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Two figures occupy a bullpen in the birth of evening. It was not dark enough for the field to be lit, yet no longer light enough for anymore team practice, despite the field lights made specifically for that reason, it had been a semi-unanimous decision to call it a day. With everyone off to the showers and dorms, the two quietly made use of the near serene atmosphere, the sound of a baseball being passed back and forth into catcher’s gloves was all to be heard until it was interrupted by a tired yawn.
“Alright, that makes twenty. We’re done for the day.”
“Seriously? No way that was twenty, you miscounted.”
“No, I didn’t. That was exactly twenty pitches like I promised, we’re done.”
“Just a few more-”
“We’re done.”
Sawamura could only groan in response, and twist his face into a childish pout as he watches Miyuki remove his gear. For ten whole minutes he had persuaded the other for his time, and it had resulted in the promise of twenty pitches. At the moment, it seemed like a very fair deal, but seeing at how quickly time had past he immediately regretted agreeing to such. He had hardly an opportunity to talk to him. Something he’d been dying to do for a while, but never found the right moment. It seemed hasty, but he wanted nothing more than to out with his confession before he loses courage. Part of him had to truly make sure it was what he really wanted to do, but absolutely nothing can be done or proven for him to sincerely deny what was there. It was very much real. He saw Miyuki as something more than a teammate, and it took him so long to grasp that fact. It hit him so fast, too. So undeniably and uncomfortably fast. It was as if the realization backed him into a corner of some alleyway, and punched him numerous times in the gut until he accepted it. All he could do was stare up at the darkening sky, watch the sun make its depart and search for the right words to say, praying he’d be able to actually say them before the other leaves.
“It’s nice out.” He mumbled, taking off his glove.
“Uh, yeah, I guess.” The other replied, taking off his helmet and running a hand through his hair with a tired sigh as he went to pack it away with the rest of the equipment.
“Uhm, so...K-...Kazuya, can I uh, tell you something?” Sawamura spoke with a sense of purpose, despite the nervousness in his tone. He felt so daring to call the other by his first name.
“Yeah, I gu-” Kazuya. Miyuki ceased his actions just to look at the other with an almost puzzled expression before responding. “Sure, Eijun, what do you wanna tell me?”
“Okay, so uhm. I’ve known you, for like...Uh, we--I mean I think we…”
“...”
“You are…”
“Sawamura,”
“I…”
“Don’t-”
“I think I lo-”
“Sawamura!” Miyuki cut him off. “It’s pretty late, practice was rough today and I’m sure you and I are both exhausted. You know, people say odd things when they’re tired, right? Things they probably don’t mean.”
“But I do, I-”
“You don’t.” Miyuki finally looked at him, with an expression Sawamura could only describe as a horridly perfect mixture of coldness and pity. Such widely different emotions yet it formed with balance on his face. It was painful, and vaguely comforting that the other was sympathetic. Moments passed before he finally got the picture. He lowered his head.
“...I don’t.”
Miyuki nodded in approval at his understanding, and spared the other a final glance before making his leave. “Good night, Sawamura.”
“Wait, can you just...Tell me why?”
“...”
“It’ll probably help me get over it, just-”
“I don’t see you like that, plain and simple. We can be friend-”
“I’d rather not, thanks. Goodnight, Miyuki.” Sawamura interjected quickly, wanting this to be over as soon as possible. He wouldn’t even dare look up at him, he simply kept his gaze low as he exited the bullpen and made his way back to his dorm.
He hurried inside his room and slammed the door without aggressive intent. He strides over to his bed and collapses with a pained groan, then buries his face with his pillow and lays still. Relief, disappointment, and the stabbing desire to cry was all he felt at the moment. And he hungered for nothing more but sleep to take him quickly, as to no longer feel so wretched.
Kuramochi, already tucked into bed with a magazine, could only look at the other with confusion. “What’s gotten into you? I thought you were practicing your pitch with Miyuki.”
“...”
“Hey, Sawamura, I’m talking to you.”
Nothing.
“Don’t ignore me, you-”
“Just leave me alone!” He shouted, voice muffled by his pillow.
Kuramochi opened his mouth to respond and either scold him for the attitude in his voice or demand a reason he seemed so down, but said nothing and slowly averted his attention back to his magazine. Deciding to leave him be than push for answers.
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.
.
Miyuki sat alone in an empty table of the mess hall where everyone slowly poured in for breakfast. He silently picks at his food with a near blank expression. Clearly uninterested with his meal and at the moment only possessed the will of someone who wanted nothing else but to crawl back into the contentment of his bed, cover his head, and not be bothered for a whole day. He looked drained, and couldn't make out whether it was from guilt or possible regret. It might have been both. Not that the other had much time to think about it though, as Kuramochi quickly slid into the seat beside him. The sound of his plastic tray that held his breakfast being set on the table was what pulled him from his thoughts.
“So uh, what did you do to Sawamura?”
Miyuki only shrugged.
“C’mon don’t give me that, what happened? He’s just moping around in the doom all gloomy-like.”
“He confessed to me yesterday.” he said in a low mumble before finally eating some of his rice and saying nothing else, figuring the other was able to put the pieces together.
“Whoa, seriously? And...you shot him down?”
He nodded.
“...Oh.”
“What?”
“Nothing, I just...I thought you were kinda into him, is all.”
“Well, I’m not.”
Kuramochi watched for a changing expression, just so he could call out the dishonesty in his teammates face. But Miyuki caught onto him quickly and turned away, prohibiting him from doing so.
“...Uh-huh.” He gave him a final glance before digging into his meal.
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Meanwhile, back at his dorm, Sawamura remained splayed out on the floor in a lethargic fashion. He felt so hollow, and bitter. He took a gamble, risked the current relationship he had with Miyuki for a stronger, more intimate one, and lost. It left him embarrassed, disheartened and unable to even fathom the possibility of looking the other in the eye ever again. Replaying the moment over in his head, trying to figure out where he could have seen the response coming sooner was exhausting, and made his mind reel. How he was with Miyuki just a few days ago was a hell of a lot better than the current state he was with him now. He desperately wished to for some inexplicable phenomenon to appear and just reverse time, so he could prevent himself from making what could arguably be the biggest regret of life.
