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Tsutomu is a little confused right now.
He was telling his classmates, with no small amount of enthusiasm, about his super cool senpais on the volleyball team! Ushijima, who’s just so cool! His left-handed power, his dedication, his focus, his attention to detail! Tendou, in his encouragement, intuition, and the way that he supports and cares about the team! Kawanishi, who seems to always have it together, who’s definitely going to do amazing when he takes Tendou’s place next year!
He can’t help it! He’s so excited that he gets to play with these guys!
But he’s confused, because after his enthusiastic rambling, his classmate deadpans,
“Goshiki-kun, you sound like you have a senpai kink.”
He knows that it’s stupid to be confused, but he is. Because that’s totally unrelated to what he was talking about, first of all. Second? He’s not actually sure what a senpai kink is.
And so he blinks a few times, paused in the midst of his rambling, and returns to his homework.
But the thought plagues him all day.
He’s embarrassed, for starts, because it’s probably obvious that he didn’t know what his classmate meant. Of course, he wants to ask someone what it means, but his senpais are all busy studying, and he doesn’t want to bother them.
Well, all of them, except…
Kawanishi-san.
It’s a dumb idea, and he’s probably just going to get a flat look before Kawanishi continues on with whatever it is that he’s reading. But Tsutomu is desperate now! He has to know!
So, he sits down on the floor next to Kawanishi, and gives his best smile.
“Hi, Kawanishi-senpai.”
Kawanishi glances up from his book, then goes back to reading. There’s no words, but his small acknowledgement is enough to encourage Tsutomu to continue.
“I have a question… but it’s kinda stupid.”
This time, Kawanishi doesn’t look up. He sighs, instead, longsuffering. But he motions vaguely with a hand, telling Tsutomu to just get on with it.
“Okay! So, uh… What’s a senpai kink?”
“Hah?” Kawanishi fumbles and nearly drops his book, which isn’t a super promising start to this conversation. “Goshiki-kun, where did you hear that?”
“I was talking to some of the guys in my class, and they– well, I don’t know, they told me I had one?” Tsutomu smiles sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. “I didn’t want to ask the others. They all look busy…”
Kawanishi sets his book down and sighs again, looking up at the ceiling. “They were just making fun of you, so ignore them.”
“But I still wanna know what it means!” Tsutomu insists, turning to face Kawanishi. “I mean, is it– is it when you like your senpai? Or when you like being a senpai? It’s so vague!”
Kawanishi does not look down from the ceiling. His face looks red, and Tsutomu is a little bit afraid that he’s upset him.
“Goshiki-kun, why do you even know what a kink is?” he mumbles, scrubbing a hand over his face. “And why me? Why not Tendou-san? Or Semi-san? They’re better to ask than me.”
“But Tendou-senpai is reading his manga! And Semi-senpai is working on homework! Do you not know either? Is that why I should ask them?”
Kawanishi just gets redder. “No, no. I know.”
“Then, tell me,” Tsutomu pleads.
“Goshiki-kun,” Kawanishi groans, hand falling from his face. He’s really red, so he must be really upset now, huh? “It’s both. It is both sides of the same coin. But they were probably telling you that you sound like you like your senpai. Okay?”
“Oh.” Tsutomu blinks, neck heating up. Maybe that did fit what we were talking about… “Um– thank you, Kawanishi-senpai!” He bows forward slightly, but his forehead collides with Kawanishi’s shoulder, and that just makes his face light up along with his neck.
“Yeah, well…” Kawanishi huffs and picks up his book again. “Don’t tell Tendou-san that I told you that. He’ll yell at me for corrupting his favorite kouhai.”
“I already knew what a kink was th–”
“It’s best that you don’t tell him that either, Goshiki-kun.”
Taichi is horrified right now.
He has had the non-pleasure of telling Goshiki, the team’s baby, the angel of the starters, what a senpai kink is. And when he thinks of how earnestly curious and innocent Goshiki had looked, it makes him want to walk into a wall and get a concussion. It’s so stupid and he was so cute? And for what? Honestly. This is just the most ridiculous thing that’s ever happened to him.
