started trekking out of the lecture hall one by one. Ava stood on her toes to peer over the sudden crowd of people, searching for the familiar face of her favorite person in the world. She spotted Beatrice at last, walking with her eyes glued to some papers she had clutched in her hands, and for Ava it was like getting her first breath of fresh air since she had watched Beatrice walk away from her on the night of Shannon’s party.

Ava waited for Beatrice to get closer before walking right up to her. Beatrice, who had been so absorbed in what she was reading, looked up in surprise when she realized someone was right in front of her.

“Hey,” Ava said, trying (and failing) not to sound too awkward.

Beatrice looked flustered, obviously not expecting to run into Ava right when she left class. “Hey.”

“I’ve been waiting for you.” Ava explained, reading into Bea’s confusion. “I was hoping we could talk?”

Beatrice didn’t say anything as she shoved her papers into her backpack.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Ava said. It wasn’t a question.

Beatrice hesitated, then looked up to meet Ava’s eye. “I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve just been busy.”

“I’m sorry that we fought at the party. I wasn’t – I didn’t mean to upset you like that.”

Beatrice let out a long sigh. “I know.” She finally said, and her features completely softened as she took in Ava’s sad face. “It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Ava frowned. “Really? Because it doesn’t feel that way.”

“Really.” Beatrice promised.

“You said I’m insufferable.”

“Well, you are.”

Ava chuckled. “But you like me anyways?”

“Yeah, I guess I do.”

“We’re going to be okay, right?”

Beatrice slipped her hand into Ava’s, giving it a tight squeeze. “Of course, we are.”

***

Mary grabbed Camila and Lilith the second they walked into Cat’s Cradle after getting home from campus and dragged them up to her bedroom on the second floor.

“What’s going on?” Camila asked curiously as Mary had them sit on her bed. She peered into the hallway to make sure Ava hadn’t noticed them and quietly shut the door.

“We need to talk about what’s going on with Beatrice and Ava, because it’s getting ridiculous.”

Camila giggled. “Oh, you mean the Avatrice situation.”

“What?”

“You know, Beatrice and Ava. Avatrice? Like how Ava refers to you and Shannon as Shannary.” Camila explained.

“Ok, got it. Yes, the ‘Avatrice situation’ then. Obviously, I’m not the only one who’s noticed the mess they’re in, right?”

Lilith rolled her eyes. “You mean how they both refuse to admit that they’re in love with each other? Hard not to notice.”

“Bea’s been in love with Ava for years now.” Camila said casually. “Ava is just – you know – a little slower on figuring it out.”

Mary nodded, clasping her hands together. “Right, Beatrice isn’t the problem here. She is at least self-aware of her feelings. It’s Ava who is dumb as a brick and can’t seem to put two and two together, and I for one am sick of watching her flounder out there. Baby H needs some serious help.”

“What are you proposing here, Mary?” Lilith asked with a gleam in her eyes, while Camila said, “I really don’t think we should be getting involved in their relationship.”

“I’m saying it’s time to knock some sense into Ava before she internally combusts.”

Camila looked nervous, but Lilith smiled mischievously. “Okay, we’re listening…”

***

Baby H [2:15 pm]: I hate that you aren’t talking to me

Bea! [2:18 pm]: What do you mean? We literally just talked this morning.

Baby H [2:20 pm]: Yeah, but we didn’t like really talk, you know? Not like we used to. It seems like you’re still mad at me and idk how to make it better

Baby H [2:22 pm]: I guess what I’m trying to say is that I feel like we’ve been drifting apart and I miss you :(

Bea! [2:25 pm]: I miss you too

Bea! [2:26 pm]: I’m sorry if you thought I was still mad. I promise I’m not

Baby H [2:29 pm]: Ok. Well logically the best way to stop drifting apart is to spend more time together! Want to get coffee with me when your afternoon class gets out?

Bea! [2:31 pm]: Sure, but only if you promise to get decaf…

Bea! [2:32 pm]: Speaking of class, shouldn’t you be paying attention to your lecture right now instead of texting me?

Baby H [2:35 pm]: What can I say, I’m an excellent multitasker

Baby H [2:36 pm]: Meet you at Holy Grounds?

Bea! [2:40 pm]: See you there, please try to learn something before then!

Things weren’t perfect, not like they used to be. But later that night, when the Sister Warriors congregated in their living room to watch The Old Guard for like the eighth time (they were all a little more than obsessed with Charlize Theron), Ava laid on the couch with her head in Beatrice’s lap, and Beatrice’s fingers combed through her hair for the duration of the movie. The soothing, repetitive motion put Ava to sleep within twenty minutes, but it felt like the old Ava and Beatrice, and that was enough to put Ava’s mind at ease again. Maybe everything would be okay between them after all (even if Ava’s heart was racing the entire time Beatrice’s hands touched her).