Sawamura emits a heavy sigh, and considers skipping out on breakfast. He then ponders feigning ill to skip practice all together, but that thought was one even he opposed. He dismisses it, and begins to generate ways to go about today’s practice without talking to the catcher more than necessary. He didn’t get very far, though. As his cell phone rang for attention. He swipes it off his desk and glances at the apparent new message:
Hey. u like mini golf? -Received 6:39am
He squinted and stared at the message for about a minute before concluding he had absolutely no idea who this was. The email address was simply unrecognizable. He replies:
I think you’ve got wrong person, sorry. -Sent 6:41am
He tossed his phone on the bed and got to his feet. Despite the desire to skip this morning’s meal, he couldn’t ignore his craving for some sort of sustenance. But the device notifies him of yet another message:
no this is the right person im p sure -Received 6:43am
The freshman scratched his head, perplexed, but nonetheless answered:
Are you sure? I don’t know who you are so… -Sent 6:45am
ok yes but i kno who u r -Received 6:47am
? ? ? Who are you? -Sent 6:48am
that is classified information srry -Received 6:50am
stop messaging me. -Sent 6:51am
wait no i was kidding we have actually met b4, numerous times 2b exact. -Received 6:52am
im srs - Received 6:55am
we even played a match against each other c?? there is ur one clue i play ball 2 -Received 6:56am
im not a creep i swear-Received 6:57am
That’s exactly what a creep would say. You creep. -Sent 6:57am
tooshay. but hey ur not ignoring me anymore :) -Received 6:58am
Just tell me who you are -Sent 6:59am
where is the fun in that tho? anyway mini golf? yah or nah? -Received 7:00am
Why do you want my opinion on mini golf? -Sent 7:01am
Sawamura was on the edge of irritation, but couldn’t help but being mildly interested in this pointless conversation.
bc ur cute nd i wanna take u out golfing 4 our date -Received 7:02am
v romantic date w/ miniature golf how cool is that??? -Received 7:03am
then u fall 4 me 8) jk. unless u rly do then that would actually b nice -Received 7:04am
r u ignoring me again i thought we established i wasnt a creep? - Received 7:07am
No we haven’t, and I don’t know who you are but if this is some shitty prank just stop because I‘m not in the mood. -Sent 7:08am
o no wat happened? -Received 7:10am
It’s classified information, sorry. -Sent 7:11am
wow ok. but srsly im not messing with u im v srs abt this no joke. im srry if i make u uncomfortable tho i should probs just tell u who i am -Received 7:11am
please -Sent 7:12am
shit. i gtg to morning practice talk 2 u later i promise!!!! -Received 7:13am
No new messages.
Sawamura wasn’t sure to whether to be relieved or upset. Or whether this mysterious person that somewhat took his mind off his current issue was a good or bad thing. He sets his phone on his desk and heads out for breakfast. Hoping he will have arrived late enough to not run into a certain someone.
He trudges over to the cafeteria, hands in his pockets and brows furrowed in thought as he tried to find out who this unknown messenger was. And why, of all people were they so interested in him. Clearly this had to be some sort of game. A prank set up by someone thought it be funny to screw with his head. But by who? It had to be from someone on the team, as he couldn’t imagine his friends from back home pulling something like this. It would explain how they got his email address, anyone could have snuck into his dorm and gotten it. Perhaps it was his very own roommate.
The thought slightly enraged him, to think his upperclassmen would go to such lengths for a laugh seemed downright immature. And if he hadn’t been so invested in doing whatever it takes to not run into Miyuki, he probably would be chewing him out right about now. It was when an arm brushed his shoulder, all thoughts and possible plots for revenge were disrupted and he was left looking at the heartbreaker himself.
The pitcher could only match gazes for a split second before turning away with a wince. He said nothing and grabbed his tray along with his meal, ignoring the partial greeting Miyuki had given him and shuffling over to an empty seat.
Miyuki did not react to the way his very existence was intentionally disregarded. He could only expect it after what he did. But to say it didn’t bother him would be a lie. He exited the mess hall and went to prepare for practice.
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.
.
Throughout the day, Sawamura seemed fairly fine, only the observant could notice subtle differences in his behavior. He carried that rambunctious mien about him, and only slightly did it seem a bit forced. His conversations with Miyuki were short and to the point. As he would only ask for feedback on his form and respond to any of his questions asking for understanding with a simple ‘Yes.’ Even compliments were accepted with a simple nod and nothing more.
And there was nothing particularly wrong with it. Sawamura was productive, but lacked a certain shine. Whether that was a good or bad thing was hard to decipher, but for Miyuki, it definitely made trying to even confront him difficult. Because there wasn’t anything faulty with the way the freshman acted, so it couldn’t be subject of discussion if he managed to start one.
It vexed him.
The other couldn’t even see how bothered he was, not that he spared him a glanced in the first place.
It was all so conflicting and sketchy. Part of his questioned if it was it all that easy, to simply drop the matter. Like what happened yesterday was as serious as a conversation about shoes. Was it that Sawamura was good at hiding his feelings, or was it that Miyuki simply wasn’t desirable enough to pursue further?
Did he get over it that quickly?
Why is he taking it so coolly?
Where was the persistence he had vaguely anticipated?
In the mist all these questions, his speculations and angered thoughts, not once did Miyuki ask himself why this even concerned him in the slightest.
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At the end of the day, Sawamura made it back to his dorm with only one thing on his mind. Finding out who that bizarre texter really was. As he entered his room, he tossed his backpack aside and grabbed the phone that resided on his desk. He opened it to check for any new messages.
Inbox (15) new messages
He had trouble believing it for a moment. All this, coming from one person? As he skimmed through the messages he found most of them with pictures attached to them. Like they were documenting their day. It was at this point he was able to conclude this wasn’t the work of someone here, as the photos in the messages were shown of school grounds he did not recognize, but it still didn’t give him any clue to who exactly this person was.
Geez, what’s your deal?? -Sent 8:14pm
!!!! u replied finally! how was ur day? -Received 8:15pm
Just tell me who you are. -Sent 8:16pm
i might tell u as soon as you tell me about ur day :P -Received 8:16pm
Sawamura sighed, finding this whole thing ridiculous, but in pursuit of finding out who this was, he complied.
it was okay. -Sent 8:17pm
just ok??? how was practice did u pitch any good 1s?? -Received 8:18pm
How do you know I pitch? -Sent 8:19pm
???? i told u we’ve met b4 ive seen u play remember? -Received 8:20pm
Oh. Well my pitches were pretty good, I was pretty consistent today so that made me happy. -Sent 8:21pm
that’s cool good job. also y u text like my grandma it’s weird -Received 8:22pm
Thanks? And autocorrect. -Sent 8:23pm
:///////////////////////////////// -Received 8:24pm
What? -Sent 8:25pm
u text w/out passion like emotionless robot take off auto correct nd be a cool kid 8) -Received 8:26pm
No. -Sent 8:27pm
:( y r u so upset?? u still sad from yesterday? -Received 8:28pm
Sorta -Sent 8:29pm
!!! oh no!!! u need 2 b happy i make u happy wanna hear a joke? -Received 8:29pm
I don’t think it will help, but you can try. - Sent 8:30pm
ok how come the orange couldnt concentrate? - Received 8:31pm
I don’t know, why? - Sent 8:32pm
wait shit no i meant why was the orange fired frm it’s job??? Bc it couldnt concentrate do u get it? like concentrated juice -Received 8:33pm
Yeah I get it. How do you manage to mess that up? That joke was real easy -Sent 8:34pm
i was thinkin of ur smiling face nd got excited srry -Received 8:35pm
wow. -Sent 8:35pm
ikr? they dont make silk this smooth 8) but srsly did i make u smile?? -Received 8:36pm
Maybe. -Sent 8:37pm
oooh i did!! send me a pic of that smile :) -Received 8:37pm
No way! I don’t even know who you are remember? -Sent 8:38pm
plz plz plz send me pic i just wanna see ur face i will tell u who i am rl soon im just shy rn ;C -Received 8:39pm
Sawamura made a face at the message, not really comfortable with the idea. Indeed, he wanted to know who this anonymous person was, but was he willing to reveal his face for it? They did claim to have seen him before, and in a way, this was somewhat amusing. He shrugged and flipped his phone around to face his camera. His last thought was something among the lines of ‘Where exactly is the harm in it?’ before he gave a modest smile and snapped a picture. He sent it without a caption, and awaited a response.