“You look like Tendou-san just told you spiders will crawl into your mouth while you sleep and then you’ll eat them,” Shirabu notes, sitting down on the bed beside Taichi. “What the fuck happened?”
Taichi wrinkles his nose. Somehow, that conversation sounds more pleasant than the one that he actually just had.
“I was just talking to Goshiki out in the common area.”
“Uh huh…”
“He asked me something stupid and I feel like I stole the innocence of the team’s most precious underclassman.”
Shirabu raises an eyebrow, visibly confused. “Uh… what did he ask? He didn’t ask you about the birds and the bees, did he? Because we all know that you’d have no luck with that sort of thing…” He smirks, clearly teasing, but Taichi just sinks down further.
“It’s not funny,” Taichi mutters miserably. “He asked– ugh, he asked me what a senpai kink is.”
Shirabu blinks a couple of times, and then a stifled laugh escapes him. He takes a deep breath and composes himself long enough to say, “Did you tell him that he’s the definition of someone with a senpai kink?” and then, he promptly loses it, falling back on the bed with laughter.
“You’re such a dick, Shirabu, I don’t know why I put up with you,” Taichi scoffs, grabbing a pillow to swat him with. “it’s not funny. It was horrible. I had to look into those big innocent eyes, and then tell him what a senpai kink is. What’s worse is that he told me, with the most neutral expression, that he already understands what a kink is.”
This only makes Shirabu laugh harder. “This could only happen to you, Kawanishi. I swear, you must’ve killed someone important in a past life to get this much bad luck.”
“Well, it’s not going to get any better, because I think I’ll kill you in this life,” Taichi says, smacking him with the pillow again, harder.
“Oh, no, save the lessons on impact play for your next sex ed discussion with Goshiki-kun,” Shirabu says, holding his arms up in preparation for the pillow.
“There’s not going to be a next sex ed lesson,” Taichi groans, hitting him again. “Do you have any other function than to watch people suffer?”
Shirabu stops laughing for a moment, as if he’s really thinking about that. “Hmm… no, I don’t think I do.”
Taichi groans. “Yeah, didn’t think so. Geez, why are you such a dick?”
“It’s just my personality, Kawanishi. I am what I am.”
“I hate you.”
“But you’re still my best friend… You really should try and meet someone that you don’t hate,” Shirabu muses.
Taichi smacks him in the face one more time.
Really, it shouldn’t be bothering Taichi this much. If any of the other underclassmen had asked him such a question, he would’ve been equally mortified at the time, of course. But then, he’d get over it. Wouldn’t he? So, why was he so stuck on this?
Was it the way that Goshiki’s innocent eyes remained unchanged, even asking such a ridiculous question? Was it how fucking earnest he sounded? The way he looked at Taichi like he was really trusting him here? What was the deal?
It was stupid, and Taichi should be over it by now!
“Oi, earth to Kawanishi-kun~!”
Great. This is going to be the opposite of helpful.
Taichi looks up to face Tendou. “What do you want, Tendou-san?”
“Just wondering why my precious successor is looking so constipated over here, all by himself~,” Tendou reasons. It’s clearly bullshit. He can tell that something’s bothering Taichi, because he’s an intuitive asshole like that.
“I’m thinking about a quiz.”
“A quiz?” Tendou sits down next to him, way too close. “A quiz on… oh! Oh, I know! A quiz on biology?”
“Sure,” Taichi deadpans, scooting away.
“No, no, can’t be bio…” Tendou hums and leans closer, eyes narrowing as he searches Taichi’s face. “Oh~! Taichi, don’t tell me! You’ve got a crush on someone! That’s it, isn’t it?”
Taichi opens his mouth to dismiss Tendou again, but stops, because, what? No he doesn’t? Not that he knows of, at least?
“What are you talking about?”
“Your face, Taichi-kun, you look so conflicted and flustered! Like you’re thinking of someone, and it’s embarrassing but you still don’t mind it!”
“Uh huh. You sure that isn’t just your obvious and disgusting crush on Ushijima-san?”
