Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The wind on the rice fiels was very different from the mountain's where Ayaka had spent her training to become a demon slayer. It didn't  resemble the one where the Final Selection took place either. It was soothing, somehow, and Ayaka gazed while walking in peace the workers from the fields, who were patiently collecting the harvest of that year.

She wondered if the harvest had been good, if families would be able to fill in their stomachs that winter with the money they'd get from selling the rice on the market, or if they would have to suffer from hunger and the cold.

Everything would be decided according to the efforts the farmers had put on their work throughout the year.

Thinking about it was nostalgic, and she nearly felt sadness remembering her childhood surrounded by rice fields, just like these ones. Nearly. 

She wouldn't miss having to suffer through nonstop hours of Sun to take care of the fields, collapsing because she couldn't take it longer, her body didn't stand it. She wouldn't miss the constant horror that plagued her heart on the harvest season either. Every year she feared they would deteriorate because of the weather or some plague, spoiling all the hard work her family had poured onto such a hard labor. 

Even if Ayaka Iwamoto was a demon slayer, she considered that work too much for her. 

She couldn't stand the children her age from her village, either way.

So there was no remorse when Himejima-shishou, her current master and Stone Pillar, offered her to become his disciple and successor, and she accepted. 

A few years had gone by since then, and Ayaka was now a newly proclaimed demon slayer. She had passed the trial and received her uniform and nichirin sword (which had acquired a great gray, simbol of her ability as a user of the Breath of Stone).

Having spent so much time on the mountain, training with Himejima-shishou, she had forgotten completely about how the rice fields where she had been born and raised felt like. Even the face of her parents had started to be seen blurry. 

But she didn't need them, she was a demon slayer destined to become the next Stone Pilar. Although she promised herself to visit them when she finished her first mission (if she came out alive, which was very likely). After all, she had promised to visit them when her training finished, but her kasugai crow had proclaimed out loud her first mission too fast to do that. 

She exhaled a sigh filled in with frustration when her kasugai crow, for the sixteenth time that afternoon, yelled her mission to her ear.

"Ayaka Iwamoto!", he cried out in a shrill voice. "Head over to the city on the northwest and join Tanjirou Kamado! Quickly, quickly!" He let out a caw when his owner threw a stone at him, nearly not being able to escape. 

"I know that, stupid bird!", Ayaka yelled with a clear tinge of irritation. "Shut your beak already!"

The mission had put her in a bad mood, not only because she had been paired with another demon slayer she would have to put up with during the mission, her crow had been nonstop yelling all the way. She wasn't the most patient individual.

Without wanting to, the loud fight against her crow attracted the attention of the nearby farmers. They looked up from their chores to stare in curiosity towards the demon slayer, who continued to yell at her crow.

Realizing the weight of their stares, she stopped fighting with her crow to fix her gaze onto them. 

"And what the hell are you looking at!?", she exclaimed in fury.

The farmers nervously went back to their tasks, silence engulfing the scene yet again.

Ayaka huffed, going back to her prior calmness and returning on her path towards the city.

This was why she couldn't stand the rice fields.

Her mission wasn't very complicated either way. According to what her crow had yelled at her multiple times, strange things were happening on the city. 

A young woman disappeared every night without a trace and no one had been able to find any of the missing girls.

That was probaly the work of a demon, Ayaka could see it just looking at the city.

A demon was there, and her work was to elliminate him. 

And, how could she forget, Tanjirou Kamado's. 

She continued on her path over the bridge that led to the city, with no intentions of looking for her supposed partner. She would be able to defeat that demon alone, she didn't need any "Tanjirou Kamados". Besides, the strategy to defeat the demon was already woven on her mind, and her "partner" didn't fit on her plans. 

She remembered the words of Himejima-shishou, when she finally came back safe and sound from the Final Selection again to his mountain.

He was waiting for her, just as promised, with a teapot of jasmine tea. 

They had sat outside, a wooden table and a few cushions near the river (Himejima-shishou liked the sound, he said it was relaxing). They didn't usually have tea outside, but they had agreed silently the occasion was worth it. Both the apprentices of the Stone Pillar had finally become official demon slayers. The warmth of the tea was comforting and the silence reigned the atmosphere as she, Himejima-shishou and their last addition, Genya Shinazugawa, drank in peace. 

Ayaka had never gotten along with her partner. In her opinion, Genya was too reckless and impatient. In the two years they had trained together under the wing of Himejima-shishou, he hadn't demonstrated anything else to her eyes that he was stubborn, impatient and had too much of a short temper to be a demon slayer. Unfortunately, Genya was strong, and in spite of his defects, his corpulent body and his great ability for fighting had got him to be an apprentie deserving of the teachings of the great Stone Pillar. 

Even without achieving to master none of the breathing styles, Himejima-shishou had welcomed him with open arms not much later than Ayaka, without paying attention to her negatives on the matter. 

From then on their relationship had gone nothing but down. Their personaities crashed too strongly to get anywhere else. She was a person who ruled her life with logic, she planned everything to the millimeter and knew what to do at all times. Her clothes her always clean, not a speck of dust in sight, and her hair was usually up in an impeccable bun,  making it a rule to assure both her room and her belongings were neat and tidy. 

Whereas, Genya was a person that threw himself into battle without thinking, his main weapon brute strength and minimum strategy. Althought she knew he wasn't stupid, she even risked to say he possesed a great intelligence. The issue was he didn't usually use it, conforming to the minimum effort. He didn't even worry about his looks or the estate of his clothes, and the worst of all, under Ayaka's eyes, was his mohawk. 

It was hideous.

It was clear to her eyes, Genya was simply a reckless brute who just happened to be big and strong. Having passed the Final Selection just like her, he was now a demon slayer. And she didn't doubt he'd be a good one, but not how she had wanted to.

It surprised her how he could be so calmed at times, like when they sipped from the cups of tea prepared by Himejima-shishou. The only thing that they could ever have in common was jasmine tea. 

Ayaka brought her cup to her lips again, taking a small sip. 

They remained in silence for another moment, meanwhile the wind blew softly on the great heights of the mountain. The remaining strands of hair that usually cupped Ayaka's face moved softly with it. Then, Himejima-shishou talked: 

"Could you go get more water, Genya?", he pleaded, without shouting, but nevertheless in a firm tone. Genya quickly got up without another word, leaving his own tea cup softly against the table and going to the house.

«Ah, he's going to give my one of his lectures», Ayaka thought.

It wasn't weird for Himejima-shishou to sit with them and advise them, talking quietly and instructing their growth on their training. Ayaka supposed that this would be the last lecture he'd give her. At least until they saw each other again. 

"Pay close attention to what I have to say, Ayaka", said Himejima-shishou. She assured she was listening, a satisfied smile on her face.

Her dark brown eyes observed her master closely. If there was someone she couldn't predict, it was him. She had always had an incredible sight, better than most people's. Being able to see the smallest of changes, every small speck of dust that floated on the air, even managing to discover how a person was without dedicating them a single glance. 

It was something remarkable, being able to see the essence of people, locating demons by their trace. It was ironic in a sense, because Himejima-shishou was blind. 

She had yet to meet someone that could see how she did, and that, naturally, made her feel special. She had a unique ability that assured her an advantage on the battle field, which satisfied her, knowing that even she'd be able to become a pillar. Which was something she expected, being the unproclaimed successor of the Stone Pillar. Himejima-shishou had yet to call her his "tsuguko", and she was expecting to be officially claimed that afternoon.

However, the words that her master said on that moment erased the smile from her face. 

"You must learn to accept others and work with them", started Himejima-shishou. "As a demon slayer, you'll take part into many missions in which you'll have to work with your brothers and sisters." 

Her most emotional response was a frown forming on her face.

"I don't need anyone to help me, Himejima-shishou." She tried not to growl. "I could defeat any demon without anyone by my side."

Himejima-shishou in the meantime, remained with a grimace. His eyebrows were fixed on his usual worried expression. Ayaka feared for a moment tears would start running down his cheeks.

"That arrogance of yours will be your fall", he said without blinking. "You've refused to cooperate with Shinazugawa for the past two years he's been here, and I know it's not just his reckless personality. I'm disappointed in that part of yourself."

Ayaka's jaw tensed, tightening her hold on her tea cup, however, her tone didn't change. 

"With all due respects, Himejima-shishou, but I'm sure I'll be okay", Ayaka estated with bleaming, golden pride. "After all, I'm very strong, you were the one that said that." 

"Yes, I did say that." Himejima-shishou didn't deny it. "But not even the strongest of the demon slayers is capable of defeating all demons by themselves. Not even me." 

"You must learn to look not only at the surface, but to look deeper. You were blessed with an amazing sight, but you don't use it enough." 

Ayaka diverted her gaze as she bit her lip, even if Himejima-shishou couldn't see it. He was the strongest soldier in the Corps and she took pride in that, to say that not even he could defeat a demon by himself was preposterous. The strongest person she knew, more than that even, the strongest person in Japan! 

Besides, what the hell did it mean she didn't use her sight enough? 

Right before she could talk back, Genya came back to the table. 

"I forgot to mention, Ayaka, could you take the pastries from the kitchen?" Himejima-shishou asked. 

«Now it's Genya's turn for his lecture», she thought, as she silently stood up. 

The conversation ended there.

She would demonstrate to Himejima-shishou how wrong he was. 

She needed no one's help.

Her brows furrowed, reminiscent of that memory, and she continued on her path. 

From what Ayaka could see, the city where the demon had decided to feed on was a fishing and trading village. There were various boats that floated with peace on the canal surrounding the walls of the city, and the activity flowed without rest on the port. 

However, her peace was broken by the yell of her crow once again. 

"Look for Tanjirou Kamado!" That time he started to pull forcefully her red flowered haori. As much as he could being a twelve year old crow.

She let out a growl, she was hungry and tired and she didn't have enough patience to look for the so called Tanjirou in that great city. 

Many hours still remained for the Sun to set, the demon wouldn't be able to act yet. She had planned on buying udon in some local post and rest until night in some inn. Time was too scarce to look for some demon slayer she didn't know. 

Just like that, ignoring the constant yelling of her crow, she headed to a nearby post. The crow kept flapping in the air, but he didn't go after her. 

Fortunately for her, he became silent not much time later. This let her enjoy her bowl of udon in tranquility, slurping in quiet content. 

At least, she thought the crow had shut up, but quite contrary to what she assumed, he hadn't given up. He just didn't have any more reason to yell. 

She had nearly finished the food when someone cleared her throat by her side, a few times when she attempted to ignore them. When she made sure the guy wasn't going away, she drifted her gaze towards the origin of the sound, not paying much attention.

"Are you Ayaka Iwamoto?" He asked politely, taking seat on the stool that was nearest to hers. Ayaka simply arched her eyebrows at hearing her name.

"Yes, that's me." She examined him more closely this time, leaving the bowl on the wooden surface and stopping on her sipping. Her eyes settled on the nichirin sword he carried on his waist more time than necessary. 

So this was the oh so famous Tanjirou Kamado. 

His smile widened and Ayaka's eyes fixed on his shoulder, where her miserable crow rested without worry. So he had decided to betray her and look for her supposed partner by himself. 

"I'm Tanjirou Kamado", he kindly proclaimed

«I already know that», she thought in a tinge of annoyance. She'd be blind if she didn't know.

"Is this your first mission too?", Tanjirou Kamado continued with his kindness unwavering.

From what she could see, the demon slayer in front of her was a humble boy. He irradiated gentleness and care and she would dare to say there was a burning fire of passion in his heart. 

Without a doubt, he was a good person, too kind and worried about others for her taste. 

She merely nodded at his question, going back to her food. Now she'd have to get rid of him, not that she cared about hurting his feelings, it was just too much of a hassle. 

That it was her first mission too seemed to calm Tanjirou down, at least a bit, from what she could see. 

"I remember you, from the Final Selection", Tanjirou continued, without taking into account Ayaka wasn't looking at him. "Thank you very much for helping me stop that boy! When I tried to thank you it was like you vanished." 

Her eyes rolled lazily to the side. She remembered too, Genya lost control and attacked one of the girls that overlooked the Selection. All because of her impatience to get a nichirin sword, even when she warned him. Of course, she had to intervene. 

"I didn't help you", Ayaka said in biting tone. "Genya was embarrassing our master, so I had to stop him." 

«Besides, that he's an idiot that brought it on himself doesn't mean I want him to get hurt.»

Tanjirou's smile, however, didn't disappear from his face. 

"What kanjis do you use to write Ayaka?", he asked, completely ignoring her tone. Ayaka had never seen someone that stayed so cheerful despite the coldness she was treating him with. 

"It's colourful flower", she said, no intention on continuing the conversation whatsoever. Or he was ignoring the blatant disinterest she showed in the matter or Tanjirou Kamado was truly naive. Maybe even both. 

"Well, Aya-san, I thought we could ask the townspeople if they know anything about the demon", Tanjirou continued. "We could get more intel that way."

A frown sat on her face.

"Tanjirou Kamado", she said, to which the aforementioned stiffened on his seat, making clear he was giving her his whole attention. "I have no intention of asking any townspeople, the only thing you will achieve with that is for them to go with you, having another burden that will bother you in battle. And I'm not going to go around protecting some useless human", she pointed at the Sun with her chopsticks. "Until night falls, the demon won't attack, so I see it as a waste of time to look for them now."

Tanjirou blinked, but continued talking with a smile like nothing she said had gone over his ears: 

"That's no problem, we can look for another method if that's what you want, Aya-san." 

Her tongue clicked in annoyance, her prior attitude of mere interest slowly turning into one of exasperation. He didn't get the message. 

"The problem isn't the method, Tanjirou Kamado", she said, looking him on the face for the first time since he appeared. "The thing here is I'm not going to team up with you. You can do whatever you want. For what it is, I don't care." 

A wrinkle appeared in between his eyebrows, not in anger, but in worry. 

"But the orders were for us to work together to defeat the demon of this town."

Ayaka took out from the pocket on her uniform a bunch of coins, leaving them next to the already empty bowl and getting up. She looked at Tanjirou one last time: 

"What matters at the end is that the demon is killed", she said, looking directly at the dark red eyes of her partner. "So it doesn't matter if we team up or not. Whatever happens, I'll be sure to accomplish my mission." 

And with that she walked away, having only on her mind the quest to find somewhere to take a nap. 

She'd worry about the demon when night fell. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

Ayaka 's brown eyes watched carefully the Sun over the window. It started to hide over the horizon. 

It was the Moon’s turn to go out, and with her, came the demons. 

Her time of rest ended with their arrival. 

She thanked the man for the takoyaki with a smile out of pure courtesy, left a pair of coins on the counter and got up from the stool. 

She was thankful her crow wasn’t there, having sent him to get a letter to Himejima-shishou. Partly because she wanted to inform about her progress and also because she wanted to get rid of him.

Relief flowed through her because of not having to listen to his yells, her mind was clearer that way. Her thoughts weren’t interrupted because of his constant shrieks and that put her in a good mood. 

As soon as the Sun set, everyone wandering around the streets disappeared. 

The shops closed, the people from the port rushed to leave the boats prepared for the next morning, the girls who chatted cheerily with their friends said their goodbyes on a whim and locked themselves in their houses. 

In just a moment, what had been a city full of energy and happiness turned into a ghost city.

Even one could feel how the somber atmosphere took hold of streets in a matter of seconds.

This was what demons did. They ingrained fear in the hearts of people.

And her job was to exterminate them.

“You should go home, a lot of girls have disappeared lately,” warned the shopkeeper, as he started to close his stall. 

She merely raised her eyebrows, not expecting that comment. 

“Are you scared of losing your clients?” she calmly asked, looking at him over her shoulder. 

The shopkeeper looked at her, it seemed she had hurt his pride. Although she couldn’t know for sure. It didn’t matter either way if she did or not, she would probably never see him again. 

If her mother looked at her now, she’d tell her to be kinder, but she wasn’t there to scold her. Ayaka was free to say whatever she wanted. It didn’t matter if she hurt other people’s feelings, they’d end up being hurt one way or another, so why bother?

“I was just worried about you,” the shopkeeper said with a huff, closing his stall completely. “Don’t you dare accuse me of such vile motives.” 

Ayaka threw a questioning glance his way, feeling curiosity for that peculiar man. It was strange. 

“Why would you worry about an stranger?” she questioned. Her eyebrows furrowed in a grimace. The man simply smiled gently, and Ayaka saw how his eyes filled with a sad but calmed melancholy.  

“Do you have any parents?” he asked in response, avoiding her question. She affirmed with a nod, her confusion ever growing.

“And if you died, they’d be sad, right?” the man said. Ayaka blinked, and for a moment that man left her speechless. 

“Of course,” she answered.

Of course they would. She was an only child and they had poured blood and tears to see her grow. 

Kaori and Makoto Iwamoto had desired with all their hearts to have a child. 

They were just a humble and hard working family, peasants in a mere rice field. They wouldn’t be able to give their child the best life, but even then, they were eager to do it. 

And after so many years, Ayaka was born.

They had a few wrinkles then and their hair was starting to glimpse the gray of old. But no matter, they poured all their efforts to raise her. They fed her, they dressed her and they educated her, even if they weren’t the richest family in Japan. 

They couldn’t give her the best of dresses nor the best house. They ate meat once a year and if they were lucky they ate fish, but Ayaka’s parents were happy with what they had.

They were very different from her, and the people from her village were surprised to discover the serious girl they saw on the market from time to time was the daughter of the Iwamotos.

Her father, Makoto Iwamoto, was a cheerful man, although too sincere for his own good. He always helped whoever needed it, even sacrificing his own well being to assure others’. He wasn’t capable of lying and believed loyalty and hard work would give him happiness. After all, hard work was what led him to where he was now. It wasn’t the best life, but it was better than the one he had as a child. 

For his small and delicate body, his father was stubborn like no one and there wasn’t anyone on this earth capable of making him change his ideals. When he believed in something, he stuck his heels to the ground and never moved.

He was a man of simple opinions, not usually giving much thought to things, sticking with the first idea that came to his mind. 

When she was still very young, Ayaka came to the conclusion that this was why he never lied. 

Her mother, Kaori Iwamoto, was a kind woman with a strong temper. As cheerful as her husband, but in a different way. As her father was a small candle, her mother was a ball of bright light. 

She was always cheerful, which contrasted greatly with her appearance. Her mother was a sturdy woman, her arms and body strong, but thanks to her great smile what could be intimidating turned into something pleasant. 

Although she didn’t smile when someone hurt her plants. 

Ayaka remembered the small space on the back of her house where her mother had planted many flowers. She took care of them with great care. Her big hands gave the most delicate touches when she worked on her small garden. She always had a tender expression when she took care of them. 

At the start it was a replacement for the craving of having a child. With the pass of time, it turned into a hobby in which she spent a great amount of time. The townspeople complimented her, since she came to have great wonders in a small corner she made hers. 

Thereby, if something happened to the garden she spent so much time in, Kaori became furious. Even if she had insisted all her life for Ayaka to be kind, the smile on her face disappeared when she found out some kid had broken one of her pots. Although her anger didn’t last for much. She couldn’t help but soften when she discovered it was simply an accident, at least, that was what the kids from their village said. Neither did she take a second thought into giving away one of the flowers, which she had taken care of so closely, to make the lives of the people around her just a little bit brighter. Ayaka sometimes didn’t know if to call her compassion a virtue or a flaw. 

Her parents were, without doubt, two persons that could be loved easily. But Ayaka couldn’t help but look at them in disdain.  

Their kindness just led them to more suffering, all just for the happiness of someone that wasn’t themselves. 

Fresh were the memories of her father arriving late at come more tired than usual. It was frequent for him to work a double shift. Everything just so one of his supposed “friends” spend a day with their family. As a kid, Ayaka feared some day he’d wear down his own body so much he’d die, that he would extinguish the calm light on the candle of his eyes. 

Neither did she forget the look on her mother 's face, with just the smallest amount of sadness, as she gave away one of her plants to “a friend of hers”. It would die down for lack of care a few days later. Ayaka didn’t know if her mother acknowledged this, but she did every single time. And everytime, her mother wore a smile. 

They just burned themselves down to keep others happy. And they didn’t notice that they gave away their happiness in the process. At least that’s what she saw. 
When Ayaka decided to go with Himejima-shishou to become a demon slayer, they supported her with all the congratulations they could offer. Even if the daughter they had desired so much was going to abandon them. 

They weren’t worries, they knew she had grown to be tough, how could she not. Of course, her father cheered for her to work hard on her goal and her mother made clear she was sure she’d accomplish everything she put herself to. She still reminisced about the strength of their arms (majorly her mother 's) when they hugged her goodbye. They nearly squashed her. 

Yes. If Ayaka died, they would be sad. 

“I’m just putting myself in their place. I wouldn’t like for my daughter to die, so I prefer for them not to feel that pain,” the man said, startling Ayaka from her own memories. “A life will always have worth for their loved ones, don’t you think so?” 

Her dark brown eyes threw an inquisitive glance his way. She set aside her haori from her waist to show the nichirin sword that rested on her belt. 

“I know how to take care of myself, sir,” she answered while frowning, in an attempt to escape his question. “No one is going to die as long as I’m here.” 

Finally she decided to not give it any importance, although as much as she wanted to, the thought stayed bouncing on her mind. 

Worrying about someone that wasn’t oneself was stupid. It only clouded the mind and took it away from the most logical decision. 

«I don’t understand», Ayaka thought.

Either way it didn’t matter, there was a demon to take down. 

Stone Breathing, Third Form: Stone Skin. 

Ayaka watched calmly as the arms that had been millimeters from tearing through Tanjirou Kamado fell at her feet. The demon dived into the floor before Ayaka could cut off his head.  

Bastard was fast.

It seemed that the demon they had to behead ended up being three. Although nor that nor his speed were a problem, he was a simple low level demon. She would just have to be faster than them and stop them from diving again. They’d become defenseless that way, and there, Ayaka would have the opportunity to slash her nichirin sword through his neck. 

Himejima-shishou hadn’t trained her for nothing.

“I’m sorry for being late,” she announced without blinking. “I got distracted with things that aren’t important.” 

“Aya-san!” exclaimed Tanjirou at seeing her. Ayaka twisted her mouth in discontent. It was weird for him to call her with honorifics. If her eyes weren’t wrong, he seemed happy to see her. She wasn’t. 

The three demons rounded them, half-diving on the floor. If they believed they’d hide from her like that, they were very wrong. As deep as the floor was, she could see them without flaws. 

For others it would be imperceptible, but she could see them clearly. That mission would be a piece of cake. The training she undertook with Himejima-shishou was much more difficult than that. 

That was, if Tanjirou Kamado didn’t make it harder than he had already. 

“You are a fool,” Ayaka scolded him with a frown, trying very strongly not to growl. She sent a glance towards the villager a few meters away from them, carrying an unconscious girl. “Why didn’t you listen to me!? Taking civilians with you will only make your work harder, and consequently, mine too!” 

A guilty smile painted itself on Tanjirou’s face, but he didn’t try to give any kind of excuse. 

A sigh came out of her mouth. 

Of course, the situation would only turn more complicated in the following minutes. 

“I assume you can’t see the demons under the surface, right?” she asked, clicking her tongue in annoyance. Tanjirou sent her a confused look. No, he couldn’t. “I’ll take care of this mission. Just stay away from the wall and keep the civilians you brought safe. I have everything under control now.” 

“I can’t let you do that, Aya-san!” he yelled, giving a step towards her with a challenging attitude. 

Ayaka kept her position, looking at him over his shoulder in scepticism.  

What kind of idiot on their right mind wouldn’t want their work done for them?

Apparently, Tanjirou Kamado.

“This mission was assigned to the both of us, so let 's defeat the demons together!” he continued, adopting a defensive position by her side. 

«Why would you that? Being able to get all the recognition without doing anything?», she wondered in her mind. «I don’t understand.»

Why?

The warm feeling that started to overcome her was foreign, and that scared her. 

She didn’t like Tanjirou Kamado, he made her question things. Her own ideals. And she was just right with how things were. She presumed it was something she got from her father. 

Nevertheless, Ayaka stayed silent. She saw from the corner of her eye how one of the demons positioned himself right at Tanjirou’s back. 

Before she could blink, another demon came out of the wooden box on her “partner 's” back. The demon gave a kick to the demon that had been so dangerously close, sending it flying a few meters. 

The awe struck Ayaka for a moment. How couldn’t she have seen it? That demon had been right in front of her and she hadn’t even noticed until that moment. 

Why did Tanjirou travel with a demon? 

And much more important, why hadn’t she been able to see the demon he carried on his back? 

The words of Himejima-shishou echoed on her mind. 

«You were blessed with an amazing sight, but you don’t use it enough.»

A growl escaped from the deepest part of her throat. Why did she remember that now? He was wrong, she was right. 

She’d end that situation right then and there. Sword on hand and pointed towards the demon. It looked like a girl, not much younger than her. She stayed still in front of Tanjirou, even if from her fingers came out claws and the veins on her face were deeply carved. 

She forced herself to stop thinking about the demon as if it was human. 

Stone Breathing, Second Form: Upper Smash. 

Just when her nichirin sword was about to graze her neck, it collided with another. 

Ayaka looked into the red eyes of Tanjirou Kamado. The passion she had believed to see on his heart when she met him was there, burning fervently.  

«A life will always have worth for their loved ones, don’t you think so?»

Stone and water crashed and the strength of the impact of the two nichirin swords made Ayaka slide back a few meters. Meanwhile, Tanjirou stood still, merely staggering next to the demon. 

She was a Stone Breath user. Himejima-shishou had trained her to be a mountain, nothing must have made her stagger from her position. How had he been able to make her go back then? 

Her eyes watched how the demon headed towards the two townspeople with a cheerful step. Enormous was her astonishment at seeing how she stopped in front of them and started patting their heads peacefully. 

She sent Tanjirou a confused glance, too stunned for words to leave her mouth. A demon that didn’t attack humans, how was that possible? 

It seemed Ayaka had misjudged Tanjirou and the demon that accompanied him. 

Maybe Himejima-shishou was just a pinch right, but she was too prideful to say that outloud. 

She walked with wariness towards Tanjirou and the demon. He smiled in kindness, as Ayaka just gazed with uncertainty.

She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t know what to say. Her mind was a blank slate. That wasn’t on her plans. Nor Tanjirou, nor the civilians, nor the demon a few meters away from her, who stayed patting the humans next to her. Should she call it a “her”? Ayaka was certain of nothing.

“Her name is Nezuko, she’s my younger sister,” Tanjirou started with a soft smile towards Ayaka. Doubts started to flood her mind, but she decided not to ask. He could explain everything once they finished that mission, although Ayaka started to feel nauseous with every moment that passed. 

Everything she believed had started to crumble before her eyes. Her plan was now nothing more than ashes, too many unexpected changes for her to follow that path. 

Who would have thought, a demon that didn’t eat humans. 

The impulse to yell was strong because of such a preposterous idea. But there it was, right in front of her eyes. And they had never lied to her, so it must have been true. 

There was no logical explanation for that phenomenon, but even then, there it was. And her name was Nezuko. 

She, after finishing patting the other two humans, turned around and walked towards Ayaka and Tanjirou. 

Ayaka sighed, trying to calm down. After that, going back to her usual stoic expression, she pointed an accusatory finger to Tanjirou. 

“You must explain everything to me once we finish, okay?” she said. Her thoughts and feelings were tangled up in a knot she doubted she’d be able to untangle alone, but she kept her seriousness. Even if her voice trembled. 

Tanjirou only smiled.

“Of course.”

Nezuko petted Ayaka 's head softly, but she fastly moved back, as if her touch burned. 

Somehow, for her it did.

“Okay, let’s defeat that demon. But don’t expect me to hold your hand all the way, Tanjirou,” she resigned, not leaving aside a mocking tone. “Each will go their own way. I’ll take care of one, and I’ll leave the remaining two to you, okay?” 

Both of them nodded in obedience. 

It was gonna be a long night.

Chapter Text

“Just what the hell are you doing, Tanjirou?” she questioned, gazing over to one of the demons left, still alive. He was leaning against the wall, arms nowhere to be seen. 

Ayaka looked over Tanjirou’s shoulder at the demon. He looked scared, desperately trying to move away from Tanjirou without success. 

The aforementioned skipped a bit, obviously not expecting her to appear so suddenly. 

“Aya-san!” he said louder than necessary. He then cleared his throat and slightly turned his head to look at her. 

She had already finished off her own demon. It was a trek through countless flower fields compared to Himejima-shishou’s training, so she had no problem. 

The only thing that forced her to still be there was that Tanjirou had to tell her about the reason for such a weird anomaly. A demon that doesn’t eat humans.  

That, and that there was a demon left to defeat. And since Tanjirou was taking too long, Ayaka decided to go see what he was doing, just to find herself looking at that little scene. 

“Our orders are to kill demons whenever we can, why is he still alive?”, she asked, pointing a finger at the demon. “If you don’t kill him soon his arms will grow back and he’ll attack you.” 

Just as she had predicted, from the cut off limbs the demon had for arms came out his claws. He jumped to attack, but fastly enough Tanjirou slid his sword over his head. In a second, the demon’s head fell to the ground. 

His corpse started to fade away in dust and it disappeared with the wind, leaving no proof that he had even been there except for a small piece of cloth. 

Ayaka took it from the floor and opened it, looking at the different hairpins the demon had kept there. Every one of them had belonged to a human girl that just had bad luck. 

Even if the wind carried away the dust of what had once been part of the demon’s body to somewhere else on this world, it would never be able to carry away the pain of all those deaths he had left behind. 

The wounds the demon had made would be there for years, they would never heal but maybe some day they could become merely scars. Ayaka remembered the eyes of the shopkeeper from the day before, wondering if the demon had taken someone loved for him. Even if she shouldn’t care. 

Tanjirou’s hand appeared before her eyes, laying on the piece of cloth Ayaka held in her hands. He didn’t need to talk to make her understand. 

She looked behind him, where the boy Tanjirou had taken with him was petrified on the floor. 

A sigh escaped from her lips as she nodded, giving Tanjirou her affirmation on taking that worn out piece of cloth. 

Tanjirou gave her a last smile as he walked over to the poor guy. They exchanged a few words Ayaka couldn’t hear, since she stayed where she was. What she least wanted was having to comfort someone. 

Her crow appeared over the horizon, taking his place on her shoulder. He had finally come back from Himejima-shishou’s mountain. There was a paper rolled up on his leg and she took it off carefully, keeping it on her pocket.  

Tanjirou was already back by her side by then, wooden box and all on his shoulders. 

Ayaka merely gave him a look, starting to walk without warning. 

“Wait, where are we going, Aya-san!?” he yelled at her back as he tried to catch up with her. Ayaka’s nose wrinkled at the honorifics. 

“Don’t call me that, we are the same age, you know?” she said, when Tanjirou finally reached her side. He just smiled, scratching his head with shame. 

“I can’t help it, you are just so strong!” he exclaimed with more enthusiasm than Ayaka tolerated. “When you cut off the arms of the demon in a second I was so impressed! It was so cool you could see it coming!”

Ayaka 's eyes settled on him for just a moment, ignoring his compliments. She didn’t need them, she already knew that. However, there was something bothering her. 

“You are dirty”, she commented, pointing a finger at him. She took a step away from him. 

A confused grimace painted itself on Tanjirou 's face. He brought his arm up to his eyes.

“I don’t see any dirt”, he said, looking at her even more confused. 

«Of course he doesn’t see it», Ayaka thought.

Her sight came with disadvantages. She could see every one of the speck of dust on Tanjirou’s uniform. Although the boy wasn’t very clean either. Ayaka’s nose wrinkled uncomfortably again, unable to drift her gaze from the filth on his skin. 

“You went under the floor, right? On the swamp”, she said, taking it for granted. “I can even feel the grease emanating from you, it gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. You are lucky, none of our crows have assigned us any missions and my parent’s house is near. “She frowned again.” You can take a bath there.”

“Do I smell that bad?”, Tanjirou whispered to himself, sniffing at his own arm. 

A moment in silence passed (which felt like heaven) until Tanjirou talked again. 

“Can I call you Aya then?” he asked. Ayaka just shrugged. 

“You can do whatever you want as long as you don’t use honorifics, I don’t care”, she commented without giving it too much thought. 

The Sun was starting to rise over the horizon when Ayaka and Tanjirou left behind that village. 

It was near lunch when they finally got to the rice field Ayaka had been raised on. 

The memories hit her strongly, going back to her mind after so long. If you followed the earth path to the right you’d get to the village. 

It wasn’t very big, just enough to not draw attention to itself. 

It had certain small shops, majorly on the market. If Ayaka hadn’t forgotten, she swore there was a small mochi shop. In her family they had the habit of buying a bit on New Year 's. The melon flavoured one was her and her grandma’s favourite.

The majority of the people lived in the village, and they worked on the market or similar jobs as artisans or on the rice field. 

Many of the farmers had travelled to the big cities to work on factories and the industry. So a big part of those that worked on the rice field had moved away to near towns over the past decades.

Fortunately or not, Ayaka’s father was too weak to work a job as tough as a factory’s, making her parents stay on the known and comfortable rice fields. 

However her parents didn’t live in the village, but at the end of the crops. Near the river. 

And to go there, Ayaka had to cross all the way over there. This only made the people working there whisper as they went. 

This was why she hated the rice fields. 

She tried to ignore them, but she couldn’t help but tense at hearing their voices. Why couldn’t they just shut up? 

Tanjirou’s voice distracted her for a moment.

It had been a while since he last had tried to talk to her. Every time he merely tried to Ayaka answered with short sentences, not giving any room for the conversation to breath.

There were two main reasons. The first one was that she wasn’t the kind of person who talked much about herself. The second one was that she didn’t want Tanjirou to believe they were friends. 

That Ayaka hadn’t killed his sister and that they were going to her house that moment meant nothing. 

“So, how are your parents?”, Tanjirou asked with a smile. Ayaka scratched her cheek in thought, not knowing what to say. 

“Well…”, she hesitated for a moment. “They are kind of weird.” 

An idea popped brightly on her head. 

“Now that you say it, they are a lot like you”, Ayaka said, pointing a finger at him innocently. Her eyebrows left her usual unmoving position and formed two arcs, her usual serious expression changing for one of pure sincerity. 

She seemed to become younger in an instant, going from an adult demon slayer to the kid she was. 

From Tanjirou’s mouth came out a sound in confusion, not expecting that answer. 

“And how is that, exactly?” he asked, taken aback, attempting to be polite. 

Ayaka stopped to think about her answer for a moment, leaning her chin on her hand, lost in thought. 

The rice fields swinged with the wind and small birds flew over their heads as they sang without worry. They spent a few moments in silence until Ayaka talked again.

“They are very kind, so much it becomes obnoxious”, she answered without thought, gaining a disappointed look from her partner. 

“I thought it would be something good”, he mumbled in defeat. “At least they aren’t like Aya, or else they’d be scary.” 

He was lucky Ayaka didn’t get to hear him. 

“My mom is always saying I look like my grandma, but she doesn’t live with us”, Ayaka commented casually, then she pointed at the building that could be spotted at the end of the road. “Do you see that house? My parents live there. It’s only them, so we will be able to rest peacefully until tomorrow morning.” 

Oh, how wrong she was.

“A-chan!”

Her mother 's arms enveloped her suddenly making them nearly fall to the floor. Luckily Ayaka stayed steady on her feet, with her mother’s strong arms squeezing her more than necessary. 

“Hey, mum”, she accomplished to say, fighting to breathe. Tanjirou stayed by her side, waiting for his presence to be acknowledged. 

Ayaka reciprocated her mother 's hug in shyness, patting her back softly. It didn’t seem to matter to her. She gave her a last squeeze and separated herself from Ayaka, caressing her cheeks. 

“But look at how much you’ve grown!” she exclaimed excitedly, without letting go of her cheeks. Then she turned around to the door. “Makoto! A-chan has come to visit!”

Her father didn’t take long to appear, his thin face peeking over the door. When he saw Ayaka was there he threw himself at her just like how her wife had done a few minutes prior. That time the hug wasn’t nearly as asphyxiating. 

“A-chan, we’ve missed you so much!” he exclaimed at the brink of tears. Her mother put her arm on his back in an attempt to console him. 

“Come on, Mako, don’t cry,” she pleaded, getting him away from Ayaka at last. “After all she’s visiting, we have to be happy.” 

He nodded in a weak smile, drying the tears that had gotten to escape out of his eyes. 

“I just can’t help it, it’s been three years since she left,” he said melancholically, although his smile didn’t go from his face. 

Ayaka blinked surprised. 

«Huh!?»

Three years? She thought there were only two. She was fourteen, right? 

Right?

“Dad, I think you’re in the wrong”, Ayaka started nervously, playing with her fingers. “It’s only been two years.”

Now it was her parents’ turn to blink, in confusion. 

“I’m pretty sure it’s been three years, Ayaka,” her mother said that time, a light worry on her voice. “Can it be that you lost the sense of time on Himejima-san’s mountain?” 

If Ayaka was honest, she wasn’t misguided. 

All seasons started to feel the same, without being able to differentiate summer from winter after being under the cold water of Himejima-shishou’s waterfall for so long. 

Then she understood, and that hit her like a glass of water to the face.

“I’ve trained more than necessary.”

Himejima-shihou had advised her to train for two years in order to be prepared for the Final Selection. It was the usual time of training the majority of demon slayers took to prepare.  

Apparently he didn’t stop her when he noticed she had been training more than needed. 

“So that’s why the Final Selection seemed so easy,” she mumbled to herself. 

Tanjirou by her side muttered in admiration. The three of them turned around to look at him, realizing for the first time he was there.  

“Oh! Are you a friend of Ayaka’s?” her mother asked with hope. Ayaka furrowed her eyebrows in annoyance. 

“He’s actually a member of the corps, like a partner,” she said, turning her head around to look at Tanjirou. He blushed, still and tense on his place without daring to say anything. You didn’t have to be Ayaka to see he was dying out of embarrassment. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Tanjirou Kamado!” he introduced himself as he bowed. He nearly touched the floor with his forehead. Would Nezuko be bothered by the constant movement inside the wooden box on his back? 

That was the biggest formality the Iwamotos had ever been treated with, ever. So naturally the three of them simply stared at him, shocked to the core. 

The silence remained until another familiar voice appeared behind them.

“Just what the hell are you doing, idiots? Lunch is gonna get cold and poor Kobayashi has put a lot of effort into it.” A small figure appeared by the door. Her eyes settled on Ayaka. “Ah, at last my graniece, the demon slayer, has enough decency to visit us.” 

Ayaka nearly chokes on her own spit.

“It 's not that, Kaede-san! I’m sure Ayaka has been very busy,” her father said in nervousness.

Tanjirou raised his head from the floor slightly, seeing an old lady that couldn’t be more than a hundred and forty centimetres a few meters away from them. 

Despite her size, she moved with grace and dignity, as if she had been raised in a palace. 

“Enough so that she hasn’t dared answer any of the letters?” she asked, annoyance clear on her voice. 

Not even a second passed until her grandmother arrived next to Ayaka and got to hit her on the head with the fan she always carried around. 

It was an achievement in itself, since Ayaka was twenty centimeters taller than her. 

“Mom!”Ayaka 's mother exclaimed in horror. Ayaka herself was dumbfounded, not expecting that reaction from her grandma, least of all that she would be there at all.

Kaede huffed as she crossed her arms. 

“You’re lucky I’m not your mother, and that your parents aren’t strict”, her grandmother commented. “If you were my daughter I would have gone over to Hime-whichever-was-his-name and I would have dragged you here myself. Of course, right after having fistfought your master for training a twelve year old girl to go around killing demons. It was a pity I wasn’t there when he recruited you.”

Ayaka pressed on the place she had received the blow, feeling it become sore. That would become a bruise later.

“What are you even doing here?” she asked, confused. “Didn’t you live in the mountains?”

Her grandmother huffed again, as if that mere question angered her. 

“Your dear grandmother is getting old and she needs help sometimes. So I moved here, since you were somewhere else,” she explained solemnly. “By the way, I took your room.” 

Before Ayaka could have time to complain, her grandmother fixed her gaze on Tanjirou.

“So you’ve brought another demon slayer with you,” she said calmly as she watched Tanjirou carefully. “What’s your name?” 

“I’m Tanjirou Kamado! It 's very nice to meet you, madame Iwamoto!” he introduced himself yet again, bowing in respect. 

Kaede just let out small chuckles, proceeding to hit his nape with her fan. But, quite the contrary from Ayaka’s, it was a soft knock. 

“I’m not an Iwamoto, sweetie. I didn’t take my husband’s surname when we got married”, she cheerfully said. “I’m Kaede Fujioka. It’s very nice to meet you too, Tanjirou.” 

“Ah, I apologize for the mistake then, Kaede-san,” Tanjirou apologized, seemingly more relaxed. It was clear Ayaka’s family was nothing like her, which relieved him somehow. 

“Ah, he’s so kind,” both of Ayaka’s parents muttered happily at the same time. 

“If you are going to bring more friends, I hope they’re just like him,” her father commented delighted in between whispers at Ayaka’s ears. 

Ayaka’s eyebrows fixed together again in irritation.

“We are not friends!” she exclaimed annoyed. Then, she took Tanjirou’s arm. “Let’s go take a bath.” 

Her grandmother loudly burst in laughter behind their backs. 

“I’m so glad, because you seriously need it!” she exclaimed while laughing. “Even I can see the filth emanating from the both of you!” 

Chapter Text

Not much time passed for Ayaka to realize Tanjirou was warm. 

Not in terms of personality, even if he was, Tanjirou’s body radiated such an intense warmth that Ayaka’s skin was able to feel it over the bamboo poles of the panel where they both leaned in.

Her parents weren’t rich, they didn’t have enough money to afford a bathtub nor enough wood to heat up the water regularly. With that and Ayaka’s habit of bathing more than usual, they didn’t have any other way than to take the river behind their house not too far away. 

So the only thing they could was to manage with the water of the river (the one that came from the mountain, so it was clean, Ayaka had confirmed it) and a bamboo panel to protect the privacy between men and women. 

Ayaka took no issue with this, since it wasn’t strange for her to share the bathroom with Genya on Himejima-shishou’s mountain. Even if Ayaka had tried to convince Tanjirou it didn’t matter, he had insisted on using the panel.  

It was quite clear his parents had tried to raise him to be someone respectful. It took effort to not use honorifics whenever he acknowledged her, receiving a growl from her every time. As respectful as he was, it didn’t take away his stubbornness. 

And, in Ayaka's opinion, his obnoxiousness.  

“Your family is very kind, Aya”, Tanjirou said. Ayaka didn’t know if he was happy or that was just every day Tanjirou.

But one thing was evident, Tanjirou and her family got along. So much he seemed to be son of the Iwamotos and she didn’t. 

“Right, that’s because you don’t know my grandma when she’s in a bad mood,” she answered, voice as sharp as a knife. She played absentmindedly with one of her locks, which now floated freely on the water contrasting with her usual tight bun. The green tips were visible now that it wasn’t at the top of her head.“It’s because you’re a guest, if not, she wouldn’t be so nice with you. Although I can’t say the same for my parents, they are like that with everyone but they seem especially delighted with you.”

The words that escaped from her lips were half lies, since Ayaka had never seen her grandmother treat someone with such kindness. 

Kaede was just like her grandniece, maybe even prouder than her, since it was known she would never bow down for nothing nor anyone. Gaining her respect was no easy task, but even then, Tanjirou had managed to do it without problem in the few minutes that lasted their conversation.

She dived deeper into the water to the point the only thing merely visible were her eyes. 

The coldness and the breeze that lost its warmth as time passed nearly made her shiver, but she managed not to. Tanjirou seemed used to the cold but she could still feel some irregular trembles over the bamboo panel. 

Tanjirou Kamado was a mystery and Ayaka didn’t like the things she had no explanation for.

“Do you carry two soap bars with you wherever you go?” She heard Tanjirou say at the other side. Despite being back to back with him, she could imagine him perfectly as he asked, watching in wonder the lilac soap he held in his hands.

“Of course I do, don’t you?” she answered as if that was the most obvious thing in the world. “Although it wouldn’t surprise me, with how filthy you were, do you even wash your hands?”

She only heard guilty chuckles in response, but Tanjirou’s cheerful attitude didn’t waver in the slightest. 

“I think it’s worthy of admiration that you take care of yourself so passionately”, he said. Ayaka tried to look for any malicious intent on his tone but she found none. “That means you’re a responsible person, even if this soap smells different than normal.” 

«Worthy of admiration?», she questioned on her head. «What part of that seems worthy of admiration to you?»

A few moments passed without saying anything, as silence seemed to materialize between them just like the panel that separated them. Not even the usual singing of the birds or the constant flowing of the river could make that conversation even an ounce less uncomfortable. 

“Himejima-shishou gave them to me,” she said in a whisper, so rushed that Tanjirou could barely hear her. Contrasting with the usual coldness that seemed to be always present on her, a small warmth manifestated on her cheeks. 

“Did you say something?” Tanjirou asked. He wasn’t even sure if who she had talked to was him. It was no secret she didn’t seem to be the type to start conversation, so that fact made him doubt. 

“I said Himejima-shishou gave them to me!” Ayaka yelled this time, more ashamed than anything for losing her temper like that. Then she cleared her throat, her cheeks were still warm but her voice was back to normal. 

“They are made of wisteria, the soap bars” she hesitated as she tried not to stumble with her own words. “They help against demons.” 

Tanjirou only hummed in understandment.

“So that’s why you smell like flowers,” he muttered to himself. 

Luckily for him, Ayaka had an incredible sight, not an incredible hearing.

“I didn’t hear that, was it important?” she questioned.

“No, no, it was nothing!” Tanjirou answered as he let out a few awkward chuckes. Ayaka decided not to ask, what Tanjirou said or not wasn’t on her list of priorities.  

After all, there was something more important that had been wandering on her mind for so long it became annoying, and she can’t stand the impatient that burns at her throat. So, sighing for the last time, Ayaka just asks: 

“Tanjirou, who is Muzan Kibutsuji?”

She had heard that name fluttering around him and the demon while they talked, and she suspected its involvement with Nezuko's current estate. It was just the two of them there, so he could tell her everything without worrying. Besides her being extremely perfectionist and hating dirt, Tanjirou could guess why she brought him there. 

“Muzan Kibutsuji is a despicable being.” Those words flowed over his mouth swiftly, just like honey, but Ayaka knew they were more similar to poison. Never had she ever heard so much hate in a few words alone. Would Tanjirou be infuriated at the other side? Would he be tightening his fists until they turned white? Would he be biting his tongue to hold back his anger? 

However it was, she didn’t even blink, Even if the last thing she expected from Tanjirou was seeing him angry, it didn’t surprise her. 

There were few things that surprised her now, and fury wasn’t one of them. 

Her eyes had witnessed many people like that before, being herself the major subject when starting her training. Frustration had easily been accumulated back then, and Himejima-shishou had had problems dealing with her in their daily life. Sometimes her tears, hot just like the flames of hell, had run down her cheeks. Other times she had been possessed by the great feeling of wanting to destroy something until her fists were bleeding and she collapsed to the floor. But Himejima-shishou had taught her to deal with it, and that everyone was sometimes taken over by the fire of anger that burned their chest. 

"The only thing you can do is try to control it”, had said Himejima-shishou, and she had followed his advice until then, even if it burned bright inside her every single day.

As much of a good boy as Tanjirou was, he would be no exception. 

“Calm down, Tanjirou,” she pleaded (more like ordered) as she tried to replicate Himejima-shishou’s words still fresh on her head. “It’s no use for you to get angry now, that man isn’t here.”

“Sorry.” Tanjirou appeared calmer, but she still felt his anger. So, Ayaka tried another method. 

“Tell me, what would happen that if by chance, someone said his name in batlle? Or even worse, if you encountered him?” she asked, her attitude so cold it burned. Tanjirou stayed silent, maybe taking on the weight of her words. “The only thing you’ll achieve will be to lose control of your emotions, clouding your mind and making you unable to distinguish the weight of your actions.” 

“That is to say, that you will cause your own death. And you don’t want to die, right?” 

Ayaka wasn’t someone that coated her words in sugar. After all, it was no use to hide from reality to protect others. 

“I can’t help it, he-” Tanjirou hesitated for a moment, gathering the courage to say it outloud. “He killed my family.” 

Then he told her everything.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Ayaka soon discovered that the usual in the Demon Slaying Corps was to be bound with tragedy. To have a horrifying past where demons destroy everything you love, just for that burning fury to be a reason more to fight against them. 

Every demon slayer she had ever met was strongly related with demons. Genya’s family had been murdered by one of them, by what Himejima-shishou told her, and his older brother, Sanemi, the current Wind Pillar, had saved him. 

Himejima-shishou was no different. He had previously lived in a village taking care of a group of orphans he had raised like his own. One day they were attacked by a demon, and Himejima-shishou was forced to fight him. By then all the kids were dead except for a little girl who accused him of being the murderer. 

However, she wasn’t like that, her loved ones were safe and sound. The only member of the family that had died was her grandfather long before she was born and the demon she killed for Himejima-shishou to acknowledge her potential didn’t harm anyone from her family, she could have gone back to her daily life leaving the encounter as a mere memory.

Thus, she didn’t know the pain that came with the death of a loved one.

She didn’t have any obligation to do what she was doing, no sense of duty or thirst for revenge. 

«Then why are you here? Why do you carry a slaying-demon sword willing to risk your life to eliminate them?»

«Why?»

“Do you really think I smell like flowers?” Ayaka curiously asked Tanjirou, already out of water and enveloped in clean clothes (she had made Tanjirou give her his uniform to clean it later, and she was grateful her mother gave them two change of clothes). 

They had decided to go back, since there was nothing left to do and it was still lunch time.

It seemed that after taking a bath, Ayaka had relaxed immensely compared to her usual attitude. Even if her crow came flying at her letting out caws about a new mission, she wouldn’t even attempt to throw a rock at him. 

If Tanjirou saw her like that for the first time, with the black wet mop of hair on her shoulder and the ghost of a smile on her lips, he would have never believed her to be the demon slayer he had met the day before. 

“It’s more of a mix between many flowers, but majorly wisteria and lillies, and a pinch of jasmine,” Tanjirou explained. 

«He sure has a good sense of smell», she thought.

Her nose wrinkled with discontent..

“I hate flowers,” she said without remorse. “You could step on them and they’d die.”

“But they’re pretty,” Tanjirou countered. 

She only huffed, that was not a good reason to like something. 

“And what about it? If you want something pretty then just take a rock, some of them glow in the dark.” She crossed her arms in stubbornness. “I’m not an apprentice of the Stone Pillar for nothing.”

At the comment, Tanjirou stiffened.

That question had been on the back of his mind ever since Ayaka had mentioned the Stone Pillar. The only master he had met was his, Urokodaki. 

Even if he was grateful for his teachings, Tanjirou had found his training hard. Although he understood that was just the bare minimum in order to be able to fight against demons. 

So when he thought about Ayaka, he couldn’t help but wonder just what kind of hellish training her master had put her though, and what kind of person he was so she was just as tough as the former Water Pillar. 

“So… is your master just like you?” he asked, voice suddenly shaking. 

Ayaka’s eyebrows went up to her forehead at the question. 

“Of course, he spanks you a hundred times unless you don’t follow everything he says to the smallest of details,” she answered without blinking. 

That was a joke, of course. But it seemed they didn’t have the same standard for what could be considered funny, because Tanjirou fainted right that moment, horror having occupied every inch of his features.

Even Ayaka could joke sometimes, although it wasn’t a joke one would tell at a party. 

Her brown eyes just gazed at where he was, as Tanjirou muttered in science “that explains it”.

Hands on her waist and a bored expression, Ayaka just waited for him to get up..

“Himejima-shishou would never do that, stupid,” she mocked, although she wasn’t surprised. A proud smile couldn’t help but slip on her face as she thought about her master. She offered Tanjirou her arm in the process, who accepted it gratefully, and on a whim she pulled him up with such force he was close to see his father in heaven.  

“He isn’t like that. Besides, he’s the strongest demon slayer in the corps, that’s not something you can achieve with spanking,” she continued with a genuine ight on her eyes, once Tanjirou was back on the land of living. “It’s a privilege to be trained by a pillar, so imagine how lucky I was when he just appeared at my house.” 

“It seems you really appreciate him”, Tanjirou managed to say even still out of breath. 

The apparently permanent frown on Ayaka 's face faded away for a moment, and Tanjirou discovered the seemingly frozen mountain had a small moment for spring. 

“I consider him a father,” she answered, but her voice was soft. There wasn’t any malice, annoyance or mocking. To be found on her voice was only pure and unconditional love, something only attainable when talking about someone very dear to oneself. 

That was something she had never been able to say, not even to Himejima-shishou. But there she was, admitting it in front of someone she had barely known for two days. 

It was too late to stop her tongue when she realized what she had said. She was talking too much, indulging too much. 

She used to do that when she was very young, but it had been a long time since she was child. 

The only explanation she could offer to her strange behaviour was the atmosphere of the moment. Tanjirou had told her about Nezuko and his family, so somehow she felt she had to return the favour, if her twisted reasoning made any sense.

Very deep within herself she knew it also had to do with Tanjirou himself, there was something to him that made her slowly melt. And that was no good. 

“I mean, it’s not that important,” Ayaka tried to fix her mistake. “He 's my master, after all. It’s just… normal... for me to hold him dear in my heart… Just a little.”

“My brother Takeo used to have a mole in the same place you do, you remind me of him.”

Ayaka blinked. Out of everything he could say, he decided to say that, and she didn’t know if to be grateful or confused. 

For the second time in twenty four hours, Tanjirou Kamado had left her speechless. 

She brought a hand to her mole without thinking, to her right cheekbone. 

“Are you serious?” she asked, surprised. 

Tanjirou nodded in order to leave clear that what he was saying was, indeed, true. 

“Do you think we could be related?” Ayaka wondered in thought, leaning her chin on her hand.  

“I don’t think that’s very likely,” Tanjirou sounded somehow ashamed of debunking her theory, but it was quickly brushed off by the calling of her name. 

“Ayaka.”

Right there before her was the only person that had once made her heart shudder, and that she now hated with all her heart. 

Yuu Kobayashi.

She just gave a step back, bewildered. She crashed against Tanjirou’s chest but he got to take her by her shoulders and keep them both still so as to not fall to the ground. 

For the first time in so long, she felt the fear hit against her chest in a twinge. 

“Yuu,” her mouth said his name before she could realize she had done it. It was merely a whisper that slid from her mouth with the familiarity of someone that calls the name of an old friend. It soon got lost against the wind, but it was painful enough so that Ayaka couldn’t let it go.  

Yuu, no, not Yuu, Kobayashi (he was just Kobayashi now for her) gave a step towards her. He moved clumsily, even warily. As if he believed that, if he moved too fast, Ayaka would start running. 

She remembered now, the motive of her choice to run away with Himejima-shishou. 

It was something she had hoped to bury a long time ago, so deeply it would be possible to ignore it and she wouldn’t be forced to hit it with strength enough so for the distants twinges of pain to fade away. It had always been there, ever so slightly, but even then Ayaka could feel it in especially dark nights where it was just her and her thoughts, although everything seemed to be her and her thoughts as of late. 

Kobayashi just cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. 

“How… how are you?” 

Ayaka ignored his question altogether. 

He hadn’t changed at all. The same brown hair that had always been short, just like when she last saw him, in between ashes and blood. 

However, Ayaka had changed. 

“What are you doing here?” she hissed, deciding she had given him the pleasure of silence for too long. She hoped her hate reflected on her question, because she wanted it to hurt just as much as it had hurt her.  

That reunion had been inescapable, even if Ayaka had desired with all her heart for it not to be. 

“Aya, who is that?” Tanjirou asked behind her, her shoulders still safely guarded between his hands. 

He must have been confused. He didn’t know anything about her, not even enough to call her “partner”.

“I live with the Iwamotos,” Kobayashi answered fastly. “I’m Yuu Kobayashi!” 

Then he bowed, with a bunch of wood under his arm he didn’t let go of. 

He must have been picking it up when she and Tanjirou arrived, going back later for them to crash on his way back to the house. 

That Kobayashi was the one doing it also meant her father was too weak to do it himself, but how could she know that, if she hadn’t even dared read any of their letters. 

Her grandmother had mentioned Kobayashi’s name before, she shouldn’t have been surprised. 

Tanjirou introduced himself the same way he had with her family, which was to be expected. Ayaka just watched, the gaze that had been filled with fear before replaced by the cold and harshness of a demon slayer. 

And not knowing how, Kobayashi is on the floor, his nose gushing blood nonstop. Ayaka doesn’t remember when she’s done it but there is no remorse. She can still feel the strength of the blow on her knuckles, pulsing and warm, that contrasted with her usually cold hands. 

It’s the first time she’s punched someone, surprisingly, she had wanted to save her fists for Kobayashi first, so Genya and her had saved a few fistfights during the time they were together. 

Seeing Kobayashi on the floor brings her satisfaction, although it wasn’t enough to close the wound that’s still open. 

“Okay, I deserved that,” Kobayashi mutters, chuckling weakly to know it really hurts. Even if his hands start to soak onto his own blood, that doesn’t stop falling. 

Her training hadn’t been in vain, here was the proof. 

Ayaka could hear Tanjirou run to his side, but she didn’t take off her eyes from Kobayashi. Of course, Tanjirou was too kind to let it go. Everyone was too kind, so kind it made her sick. 

«Kindness doesn’t lead you anywhere», she thought, as Tanjirou offered Kobayashi his sleeve to clean himself.

“Aya, you shouldn’t have hit him!” Tanjirou exclaimed, in an attempt to scold her. She wouldn’t feel remorse even if he tried. “We are demon slayers, we protect humans, we don’t hurt them!”

Kobayashi just mutters she has a reason, that he deserved that punch and three more beatings, and she would have been glad to provide them, but Tanjirou is too stubborn to believe someone, a human, would deserve any harm.

«Don’t stick your nose into this», Ayaka had the impulse of growling, but she didn’t. She remembered Himejima-shishou, so she averted her gaze somewhere else, if she looked at him she could say things she would regret later on. 

“My idiot parents are too kind to let an orphan live on the streets, right?” Ayaka hissed without hesitation, ignoring Tanjirou’s worried face. “Else they would have never let someone as pathetic as you step on our house.” 

Without another word, she started walking her path again to the house without giving them a single glance. 

Then, Yuu said it, and Ayaka came to a sudden halt.. 

“I’m sorry! I’m truly sorry for everything I did to you!” 

A moment passes for Ayaka to react, and even so, the only thing she does is turn her head around slightly. She can see there are nearly invisible tears, but not for her.

“Despite your name being “brave”, you are a coward, Yuu.” That was the first thing that came out of her mouth, she didn't speak louder nor she yelled. The coldness on her voice was more harmful than anything she could ever say. His tears don't move anything within her, crying doesn't always mean honesty. "You've had a lot of time to say empty apologies, however you do it now. What do you seek that way? To clean your consciousness? A redemption? You didn't even write to me, all this time, and you want me to believe you've changed? You're pathetic."

Moving in a manner close to being harsh she goes back to looking in front of her and continues her way, not before dedicating her last words to Tanjirou, who remains kneeling next to Kobayashi looking like he has no clue what's going on and Ayaka prefers it that way. 

"Let's go, Tanjirou. I'm sure," she stopped for a second before inhaling softly. "I'm sure grandma is waiting for you to have lunch." 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

What she had longed for more than anything else back then was to be strong.

Ayaka’s rigid hands grabbed on desperately to the enormous boulder that left her  like  a small rag doll in comparison. She pushed against it again, soaked in sweat and trembling, as she attempted to make the boulder move. It was unnecessary to say it didn’t move from its place.

She huffed in small puffs and tried again, this time leaning her legs on the floor in an attempt to propel the boulder forward, but she only got for her knees to shake more under her own weight, slipping on the soft earth of Himejima-shishou’s mountain and  making her fall.

Even if she had been trying to make it move for the last week, even just a little, her efforts were in vain. 

She took a moment to breath in deeply, forgetting about the mix of feelings that overpowered her body and she couldn’t distinguish, just like Himejima-shishou had taught her, and tried to stand up. She could still feel how her body jolted as she got her callused hands on the boulder and slowly raised. Bit by bit, first straightening her knees, then her waist to finally lift her whole body and go back to her useless attempts.

Her sight sometimes became blurry, vanishing at moments in complete darkness to get back moments later. 

She didn’t know at what moment she’d lost her hair ribbon, but now her black hair framed her face, sticking to her skin as sticky and wet locks. In normal circumstances it would have made her shiver (more than she was already, if that was possible), however she couldn’t. 

Not when she had to keep going, not when she still hadn’t been able to move the boulder, not even one bit. 

Her lungs had started to hurt, more than usual when they used to at training. Of course, she had been using the Total Concentration Breathing for too long, nearly a few hours, when the more time she had been able to was a whole hour, but there were other things to worry about. 

She was so concentrated in her training, that not even Himejima-shishou’s voice stopped her from her task. 

“It’s late,” he said, as if the fact that the Sun had already set hadn’t been over Ayaka’s head for more than a million times. 

Ayaka tensed her jaw, flexing every muscle on her body to try, just one more time. 

Seeing how his disciple ignored him successfully, Himejima simply decided to keep talking. 

“If you don’t do “Repeating Actions” it will be impossible for you to move that boulder even one bit, Ayaka,” he scolded, but his voice was of someone peaceful, nor authoritative or too soft, just the voice of someone that didn’t care at all. Just Himejima-shishou’s voice. 

“You already know that,” a heavy exhale came out of Ayaka in the middle of the sentence, without stopping to push (all her body this time) against the boulder, “that I’m not capable of using “Repeating Actions.””

The moment Ayaka stopped talking, she collapsed out of exhaustion with a pained groan. She fell to the floor a second time, without finding within her the strength to stay on her knees, and even then, shivers still rann up and down her body. 

She finally dared to look at her master, who kneeled with her at hearing her fall to the ground.

Even kneeling, the boulder was no rival to Himejima-shishou’s size, and that made Ayaka wish she could be taller. 

She was still only thirteen, but she had never been the most patient individual. 

Ayaka wasn’t small. She was sturdy to a certain point, not as much as her mother, but enough so that it was difficult for people to make her fall to the ground. But she had inherited her father’s complexity, so she was tall enough to reach her master’s belly button. 

“That’s silly, everyone can use “Repeating Actions”, continued Himejima-shishou, with that neutrality that characterized him after all the time he had been teaching her. Even while crying. 

The most expression she had seen him wear was when he cried, just moving his eyebrows to express his sadness or any other kind of feeling, but she had never seen him sob, nor yell. 

Somehow, Ayaka admired that about him. 

“Well, maybe I’m the only one that can’t,” she offered as an answer, still on the ground. In some way her voice was as acid as lemon, but she wasn’t angry at Himejima-shishou. She made the vague effort to get up, but her arms failed her again and she ended up with her face to the floor. “Do not worry, I promise I’ll get to be just as strong without using it to be a proper successor. Almost none of the demon slayers use it, I’ll be okay.”

She let out a chuckle that felt more sour than sweet. Himejima-shishou didn’t seem to plan on moving from her side, but she had to continue. 

She needed to improve, she needed to train more. 

Her head started to pulse strongly, the beating of her heart like echoes on her head. Blood coursed through her veins, fast, making on her cheeks appear a scorching warmth that made Ayaka dizzy. 

Boom-boom.

Boom-boom.

Boom-boom.

Her throat was dry and rough like sandpaper because of lack of water and her breathing became faster, taking mouthfuls of air without being able to help it. 

And despite everything, Ayaka managed to stay on her feet. 

She tumbled for a moment, getting to lean on the boulder with her hands just like she had done last time. 

“You can go, Himejima-shishou,” Ayaka told him in the fastest way possible, talking had started to become painful. “I need to train more and you and Shinazugawa-san can have dinner without me.” 

Back then it had been fairly soon since Genya Shinazugawa had joined them as an apprentice of the Stone Pillar, so Ayaka still used honorifics with him when Himejima-shishou was around. That would change not too much after, seeing as it was no use with someone as crude as him, and Himejima-shishou knew they didn’t have the best of relationships either. 

Himejima-shishou stayed static for a moment, and Ayaka didn’t know if to associate it to him adapting to the fact she had gotten up and he couldn’t see it, or if he was thinking about what to say.  

“It’s okay for today, you should go back inside.” 

Everything Ayaka could do was shake her head repeatedly, pushing with the few ounces of energy that were left.

Somehow she had hoped she’d be able to do it if she tried, even if it was just a bit.  

“Ayaka, go back inside, please.”

She harshly shook her head from one side to the other, along with a high-pitched and scared “no” that got to escape from the deepest part of her throat. 

“Ayaka.”

Her body petrified, maybe out of surprise, or fear. That wasn’t the way Himejima-shishou talked to her, calm and sometimes even with a pinch of softness. No, that time, his voice got out as a real scolding, he had said her name in a way to make sure she got the message that it was serious. 

That didn’t make her go back.

“You said that pillars are so strong because they trained until they spit blood, even being close to dying in the process. Why am I different from them?” she questioned, nearly with resentment. Himejima-shishou didn’t answer her questions, instead, he patted her head delicately. Almost like he was caressing her. 

“I am not like Genya,” she reminded, tightening her hold against the boulder. “I need to-” 

She couldn’t finish talking. A viscous substance rose through her throat and blocked her words, and Ayaka was forced to her knees, tainting the white and snowy  floor with her lunch.

It stirred up her insides, leaving a bitter and sickening  aftertaste on her mouth that stayed there, at the end of her throat and on places of her mouth she had never had knowledge of until that moment.

“That’s enough,” Himejima-shishou proclaimed, taking from the floor the small red ball with black on top that was his disciple. With vomit dropping down her chin, Ayaka tried to get away from his grasp, clutching to the cold snow in a desperate attempt of preventing something that had long already been decided.

And then: 

"Achoo!"

There was a moment where the two of them remained static, maybe because of surprise or trying to discover if they both had heard the same thing.

“You’ve caught a fever,” Himejima-shishou affirmed, being the first of them to break that uncomfortable silence. 

“Of course not!” Ayaka countered as she tried to play silly, even if her nose was runny and her back suffered waves of shivering. “I don’t get sick.” 

“I’ve taken care of many kids before you, you can’t fool me.” Pressing the palm of his hands against her forehead, Himejima-shishou confirmed she was, indeed, sick. “You have to take care of yourself, especially because of your condition.”

Giving up, Ayaka let herself fall against the enormous chest of Himejima-shishou. She buried her hands against the small wrinkles of her master’s haori, hoping to make her icy fingers go back to life. At the moment, shame started to drip through her chest like honey, sticky and hick. The idea of her master seeing her that way made her nauseous.

She felt pathetic. 

And what was worse, Shinazugawa would have to see her that way.

She saw how he harshly got up at seeing his master go in through the door. If her eyes didn’t trick her, he had hit his knee against the table when he got up. 

She couldn’t know, since everything started to feel blurry. She tried to bury herself more against Himejima-shishou’s body as Shinazugawa got closer.

She wanted him to leave her alone. They had merely been together for a few weeks and that the clearest impression she got of her was sick and soaked in sweat was not very attractive. 

“What happened to her?” He sounded strangely clumsy, different to how he usually sounded, stubborn and angry for no reason. At least that’s what she saw as she slipped between unconsciousness. 

«And why do you care», was the first coherent thought that crossed her mind. From her mouth could only roll a mere murmur that sounded like something close to “I’m fine”. But Himejima-shishou didn’t seem to share her opinion.

“She’s sick.”

Ayaka tried to shake her head, grabbing strongly onto the soft cloth of her master's demon slayer uniform, but she only managed to prove his point further. 

There was a time where everything she could feel were the nonsense muttering that flew over her head, muffled, with no possibility of ever catching them. 

She felt as a liquid dripped on her face, and Ayaka lifted her gaze. Tears framed Himejima-shishou’s chin, falling on her face like a heavy autumn rain.

Why was he crying? Was it because of her? Was he disappointed? Wasn’t she a strong enough successor?

She couldn’t tell apart anything they said, everything was muffled noises. 

At the end, there was a part she could hear with strange clarity, and she preferred not to have.

“Genya, I need you to take care of Ayaka for the night.” 

Her eyes opened all of a sudden and she started to fight weakly on Himejima-shishou’s arms. It wasn’t any problem for Himejima-shishou, who seemed to have everything under control without any kind of inconvenience, keeping her safe in his arms without issues. 

“Can you do that?” 

"No, no, no, no, no" , Ayaka kept repeating, her voice surpassing whispers to become muffled yells. 

“Um”, Genya seemed to doubt for a moment, exchanging where to place his gaze between Ayaka and their master’s face, as if he was weighing his options. They weren’t many, since Himejima-shishou was the one asking. “Okay.” 

Without another word, Himejima-shishou left Ayaka carefully on the floor, easily getting rid of the grasp Ayaka had kept on him all this time. She tumbled like a doe and, with trembling knees, fell forward. 

Genya managed to hold her, leaning her head against his shoulder due to their height difference. 

Her burning breathing crashed against Shinazugawa’s neck in fast huffs. Ayaka tried to get out of his grasp and she tried to go back to Himejima-shishou, but he wasn’t there when she turned around to look at him.

Ayaka’s clouded eyes looked towards Genya. He was undecipherable, was he angry? Bothered mayhaps? She would be if she constantly had to take care of herself. So much calm on him started to be bizarre.

She tried to break away from him and go to the bathroom herself, but she didn’t go far away, crashing against the floor with a loud bang. 

With a sigh between annoyance and resignation, Genya lifted her up and kept her still. 

“I’ve had young sisters before, it won’t be as bad as you think it will.” In some way that she wasn’t able to describe he didn’t sound bothered or furious, more like slightly annoyed, as if she was a young sister that misbehaved. 

Maybe she was. She had never had older brothers, was this how it was supposed to be? 

Himejima-shishou always treated them like his own children, were they siblings then? 

From then on, Ayaka wasn’t the true Ayaka, or at least, she didn’t feel that way. 

As if she stared from the outside. She left Genya carry her to the bathroom, as if she wasn’t the one being carried. The body disposed of her clothes wasn’t hers. Her head, in pain and leaning on his shoulder, with her heavy breathing crashing against his neck, wasn’t hers. 

She didn’t feel the water going down her head when Genya threw a bucket over her, not the touches of his hands either, skillful and fast that cleaned efficiently with the help of the bar of soap he found on her dark red haori undressing her. 

She was simply a ragdoll, limp and absent. Her eyes lacked any light, as if she wasn’t able to see anything two inches away from her. 

If her lack of reaction worried him, Genya decided not to take it into account, associating it to the fever.

When he was finished he covered her in clean clothes and carried her to bed. With the same passiveness she had been showing all that time, Ayaka left him lay her on the bed and cover her with the blankets, making sure there wasn’t any gap to let the cold air get to her. 

Whatever similarity Genya could have had as an older brother must have been false, he only took care of her because Himejima-shishou asked him to, and Ayaka forced herself to keep away any kind of thought about family from her mind. 

A long time had passed since she had already decided to abandon everything that had to do with family. It wouldn’t make any sense to look for another one. 

She didn’t need it, not then not ever. 

She decided to not think about it and sleep, since Himejima-shishou seemed determined on not letting her go back to training until she recovered, and it was clear that wouldn’t happen that night. 

And from all moments Genya could have decided to talk throughout the few weeks he had been there, he decided to do it then. 

“Your family is alive, right?”

“What?” That was the only syllable Ayaka could offer in response. He didn’t even seem ashamed or nervous, talking lightly without any kind of binding. 