!!! holy shit ur so cute i wanna print it out nd frame it -Received 8:43pm
Happy now? And thanks I guess. -Sent 8:44pm
np cutie 8) -Received 8:45pm
Will you show me who you are now? -Sent 8:46pm
i would i rly would but it’s dark rn in my dorm and i gtg 2 sleep but soon!!! i promise. talk to u l8r. -Received 8:47pm
He frowned at the other’s refusal to return the action, but could do nothing now. He set his phone back on his desk and prepared himself for sleep as well.
As days progressed this became routine, these messages from the person he still couldn’t name soon became the highlight of his day beside baseball practice. The playful, borderline flirty banter from the mysterious anon grew to be rather endearing, and brought a smile to his face. Their conversation ranged widely from about their day, to their interests to what they plan on doing in the future after high school. At moments they would be pointless, and other times they’d be really meaningful.They would argue, then make up. They would compliment each other and send an abundance of pictures of their current view or whatever preset emoticon was on their cellular device. This person had become his social outlet for anything outside baseball, and despite not knowing exactly who they were, he was visibly happier, which meant that rowdy, spirited attitude the whole team had come accustomed to returned. And each day Miyuki’s rejection became easier and easier to accept. Easier to push aside yet still acknowledge, like some sort of responsibility or chore he had neglected to do, but because not doing so was in the least bit detrimental, he wasn’t reprimanded for it. He was proud of himself for not managing to embarrass himself more than he had that day. He had come to terms with it and refused to let it affect him. It wasn’t before long he started talking to the other just like before.
Coaxing him into catching his pitches just like before.
Shouting at him and his selfishness just like before.
Fighting for his attention just like before.
Everything was the way it was, just like before.
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It was the end to yet another practice on a Friday evening, and Sawamura spent his free time curled up in his bunk, lazily chatting to the anon he had been acquainted with for over a week now. A thick blanket covers his head and phone as to hide his actions from his roommates, not like they were awake to even comment on his peculiar behavior. Both of his upperclassmen were currently out like lights, deeply committed to slumber.
im kinda tired :I -Sent 9:32pm
go 2 sleep babe - Received 9:33pm
dont wanna & dont call me babe u weirdo -Sent 9:34pm
o hey i just noticed u took off autocorrect for me how sweet<3 -Received 9:35pm.
not 4 u i just did it 4 other reasons. -Sent 9:36pm
ok like wat?-Received 9:37pm
...r u gonna tell me who u r now??? -Sent 9:38pm
yes i will rn but 1st send me a pic of ur sleepy face. -Received 9:39pm
:I -Sent 9:40pm
plz this time i swear i’ll show u who i am!! i think it’s time i tell u now anyway for real -Received 9:41pm
Sawamura sighed, then frowned in slight discontent, countless times he had asked for a name, or a photo and countless times he gotten the same response. An empty promise, and even though he expressed complaints, he always acted accordingly to the other’s request. It was always the compliments and praises he received in response to them, he fed off of them. A few simple words displayed on his phone screen were enough to make him feel good about himself. In face of the possible fact that they could have been all lies, he didn’t care. Sawamura sat up, blanket still draped atop his head in fashion that did not obscure his face as he angled his phone away from himself and took a picture. The image shown of Sawamura with tired eyes and a half-hearted grin.
god ur so cute!! u look so cuddly i wanna cuddle w/ u so bad -Received 9:45pm
ur turn. -Sent 9:46pm
kk str8 to the point i c. hold up 1 sec -Received 9:47pm
Sawamura nearly shook with anticipation. To finally find out who he had been talking to all this time was kind of exciting. He would partially miss the anonymity about the other, but would be much more happy to see their face. He waited patiently for his phone to alert him of the new message. Once it had, he wasted no time flipping it open and viewing the new the imagine.
Sawamura used to think the phrase ‘blood run cold’ was just that, a phrase. But actually feeling his body just freeze up instantly as his heart beat sped rapidly made him reconsider.
“Holy shit!” He managed to choke out. He wanted to scream. But in fear of disturbing the other occupants of the dorm, he clamped a hand over his mouth. Widened eyes glanced at the phone once more to confirm.
There was no mistaking.
The eyes as blue as the sea.
The hair so blond it nearly white.
It was most definitely someone he’d met before.
Narumiya fucking Mei.
And he had the nerve, the audacity to send Sawamura a picture of himself in a navy blue undershirt while wearing a somewhat apologetic expression. Like he knew exactly what response was come.
This was the person he had been talking to for over a week.
This was the person he found funny, interesting and endearing.
This was the person who constantly demanded pictures of his face and called him cute.
This was the person who helped him get over Miyuki.
No.
No.
No.
No.
Sawamura felt dizzy, furious, scared and bemused. His only response to the photo was his actual cell number, along with the words ‘CALL ME’.
Within seconds, it rang and he immediately answered.
“Hey, hot stuff.”
“What the fuck. What in the everloving fuck? Who the hell do you think you are? You fucking creep, you sick, sick, fucking--”
“You sound pretty cute when you’re angry, did you know that?”
“Fuck you! What is wrong with you? Why? Just why? What the fuck, how did you get my email? You better delete all those pictures I sent you. You fucking, fuck. Why? Is this some sort of joke? What’s your deal? Are you trying screw with me? You creep! You fu-”
“Hey, shut up for like two seconds and listen to what I have to say, kay?”
“Don’t tell me what to do, you-”
“You want answers or not?”
“...”
“Good. Okay, so I got your email from one of your friends. Well, I didn’t know she was your friend at the time-”
“She? Wakana. You ran into Wakana? Did you harass her? I swear to God-”
“No, no, no. It wasn’t like that. It was completely by accident. She was in town, and I think she said she was shopping for presents? Anyway, I just gave her directions ‘cause she was apparently lost. I asked if she knew who I was, and from then on we started talking about baseball which eventually turned into a conversation about you. I convinced her you and I got real close or some shit and that I wanted to keep in touch with you. Then bam! She hooked me up. Pretty nice, right?”
“That’s so freaking creepy! You just lied to my friend! Why?” A groan and creak of a bed frame notified him to speak in more hushed tones.
“Because I like you, and I wanted to ask you out.”
“...I’m hanging up now.”
