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There are four seasons. Winter. Spring. Autumn. Summer. If you will ask Taehyung which comes first, he doesn't know the answer. Jeongguk asked him once about it, but Taehyung was clueless to Jeongguk's curiousity, the latter having no idea either.
When Taehyung made ideas about which comes first, there were always 'buts' coming in, either from himself or Jeongguk.
Does it start blooming before withering away or it has to wither for it to bloom? You think it's hot first before we need the colds or you have to be cold to feel the warmth?
He might never know when it really started but he is certain that it started that day, one winter sunset..
They have been through the forest then, having enjoyed the cold weather, freezing wind blending with it. The sun was just setting, the snow have stopped falling, and Taehyung remembers clearly.
Jeongguk was balancing himself on the side of the path they were taking, almost near their homes, the sunlight hitting the younger boy just right, orange and red, then he sees it.
Purple, and green.
There's a bruise on Jeongguk's arm, bigger than any coin his hands have held, "Who hurt you?" he asks then, brows furrowed as he stared at the purplish mark.
Jeongguk turns to look at him like he's crazy, because nobody ever did hurt him. His parents loved him dearly, just like Taehyung does. Nobody dares to hurt him.
"What do you mean who hurt me?" Jeongguk answers back with a question of his own.
Taehyung pulls his hand, Jeonguk almost tumbles off but he regains balance from his steps, "Tae what are you even doin--"
"Look at it Guk- it's massive" the elder directs the arm to the owner. "Where did you get this from?" he insisted, desperate for a real answer.
"I don't know hyung- maybe i bumped into something, you don't have to worry that much over a bruise though--" Jeongguk rushes to reassure him. "I'll be careful from now on okay?"
A smile is sent his way and his racing heart is sufficed.
"It'll fade hyung."
🍁🍂
Except it doesn't.
The spring arrives, and much just like the flowers, more bruises bloomed on Jeongguk's rose-like skin.
A field of lavender against a supposed land for roses.
"I have leukemia hyung." Jeongguk says like a romance confession.
'You can do nothing about it, neither can I. It doesn't have to change anything, you don't have to do anything, because it won't change in time.' is what Taehyung heard.
"You told me.. you'd be careful Guk."
He feels weak to his bones like he's acquiring his own disease. His heart mourns of potential loss and he hates it.
Jeongguk is right about everything yet Taehyung is ready to prove him wrong.
So Taehyung sighs, loud so Jeongguk can hear the disappoinment, "Fine, you can't take care of yourself? Hyung will take care of you."
'I can do something about it. You will see. I cannot beat time, but I will make it worth it while it lasts.' is what Jeongguk heard.
🍁🍂
It was hot. Scorching hell-like paradise.
Everything is red, like Jeongguk's melting popsicle.
"Can I get a taste of that hyung?" Jeongguk nudges his head to Taehyung's own ice-flavored candy. Bubblegum blue.
"Sure." he hands over his own stick, leaning close until Jeongguk rushes to lick a drop off of his finger.
A contrast of red tongue and blue water..
The time stops, loops in a play of a lick, lick, lick-- slower then slower, then Taehyung is feeling hotter. His eyes are now all red, focused on red, beautiful red, then he's capturing it with his own blue.
A hot summer will always be with a blue ocean. Waves lapping up the red sand, hot then hotter, it doesn't stop, when does waves stop? Where does the sand end?
You realize that you don't really know, becuase under the deeps, they are connected, not to part.. until it turns to a dessert.
🍁🍂
When Taehyung woke up, he did not notice the breeze. It has changed direction, towards the cool. But he doesn't notice.
--he's running, still in his sleepware.
"Tae, wake up dear, Jeongguk is looking for you."
He doesn't notice because Jeongguk. His Jeongguk. All in his half conscious mind, Jeongguk.
When he gets by Jeongguk's bedroom door, the younger lad is already looking at him, like he expected him there, a fond smile made only for the elder attached to his lips.
"Come, didn't you feel the breeze? It's a bit colder that's why I asked for you hyung. Snuggle with me." Jeongguk, with weak fingers, lifts the blanket.
Jeongguk doesn't like cold.
Taehyung is panting, but he makes it over the bed with three more steady steps. "You got me worried there Guk."
"Worried about what? Me dying on you?" the younger laughs, disbelief as his eyes crinkle with a smile.
"Don't say that." Taehyung crawls to Jeongguk's chest, head resting against the younger's heart.
Beat, beat, beat. A reassurance as he closes his eyes.
Jeongguk holds him closer, eyes closing with relief, a smiles on his lips, a weak clasp of loving fingers, one last breath.. but he doesn't let go.
The beat stops. In Taehyung's world, the ocean is left alone, a dessert of water, the mourn itself, the same salt water that will never be spilled.
Taehyung's eyes blink with a slow force.
Ahead of him, just by the window, the sun rises, the wind hums in affirmation, the bird doesn't sing but bows its head, Jeongguk isn't breathing, everything was dull brown, the roses have wilt, and the first leaf has fallen.
🍁🍂
Dear hyung,
Do you remember that question I asked you? The what season came first? I think I already have an answer. It started at your birthday hyung, the day you were born. When it was cold but you brought spring in your footsteps when you first walked. When you first opened your eyes like the blooming daisies by the side walk. When you first got burnt by the sun but you have loved and embraced it.
When I wasn't there yet but I knew because the color of the leaves during autumn is the color of your skin.
And I know I don't make sense, but I guess it's not really when it started but who we are with. And you were with me.
It isn't warm before the cold nor to be cold so you could be warm. It isn't to wither is to bloom nor to bloom is to wither. Because it was winter but I felt warmth against your side. It was spring but I felt like I was slowly withering away. It was summer but your tongue was cold against mine. And soon it'll be fall.. but I know I won't because you'll be there to catch me.
You have lived the early two years of your life without me, so please live like before I was there.
I will be your snowflake, your roses, your sand and your leaf.
I will come and I will go.. but it doesn't mean I left.
With love,
Guk.