“Well, that’s my point of reference!” Because of course Tendou would be unbothered by anyone trying to throw that in his face. He’s smart enough to know that everyone else probably knows.
“I don’t have a crush on anyone, Tendou-san.”
“Hmm… you don’t look like you’re lying… interesting.” Tendou, finally, backs away from Taichi’s face and stands back up. “Well, good luck with whatever quiz has you so bothered, Taichi!”
Taichi breathes a sigh of relief when Tendou skips away. A crush? What the hell is he on to be so far off?
When morning practice comes, the thoughts of the previous day’s predicament couldn’t be farther away from Tsutomu’s mind. After all, his curiosity is satiated. Now, his thoughts return to what truly matters: volleyball.
And volleyball really matters, because there’s only a month until the qualifiers for spring, and Tsutomu wants to go to Nationals again, one more time with the senpais.
The team is warming up, and they pair off for stretches. This always causes a bit of a challenge for Tsutomu, because unlike the senpais, he doesn’t have a regular in his grade to pair with. And he never knows which way his senpais will pair off– even the ones that should be obvious, like Ushijima and Tendou, switch it up at random.
This time, Tendou drifts to Semi, and Shirabu to Ushijima. Reon and Jin work together, while Yamagata pairs with Yunohama.
So, it looks like Tsutomu is with Kawanishi!
Definitely not a problem. Tsutomu finds that he likes warming up with Kawanishi– he always gets the best stretches. Shirabu is too reluctant to touch him, and while Tendou is thorough, he’s also easily distracted sometimes.
“Kawanishi-senpai!” Tsutomu waves him over, beaming bright. “Stretch with me!”
Kawanishi shrugs and walks over, standing in front of him. “Standing or sitting first?”
“Hmm…” Tsutomu runs through the stretches in his head, and decides to sit on the floor. “Sitting!”
“Okay.”
That’s the last of the conversation for now. Kawanishi pushes Tsutomu forward, hands on his shoulders and knee pressing lightly against Tsutomu’s back. It’s a slow start, but the stretch gets deeper, and Tsutomu hums happily to himself. Yeah, these are really the best sorts of warmups.
Not– not that he doesn’t love his other senpais just the same! Of course! It’s just a little different with Kawanishi, because Kawanishi is a little different! Well, not that anyone here is the same, but–
Tsutomu sits up and stretches to his left, and Kawanishi resumes pushing Tsutomu deeper into it.
Kawanishi is a little quieter than the other guys, maybe? Tsutomu doesn’t know what it is, just that something sets him apart. But it’s too early to try and think about something that complicated, so he just switches to stretch right, letting Kawanishi push him more.
They switch, then do some standing stretches together, and then they go to start on their diving drills.
After practice, Tsutomu finds himself among the last to leave the locker room. He’s dressed, but he’s thinking– thinking too hard, probably, about the upcoming tournament.
“Oi, bowl cut brat,” Shirabu says, slinging his bag over his shoulder. “Why are you just standing there? Get to class, or you’ll get in trouble.”
Tsutomu shakes himself from his daze and shoulders his bag as well. “Sorry. I was just– I was just thinking, I guess.”
“Well, stop it, you’re going to hurt yourself before lunch,” Shirabu huffs.
A laugh fills the locker room. More specifically, it’s a laugh that Tsutomu doesn’t think he’s ever heard before.
“Don’t be mean, Shirabu,” Kawanishi says, but he doesn’t sound like he means it. “Goshiki-kun has to think sometimes, otherwise he’d never have the words to rave over how cool Tendou-san and Ushijima-san are.”
Tsutomu’s face warms, and he puffs out his cheeks in a pout. “I think about more than that! Don’t be mean, Kawanishi-senpai.”
Shirabu laughs and whispers something to Kawanishi that Tsutomu can’t hear, and then he leaves the two of them alone in the locker room.
“I think about more than just the senpais,” Tsutomu says again, pouting harder.
“I know,” Kawanishi sighs, nodding towards the door. “What were you thinking about?”