“Wait! No, Sawamura I’m serious! I like you. Like, like like you. I know what I did was totally not cool, but I mean it when I say I’m interested. No joke. Remember what I said about mini golf? I’m not kidding. I wanna take you out. Let me show you a good time, and if you still hate me by the end of it...then, I’ll leave you alone forever, promise.”
“...”
“Please?”
Sawamura took a moment to consider, he no longer believed this to be some elaborate prank as the sheer genuineness in the other’s voice said different.
“Just mini golf?”
“Mhm! I’ll pay for everything, too.”
“Alright, when and what time?”
“How about tomorrow at 2:00? Since it’s a weekend and all.”
“Fine.”
“Great! I’ll text you directions so you can meet me there! Oh, and Sawamura?”
“What?”
“Do I really have to delete those pictures you sent me?”
“Yes!”
“Aw, okay. Well bye, seeya tomorrow!”
“Mhm.” With that, he hung up and tossed his phone aside as he exhaled loudly and curled up back into his blankets.
“...He’s not gonna delete those pictures.”
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The next day, Sawamura paced back and forth in his dorm, staring down two sets of outfits with the most intensified expression. So many factors had to be taken into what he was going to wear, and he couldn’t even recall the last time he ‘dressed to impress’. What sort of look should he go for? Perhaps something casual. Or something that doesn’t look too eager, but not like he doesn’t care.
“Hey loser, what are you doing?” Kuramochi asked from his bed, no longer satisfied with just watching the other.
“Uh, nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing.”
“I’m going out.”
“Where to?”
“Just out.”
The second year simply stared at the other. His unwavering gaze enough cease Sawamura’s vagueness.
“Mini golf.”
“Who’s going?”
“Just me, and...A friend. They don’t go here, so…”
“What’s their name?”
“...N-...M-...Ma...ko. Mako.”
“So you’re going mini golfing, with your friend, named Mako.”
“Yes. Yes I am.”
Silence was all that existed between them as the two locked eyes. It soon became a contest of who could last the longest. Sawamura was the first to break, as he turned away and flashed a quick glance at his cell phone, then stared down at his clothes. Kuramochi caught on quickly, and in a dash went for the phone, swiping it off his desk before the other could even process what was happening. Within seconds he was shamelessly searching through it to get the information he needed.
Sawamura went wide-eyed and in a poor attempt to get it back, tackled Kuramochi, sending them both to the floor with a loud thud. His teammate wrapped his legs around his torso to hold him still, then kept his phone out of reach by distancing it from him and using his other hand to push his face away all while maintaining a devilish grin.
“No! Give it back!”
“In a sec! I just wanna find out who you’ve been texting.”
“No one! I-”
“Whoa. Holy shit…” The playful expression that had occupied his face morphed into one of confusion and concern.
“It’s not what it looks like! I swear, I just-- It’s not…”
Kuramochi returned the phone without another word and released Sawamura from his hold. He got to his feet and shuffled over to the television to turn it on, as well as his game console.
“Kuramochi, It’s-”
“I’m gonna tell you right now, you can do better.” he said as he watched the game start up.
“I’m…”
“I won’t say anything. As long as you’re not giving any valuable information regarding the team away, it’s harmless right?”
Sawamura said nothing.
“Wear something light, it’s going to be warm today.” He said before turning back to the screen and grabbing his controller.
.
.
.
He took his advice and did just that. Sporting tan cargo shorts with a rich red tee, he stood outside the entrance of the mini golf course. He glanced at his phone to check once more if he had indeed gone to the right place before taking a look around. In all honesty, the place looked nice. It had a family friendly vibe that diluted the anxiousness he harbored ever since he agreed to the date.
“Eijun!” He turns to see Narumiya jogging towards him with a smile that could match the sun. He felt a pang of embarrassment at the way the other seemed so eager to see him, in a way, it resembled an energetic dog. Sawamura huffed and turned away.
“You’re like, ten minutes late.” He stated.
“Yeah, yeah. I know, it’s not my fault though, I was waiting for these two slow pokes.” He pointed a thumb toward the cause of his tardiness.
Inashiro’s very own shortstop and center fielder.
Sawamura was puzzled by this, and made no effort to hide it from the two. “Why are they here?”
“I know this was supposed to be a date and all--It still can be! I just didn’t want you to feel nervous with it being just the two of us. So I made Carlos and Shirakawa tag along. It’s cool, right?”
“Not really, with all of you here it makes it look like you guys set this up to jump me or something.”
Carlos emitted a graceful snort, wanting to laugh at such an accusation. “Oh no, he’s onto us.” He said with mock panic.
Shirakawa could only sigh in aggravation. “Mei, he doesn’t even want us here. This was completely unnecessary, can we go?”
“But I already paid for your tickets!” He whined.
“It’s fine!” Sawamura interjected, not really caring anymore at this point. “Let’s just go inside now.”
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.
.
A heavily frustrated groan echoed throughout the nearly empty course as four boys watch a ball fly way out of it’s intended path. “Damn it!” Sawamura shouted, feeling like throwing his putter. “Next hole, I’ll get a hole in one for sure!”
“You said that about the last seven holes.” Shirakawa commented, doubtful of the other’s claim.
“You need to change your putting method.” Carlos told him, standing to take his turn as he reached for his putter. “Either that or just get a straw.”
“A straw? Why would I need a straw?”
“To help you suck ass at this game more efficiently.” He quipped, earning a stifled chuckle from Shirakawa.
Sawamura’s offended glare went unacknowledged as he went up to putt.
“Haha!” Narumiya began, but the look on his date’s face immediately shut him up. “I mean, that’s not funny. You’re not funny, Carlos.” He gave Sawamura a grin and went to stand by him. And as if it was the most natural thing in the world, he leaned on him, resting his head on the other’s shoulder. Sawamura went stiff at the close proximity, and did not move. He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.
“Wanna see something funny?” Narumiya asked in a partially hushed tone, as to not have the other two hear what he was about to say.
“What?”
“Don’t make it obvious when you look but, them.” He nodded over at Shirakawa and Carlos. At first glance, there wasn’t much to see. As one seemed invested in their putting swing and the other was simply awaiting their turn. But the longer one paid attention, it became easier to notice.
Shirakawa wasn’t simply waiting. He was watching, and it was the way he was watching that made it all so funny.
His expression read stoic, but at a deeper glance it was evident his eyes were filled with nothing but adoration for the teammate in front of him, who was oblivious to the gaze.
Sawamura wasn’t sure what to make of it. But as soon as Carlos swung, ending his turn and making way for Shirakawa’s go, he finally understood.
A neutral face, with eyes giving off an expression of something entirely different.
“They’re-”
“Yep! They’ve got it so bad for each other.” The blond grinned.
“If you know, why don’t you tell them?”
“Oh no, that’s none of my business. Plus, with this kind of stuff...You just gotta be patient and let things happen. If you force it, it’s like...Not cool, y’know?”