***

Ava was lying on the couch in the living room of Cat’s Cradle one rainy Sunday afternoon binging The Good Place, when Camila wandered into the room, smiling tentatively at Ava.

“Hi!” Ava said brightly. “Want to watch with me? I just found out that the Good Place isn’t really the Good Place but has in fact actually been the Bad Place this whole time. Can you believe that?”

“Hmm, fascinating,” Camila said distractedly. “Ava, can you come with me for a second? I need your help with something…”

“Sure, okay.” Ava curiously followed Camila to her first-floor bedroom. “But you have to watch at least one episode with me after.”

Ava stopped short when she walked into Camila’s room to find Mary and Lilith staring expectantly back at her.

“What’s going on?” Ava asked skeptically as she attempted to back out of the room, but Camila had already closed the door behind her.

“Take a seat, Baby H.” Mary said, gesturing to Camila’s desk chair.

“I – I don’t think I want to.” Ava said nervously while she tried to rack her brain into remembering anything she might’ve done lately that could’ve upset her roommates enough to corner her in a bedroom.

“Oh, relax. You aren’t in trouble.” Lilith said as if reading her mind. “We just want to talk.”

Ava shifted her eyes between the three of them. “Really because this feels very much like an episode of Intervention. I would know, I’ve seen them all. Is this because I kissed JC at Shannon’s party? You guys have nothing to worry about. I was just a little drunk and he was there, and it was a brief moment of reckless abandon that I promise won’t happen again.”

“Wait, you kissed JC?” Lilith asked at the same time Mary groaned out, “Why are you like this?”

“Don’t think of this as an intervention, Ava.” Camila said as she gently took one of Ava’s hands and led her over to sit on Camila’s bed. “Think of it as a nice and friendly chat between roommates.”

“Oh really? Then why isn’t Beatrice here?”

“And that,” Mary said, clapping her hands together. “Is the perfect segue into this conversation!”

Ava glared at Mary as it dawned on her where this intervention was going. “Nope, I’m leaving now.” She got up to walk out of the room, but Lilith blocked the door, shaking her head at Ava.

“Look, Ava.” Lilith said, getting straight to the point. “We’ve all noticed that there seems to be – something – going on between you and Beatrice, and we just wanted to talk to you about it. Because honestly, it’s getting a little painful to watch you pine after her.”

Ava scoffed indignantly. “I have not been pining.”

“You’ve been pining.” Camila stated decisively. Ava shot her a look of betrayal.

“Whatever might be going on between me and Beatrice – not that there’s anything going on – really has nothing to do you with you guys.” Ava said, crossing her arms defensively.

“I respectfully disagree.” Mary said. “You two keep bringing weird energy into the house and it’s got to stop.”

“There is no weird energy.”

“Ava, it’s been real weird.” Ava glared at Lilith. She was about to say something snappy back, but Camila put a reassuring hand on Ava’s shoulder to soothe her.

“Attacking you,” She shot Mary and Lilith a quick frown of disapproval. “Isn’t why we wanted to talk with you about this. We just want to make sure you’re okay and let you know that you can talk about this with us. You don’t have to keep your feelings to yourself.”

Ava let out a long breath. “Thanks for the sentiment, but I think I’ll pass.”

“Come on, Baby H. We just want to know what your plan with Beatrice is.” Mary said.

“My plan?” Ava gave a hollow laugh. “My plan is to make sure Beatrice never finds out how much I like her!” The second the words left her mouth, Ava desperately wished she could take them back. They had her, hook, line, and sinker.

“Ha, so you admit it! You do like her!” Lilith smiled gleefully and gave Mary a high-five. “Mission accomplished!”

Ava just groaned in defeat, staring at the ceiling so she wouldn’t have to see the smug looks she knew Lilith and Mary were sporting. “Well, if that’s all you wanted then I’ll just see myself out now. I need to go scrub my brain with bleach so I can forget that this entire conversation ever happened.” Camila laughed softly, but Lilith opened the bedroom door, waving Ava out of the room.

“Good luck with that!” Mary yelled as Ava all but sprinted out of the bedroom. She smiled and turned back to Lilith and Camila. “That went rather well, I’d say. Now, who’s ready for phase two?”

***

Ava’s World History class ended late again (Professor Vincent really had terrible time management skills) and Ava had to run across campus to get to the auditorium in time for the drama program’s production of She Kills Monsters. Ava cursed Prof Vincent for making her late as she fought to catch her breath while she collected her ticket from the box office and headed inside. Camila loved the theater, so it was tradition for the Sister Warriors to see a play on campus at least once every semester.