“Just– this is the last tournament with the third years! I want to go as far as possible with this team!”
“We will,” Kawanishi assures him, not a trace of doubt in his voice.
“And next year, I’m supposed to be the ace, but…” He bites his lip and scuffs the toe of his shoe against the floor. “I dunno…”
“Come on.” Kawanishi holds the door open and ushers Tsutomu out. “Coach picked you for a reason, didn’t he? No one’s expecting you to be Ushijima-san.”
“Then– you don’t think I’ll be good?” Tsutomu frets.
“I didn’t say that,” Kawanishi drawls, like he’s bored of the conversation. “I said you won’t be Ushijima-san.”
“What’s the difference?!”
Kawanishi stops and faces Tsutomu. “You were chosen to be the next ace,” he says flatly. “Not Ushijima-san Jr. You were picked because you’re going to be you. That’s all anyone expects.”
Tsutomu blinks, but Kawanishi is already walking again.
You’re going to be you.
And that’s good enough– that’s what goes unsaid, but Tsutomu still hears it loud and clear.
Shiratorizawa loses to Karasuno.
Everyone feels miserable, and the bus ride back is solemn and silent, save a few sniffles and sobs. This is it. That was the last game that they’d ever play with the third years, and they lost.
Taichi doesn’t say much, but then, he never does. He just sits quietly and loyally beside Shirabu on the bus, staring out the window. Absently, he wonders if it’s strange that he hasn’t cried yet. Sure, he’s sad, but he’s never really been a crier. Still, even Shirabu is a little teary-eyed.
Well. Whatever.
The bus gets back to Shiratorizawa. Everyone slinks into the gym for some parting words, and then off to the locker room. It feels as if the team is moving through molasses; they’re undressing and showering at a snail-pace, as if prolonging the time before they get to their dorms will somehow change the reality of what’s happened today.
As if it will make their time together as a team longer.
But they filter out, dressed and devastated.
Eventually, it’s just Taichi, Tendou, and Goshiki.
Goshiki is still bawling his eyes out, because of course he is, and Tendou looks like his heart is breaking with every moment that he stands there to listen. He tries cracking jokes to lift Goshiki’s spirits, but it’s not going anywhere.
Taichi exhales slowly and places a hand on Tendou’s shoulder. A silent, I’ve got this, go get some sleep. Tendou looks reluctant to leave Goshiki’s side, but Taichi is pretty sure that looking at Tendou is just making Goshiki feel worse, a present reminder that he won’t stand on the same court as Tendou ever again.
Tendou nods, silent for once, and Taichi takes his place kneeling in front of Goshiki.
He’s way out of his depths. Comfort isn’t something that comes naturally to Taichi, nor is it something that he has much experience with. But seeing Goshiki in so much pain is actually hurting him, and he feels like he might actually break.
Goshiki looks up, blinking a couple times in confusion.
“Why are you crying,” Taichi begins. “You still have another two years here, stupid. And the senpais will be in the stands, watching you as the ace, watching you go far. So why are you crying?”
“I wanted to go all the way to number one with them,” Goshiki croaks out. “If I was just a more reliable–”
“Stop.” Taichi places his hands on Goshiki’s shoulders and looks into his eyes. His eyes that are usually so bright, but right now are red and watery and filled with sorrow. “That’s not going to solve anything. Sometimes, you will lose. That’s volleyball. That’s any sport.”
“But we shouldn’t have lost today,” Goshiki blubbers. “We should’ve won! We should be going to Nationals!”
“We had formidable opponents.”
Goshiki opens his mouth to argue, but he closes it. Even in this state, he’d never disrespect the opponents like that. Karasuno is strong, isn’t the fallen powerhouse that they used to be. It would be egotistical to act as if their win was mere luck.
“Kawanishi-senpai,” Goshiki says, suddenly calmer.
“What?”
“Next year… I want to go further.”
Taichi furrows his brow, trying to understand.
“You, and me, and Shirabu-senpai, and all of us– we’re going all the way to the top. I won’t let you down, as the ace.”
