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It would be such an easy enemy for Dazai.
But it all fell apart when he saw Oda Sakunosuke in front of him, again.
It clearly was an illusion, a work of an ability user. He saw the man die in front of him, he heard his last words. But what’s logic next to these feelings? He’s seeing the man he idolized after all these years, he missed him, he missed the times he spent with him and Ango.
“Odasaku!” Dazai screamed while running towards him. Instead of open arms, he’s welcomed by a disgusted expression from him. “Oda... Saku?” Confusion and despair were taking over, what he did wrong? It wasn’t like Oda to make such expression, or is it? He was too dizzy to think about it.
“Don’t come near me.” Cold words left Oda’s mouth, it felt like a knife going straight into Dazai’s heart. “After all the thing you have done. After almost killing Ango multiple times. After using an orphan as a living weapon. Do you really think I could forgive you? Gross.”
Dazai concluded that it was out of character for Odasaku to say such things. He was sincere most of the time but after his last words, he realized that Oda was afraid of him. He was afraid to say everything he had in mind since Dazai was one of the mafia’s executives after all. What if Oda secretly hated him?
Everything turned pure white and Odasaku disappeared, just like leaves being dragged away by the wind. It was a pretty, yet terrifying way to leave. Dazai was sitting in a bar, one of Lupin Bar’s chair, alone and waiting to the other two to come.
All the memories came back at once, filling his mind that he almost forgot that he was in a fight. Ah yes, the fight. He just needed to find the ability user and use ‘No Longer Human’ on him. No, it wouldn’t be enough, he needed to use his own hands, he needed to make that bastard suffer, he needed to give him a painful death. All the sadism he tried to hide all these four years stroke at once. He admitted that he had fun creating the tortures methods the mafia uses, it was “a stress relief” as he used to say to the victims.
Time passed without mercy, it felt like years have passed, yet nobody came from that door. Odasaku was alive again but he doesn’t want to come. Ango had time after his work but he doesn’t want to come. He had a feeling they were seeing each other in another bar.
How dare them?! How dare them to leave him alone once again. How dare them exclude him. How dare them fear him? How dare them? How dare them? How dare them? How dare them?! He wanted to take off their nails, he wanted to rip their scalp off, he wanted to burn their skin multiple times and it wouldn’t be enough. He was filled with pure rage.
“This is to you.” The barman said calmly even after seeing Dazai’s devilish expression, even after feeling his terrifying aura that even someone like Fyodor would show irrational fear witnessing it. “Two gentlemen’s left it here after leaving.”
“Die.” Was the only thing wrote in that note. How could something that he always wanted, death, hurts so much when it’s desired upon him by them? He wanted to die so badly for years, nothing was worth it anymore, nothing pleased or had a purpose for him. Yet why does it hurt so much when his friends said it?
It was then when he realized something. He grabbed the barmen by his neck with a force he doesn’t knew how he even had.
The barman is laughing, and reality strikes again. No Longer Human worked; his deduction worked. But it isn’t satisfying, it isn’t enough, he wants to hurt the worthless human being who was underneath him so badly. He wants that piece of shit to feel his pain.
“Took you long enough, genius.” The barman is making fun of him while struggling to breath.
“SHUT UP!” Dazai screams. “I don’t want to hear your fucking voice ever again.” His face is a mess. Tears and a demon like expression is what is framed.
Suddenly, Dazai recognizes the Ability user. He killed his brother long ago. He can remember the expression the man did when he saw his brother’s corpse. It’s not like he can remember this bastard name, even with his brilliant memory, he killed more people he could count.
“Karma’s a bitch huh.” The man still talking.
Dazai grip intensifies, his nails are buried at the man’s skin, making it bleed. The man coughs.
“How did you know these things?!” He doesn’t expect an answer. He doesn’t care about the answer, all he cares is about killing this garbage, even if it means that he doesn’t gave the chance to torture him, just like he deserves.
The man’s still smiling. “You’ll never be the good man you want to be so badly. The good side of life doesn’t want someone so filthy like y- “
“I TOLD YOU TO SHUT UP ALREADY, DIDN’T I?” He lashes out to the man who’s already rolling his eyes.
Then life finally leaves the man’s body.
Dazai realizes he wasn’t even a man yet. It was a boy around fifteen years. But it’s too late to regret his actions. He can’t even think about it.
All he can do right now is something he didn’t since he was a baby. Cry and scream. His throat hurts, his chest aches, he can’t breathe, he can’t move.
So, he stays on that filthy and dirty hanger until his body couldn’t take anymore and eventually fainted.
He never wanted to die this bad.