Ava made her way to the back of the auditorium where they usually sat and was surprised to see Beatrice sitting by herself. Camila, Lilith, and Mary were nowhere to be found, which was strange seeing as the play was set to start in just three minutes. Ava understood her own lateness, but Camila was nothing if not punctual when it came to a night at the theater.

“Hey Bea,” Ava said as she took a seat next to her best friend. Beatrice gave her a warm smile.

“Hey, there you are. I thought you were going to leave me all alone for this.”

Ava gave her a confused look. “Where is everyone? We literally just talked this morning about how we were all coming tonight.”

“Have you not checked your phone lately? Mary said she had to go help Shannon, she’s having some emergency with her car or something, and Camila and Lilith said they have a midterm tomorrow that they forgot to study for in their Sociology of Religions class.”

Ava pulled out her phone from where she had shoved it far into her backpack so that it wouldn’t disturb her during class. Sure enough, there were multiple texts within the last fifteen minutes from the Sister Warriors group chat excusing the others from tonight’s performance.

“How convenient.” Ava muttered. This was a total setup; it had Mary and Lilith written all over it. Ava made a mental note to get back at them somehow as she settled in her seat.

Baby H [6:58 pm]: You guys suck

Camomila [6:59 pm]: You’re welcome!

Demon Mother Lilith [6:59 pm]: Enjoy your date!

Shotgun Mary [7:00 pm]: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

Ava rolled her eyes and put her phone away.

Beatrice turned her body to face Ava and placed a hand on her arm. “I’ve heard good things about this play.” She said. “Shannon’s roommate Melanie is playing one of the main characters and she said it’s really gay.” Beatrice whispered the last word like she didn’t want anyone to overhear her.

Ava flushed and was glad it was dark in the theater so that Beatrice couldn’t see how red her cheeks had gotten. Of course, it was a gay play. Oh, they’re good.

“A gay play? Finally, something worth coming out for.” Ava said, waggling her eyebrows.

Beatrice shook her head, but she was smiling.

The lights dimmed completely, so there wasn’t much time for further conversation. Ava tried her best to focus on the stage and to lose herself in the story, but it was difficult with Beatrice’s arm pressed against her and her very existence invading all of Ava’s senses. When she did finally start to pay attention to the play, she found the story thoroughly enjoyable. She Kills Monsters was amazing; a comedic play that explored the realms of magic and fantasy while also normalizing non-heterosexual characters. Ava found herself immensely enjoying herself, laughing loudly at the jokes and really feeling a connection to the characters as they dealt with their inner demons. Beside her, Beatrice was laughing just as hard. Her eyes were shining as she focused on the stage and her smile was breathtaking when she momentarily glanced over at Ava before she absentmindedly intertwined their fingers together. Ava tried not to think about it too much. It didn’t mean anything (but that didn’t stop her skin from burning throughout the remainder of the play).

***

“So, what did you think?” Beatrice asked Ava once the play had ended and they left the theater. They were still holding hands, but neither of them commented on the fact.

“That was awesome.” Ava gushed. “Like I would definitely go see that again. It is so refreshing to watch something that’s just so unapologetically gay.”

Beatrice laughed. “Right? I wish Mary, Lilith, and Camila had been here to see it, they would’ve loved that.”

“Honestly, it’s their loss. Besides, it’s kind of nice to have a night that’s just the two of us. It’s been a while since we’ve done something like this.”

Beatrice glanced over at Ava as they left campus and started walking the familiar path home to Cat’s Cradle. “Yeah, it was nice, wasn’t it?” Ava hummed her agreement. They walked in silence for a few minutes; Ava’s entire body tingling as she drowned in Beatrice’s light.

“Can I ask you a question?” Beatrice said, breaking through the silence between them.

“Of course, you can.”

“The other night, at Shannon’s party, why did you kiss JC?”

Ava didn’t answer right away. She took a moment to sort through her thoughts to find the right words she wanted to say.

“He took me by surprise.” She finally said. “I wasn’t expecting to see him there, and definitely wasn’t expecting to spend so much time with him. And honestly, it was kind of nice to have his attention so fully and to feel wanted in that way again, you know what I mean? I really shouldn’t have let him kiss me, though. That’s – he’s not what I want. And it wasn’t fair of me to lead him on like that.”

Beatrice nodded in understanding. “So…you’re not looking to get back together with him, then?”

Ava looked at her in surprise. “What? No way! I am so not interested in dating JC.”

At her admission, Beatrice’s shoulders seemed to relax completely. “Well that’s a relief. You’re way too good for him.”

Ava smiled cheekily. “Yeah, I know right?” She bumped Beatrice’s shoulder playfully with her own as they turned onto their street.