Was that a joke? He must have been joking, else, who on their right mind would ask something like that? 

Ayaka leaned on her side, squinting to manage and see if he had actually talked or it was just her imagination. Finally, she decided that question wasn’t caused by her fever, and that she still hadn’t started to be delirious. 

However she nodded, affirming that yes, her family was alive, even if she wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with that information.

The nod made her sight spin, and she let herself fall to the futon again, looking at the ceiling as if it was the most interesting thing in the room. 

“If your family is still alive, then why do you want to be a demon slayer?”,  Genya questioned, sounding genuinely curious. That wasn’t what she expected to hear.

“Do you seriously believe- “. Ayaka choked on her own words, as a coughing fit interrupted her mid-sentenced. 

Her throat was still itching, but she continued talking. 

“Do you seriously believe us friends enough for me to tell you something like that?” The question was close to stupid, and it made Ayaka want to laugh at his face. She would have if she had been on her senses, but she wasn’t.

However, Shinazugawa seemed to be completely serious. 

After a time of silence, which Ayaka took advantage of to turn around and not look him in the face, Shinazugawa talked again.  

“I want to help my big brother.” His voice was low, as if he was ashamed to admit such a thing. 

Had she ever seen him that way? No, she didn’t think so.

It was curious, at the very least. 

Ayaka’s brown eyes, calculating as much as herself, squinted.

«So he was serious», she thought, nearly not being able to believe it.

Even if it wasn’t someone of her taste, Ayaka had to say Genya Shinazugawa had guts. 

She looked at him closely as he tried to run away from her inquisitive glance, the only sound in the house some unknown leak Himejima-shishou surely had forgotten to fix. 

Ayaka still didn’t feel like herself, and without wanting to, another Ayaka started talking. A mouth that wasn’t hers pronounced words that came out without hassle as if sliding down the skirt of a mountain. 

“I want to be strong, so I don’t have to rely on anyone,” she started, eyes that didn’t belong to her fixing on Genya. “There was someone who abandoned me, and after that I’ve only been able to trust in myself. That’s why I decided I would never depend on anyone, never again.” 

They only stayed looking at one another. He didn’t say anything, as the false Ayaka continued talking. 

“I know it’s selfish, especially compared to your reason, and even stupid. So you can laugh, if you have my permission to do it I guess it won’t be as humiliating.” She finished letting out a dry chuckle that ended up in another coughing fit, taking the lack of reaction from Genya in a bad way. She tried to reach the glass of water next to him, but she didn’t manage to. 

“It’s not that! I just didn’t expect it,” he confessed, passing the glass over to Ayaka who had appeared to be trying to reach it desperately. 

He looked strangely ashamed, something that didn’t fit on the image of him she had gotten to see. 

“Yes, I think I’m starting to be delirious,” she commented in retort, in strange calmness. Bizarre for someone delirious. She stopped for a moment to take a sip from her glass of water. “I want you to know that when I’m sick I say very stupid things. So forget them in the morning, please.” 

She took a moment before continuing, taking another sip to calm the itchiness on her throat that fought to be extinguished:

“And maybe I will spare your life.” 

That joke, if that’s how she could call it, came with a small snore Genya took for a laugh. 

Her usually grumpy partner seemed to soften at the sound. 

“You finally admit you’re sick.”

“I didn’t say that!”

If she was honest, Ayaka felt slightly better, but she would never admit it. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Are you better now?” That was the first thing Himejima-shishou asked Ayaka when he saw her sitting at the table the next morning. 

He looked like he just came back from a mission, since he had just got in through the door, the Sun barely rising over the horizon. 

His disciple merely growled, playing with the breakfast Genya had prepared that morning. 

Genya shouldn’t have done it, that day was Ayaka’s turn to prepare breakfast, but he had stubbornly insisted and they ended in a fight he obviously won, for the surprisingly good breakfast that rested now on the table (he had been there for weeks, but the fact that Genya could, indeed, cook would never get through Ayaka’s head). 

The small and angry reaction from Ayaka seemed to bring joy to Himejima-shishou, who patted her with his big hand just like he had done the night before: 

“I see you are okay already. A package came with your name on it.” 

He left a small box fall to Ayaka 's lap, and he sat down at the table, as Genya took the last dishes to the table and sat with them. 

“It must be from my parents. I bet it’s my birthday present,” Ayaka said, as she teared apart the wrap paper with accuracy. 

The not so hidden peeks Genya took to the box on her hands didn’t go unnoticed to her sharp eyes. 

With a rolling of her eyes, she threw it easily over to the other side of the table, where Genya managed to clumsily take it in between his hands and pressed it against his chest. 

Taking notice of the weird way he looked at her once again, Ayaka decided to talk.

“You can keep it, I don’t want it.” She huffed in a disinterested manner, close to boredom, and went back to her breakfast. And it didn’t matter to her, if it were for her she wouldn’t even want to be sent any present, but her parents were too stubborn. 

Genya looked at the box first, then at Ayaka herself, stumbling on whatever it was he wanted to say. 

“Thanks?”

Ayaka’s tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth in annoyance. 

“Don’t give them, I’m giving you the leftovers, if you haven’t noticed. Now pass over-” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“The tea, Tanjirou,” Ayaka pleaded, trying to hide the annoyance that was growing on her chest.  

Never had dinners been so cheerful in the Iwamoto residence. All her family seemed to flutter around him one way or another, be it chatting enthusiastically or insistently offering him another serving. 

The sound of her parents’ cheerful voices and the chatter filled even the smallest corner of the room, flooding Ayaka’s ears and making her temper go from bad to worse. 

The kettle, settled on the table, waited patiently for someone to take it. However it was two pairs of hands that threw themselves to it. 

Kobayashi was faster and he managed to take it before Tanjirou could even grace it. 

Making an effort to reach her, since Ayaka had made sure to sit as far away from him as possible, he only offered her a clumsy smile. 

It wasn’t the first time he did something like that, he had been trying all afternoon to please her, at least doing what he thought would please her. 

The amazement wasn’t small on Ayaka’s expression when, as her parents asked Kobayashi what had happened, he explained he had only crashed against a tree. 

He had appeared with Tanjirou by his side, not much after Ayaka did the same. The traces of blood had been the slightest, and the ones left were dry, but one could still notice them on his nostrils.

It wasn’t needed to say Ayaka had shivered at seeing the sleeve on Tanjirou’s kimono, with a fading dark red color, but she didn’t tell him anything. 

If someone from her family had noticed, they decided to ignore.

Ayaka’s hands took away the kettle from Kobayashi’s hands harshly, not before throwing a harsh look in his direction. 

If he believed he would fix things that way, he was terribly wrong. 

She left the kettle on the table roughly, wanting for him to notice she was angry and, without diverting his eyes from Yuu’s, she told her partner again. 

“Pass over the tea, Tanjirou.” 

Suddenly everyone on the table stopped talking, what once had been full of life only filled with a certain tense atmosphere. The only thing her parents did was look in confusion, trying to find something they were sure to have missed in order not to understand the situation. 

Even if Tanjirou seemed confused, he did as she said, having barely to lift the kettle to reach Ayaka’s hands. 

And then she did the unthinkable, a visibly forced and stiff smile painted on her features, Ayaka thanked Tanjirou. 

At the end, Kobayashi diverted his eyes from her and Ayaka proclaimed herself the winner of the silent battle that had taken place between them. 

That brought her satisfaction that tasted certainly well, she had been stronger than him. 

It didn’t last much.

“Tanjirou-san, would you like to stay over?” Her mother asked him, trying to dissipate the tense atmosphere that had fallen upon them. 

Ayaka and Tanjirou shared a look, to later direct their gaze to their respective crows, as if waiting for them to assign them a mission.

If they did, Ayaka hoped they’d be assigned different missions, even though she didn’t know, it was going to be quite the contrary. 

The crows paid no mind to their owners, too distracted on taking bites from the bowl Kaede, Ayaka’s grandmother, had prepared them by the windowsill. 

Ayaka’s crow had never stayed silent for so long. 

“It seems our crows won’t assign us any mission tonight,” Ayaka started in Tanjirou’s stead. “You can stay if you want, just don’t be a bother.” 

For some reason that seemed to make Tanjirou very happy, and his smile nearly flew out his face. 

“Oh, remove that smile off your face, as if I’d asked you in marriage,” Ayaka mocked in an amused grimace. 

However, he wasn’t the only one. Kobayashi, her parents and her grandma all shared the same sentiment. 

Her mother specially appeared to shine brightly in enthusiasm, but that was normal for her. It was usual for her father to have a calm smile on his face, it was just slightly bigger that time. 

What surprised her the most was her grandmother, whose smiles were small and few. It was a disturbing sight to see the small sign of happiness on her wrinkled and worn out face over time. 

She didn’t look at Yuu. She didn’t want to see Yuu, least of all smiling. 

“Tanjirou-san, we hope you are at ease with us and A-chan,” Makoto started, taking aside the bowl from where he had barely eaten. “We apologize for the inconveniences, but I fear there is only one bed left. Although not everything's bad, it’s big enough for you and A-chan to share.”

“Share it with Kobayashi then, I’m not going to sleep with anyone,” Ayaka harshly cut him off, taking a sip of tea. “You don’t mind, right, Kobayashi?”

She knew he couldn’t refuse, he had been kissing the floor she stepped on as if that would do something. She could use it to her advantage. 

Just as she expected, Kobayashi only shook his head like a well trained dog. The sight made a funny smile form on Ayaka’s lips. 

She had him right where she wanted. It wasn’t very difficult, mere child's play compared to strategies she used on the battlefield.

Ayaka could feel Tanjirou’s body as he tensed by her side, but he was too polite to say anything about it.  

The best way he found to do it was whispering in Ayaka's ear, his hot breath tickling her. Her smile turned into a frown as he kept talking against her skin.

Oh, she forgot about that. 

“Putting it in perspective, I’ll share a room with Tanjirou, demon slayer things and all, don’t worry.” Ayaka waved her hand in order not to give it any importance, throwing in the demon slayer topic and expecting her family not to ask. 

Nor her father nor her mother opposed, accepting without complaint. But there was something on her grandmother’s eyes that seemed to be trying to discover just what were those demon slayer things. Ayaka decided to pretend there was nothing wrong and avoid her, but it kept drilling with insistence. 

When she couldn’t stand it anymore, she decided to opt for the best option possible. 

To run away.

“Well! It’s already late, we should go to bed, right, Tanjirou?” Ayaka announced in an unusual cheerful manner, clapping once. She got up from the table and Tanjirou imitated her, he seemed even more nervous and lost than her. 

“I thought we could play Karuta,” her mother said, with a worn out stack of cards on hand, her voice more questioning than suggesting. “You’ve always liked to play.”

Ayaka didn’t have time to listen to her, she was too busy washing the dirty dishes. She cleaned them in a rush and carried Tanjirou to the guests’ room. 

“Goodnight!” he yelled before Ayaka closed the door. 

Her family could only observe petrified, but they couldn’t ask.

They were demon slayer things, right?

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“I’m sorry for the trouble, Aya,” Tanjirou apologized once they were alone, a smile soaked in guilt. 

“You can do something more useful than apologizing and take your sister away from me,” Ayaka complained as she tried to prevent Nezuko from throwing herself at her. She did everything she could, but Nezuko was a demon, she had supernatural strength, and as strong as Ayaka was, she would never be able to surpass her. 

“She likes you.” Was the only explanation Tanjirou offered in an unworried voice. He seemed strangely content with that fact. “I’m sure if you give her a few pats she’ll leave you alone.” 

Ayaka did what he said, surprised at how soft Nezuko was for a demon, but it wasn’t any use. 

It seemed Nezuko was determined on being as close as Ayaka as possible, to her exhaustion. 

“Please just take her off of me,” Ayaka pleaded in a huff, as Nezuko’s arms with crushing strength. 

Seeing as her partner started to lack air, Tanjirou finally dared to act, setting Nezuko aside easily. 

It was, without a doubt, very peculiar. 

Once Nezuko stopped trying to asphyxiate her to death, Ayaka could set the futon on the room. It was big enough for the both of them, but they’d be short on comfiness. 

“Just know that I’m not doing this for you. If it reached the corps that they saw my family giving shelter to a demon we would all be sentenced to death. You know that, right?” Ayaka questioned with crossed arms, her voice being close to show scolding. 

“I’m very sorry for the inconvenience to you and your family, Aya-san!” Tanjirou nearly yelled. And there it was again, the bowing down and the apologies.

“If we’re lucky, we’ll never see each other again,” Ayaka whispered tiredly, not paying attention to Tanjirou either bothering to tell him not to call her ”Aya-san”. 

“I’m not going to wait for you,” she lastly announced, going under the covers without taking him into account. “Although I suggest you sleep, we’ll probably be both assigned missions in the morning, taking into consideration we haven’t already.” 

He obeyed her without complaint, taking her place by her side in silence. 

Ayaka realized, for the second time that day, just how warm Tanjirou was. He only seemed to become brighter, since she could feel him warming her skin intensely even if they were back to back. 

She stayed looking at the wall, making sure to stay as far away from him as possible, because even if he was comforting, he retorted her stomach uncomfortably. 

“You know”, Tanjirou started after a while, without not knowing if Ayaka was awake or not, or if she was listening at all. “It was nice to feel as if I had a family again. Even if my family isn’t here anymore, I’ll never forget them, but it was nice.”

And she had been listening. That confession, in the darkness and in a low voice, as if it was just for himself, made her feel as if she was meddling with something very personal. A moment just as holy as a prayer.

She didn’t find her voice nor the correct words to answer him, should she in the first place?

And with Tanjirou’s warmth enveloping her softly, hours after that and listening to his soft snores, the only thing Ayaka could think about was just how selfish she was. 

The only thing she hoped for was to never have a team mission again, ever. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

A strange peace she didn’t feel in a long time wrapped her up like a blanket. A fire seemed to be by her, but it didn’t burn her, it protected her with its arms and melted the snow to give life to all it grazed. As if it gave back the comforting sun rays of spring after a long and merciless winter. 

The first thing Ayaka thought was that it felt good. 

With a smile unconsciously appearing on her lips she snuggled closer to the person hugging her. 

It was as if no wrongdoings existed in the world, nothing could ever disturb her or make her suffer and cry. As if she had gone back to being eleven again. 

She could feel someone else’s breathing on her clean hair. 

“Yuu,” she muttered, letting out one of those sighs one only lets out when they have no worries in life. 

She opened her eyes, so calm it didn’t feel real. 

Instead of being face to face with Yuu Kobayashi, just as she expected, the only person she saw was Tanjirou Kamado.

He was close, very close. 

“Did you say something?” he asked, having woken up not much later than her. 

Ayaka took a moment to look around her, realizing for the first time she wasn’t eleven and that this was, without a doubt, Tanjirou with his arms around her. He groggily rubbed his eye with his hand, but he made no attempt in taking his arms away from Ayaka’s body. 

“Are you sick? You have a weird expression on your face,” Tanjirou asked, trying not to sound worried, but small pinches sometimes touched the surface of his voice. 

Ayaka realized he was right, her face had contorted on itself, making way to a bizarre expression, between disappointment, confusion, and something she wouldn’t know what to call. Disgust, probably.  

Finally she took in the importance of the situation. 

Her eyes went from Tanjirou’s arm around her waist to his face a few times with an eyebrow raised in an accusatory manner, waiting for him to notice by himself what was wrong. Even if his nose was still buried in between her hair. 

«It’s settled, he’s dumb»

Harshly and with crimson cheeks, she pushed against Tanjirou’s forehead, making him take his arms from around her. 

That seemed to get him out of his own thoughts, and because he was Tanjirou, he proceeded to apologize profusely.

“I’m very sorry, you just smelled so good and seemed to be so cold and I-!” He moved his hands without control, in fast and clumsy gestures. 

It would have made Ayaka to make fun of him if it weren’t because his insistent habit of apologizing for everything annoyed her, and because she was embarrassed about it too. 

“At this point the only thing you have yet to apologize about is being alive,” she said in calm, finally getting and urging Tanjirou to do the same so she could collect the futon. 

Her cheeks were still burning. 

Tanjirou opened his mouth, attempting to apologize again, but he stopped himself before doing it and closed it.  

“By the way, where is Nezuko?” Ayaka asked as she aired the futon. Then she looked out the window, at the darkness of twilight. “The Sun will rise soon, make sure she’s safe by then.” 

“She must have gone back to her box already, she usually does it a bit before sunrise,” Tanjirou answered, leaning his cheek on his fist, as he observed like in a trance how Ayaka folded the futon, too big for her, and got it on the closet as if she had been doing it all her life. 

Once everything was tidy, Ayaka vaguely gestured for Tanjirou to follow her out of the room without stopping to check if he was following her or not. 

“Take it,” she said, as she threw his uniform, clean and without a wrinkle in sight, to his chest. Tanjirou stopped himself from yelling in surprise. 

“It’s even better than when I got it.” He couldn’t help but say, holding it on his hands as his eyes shined in amazement. “You’re so cool, Aya-san.” 

She simply ignored him, moving fastly through the kitchen as she took the leftovers from the night before to make breakfast. 

She knew that room like the palm of her hand. For as much time as she spent away, the memories ingrained in the body are never forgotten, like how an artist has encarved the ways to move their hands in order to draw. 

Everything was still the same, although now there was the smallest dust coating that served as proof of her absence. If she had been there the dust would be no more, since she was the only one able to see it, she was the only one able to clean it. 

She should do it the next time she came to visit, whenever that would be. 

“Do you want me to help you?” Tanjirou offered as he saw over her shoulder how Ayaka prepared the rice on the boiling water over the fire. 

He made an attempt to grab the spoon that hung on the edge of the pot, but Ayaka pushed him away with a slap before he could. 

“I don’t need your help, I can do it by myself, “she harshly said, giving Tanjirou a threatening glance that ordered him to stay sat without making any noise. 

He obeyed without complaint as he sweated profusely, sitting with tense shoulders and not daring to do anything. 

Time passed in silence, the sound of the bubbling water being the only thing to hear along with the slight echoing chirps of the birds outside. 

“I can’t understand why you think I’m amazing,” Ayaka confessed in a grimace. She had gotten used to the constant sound of Tanjirou’s voice chattering voice for the past two days, and it was weird not to hear it, as strange as that sounded. “To be fair, I don’t even consider myself a good person, although I don’t care either way. The only useful thing I’m good at is sword fighting, and I’m content with that.”

Tanjirou looked at her from his place in curiosity, as she checked over the food on the fire. 

“There is no particular reason, must there be one?” he answered in confusion. 

“Of course there must be one. If not, it wouldn’t make any sense,” Ayaka replied as if it was something everyone should know. “Take me, for example. I look up to Himejima-shishou because he’s very strong and brave, and even if he’s suffered greatly he’s still on his own two feet.” 

Tanjirou took his time to think. It was funny to look at his intensely concentrated face. 

“Then I think it’s the same reasons why you think Himejima-san is amazing,” he simply said, shrugging in the process. 

Ayaka gave him a glance filled in with scepticism along with slightly red ears, since comparing her to the Stone Pillar was the greatest compliment one could ever give her. 

Tanjirou’s eyes didn’t seem to lie. 

“How foolish,” she said. “I’m not like Himejima-shishou, not even close. Besides, how would you even know that if you don’t know him?” 

Tanjirou shrugged again. “I just know,” he only answered. 

“If you look up to me so much, can you do me the favour of bringing me my uniform?” Ayaka huffed in a bad mood. “It’s on the table.” 

With a son’s obedience, Tanjirou did just as she said. Estranged, he noticed there was something in the pocket, and from there he took out a piece of paper, wrinkled and destroyed by the water and the soap. 

“Aya, there was something in your pocket,” Tanjirou explained, holding on his hands what had once been a letter.

She froze, brown eyes fixed on Tanjirou’s hands. She hurried to run by his side, where she took that strange piece of paper with trembling hands. 

“Dammit, dammit, dammit!” From her mouth came a string of curses Tanjirou had only heard the elderly from his village say. 

“Aya, are you okay?” Tanjirou’s hand laid on her shoulder but she roughly brushed it  away.

“No, Tanjirou! Nothing about this is okay!” Ayaka was starting to lose her temper, so she let a trembling sigh and brushed one eye with her sleeve that had started to feel just a bit wet. “I forgot, I forgot, how could I forget, because I was so careless and I-” 

“What did you forget?” Tanjirou asked softly. Ayaka let him put his hand on her this time. 

“Himejima-shishou’s letter,” she answered in a small voice, unfolding it on her hands to check if there was something left she could read. “I forgot to take it out of my pocket when I washed my uniform and now it’s completely destroyed.” 

“It’s not that bad, it’s just a letter, I’m sure your master will understand,” Tanjirou tried to cheer up, which only made things wrong. 

A whimper escaped from Ayaka’s throat as she tried to control her frustration. 

“You don’t understand, he doesn’t write letters, and that he’s sent me one, knowing how much it takes for him to do it, made it something special. And because I was careless now it’s-” Her fists tightened around the letter avoiding looking towards Tanjirou, not even a second were his innocent eyes off of her. “It’s been completely ruined.” 

“Is that why you’re sad?” That question alone petrified her. She had the feeling he didn’t just say it  because of the letter. 

Ayaka smelled of sadness, not only then but all the time, as much as she tried to hide it with fury. He risked to say there was even a light smell of fear. 

It was a stupid question. She wasn’t sad, was she? It didn’t feel that way. 

That was how it had always been, because that was how strong people were, the truly strong. They didn’t let anyone walk over them and they didn’t need anyone else’s help, and she fulfilled those two requirements. 

Sad? Why would she be? She was just like how she had always wanted to be, or at least on the way to. Being a pillar meant being strong and indestructible, and that was her goal. 

Then why wasn’t she able to answer that question? 

“Can you show me the letter?” Tanjirou asked, interrupting her own thoughts. He seemed strangely curious for a soaked piece of paper. 

She kept thinking about what he had said, and even then Ayaka looked at him with a raised eyebrow and just let him take it from her hands. 

It didn’t take time for him to arrive at the table, stretching it completely. Ayaka stayed still for a moment as she looked at him just to go back to the boiling rice, which she had left unattended for too long. 

Her eyes couldn’t help but get distracted by the questionable actions of her partner, stealing one too many looks as she tried not to leave the pot without supervision for too long. 

He just moved the paper from one side to the other, looking from different angles and raising it against the window for the sun rays to  illuminate it. 

«He sure is a weirdo», Ayaka thought, looking over at him carefully hoping he didn’t notice. 

Yeah, Tanjirou Kamado was a weirdo, she shouldn’t listen to anything he said about her. 

“It can be fixed!” he exclaimed smiling. Ayaka jumped in surprise at his sudden yell, letting the wooden spoon fall. It fell down the soup, being set free of her grap and going down, down, down until it settled on the bottom and she couldn’t see it anymore. 

“Don’t yell,” she hissed, giving a glance back towards the rooms. 

She checked if her parents nor her grandmother had woken up and put off the fire, having finished her task and sliding by Tanjirou’s side. 

“Did you say you could fix it?” she asked warily, trying not to show the hope that promise had given her. 

Her partner fervently nodded, close to lightning up the room with his enthusiasm. 

“It’s my problem, you don’t have to do it,” Ayaka reminded with a frown, not knowing if it would be correct to let him do it. 

“It’s the least I can do after everything you’ve done for me. I want to return the favour, even with something as small as this,” Tanjirou replied with a shrug. Ayaka just looked at him weirdly. 

What had she done for him, besides yelling and ordering him around? 

“You protected me from that demon, don’t you remember?” Tanjirou started as he noticed the look she was giving him. “I was going to dodge it, although nearly, but you slashed off his arm so it wouldn’t hurt me either way.” 

Ayaka would have objected, but he continued talking, being him the one to ignore her that time. 

“You didn’t behead Nezuko either or reported us to the corps, and you’ve brought us to your house.” Ayaka’s mouth opened yet again, but Tanjirou stopped her. “You even went as far as to advise me about Kibutsuji, and you accepted sleeping with me so that Nezuko could get out of the box last night.”

She really had nothing on her mind to reply with. That bastard, Tanjirou, just stared happily at her as if something good came from all that. 

Soon, at her lack of words, (which was something that didn’t happen quite often, least of all to her), her cheeks acquired the colour of her haori. A greatly intense dark red manifested itself on them, and she found her voice to be trembling. 

“That… that was all for my own good, it just annoyed me to see you dirty and.... everything else would have just hurt me as a demon slayer,” she replied, trying unsuccessfully to recompose. 

Tanjirou didn’t care about whatever it was she tried to use as an excuse. 

“Maybe that’s it, but I like to think you’re kind, Aya.” Tanjirou’s smile made him squint, leaving clear just how round his cheeks were. “Besides, it’s never a bad thing to accept a bit of help from time to time, that’s what partners are for, right? You can’t always do everything by yourself.” 

Dammit, he was so warm. At that point she wouldn’t be surprised if Tanjirou wasn’t a child of the Sun.

With a foreign clumsiness Tanjirou had never seen her wear, Ayaka got up and returned to the kitchen with a slightly trembling “think whatever you want” as she grabbed her red hair ribbon and tied her hair on a loose ponytail. 

Ayaka didn’t like Tanjirou, he didn’t like him at all. 

But maybe he wasn’t that bad, not that much. 

«You must learn to accept others. You won’t be able to defeat all demons by yourself». Himejima-shishou’s voice echoed through her head, acting as her consciousness in the less appropriate of the moments. 

Was that what he meant?

She stole a last peek at Tanjirou, who found himself carefully trying to dry the letter with a piece of cloth.

No, there was no way. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Don’t forget about dad’s medicine, make sure grandma doesn’t burn herself out and that mum doesn’t spend all her time in her garden.” Ayaka continued listing warnings and rules for Kobayashi to follow while she was away. 

On his part the boy looked mortified, as he tried to remember every and one of them, but it was impossible, there were too many. That’s how Ayaka was after all, he knew more than anyone. 

Not too far from her were her parents and her grandmother, who said their goodbyes to Tanjirou with great feelings. 

“Come visit whenever you want, the doors to the Iwamoto house will be open for you whenever, Tanjirou-san!,” her mother exclaimed as she tenderly grabbed Tanjirou’s hands between hers.

“If you need anything just come and we’ll help you,” her father said by her side, calmer and with that smile of his that never wavered from his lips. 

“And don’t go around getting into trouble or I’ll be the one to scold you,” her grandmother warned as she gave small hits against his forehead with her fan, no intention of hurting him. 

Tanjirou happily accepted all of it, finally letting Ayaka’s parents (more like just her mother) drown him in a mortal embrace. 

«If there’s a hug that could be compared to Nezuko’s», Ayaka thought, «it would be hers».

Not too late after they finished breakfast, both of their crows yelled their respective missions, and they didn’t stop until the two of them dressed in their uniforms and got out of the house, where they said their goodbyes before going off again on their responsibilities as demon slayers. 

The gods had heard Ayaka’s prayers the night before, because Tanjirou had been assigned to the North while she was sent to the South, making them break up yet again. 

It wasn’t needed to say she was relieved, since she wouldn’t have to see him anymore.

At least that’s what she believed, because the gods had only heard half of her prayers. 

“Let’s go, Tanjirou, we don’t have time for this,” Ayaka urged, taking him by the sleeve of his uniform to separate him from her parents’ embrace, which had started to be too long. 

They would have to continue together on their way before they finally got separated and she was impatient. 

“Aya, there’s no need for such a rush,” Tanjirou said as he continued being pulled by her.

She didn’t let go of him until they started walking, and Ayaka wouldn’t have looked back if not for her mother’s voice. 

“Ayaka,” she called. Sweat soaked her forehead in the slightest way possible, this had never happened before. Not at least that she had seen. She hadn’t used their familiar “A-chan” either, which was bizarre on its own.On her hands she held a small box she shily offered to her. 

Her daughter waited for her mother to continue talking, expecting and with a raised eyebrow. It was finally her father who continued: 

“We don’t want you starving while you defeat demons, right?”

Ayaka’s brown eyes settled curiously on the box without a word. 

“They’re rice balls. You’ve always loved them so please take them with you,” her mother spoke again, offering the present again. 

“I don’t need this, mum. You shouldn’t give them to me, I can buy my own food.” As naive and generous as her mum was, it didn’t surprise Ayaka something like this happened.

However, as much of an amazing sight she had, she couldn’t see what her mother would do next. 

“No! You are going to accept these rice balls even if you want to or not! I don’t care about your excuses or that it’s demon slayer things, you’re going to take these rice balls and you’ll eat them, or if you want you can share them with your comrades, I don’t care!!” she yelled. She looked angry, angrier than she had ever seen her, and for the first time in her life, that anger was directed at Ayaka. 

The aforementioned was as lost as one could be, too surprised to even think about an answer to give her. So, as Ayaka stayed with her eyes open out of amazement and buried in between her own confusion, her mother threw the box at her chest and she was forced to take it with her hands so as to not let it fall to the ground.

“So you are going to take those rice balls, and you’ll kill a lot of demons because I know my daughter can do it and you’ll come back to visit us!” her mother continued, ingraining her finger on Ayaka’s chest repeatedly as she took steps back.

“I was going to… come visit again soon.” She could only stammer with the box on her hands, still with all the weight of surprise against her.  

Taking advantage of this, her mother trapped her on an aggressive hug that raised her from the floor, which left her dizzy. She would be a good demon slayer if she wanted, with those big arms of hers she was nearly Himejima-shishou’s size. It was just bad luck she couldn’t hurt a fly. 

Her grandmother hit her forehead with her fan, not like Tanjirou, but in a way it would leave a bruise (again) that would be there for days. 

“Ayaka Iwamoto, don’t you dare die,”  she threatened, and it wasn’t a joke. 

“Yeah, A-chan, don’t die, and make sure to kill a lot of demons.” It was her father this time who patted her back a few times. “We’ll be cheering you on from here.” 

He was kidding, but that didn’t mean the weight on his words lifted, not even a little. 

She was so dizzy still she couldn’t even dare give a response to their goodbyes. 

Maybe this was why only those without family swore to destroy all demons, because they didn’t have a family to go back to that made them promise they wouldn’t die.  

“Move already! Or are you going to stay there all day!?” her grandmother exclaimed, hitting her lower back (which was the most she could reach without jumping) in a cheerful pat. 

Ayaka was sure she had heard a few cracks.

“Yeah, yeah I will,” she said in a confused blink. She turned to a smiling Tanjirou, who waited for her not too far from where she was. 

She brought back her gaze to her family one last time, and she timidly waved goodbye. Kobayashi returned the gesture with a smile. 

Her family was utterly terrifying. 

Utterly and completely terrifying if they could make her feel so happy so strongly and without limits.

Once they were were walking for a few hours, Tanjirou brought it up: 

“I got to restore what your letter says, Aya.” 

She stopped on her tracks, making Tanjirou give her an estranged look. She had tried to ignore it, she truly had, but not just during their way, but during all the time they had been together. But it was no use, as much as Ayaka tried, Tanjirou just wasn’t able to- 

“Why are you kind to me?” she questioned while playing with her hands. Somehow she sounded angry, but not completely.

Tanjirou tilted his head, first to one side then to the other like a lost puppy. The morning light made his hair shine on red firey tones. Of all people they could have ever paired her up with, it had to be him and only him, because that was her luck and the universe found amusing seeing her agonize and suffer. 

It was so… unfair. Why did it have to be her, of all people? Why did she have to be paired up with the only demon slayer…. the only demon slayer that travelled with who they supposedly had to kill, with a demon? 

Everything was too much, such an unfair and excessive too much, that sometimes she wished she would only have to worry about herself in this world, but she’d be too selfish for that, her heart wouldn’t let her. She was unable to, because Tanjirou had been right and she hated him. She hated him so much for it that she used that hate to hide any other feelings, because he was the living reminder of her mistakes. 

She simply wished to erase her emotions. Was it that hard? 

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Was Tanjirou’s only response, just like that, so simple yet so hard to understand. 

Sword fighting was something easier to figure out than Tanjirou Kamado, than her family, than Yuu or than the kids from her village. How she hoped to stick to it and forget everything else. 

“Leave me alone, Tanjirou, I’m begging you,” Ayaka nearly pleaded with an agonizing voice. “Leave me alone, I don’t want you near me, I don’t want you to smile at me, nor that you smile at me, not even to look at me.”

“But the letter-” he started, but she harshly interrupted him.

“Screw the letter, Tanjirou!” He gave a step back, as if he was scared of her, she wouldn’t blame him, it didn’t look like the kind of fear you feel when a mother scolds you, it seemed deeper, maybe. She remembered Himejima-shishou’s words, she didn’t feel blind then, it was clear as crystal. She regretted yelling at him, but she couldn’t go back in time. She hugged herself, and continued talking in a softer voice. “If you have a tiny bit of understanding in your body, please, leave me be, okay?” 

He looked at her with the only kind of stare she couldn’t decipher, maybe she couldn’t distinguish what she saw because it was a stare too deep for her to see, maybe that was what Himejima-shishou had meant. 

To hell with Himejima-shishou’s advice, he didn’t know anything. 

Ayaka was lucky their shared paths came to a halt, because if not she would have to look at Tanjirou’s face, and that felt on that moment more terrifying than fighting against whatever demon that appeared on her way.  

“Okay, I’ll do what you ask of me, even if I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone.” Then she caught the smallest glimpse on his stare. He felt sorry for her. 

She didn’t need any more explanations, that was why he had been so kind, because he felt sorry for her. 

That was the only thing left for her anger to grow, like a snowball running down a mountain. She wasn’t someone he had to protect, she wasn’t someone that needed help. 

“Stop looking at me that way! I don’t need your pity or your sympathy, you hear? I don’t need you at all!” However Tanjirou’s stare didn’t change, his honest eyes kept having the same feelings, feelings she didn’t understand.

«Stay away from me, stay away from me as much as possible, Tanjirou Kamado. Run without looking back and stay as far away from me as you can», Ayaka had wanted to say, but her throat vehemently closed.

A whisper that she couldn’t understand came out of his mouth before Tanjirou, finally, turned around on his heels in the opposite direction to continue on his path. 

At last, he was going. 

Ayaka hugged herself tighter, and she spent a moment looking at Tanjirou’s form retreating before following her own path. 

Maybe she felt relieved, but she didn’t feel any better. 

She never got to read what Himejima-shishou’s letter said. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

It was on her way to her third mission that Ayaka met her second personal torment.

Zenitsu Agatsuma, who would follow her for the rest of her life. 

The house she had been assigned to was said to be cursed, since in that area hundreds of people have been rumoured to disappear without a trace. At least, that was what her crow had yelled, which appeared to go back to his yelling attitude without Tanjirou. 

It was annoying. He had been pressing her about Tanjirou throughout all of her last mission, and she could only ignore his questions about him. If he wasn’t doing that, he was yelling at her to go to her next mission, which had caused all that disastrous situation in the first place.

The first time she saw Zenitsu, he had been harassing a girl that appeared to just be passing by, trying to make her get married to him right there for some strange reasoning Ayaka wasn’t sure she understood. 

In between the girl’s yelling, who only wanted to be set free from the grasp of that strange boy, the whining that came from him, who wanted the girl to accept his proposal, and the incessant voice of her crow claiming “go to the house in the south, hurry, hurry!” It wasn’t strange that as she tried to get that demon slayer to stop his harassing, Ayaka missed on the tiny detail of the small sparrow flying over their heads, getting together with a fourth person behind them. 

“Leave the girl alone, you’re giving the demon slayers a bad name!” Ayaka yelled, trying with all her might for Zenitsu Agatsuma, just as he had introduced himself, to abandon his grip on the poor girl and let her go.

“She’s going to marry me! She’s going to marry me before the demons kill me! I’m not going to die without getting married first!” Zenitsu screamed with a high pitch and an iron grip on the clothes of the unfortunate girl. “You want to stop me because you’re jealous that I’m not getting married to you! You’ve had your eyes on me ever since the Final Selection, I know it, I know it! But she came first so stop it!” 

“If you want to get married so badly find someone first that wants to marry you! In what kind of world do you live in!?” Ayaka replied, ignoring the last comments about her. 

Suddenly the crow’s yelling stopped, and Ayaka stopped tugging on the hair of that strange demon slayer for a moment, with a feeling of deja vu appearing without being called. 

With the help of another pair of hands, they could finally manage to get the so called Zenitsu to get off the girl. 

“What the hell are you doing in the middle of the road!? Can’t you see the girl doesn’t want to marry you!?  And you’re giving troubles to your sparrow too!” 

«Tan... jirou?»

He was there, holding Zenitsu by the collar of his uniform as he continued to scold him. He didn’t look at her, too busy with his attention on Zenitsu, and Ayaka didn’t know if it was because he hadn’t realized she was there or because he’d be true to what she asked of him.

“Your uniform! You're the one from the Final Selection, right!” claimed Zenitsu, still hanging from his collar grabbed by Tanjirou’s hand. 

“I definitely don’t know a guy like you! Definitely not!” Tanjirou yelled annoyed. 

It didn’t seem Zenitsu would accept that as an answer, since he continued moaning and saying they had met, and of course, he got her into the mess.  

“We’ve met, we’ve really met before!” He pointed at Ayaka, who had done nothing but observe the conflict in bewilderment. “Her too, she can tell you because she remembers me, that’s why she wants to marry me, but I can’t because the other girl arrived first! And like it’s natural I can’t marry two women at the same time!”

Tanjirou looked at her, and for the first time, he realized Ayaka was there. 

“Aya?” He was nearly as petrified as her, maybe even more. Both of them looked at each other in silence for a moment that lasted too long before Tanjirou’s face turned into a very weird one. “Do you seriously wanna marry this guy?”

It had the same effect as a kick to the stomach. 

“Of course not! As if something like that could be possible!” she yelled aggravated, suddenly feeling her ears go read in shame. 

Incredible, it was all incredible. Why did it have to be her? 

Tanjirou let go of Zenitsu, leaving him to fall to the ground in a muffled sound, going over to the girl that had been taking shelter behind Ayaka’s back on an attempt to stay as far away as she could from Zenitsu’s sticky hands. 

Her fingers strongly held onto Ayaka’s uniform, expecting her to protect her. She could nearly feel the desperation and nervousness she gave off through her nails, firmly fixed on Ayaka’s back.  

She’d be scared. 

The thought of having a scared girl grab onto her trusting her for protection made Ayaka blush. 

“It’s okay, you can go home now,” Tanjirou announced, making the girl calm down and stop squeezing Ayaka as if her life depended on it. 

“But she still has to marry me, she likes me!” continued Zenitsu without rest from the floor. 

The girl finally managed to gather enough courage, or she wasn’t nearly as scared as Ayaka had believed her to be in the first place, because she slapped Zenitsu with strength proper to someone training under Himejima-shishou’s teachings. 

Ayaka tried to muffle the chuckles with her hand that her throat would inevitably make, but her snort was still clear to their ears. 

“Shame on you!” she started to hit him repeatedly. Meanwhile, Ayaka made no attempt in stopping her, observing the little scene with a funny expression. He deserved it, in a sense, it would be silly to expect the poor girl to leave that incident without a punishment. 

Instead, Tanjirou was different as he tried to pull them apart, taking the girl by her waist and getting her away from Zenitsu. Even when she didn’t reach to hit him, her arm stayed moving up and down trying to. 

Zenitsu had started to loudly cry, but neither the girl nor Ayaka felt any sympathy for him. Naturally, both of them shared the solidarity of being disgusted by him.  

“When did I ever say that I liked you!? I only talked to you because I thought you were sick when I saw you squatting on the side of the road!” the girl furiously yelled, as she moved without rest in Tanjirou’s arms. 

Horror took hold of Zenitsu’s features, who seemed to have formed some kind of romanticized scenario and started to feel bad realizing reality wasn’t what he thought it was. 

“Doesn’t that mean you talked to me because you’re worried about me because you liked me!?” Big tears bursted from his eyes as he yelled, every word making his voice more and more high pitched. 

“That’s completely impossible, I have a fiance already!” the girl yelled in fury. “I see you’re really energetic, so you should be all right, let’s never see each other again!”

And with that, the girl started walking out of there with her head high and fists tightened by her sides, ignoring Zenitsu’s yells begging her to come back.  

Ayaka grabbed him by the collar of his uniform just like Tanjirou had done before, making sure he couldn’t follow the girl. He fought for a few moments until he saw how useless it was, so he started to blame all his misfortune on Tanjirou as Ayaka stared at him, squinting.

“It’s your fault I didn’t get married, it’s all your fault! You’ve ruined my marriage!”

Tanjirou just gave him a look filled with disgust, one he didn’t even give demons. 

“Don’t look at me like as if I were a monster!” Zenitsu cried again. 

The disgust on Tanjirou’s face only became worse when Ayaka’s eyes joined him, expressing clear repulsion. 

“I’m about to die! Don’t look at me like that! I’m super weak and don’t think I’m exaggerating!” he cried, as he threw himself to hug Ayaka’s stomach, making all his tears and snot stick to her uniform. “But you’ll marry me, right!? I’m so lucky I’ll have a super strong wife that will keep me safe!” 

She was too busy with her eyes fixed on the snot on her uniform to hear him, becoming completely still. 

Needless to say, Zenitsu Agatsuma got pounded headfirst into the ground after that. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

Once Ayaka and Tanjirou were so far away they couldn’t be seen, so so far away not even Kaede could see them, Kaori Iwamoto collapsed on her husband’s shoulder. 

“I don’t know where I got the courage to tell her all that”, she said exhausted. Her husband patted her back softly in a comforting manner. 

“But you did it, right? That’s what counts,” he said, in an attempt to cheer her up. “It wasn’t how we expected, but at least she came to visit and that’s what we wanted. It shows she hasn’t forgotten completely about us.” 

Kaori sank deeper on her husband’s shoulder. 

“I know that, it’s just that.” Her big and beaming eyes shined even more with the tears she tried not to shed. “She doesn’t even look the same, if she was distant before now it feels like she’s fading away from my very own fingers.” 

She could still remember the moment where she left, after so long. 

It had been a rainy day. The so called Himejima had appeared at their house after hearing the rumour that such a small child had gotten to defeat a demon with just a sword on her hands and no training of any kind. 

She hadn’t forgotten when she left, with the gray and dark eyes announcing winter was approaching, so the wind was cold and harsh and they lashed against Ayaka’s short locks, who slowly disappeared from her sight as she didn’t have enough courage to tell her just how much she loved her and how proud of her she was. She didn’t forget how her daughter didn’t look back, not even once.  

And Kaori could only look how she became smaller and smaller by the side of that foreign man that was double the size of her little girl. She had been so small, so small back then, where had she been all this time? She was even taller than her father now. 

Makoto dried the few tears that had managed to fall on the back of his callous hand. His smile didn’t falter, it never had, not even when Ayaka left.  

“It’s okay, it’ll be okay, we’ll be okay. We just have to give her some space, just a bit more time, we can’t give up.” He could hardly hold her in his eyes, but she gladly accepted the warmth..

With a sigh Kaori recomposed, standing proudly on her own two feet. She dried any trace of tears that could be seen and smiled. 

She noticed her husband had the same traces left by tears on his cheeks so she dried them too. 

“We’ll be okay,” she confirmed. Makoto nodded as his smile became just a little bit wider.

Yuu Kobayashi uncomfortably played with the cotton on his nose that had been placed there since the day before by Kaede’s orders. He didn’t dare look Ayaka’s parents in the eyes. 

“I’m sorry, to the both of you, if I hadn’t done what I did then you wouldn’t- “he started with pressed lips and his head down. 

“Don’t say silly things, Yuu,” Kaori cut him off with a light frown. “We already said this has nothing to do with you, but with us.” 

Kaede let out a bored huffed from where she was.

“Don’t be silly, you are partly to blame, Kobayashi,” she clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, taking her fan out in a swift move, pointing it towards her daughter. “And don’t you dare say no, you have to be tough sometimes, that’s why I’m here.”  

Yuu shrunk in shame, still only having the courage to look at the floor. 

“Mom!” scolded Kaori, as he saw how the boy who had lived with them for the last three years made himself smaller and smaller. 

“You can’t change your past actions, but the only thing you can do now is make it right,” Kaede said, patting Yuu harshly on his lower back. Yuu opened his mouth to talk back but Kaede was always faster. “And no, letting her punch you doesn’t count.”

Yuu’s mouth stayed open, giving the old lady a look for the first time. 

“How did you know that?” he asked, as if worried Ayaka would be punished. 

Kaede rolled her eyes as if it was obvious. 

“We all knew, Kaori was the first one to see.” Ayaka’s mother gave him a smile from where she was.” Did you seriously believe us to be such fools? That you crashed against a tree? Seriously? That was your best excuse?” she mocked in high pitched chuckles. “Besides, she’s my graniece, I would have punched you too without a doubt if I was her age. I guess it’s also my fault, I’m the one most similar to her in the family. I knew this terrible personality would come to bite me in the ass later.”  

Makoto blinked in confusion. 

“So, whether it’s directly or indirectly, we all feel it’s our fault?” he asked, unsure of the answer. “Should we try and make something for her to go back to how she was or…?”

“Oh my gods, no, Makoto, don’t be such a simpleton,” Kaede said, mouth behind her fan. “She’s just going through that phase all fifteen year olds suffer through, always angry at the world. If she doesn’t get over it on her own I doubt our help will be better. If she tries we could help her, though, only if she allows us to.” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«Mom’s rice balls are so good», Ayaka thought, as she tasted the hard-boiled rice her mother had prepared with such love. She had made lots of them, so many from the day before still remained. 

It had been so long since she last had them she nearly felt pain over eating them all. It wasn’t that Himejima-shishou’s food was bad, not even close, but her mother was so used to rice that, Ayaka didn’t know how, she was able to make it taste better than any other food, even with something as simple as rice. 

She could vividly remember some afternoon where it had heavily rained and she had felt bad for some reason she couldn’t remember. Ayaka had been under the rain letting it soak her but the reason as to why didn’t come to her mind. When she went back home she sat next to the stove in hopes of warming up, soaked and with icy fingers.

Her mother drew near her side and she asked her what the problem was, she had answered that there was nothing she had to worry about and that it would pass soon, so Kaori had decided not to press further and came back with freshly made rice balls. 

They were warm and made her feel her hands again, and her mother got to cheer her up as she told her stories about how her flowers were doing (which she had named) or any other funny story she had heard on the market. 

She had always been a good cook.

A constant chirping made her deviate her attention to Zenitsu’s sparrow, who fluttered around her hand in insistence. 

Ayaka smiled.

“So you want some, huh?” she asked, taking a small pinch from it to give him. “I’m willing to share some with you.” 

The small bird pecked anxiously from her hand as if he was starving. In fact, he was, since he told her about how Zenitsu usually forgot to feed him and preferred to go after women instead of taking care of his responsibilities as a demon slayer. 

A frown made its way to Ayaka’s face, feeling sympathy for the sparrow. You just had to look at him, it was clear he wasn’t made out to slay demons, such cowardly and whiny thing he was. 

It hadn’t even been his choice, by what she heard him tell Tanjirou behind her.

Something to do with debts or something, she wasn’t sure. 

She didn’t pay too much attention to the subject of their talk until there was something that finally peaked her interest. 

“Don’t tell me you are Jigoro Kuwajima’s successor!” Ayaka interrupted them, mouth full of rice, butting in the middle of the conversation.

“Huh?” Was the only thing Zenitsu said, giving a step back.  

“Himejima-shishou told me the former Thunder Pillar had a successor my age, and how you describe this master of yours it’s clear it’s him, but I never imagined it would be you!” Ayaka continued, getting closer and closer to Zenitsu’s face as she talked. “Jigoro Kuwajima has a great reputation even in between pillars, so I thought you’d be more… “she eyed Zenitsu up and down, “formal. It’s quite a disappointment.” 

“Don’t judge me so harshly, I thought I’d die in the Final Selection, but in the end I survived and I came back to this hellish lifestyle! I didn’t even want to be a demon slayer!” Zenitsu cried out in pure hysteria. 

Ayaka gave the rice ball another bite without flinching at Zenitsu’s yelling, and kept talking:  

“Say, is it true what they say about his sword technique being faster than lightning?” 

She only had time to ask him until she reached the house and they had to go wherever their mission was, so she was interested in attacking Zenitsu with questions about his master as much as she could. 

That was what she had planned, at the very least. 

Zenitsu was too distracted looking at the rice ball on her hand to answer her questions. 

Hadn’t he eaten Tanjirou’s already? 

That wasn’t good enough, since soon his stomach along with Tanjirou’s started to rumble. Zenitsu’s look became more insistent, he knew that she still had a few of them left. On some of her haori’s pocket, safe and tasty, still on the box her mother had given her. 

“Tanjirou, Zenitsu, Ayaka, hurry, hurry! Go to your next mission!” 

Zenitsu yelled, surprised by the crow’s voice, but Ayaka didn’t even flinch. Her eyes, like two dark deep holes, widened at what the crow said. It didn’t take much for her to trace her own crow, who was peacefully settled on Tanjirou’s shoulder as if he was on a cute little trip. 

“I’m going to kill you, you stupid bird!” she yelled, her hands stretching on the crow’s direction on her way to keep her word. 

Tanjirou managed to grab her fast enough for her crow to fly away from her hands, as she kept struggling on Tanjirou’s arms trying to get to him. 

“You didn’t tell me anything about this! Come back here, damn you! I’m going to make you into stew and feed you to the animals in the forests! Let go of me, Tanjirou!” Ayaka kept cursing as Tanjirou made his best efforts into not letting her cook her crow.

“Aya, calm down!” he asked in a hurried manner, barely being able to hold her by the waist. “Please, keep your anger at bay!” 

“Do you two know each other or something?” Zenitsu curiously asked, seemingly recomposed from the surprise that came with hearing the crow talk. 

His question made Ayaka come to a halt and for Tanjirou to finally be able to sigh in relief, both of them turning their heads to look at him for such a strange assumption. 

At their strange looks, Zenitsu decided to continue: 

“A girl has never let me take her by the waist before, that must mean something, right? You must be friends, at least.”

Remembering how he had hugged her while sleeping, Ayaka pushed off from Tanjirou, suddenly forgetting her fury against the crow. 

“I have never seen this guy in my life,” she replied, arms crossed and stoic expression, refusing to look at either Zenitsu or Tanjirou.

“But he knew your name, and you knew his,” Zenitsu pointed out in an evident manner. Ayaka noticed a small snot that peeked out from his nose and she had the sudden thought of cleaning it for him.

“Well, I mean, um,” Ayaka stumbled, scratching her cheek. It was starting to become awkward. “He introduced himself before, right? It would be impolite to forget his name.” 

In all honesty, she could care less about politeness unless it was with someone in superior ranks. 

“But you didn’t introduce yourself, and he called you Aya, remember?” 

From her mouth came out a hushed curse, having been caught red-handed. 

“Sorry about that, Aya,” Tanjirou whispered by her side, having stayed silent for most of the conversation. 

“You don’t have to apologize. Besides, and what if we’ve seen each other before? It’s not as if we are friends or anything,” she replied in a pout. 
“You act as if he was your former lover and your love had ended on bad terms, on top of that, Tanjirou isn’t saying anything,” Zenitsu continued on his never ending interrogation.

At the calling of his name, Tanjirou fidgeted uncomfortably.  

“It’s not that, Zenitsu, Aya is just like that,” he answered in a shrug, as if it was something that couldn’t be changed. 

“It’s understable you haven’t gotten married yet, you know nothing about relationships,” Ayaka said through gritted teeth, starting to get annoyed. She took out a rice ball to try and, somehow, avoid his accusations.

Again, Zenitsu’s gaze fell with all its weight on her, looking at every move she made as she ate the rice ball. 

Ayaka raised an eyebrow and with a defeated sigh threw him the box with the ones that had left. 

“Make sure to eat until you’ve filled in your stomach. You too, Tanjirou. I don’t want you to faint in battle and turn into a hassle for me,” Ayaka urged, rolling her eyes. Tanjirou looked at her with a certain light on his eyes she decided to ignore and, along with Zenitsu, devoured the food as they continued on their way to the house. 

What was she gonna do with those idiots? Probably make sure they survived even if it was just this one mission. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

It was very strange, demon slayers didn’t usually team up again on missions, were it be because they died or because there were so many it was hard to be paired up twice with the same person. 

And Ayaka hadn’t only been assigned with Tanjirou twice, but right before only a solo mission, which wasn’t very common either. 

She was starting to suspect it was all to blame on Himejima-shishou. Would he have made her team up with him just so she was forced to work with other people? It was a possibility, although small, because he would have never done something like that without telling her first. Then what could it be? 

With those thoughts running through her mind, the three of them reached the end of their path. 

It was an old, beautiful house in the middle of the mountain surrounded by herbs and other plants, a sign of how few the owners had taken care of it. 

It was a pity it wasn’t her house, she’d love to live in a home like that. It was big, more than her house, and it appeared to have many rooms. She bet it had space enough on the back for a garden. She promised herself that when she had the money, she’d buy a pretty house where she’d spent the rest of her days when she retired from the corps, training successors until death. She would make sure to have a giant bathroom with even bigger bath tubes and all types of soap and bath salts, by a great fire where she could heat up the water. 

Yes, she would do that, that would be nice. 

However, she wouldn’t want any demon marauding through the hallways of her house like on that one. 

“It’s this one, no doubt about it,” Ayaka said just looking at it. There were many demons prowling over there, but there was something strange. Humans? Yes, but something else. 

“It smells like blood, Aya,” Tanjirou commented by her side seemingly worried. “But this smell… Never have I…” 

«So he has noticed something wrong too», Ayaka thought with a hand on her chin, as the gears on her head started working. 

Would it be a Blood Demon Art?

“Yes, I see it, too,” Ayaka confirmed with a nod on his direction. “We’ll have to be especially careful, we don’t know what could happen.” 

“I can’t smell anything but, do you guys hear that sound coming from there? It’s so annoying,” Zenitsu complained as he covered his ears. 

Both Tanjirou’s and Ayaka’s eyebrows raised curiously, looking at each other as if wondering one another if any of them heard anything.

“Sound, you say?” Ayaka asked in confusion. It was the first time someone noticed something she didn’t. It was a foreign feeling, gracing insecurity. If her eyes didn’t notice everything then what good were they?

Without warning, Tanjirou started walking, without saying anything about where he was headed or what he was going to do. 

“Hey, what are you-?” Ayaka stopped mid sentence, seeing the two children that remained by the side of the road. 

Zenitsu started trembling, so he grabbed desperately to Ayaka’s arm, since she was the one closest, but she didn’t even take notice of it. 

She sent a glance to Tanjirou and the kids, who had calmed down thanks to Zenitsu’s sparrow. Then, she looked at the house. 

With a frown, she started to walk towards the door. 

“I’m going in. Tanjirou, stay with Zenitsu and the kids,” she simply said, but Zenitsu didn’t let go of her arm. 

“Hey, hey, hey! Wait a minute! You’re gonna get yourself killed! Just think about it, it’s too dangerous to go in by yourself!” he screamed in warning. As his trembling only added to his continuous sweating, he tugged on her sleeve to try and stop her.

It merely did anything to slow down her pace. Moving Ayaka was like trying to move a mountain. 

“Zenitsu, I give you three seconds to let go of my arm or you’ll be forced to go in with me, and I don’t care if I have to carry you.” She didn’t even bother to look at him, too worried trying to distinguish the inside of the house over the darkness that took a hold of her surroundings after the first two meters of going through the doorway. 

If she played her cards well she would be able to end with all the demons there by herself, but she had to hurry. The more time passed, the more possibilities for the demons to notice her presence, and if too many hunted her down it would be a hassle. Not impossible, just difficult. 

She still had to find what it was that made that house so unclear. Nothing ever escaped from her, so she was confident in finding out when she went in. 

“Zenitsu is right, Aya, you can’t go in alone. They sent three demon slayers for some reason, right?” Tanjirou’s soft voice made Ayaka come to a halt as she let out a tired sigh. Then Tanjirou used the same soft voice in the kids’ direction. “Don’t worry, we’ll defeat the monster and rescue your brother.” 

Having Zenitsu finally let go of Ayaka’s arm, she continued on her path to the house, but Tanjirou grabbed her, again, by the same arm that Zenitsu had previously been hanging from.

“We have to team up, let me at least go with you. You’ve seen me fight and you know I can do it, you don’t have any reason to distrust me.” 

His eyes gave off determination, or stubbornness, sometimes they were usually the same thing, and it wasn’t strange, too, to mix with stupidity. Pinching the bridge of her nose, Ayka sighed tiredly once again. 

“It’s not that I don’t trust you,” she explained, then she proceeded to whisper through gritted teeth. “But I would prefer you stayed here and took care of the kids and Zenitsu, and now that we are at it, also keep Nezuko by your side.”

The hold on her arm just tightened.

“They’ll be okay as long as the Sun is still out, consider me a real ally for once and let me fight by your side.” 

The frown on her face just aggravated. She carefully looked at him, at his bones, then at the kids. Zenitsu didn’t seem like great help. 

“No,” she finally commanded, calling off the conversation. “Now let go of me, don’t make me break your arm just like you did with Genya.” 

The kids approached them cautiously, specifically to Tanjirou, waiting for him to protect them. 

Ayaka noticed it was a young sister, and a brother not much older than her. 

They both had tears on their ears, looking everywhere in fear, as if they expected something to appear from the darkness of a bush or the shadow of a corner and attack them without mercy. 

They were so small and vulnerable. So, so vulnerable. 

“Will you be the one to rescue our brother, miss demon slayer?” the sister asked looking at her with the eyes of a terrified doe. 

That took her by surprise. 

The girl stayed looking at her, waiting, hopes of receiving an answer. 

Of course, Ayaka did the most sensible thing. She panicked.

Thoughts ran through her head, and the one she got to catch first was Himejima-shishou. So just as her racing mind suggested, Ayaka settled her hand on the girl’s head in a desperate attempt, nearly caressing her in a clumsy pat.

With a pause that took too long, Ayaka spoke: 

“No one is going to die as long as I’m here.” 

On the outside she looked towering, cold expression, sword on waist and a great decisive tone. On the inside, of course, she didn’t even know what she was doing.

Kids were too complicated, worse if it had to do with consoling! Had she done it right? It seemed the girl had calmed down a bit, was that good? What if she sounded too serious or insensitive? What did today 's little kids like!? Why was she in this situation in the first place!?  

To get away from that awkward situation, she did what she was best at: running away. 

“Tanjirou, let go of me already,” she commanded with her voice tense, preparing to break his arm if he didn’t. It wouldn’t be serious, a broken arm didn’t take too much time to heal, and it would make sure Tanjirou couldn’t use his sword, so he wouldn’t be able to follow her. 

“I told you, I’m not going to let you go in by yourself, no matter how much you tell me to,” he insisted without letting go of his grip, as he tensed on the same way. 

She would have broken his arm right then and there if it wasn’t forZenitsu’s voice interrupting her. 

“Hey, guys,” he called out in a worried manner, without diverting his gaze from the house. “What’s that sound? It’s so annoying, and it keeps going on. Is that a drum? 

The two of them relaxed as they looked in the direction of the origin of confusion. Finally setting her arm free, Ayaka flexed her fingers waiting for the blood to flow through them again as she noticed how a mark appeared where Tanjirou’s hand had clutched on. 

He had squeezed too much, no doubt he was serious. She was too. 

Both of them were extremely and inevitably stubborn. 

“Sound?” Tanjirou wondered, the same she did at the time. “I don’t hear any-” 

And then, a human soaked in blood fell from the sky. 

Everything Ayaka could do was look powerless as it crashed against the floor. The blood formed a stain around them, of a powerful and dark red. It soaked plants, stones and everything close enough. 

That wasn’t the worst of it all.

Ayaka had made eye contact with the human as it inevitably fell to the void. 

Their eyes... 

As Tanjirou ran to help that stranger, yelling for the kids not to look as they hid in between the gaps of Ayaka’s haori. 

The only thing she could do was think about their eyes. They had appeared hopeful. For a brief moment, that human had felt happiness before meeting his horribly destiny to lastly feel only utter horror. 

Tanjirou exchanged a few words with the stranger as they struggled in his arms. They didn’t have much time left. They were simply going to die, there was nothing else.

Human lives were so frail, nearly like the light of a candle. The eyes of that stranger reminded her of her father’s, with the fire of life weakly wavering. Their light could fade any second, so faint and calm it barely shone.

“Zenitsu,” Ayaka calls. She was a mountain, a frozen mountain that wouldn’t hesitate at the act of taking a life, with her barren valleys and her harsh winds. “Take care of the kids, I’m going in.” 

And just like that she kept her word and crossed the door. 

She was going to kill them, she was going to kill them all. 

She took out her nichirin sword from her sheath, looking around her as she searched for any trace of demons. 

She passed a hand over the wall, instantly her fingers soaked in black. Ayaka’s nose wrinkled at the thought. 

Demons didn’t do cleaning, too busy eating humans. 

Another reason to behead them, wasting such a pretty house that way.

It didn’t take long for her to encounter her first demon. 

He seemed to be prowling over the house like a soul that hasn’t been able to cross the bridge to the other shore, back hunched over himself and hands abnormally large. His head was completely clean, no trace of hair on his body, not even eyebrows or eyelashes. 

He wandered without goal, simply muttering nonsense to himself. 

“I need to find it.. I need to find it…” It said, as if it was a prayer he repeated over and over. He looked distracted, so Ayaka didn’t miss a moment to attack. 

Stone Breathing, First Form: Serpentinite Bipolar. 

Jumping, her and her sword spinned, throwing themselves towards the head of the demon, who blocked the attack in a bored manner without paying too much attention to it. 

However, her and her blade kept spinning, and the sword kept drilling more and more until it drilled through his arms and continued on its way to his neck. 

A minute more and she would have pierced through his neck completely, however, the demon waved his arm and Ayaka was forced to go back unless she wanted for her sword to end up in pieces. 

She harshly landed on the floor, proudly on her own two feet, dust lifting from the floor at her sandals. 

The blood made the blade shine then in a beaming crimson, and Ayaka made it disappear with a light wrist flick, splattering on the wall and leaving her sword with its original silver gray tone.

The demon barely looked at her with a vague curiosity, but he made no move signaling he was attempting on attacking back.

“Have you seen a human around here? I’m looking for it, but I don’t remember why, do you know what I'm looking for?” The demon asked with tiredness on his features, as if just thinking about it was too much work for him.

“The only human you’re gonna encounter today is me! You bastard, I’m going to cut off your neck!” Ayaka announced, pointing her sword at him. However, she didn’t let her fury blind her. Her eyes ran through the corridor, analyzing, searching for something she could use to reach his head by surprise. She wasn’t fast enough to do that with a direct attack, she had checked, so she’d have to look for another way. 

“So you don’t know where it is?” he insisted as he scratched his chin. 

Ayaka threw herself at him, expecting to cut off his legs, but he dodged her sword easily.

He was faster than what he at first seemed, which was a problem, because she wasn’t fast. In fact, she was slower than most demon slayers, which meant a disadvantage because she couldn’t dodge attacks as easily. 

However it was, she’d win, no matter the cost. 

She adopted an attacking position once again, she knew what she had to do, she was prepared. She’d behead that demon in a second. 

Stone Breathing, Second Form? 

«What the-?», Ayaka wondered, the demon right in front of her no more.  

He was nowhere to be seen, simply as if he had vanished on thin air. 

It couldn’t be possible, her eyes had never tricked her, he had to be there, he was just in front of her a second ago. 

Just like that, it disappeared. As if it had never been there. 

“Aya!”

She turned around to look at Tanjirou walking towards her, Zenitsu by his side, tremendously terrified. Ayaka put her sword away on its sheath, guard down for a moment seeing as it was just them.

“A-chan! You’ll protect me, right!?” Zenitsu, once again, threw himself at her and clutched to her arm, covering her haori in snot and tears for the second time. 

She ignored that fact along the fact she had called “A-chan” and proceeded to scold Tanjirou. 

“I told you to stay outside!” 

“And I told you I wouldn’t let you go in alone!” 

The two of them continued on their dumb fight as Zenitsu kept whining on Ayaka’s arm muttering things about how he didn’t want to die and that her and Tanjirou would have to protect him until he got a priest to marry Ayaka, which she, of course, ignored. 

Everything turned worse when the kids appeared through the corridor. 

“You can’t come in here,” Tanjirou warned the two siblings, as they only got closer, ignoring his words. 

“The box started making sounds,” the older brother tried to excuse in uneasiness, nearly trembling.  

«The box? Does he mean Nezuko?», Ayaka wondered with a grimace. She fixed her gaze on Tanjirou’s back, where Nezuko’s box usually was. But there was nothing there, just the black and green squares on his haori.

“Even so, you guys can’t just leave it there! That box is something even more important than my life,” Tanjirou worriedly explained. 

“That doesn’t matter now, all of you have to get out of here, now!” Ayaka urged, as she became restless.

It wasn’t just Tanjirou and Zenitsu there, even the little kids. And with the way the demon had disappeared, it was too dangerous to stay there for too long. 

«This is bad, this is bad, this is bad.»

A drum started to sound. Both Ayaka and Tanjirou exchanged confused looks to then observe around in search of the sound. 

Zenitsu grabbed more onto Ayaka’s arm, and, scared, couldn’t help but push Tanjirou and the girl to the place the demon had vanished not too long ago. 

And just like that, they disappeared before her eyes as the sound of the drum ceased. 

Zenitsu’s yelling bounced on the walls of the corridor, and he tugged on Ayaka’s sleeve expecting a reaction, but she couldn’t give it. 

It was as if she turned into a stone statue. She couldn’t move nor listen to Zenitsu’s cries or the voice of the kid calling for her sister. 

Where had they gone? 

Where were they?

“Tanjirou?” Ayaka weakly called out. 

What if they were… dead?

Her mind couldn’t help but get her to a scene where Tanjirou’s body, absent eyes that didn’t see anymore and soaked in blood, laid before her feet. With him was the body of the girl, who he had tried to protect until his last breath. 

“Will  you be the one to save our big brother, miss demon slayer?”

His arm on the demon’s jaws, limp and lifeless. 

And his eyes. 

They lacked any kind of light, that light that was so warm, that light…

“Tanjirou!?” she tried again, this time more panic on her voice. She walked to the place where he and the girl had disappeared, forcefully dragging Zenitsu with her. 

She looked everywhere, every corner where they could be hidden or whatever blind out they could be on.

But they weren’t there.

They weren’t there, they weren’t there. 

“Tanjirou! Teruko!” That time she yelled, joining the voice of the kid that so desperately called for his sister. 

They had been with them just a second ago, they couldn’t have vanished on thin air without her noticing. 

But they had, just like that. It shouldn’t be possible.

“Fuck! This is why I told him to stay outside!” Ayaka cursed, without worrying about the kid in the room. 

“What do you mean?” The kid asked him in a mutter, stopping for a moment on the task of calling for her sister. 

Ayaka simply let out a frustrated growl. 

“The fool has his bones broken! He won’t be able to fight anyone like that! It was clear as crystal! Why do you think I didn’t want him to come!?”

“A-chan, what are we going to do!? We got separated from Tanjirou!” Zenitsu asked in a high pitched voice, grabbing tighter to her arm as tears of distress ran through his cheeks.

The fact that she wasn’t there alone hit Ayaka like a brick to the face. He was right, the kid and Zenitsu were there with her and she wouldn’t just have to think of a way to defeat demons but also how to protect them at the same time. 

«This is… my responsibility. They are counting on me, I can’t fall to such a small inconvenience.»

It was a weight on her shoulders she’d have to carry, but it was okay, she had always been a mountain. 

She still has a great path to go up through until being even a bit close to Himejima-shishou, she knew that, but she wouldn’t stop until she did.

So with a sour taste on her mouth, Ayaka forced herself to stop the trembling on her hands:

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you, I’ll find Tanjirou and your siblings, kid, and I’ll cut off all the demon’s heads in this house.”

“I’m Shoichi,” the kid said. 

“Well then, I’ll find your siblings, Shoichi,” Ayaka finished, then extending a hand to him. “Take it and don’t let go, okay? You too, Zenitsu.”

There was no need to say that to Zenitsu, since it was unlikely for him to loosen up his hold on her in the near future. Instead, Shoichi doubted for a moment, but at the latent insistence from Ayaka’s gaze, he ended up taking her hand with a certain insecurity. 

Tanjirou was the one good at dealing with scared civilians, not her, but she’d try.

“Let 's get out of here!” Zenitsu proposed in a yell as he tugged Ayaka and Shoichi towards the exit, still crying on Ayaka’s stomach.

“Zenitsu stop crying and yelling already!” Ayaka commanded, also yelling. She said she’d try, not that she’d be good at it. 

“Are we seriously leaving? Do you seriously plan on running away by yourself? You keep crying about dying, don’t you feel any shame? Is that sword even real?” Shoichi hissed venomously at Zenitsu as he held Ayaka’s hand, somehow regaining an inch of courage. 

«He sure has a tongue», Ayaka thought in surprise, as she observed how Shoichi kept beating up Zenitsu through words. She came to the conclusion that she liked this kid. 

“You don’t understand, this isn’t a situation us children can solve by ourselves!” Zenitsu continued as he tried to unsuccessfully drag them both towards the exit, since Ayaka had dipped her feet on the floor and you had to be very strong to make her move when she did so. 

“Although I don’t excuse his cowardice, he’s right, Shoichi,” Ayaka said, following Zenitsu towards the exit and taking Shoichi with her. “It would be best if you got out of here, as long as you are under the sunlight nothing will be able to hurt you and I’ll have the freedom to go look for Tanjirou without having to keep an eye on you.” 

It would have been a good plan, unless they hadn’t encountered a great inconvenience. When they opened the door they had previously got in through, they didn’t find the forest around the house, but a different room. 

“No way, no way, no way!” Zenitsu screamed, soaking Ayaka’s uniform with sweat. 

She leaned her chin on her hand in thought, she was sure that was the door they had taken to get there. The mark of her hand over the wall was still there. 

“Hmmm, it could be… maybe…” 

“I remember this was the entrance! How do you go outside!?” Zenitsu kept screaming, opening door over door trying to find the one to go out the house. 

“Stop it, it’s no use! There’s no way to find the exit again!” Ayaka tried to warn him but Zenitsu continued, paying her no mind. 

“Is it this way?” he wondered, opening a random door. Then, he started screaming. “Monster! It’s a monster!” 

The alarms on Ayaka’s head started ringing, taking the sword out the sheath and running to him, prepared to fight against a demon.

However, what she saw wasn’t a monster. 

A boar? A spirit boar?

It looked like a person with a boar head, like a hybrid between man and beast. 

It turned around slowly towards them, as Zenitsu and Ayaka stared at him in fear and confusion respectively. 

The boar jumped through their heads without giving them a second glance and ran off while leaving low shrieks of laughter on the way. 

Ayaka blinked, stunned. 

“I think… we should continue looking for Tanjirou and Teruko,” she proposed, without being entirely conscious of what she had just seen. 

If the rooms were able to change place, why wouldn’t it be possible for it to produce illusions of boar monsters? It wouldn’t be a god, it was too ugly. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

Ayaka Iwamoto was born weak.

The first breath she took in this world as a living being was small and ragged, not enough to keep her heart pumping. The arms that held her weren't her mother's, but the village's doctor, Nozomi Kobayashi.

A scream pierced through the air in the main room of the Iwamoto’s house. Kaori Iwamoto had gone into labor. 