Taichi scoffs, but his lips quirk up into a smile regardless. “Don’t make a promise like that unless you intend on keeping it.”
“Hai!”
Taichi lays on the bed, but his brain won’t relax enough for sleep.
Despite what he told Goshiki, he’s still replaying every minute of the game, every mistake that he made, everything that he didn’t do.
He tosses and turns, but to no avail. And then, a pillow is being hurled at him.
“Would you stop moving so much?” Shirabu mutters from across the room. “I’m having a hard enough time sleeping as it is.”
“Sorry,” Taichi sighs, rolling onto his side to face Shirabu. “Overthinking?”
“Yeah.”
“Stupid. Stop it and go to sleep.”
“Wow, is that the same advice you gave your little bowl cut brat?” Shirabu snipes. It’s like clockwork, the way he tries to get a rise out of someone when they try to get to his feelings.
“Goshiki isn’t my anything, and for your information, yes.” Taichi props his head up on his hand. “Seems fitting, giving that advice to the new captain and the new ace. Stop overthinking and go to sleep.”
“What about you, new vice-captain?” Shirabu counters. “You’re just laying there, waiting for what? Some epiphany about why Tendou-san should never leave the position of middle blocker to you?”
Taichi huffs. “Yeah.”
“Then you should take your own advice. You’re the vice-captain and the middle blocker that we’ll need this year. If I was captain over Tendou-san, I’d kill him.”
“That’s true.”
“I’m a lot less likely to kill you.”
“That’s true too, I guess.”
“Unfortunately, we’re just going to have to put up with Goshiki as our ace, but–”
“Oi.” Taichi sits up a little. “Goshiki is the ace that our team will need.”
Through the darkness of the room, he can only barely make out Shirabu’s face. But he can see the way his eyes widen at the bold and immediate assertation in Goshiki’s defense.
“I– yeah,” he agrees, almost breathless. “You’re not wrong.”
Taichi lays on his back and stares at the ceiling. “…yeah.”
Sometimes, the Shiratorizawa volleyball team all gathers in one place to hang out. Watch movies, eat snacks, talk about things– they’re close-knit like that.
And Tsutomu loves it! Really, he does. But there’s just one little thing…
Everyone’s always gathering in his room! And it’s always when he’s trying to work on something, or read something, or just get some well-deserved alone time!
He loves his teammates, but man, they always just show up and let themselves into his dorm. And there’s nothing that he can do about it.
“It’s because you’re the baby,” Semi tells him, ruffling his hair lovingly. “So we all come to you!”
“It’s because you have a TV,” Shirabu corrects, flopping down on the desk chair. “And no one else does.”
Tsutomu rolls his eyes, but he still smiles through the exasperation. He loves his senpai too much sometimes.
Which, then it hits him. Is this what his classmates thought? That his warm, soft feeling surrounding all of his senpais was because of a crush on any of them? No, it can’t be that. That would be way too many senpais to have a crush on, and it would just be embarrassing, on top of it all. Plus, Tsutomu doesn’t even know if he likes boys! Does he?
Oh, man… Am I gay, and I didn’t even know it?!
“Tsutomu, you look a bit stressed,” Tendou says as he waltzes in. He slings an arm around Tsutomu’s shoulder and squeezes him close. “Do ya need to talk to your senpais to get something off your mind?”
Tsutomu shakes his head. “No, no, I’m alright! Thank you, Satori-san!” He forces a smile and sits down on his bed. “What do you all want to do this time?”
Everyone has a different suggestion, except for Ushijima, who doesn’t have any suggestions at all. Tsutomu shakes his head fondly and pulls up his laptop. He figures that they might as well just watch a movie.
“Wait!” Tendou interrupts, placing his hand over Tsutomu’s. “We should all talk! I think it’s a good day for talking about feelings, don’t you, Wakatoshi-kun?”
Ushijima blinks, looking puzzled as ever. “Is it?”
“Yes, Wakatoshi-kun, it is! I for one want to talk to all of you about feelings! Who else?”
The team seems to collectively grimace.