“Mmh…”
“Anyway.” Narumiya straightened his posture. “Me and Eijun are gonna go get something to eat! But you guys can continue on without us.” Without even waiting for a response, he grabbed Sawamura by the sleeve of his shirt, pulling him off the course and over to a nearby food court. He smiled triumphantly and looked over at the other.
“...What?”
“We’re alone.”
“Yeah, so?”
He shook his head, and gestured him to find a table as he went to order their snacks. He returns with two strawberry crepes and hands him one. “ A sweet for my sweet.” Sawamura outwardly cringed, but accepted the pastry.
“Don’t call me that.” He muttered before biting into the treat.
“Call you what?”
“Your ‘sweet’. It’s weird.”
“Okay, then how about my Honeybun?” He suggested.
“No.”
“Sugarplum?”
“No.”
“Dearest, Sweetums, Pumpkin, Angel, Baby, Babycakes, Babe, Jewel, Buttercup, Dumpling, Smoochie, Sugarlips, My Passion-”
“Shut up! Shut up! Those are all so embarrassing!”
“...Boo-bear?”
“I’m gonna punch you.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Yeah well, quit thinking up pet names for me like we’re already dating.”
“But we are.”
“This is the first date.”
“It’s good to think ahead, no?”
“How are you so confident?”
“Let’s look at the facts. I’m funny, smart, handsome, athletic, and cool. Like, what’s there not to love about me? Nothing. I’m a modern day prince charming and you’re gonna fall for me sooner or later.” He smiled smugly, searching for a reaction from the other as he held his face in his hands, elbows rested on the table.
Sawamura could only sigh in what could have distinguished as in annoyance or amazement. The blatant egotistic manner the other carried so easily was just astounding. And he felt like shooting him down, just to see if he could get a crushed look out of it. Yet at the same time, he found it all the more engaging. The way he was so bent on making him his, all while maintaining such a calm demeanor like there was no doubt he was going to get what he wanted. The tenaciousness, he liked it. It made him feel significant. He was wanted to the point someone was willing to make an effort for him. It was odd, but it felt nice.
“Why do you act like it’s so easy? Like I’m easy? What if I don’t ‘fall’ for you?”
“Do you not like me?”
“...I don’t...hate you, but-”
“I like you.”
“I don’t get that, why do you even like me?”
Narumiya didn’t answer right away, instead, he bit into his crepe and hummed in thought as he chewed. “It’s like, one of those things you don’t really remember when it started. It just sorta happened. One day, I started thinking about you. It was just a thought. Then it kinda grew? Like, next thing I know, you were all I thought about every day. When I wake up in the morning, I’m thinking about what you might be doing. When I go to bed, I think about you some more. It’s weird, I know. But I can’t help it, I just wanna know more about you, so I can think about you, and be with you more.” His initial look he had before the explanation grew into a softer, vulnerable one. “I sound so lame, huh?”
There was his chance, right there. He could do it right now. The opportunity to immediately reject him and stop anymore of his advances was right in front of him. And all he had to do was say a few words to end it. But his growing interest of whatever Narumiya had to offer stopped him from doing so.
He was much more curious about where a relationship with the other teen could take him.
“Did you know,” Sawamura began. “that I could run laps while dragging two whole tires along with me?”
“Uh?”
“You said you wanted to know more about me! There’s something right there.” He playfully elbowed the other’s side. “Your turn.”
Narumiya grinned, and soon the two spent the rest of the day simply talking. Forgetting all about the game and the world around them as they absorbed every new bit of detail about the other. At moments where Sawamura was talking, he noticed a familiar look in Narumiya’s eyes. One that practically screamed ‘I adore you’, and he honestly wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Like something was stopping him from feeling a certain way, from accepting it, despite wanting to.
He didn’t even feel himself go silent, and for a few moments, the two teens were locked in each other’s gaze.
“...Can I kiss you?”
It took a few seconds, and the pleasantly surprised look on Narumiya’s face for Sawamura to realize that the question had come from him.
“I mean, never mind! That was so-- I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking. I-”
“Hey, shut up.”
“...”
Narumiya leans over a bit to reach for something in his pocket. A tube of cherry chap stick. Sawamura watched, intrigued as the other nonchalantly applied some to his lips. After pressing them together and releasing them with a gentle sounding ‘pop’, he turns to the brunet and gives him a nod. “Okay, go ahead. Lay it on me.”
Sawamura was in disbelief, but there it was, as clear as day. Narumiya’s slightly puckered lips right in front of him. An invitation, and all he had to do was lean in and accept. The pitcher let out a nervous sigh before slowly leaning forward to close the distance between them, almost successfully doing so.
Almost.
“Clearly, you cheated.” A familiar voice had made Sawamura flinch, and separate himself from the blond who was getting impatient. He turns away, hiding his face.
“Okay, but consider this: I didn’t.” Another voice replied, it seemed the two they had ditched earlier had completed their game.
“Carlos, no one swings a putter like that.”
“Guess that makes me special.”
“No. It makes you a rule breaker, you’re not supposed to swing the putter above the knee. That’s not even how you properly use a club, anyway.”
“But it helped me win.”
“That means you cheated.”
“No.”
“What part of not following the rules are you not understanding?”
“I’m only following the rules of our bet, which was ‘whoever wins has to buy the other ice cream’. I wasn’t aware of that rule. Which means my ignorance invalidates any shitty point you’re trying to make that’s keeping me from my vanilla cone.”
“But that should have been implied!”
“Should have been more specific when the bet was made.”
“Ugh.”
“I want sprinkles, too.”
“Ahem.” Narumiya interjected.
The two ceased their squabbling to avert their attention to a blushing Sawamura and their clearly upset teammate.
“Did we interrupt something?” Carlos asked. “I apologize for my friend here, he’s being a sore loser.” He smirked, gesturing to Shirakawa before undoing the top few buttons on his shirt.
The other could only scowl as he folded his arms. “This is bothering me, this is not okay. You know what? We’re playing that course again. Correctly.”
“I just want my ice cream, man.”
“Double the outcome of the bet. Two ice cream cones. Twice the sprinkles.”
“I do like sprinkles…” Carlos rubbed his chin in thought. “You’re on.”
Shirakawa nodded, and started back toward the entrance. “I’m going to buy more tickets.”
“Guess it looks like we’re gonna meet you back at the dorms since we’re staying later.” Carlos informed Narumiya, “Be safe, and whatever you were about to do before, don’t. Seriously, where’s your decency?” He said with a detectable teasing tone.
“Am I actually hearing these words from a guy who just took his shirt off.” Narumiya asked with an incredulous look.
“It’s hot.”
“There are children here.”
“And it kind of makes you look homeless.” Sawamura added quickly. The comment earned him a feigned shocked expression, which was complemented by a hand rested on a chest and a near audible gasp. Narumiya just snorts loudly, then erupts in a fit of laughter.
“You better hurry and put it back on before someone starts handing you change.” He managed to force out, face turning red. “I can’t believe he just said that. Holy shit.”
“Wow.” Carlos said with a becoming chuckle of surprise at Sawamura’s words as he put back on the shirt. “Guess I’ll just suffer in this heat then.”