Her hand desperately grabbed her husband’s, her face extremely pale and soaked in sweat, shaking in exhaustion for the many hours she had spent like that, with the only comfort of her husband’s hand and her mother’s on the other side, who looked even more nervous as she squeezed Kaori’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, Iwamoto-san, just a bit longer, I promise!” Nozomi yelled, the tightness on her face as a sign of the many hours she had also been there. She moved swiftly and expertly through the room even with her son Yuu at her back, not much older than a year (who stayed glaring around the room, strangely calm). Meanwhile, Nozomi runned from one place to another, carrying hot towels as her husband, Tamaki Kobayashi, came in through the door with a hot water bucket.  

Makoto fastly took a piece of cloth and soaked it into the water, then tried as best as he could to clean off the sweat from his wife’s forehead with trembling hands, either in excitement or nervousness.  

Who could blame him, if the child he had waited so long for would be on his arms in just a few more hours?

“This will all end in a moment, so take in a deep breath, Kaori,” he tried to cheer her up as he drowned in his own nervousness, taking his own advice and inhaling deeply. 

Kaori tried to muffle another scream as she bit her lip. Her knuckles were as white as they could be as she squeezed her husband’s hand, and it was no secret Makoto Iwamoto wasn’t able to feel her fingers until a few hours later. 

“You aren’t helping, dammit Mako! Fuck off!” she cursed, as all Fujiokas did during hard times, because it felt like she was gonna die right there and then, along with the baby’s she had cherished so much.

“Okay, Kaori, sweetie, it’s okay. Doc said we’re already at the end, right, Nozomi-san? I’ll finally have a grandchild to spoil with mochi, think about that all you can,” Kaede tried to say as she squeezed her daughter’s shoulder once again. If she calmed down Kaori’s nerves or her own, no one could tell. 

As it was quite clear, the Iwamoto family was close to losing their minds.

“Iwamoto-san, you’re close, just another push!” Nozomi asked by Kaori’s feet, a clean piece of cloth on her hands.

And with another scream piercing through the room from her mother, Ayaka Iwamoto breathed for the first time.

“It’s a girl!” Nozomi yelled with a smile as she wrapped the baby on the cloth.

Kaori immediately collapsed out of exhaustion with a final huff. 

However, the bizarre silence that fell over the room was something that worried her. 

“Why isn’t she crying? Mako, why isn’t our daughter crying?” she wondered with hazy eyes.

She slipped between consciousness, but still made the effort to listen, and there was no weeping. 

It was popular knowledge when healthy babies came to this world they were accompanied by crying, moaning and screaming, letting out all the feelings in their little hearts so the world heard them. 

“There’s something wrong,” Nozomi muttered to herself, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

Instead of letting the mother hold the baby, which was natural, Nozomi held it on her arms, looking cautiously at her chest. Her breathing wasn’t ordinary, heavy, as if it hurt. It’s probably a fever, she thought, as she stared at the baby coughing from time to time. 

She laid the baby on the cloth, her hands going over her small body, looking for something else out of the ordinary. 

Besides her extremely cold temperature, violent shooks overwhelmed her body over moments, and Nozomi feared every time she would stop breathing with every wave. 

“What the hell is wrong with my granddaughter!?” Kaede ordered, as she fanned her daughter’s face aggressively trying to make her stay conscious. 

“Kaede-san, please calm down,” Makoto pleaded desperately, and for the first time he wasn’t smiling, heavy eyebags in sign of worry and wrinkles on his forehead. At this, Kaede decided that for once, she would listen. 

“My daughter... is my daughter okay?” Kaori continued asking in a dreamy voice. 

“I don’t know…” Nozomi said, whose hair was being tugged on by Yuu. “It would be best for your daughter to stay with me for a few days. I can’t assure she will live but if she survives thirty days maybe she’ll make it, although she won’t have the best of health.”

Kaede got up in an exasperated jump.

“You’re telling me that you don’t know!? That you can’t assure she survives!? And you’re supposed to be a doctor!? You should at least be able to do that!” she exclaimed, getting her hands to her head. 

Makoto grabbed her arm in an attempt of making her sit again:

“She's the doctor, Kaede-san, we should listen to her. I’m sure it will be alright, you’ll see.” 

She pushed away his arm harshly, fury on her eyes like a beast prepared to go against her prey, even if she was much smaller than Makoto. 

“That's what you always say! Stop hiding Mako, goddammit, you always end up doing nothing!” she accused, pointing a finger at him. 

“Mum,” Kaori called weakly, taking one of her mother 's hands against hers. “Mum, please, I’m very tired, just let Nozomi do her work.”

Tamaki Kobayashi appeared through the doorway once again, a wooden tray with rice and a teapot on his hands.

He came to a halt, sensing the tension hanging in the air as his eyes travelled nervously over the room. 

“Did I interrupt something? I can go if you want me to,” he offered, thumb pointing towards the way he had come in. 

Nozomi sighed in exhaustion as she cradled the small, so small baby in her arms. 

“No, dear, I was just telling the Iwamotos that her daughter will have to stay with us for a few days, that’s, of course, only if they allow it.” She sent a look at Kaede, who, with a huff, nodded reluctantly. 

Ayaka Iwamoto’s life started like this. Those thirty days weren’t the only ones she spent sick, after surviving her first month on this world. A lot of sick days came, and, overall, bedridden time, going from the rooms on her house to the Kobayashi’s, depending if her fever got worse or not. 

They were lucky the house wasn’t so far away, just on the other way of the rice fields, making it easy for Ayaka if gravely ill to be carried to Nozomi immediately, which made her life become longer.

Despite everything, she was still alive. And she was a demon slayer. 

But there was a time where she wasn’t, when she still clutched to her mother’s skirt during storms and listened intently when her father told tales on nights her fever got too high that made her forget them the next day. 

Once, she had loved Yuu Kobayashi with all her heart.

It was no wonder that, bedridden and with no possibility to go out with the other kids, the only friend she had for the first ten years of her life would be Yuu. 

They had known each other for all their lives, there was no moment Ayaka remembered Yuu to not be there. H was simply someone always by her side, and on the limits of their comfortable and familiar friendship, she had always felt at home.

If she had any secret, Yuu was the one she told it to. 

If she discovered something, Yuu was the first one she went to. 

Whatever she did, Yuu was who would be there, intertwining his hand with hers. 

But that would have to change one day. 

She was ten years old when Yuu started to fade away from her side, when the warm touch of his hand against the coldness of hers disappeared. And she couldn’t see it.

It was on a summer afternoon when it started.

Yuu had just turned eleven and Ayaka was still only nine. They had decided to go to the river, even though they knew if Ayaka got sick they’d be scolded, but the idea of diving into the cold water and competing in who could be underwater longer was too attractive for mere children.

Laughs weren’t scarce between them as Ayaka had fun, for once, like a normal kid. 

She knew too well she’d get sick because of it, she knew that more than anyone else, but she had wanted this so much. Go to the river with Yuu, be with Yuu, have fun with Yuu. 

So with a playful smile, Ayaka splashed her friend from head to toe with the cold water.

She’d use all the time she had, it didn’t matter if she got sick if she got to enjoy herself like this with him. 

“Catch me if you can!” She threw the challenge at the air with mischief, running off to the other side of the shore, hoping he would. 

“You know I will!” Yuu replied, smiling as he started to run after her. Ayaka smiled.

Just as he promised, he caught her shortly after, wrapping his arms around. Then, he lifted her in the air. 

“Yuu, Yuu don’t!” She let out a scared yell that was drowned as Yuu shoved both of them underwater. 

All the noise around her disappeared and the only thing she could feel was the cold and the touch of Yuu’s soft hands.

It felt good. 

She indulged in the calmness of the moment for a moment longer, and with closed eyes, wrapped her hands around Yuu’s forearms hoping he wouldn’t let go.

If she could have spent eternity right there, with the affection and love she felt for her first and only friend, happiness bubbling on her heart, she would have. 

But that didn’t happen, and she got out of the water with a harsh tug.

Air filled her lungs and she realized she had been underwater way longer than what she had at first thought. 

Yuu’s laughs instantly overcame her ears. Ayaka turned around and wrapped his arms around him just like he had done with her, and both of them laughed with one another, as if their souls were in sync. 

Ayaka had been so happy back then, so happy that joy sometimes overcame her heart and made her chest explode. 

She loved him so much. 

She loved her parents so much, she loved her grandmother so much, and she loved Nozomi and Tamaki Kobayashi so much.

She loved them so much, more than her weak and delicate body could ever stand. 

Their laughs finally came to an end, because laughing for so long hurt and although they stopped embracing each other, Ayaka took Yuu’s hands right after. 

Tired of water, they laid on the shore, simply enjoying each other’s presence, simply being together. 

“Hey,” Yuu started, “want me to tell you a joke?”

Ayaka chuckled, snorting slightly, as she threw her head back to look at the sky. 

“Your jokes are always lame,” she objected in a huff. “They never make any sense.” 

Yuu rolled his eyes to look at her with raised eyebrows, leaning on one side. 

“That’s because you have no sense of humour,” he replied nearly offended, puffing his cheeks in a childish way. “Besides, I promise this one is good. It’s my father’s.” 

“All your jokes are your father's,” Ayaka said, amused, then she stuck out her tongue. “I do have a sense of humour, it’s just that you and your jokes are lame.” 

Yuu huffed and stuck his tongue out too. Ayaka snickered but nevertheless waited to hear his joke.

“Okay, here it goes then. If you think they’re so lame, you won’t laugh, right?” Yuu asked, and Ayaka nodded, feeling the bubbles of laughter forming on her throat. 

“Prepare, because here it comes, the best joke you’ll ever hear in your life,” he warned, pointing a mocking finger at her.

“Unless you come up with something way more stupid,” Ayaka butted in, leaning her cheek against hand. Yuu puffed his cheeks again. 

“Let me tell the joke, will you?” 

Ayaka nodded, eyes looking over at him lazily. Yuu took in a deep breath:

“What do you tell a three-headed ghost?” 

Ayaka turned her head to the side. Yuu waited a moment to hear her response, but since she stayed looking at him, expecting, he gave up. It was Ayaka after all, acting blindlessly had never been her thing. 

“Hello, hello, hello,” Yuu finally said, a certain excited light on his eyes. Ayaka’s hand flew to her mouth, trying with all her might to drown the small chuckles that couldn’t help but get out of her throat. It was no use, because it was clear by the way her shoulders trembled she was, in fact, laughing.  

“I’m not.. This isn’t funny… I swear I’m not laughing… I’m really not…” she tried to say, voice trembling under chuckles.

“Yes you are!” Yuu accused as he got closer, which only made Ayaka laugh harder. 

It was useless, since at the end Ayaka burst into chuckles without any remorse. Bubbling and warm, they made her chest shook endlessly. 

“It’s just… It’s just… So dumb!” she finally yelled,  her loud laughs echoing through the air and filling the forest. “Why does it have to be a ghost? I don’t understand!” 

She continued laughing, and Yuu’s nose bridge turned red in shame. 

“W-well! I’m sure you can’t tell a funny joke either!” he pointed out, standing up on a whim looking to embarrass her. Ayaka ceased her laughs with a final chuckle and a sigh, leaning on her elbows to take a look at him. 

“Oh, you want me to make you laugh? Is that it?” she asked in a voice Yuu couldn’t decipher. She had gotten up, progressively coming closer to him. 

He didn’t like what she was implying nor the smile with which she was saying it. Ayaka was a small weak thing, they knew that, everyone did, but she could be terrifying too. 

Suddenly her closed smirk turned into a smile from ear to ear, and in an instant, as if she threw herself at him with the intention of devouring him, Yuu saw himself prisoner to her skilled and fast hands that tickled, on his weakest points, places only she knew. 

He tried to endure it somehow, biting his lip and puffing his cheeks. He tried to get her hands away but Ayaka was too close and she had an iron grip on him. She could be strangely strong at times. 

“Ayaka...“ he tried to beg in between laughs. “Please… Stop…” Another wave of chuckles as she brought her hands to his ribs stopped him from talking.

He took her by the wrists to stop her and with a harsh tug, both of them tumbled against their feet and fell to the floor. 

Yuu had no time to let out a pained moan just to let out a muffled “oof” as Ayaka fell against his stomach. 

“Oh gods, I’m sorry! Are you okay?”Ayaka asked worriedly, an apologetic smile on her face, however she didn’t get off of Yuu. 

She was too busy looking at the small dark specks that filled his eyes. She had never noticed, but now that she was so close she took in just how charming the black on his eyes could be. 

It reminded her of a galaxy, so immense and limitless she doubted there was a way out. 

Did he always have those small marks on his cheeks? Like sparkled stars that had slid from his eyes, leaving the galaxy empty of light and falling on the valley of his face with the marks of their falls.  

Had he always been this pretty? More importantly, had she always felt the urge to nuzzle her face on the gap of his neck and stay there?

Yuu got up in a rush and Ayaka fell flat on her face. Suddenly conscious of her thoughts, her cheeks turned crimson. It was either shame or she had caught a fever. 

Maybe both, she wasn’t sure. Dizziness overcame her but in a different way than she was used to. It stunned her but made her happy at the same time. 

She couldn’t ignore that strange feeling on her chest, as if her heart was jumping instead of pumping. 

“We should go, it’s late,” Yuu suggested, his eyes flying somewhere else. 

The way he avoided her gaze was weird, but Ayaka stayed smiling without worries, getting up from the floor to join his side, just as she always did.

Neither of them talked during the way, and Ayaka decided not to worry about how the silence between them wasn’t comfortable, not how it usually was. 

She had faith in Yuu, and it was nothing if he looked angry for once. 

«He’ll get over it soon», Ayaka told herself as she silently eyed Yuu by the corner of her eye. She knew he was annoyed, she only had to look, but what about? 

«He’ll get over it.»

Then Ayaka fell ill for a week, and another one passed to see Yuu again. 

But not how she had hoped.

He had been rejecting her many offers to hang out for a few days. He seemed indifferent and Ayaka dared say he was annoyed, but she decided not to believe what her eyes were telling her.

«It’s Yuu», she naively thought. «If there was something that annoyed him he’d tell me.»

Her parents were always tired so she didn’t dare bother them with stupid things like that, opting to solve her problems herself and let her parents take a break. So the only option left to tell her worries was her cat, Mr Fluff. 

Mr Fluff was an old gray cat covered in a generous amount of fur that had been living with them for a very long time. Ayaka had been with Mr Fluff ever since she remembered, having raised him herself when her father found him on the side of the road one day. He had thought it to be a good idea to keep her company because of all the time she spent alone as they worked on the rice fields and she was forced to stay in bed, fever high enough to stay bedridden but not to go to the Kobayashi residence.

So, Mr Fluff turned into her biggest confidant, only after Yuu of course. 

“What do you think is wrong with him, Fluff?” Ayaka asked as she caressed his tummy. 

The clouds that covered the sky that day were grayish as his fur, covering any sunlight that could have shone over the rice fields and making the weak shine of the sword over on the wall bright the room. The hyottoko mask next to it returned the look Ayaka gave it, nervously going back to the window.

It was going to rain, that much was obvious, and Ayaka decided it was more pleasant to look through the window instead of at those weird memoriams, Fluff on her lap and her hand never stopping on her petting and eyes usually travelling to the sword and hyottoko mask over on the wall. 

Her cat purred delighted, more focused on how her fingers travelled over his fur than on Ayaka herself. 

At this her eyebrows furrowed. That had never happened before, it was weird not to have Yuu to tell her worries to, but this time she couldn’t, since her worries were about him. 

With nothing she could do about the matter, Ayaka decided to imagine what Fluff would say if he could talk. 

“I’m sure it’s nothing, you should try and talk to him. You’ll see how everything goes back to normal” Ayaka tried to imitate in a low tone what she believed her cat would say, moving his paws up and down as if that was something cats did when they talked. 

“But Fluff, do you think if I talk to him he’ll tell me what’s wrong?” Ayaka asked worriedly. “We’re going to hang out today to play near the river, should I bring it up?”

She started to move Fluff’s paws up and down once again. 

“Of course, he’s your best friend, you should have more trust in him,” Mr Fluff sentenced, and then he started to lick her fingers hoping she’d continue petting him.

Ayaka used her free hand, the one that wasn’t petting Fluff’s tumy, and scratched her cheek in thought. 

“Yeah you’re right! I’m sure if I talk with him we’ll be able to fix this,” she said in excitement, getting up from the floor on a whim and making Mr Fluff run away terrified to some place to hide. 

“Sorry,” she said softly at his ears under the laundry, before getting out of the house. 

The place where they had decided to hand out wasn’t too far away, near the river behind her house where they had gone to what seemed years ago. 

The end of summer got closer and autumn started to make itself present with its strong wings that freezed Ayaka’s hand and cut her skin. 

Her short hair shook against the wind without rest, the omens of what promised itself to be a tough autumn and by the time Ayaka reached the river, she could barely feel her cheeks. 

She sat on a rock as her whole body trembled and waited. She tried to make her fingers come back to life by rubbing them against her purple kimono but it was no use, so after ten minutes she sighed in defeat and dedicated her time to wait for Yuu. 

When he arrived she’d make sure to ask him to go somewhere guarded from the wind, what mattered to her now was to see him, no interest in being able to use her fingers or not. 

So she waited. First it was simply fifteen minutes, repeating to herself time and time again that nothing bad had happened to him and it was just a small delay, that he’d be okay. 

However, when thirty minutes passed, she started to get worried. 

Never before had he taken so long, and she was totally convinced that there had been something else to stop him from arriving on time. She believed in Yuu, he’d never leave her hanging. 

When thirty became forty five, Ayaka heard someone’s footsteps. 

Her face brightened, hoping Yuu would finally appear, that all those doubts (those that weren’t accidents) had just been her own imagination, that he’d never let her down. 

When she turned around, it wasn’t Yuu.

“Ah, Takeshi, hello,” Ayaka said, trying for her disappointment not to show on her face and failing completely.  

The boy in front of her was no less than Takeshi Akada. 

In such a small village everyone knew each other and it wasn’t hard for her to recognize him, even if she didn’t go out of the rice fields except on her short trips to the market. 

Takeshi Akada was the son of sandals sellers and other pieces of handicraft. Despite his age, his incredible tongue led all the customers on however he wanted, enchanted. No matter how stubborn the buyer was, Takeshi would end up not only selling him not just a pair of sandals in the middle of winter, but also made them buy many things even more ridiculous. And maybe a pair of boots for the snow if he was generous.

It was also a known fact in the village his father beat him up from time to time, but that was besides the point. 

“Aya-san, it’s been so long since I last saw you. Are you enjoying your new sandals?” Takeshi gave her a closed eyed smile as Ayaka nodded. She had also fallen to his trap a few weeks ago. 

He didn’t seem surprised at seeing her in the forest, coming closer to her in a friendly manner. Ayaka scratched her cheek, she really didn’t know how to talk with other kids her age besides Yuu. The bubble that was her childhood made sure she missed everything that was there to know about how other people acted, so she preferred to be with Yuu, where everything was familiar. 

“So tell me, what are you doing in this place?” Takeshi asked, interested. He was still dedicating her his very unnerving closed eyed smile. 

She doubted for a moment, her feet moving in their place, but Ayaka decided to tell the truth.

“I’m waiting for Yuu, we were supposed to be hanging out right now, but he’s taking quite a lot,” she said, trying not to look worried about his delay. 

Takeshi hummed. 

“So you’re talking about Yuu-chan? Yuu Kobayashi?” He raised his eyebrows in question, looking confused for a moment. 

Ayaka’s eyes couldn’t tell if his feelings were real or not, there was something wrong with him, somehow. She couldn’t see past the surface, and that, along with her usual clumsiness, made Ayaka fidget more than she usually did with strangers.  

She didn’t like things she couldn’t figure out.

However it was she nodded, waiting for his reply in lazy distraction as her eyes drifted away to the path without wanting them to. Even if she had all the time to get prepared, it would have never been enough for the blow to her heart to be less painful. 

“I was going right now to hang out with him, we are all meeting to play together, Yumiko, Nanami and Ryu too,” he said, looking worried for a moment at the astonishment that painted on her face that instant. She knew all those names, kids her age that lived in the village. Takeshi smiled, it brought him extreme red pleasure, even if she couldn’t see it. “He’s been playing with us for the past few weeks, but it seems he didn’t tell you, and how stupid of me, to believe he didn’t want you to get sick. It’s a pity, really, you’re such a lovely girl, Aya-san.” 

And just like that, Takeshi continued on his path, leaving her there. 

Yuu didn’t go that day. 

It also rained, and she ended up going back home soaked to the bone. 

Her mother prepared rice balls to make her go back to a normal warmth, but it was really as if she was absent all the time. 

She fell sick again, like usual, not enough to go to the Kobayashi’s house, simply staying in bed for a few days.  

Yuu didn’t go visit her, not even to ask how she was, leaving her only company to be Mr Fluff and the brief forehead kisses wishing her good morning and good night from her parents. 

They were tired when they came home and with her increasing free time Ayaka tried to help them as much as she could, would it be making dinner or cleaning the house. Because she owed them, because they worked hard to keep her alive. 

Another two weeks passed for Ayaka to run into Yuu.

She was going to the market, a basket hanging from her arm and a happy skip on her pace. 

Mr Fluff was by her side, rubbing against her legs from time to time which made her tumble against him every few minutes. She was close to falling to the floor a few times, and it was a miracle she didn’t. 

She suddenly saw a group of kids by the side of the road. They laughed and talked loudly, no worries in sight. Ayaka recognised them instantly, they were the other kids her age. Takeshi was with them, but so were Nanami and Yumiko Sato, mischievous twins whose mother worked as a seamstress, and even Ryu Takahashi, the quiet son of the lumberjack. 

Finally there was Yuu, she had never seen him so light headed, like something on his eyes had lifted, shining in joy as he laughed with the twins like she used to laugh with her. 

Ayaka decided not to mind the piercing blow on her heart the sight caused, but despite everything she smiles cheerfully. She wouldn’t let all those horrible things her mind whispered to her to cloud her judgement. She’d trust in Yuu, because he was her best friend, and she was sure there were reasons as to why he hadn’t visited her, or why he hadn’t talked to her, or why he had lied to her. 

In the blink of an eye Ayaka found herself face to face with the floor and her basket flies from her hands to the other side of the road and falls on the rice fields, ending up completely soaked in muddy water. 

She tried to get up, overwhelmed by dizziness. Something had crashed against her foot, what was it? 

The chuckles aren’t something they tried to hide, and Ayaka hears them echo on her head, bouncing on the walls of her mind without rest. They were high pitched laughs, mocking, ringing on her ears to torment her. Were they… making fun of her? 

“Sorry, are you okay?” What surprised her the most was Yuu 's voice saying those things, he even tried to show genuine worry, but her eyes knew, he didn’t feel any remorse. He had made her trip, he had made her fall on purpose to make fun of her. 

«No, Yuu would never do that», was the second thing she thought, shaking her head to keep those whispers away. 

She accepted the hand that had remained right in front of her face for too long and Yuu lifted her up more harshly than necessary. Takeshi got closer to them, holding on his hands Ayaka’s basket that had gotten hopelessly soaked, covered with rests of smelly mud and rotten bugs drowned in the water of the rice fields. Ayaka felt all her muscles tense.

“Here is your basket, Aya-san,” he announced as he offered it to Ayaka with a closed eyed smile. He said her name with a ring to it, tasting every letter as if it was his favourite food. The twins were still laughing in the background and it’s something hard to ignore. Even so she tried, accepting in uncertainty the basket from Takeshi’s hands with a “thank you” as she tried not to shiver because of the dead bugs touching her. 

She ended up taking it by the edges with her pinky and thumb, jaw tightening in discomfort. More unhidden chuckles. 

Fluff came back to her side after running off scared of her fall. Now calm, he returned to rubbing his back against her leg, purring. 

That made Ayaka smile slightly, scratching behind his ears.

Takeshi kneeled and started petting the cat as well. Everyone was staring. 

“What a cute cat you have, Aya-san,” he said as Mr Fluff snuggled against his fingertips. The only thing Ayaka had the courage to do was smile, even if her heart dived into a sea of worry. 

“Um, where were you going in such a hurry?” she asked as she tried not to stutter. 

“We were going near the river to play pretend samurais, right, Yuu-chan?” Takeshi said in a honeyed tone that stuck to his lips and Ayaka found it excessively sweet.

Right before Yuu could say anything, Ayaka butted in:

“Can I go with you?” 

There was a tint of desperation, she hoped it wasn’t obvious just how much it mattered to her (how much Yuu mattered to her).

Yuu and Takeshi exchange looks Ayaka couldn’t figure out, and then they did the same with Nanami, Yumiko and Ryu. The only thing she could do was look impatiently, as she bit the inside of her cheek until the metallic taste of blood soaked her tongue. 

“Okay, that will be fun,” Takeshi finally said, without letting go of that strange smile. The other kids looked at each other in confusion, pissed off grimaces and hints of annoyance. Ayaka started sweating.  

That didn’t go as planned. In fact, instead of making her closer to Yuu it only made him fade away more and more from her fingertips. 

She had hoped that if she returned back to him things would go back to normal, that she’d be the same as always, but the breach between them only grew bigger, what had one been a trace of a line on the earth lead the way to a snowy cliff. 

He didn’t look her in the eyes, instead making jokes out of her. Just how pale she was, how small she was, how soft her voice was and how useless she was. That time wasn’t the only time he made her fall to the ground. 

He wasn’t the only one, the twins were unusually “clumsy” and dedicated their time not only to “accidentally” pushing her, but also to lean on her weak body as if she was less than a thing to put their elbows on, and although she wasn’t sure, it looked like they made sure to be as close as possible to her as they whispered things about her in the less discreet way possible. They weren’t exactly good things. 

Ryu didn’t say much, but she had the hopes to befriend him at some point since his father had worked with hers not too long ago, and he hadn’t seemed like any of the villagers there. Instead, he tried to act as if she wasn’t there, which only made it worse when she looked at him waiting for a reaction as everyone laughed in yet another joke about how sick she looked, anything that meant he disagreed, but there was nothing.

And with all that, Takeshi simply observed everything with that smile that brought Ayaka such strong negative feelings. 

Even so, Ayaka clutched to them, especially Yuu, because she really wouldn’t be able to stand the loneliness that came with having no one. 

She still had the hopes of everything going back to normal, but she didn’t know what to do to make that happen. 

Many months later, Ayaka found the corpse of Mr Fluff in the garden, next to her mother’s red spider lilies. 

She screamed, the fear on her voice alarming her parents who were luckily there and soon made her look away from such a horrible sight. Her mother chose to hug her against her chest so she didn’t have to see it, and Ayaka only cried silently on her shoulder. 

But she could remember, how foam came out of Mr Fluff 's mouth and how his lifeless eyes looked at the sky. There was no light there she could look at. 

She didn’t talk much with her parents from then, but they didn’t confront her about it and never brought it up again, as if Mr Fluff had never existed. 

Ayaka had the light suspicion that her parents considered her too weak to talk about it, that she’d burst into tears if they even dared mention Mr Fluff’s name. 

It was true she hadn’t been as cheerful for the last few months, but that didn’t mean she was a flower in her mother’s garden that couldn’t stand even a light breeze. 

They didn’t have any pets again.

The breaking point finally came for her, all hopes she had on Yuu had been slowly fading away with every joke, every push, every mocking laugh he directed at her. So she tried to do what she thought was best, ask him just what had him so upset with her.

She finally found him alone once Yuu went back to his house over the rice fields path, passing by close enough to her house for Ayaka to see him.

“Yuu!”, she called, running to try and catch up to him. It had been so long since they were last alone. Yuu sped up his pace, making sure he was as far away from her as possible. Ayaka did the same, shouting his name against the wind a second time instead of thinking about how he was purposely ignoring her. 

How did it end up like this? What happened for it to come to this?

“Did I do something wrong!?” she yelled, eyes starting to water. She managed to control her tears, but there was no way to stop the trembling on her lips. 

And then Yuu suddenly stopped walking, still with her back to her, and Ayaka stopped running too, although taking small steps towards him. 

“If I did something wrong, please tell me!” she pleaded as she came closer, drying the few tears that she couldn’t stop falling down the valley of her cheeks. 

He didn’t turn around, not even when Ayaka hugged him from behind, fingers desperately grabbing to his clothes. 

Yuu had always felt like a familiar comforting place to go back to, now it only felt like a burning nail that burned brighter the more she clutched onto it.

And like the burning nail he was, he slapped her away from him, and Ayaka crashed against the floor. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” he asked, finally turning around to her. 

She flinched, feeling herself become smaller and smaller the more his gaze was fixed on her. Yuu scared her and it hadn't been the first time, every word that came from him brought a twinge of fear to her chest. But in that moment, she really believed he’d be able to hurt her, that Yuu was a cruel person. 

“Why can’t you just be normal? You go pitifully following me around all the time like a lost puppy. You can’t even stand a speck of dust, you have no one else to hold onto except for me, you fall ill every two damn days! You’re seriously so weak and pathetic you disgust me.”

As if he had violently punched her, Ayaka turned her head to the ground.  

Then, as much as she tried to stop them, tears went down her cheeks and marked their path to her chin. 

“I’m sorry.” That was the only thing she could say. “I’m truly sorry for bothering you.” 

And seeing how Yuu disappeared in the distance, Ayaka wished for Fluff to be alive. 

She never joined the other kids again, nor did she try to tell her parents. She had stopped reciprocating the forehead kisses a long time ago.

Her parents wouldn’t help her, they never did. They were cowards, that was what they were, pathetic cowards just like her that couldn’t even see what was in front of them.

All the other villagers took advantage of their kindness, they all mocked them behind their backs and took them for fools. Ayaka saw it all, every time she went to the market, but both her and her parents decided to ignore it and continue being the kind and naive Iwamoto family. 

And then a few days later, everything turned into chaos. 

Ayaka had been safe from the darkness of the night, safely looking through the window, when she saw the fire. 

Fire on Yuu’s house.  

There wasn’t only fire, there was also something inhuman, something she had never seen before. 

She grabbed that old pink sword that hung on her living room’s wall and ran, feeling under her hands the carvings of flowers on its handle and ignoring the yells of her parents asking her where she was going, because neither of them were able to see the fire. 

As much as she attempted to, as much as she tried to to hate Yuu time and time again. All that time she had dedicated to try and forget him for the past days ever since he said all those things. It was no use, nothing she did could ever change that.

The closer she got to the house the bigger and hotter the flames turned. Nozomi and Tamaki were already dead by the time she got there, she could see their corpses on the second floor of the house, along with their blood splashed over the walls and the furniture. 

The warmth of the flames and the smoke were asphyxiating, but Ayaka went forward, even if she started to choke searching for Yuu. 

Never before had she held a sword, least did she know how to use it, but a certain sense of security overcame her at holding one in between her delicate hands. 

She didn’t find Yuu in between the black of the ashes, but Yuu was the one to find her. 

His face was stained with cinder except for the way his tears had cleaned down his face, and he fell to Ayaka’s feet with a loud bang, crawling over the floor without noticing she was there, desperately attempting to go to the exit. 

She kneeled before him, and for the first time, Yuu seemed to recognize. 

With trembling hands, he clutched to her clothes. His weeping didn't stop.

"It's… it's... it's. .. Take... Take…" sobbed Yuu uncontrollably, making it impossible for Ayaka to hear what he said.  

"Don't worry, I'll protect you" Ayaka whispered to his era in an attempt to calm him down, as she gently caressed his dark brown hair. 

Yuu didn't stop holding onto her and Ayaka was forced to separate him forcefully, his strong fingers not not wanting to let go from her clothes. 

"Aya-san, how good to see you!" said a voice she knew perfectly. Ayaka's eyes travelled to the other side of the room. 

"Takeshi," Ayaka muttered to herself, instinctively giving a step back with a twinge of fear. 

It was him, but not really. His eyes were strange, and both the colour of his skin and his hair had changed as well. His mouth was covered in blood, and she didn't have to give it much thought to know it was the Kobayashi's.  

As scared as she was, Ayaka held her sword towards him, gathering all the strength not to shiver. 

He was simply inhuman, there was no other way around it. 

"Did I seriously have to eat the Kobayashis for you to finally do something? I thought your cat would be enough, but your passivity has reached unexpected limits. You're seriously weak, Aya-san," Takeshi said, leaning his cheek against his hand. 

Ayaka's blood burned in fury, he had that closed eyed smile again on his face, the one she hated so much, and she understood then why.  

"At least you reacted before I killed your parents and Yuu-chan, it's an accomplishment coming from you, don't you think so?" 

All of that, was it because of her? 

«I'm going to kill this bastard», was what she thought right before charging at him. 

Everything else was blurry, somehow Ayaka managed to behead Takeshi before passing out of blood loss and the fever. Yuu and her miraculously survived. 

This was how she turned into a demon slayer, this was how she decided to trust on her eyes only, and that way, Ayaka Iwamoto became strong. 

Didn't she?

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

"Zenitsu, stop getting my uniform soaked in snot and sweat!" Ayaka yelled exasperated. 

But after all, she would always have a weakness. 

Chapter Text

With Zenitsu’s shaky breathing on one side and the strong grasp of Shoichi’s hands by the other, Ayaka was starting to get annoyed. 

Although it was only Zenitsu’s nervousness, his fear was so irrational and uncontrollable that it got on her nerves. It wasn’t enough to clutch to her as if his life depended on it, but he also sweated generously and didn’t stop trembling, and that made Ayaka question how he had been able to survive the Final Selection, or even learning any kind of breathing. 

He had said it himself, hadn’t he? That not even he knew how he had made it. She didn’t either. 

She wasn’t able to see not even a pinch of strength, nor mental nor physical, in Zenitsu Agatsuma.

At first it wasn’t a problem, since it was easy to ignore him if she put effort into it, but Zenitsu’s estate progressively moved from fear to panic, and from panic to terror. 

And he didn’t stop hugging her, which made her uncomfortable for two reasons. The first one was it greatly restricted her movements and if they ever encountered a demon that would be a disadvantage. The second one was that… he was hugging her as he leaned her head on her chest, which was weird, and he got all types of things on her uniform, snot, tears and sweat. She had to gather all her strength not to tense at the thought of her uniform, the one she had cleaned barely a few days before, to be covered in sticky substances. 

Maybe not all her uniform, but it still sent shivers down her back. 

Quite the contrary, Shoichi did everything he could to not get on her way. He obeyed without complaint and stuck to her side without hassle, maybe for fear of demons or for his respect for her. She chose to believe the latter. 

He was just as exhausted of Zenitsu as she was, using Ayaka as protection so he wouldn’t get too close to him. 

“I think he’s lost his mind,” he had whispered into Ayaka’s ear at some point. 

Ayaka just gave him an apologetic smile, as she couldn’t confirm nor deny his suspicions, but as they spent more time on the house, the more did Ayaka consider the possibility of those suspicions being true. 

It would be funny if she were to see it from the outside, but with Zenitsu heavily breathing and by her side, it wasn't funny at all.. 

He was for sure worse than a little kid and Ayaka bet Teruko would have been a better civilian to protect in that kind of situation. She found herself unexpectedly missing Tanjirou’s caring personality. 

“Excuse me, Zenitsu-san,” Shoichi called weakly, tiredness sweeping through his features. 

Instantly, Zenitsu skipped a bit and fell to the floor in pure terror, giving high pitched yells and grabbing onto Ayaka’s waist in desperation. 

She only sighed and, with the only free hand she had left, pinched her nose in distress.. 

This would be a long, long mission. 

She would make stew out of her crow when she defeated all the demons and she wouldn’t even eat it, she would throw it to the wild animals in the forests for him to feel on his bones how it felt to be uselessly wasted. 

“Signal! You need to give me a signal!” Zenitsu yelled in panic, tightening his grip around Ayaka’s waist. “If you want to say something don’t just suddenly say it! My heart nearly lept out of my mouth, if that actually happened, you would be a murderer! Got that!?” 

“I’m sorry,” Shoichi muttered, giving a step back to hide behind Ayaka’s arm. “It’s just that… no matter if it’s your sweating or your erratic breathing… it’s only getting worse so…” 

“I’m doing my best here, you know!” Zenitsu jumped defensive. Ayaka’s tired grimace got heavier, sighing for the second time. 

“But seeing you like this makes me feel unsafe…” Shoichi continued, then he whispered, “and I don’t think Ayaka-san can protect us both by herself.” 

Ayaka’s eyebrow twitched. He was underestimating her. 

She had to say that yes, maybe it was something complicated to keep an eye on two civilians in a fight against one or multiple demons, but that was nothing for her! She was sure Genya could do that, both him and Himejima-shishou, and she would be no less, for gods’ sake, she was better than Genya! 

“That’s enough,” Ayaka said in a frown,” Zenitsu, get yourself together already! And you, Shoichi, calm down! We’ll get out of this house alive, I’ll make sure of it!” 

Shoichi nodded, but even then she could see a pinch of distrust. Did he believe her to be so weak she couldn’t keep her promises?

This was why Ayaka hated to treat with civilians. Would Tanjirou have this kind of problems? Everyone always appeared so at ease with him. What did he have that she didn’t? It didn’t matter either way, dealing with civilians wasn’t a problem if she was strong enough to save them and shut them up while doing so. 

“But A-chan, I’m so scared,” Zenitsu complained in between whines, rubbing his face against her stomach and further spreading his snot all over her uniform.

Ayaka clicked her tongue, letting go of Shoichi’s hand who confusedly looked up at her as she grabbed Zenitsu’s collar and brought him to his feet.

The fat tears were still going down his cheeks. He didn’t stop trembling, not even when Ayaka harsly grabbed him by the shoulders to look at him face to face. 

“Listen closely, Zenitsu,” she started in a tone so cold it burned. “Do you seriously think I never get scared?” 

He decided that shamefully playing with his hands would be a better idea than possibly looking into her eyes by accident. 

“No?” He answered, still without daring to look somewhere that wasn’t the ground. 

From Ayaka’s mouth came only a sour chuckle. 

”That’s bullshit!” She bitterly replied. “If you are weak it’s only natural for you to be scared, and all of us are weak against demons, who in their right mind wouldn’t be scared of such strong creatures?”

For the first time since he met her, Zenitsu looked directly into Ayaka’s eyes. 

“Well it doesn’t seem like it! No one from the corps is as scared as me, it’s not the same! I’m a coward!” He continued to try and excuse himself. Before he could open his mouth again to talk instead of whine, Ayaka shook him by the shoulders. 

“Us weak things will always be scared, and we won’t stop until we leave this world, so the only thing you can do is use that fear to fuel you to defeat stronger things!”She started, without ever stopping on shaking Zenitsu.”Because that’s the only thing we can possibly do! Keep that in mind and try to do something for once! If you keep hiding behind your fear you’ll continue being as weak as always and you’re no use to anyone like that, you goddamn stupid-!  

“Ayaka-san, “Shoichi interrupted her in fear as he tugged on her sleeve. Zenitsu had also petrified on her grasp, both looking somewhere behind her. 

“What!?” She asked annoyed, turning around to take a look at what Shoichi was pointing at with a trembling hand.

All anger instantly vanished like leaves swept by wing and Ayaka, astonished, left Zenitsu fall to the floor with a loud bang. 

“This is why I kept telling you to be as quiet as possible! You see!? A demon appeared! A demon really appeared!” Zenitsu yelled from the floor in distress. 

Ayaka’s nichirin sword quickly came out of its sheath, shining silver like made out of moonlight, its owner pointing it towards the demon that had so silently appeared before them..

“We see each other again, you worthless bastard,” Ayaka said with a sour taste at the back of her mouth. “I’ll cut off your neck this time like I promised.” 

There he was, the demon that had disappeared so suddenly.

The injury on his arm and neck had disappeared, but the traces of blood remained, turning its immaculate white skin to an insightful calcareous red.  

“Get behind me,” she urged with a hand wave and a commanding tone as her sharp eyes stayed fixed on the hunchbacked demon. Her eyebrows fixed together as she noticed the few space between them. The corridor was narrow and the demon, although not big for how its kind usually were, was too much to easily fit there. It would be a problem having to keep Zenitsu and Shoichi not too far away as she made sure the demon didn’t go close to them.

It was faster than her, she’d have to make a plan to kill it quickly, to stay away from Zenitsu and Shoichi while keeping the demon at a distance too in order to assure the safety of those she swore to protect and herself. 

Even if that meant taking demons’ lives in exchange, even if that meant losing herself in the process, she’d accomplish her goal.

The demon barely gave her a disinterested look, scratching his cheek without much worry even with a sword pointed right at its face.

“Do I know you?” 

Ayaka’s eyebrow twitched again, irritation slowly making its way to her features. It didn’t even recognize her!? What did she have to do to be respected on that goddamn house!? First Shoichi and then that demon. It was seriously starting to get on her nerves.

“Shoichi, Zenitsu, don’t stay too far away from me but don’t get out of the corridor either, swear you won’t,” Ayaka muttered as she adjusted her hold on her sword’s handle. 

She saw, there was something weird about the edges of each room, the dust didn’t go between them, like a shining line marking the limits of something, something unnerving. What that something did was still a mystery she hoped to solve in no time, but the unsecurity of not doing so made her fidget.  

“Zenitsu,” she specifically called with a harsher tone, making him skip a bit and get up from the floor stumbling against his own feet, his knees trembled. Since he couldn’t clutch to her he simply held Shoichi’s hand. 

“Y-yes?” He asked in fear, not taking his eyes off her back. 

She looked so much like a warrior, samurais from ancient times that vanished long ago, strong,  confident and ready to take on a whole army by herself, that it was hard for Zenitsu to believe from her came such a sad sound, like the sobbing of a small child. She wasn’t lying when she said she was scared. 

“If I’m not there to protect you and Shoichi, swear you’ll do it for me,” Ayaka firmly asked, a certain anxious grip on her sword as she looked at the demon that still hadn’t moved towards them and that would surely do it soon. 

“A-chan, don’t give me that much responsibility, it’s too much for me,” Zenitsu whined on his usual trembling voice. Tears started yet again to fall silently and with them came the shaking. 

“Stop sheltering on your own weaknesses and honour the title given to you, live your life according to the pride of a demon slayer,” Ayaka harshly spit out. 

Maybe it was true that she hadn’t seen a pinch of strength on Zenitsu, or that he had cried and trembled since the moment they first met, but there was something she couldn’t see with her eyes, that she felt on her bones, that told her Zenitsu was worth something. 

«I don’t understand», she thought. She had spent the last three years only trusting her eyes, gut feelings and hunches had already failed her after all, whispers that said Genya cared for her, that Himejima-shishou wasn’t the perfect master she thought him out to be, that she could use Repetitive Actions. That Zenitsu Agatsuma was strong was the only one she listened to, just for once. She would have liked to say that to him, but she wasn’t especially good with feelings. 

Swallowing, Zenitsu nodded. 

And with that, Ayaka threw herself at the demon. 

Her knuckles turned white around the sword handle, and with determination shining burning on her eyes, it was no surprise the demon decided to pay attention to her for the first time. It raised his giant hand up in the air, the intentions of smashing her against the wall clear on the way his eyes lazily rolled up to his skull. 

Maybe it was stupid, but he wouldn’t stay still waiting for a demon slayer to cut off its neck. His hand was twice Ayaka’s size, but she wouldn’t stay still waiting to be crushed either, so she swiftly jumped back. 

The narrowness of the corridor was a problem like she had predicted. With just its hands the demon was able to cover it almost entirely, having no problem cornering her if she moved back too much or reached a corner too small.

“I’m bored,” the demon scratched its chin with its sharp claw, looking at her as if she was a bug that fluttered around it making an annoying nose. 

Ayaka clenched her jaw. 

“Have you seen a redhead and a little girl over here?” She asked, her fingers playing nervously with her sword handle as she got into position to attack again. “If you cooperate I’ll cut off your neck painlessly, I advise you do that, there is a Stone Breathing Form that makes your head explode and it would be quite disgusting to have your blood all over the place, and none of us want that, right?” 

The demon didn’t take any worth on her words, looking behind it and then looking back at her once again. 

“Are you talking to me?” It asked in confusion, pointing a white finger towards itself as if something like that could be possible. “Well, that doesn’t matter, I’ll finish you quickly since there was something I had to do, but I don’t remember what it was.” 

It raised its hand again to crash her with a simple move. Ayaka replied to its foolish move by jumping, but not towards the wall, but above the demon’s head and with her feet on the ceiling, she got ready to jump towards its head. Raising her sword to the sky, the demon clueless to where she had run off to, she knew the fight was already over. 

“That’s for underestimating me you asshole!” Ayaka yelled, gaining speed as she jumped from the ceiling. 

Stone Breathing, Second Form: Upper Smash! 

The blade of her sword fell with all its strength against the demon’s head in a crushing blow. Ayaka briefly settled her feet on the demon’s back, jumping far away from the blood explosion that replaced  its head the moment her sword moved away from its skull in order not to get any blood stains on her. 

Had she ever mentioned before that she kept her promises?

Landing elegantly a few meters away from it, the demon’s body lifelessly fell to the floor behind her. 

Ayaka smiled with hands on her waist as she turned around, expecting to find Shoichi and Zenitsu looking in amazement at the way she had took down the demon. However, there was no one behind her.

They weren’t there. 

Of course, she instantly went into panic.

“Zenitsu! Shoichi!?” She worriedly called out, starting to walk to the last place she had seen them. Tangled up between the confusion of the rush she stumbled against the demon’s corpse and fell to the ground, but she paid no mind, as she got up and started to walk faster.

“Zenitsu, Shoichi!” she tried again, this time running through the corridor that  started to feel too long. 

What could have happened to them? Maybe they had disappeared just like Tanjirou and Teruko, but she made them promise not to go out of the corridor. 

There was also the option of encountering a demon while she was busy with the other one. 

«Fuck, fuck, fuck», Ayaka cursed on her mind time and time again. 

Why had she listened to that hunch and left Zenitsu alone!? She had hoped he would run away and keep the both of them safe with his cowardice at the very least until she took care of the problem! Not for them to disappear! This was by far the kind of possibility she had thought about! 

She didn’t know where they were, her eyes couldn’t see them either, the dust here was too weird! And Zenitsu was alone with Shoichi! 

With all those things in mind Ayaka fastened her pace, taking her sword back to its sheath again without taking the time to clean it as her eyes scanned in nervousness through all the rooms they could have run off to. 

She was reaching the end of the corridor when the sound of thunder piercing through the air. She stumbled in confusion for a moment, leaning on the wall so as not to fall to the ground. 

«Jigoro Kuwajima», she instantly thought. 

The sky had been clear when they went into the house. 

«Could it be...?». The question stayed floating in her mind, not even sure if that could be possible. 

She suddenly stopped running, taking a second to think about what the hell that had been.

It came from the room she had stopped next to, and swimming in uncertainty, Ayaka peeked through the door. 

Luckily it was Zenitsu and Shoichi like she had thought at first, and a pretty creepy demon.

But it was dead, its head on the floor starting to fade away in dust with just a light breath of air when she arrived. 

“I’s dead! It’s really dead” Zenitsu yelled in a high pitched voice, noticing the demon’s head gainst his foot for the first time. 

He suspiciously looked over at Ayaka, but before he could ask she answered with an outright “no, it wasn’t me”. 

She was still greatly confused, and she sent Shoichi a look full of questions at the other side of the room, but Ayaka knew just as much as Shoichi. Not even goddamn Zenitsu knew!

At Ayaka’s negative, Zenitsu directed his attention towards the only person left. 

“Shoichi-kun, don’t tell me you…” he stated in a trembling voice, getting closer to him in small steps. 

Ayaka blinked.

“Thank you so much! We’re finally saved! I won’t forget this favor you did for me!” Zenitsu yelled, finally throwing himself to Shoichi hugging him like he used to hug Ayaka. “You should have told me you were so strong from the very beginning!”  

That was what Ayaka would have liked to tell him, but she was left speechless, eyes wide open as she looked at the demon’s head.

A clean cut, no mistakes on its technique.

Yet again, another thing her eyes couldn’t see. They had started to be too many already; first it had been not seeing Nezuko, then it was impossible to make out how the house worked or the exact location of the demons inside besides blurry images she couldn’t tell apart, and then this! She was gonna die out of stress before becoming a Pillar at this rate! 

«You know what? I give up, to hell with it, I hate group missions.» It was either that or a headache, and she didn’t want to have a headache. 

Why did everything happen to her? Tanjirou and Zenitsu were such weirdos. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«Why does everything keep falling apart?», Ayaka thought in distress, as she witnessed Tanjirou fight against the spirit boar. 

It had all been so fast her eyes hadn’t been able to catch up. 

Zenitsu had protected her. 

When she, Shoichi and Zenitsu were unexpectedly thrown out the second floor window as the house crumbled down, Zenitsu had protected them both with his body from the fall. Suddenly the possibility of Zenitsu being strong somehow made sense to her, just a bit. 

Then the boar appeared, yelling how he wanted to murder the demon on Tanjirou’s box. She would have tried to look surprised since Zenitsu was there but she was still swimming in confusion, drowning further with the unexpected appearance of the haf-boar, who turned out not to be an illusion of a monster.

“Stop it you two!” Ayaka ordered, as she desperately tried for the nevers not to overwhelm her as she looked, powerless, how Tanjirou and the boar continued with their fight. 

“I told you to stop!” She yelled again, distress making her voice become eight times more high pitched. She hated how it sounded like a little girl’s. 

What should she do? It was a violation of the rules to fight against another demon slayer, even to stop other demon slayers from fighting! She couldn’t violate the rules, what would Himejima-shishou say? She had already given shelter to a demon. And they didn’t listen to her either!

What should she do? What should she do?

The three siblings had finally reunited, and were emotionally crying their reunion behind Zenitsu as they also looked warily towards the fight. 

Zenitsu was still holding onto the box, blood scattered all over his nose where Shoichi had tried to clean with a piece of cloth. 

This mission was a total failure. 

Himejima-shishou was able to shut down a fight between Pillars with only a clap, and she couldn’t even stop a nonsense fight between recently named demon slayers.  

She was a total failure. 

Was that how she wanted to take over Himejima-shishou? It was such an impossible dream that… Her eyes opened in surprise as an idea popped bright on her mind, as if someone threw a brick to her face as the boar proudly showed off his flexibility. 

She wasn’t sure if to be impressed or disgusted.

What he wanted was to win a fight to show off his strength, right? But he had never said it had to be a fight. 

Before she could put her plan into action, Tanjirou headbutted the boar. 

His head was sent flying but it wasn’t his head, but Ayaka discovered that, quite ontrary to what she had believed at first, it was a mask. And in fact, the boar was a human. 

“Eh!? A woman’s face!?” Zenitsu yelled out what everyone was thinking, she didn’t know if that was surprise or horror. 

With a deep inhale, she took in the fact that the goddamn boar was prettier than her! 

Even with blood running down his nose, the no-boar had skin white as milk with a precious blush on his cheeks, impressive eyelashes and naturally pink lips. His hair looked silky and shining, the Sun shining down on it gracefully. 

Ayaka considered herself a pretty girl, since the girls from the village down Himejima-shishou’s mountain always complimented her whenever she went down to the market. She had been blessed with pretty although short eyelashes, even a mole on her right cheekbone complimented her face nicely. Eyes of the perfect size, she wouldn’t say her lips were horrible even while chapped, but she was too pale and her hair didn’t shine under the Sun at all, so the no-boar surpassed her greatly. 

She made those thoughts come to a halt, she couldn’t worry about that now!

“What did you say just now!? Do you have any complaints about my face!?” The no-boar yelled (she had no other name to call him by). 

As if Tanjirou caught on to her thoughts, he continued:

“I have no problems with your face! In fact it’s very pretty, with a slight blush contrasting against th white!” 

Ayaka, Zenitsu and the three kids stared at the exchange like a tennis match: 

“I’m going to kill you, you bastard! Bring it on if you’ve got balls!” 

“I can’t, I’m too tired!

“Try your headbutt again!” 

“I won’t! Just take a seat! Are you okay!?” 

“Hey, Wide-Forehead! My name is Inosuke Hashibira! Remember that!”  

«So he does have a name», Ayaka thought in curiosity. 

“How do you write your name!?” Tanjirou asked.  

Did he ask that to everyone? 

“Write!?” Inosuke confusedly asked. “I don’t know how to write! It’s written on my underwear tho!”  

Ayaka scrunched up her nose. How disgusting. 

Just like that, Inosukes eyes went up to his skull and he fell back, crashing against the floor with a strong bang. 

Cautiously getting closer to his limp body, Ayaka gave him a light nudge with her foot to confirm if he was alive or not. 

As she saw how his chest went up and down, she at least knew he was breathing, which was quite an accomplishment taking into account foam was starting to get out of his mouth. 

“Is he dead!? Is he dead!?” Zenitsu asked in his usual high pitched voice, hiding behind Teruko as if Inosuke would miraculously get up and beat him up once again. 

“No, he’s only unconscious!” Ayaka yelled from her place for him and the children to hear. Getting her eyes back to Inosuke, she nudged him with her foot again. Just to confirm, of course. 

“He’s not dead, probably got a concussion,” Tanjirou asked, appearing by Ayaka’s side unexpectedly. “Because I used all my strength to ram him with my head.” 

Ayaka’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance, now with her head clear, the first thing that came to mind was just how mad he had been with Tanjirou all day. 

Her eyebrow had been twitching all day, she was for sure gonna get a few early wrinkles. 

“I swear I’m going to kill you!” She started, poking her finger sharply against his chest. “Goddamn Tanjirou, why do you never listen to me!?” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Once Ayaka calmed down and Zenitsu had miraculously prevented her from killing Tanjirou with her own two hands, they did what was only natural. To bury the dead. 

Ayaka had insisted they should rest as she did it all, since she was the only one that had come out unscarced.  

Tanjirou, with that stubbornness of his she had already become familiar with, didn’t agree. She had been expecting his negatives on the matter when she claimed she would take care of everything, what she hadn’t expected, however, was that Zenitsu was also very persistent. 

She could have dealt with Tanjirou alone but if Zenitsu joined him there was no chance for her to win the argument. 

She had to get used to the idea and let not just the two of them help her, even the children helped with the task. She didn’t know kids could be this kind. 

Like how she had grown to expect from him, Tanjirou didn’t allow to leave Inosuke unprotected on the floor, unconcious and heavily injured. 

So they made him a pillow with Tanjirou’s haori and covered him up with Zenitsu’s. Ayaka firmly refused to lend hers, Inosuke deserved no sympathy from her with the way he had beaten up Zenitsu, and she was also slightly annoyed by him being prettier than her. She would never say that outloud, of course. 

Ayaka was muttering a small prayer before one of the tombs she had just digged when Tanjirou came up to her. 

If there was something she respected the most with her entire being, it was the dead.

Maybe it was because of Himejima-shishou’s religious tendencies, she wouldn’t be able to tell, but for your life to be snatched away from you, what a horrible, terrifying thing. 

She quickly rubbed her tears away with her haori’s sleeve as she saw by the corner of her eye how Tanjirou walked over to her. There was something he wanted to talk about at the tip of his tongue, something she had no interest in. 

“What the hell do you want?” She asked, clicking her tongue, only an eyebrow raised and a hand on her waist. The blow hit her right to the face.

“I encountered Muzan Kibutsuji on my last mission.”  

He had said that in a whisper so neither the kids or Zenitsu heard him, so close to her she could feel the warmth of his breathing against his face. 

Horror, freezing and dripping over her back, made its way to Ayaka’s chest as she grabbed Tanjirou’s elbow and led him to the deepest part of the forest, where no one would be able to hear them. 

“I swear if you’re making fun of me! Tell me you’re joking!” Ayaka started grabbing the collar of his uniform as she shook him. 

Tanjirou grabbed her wrists to make her stop but that didn’t bring her relief in the slightest. 

“I’m not joking!” Tanjirou insisted, as he held her wrists trying to stop her from trembling. 

With a harsh tug Ayaka got away from Tanjirou’s grasp and brought her hands to her face. 

“You don’t acknowledge how dangerous that was, right?” She asked, voice muffled by her hands. “It’s not something normal to encounter him and if that would ever happen, no one, no matter who, would be able to survive, how the hell are you still alive?”

“Well… I had the help of  a demon, her name is Tamayo and she- “ Tanjirou started as if it was a story to tell your children before going to sleep. 

“I think you’re taking this too lightly!” Ayaka yelled, hands out in frustrated gestures close to pulling her hair out of her scalp. “And I wasn’t even talking about that!”

“I listened to you, that’s how I survived! I calmed down like you told me to!” he answered yelling too. 

That made her more or less come back to her senses. 

“Oh,” was the only thing she dared say, suddenly blushing without knowing why. For freaking out in front of him? Yes, maybe. 

“I calmed down like you told me to, that’s why I wanted to tell you,” Tanjirou continued in a lower voice, resting his hands against Ayaka’s shoulders, maybe to check if she was still trembling or to hold her in case she panicked again, both of them were very likely. “Thank you for your help.”

“Ah, you’re… welcome?” Ayaka answered, traces of horror on her veins still remaining, and they wouldn’t fade away so easily. “That’s good, I-... I guess.”

“Yes! It was as if you talked in my head and judged me, with that face you always have on when you scold me.You were like «Tanjirou calm down, Himejima-shishou would spank you a thousand times if he saw you like this, and this is how you are a demon slayer? You don’t even come close to Himejima-shishou’s heel, don’t apologize, do something of use and calm yourself down.» It was intimidating and quite scary but it helped me think clearly.” Tanjirou continued cheerfully in a shrug. 

Shame started to drip through Ayaka’s face, cheeks turning a bright red to show it. 

“Do I seriously talk like that?” Ayaka asked, uncomfortably playing with one of the strands of hair that usually framed her face.

“No, no, no!” Tanjirou stammered. She hid her cheeks and mouth behind her hands, shining to match the red of her haori. “Well, maybe… yeah, kind of.” 

“Do I seriously mention Himejima-shishou that much?” She muttered at her hands, looking down.

“Yes, not much. But you do it a lot,” Tanjirou continued as if he was walking over a mines field and a step too much to the side would make him blow up. Ayaka was very sensitive when it came to Himejima and Tanjirou wasn’t able to lie either. 

“Now that you mentioned it, well maybe I bring up his name a lot but, I just can’t help it!” Ayaka tried to excuse herself as she moved her fists up and down, excitement taking over her shame. “If you got to know him you would know what I mean. Then you would talk about him as much as I do! And you would get along nicely with him, too! I know him, I’m sure he’d love you!” 

“I would love-” A high pitched scream pierced through the air and they both rushed to the glare where they had left Zenitsu and a not so unconscious Inosuke.

He used his new found consciousness to run after Zenitsu, hoping to fight him as well. 

“The hell were you two doing in the woods!? Making out while I was being attacked!?” Zenitsu quickly hid behind Shoichi’s back, trembling. “You reek of intimacy!”

“I reek of intimacy?” Tanjirou brought his arm up to his nose, Ayaka glanced at him in a disgusted scrunched up expression.

Inosuke became quiet for some reason as he stared at the children burying the remaining corpses. 

“What are you guys doing!?” He asked, angry for some reason. 

“Burying the dead, of course,” Tanjirou answered as if it was that obvious. “Inosuke, you should come and help out too, there was a bunch of people killed in that house.” 

“It’s pointless to bury the remains of living organisms! Who would even think that!? I’m not helping you!” Inosuke declared stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest. 

A mischievous smile made its way to Ayaka’s lips. 

“Say, Inosuke, would you be interested on fighting against me?” Ayaka confidently came closer to him, even daring to cheerfully pat his chest. 

He quickly turned around to her, words catching his attention. He was so predictable. 

Ayaka’s smile slightly widened.

«I got him.»

“But we can’t fight against each other, with or without sword, so I have another competition to test our strengths, big boy, do you want to join in?” She continued in a mellow manner, like a bug falling into a spider’s web guided by honey. 

She still remembered Takeshi, and to let his memory torment her all her life wasn’t pleasant so what else to do than learn from him? 

Because in exchange for everything he took away from her, she’d borrow his strength and overcome his ghost. 

That was... the only thing she could do. 

“Whatever you want, however you want! I just know I’ll defeat you!” Inosuke yelled in low cackles. 

“A-chan, I don’t think that’s a good idea, this guy is crazy!” Zenitsu warned peeking over Shoichi’s back. 

Ayaka quickly shook off his worry.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure I won’t lose,” Ayaka said, as Zenitsu continued to fidget. “We’ll just do a tiny arm wrestling competition.” 

“Don’t you have anything to say about this!? That lunatic is gonna kill A-chan!” Zenitsu said to Tanjirou, who observed calmly. 

“It’s a friendly competition, I don’t know why you’re so worried,” Tanjirou replied with a shrug. “Besides, Aya is very strong, I don’t think Inosuke can defeat her.”

Inosuke burned in fury (more than he had been before) at the estatement, crying out an angry shriek. If Ayaka looked closely, she could see the veins on his forehead. It wasn’t a really pretty sight. 

“Let’s do it right now, I’ll defeat you! I’ll defeat you in such a crashing way you’ll never be able to rise from the ashes of your shame and humiliation!” Inosuke continued yelling as he pointed a threatening fist at her. 

“Stop yelling already!” Ayaka heard Zenitsu cry from Shoichi’s back.

“Of course, but to be honest, I don’t care about this competition at all,” Ayaka started sweetly. (She, in fact, cared about that competition, she was still annoyed by him being prettier than her). “So to make me be motivated, if i win, you’ll have to promise to help bury all the corpses from the house. However, if you win, you can make me do whatever you want, and I’ll obey without complaint, is that fair to you?” 

Inosuke eyed her suspiciously for a moment, but finally accepted the offer when he shook her hand in excitement reeking of foolishness.  

“This is going to be the easiest thing I’ll ever do in my life! With those thin arms of yours I’m sure you won’t even be able to-” He interrupted himself suddenly as Ayaka took off her haori and offered it to Shoichi, leaving her toned arms uncovered. 

She had specifically asked for the sleeves of her uniform to be removed, it was her pleasure to show off her hard work indulging in such a tiny detail. 

Unusually cheerful, Ayaka walked off to the first rock she saw, leaning her elbow against its surface as she waited for Inosuke to imitate her. 

“Are you going to give up, big boy?” She provoked knowingly, Inosuke didn’t take much to explode in anger and join her side. “Ah, I thought that was weird. Kiyoshi, do us the favour of counting down, will you?” 

The boy nodded, just as obedient as his brother Shoichi, and got by their side prepared to start when Ayaka told him to.

“Know that I will defeat you, you stupid girl!” Inosuke announced as they interwinned their hands together, squeezing her hand too tightly. 

Ayaka only smiled while Zenitsu insisted to Tanjirou that Inosuke was going to kill her and that he couldn’t marry her if she was four metres underground. 

Kiyoshi started counting down.

“3”

“My name is Ayaka Iwamoto, make sure to remember it, Inosuke Hashibira,” she introduced herself with a squeeze just as tight as the one he was giving her. 

“However it is, Alana Yamamiko! When the count gets to one I’ll defeat you!” Inosuke continued cackling. 

«That doesn’t come close to my name at all», Ayaka thought, feeling her eyebrow twitching.

“2”

“Say Inosuke, can you move that boulder over there?” She asked, ignoring the wrong calling of her name as she pointed with her free hand to the biggest rock on the glare. “Because I can.” 

“1”

Inosuke didn’t have enough time to answer, since Ayaka’s hand pulled his hand along with his whole body against the rock with so much strength it broke, leaving a speechless Inosuke on the floor, in between dust and the remainings of the stone. 

His face was, certainly, funny, looking over at her with wide open eyes and astonishment clear on his features.

“I win,” Ayaka said, shaking off a dust that wasn’t there from her hands as she couldn’t help but cackle. 

The taste of victory was a delicious dessert on her mouth and the feeling took no time to manifest on her face as a proud smile.  

«That’s what you get for being prettier than me,» she thought in satisfaction. 

“That was amazing, Aya,” Tanjirou said appearing by her side. “Although I think you overdid it.” 

Zenitsu could only stare thunderstruck, scared for his life, meanwhile the kids opened their mouths in wonder, just as stunned as euphoric. 

Inosuke quickly got up once he recomposed, talking louder if that was possible.  

“I don’t care you won, Akira Kawaiji! I’m not going to help you bury dead people!” He said, cursing a name that wasn’t hers. “Maybe you’re quite scary but I’m not gonna listen to you, you hellish woman!”

Ayaka squinted, ready to fight since she had won fair and square, but Tanjirou interrupted her. 

“It’s because your wounds still hurt that you’re unwilling to help, right?” Ayaka didn’t know if he said that to manipulate Inosuke or because he seriously believed that, but that was far away from reality, at least that was what Inosuke’s annoyed face told her. He seemed to have the urge to attack Tanjirou any moment now. “It’s okay! Everyone has different levels of pain tolerance! Burying people is a really tiring job, Aya, Zenitsu and these kids are all very capable so don’t worry.” 

«That’s not what he meant», Shoichi, Kyoshi and Ayaka all thought  at the same time. 

“Inosuke, you should take a well earned rest,” Tanjirou gently finished, smiling kindly like he usually did. 

«He’s totally clueless», Ayaka thought, squinting at him either in surprise or disappointment, she couldn’t tell. 

That was the last straw, because Inosuke yelled in annoyed and finally lost his mind, at least what she saw, because he seriously looked like a crazy person. 

“Don’t underestimate me! I’m a better grave-digger than anyone else! Even you, Akami Momotaro!” He pointed at Ayaka to make his intentions clear. “No matter if it’s a hundred or two hundred people, I’ll bury them all!” 

«Does he believe I was born out of a peach? He called me Momotaro even when I told him to remember my name...» Ayaka thought in exhaustion. «I don’t think Iwamoto is that hard to spell.»

Inosuke ended up helping them bury the dead. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

“Are you sure we can stay here until we recover? Without having to pay anything?” Ayaka asked, without taking her eyes off the emblem on the door’s house Tanjirou’s crow had led them to. 

A purple emblem made out of wisteria, a symbol that for all demon slayers meant rest and healing. She had heard once the family bearer of the wisteria gave their services to all demon slayers needing help, would it be just to heal after a long battle or simply a place to sleep. 

Even so, it didn’t feel right to go into a stranger’s house. The idea of special treatment was even worse, even if she knew it should be a tempting idea for everyone with a brain. Just thinking about how the people working there would see her as someone the same status as the daughter of a rich family made shivers run down her back. False kindness never sit right with her, especially when she had grown up in a poor family. It was, certainly, an uncomfortable thought. 

“Those injured will rest until fully healed! Caw! Rest, rest!” Tanjirou’s crow answered, whose owner held it on his hands. 

“Eh? We can rest?” Tanjirou asked, which made Ayaka raise her eyebrows in surprise. 

“Don’t tell me you’ve been going injured from mission to mission all this time,” she said in a tired voice, crossing her arms over her chest as she left her crow settle on her shoulder and they exchanged a look, only one thought in mind. How irresponsible from both the crow and the demon slayer.

Ayaka didn’t know why she was surprised about Tanjirou’s broken bones.

The anger against her crow had slowly faded away. She had ran after him and shouted a few curses at him before reaching a common goal, they were both hungry.

A demon slayer couldn’t disobey their crow’s mission assignments, and if hers had wanted, it could have assigned her a close mission in revenge for wanting to turn him into stew, but there was a better solution for both parts. Her crow sent her to the wisteria emblem house (although she wasn’t gravely injured) and she didn’t made soup with him. Besides the unmentioned implication of giving him her leftovers, because of course, he was just as hungry as her. 

Silently and softly a woman appeared, finally opening the door Ayaka had been so intently watching.

It was an old lady, small and thin with a big bun on top of her head painted in gray silver. 

She looked at them with a disturbing air to her, like those who know things one doesn’t and only refrain to see as one ends up on a tragic end. If the old lady was a supernatural being who had lived thousands of years, she would have fit the image Ayaka had of her, but after all, she was simply paranoid and this was just a simple old lady that looked at them in kindness, what she didn’t know was if it was fake kindness, proper to servants used to work in houses as big as this, or if she really looked after the wellbeing of the people she took care of. 

Even so, such an old and collected woman didn’t give off any safety to her. 

“Come in,” the old lady said, merely peeking through the door. She was very small. 

“We’re sorry for bothering you this late,” Tanjirou apologized to her, appearing particularly anxious. Ayaka scrunched up her nose at the sight of sweat on his forehead. 

Behind her, as he clutched to her shoulders, Zenitsu started trembling just by giving the woman a look. Now that he didn’t have Shoichi (who he still believed was the one to kill the demon even if he was a thirteen year old kid without any kind of training, Ayaka did so as well) he stayed as close to Ayaka as possible since it was clear after the Inosuke incident without needing to say it aloud that she was the strongest of them all. So Zenisu, naturally, had nothing else to do than hide behind her. 

“It’s a ghost… It’s a ghost!” he muttered in panic, as he went from hiding behind Ayaka to taking peeks at her over her shoulder. 

An scolding “hey you!” came from Tanjirou, since it wasn’t a respectful thing to go around calling old ladies monsters. Ayaka couldn’t care less. 

“Monster?” she wondered aloud to herself, leaning her head to the side as she look at the woman’s face more closely, her incredible amount of gray hair was the thing that stood out the most. She wondered then if it would be difficult to brush it every morning. “She doesn’t look like a monster to me, just a weird lady with a lot of hair. 

Another scolding in the shape of a “not you too!” was directed at her that time, to which Ayaka rolled her eyes lazily. She was sleepy. 

“You are demon slayers, right?” the old lady asked, then bowing before them in respect. “Please, come in.” 

“She seems so weak,” Inosuke muttered as he poked her cheek to try and prove his suspicions. 

With eyes heavy and half closed, Ayaka went in too, giving the old lady a nod soaked in respect as she passed by her. If there was something she wanted to do, that was have dinner and sleep, ignore Tanjirou, Inosuke and Zenitsu (Nezuko the most) and go early on the morning to whatever mission her crow assigned her. 

Inosuke, quite contrary to Zenitsu (who had turned it a permanent habit to stick by her at all times) didn’t give her any trouble. He refrained to giving her nervous glances easily ignored and stayed quite away from her. He sure had to be intimidated by her to be like that, it appeared the only things he did were bother Tanjirou, headbutt trees and try and break rocks with his hands. 

Besides, he didn’t come too close to her, so she was mildly content with him, even as he was still strangely loud and uncontrolled. He also seemed not to get a clue about anything, but she could deal with that. 

Having the old lady guide them to dinner, then clean and dressed in clean clothes, Ayaka seemed like a living dead that only wander around the place with half closed eyes.  

Only playing with her food and not paying attention to the fact Inosuke was taking most of it with his greasy and harsh hands, she ignored the way her crow pecked at her hand, anxiously waiting for even a piece of tempura of the dinner the old lady had prepared that night. 

“Aya, are you okay? Tanjirou asked, as he gave Inosuke one of the dishes of his meal, who, still angry, remained eating furiously. He had tried to provoke Tanjirou to fight him again, hadn’t he? But Tanjirou never got angry with anyone, Ayaka knew that more than anyone. It must have been because of his thick forehead that didn’t let anything get through his head. 

She could only give him an unintelligible mutter, cheek leaning on one of her fists as she tried not to fall asleep. Everything started to feel blurry, it was a miracle she got to hear Tanjirou’s voice, more so for her to still be on her feet. 

“Ye-,” she managed to say the second time in the middle of a yawn, her voice lazy and low. “I’m just… ”she yawned”, sleepy.” 

Her answer didn't shake the worry off Tanjirou’s eyes,  which stayed fixed on her and her small form.

“It doesn’t look like just that,” Tanjirou continued, which drew Zenitsu and Inosuke’s attention, who peeked at her in curiosity. 