They walked up to the porch of Cat’s Cradle and Beatrice unlocked the front door, letting them inside the house and into the empty front room. They could hear sounds of the TV coming from the living room but made no move to join their roommates. Instead, they stopped at the foot of the stairs before parting ways for the night (Beatrice’s room was on the first floor while Ava’s was on the second). Ava was desperately in need of a shower before going to bed, but she also wasn’t ready to say goodnight to Beatrice just yet.

“Tonight was, surprisingly, a lot of fun.” Beatrice said quietly as she faced Ava. “Thank you, for not bailing on the play.”

Ava laughed. “I would never stand you up like that, I’m too much of a gentlewoman.”

The space between them seemed to crackle with electricity as Beatrice’s eyes bored into Ava’s, and there seemed to be an unspoken promise hanging in the air around them. As Ava’s eyes roamed over Beatrice’s facial features, admiring the curve of her jaw and the softness of her cheeks, she again felt that indescribable urge to kiss her. Just like she had at that night at ArqTech. The feeling to touch Beatrice was overwhelming, and Ava could feel her face heat up at just the thought of it. Beatrice seemed to be having her own thoughts of whatever was going on between them though, as her cheeks were tinged with color and there was a glassy look in her eyes. Her pupils were blown wide and her lips were parted ever so slightly.

Just go for it, Ava thought. She’s right there. Just lean forward and kiss her. What’s the worst that could happen. Do it, you coward!

Ava focused her eyes on Beatrice’s lips as she stole herself to close the small space between them. She could do this. She wanted to do this.

Ava wasn’t sure what would’ve happened next, but her and Beatrice sprung apart suddenly when Mary and Lilith walked out of the kitchen and into the front room. They froze in their steps as they took in Beatrice and Ava, who had taken several steps away from each other as they regained their composure.

“You’re back,” Mary finally said to break the silence. “How was the play?”

Neither Ava nor Beatrice responded right away, still shaken up by the private moment they had been having. Ava silently cursed Mary. Why was she always interrupting just when things were about to get interesting?

“You two okay?” Lilith asked once the silence on gone on for a beat too long to be normal.

“Fine.” Beatrice said, though her voice sounded raspy. “The play was fine.” She tore her gaze away from Ava, eyes unfocused. “I think I’m just going to head to bed. I have to be up early tomorrow.” She hastily left the room and Ava could just hear her door close in the distance.

Mary and Lilith turned to Ava. “Did we interrupt something?” Ava just shook her head, not trusting herself to speak. She made her way up the stairs and headed for her room at the end of the hall. Mary and Lilith were whispering softly too each other on the first floor, and then Mary’s footsteps sounded quietly as she followed Ava upstairs.

“Ava, what happened?” Mary asked as she slipped into Ava’s room behind her.

“Nothing,” Ava said, voice laced with frustration. “Absolutely nothing happened! We were having a great time together and then we got home, and she was standing there so close to me and I was just frozen. I had every opportunity to make a move and I couldn’t do it. Why am I such a coward? She looked like she wanted to kiss me just as much as I wanted to kiss her. Why couldn’t I just do it already? All I had to do was lean in like three inches. Three inches. And yet, I couldn’t even work up the courage to do that. And then you just had to come barging in and ruin the moment.”

Ava was pacing across her floor, hands waving as she ranted. Mary grabbed her by the arms to bring her to a halt and forced Ava to look her in the eye.

“Breathe, Baby H. Just breathe.” Ava did as she was told and took a deep breath, trying to calm herself back down.

“There you go.” Mary said. She looked sympathetic. “You aren’t a coward, Ava. Don’t you see what’s happening here?”

“Yeah, I see what an idiot I am and that I have completely inappropriate thoughts and feelings for my best friend. I see how if I act on those thoughts and feelings, I could be pushing her away forever. I can’t keep putting myself in these positions where I might ruin everything good I have going for me.” That last part came out in a whisper.

“You’re really dense sometimes, you know that?” Mary shook her head in exasperation.

“What?”

“When are you going to get it through your head that you’re in love with her?”

There was a full thirty second pause while Ava stared dumbfoundedly at Mary, for once at a loss for words.

“Love?” She finally choked out. “Who said anything about love.”

Mary hit Ava with such a sad, yet understanding, look. “I’m just calling it as I see it.” Ava started to shake her head, but Mary wouldn’t let her interrupt. “When I first started seeing Shannon as more than a friend, I didn’t want to believe it either. Love is scary. When it’s good, it’s good. But when things go wrong? I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. But if I hadn’t let myself love Shannon? That would be so much worse than any fears I might have about our future.”