“Sorry?”
“ I’m just playing around.” He said, putting his hands in his pockets before sighing. “Well, I’m gonna go kick Katsuyuki’s ass in another game so I can eat two whole ice cream cones right in front of his face.” He smirked with self satisfaction at the thought of it before taking off. “Later.”
“Well, that ruined the mood.” Sawamura muttered.
“Yeah, but we’re alone again.” Mei responded after recovering.
“True, but it’s getting dark, and I took the bus here so…”
“Oh, I get you. Is it cool if I head back with you?”
Sawamura gave a hesitant nod, and the two of them left the golf park, making their way to the bus stop.
.
.
.
After the bus ride back, the two took their time walking Sawamura back to the Seido dorms.
“Did you have fun?” Narumiya finally asked.
Sawamura paused to consider, then nodded with a small grin. “Yeah, I did actually. Thanks...Mei.”
“Woah, that sounded really nice. Say it again.”
“Mei?”
“Again.”
“Mei.”
“Once more.”
“Quit being so weird!” Sawamura gave him a gentle swat on the arm, which got him a playful grin from the other in response. And once again, their eyes met. He wasn’t sure what to do at that moment, if he should do anything at all. He had gotten a sense of ease just by looking at him, at his eyes, finding comfort in them.
“You have really nice eyes, you know? Really blue and pretty.”
“I know, but they’re definitely not as nice as yours.”
“No way.”
“Yes way. I bet they look really intense when you’re passionate, huh?”
Sawamura shrugged. “Probably.”
“See, I like that. It’s nice.”
“I guess.”
“Hey, can I hold your hand?”
“Mh? Uh, sure.” The freshman holds out his hand, and within seconds it’s immediately grasped by Mei’s. He gave it a tight squeeze before gently beginning to allow their hands to sway as they walked. Once again, that same feeling had returned. It was conflict between his want and his very own ability to do what he wanted. Like something was blocking him, restricting him from accepting all this. It was as if he was trying to take a leap of faith, but every step he took in order to jump became harder, heavier. Mei was right there, he just had to go to him. But he couldn’t, something was holding him back. No matter how hard he tried to move forward, get closer, he just felt weighted down. And if it wasn’t for his persistence to actually try and make this work, he would have been crushed right now.
They finally reached the Seido entrance, and the only thing both regretted was not walking slower as to not have this end sooner. Narumiya turns to Sawamura and places his hand on his cheek with an expression that read of grief and yearning. “Till we meet again, my love.”
“How can you say stuff like that?” The other could only laugh as Sawamura grew red from embarrassment.
“What’s going on?” The instantly recognizable voice almost made him jump as he released his grip on Narumiya’s hand, and distanced himself from him.
“Oh! Hey Kazuya.” Narumiya grinned, “Didn’t think I’d run into you here. What a pleasant surprise! It’s nice out tonight? Don’t you think? I think so, it’s-”
“What is he doing here?” Miyuki asked, the question directed to Sawamura, who was doing everything in his power to not make eye contact with the catcher.
“Oh, I was just making sure my little peanut got home safe.” Narumiya answered for him. “ After our date. But you probably had some sort of idea right? I mean, why else would you be conveniently outside the school entrance at a time like this? Almost like you were...waiting?” The tone in his voice was so mockingly innocent. Like the question had no other intent but to be just that, a question. Yet the boastfulness and cheeky grin made it all too clear he was trying to tick him off.
“Oh my God…” Sawamura muttered.
“Well, I should be taking my leave now.” Mei announced, looking Miyuki up and down with an observant gaze.
“Hey, uh...message me when you get back, okay?”
“Of course, muffin.”
“Enough with the pet names.”
“You have to let me have at least one.”
“...Peanut was kinda cute…” Sawamura admitted.
“Nice! Peanut it is.” Mei was absolutely beaming, as if he were oblivious to the thick tension between the three of them. Or rather, he probably was very aware of it and simply wasn’t bothered by it.
“Sawamura.” Miyuki said with impatience.
“Right! So uh, bye!” He gave Narumiya a shy wave and quickly shuffled inside, practically feeling eyes on the back of his head. He just wanted to get to his dorm as fast as he could and avoid whatever comment or question that was coming his way.
Miyuki watched the other pitcher depart with a seemingly permanent glower etched on his face before turning back to Sawamura who was so close to escaping.
“Hold it.” He called out, and like some child ready to receive some sort of scolding, Sawamura did, keeping his head low.
“What the fuck was that?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You know exactly what I’m talking about.”
“How did you even know I was out? Did Kuramochi tell you? He promised he wouldn’t-”
“Never mind what he promised, I just wanna know what you think you’re doing with him.”
“What does it look like?”
Miyuki simply stared at him in disbelief. Like the other had no idea how wrong this was.
“You guys aren’t actually dating, right?”
“So what if we are?” Sawamura spoke with such bold disregard, and if he had told the other he did not care in the slightest what he had to say, it would have been believable. Unfortunately, his refusal to even look at the person he was talking to showed something entirely different.
“How the fuck can you be so brainless? He’s clearly using you.”
“He’s not.”
“Everything he says is probably full of shit, Sawamura. How can you not see that? Or are you just ignoring it? Cause there’s no damn way you can be this gullible.” Miyuki found this absolutely staggering, and he couldn’t tell if he was more shocked over Narumiya, of all people dating Sawamura, or the very fact the other teen was able to move on in the first place.
“You’re going to end up seriously hurt if you stay with him. He’s taking advantage of you. You either gotta be too clueless to notice or just desperate-”
“So I’m desperate?”
“That’s not what I’m trying to say.”
“Sure sounds like it, cause according to you, no one can actually have feelings for me. They’re just using me and I’m desperate enough to fall for it.”
“You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Why is it so hard to believe someone likes me, and really wants to be with me?” Sawamura finally looks up at him, as if truly searching for an answer, because Miyuki must have one if he’s so insistent on him not seeing Narumiya. It was only then Miyuki could see the exhaustion and pain in his glassy eyes.
“Sawamura…”
The other simply shook his head. “I’m going to bed.” He informed, not having the strength to listen to anymore. He heads back to his room, leaving him.
The catcher sighed and held his head in frustration, unable to label his actions anything other than a royal fuck up.
.
.
.
Miyuki took refuge in the weight room, deciding not to go back to his dorm just yet. The emptiness of the area, and cool feel of the iron bar on the bench press station he was currently residing on confirmed no one had been in there recently. He was alone. For how long, he wasn’t sure. He somewhat relished in the silence, it was the type that made one self aware for just a few moments. His breathing, his heartbeat, and his thoughts became amplified with the help of it, and in a strange, appreciative way, he enjoyed it. It didn’t last for long though, for the fast paced footsteps coming in his direction and a faint, yet familiar sounding ‘fucking hell’ being murmured from outside ruined his peace.
Kuramochi now stood in the doorway, staring down Miyuki with a look of annoyance, and expectancy. “Of course, you’d be in here.”
