Work Text:
It was a beautiful Spring morning. Elly opened the window to let in some air for her grandmother, and was just about to leave for work. Most days at work are monotonous, with not very many people coming to visit. Elly tried to think of it as a good thing, that it meant no one was sick, and used the extra time to study the Doctor’s medical books.
She turned to Ellen to say goodbye but stopped. Her grandmother was sitting in her chair staring out the window with an unfamiliar expression on her face.
“What’s wrong, grandma?”, Elly asked.
“Oh, it’s nothing dear. I was just thinking about the pond. The one on the mountain”
Elly took her grandmother’s hand, and Ellen peered up at her, smiling.
“One Spring when I was about your age, I went there every day,” Ellen continued.
“Did you really?”
“Oh, yes! It’s too bad I can’t go there now.”.
Her tone was calm and gentle as always, but she had the same faraway look that had drawn Elly’s attention.
“How do your legs feel, grandma?”
“Oh, I’m fine! Don’t worry about me, dear!”
Elly didn’t press further and left for work, but she puzzled over grandmother’s expression. It seemed wistful. Did she miss going to the pond very much? How many things were there that Ellen could no longer do? The list seemed endless, and it broke Elly’s heart to think of her grandmother stuck in her rocking chair, deprived of something as simple as going to a pond. It broke Elly, but also made her determined to find some way to help. She would have to study harder. Read more. She decided firmly that she would go to the library first thing after work.
——————
Marie looked up in surprise from her book.
“Elly! How can I help you?” she asked.
“I was hoping you had some medical books or maybe journals? Perhaps something on degenerative illnesses,” Elly said.
“Oh, oh! Yes. Well, what I mean is, that is, yes, we have medical journals and books,” Marie started. Her words rushed out too quickly, and her face flushed red when she realized this.
“And some might have what you’re looking for, and, well, I’m sure that once you look at them, I mean, um. I’m sorry! Let me show you,” Marie finished. She ran her hands nervously over one of her braids.
They walked together up the stairs, and Marie led her to a shelf in the corner.
“I’m sorry, Elly. I’m not normally- I don’t normally ramble like that. I’m just not used to visitors and you caught me during an exciting chapter in my book.”
Elly stifled a laugh as she wondered what type of book could cause such a reaction.
“I might have to read it when you’re done,” she said.
But then she turned to the rows of books in front of her and her face fell. Would any of them really hold the answer? Marie shuffled in close behind her. Neither said anything at first until-
“I’m sorry, Elly. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
They stood there for a while, Elly staring at the books but not really seeing them, absorbing the peaceful quiet of the library. Marie felt very warm beside her.
——————
Elly visited the library every day. She would pull up a chair on the second floor and work her way through stacks of books that Marie placed in front of her. Sometimes they talked. Marie talked about her parents, about Basil, mostly. She admired him, but worried that she’d never be able to write as well as him. Elly talked about Yu, and how he frustrated her with his pranks, but always with a tenderness in her voice. She talked about her work, and the doctor. She talked about her grandmother. She talked of her parents briefly, once. She didn’t like to talk about them often.
Sometimes the two of them didn’t talk at all, but just sat together. Marie would write, and Elly would read. Sometimes Elly looked up from her book just to watch Marie. She watched how Marie bit her lip when she wrote. She watched how Marie furrowed her eyes. She watched until her face and chest felt warm, and her stomach jumped, and she had to look away.
It was a dangerous feeling, but Elly was able to ignore it, until she wasn’t.
——————
“I feel strange when I’m around you, Elly. My face gets hot, and a strange feeling wells up in my chest,” Marie said one afternoon.
And suddenly Elly knew she couldn’t ignore it anymore. But she also couldn’t tell Marie what the diagnosis was. She stopped going to the library.
——————
It was hard. Elly cried every night for a week. But to accept how she felt would mean having to tell others. Not just Marie, which although that thought made her heart lurch in equal parts happiness and terror, but her grandmother as well. Her grandmother who never had a harsh word about anyone. Her grandmother who loved and cared for her after the death of her parents. Elly could not bear to see her look of disappointment. And that was the only outcome, because how could her grandmother understand?