Mary placed a comforting hand on Ava’s shoulder. “What I’m trying to say is this: it’s okay to let yourself love her. But right now, it’s time to make a decision. You either have to jump all in or call it quits. Because something like this, you don’t get to be anything but sure about what you want. It’s not fair to you, and it sure as hell isn’t fair to Beatrice.”

Ava could feel tears threatening to spill down her cheeks and she sniffled slightly as she fought to keep her emotions under control.

“Do you think you could stay with me for a bit?” Ava asked in a small voice, glancing up at Mary with tear-stained eyes. “I really don’t want to be alone right now.”

Mary gave Ava one of her rare, soft smiles. “Of course, I can.” She agreed. They crawled into Ava’s bed and Mary allowed Ava to rest her head on Mary’s shoulder with one arm wrapped around Mary’s waist. Mary stroked her arm softly as Ava let herself cry out all of the emotions she had been bottling up inside of her for weeks.

“Shh,” Mary soothed. “Everything’s going to be fine, Ava. It’s all going to be just fine.”

Mary wasn’t planning to stay for too long, but Ava was heavy and warm at her side and it broke her heart to see the girl suffering so much. She could be there for her, for tonight at least. Hell, she would be there for her any night Ava needed.

***

Ava was avoiding Beatrice.

It wasn’t something she planned to do. It wasn’t what she wanted to be doing at all. But she was confused and hurting and being around Beatrice wasn’t making things any clearer for her. Mary’s words kept ringing in her ear.

When are you going to get it through your head that you’re in love with her?

The more Ava thought of it, the more Mary’s accusation made sense.

How could she have been so blind this whole time? It was obvious, really. Ava loved Beatrice.

Ava was in love with Beatrice.

And Ava didn’t think she’d ever been more afraid of something in her entire life.

Because there was a very real possibility that being in love with Beatrice could effectively ruin their friendship for good this time. And that just wasn’t something Ava was willing to risk.

Beatrice was everything to Ava. She was her confidant, her anchor, her absolute favorite person in the world. Beatrice was the first person to look at Ava like she mattered. She was the only one who really made Ava feel grounded and worth something. If Ava were to lose that, she didn’t think she would ever recover.

So, in conclusion, Ava was avoiding Beatrice.

And it was killing her.

She could see the hurt in Beatrice’s eyes every time Ava cut a conversation short or made an excuse for why they couldn’t hang out or pulled away from any physical contact Beatrice tried to initiate with her. Ava was spending more and more time on campus in the library ‘studying’ just so as to have a reason to not be home or to be around other people (on the bright side, Ava did get a 96% on her Media Ethics midterm, so it wasn’t all bad. But Ava would’ve traded her passing grade just to have things feel normal between her and Beatrice again in a heartbeat).

This had been going on for well over a week now. It was the longest stretch of time Ava had gone without talking to Beatrice since they met, and Ava was miserable. It didn’t help that the rest of the Sister Warriors had noticed the rift between them, either.

Lilith dropped her textbook on Ava’s table in the library with a bang, startling Ava out of her thoughts. She was once again using the library as an excuse to avoid Beatrice and to work on her Religious Studies term paper (Ava really had no interest in religion; she just took the class because Beatrice wanted to, and it would give her elective credits towards graduation). Ava looked up at Lilith, who was staring at Ava with an unreadable expression.

“What are you doing, Ava?” Lilith asked.

Ava gestured at her laptop and open textbook. “Working?” Ava shook her head sadly. “And you guys call me the dumb one. Honestly.”

Lilith rolled her eyes and sat down in the empty seat across the table. “I don’t mean what are you doing here. I mean, what are you doing? Why are you going out of your way to hurt Beatrice like this? She has no idea why you’ve been avoiding her every chance you get, and she’s been really upset about it! So, I’m going to ask you again. What are you doing?”

Ava stared at her laptop screen so that she wouldn’t have to look at Lilith. “I’m just – I just needed some space while I figure things out.”

Lilith leaned forward, fixing Ava with a stare until Ava met her eye. “Everything’s going to be okay, Ava. Beatrice – she really cares about you. Hell, we all do. You know that, right? When you’re hurting like this, it hurts us all. I know that Mary, Camila and I – okay mostly Mary and I – have been giving you a hard time lately, but we were honestly just trying to help. We want you to be happy, and if Beatrice is what would make you happy then we want that for you.”

Ava glanced at the ceiling as she felt her eyes tear up. She really loved her friends, sometimes.

“I know I don’t say it often, but I love you Baby Halo, and I hope you know you don’t have to be alone in this. We’re all here for you and, frankly, we’re all rooting for you.” Lilith sat back once she was done with her speech and was nice enough to look away while Ava got her emotions under control.

“Thanks, Lilith.” Ava said softly.