“What do you want?”
“Desperate? Really?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“When my roommate bursts into our dorm nearing tears and asks me if he’s gullible, it becomes my business.” Kuramochi retorts. “Seriously, what the fuck is your problem?”
“Don’t tell me you don’t see it. What he’s doing.” Miyuki stood.
“All I’ve been seeing for the past week or so was Sawamura grinning like a goofball every time he’s on his phone, presumably talking to him. So no, I don’t.”
“He’s probably up to something.”
“You don’t know that for sure! Why can’t you just let him do his own thing? It’s like whenever something happens or could happen, you just have to acknowledge every single negative possibility, then when you do, you just overlook all the positives, no matter what they might be. What if there isn’t anything shady going on? Are you really willing to shit on Sawamura’s happiness over a fucking assumption? Why do you even care?”
“Because I don’t want to see him hurt. Is that hard to understand? Stop marking me down as a shitty person, I can be considerate.”
“That’s funny coming from someone who actually did hurt him not too long ago.”
“It’s not like it actually hurt him though, he got over it real quick-”
“How can you say something like that?” Kuramochi was in disbelief at what he was hearing right now. The sheer nerve he had to even utter something as ridiculous as that was mind-boggling. It took a few moments until he finally understood. “...You’re jealous.” He concluded.
“No-”
“Yes, yes you are. You’re fucking jealous. You’re mad he’s not crying over you anymore. He moved on, and you can’t take it. So you’re trying to ruin any chance of him successfully being in a relationship with someone that isn’t you. You are a shitty person, Kazuya. A shitty, selfish-”
“Get off your Goddamn high horse.” Miyuki cut him off, voice raised and eyes a gleam with a sharp intensity one could only acquire from rage. “You think because you can probably relate to him you’ve got some right to defend him now? Don’t fucking tell me off like you know what I’m thinking and try to chastise me for it. You have no idea what I’m feeling or trying to do.”
“You’re mad because you don’t have him to yourself anymore, you-”
“So fucking what? So what if I want him to myself?” He snapped, ignoring the selfishness in his tone.
“ It’s not about you! He should be happy.”
“He can be happy with me!” Miyuki nearly shouted, the delivery of his words making the other just about flinch before taking a step back. For someone who seemed to have carried such a fixed calm and collected demeanor to suddenly lose their cool was either awe inducing or frightening. Kuramochi didn’t speak, careful not to rile him up more and have either of them do something they’d both regret. Instead, he listened as Miyuki continued.
“I didn’t think he’d move on. I don’t want him to, I thought he would just...chase me. Just keep going after me like some puppy. I know it’s fucked up, but I thought I’d have more time. I didn’t say yes right away because I wasn’t sure if he wanted it, if I wanted it. I thought I could think this through. I just wanted to be sure, and it would have helped if he just kept at it. I wanted him to keep at it like he wanted me badly. I would have said yes, I should have said yes. And now this...this blue-eyed fucker comes out of nowhere like he’s gonna sweep him off his feet and I’m just supposed to accept that?” He shook his head with a sigh, voice breaking like the will of a man who was truly lost. “I don’t want to. I want to be with him. I want him to be with me.”
“... Chase him.”
“...”
“If he’s not going to wait for you, then you have to move.” He gave a solemn shrug before turning away as Miyuki put his face in his hands. The two stood in silence for what felt like hours before Kuramochi deemed there was nothing else to say, and took off, leaving the other alone with his thoughts once more.
.
.
.
Sawamura laid sprawled out on his bed, brows furrowed and face scrunched up in a way to keep the tears from falling. He was a horrid mixture of hurt, weariness, and anger. The lightweight feeling he had all day was now gone and replaced by a heavy burden of something he refused to acknowledge. It was all so infuriating, to think that he was actually in a good mood about an hour ago, only to be in this mess of emotions now. How can someone be able to do that? To affect him so much with only a few words. It wasn’t fair. It was unkind and made things so difficult. It shouldn’t be difficult, it really shouldn’t.
It made him wonder if he really was over Miyuki.
Because at this point, to even remotely care what he thinks meant something. Constantly replaying his rejection in his mind made it easier to push aside his feelings, it gave him a sense of justification for doing so. Yet it made him feel incomplete, most likely due to the lack of closure. The idea of simply ignoring feelings for someone in hopes of it fading away was foolish, because they will return at some point, and become much more harder to bear.
Sawamura glanced at his phone, and instantly thought of Mei.
And his eyes.
And his laugh.
His smile.
His lips.
When Sawamura’s with him, the younger teen was able to take his strong feelings and dull them to the point he could pretend they weren’t there, and he would always hold that in high regard. Without a second thought, he brings up his number and calls him. Sawamura bites his lower lip in wait, hoping he picks up.
“What’s up? I haven’t made it back yet, I’m waiting at the bus stop right now.” He sounded so bubbly, as if he was still basking in the aftermath of their day together.
“Oh.”
“Is something wrong?”
“No, I just...kind of wanted to hear your voice right now.”
“Eijun? Did something happened?”
“...Are you using me?”
“What? Of course not! Where did that come from?”
“Miyuki says-”
“Fuck what Miyuki says, what’s his problem anyway? He’s just hating on us because we’re really cute together.” Mei spat with an indignant huff.
“I just, I don’t know…”
“Look, I told you why I wanted to be with you, right? I even begged you for a chance to try and get closer to you. It’s really up to you to believe, I don’t know how else to convince you other than telling you what I’m saying right now is true. And if you still can’t accept that, then let it be because of my words, not his. Miyuki is a punk, and you can tell him I said that.”
It was at that moment it became distressingly clear. Sawamura did believe Mei. It was at this point there wasn’t any doubt his feelings for him were honest and real. But no matter how hard he tried to accept it, to take it and truly cherish it like someone who felt the same way, he couldn’t. And it was all his fault. He ruined everything and Sawamura wasn’t even sure if the other was aware of what he had done.
“Mei, I’m really sorry-”
“You don’t believe me?”
“No! I do, it’s just that...I can’t return your feelings. I want to! I really do, I tried so hard because you’re actually really great and I know you’d make me happy, but it’s not working. I want to be happy with you, because I know I can be. But it’s like no matter what I think or do, it’s just not working. It’s like, he’s stopping me from moving on, or I’m stopping me because he’s there, or I-”
“Hey, shut up.” His voice was so calm and even-tempered, with only the slightest hint of disappointment.
“...”
“I get it, alright? It’s cool.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. It can’t be helped, right?”
“I wanted to, I really did I-”
“It’s okay, you should be happy, so…”
“But you should be happy too!”
“You make me happy.”
“...”
“See? Just worry about you, it’s okay.”
“...”
“Also, Sawamura, can you do me one last favor?”
“What is it?”
“Tell me I never had a chance.”
“Mei…”
“I’m serious, tell me it would’ve never happened, right now. Because if I find the slightest possibility of making you mine, I’m going for it. I’ll chase you. That’s a promise.”