“If you all start talking about how you feel, I’ll leave,” Shirabu says seriously, swatting Tsutomu’s and Tendou’s hands from the laptop. “Let’s watch the movie.”
“Aww, Shirabubu, you don’t wanna confide in your teammates, your friends? Don’t have anything you wanna share?”
Semi laughs. “In order to share his feelings, he’d have to have them,” he points out.
“I’m sorry that we can’t all still be in our emo phase, Semi-san, but some of us process emotions on our own time and without listening to My Chemical Romance.”
Semi gives him a face, and Shirabu ignores it. Tsutomu can’t help but notice that Kawanishi looks like he’s missing… all of this. Which is odd, because Kawanishi loves to watch Shirabu be mean to the senpais.
But as the group gets rowdier, arguing over what constitutes as emo and if Semi’s terrible fashion sense really puts him in that category, Kawanishi sits in silence on the far side of the bed. Tsutomu gets up to sit closer to him.
“Kawanishi-senpai, are you okay?” he asks quietly, quiet enough that only Kawanishi will hear.
Kawanishi looks at him and blinks a few times, like he’s trying to process Tsutomu’s words. Another weird thing. Kawanishi is always paying attention.
“I’m fine, Goshiki-kun. Just tired.”
Tsutomu hums and feels around his bed until his hands land on the spare blanket– he keeps extras, because sometimes he gets cold. He offers it to Kawanishi with a shy smile.
“You can rest, if you want. I can ask the team to keep it down for you.”
Kawanishi shakes his head and wraps the blanket around himself. “I’m exhausted enough to sleep through anything,” he mumbles, eyes falling closed. He leans back against the wall, already almost asleep.
“Okay, if you’re sure.” Tsutomu glances at the group, still arguing over something, then back at Kawanishi. There’s– there’s something, in the back of his mind, but he can’t put his finger on it.
The night seems to go quickly. The team is laughing and squabbling, having fun and enjoying one another’s company. And Tsutomu sits beside a sleeping Kawanishi, studying the lines of his face, the way he looks so much more peaceful like this.
Tsutomu catches Tendou giving them a quizzical look, and that’s when it hits him.
I like Kawanishi-senpai… differently than the others?
Taichi wakes up warm and comfortable, but something feels off in his memory. He’d stayed up too late the previous night, studying, and between a test and practice, he was wiped. But Shirabu said that everyone was crashing Goshiki’s dorm, and for some reason, that was enough to get Taichi to come along. Even though he was dead on his feet.
Goshiki’s dorm.
He peeks an eye open, sees the volleyball poster on the wall above him, and sighs. Yeah. He fell asleep, and then slept, in Goshiki’s dorm. But he’s pretty sure he’s the only one in the bed… Taichi rolls onto his side to look around the room. When he spots Goshiki, he sighs.
Goshiki is curled up in a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor, and it doesn’t look like it should be comfortable, but he’s really sleeping peacefully. He kind of looks like a baby bird in a nest, which is the exact kind of stupidly cute that fits everything about Goshiki.
Taichi sighs. He feels bad for taking up his underclassman’s bed. He reaches out and shakes Goshiki’s shoulder.
“Oi.” He shakes him again. “Goshiki, wake up.”
Goshiki mumbles something and swats blindly at Taichi, clearly not awake yet.
“Goshiki.” Taichi sighs, louder this time. “Come on. Get up.”
Goshiki groans, but he rolls over and blinks his eyes open. Geez, he’s even cuter when he’s just waking up. That’s so stupid.
“Kaw’nishi-senp’?” He squints against the morning light. “Oh. You’re still–” He breaks off into a yawn and rubs his eyes. “You’re still in here.”
“Why are you sleeping on the floor, idiot?” he huffs. “You should’ve kicked me out of your bed.”
Goshiki shakes his head. “No, I– I don’ mind.”
Taichi just lays on his back and stretches. “If you say so.”
“You looked… really peaceful. I didn’ wanna–” He yawned again. “Didn’ wanna make you move.”
“Oh.”