Lilith graced her with a rare smile. “Anytime kid.” She got up and slipped her textbook into her backpack. “I’m heading home for the night, you coming?”

“Not yet,” Ava said. “I really was working before you got here. I want to try and finish this paper before I call it a day.”

“Suit yourself.” Lilith was about to walk off but was stopped by Ava pulling her into a tight hug. Lilith patted the top of Ava’s head. “I know you’re sad, so I’ll allow this. But just for five more seconds and then you better get off of me.”

Ava just laughed and hugged her tighter.

***

After her talk with Lilith in the library, Ava returned to Cat’s Cradle where she barged into Mary’s room unannounced and flung herself into Mary’s bed, squeezing in between Mary and Shannon who had been cuddling just moments before.

“How could you do this to me Mary? Why did you have to go around planting these seeds in my head? I was perfectly happy living my life and then you just had to go ruin it, didn’t you? With your stupid words and your stupid ‘observations’ and your stupid, uh, your stupid stupidness.” Ava said theatrically.

“What are you going on about? And would it kill you to knock next time?” Mary snapped. “We could’ve been in the middle of something indecent for all you know.”

“I would’ve come in anyway, you know this.” Ava said offhandedly. “Hi Shannon, nice to see you again.”

Shannon laughed and propped herself up on an elbow to face Ava. “Hi, Ava. Can I ask what it is you’re so upset with Mary for?”

“Mary here,” Ava nudged Mary with her elbow. “Had the audacity to tell me that I’m in love with Beatrice. And now, I can’t get that out of my head! I was not in love with her, but ever since Mary had to go and say that, now I think I might be in love with her!” Ava dropped her head back and covered her eyes with her hands. “Why did you do this to me?”

“My god you’re dramatic.” Mary said while Shannon asked, “Wait, aren’t you and Beatrice dating?”

“What?” Ava said. “I’m not dating Beatrice.” She glared accusingly at Mary. “Have you been telling people that I’m dating Beatrice?”

Mary shrugged. “I’m just pre-telling people you’re together. It’s called foreshadowing.”

Ava sighed. “Okay, well since you’re apparently so good at predicting the future, can you at least tell me what I’m supposed to do next?”

Mary grinned and flicked Ava in the forehead. “That’s an easy one. Stop fucking around and get the girl.”

***

“Are you lost or something?” S asked as Ava took a seat at the bar in ArqTech. “It’s Thursday, and I know for a fact Thursdays for your group involve dinner and Grey’s Anatomy.”

Ava grinned. “Grey’s is actually on hiatus this week, but it’s nice to know you’re keeping tabs on me, Samira.”

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

“Are you here to drink or are you looking for someone to talk to?” S asked.

“What makes you think I need to talk to someone?”

“You look like a sad puppy. I was just taking my best guess.”

S set two test tube shot glasses on the bar and poured a healthy shot of whiskey into both, pushing one tube closer to Ava. S downed her shot without even flinching and poured herself another. Ava tried to copy her but shuddered at the smoky taste of whiskey.

“Well, that was just disgusting.”

“Not a fan of whiskey?”

“Nah, I’m still on the rocks about it.” Ava deadpanned.

S sighed. “That first drink was going to be on me, but just for that it’s no longer free.”

“Yeah, I probably deserve that.”

S smirked. “So, what’s on your mind kid?”

Ava spun the glass between her fingers. “You remember what you said to me the other night? Hinting about me and Beatrice? I think you might’ve been on to something.”

“Ah, finally realizing that you two belong together?”

Ava chuckled. “Something like that. I think I crossed a line and I don’t know if there’s any going back.”

“Might as well go full steam ahead then.” S said.

“She’s too good for me, you know? Like Beatrice is—she’s just so good. And I’m not. Why would she even want anything to do with me?”

S leaned forward, elbows resting on the bar as she looked at Ava. “You kids have been coming in here for years, even when you were all underage might I add, and I’ve had to watch that girl look at you like you hang the stars in the sky. When you have someone like that in your life, you don’t get to just run away or decide you aren’t worthy. It’s a two-way street. You’re already in this deep; what’s giving up now going to get you?”

“If I go for this, if I tell her how I feel, it’s going to change everything.”

“What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

“Well, if you never shoot, you’ll never know. Sometimes the risk is worth taking.” S gave Ava a soft smile. “And if she’s a real friend, you aren’t going to lose her. Not over this.”

Ava was quiet for a moment as she let S’s words play over in her head. “Can I have another shot?”

S sighed. “As your bartender, I would happily give you another drink. But as your friend, I think there’s a more important shot you need to be taking right now, if you know what I mean.”

“Oh, so we’re friends, are we? Is that what this is?”

“We can be, as long as you keep up with your 25% tips.”