“I…”
“Let me hear it.”
Sawamura let out a shaky sigh before remaining quiet for a moment. He should give the other what he wanted, but it seemed so ill-mannered and harsh. He didn’t want to, but it’d be wrong to lead him on. It’d be best to just comply.
“Mei, you never had a chance.” His voice was so soft and so small. Sawamura wasn’t sure if he was audible enough to even hear himself.
“Hah. That stung more than I thought it would.” He mumbled before letting forth a dejected chuckle. “Thank you, though.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. Look, my bus is here so I gotta go, bye.”
“Bye…”
And with a click, it was all over.
Sawamura wasn’t sure what to feel. He was pending relief or guilt. Despite it being the right thing to do, it felt wrong. Because in his own, selfish and obscure way, he wanted to keep things with Narumiya how it was. He knew someone was after him, someone wanted him. He had someone to turn to and he wasn’t alone. He was desired and it made him feel so good. He could have kept feeling this way, but it wouldn’t be fair.
Now he was alone. Hurting with no one else to blame but himself.
It wasn’t before long his self-condemning thoughts put him to sleep.
.
.
.
Sawamura overslept. It’s what he concluded after waking up to two empty bunks in his dorm. He sat up with a groan and held his head. If he hurried, he could make breakfast and be just in time for the light practice scheduled for today. He felt uneasy about attending, but baseball was his top priority, and he’d rather force himself to make the best out of practice--despite feeling already depleted--than waste months of hard work in order to avoid something that’d make him cry.
After washing up, he heads to breakfast.
He wasn’t even able to get inside before already feeling like he wanted to dissolve.
There Miyuki stood at the entrance, staring at the floor with arms folded until he heard Sawamura arrive. He approaches him with a sense of urgency, making the pitcher involuntarily cower back a bit.
“I was waiting for you.” He informed.
“I’m hungry.” Sawamura mumbled a response, not sure if he could handle another batch of comfortless words much like the other had spewed last night.
“We need to talk.”
“There’s nothing really to talk about.”
“There’s a whole lot to talk about.”
“Like what?”
“Like…” Miyuki took a second to scan their surroundings. “Look, can we go to my room? It’s more private.”
He wanted to say no, and to say that he’d rather not be alone with him, but that would make him a liar.
“Fine.”
They head back to Miyuki’s dorm, the catcher promptly closing the door behind them before sitting on his bed, only to look up at Sawamura, who didn’t move.
“You gonna sit?”
“Just tell me what you want.”
Miyuki stood, took a deep breath in order to remain as lax as he could. Mumbling the word ‘Okay’ to himself, as if he practiced what he was about to say multiple times in the mirror only to recite it in front of the only person who needed to hear it.
Which is probably exactly what he did.
“I’m a piece of shit.” He started, the words making Sawamura squint.
“Breakfast is getting cold-”
“Please, just...Look, what I said last night, was not okay. It was wrong, I was wrong. And it was real shitty of me, but I only said that because I was upset.” He let out a dissatisfied sigh as he took off his glasses to rub his face. This was harder than initially thought. Any sort of preparation wasn’t enough for the actual thing, and now he was stuck, not finding the words to that would help him convey what he was feeling. What made it worse was that Sawamura seemed to be losing patience.
“What do you want?”
“I...fuck, um.” To just fumble over his words like that, felt so unnatural. To draw a blank despite knowing exactly what to say, was so exasperating. In an attempt to make things easier, Miyuki places both hands on Sawamura shoulders, which only rose the levels of discomfort in the other, making his turn away to avoid his stare.
“Please look at me.” His only response was silence and a hardened gaze that remained on the floor, away from him.
“Okay, then...Tell me, what you were going to tell me a while back.”
If he never had Sawamura’s full attention before, he had it now. “Why should I?”
“Because I feel the same way.”
“Are you sure? You might be tired.” He mumbled with a slight mocking tone, yet the face he wore was in the utmost seriousness. As if to say he refuses to tolerate anymore pain, and if this was another way to hurt with him, he won't be forgiven in the slightest.
“Sawamura, no. I mean it. What I said back then was not...I wasn’t thinking, no, I was, but it was wrong to think like that. Because when I saw him with you, it clicked. And I knew, and I shouldn’t have waited so long, but...There’s no excuse, really. But It’s true, I love you, I do. I mean it.”
Sawamura’s lack of reaction irked him more than he’d like to admit. He was growing desperate to prove himself, or at least some sort of resolution. It was at this point, he was more willing to accept a rejection, than to go on about his days only wondering what could have been.
“Do you not love me? Is that why you won’t say anything? Because I love you. I’m positive I do, I swear, just please say something.” His voice was so feeble and soft. It was fragile, which made everything so abnormal. It made Sawamura question if this was really happening. Perhaps he was dreaming, and with that in mind, he mustered up the nerve to actually respond.
“Prove it.”
“Prove it?” He repeated, then released the other to run a hand through his hair. “Prove it, prove it, how--I can, I can prove it. I--do you want me to like, get on a roof and just scream it? I can do that. You want me to let everyone know? I will go up to everyone one by one and tell them I love you and how much I do. I can, I can do it. Do you want me to do it right now? I can, I will.” He announced, reaching for the door. Sawamura stopped him, grabbing his hand.
“Calm down.” he commanded, which felt rather odd to say, as Sawamura wasn’t sure if he was calm himself. “That’s not what I meant, I wanted you to...y’know. Prove it.” The fact that he couldn’t even say it meant he was already embarrassed of his own request. But Miyuki understood.
Without another word, he cupped Sawamura’s face in hands and ever so slowly, pressed his lip up against his. As soon as they touched, something within Sawamura sparked and he could now tell that this was very real. His lips were so smooth, but dry to a small degree. He could tell the other had brushed his teeth just recently, as the faint taste of mint made him shudder only slightly. Sawamura felt like he had just suffered a major blow and was weakened to the point of collapsing, he gripped the other’s arms for support. It was then he noticed hands gingerly placed on his hips.
When Miyuki pulled away, he let out a sigh of relief before burying his face in his neck and mumbling another ‘ I love you.’ The hold on his hips evolved to one around his waist. It was so firm, Sawamura could go limp and still be held up by the other’s arms.
“You’re not as cool as you think, you know.” Sawamura whispered.
“I know.” Was the muffled response.
“Mei also says you’re a punk.”
“I am.”
“Are you just agreeing with whatever I say?”
“Mhm.”
“You’re a dork.”
“I’m your dork.”
“Tch,” Sawamura lets out a breathy laugh before wrapping his arms around him, completing the embrace with a sense of peace.
The two held each other in complete silence, the action seeming like it could go on forever until it was interrupted by a growl.
They pulled away, attention now averted to Sawamura’s stomach.
“Nice.” Miyuki commented.
“Told you I was hungry.” He defended with a sheepish pout.
The catcher only grinned before moving to open the door for the other and making way.
As they headed back to the cafeteria, they exchanged a small glance and smiled.
Practice was going to be exceptionally good today.