Goshiki sits up and stretches. “Should probably go get food,” he mumbles.
“Yeah.” Taichi sits up as well. He can’t quite place it, but his heart feels… tight? Something like that. Like there’s a pit in his stomach, and it gets heavier every time he looks at Goshiki. Sleepy, stupid, cute Goshiki.
“Come on.” Goshiki stands up and extends a hand to Taichi to help him up. “And don’t worry, Shirabu-san knows that you were in here.”
Taichi barely contains his grimace. There’s probably some way that Shirabu will find to give him a hard time about this. But he takes Goshiki’s hand to be pulled to his feet.
He, of course, forgets to take into account that Goshiki is still mostly asleep. While Goshiki pulls him up with success, he overdoes it, and Taichi stumbles into him. Goshiki blinks up at him, then his face goes red and he releases Taichi’s hand.
“Sorry, Kawanishi-senpai!” he yelps, seeming much more awake now.
Taichi’s brows draw together, but he just nods. “Whatever. Let’s get food before you walk into a wall or something.”
He stumbles towards the door and holds it open for Goshiki, not sure what else to do. Goshiki walks through, and Taichi frowns harder.
What’s his issue?
They seem to be early to the cafeteria; the rest of the team hasn’t reached the table where they all usually eat. Taichi shrugs and grabs his breakfast, then sits at the table, waiting for Goshiki to join him. Goshiki sits across from him, poking at his food, but not starting in on it like usual.
Taichi frowns at him. “What’s the matter?”
Goshiki startles and looks up at him with wide eyes. “Uh– nothing.”
“Try again.”
When Goshiki says nothing, Taichi sighs and sets down his chopsticks.
“Those guys in your class aren’t giving you a hard time again, are they? Because if they are, you just have to tell the senpais, and they’ll–”
“No, no!” Goshiki waves his arms frantically. “It’s not that. I promise.”
Taichi nods and returns to his meal. He’s not exactly well-versed at this whole being a good senpai thing, but he supposes that he really should give it a try. Goshiki is clearly distressed about something.
“Then, what’s the matter? Do you have more weird questions?”
Goshiki’s cheeks go red. “No… Well, yes, but not like last time.”
That’s so relieving that Taichi actually doesn’t mind hearing whatever is on Goshiki’s mind. “Out with it, bowl-cut.”
Goshiki wrings his hands. “Well… I’ve been thinking about things… and I realized that I’ve never thought about my feelings before! Not– not those kinds of feelings.”
Taichi’s brain immediately dives out. He definitely doesn’t think about those feelings, if that means what he thinks it means. Once, he realized a boy was cute, and that was the last time he addressed any kind of attraction.
“I was just thinking about girls?”
And for some reason, Taichi’s heart twists at that, which just? So what? The guys on the team talk about girls all the time, and it’s never bothered Taichi before.
“Uh huh.”
“Well, and I realized that I don’t think about… girls.”
It’s probably terrible, but Taichi feels relieved.
“Oh.”
“And like, I think about boys, but I didn’t think that I think about boys… until I thought that maybe I do? But you’re probably not even– sorry, I don’t know why I’m–”
“I’m gay,” Taichi says easily, taking another bite. “So, I’m a great person to talk to about this, theoretically. Just that I don’t really know how to talk about things, so…”
Goshiki nods, cheeks getting pinker by the moment, and wow, he’s really on a roll for being cute today. “I think I might be gay too.”
“Is that all?”
Goshiki opens his mouth, then closes it, and then he pouts. “It’s a big deal for me!”
“You seemed like you were going to ask how to know if you are,” Taichi huffs, “but if you already know, and you’re not horrified by the idea, then what’s the matter.”
“Nothing!” Goshiki stabs his food with his chopsticks. “Nothing.”
“Okay…”
Taichi watches Goshiki, finally eating but pouting hard. His cheeks are puffed all annoyed, face still red. And it’s–
Cute.
And Taichi barely stops himself from slamming his face down on the table, because it finally hits him:
I have a crush on Goshiki. Dammit.
Shirabu is really going to give him hell about this.