“Your cheeks are red, is it because of me?” Zenitsu chuckled silly, face acquiring a nearly invisible pink tone, just as wrong as he had been with the girl from the day before. 

“No, Zenitsu, it’s not because of you,” Ayaka muttered in annoyance, touching her own cheeks with a certain shaking to her movements to confirm that her cheeks had, really, heat up, and not only her cheeks.  

«If I get sick now that will be a problem, worst of all here with these three», she thought, a pinch of concern drilling insistently on her mind. 

It had been a while since she had gotten sick, at least for her, who usually fell ill every month. She tended to get bedridden every time she forced herself too much, and even if her stamina had gotten better in the last few years, it would be something she couldn’t get rid of. 

«I should sleep and ignore it, I’ll be better in the morning. It wouldn’t be good if Zenitsu panicked, and Tanjirou would be around me all day, what a stubborn brat», she thought, also being a stubborn brat. 

Getting up, Ayaka walked off to the door without forgetting to leave food on the floor for her crow and ignoring Tanjirou’s offer to get her to her room. She had been assigned a different one to the boys since she was a girl and the old lady opposed to the idea of letting them sleep together, for some strange motive she didn’t understand. Ayaka didn’t complain, she preferred it that way for other reasons that didn’t have to do with her being a girl. 

She still didn’t understand why Tanjirou continued trying to be by her side. She had made clear he wasn’t welcomed, at least she hoped so, and even he had agreed back when she had asked, what a liar. 

Without warning the old lady appearing on the door, a man with a white coat and a leather briefcase by her side. Goddamn it.

“I took the freedom of calling a doctor to treat your wounds,” the old lady explained. 

Ayaka tried to quickly go around the old lady and the man, proclaiming she would go to bed, but the old lady tightly grabbed her hand and dragged her back in. 

“The doctor will do a check up on all demon slayers,” she said, without letting go of Ayaka’s hands as she unsuccessfully struggled against her grip.

“I’m okay, I’m sleepy so please let me go to sleep, you should be worrying about those three instead of me. Let go of me, goddamnit!” Ayaka barked time and time again, but the old lady’s grip was too strong.

“The doctor will do a check up on all demon slayers,” she insisted, more harshly this time, and with a tug she made her sit next to Tanjirou, who eyed her in a strange satisfied expression. 

Ayaka gave him an annoyed look, feeling her eyebrow nervously twitch, but that didn’t make Tanjirou’s smile waver.

The bastard was enjoying this too much. 

“Okay, but make it quick, I want to go to bed as soon as possible,” Ayaka finally said, crossing her arms over her chest, somehow defeated. 

 “I bet I can go to bed faster than you!” Inosuke yelled from the other side of the room.

“This isn’t the moment for this you stupid boar! And I’d win that race!” Ayaka replied, even if black points started to appear on her vision. She made an attempt on getting up to throw herself at Inosuke, raising a fist to the air threatening only to end up weakly kneeling against the floor. 

Inosuke seemed to give a step back because of it, or maybe it was the doctor who suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and made him sit back on the ground again in a harsh tug.

By the time the doctor reached Ayaka, he had confirmed the other three had at least two broken ribs each, and that they should rest for a few days to heal.

«And that's on being irresponsible», Ayaka thought in stubborn pride. They were stupid that was why they had gotten hurt. And contrary to them, she was perfectly fine. 

That was what she would say if the room didn't feel so dizzy. 

The doctor kneeled before her just to meet Ayaka’s threatening gaze, because she didn’t need him to do any check ups or anything for that matter. She only needed a goodnight’s sleep and she’d be okay, she wasn’t a little child.

That seemed to scare him because his shoulders tensed, nearly invisible but not for her. On his way to check her vitals, the way his fingers slightly trembled under the freezing winds of her stare, and yet he ignored her as much as he could. 

"Your heartbeat is quite slow," he said out loud, as if that was something Ayaka didn’t know. She had spent half her life under medical care, she knew her heart usually was slower when the first traces of a fever started showing up on her, but she preferred not to tell that to him.

It was somehow familiar, the way he carefully touched her as he checked her temperature and sharply noticed her heavy breathing. It nearly made Ayaka feel nostalgic, a strong “pang” right at her heart and for a moment she missed Kobayashi’s parents, but they were already gone and she’d have to see other doctors. 

It was still weird for someone else to take care of her, she should have gotten used to it by this point. 

Finally moving away from her, the doctor put his instruments back on his suitcase, slight fear having disappeared of his system, and he smiled, probably because of a job well done. 

“You sure have a murdering look, I’m sure you slay a lot of demons with it, don’t you?” He tried to joke, to which he only received something. “You have a fever, not too bad, but you should rest for a few days and take this in the mornings.”  

As he said it he passed her over a jar with something of a familiar scent. 

«Camomile… with a pinch of honey, he must have added that for the sweetness.»

Without letting go of the jar, Ayaka averted her gaze to the doctor, who stayed looking at her in a strange calmness her eyes couldn’t pierce through. 

“I don’t get sick,” she shamelessly lied. “So take your medicine with you and- AH!” 

Without listening to her the doctor grabbed her eft foot and raised it to his face, making Ayaka  inevitably fall back with a blink and for her head to loudly crash against the floor. 

“Hmmm,” the doctor muttered to himself, as he looked at it closely, slowly moving it from left to right, up and down. 

A painful wave coursed through her leg from her foot and Ayaka muffled a yell, gritted fists and small tears threatening to escape from her eyes. 

“Just what I thought, you’ve hurt your ankle. You slightly limped when you tried to go, that's why I noticed,” the doctor explained, finally letting go of her foot as Ayaka fought against his grip. Even then, he continued. “Did you land harshly or hit it at some point?” 

Ayaka moved back defensively, as she heard Tanjirou ask, with that kindness of his intertwined between his words, if it hurt. 

Zenitsu got closer too, ending up face to face. He wanted to know what was hurting and Ayaka couldn’t figure out if it was pure curiosity or if he was really worried about her. 

“Did you hurt your foot? You should have told me, I made you carry me all the way back! I won’t be able to marry you like this, I can’t be such a bad husband!” The gesture was, on its own way, kind of sweet, but as Zenitsu got his face closer to her the more her insides churned. 

It was true she had carried him on her back, it was better that way so he didn’t run after Shoichi and Tanjirou didn’t have to carry both him and Nezuko.

For some reason Shoichi hugged her once their paths came to a halt, wrapping his arms tightly around her as if she was worth his respect or affection even if the mission had been a total disaster and she had lost him and Zenitsu.

He also said he’d write her letters, without any apparent reason, and that only made things more confusing. (Both her and Shoichi had tried to ignore Zenitsu on her back who had endlessly fought to go with Shoichi. Luckily Ayaka’s grip was tight and Zenitsu had a few broken ribs.) 

All that worry, with Zenitsu and Tanjirou obnoxiously fluttering around her, seriously confused her. 

“I… I don’t know, I didn’t even notice,” Ayaka confessed to the doctor, as she pushed Zenitsu’s face away from hers. “Can I go to sleep now?”

That time she looked at the old lady, who only gave her a nod.

With many “goodnights” behind her she didn’t dare answer, she went to her room with the only thing on her mind being sleep. Sleep a lot. 

That night she had weird dreams.

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She was all alone, but that was always the case, right? In a great blue sea this time.

She was drowning, her life hanging by a thread against the waves that tossed her from side to side without mercy. 

She didn’t know how to swim because she had never been taught how to, the only way to stay afloat was to fight uselessly with the sea and it was still not enough.

She gaped whenever she could to stay alive, then she sinked, soaked and in desperation, and sticked her head out over the waves, gaped some more and sinked again. A never ending cycle. 

She was starting to become part of the sea and the sea to be part of her. Her lungs filled in with water she didn’t know the taste of, because never before had she seen the sea and yet it was still terrifying. A giant lake, kilometers and kilometers of water everywhere she looked at without the possibility of clutching on to something to stay afloat or even of touching the bottom, she was always in a foreign place. 

For a moment she believed to see her parents, but she sinked once again and lost sight of them. 

The next time she peeked, she found her parents face to face. They knew how to swim, but they had never taken the time to teach her and she would drown because of it. They looked at her in compliance, safe and with happiness on their faces, smiles on their lips to prove so. 

They stretched their hands and called out to her in sweet voices. 

"A-chan, A-chan, come with us, we love you, why don’t you come?” 

But as much as she tried Ayaka couldn’t go where they were, she sank deeper and deeper, chances to take in air growing fewer and fewer. 

Her father’s form became blurry through the waves, and even if she tried to reach out her hand towards something, anything to keep her afloat, at the end the only way she could go was down, so she gave up, leaving darkness eat her like the jaws of a giant beast. 

Then she saw Takeshi. 

The sea disappeared and she was eleven again and back on the fire, on the remainings of what had once been the Kobayashi’s house.

«But that’s not how it happened», she thought. 

With a sword she didn’t know how to use in trembling hands clutched to her chest and the smell of burned meat, ashes and blood drowning her nostrils, overwhelmed by such intense scents. 

“Aya-san, you can’t hide from me forever,” he called in a sing-song voice, close to bragging. He had the advantage and he knew that, he enjoyed it, he enjoyed having her under her thumb like she was a small bug. “I was the one that did all that, you know, it’s so easy to lead kids on to harm others that look different to them. Although Yuu did it all himself, isn’t that surprising? I had to do nothing for him to belittle you and that was so much fun. It’s just so fun to look at the limits of a weak thing, you have no idea, but it’s even more interesting when it’s humans instead of bugs!” 

She was trembling, no clue if it was fear or rage flowing through her veins like poison.

She squeezed herself against the back of the tree she was hiding on, feeling herself paralyze, feeling herself weak, feeling herself useless.

She had believed she could do something, she had believed she could do something but she wasn’t able to do anything, with a sword that was no use on inexperienced hands and a body that crumbled away with a light breeze. She had believed she could do something against that world so big and cruel she lived in. As if trying to contradict the natural way of things, what a joke. 

“Aya-san, come on, get out already. You know you can’t run away, I know your secret,” Takeshi provoked, as if he carefully laid out a bait to lure his prey out. 

He was mad, mad as a hatter, enjoying this like the deranged person he was.

Ayaka didn’t move, she hoped that at least her death served as a distraction for Yuu to run away, that the villagers escaped as she did everything she could to keep Takeshi there, or at least what had once been him. 

«No, it didn’t happen this way.»

He wasn’t human, she was sure about that. What kind of creature did he turn into? That she didn’t know. 

“You wanted to be part of something bigger than you, right? Because you feel small and weak against the world, and you are!” He continued, and she could hear his voice dangerously coming closer to where she was hiding, as if he was circling her. “The only place where you can belong is with pain and suffering, because that’s what we were born for, to hurt and to hurt others. Did you enjoy they way they humilliated you? I know you did, because you become a part of something and the world doesn’t feel so terrifying that way.”

Suddenly his face appeared by Ayaka’s left side and she jumped back in fear, pointing her sword at him. The trembling became stronger, shaking her violently. The moonlight shining on the sword’s blade didn’t make Takeshi’s smile falter. 

“What, you think this isn’t what happened? You think you stood up to me and managed to kill me so easily?”

With a confident gesture he tightly caged both Ayaka’s wrists on one hand. He came closer, closer and closer until the blade of the sword was touching his neck.  

“When you can see the world on its entirety like you do you feel small in comparison, so you try to become something bigger, but the world is bigger than you could possibly ever be, and that’s when you realize just how small you truly are,” he tightened his hold on Ayaka’s wrist with a crashing strength, the kind of strength only something inhuman possesed. His eyes told her to do it, to really cut off his neck, but Ayaka could only stare in fear. “To kill me you’ll have to slash my head off, it’s the only way to do it, to kill a demon. But you won’t, you don’t have the guts.” 

Ayaka let out a yelp as she heard a crack on her wrist. Takeshi loosened up his hold, eyes slightly softening.

“Don’t worry, I would never hurt the person I love.” As he said this he came closer and closer, taking a strand of her hair in the process and looking carefully at it. “Love is to be bigger thanks to someone else, and thanks to you I’m bigger and stronger, because you’re just so small you make me forget I’m small as well.” Ayaka’s heart strongly beat against her chest, sweat dripping down her forehead. She knew how love felt like, this wasn’t love. Takeshi looked over at her, somehow disappointed. “You don’t believe me? I loved my father, I truly did even if he beat me up, I let him do it out of the kindness in my heart so he could be bigger thanks to me, just like my mother did. I’m not mad about that, I understand how he felt, even if I had to kill him because I was pretty sick of being the small one, you know?” He intertwined Ayaka’s hair between his fingers some more, ending in long and sharp nails that shined under the night. “But he made me stronger, just like I did with you, don’t you think so? You’ve done something! For once in your life you’ve fought back! So you can rest now, there will be no use to your newfound strength as long as you are with me.”

Breathing shakingly, Ayaka only had the courage to apologize about his father and the unfair treatment he got. 

“It doesn’t matter now, there is no use for apologies, I would prefer to focus on you.” He was smelling her hair, nearly hugging her, so close that if he had a breathing she would have felt it crash against her jaw. Her hands safely secured on his hold, made sure the sword stayed against the right side of his neck, where blood had slowly started to fall from. “Let’s get married! You know, we can benefit from each other, I’ve become part of something bigger than this mortal world you live in, so I can make you feel just as big with me. Why not stay by my side?”

A stream of blood fell down Takeshi’s neck and dripped towards his chest. It was sickening, disgusting, black like she imagined only the waters of hell to be. 

«No, it didn’t happen this way,» she thought again. «Then how was it Aya-san? How did this happen?»

“I don’t understand,” she muttered close to tears. What he had become part of or why did it have to be her or how he had turned into a demon, just like he had called himself. 

It was sickening, both him and his rough touch. 

“You don’t have to worry about that, you don’t even have to turn into a demon!” He vehemently continued, his eyes settling on her like he found her strangely alluring like a cat found a mouse entertaining. “It’s your humanity what I like about you, your vulnerability. You need me just as much as I need you, the perfect fusion of a weak and a strong thing, a human and a demon. You’ll make sure neither Yuu nor your family get hurt this way, everyone wins that way. Isn’t that what you want, to keep your loved ones safe?” 

Ayaka swallowed in fear, because that was the only thing she could do. Tears had started to run down her cheeks long before that, making her eyes burn and her throat get painfully blocked. 

“It took me a while to find your core, but I finally discovered what moves you.” At this point he was hugging her, a sigh away from kissing her jaw with those devilish lips. In false surprise, he continued. “It’s your loved ones, who would have thought! I was greatly surprised, to say the least.” 

He buried his nose deeper on her hair, strongly inhaling her scent. 

“You know, I don’t like how your hair smells. Lilies of the valley, disgusting, I think I’ll get you a new soap,” he said, the cheerfulness of such a simple and mundane estate was strange for the situation, as if he really believed them to be a married couple. 

Terror cold and heavy appeared on her chest, and she thought in what would happen if a being such as Takeshi wandered with such ease through the world. 

His father’s lightless eyes that didn’t direct his weak warmth to her anymore, the cold lips of her mother that would never have smiles painted on them or rice on the edges again. The foam coming out of Mr Fluff’s mouth, tongue slightly peeking through his teeth, that had so many times licked her hand in search of petting. The mutilated corpses of Nozomi and Tamaki that wouldn’t go around the room nervously when she got a fever that was too high for comfort. 

Yuu’s gentle hands, covered in blood that would never hug her, but that had already happened. 

Unintelligible mutters came from Ayaka, who spoke for the second time. 

Takeshi slightly pulled apart from her, to stop her voice from being muffled against his shoulder. 

“Did you say something? I didn’t hear you, darling.” 

With a pulse suddenly steady, Ayaka tightened her hold against the sword’s handle. Fury was the only thing that reflected on her eyes. 

“I’m going to kill you,” she sentenced.

She kept her promise, gathering courage for a moment and the strength enough to slash her sword against his neck for it to get soaked in the black of his blood, dark and thick. 

Takeshi’s head fell to the floor, and the sea came back around them, but they were both there this time, in the abyss and deepest corners of the darkest oceans. He was right, when against something stronger than you, it felt good to have something weaker to look at to forget the fact you are just as weak.

She wasn’t the only one drowning, but Takeshi’s head, on the ocean floor, appeared to drown too. 

Despite everything, even if he was drowning and his body slowly turned to dust, he smiled up at her. 

“You can’t escape from me. I’ll patiently wait for you in Hell, Aya-san.” 

Ayaka looked back, but she didn’t smile. She suddenly felt a huge wave of pity. What a sad creature, what a sad human.

“If I go to Hell, at least I’ll carry you there with me.” 

«No! This wasn’t how it went down! I didn’t kill a human, I killed a demon!»

And then she suddenly woke up, hazy mind and lost because of both the fever and the nightmare. She was welcomed by the wooden ceiling of the wisteria house, and that somehow calmed her down. 

There was someone insistently knocking on her door, she already knew who it was. There was only one person on that house that would go to her door in the middle of the night. Tanjirou Kamado.

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Chapter Text

«That wasn't how it happened», Ayaka thought, once she got rid of her drowsiness and processed that had only been a dream.

Or was it? It had been so long since she thought about it, details escaped from her grasp, like birds flying away through a small gap in a window left half open, wind rising along the beating of their wings and scratching her with their beaks and claws as they escaped. There was no way to make them stay, to close the window, but she didn't want to close it either, because maybe this way they would leave her alone for good, but they always came back... One way or another, they always came back.

It didn't matter how accurate the details were, if sometimes she had the sword on the left or right hand, if sometimes Takeshi grabbed her chin or caressed her hair, those details held no importance. The end was always the same, with his head on the floor and the words that came out of his mouth echoing on her mind.

That both of them were drowning in the end brought a certain peace, because at least Ayaka knew that if she drowned she wasn't alone while doing so. But Takeshi was dead, she was the one to kill him, and there was no stone to grab onto to stay afloat in such a dark and immense sea, so she'd have to drown alone.

It had been a while since she felt like drowning, or maybe because she had gotten used to it, but she supposed it was Yuu's fault, for stirring up that way a past she didn't want to remember. Yuu was to blame for a lot of things.

«Kobayashi», she suddenly thought. «Kobayashi is to blame for a lot of things»

Maybe Takeshi had been crazy, maybe he had been rotten to the bone, but he hadn't deserved to die, wasn't he just like her? Hadn't they been raised in the same village? The same child songs, the same stories to listen to before bed the same games to play with friends, then what was it that made them different?

«He turned into a demon», the deepest part of her mind whispered into her ear.

«What does that matter?», she thought back. Nezuko's existence threw all of that out the window, maybe he could have been someone like her, but his head had been torn apart from his body before she discovered that.

«Being close to Tanjirou for so long is taking its toll on me», she supposed in a bitter tone, because she knew demons didn't deserve any sympathy, and even then she was still letting all those stupid thoughts wander through her mind.

Leaning on the doorframe with a sigh in between tired and exasperated, Ayaka opened the door to find herself face to face with who she had correctly supposed was behind it.

"You don't look so well, do you want me to call the doctor?" That was the first thing Tanjirou said when looking at her more thoroughly, eyes stopping on trembling fingers and the way her head appeared to rumble at the beating of her heart.

For once, Ayaka admitted on her head she must have looked quite bad or horribly terrible. Both of them worked.

She could imagine herself, close to fainting on the door and skin two tones paler than it usually was, gray eyebags and a thin shining sweat layer like a cherry on top.

It was surprising Tanjirou didn't take her for a demon, so she supposed she, at the very least,must have looked human.

She was in such a fantastic condition for him to break into her room in the middle of the night.

Completely great, totally perfect.

"Do you need something?" She asked instead of giving him an answer, deciding to skip that part of the conversation all together. She tried to appear casual and collected to keep away the reality that she was a blink away from collapsing.

She reminded herself that her and Kamado weren't friends or anything for that matter.

"Do you two know each other or something?" Zenitsu had said the first time they met. And that wasn't the impression she wanted to give away.

"It's just that Zenitsu has been running after Nezuko the whole night, something about her marrying him, and he's abandoned his efforts in "courting you"? He says you're too tough for him," Tanjrou explained. It was surprising how his voice never abandoned that pinch of happiness it always carried, even with a guy like Zenitsu harassing his sister.

She let him go into the room, gathering all her strength to turn around, still leaning on the doorframe. Nezuko's wooden box softly slid down his back, leaving it next to her futon.

"If I hadn't known he would abandon the idea of marrying me once he found another girl to annoy I wouldn't have put up with him for so long," she muttered with eyes half closed. She started to slid further and further down the door.

One didn't have to check twice about it to see Zenitsu was a mess covered in sweat, snot and with a high hormone level, making it prone for him to jump from girl to girl without any respect. Something despicable, if Ayaka was asked her opinion about it.

"Inosuke is being just as problematic, so..." Tanjirou continued, clearing his throat.

He didn't need to say anything else for Ayaka to understand what he meant. After all Inosuke was... Inosuke.

"I can imagine," she drily cut him off, eyes now closed.

Nezuko suddenly came out of her box, not being able to put down the urges of hugging Ayaka, as she threw herself at her in a way that appeared more like she was tackling her instead of hugging her. Ayaka struggled against her hold as they stumbled and crashed, luckily, against the fluffy futon.

With a small groan, Ayaka simply stayed still, the fever was too high for her to focus on anything else and she was okay with Nezuko being on top of her all night.

As long as Nezuko left her sleep she'd be able to handle it, it wasn't as bad as she had thought at first, Nezuko was small but she wasn't a bother since she was very light. Besides, Nezuko didn't, surprisingly, have the cold touch Ayaka had started to associate with demons. Overall, it was mildly bearable.

And she was, definitely, too tired to deal with it.

Leaving aside everything else, there was still a question eating up her mind, so Ayaka thought Tanjirou could answer it.

"Where the hell did Inosuke come from?" she asked, with no attempt at standing up. She didn't know if Tanjirou was still in the room, throwing the question at the air.

She wouldn't check, preferring to stare at the wooden ceiling that was, on itself, comforting.

"Didn't you see him at the Final Selection? He was the first one to finish," Tanjirou's voice made itself present confirming that yes, he was still in her room, as strange as it was that he hadn't left already.

«That pig was on the Final Selection?» wondered Ayaka. With eyebrows fixed together to form an estranged expression, she tried to go through her memories in case she remembered seeing him at some point.

She hadn't paid attention to the other candidates, as colourful as they were.

All of them seemed boring and average under her eyes, someone weaker than her didn't spark any light enough to remember a face. She had barely paid attention to Genya, reuniting with him once or twice, more for a sense of duty than any feeling of appreciation they could have for each other.

However, there had been someone on the Final Selection to catch her eye.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

"Ayaka, get your ass moving or we'll be late! What the hell is taking you so long!?

Ayaka's hands flew up to her chest in a hurry, pressing a paper against her chest in an attempt to hide it from Genya's sharp eyes.

He had just come into her room (without knocking, which already served to annoy her), he also looked quite angry, leaning on the door frame as if he owned the place.

Ayaka turned around to face him, an eyebrow nervously twitching:

"That's none of your business! Get out of my room!"

"The hell do you mean it's none of my business!? We're gonna be late because of you, of course it's my busi- !" Genya suddenly interrupted himself, his eyes travelling to what Ayaka held on her hands. Curiosity, nearly excitement, flowing from his face. "Huh? What do you have there? Is that a letter?"

His partner's cheeks acquired a rosy tone, as she tried to wave off his questions waving her hand. Her cheeks were still the colour of peaches.

"Of course not. And I already told you, it's none of your business." Ayaka had enough as it was with what Genya already knew about her.

She was sure that, when Genya took care of her that one time (they weren't few, between), her tongue slipped too much for her taste and she ended up talking about something important, she felt it on her bones, but her head wasn't able to remember. There was no way to know for sure, but she didn't know if to be relieved or not because Genya didn't mention it.

She hoped he did the same with that conversation too, since she was starting to be embarrassed.

"Is it from your family?" Genya inquired, eagerness making its presence on his voice and getting closer to her.

«He looks like a kid that's asked for a puppy on his birthday», she thought, being that the first comparison that ame to Ayaka's head. Because with wide open eyes and a certain softness to his fearful face, that was the feeling he gave off.

The insistence on his attitude wasn't new. One way or another, Genya always got excited when letters from the Iwamotos arrived. Because although Ayaka never answered, sometimes not even reading them, Genya liked to read them, as weird as it was that he went over her mail.

Besides, her parents exchanged letters with Himejima-shishou, although not too much, but the mere thought made Ayaka uncomfortable, imagining just what her master talked with her parents about in their brief communication.

So, her parents knew about Genya's existence, and it didn't take much time for them to send him letters too.

"No, it's not from my family, you gorila" Ayaka answered as she avoided Genya's gaze. She had a strong urge to punch him right then and there, why couldn't he mind his own businesses?

She smiled at seeing how Genya's expression changed from one of curiosity to one of anger as soon as he processed the fact she had insulted him right at his face.

"What did you just call me!?" He asked in a burst of fury. That would end in a fight, as always.

Fights between them weren't uncommon, just everyday stuff. But that day they were particularly explosive, which was natural as it was the morning of the Final Selection.

If they were still alive when a week passed, both of Gyoumei Himejima's disciples would officially turn into demon slayers. If they didn't survive they wouldn't be able to fight this way anymore, and Ayaka wouldn't allow that. She would have to at least enjoy one last quarrel with her partner.

She knew Genya wouldn't die, no, he wouldn't die because of a demon, not for something like that. She was sure.

Their master appeared through the corridor, peaceful as only he was, maybe looking for the reason of such a fuss. He had thought they would be calm that day, but it was quite the contrary.

Even in a day such as that, they continued with their silly things. Sometimes Himejima wondered if he had done something wrong or if his students were just immature children.

They were fifteen year olds, he could understand to a certain point, but even then...

"Shut up stuuuuuupid! I bet you'll starve because you forgot to look for food!" Ayaka barked in amusement.

"Shut your mouth moron, if I starve to death then you'll survive because the demons got bored of catching up to you so easily! You slow pipsqueak!" Genya replied. Even if he didn't use his head he was sharp, sharp enough to notice Ayaka was slower than most.

Their aggressive provoking made the rivalry clash harder, being wrapped in childish fights they solved with more training.

"Take that back, you damn gorila, it's not my fault you're used to swinging over the trees on the jungle!" She yelled, raising a fist as a threat. Genya didn't back down, rolling up his sleeves and taking a step on her direction.

"Same goes for you, pipsqueak!"

"Idiot!"

"Imbecile!"

"Thug!"

"Geek!"

"Ugly!"

When their faces were close to crashing, the smell of conflict mixing in between the wisteria and gunpowder that were permanently impregnated on Genya, a harsh tug pulled them apart.

"We're gonna be late, stop with your childishness. Demon slayers stay collected at all times, what are you doing, losing your temper over something like this?" Himejima-shishou said, holding them both by the collar of their clothes.

Ayaka pointed an accusing finger at Genya:

"He came into my room without permission! He was trying to snoop, shishou!"

Genya growled in something close to an annoyed bark.

"I didn't go into her room, I just came to make her hurry up and I stayed on the doorframe, Himejima-shishou! I wasn't snooping, I only asked her about her letter!"

With a tired sigh, Himejima-shishou made both his students' heads crash against one another, which left them spinning, leaving them to fall to the ground.

"Since you have such thick heads I bet that didn't hurt at all, what obstinate children." That familiar hardness on his manners, intertwined with the softness that characterized him, never abandoned their master's nature. He had raised a lot of children, Ayaka and Genya weren't the first ones. Himejima-shishou smiled. "We should get going, right?"

Huffing, Genya and Ayaka exchanged a look and nodded.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The skirt of Fujikasane mountain was bursting with energy.

Ayaka was sure that there, all gathered, the demon slayers were more in number than what her village could have ever been. Never before had she been so many people in one place, and she couldn't do anything else that wasn't look everywhere with wide open eyes by Himejima-shishou's side. She made sure to stay nearby, but not close enough to be weird.

There were many, many people, and that made her fidget. For a moment Ayaka had the urge to ask Himejima-shishou to hold her hand, but she managed to keep it inside before being shamefully conscious of such silly wishes.

Nevertheless, her ears couldn't help but turn a light red.

Genya was at Himejima-shishou's other side, but he had adopted his thug manners so familiar to her. She couldn't discover if Genya was naturally fearsone or if he liked to be feared, she didn't ask, nor did she have the thought to do it later.

"From here on, you are alone," Himejima-shishou started, stopping by the red gates that lead to the mountain.

Masters couldn't attend their disciples' Selections, it wasn't even common to say goodbye at the entrance like he had. But they were his children, adoptive or whatever, Himejima-shishou didn't need to say it through words for them to know, Ayaka didn't need to see it to understand, either.

"Stay together," Himejima-shishou started. Ayaka crossed her arms over her chest as Genya leaned on the other leg. Another one of his lectures. "I won't be able to protect you and it's your duty as partners and siblings to look out for each other."

Ayaka and Genya exchanged a look and broke visual contact once again, gazes fixed forward.

His two disciples were made out of the same wood, Himejima knew and he had already been expecting that.

"Yes, whatever you say Himejima-shishou," Ayaka said in an uninterested shrug, voice sounding lazy as she dragged her words.

"Very well, Himejima-shishou," Genya replied in the same way.

Himejima frowned in small annoyance.

His disciples were impossible, he loved them either way.

"Do you want me to call Genya «aniki» too?" Ayaka asked, her intentions close to mocking as she glanced up at Himejima-shishou in amusement. "I can do it if you want me to, and Genya could call me «imoto». I'm younger than you so that's only fair, right, «aniki»?"

"We're not doing that," Genya said without sparing her a glance. He didn't seem to be in the mood for that kind of joke.

Ayaka's mocking reply was cut off as Himejima-shishou, setting his hands on both their heads, messed up their hair.

She would have laughed at how Genya's mohawk ended up, messy yellow tips covering his face everywhere, but she was just as bad, strands of hair escaping from her usual bun in complete disaster.

"Even if you don't share the same blood, know you'll always have each other." Giving them a last push, Gyoumei Himejima gave one last look at the children he had been taking care of for so long go over the red gate to Fujikasane mountain. "Survive this week and prove you're the Stone Pillar's disciples, prove you're worthy of being called demon slayers."

The Final Selection was no joke.

Ayaka wondered if her master was scared the two of them would die there, and she thought about what would happen if his fears became true.

"Ayaka," Himejima-shishou called out to her one last time, and she turned around to him, expecting. Seven days would go by before she saw him again, seven days she would have to spend on that mountain filled in with demons. The thought didn't disturb her. "Remember to look for a purpose or you'll never get to be a pillar."

Himejima-shishou smiled. Ayaka pressed her lips together. Unconsciously her hand went down the pocket on her haori where she kept that piece of paper, squeezing tightly without knowing why.

And just like that, Himejima-shishou was far away from her sight..

For someone so huge he sure was fast.

Genya and Ayaka shared a look, now they were in that place full of questions, the only familiar thing for both of them being one another.

At the last second Ayaka stayed looking at Genya, she made her decision.

She wasn't going to run around with someone like Genya slowing her down, so the only thing left was to walk off, so, without worrying about nothing else but herself, that was what she did.

She could hear Genya calling out her name behind her, "Wait! Himejima-shishou told us to stay together!" but she was good at sneaking off through corners and small gaps.

Soon, the Selection started, and there was no time to look for her.

«I don't need a purpose»

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

If Genya Shinazugawa could have said something that moment, he would have said "fuck".

Four days had passed since the Final Selection had started and he had ended over the course of those days covered in dust, cuts and, he couldn't deny it, traces of blood. Walking was starting to become tiring, however, he got rid of the demons easily, it was just too much of a hassle to do it, a hard work that demanded getting his hands dirty. If on itself slaying demons was a dirty job, he had to do it twice as hard.

He was used to barging into fights, never needing to think too much like the gremlin. With his great figure and his fearsome face, the kids in the neighbourhood didn't bother him, and if they did, he hadn't had any troubles making them regret it with his fists.

It only became worse with the scar travelling through his face from one side to the other, as a reminder carved on his skin about the day it all happened. To make sure he wouldn't forget, of the words he yelled at his own brother, holding the corpse slowly vanishing of his mother in between his arms.

"You are a murderer!"

He didn't need to look for them too much on his own head to remember them.

With a stomp (stronger than how he usually gave them), Genya finished with the last head of the demons that had cornered him not too long ago.

The blood, if it could be called such, shot out everywhere, staining his shoes and the edges of his pants.

He should look for a new pair after getting out of there, the bloodstains didn't go out so easily and it would be too much of a hassle having to spend too much time cleaning them.

Breathing heavily, he let himself lay against the trunk of a tree and closed his eyes. He took a moment to breathe and recompose "inhale, exhale", feeling the demonic traces on his veins fade away and going back to being human again.

"Fuck," he said it out loud that time, sliding his hands over his forehead to get the sweat off his greasy skin.

He was goddamn exhausted, the bastards appeared everywhere, his life was never endangered, but just as he said earlier, it was too much of a hassle to get rid of them all night long.

"Hey you, ugly", he heard a voice call him from someplace unknown.

Genya got up alarmed, looking everywhere with wide open eyes.

"I'm right here, gorilla." That time he located the voice right above his head, and in between the branches peeked, without any kind of warning, the gremlim's head.

Had she been there all the time? If she had, Genya damned her for it. She seemed the most relaxed he had ever seen someone, grains of rice on the corner of her mouth and looking at him with those terrifying eyes over her shoulder

He knew she judged him all the time, Ayaka Iwamoto wasn't a sympathiser of his kind, she preferred to look at everyone from the top of the world, talent never seen before, a sharp mind and a family (alive, and who loved her, which was more than what could Genya ever aspire to have).

Like that, she didn't have the time to put herself in the place of people like him. But Genya couldn't make himself hate her, just like he knew she didn't hate him either. Their relationship was, at the very least, complicated.

He wasn't a saint, he annoyed her sometimes without reason because he knew it would bother her, and that image he had of her, a prim and cynical genius wouldn't erase itself from his mind, just like the image she had of him, a fearsome brute, wouldn't go away easily.

Leaning her chin on the branch of the tree, Ayak took another bite of the rice ball on her hands.

"What are you doing up there?" Genya asked, squinted eyes and questions on his face.

Ayaka shrugged, taking another bite of the rice ball.

"Taking a break just like you," she answered without any apparent worries, jumping down from the tree and landing safely just before him. "If you are going to take a break, do it somewhere demons can't get you. You are vulnerable there, be more careful."

Genya nodded without taking her warnings to heart, staring to the other side of the mountain to watch over any demons on sight. Luckily, there wasn't any, but that didn't mean they couldn't suddenly appear.

A handkerchief crashed against his face.

It took him by surprise, of all things he expected to fight against, he never thought a handkerchief would be one of them.

On the other side, Ayaka looked at him with a frown.

"Clean yourself, stupid," she ordered, a single eyebrow arched as she eyed him up and down. Genya didn't know how to bite back, because she was right, somehow.

Compared to her, Ayaka was as clean as crystal, so he supposed that she had, somehow, the right to nag him about it. It didn't take out how irritating her attitude was, but he obeyed nevertheless, sliding the white cloth over his face and turning it to a murky colour.

That was the colour of the days he had spent there, it fit the atmosphere of the situation.

Dark brown, the colour of shit.

"Are you hungry? Please tell me you remembered to look for food, gorilla." In all honesty, Genya hadn't even bothered to think about it, and Ayaka didn't take much time to figure.

She threw a half lidded glance his way that yelled "seriously?" at his face. Very in character for her.

"No, I'm well with what I had yesterday, gremlin," Genya answered, (if demons counted as food). His stomach didn't take much time to contradict him, growling in protest because no, he wasn't well with what he ate yesterday.

He heard murmurs come from Ayaka close to "you are so stupid" or "you should use your head more", but she nevertheless took out from one of her many hidden pockets a rice ball, and left it on his hand, bruised and full of swollen blisters.

Without saying another word both sat on the inside of a hollow tree per Ayaka 's suggestion. "Because of the demons", she had said, "to be safe". And so, they ate in silence.

If there had been jasmine tea, they would look like two friends enjoying a picnic in the middle of the night.

He had to say he was enjoying that moment, there were few the times in which they were in silence, and Genya thought it was because they were alone and with no help from anyone, because if not they would never get together voluntarily, and less of all that way, too busy in normal conditions throwing insults to each other one worse than the last one.

By the corner of his eye, he saw Ayaka peek through the hole on the tree. For once since he had known her, her eyes were wide open, so wide open that it was strange just seeing her.

"What the hell are you looking at?" Genya asked, going near the hole too to see what it was that had left her so astonished.

What he saw surprised him too.

A girl, thin and delicate, moved skillfully in between a horde of demons, slashing as if killing was on her veins, just as natural as breathing.

"Breath of Flower, Fifth Form: Peonies of Futility," he heard the girl say, nearly missing it because of how soft and light her voice was.

Ayaka kept watching as she saw the girl fly through the blood and the cut off limbs she herself had slashed skilfully with her sword, alm expression on her face and an unbreakable smile.

When she finished, not even a speck of dust had fallen on her.

Genya recognised her; Kanao Tsuyuri, the "tsuguko" of the former Flower Pillar, Kanae Kochou.

It meant that, someday, that girl would be a pillar. The strongest from everyone there on the Final Selection, and the one closest to becoming a pillar over all the other members of the corps. 

Being a "tsuguko" was the biggest title to have after pillar. Not even Ayaka had been able to be officially recognised as a "tsuguko" by Himejima-shishou.

Genya didn't know the details behind it, maybe it had something to do with her attitude, which was very likely. But only two people knew that, Ayaka and Himejima-shishou. Ayaka would never say it and Himejima-shishou would never disrespect his disciple telling him (he knew, he had tried just to be answered with an absolute negative).

During all the time Kanao spent on the limits of her sight, Ayaka didn't take her eyes off her, not even once.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

"Will you let Nezuko stay with you?" Tanjirou was insistent the same way a bug fluttering around her was, she had learnt that with the time they had been together, that didn't mean she was used to it.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ayaka asked in a sarcastic tone, pointing at Nezuko with her eyes, who was still on top of her. Instinctively her hand flied up to Nezuko's head, patting her head as if she wasn't really doing it. Even if the grimace stayed on her face, her hand said otherwise.

"She wants you to braid her hair," Tanjirou offered. Ayaka looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "She likes it a lot, maybe she'll leave you alone like this, Nezuko can be quite persistent."

"Braid Nezuko's hair? No, thanks," Ayaka mocked as she eyed the demon, who eyed her back with her unnerving pale pink eyes.

Tanjirou noticed Ayaka's hand never left the top of Nezuko's head.

"Are you gonna go now or will you stay here all night?" She inquired, because she really wanted him to go. It wouldn't take much time for her to collapse because of the shivers that had been drilling on her back for a while now, and it would be unfortunate for him to see that..

Tanjirou realized that she was right and that he should have left the room for a while now, so he pushed down the urge to apologize, wished Ayaka a good night, and went back to his own room. 

For the first time, Ayaka was all alone with Nezuko, and that made her fidget.

She nearly preferred Tanjirou to stay so this wouldn't be as uncomfortable, but she didn't have enough willpower to refuse anything he asked on her condition, weak and indisposed. As if she was a meadow at the start of apring, Ayaka was weak against him and his fire eyes, that with the Sun's warmth melted the last snowflakes of a harsh winter that already ended.

With a sigh she finally collapsed on her futon, praying to all gods she knew to be healed in the morning. Just like she had done all her life.

The gods seemed to listen, because Ayaka felt something cold against her forehead. She managed to open her eyes and find Nezuko, with gentle eyes, human eyes, laying her head on her forehead.

It had turned into a cutting cold, but that made Ayaka feel just the slightest better. Nezuko could do that? Never before had her skin felt cold, but when settling her hand on her forehead it felt refreshing, like fresh water.

The next thing Ayaka knew was that she had grabbed Nezuko's hand, clutching onto it and keeping it against her forehead. She sighed in pleasure.

It felt good, and with unintelligible mutterings coming out of her mouth, Ayaka got Nezuko's hand closer. She didn't seem reluctant to the affection, instead coming closer as well. Ayaka swore she looked happy, or maybe, she supposed, that was something that came from the Kamado family.

She smiled, without reason.

"You know," Ayaka said. Nezuko stared at her with curious wide open eyes. There was a mist to Ayaka's gaze that didn't look good, like she wasn't really there. "I don't even remember Tanjirou from the Final Selection, the only person I remember is Kanao Tsuyuri. She was the only remarkable person there, a tsuguko. She equals me in power, and her hair is pretty, no doubt about that, with pink tips."

Nezuko only blinked.

"That's right, you can't say anything." Ayaka chuckled. "I don't even know why I'm telling you this. Wel, I do, because I'm delirious." She chuckled more in between words. "I don't like being delirious, «aniki» has seen me like this a lot of times, that's why I hate him and I don't want you to see me like this too.".

Nezuko's hand, to which Ayaka held onto, pressed further against her forehead.

With understanding on her eyes, Nezuko raised the blanket up to Ayaka's chin and patted it lightly with her free hand. She thought about her brother Takeo, as she poked Ayaka's mole.

"Sleep." Nezuko didn't need to talk for Ayaka to understand what she meant.

So with a pained whine, feeling the urge to vomit grow weaker, she slept.

She had weird dreams for the second time, but she only dreamt about sunflowers and spring meadows.

Nezuko's hair appeared on two braids over her shoulders at breakfast, but no one said anything about it.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

"You have no sense of humour, it's the only thing I'm saying," Zenitsu said running by Ayaka's side as the four demon slayers went to their next mission, someplace called Natagumo mountain.

It had been an emergency summon, as they had breakfast on the eve of their recovery during their stay on the wisteria house. Tanjirou's crow flew in through the window and yelled at them to hurry to the mission as fast as possible. Adding to Ayaka's torture, her foot was conveniently recovered by then, so she would have to, again, tag along on mission with Tanjirou.

Inosuke and Zenitsu, too, were there as the icing on top of the cake. The four of them made a... quite peculiar team. A boy trying to turn her sister back to a human, another one that didn't even want to be a demon slayer, a boar and... her. How should she call herself? Prodigy in a constant bad mood or calculating bastard?

"What do you mean I don't have a sense of humour?" Ayaka bit back, crossing her arms over her chest. "I like jokes, they are funny."

Zenitsu looked at her with a face that changed in between confusion and curiosity, more like confusion, a thick and blond eyebrow arched in questioning.

"No offense, but you don't look like the kind of person that likes jokes, A-chan. I like girls that are funny and pretty, like Nezuko-chan!" Zenitsu dragged Nezuko's name in sweetness, just thinking bout her made Zenitsu's cheeks turn into a pink that could rival his beloved's eyes.

"This isn't because of that!" Ayaka protested. "I'll prove I can be funny."

Zenitsu looked at her expectantly.

"What do you tell a three headed ghost?"

Ayaka fixed her gaze on him, as Zenitsu, even while confused, followed on her joke:

"What do you tell them?"

She waited for a moment and, as she strongly pushed back bubbling chuckles, continued:

"Hello, hello, hello."

Without being able to help it, she broke the silence with her laughs, that floated between them in jumps, energetic and brimmed in with childish humour. However, Zenitsu stayed looking at her in a deadpan expression.

Realizing he didn't laugh along with her Ayaka cleared her throat, not being able to help the blush that rose up to her cheeks, finally conscious of just how bad of a joke it was.

"Oh come on," she snorted in shame. "It's not that bad, right, Tanjirou?".

He answered a few meters away from them. "No, of course not, Aya."

His face was contorted in a weird expression Ayaka couldn't identify, and when she was going to question him about it, Inosuke appeared by her side, muffling Ayaka's voice with his own, loud and powerful voice.

"What's that thing you are wearing, Yosano Mimatoki!?" He impatiently pointed to the lower part of Ayaka's legs, covered by knee pads tied with thick leather strips to her calves.

Ayaka raised her eyebrows:

"You mean the «suneate»? They're just for stronger kicks, they also protect my legs." She shrugged without giving it much importance. "Besides, I like samurais."

Inosuke became infuriated for some reason.

"«Suneate»? Samurái? What the hell are you talking about!? Stop saying strange words to confuse me, you hellish woman!"

«It's the second time he calls me a hellish woman, and he doesn't seem to guess my name correctly either», Ayaka thought, whose eyebrow started to twitch in fury.

"The most you can expect from a pig, I guess," she muttered to herself.

Tanjirou suddenly came to a halt and Zenitsu, Inosuke and Ayaka followed their example, nearly crashing against each other.

"We arrived," Tanjirou announced, gaze fixed on the darkness of the forest."It's Natagumo mountain."

Ayaka's eyes fixed on the mountain and a wave of relief overcame her softly. She could finally see! She could finally see the demons! Five of them all throughout the mountain! And a lot of spiders, for some reason.

She happily accepted the familiarity of distinguishing demonic presences, welcoming the feeling of seeing how she used to. She felt a lot safer then, and that provoked two things, it put her in a good mood and it turned her optimistic. After what felt like years without fighting blindly against demons, only a mission, for that matter, it gave her strength to hold onto something familiar.

"Let's go!" Ayaka said, patting Inosuke's back stronger than needed.

She took out her sword from its sheath in a quick wrist flick, the weapon becoming part of her arm like an extension that fit perfectly with her and the image she wanted to give.

"Wait, A-chan! Can you please wait!?" Zenitsu pleaded, who had sat on the floor at some point. His face was soaked on his usual combination of tears and other body fluids, and that only made Ayaka roll her eyes. "It's so scary! I feel like it gets scarier the closer we get to it!"

She could see what Zenitsu meant too, but that didn't matter:

"And what about it? That only makes it more exciting! I'll defeat all those demons!"

Inosuke patted Ayaka's back, nearly throwing her to the floor as he imitated her gesture earlier. He was cheerful too, quickly getting infected by her energetic mood.

"I'll behead more demons than you! This is nothing for Inosuke-sama!" He cackled, a gesture Ayaka had learned to associate with him, as he took out his double swords.

Him and Ayaka cackled in complicity, yelling in a single voice "We'll kill the demons! We'll kill the demons!" like a chant before battle.

"Could you take this more seriously!? You can die in there you know! Have an inch of common sense!" Zenitsu continued yelling like the voice of reason in the quartet. In a desperate attempt he turned to the only sane partner left. "Tanjirou, tell them they're being knuckleheads!"

But it was useless, he was busy looking at them with a content smile, enjoying such unusual enthusiasm.

"Shut up already! Why are you sitting down!? You really piss me off!" Inosuke yelled at Zenitsu.

He didn't stay quiet for too long, exploding in more tears and yellings.

"You're the only one I don't want to get complaints from, you pig head!" He accused, waving his arms to the three. "Seems like you don't really pis me off after all! I'm normal! You are abnormal! "That time he pointed at both Inosuke and Ayaka. "Who wouldn't be scared of going in such a place!?" ?

He continued spluttering out things so quickly Ayaka couldn't understand what he said, she found that situation quite annoying.

"Zenitsu," Ayaka cut him off once she got fed up of his constant ramble no one could hear. Looking at him with eyes as empty as her voice, she continued. "You're pathetic."

How could she had faith in him? It was incredibly that she believed in him at some point. This must be because something happened to her eyes, because the sight she had now of Zenitsu Agatsuma didn't compare at all to the one she had back then.

In the end she had been right, he didn't have any kind of strength, she didn't understand why she had even bothered cheering him on.

"If you don't want to come, don't, but don't be a bother for other people because if not, in the end, you'll find yourself alone." Zenitsu looked at her, stopping on his crying. Ayaka continued. "You were right, you're a coward, but live that kind of life on your own. It's the most that can be asked out of you."

He was a total failure.

With the end of Zenitsu's moaning over them fell an static silence. Inosuke observed on one side without saying a word. It was Tanjirou's voice that finally broke the silence hovered over them ever since the last word came out from Ayaka's mouth.

"You have crossed the line, take that back Ayaka," Tanjirou said as he grabbed her arm. There was a frown on his face.

Ayaka was surprised it took this long.

Her own name sounded strange coming out of his mouth. He hadn't called her "Aya".

"Someone had to tell him, if not he'll go on like this forever." She ignored the silence that permanently fell over Zenitsu. Seeing him be quiet for the first time felt like a bad omen.

She could feel Tanjirou's eyes on her. They weren't suns this time.

"You're wrong," Tanjirou said." Zenitsu isn't pathetic, I've known that from the first moment. He's someone strong and very kind."

"I'm never wrong," Ayaka replied, bitterness to her voice and a threatening glance, fixed on Tanjirou for the first time. "It's not my fault you can't accept the truth."

"Don't fight because of me, Tanjirou, Ayaka," Zenitsu pleaded in a weak voice, strange compared to his usual vibrant high pitched tone. "She's right Tanjirou, it really doesn't matter."

Tanjirou pressed his lips together. Ayaka blinked emotionlessly.

"She isn't, Zenitsu!" Tanjirou retorted effusively. "You're not pathetic!"

"Hey, there's a guy half dead in the road!" Inosuke yelled, pointing with his sword to a part of the way what could be twenty metters away from them.

Tanjirou let go of Ayaka's arm and they both turned around to look at a boy, demon slayer's uniform on, crawling on the ground with a sword in hand as if breathing was the most difficult thing to do.

He managed to identify their uniforms, stretching a hand out to them in hopes of getting somewhere safe.

"Save..." He pleaded in between painful huffs. "Save me..."

The three of them, Inosuke Ayaka and Tanjirou, runned off to him in the blink of an eye as Zenitsu yelled "wait!" behind them.

"Are you alright!? What happened!?" Tanjirou asked in alarm. But the boy was sent flying beforre Ayaka could grab him. An agonizing yell piercing the air as he was dragged back to the mountain, engulfed by the darkness of the night and the forest.

"They have us tied up!" He screamed, as he travelled through the starry sky, face soaked in trembling tears and stretching a weak hand on their direction."Save me!"

And just like that, he disappeared.

Ayaka stayed looking at the place where he had vanished more than she should have.

Behind them, Zenitsu made a high pitched sound he quickly covered with his hands in pure horror.

"Let's go," Tanjirou said. Ayaka could see him trembling. "And save him."

Even as fat beads of sweat ran down her nape, eyebrows fixed together, Ayaka smiled. There it was, the adrenaline of moments before battle on her veins.

"Those bastards won't have time to run when I get my hands on their necks." She offered Tanjirou a cocky smile, quickly removing it off her face to be replaced by a confused frown when he didn't give it back.

Inosuke took no time to jump into the conversation.

"I shall be the vanguard! You can just bring your trembling buttlocks and follow me!"

His double swords shone in the night as enthusiastically as their owner, the air waiting to be filled with blood.

"Hey, hey, hey, big boy," Ayaka stopped him as she put her hand on his chest. "If there's someone that's going to be followed is me, who knows what will happen if you go in alone. Do I have to remind you who won the arm wrestling competition?"

At mentioning his defeat, Inosuke huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and refusing to look at her like a little kid.

«What a sore loser», she thought, as they went into the spider's nest.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

“Stay here.”

Those were the last words Ayaka told Zenitsu, and as the mountain’s forest became darker as she, Inosuke and Tanjirou went deeper, a small worried frown couldn’t help but appear on her face. 

They had left behind him like it was nothing, like a crumpled paper on the floor one shouldn’t look at twice.

She wasn’t hoping Zenitsu would go in voluntarily, but he was under her care just as much as Tanjirou and Inosuke were, at least on the back of her mind like a constant reminder that all of them were weaker than her and as such it was her duty to protect them, and that was okay because she could do it and on her would that burden fall, so what had at first been a fleeting thought, Zenitsu going in, alone and helpless into the Natagumo Mountain, then being harmed because she wasn’t there to protect him, was starting to slowly her mind. 

«He’ll be okay», she had thought at the start, avidly brushing away the many spiders that fell on her shoulders like orange leaves in plain autumn.

«Unless he goes into the mountain nothing will happen, and there’s no way he will», she thought later, trying to push down the anxiety bubbling on her chest. «The demons won’t go down the mountain.»

She unconsciously bit her lips, with the still present frown, dodging a branch she was close to crashing against for being so distracted. 

“Wake up already, Yana Kamishiro! You’re gonna end up dead!” Inosuke yelled, fed up, when Ayaka crashed against his back for the fourth time since they had gone into the forest. 

She blinked, getting rid of her thoughts.

“Ah, sorry, Inosuke, I’ve just been thinking about what that guy said,” Ayaka tried to excuse herself, vaguely waving his hand to dismiss the thought. “Before he was sent flying, you know, that weird, incident, haven’t you thought about what he meant?”

“They have us tied up.”

What the hell did that mean? That they were in danger because of the demon’s strength? That it had hostages? 

She would have wished him to say more, but it wasn’t like she could ask him, he was probably dead by now. Ayaka had prayed for his soul, just in case he had no one to do so and for him to rest in peace in the afterlife. 

However it was, she wouldn’t let the effort he had put into trying to get out of that mountain to be in vain, she wouldn’t allow it. 

“I don’t think!” Inosuke answered cunning, showing off his chest in a way similar to how chickens showed off their feathers. 

“You’re impossible,” Ayaka muttered to herself. 

Something she had noticed about him was how pride appeared to course through his veins, every gesture or movement Inosuke made was soaked on arrogance. It was just like seeing her grandmother, just… more exaggerated and energetic. 

As her grandmother’s ego was cold and elegant, that didn’t need to say anything to make clear she considered herself better than anyone else, Inosuke’s was the kind to be explosive and sizzling, that he threw at your face and made burst in flames with every word that came out of his mouth. 

But who was she to judge them? She wasn’t the most humble nor the most collected. 

“What about you?” Ayaka asked, turning around to face Tanjirou. “I’m sure you must have noticed something with that sharp nose of yours. Just by looking at you I can tell there’s something on your mind.” 

Tanjirou looked at her, slightly opened his mouth to say the thoughts imprisoned against that thick forehead of his, and then suddenly closed it, acquiring a frown and fixing his gaze somewhere else. 

«What the hell?», she thought. 

Ayaka put herself in front of him that time, repeating the question, maybe he hadn’t heard it. Tanjirou turned to the side. Ayaka put herself in front of him again, Tanjirou turned to the other side. Ayaka put herself in front of him for the last time, Tanjirou turned backwards. 

The twitching on her eyebrow appeared again. 

“Gods, don’t tell me you’re still angry,” she said somehow bitter, crossing her arms over her chest.

Tanjirou copied her, a solemn “hmph” to remark his determination: 

“Apologize to Zenitsu.” 

«This has to be a joke», Ayaka thought, small annoyance starting to grow into something bigger. 

“I’m not going to do that!” She said, fists tight at both sides of her waist. 

“Apologize to Zenitsu,” Tanjirou stubbornly insisted, and Ayaka wasn’t so dumb to think he would change his mind. 

“How do you want me to!? We’re in the middle of the mountain!” She yelled, throwing her fists up. The twitches of her eyebrow grew faster..

“Well then apologize to him when we finish this mission,” Tanjirou simply offered, looking somewhere else to avoid her gaze. “You said very mean things to him, that was wrong.” 

Ayaka clicked her tongue in annoyance, fastening her pace and reaching Inosuke’s side, who lead the way. If this was what he wanted she wasn’t going to oppose. 

“Ignore me all you want, stupid Tanjirou,” she said through gritted teeth. 

«Dumb. Moron. Fool. Idiot. Wide-forehead.»

If Tanjirou didn’t want to see her again then okay! It didn’t matter to her, why should it? It was what she had wanted in the first place. To Hell with Tanjirou, as if she needed him! 

And with him would go his shining smile, and his soft voice and constant chattering she had gotten used to, along with his insistent but nice worry for her. 

«To Hell with that! It doesn’t matter to me at all! He can die for all I care!»

It wouldn’t take much time for Zenitsu and Inosuke to abandon her too. 

Zenitsu, with his obnoxious sweetness and his high pitched voice and his unbreakable loyalty and his contagious laugh.

Inosuke, with his cheerful yells and his improvised competitions and his beaming confidence and his amusing stupidity. 

«To Hell with that! As if I cared!»

For Ayaka Iwamoto to need someone? That wasn’t going to happen, because she was better than them, that was obvious, because they should need her, not backwards. She was going to become a pillar, pillars were the embodiment of power, of the strength in the demon slayer corps, she couldn’t get distracted with such ridiculous things, and she had yet to become a “tsuguko”.

Maybe that was why she felt that pain on her chest the more she distanced from Tanjirou, or when she thought about Zenitsu’s expression in that bizarre silence that fell over him. Maybe this was all because she wasn’t strong enough, it couldn’t possibly be love, she had stopped loving long ago.

With a frown (this time it wasn’t out of worry) Ayaka gestured for Inosuke to stop and took out her sword out of her sheath. With a flick of her wrist she tore the spider webs Inosuke had been unsuccessfully and clumsily getting out of the path all the way there. 

“Use your sword, they are everywhere, “ she drily advised.”You’ll only get them in your hands like this, stupid Inosuke.” 

“Don’t tell me what to do, Yuno Kamemo! I already thought about that!” In an irritating challenge he imitated her, grabbing both his dual swords as he cut through the spider webs that were generously scattered across the forest without rest, on the trees, in between branches, hidden inside the bushes. 

“Tch,” Inosuke silently complained by her side, once he tired himself out on his quest to get rid of some miserable spiderwebs. 

“There are a lot of spiders, can't you see them? There are more of them than webs,” Ayaka explained deadpan, head leaning to the side. Her eyes travelled to a branch nearby, following closely one of the many spiders that seemed to invade every corner of that forest. 

She raised her arm towards Inosuke, the handle of her sword secured between her fingers, and sinked her blade next to the boar’s head, burying itself on a spider that could be the size of her fist. 

Inosuke looked at the sword by the corner of his eye, not daring to move. 

“See?” Ayaka pointed out in an obvious manner, not flinching at the sight of the transparent liquid that spurted out now by her sword. 

With the same impassivity she took it out the tree trunk, letting the corpse of the spider fall to the ground. 

For a moment, Inosuke had believed Akiko Kamui was really going to stab him with her nichirin sword, to pierce through his eye with it. He had never felt such an intense battle spirit before.

It didn’t take a minute for that fear to turn into excitement. Skillfully, Inosuke threw one of his swords to a tree near Tanjirou, there it sank in the abdomen of a spider that could have easily been the size of a head. 

“Ha! Bigger and further away! I win!” Inosuke yelled, puffing out his chest, once again, like chickens. 

Ayaka was excitedly going to follow his example because she had taken a certain taste to competitions against Inosuke when Tanjirou interrupted them:

“We should be careful, there’s something on this place that’s making me uneasy.” 

Inosuke and Ayaka exchanged a look between them, only a thought in their heads. 

“Whatever it is, I’ll defeat it!” They both yelled in perfect synchrony, as Tanjirou only chuckled. 

“That strangely makes me feel better,” Tanjirou said, gentleness in his eyes. Ayaka saw his body relax, and hers did too, without explanation. “Despite everything,” he looked at Ayaka for a moment,” I wanted to thank you for coming with me, I feel safer because of your confidence, even if there is a reeking scent, I’m glad I’m with you both.” 

«Wasn’t he mad?» She thought.

A small kid held her hand by her side. All skin and bones, short hair and wrapped by purple kimono, she looked up at her. Ayaka looked back.

«Weren’t you mad too?» Ayaka asked her. «You were cursing his name a second ago.»

«I can’t get angry with Tanjirou,» she offered as an excuse, a pitiful grimace on her face as tears endlessly fell down her eyes. 

«Yeah, I guess we can’t... Maybe he already forgave us for being like this, maybe if we get stronger...» Ayaka stopped, humming in thought. The tears shone brightly under the moonlight. «We are so weak.»

 «We are» the kid nodded.

Because for some reason that stinging pain on her chest disappears, any kind of annoyance fading away, and both of them, her and Inosuke, stay still for a moment. 

“So thank you,” Tanjirou repeated one last time, softly smiling. But it was different from all the other smiles he had given them before, if Ayaka believed Tanjirou held the warmth of the Sun, this only confirmed it. Because all his prior smiles were mere bonfires compared to that one, of a summer sun. 

«Warm» Inosuke and Ayaka thought at the same time.  

A blush on her cheeks flooded every rational thought that could have been on her head. 

«Warm» that bizarre pair of dumbasses thought again. 

“Wait!” Tanjirou suddenly warned with a hand wave. That made both brainless idiots stop on their dreams and look at where he pointed. 

Ayaka cleared her throat, letting go of the kid’s hand wanting to get rid of that hellish blush. 

Her eyes followed Tanjirou’s hand to find the back of a demon slayer’s uniform. And it turned out to be nothing less than a demon slayer (alive, which was less common).

“Tanjirou Kamado, rank 10!” He introduced himself when, in between hissing whispers and silent steps (which weren’t so silent thanks to Inosuke and Ayaka) arrived by the boy’s side. 

He didn’t seem to have heard them coming, in some kind of miracle, because the boy turned to them in a small jump. 

“We’re here for support, he’s Inosuke Hashibira and she’s Ayaka Iwamoto, rank 10 as well,” Tanjirou continued waving over at them. 

Ayaka looked at the boy, half closed eyes fixed on him that made the boy flinch in fear. Not a sound coming from her, she checked he wasn’t the boy that was sent flying, and accepted that boy was probably dead already. 

Her eyes squinted further, making the boy swallow as beads of sweat ran down his forehead.

«Tell me all you know», she thought, pressing the weight of her glance further against him. Living with someone like Genya for two years had taught her one or two things about intimidating people. 

“Ten?” The boy questione in whispered urgency. Then he panicked. “Ten!? Why didn’t they send a Pillar!? It doesn’t matter how many of you they send! It’s pointless if a Pillar doesn’t come!”

Inosuke’s fist skillfully crashed against the face of the boy whose name Ayaka still didn’t know, and pulling the demon slayer by his hair, he brought him to his face, as Tanjirou yelled at Inosuke to stop and Ayaka looked at it all with wide opened eyes. 

“So annoying! If you keep insisting on that things are pointless then your very existence is pointless! Hurry up and explain the situation you coward!” Inosuke threatened, probably too close for the boy’s comfort.

«That was... unpredictable», Ayaka thought, eyes still widely open out of surprise. She noticed the blood freely flowing from the boy’s nose, feeling a certain kind of “dèja vu” that made her insides churn. 

She brushed it aside as her face went back to her usual intimidating expression, fixed on the foreign boy as she noticed just how tense he was. He must have been scared to death, one only had to look at the way he flinched every time there was a sound too loud nearby.

“After… after receiving our commands from the crows, ten members got here” He started as best as he could, as he cautiously eyed Ayaka by his side and tried for Inosuke not to pull his hair out of his scalp. “However, after entering into the woods… The other demon slayers… They started to…”  

He stopped, too weak to continue. He swallowed when Ayaka’s eyes insisted.

“Kill each other,” he finally said, making Inosuke harshly let go of him. 

«They must have been unrelated, if not this guy would be more of a sobbing mess», she thought, taking her gaze off the boy now that she didn’t need him. «They wouldn’t have started a fight just like that if they didn’t know each other, not everyone is like Inosuke»

It was weird not for one demon slayer to turn against other partners to the point of killing, but for an entire group to do so. How unnatural, everyone usually knows it’s a violation of the rules to fight with other members of the corps. 

The gears on her head started to spin, fast and quickly, as she went through every possibility of such a weird incident that didn’t include demons, but they were too remote, too many outside factors to have a safe conclusion.

And if the boy wasn’t wrong there must have been a bunch of demon slayers that turned their swords against other demon slayers they would surely have to defeat before killing the demon behind it. 

Even if they were reckless, Inosuke’s methods were effective. So if she got to make him dance the way she wanted him to, things would be easier for her. And even if Tanjirou may have been still mad, he was the kind to use his wits in a battle. She would have troubles commanding him more than Inosuke since he wasn’t as easy to manipulate, but she’d manage. 

“Ayaka Iwamoto, you are gonna end up dead at this rate!” Inosuke yelled to warn her. But she hadn’t noticed the demon slayer behind her, sword out of its sheath ready to cut off her neck. 

She had no time to get out of her thoughts (nor to get surprised by the fact he had finally called her by the right name) as Inosuke quickly threw her into his shoulder. He kicked the stomach of the demon slayer that had been so dangerously close to murdering her and jumped back in a series of twirls. All of it with Ayaka on his shoulder, who was now struggling to tell apart left from right. 

He finally left her on the floor and Ayaka stumbled in dizziness, only Inosuke’s cackles on her ears. 

“Thank the great Inosuke-sama for saving you from certain death!” Inosuke proudly bragged about saving the strongest person he had ever known, so then, he was the strongest person out of the two. 

“Aya, are you okay!?” Tanjirou asked not too far away from the place he was defending himself from other demon slayers that had appeared, just like the first one, out of nowhere. 

Ayaka gave herself a moment to blink, this time it was another group of demon slayers who attacked them, no demons. 

She kicked the hand of one of them, making sure it crashed against the suneate so they loosened up their hold and let go of the swords. Just as she predicted, the sword fell to the floor, the sound of metal clicking against the floor muffling her ears. 

“No problem!” She answered Tanjirou in between huffs, dodging once again another demon slayer. 

“These people are all idiots! Don’t they know it’s forbidden for members to kill each other!?” Inosuke exclaimed, as he tried to avoid the sword of one of them. 

«No, it’s not that! The spiders!», Ayaka realized, seeing the shining of the threads tied to the limbs of the demon slayers. 

They were much more smaller than the ones her and Inosuke had been killing before, nearly the size of a rice grain (she knew how small it was, she knew that perfectly). But the spiders that she had seen were brown, common and hairy, these ones where the colour of bones and had on their backs small red circles adorning them. 

“Their movements are very strange,I think they’re being controlled by something!” Tanjirou said, trying as best as he could not to hurt any of the demon slayers that threw themselves at him, sword in hands. 

«He’s noticed too», Ayaka thought, without stopping to look at Tanjirou a second time.

“Then I’ll chop them in half!” Inosuke proclaimed, pulling up his sword towards the sky in pure arrogance. 

“You can’t do that! There are still people alive between them!” Tanjirou warned, raising like the voice of reason in between the chaos of battle. “Besides you mustn’t harm the corpses of our companions!” 

“Do something already goddamnit!” Ayaka yelled at the boy whose name she didn’t know, as she jumped against the back of one of the three demon slayers that circled him. Tanjirou and Inosuke threw themselves at the other two. Ayaka smashed him with her feet, making him fall head first against the ground centimetres before he could touch the boy. 

With her shoe prints on his back, Ayaka snatched away the sword off his hands in a kick, checking more intently if her conclusion had been true.  

“Inosuke, don’t hurt them!” Ayaka commanded, announcing her support to Tanjirou. 

She firmly grabbed the threads tied to the demon slayer and tried to slash them with her sword. They faded away at the mere touch of her blade, to which Ayaka smiled in satisfaction. 

“They’re threads, Tanjirou! They’re being controlled by threads!” She yelled without being able to put off the smile on her face. Tanjirou nodded, because he had noticed too. How sharp of him, the thought made her happy, because Tanjirou wasn’t someone she had to compete against, he was simply that… Tanjirou.

“I noticed a sweet essence behind them,” Tanjirou started, as Ayaka joined his side cautiously, glancing around them at the demon slayers starting to circle them. 

“Yes! I saw the threads against the moonlight too” Ayaka clapped cheerfully. “We’ll end this in no time.” 

“I already noticed that!” Inosuke claimed, voice filled in with effervescence, jumping through the air above the heads of all those demon slayers. 

«How exciting!», Ayaka couldn’t help but think, as she followed Inosuke’s example. She cut more of them, by the way.

One of Tanjirou’s arms mechanically raised, and there was a totally different feeling coursing through her because of it. Fear, sharp and in pangs flew straight to her chest and pierced through her throat. 

«Spiders, I forgot about the spiders!» She thought as horror squeezed her chest. She clumsily and hurriedly cut the threads attached to Tanjirou’s arm.  

She then grabbed his arm, more harshly than usual on her, and plucked the spiders that showed her their bright red circles. Without any hesitation, she crashed them with her fist. 

“I forgot to bring that up! The threads are attached to the spiders,” Ayaka said to a confused Tanjirou, not letting go of his arm. 

She sighed in relief and made Tanjirou spin, looking cautiously over to other parts of his body. 

“You don’t have anymore, right? Have you felt any other tug?” 

Tanjirou shook his head still with confusion written all over his face.Ayaka nodded in content, Tanjirou was smart, he must have noticed the spiders too.

“Aya,” he called, raised eyebrows. She looked up at him, ending the last inspections of his haori. “Were you worried?”

Ayaka pinched her nose, then proceeding to insistently poke his chest.

“I refuse to drag your corpse back to your house to bury you with your family. It would take me days to get you there, do you know how nasty rotting corpses can be? Die somewhere closer and then you’ll be allowed to die when you’re with me,” she answered, crossing her arms over her chest. “Besides, if you die who’s going to turn back Nezuko into a human? Because it sure as hell won’t be me.”

That was a lie, if Tanjirou were ever to die she would probably carry Nezuko around so he could rest in peace on the other shore. But that would have been too soft to say and she didn’t want him to think he was allowed to die.

The demon slayers set free from the threads soon started to raise again like walking corpses. 

“Hey you! Stay away from the spiders and get out of here! You’re just being a nuisance!” Ayaka commanded the boy who still hadn’t given his name and she didn't have the intentions to discover. She used the full power of her eyes on him but even if he started to generously sweat the boy shook his head time and time again. Ayaka squinted at him but ended up not paying attention to him. If he wanted to die that was his decision as brave as he made himself out to be.

Ayaka noticed the disgusted expression on Tanjirou’s face by the corner of her eye. «He must have smelt something.»

“This stench…” Tanjirou muttered, scrunching up his nose. Her eyes noticed the imperceptible movements of the spiders on the floor, getting closer to them with their small and abundant legs so they could put their threads on them. 

«Little bastards», she thought, grabbing Tanjirou by the waist and jumping far away from the small brats.

“They’re everywhere,” Ayaka offered as an excuse at the questions on his ruby eyes. because he was close, so close she was face to face with the colour of his eyes. She could feel the beating of his racing heart against her skin.

Pointing to the spiders that had been milimetres away from touching them, she finally let go of him. 

“What is it that you smell?” She asked after clearing her throat, in an attempt to ignore just how painful it was to have a body as warm as his so far away. 

She had been having other skin against hers more in the last few days than she had in years. It had been long since she had enjoyed that kind of touch against her skin, going from the cold of Himjima-shishou’s waterfall to Tanjirou’s skin was a very sudden change. 

But this time she had been the one to do it. Not even before going into the Final Selection had she dared take Himejima-shishou’s hand. 

Maybe... maybe she missed it. Maybe she missed loving people back. 

“I’ve been feeling a strange stench lately,” Tanjirou explained with a hand over his nose, as both of them dodged the demon slayer puppets. “I don’t know what it is but it’s making my nose useless, so I won’t be able to smell the demon that controls the threads.”

«The demon that controls the threads, right, focus on that», Ayaka told herself, fixing her eyes on the shining threads under the moonlight at the same time as she snatched a sword away from the hands of another puppet in a swift kick. 

“I can’t see it either,” she growled at the fact that the demon was too far away for her eyes.

They exchanged a knowing look.

If neither her nor Tanjirou could, then there was only one person left: 

“Inosuke! If you’re able to locate the demon with precision, please do so!” Tanjirou pleaded being close to desperation. 