Ava laughed. “I’ll take it, even if I have to buy your friendship. Thanks, Sable.”

“Nope.”

“Damn.”

***

Ava’s feet pounded the pavement as she ran through her neighborhood and made her way towards campus. It was a misty Friday morning and the damp air clung to Ava’s skin as she ran, intermingling with the sheen of sweat that beaded on her forehead. After her talk with S last night, Ava had wandered around her neighborhood until her feet ached and her nerves settled a bit. Ava knew she needed to talk to Beatrice, and she needed to talk to her soon. But there was still this voice in the back of her head that was filling her with so much doubt.

Why was this so hard? Things with Beatrice weren’t supposed to be hard. They had always been easy, always. Beatrice was her best friend. And Ava just had to go and complicate things by having, Ava shuddered, ~feelings~.

The campus was quiet as Ava jogged through, most classes not starting for at least another hour. It was too cold outside for people to be hanging around, anyway, so the quads were mostly empty. This is how Ava liked Areala University the most; still and ghostlike with the fog encasing the buildings. For a brief moment, Ava was able to forget her own worries as she allowed herself to appreciate the beauty of her school. Ava paused her run when she reached the middle of the Centennial Quad, where a large statue of Areala, the school’s founder, had been erected. Ava gazed up at Areala and wondered if she had ever felt the way Ava was feeling right now; a little lost and a whole lot confused and very, very worried for what the future would hold.

Hey, uh, Areala. How’s it going up there? You doing okay? I mean, you’re a statue so how could you really be? So, look, I could really use some help here. And I know I don’t pray, and I haven’t done anything to deserve your guidance, but I just need some kind of sign. Just anything, I’ll take literally anything you can give me that I’m not about to fuck up the best thing I have going for me. I’m gravelling on my knees here!

…Okay yeah sorry that was bad, I’ll admit it. No need to be so stony about it though.

Ava let out a long sigh as she took one last look at Areala, resigning that she was going to have to figure this mess out herself. Just then, a bird flew overhead and pooped on Areala’s shoulder.

Not really the sign I was hoping for, but I’ll take it. Thanks, Areala. I guess talking to you in my head wasn’t a complete bust after all.

Ava chuckled to herself as she left the quad and ran back home. “Oh man, Mary would’ve definitely punched me for that one.”

***

Beatrice was sitting on the front steps of Cat’s Cradle wrapped in a blanket when Ava returned home, out of breath and with a stitch in her side. She looked so sad as Ava met her eyes and god damn it, Ava hated that she was responsible for making Bea look that way.

Beatrice got to her feet as Ava approached, the blanket dropping from her shoulders onto the porch.

“Bea, hi.”

“Hey. Camila said you left early, so I was waiting for you to get back.”

“Yeah, I was just out trying to clear my head and catch some fog, but I mist.” That drew a small smile out of Beatrice.

“Well, you can try again tomorrow, should be a breeze.”

“I’ll be sure to dew that.” Ava was deflecting and she knew it. She took a deep breath to start the hard conversation, but Beatrice beat her to it.

“I think we need to talk.”

Ava chuckled nervously and scratched absently at the back of her neck. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“Look Ava,” Beatrice said, and her voice was suddenly laced with frustration. “I don’t know what’s going on with you anymore. I’ve been racking my brain for days trying to figure out what I did wrong or what I said that upset you, and the only thing I can figure is that I made you uncomfortable the other night. And if that’s it, and I crossed a boundary with you, then I just need you to know how sorry I am. I never meant to make things weird between us and this just isn’t worth losing you over, because you’re the most important thing in this world to me. And you avoiding me? That’s been killing me. It’s killing me that you won’t talk to me and it’s killing me that you’re upset and I just…I just want to make things better. I miss you. And I miss us. And I– I really need my best friend back.”

Ava shut her up with a kiss.

There was no plan behind it, no decisive factor, literally no thought at all.

One second, Beatrice was rambling on about something to do with Ava being the most important thing in her world and the next Ava’s hands were cupping the sides of Beatrice’s face and pulling the taller girl’s lips down to meet hers.

And it was electric.

Beatrice’s lips were soft and fit together so perfectly against Ava’s, even if she took a few seconds before returning the kiss in earnest. The tingly feeling was back, Ava could feel it from her head to her lips to the tips of her fingers and toes. Kissing Beatrice was everything Ava had ever imagined it would be; like she was coming up for air for the first time, like she was finally home. Ava scratched at the back of Beatrice’s neck while Bea’s hands were warm where they rested on Ava’s waist, and if Ava hadn’t been completely sure before, she was now. This, Beatrice, was everything that she wanted, and Ava was all in if it meant she would get to be with Beatrice like this.