And so it was the end of Spring, and the morning was beautiful, and Elly opened the window. She leaned against the windowsill and stared out into nothing.
“Elly, dear, is everything alright?”
“Yes, grandma. I just think we can use some fresh air.”
“My darling Elly, always looking after others. Come have a seat.”
Elly sat down on the couch.
“Anna came to visit me yesterday. She says you haven’t been to the library in a week.”
“I’ve been busy with work. And Yu, of course.”
“Oh, you sweet thing,” Ellen said.
“Grandma?”
“There is something strange about being old. People look at you and think you were always that way. But I lived a full life before this chair. When I was a child my mother taught me to bake. The kitchen was our way of loving each other. We made cookies so sweet you could taste the love in them.”
Ellen leaned back in her rocking chair and smiled. Her eyes twinkled behind her glasses.
“Yes, I've had a life full of love," she continued. "And when I was your age, I was blessed. I had three great loves in my life,”
“Three loves?” Elly asked.
“Oh, yes. Well, you know one was your grandfather. We had a full life together. He was there for me when I opened my bakery, and I’ve never seen any man dote on his wife the way he did to me when I was pregnant. He was so nervous! We truly completed each other. He was the third of my great loves, and I thank the Goddess for putting us in each other’s lives.”
“Who were the other two, grandma?”
“Surely you can guess one? Saibara and I were best friends. We went everywhere together. We told each other things we were afraid to tell anyone else. I told him my dream of opening a bakery, and he told me his dream of becoming a blacksmith. Then one day I looked over at him, and I realized that somewhere along the way, I had fallen in love with my best friend.”
Elly didn’t know what to say. She knew Saibara had been her grandmother’s friend, that she could tell from his visits, but she never guessed it had been anything more.
“It was so hard, when we had to say goodbye. It was Winter. Saibara had an apprenticeship over in the big city, and I couldn’t hold him back from his dream. But I cried myself to sleep every night. Then one day the snow melted into spring, and I realized I needed to live my life. I started to take long walks around town. I must have walked every inch of the town twice over!”
Ellen paused to look out the window, and the same wistful expression snuck its way back on her face.
“One day I tired of walking around the town, so I walked through the woods, and sat down next to a pond. It was beautiful and it reminded me of Basho’s poem. I must have muttered it under my breath because something amazing happened.”
Elly sat on the edge of her seat, hanging on to her grandmother’s words.
“I saw a woman in the pond, staring back at me. And she said she knew the poem! That she was there when Basho wrote it.”
“There was a woman in the pond?” Elly asked.
“Oh, yes. She was a beautiful lady, with long green hair, and a gold crown on her head. And although she was standing in the pond, her dress was as dry as could be. She saw the shocked expression on my face and laughed, and her laugh was like bells.”
“I went to visit her every day that Spring. We sat next to the edge of the pond, on the soft grass, and she would stare at me with emerald green eyes. I read her poems, and she would finish them before I could. I would trail my hands along the surface of the pond, and sometimes our hands would meet, and I would feel her touch on me the rest of the day.”
“I would go back home, so happy I could burst, but then the words would stick in my mouth like honey. I didn’t know how to tell my parents. I never did.”
“I think she knew. On the last of Spring she took my hands in hers, and she kissed my cheek, and she told me not to worry. That soon I would meet the love of my life. And I met your grandfather shortly after. She was right, he was the love of my life, and I never regretted marrying him. But I did regret not admitting to myself how I felt about her. We live such short lives to lie to ourselves, darling.”
Elly was surprised when she realized she was crying. The tears dropped down off her face and onto her hands. She took shaky breaths, trying to find the words she wanted to say.
She ran a sleeve along her eyes, and she thought she must look like Yu, who was always wiping a sleeve on a runny nose and weepy eyes.
“I was so scared. I thought you would be ashamed of me,” Elly finally choked out.
“Oh, sweetheart. I could never. I’ve always been proud of you. And I’ll always love you,” Ellen said.
Ellen held out her arms, and Elly found her way in them, and they stayed that way until the tears passed. It reminded Elly of when she was a child, and she sat at her grandmother’s feet while Ellen knit. It felt like love then as it did now.
“I love you too.”