“If you can do it, then Tanjirou, that one guy and I will handle the weaklings and you’ll have the main demon all to yourself, Inosuke-sama!” Ayaka added to Tanjirou’s pleading. 

“I’m Murata!” The boy she had called “that one guy” yelled at them from a distance.

The one that hadn’t obeyed her and was now barely helping as best as he could, cutting off threads and dodging attacks thrown at him. 

How endearing. 

“Good idea, Aya!” Tanjirou praised her. Ayaka smiled proudy. “Murata-san, Aya and I will handle the ones being controlled, Inosuke you must-! 

He cut himself off mid sentence to grab Ayaka that stumbled clumsily out of astonishment, choking on her own spit at the sudden apparition of a demon above their heads. 

Tanjirou patted her back softly as she recomposed, quick enough for the both of them to dodge the demon slayers’ corpses. 

There, shining under the Moon and in the middle of the sky, (no, leaning on threads metters above their heads), a demon.

«Is it the one controlling the threads!??» Was the first thought that came up to her mind in a flash.  

The demon had the same colour as the spiders permeating his skin, white as bones, and identical red dots adorned its face in patterns. Its hair framed its face, resembling the colour of its skin, hovering over it as if threatening to devour it in long spiky strands. 

“Don’t disturb our clan’s peaceful life here,” it claimed in a monotone voice. And something inside her burned bright and fiercely at those words. 

“Peaceful life?” She asked with bitter poison on her own voice. “Peaceful life!? Your peaceful life is bullshit!” 

All that death, all that suffering, all those corpses, the blood, all of that. And it dared call it a peaceful life!? So many lives that had no one to pray for them prematurely snatched away because of that demon and it dared call it a peaceful life!? 

“Shut your mouth you goddamn bastard! Get down from there so I can cut off your head! We’ll see how peaceful your life is!” Ayaka threatened, raising her sword on his direction. 

“You will all be killed by mother for this,” the demon only said, no doubts or uncertainty behind his words. 

He ignored Ayaka’s very noticeable and burning fury completely, and with those last words, walked off through the threads. He walked calmly, no worry on the possibility of her cutting off his neck nor that they would kill “mother”. The threat of death didn’t disturb him.

“Hey!” Inosuke broke the silence in a low yell. Using the back of one of the members of the corps and used that to boost himself up to the demon, but it was unsuccessful as he didn’t reach the threads and stayed shaking the sword. 

“Damn it! Where are you going!? Come back here and fight me!” Inosuke asked in yells to the air, but the demon ignored him just as it had done with Ayaka and continued on his path over the threads. 

Inosuke ended up falling to the ground in a loud bang that would have surely broken a bone or two, but that didn’t seem to annoy him and went back on his feet without any trace of pain. 

“I think that’s not the demon controlling the threads” Tanjirou yelled for Inosuke to hear behind him. 

Whatever he said, Ayaka’s fury wouldn’ fade away so easily. The lives of others.. weren’t something to play with, as impolite and mean as she could be, she would never allow for someone else to treat other people’s lives as things to be simply snatched away. 

For some reason she thought about her family, and about Yuu and his parents, that had one day suddenly left an orphan son. Just like that. Something on her heart squeezed tight and that served as fuel for the bleaming wrath.

“Change of plans, Tanjirou” Ayaka said in a deadpan tone, glassed over by a layer of unsaid threats. “I’ll go after that demon as you, Inosuke and Murata take care of the one that controls the puppets, but don't do anything else. When you finish, go down the mountain and take Zenitsu with you to the wisteria house.” 

She didn’t wait for a positive reaction and started running towards the demon she could still see walking over its stupid threads. 

Murata trembled as he saw Ayaka fade away in the darkness of the forest. Tanjirou tried to call out her name but it was no use, ceasing his attempts as he was busy trying to dodge the puppets’ attacks. 

“That girl’s so scary,” Murata muttered to himself, nearly invisible shaking on his voice. 

Tanjirou gave him a curious glance. 

“Who, Aya? “ He asked in arched eyebrows. Murata nodded and Tanjirou shrugged. “Aya isn’t so scary after all.” He scratched his cheek in thought. “Well not that much.”

Yes, that much.

Chapter Text

The darkness of the night wasn’t a problem for Ayaka’s eyes, that avidly followed the figure of the demon between the trees and the blackness of the forest.

There was something in the demon, something dark and abysmal that came out of him like a deadly mist, soaked in antiqueness. Ayaka knew the demon was ancient, those like him, that had been decades or even hundreds of years living in that world like unnatural creatures, gave off a very specific kind of aura, a certain way they carried themselves, and Ayaka could only see dark and bubbling darkness in the place his heart was supposed to be.

There wasn’t light anywhere, that demon was the very embodiment of a piece of hell, with his flames dark as twilight and the wickedness that roamed free there. All of that, or at least a small piece, filled the demon’s body, that didn’t appear to be more than a twelve year old boy. But she could see it, the sins exceeded the weight of his soul. He wasn’t like Nezuko, there was no possible salvation for him.

“You are quite insistent, don’t you think so?” The demon looked at her from above, on the threads high up in the threes. He was tired of playing child games, an underlying annoyance on his voice. She was tired, too. They must have spent quite some time like this, Ayaka wasn’t sure, but what she was sure about was that by then Tanjirou, Inosuke and Murata (was that his name?) would have defeated the demon of the threads and would be on their way down the mountain.

She had dedicated all that time to run after the demon, he was sly and Ayaka could suppose his strategy was one of a despicable person, sliding in between the shadows and not showing itself enough so someone could notice he was there. He had tried to sneak away from her a few times in the time they had been playing that stupid tag game, but he hadn’t taken into account Ayaka’s eyes, as far away as he tried to run, he would always be on their range.

This time it wasn’t like the thread' s demon, that had put hundreds of meters between them. The demon didn’t take into account she could see more and believed that with seventy, eighty meters away would make her lose sight of him.

It was a pity it didn’t work, both of them were tired of playing and the demon had finally decided to come out of the shadows. It would be decided right there and then, no more child games, with a battle that wouldn’t end until either one of them died or the Sun rose above the horizon. And few hours were still away for that to happen, so it was sure one of them would die, full moon watching over them to witness. And Ayaka wasn’t planning on dying, not at least without a reason to.

“And you’re quite sneaky, don’t you think so?” Ayaka replied in a mocking tone.

She took out her sword out of its sheath, taking out a handkerchief to briefly clean the shining gray blade. Once she finished she threw the handkerchief over her shoulder without worry.

“Now that you’ve decided to make yourself known I can finally cut off your neck,” Ayaka said, eyes fixed on the demon and a relaxed smile on her face. “I thank you for coming out and not making me lose my time more than I already have, running after you was starting to become annoying.”

The demon threw a killer look at her, and that was the least that could be said about it. It shined brightly, filled in with poison. That kind of gaze reminded Ayaka to one of a deadly spider, its fangs out and jaws open reading to bit and inject the final toxic that would end the life of its prey.

But she was no prey nor was she a bug that had been trapped on a spiderweb, she was the mountain that would crash the spider under the overwhelming weight of winter.

“You talk too much,” the demon sentenced, throwing at her many different threads that flew around her, making on their speed for the strands that usually framed Ayaka’s hair to fly as well.

She had no problem dodging them, jumping in between them using the trees to boost her up.

The demon frowned, Ayaka gave him an innocent smile with raised eyebrows.

“I do? I hadn’t noticed,” she replied leaning her head to the side. All threads came out of the demon’s hands and that would be an easy way to get closer to him. She could work with that, she thought, as her voice became aggressive and acid against the demon. ”Maybe I should shut up and focus on killing you.”

The amount of threads increased with every second until she was forced to slash them when they came too close to her skin.

These ones weren’t like the puppets demon's, that had been easy to tear with the mere touch of her blade. They were now tougher, like wires and she was forced to use the Stone Breathing to get rid of them.

“Stone Breathing, Third Form: Stone Skin”

All nearby threads surrounding her were cut short, falling limply around her like mere spiderwebs instead of heavy wires. And step by step, slash by slash, she came closer to the demon, who was backing away as if they were still playing tag.

“I’ll kill you even if it’s the last thing I ever do,” Ayaka proclaimed in frosting calmness, and for a moment, the slightest moment someone else would have missed, but not her, the demon looked scared. “Despicable people like you don’t deserve to live.”

Horror, complete horror painted his features because Ayaka was very close, so close she could cut off his neck. This time he was the prey instead of the predator.

“Stone Breathing, Fourth Form: Volcanic Rock - Rapid Conquest.”

He went back to his spider grimace in a second as the demon lashed out at her, threads flying around her more than ever.

“I would love to see you try.” The demon smiled with the slightest pinch of rage, sending more threads her way who, without paying them any mind, ended up being slashed by them. Her face, her arms, her legs, all of it spluttered out lively red blood.

There was something about the threads then, she could feel it in the way they teared her flesh out, something different. She couldn’t slash them with the weakest of the Stone Breathing Forms.

Those threads couldn’t be slashed.

«Even if you feel pain, even if you feel regret, don’t allow anyone to walk all over you, never! You’re still a Fujioka even if your name is Iwamoto, prove to everyone else you’re better than them!» Ayaka tightened her hold on her sword, ignoring the stinging pain from the cuts that covered her whole body.

“Do you like these threads!? You can’t cut these ones, you stupid girl! You won’t be able to slash my neck!” The demon yelled, as there was nothing else shining on the gaze of her opponent that wasn’t the red glow of madness.

Maybe she wasn’t able to cut them, but Ayaka could do something else.

Jumping on those threads destined to cut her in half, Ayaka fastly slid over them, gaining the speed she needed to finally reach the demon who could only observe the dizzying speed at which she was coming, arm out with sword in hand destined to behead him.

The astonishment on the demon’s head brought a satisfied smile to her face, because Ayaka had used what he was proud of the most to get to it and end his life. She yelled, a piercing booming sound coming from the deepest part of her chest.

“Stone Breathing, Fifth Form: Arcs of Justice!”

The air around them turned heavy, falling over them something similar to mist, gray and freezing that wrapped them up in death, just because of a breathing form.

The Stone Breathing’s fifth form was the most powerful form of them all. It obliterated anything on its wake, leaving in ruins the area around the swordsman along with their enemy.

It destroyed the floor, the bushes, the trees and rocks near its range, and if she wasn’t able to cut off the demon’s neck with that form, Ayaka could believe herself to be dead.

The freezing mountain and the power that came along with it hovered together over the demon’s form, a mallet above him that wouldn’t take much time to go down and punish him for all his sins containing the rage of the gods. And when Ayaka’s sword was a breath away from cutting off his neck, thunder rumbled through the mountain.

Unconsciously, Ayaka averted her gaze to the origin of the roar. It wasn’t a stormy night, the sky was clear, no clouds on sight. And that could only mean one thing.

There in the night sky, before the Moon and the stars, she distinguished a form in the distance. It rose above the sky, ascending over the trees like an all powerful saviour.

If a normal person had walked nearby, then they would have sworn to their friends and acquaintances two gods had manifested on that mountain that night, earth and sky oozing unimaginable power.

«Zenitsu?»

It was enough for Ayaka to get distracted, and instead of slashing the demon’s neck, he used the smallest second to give a step back, and Ayaka’s sword felt around the air. Not expecting the possibility of finding nothing to crash against the sword followed its path and found itself on the floor.

An explosion that could compare itself to a volcano's eruption came from the contact as a wave of dust rose in the air by the breaking of the floor. Ayaka’s eyes filled in with dust as she backed away, stumbling due to the wind.

The next thing she knew, two threads cut her back near the shoulder blades and without taking a second longer the demon strengthened the threads one last time, turning the most red they had ever been.

In a swift and practiced wrist flick, the threads tangled around her forearms and legs and she got imprisoned in between his webs.

When such brutal dust cloud cleared up, Ayaka found herself hanging high over the floor. The demon appeared right before her, he had gotten on its damn threads again as he gave her a cruel smile.

She was now her prey as the demon turned again into a spider that would sink his fangs on her pale skin and would devour her without thinking twice about it.

If she hadn’t been a bug trapped on his spiderwebs before, she was now.

“I should have used my strongest threads from the start, it would have saved me the trouble. I really underestimated you but, what was that thing you were muttering about killing me again?” The demon wondered, cheek leaning on his hand, observing how Ayaka fought against the threads.

“I’m going to kill you, I swear I’m going to kill you!” She yelled, because she would, she wouldn’t go down so easily. She wouldn’t leave the land of the living like this.

«I don’t feel my arms nor do I feel my hands», she thought, gears starting to spin on her head, because even like this her nichirin sword was safely secured in between her fingers. «I can’t panic now, I can still use the Stone Breathing one last time, I need to think about a way to get rid of these threads. Think, think, if that was really Zenitsu I need to go help him, and who knows where Inosuke, Tanjirou and Murata might be. I swear I’ll kill Tanjirou for not listening to me.»

In another wrist flick Ayaka ended up facing down, the demon having to cran up his neck to look her in the eyes. He was smiling.

“I don’t see how you will do that, did you seriously think I used all my power against you? Look at you now, I could kill you right this moment and you wouldn’t be able to do nothing about it.”

Ayaka growled, but even so she could feel herself slowly bleeding out because of the pressure on her flesh the threads had. If she spent too much time hanging there, she would die.

The demon simply grabbed Ayaka’s ribbon in mockery, carefully examining it on the palm of his hand like it was really interesting, leaving her hair to fall down from top of her head and to cover her neck, fluffy and covered in splashes of blood.

“Don’t underestimate me,” Ayaka hissed challenging, as her mind continued to work with her eyes, quickly flying around the place to look for something she could use to escape. She ignored the demon’s eyes, hoping he wouldn’t discover her intentions, until something flew up to her head to make an escape plan. She just needed to distract him more.

“You already did that once and I nearly cut your head off, don’t make the same mistake twice.”

The demon frowned for a moment, annoyed by the fact that a rank 10 demon slayer had been close to killing it.

Flexing his hands, he made the threads around her limbs to squeeze tighter and she couldn’t help but squeak in pain. She bit her lip afterwards, because she didn’t want to give the satisfaction to a demon of knowing it was hurting her, as it only laughed, small high pitched chuckles.

A mark appeared on its pupil, and what was written there sent shivers down her back.

“You aren’t strong enough to defeat one of the Twelve Demon Moons,” the demon pridefully announced, setting aside a few white strands of its hair so Ayaka could see it clearly.

Carved on the right eye of the demon there was a number “5”.

«It’s not possible, that’s not possible!», Ayaka thought in panic, because she didn’t know how she was still alive. She was merely a tsuguko, she wasn’t a pillar to have enough power to survive an encounter with a Demon Moon.

Even if he hadn’t killed her in battle, the demon had still imprisoned her, and he didn’t seem to have any intentions on killing her. Not yet, at the very least. Why had he trapped her instead of cutting her into pieces?

The demon went down to the ground satisfied with her silence, walking off to what seemed to be a dirty and torn piece of paper. In between the dust and the rests of the glare after the use of the fifth form, Ayaka hadn’t even noticed it was there.

Her eyebrows shot up to her forehead as the demon took the paper from the floor with a smile proper of a lunatic and unfolded it, revealing its contents for the world to see.

Ayaka didn’t need to see to know what it was, she recognized it perfectly. That letter had been sheltered on one of the pockets of her haori all that time, ever since the morning of the Final Selection.

The demon eyed it and Ayaka fought against her binding, not worrying about the threads that sank further on her injuries. She had been consumed by something deeper than the thirst of defeating her enemies, than the rage that seemed to flow through her veins.

“Take your hands off that, you bastard! If you dare touch that letter I won’t only cut your head off I will tear your body apart! I will make you discover how hell on earth feels like!”She screamed, veins deeply carved on her forehead. Himejima-shishou’s lectures would be no use now, there was nothing on this world able to stop the freezing winds of Ayaka Iwamoto’s fury.

The demon paid her no mind, fascinated as his eyes traveled avidly over the letter’s content as Ayaka continued cursing his name in enraged yells.

With dreamy eyes the demon finished reading, taking in the weight of the words that had been so lovingly written on paper.

In the blink of an eye he appeared in front of Ayaka again, looking with curious wide open eyes at the face of the demon slayer.

With a flex of his fingers the demon made the threads tighten around her neck, choking Ayaka until she stopped yelling, desperately gasping for air.

“You…” the demon accused, anxious voice as it acquired a small tremble. “You teared your bonds apart… Yeah… You teared them apart with your own hands, isn’t that right?... With your own hands, your bonds with your family… Such strong bonds… And you broke them into pieces…

He left the mortal tightening against Ayaka’s neck to relax and her body started shaking as she coughed, throat dry as if she hadn’t had water in days. She took a few breaths of air to get her breathing back to normal, even feeling the burning tears that had appeared on her eyes with the crashing feeling of asphyxiating.

“Answer me!” The demon hissed, in his impatience tightening the threads around her neck a second time, just loose enough to let her speak.

“And what if I did?” Ayaka barked with the few energy she had left on her throat, enough to whisper. Then she looked at the demon in disgust. “Now give that back, you shithead.”

“No, I don’t think I will,” the demon mocked, moving the letter from one side to the other as Ayaka’s eyes desperately followed. “Better yet, I think I’m going to read it aloud, just to torture you. Demons can be tortured if you hang them up facing the Sun, but that doesn’t work with you, human, so I’ll enjoy this.”

Ayaka fought against her binding fiercely as she tried to unsuccessfully set herself free. She was making the same mistake she warned Tanjirou about so long ago.

In a few words, if she didn’t go back to her senses, Ayaka Iwamoto would die that night because of her recklessness.

“I said give that back!” She incessantly fought and she didn’t feel the sharp pain of the cuts or the injuries neither the exhaustion that was starting to slowly settle in her body. Right then and there, the only thing on her mind was the letter and only the letter. The letter, the letter, the letter and nothing else.

In a deadpan voice, the demon started to read:

“Dear A-chan, we hope you are safe and comfortable on Himejima-san’s home. We pray for you every night hoping you are.”

“Shut up! Shut your mouth! I don’t want you to say the same words that came out of my parents’ mouths!” Ayaka interrupted him. She didn’t want to hear it, she didn’t, she didn’t. She had already memorized the words that came next, she knew how big her sins were, that she’d burn in hell like she reminded herself of every night.

The demon smiled in sadistic satisfaction. He had found them, it was her weak point just as much as it was her strong point.

“Himejima-san told us you’ll be going to the final test to become a demon slayer, we had hoped you’d tell us yourself, but we understand you must be too busy for your old, tired parents. Even so, come visit when your training finally pays off to celebrate, we can buy melon mochi. Everything’s still the same here, there has been a scandal, Takada-san cheated on her wife with a girl your age, isn’t that worrying? Besides that there are no news, so you won’t feel overwhelmed when you come back. Please write back, we’re cheering you on, mum and dad,” the demon finished with a last laugh. It was enjoying it and Ayaka couldn’t stand it.

“Shut your mouth! Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!” She protested time and time again, shaking her head as if that would ensure she wouldn’t hear him, yelling louder and louder hoping to muffle the demon’s voice with her own.

“It seems you were the only one to blame for your bond’s breaking, your parents tried to get closer to you but you pushed them away. You created a distance by your own hand, am I wrong? And you’re all alone now,” the demon guessed, and his voice was bitter, spread through Ayaka’s injuries for it to sting, for it to hurt.

“Give it back! I’ll kill you! I’m going to kill you!” She threatened time and time again like she had already done. But they were false promises, hollow and meaningless, contrary to the ones she used to do.

But hollow promises weren’t so rare for her, right? She had promised her parents she’d go visit again. She had also promised Himejima-shishou she’d turn into a worthy successor, but she was going to die, she wouldn’t be a pillar in the future, enjoying huge bathtubs and all kinds of soaps.

All those things had turned into hollow words, that would disappear from this world along with her to join her soul in hell when her life was snatched away by that demon.

“Why are you angry? I’m just saying the truth. You teared your bonds apart on your own and now you’re sad, and lonely, quite contrary to me, who has strong bonds with his family,” the demon said, stranged by Ayaka’s yelling. He threw the letter behind his shoulder, crumpled in a ball. “I don’t need a bunch of broken bonds either way.”

“You can’t understand what it is like! You’ve never loved anyone in your pitiful life!” Ayaka barked, looking like an enraged dog. “They’re kilometers away from here, safe from creatures like you! You can kill me slowly if that’s what you want, but that’s the only thing I care about!”

From the deepest part of the demon’s throat came out a confused mutter.

“I have a family too, you know, and even so I can’t understand your reasoning. But I guess you can understand mine.” His eyes fixed on her, those eyes that didn’t connect to any heart, only a black hole. “Everything is done for family, and you’ve threatened mine, that’s why I’ll have to kill you.”

With that last sentence he tightened the threads around Ayaka once again. She squirmed, coughing and shaking in a useless attempt to set herself free caused by the innate instinct of human beings to live no matter what, not giving up and trying until the end, even if there was no solution at all.

With the last ounces of strength she had left. Ayaka started to pray for herself, because that was the only thing she had left.

“Namu... Amida Butsu... Namu... Ami... Amida... But... su... Na... mu... A... A…”

The letter stayed hanging up in the air, the sound of her own voice vanishing from her ears, dying out at the same time as life abandoned her along with the beating of her heart. When she finally exhaled her last breath, Takeshi appeared in front of her.

“Finally, Aya-san! I’ve been waiting for you, are you prepared to go to Hell together?” He stretched out a hand to her, inviting in his voice as sweet as sugar.

Ayaka stretched out her hand towards him not to take his hand but to slap it away. She, however, got by his side without looking at his face.

«There’s no warmth here.»

She had been preparing for a long time.

«Say, Aya-san, was it happy? The time you spent on this world?»

Had she been happy? Had she used her life to the fullest?

Would she have regrets once she left?

“Grandma… Mother… Fa… Father… Yuu…”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The beeping on her ears cleared up with the screaming of a foreign voice.

“Rui... Rui!” It called. And that was the voice that welcomed her back from the other shore.

The colours came back and Ayaka recomposed, coughing and shaking as she fought to breath in some kind of miracle.

She found her own hand stretch out to the horizon that she had managed to raise on her delusions.

She had failed to grab the hand death had offered her.

«What… happened? Who’s Rui? Who’s that girl?» Ayaka wondered.

The demon, where was the demon? Why hadn’t he killed her?

“Mother was killed! And old brother was murdered by a demon slayer wearing a yellow haori! I got to see him and if he decides to go after us we’ll be killed too, Rui! What should we do? There are too many and they’re looking for us." The hurried voice came from a girl Ayaka didn’t recognize but who had a scaring similarity to the demon she had fought against, pale hair and pale skin adorned with red moles. 

Old brother? Mother? It must have been talking about the so called family of the demon.

Ayaka realized that Rui, as it had been called, was the demon she had been fighting against all that time.

With the apparition of the demon girl Rui had suddenly loosened up Ayaka’s threads leaving way for the air to travel to her lungs.

She would call it her lucky day if she wasn’t still tied up high above the floor, the possibility of being murdered still hovering over her.

Rui didn’t move, looking somewhere at the distance as the demon girl insisted, scared of dying just like any other human.

“Hey... listen!” She desperately pleaded, beads of sweat running down her forehead, eyes filled with horror.

“Shouldn’t we be running by now?” She asked, and for a moment, just for a single moment, its face completely changed her appearance, losing any resemblance she ever had to Rui.

For some reason that infuriated him, sending on the demon girl’s direction many threads that teared and slashed her face, as she screamed, voice inked in pain without caring about Ayaka still hanging high above them.

Howling, the demon fell to her knees, bringing up her hands up to her face as she tried to desperately cover the injuries somehow.

Was this Rui’s beloved family? Was this how it treated them?

“What are you looking at? This doesn’t concern you,” Rui said to an unknown presence in the distance. Ayaka looked over there, chest heavy as she was sure she had been a unconscious for a while. The blood around her injuries was already dry as it formed a disgusting crust around them.

“Who...?” She sighed in a whisper, as her eyes distinguished the green of an haori. “Shishou?”

The blood that had once belonged to the demon girl flowed freely through Rui’s threads, proof of what he had done to the wailing girl in the floor.

“What are you doing!? Isn’t she on your side!?” The unknown form asked in fury.

Ayaka forced herself to focus her sight once more. When she saw the shiny scar on the demon slayer’s forehead and the wooden box at his back, she had no doubts. That was Tanjirou Kamado.

«He can’t be here,» she thought in dread. «He’s gonna get himself killed, Tanjirou’s going to die. Nezuko. They’re both going to die.»

Then where was Inosuke? She wasn’t particularly worried about Murata. Would it be true that person she had seen pierce through the sky was Zenitsu? If he was, she had to do something or Rui would kill them all. They had no chance against a Demon Moon.

“Ally? Don’t compare it to such a shallow thing,” Rui answered in a deadpan voice. He was going to kill Tanjirou if he kept talking, she saw in the way he moved the threads on his hands. “We’re family. We’re connected by strong bonds. Besides, this is in between my old sister and me, if you stick your nose into this I’ll cut you into tiny pieces.”

But because it was Tanjirou, he was going to stick his nose into this.

“Allies and family are both tied by strong bonds. The two are valuable things,” Tanjirou replied stubborn as he was. “Even if it’s not a bond tied by blood there’s nothing superficial about it! People that are tied by strong bonds smell of trust. But you two… “ He gave a step back in disgust.” Fear, hate, that’s the only thing I smell! I won’t call something like that a bond! It’s false!”

Rui said nothing as he dedicated Tanjirou that killing look he had dedicated to her before.

“Tanjirou! Shut up and listen!” Ayaka yelled from above, tightening her jaw in spite. He raised his eyes to look at the direction of her voice, finding her bloody and covered in bruises facing down. Her black hair was still down and frizzy. She bet it didn’t smell like wisterias now.

“Aya! Don’t worry I’ll get you out of there!” He screamed in horror at her estate.

She payed him no mind, because there was no way he’d do that.

“Get Nezuko and run away from here! Go and get Inosuke and the others with you!”

“There’s no way I’m leaving you here!”

“Forget about me, damn you! Tanjirou you don’t understand, you have to run from here as fast as possible! You won’t be able to defeat it, it’s a Demon Mo-...!”

Her yelling was cut short as the threads around her tightened as she choked on her own spit, crimsom blood, of a metallic smell and warm and sticky to the touch, spluttered out of her injuries.

“You’re too loud,” Rui said, whose frown hardened once again. “I would prefer if you choked and shut up already, or do you want me to slowly kill your partner in front of you in order for you to shut your mouth? Your family is kilometres away from you, but if what that fool said is true for you, it will be the same thing to torture him.”

Struggling to breath, Ayaka took a deep inhale.

“Don’t you dare… touch them,” she hissed, tightening her hold on the nichirin sword. She could still do it. A last ounce of strength and if she was lucky they’d found her in the morning to get her to a doctor.

The demon girl sobbed in defeat. Tanjirou wasn’t running, why wasn’t he running? Hadn’t he listened to what she said?

Instead, Tanjirou tensed in an attack position, pointing his black blade towards the demon. His heels were firmly stuck to the ground, and on his eyes shined the flaring fire of passion.

Why did they have to partner her up with a boy so lacking in common sense.

“Demons, just what I was looking for.” A voice announced behind them.

From the shadows appeared another demon slayer, and Ayaka could see how selfishness dripped from him, mixed in with ambition and cowardice.

“If they’re gonna be childish demons even I can do it,” he continued. He didn’t notice Ayaka hanging above him, neither how strange it was if the demons were childish for everything around them to be torn apart by the fifth form of Ayaka’s Stone Breathing. Instead, the demon slayer turned to Tanjirou in a brattish smile. “Get back, I want to make sure I get a raise. If I do, I’m gonna get a lot of money, so I’ll just defeat some low level demons and go down the mountain.”

Himejima-shishou was right, those with no purpose or carrying vile intentions didn’t survive in the Demon Slaying Corps.

Without blinking, Rui sent a wave of threads that cut the upper part of the demon slayer’s body into tiny pieces. It was only a second but now the remains of his corpse laid on the floor. Ayaka swallowed, feeling a drop of blood flying up and crashing against her cheek.

“What did you just say?” The demon looked enraged, so different to how she had seen it before.

Ayaka hadn’t managed to piss the demon off, not completely.

Then, victim to Tanjirou’s words, the rage that waved off Rui’s small body made the air tense and threatening.

“What did you say just now?” Rui asked again. And his voice squeezed something in Ayaka’s heart.

If Tanjirou didn’t run along with Nezuko, they were going to die.

Stucking his heels further into the ground, Tanjirou tightened his hold against the handle of his sword.

“I’ll say it time and time again, your bonds are false.”

It was sealed, the three of them would die there.

Rui muttered angrily, like the hissing of a spider preparing its poison to attack.

“I won’t kill you at once.” He played with the many threads on its hands somehow distracted. “I’ll cut you into tiny pieces before I completely destroy you so she can see it and as punishment for your insolence.”

“He isn’t important, I don’t care if he dies!” Ayaka barked bitterly, on her best attempts to turn her voice from weak and tired to arrogant and mighty. She fought against the threads to catch Rui’s attention. “Don’t believe I would care about someone like him, so stupidly naive! You know that, he’s an idiot if he believes he can defeat you! Why should I worry about someone that can’t see death even when it presents itself right in front of him?”

Rui glanced at her by the corner of his eye. Tanjirou swallowed.

“Then you shouldn’t care if he either lives or dies, right? If he takes back what he said, I’ll take him out at once,” Rui offered, not an ounce of interest in its voice.

But there was something else on the way it eyed her in apparent laziness. Avidly watching her every move. He was testing her words, he was trying to discover if Tanjirou was truly important to her.

So despite the pain, despite the hopelessness and the sadness and the rage, Ayaka managed to wear an unbreakable grimace on her face.

She silently prayed to the gods, the ones she knew about and the ones she didn’t, for Tanjirou to take back his words, go back to his senses and gather enough strength on his legs to run away and look for Inosuke, Murata and Zenitsu so the four of them would walk off from that place as fast as possible.

But the gods were cruel, so they abandoned her.

“I won’t take my words back, what I said isn’t wrong, you’re the one who’s wrong!” Tanjirou yelled, as he proceeded to charge at the demon.

Rui accepted the fight with pleasure, throwing threads at him just as he had done with her.

If Tanjirou refused to save his own life then she’d have to do in on his stead. When they got out of there (if they did) Ayaka would make sure to kill him with her own hands.

Her eyes skillfully looked around. From Rui’s hands came out all the threads, the same ones that entrapped her were also used against Tanjirou, just extended to reach further, turning them weaker.

Since Rui didn’t pay attention to Ayaka, unwavering on the belief she wouldn’t be able to escape, the threads binding her turned from a dark red to a clear white, as it continued attacking Tanjirou. The further he came closer to his neck, the weaker the threads around her became.

She could do it, she could cut those threads.

“Water Breathing, First Form: Water Surface Slash.”

“Stone Breathing, First Form: Serpentinite Bipolar”

Ayaka set herself free from her prison at the same time as Tanjirou’s sword got sliced like tofu against one of Rui’s threads.

Both of them lost balance and crashed against the ground, Tanjirou unable to dodge Rui’s threads and Ayaka falling from the threads high above the the trees.

She quickly got up on trembling legs, numb after being unmoving for so long. Blood flowed through them once again, and that brought her relief.

She used all the strength left on them to run to Tanjirou, who was a breath away to be teared apart by Rui's incessant threads.

«Hurry and get to him, you have to run away from here. You can’t stand by as they die.» Those were the words that echoed on her mind time and time again as she saw how dangerously close the threads were to Tanjirou, until they got to him and blood was spilled and flesh was teared apart.

But it wasn’t his blood nor was it his flesh.

Tanjirou yelled her sister’s name as Ayaka finally joined his side and threw them both over her shoulders like Inosuke had done with her a few hours ago. She hurried to go somewhere safe far away from Rui, but her knees collapsed just when she got behind a tree.

Ayaka gasped in exhaustion as she fell, the Kamado siblings crashing against the floor with her.

“You’re a fool, moron, stupid, I seriously hope you don’t have sweet dreams ever again for all the troubles you’re giving me!” Ayaka weakly cursed, leaning on knees as she tried to hit Tanjirou on his back with her fists, but there was not an ounce of energy left to use her true strength. “Why didn’t you run when I told you to? You should have left me behind, now all three of us are going to die unless a Pillar comes before we’re executed.”

And with her complaints finally out of her mind, she leaned exhausted against Tanjirou’s checkered haori, but no words came from his mouth. He smelt like charcoal.

“Is Nezuko okay?” She asked in a whisper, clutching to Tanjirou’s back.

“Her injuries look bad, and her wrist seems to be broken, but it will heal,” Tanjirou answered, lightly turning his head to look at her, fingers grabbing onto the black and green squares.

“I’m sorry,” Ayaka heard him say in a whisper as he continued inspecting Nezuko’s wrist. She frowned. Regret, regret for not being able to protect, would it be oneself or loved ones.

“Stop apologizing,” she ordered, face hardening. “You’re seriously dumb, wallowing on selfloathing and your own powerlessness is no use now. Do something more useful and if you’re so determined, think about a way to defeat that bastard.”

«Whatever happens, don’t look back.»

Tanjirou nodded, she wasn’t sure if he did it to please her or not. Her eyes wouldn’t be able to tell.

Once he secured Nezuko’s injuries, he fixed on Ayaka’s pathetic estate.

Her uniform was completely destroyed. The haori was unrecognizable in what had turned into a rag with a red spider lily visible if it had been lucky enough not to be turned into shreds. The suneates, previously tied to her calves, had loosened up at some point in battle, which she had lost sight of along with her sandals. The only thing to keep her feet away from touching the floor were her socks.

In between the remains of what had once been the lower part of her pants appeared thin lines left by Rui’s threads. Along with her arms, that bled more strongly since the haori had been the only thing protecting them instead of her legs covered by the uniform.

The cuts were bloody and stinged, and Ayaka’s nose scrunched up in disgust at the mere thought of so many sticky blood covering her.

Above all, the biggest change was her hair, that sticked to her face and neck in greasy and sweaty strands.

“Are you okay?” Tanjirou asked in worry, eyes not being able to help but fix on her injuries.

“What does that matter now?” Ayaka bit back, hissing the slightest at the stinging of her injuries. “We must hurry and get away from here as fast as possible, only a pillar can take care of this, we have no chances of winning.”

“It matters a lot, Aya! Am I the only one from the both of us that doesn’t want you to die!?” Tanjirou exclaimed, squeezing her shoulders too tightly.

Ayaka slapped his hands away.

“Don’t touch me,” she hissed, squinting. “It hurts.”

Tanjirou frowned in confusion.

“My injuries,” Ayaka offered as an explanation.

“Ah,” was the only thing he said.

Rui looked at them deep in thought, expression symilar to the one he wore as he read Ayaka’s letter.

“Siblings?” He whispered, pointing a trembling finger at Tanjirou and Nezuko. “Even if his sister is a demon… they’re still together.”

Ayaka waved for the siblings to get back.

«I don’t like this», she thought, tightening her jaw.

The sister, injuries already healed, seemed to get alarmed too.

“R-rui.” Her voice trembled.

Rui continued muttering on delusion. “This genuine bonds, I want them!”

The old sister got up in a hurry, terrified.

“W-wait a minute! Please, wait!” She desperately pleaded. “I’m your old sister! Don’t abandon your old sister!”

“Silence!” Rui ordered, sending towards her another wave of threads that beheaded the sister without a second thought.

Tanjirou backed away in fear as he pushed Nezuko closer to him. He grabbed Ayaka’s wrist as well, squeezing in a sign of terror, like a plead for her to do the same.

For once Ayaka obeyed, giving slowly fearful steps back until she could do nothing but crash against Tanjirou’s chest. His heart was playing the hymn of horror.

“We’re going to die, Tanjirou,” Ayaka whispered into his hear. “He’s gonna cut us in half.”

Rui turned his unnatural eyes to the siblings in a spider gaze.

“Boy,” he called, biting. “Let’s have a talk.”

Chapter Text

Ayaka’s head pulsed with something close to a headache. But there was no time to worry about headaches or the cold that slid on her body without warning, and all of her trembled under Tanjirou’s arm who got her closer to his body as if he didn’t only want to protect Nezuko, but her too.

And for a moment Ayaka allowed herself to lean on his chest, reminding herself it will only be for a minute, enough so for Tanjirou not to notice she was there, trembling and giving herself a break for once. 

She wanted to cry, she would if she had any strength left, maybe Tanjirou wouldn’t care, maybe he wouldn’t care if she cried, if she trembled, about her quirky traits, maybe, she wanted to believe, that Tanjirou liked her, even if just the smallest pinch, the slightest chance because he had no reason to do so. He must have hated her, either way, just like she expected Zenitsu to do as well as her parents and Yuu and Inosuke and Himejima-shishou and Genya. 

But instead, Tanjirou got her closer to him because he distinguished the invisible way her bones trembled and he knew she couldn’t fight anymore, at least not without collapsing out of exhaustion. Now it was his turn to wield the sword and finish the demon off, he was an older brother, he knew his responsibilities, always had. 

“Your bonds have touched me. I have no words to describe this feeling, such a strong bond between siblings,” the demon started, getting a hand to his chest. “But I have to kill you, you messed with my family. However, there’s a way to avoid this. Give me your little sister, if you hand her over without trouble I’ll forgive your life, and if you care, the girl’s too, although I can kill her if she bothers you. She’s the loud type, it would be best to get rid of her.” 

Tanjirou backed away dragging along with him Nezuko and Aya, that strangely didn’t squirm against his touch. From the demon came a sour and sharp smell, he had to be careful. 

“I don’t understand what you mean, hand Nezuko over?” He asked cautiously, softly squeezing his sister’s shoulder. 

“Tanjirou, it’s lying, it wants to trick you, you’re gonna get killed the moment you hand Nezuko over,” Ayaka muttered under his shoulder. She sounded the most fearful Tanjirou had ever heard her, voice weak and low not because she wanted to whisper, but because she had truly been crashed. “You have to run away, get Nezuko out of here. You can’t win against the demon.” 

Tanjirou didn’t like the way she said it, there’s no bitterness or fury and that only meant there was something wrong, more than it usually was. Hopelessness swimmed on her eyes, a dark brown puddle that reminded Tanjirou of Tomioka’s eyes, but his eyes were blue, like an abyss in the middle of the ocean, while Ayaka’s were a hole with no end. 

Tanjirou feared Ayaka wished to die, that she planned on doing so the moment he and Nezuko disappeared from her sight and even then burnt herself to the ground to end up being slashed into tiny pieces because she had no reason left for breathing that wasn’t killing demons. 

“You have to run away.” He didn’t want to think about the way there was no “we” in that sentence. 

«And what about you?», he wondered, eyes fixed on the demon because he felt if he looked away he’d kill them one way or another, just like Aya warned. 

“You can’t win against the demon.” Did she think she could? That she’d be able to defeat the demon as he comfortably ran away to a safe place?  He had enough blood spilled over the walls and the floor as he safely slept on someone else’s house, he wouldn’t let that happen again, not if he could do something about it. 

He wouldn’t be able to see anyone else die, he wouldn’t be able to see Aya die knowing she would leave this world as he did nothing about it. 

«Are you planning on dying?», he wonders, looking over at Aya for a second. 

Maybe she was full of herself, selfish, petty and many more things he didn’t have time to list that night. He knew, he knew that better than anyone, but he didn’t find an ounce of hate for her in his body, not enough to abandon her with how lost she looked, with the way she held onto him without noticing. 

There were a lot of bad things to her, he could leave her alone, but he didn’t want to. He prefered to smell the sweet kindness that naturally waves off her when she was too distracted to constantly be tough and smell like anger. He liked it when she smelled like that.

“I’ll cut his neck off, I won’t let him harm neither you nor Nezuko,” Tanjirou whispered just for her to hear, because he had a hunch that the possibility of someone else listening as he tried to make her feel safe would annoy her. 

“I guess you have taken quite a liking to her,” the demon pointed. “But I don’t care about non-blooded bonds. When you hand your sister over she’ll be mine instead and that’s what I care about, I don’t want a little girlfriend.”

Tanjirou felt something pulsing on his body, fury, maybe, and he had the instinct of standing up. He would have if not for Aya’s hold, that pulled him back down so he didn’t give in to foolishness. Even so, Tanjirou managed to take a step in his direction. 

“Things don’t work like that!” He yelled, the more agitated Aya had seen him ever since Inosuke’s fight. She pulled on his sleeve, pleading in a hurry for him to shut up, that he was making everything worse, but Tanjirou didn’t care as he continued yelling because the way the demon walked over his so called family infuriated him. “Nezuko isn’t an object! She has her own feelings, she won’t be your little sister!”

The demon dedicated a harsh look at him, close to coldness. Aya flinched, and with a tug made Tanjirou go back to her side.

“You’re going to get us killed, stop it. The only thing you have to focus on right now is in surviving,” she said. Her voice grazed fear, giving cautious glances at the demon as she talked. 

Rui hissed in irritation and both of them turned around to look at him. 

“My bonds of fear are stronger than yours.” He distractedly played with the threads on his hands. “I’ll show you what they’re capable of.” 

Tanjirou threw Nezuko’s box to the side, firmly holding onto what was left of his sword. 

He was angry, very angry, she’d dare say enraged. Ayaka noticed in the way he moved, he wasn’t the usual Tanjirou she found, it was that presence again, the one she saw when mentioning Muzan Kibutsuji what felt like an eternity ago. 

“Poisoning your family with fear isn’t a bond!” He yelled, as he walked to the centre of the glare. He wanted to fight against Rui, he was seriously gonna do it. “I won’t hand over Nezuko! If you don’t fix those basic concepts you’ll never be able to get what you want! Families aren’t tied by fear!” 

He suddenly felt a tug that stopped him, and Tanjirou found Aya’s gaze as she clutched to his sleeve, even if her legs were trembling she managed to get to him before he could make a mistake.

“Don’t be a fool, you can still run away.” Her eyes got close to what looked like desperation, she was nearly pleading on her knees. “I’ll behead Rui, I can still do it, it’s something I should have done from the start, but you have to go.” Tanjirou looked at her, eyebrows fixing together in a frown, and Ayaka’s hold became slightly weaker. “You won’t run away, right? No matter how much I ask you to.”

He had proven that time and time again, Tanjirou wasn’t gonna leave and she would have to get used to the idea even if she liked it or not. 

Letting out a dry laugh, a thin veil of bitterness, Aya got up, finally giving up.

“You’re so stubborn, it’s worse than dealing with Inosuke and Zenitsu,” she muttered as she joined his side, grabbing her sword’s handle. “Just this once, but we’ll do it my way. Don’t expect me to hold your hand.” 

Tanjirou smiled, recognizing the traces of her he had become so familiar with. She sounded tired, deeply sighing in between breaths, but the well known tone turned the situation in one of trust, not absolute, but enough so to offer comfort. 

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting that.”.

Rui clicked his tongue and that made the both of them fix their eyes on him. 

“How irritating, you are so loud,” he complained, bringing a hand up to his forehead as if trying to muffle their voices. “Get your genuine bonds and your intimacy somewhere else and give me your sister already.” 

He could feel how Aya leaned on his back, ready to fight side by side with him. Tanjirou knew that ultimately she had accepted him, not completely, but at least a bit and that’s enough for now. At least Aya had someone to lean on. Tanjirou hoped she knew she could lean on him, even if he hadn’t said it. 

“We won’t let you take Nezuko,” Aya said in a way that reminded Tanjirou of a ghost, sharp and deadly, threat under her voice as she looked with big unearthly eyes at Rui. 

“You’re so insistent, your efforts have been in vain and yet you throw hollow promises around even knowing how you ended up, why do you believe you’ll kill me now?” Rui asked, only pasty boredom on his attitude. Tanjirou can feel how Aya’s shoulders trembled, not in fear, but because of the few energy she had left. Tanjirou knew that, he would have to work harder to cover for what she wouldn’t be able to do. “Whatever you say doesn’t matter, if you don’t step aside I’ll kill you and take the demon myself.” 

“We’ll cut your head off first,” Tanjirou said, knowing the weight those words carried. 

“Do you also have the habit of spluttering out nonsense? You sure must be powerful to say something like that.” Rui brushed his hair from his face just like he had done to show Ayaka the mark on his eye, the shining number five appearing on his pupil, laughing like a mad lad. “Come at me if you dare. You won’t be able to defeat one of the Twelve Demon Moons.” 

Tanjirou clenched his jaw. He knew he wasn’t strong enough to defeat a Demon Moon and suddenly he understood how Aya had ended up like that, beaten to a bloody pulp with any kind of light on her eyes turned into smoke, she had ended up hopeless, whatever it was that demon could do, he was powerful enough to do that to a tsuguko. And Tanjirou wasn’t a tsuguko, he wished he was but he wasn’t, he wasn’t like Aya, ruthless and powerful and determined, he was still weak, but that had never stopped him before and it wouldn’t stop him now. If he couldn’t win with pure strength he’d do it headbutt after headbutt in stubbornness until he did it. He hadn’t inherited that thick headed forehead from her mother for nothing. Ayaka’s hand, holding his wrist, made him go back to reality. 

Tanjirou’s body pulsed with too many feelings at once. Pulsed, pulsed, pulsed like an enraged bee.

“Calm down,” Aya whispered into his ear and that act alone felt so intimate it sent freezing shivers down his back. For a moment he believed it to be the voice of his conscience, guiding him in battle, but he realized he had been confusing Aya’s voice with his conscience for quite a while, so there was no difference at all. “I know it seems hard, but I have something on mind. I need you to get closer to its neck, can you do that, Tanjirou Kamado?” 

Tanjirou nodded and Aya whispered her plan into his ear.. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Where is the other girl? Did she abandon you? I guess she isn’t as dumb as I thought she was,” Rui mutters. “You should follow her example if you know what’s best for you.” 

Tanjirou couldn’t answer that because he didn’t know where Aya was either, she vanished in between the trees as soon as she had the opportunity, taking advantage of the darkness of twilight before the Sun fully rose over the horizon. 

He wanted to believe Aya hadn’t left him there, she had looked so confident when comforting him to trust her judgement, but even he started to have doubts. 

Nezuko hung limp somehow in a symilar way to how Tanjirou had found Aya, because he was careless and allowed Rui to get his claws on his sister. He tried not to look at how Nezuko’s blood flows through the threads. She was injured and it was his fault. Maybe the demon was partly to blame, but most of it fell on Tanjirou’s shoulders who couldn’t keep his sister away from danger like the older brother he was, just like the rest of his family. 

«You can’t focus on that now, wallowing on your misery and guilt doesn’t help anyone. Do something more useful, become stronger and don’t mourn», the voice of his conscience as Aya whispered, soft, softer than he had ever heard her and he swore he felt her whispering on his ear, grazing his chin with her fingers and wrapping a hand around his torso. 

«You can do it, Tanjirou Kamado», she said once again. He felt if she was really a person, if she had really been Aya, she would be smiling. «Make one last effort, look for a way. You’re intelligent, don’t let that sharpness go to waste.»

He obeyed her, even if his sword was broken and there was no reason why he should have. 

“Water Breathing, Tenth Form: Constant Flux.”

Through the increase in rotations, from one side to the other, his sword gains strength. 

One  rotation, two rotations, imitating a dragon that flies through the air, the course of a river kissing down the back of a mountain. 

And he accomplished it, at the fourth rotation, he cut in half one of Rui’s threads, fading away under the strength of his sword with a click. 

He was two steps away from Rui now. If he managed to shorten the distance, if he managed to get closer. 

«I could win», Tanjirou thought. And he allowed himself to feel excited about it for a moment. 

By the corner of his eye Tanjirou saw a black shadow and he believed to see the deep brown of Aya’s eyes along with her characteristic green tips that are only seen when her hair is down, free from the red ribbon she usually wore. 

It disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Tanjirou found himself looking at the trees again, wondering if it had been an illusion. 

“Do you think those are the strongest my threads can be?” Rui asked with something on his voice close to amusement. From his hands came the crimson of blood, that stained his white skin and followed on its way to his threads. 

They had changed, Tanjirou could smell it. He wasn’t able to cut off those that hovered around him like a wall he couldn’t overcome. Just like the difference in power between them. 

“Blood Demon Art: Cutting Thread Cage.”

“That’s enough. Goodbye,” Rui said with a last wrist flick. 

He was going to die.

«I’m going to... die?», Tanjirou wondered. 

His life flew over his eyes. 

Overall, Tanjirou saw a lot of people. 

First he saw Nezuko, it was the biggest face and the one he remembered the most. Then, all at the same time, Zenitsu, Inosuke and Aya appeared. He saw a lot more, Urokodaki-san, Tamayo and Yushiro, Sabito and Makomo. He saw Tomioka-san too, Aya’s family flew in a blur, but that didn’t mean it was less comforting. The moment Haganezuka gave him his sword, all that people he saved and that still felt too little. 

He finally reached his childhood and he got to see the faces of the family he missed so much. Rokuta, Takeo, Shigeru and Hanako, all of them gave him shining smiles and called him onii-chan, he was happy he had been able to give them the best of him every single day to protect their happiness. The face of his mother is the one that comforted him the most, that appeared warm in a cloud of smoke. 

The exhausted expression of his father manifested before his eyes next. He was on his death bed, but that didn’t make it any worse. He didn't care if his father appeared before him dying and with purple eyebags, he wouldn’t care if he appeared as a blistering fireball and burnt his eyes as if he was witnessing the true form of a god, the only thing that mattered was that he was there. 

«Tanjirou. Breath. Control your breathing. And you’ll turn into the fire god», he said with a calm smile.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The water dragon turns into one of fire, alive and sparkling craving to devour. To devour Rui, to devour everything that got on his way. 

“Dance of the fire god: Vals”

Ayaka witnessed how everything around Tanjirou turned into fire, the one that Ayaka had thought to see when she met him. It’s everywhere circling around, and it really looks like it’s dancing along with Tanjirou and his sword.  

The fire of the passion on his heart manifested in large quantities that burn and throb and destroy everything on their way, including Rui’s threads. 

«It’s beautiful». Ayaka couldn’t help the thought from slipping on her mind. «Tanjirou is beautiful.»

If the warmth of the fire didn’t dry her eyes tears would be running down the sides of her face, burning as rivers made out of lava just like Tanjirou’s fire did. 

Maybe the gods abandoned her, but the three of them had let their power fall on the mountain that night, and she was grateful. 

They hadn’t made her pleads true but they had answered her prayers for once, sending their strength to the land of mortals, because there was no way that could happen, that Tanjirou could be so beautiful, that something on this world could be so beautiful.

Wasting her time wasn’t an option, she had left Tanjirou on his own for too long. 

“I won’t be of much help like this, we both know that, but if you’re able to get close to its neck, it will focus solely on you and I’ll be able to sneak off behind its back without it noticing,” Ayaka explained. Tanjirou gave her a hesitant look. 

“What do you want to do?” He pressed his lips together. 

Ayaka smiles in mischievousness. 

“I’ll cut off its arms. I’ll try something new, if it works it could be a great help,” she answers without an inch of regret. “When I manage to cut off its arms, Rui won’t be able to use his threads until they heal, so we’ll be able to cut off his neck without worrying about those damn threads.” 

Tanjirou looked at her weird, Ayaka gave him a mischievous smile ignoring the way her bones creaked. 

“Let’s go, partner,” she said, as arrogant as always. “Are you not up to the task?”

But it was Tanjirou the one that feared she wasn’t up to the task, she recognized the feelings on his eyes, she was used to everyone looking at her like that anyway. But she wouldn’t back down, she had never done so before, she wasn’t gonna start now. After all, there was still one last thing she learned from Himejima-shishou. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“What... is this?” Ayaka muttered by Genya’s side. 

“Hell,” he answered.

It might as well have been, because she didn’t know how they’d come out alive from there. 

Flames licked Himejima-shishou’s calves as he repeated his prayers (the ones that his disciple had probably already memorized by now). He had on his shoulders three logs, and tied to them were many rocks that could have been twice Himejima-shishou’s weight. And that was a lot, because Himejima-shishou was huge. 

However Himejima-shishou stayed still under such great weight, praying “Namu amida butsu, namu amida butsu” without minding the flames.The smell of burnt hair was starting to appear and it was the one coming from his naked legs. 

“Isn’t the fire a bit over the top?” Genya asked in something close to fear. 

It had been a calm morning, Himejima-shishou had come back from his missions earlier than usual and had dragged Genya and Ayaka out of their futons, even when the Sun still didn’t rise over the horizon. 

Himejima-shishou’s determination had been so strong that, if they hadn’t insisted beforehand, he would have dragged his disciples to training without having a mere cup of tea. 

At least he had left them time to eat, because they might have as well starved to death that morning. 

“I don’t see why, facing the unbearable flames will make your minds stronger,” Himejima-shishou explained, whose voice didn’t waver as he continued putting up with that weight along with the overwhelming warmth of the flames. “You have enough endurance to survive the strength of the waterfall, you’ll be able to continue on with the next trial. Train your limbs. If you clean your minds, you won’t have to worry about the fire.” 

It was true they had managed to put up with the drumming pressure of the waterfall on their shoulders. Although the  first time Genya nearly drowned and since then they entered a cycle of reviving one another after losing consciousness. 

“You have to open up your legs and imitate shishou’s pose,” Ayaka advised Genya one afternoon. They had been eating watermelon after a training session in the waterfall, Genya lost consciousness seven times, as Ayaka only fainted twice. “The trick is to lean on your weight on your legs, that are strongest than your arms, since they are used to carrying the whole body all the time.” 

Genya seemed to listen to her, because fastly the time between revival and revival became longer until the point of neither of them fainting. Even so, they didn’t expect for the next thing to be… carry twice their weight in the middle of a bonfire. 

Both of them knew about Himejima-shishou’s three step training, the first one being the waterfall. Ayaka sometimes trained for the third, to move a boulder to the village down the mountain and back. But they hadn’t expected the second one to be like this, even if it aligned with Himejima-shishou’s kind of training. 

Ayaka could still reminisce about the first time she was victim to her master’s teaching. Back then Genya wasn’t still with them and just like him, she also fainted, being dragged by the river to the village down the mountain. 

There was no one to take her out of the water, Himejima-shishou wasn’t gonna do it, either. So they found her facing down, being lucky enough that one of the villagers saw her soon enough to get the water out of her lungs and get her back to life in a whim. Thinking about it still made her shiver.

Himejima-shishou ended his prayers and left all the weight he was carrying to the side. Then he came out of the fire like it was nothing walking off towards his disciples, with the ever present stench of the burnt hair on his legs that was, at the very least, really unpleasant.  

“It's your turn now,” he sentenced, clasping his hands together as his beads necklace rattled around him.

Genya and Ayaka exchanged a nervous look, lips tightening and faces hardening.

“Uh... are you sure we’ll be able to stand that much weight, Himejima-shishou?” The first one to talk was Ayaka, hesitation on her attitude as her foot anxiously started to draw a circle on the floor, eyeing the huge logs and the rock that had been on Himejima-shishou’s shoulders a moment before. 

If she tried to carry that much weight she’d be crushed. No doubt about it, smashed with how small she was in contrast to Himejima-shishou. 

“Of course not,” their master answered. Ayaka and Genya smiled in relief, tension melting away from their bodies until Himejima-shishou pointed at two logs a few meters away from them. “Each one of you will take a log from there, if you improve you’ll be able to carry three logs. When you reach that level of skill, you’ll go to the last step.” 

Ayaka couldn’t help but squeak, slightly trembling at the thought.

Every log could easily be three Genyas, Genya who was beefy and tall, more than her. Ayaka was sure she couldn’t carry three Genyas, least of all nine if Himejima-shishou really insisted on carrying three logs. 

But if Ayaka wanted to end her training and get to the last step, she would have to do it, right? So she would, Himejima-shishou must have been weak like her at some point, she just had to follow his example. 

If Himejima-shishou trusted Ayaka would be able to carry three logs, then one would be nothing.  

When Ayaka ended up feeling all the muscles in her body scream, pushing down the urges to vomit and get out her brief breakfast, she realized she was terribly, terribly wrong. 

Luck was on her side, Himejima-shishou gave in and put off the fire, and she didn’t want to imagine the pain that the burns she would surely have by now would bring her, if it had been like how her master planned from the start.

From the floor, eyes half closed and goosebumps all over her body, Ayaka looked at Genya, who was still on his feet, muttering something under his breath she couldn’t hear. Although with his face painted of a bright red, he was in a better estate than her, and he didn’t only have one log on his shoulders, but two.

That couldn’t be, Ayaka had been months training under Himejima-shishou and if she couldn’t do it Genya shouldn’t be able to either. 

If Genya was already catching up to her, then how much would it take for him to surpass her? Or even worse, how many distance was there really between them? 

Genya wasn’t even capable of using breaths, then what did that turn her into? In an useless Stone Breathing user?  

It didn’t take much time for Genya to collapse too. He ended his muttering, falling by Ayaka’s side, who did nothing but look up at the sky, trying to recompose and try once again, but no matter how much she tried she couldn’t move.

“I don’t understand! What kind of lesson is he trying to give us by making us carry lodges on our backs!? I hate this!” Aya complained out loud, tugging at her bun and taking out stray strands of hair in frustration. 

“Lesson? You have Himejima-shishou too up on a pedestal if you think he’s trying to give us any lesson,” Genya answered. His voice was hoarse so he cleared his throat. 

Ayaka took out a water bottle from one of the many pockets on her haori that she brought for situations like that (he was lucky she took an extra because she knew Genya would forget his, but he didn’t need to know that). With the few strength she had left she managed to lean on her arm as she closely looked at Genya, confusion written all over her face. 

“What do you mean? If he makes us do this it will be for a reason, I’m sure there must have been some secret lesson on his steps we have to figure out by ourselves, some saying like be as persistent as a waterfall or something equally wise. If not, he would have never left me to drown that one time,” Ayaka explained in raised eyebrows. Genya drank as he dodged her avid eyes, Ayaka insisted. “Himejima-shishou would have never left me to drown, right, Genya?” 

Ayaka was sure by then the bottle must have been empty, but Genya payed it no mind as he continued acting like he was still drinking water, looking everywhere that wasn’t Ayaka’s squinting eyes. 

Once Genya took his lips off the bottle, he could do nothing but reply. He raised his arms to cover his body in anticipation: 

“Himejima-shishou sucks at teaching.”

Ayaka lifted her small fists as she started to lightly tap him, since it was the only thing she could do with such little strength left. 

“Take that back! Himejima-shishou is an amazing teacher!” She yelled time and time again. Her fists moved blindly in a tantrum, they barely hurt Genya as they crashed against his beefy arms, bouncing off them like pokes. “He’s teaching me a lot of things! All the time he’s spent on me isn’t lost! Don’t you dare say mean things about him!”

Although Himejima-shishou wasn’t there and there’s no way he could hear what Genya said about him, Ayaka felt the passionate obligation to defend him from every insult or bad thing thrown at his name, as such, she continued to blindlessly hit Genya with what weren’t even light claps.

“Take it back! Himejima-shishou is the best master there is! Because he’s my master and he sees potential in me! Take back every mean thing you’ve ever said or thought about him! He doesn’t deserve for you to stain his name this way!” She didn’t stop her hits until Genya had no other option but to apologize and promise he wouldn’t say anything else that could stain Himejima-shishou’s image. 

It’s not that Ayaka’s hits in such a state hurt him, but when five minutes passed and he was restlessly having to put up with them, it was quite annoying. 

He sighed.

“Okay, Himejima-shishou doesn’t suck at teaching, but he isn’t conventional either,” Genya stared, receiving a somehow mocking mutter under her breath from her. “His method is one of watch and learn. If you aren’t able to look closely and successfully follow his example then it’s not use. I thought you already knew that.” 

Ayaka’s eyebrow raised in uncertainty. 

“How was I supposed to know that? I just try to pass his trials as best as I can. Sometimes I try to imitate him but that’s not the only thing I do.” Shrugging Ayaka allowed herself to fall to the floor, looking up at the pastel colours that rose over the sky along with sunrise. 

Sweet, sweet sunrise. 

Genya raised his eyebrows in muffled surprise and he turned to Ayaka with eyes as wide open as an owl’s in the middle of the night.  

“Wait, so you’re telling me you managed to pass the waterfall trial through pure brute strength and you didn’t use Repeating Actions?” He asked, not even believing it himself.

“Huh? Repeating Actions? What’s that?” Ayaka blinked. 

Genya’s hands went up to his face, where he muttered muffled complaints about how stupid she was and how he couldn’t believe it. 

“Repeating Actions, you empty headed midget! The set of predetermined movements Himejima-shishou does in order to maximize his concentration!” He yelled, hitting Ayaka’s nape with his knuckles. 

“Himejima-shishou does that? I thought you meant imitating his poses, like with the waterfall.” Ayaka rubbed at the place Genya hit her.  

“The prayers,” he finally mutters, and Ayaka’s face lightened up. 

“Ah, I never thought there was something weird about them! After all I also know my fair share of prayers, “she explains, pride on something as simple as knowledge of religious chants. “That’s why you kept muttering on the waterfall, right? And before, too.” 

Genya sighed once again, allowing his muscles to relax.

“For someone that takes pride on her eyes, you can’t see anything.” A hand flew up to cover his face, too exhausted to let the sun rays burn his pupils. 

“Oh, shut up I don’t want to hear it coming from you.” She lightly tapped his shoulder in what had been at first a slap. “Say, what were those Repeating Actions again? You haven’t even explained them to me.” 

Ayaka finally managed to get up, making sure to avoid the vomit puddle that wasn’t too far away from where she rested. 

She brushed the dust off her clothes and turned around to Genya, who was still on the ground. He looked at her as if she was crazy. 

“You aren’t thinking about continuing, right?” He asked, merely raising his head from the floor to look at Ayaka who put the tree trunk on her shoulders paying him no mind. “You’re gonna die at this rate.” 

Ayaka shrugged as best as she could. 

“Damn you, wait at least so I can explain how Repeating Actions work,” Genya asked and that made Ayaka turn around to him.

“You don’t have to, that’s something you’ve learned by yourself. There’s no value in it if I don’t discover it myself, that would be like cheating so I prefer to do it my way,” she answered, clicking her tongue. “I already achieved the first step, I’ll be okay.”

Genya’s feet made him get up and he grabbed the tree trunk from Ayaka’s shoulder in an attempt to stop her. 

“You advised me on the waterfall. That’s not cheating, it’s accepting help, you goddamn pipsqueak,” Genya bit back in between strangled growls, barely being able to carry the tree trunk by himself. 

Ayaka’s eyes heavily rolled to the side, getting from under the tree trunk Genya held finally allowing him to let go of it without the threat of crashing her if it slipped from his hands. 

“Okay, teach me then.” Ayaka crossed her arms over her chest.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«To use Repeating Actions it’s not enough to just do a series of predetermined movements. You must remember the memories that bring you more anger and pain. That will make your heart rate and temperature go up, keeping total concentration as you increase your strength and agility.»

That was what Genya had said, but no matter how hard she tried it didn’t work. 

Day after day, she wasn’t able to repeat the directions Genya gave her, which were the only ones she got. Himejima-shishou’s advice didn’t help either. 

It was useless, her mind was completely blank. 

«The memories that bring me more anger and pain», Ayaka hesitated. 

“Again. I have to try again,” she muttered to herself, closing her eyes. 

She held onto the harsh surface of the boulder, her hands were freezing so it took no time for them to get cut and for her palm to be ripped. 

A pained hiss came out from her throat but she didn’t let go of the boulder. 

«Think, think about something», she encouraged herself. Yuu came to her like a ghost appearing before her to visit her in the middle of the night. 

She harshly pushed him away from her mind.

His visit wasn’t welcomed.

«No, don’t think about that. I don’t want to think about that. Think about something else», she tried again, pushing her fingers harder against the boulder but it was no use as the rock stayed in the same place.  

She didn’t know why but the face of her parents came up to her, blurry on the sides as they started to fade away from her memory. 

«But they don’t bring me any rage or pain », Ayaka told herself, pushing them away too. «They’re cowards, I don’t care about them. I gave them up long ago, it would be no use to remember them now.»

Then came her grandmother’s face blurry at the sides just like her parents. However on her face there was a frown, pointing at Ayaka with her fan, and she knew her grandmother was gonna hit her.

Her, too, was erased from her sight. 

«Selfish annoying hag. If there’s a feeling she brings me is hate.» She unknowingly tightened her jaw. 

The boulder was still on the same place. 

An endless amount of faces passed over her mind. 

The villagers, all of them, from the lumberjack to the most insignificant farmers. Faces, faces and more faces passed, they were all different and she recognized them all. 

Nanami and Yumiko, that held each other’s hand and whispered in between chuckles. “Aya-san, Aya-san, who do you think you are, running around believing to be someone?” Ryu didn’t look at her as he preferred to avoid her at all costs, she was already used to it. 

Yuu appeared once again, not like a ghost that visited her, but that tormented her with a cruel smile. 

“Have you seen Ayaka? She’s seriously so dumb, she doesn’t take a clue. No one will marry her with that pale face of hers. She looks like a corpse, although she’s close to being one.”

All those that looked down on her, on both her and her parents, flew before her eyes. 

“Kaori Iwamoto, she’s so huge she looks like a man, a bear would fit her best as husband, at least it would be her size instead of that scrawny man of hers.”

“Makoto Iwamoto, yes, that guy is so nice he’s stupid, you can ask anything out of him and he’ll do it, no matter what it is. He seriously doesn’t have an ounce of common sense, he doesn’t see everyone walks all over him wherever he goes.”

“On its entirety, that family is made out of fools, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they appeared dead one day because they starved just to give all the food they had to someone else.”

«No, don’t think about that! I don’t want to think about that! Forget about it!»

All that time she spent on bed, her own weakness, the pitiful glances sent her way ever since she was a child, Yuu. 

Yuu, Yuu, Yuu.

Yuu, that stabbed her on the back and abandoned her without a reason. Yuu, that threw her by the side of the road like one left a broken toy. 

Was she something broken? Was that why he didn’t love her, because she was broken? Because she was useless? 

Frail hands white as marble, protected for so long like lilies of the valley in a garden, had no use. 

“It’s your humanity what I like about you, your vulnerability.” That was what Takeshi had said, and his words repeated on her mind now, along with the sight of his face that changed in between his human and his demonic appearance in a twirl that never stopped as it went from one side to the other without being able to establish itself as one form alone.

«Stay away! Stay away all of you! I don’t want to think about any of you! I hate you! I hate you al! Disappear from my sight!»

And they obeyed her, and when there was nothing else to think about, Ayaka found herself facing an empty void. 

“This is stupid, I can’t use such a silly method,” she sentenced once she faced Himejima-shishou again. 

«It’s useless. Maybe it doesn’t work with me. There’s no other explanation.»

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«But I have to use it now, it’s my last resource.»

She was dangerously close to Rui as Tanjirou went right  didn’t dare think about anything. 

towards his head. If Ayaka got to cut off its arms… She wouldn’t be able to cut off Rui’s arm with her current strength, not with the way her own arms trembled. Just by getting more strength, even if just a pinch, and they would do it, they would survive a Demon Moon. 

“Namu amida butsu,” Ayaka prayed under her breath. But that wasn’t enough, she knew that but she

She opened her eyes for a second. Tanjirou was face to face with Rui, Nezuko hanging high above them on the threads and her blood flowed through them. She didn’t have the privilege to hesitate. 

«To Hell with it!», she bitterly thought. And for once she dared to think about her parents. 

She doesn’t allow herself to think about nothing else in fear of all her other thoughts crashing into her mind and flooding her completely. 

«Mom and dad, they aren’t cowards.» Her body moves by itself on Rui’s direction, from the corner she had been hiding in awaiting the moment Tanjirou got closer to its neck. She didn’t need to open her eyes to see, she knew where her sword needed to be guided.

Her heart pulsed. Just like Genya described, she felt hot. 

“Pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum-pum”

It’s the sound of her own heart, that pumped with the strength of a charcoal fed machine on her chest.

«Mom and dad, they’re braver than me», she continued without looking for it, without wanting it without desiring it. She’s too focused to stop now. Either way if she did she’d lose her concentration and she wouldn’t cut off Rui’s arms. She didn’t have the luxury to stop. «They are not weak, I am. I abandoned them just like Yuu did with me, but no matter how much everyone walks over them, they never stop smiling.»

«That’s worthy of admiration, Tanjirou, not something as pathetic as keeping oneself clean». Her mind interrupted her for the last time, and Ayaka opened her eyes. 

She didn’t need to think more, along with Tanjirou, Ayaka’s sword flew right under his. It made an arc in a “u” form, slicing Rui’s right arm and then its left arm. It appeared as if both arms stayed still on the air as they fell with her, who collapsed and fell against the tender earth.

«Damn Himejima-shishou and damn Genya, with their Repeating Actions», she thought in a sigh, but she was grateful, she really was.

If she had been more on her senses she would have noticed the tears that ran through her cheeks. 

She turned around to look at Tanjirou, who was also on the floor not too far away from her.

“Tanjirou.” She hoarsely managed to say his name, like the howl of an agonizing animal.  

She believed to hear him say her name “Aya” but there was no way to confirm it. 

She wasn’t able to stop her lids, which fell heavily closing her eyes and wrapping her up in the unknown. 

She didn’t know what she would dream about that time, but she could swear that at some point on her brief dream appeared a headless figure rising from the dead. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

“You can still save your bonds, don’t end up like me, you stupid girl.”

Ayaka’s eyebrows furrowed uncomfortably. Something… There was something poking her cheek, what was it? It was hard to discern what was happening, she could feel the touch of the humid earth under her palms and the biting cold of twilight against her cheek. The fresh air that filled her lungs confirmed her that she was, indeed, still breathing, but she couldn’t think about anything else. The sweetness of dreaming and rest was too alluring to let go of, she lacked willpower to get up without reason, she didn’t have any reason, did she? 

A name came to her mind. Nezuko. Who was that and why did she think about her, bursting into her dream? Even so, her mind continued. 

Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko. Pink ribbons, crushing hugs. Nezuko was in danger, right? She loved Nezuko, and she loved Tanjirou. Tanjirou, right, the smell of charcoal and burning eyes. Tints about the events of that night threw themselves at her and made her remember like rabid dogs. They buried their fangs strongly on her flesh and with every bite and raging chomp Ayaka regained consciousness. 

A Lower Moon. Tanjirou surrounded by flames, Rui’s head falling to the floor and Ayaka with him. And Nezuko… she had been hanging from Rui’s threads, but they broke with her fire, Nezuko’s fire, a strange magenta colour that made it clear it wasn’t any ordinary fire.

Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko, Nezuko.

Her senses came back, and what had appeared like a far away touch on her cheek turned into insistent pokes. 

“Nezuko,” she muttered, without being sure about why she was saying a demon’s name. 

The first thing she saw when she woke up were a pair of eyes of a blue deeper than any lake or sea she had ever seen. 

The person to whom they belonged, however, wasn’t to her liking. 

“Kid,” called the kneeling man in front of her.

He was young, no more than twenty five year olds that was for sure. Spiky hair that ended in a blue the same tone like his eyes. First thing Ayaka’s eyes ran to was his nichirin sword by his waist, the second one, his demon slayer uniform, the last one, his empty eyes. 

«You’ve been abandoned too», she thought without hesitating, squinting for a moment and then letting out a long sigh. «You seem so lonely, is that how I look to other people?»

“Kid,” the man called once again, as if he believed her silence was a lack of attention. He stayed poking her cheek. 

“Stop poking me, please, I’m awake,” Ayaka asked with a frown. She vaguely slapped his hand away from her face, and he stayed looking at her without paying no mind to it. 