Ava wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, lips gently exploring lips, but eventually she pulled back, knowing Beatrice deserved some sort of explanation for Ava’s actions recently. Ava rested her forehead against Beatrice’s, their breathing shallow and perfectly in sync.

“I’m not mad at you, Bea.” Ava whispered, looking into Beatrice’s warm eyes. “I was never mad at you. The thing is, I’m kind of crazy in love with you. And that scares the shit out of me. I’m so sorry that it took me so long to figure this out.”

Beatrice stared at Ava; her expression unreadable. Ava broke eye contact nervously, dropping her hands from Beatrice’s face. She was about to step away to give the other girl some space, when Beatrice suddenly threw her hands up in the air.

“Well, it’s about fucking time!” Beatrice cried. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve been waiting for you say that? God Ava. I don’t know how much more obvious I could’ve made it that I had feelings for you! Like I seriously can’t believe it took you this long to notice. All I’ve done for the last two years is flirt with you and only you, and yet you were so oblivious to it all. I thought I was going crazy because there were so many times where it seemed like maybe you liked me, too. And Mary and Camila and Lilith all kept saying to just give you time and that you’d come around eventually. But it was getting really hard to wait for that eventually, let me tell you Ava—”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Ava stared at Beatrice, mouth gaping open slightly. “So, what you’re saying is –”

“I’m in love with you too, you idiot.”

And when Beatrice kissed Ava again, it was all fire.

***

Camila moved away from the open window in the front room of Cat’s Cradle where her, Lilith, Mary, and Shannon had been spying on Avatrice through the blinds.

“Okay,” Camila said, looking through their group text messages. “Since Ava was the first to initiate a kiss and the first to say ‘I love you’,” She gave a resounding sigh. “It looks like Shannon wins the pool and we all owe her $50 each.”

Shannon smiled smugly. “Pay up, losers.”

Lilith groaned. “Of course, the onetime Ava decides to own up to her feelings has to be when I bet against her. Fucking typical.”

“You know, as much as I hate to lose a bet, I’ve got to say I’m proud of Baby H. She took some big steps today.” Mary said as she begrudgingly Venmo-ed Shannon her winnings. She wiped away fake tears. “Our little Ava is all grown up.”

“So, now that they’ve admitted they’re in love,” Camila began. “Do we think it’ll be at least a little less awkward to be in the same room as them again?”

“Are you kidding?” Lilith said with raised eyebrows. “They’re going to be even more insufferable to be around.”

“You know,” Shannon mused, glancing between Lilith and Camila. “If Mary and I are together, and Beatrice and Ava are together, then the next logical step would be for…” She pointed between Lilith and Camila.

Lilith and Camila glanced at each other from the corner of their eyes. “It’s not the worst idea I’ve ever heard.” Lilith admitted with a small shrug.

Camila just squeaked, face turning red.

Mary tossed her hands up in the air excitedly. “Camilil!”

***

“S!” Ava shouted as she skipped into ArqTech hand-in-hand with Beatrice. “Hey, S!” Ava dragged Beatrice up to the bar where S gave them an amused look from where she was wiping down the bar.

“Guess what, S? Your advice totally worked!” Ava said, bouncing up and down across from her favorite bartender. “I took my shot and I told Beatrice how I feel and now she’s my girlfriend! Can you believe it? You’re like some kind of bartending / therapist / miracle worker!”

Beatrice tugged Ava back and ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to calm her down. “I’m so sorry about her, Sylvia. She hit the coffee a little hard this morning.”

S gave Beatrice an understanding look. “No need to apologize for her, I’m well used to Ava’s antics by now.” She turned to Ava. “Glad to see you finally got your head out of your ass and got the girl. You know what? This first round is on me.”

But Ava had stopped listening, as she was staring at Beatrice dumbfounded while her brain put two and two together.

“Wait a second.” She said, pointing a finger first at Beatrice and then at S. “Hold the god damn phone. Sylvia? Your name is Sylvia?”

Sylvia raised an eyebrow. “You got a problem with that?”

“You mean to tell me,” Ava said slowly as she turned towards Beatrice. “That you KNEW HER NAME THIS WHOLE TIME?!”

“Oh, you know, I think I just heard Mary calling me.” Beatrice muttered as she backed away from Ava, pointing over her shoulder to the corner of the bar where Mary, Shannon, Camila, and Lilith were already sitting and waiting for them. “Better go and see what she wants!”

“BEATRICE,” Ava yelled, running after her girlfriend. “YOU GET BACK HERE AND EXPLAIN YOURSELF RIGHT NOW.”

Sylvia chuckled as she watched the pair go with a fond look. “Lord have mercy on those little idiots.”

Fin.