«This guy is clueless», she thought in an estranged grimace.

“Is this yours?”, he asked, raising his hand to show her gray sword. 

He had meant the sword, but his gaze, pointed at two bodies nearby, showed it wasn’t the only thing he thought hers. 

“Tanjirou.” Ayaka exhaled his name in a sigh a moment before running towards him, but she was suddenly stopped by the unknown man, who grabbed her by the nape of her neck like one would grab a cat. 

What kind of person was he to do something like that? However, he got to keep Ayaka still, although her eyes stayed fixed on the pair of siblings, who laid on the floor as if they were trash. 

“Don’t be so careless, you will only make your wounds worse,” the man warned, who still held her sword on the other hand. “You fought against a Lower Moon, take a break, you deserve it for putting up with it until a pillar arrived. The boy did a good job too, be grateful for being so lucky.” 

Ayaka finally relaxed on the hold of the stranger, turning her head around to look at him a second time. The deep oceans he had for eyes looked back.

“A Pillar…” she muttered nearly not believing it, recognition shining on her eyes. “You are… Giyuu Tomioka, the Water Pillar.”

“I wasn’t talking about me,” he said, close to sounding tired.

Ayaka retorted still with her feet on the air. 

“But we… we took down the Lower Moon, Tanjirou cut off his head, I remember that right, what are you doing here?” she asked, confused. 

“When I arrived the demon was still alive, and your friend there was going to die, so I doubt what you’re saying is true,” Tomioka replied still in the same blank expression he had been wearing all that time. 

«Is he calling me a liar?», Ayaka thought, feeling how her eyebrow twitched slightly on its own. 

Rui’s corpse had been right there, his head close to where Ayaka had collapsed, fading away in ashes. But the corpse wasn’t.

Ayaka’s eyes wandered in alarm over the forest, finding it walking in an erratic pace. It wanted to reach Tanjirou and Nezuko. 

“Can you walk?” Tomioka asked. His grip was tight on Ayaka’s collar, as if expecting her to collapse if he set her on the floor. 

She ignored him. Easily making him let her go with an unexpected tug, she fought against the pain and pulsing numbness on her legs to reach the siblings before the walking corpse of Rui could. 

“I guess that’s a yes,” she heard Tomioka say behind her as she stumbled against her own two feet. 

On a whim she placed herself in front of Tanjirou and Nezuko. You couldn’t let your guard down with beings like demons until they disappeared completely, they clutched to life and many demon slayers  were gravely hurt by demons in their last moments on the land of the living. Although difficult to believe, many inexperienced  or lacking demon slayers died that way, a slash to the throat, a blade to the chest, it was easy to end a human’s life.  

With every hair on her body still, Ayaka swallowed to calm the trembling of her lips as she looked at Rui’s body, slowly walking towards them. In a clumsy step, or maybe because most of it was dust already, it fell on its path and stayed there, barely a centimetre away from touching her with his claws. Without strength to walk or get up, half his body left and in silence, Rui went back to nothingness, turning into dust right before her eyes. 

“Aya,” Tanjirou called her name with a watered expression. He looked so tired, an arm hugging the unconscious Nezuko. The other one stretched to reach Rui’s torso, who was bit by bit disappearing, bit by bit ceasing its existence.  

Ayaka grabbed Tanjirou’s injured hand between hers, preventing it from touching the demon.

“You’re safe, you don’t have to struggle anymore. He finally died,” she told him in a whisper. 

“But he… from his small body came such a great smell of sadness.” Tanjirou’s voice expressed crude pity, his expression wasn’t watered because of tiredness like how she thought, but because of the pity and compassion he felt towards the demon. Of all demon slayers she could have encountered, she was sure Tanjirou was the only one she’d found consoling a demon, and the only one that could surprise her so many times and so strongly. Maybe because Tanjirou felt too much and for everyone around him. If not he wouldn’t have been with her for so long, and just like her, the demon was someone Tanjirou would offer his help. 

Because on Tanjirou 's eyes all of them were equal. Maybe he wasn’t so wrong, because they had all been born from dust and all would go back to it eventually, no matter what. Just like Rui was doing then, and how they would when the time came for them.

“Please, let me… “he pleaded softly, and his voice died down when he let out a whimper. Ayaka obeyed and let go of his hand, staring as it made its way to Rui’s body and settled softly there. 

The demon could enjoy the Sun 's touch one last time. She hoped that was enough, for her it would be. 

«You were cursed with a heart that 's too big. All that space for everyone but yourself», Ayaka thought as she slid her hand over Tanjirou ’s frizzy hair. «I’d like to ask you to let me be the one that protects you, but I’m too much of a coward. I’ll end up running away before that, although it’s the thing I want the most.»

Brave for some things and a coward for others, she felt crude and piercing feelings just like him, too much for only one body as weak and frail as hers. 

“We should go soon and check out your wounds,” Ayaka dared say, sliding her hand from Tanjirou’s hair to grazing the bloody cuts on his face with her fingertips. She sent Nezuko a glance, who laid under him with closed eyes. She was okay which made her heart beat slower, even if just a bit”. The Sun will go up soon, its best for Nezuko to go back to her box.”

From Tanjirou 's mouth came the smallest hiss of pain she had ever heard, but he made it out to be a joke:

“We also have to get you a new uniform and a haori, although we can forget about the ribbon, the hair down looks nice on you,” he retorted back in a weak tone that pretended to be joking. Ayaka ’s face, contorted in a worried frown, didn’t show any sign of amusement. 

“This is no time for jokes, Tanjirou,” she pressed her lips together. Tanjirou got to let out a few weak laughs with unconcerned expression. 

“Right, sorry,” he apologized, his smile not faltering. “Now that we’ve finished the mission you’ll have to apologize to Zenitsu, you have no excuse.” 

It was such a weak and pathetic smile that it was hard to believe he didn’t have it plastered on his face for any other reason that wasn’t trying to make her not worry, of course it wouldn’t work, she had seen that smile for years. 

He was just like them, Tanjirou was just like her parents. 

“I hate you so much,” Ayaka said softly. Her frown melted in a broken grimace, her eyes devoid of any trace of annoyance. She didn’t take her fingertips off Tanjirou ’s cheek, sliding down to his jaw. “I hate when you do that, you’ll just end up burnout, so don’t.”

Tanjirou ’s hand stayed where Rui' s body had been. Turning to dust, the only thing he left behind were his clothes, a white kimono with spider web motives that was still on the floor. How sad to only leave behind such a vain and simple thing. Tanjirou ’s eyes, however, went up to her face, looking in fascination for a moment to look then behind her. 

Giyuu Tomioka’s steps were heard just behind Ayaka, who, without her noticing, had come up to them and stayed still, his feet on what was pitifully left of Rui. 

“I would like you to give me back my sword, mister Tomioka,” Ayaka demanded, without turning around to look at him and simply extending her hand behind her. She went back to her usual expressionless face. There was a certain distaste for the Water Pillar etched on her, colder than usual. 

Just by looking at him he appeared to bring trouble, one way or another. Nezuko was still at plain sight and if he saw her… if he saw her… 

Tomioka left her sword on her open hand without delay, as Ayaka tried to seem bigger than she was, a sleeping Nezuko behind her. If he didn’t notice she was a demon than maybe… 

“Please get your foot off,” Tanjirou asked, only able to think about how Tomioka was stepping on Rui’s remains.

Tomioka ’s voice had the minimal tint of surprise and a certain scolding tone: 

“Don’t feel sorry for a demon who ate people. It doesn’t matter or not he had the form of a child. He’s an unsightly monster who lived for tens, hundreds, thousands of years.” 

Ayaka knew he was right, Rui had been as a demon specially bloody and twisted, to prove that there was only his small, false family. But she couldn’t help but, somehow, feel pity for him as well. Maybe it was because of Tanjirou, or simply because her and Rui were the same, broken bonds mindlessly looking for new ones. As if it was on her back who Tomioka was stepping on. 

“I’ll have to ask you, mister Tomioka, to do as my partner says,” Ayaka joined in, insisting. Her blank expression remained, externally unbothered although there was a small tenseness to her lips. “If you don’t, I’ll make you, I don’t care you saved or that you are a pillar. Stepping on his remains is disrespectful, be it human or not.” 

She finally understood, it didn’t matter if one was a human or a demon, those who committed evil acts had to be punished. Because demons could be horrible beings, but humans were no exception. 

«Because all of us come from dust and all of us will go back to it.»
 
Knowing that, the weight of blood on her hands became lighter. 

She had been blind. All that time, Ayaka had been so blind, everyone had said that so many times that she had never understood what it meant, but she knew now. And so, her eyes opened slightly. 

“You don’t have to stand up for me, Aya,” Tanjirou whispered, angered expression, but not towards her. “I don’t do this for you,” she would have liked to say, but she lost the opportunity when Tanjirou averted his gaze to the real reason for his anger, the man of ocean trenches for eyes. “To dispel the regrets of those killed, to stop any more victims from appearing, I will relentlessly wield my blade against the demons, and that’s a fact. But I will not trample on the pains of being a demon. Nor on those who regret their actions. Because demons were humans. They were humans just like me. He isn’t an unsightly monster. Demons are lifeless, sorrowful beings.

«You were cursed with a heart that’s too big», she thought again. The burning suns that replaced Tanjirou ‘s eyes shined his unwavering determination to Tomioka as strong as if it was sunlight. The gods really did it, they gave Tanjirou a heart too big for his own good. 

Tomioka stayed silent, there was no way to guess the expression on his fae because Ayaka hadn’t turned around and wasn’t planning on it, either. Preferring to look at the other, said, she was the first one to notice a colourful flash fly right at them at an incredibly high speed. 

“What the...?” she wondered, eyes wide open, only interrupted by the harshness Tomioka grabbed her shoulder with and force her to bend down.  

The creak caused by the crashing of swords rumbled on her ears like lightning, a metallic, high pitched sound that only announced the arrival of another swordsman. 

“Why are you getting on the way, Tomioka-san?” cuestioned a foreign voice.

Harshly getting away from Tomioka’s hand still on her shoulder blade, Ayaka turned around fastly, adopting a defensive stance in front of the siblings and seeing the oh so famous Insect Pillar.

“Shinobu Kocho.” Ayaka said her name like some kind of miracle. If it was in fear or admiration, she wouldn’t know. 

Tomioka took his nichirin sword out as well, but not towards the Kamado siblings, but to the other Pillar.

Was he going to fight another Pillar? It was the strangest thing she’d ever witness, if the fight betwen Tanjirou and Inosuke didn’t take the cake, at the very least.

Ayaka threw a confuse glance towards the Water Pillar, who, with a calm expression, kept his attention on the figure of Shinobu Kocho. As if it didn’t matter at all, Shinobu only gave them a sweet smile. 

“Didn’t you say we can’t get along with demons?” asked the Pillar, her happy-go-lucky attitude remaining. Ayaka would have never thought she’d see two pillars together, unless of course until she was proclaimed a pillar, so the sight of such strong swordsmen overwhelmed her. Only adding to the stress of her and the Kamado siblings being between them in what would probably turn into a battlefield. “What is this all about, Tomioka-san? This is why everyone hates you.” 

It seemed not all pillars got along.

“Come on, Tomioka-san, get out of the way,” Shinobu insisted, her sword shining dangerously like a looming threat. Looking closely at her, butterfly patterned haori, big dark purple eyes and bangs framing her face like wings, Ayaka thought she looked a lot like a giant bug just like her title announced. It was hard not to make the butterfly connection. 

Although Shinobu herself didn’t actually look like an insect, her eyes resembled one, black and purple and a small shine that reflected weakly on her pupils. If she hadn’t known those eyes belonged to a human she would have thought who looked at her was just an insect. Her haori wasn’t the only butterfly-patterned thing she wore,  the small tips of the wings of her butterfly hairpin that her hair was tied with were visible behind her head. 

“I’m not hated,” Tomioka replied with bluntness. And Ayaka started to think he wasn’t a pillar at all. 

«I wasn’t wrong, this guy is stupid, we’re all going to be beheaded.» She brought her head to her hands, sucking in a deep breath to try and not huff. 

“Ah, that… I’m sorry, so you didn’t realize you were hated,” Shinobu said, an intoxicatingly sweet and apologetic smile on her face. “Pardon me for saying too much.” 

Ayaka’s eyes found Tanjirou’s expression just as confused as hers. Giving a step back to be closer to the Kamado siblings, relief filled her knowing she wasn’t the only one that found it strange.

“Guys, hey.” For the first time the Insect Pillar fixed her very big and very unnerving eyes on them, Ayaka and Tanjirou exchanged silent tense looks.

“Yes?” Tanjirou finally replied in spite of Ayaka who was much more alarmed than him.  

“You’re protecting a demon, did you know that? It’s dangerous, so please get off of her,” she warned sweetly, as if she was telling two kids to not go near the river during raining season instead of warning about the very real possibility of being killed by a demon.

“We’re good, thank you for your concern, lady Shinobu,” Ayaka replied challenging, raising an arm to cover the Kamado siblings from the Pillar.  

If she was going to be sentenced to death, better go down with dignity. It would be best to accept it as soon as possible, running away from the Demon Slaying Corps wasn’t a possibility, and if they managed, not for too long. If she died running away the fact she had hidden Nezuko on her house would go unnoticed, leaving her family alone. So she prayed.

“Oh, wow, you should mind your manners, miss, didn’t Himejima teach you to respect your elders?” asked Shinobu, still so sweet it was nauseating. Ayaka gave her a bitter frown, face contorted harshly.

Tanjirou passed his curious glance from one girl to the other.  

“Do you two know each other?” he asked Ayaka in a whisper.

“The world of the Demon Slaying Corps is big, but if you’re related to the Pillars it's hard not to recognise them or their “tsugukos” and disciples,” she replied in a shrug. 

“That 's true!” Shinobu butted in. “I bet you also know my “tsuguko”, Kanao. She should be here by now, I can’t think about what’s taking her so long.” 

“I know her, that's true, but I don’t exactly like her,” Ayaka muttered, clicking her tongue in annoyance and eyes squinting. She tried to refrain from huffing, although her heart was beating fastly, leaving her dizzy and out of breath.

“Let's stop with the chit chat. Please, stay away from that demon,” Shinobu asked brightly. “It needs to be killed, and I could hurt you if you’re close.” 

Giving a glance behind her, Ayaka confirmed there was no one else besides Shinobu there, nor Kanao Tsuyuri nor someone else. Tomioka remained too quiet, but it was clear already he’d help them, for whatever reason, she couldn’t help but question his motives, a second ago he had been stepping on a demon’s remains without remorse. People like Tomioka were hard for Ayaka to figure out, his eyes were so empty and deep there was nothing she could see. 

“No! Well, you’re not wrong, but!” Tanjirou interrupted with his usual energy. Ayaka squinted, did he never get tired of spilling nonsense? “l She’s my little sister, that’s why- !

He was so tangled on his own thoughts he wasn’t able to articulate correctly whatever it was he wanted to say. What would he try to use as an excuse? That Nezuko was harmless? That there was no need to cut off her head? Whatever it was he said would be useless, this was a Pillar, someone that had dedicated their life to be part of the Demon Slaying Corps, who lived and breathed to kill demons. Asking them not to would just be a contradiction. What was she saying? Tanjirou was a contradiction himself! It was to be expected he’d do something like trying to reason with a Pillar, but not everything could be accomplished! Less of all something like that! 

“Shut up, will you? That's enough, you’re getting on my nerves with the stuttering.”

It was a miracle he hadn’t been killed by now.

Shinobu’s form stiffened, craning her neck to get a better glance at Nezuko. 

“Your sister? What a pity,” Shinobu said in pity with a small whimper. It was a short change on her cheerful demeanor, to which she came back to later, raising her sword with iron on her eyes that tasted sour, a big difference from the sugar on her voice. “In that case, I’ll kill her with a sweet poison that won’t leave her in pain.”

Ayaka couldn’t help but swallow as her eyes trembled. Sweat went down her temple, the way Shinobu carried herself was terrifying (of course because she was also very strong, they didn’t give away Pillar titles), she saw something behind her eyes and all that sugar, something burning, hatred, fury, like a sleeping volcano hiding as a flourishing mountain. That of course wasn’t the only thing, all that effort on Rui’s fight and exceeding her limits more than she used to was starting to catch up to her, purple eyebags starting to appear under her eyes.

Tomioka gave her a side eyed glance. It wasn’t just the eyebags, there was a small hiss to her breathing she tried to hide and every time he looked at her again she looked paler. 

“Can you move?” Tomioka asked Tanjirou. 

«He wants Tanjirou to run away», Ayaka caught his intentions fastly. The gears on her mind started to work, lost on her thoughts. 

“Even if you can’t, will yourself to move. The girl can’t run, so take her and your sister and take them to safety.”

«I wouldn’t be able to go too far away, but Tanjirou is different», Ayaka continued on her thoughts, calculating just like only she was. «Even if he has wounds all over his body, he can run more than me, so if I stay to stop lady Shinobu, Tanjirou could at least...»

She was interrupted when Tanjirou 's hand grasped her wrist as strongly as a snake around its victim. With such a strength he easily pulled Ayaka, who was desperately trying not to fall to the floor because of such a harsh surprise. 

“I’m sorry, thank you so much, Tomioka-san!” Tanjirou yelled gratefully at the man they were leaving behind them. 

Ayaka looked back to the pillars and then at Tanjirou’s hand, tightly secured against her forearm. She blinked, then realized she was walking away from the fight.  

“Wait... Tanjirou... Tanjirou, stop! Let go of me!” Ayaka asked as she struggled with his hold on her wrist, occasionally looking back to the pillars that were becoming smaller in the distance. From her throat came out a scream when Tanjirou not only let go of her wrist, but also threw her over his shoulder to continue running, also with Nezuko and the wooden box at his back.

“I’m only going to slow you down like this, you know that! Can you pleae let me go? It’s enough to have a pillar after you and-” 

“No offense, Aya, but shut up!” Tanjirou interrupted in something close to a bark. Ayaka’s eyes opened in surprise. “My whole body hurts so much. It’s really painful, so please, don’t move.” 

«Did he just... tell me to shut up…?», Ayaka thought with eyebrows raised in surprise. Even so, she tried to stay as still as possible, becoming stiff on Tanjirou’s shoulder. 

She could see under his skin how Tanjirou’s chest stumbled, losing his feeting and every time making his pace erratic. He must be using all his strength to carry them. 

Maybe if they came out alive Ayaka should thank him, not only for that but for everything. She knew she was hard to deal with, she should be more thankful to have someone like Tanjirou with her. Maybe before dying and turning into dust, just like Rui did, she should thank all the people that loved her. 

Genya came to mind. He had no one to take care of or thank for loving him besides her and Himejima-shishou, so he had never stopped grabbing onto them and she knew that. Maybe instead of asking herself why, having a family, she was a demon slayer, it would be best to be grateful for having a family in the first place. 

“How do you know Tomioka?” Ayaka asked, suddenly curious.

Tanjirou  cleared his throat, gathering all his strength on her throat to answer. 

“He was the one that told me about the Demon Slaying Corps and sent me to Urokodaki-san, he knows Nezuko is my sister, as he was there when she turned into a demon, “ he explained, without giving further details.

“I don’t like him, he’s stupid. But if he’s going to help us I’ll have to trust him” Ayaka said, then muffling a laugh as she bit her lip. “Just how I did when I met Nezuko, I don’t know how, but it seems you have a gift for making people trust you with such weird things.” 

Tanjirou’s shoulders trembled in what Ayaka assumed were silent chuckled. She hoped it didn’t hurt. 

“It is weird! Not just you and Tomioka-san too, don’t you think-...?”

His voice died down in a choke as something coming from the sky crashed strongly against his back. Tanjirou feel and with him fell from his arms both Ayaka and Nezuko. 

Her sister landed next to him, but Ayaka rolled, stopping just a few metres away from them. With the taste of earth on her mouth, she raised her gaze from the floor to find the eyes and shining sword of Kanao Tsuyuri looking back. 

But they didn’t look back at her, but to a stunned Nezuko who, still on the floor, only dared look in fear to the girl’s sword over her head with the ever present threat of cutting off her head. 

It was merely an instant, enough so for Tanjirou to tug on the white cape Kanao Tsuyuri wore over her shoulders.

She lost balance and ended up sitting on Tanjirou’s back, so her sword, which had been sure to grace Nezuko’s neck, went over her head, cutting a few strands of black long hair. That was better than her head. 

“Run, Nezuko! Run!” Tanjirou’s eyes found Ayaka, who stayed looking in astonishment right on top of him, at Kanao. “Aya, protect Nezuko! Please, protect her! I promise I’ll take all the blame, but pro-!”

Ayaka’s eyes went from holding holy admiration to a latent worry at seeing how Kanao, with the ability of a “tsuguko”, knocked Tanjirou down with the heel of her boots, still sitting on his back as if she didn’t even need to get up to do that.

By then Nezko had obeyed his brother 's command and run on the opposite direction. Ayaka barely stood up, in between amazement and the pain of her wounds. She couldn’t run so if Kanao started running after Nezuko, she would be swiftly left behind, powerless to protect Nezuko.

Even so, Kanao Tsuyuri stayed with her gaze fixed on her, something close to childish confusion as Ayaka stooped in front of her, covering Nezuko from those eyes of hers as unnerving as her own. 

She would have liked this to be under other circumstances, like a Pillar Meeting, but the moment to officially meet her beloved Kanao Tsuyuri had finally come. 

“Please, step aside,” Kanao asked in a tone that reminded Ayaka of a memorized text. “You’re on the way of the killing of a demon, consequently, violating the rules of the Demon Slaying Corps. This is a warning from the demon slayer Kanao Tsuyuri, now that you’ve been warned I have no obligation to hold back. If you’re doing this deliberately, I’ll be forced to physically stop you, since I’m not allowed to kill humans, I’ll give you minor wounds.” 

Ayaka raised an eyebrow, pretending to be bored. Sweat soaked her forehead.

“Are you finished?” she asked with a heavy sigh. With the touch of the handle of her sword against her palms, she took a deep inhale and planted her feet firmly against the floor. She wouldn’t let her go, she’d block her way until sunrise if needed. If she had the strength of the mountain with her, she’d use it then. “If you want to kill that demon so badly then how about you just kill me first?”

The metallic click of a sword going back to its sheath echoed on her ears as the green of the trees turned into the most beautiful purple Ayaka had ever seen. She best it would go nicely on kimonos on the like, but she doubted the merchants would be able to replicate it, not at least with such intensity. Blinking, Ayaka realized that colour wasn’t a dream but that she was looking straight into her opponent’s eyes. 

“If it’s needed, then I will,” she replied, mere centimetres from Ayaka 's lips. Her mouth, painted with a sugary smile similar to her master 's, didn’t fit her words. 

«She’s so fast», she couldn’t help but think. Because she truly was, Kanao had moved to her in a second, even if she had been five metres away a moment before. 

Kanao Tsuyuri had managed to stand just in front of her without giving her enough time to blink.

Then came the punch. 

Kanao’s right arm buried itself on Ayaka’s stomach so harshly that if it had been her sword it would have pierced through her without trouble. 

The confusion made its way momentarily to Kanao’s face, however, breaking her smile so sweet it became intoxicating. She took a peek to her fist against Ayaka’s abdomen and then to Ayaka herself, who hadn’t moved from her place. 

“You impressed, butterfly girl?” Ayaka tainted, although without breath. “You’d thought you’d send me flying, your strength is amazing, but you’ll need more than that to make me fall to the ground.” 

Kanao’s eyes went down to her fist against, which Ayaka had trapped against her hands and that should have made her go back a few mettres, but that hadn’t even been close to making her move. 

Proper of a “tsuguko”, Kanao didn’t take much time to react,not even blinking when she crashed her knee against Ayaka ’s nose, making her let go of her fist from the pain. 

Her feet tangled against each other and she took a few steps back. Kanao Tsuyuri went back to her meek smile. 

“That was dirty, pinky,” Ayaka accused harshly, back arched in tiredness. Kanao hadn’t been there for too long, there wasn’t any tiredness on her face or any sickness to slow her down, she couldn’t defeat her, barely with a miracle to stop her. She doubted she’d be able to defeat her on equal terms either way, but at least Ayaka would be a more interesting fight than Tanjirou’s unconcious body. 

Frowning, Ayaka got her hands to the bloody mess that had become her nose, thick and crimson blood sticked to her skin. She tried not to think about it but it was quite, very, disgusting. Kanao didn’t blink at the sight of her blood.

“If you’re gonna play dirty, don’t expect me not to do the same,” she said, a certain amusement behind her eyes. It was exciting, for once, to fight against someone stronger than her.  She nearly missed Genya.

From Kanao didn’t come any word, just as she expected, without further ado throwing herself at Ayaka to try and repeat her attack. This time her fist was flying to her face, it would have left her a shining black eye if not because she got to dodge it, not because she was faster, but because Ayaka knew her like the palm of her hand. 

She had observed her during the Final Selection, her effective and direct attacks worthy of the best demon slayers in the Corps.  

She was like a killing machine, losing no time on each attack and recoil, planned to the smallest detail and making her moves as sharpest as possible to throw mortal attack every time.  

If Ayaka hadn’t spent hours simply looking at her during the Final Selection she would have been surely knocked down by now.

«I’m still not adequate to be at your level, Kanao Tsuyuri, but I won’t let you defeat me tonight.»

There wasn’t any strength left on her trembling arms, but it would be a good moment to use her jaws then. Without thinking and in a desperate attempt,she sank her fangs on the wrist that had been on her way to her face a moment prior. 

Kanao let out a yell as surprise as pained. At her voice Ayaka only bit harder. Kanao’s arm shook harshly trying to make her let go, when she did, falling to the ground, the marks of her teeth were strongly carved on her skin. 

Ayaka didn’t know if to feel satisfaction or disgust at seeing the bloody rivers that went down her hand, her nose wrinkling at the metallic taste on her tongue. 

She wondered if this was how Genya felt when he used… his ability. 

Believing it would work again, Ayaka got up with intentions of doing it again, too naive, she was too dizzy to think Kanao would predict her attack. She grabbed Ayaka harshly by her forearm, so harshly a loud crack came from it, and sent her flying, landing just where Nezuko was. 

All the way Nezuko had ran on her way became nothing when Ayaka, flying over the sky and scratching her skin with the tree branches, reached her side in a storm of dust and leafs on her hair. 

Ayaka grabbed her right arm in pain (she suspected the best it could be was just a dislocation). Nezuko’s protective instincts rang loudly on her head at the sight of who she believed her brother so severely hurt. Without hesitating, the demon ran to her “brother 's” side. Her frown could tell Ayaka without issues what she was feeling at the moment, although no siblings, younger or older, she knew it could only mean one thing. An older sister’s scolding.

“No, Nezuko. Nezuko, stop it. You have to run, listen to Tanjirou. Do as Tanjirou said. Our friend Tanjirou, your older brother, who told you to run,” Ayaka tried to free herself from her grip as Nezuko wrapped her arms around her. She pushed against her cheek but Nezuko merely budged and stayed squeezing Ayaka in between annoyance and fondness. 

The hairs on her neck stiffened in alarm as she distinguished a new shadow looming over them. Kanao Tsuyuri. 

Nezuko finally obeyed her because, with a kick, Ayaka made Nezuko let go of he. If she had wanted to, that pathetic kick wouldn’t have made her move, but she let herself be pushed, going back to her running on a chase she couldn’t delay any longer. 

Kanao’s sword appeared threatening over Nezuko’s head. With sharp senses and reflexes bizarre for her Ayaka clashed her sword against Kanao’s that had been so close to cutting off Nezuko’s neck, as she started to run again. 

Swords cried as they fought against one another and the sharp pain that travelled through Ayaka’s arm was just as piercing. If her arm wasn’t broken before, it definitely was now. 

Kanao had no trouble throwing her to the side, pushing with her sword, easily taking advantage of trembling legs and how weak her posture was. Ayaka finally fell to the floor, defeated. She had out a toll on her body and she was paying the consequences now, suffering of great waves of shaking that made her let go of her grip on her sword as she watched powerlessly how Kanao ran after Nezuko. 

“Don’t let her behead you!” she asked in a scream, eyes filled with fear as she saw the shining of Kanao’s blade get closer and closer to Nezuko. She tried to crawl towards them but her shaking didn’t let her, falling to the floor overwhelmed by her own weakness. “Do whatever it takes, but you aren’t allowed to die, Nezuko!”

Just when Ayaka expected to see Nezuko’s head fly out of her body, the demon’s body got smaller. 

Kanao stayed still in surprise momentarily and Nezuko continued running with the size of a small child, going over at an equally astonished Ayaka in protectiveness. 

«She can do that?», Ayaka thought, taking in carefully just how small Nezuko had turned. 

Her thoughts were muffled by the yelling of a crow over their heads that wasn’t hers. 

“Message, message! We have a message!” it screamed loudly just like all crows were. “Restrain the ones named Tanjirou and Nezuko! And bring them to headquarters! Tanjirou has a scar on his forehead! The demon Nezuko is biting onto a piece of bamboo!”

Kanao Tsuyuri lowered her sword, surprisingly walking over at them, cautious, and kneeling to the height Nezuko had adopted. 

“So you are Nezuko?” she asked curious. 

“Yes, she’s Nezuko! So don’t kill her!” Ayaka acted quickly, although still shaking terribly, she grabbed Nezuko and put her behind her back, even while drowning in astonishment. “And the boy you knocked down is Tanjirou, don’t hurt him either!” 

The crow, even so, wasn’t finished. 

“Ayaka goes with them! She has a mole on her right cheekbone! Bring the three of them to the headquarters inmmediately!”

«I’m going to die», Ayaka thought defeated.

Kanao diverted her gaze from Nezuko to look at her.

“Are you Ayaka?”

«She doesn’t even know my name», she thought in disappointment.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

The hammer bangs against the burning metal, and it deformed and took the way you wanted it to, the ashes got in your eyes and in between your fingers until it ended up under the nails. The warmth of the fire was ruthless but it wasn’t warm enough for the metal, more, more, more, get warmer and hit it, the correct way just like it’s always been done, make the blade thinner, thinner than a hair. The air was thick and it was hard to breath, it was too hot and the muscles turned sore, sore as if they were ice melting under the sun, but you had to keep hiting, hit and crush the metal, crush it wisely and you will shape it however you want.  

Shape it however you want, shape it like a sword. 

“Miss Iwamoto.” One of the girls shook Ayaka awake and she jumped a bit, opening her eyes. “You fell asleep in the bathtub.” 

She gasped in confusion, bringing a hand up to her face and brushing away the wet hair from her eyes. The water around her body shakes with her. It smelled of wisteria. 

“I… I was forging a sword?” Ayaka asked the girl that woke her up, black eyes and hair that looked like the wings of a crow. She looked at her without blinking, smiling despite such a weird question. 

“No, you were taking a bath, just like you requested it before your audience with Oyakata-sama,” she answered in a voice that didn’t waver. She was sure of what she said and Ayaka had no other option but to believe her. There was something to her that imposed respect, Ayaka didn’t know if it was because of how big and dark her eyes were or because she waved off utter calmness. She nearly didn’t look human, her short white hair along with the bangs that cover her forehead only make her eyes look bigger, and the purple kimono decorated with flowers just made her out to be more ethereal, as if she wasn’t real. 

“Really? But I’m a swordsmith,” Ayaka asked again, forehead leaning against her hand. She looked down to the limp arm that hang by her side. Her head hurt. “What’s up with my arm? I won’t be able to finish forging my sword like this.” 

“Don’t say such silly things, you’re not a swordsmith, you’re a demon slayer,” the girl insisted as if she was answering the questions of a confused little kid that asked about things bigger and greater than her. “Miss Tsuyuri broke it a few hours ago.” 

“I’m… a demon slayer,” Ayaka said out loud, as if trying to hammer that fact in her brain. Miss Tsuyuri, who was Miss Tsuyuri? She looked at a corner of the room to find a black uniform torn to pieces and a shimmering gray sword. That was Ayaka Iwamoto, and Ayaka Iwamoto was going to be sentenced to death for violating the corps’ rules. Right, she was Ayaka Iwamoto. “I have an audience with Oyakata-sama?” 

The girl hummed in confirmation, walking off in slow but determined steps to a different corner. When she returned, on her hands was a clean change of clothes. Clothes Ayaka was foreign to. 

“In case you forgot, Oyakata-sama asked to personally talk with you.” The girl helped her get out of the bathtub as she gave her a towel for Ayaka to cover her naked body with. The water is still warm, a wisteria smell emanating from it. The softness of her voice and the courtesy the girl was treating her with someone calmed her down, and Ayaka let herself be guided by her, allowing her to dry her and then put on her clothes, being careful at all moments with her broken arm. 

“He’s been interested in you ever since you started training under Himejima’s wing. But he never had a reason to call her so he prefers to have that audience now,” the girl continued, as she made Ayaka stretch her arms to get the sleeves of the white kimono over them. “He says you are peculiar, and that you could be a pillar one day.” 

Ayaka was still swimming in uncertainty, so she blinked as a response. The mist on her mind made her hold the girl’s hand, who was smaller than her but even so could stand her weight. 

“I see… Shishou… And aniki… Is that what Oyakata-sama really said?” Ayaka asked at the air. The girl guided her through the endless corridors of what she supposed was a great japanese mansion, the kind she could only dream of in her greatest dreams. “Your house is pretty.” 

“You’re on the Headquarters of the Demon Slaying Corps, miss Iwamoto,” the girl reminded her, she wasn’t holding her hand. Ayaka realized in a blink that there were two heads of hair, black and white, not a single one that continuously changed. “And what Oyakata-sama said is true, lying isn’t of our liking.”

Her eyes lightly squinted, and Ayaka leaned her head to the side in confusion. 

“There are two of you,” Ayaka said to no one, first looking at one and then at the other. 

“We’ve always been two, miss Iwamoto,” the black haired girl reassured, holding her hand tighter when Ayaka stumbled against her own two feet on the way through the endless corridor that leaded nowhere. 

She muttered, staring at the ceiling, but on Ayaka’s mind there was only a white lake and love. She loved, utterly and completely as she spluttered in the white lake without a worry, nothing hovering over her head, there was no one to threaten nor anything behind her back, so she swam in between the reefs of nothingness but love. The darkness of the sea was far away and there was only white left, so she swam and swam and never got tired. 

“Aniki must have forgotten his lunch,” she managed to mutter, tightening her hold on the hand that guides her, where she leaned on to go through the mist over the lake. She stayed there for a moment, walking without knowing what she was doing, then she came to a halt. 

When was the last time she had loved so deeply and freely? No, there was something wrong.

Her hand abandoned the safe hold where it had been trust and Ayaka grabbed her broken arm, bringing it up to her eyes to look, ignoring the sharp pain that appears because of it. Her eyebrows fixed together in worry, looking over at the thin lines that mark her forearm. Firmly carved on her flesh, they were starting to scar, turning into red traced on her skin. Her thin fingers slid over the crust there with the greatest of cares. 

Without hesitating Ayaka sank her nails there and she got what she wanted, for a wave of pain to travel through all the corners of her body, growling in pain. 

“You shouldn’t touch your wounds, miss Iwamoto,” the black haired girl warned, who took away Ayaka’s hand from her own wound. Somehow the pain faded away the mist on her mind, enough so to know what she had done the night before. 

“Mister Tomioka… Rui… Lady Shinobu wanted to cut Nezuko’s head off,” she told herself. The pain made her collide head first against a wall that got her back to her senses. She felt less lost because the pain made her crash face to face against a wall that made her partly go back to her senses. She wasn’t swimming in a white lake. She ignored the pain on her bones and the slight twinges of pain from her cuts, the ones that hurt the most are the biggest, those on her back near the shoulder blades. Lazy memories came back to her from the night before and there was one that seemed to choke her. She said it outloud so it didn’t escape, but she couldn’t help but sound mortified as she did. “I bit Kanao Tsuyuri.” 

The white haired girl, swiftly putting back the bandages on their place, nodded. 

“You bit miss Tsuyuri, but don’t worry, she won’t hold any hatred against you for you,” she assured, with confidence, so much confidence that Ayaka believed her. 

“Everything looks so… dizzy,” Ayaka confessed in a frown, looking up at the ceiling as the girls finished fixing her bandages. 

The path of green mats came to an end, and Ayaka found herself headlong in front of a pair of dors that towered over her. 

Oyakata-sama, she had to see him. 

A wall rose between her and the doors. She had the impulse of giving a step back because the wall suddenly snatched her breath away from her chest and pressed against her lungs with a strength she never believed she’d feel again. 

On her shoulders fell a heavy ball made of iron, she felt herself unable to move and Ayaka didn’t want to go in, but the door was already open and the girls finally abandoned her hand to let Ayaka stumble on her own without being able to stand the weight of her body.  

She tried to feel angry, for any strong emotion to flourish on her chest but she couldn’t, her small heart, always so full to the brim, felt empty as she clenched the only fist left, but she didn’t even have enough strength to do that as it was left hanging limp on her side.

Not even panic pierces through her, as it hovered from above like a veil that wasn’t really there, that didn’t really touch her, that she couldn’t really feel. For the first time she could barely feel anything. And she realized it was horrible. 

“Here’s Ayaka Iwamoto like you asked, father.” One of the girls Ayaka can’t distinguish said, because without warning the room appeared to be spinning and her eyes didn’t work so she couldn’t see the colour of their hair. “The medicine Shinobu Kocho gave her when she arrived is strong so she’s quite confused.” 

“It’s better this way, she won’t be able to lie.” 

The doors closed behind Ayaka. She knew she should have felt trapped, so she looked everywhere in between the walls and the floor, she didn’t see the white papers or the mats, she could only see the bars of a cell that imprisoned her.Terrified is what she should have been, trapped in between four walls along with the lion they’ve locked her up with destined to eat her. But she simply couldn’t, and with nothing else to do, she hummed.

“Good morning, Ayaka, it’s good to finally see you,” he greeted smiling. 

She nearly collapsed but at least she managed to fall to her knees and pretended she had just sat down too harshly. Her knees hurriedly find themselves against the floor, and her head sticked to the tatami that covered the floor as she bowed down before Oyakata-sama. She was slightly drugged, but she wasn’t stupid.

“It brings me infinite joy to see you’re doing well, my dear Oyakata-sama,” Ayaka greeted, face facing the floor. 

She heard a confused hum come from Oyakata-sama, closer than she believed him to be. Not much time passed before she heard his voice again: 

“You don’t have to greet me so formally,” he informed with nothing but peace on his voice. “Get up.”

Ayaka didn’t have the strength to refuse, she continued humming, so she got up just like he commanded. At doing so her eyes flee from his, but Ayaka couldn’t shove down the curiosity that comes with looking at the appearance of the man, demonstrated by discreet side glances.

“Thank you for your consideration, my dear Oyakata-sama,” she got to say in a light sigh, the most control over her tongue she’s had ever since she woke up. 

She peeked at him out of pure childish interest, because never before had she seen the leader of the Demon Slaying Corps and the only image that came to mind was the possibility of a great war general, covered entirely in a huge armour that weren’t used anymore, of ancient warriors of old that proved their power through duels that ended with death and long hair tied up in ponytails along with fearsome faces proper of warriors. Instead, what Ayaka found was a sick man. 

Out of everything she had imagined, out of all the dreams and fantasies that had run rampant on her head, she didn’t expect it to be a weak, flimsy man, with milky eyes that couldn’t see but still looked at her and soft voice and posture. Ayaka nearly questioned if that was really Oyakata-sama, because no possibility came up on her head for such a fragile and soft man to lead so many fierce warriors. It felt like complete madness. 

There was nothing else to do but look at him in pure astonishment because her head was in the clouds and she didn’t know if she should say something, or because there were so many things to say she wasn’t sure if to let them all out.

So Ayaka silently waited for him to continue, but from Oyakata-sama came no sound, just a weak constant mutter muffled by the tapping of his fingers against his knee. Ayaka waited, humming in distraction with a bizarre calm to her as Oyakata-sama stretched out his silence, deep in thoughts. 

“Why did you protect the Kamado siblings, Ayaka?” He finally asked, after having spent long seconds that felt like hours looking over at him in silence until it turned into an ecstatic sound that muffled her ears, and Ayaka had to blink for her ears to work again. “Why didn’t you report them?” 

The humming becomes weaker, the melody of an unknown child’s song at the tip of her tongue. Ayaka looked at Oyakata-sama and she smiled, with the softness of silk and clouds, fluffy comforting and calming, Ayaka smiled. But that wasn’t her.

“I knew it would eventually be discovered that Tanjirou carried a demon with him, it was just a matter of time.” Words flowed over Ayaka’s lips like water down a river, and she brought a hand up to her forehead, leaning on it. The pulsing and sharp pain that’s been drilling her head felt like a crashing weight against her skull. 

Oyakata-sama’s eyebrows slightly furrowed, so little Ayaka could have missed it, but the scars that covered his forehead down until his cheekbones wrinkled. And she could see that. 

“Even so you did nothing, you stayed with Tanjirou and Nezuko Kamado knowing you’d end up being punished because of it, you could have asked for a change of partners, or to be assigned another mission, you knew that, you’re not stupid. And yet here you are, and I would like to know why,” Oyakata-sama insisted, the gentleness on his voice was enough to make Ayaka feel better, as if he tugged on a thread on her chest. It was clearer the reason why he was the leader of the Corps, Oyakata-sama fought without the need for a sword. 

“To be punished…” Ayaka muttered to herself, hazy gaze.

The humming on her throat was sweet and her smile didn’t waver, she was swimming in milk again, words that could only resurface from the deepest part of the lake bubbling up as she wasn’t on her senses to push them down. 

“I didn’t want to stay with them, I knew they meant trouble, a demon that doesn’t eat humans? It had to be a joke,” she answered, trying to get angry again but it was no use, on her face only danced a smile and mist over her eyes. “But Nezuko isn’t just a demon, and even I can see that... It didn’t have to be like this, I didn’t have to stay with them but I couldn’t help it… I simply couldn’t, a part of me wanted to be with them. Those two brothers… they are special. I bet you can notice too.” 

Oyakata-sama didn’t deny it. 

“So special for you to sacrifice your life?” He asked instead. He looked over at Ayaka and squinted for a moment, eyes that didn’t see observing her. “You may have had faith in them, but you wouldn’t give your life for such a remote possibility to defeat Muzan Kibutsuji. You’re not that kind of person, you need more than that.” 

Worry lightly flew over his voice mixed in with Ayaka’s humming that never ceased, and that was what she did instead of replying.

“Do you wish to die? Is that it? Do you hold your life with such little worth?” Oyakata-sama questioned as he came closer to her, grazing the mole on her cheek with his hand as he held it. She finally let herself lean against his wrinkled skin and she sighed. Oyakata-sama was right, she couldn’t lie, not with Shinobu’s medicine flowing through her veins, not when the sea appeared as a white small lake instead of a dark deep place to avoid if one didn’t wish to drown.  

“My life is not important, it’s a frail life that should have been extinguished long ago.” Her crystal eyes stayed fixed on Oyakata-sama, she said that with a smile. She strangely looked at peace. 

Ever since back then, those were the thoughts that had been brewing behind her eyes, slowly and silently appearing on her small innocent mind until she wasn’t so innocent and small anymore. She should be killed and punished just like demons were, because if demons had to be punished for what they did, she had to be as well, because humans weren’t any less than demons, right? 

Maybe she had been trying to punish herself all this time, maybe she wanted someone to do so, maybe that way her parents would lash out when someone else treated them unfairly, no matter if it was her who had to be that someone. There was anger still itching under her skin that said that wasn’t everything there was to it.

Oyakata-sama wrapped his arms around her, as Ayaka left her cheek fall against his shoulder. She didn’t flinch, not refusing such an act, she didn’t have strength enough to do so. 

“Don’t say that about yourself, please I don’t want you to see your life like this,” Oyakata-sama pleaded. He sounded so hurt at her suffering. 

His palm flew up to Ayaka’s eyes, where tears started to flourish. They soaked his haori but he didn’t push her away. Even so Ayaka didn’t stop humming, even if tears fall and they run down her skin. He didn’t need to say anything else, he was Oyakata-sama, the one who looked over all demon slayers, he knew, even then Ayaka couldn’t stop the stream of words that flowed over her tongue like a wild river. 

“I hate myself,” she said, clenching her fists around the cloth of Oyakata-sama’s haori. “It’s no use for someone like me to be in this world, despicable people don’t deserve to live, that’s something I've always held dear to my heart. The only reason I’m still breathing is because I must be a pillar, I’ll carry everyone else’s weight on my shoulders and I’ll prove I’m not useless. Because I still must pay the debt of my life back to my parents, who kept me alive all this time, I will never be able to pay it back, so I can’t die. The only thing I can aspire to do is give them a pretty house and a comfortable life with the money I get as a demon slayer, I’ll spend my days alone like I must.” 

Oyakata-sama caressed her hair. She allowed him to.

It wasn’t that she couldn’t accept others, she just couldn’t accept herself. 

“You’re really strong, you’ve carried that burden with you all this time, never telling anyone,” Oyakata-sama whispered against the top of her head. “Many demon slayers give their lives for me, it’s something precious because it’s their lives, they feel and cry, they know what it is to be alive and they sacrifice nevertheless. That’s why I know what a life is worth, life is not to be used to sacrifice for your loved ones, but to live with them. And that’s not what you’re doing.” 

«Is that why you are sad?»

Ayaka rested against his shoulder. If she could feel something then, she wouldn’t know if it would be fear or peace, because Oyakata-sama’s skin is the warmest place she had ever ever rested against. Or maybe because it had ben a long time since she rested against someone else’s skin. 

“I’m no one to tell you this, and I know by Gyoumei that you’re stubborn but from now on, please take my words into consideration,” he pleaded once again, his voice the sweetest it can be. He felt like Takeshi, but not in a bad way.

Ayaka lifted her gaze when Oyakata-sama removed his arms around her to take off his haori. She could see the soft purple and the wisteria flowers carved on the cloth to complement the white as he left it to rest on her shoulders. 

“You will never be alone, ever again, I will always be with you from now on,” he said, caressing both sides of Ayaka’s face as he brushed away her tears. It’s been a while since she stopped smiling and there’s nothing else to do but stare at Oyakata-sama, deep in the white lake. 

It was that moment when Ayaka decided she would give her life to serve that man. The one who carved the way for her to move forward. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

If Ayaka was on her senses she would flinch in fear, but she wasn’t, so she just hummed in haziness. 

The looks the pillars sent her way were piercing, kneeling before Oyakata-sama in respect. If she hadn’t felt on her flesh what Oyakata-sama could do, Ayaka would have never believed the best swordsmans from the corps would kneel before him, who was a mere sick man. But she knew, so she didn’t question. She didn’t pay attention to them, focusing on the hand Oyakata-sama had settled on her shoulder. She was by his side, being guided by him, as there was nothing else to do but allow him to do so. The small detail of Oyakata-sama’s purple haori on Ayaka’s shoulders didn’t go unnoticed. The pillars looked at her in astonishment, but no one had the courage to say anything about it, especially if it was about their dear Oyakata-sama.

“You can join your partner, Ayaka,” he said, giving her a light push on her back. She stumbled in confusion, lost gaze but her eyes fixed on Tanjirou for the first time since what felt like years. 

He was against the floor, covered in blood and dirt with Genya’s brother on top of him. She knew Genya and that didn’t surprise her, both of them looked like feral beasts, the incredible amounts of scars didn’t catch her off guard. 

Himejima-shishou was there too, Ayaka saw him stay still at hearing her name.She wouldn’t know what to say now, they didn’t exchange letters, but seeing him in person was completely different than reading his words, more so when she was being judged for violating the corps rules.  

She hoped not to disappoint him, but it’s her choice to do so. 

“Aya,” Tanjirou called to her in a muffled whisper at seeing her. She walked off to his side, giving a threatening look to Genya’s brother in the way, but she stayed in silence as she kneeled before Oyakata-sama. 

“Tanjirou, are you okay?” Ayaka asked in a whisper, stretching out her neck only for him to hear. 

He nodded, tense against Sanemi Shinazugawa’s grip and the pillars’ presence. That’s enough for her. 

“If it’s not a problem, before the meeting starts, I would like to talk about the here present soldier Tanjirou Kamado and the demon that goes with him, will you let us, Oyakata.sama?” What did catch her off guard was just how civilized the Wind Pillar appeared while talking. 

“Gyoumei, your disciple told me everything, I took the freedom of interrogating her myself,” Oyakata-sama calmly announced, as if he was apologizing to Himejima-shishou for doing so. 

“Right, Ayaka also violate the corps rules,” Shinobu added, no sugary smiles or the joy Ayaka had seen on her the night before. Strangely, she looked angry. 

“As such we should punish her as well, flamboyantly, if possible,” the biggest pillar just before Himejima-shishou said, who Ayaka identified as the Soun Pillar, Tengen Uzui. Ayaka’s eyes flew up to his biceps, if she had been on her senses she would have squeaked in excitement.

The Sound Pillar must have liked flamboyant things so much he turned into one. Besides his shining whit hair he wore a sleeveless uniform just like hers, golden bracelets on his arms and makeup complementing his face, circles around his eye of a red so intense a tomato would have been jealous.  

“What bothers me right now is that she isn’t tied up,” a short boy said in a hiss, balck hair cut irregularly and a stripped haori, mouth covered in bandages. Ayaka noticed his eyes were of a different colour and sticked to his neck there’s a whote snake, so she came to the conclusion that was the Snake Pillar, Iguro Obanai. 

“Himejima, don’t you have nothing to say? She’s your disciple, right?” Sanemi questioned, squeezing Tanjirou tighter. 

Ayaka’s eyebrow twitched, but she kept her hands at the sides of her waist. 

“I would like to hear what Oyakata-sama has to say first, but first, Ayaka, was it your decision to protect this demon? You weren’t convinced nor manipulated by this boy?” Himejima-shishou asked. His cheeks were soaked with tears, and the sight was so familiar it made Ayaka’s chest twinge. 

She raised her gaze to look at her shishou, still humming. 

“She has nothing to do with this! I’m at fault, don’t punish her! Aya didn’t-...!” Tanjirou struggled against the strength of Sanemi Shinazugawa, who squeezed to shut him up. 

“Who allowed you to talk, bastard?” He questioned, unspoken threats spilling from his voice. “The girl has a voice, let her talk. She’s stronger than you, she should be the one to protect, boys like you seriously make my blood boil.” 

Ayaka barely averted her gaze from Himejima-shishou to look at Sanemi. All pillars have their attention on her, at least most of them, with the exception of the Mist Pillar (Tokitou Muichirou, wasn’t it?) who looked at the sky dumbfounded as his long hair waved with the wind along with a uniform that’s too big for him but that he wore nevertheless. But for him to look at the clouds instead of pay attention was to be expected. 

The girl of pink and green braids, bearer of the most uncomfortable uniform Ayaka had ever seen, could only be the Love Pillar, Mitsuri Kanroji, who let escape from her mouth a dreamy sigh, bringing a hand up to her beating chest. 

“How adorable, a delinquent couple where he assumes all blame to protect his lover. My heart flutters just thinking about it! Young love, so romantic!”

Ayaka didn’t pay attention to the excited comment she said under her breath. 

“The Kamado siblings are… something worth protecting,” she said, consciously avoiding the sight of hurt on Tanjirou’s face. “I don’t regret violating the corps rules tonight. I’ll accept whatever punishment is imposed to me.” 

The blond man with googly eyes who Ayaka could only describe as burning (Kyoujurou Rengoku was the Flame Pillar for a reason) broke into deep and low chuckles. 

“The girl’s honorable, Himejima! I like her!! He openly declared without erasing the proud smile on his face, he appeared to sparkle with the energy of a bonfire in the middle of a summer night. “She still violated the rules, she must be punished!” 

The Love Pillar nervously brought up a hand to her face. 

“Um, isn’t this the second time she’s violated the rules?” She asked, playing with one of the colourful strands of her bangs. 

Ayaka’s humming suddenly came to a halt, as if the lake turned dark and deep in a whim once again, but this time it wasn’t not water, it was burning lava because her body became still, in a blink conscious about everything around her, from the smallest winds to the last one of the Pillars’ breathings. Takeshi’s head greeted her in advance.

“She also left the demon and the boy stay at her house knowing the demon was there. She didn’t report them, sheltering a demon in her own home. Although we can’t tell if her family was involved,” Shinobu said in thought. “My tsuguko also said she fought against her when she tried to cut off the demon’s head, but she didn’t struggle when they detained her.” 

Ayaka tried for her frown not to show as she asked: 

“I’m the only thing that connects my family to Tanjirou and Nezuko, if I were ever to die for some reason, could you still prove they had a connection at some point?” 

Shinobu hummed in thought, chin on her hand. 

“It’s more like it would be useless, it would make no sense to punish them if you’re dead, since you were the one that gave shelter to Tanjirou and Nezuko in the first place,” she patiently explained, a pitiful smile on her face. 

That was the only thing Ayaka needed. 

“Thank you very much, Lady Shinobu,” she said without flinching. Then she turned towards Himejima-shishou. “Please tell aniki I really appreciate him, and that I’m sorry for being so mean to him.” 

She stretched out her hand behind her and snatched away the sword to the closest pillar, the Snake Pillar, bringing it up to her neck.

All the pillars gasped in astonishment. Ayaka would have sliced her neck and bled to death if it wasn’t because a hand stopped her before the blade could touch her skin..

“I advise you to let go of that sword, kid,” the deep voice of Tomioka warned, whose empty eyes find Ayaka’s, who lack something as much as hers.  

Her hand stayed on the same place, sword close to touching her neck. Ayaka endlessly tugged for Tomioka to let go so she could finally die, but his grip didn’t waver even as she sank her heels on the floor.

“Let go of me, Water Pilar,” Ayaka challenged under false politeness- Her voice has an agressive undertone, and her lips pressed together in fury with a frown above them. Shinobu’s medicine was starting to fade away.

“What happened?” Oyakata-sama asked one of the girls that guided him, because his milky eyes didn't let him to see by himself. .

“Ayaka stole the sword of the Snake Pillar and tried to cut her neck,” the white haired girl replied, not a pinch of emotion on her voice. 

Oyakata-sama’s eyebrows lightly rose. 

“I see you won’t follow my advice, will you, Ayaka?” He calmly said. He nearly looked disappointed. 

Ayaka’s eyes went from Tomioka’s face to him. 

“You were right, Oyakata-sama.” Ayaka nearly mocked in a bitter bark. “I will sacrifice my life for them, but not to live alongside them.” 

“What a flamboyant way to die!” The Sound Pillar excitedly exclaimed showing no signs of wanting to move from his place to snatch away the sword from Ayaka’s hands, or even help Tomoka do it. 

“Such a passionate and dramatic love, it’s amazing, how cute,” the Love Pillar commented under her breath. 

A shadow hovered above both Tomioka and Ayaka, easily stripping her from the heavy weight that’s the sword in between her hands that Ayaka didn’t lift off her neck until then. The hand that grabbed the sword by its blade was one she knew very well, and the blood bursted from his palm when holding it harshly by the blade, pierced his skin. 

Himejima-shishou gave back the bloody sword to the Snake Pillar, who appeared to hiss threatening as he gave Ayaka a killing look, before going back to his disciple.

“That’s enough, Ayaka,” he whispered, placing the palm of his non injured hand on top of her head. “You’ve found your purpose again, haven’t you?”

She didn’t reply, looking over at her master with lost eyes and worry painted all over her face. 

“You can rest now, leave it to me,” he continued on her air. Then, with a booming voice, he talked. “I’ll assume full responsibility for my disciple’s actions, whatever it is the punishment imposed to her. I fully trust her, and I show my support on her judgement as such. Right here, right now, I proclaim her my tsuguko.” 

All feelings were wiped off Ayaka’s face to be replaced with astonishment, bewilderment, and if she had been somewhere else, euphoria. For a moment her ears beeped, as if they also doubted the words she had just hear. 

She couldn’t believe it, she really couldn’t. 

The suns Tanjirou had for eyes had been drilling on her the whole time. Ayaka ignored them. 

«Am I the only one from the both of us that doesn’t want you to die?». He had said, and he had guessed right without knowing. And she knew if she died, Tanjirou would blame himself for it, but she couldn’t help but be selfish, because even if she regretted it, her family’s life was more important than him. Even if hurting Tanjirou Kamado was the last thing she wanted to do.

«I told you to stay away from me», she thought, but that didn’t make the ball of guilt to go away as she gave him a side eyed glance. 

“No, no, Gyoumei,” Oyakata-sama interrupted him, who was now sat on the porch, aided by the pair of girls. “I’m sorry if I alerted you with this misunderstanding, neither your nor your tsuguko will be punished.” 

Hearing it once again only made it more real, Ayaka would have collapsed if it wasn’t because she had no option to do so. No one had time to question what kind of misunderstanding that is, when he continued. 

“Tanjirou y Nezuko have my consent, and I would like them to have yours too,” Oyakata-sama seemed to pay it no mind. “However, to assure the Pillar’s peaceful estate of mind and for this crime not be left unpunished, Shinobu has offered her Estate to be kept both the Kamado siblings and the Iwamoto family, who are being taken there right this moment.” 

She didn’t know if he said something else, or if the Pillars refused, or if Tanjirou talked to her, because on Ayaka’s ears fell a muffling buzz that made useless her ability to hear.

"Who are being taken there right this moment.” 

"Who are being taken there right this moment.”

"Who are being taken there right this moment.”

"Who are being taken there right this moment.”

"Who are being taken there right this moment.”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

For the first time, Tanjirou stayed silent on their way by Ayaka’s side. 

They are being carried by the kakushi, who hold them on their backs. Everything after Nezuko refused the temptation of pouncing on Sanemi despite the strong smell coming grom his blood and being spared by the Corps. As much of a miracle it seems, it happened. 

So they’re carried under Shinobu’s custody and the way felt extremely for Ayaka, with the morning dew freezing her fingers and struggling to take fresh breaths of air. Not much time is left for the usual cold of sunrise to go and for the usual warmth of spring days to appear.

She had worried so much about how to manage not to be executed if they were ever to discover they carried Nezuko with them that she hadn’t thought about what to do when they don’t. But everything came with a price and that was the mission to kill at least one of the Twelve Demon Moons. Ayaka had cursed under her breath when Tanjirou yelled so loudly about his mission to kill Muzan Kibutsuji.

She felt for once that the expectations on her shoulders, hanging behind her like a cape, were too big. 

She was already a tsuguko, as surreal as it felt and as stranged as it appeared after so long wishing for it to happen. So now she only had one step left, and that was to become a pillar, but for Ayaka that felt like the step of a giant, that stretched countless kilometers she couldn’t run. The only thing she had left was to give a thousand small ones, it was comforting that today she had taking one, at the very least. 

“Do your injuries still hurt?” She softly asked Tanjirou, in an attempt to set alight a spark warm enough to light up the conversation.  

Tanjirou looked at her, bit his lips and returned his gaze forward. 

“Shinobu gave me some medicine, so it doesn’t hurt as much,” he bit, and that somehow was like a sword piercing through Ayaka’s chest, and when it came out it left a hole on its place. S

She could do nothing but nod. 

“I’m glad,” she said, voice becoming weaker. “She also gave me medicine.” 

She isn’t good at this. 

She noticed how Tanjirou fidgeted uncomfortably on the back of the kakushi that carried him, and seeing him so ar away from her had an effect on her she wouldn’t be able to distinguish, but she felt annoyed, as much as she could with the traces of Shinobu’s medicine still on her body. 

It was unbearable, not being able to put up with that strange feeling between them. The anger towards Tanjirou when all the Zenitsu thing happened had ben one thing, but this was completely different. She was really too impatient to deal with it any longer.

“I’m sorry for trying to… you know…” Ayaka said, gesturing with her hand without averting her gaze from Tanjirou, who turned to her with something on his eyes she couldn’t decipher, as deep as she looked, or because she couldn’t look at something deeper than the surface. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t take your feelings into account, because I did, but I couldn’t let that stop me from saving my parents from an assured death sentence.”

Tanjirou’s lips pressed together into a thin line. He appeared to bit the inside of his cheek and Ayaka got to see what she believed to be regret, but she didn’t know what Tanjirou couldhold regret for. Both of them were too tired after such a strange night. 

“I knew what you wanted to do, and I don’t blame you for it, if I was also given the option to sacrifice myself for my family I would do so without thinking about anything else,” Tanjirou started and Ayaka couldn’t help her eyebrows rising on a worried grimace. 

Then he pressed his lips together once again, taking a breath of air as Ayaka waited for him to continue, strangely more patient than she would usually be.

“But for some reason it bothers me,” Tanjirou confessed, bringing a hand up to his hair and shaking it nervously. He was doing it again, that weird habit of waving fastly and clumsily when he got nervous. “And I know it shouldn’t, it’s your life and you should do whatever you want with it, but for you to sacrifice because of something I’ve gotten you into it’s just…” 

He growled in frustration, messing further with his hair. Ayaka’s eyes were wide open. 

“So you’re not… mad?” Ayaka asked, leaning her head to the side. Her nose scrunched up. “I thought it would bother you for me not to take your feelings into consideration.” 

The kakushi that carried Ayaka adjusted her on her back, and she allowed her to get a better hold of her because she knew she was heavy and that carrying her all the way must be exhausting. 

“Do you want me to be mad?” Tanjirou asked, more aggressive and frustrated with her, maybe even with himself, that she’s ever seen him. And Ayaka didn’t know what to say to that, so she only looked with raised eyebrows at the way Tanjirou exhaled, as if he let out all his pent up feelings and his form became smaller that way. “It’s just that I don’t want anyone else to die because of me, please, promise me you won’t sacrifice yourself in my stead.” 

“So what you’re saying is that you want me to… stay with you? For me to live my life by your side?” Ayaka muttered, scratching her cheek. “That was what Oyakata-sama told me, that I should stop… sacrificing myself and living my life alongside those I sacrifice myself for,” she looked over at Tanjirou, looking closely at his lovely face, as her voice turned softer. “And I think you should stop sacrificing yourself too.” 

Tanjirou blinked, because she caught him off guard and he could do nothing but stagger.  

“What do you mean?” He asked, making sure that he was safely secured on the kakushi’s hold and that he didn’t fall when turning around so harshly. 

The kakushis complain, interrupting Ayaka as they come to the end of the way, where the Butterfly Estate finally appeared before them. 

Ayaka would have been marveled at the sight if she hadn’t known who awaited her there. 

“We’ve arrived, can you talk about this later? We seriously don’t want to listen to your problems,” the kakushi under Ayaka bitterly asked, who appeared to squint at them in irritation. 

Ayaka threw Tanjirou a brief glance before clearing her throat. 

“If it’s no bother, I would like for you to let go of me now, there’s someone waiting for me at the door,” she asked, lightly squeezing the kakushi’s shoulder. She had already noticed the small form that waited with crossed arms at the doors of the Estate, she wouldn’t like for Tanjirou to be there when  chaos ensued. 

The kakushi obeyed her, leaving Ayaka on the floor as the pair carry Tanjirou inside by the back door. She noticed the pleading look on his face, but she’d worry about that later. 

Her grandmother awaited, and she didn’t look happy. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

The blow was clean.

Accurately, her grandmother’s hand flew up to her cheek so fast she didn’t saw it coming, not even if she had wanted she had been able to dodge it, not even if she hadn’t been dizzy or slightly confused, if the world didn’t spin under her feet or if she had known where her feet were. 

The only thing she safely knew was that the strength of the blow made her end up facing the ground. 

Her eyes, as cold and accusing as they have always been, examined Ayaka carefully, digging in new cracks, searching and finding the deepest parts that could be reached. She went so deep she reached her soul, at least Ayaka felt it like that, as if her grandmother could see even the smallest corner of her mind, all places to hide, all places to take shelter on, her grandmother found her with her storm and her rain. Ayaka would never be able to hide anything, not from her, not with the crashing feeling that appeared on her chest every time Kaede Fujioka left her gaze to fall down on her. 

She could see, able to go through the smallest nooks, hidden in between the foils of what could be seen at first sight and not. It would be no use to try and raise an icy wall made out of snowy storms, just like Oyakata-sama, her grandmother could see without looking, whatever it was on cut in wouldn’t matter, because they didn’t take that way to see. 

Even so, Ayaka didn’t have the courage to look at her grandmother’s eyes, to fight against those unnerving eyes of hers from which she couldn’t escape. Maybe if Ayaka didn’t look at her she’d disappear, but it’s useless when her grandmother harshly grabbed the collar of her haori to put her down on her level, forcing her eyes to fight against hers. 

They were tough, almond shaped and of a dark gray that came close to black, like storm clouds that hovered over the sky carrying the rain and thunder used to punish her. Ayaka would prefer that over confronting her grandmother.

“Do you know how worried we were!? People on uniforms appeared at sunrise, they explained nothing, the only thing they said was it had to do with you! And of course, just as always, my grandniece didn’t reply to any letters! We thought you were dead!” Kaede shook Ayaka from side to side, as she tumbled without strength to stay on her feet in between the harsh swings of her grandmother. 

Ayaka blinked, eyes fixed on the specks of dust in the air. 

“I was going to visit soon, to tell you everything,” she muttered weakly, exhausted as the strength on her voice faded away. A marauding ghost, that was what she appeared as, everything phased through her seemingly without touching or affecting her. “First I had to make sure I could protect you, but I promise, I wanted to see you, it’s just that-” 

“And when is soon!?” Kaede inquired, eyes turning sharper. Ayaka didn’t dare reply, and her grandmother knew that, so she grabbed her shoulders harder, so hard her nail sank on her skin, as if she wanted to inject all those feelings directly into her heart through her veins. “Don’t lie to me, you weren’t going to come back.” 

She didn’t answer. Her grandmother hissed furiously and finally let her go. Ayaka fell to the floor, sight fixed on the floor, on the mud and the dirt, where she belonged. 

“Are you stupid or something!? Are you really planning on running away like a coward all your life?” Her grandmother didn’t seem to need an answer.

“I just do what I must,” Ayaka replied in a whisper, barely heard. Feelings came back, and they hit twice harder as they cracked her stoic facade, that of a frozen mountain, with ice creaking under the sun. “I’m not a coward,” she added under her breath, perfectly knowing she was.

As much as the ice melted the winds didn’t waver, her grandmother’s eyes held no mercy and they never would. Rain flooded the mountain and dragged with it the melted ice on the paths. Fury was something natural to the Fujiokas. It may come out explosively with strangers, outsiders to the holders of the wisteria name, but when it’s a fight between family members, who held the same kind of fury in their eyes, it made itself known silently, not noticed unless looked at, and there was a lot to look at on the eyes of a Fujioka. 

They stayed in silence, her grandmother didn’t avert her gaze from hers, and Ayaka wasn’t planning on doing that, either, so she fought back with all the strength she had left. She tried to defeat her, to muffle the effect her grandmother had over her. Her lower lip trembled. 

She finally gave up and looked away, while doing so the spell only her grandmother could cast upon her faded away, as she could now move her legs, fastly getting up. She brushed past her grandmother’s side without sparing her a glance, she didn’t believe she could. After all, her grandmother embodied the judging god that for once is going to punish her, she knew that, and even if she had longed for it, even if she had known that it would eventually happen because the gods aren’t merciless, (her grandmother isn’t merciless) she doesn’t want to face her own mistakes, all made in the blindness of her own pride. 

That fear, of being judged, had been hidden in a small corner, and feeling the hand of her grandmother, of Kaede Fujioka, clasp against her wrist, Ayaka knew that fear wasn’t without reason. As much as she had tried to run away she didn’t expect it to happen any other way, her grandmother had always been tenacious. 

There was nowhere to hide now. Not in Himejima-shishou's house, nor in the wisteria house embraced by Nezuko, nor under mocking comments towards Genya. Not even in between Tanjirou’s warm arms. 

“Don’t you dare run away from this. Don’t you dare run away from people that love you again.” Her grandmother’s scoldings came bitterly. She appeared to quiet down, her scorching anger turning into calm embers that lit up everything on their faint and somber essence, but that didn’t burn Ayaka any less. 

To ignore the embers she preferred to look up at the lively colours in the sky instead of the grey in the hair and the storms in the eyes she should pay attention to. To avoid feeling the guilt boiling in her throat, too. 

“I lost the haori you gave me, the one with red spider lilies,” Ayaka said. The birds started to sing and she looked at them on their early flies. “It’s been teared apart.” 

By the corner of her eye her grandmother skipped a bit, only then to squeeze her wrist tighter.

“Is that really what you care about right now? Your father is bedridden,” she hissed, sour. Ayaka felt the bitterness waving off scarlett that made her grandmother clench her jaw. “Stop acting like an immature brat for once in your life! I’ve held myself all ths time because I wanted to give your parents an opportunity to knock some sense into that empty head of yours, but I’m fed up of letting you do whatever you want as if you have that right for some reason. Do you believe that because you act as a human sacrifice for the family or because Yuu abandoned you that gives you the right to treat everyone else like trash? Your mother burst into tears and the last time I saw her I had to give her some sake so she calmed down. Don’t expect her to be sober when you see her.”

Ayaka had the feeling her grandmother wanted to slap her again, and that was what she did, leaving her grandmother heavily huffing in frustration, as Ayaka stayed looking at where her sight was pushed to, somewhere to the right where the trees surround the Butterfly Estate. The hollow pits Ayaka had for eyes appeared more empty than ever. 

“What do you mean by dad being bedridden?” 

Her grandmother’s lips tensed into a thin lin. Ayaka believed she didn’t want to hear her growl. She knew the feeling well. 

“How would you know? You don’t even read the letters.” Ayaka knew scolding was something her grandmother was prone to, there are too many things for her not to throw them at her face so they explode, because the longer she ran away the worse things she did, and so, the more are the consequences she thought about. Because Ayaka Iwamoto did nothing without surely knowing what would come after. But there were things not even she could predict. “His health has been getting worse, you’re lucky Yuu was near, he has been helping us out all this time. But when members of the Corps appeared at the door, his heart couldn’t handle it. Everything was chaos, your mother cried, Yuu was frozen, so they brought us here. Luckily he’s still alive, but even I thought his time had come.” 

The dagger deeply stabbing Ayaka’s stomach brought with it the urge to vomit and the imprisoning feeling of guilt that sticked to her chest and she couldn’t get rid of, it carved a hole where her heart should be and filled it with bitterness that crashed against her ribs. 

“But I just wanted to protect,” she got to exhale on her last breath. 

Her grandmother didn’t take much to harshly reply. 

“What were you trying to protect? Because you’re not doing any good to anyone like this, Ayaka, not like this.” Desperation wasn’t something she ever expected to hear on her grandmother’s voice. Kaede didn’t plead, nor did she crawl, at least not that Ayaka had ever seen her. It would be beneath her dignity and she had too much pride for it. 

«What were you trying to protect?» That question howled in her mind like a wolf howled in the middle of the night. 

“I just did as you said,”Ayaka replied, a small trembling making its way to her voice. “You remember, right?”  

At her grandmother’s astonished silence, Ayaka continued: 

“Mr Fluff had died but even so you insisted on going to buy mochi on New Years just like we always did, but we ran across… across Yuu and the others. I hid in some alley because I was scared of encountering them but you went after me right after and told me I was better than them, that I was still a Fujioka even if I was called Iwamoto, that Fujiokas don’t let anyone walk all over them-” 

"To remember that if someone threw a rock at you, to throw two back. That we’d go out there and demonstrate we’re way better, that we were above all those peasants,” Kaede completed. On her tongue there was the taste of regret, and she laid her eyes, old and tired, on the white and purple haori over Ayaka’s shoulders. “So you talked with Oyakata-sama.” 

Ayaka barely nodded. Her wrist was finally freed, so she hugged herself tightly. Her own embrace wasn’t the one she was looking for. 

Kaede sighed heavily, bringing a hand up to her head and massaging on the roots of her silver hair. She looked smaller now, as if the fury on her body escaped through her nose as she breathed until the extra feelings escaped and she went back to her usual size. She didn’t look fearsome this way. 

“I thought you wore the haori just to visit, to please me, since you didn’t reply to the letters, what possibility was there of you wearing the haori your loathed grandmother sent you?” She drily said, closing her eyes in annoyance as the wrinkles on her forehead, consequently, became heavier. “Although that was stupid of me, when I was young I would have never done something like that, I didn’t know why I expected you to do that.” 

Ayaka’s head shook, and she rubbed her arms as if she was suddenly cold.

There had always been a rift between her and her grandmother, she had been very young when she had started to see her as the embodiment of stoicism, of strength, of the calmness of a warrior. But seeing her so worried and strained, so damn human, she looked just like her grandmother, no one else. 

“I wore your haori, even growing my hair out to wear a bun, because I wanted to be like you,” she confessed, and although Ayaka didn’t look at her grandmother, she seemed to drink up every one of her words. “I remembered those words every day, your words, and they helped me move forward. I knew I would always have my sword and the feeling of being better than anyone else. I was convinced that if I had that I wouldn’t need anyone else, that it wouldn’t matter when everyone else left.” 

It could maybe be the first time she was so honest, hiding feelings was something she was good at, if not, maybe her parents would have gone mad, at least that was what she believed. But now that the dam had come crashing down on her all those feelings overflowed, and they soaked and flooded everything on their path, and all that was destroyed turned into relief. At least, not that she didn’t carry all of it on her shoulders, not anymore. 

Ayaka managed to gather what little was left of her to form a broken smile, that trembled on its remains as she let her watery gaze fall on her grandmother. 

“But I don’t think that will work anymore. Not from now on, at least. It will be no use to devote myself to killing demons.” 

Her grandmother was small but Ayaka fit perfectly in between her arms. The smell of wisteria was as comforting as charcoal could have been. 

So Ayaka let her grandmother wrap her in between flowers, and she cried. 

It was nothing compared to the silent crying on Oyakata’s shoulder. This time, she was free enough from Shinobu’s medicine as her feelings flooded everything, and Ayaka let loud sobs come from her as a waterfall of tears fell. They were rowdy, they were noisy and they broke the silence like bullets piercing through the air. She could care less about people close listening, so she wept and wailed until her throat was dry and it was painful to continue. 

The skillful fingers of her grandmother flew up to Ayaka’s hair.. 

“Oh, gods, this is all my fault,” she muttered with something on her eyes close to pain. 

Kaede got her closer to her chest and Ayaka believed to imagine she held her in tenderness, but she wasn’t delirious, so she knew that was true. 

“I already know, grandma.” A muffled sob escaped from her throat. “I know what I do is wrong but I’m so scared. If I don’t hurt I’m the one who gets hurt, and I don’t want that, but if I distance myself it hurts so much. I needed to become stronger so I couldn’t be hurt but now I’m still weak and the one who hurts. I can’t stand living like this. I’ve hurt so many people and even so they’ve made me tsuguko, I don’t deserve it, i don’t deserve being rewarded as I walk over so many lives. I’m sorry, “another pained sob got muffled on her grandmother’s shoulder.” I’m so sorry grandma, please help me, I’m so scared.” 

«What were you trying to protect? Me, I was trying to protect me. No one else, only me.»

“I’m glad Oyakata-sama softened you,” Kaede confessed, never ceasing on her caresses. “This is what you needed, not turning into some kind of killing machine.”

Because the essential is invisible to the eyes. 

She had been such a fool. 

“By the way, there’s a guy that’s been muttering your name ever since he arrived. He walked in covered in bandages and claiming how he had proven to you he wasn’t a coward, at least not a little bit, what did you tell him?” Her grandmother asked, scolding burning on her tongue. 

“Oh, gods, spare me.” Ayaka pleaded in a whisper.  

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Muffled horror wasn’t enough to describe the feeling overwhelming Ayaka’s entire body. 

She stared at Zenitsu’s arms, which were small and the sleeves of his clothes didn’t manage to cover completely. She didn’t like this feeling.  

“What… what happened to you?” Her voice was low, eyebrows slightly furrowing, the most they could. 

Relax flowed through her veins, as if she had just taken a bath. There was a hunch whispering it was exhaustion, but she made her eyes go from one place to another on Zenitsu’s body, restlessly on their worry. First they fell on the leg, then to the right arm, that had gotten smaller to a size that shouldn’t be normal, his left arm erratically shook under the blanket, but thankfully his left leg was okay.

Both Tanjirou and Zenitsu skipped a bit at her sudden question and they turned around to face her as if she had manifested like a ghostly presence. Zenitsu yelled in a high pitched voice, reaching unexpectedly high frequencies. 

“When did you arrive!? Say something first, will you!? You’re gonna kill me!” He shrieked as he threw himself at her waist. “It was horrible, A-chan! Super horrible! A bunch of spiders bit me and everything hurts because of the poison! And now a very mean girl scolds me all the time!” 

The gooey snot sticked to Ayaka’s clothes, but there were other things that worried her. She didn’t ask about the “very mean girl”. 

“Stop holding onto me.” She hesitated, moving in order to pass the only not broken arm she had left over Zenitsu to hug him back. “You shouldn’t.” 

Now that Zenitsu was in front of him Ayaka couldn’t help but feel hopelessly embarrassed. If she could dig a hol and bury herself alive, she would, but instead of doing that she avoided looking at Zenitsu, who rubbed his face more insistently against her stomach as her hold around him tightened.

Kaede, whose head appeared by Ayaka’s chest, also appeared out of nowhere. So for the second time, Tanjirou and Zenitsu skipped a bit. 

“That a bunch of spiders bite you? You finished off a demon by yourself, fighting against the poison as well. Have some pride and give yourself some credit,” she growled making Zenitsu flinch.

“Ah, good morning, Kaede-san, I hadn’t seen you!” Tanjirou continued on the arms of the kakushi, and it didn’t seem he was going to get down anytime sure. Kaede greeted back with the same cheerfulness.

Her gradniece’s eyebrows raised, gaze diverting to Zenitsu, who hummed in confusion.

“What are you saying? Don’t lie, I’m not that strong,” he muttered, the most deadpan Ayaka had ever seen him as he buried himself deeper into her stomach. 

“So you went into the mountain, even after I told you not to,” Ayaka said, head leaning to the side making her hair graze Zenitsu’s face, who huffed to brush it away. “I remember seeing you flying through the sky, but I guess it could have been a dream.”

The little faith she had left in her eyes told her that was impossible, that it couldn’t be real. 

Zenitsu exploded in hysterical yelling, but never did he get his arms off her:

“Then it was a dream! I could barely survive the poison, a coward like could have never done that! Do you really want me to believe a lie!?” 

The feeling painted across Kaede’s face was one difficult to describe, as if she believed Zenitsu was calling her dumb. There was something extremely offensive about accusing her judgement of being wrong. 

“Aya,” Tanjirou worriedly turned around to look at her. Both ignored Zenitsu’s noisy protests. “You’re… really calm.” 

He barely got a hum as an answer.

“That must be because she’s sick, Shinobu’s medicine must have stopped working. I think she can’t get angry,” Kaede answered in her stead, holding her grandniece by her lower back to avoid her stumbling back. “She gets either in a bad mood or extremely calm, and I think it’s the latter.”

She said this as she eyed the way Zenitsu’s snot fastly started covering all of Ayaka’s clothes and the way her unfocused eyes didn’t mind it.

At listening Zenitsu’s whining, which hadn’t stopped yet, a girl bursted through the nursery’s room, hurrying to them in a determined pace. She didn’t look very happy.

“Please shut up already! If you continue on like this I’ll have to tie you up to the bed!” She yelled at Zenitsu, hands on both sides of her waist. 

«This girl looks reliable», Ayaka thought, squinting. She wore a demon slayer’s uniform under a medical apron, blueish black hair up on two ponytails at both sides of her head.. 

“Oh, excuse him, that’s normal for him,” Ayaka shily tried to excuse, squeezing tighter on her hug to Zenitsu as he hid behind her back trying to protect himself from the girl’s scolding. Then she stretched out a hand to the girl, who eyed it curiously. “Nice to meet you, I’m Ayaka, you must be the very mean girl.” 

The girl shook her hand in determination, squeezing in a way it made Ayaka remember her many wounds, never stopping on sending daggers with her eyes to Zenitsu.

”I’m Aoi, I work on the medical wing.” At doing so she nodded solemnly implying in some way they understood each other. Maybe it was because of Zenitsu. 

Ayaka reached the conclusion she liked this girl. 

Aoi harshly turned around and got out of the room, cursing under her breath about how she couldn’t believe something like this could happen to her.

Yes, they definitely understood each other. 

“What about Inosuke and Murata? Has someone seen them?” Tanjirou asked in worry. Zenitsu slightly left Ayaka’s side, leaving on his way a path of disgusting snot that hung from his nose. 

“I know nothing about that Murata guy, but Inosuke is right here,” he said, going back to Ayaka’s stomach. 

The three of them turned around to look at the next bed, where they see Inosuke’s boar head peeking through the sheets. 

“Is that a pig?” Kaede whispered to Ayaka, who could do nothing but nod. It’s not like she could deny it. “What kind of friends have you made?”

Ayaka gave her a slow blink.

“Friends…” she said in a whisper. “Good ones.” 

Tanjirou hurriedly got away from the kakushi’s hold, he would have crashed against the floor if Ayaka hadn’t raised her leg to help him up, eventually falling flat against Zenitsu’s bed.

“He was right there and I didn’t notice!” He exclaimed at the brim of tears. “Inosuke, I’m so glad you're okay! I’m sorry for not helping you!” 

Ayaka squinted at his crying figure. What did he have to be sorry for?

The boar didn’t move on the bed, he wasn’t as explosive as he usually was. Instead he stayed still, hopelessly defeated. 

“Don’t worry. It doesn’t matter.” As if Zenitsu had pierced through her with his Lightning Breathing, Ayaka felt an electrifying blow fill in her ears out of pure astonishment at Inosuke, now his voice, weak and strange, didn’t match him. His boar head slightly moved to face her, still clutching Zenitsu to her distractedly with eyes wide open. “Did you kill any demons?” 

Besides the strange feeling of not seeing Inosuke yell and cackle with his low, powerful voice there was also a disappointed feeling, realizing she had been completely useless that night. Ayaka couldn’t help but think her promises were losing their credibility.

“No,” she replied, trying not to think much about it and instead focusing on the boar’s blue eyes. “You?” 

“Me neither.” 

Over them both fell a strange silent veil, a thoughtful and mournful air where they bowed their heads down and accepted they’ve been defeated, all energy they had previously held now completely lost. For people like them, who carry arrogance and pride in their eyes, it was much more strangely seeing them in silence, because that meant there was something very, very wrong. 

“I think he got his throat crushed or something,” Zenitsu whispered to Tanjirou. Both of them stayed looking at the usually explosive duo. “I don’t know the details, but it seems they cracked his neck. Worst of it was the yell he gave at the end. That was what finally smashed his throat.” 

“He gave himself in?” Tanjirou asked in raised eyebrows. On his sunny eyes bubbled worry, and how could it not. 

“These kids obsessed with demons, always wanting to get killed,” Kaede muttered under her breath, eyes heavily rolling to the side. Then she turned around to her grandniece. “You should rest, you look horrible.” 

She easily grabbed Ayaka’s good arm, making her leave Zenitsu’s side to guide her to one of the free beds. 

“Where’s dad?” Ayaka asked, leaning her head to the side. “I need to see him, and I’m sure mum-” 

The sound of something crashing in a thousand pieces harshly interrupted her. 

Kaede froze up, so she could escape away from her hold with ease. 

“It’s her, isn’t it?” She didn’t need her grandmother to say more, so before her paralyzed storms, she walked off.

Her mother was in the room at the end of the corridor, head on the desk and a bottle on hand. Tears soaked her face along with the scarlet on her cheeks. 

Yuu was with her, holding her shoulders and sweetly whispering to her ears. The sight felt familiar. 

At the creaking of the door he turned around, surprised to the point of nearly letting go of her mother’s shoulders, who tumbled with her own feet somehow fussy. 

“Kobayashi.” His surname felt unknown rolling out of her tongue because he had never been Kobayashi, he had always been Yuu, but she couldn’t let him know that.  

Rests of something broken laid on the floor, parts of some vase or other things people used to decorate rooms her mother probably threw to the floor in her clumsiness. Ayaka would have to pay for that to lady Shinobu later. 

“Ayaka, uh, Kaori-san... “. Hesitation waved off him, but it wasn’t like that surprised her as she stared at Yuu restlessly looking between her and her mother. 

“You can go, I’ll take care of mum now.” Despite her best efforts on slowly going to her mother, she flinched when she gave a step too close. 

Her mother brushed her away when Ayaka tried to hold her shoulders, also escaping from Yuu and ending up leaning against the wall. 

She looked like a complete disaster, breathing heavily as if she had been hiccuping for too long and messy clothes that showed too much skin. It was hard to believe that was her mother, despite everything, she was a well groomed woman, happiness bursting from her in shining smiles. She didn’t wave off happiness now, and Ayaka could only see resentment. But it wasn’t like her eyes saw what was in front of them. 

“Oh, so now you want to get close to me?” Words came out in bitter hisses, there was only disgust, utter and complete disgust on the gaze her mother held. “Don’t you dare touch me.” 

“Mom, stop it, you’re not on your right mind” she told her instead, trying to hold her once again, but Kaori faded away from her fingers as if she was made out of water and Ayaka stared as she did so.

“No,” came her stubborn reply, shaking her head repeatedly. “I’m not as much of a disgrace for you to take care of me. I should be the one to support you, father.”

Yuu took a step towards her, and for some reason her mother allowed him to take her trembling shoulders. 

“We’ve had a tough morning, Kaori-san, I think we should go to sleep,” he said, only as he knew how to.

Ayaka made the attempt off laying a hand on her mother’s shoulders, but her touch burned and she hissed, as if her daughter was a boiling nail that burned stronger the more she held onto it It had finally reached her bones.

“I’m… I’m…” Her mother strongly bit her lip only to burst open like flames. “I’m mad at you!”

Her face turned a strong scarlet red, as scarlet red as the spider lilies in her garden. 

“Was it so much trouble to write back? Were we such a bother?” No, you weren’t. “I tried to support you, to make everything I could to help you. But you couldn’t even dare to write a miserable letter!?”

There was something sour making its way to Ayaka’s throat she couldn’t get rid of, the feeling of bile going up to her mouth left a burning, acid taste. 

“Mum.” Her hand stopped on her way to her mother, she knew if she got closer she would only get away, but just if she gave a step, just if she stretched out her hand more, embracing her mother could be so easy. And yet, she didn’t, white hand sliding back to the safety of hanging limp by her waist.

“Am I such a bad mother, Ayaka?” She whispered. “Am I such a bad mother?” 

How would you know this was what she has been thinking all this time? Why would you care if that was the case? After all, you care about no one but yourself and your worthless pride. 

Because you wanted to die a hero. 

Because you wanted to be admired by everyone around you to forget about the fact you’re as horrible as a demon. Because you will never get to be like Shishou or Kanao Tsuyuri. And you’ll die a worthless bastard loved by no one, because you can’t love anyone back. And then you blame everyone else to get that guilt off your shoulders, but gods are wise and they know.

When Ayaka looked at Yuu, he seemed lost, which was something to be expected from him. His pleading gaze drilled into her mind, as if asking for her help. 

Never had she been prone to shame, her pride was too much to feel that kind of feeling, but it arrived in waves as huge as tsunamis, and Ayaka was on the immense blue sea once again, and she was drowning with Takeshi’s head right next to her.

So she walked out of the room, squeezing her fist for a second before letting it hang limp by her side just like her broken arm, despite Yuu’s pleading expression and the weight on her own chest. 

Her grandmother was outside, leaning against the doorside. Ayaka had the feeling she had been there for quite a while. 

“Sadness can easily turn into anger, you should know that more than anyone,” she told her, wisdom shining under her eyes with a gray light.  

The mournful silence that installed itself around her grandniece was unusual. She went back to some random bed in the nursery and collapsed on it, facing down because the deep cut Rui had slashed on her back still hurt.

“A-chan?” Zenitsu asked, two beds away from hers.

Ayaka buried herself under the blanket. 

“Give me five minutes, will you?” 

After those five minutes, she was no longer awake. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

For some unknown reason, Kanao Tsuyuri didn’t entirely dislike Ayaka Iwamoto.

It wasn’t that she liked Ayaka, she actually found her loud and mean, but she wasn’t exactly scared off by those traits either.  

If there was something she could compare her with, it would be with a stray dog, constantly biting whoever dared to get too close before they could bite her. Kanao didn’t know why, but her presence brought a breath of fresh air in her small hollow heart, where she believed nothing would ever fit that wasn’t the desire to kill demons. 

Kanao’s eyes allowed her to see more than others, small movements that any other wouldn’t see, but as powerful as they were, emptiness remained in them before everything, would it be a demon or her sister’s death. She could see, but it was no use with a heart that didn’t throb.

Something she could see, too, was that Ayaka’s eyes weren’t like hers. 

Ayaka didn’t see like her, but that wasn’t what made them different. In her eyes stayed the embers of a prior Sun that had shone and made flourish entire meadows, now leaving on its path frozen valleys and icy mountains. But in Kanao’s there weren’t even ashes,  because her Sun had been extinguished before it could burn and she nearly believed to be jealous, but that was impossible because for her everything was numb. Even so she couldn’t avoid listening to the whispers in her chest that rose higher every time against the wall of her own silence, that didn't stop yelling, and Kanao, for once, felt something, and it was confusion. 

She had listened to her sobs the day she arrived, and that was something Kanao had been deprived of, the right the gods gave her to cry. All that made her human had been snatched away from her just like that, and she couldn’t even wonder if she was truly human once or if she had always been a doll. 

And she tried, with all the strength her heart could gather and a golden coin, and with time she could decide if she liked meat or fish the most, if she wanted to join the Demon Slaying Corps or not, the surname she wanted to be called by, but it wasn’t enough. 

If she had other eyes, maybe it wouldn’t matter so much, but she was cursed with being able to see and the smiles, the frowns, the smirks, they all show themselves in every detail, and they only emphasized on the fact that she will never be able to smile genuinely, she won’t be able to get annoyed by the smallest details and she won’t be able to scowl when something disappointed her. 

Because Kanao Tsuyuri was a doll with a soul that abandoned her long ago, and feeling nothing was torture. 

If Kanao didn’t feel, Ayaka felt too much. She made sharp remarks, bickered viciously and laughed with her friends, her tongue appeared to have a life of her own because she never held back the thousand thoughts that appeared on her mind, as distasteful as they may have been. And Kanao found herself looking at her too much, hoping something rubbed off on her so she too could express herself with such freedom.

Such was her luck that she had the opportunity of looking at her all day, because Kanao was assigned as her caretaker until the arm she broke healed, as if she had to fix the harm she did in some way. 

An arm less, Ayaka was, what one would say, useless. She couldn’t even hold a spoon, so, of course, the sword was off limits.  

Rui’s threads hadn’t only left permanent scars on her forearms and under her knees, but the one that licked her back turned to a horrible purple colour that soon started to spread all over her body. According to what Shinobu had said, the demo used part of his blood. As it was no ordinary blood, her body reacted as it would with poison, strongly fighting against it and shutting down her legs, where the blood had gone from the main injury, leaving the lower part of her body paralyzed. She healed, slowly, but bit by bit she was the only one left bedridden from her friends. 

Kanao was a doll that moved, meanwhile, Ayaka was one that didn’t, but they couldn’t be two dolls any more different. 

She complained when Shinobu told her friends to start the Functional Recovery Training, as she was chained down to bed because of a pair of legs that didn’t move the way she wanted it to. She grumbled when Kanao fed her and she buried herself deeply under the blankets when the others disappeared during training, Kanao following them just a moment later, enough so for her eyes to fix on Ayaka just before going out the door. 

She was strange, never before had Kanao seen someone like her. Before Kanae died, she would say the most similar to Ayaka she had seen was Shinobu, but not even her master was so snarky.

Her strangeness levels went over the roof when she saw her appear at the door of the training dojo, a painful expression so clear on her face she’d envy to imitate and digging her nails on the wall to drag herself over the corridors with her trembling legs.  

Kanao barely got her gaze off the vases on the table. Tanjirou did, just for a moment, to get his eyes to Ayaka. It was enough for Kanao to throw the medicine to his face, leaving disgusting water to drip from his hair. 

He didn’t care, as he left the vase on the table that couldn’t have thrown at Kanao even if he had wanted to and walked off towards Ayaka, over whose forehead fell fat drips of sweat.

“You can’t be here, you know Shinobu told you to rest,” he scolded, but Kanao didn’t lose how his hands hold Ayaka’s forearm, nor how she leaned on him. 

“But I want to train, Total Concentration Breathing helps me move,” she bit back, as if she wanted to convince him rather than do as she pleased either way. 

“I’ve been using it all the time I’ve been on bed, it’s no different from now, see?” To emphasize her point she pointed to her legs with her eyes, but they trembled even if Tanjirou held her. 

And then she did the unthinkable, she put on puppy eyes. If it had been her, Kanao would have said yes to everything she asked without the need for a coin.

“If you force yourself too much you’ll just have to spend more time in bed, it’s a bad idea,” Tanjirou said, but he was fastly separated from Ayaka as Inosuke jumped towards them both, taking Ayaka off the floor with ease and sitting her on his shoulder.

“Alana, you finally came! Why did you take so long! If you stay too far behind it will be no fun to fight against you later!” He cackled, as Ayaka appeared annoyed for a minute by the calling of a name that wasn’t her until finally sighing and putting on a smile in between tired and amused, patting softly Inosuke’s muscly arm with her only one left. 

“Yeah, I was also starting to get impatient, big boy,” she said, a sharpness under her voice she emphasized with a glare to Tanjirou.

Zenitsu was the last one they got a reaction out from, but that didn’t mean it was less heartfelt. His face exploded in brightness, as he walked over to his friends even more energetically than Inosuke

“A-chan, you came! We can train together now, we’ll play tag and touch hands when we practice our reflexes with the vases and…!” He continued spluttering out all possible ways for them to touch while training, which seemed to be his only motivation. Tanjirou’s disgusted glare made him stop, luckily

“Zenitsu, Ayaka shouldn’t train, she still has a broken arm,” Tanjirou reminded, holding her by her forearms to get her down from Inosuke’s shoulder. 

She stumbled, and despite her heavy breathing she was finally able to stand without help. 

“I can train, really,” she said, this time looking at Aoi, who only gave her a raised eyebrow. 

Kanao didn’t stand up from her place behind the table, and she didn’t believe she had done anything for Aoi to look at her so intensely. If it had been any other person they would have skipped a bit or flinched, Aoi had that effect on people, but it was Kanao, and she couldn’t. 

“You’re her caretaker, right? Decide for yourself what she should do,” she said, as if it was that simple.

Kanao felt herself paralyze. 

«Master didn’t tell me what to do if this happened.»

She could take decisions, she was able to decide if she preferred meat over fish, if she wanted to join the Demon Saying Corps or not, the surname she wanted to be called by, but she couldn’t decide something she wasn’t prepared for. 

Ayaka grumbled, just as Kanao had grown used to expect: 

“Don’t tell me butterfly girl is the one that will decide if I stay or not.” 

Kanao didn’t squint, nor did she frown, yet her thoughts were clear. «Why are you so mean?»

Sweat fell down Kanao’s forehead, even if it wasn’t not summer nor her sister’s funeral. Her fingers instinctively ran to her pocket, where she took the golden coin that flew when she threw it at the air and fell clear on her palm. Kanao’s hand kept it there, and when she lifted it again, tails was looking back up at her. 

“Well?” Aoi asked, hands at both sides of her waist.

It was strange for her to hesitate, and like when she was told not to go to the Final Selection and she did either way, she felt her heart become just a bit bigger. 

“Okay,” she announced, a smile that hung heavy on her face. 

The embers on Ayaka’s eyes burnt in happiness and she smiled victoriously at Tanjirou’s puffed out cheeks. 

“Then let’s get started! Get up, butterfly girl, because I’ve been wanting to fight against you for a while now!” She looked the most cheerful Kanao had seen her in weeks, as strange as it was while  looking so thirsty for blood. Maybe she wanted to get back at Kanao for feeding her or for breaking her arm, or simply because Ayaka was just as jealous of Kanao as Kanao was of her, for completely different reasons. 

For the time being, Kanao will keep to herself that “tails” meant “no”. 

Ayaka and Kanao were different dolls, but they weren’t as different from one another as they made it out to be.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

It was clear as crystal that Kanao was better than Ayaka, but even so, she knew how to give a good fight. 

She jumped, rolled and slid until there was no corner of the room left untouched, but it wasn’t enough for her to touch Kanao. Nevertheless their fight was something worth witnessing, because soon, Aoi, Tanjirou, Zenitsu and Inosuke stayed at one side. Their heads fastly moved, trying to follow as best as they could the two winds that the tsugukos appeared to turn into. It was only when Ayaka started to breath heavily that they moved at a speed in which they could be clearly seen. 

“Don’t make those faces, tsugukos are simply on another level,” Aoi said when she saw the different feelings on the boys’ faces, ranging from excited to horrified. “They’re way ahead of you, they’ll become the next pillars, and that’s huge.” 

The only thing that could be heard besides the winds of Ayaka and Kanao’s movements was the sound the boys made as they swallowed.

Ayaka’s feet fixed on the wall and she propelled herself in a jump towards Kanao, who spinned elegantly and got to dodge her as if she was dancing. Ayaka was unable to stop and rolled clumsily over the floor, but she had enough control over herself to slide and stop abruptly, her gaze always fixed on Kanao. 

She charged at her once again, but Kanao jumped back and Aya found herself face to face with the wall. She used her leg to regain control of her body, impulsing herself there once again to try and get to Kanao. As skillful as Ayaka expected Kanao to be, she kneeled and Ayaka flew over her head. 

She was forced to use her only hand left to grab the floor and stop herself from sliding, but this time, she jumped up, raising a leg over her hip to make it go down with the intention of crashing Kanao. Kanao barely blinked, giving a step back so Ayaka’s foot hammered in the floor instead of in her head. Tanjirou recognized it, it was the same kick that had given him a broken jaw.

A frustrated huff came out of Ayaka and with a hand she got to support herself against the floor enough to get the foot out of the hole. She made one last attempt to hit Kanao, this time with her elbow, but she stumbled. 

By then Ayaka was taking great breaths of air, and she growled. That was when Kanao recognized on her body she wouldn’t be able to stay on her feet any longer, although she was surprised about how long Ayaka had managed to last and it was no coincidence. She must have done something similar lots of times to be used to last in such an estate for so long. 

But tag was all about speed, not stamina, and Kanao was good at that, since she had a thin form that she got to move easily. As ironic as it was, she had always had total control over her body, even if she wasn’t able to paint expressions on her face how she pleased. For her it wasn’t hard to lean on the tips of her feet and spin, to move from one side to the other in small jumps, touches that barely made a sound against her tiptoes and twirls a dancer would be jealous to imitate. 

Kanao was as delicate as a flower and that infuriated Ayaka, because she outmatched her, she outmatched her with a damn unwavering smile on her face and no effort, even if Ayaka was good at what she did. It had been easy to learn Stone Breathing and it had been easy to learn how to use the sword and even so Kanao Tsuyuri outmatched her, but that wasn’t why Ayaka gave a step too much to the side, stumbled and finally collapsed. 

It felt just like losing against Genya, after years of frustrated attempts, and that similarity alone left a sour taste on her mouth which she focused on instead of feeling the pulsing pain that fastly coursed through her legs. 

“That’s enough,” Aoi said to no one on particular to then fix her gaze on Kanao, who had abruptly stopped and only stared at the scene. “Help me get her to bed. Seriously, I don’t know why you left her stay. Her body is already how it is, I don’t even want to imagine the lecture we will suffer at the hands of Shinobu-sama once she sees her.” 

Tanjirou stepped up before Kanao could follow any orders. “I can carry her!” But he was stopped harshly by Aoi’s hand. 

“Don’t even think about it, your bones are already as they are,” she reminded him, scolding.

Zenitsu puffed out his chest in pride. The face Zenitsu made was everything Aoi needed to know. It was the same he put on everytime he tried to look good in front of the girls during training.

“I’ll offer my help to carry her to take that weight off your shoulders.”

“Not you,” Aoi sentenced without hesitation.

“Then  I’ll do it, since you weaklings can’t!” Inosuke exclaimed, voice strong as always. 

The expression on Aoi’s face was enough for everyone to know that, if Zenitsu wasn’t a good option, Inosuke wasn’t better either. 

“I’ll… just do it… myself.” Ayaka talked for the first time in between huffs, but even so her knees stayed fixed on the floor and her shoulders shook in trembles. She tried to stand up, only to miserably fall to the ground. “Goddamnit.” She muttered painfully.

Before Aoi could say anything else, the three girls who also took care of the nursery bursted into the room, carrying with them futons and countless pillows. They had expressions of joy on their faces, chatting happily with one another.

“Then what do you think it could be, nii-chan?” They insisted, smiling at someone behind them. 

«Nii-chan?» Ayaka thought venomously. 

Over their heads there was Yuu, who was just as happy as the girls as they talked about things with names too complicated for Ayaka to understand, and there was tenderness in his voice, one she hadn’t heard in a long time. 

“It could be osteoarthrosis if it’s just pain on the bones, but if it’s an old person it would be more difficult to-...” He stopped himself abruptly, the red flying up in an instant to his cheeks and ears.

This had been an aspect of Yuu she had never met, little kids used to disgust him, as far as she knew. Actually, it was just that she hadn’t seen him being affectionate with them before, and Yuu with kids wasn’t something that fit on the image she had of him. 

Ayaka had known the Yuu that was malicious and he was the one she remembered the most, but she had also met the Yuu that was tender and the Yuu that told lame jokes, but she hadn’t met the Yuu that liked kids. Never would have black-nose-Yuu been so entertained in a mere conversation with little girls, at least not the memory she knew and treasured.

Aoi sighed in relief at seeing him, instead, Ayaka trembled, and she didn’t know if it was out of an old habit or because she was just too tired. 

“Kobayashi-kun, you came at the right moment, did you finish trimming the bushes?” She asked, still kneeling beside Ayaka. 

He nearly stuttered, but as much as he stopped the hesitation on his tongue, he wasn’t able to hide the blush that appeared on his cheeks. Ayaka wondered what he could even be ashamed about. 

“Yes, I… I trimmed them the way you asked me to,” he muttered under his breath, as if he lacked it. His fingers clutched to the futon on his arms tighter than necessary.

“Perfect, then you can carry Ayaka to her bed as me and Kanao continue training with the others,” Aoi sentenced, as she stepped aside to let the girls place the futons and pillows on the floor. Zenitsu seemed to love this part of training, expressing it through a smile that evidently hid other intentions, evil intentions.  

Yuu put himself between him and the little girls mechanically, getting his attention back to Ayaka and Aoi once he made sure Zenitsu didn’t get too close to the girls. At this point, even he knew Zenitsu was a weirdo.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he muttered to Aoi, and his blush only got worse. 

“No, do it,” Ayaka interrupted him, with the bitterness of poison sputtering out uncontrolled and abundant through her tongue and eyes. “It doesn’t matter to me.”

Aoi shrugged, seeing no trouble as she let Yuu slide an arm under Ayaka’s legs, encircling her back with the other and letting her head lean on his chest.

If someone had told her Yuu would ever be so tall and thin, it wouldn’t have surprised him, because Yuu had always been more bones and legs than flesh, but suddenly feeling it as he lifted her up into the air was something completely different.

Yuu only prayed for Ayaka not to kill him on the way to the nursery. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Remember when I said you and A-chan sounded like past lovers?” Zenitsu commented once him, Tanjirou and Inosuke started to stretch after training. 

Tanjirou got his hands down to the floor and looked up at him, curious. 

“Yeah, why?” He asked, as Inosuke’s head peeked in between his own legs, bragging more than genuinely stretching. 

“Gonpachiro and Yosano were lovers!?” He butted in, with his usual booming voice. “That’s why she seems to hate and love you so much at the same time! She didn’t get to eat your head because you broke up with her beforehand and now she’s angry!” 

Zenitsu dedicated him the glance he had learned from Tanjirou.

“A-chan isn’t a praying mantis, stupid,” he scolded harshly, then getting his attention back to Tanjirou. “Well, I take it back.”

Tanjirou’s head of red hair peeked questioning from the floor.

“Just like that? It’s not like I care but… “ He shrugged.” I just find it weird for you to bring it up now.”

Zenitsu nodded, and his blonde strands jumped up and down along with him. 

“A-chan and that guy Kobayashi-kun are the ones that sound like ex lovers, in comparison, you guys were only strangers trying not to greet each other in the street. Instead, they have history,” he said as if having history changed everything. Tanjirou didn’t get what he meant, as much as Yuu had told him.

The boar’s head appeared right in front of Zenitsu’s nose, who jumped scared and screamed, finally tripping and falling to the floor with a pained moan. 

“That’s true! Akami really wanted his head on a silver plate!” Inosuke cackled. “I would love to see how she eats it!”

“For the last time, A-chan isn’t a bug!” Zenitsu exclaimed from the floor. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The moment they went out of the room, Yuu felt the intensity of Ayaka’s eyes in him. Just like when they were children, she didn’t stop looking at him, and just like when they were children, he didn’t dare look back. Ayaka’s eyes weren’t normal and they had never been, and their strength climbing its way up his back as if it were vines cam with a cold sensation. 

Because Ayaka Iwamoto was a reminder of his mistakes, all of them, and Yuu didn’t want to think about his past, he just wanted for it to be buried like a corpse he murdered the night before. Never to be found, never for Yuu to be imprisoned.

He coughed slightly in an attempt for Ayaka to stop staring, but she didn’t, and her gaze only turned more intense, as she now only looked at him without blinking. The vines grew taller and covered his back, they appeared to squeeze his chest, but Yuu didn’t know if it was because of Ayaka’s eyes or because he had been thinking too much about his mother lately. 

“So you’ve… made friends?” He asked, letting the words roll over his tongue slowly, fearing Ayaka would jump from his arms and hit him in the face. 

Even if he knew he deserved it, and he wouldn’t stop her if she tried, being punched was still quite painful. 

If Ayaka had made friends then he would have been able to put off the feeling that stayed bubbling at the end of his stomach. Then he would tell himself “hey, you fucked her up enough to ruin the relationships with her family, but the girl has friends. Good job, asshole, you didn’t ruin it as much as you believed you did” and that would be a remedy to wash away the bitterness of the heavy ball that was guilt, enough so for Yuu to live with himself knowing both his parents were dead and that everything he touched ended up in ruins.

“You didn’t tell me you knew so much about medicine, Kobayashi.” Ayaka avoided his question entirely and went to wherever she wanted to go talking about what Yuu knew or didn’t. “I thought it was something temporary, you never wanted to be a doctor like your mother.” 

Yuu unconsciously tensed his mouth in fury.

“I don’t want to be a doctor.” That aggressive bark would have been something more proper to Ayaka than to him, but it came out of his throat, so Yuu had to accept it was something that belonged to him. 

The vines squeezing him backed away. Ayaka’s gaze held something close to pity, there was no way to tell if it was regret or nostalgia. 

“Those slayers you’ve seen, “she finally said, voice softer and less accusatory. Yuu couldn’t come up with what it was that had made her soften. “I actually don’t know what to call them, they’re so kind I sometimes don’t know what to do.” 

He had to bit back a laugh that wanted to jump from his tongue. The feeling was so foreign that he found himself enjoying it more than he should.  

“You, not knowing what to do? Don’t joke around like that, you have plans for everything, even for cleaning, you even came up with a song, remember?” he said leaning his head to the side as he dared look at Ayaka, whose eyebrows furrowed in a feeling he couldn’t tell. Then he started humming.”Scrub up and down then left to right, do it another three times in reverse and you got it, everything’s clean, everything’s clean, greet Budda and the ducks on the pond now that work’s done.” 

For some reason she looked horrified, so horrified she even averted her gaze. Yuu had never believed something could defeat Ayaka’s eyes. 

Of course, because he could only read her like a book left half opened, it wasn’t possible to read her completely because she had too many walls to be seen with nothing that separated her from others, but with her it was who Yuu learnt to read in between the lines.

“Although it’s true the kids our age weren’t kind.” Yuu didn’t know how but his tone had turned uncomfortable and his gaze jumped from Ayaka’s face to the corridor again. Her shoulders tensed along with her jaw. He knew what she was thinking. «You were one of those kids». “The kids or the adults, none of them were kind to other people. That village was bullshit, those that didn’t go to the cities and stayed were only people that talked about others behind their backs and averted their gazes, even if everyone knew Takeshi’s dad killed his mum or that he was close to killing him.” Ayaka’s pupils fluttered with something that could only be annoyance, Yuu looked her in the eyes for the first time. “And I don’t want to continue being part of that village, Ayaka.” 

Her hands pushed against his chest, he had time enough to dig his fingers on her shoulders, but she struggled restlessly, on her unwavering desire of staying away from him.

“Stop talking about that hellish village! I don’t even want you to mention it!”

They had been friends for so long she knew he was clumsy in everything that wasn’t patching up wounds with pieces of cloth, and insisting enough she got for him to finally let go of her and Ayaka fell to the floor. Her knees made a crunching noise, something Yuu knew could be no good. 

Her chest jolted up and down frenetically. In just a moment her breathing was much faster than when she finished training. 

“Then what do you want me to do?” Yuu pleaded, something tugging at his pained voice. “You don’t want me to apologize but you don’t want me to act like nothing happened either. Then tell me what you want, because I don’t have any parents to tell me what to do.” 

Ayaka’s face is covered by her pale fingers that make a forest of white trees with her hair as the dark leaves, and he knew she didn’t have an answer as much as he couldn’t guess it. 

Yuu looked up at the ceiling and let out a long and tired sigh, all bitterness getting out along with it, remembering this was something he had to do to live with himself.

“I’ll get you to bed, okay?” He softly announced, kneeling beside her. Ayaka allowed him to lean a hand on her shoulder, slide an arm under trembling legs and lift her up in the air once again. 

“Please, just don’t talk about that village,” she pleaded in a whisper, voice muffled by his chest. Yuu didn’t want to talk about it, either. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

A million things appeared on her mind that moment, what it was that Ayaka wanted? She wanted for Yuu to suffer just like she had done, the same pain she had felt when he buried his hand on her chest behind her back and teared her heart off, when he sank a sword on her stomach and broke her bones one at a time until there was nothing else left. Ayaka wanted for Yuu to love her but she also wanted for him to-

“Pretty haori,” Yuu’s voice brought her back to the world of humans, appearing shy with his eyes fixed on a corner from Ayaka’s bed, where she had left Oyakata-sama’s present. She imagined he didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t either, so she left Yuu lay her on the bed without a word. 

No, that wasn’t what she wanted. 

That wasn’t what she had promised her grandmother and what Oyakata-sama expected from her, but without any hate or anger to guide her Ayaka felt lost, because she had been using them as a map for so long now she found herself in a boat in the middle of the sea with no clue where she was.

But she knew where she wanted to go, and that was to a better place. She would just like to know how to get there. 

“Why don’t you go visit your father? it’s been a while since he recovered, it wouldn’t be bad for him to see you,” Yuu eventually said at Ayaka’s silence, who did nothing but look at the haori covered in purple flowers. “Your mother is worried too, she thinks you hate her.” 

«That she thinks I hate her?», she questioned in her head. Her confusion must have been clearly painted on her face, because Yuu continued: 

“You went out the room as if you were a ghost, it’s normal for her to believe that. At least this place is big enough for you not to see each other if you don’t want to.” He leaned further on the wall and for some reason he looked tired and defeated, a war veteran that came home and didn’t have a war to be at anymore, and his place in the house felt small now that he knew what a tragedy felt like. 

“She doesn’t want to see me, you heard her.”

“She does, maybe that's what she said, but that’s not what she thinks.” 

That felt strangely familiar. 

Ayaka realized that as she had made a place for her in the world of demon slayers, Yuu belonged nowhere. He had been deprived of a home and everything he loved. Ayaka had been able to create somewhere safe, slaying demons because she knew her roots were on her home and she was just lucky, but Yuu’s roots had been ripped off. And as much as this was her tragedy, he was also a character. 

“Aniki," Ayaka whispered, and all the alarms on her head went off . 

The air got blocked on the sticky mess her throat had turned into, Ayaka  couldn’t breathe, because there wasn’t enough air to make the pressure on her chest disappear and Ayaka couldn’t breath. The colours couldn’t be distinguished and the sweat was disgusting and everything felt blurry when she saw the kakushis bring in a head with the mohawk she hated and the body covered by a uniform she knew very well. 

“Aniki!” She yelled this time.  His clothes were ripped apart, holes in vital points that bleed and never end wherever she placed her eyes, leaving everything dirty and just how she hated it. Ayaka would have believed he did it on purpose if it wasn’t because Genya’s eyes were closed. 

“Where is he doing? Where are you taking him?” She blindly asked, not realizing she was moving until coming face to face with the wooden floor.

Time was few to be lost, so Ayaka clutched to Yuu’s shoulders, who kneeled besides her, alarmed. 

“Take me with him,” she pleaded, squeezing just a bit more than she should.

“I thought you-” He started, hesitating, but Ayaka’s fingers strongly digging on his shoulders cut him. 

“For fuck’s sake, Yuu, just take me with him!”

Yuu ran past the corridor so fast Ayaka didn’t even realize Tanjirou was at the doors of the training dojo. 

She saw how he cheered up, smiling as he lifted a hand to greet them, but neither of them took any importance to this as they followed the way Genya disappeared through. 

Zenitsu screamed over nearly being run over, but she had more important things to worry about.

Ayaka had too many questions she didn’t know the answer to, but she decided to focus on the fact her brother’s body was holed up, and she didn’t want the answer as to what would happen if his regenerative powers ran out and she wasn’t there. At least she’d like to scold him one last time for being careless, but she’d prefer him to survive.

Chapter Text

The Butterfly Estate smelled like always, a strong scent of medicine mixed in with fresh flowers and the green from the grass in the garden, that was why when Tanjirou smelled a great scent of sadness, he knew something was up. 

A change, something wrong, and he didn’t like how that clenched a part on the deepest corner of his chest. Aya had always smelled lightly of sadness, as if she wore it like perfume, slightly on the neck or on the wrists. But now it waved off from her in such a way it drowned his nostrils, waterfalls instead of the single drops that came from her skin. Now the sadness soaked the corridors, and her body, as if it was devoid of a soul, wandered through the gardens, dragging her feet like someone that had nowhere else to go, and she sang incessantly in between whispers. “Round, round, go round, waterwheel, go round. Go round, and call Mr. Sun.”

It appeared she tried to hide that smell from him in between the intoxicating one that waved off the colourful flowers in the garden, because she spent her days there, looking at the flowers, even forgetting to eat. Never before had he found her name more ironic, Ayaka, colourful flower, maybe she wanted to turn into one and bury her roots in the earth, because she didn’t go back to training, not even when her legs healed and not even when Zenitsu and Inosuke stopped, even if Tanjirou started using Total Concentration Breathing all the time, and that was as strange as the way she didn’t yell with Inosuke anymore nor did she aggressively motivate Zenitsu. 

Tanjirou was on foreign waters now, somewhere in the mountain that wasn’t recorded in the maps, struggling to walk in between the melted snow and the frozen water. He feared the fact Aya’s eyes looked like Tomioka’s now more than ever. 

Something he feared, too, was that from Aya didn’t come even a pinch of anger, and that was the strangest thing of it all. Now there was only a strong scent to hate, but it wasn’t bitter or burning hate, it was sour, unpleasant when he smelled it and stinky to its worse point, it wasn’t hate towards other people. 

Tanjirou loathed it, he loathed that it buried itself in the back of his nose and that it reached so deep he could taste it with his tongue, he loathed it so much that before realizing it, Tanjirou found himself walking up to her and asking a simple question.

“Will you start training soon?” 

She barely hummed, fingers distractedly playing around with the leaf of a lily.

“Maybe.”

She didn’t even spare him a glance. A wave of sourness lashed at his nose, and Tanjirou had to force himself not to scrunch his face up in disgust. 

He couldn’t stand it, it was disgusting, a rotten smell that the hundred flowers nor Aya’s soap could make Tanjirou ignore the fact it had digged its way to the deepest part of hise nose. So, without knowing what to do, Tanjirou made the unthinkable. 

“Hey, Aya.” She gave him a new lazy hum. 

“What do you tell a three headed ghost?” 

The relief that dissipated on his veins like honey on tea made Tanjirou finally able to relax when Aya finally lifted her gaze. The smell had dispelled, light now and waterfalls stopping on their flow from her skin. 

The corners of her lips tensed in what looked like a poor attempt to smile, irremediably ending in a frown so pathetic even Tanjirou flinched in pain at seeing it. 

“What do you tell them?” 

The smell had been one thing, but her voice was something completely different. Tanjirou wondered if Zenitsu would be able to stand hearing Aya’s voice like how he wasn’t able to stand up her smell. 

Taking a deep breath of air, Tanjirou painfully finished telling the joke, “hello, hello, hello”. He had to gather all the strength he had left so he didn’t frown because telling a joke so bad and pretending it was funny felt just like lying.

It was a small shake, tiny and barely visible. Ayaka’s shoulders moved up and down in what looked like a strangled laugh, but it was enough for Tanjirou to soothe the bitterness that had settled on his stomach like mud on a swamp ever since Aya had turned into a walking corpse. 

Tanjirou remembered what Yuu had said, in between bites of rice on lunch as he tried to pay attention to the three girls that danced around him as if he was the emperor and they were his loyal servants and advisers.

“Ayaka and that aniki guy yelled a lot to one another, I don’t know the reason why. She looked really worried when he arrived,” he had muttered, mouth filled to the brim and the girls staring intently at every one of his movements. 

Then he had swallowed and smiled separately at each of them, allowing with a nod for them to lean all over him, his lap legs and back turned into the most comfortable place for the girls. Tanjirou had wondered if they had had any older brother murdered by demons, a father, a cousin, everyone on the corps had lost someone, he wondered too if they had tried to replace those they had lost with someone new. 

Tanjirou had also wondered if he had tried to replace his family, and with whom. 

“I understood nothing about what they yelled, something about names and their meanings, colorful flower, they yelled about letters too. You should ask her, I know Ayaka would try to cut my head off if she even glimpsed the intentions coming from me.”

Then they had finished having lunch, dedicating their time to take the laundry and singing songs. 

Birds, bugs, beasts, grass, trees, flowers

Bring spring and summer, fall and winter
 
Round, round, go round, Waterwheel, go round
 
Go round, and call Mr. Sun

Go round, and call Mr. Sun

Yuu had been right about that, although from Aya had never come any smell of hate towards Kobayashi, it was a different smell, not hate, just a tremendous urge to hit him in the face, which she had already done and still wanted to, because that smell hadn’t faded away.

“I’m sure you were a great son and that you loved your family as much as you could,” Ayaka muttered, turning her attention back to the flowers, colourful and gentle, that weren’t bothered when she touched their leaves and petals. The waterfalls returned with their sour smell and Ayaka teared a petal off without meaning to, pink and soft. She stared at it, now on her hand, the petal won’t go back to how it was, and it would stay broken forever , it won’t go back to being the same and it won’t go back to being beautiful, just because of a small accident. Was it even a small accident? “But I’m not your family, so I want you to focus on training to turn Nezuko back to being human instead of comforting me.”

The burning ball that made Tanjirou’s chest beat strongly thinking about Aya turned sour. 

“But I’m your friend, you said it yourself, and friends help each other.” 

In Aya’s eyes shined a small ember of determination, so small Tanjirou hadn’t noticed it until then. 

“You don’t have to worry about me, I’ll make everything go back to how it used to be, I promise… just… just give me more time,” she paused, as if chewing her words before letting them go. “I also… wanted to thank you… you know... for everything. It means a lot to me you’re still here.” 

A pink blush appeared on her cheeks, nicely complementing her pale skin. Tanjirou noticed he liked it.

“It’s nothing, really. It doesn’t matter,” he tried to excuse, because it didn’t matter. For some reason it was easier to help and worry over Aya more than over other people, especially with the ball on his chest that had pushed him to do it time and time again without rest, without giving up even if it felt like too much, the same ball that had also brought him happiness at seeing her smile.

“But it is, Tanjirou,” she complained, and her breathing crashed against his face. “It’s important, you are important to… everyone here.”

And then she took Tanjirou’s hand in between hers, her touch stood out against the warmth of his own skin and he swore that day he felt in every fiber of his being the cold from Aya’s skin, but also a warmth that was unusually seen. 

“I don’t want you to live your life believing you don’t matter.” 

Despite being cold, Tanjirou found in her gentle kindness, the one that he had smelled on the depths, and that was the moment the ball on his chest, the one that pumped and pulsed thinking about Aya, went down to somewhere at the bottom of his stomach and turned into a burning pit he needed to fill, but he didn’t know with what. Tanjirou found himself staring at Aya’s lips without intending to, still resting over his knuckles. He also wondered if they would feel the same as her skin if he ever landed his own lips there. 

When he blinked again he was halfway to Aya’s lips. She looked more confused the closer he got, hands then resting on her lap along with Tanjirou’s and that only made it worse, the cauldron that made bitter flames lick every corner of his stomach encouraged him to do it, to go to the end, to the bottom of the pools that were Aya’s eyes.

“What am I doing?”, he told himself, when he was just a sigh away from crashing his lips against hers. He ignored the bitterness on his stomach and turned his head to the side, enough so to dash against Aya’s cheek clumsily and for his nose to end up on her hair.

Tanjirou inhaled her scent, not hers, just the wisteria on her hair. 

He didn’t know when it was but Aya had her arms wrapped around his back, he didn’t care. 

For some reason he had the unstoppable urge to say sorry, so he whispered a quick apology on her hair. 

“Why are you apologizing?” She said against Tanjirou’s curls. “If you want to apologize about something, apologize about not being able to kill Kibutsuji.”

So Tanjirou did, and that made Aya squeeze just a tad tighter. For now, Tanjirou would focus on that instead of whatever feeling it was that sat at the abyss of his stomach.

Just like he had always done.  

He was just happy Aya smelled a bit less to sadness. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The Sun had yet to rise over the horizon when Kaede dragged Ayaka out of bed to the garden. Her grandmother was surprisingly determined for a woman who was two feet shorter than Ayaka and close to her seventies, maybe she wasn’t able to drag her grandniece out of bed by herself, but a mere glance was enough to make Ayaka get out and follow her by herself.

Rain crashed incessantly against the ceilings and the paper doors that composed the Butterfly Estate, it wouldn’t have mattered if it wasn’t because Kaede didn’t go to the training hall, but she opened the doors, making both of them come face to face with the thick rain that fell from the sky and covered the garden, green and shiny before, now barely visible under the coating formed by clouds and the winds. 

“What the hell, grandma?” That was the first thing that came from Ayaka’s mouth, when the cold from the storm crashed against her face and suddenly made her realize where she was.

“Well, sorry for not being able to stand seeing my grandniece turn into a walking corpse. First. I want you to know that wallowing on your own misery is stupid.” Her voice was fast and harsh like a whip, on her hands a wooden bow Ayaka hadn’t seen until then, which was weird, because it was bigger than her grandmother. “Second, I hate for kids to be demon slayers, but you’re too stubborn to let go of your duty so at least I’ll teach you some basics so you don’t get killed.”

She finished adjusting the bow’s string, that vibrated and made a tugging sound. 

“I can see already, besides, I don’t need rehabilitation like those dummies,” Ayaka instantly complained, pushing down a yawn. “My own misery, are you serious? I don’t want to do this.” 

Kaede let out a bitter chuckle, hitting Ayaka’s forehead with the bow.

“You’ve only added onto your talent, but you’ve never polished it,” she said in amusement. “You’ve trained your body but not your sight, am I wrong?”

Ayaka’s mouth closed harshly, and then she muttered silently “I never had to.”

“It happens with arrogant geniuses like you. What you call sight I call instinct, that’s why you can’t see, you keep using your eyes when your ability has never been there.” Kaede crossed her arms over her chest in determination.

Ayaka squinted in laziness, pushing down a yawn once again.

“Did you just call me an arrogant genius?” She asked, perfectly knowing she was, indeed, an arrogant genius. “I was trained by shishou, besides, I have Tanjirou, I’ll be okay.” 

“I have aniki,” she would have liked to say, but that had stopped being true. 

The little she had been able to lift the heavy cape on her shoulders felt like nothing when it tugged her down once again. Ayaka flinched, eyes a bit more dead than before. 

“Just shut your mouth and get out there,” her grandmother frowled, giving her a push Ayaka had no strength to resist, so she was thrown against the freezing and merciless storm in the garden. 

“I can’t see anything,” she complained with a squint, feeling herself become smaller the more time it passed. 

“That’s the point.”

It was true she saw nothing, the rain was too thick and with her eyes Ayaka was completely lost. Then, silently, something hard crashed against her leg, making a sharp shudder course through the bone. When Ayaka looked down, she found a small iron ball tied to an arrow. 

“What the hell!?” That time an arrow flew near her cheek and Ayaka had to jump back in order for it not to hit her. In the process she screamed, gods, she just hoped they would give her the strength not to get killed. 

Her grandmother’s voice came from somewhere unknown in between the rain. 

“Couldn’t you see!? Dodge the balls, you moron!” 

So Ayaka tried, the rain was too heavy and the iron balls hit her restlessly, on the back, the arms, the ribs, whatever point in which her grandmother could see a weakness, she’d be sure to reach it. When they finished, Ayaka was covered in bruises and sure about having new scars, also about her grandmother hitting her every single time. 

“I hate this,” Ayaka muttered right before plopping onto her bed. Her grandmother huffed behind her. 

“Of course you’re gonna hate it, much more when we continue,” she said, leaving the bow leaning against the wall of the nursery. “You’re worse than I thought, you seriously can see nothing, I miss when you were eleven.”

Ayaka’s only answer was a groan muffled by the pillow. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Tanjirou was so busy with the girls’ hits on their incessant attempt on making him learn Full Focus Breathing that he forgot completely about Aya. She was busy too, trying to dodge her grandmother’s arrows, so it wasn’t difficult to, so days passed and they didn’t talk much. It wasn’t until the huge man he had seen on his trial appeared through the doors of the Butterfly Estate that he didn’t think about Aya again.  

He had heard nothing but praise from Aya’s mouth about Himejima, so now that he found him face to face, as he tried to go through a door that was too small for him, Tanjirou paralyzed. 

He was more nervous than he should have, that was what he noticed when his body tensed involuntarily. The tingling that blocked his throat was nothing but pleasant. 

“Is my tsuguko still here?” Without even sparing him a glance Himejima knew Tanjirou was there, although his eyes were so milky they appeared completely white and Tanjirou was to Himejima-san what an ant could be to an elephant. 

The word tsuguko made Tanjirou get confused, but then he remembered that yes, he meant Ayaka, as many rants as she had gone on during their stay in the wisteria house about her master not claiming her tsuguko yet. That had changed just a few days before, when she had tried to… just thinking about it made him sick, the fact that the mountain that was Aya could have easily been dressed with the same crimson clothes Muzan Kibutsuji had made his family wear.  

Tanjirou shook his head to get the image away from his head, just like he had been doing for what felt like an eternity, had it been truly just two years?

“Yes.” He stayed looking at Himejima a moment longer than he should have before continuing. “Aya is in the garden. Training, I think.”

Himejima barely gave him a nod in respect before silently sliding by his side, even if he was so big he could make the columns of the house waver with a step. But Himejima was gentle, subtle and of kind touch in his big hands, as warm as they were callous, maybe this was why he could deal with such problematic disciples.  
 
Without reason Tanjirou followed him like a dog followed his master, and both of them found Aya sitting at the outsides of the corridor, paper doors open and facing the garden as she unenthusiastically bit into her lunch, sawdust at one side and half made suneates on the other along with a box of tools and a few leather strips. 

At seeing her master, Aya stared at him with eyes wide open, breaking into a coughing pit she has to stop by herself with hits to her chest. It was enough for a pat on the back from Himejima to make the coughing stop completely, luckily, and Ayaka finally managed to breathe again. 

Not even a second passed for her to get up and exclaim a cheerful “Himejima.shishou!”, and not even another passed for her ears to go read in shame because of it. Tanjirou didn’t have to smell to know, it was the most feeling she had shown since her fight against Genya. She timidly poked her head and finally saw him, greeting Tanjirou with a sheepish wave of her hand. He reciprocated, more shy than usual.

Kaede’s head peeked from the garden, she happily greeted Tanjirou before fixing her killer eyes on Himejima who payed her no mind. 

“Well, hello Gyoumei, it’s always a pleasure to see the idiot that took in a twelve year old girl to slay demons.” Tanjirou scrunched up his nose, nearly overwhelmed by the smell of resentment that waved off her like a storm. 

Ayaka’s ears turned redder if that was possible. “Grandma!” she whispered in alarm, scolding toward Kaede as she eyed restlessly at her and Himejima, but Himejima only nodded, not appearing to be touched by the way Kaede’s tongue attacked him. 

“A pleasure to see you too, Fujioka, I guess you stopped training successors a long time ago?”

“I just made an exception,” Kaede sentenced in a growl. “What did you come here for, another innocent kid to send to their death?

Once again, Himejima kept his expression under the known sharp tongue of the Fujiokas, instead muttering patient “namu namu” that felt more like exasperated sighs over prayers. Both Tanjirou and Ayaka diverted their gazes toward Kaede, Tanjirou saw how Aya opened her mouth to ask, she would have if it had been another person the one that interrupted her, dedicating them an irritated glare to whoever it be, but it was Himejima, so Aya looked at him and closed her mouth. 

Tanjirou, instead, couldn’t stop thinking about Himejima’s words. His mind flew over to the mountain where he spent two years along with Urokodaki, and the smell he had waved off. He smelled similar to how Kaede did, but he didn’t know if it would be polite to ask, he guessed, just like with Urokodaki, that Kaede wouldn’t be willing to be questioned.

“I’m sorry for taking too long, I had a few missions. It’s quite lucky that you and Genya are here, but I wanted to congratulate my tsuguko personally for improving so much and… finding her motive?” Himejima’s face dangerously got closer to Aya’s, so close she gave a jump back, scared. The calm expression Himejima wore turned into a worried frown. “You’ve lost it, for the second time.” 

Aya shook her head dismissively. Kaede rolled her eyes and with a heavy mutter walked off, she called for Tanjirou to go with her and she waited at the end of the corridor, so he did, adding a final “it was a pleasure, Himejima-san”, of course.

“I haven’t lost anything.” Tanjirou heard Aya say behind him. “Himejima-shishou… do you have anything to do with me constantly being paired up with Tanjirou?” 

Tanjirou felt himself tense up in the way, all muscles on his body shrinking so strongly even the mouth of his stomach closed. 

«What have you done, Tanjirou?» The Aya on his head questioned, accusing and poisonous. She didn’t hug him like how she had done on the fight against Rui, instead, she strongly sank the nails on his shoulders and squeezed, so strongly it felt like she wanted to behead him and eat his head like how Inosuke said she had failed to do. «What have you done, selfish monster?»

He was lucky the mouth of his stomach was closed, because nauseas not even Full Focus Breathing could avoid consume him from head to toe.

When he reached Kaede’s side, she raised a worried eyebrow.

“What’s up with that face? Do you want me to ask Shinobu for some medicine?” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Do you know anything about my insistent group missions?” Ayaka asked without changing her tone, arms crossed over her chest. “I’ve had four missions so far, three of them have been with a team, and all of them have been with Tanjirou, do you have anything to do with it?” 

Himejima barely leaned his head to the side in confusion. 

“So that Tanjirou is Urokodaki’s pupil? Namu, namu.”

Ayaka’s eyebrows fell over her eyes in a heavy line.

“Shishou, that’s not what I said. ” 

Himejima sat at the end of the paper doors, his feet reached the floor when he did. Ayaka imitated him, disappointed by the fact that her legs hang in the air, barely touching the grass. 

“It’s true that Tomioka, the current Water Pillar, was Urokodaki’s disciple.” Ayaka poorly nodded, sighing with eyes fixed on her master. “Oyakata-sama was worried about Tomioka’s usual depressed demeanor, so I wanted to find a common point to have something to talk to him about. He had already mentioned a new candidate to Water Pillar that could take his spot, that’s why I chose him to team up with you so I could bond over that with him.”

Ayaka stared at him. 

“And you didn’t even tell me?”

From Himejima-shishou’s lips only came a few whispered “namu namu”.

“I sent you a letter.” Ayaka’s eyes are wide open by the time her master’s voice reach her ears. “Since you didn’t send any reply, I thought you agreed.”

The entirety of her face turned red but not the red of apples, wrathful and `powerful, but of the shame of the pinky strawberries. 

“Oh,” Ayaka muttered, face hidden behind her hands. She had been so, so stupid. Himejima-shishou only hummed in confusion.

“Where’s Genya, between? I wanted to greet him too.”

In a blink Ayaka’s skin lost all the red it had possessed, abandoning the few colour it usually had in exchange for the white of a tree in a winter forest. 

“In the nursery.” The whisper came strangled, contrasting with the usually deep tone it had. Then she cleared her throat. “Um, we argued.”

“You already do that all the time.” Himejima didn’t even flinch. 

Ayaka laughed with shrill chuckles that were by far the ones she made when laughing at her own jokes. 

“This time it was… worse. But you already know how it is, always so stubborn, he can’t possibly understand me.” Then she slowly shook her head with ajar eyes, as if she was a big sister displeased by the silliness of a child that didn’t understand what he was doing. 

“You’re wrong about that, you’ve always been the one that can’t possibly understand him.” Her master’s huge finger poked Ayaka’s forehead. “You’ve strayed away from Budda’s teachings, namu, and I thought that you already understood them.” From his eyes fell a thin river of tears that eventually soaked Ayaka’s head. “Even if we’re Stone Breathing users we are not stone statues, Ayaka. Not me, not Genya, not even you, as difficult as it may be for you to believe.”

She fixed her gaze on her master’s chest which slowly moved up and down. Then bringing a hand up to her own, she felt the same heartbeat there. 

Rui’s pale face came to mind, how he had faded away in dust before her along with his killing voice. “You can still save your bonds, don’t end up like me, you stupid girl.”

“Hey, Yuno Kamemo! What are you doing!?”

Inosuke’s boar head appeared at the end of the corridor and Ayaka turned her head around to look at him with dead eyes. 

“Namu, namu, a boar,” Himejima muttered.  

Inosuke pointed a finger toward the rests of wood and leather on the corner.

“It’s those things, those things you wore before!” He yelled the obvious. “As your boss, I command you to make me a pair, too!” 

She barely pressed her lips together. “They’re called suneate, if you want some I can make you a pair. You just need to ask.” 

Seeing how Ayaka didn’t join Inosuke’s excited yelling as she usually did, he turned his head toward Himejima-shishou. 

“Are you sad because you couldn’t defeat this guy?” He asked, bringing both hands up to the handles of his swords, recently brought by the swordsmiths. “That means if I defeat him, I’ll be the strongest!” 

“Namu namu,” Himejima said under his breath with his attention on Inosuke, tears running down his cheeks once again. “Poor children who don’t know what they’re doing, amida butsu.”

Ayaka tried to stop Inosuke but she was too late. 

Needless to say, Inosuke Hashibira got pounded headfirst into the ground that day. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Yuu,” Ayaka said when she woke up after a long time. There was a rag soaked in warm water on her forehead and everything hurt.

The blankets covered her and everything felt too fast when she was going too slow. It took a moment to see the living room, a giant that barely fit in her house and whose head touched the ceiling. And she had believed her mother to be big, that giant could have fought against a bear and gotten away with it. She was sure that he wouldn’t be betrayed by his heart like how she had allowed for hers to do.

“Mum, I think I’m delirious because there’s a giant monk drinking tea at our house.” And then she broke on a coughing fit. 

Her mother, who had been incessantly offering tea and sweets to the giant turned around to her.

“A-chan, oh gods you’re okay!” She ran to her side, taking the rag off and checking her temperature. “You’re still very cold.”

Ayaka couldn’t stop looking at the giant, who looked at her with the same intensity. No words needed to be exchanged.

“A-chan,” her father called, and Ayaka had to look down because he was the smallest person in the room. “This is Himejima-san, he calls himself a demon slayer.”

She sat upright, leaning on her elbow. There was a certain determination on her eyes, eyes that didn’t belong to a twelve year old girl. 

“So you kill those horrible creatures,” she said, without taking into consideration how her arms hurt. She was sure there must have been some burn in them.

Himejima’s hand fell on top of Ayaka’s head, patting the hair that reached just above the chin.

“I initially came here because of the demon sighting, but I stayed for something else,” he said, never taking his hand off her. “Namu, you defeated a demon by yourself, not everyone has the determination to do that. With the proper training, you could do great things.”

There was only one thing Ayaka asked:

“So if I go with you, I’ll become stronger? Is that what you’re saying?”

Himejima nodded, the beads forming the necklace around him rattled when did. The smell of tea that extended through her house was tremendously asphyxiating, mixed in with her mother’s flowers, her house smelled just like a tea shop, Ayaka liked that it smelled of jasmine.

“You must have a really strong resolve, your determination is strangely strong for such a weak girl.”

Her mother got in between Himejima and Ayaka, waving her hands in alarm with eyes wide open. 

“Wait! Isn’t this kind of rash!? Ayaka is sick! If she ever faltered in the middle of a fight…!

It was her father’s hand on her shoulder to stop her, calm and composed just like he had always been. There is no pulsing expression on his face and Ayaka had wished for the contrary. Maybe he didn’t have a flame big enough for that. 

“I think it will be okay.” Then he smiled at Ayaka, with candle eyes close to being put off. “You’ve always been really tough, haven’t you, A-chan?”

«Have I?», she wondered. «Have I really been tough?» She doubted that greatly. 

Her father never stopped smiling. “Just remember that if you ever need us, we’ll be here, okay?” 

“Okay,” Ayaka nodded, leaving in a sigh her last breath. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

“I was right when I thought I’d found you here.” The cloud of white smoke that came out of Ayaka’s mouth as she talked was enough to remind her the night could be cold, even for her. 

Zenitsu’s nichirin sword clanked on its sheath, overwhelmed by the trembling of his hand. 

“1,” he said, as he grabbed onto the handle. 

“2,” he continued, when his thumb stretched to push the blade out. 

“3, Thunder Breathing, First Form,” before he finished uttering the name of the form Zenitsu, in the usual clothes of a Butterfly Estate patient, appeared a few meters ahead. And he didn’t even use the breathing, he just practiced the form time and time again.

«Fast as thunder» Ayaka thought without being surprised. She had been the first two, three, even four times (and the next five, she had been having troubles to sleep), but she had seen Zenitsu practice too many nights since they were on the Butterfly Estate. And this one, she hoped, wouldn’t be the last one. 

Even so, the nights were still damn cold and the thin pajamas both of them wore didn’t keep them warm enough for it to be bearable. 

Zenitsu’s blond head turned around to her and Ayaka had to push down the urge of digging a hole and burying herself there. The only thing that kept her on Zenitsu’s field of vision was the weight that came with not having shared Shoichi’s letter. It had been in her pocket the last three days and she didn’t have that much time on the Butterfly Estate to afford doubting this in the first place. That, at least, kept her feet on the ground. 

If someone ever called her brave she’d point to this scenario and tell them to reconsider, Ayaka Iwamoto was strong, Ayaka Iwamoto was tough, Ayaka Iwamoto was a mountain, what a load of bullshit.

“I thought you still couldn’t walk,” Zenitsu said without breath, once Ayaka walked off toward him in a trembling pace and both of them sat at the wooden porch that faced the garden. “Is your arm okay?”

She gave him a shrug and rubbed her arm with a hand, eyes lost in the fence that marked the limits of Shinobu’s Estate. 

“It still hurts, but it’s better than having miss perfect following me around everywhere,” she explained, exhaling something that looked like a huff before turning to him. “The demon’s poison stopped working, didn’t it?”

She sent discreet glances at Zenitsu’s arms, that appeared to regain their usual size after so much time in the form of small radishes. 

“I can train,” he simply said. “I heard from Tanjirou you were training with your grandma?” 

“Something like that.” Ayaka didn’t bother to explain she had abandoned that training because it simply didn’t work. 

It had been quite a long time since she last remembered how it felt to be at the start of a path when the hill was steep and rocky and she had to dig her nails on the floor in order to keep going and not roll down. There must have been something else to her eyes because they didn’t see how she needed it when she needed it, which left her blind in whatever her grandmother instructed her to do instead of the familiar physical training from Himejima-shishou. What affected her the most, instead, was the void in her chest that felt as foreign as seeing nothing.  

Ayaka pondered her options again, and she found a preference for telling Zenitsu herself instead of him hearing from someone else. 

“Actually, I gave up,” she said. Zenitsu stayed quiet, as if waiting for her to say something else, but there was nothing else so over them fell a silence yelling to be teared apart. 

Or maybe it was just Shoichi’s letter waiting finally to be shown to Zenitsu, so that was what she did, taking it out from her pocket. 

“Shoichi wrote to me, I thought you’d want to read what he said.” The letter on her hand was wrinkled, a corner torn apart because of her crow’s pecking who had been bothered by having it on his paw. Shoichi mustn’t have been used to using crows, she didn’t blame him for it. (What she did was give her crow an extra meal for the hassle, Ayaka wasn’t a monster.)

Zenitsu dedicated her a heavy expression. “Does he say mean things about me again?”

Ayaka shook her head. 

“He thanks us for saving him from that demon, and he wishes us luck in our next missions,” she continued, as Zenitsu himself passed his eyes avidly through the boy’s words. Ayaka sticked to his back and leaned her chin on his shoulder to point at a specific line at the end of the letter he had yet to read, letting out a chuckle that turned into a small snore. “He also hopes you learn how to treat girls so you get to marry someone soon. He knows you too well.” 

“I already know how to treat women!” Zenitsu complained, nearly fuming from his ears. Ayaka did nothing but laugh.

They ended up leaning against the wall, too late to continue training but too soon to collapse from exhaustion on their beds. Ayaka learned Zenitsu was a city boy and that where he came from the stars weren’t visible because of the countless lights that plagued the place. She declared she’d hate to live in the city and after fighting to claim if it was better to be a “village bumpkin” or a “city snob”, Ayaka proceeded to point at the stars, constellations and their names as Zenitsu listened intently. 

The cold was bearable if she had Zenitsu by her side, who trembled just as much as her.

The Big Dipper didn’t get to come out from her mouth when Zenitsu interrupted her again. 

“They made you tsuguko?” He asked, a finger restlessly rubbing against the cloth that covered his knee. 

She nodded without a word.

“Do you know what it means to be a tsuguko?” He insisted again.

She unfortunately did, it was why shishou had come there. 

“Don’t tell Tanjirou,” was the only thing Ayaka asked out of him. “I accepted knowing that.”

Zenitsu dedicated her a glance in between worried and sad. She could stand this one, but she wouldn’t be able to stand it if it came from Tanjirou. She had received too many like that from him and it was something that ate away at her.

“I’ll miss you, A-chan.”

The night appeared to make her soft because Ayaka left her pride aside for once and admitted out loud that she would miss him, too. She said nothing else.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Clouds of gray and ashy smoke flooded the office of Shinobu Kochou. 

Kaede Fujioka incessantly took puffs of the pipe she’d been carrying too many years to count.

“Can you believe that!? She yelled “this is stupid” and walked off just like that! Sometimes I don’t know how the hell she can be my grandniece!” She gestured openly and hastily, moving the pipe up and down as if she couldn’t stay still and her emotions carried her small body around like a puppet pulled by strings. 

Shinobu didn’t avert her eyes from the report she had been dedicating her afternoon to before Fujioka bursted through the door and started bustling around frantically, complaining  for the world to hear. 

“If you’re going to smoke please stand next to the window, Fujioka-san, and remember to take deep breaths,” she said, at the same time as the brush slid over the last line that formed the kanji for “mountain”

Who could have predicted that the demon had the habit of hiding in places away from villages and instead ate the humans he came across in the roads.

Kaede’s jaw unclenched when she leaned on the windowsill and let a long sigh, ashy and dirty smoke making its way from her throat.

“Sorry, Shinobu, you know how I get when I’m in a bad mood.” Her eyes got lost somewhere on the garden of the Butterfly Estate, only to resurface when coming across Aoi’s figure, tending at the laundry. “How is the poison going?”

Shinobu’s hand continued writing, this time it was the kanji for “pillar”.

“It’s going as planned.” Kaede on the window inhaled from the pipe again and the smoke came out in great clouds through the window. Aoi finished her task and went back inside the Butterfly Estate to treat whichever hunter had come in through the door with an arm missing.”Now that we are talking about medicine, I like that kid of yours, Yuu, he’s very good. But it seems he’s even scared to touch a burn ointment.”

Her hand moved away from the sheet of paper to soak the brush on ink. Black drops fell on the dark wood of the desk when she dipped it on the container too harshly. 

“If there was a way to convince him on working here, I’m sure he’ll be able to save countless lives.” 

Kaede laughed in bitterness from the window. She didn’t find it funny at all.

“Don’t tell me something so childish is angering you that much.” She verified the pipe was more than put off and emptied the ashes over the window. “That boy already swore he wouldn’t heal anyone ever again, even if his life depended on it.”

“I’ll convince him,” Shinobu claimed with nothing more than the cheerfulness and optimism that had been so clear on her sister. Kaede could feel the wrath under the surface, whoever couldn’t was blind, because Shinobu Kochou’s wrath was like the lava resting in a dormant volcano for hundreds of years. 

“Good luck, then. Maybe Yuu seems weak at the start, maybe he is, unsure and always hesitating, but believe me, in this decision alone, that boy has an iron will.” She left the pipe aside and placed the tobacco pouch on her cleavage, under the kimono. “After all, he swore it at death’s door.”

Shinobu Kochou was known for never allowing her emotions to betray her, but there were things that were too much, even for her. She managed to recompose, she always did, but the black line that ran across the paper because of a mistake on her pulse was proof enough.

“Oh, and Shinobu, one last thing.” Kaede called once again, at the doorsill and half her body already out of the room. “Kaori and I are sorry for not attending Kanae’s funeral.” 

Shinobu stared intently at the last kanji she had written as the sound of Kaede’s steps took over her ears until they were so far away she didn’t feel them anymore. 

It was the kanji for “demon”.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

That morning, silence felt strange.

Dawn would come soon and the Sun wouldn't take much to appear, however, her crow hadn't waken her up with his yelling.

Ayaka opened an eye from her bed to check if he had decided to annoy her by hiding somewhere and getting out when she least expected. It wasn't likely, she knew, her crow took his job seriously and he wouldn't do that on the day of a mission.

She brushed away her doubts and yawned, scratching her eye lazily as she got rid of the clothes that marked her as a patient of the Butterfly Estate, being swiftly changed by the new demon slayer uniform a kakushi had brought her not too long ago.

At the sight of the long sleeves Ayaka scrunched up her nose, and without a second thought ripped them apart to leave the upper part of the uniform just how her previous one had been.

The scars from Rui's threads would always be visible on her forearms, thin lines of a light pink that didn't favour her at all, but she had something to cover them with. Although the age of samurais had ended long ago, Ayaka had been able to find old parts of an armour sold by some poor man with a countless list of debts behind, somewhere on the city nearby where Shinobu bought the medicine, so she had gotten herself a pair of kote gloves to go with her suneate and hide Rui's scars.

The iron pieces weren't too heavy for her, she just hoped Inosuke didn't ask for a pair, she had no idea about ironwork and it was, by far, more difficult than making suneate.

Oyakata-sama's haori was on the bed, it had been there ever since she took it off, and just thinking about wearing it again brought more stress than relief.

Oyakata-sama would be with her, that was true, but she wasn't sure if Oyakata-sama would look at her with good eyes if she ever disappointed him while wearing his haori. She had no reason to be proud of what she was doing, would Oyakata-sama approve of her abandoning Tanjirou? If he didn't, it wouldn't matter, Ayaka didn't either and yet she still chose that path.

Somehow resigned, Ayaka put on the white haori adorned with purple flowers.

What choice did she have, anyway? To say she couldn't be with him if she wanted to be a pillar? To hurt or be hurt, and so continued the endless cycle.

She wondered if Himejima-shishou would accuse her of having a wavering determination, and that was the only way Ayaka could be described.

Her determination wavered, trembling near the end of a cliff and getting closer and closer to the tipping point. What would be crashed with the rocks that fell this time?

First it had been Yuu's parents, then it had been her own. She couldn't let any other rock fall, even if it was Ayaka herself who had to carry them on the way up.

«Because it's my responsibility»

Somewhere in Japan, Oyakata-sama beared a sad smile.

The Butterfly Estate was still as coldly silent as the moment she woke up.

There were no Tanjirous, Zenitsus or Inosukes to fill in the emptiness the night left with their childishness, there weren't any Yuus or girls to sing songs either, nor Aois to scold them for whatever wrongdoing they committed. It would make sense the only thing left was Kanao, and she was who Ayaka found at the edge of the door, maybe back from a mission, or on her way to a new one.

She was dressed in her uniform, white cape and all, of course, without a single speck of dust, like how Ayaka had grown to expect from her, sword at the waist and empty smile on the lips.

It was without a doubt the same Kanao as always, thinking of her carrying that damn coin made a burning feeling churn her insides. Kanao shouldn't need it, not when she was infinitely superior to her, Ayaka knew she was better than that. It would be like carrying shishou's groceries when he was able to crash rocks with his bare hands, completely ridiculous and nonsensical.

Ayaka passed by Kanao's side without seemingly noticing her, looking in between the corners of the room and going back to the dorms without a word. Only the gods could know where her damn crow had hidden.

She couldn't help but look by the corner of her eye at the red head that belonged to Tanjirou. Her feet stopped on their frenetic way through the Butterfly Estate, fixed on the wooden floor of the nursery.

Without wanting to Ayaka noticed just how tired he looked. He had been busy, trying to use Full Focus Breathing all day and night, and that had made them not see each as much as they could have. Ayaka had barely gotten time to make Inosuke's suneate, it had taken a while to be able to walk again without feeling a thousand needles on her bones, and her arm still hurt, even if it had healed. She supposed it would continue hurting for a long time.

There was nothing to be done about the purple cut on her back, Rui had been furious.

If Kanao had broken her nose instead of a simple nosebleed, she would have a list of injuries far too long for just one mission.

The cuts on Tanjirou's face had healed without any complication, which relieved her, but thinking about how many of them had been worried her. Everything was relief and worry with Tanjirou.

She wouldn't be able to say she believed Tanjirou wouldn't die because he was too careless, she knew that more than anyone because he was just like her, although because of different motives.

A tug at her haori's sleeve made Ayaka divert her gaze from Tanjirou's sleeping form, and she faced, no more and no less, a demon.

"Nezuko," Ayaka said, trying not to be surprised. She looked at the sky, the Sun would come out soon. "You should go back to your box."

Nezuko's small form she had only seen once grabbed her hand and tugged down.

"I have to go soon, please, Nezuko, go back to your box." Nezko shook her head, achieving for Ayaka to kneel. She finally gave up, only huffing. "What is it that you want?

When she was at her height Nezuko circled her and put herself right at her back. It didn't take time for Ayaka to feel as she started tugging her hair, free and covering her back, green tints out to the world to see.

Ayaka managed to grab Nezuko's hands before she could continue.

"I don't have any ribbon to tie my hair with," she reminded her. Then she shrugged. "I'll just buy one on the way back or I don't know, maybe I'll cut my hair to how I used to have it."

Nezuko appeared surprised about that. Ayaka smiled and nodded.

"I used to have it short, more or less here." She placed a hand on her chin. "My mother didn't have time to brush my hair, it was easier to cut it."

Nezuko's stubborn attitude came back when she started shaking her head again and grabbed from her hair one of the many pink ribbons that adorned it. She commanded with gestures for Ayaka to turn around.

She looked up at the sky, the Sun was dangerously close to coming out.

"Okay, do whatever you want with my hair but promise me you'll go back to your box when I go." Nezuko nodded with a shine on her eyes. Ayaka sighed and turned her head to the other side. "Make it quick."

Nezuko was considerate enough to leave the strands of hair Ayaka usually left loose.

«How thoughtful, she even remembers that», Ayaka thought as she twirled one of them in between her fingers.

It had felt like an eternity since the last time she put her hair up, and the sudden clearness of not having the hair in front of her eyes was warmly welcomed.

When she finished, Nezuko seemed truly satisfied with her work. Ayaka had recognized what she was doing not too much after she started.

"So you wanted to return the favour, didn't you? You're seriously a little angel, Nezuko," Ayaka said with the ends of her braid in between her fingers.

It had been a hot while since she left the green of her hair be visible when made. She supposed Inosuke didn't have the same problems with the blue, the boar head was enough.

There was no way to know it, but Ayaka hoped the expression behind the bamboo poles on Nezuko's face was one of happiness.

"Before you go back to your box, Nezuko," Ayaka called. "Do you know where my crow is?"

Nezuko stared at her with big pink eyes.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

"My bed?"

Nezuko's hand still had a strong hold of nAyaka's because of leading the way there.

On the white sheets there was no trace of her black crow. The doubts Ayaka held shined in the look she dedicated to Nezuko.

The demon shook her head, frustrated, and stretched out a hand with nails sharp as claws to the other side of the bed, where she lifted the sheets and made the whereabouts of her crow known.

"Huh, so it was there,"Ayaka said in confusion, Nezuko's hand still around hers.

The black eyes of her crow were closed, and so was his beak. If it wasn't because his chest moved up and down, she would have sworn he was dead.

Her crow wasn't the kind to sleep, he was energetic and flapped around everywhere. It was strange to see him so still.

Ayaka grabbed his body with both hands and shook him weakly.

"Hey, today's mission day! You should have woken me up!"

The black pearls he had for eyes opened slightly, the most Ayaka got from him was a weak caw, so different from his usual yelling that for a moment she believed that wasn't her crow and Nezuko was simply wrong.

She looked under his wings and, when seeing two white spots only a crow in the world beared, she forced herself to believe it was hers.

It barely gave her a caw as if he wanted to confirm it was him. Ayaka cradled him in her arms as if he was her own son. Her crow was certainly old, demon slayers died easily and the crows were handed over from one to another like coins in a market until they still could flap their wings.

"Go back to your box, Nezuko," Ayaka commanded without losing sight of the crow on her arms. "The mission will have to wait."

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Ayaka found her grandmother at dawn in the garden close to Butterfly Estate's exit, pipe as active as ever and storm eyes fixed on the Sun that slowly rose over the horizon.

"Grandma"

When she looked at her, her grandmother appeared to tremble for a moment. Ayaka nervously played with the ends of her braid.

"Do you know what's wrong with my crow?"

The weak form of her crow was cradled on her chest, against her haori.

Her grandmother's eyebrows raised in curiosity and she leaned forward, pipe still in hand.

"You shouldn't smoke," Ayaka scolded when the smell of ashes reached her nose. "Smoking is... dirty. I wouldn't be able to stand it."

"I already know that," was the only thing her grandmother said. "I don't need you to scold me all the time because of it, I already have Shinobu for that."

Ayaka tensed in curiosity.

"Do you know miss Shinobu?"

"As much as you can know someone if you've lived in their house for less than a month."

With a light caw from the crow, both of them got their attention back to him.

Her grandmother let out the tobacco smoke in a long sigh.

"He's gonna die."

That caught her so off guard Ayaka could only repeat the words.

"What do you mean he's gonna die? He was fine yesterday, he pecked me for forgetting his lunch."

Kaede dedicated her a long, exasperated gaze that didn't fail on shaking Ayaka to the bone. She felt as if her grandma was considering her an idiot.

«So this is from where I inherited the gaze», Ayaka noted with a thoughtful nod to herself.

"Where did you find him?" her grandmother continued, diverting her attention away from her to throw the ashes to the floor. Ayaka felt her grandmother hadn't answered because she didn't want to deal with any more idiots.

It was the first time Ayaka found herself in the "idiot" position.

"On my bed."

Her grandmother's eyes wandered lazily over to her crow's body, Ayaka had no option but to insist.

"Could you stay with him? I've been assigned a mission and it's not safe for him to come."

Her grandmother's silence pushed her to keep talking.

"He likes Tanjirou, I think he'd like to spend time with him."

Her grandmother completely ignored what she said with a sceptical glance, it wasn't something Ayaka wasn't used to.

"Tell me again where you found it," she said, dedicating her time to clean the rest of the ashes on her pipe with a tissue she found on her pocket. Kaede didn't wait for Ayaka to answer. "He went there because he felt on his bones he was going to die and he wanted to spend that time with you."

Ayaka looked at her grandmother in astonishment..

"Crows usually do that," she added, unblinking." They're quite loyal, they stay with the corpses of their owners when they die on missions until the kakushi arrive, how endearing."

"You have to be kidding," Ayaka finally said, nearly wanting to laugh. If she didn't maybe she would actually believe her. "Listen, just... just leave him with Tanjirou, I'm sure he'll prefer to be with him."

She pushed the crow against her grandmother's lap again, she didn't resist but it didn't erase that the way her eyes drilled on Ayaka's skin would never be pleasant.

"Don't say I didn't tell you." were the last words her grandmother gave her.

"I would never do that," Ayaka said. She never would, after all, it was her responsibility.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Stepping outside the Butterfly Estate after so long was refreshing, without a doubt, or maybe it was just the morning's fresh air what gave her that feeling. However it was, Ayaka missed the rocky sight of the mountain outside the fences that limited the Estate, and it was something comforting to place the eyes in a forest after being so long in somewhere so flowery.

Shinobu seemed to love flowers because it was the only thing in her garden.

"Ayaka-san, it's late."

Ayaka turned around with a yelp just to find her beloved Kanao Tsuyuri leaning against the fence, hands intertwined over the skirt of her uniform and unblinking eyes on her.

"I thought you ignored me on the entrance."

Sometimes she was surprised by how soft and unmoving Kanao's voice sounded, as if nothing could make her tremble.

"I don't need to ignore you," Ayaka reminded her, nearly scolding. "I have nothing to do with you, you know? After my stay here you don't have to stick with me any longer."

"We've been assigned a mission," Kanao said with the white of someone detached from everything, as if she didn't feel what she said, or because it simply didn't matter.

It would be the same thing for her to say the sky was blue or to announce a demon slayer was bleeding out in the entrance to the Butterfly Estate. Ayaka knew, she had seen it happen, Kanao hadn't even blinked.

«The first thing they do after making me tsuguko is partnering me up with her, great, they don't have much imagination, do they?»

"Us?" Ayaka wondered. "Together?"

Kanao nodded and started running through the earth path in a direction no one but her knew. Ayaka followed her when she sourly realized she didn't know what to do, and it would be strange for Kanao to lie without reason, or at all.

"Can you at least tell me where we're going, the amount of demons there is or how much time it's been there?" Ayaka continued, hurrying to catch up to Kanao.

Kanao didn't dip her hand in her pocket to take out the coin but for some reason she decided to stay quiet.

"This mission is gonna be too entertaining," Ayaka muttered under her breath.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Ayaka yelled a curse that could easily beat the worst curses she'd heard come from the eldest on the village down Himejima-shishou's mountain.

"It has to be a goddamn joke," she muttered to herself. Her fists were white by how strongly she tightened them, as if that would change something, as if by doing so she'd make for it to burn, to burn and be reduced to ashes so she didn't have to see it anymore because she herself was close enough to burst into flames and-

"Ayaka-san," Kanao called, impassive voice, unwavering voice. "You're trembling."

Kanao took in her face, the thin veil of sweat covering her forehead, the tenseness to her jaw, and then she looked at the village.

The path had been too familiar and not even Ayaka had wanted to believe it when it had been right in front of her nose the whole time. The more the Sun had risen, now in the earliest hours of the afternoon, the more Ayaka had wanted to convince herself they couldn't be going there.

"This is the mission's village, the demon is here."

"There must be a mistake," Ayaka said. Because it couldn't be, she wanted to stay away from that place (stay away from that goddamn village). Even so her feet stayed fixed on the floor, in contrast, the strength she put on tightening her fists increased.

"You know this village." Kanao didn't ask, Kanao didn't exclaim, the only thing Kanao did was tell the truth, which was the only thing she didn't need to ask permission to do, because it wasn't something hers, there was no possibility to feel pointing out what one saw. That they'd been paired up in a mission, that Ayaka was trembling, that Ayaka knew that village, what would be the next thing she'd say? That Ayaka was scared of the people from the place she had been born in?

She swallowed and repressed the corrosive voice that appeared on her mind.

«Of course I know this hellish village, goddamn it, I was born here!»

"It's my home village..." she got to say in a voice without strength, as if it was painful to produce the words.

Home village, she hated those two words.

Kanao didn't appear disturbed by her answer, but she didn't appear estranged by Ayaka's reaction either, she simply told the truth.

"I myself have slayed a demon in the village I was born in, it shouldn't be a problem."

Ayaka wrinkled her nose up in annoyance.

"You didn't tremble for sure, did you?"

Kanao blinked, as if it wasn't from her who Ayaka was expecting an answer from.

Maybe there was a moment where she realized she had to answer, so she did.

"No."

Ayaka regretted even asking.

She forced herself to stop trembling (she forced herself to try to stop trembling) and started walking. Kanao followed her without a word.

"This village isn't very big," Ayaka started, a frown that hadn't been on her face for a long time. Her expression hardened like a river when it freezed. "Everyone knows one another, they must be wondering who's behind the deaths, so it's not likely for the demon to be in between the humans because they would have noticed, strangers stick out too much in between families that have been here for generations. It could be pretending to be one of them so they can go at ease in between the humans."

Kanao stayed quiet, so Ayaka gave up on telling her anything else.

The streets were deserted at that hour and the doors of the houses were closed, as they usually were during working hours. The families without shops spent the time working at the rice fields, and the shops used to adapt to the schedule that appeared to never end, or very early in the morning or very late into the night.

What they called a village was simply many small rows of buildings that held houses and local businesses passed along from parent to children. The Iwamotos and the Kobayashis had been the only ones that didn't live in the village, far away from the conglomerate of houses, both of them on opposite sides of the golden rice fields that appeared to have no end.

In the forest there was only the Takahashis, who had a small wooden cabin proper to the profession of a woodsman, attached to the village by a small rocky path.

"Sunset is still away, what do you say to some lunch?" Ayaka talked again. That Kanao didn't even look at her was exasperating. "You're nothing like what I expected, did you know that?"

Not even that made Kanao grab her goddamn coin from her pocket and decide to answer. Ayaka nearly believed it was a bad joke, but she knew it wasn't.

She was lucky, the few shops that usually opened at the time were restaurants.

Ayaka dragged Kanao to one of them as she kept looking who knows where. She was surprisingly easy to carry by the wrist, she didn't complain or oppose in any way. There were times when that made Ayaka nauseous, because she knew if she had been surrounded by other people, people that weren't as good as the ones on the Butterfly Estate, she could have ended up way worse.

The first open restaurant was one that shouldn't have been open when she lived there because she didn't recognize it. The warmth of boiling water behind the counter was asphyxiating and Ayaka had to give a step back when going in because the steam wave that hit her was overwhelming.

It was a small place, like every other ramen restaurant with some stools, tables and chairs on the space left and a certain comforting essence that appeared to embrace you like a father did when one was sick.

With the hand that wasn't clutched to Kanao's wrist Ayaka tried to brush away the hot air from her face. If that place had been run by professionals they'd know it was a must to have space when treating with pots and boiling water.

Who appeared to serve them when they sat on the stools was the woodman's son, the one that had acted as if she didn't exist for so long.

Ryu Takahashi.

Except he wasn't.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

«This is not Ryu», was the only thing on Ayaka’s head.

Ryu Takahashi had been nonchalant, impassive and stoic like no one was, like how a woodsman that lived in a cabin in the middle of the forest was supposed to be. But this Ryu wasn’t like that.

Because that wasn’t Ryu at all. 

“So that’s how he’s gotten to hide in the village for so long,” she whispered to herself, eyes brimming with suspicion. 

The son of the local woodsman welcomed her with a confused smile. He looked at her for a few moments, just enough to recognize Aya-san under the demon slayer uniform and the braid that took the place of the short hair she used to have as a child.

“Hey, it’s been a while, Aya-san!” Ryu exclaimed behind the counter, as if they were tender childhood friends that reunited after a long time, as if Ayaka didn’t have to physically repress the urge to tremble. “How are you? Your parents said you moved with some distant relatives from your mother’s family, that was sudden, wasn’t it?” 

The deep impulse to puke made Ayaka stop listening, whatever it was that demon recovered from the memories of the real Ryu to impersonate him and make everyone believe it was him as he ate humans without remorse. It was, really, a terrible performance. 

“So you’ve opened this small stall, leaving the family profession… for whatever reason,” Ayaka started, squinting at him as her hand slowly slid down the shiny wood of the counter. Ryu nodded nearly in enthusiasm. “Isn’t your father disappointed?” 

Her brown eyes settled on him, lions hidden in between the grass waiting for the zebra to get close enough. Kanao continued looking somewhere in the distance behind them. Ayaka guessed she was just distracted, maybe something caught her attention, or Kanao was  such a disappointment she usually acted like that. 

The zebra, then, got too close.

Any kind of toughness on Ayaka’s face melted when she saw Ryu’s eyes shine with a thin veil of water. 

«Is he crying!? How can a demon cry!?», Ayaka thought in alarm. The tears started to run down Ryu’s cheeks, whose expression filled with grief. «Oh fuck, oh fuck! Oh fuck! Tanjirou is the one that deals with this! What should I do!? Last time I yelled at Zenitsu!»

Kanao’s coin shined in the air when flipping it, and it rattled when falling against the counter, showing the copper side where tails was carved. Without uttering a word, Kanao took a tissue from her pocket and offered it to Ryu, still with eyes somewhere Ayaka couldn’t see.  

“It doesn’t matter.” And those were the first words Kanao said that morning on her own will..

Both, Ayaka and Ryu, stared in astonishment at the white tissue embroidered in pink, one more astonished than the other. 

“Ah, thank you very much, miss..?” Ryu started, brushing away his few tears.  

“Kanao,” Ayaka answered strained on her stead, still with her gaze on his recently wet cheeks. “Kanao Tsuyuri.” 

“Tsuyuri Kanao,” Ryu nodded in gratefulness. “Thank you then, Tsuyu-san.” 

Kanao didn’t even turn to give an answer, purple eyes settled somewhere unknown.

«Where the hell is she looking at?», Ayaka questioned.

“She’s very quiet, forgive her,” Ayaka tried to excuse her somehow, as Kanao made no attempt to acknowledge Ryu was there except for when he gave her the tissue back.

«Why am I the one apologizing!? It should be him who kissed the floor!», Ayaka thought bitterly, jaw tightening. «This isn’t even the real one! It’s a bad copy! A very bad copy!»

Ryu waved his hand to shrug it off.

“I should apologize.” He scratched his cheek somehow nervously, nearly in shyness. Yes, that definitely wasn’t Ryu. Was the demon trying to get on her good side? “My dad died a while ago. It was kind of strange, although it’s not important, like Tsuyu-san said.” 

Ayaka leaned further on the counter, getting closer than it would be appropriate to him. Ryu gave a step back, forehead silently soaking. 

“If it’s no trouble, could you tell us what happened? You see, we came here for that,” Ayaka started, hand sliding down the counter further and further. Ryu had never been the kind of person to cry, that wasn’t him, she made herself think, because that wasn’t the stoic kid she remembered and those tears were of a crocodile that wanted to appear sorry for his crimes. 

The crazy idea that Yuu had also been replaced by a demon that was too polite came to mind as Ayaka strongly held the collar of Ryui’s kimono. “You thought you could trick me this way, huh? It was stupid to let yourself be seen when the Sun is out, and in such a small place to hide until night like a noodles stall.” 

Confusion was so humanly painted on his features that someone who hadn’t known Ryu like she had would have believed it was really him and not a wolf wearing a sheep’s disguise.

“Is that a joke or something?” Ayaka’s eyes continued to drill against Ryu’s weak barrier, his expression only became more confused. “What’s up with the Sun?”

Before Ayaka could finally reveal what he truly was, Kanao ran off. 

“Butterfly girl! Hey!” She called, no result on stopping her. Ayaka reluctantly let go of Ryu who fell and crashed against the shelves behind him. The bowls where he served the noodles fell, and Ayaka heard their melody as they crashed against the floor in a million pieces.

Kanao’swhite back covered by her cape flew through the air only then to fall with her knees against the back of a man that had appeared out of thin air.  

The unknown man got immobilized under Kanao’s thighs, as he endlessly struggled. Kanao just tightened her hold until he stopped, and that was when Ayaka could distinguish his figure. 

If he was as old as he appeared to be he must have been younger than Ayaka’s parents. The white hair didn’t seem too recent, and the early wrinkles announced they would deepen with the years. 

There was nothing remarkable about him apart from his bloodshot eyes, and they were black, just like any other, but not the kind of black Yuu’s were. For a moment she believed to see red, but that was probably an illusion.

“What the hell were you thinking, running off like that!? Are you crazy!?” Ayaka exclaimed, throwing her hands up on the air once she reached Kanao’s side, who kept pressing her knees down on the man’s back. Face pressed against the ground, Ayaka couldn’t recognize him. 

“He’s been following us ever since we came, he knows we’re slayers,” Kanao said in her usual soft voice. “Besides, he looks like a demon.” 

“If he was a demon he would have turned into dust under the sunlight! And you are a tsuguko!?” Ayaka continued gesturing with her hands. The fact she hadn’t seen they were being followed was ignored. 

“Slay…” She froze once hearing Ryu heavily huffing behind them, leaning on his knees to catch his breath from running all the way there. Demon slayers were usually faster than normal people, even Ayaka, who was known for being slow, was above average. “Slayers? Slayers of what?”

«He was supposed to be the demon hiding in the village, what is he doing under the Sun?». Ayaka frowned in confusion when turning around and finding the sunlight reflecting off the sweat that covered his face.  

Ryu was a sheep, not a wolf, but sheeps could also pretend to be more helpless than they were. 

“That’s none of your business.” The gray sword shined on her belt when Ayaka brushed away Oyakata-sama’s purple haori from her waist. “Stick to your noodles stall.” 

Ryu skipped a nearly invisible bit.

“Is that a real sword?” He pointed to Kanao’s pink and white sword too, that peeked in between her cape. 

“I told you,that’s none-”

“The duty of demon slayers is to execute any demon that endangers the life of humans,” Kanao suddenly cut her off, slightly turning around to look at Ryu, still keeping the man under her legs. “We’ve been sent here because it seems a demon is in this village, eating humans.”

Ryu’s black eyes stayed fixed on her for a long time, and when it appeared he wasn’t gonna mutter a word, he talked: 

“Demons? That seems dangerous.” He stayed silent for another moment as the two most powerful pairs of eyes in Japan examined him in detail. “Can I help somehow?” 

Ayaka fastly replied: 

“No. So if you’re so kind, go back to your noodles stall and let me handle this.” 

Kanao sent Ayaka a long and hard glare. Ryu made as if he hadn’t heard her. 

“Isn’t that Takada-san?” He pointed to the man under Kanao, who had stopped struggling long ago. 

Ayaka raised her eyebrows in confusion. “Who the hell was Takada-san?”

“The twins’ father, of course!” Ryu exclaimed, happy to help. “A few months ago he had an adventure with a young girl. Ever since then everyone has talked ill of him, since he has a family,” he brought a hand to his chin.” Well, more than usual.” 

“I remember my mother mentioned that in her letters,” Ayaka muttered, deep in thought. 

“Ayaka-san,” Kanao softly called. “There’s a mark on his neck.” 

Then Takada-san started to fight against Kanao’s hold, and something shined under the Sun. 

“Holy shit, he has a knife!” Ryu exclaimed in horror.

“Kanao!” Ayaka shoved her from the way of the brilliant blade that was going right to her stomach, and so they rolled over the floor in a tangle of intertwined arms and legs and distance too little for any of them to be used to. 

The so called Takada-san, upon seeing himself free from Kanao and with a sweaty nervousness, rose from the floor and started to make his way towards the forest. Meanwhile, both of them were stumbling as they urgently tried to untangle their own limbs from the other’s. Why did Kanao’s cheeks feel so hot?

“Kanao, take a rope!” Ayaka commanded still with warmth bubbling under her skin. She then turned to Ryu, who looked at the scene with a certain clumsiness. “You stay there and don’t dare move!” 

Takada-san wasn’t too fast, it could be said he didn’t exercise much, that’s why when Ayaka reached him without being able to hide, he directed the knife towards her abdomen. 

Ayaka managed to dodge it, successfully keeping Oyakata-sama’s haori intact. The blade of the knife cleanly slid down the slayer uniform without ever slashing through the cloth, and the confusion that brought not stabbing her as he had planned was enough for Ayaka to raise a leg and hit the hand of the knife with a calve covered by armour. The knife flew and got lost in between the tall grass that marked the ends of the village towards the forest on the mountain.  

Kanao appeared by her side faster than she had expected, handing over the rope she had asked for. 

“These are lanterns! Do you seriously consider this a rope!?” The lanterns that had hung, red and shining on the noodles stall, there for anyone who passed by to know they would find warm noodles soup there, had been ripped off without effort. Ayaka shook her head in frustration. “That doesn’t matter now! Knock him down!” 

Kanao didn’t even blink when pouncing on Takada-san just like she had done before, falling down a second time. Ayaka skillfully slid through the floor at the same time, tying his wrists to his back with the obnoxiously extravagant lanterns in the way. 

“I’ll pay them,” Ayaka painfully assured Ryu, who stared at the scene without a word. “I’ll… buy twenty noodles bowls… if it’s necessary.”  

«I’ve spent too much time around Tanjirou», she let out a defeated sigh. «If I don’t, I’ll feel bad»

She bet Tanjirou would be really happy on the Butterfly Estate if he knew. 

She couldn’t help but think about the fact that their paths were hopelessly different. Ayaka knew that, she had known since witnessing his fire, that Tanjirou’s determination was stronger than hers. That it would make him burst into flames and she wouldn’t be able to stay and see it.  

Kanao brought a hand to Takada-san’s mouth, revealing under her gasp a pair of brilliant fangs.

Ayaka frowned, peeking at the Sun for a moment. It made no sense at all.  

“We should ask the twins what their father was doing with a knife,” Ryu muttered, and she only pursed her lips. 

Yeah, she could safely say she hated that mission. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The patterns on the wood of the ceiling started spinning when Tanjirou’s eyes wandered over them again. Maybe he had been like that for hours, the Sun still hadn’t come out so it couldn’t be that long. At least that was what he tried to convince himself of.  

The itching that settled on his eyes told him he had to blink soon, but he wouldn’t be able to, the warm brown from the nursery was more comforting than the red. Every time he closed his eyes Tanjirou only saw red, red everywhere he looked.  

He had gotten over it, seeing the red of his family’s blood every time he blinked, as if painting the black of the inside of his eyelids. But that night he had dreamt, and a few nights would go by before he could say goodbye to the wall of pumping colour that appeared every time he closed his eyes. 

His house, in the snow the crimson that dripped from the insides of his siblings, torn to shreds without a second of doubt, the wood of his beloved home soaked with their remains.

He sighed, bringing a hand up to his face. He needed to get away from those thoughts but night was especially hard. They seeped through the small creaks that formed with time, choosing that moment to burst open and let all the red spill and soak him whole. 

The only thing to be heard then in the nursery were the small snores that came from Inosuke, but it had been a long while since Tanjirou had stopped paying them any mind. Nezuko must have been in the garden at that time, it was a habit she had adopted after waking up from the dream of two years. Tanjirou wondered if she’d miss the Sun. 

He missed his sister.  

It had been a relief when Urokodaki had said she wouldn’t attack any human, but he’d lie if he said he wouldn’t have liked for Nezuko to keep his consciousness, because it was her, but it was sometimes hard to believe when she couldn’t even talk. 

Nezuko couldn’t talk, and her limited ability to think didn’t allow her to be the Nezuko Tanjirou really knew. She couldn’t dedicate him words of comfort, and her unfocused and pale eyes felt unknown to him. As much as he denied it, those were the eyes of a demon he didn’t know, as much Nezuko as she was. 

She’d call him an idiot for the guilt that sometimes bubbled on his chest. Because Tanjirou knew his family would never blame him, but he had always been his biggest judge and there was no one that punished him for his crimes more than Tanjirou himself did. 

By the corner of his eye he caught the movements of blankets on a nearby bed, and when turning around he found Aya’s black head of hair peeking in between them. 

“Tan-” A yawn got in the middle of the word. “-jirou?”

He smiled for no reason. 

“Are you having trouble sleeping?” He asked, looking at how Aya rubbed her eyes in drowsiness. 

“It’s cold,” she answered, trembling as if she wanted to prove her point. 

It wasn’t cold, Tanjirou thought, instead, it felt like he was burning, but that didn’t matter. 

“There are blankets on the closet, I’ll go get them,” he told Aya, at the same time as he got up from the bed with the intentions of taking the blankets for Aya so she didn’t have to. 

Aya squinted with a certain air of thickness, going in the same direction as him and grabbing onto his wrist. 

“I can do it myself,” she said, as if she had to remind Tanjirou, or to remind everyone, that she could do things on her own. Tanjirou suspected she had done the same for all her childhood, as she had been born as a sick child. Maybe he should mention it , that Yuu had told him everything, that they had talked about her when she wasn’t present. Maybe he felt slightly guilty because of it, but he was glad to be able to understand Aya, if only a bit. 

Compassion wouldn’t be good, and pity wasn’t an option. So knowing what he knew, Tanjirou smiled. 

“What if we go together?” He suggested. Aya blinked with the slowness of someone that had just woken up, eyes wide open and mouth agape.

She stayed silent for a moment and Tanjirou didn’t lose the way her hand tightened around the sheet and finally let it go. “That… sounds like a good deal.”

“I knew you’d say that,” Tanjirou cheerfully exclaimed, staring on his path to the closet. If he didn’t know himself, he’d say he had been teasing. 

Aya smiled, holding onto his wrist because she knew him just as well to know he wouldn’t mock her. 

When Tanjirou questioned her about their closeness she just said that “he was warm”.

“You’re too nice to me sometimes,” Aya declared leaning against the wall by the closet. Now she appeared more awake, lacking the heaviness of just getting out of bed. Tanjirou’s hands rummaged through the blankets, looking for one that was warm enough. 

“I like to be nice to you.” He considered that something norml, because it was true, he liked to be nice to Aya, maybe more so than to Zenitsu and Inosuke, but what difference was there to it? 

“You’re incredible,” she muttered to herself, appearing to melt. Tanjirou didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing, maybe for Aya it was both. “You’ll never stop, right?” 

Tanjirou raised an eyebrow, Aya only looked at somewhere far away. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You’ll never stop being good, you’ll never stop being kind, doing too much even though no one asks you to,” she leaned more still against the wall, an accusatory glare. “You’ve had a nightmare, right?” 

As sleepy as she was, a small wrinkle appeared in between her eyebrows.

«She’s worried», Tanjirou thought.

He didn’t have the strength to deny it, and he felt on his bones Aya had known since her eyes first settled on him. But not exactly.

Aya had told him a lot of times her mother had always compared her to her grandma; the toughness, the pride, the coldness. It was something to be expected, but in that moment, with her eyes big and clear, Tanjirou felt the great, true pressure of the eyes of a Fujioka, and he won’t be able to escape.

«These aren’t Aya’s eyes». The thought jumped to him nearly by instinct. At least, they weren’t the ones they had been the first time he saw them, just like Tanjirou’s heart hadn’t been the same when Aya first saw his fire. 

“You’re too selfless. Even if they cut off one of your legs, even if you get paralized from the waist down, even if you become wrinkled and hoary, you won’t stop until defeating Muzan and making Nezuko go back to being human. Until you die. “Aya didn’t ask him, she didn’t need to. “I’ll retire and you’ll keep fighting. I can accept that, it would be selfish for me to keep you away from your goals and what you really want.” 

(But she couldn’t accept staying to witness.)

“It’s nothing you have to worry about, it’s not important as long as you and the others are okay. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, that’s just how old brothers work,” Tanjirou shook his head, because he didn’t want to say it. After knowing his family didn’t blame him, and after Nezuko was the one to see the horror, not him, how could one admit such a thing.  Such an ungrateful little thought. 

Aya’s face dangerously got closer to Tanjirou’s, and suddenly both of them were in the closet. She pursed her lips as if trying to display the fangs like a rabid animal.

“That doesn’t matter to me, old or younger brothers, kind people, you are all the same. Say it, say you had a nightmare,” Aya insisted. She emitted fury, sizzling like a fire with a life of its own that licked the windows that were her eyes. It was the first time the blizzard was replaced by the burning Sun. Aya tightened her jaw at hesitation that must have been displayed on Tanjirou’s face. “Don’t you dare, Tanjirou.”

The question “dare what” couldn’t get out of his mouth. 

“If you turn into someone like my father, I’ll hate you, so don’t you dare. You’re all the same and it makes me sick.”

Tanjirou gave a step back in pure intimidation. Aya’s eyes stayed attacking and she stayed getting closer. She seemed convinced not to let him go. 

“What’s wrong with being selfless?” Tanjirou asked then at the air. “What’s wrong with being nice?” 

Aya shook her head and got closer, closer, and the drum of his heart pumped deeply on his ears. 

Strangely, she was smiling, as if she enjoyed it. “I wouldn’t know, because I’m absolutely and undeniably selfish, and that holds no importance to me, I couldn’t care less about being good or bad. And it’s because I’m selfish that I won’t be able to see you burn to the ground.” 

Tanjirou swallowed weakly, fearing Aya would notice even the slightest movement. And she did, oh, she did. 

“The problem is not you, the problem is those that have to see you burn and those you leave behind” Aya smiled. “And isn’t that just selfish?”

Their noses touched then, and the wisteria drowned every pore on Tanjirou’s body. And so they whispered onto his ear “Aya Aya Aya Aya”.  

His mind travelled without wanting to, back to all those moments where he had done more, where he sacrificed dinner to have an extra portion to give the little ones. Never before had he noticed they looked sad as he walked off, maybe they would have preferred for him to stay over another bag of rice. 

“Would you ever want to hurt me, Tanjirou?” Ayaka harshly questioned. He immediately answered (of course not!) “I knew you’d say that, so I want you to know it would hurt for you to keep being selfless, do you want me to get hurt? Then be more selfish, because I wouldn’t be able to stand it.”  

And so, she took the blankets from Tanjirou’s hands, (hers were made of ice, always cold when touching him) and got out of the closet. 

“Wake me up next time it happens, and don’t you dare not to,” she warned over her shoulder. Aya gave him one last mischievous smile and with a fast turn went back to the nursery.  

Tanjirou stayed in the closet a bit more, warm were his cheeks and trembling were his hands, it nearly felt like excitement. There was a buzzing to his bones whenever Aya was too close, what was it? 

It was in the darkness, leaning against the shelves and with the smell of wisteria still lingering in the air, that Tanjirou realized wanting to kiss his partner the way he did wasn’t something specially normal.

Oh.

And the next day there was no wisteria left to smell, just the soap from laundry day. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

Laundry days on the Butterfly Estate had two major differences from any other day; the first one was trying not to crash against any of the residents that carried from one place to another carrying wicker baskets to the brim with clean sheets. The second one was that Tanjirou couldn’t smell anything, the soap was too strong in hundreds of cloths and the huge laundry necessary for taking in all those demon slayers that came there in need of healing, and who Shinobu was generous enough to let stay in her home. 

That was why at the absence of the smell of wisteria and not seeing Aya on her bed, Tanjirou didn’t worry. 

During breakfast he didn’t take into account he still hadn’t seen her because it was common for Aya to spend that time with Kanao on the training dojo. He had tried for her not to many times, but she simply retorted with the fact that he did the same too (which was true), so Tanjirou had nothing but to put up with it through gritted teeth. 

Inosuke was the first one to yell about her absence. 

“Hey, where's Yosano?” he asked in between rushed bites to his rice. 

Tanjirou gave him the answer he thought was true, that she must have been training with Kanao. 

Inosuke gave him a questioning look and Zenitsu appeared to divert his gaze. Tanjirou managed to distinguish the slight smell of nervousness.  

“No way, neither Akira nor Kanoka are on the Butterfly Estate,” he said, stopping for the first time on taking bits off his food. “I can’t feel them anywhere near, they aren’t even in the forest outside.” 

Tanjirou leaned his head to the side:

“If she had gone on a mission she would have told us, right?” 

The slight smell of nervousness coming off Zenitsu lashed out at his nose, and Tanjirou had to bring a hand up his nose to try and block it off. 

He looked at him on the other side of the table and Zenitsu didn’t manage to look back, deciding his boiled eggs were more important than the suns Tanjirou had for eyes. 

“A-chan was suddenly assigned a mi-mission,” he squealed, going back to stuffing himself with boiled eggs.

The soap from laundry was still deeply ingrained in his sense of smell, but it felt like Zenitsu’s nervousness was wrestling against it for dominance. 

“Yosano couldn’t beat Kokori either, right? Why is she going on missions already?” Inosuke asked out loud, and both Tanjirou and Zenitsu wondered if the effort of coming up with new names everytime he mentioned someone would be bigger than simply remembering them. 

“Aya is a tsuguko now, I guess her input to the corps is nearly as essential as a pillar’s,” Tanjirou uselessly suggested, and the three of them shrugged without strength enough to continue wondering. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

In between the smell of soap and cleanliness, long, long before Tanjirou started missing Aya’s scent, he suddenly distinguished something greatly reeking off wisteria. 

Just like it was normal, he ran off to the origin of the smell. 

“Aya, you came back so quickly from-!” He came to a halt when turning the corner and finding someone that was, by far, not Aya. 

At the other side of the corridor rose in his huge glory the figure of a boy, fearsome face decorated with a scar and hair styled into a mohawk.  

“Ah, I’m sorry, I mistook you for another person,” Tanjirou started in a somehow guilty tone. The boy continued walking, gaze fixed somewhere in the distance above Tanjirou’s head. He did the same, looking somewhere else on the corridor, and even when he stepped aside, the fearsome boy crashed against his shoulder. 

He sure was determined on bumping against him. 

Then, behind the longer hair and the body and features tougher than he remembered them, recognition falls on him like a cold water bucket. 

“Ah, you’re the boy from the Final Selection! Genya! I’m glad to see you’re doing well!” Tanjirou turned around to point a finger at him, but the boy continued on his path and Tanjirou had no other option but to follow him. 

“Aya told me a lot about you! You’re an apprentice to Himejima-san and she also said you like jasmine tea!”

Genya didn’t give him an answer, and Tanjirou swore he heard a growl come from him. He was, without a doubt, her aniki. 

“She was assigned a mission recently, so she’s not here! I heard you fought so I thought that when she comes back you could drink tea to make up!”

The small and terrifying eyes of Genya Shinazugawa fixed on him for the first time. Tanjirou didn’t tremble although he knew any normal person would, but he was used to Aya’s eyes so he was, somehow, immune to the eyes of the Stone Pillar’s apprentices. 

“Are you dumb?”

Tanjirou leaned his head to the side: 

“Huh? Did I say something weird?” 

Genya pushed back the growls that came from the deepest part of his throat. Tanjirou noticed the way he tightened his fists. 

“Stop talking to me.”

More questions bloomed on Tanjirou’s mind. Genya got back on his path and Tanjirou was forced to push them aside to follow his pace, because Genya was huge, and he hadn’t grown as much as him since the last time they saw each other. 

“If I’ve said something that troubled you then I apologize, I’m sure that when Aya comes back we can all be friends.” 

Genya’s jaw tightened and Tanjirou didn’t know what it was that he said to annoy him.

“When Aya completes her mission I can invite you to a sweets box along with the tea, it’s on me, I promise! It always comes in handy to relax after missions, I’m sure Aya will be very happy to-”

Genya’s fists grasped Tanjirou by the collar of his clothes at the same time as he harshly turned around to him. His smell of wisteria was what he noticed the most when he lifted him above the floor. 

“She isn’t coming back, you fucking idiot! She’s abandoned you like she abandons everyone else! She isn’t coming back nor now nor ever!” 

Then he threw him to the floor and the impact made Tanjirou feel the injuries that he believed to be healed days ago. 

He took a breath to restore the one he had lost in the crash, bringing a hand up to his chest as Genya stayed looking at him from above. 

“She wouldn’t do… She wouldn’t do that,” he said in between inhales that were painful to take. 

«She wouldn’t do that to me» he tried to convince himself. But hadn’t Aya abandoned her parents? And hadn’t Aya abandoned Yuu and her village? But she had promised to be with him, although asking her to would be selfish. 

“Then get used to the idea because that’s what she always does! You’re not special!” Genya yelled again. There were wisteria flowers and also soap, and even then Tanjirou felt like a fool for not noticing the smell of wrath and desperation that waved off Genya Shinazugawa sooner. 

«I didn’t tell you I was going on a mission» The Aya on his head reminded him in between chuckles, mocking. «Shishou told me how selfish you are and I don’t want to see you ever again.»

And with the smell of wisteria he had learned to associate with Aya still lingering in the air, Genya left Tanjirou on the floor, with a question that would be sure not to let him sleep that night.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“How convenient,” Ayaka muttered under the first of her twenty noodle soups. 

She blew over the scolding broth and brought the noodles up to her mouth, slurping fastly and anxiously. 

Kanao observed with a certain curiosity at the way she continued to slurp noodle after noodle without a rest. Ayaka let go of the chopsticks when there were no more noodles to slurp and later brought the bowl up to her mouth, sipping the warm broth. 

“Thanks for the food!” She yelled at no one in particular when settling the bowl on the table once again. 

Maybe if she had paid attention she would have seen the way Kanao’s lips slightly turned upwards.

Ryu looked at her with something close to intimidation, carrying to the table the many noodle bowls of every possible flavour.

“I didn’t imagine you would also rent the rooms on the upper floor,” Ayaka continued, accepting the next bowl. “That man isn’t as strong as a demon, so we’ll leave him there in the rented room for now. If this becomes too troublesome we’ll have to sleep here until finishing the demon off.”

She slurped on the noodles, this time it was seafood and fish, as quickly as she did the first. “Thanks for the food!” 

“You’re gonna spend more money on my business on a day than what I usually earn in a month,” Ryu joked, going back to the kitchen to serve as many noodle bowls as the tray allowed him to.

“What do you prefer, Kanao? Meat or fish?” Ayaka asked, gesturing to the many bowls spread all over the table. 

Kanao waited for a moment, hand on her pocket with a thumb grazing the lines of her golden coin.  

“Meat,” she finally said, and Ayaka offered her the nearest bowl she could find with meat on it. “Is it necessary for us to eat? Isn’t it a distraction? We weren’t commanded to do this.”

Ayaka finished slurping on her third bowl. “Thanks for the food!” That time, Kanao took in the early sickness appearing on her face. 

“I always eat before a mission,” she answered, bringing a hand up to her chest and hitting there to prevent the noodles from going up her throat again. “You don’t have to be told everything to do in a mission.” 

The vague memory of having tried to complete her first mission without Tanjirou came to her head. Maybe that wasn’t the best use of words. 

“It was poison,” Kanao reminded her. “That man was poisoned. The red mark-” 

She was interrupted by a vague wave of Ayaka’s hand, as both remembered the man that had collapsed before tying him to a bedpost on the room of the upper floor. 

“That it gave him some demon features doesn’t mean he got turned into one, only Muzan Kibutsuji and Upper Moons can do that,” Ayaka started, stopping for the first time on her task of eating noodles. “Besides, you said it, he doesn’t look like a demon and he didn’t turn into dust under the Sun either. Just eat, do you have to be ordered that too, butterfly girl?” 

And she continued slurping noodles. “Thanks for the food!”

Kanao hesitatingly slurped on her own and Ayaka finished another five servings by the time she was done with her first one.

By then her face had acquired a green tone, and she covered her mouth, probably in order not to puke.  

“Can you pack this for takeout, Ryu?” she weakly asked, leaning defeated on the table like a demon could never make her look. “Take them tomorrow for the girls on the Butterfly Estate, maybe Aoi will be slightly less pissed off at me that way for the other day.”

Kanao nodded absentmindedly. Her hand stayed in her pocket, fingers resting over the coin. 

With a last push to her heart Kanao grabbed it and threw it to the air. Ayaka raised her head in curiosity and when it fell, the “tails” could clearly be seen. So as she was told, Kanao stayed still.

Ayaka gulped. “Do you… want us to go?” 

Kanao’s fingers rattled shily against the table, settling a finger on the coin and getting it back on her pocket. She slightly nodded.

Ayaka paralyzed for a moment, with the panic of falling down a black and foreign hole she wouldn’t be able to escape from. For the second time, she gulped.

“Let’s… let’s go then.” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

At first it hadn’t mattered. At first it hadn’t mattered at all. 

Ayaka Iwamoto had been a name rarely mentioned and less heard, nearly like a ghost. The few things known about her were that she was always sick, and that she lived by the ends of the rice fields, hidden there like a spirit that protected the place where its mortal body rested, the one that had once belonged to it. 

Seeing her was the same as witnessing a supernatural creature, and by the time Yumiko was eight years old, that girl with skin of poplar and charcoal hair, as fragile as snow under the Sun, had made herself a name in between the kids on the village like a kappa under a bridge. 

The most remarkable thing about the Iwamotos always was their stupid naivety and the easiness one could take advantage of them, that was the most essential thing that came up to your mind if you looked past the rice fields at the small house where the stone family lived not too long ago.

The house then stayed empty and no one had bothered looking for them. They had vanished on thin air as if they had never existed just like the Kobayashis did three years ago, except that time the fire couldn’t be blamed. The existence of the Akadas had been dragged under the rug too, because everyone took for granted that Takeshi’s father had finally killed him, running away with the corpse hidden somewhere else, just like he had done with his wife and just like he did with his son again.  

But all those years back, when the stone daughter showed herself for the first time before, it hadn’t mattered to Yumiko, and it really didn't. 

She came out so little that the youngest ones truly believed her to be a ghost, why would she? It was a long way to cross the rice fields and it didn’t seem like she had strength enough to do it daily, nor people to visit there either way.

But once there was, it was why the village had a bridge to cross the river by in the first place. 

The project had been lingering in the air for years, the growth of the cities and the West’s influence made Japan grow quickly and it didn’t seem to stop, like a growth spurt that arrived with puberty that made you start to question if the size of the clothes bought one day would be enough by the next time you checked. 

Everyone had agreed, which was weird in that village, that the businesses and the people would start to move from one place to the other. There were rumours about metal beasts tied to iron bars on the floor that were faster than horses and mules, fed by charcoal and reaching speeds a normal human wouldn’t be able to reach on their own. That meant more travelling, more tourists, and consequently, more money. 

That village didn’t stand out on its own, everyone knew without saying it outloud, but it did attract the travellers that needed to stop in between important cities, and they were fortunately positioned on the extensions of Great Japan. The only thing that prevented them from attaining glory was the river. 

The mountain that circled them was by far a deterrent to their goal, because it was a small mountain and not too hard to cross. The most dangerous thing to encounter were wolves, boars and other wild creatures, the river that came from the mountain, however, prevented the way from one shore to the other. The river, endlessly flowing like only a blessing from the gods could, turned into a curse.  

It would be too much work, too many resources spent without knowing if the effort would be reciprocated by their neighbours or simply a way to be tricked in doing all the dirty work for the benefit of an entire village inhabited by malicious souls.  

Accusations started to fly through the air like propelled by gunpowder. 

That they didn’t want to offer their own wood, that if those with children wouldn’t have time to work on the bridge after spending the day on the rice fields, that it was too much effort for people already tired, without any guarantee the other neighbours would put in the same amount of work if the compromise was ever done. 

The tension in between the mistrustful neighbours with bitter hearts had always been there, that village full of suspicions and excessively defensive of oneself reached a point where the not written norm over their heads was to trust on those living under your roof and no one else. 

The feudal lords had disappeared decades ago, after, everyone was loyal to the great figure of the emperor, but instead of being united by a common nation they blamed one another about their miseries and lacking, defending what they believed to be theirs tooth and nail as if they protected themselves. 

Not exactly all of them, but those that didn’t were labelled as stupid.

Makoto Iwamoto then grabbed his part of that year’s harvest, sold it on the market and bought wooden planks to build an entire house. Then, he started building. 

The suspicious whispers ran rampant like rabid dogs in a hunt, no one trusted anyone and the intentions were always unknown with someone that seemed to be kind. An act like that had turned into something nearly as foreign as seeing the ghostly black head of his daughter.  

He built that bridge that brought so much fortune nearly on his own, that is, without taking the woodsman into account. 

Quiet like not many could be and stoic like his father and his grandfather before him, the woodsman was a respected figure known for never meddling with the people living there. So seeing him abandon by his own will the axe to help Ayaka’s father build the bridge had fed whispers and rumours for weeks. 

If Makoto Iwamoto hadn’t spent so much time in the village, maybe Yumiko nor Nanami would have seen her so closely until then.

Yumiko remembered it, passing by just in a coincidence, and it hadn’t mattered at all at first because seeing a head of short black hair giving her father lunch was nothing deserving of importance. Maybe her mother had sent her, maybe she had gone by her own will or maybe she simply always did that and Yumiko wasn’t conscious enough about the habits of the soft stone family to notice.

But Ayaka had noticed her, a mere eye contact enough for a shiver to run down Yumiko’s back. 

She had smiled at her without knowing her, a small, apparently friendly smile. And it felt at that moment like the most dangerous thing of all. It still did, because Ayaka wasn’t a family member and unless she married her twin she would never be. They had been ingrained with fire on her, just like everyone else in that village, the words “don’t trust strangers”. And for her, everyone who lived outside the walls of her house was one.

A long time passed before she saw her again, and that time it wasn’t such a poor exchange like a smile. 

In fact, she wasn’t smiling at all. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Ayaka let out a trembling sigh. 

The sliding doors that lead to the insides of the Sato home felt more and more like the entrance to somewhere she wouldn’t be able to escape from. 

The fear, dark and fast, abysmal and infinite, took the form of long strips that slid from inside the house and underneath the door. They creeped up to her like snakes, poisonously deadly whose shiny fangs warned her about what would happen if they caught her. 

She had forgotten humans could be just as monstrous as demons if they so desired, and she had been a witness to the worst human monsters that there could be. Cruel children that weren’t old enough to distinguish their wrongdoings. 

Both snakes stayed watching over her, and their mere presence made Ayaka want to puke. She was still small, she was still so small before them that demons didn’t feel but mere insects in comparison. 

The first snake then whispered in a hissing voice, as the second one kept an abysmal eye on her. 

What are you doing? Do you want to get killed? How are you so stupid as to walk right on the wolf’s lair, Aya-san? 

“Ayaka-san.” Kanao Tsuyuri’s voice rose over the evil spirits plaguing her mind like an envoy from Heaven. Or maybe not so much.“You look sick.” 

Ayaka slowly took a deep breath, fearing if she did too quickly she’d puke the noodles that sat at the ends of her stomach. 

“Do I?”

“Yes,” Kanao sentenced without a doubt. “You’re really pale.” 

“You mean more than usual.” Ayaka said with an expression that painfully managed to replace the distress with teasing. 

Kanao had spent years observing, analyzing the feelings of people because that was the only thing she knew to do, throwing her coin up at the air as if that would force her to feel something. 

She remembered the expression on Shinobu’s face on the night Kanae died, waiting for her to return and that she had only gotten in a pinch for one… two, then three, four, five hours until it turned into a whole night. The same muffled pain bloomed on her chest now when looking at Ayaka’s face, never before had she seen someone with so many feelings and the idea of throwing the coin up into the air came to her mind.

Throw the coin up into the air for what? What do you wish to do? In between which two options will you choose? Do something or not? But if it’s face instead of cross and you’re allowed to do something, what will you do? She didn’t know, she was just sure she wanted to do something. 

Without wanting to, her nails sank deeply on her thighs. 

The panic made Ayaka too dizzy to notice, but she gulped and finally diverted her gaze from the hissing snakes that waited before the door like inviting her in if she so dared.  

“We should go in,” she started with a surprising steadiness. “If the demon is in this place, we could check if it’s someone pretending to be a family member. It would be the easiest way to inject the poison.” 

Her eyes however didn’t move from their place where they were firmly fixed. It wasn’t always good to be a mountain. 

Both dolls were left unmoving in front of the door of a weak green that led to the Sato family home. One trying not to be overwhelmed by her feelings and the other trying to produce even a pinch of them. 

It got opened by itself, maybe because those living inside felt on their flesh that neither of them would open it on their own will. At the other side appeared that lady who her mother had given so many plants to, Mrs Sato, the mother of the twins. 

“Well,” she said when seeing them, a certain hesitancy brought by surprise. “If you want to sell something, we aren’t interested.” .

Ayaka instantly remembered her voice and on her rained all the expressions with second intentions every time her mother left a new pot on her hands. 

She mocked them, she always mocked them, because her mother was a fool that couldn’t see what was right in front of her. Because Kaori Iwamoto was so stupid she didn’t realize that woman had been mocking her naivety under her back for years. Maybe her mother didn’t see it, but Ayaka did, every single time. It was why it had been so easy to distinguish who the twins were daughters of and that was why their mocking had been so familiar and terrifying. 

Ayaka’s fingers trembled on the handle of her sword.

“We don’t sell things,” Kanao pointed out. Mrs Sato stayed staring, but Kanao never continued talking. 

Ayaka settled her other hand over her trembling wrist, maybe like that it would stop trembling, maybe like that she would stop wishing to cut off that woman’s head instead of the demon’s she had been ordered to kill. 

Ever since the fight against Rui she hadn’t remembered shishou’s words, so she repeated them like a prayer on her mind, as many times as needed. 

“Your husband… your husband had a knife.” She couldn’t help but stutter. “We would like to know the reason why and if it’s possible everything you know about him, what he’s been doing these past few days, where and with who.” 

“My husband is dead.” Mrs Sato answered without a single quiver on her expression.

Ayaka and Kanao exchanged looks.

“We’re sorry,” Kanao automatically said, so fast it was mechanical. Ayaka wondered if she had that answer carved on her mind for that kind of news. “But we’ve come because a man related to your family attempted to attack us.” 

Mrs Sato squinted.  

“There are no men left in my family unless my daughters decide on marrying soon,” she bitterly offered. Uncertainty grew on Ayaka’s chest. She travelled through her memories in search of the face of a man called Sato, she had seen him, she knew he belonged to that damn village, even Ryu had confirmed it, then, why did she lie? 

A small head of long black hair manifested itself in the gap between her and the door, so small it could be nothing but a child. Both pairs of eyes flew up at her. 

The purple eyes stayed fixed on her even when the brown ones didn’t. 

“Who’s at the door?” A small voice asked, small and sweet that didn’t look like a Sato. 

“Just some weirdos. Go back inside, Tomoko.” Mrs Sato harshly pushed back the forehead of what was clearly a small girl behind her. Kanao pressed her lips together still in a calm smile. After, Mrs Sato dwelled on Ayaka’s face for just a moment, gaze becoming clearer. “You’re Kaori’s girl! It was rumoured you appeared here not too long ago, I never believed it.”  

Ayaka offered her a tight smile, it hurt to do so. 

“That’s me.” She forced herself to make her smile bigger, and that was more painful than the pulsing scar Rui’s blood had left on her back. “Could you give a step out of the door?” 

The small head peeked out again, big eyes, blue and shining, appeared that time instead of just messy hair. 

“Are those real swords!? Can I see them!? Are you samurais!? Dad says that samurais-!” A hand crashed against the girl’s cheek, who fell back and rolled through the floor still with the sound of the hit on her ears.

“I told you to go back inside, Tomoko! Do as I say next time if you don’t want to be hit again!” Mrs Sato yelled still at the doorstep. 

The small creature started to whine from the floor, with a body so small her sobs made even the tips of her toes. The fragile wailing gave the room the perfect background music to that place. 

“What an annoying thing, she does nothing but bother with her yelling and silliness,” Mrs Sato complained in between mutters. Ayaka thought it hadn’t been a good idea to go there, as many things as they could have discovered about the demon. “A bit of discipline always comes in handy, ever since her father abandoned her we’ve been forced to take care of her and I’ve had to put up with it, she still doesn’t know how things work here.” 

Ayaka offered another forced smile at the same time as she sideglanced Kanao, whose silent and, Ayaka recognized in a moment of brightness, astonished stare stayed on the sobbing child. 

She looked at Kanao’s eyes another time, and if she wasn’t blind, if she had learned to see something on her grandmother’s training and during all that time she’d been a demon slayer, she believed to see red wrath in the purple of her pupils. 

 All hearts burned even just a little before unjustice. 

Mrs Sato payed no mind to the girl and stepped outside the house, under the shining sunlight.

“Why did you want me to step out of the door?” 

Ayaka beat a smile on her face again so it stayed there enough so as Kanao adopted a frown, eyes somewhere that wasn’t on Mrs Sato. 

“Don’t worry about that. If it’s not too much trouble, I would like to check something inside.”

Mrs Sato incredulously looked at her, at the same time as she adjusted an old sack under her arm. 

“I was going to the market now, but my daughters will be at home if that’s what you want,” 

It wouldn’t surprise her that the twins had turned into demons, there wasn’t much of a difference between them and monsters. 

“That’s actually perfect, thank you,” Ayaka said, cheerfly clasping her hands together. 

The snakes of fear looked at her from the door and sank on her heart nails of terror. And there they built their nest. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Yumiko and Nanami had been a pair of twins known for being inseparable, what one thought so did the other, and it was so foreign to see them alone with their usual company that it must have been an illusion if that were ever to happen. 

Whispers into the ear, shared laughs destined to no one were both their most remarkable features. The Sato twins trusted no one but the person they had been with since their birth, maybe it could be possible to ignore one of them if she ever got to tease you on her own, but it had been a habit to whisper things to one another too loudly for it to go unnoticed. 

It would be possible to see them at first and think they were simple and sweet innocent girls, with the same expression on their faces as her mother when asking Kaori for more flowers she would later dump in the trash only a week later, but just when you turned around the poison wouldn’t take long to reach your ears and who had been angels before fastly turned into demons of glimmering horns and skin of a bright red. 

That was why Ayaka stayed looking at the teacup on the table that had been so sweetly served to her, as if she was a welcomed guest. The sweat soaked her forehead the more she had to push down the snake that had tied itself around her throat. 

“Aya-san,” Yumiko started, serving her own tea at last. “I didn’t believe I’d see you again.” 

“Me neither, Yumiko,” Ayaka whispered at the tea cup on her hands. The other snake churned uncomfortably on her chest. “I have certain questions to ask you.” 

Kanao stayed sitting by her side, hands glued to her lap without daring to touch the freshly served tea in front of her.  

The second sister, Nanami, pushed down a chuckled muffled by the back of her hand against her mouth. Kanao fixed her gaze on her for a moment waiting to know just what was so funny. 

“She’s still just as always.” Nanami didn’t even try to hide what she said as she whispered into her sister’s ear. Yumiko gave her a frown and strangely didn’t whisper back. 

“What is it that you need to know?” Yumiko tightly asked. Nanami huffed and leaned her chin on her hand, giving all her attention to the wall.  

The small kid, Tomoko, peeked at both Ayaka and Kanao through the curtain of messy hair, letting out a small yelp when Kanao vaguely looked back, getting her gaze back to her own tea cup with red cheeks. 

The traces of tears were still there since no one had bothered to clean them, and she sniffed from time to time as if she still had snot from crying.

Ayaka tightened her hold against the tea cup. Her shoulders trembled slightly. Kanao threw the coin up in the air, falling on “heads”.

“Ryu told us the man who attacked us was your father,” she then started. Her posture was flawless, as if she had spent countless hours without moving. “But our mother said your father died.” 

The twins exchanged glances. Tomoko’s blue eyes peeked out again in between her dirty hair. 

“He must have referred to our uncle,” Nanami answered through gritted teeth. “I’m surprised you listened to him, not him nor his father meddled with anyone in the village, such idiots, forgetting about something so important.” 

Ayaka skipped a small bit on her place, which drew the attention of everyone on the table. 

“...I see,” she said, when noticing all those stares on her. “Was he the one who had that adventure?”  

The twins nodded without mentioning any other detail. Tomoko’s fingers softly rattled against the table, filling the silence in between them.

“Dad didn’t have any adventure, he wasn’t going out with anyone,” came the girl’s soft voice. 

That made both demon slayers turn to her. 

“What do you mean with that?” Ayaka asked at Kanao’s lack of initiative. 

The girl nervously played with her fingers under the harsh glances from the twins. 

“Tomoko, you know you’re not allowed to talk out of turn,” Nanami threateningly warned, and Ayaka felt on the twin the urge to take a wooden cane, trembling.  

The girl of blue eyes pressed her lips together, as the four people in the room awaited for her to talk. 

“They’re just silly things, claiming to see monsters to deny the truth about her father abandoning her,” Nanami bitterly hissed, then looking over at Ayaka. “Although you would believe them for sure, Aya-san.”  

Tomoko’s small fists crashed against the table, and Kanao’s tea spilled over her lap, boiling, but Kanao didn’t flinch. 

“They’re not silly things! I saw it, it was a monster! That woman was a monster!” Tomoko screamed. 

The snakes formed a tense knot on Ayaka’s throat but even so she harshly got up at the same time as Nanami when she raised her hand up and got it down in a second, towards Tomoko’s cheek. 

Fat beads of sweet fall down her face when Ayaka grabs Nanami’s wrist before she can hit her. The snake tightened its hold around her throat, making her heavy breathing become more apparent. 

“Who the hell do you think you are!?” Nanami was the first one to yell. Tomoko observed everything from the place on the floor she had fallen on when backing up with eyes wide open. Ayaka let out a firm sigh. 

“We’re going. Kanao, the curtains.” She was still trembling, so strongly the frozen mountain appeared to be shaken by an earthquake. 

Kanao got up without taking notice of the boiling liquid on her skirt and legs and did as she said. 

When the sunlight fell down upon the twins, neither of them turned into dust and Ayaka thought it was just a matter of time, just a second until they did. 

Nanami freed herself from Ayaka’s hold at the worried and focused glance of her sister Yumiko. Maybe they were so connected they felt each other’s pain. 

“What the hell is wrong with you? Are you still resentful over how we treated you years ago? Because if so you’re still just as pathetic!” Nanami bit somewhere on her heart Ayaka didn’t know existed. “We were children, oh my gods!”

Ayaka’s eyes, with all their strength and icy winds suddenly fell upon her. She had stopped sweating. 

“Shut your mouth.” 

Nanami let out a squeal and backed up like a mouse. The snakes on her Ayaka’s chest didn’t seem poisonous now, only small and scared mice just like her. 

“We’re going,” Ayaka sentenced again, freezing eyes that made the mouse hide again on its burrow at the arrival of winter. She pushed away Oyakata-sama’s haori to show her shining sword. “Don’t bother putting up a false kind attitude with me, the use of honorifics can’t hide your shitty attitude towards others. If you or your mother get near my parents again I won’t hesitate on using this on your necks.” 

Kanao laid a hand on her shoulder and that made Ayaka divert her gaze towards her. The storm stopped again, and once again appeared the soft and cold winds of the pacific wing Ayaka Iwamoto had adopted on her eyes lately. 

“The Sun will set soon, Ayaka-san.”

Tomoko observed unmoving at how both girls got out of that house inhabited by demons, and she had no time to plead so they took her with them.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

For the first time, ever since Kanao had known her, Ayaka didn’t talk during the way to their room.

Ryu in the counter waved his hand but Ayaka didn’t wave back, walking by his side in complete silence, upstairs. Her eyes are somewhere far away, not there.

Kanao followed her through the stairs where Ryu had the rented rooms, one for them and one for who they now knew was the father of that girl, Tomoko.

“Sit down,” Ayaka told Kanao without even looking at her, disappearing in the bathroom.

She obeyed because, what else could she do? Her heart stayed silent as Ayaka kept her mouth shut, appearing through the door with a first aid kit. She knelt before her, slightly lifting up Kanao’s skirt.

Right, she had forgotten about that. The tea had fallen all over her legs, leaving on them the red of burns, like a small opening for the thin blood lines that fell from where Kanao had sunk her nails.

Her heart had beaten strongly, kicking against her chest as if wanting to escape by breaking her ribs as she witnessed how that girl hit the little kid.

It was too familiar, so familiar it made her entire body roar. If Tomoko’s eyes had been purple instead of blue, if they had been mixed in with a little pink, slightly bigger, hair just a bit darker, it would have been like looking at herself in the mirror. Maybe Kanao had been able to feel the hit on her bones, which were now bigger, she was taller and cleaner, but was there any difference between her and the girl she saw now?

That Tomoko had cried and that Tomoko had screamed and even under threats and hits she had opposed those with her same blood flowing through their veins.

That people hadn’t been her family like the people with Kanao’s blood wasn’t hers either.

“You should… you should be more careful.” Ayaka said, trying to breathe as she pressed ice against Kanao’s injuries.

There was a frown strongly carved on her face, wrinkles sculpted on her forehead as if she had been trying to do something with all her strength.

When the inflammation got reduced and Auaka saw it fit she grabbed a green ointment and slid it down her legs. Kanao hadn’t noticed how much it hurt until she felt the relief of not being in pain anymore. Almost silently, she sighed.

Ayaka took from somewhere on her uniform a tissue, cleaning off the rest of blood on her legs with it. More scars to go along with the ones she already had, Kanao wished to stop, but that wish was drowned down before her silence, so there was nothing left.

“Ayaka-san,” she started, when noticing the way her shoulders flinched, biting her lip almost too much. Ayaka’s chest jolted when a small drowned sob came from her.

She frowned as much as she could, and Kanao thought it looked similar to the expression a demon slayer wore when losing a limb during battle, an arm, a leg, both hands, she was smart enough to relate it to the feeling of being crushed by extreme pain.

“I couldn’t stand it,” Ayaka croaked out, and it doesn’t take much for her to be muffled by another sob that came out even more eagerly. Kanao stared unmoving like someone who witnessed a dam finally breaking down. All tension on her body melted when she gulped one last time and bursted into tears.

“I couldn’t stand it! The way they looked at me, the way they laughed and made fun of me! They jumped at me at every chance they had!” Ayaka hid her face in between Kanao’s legs, voice cut in between pitiful sobs and kneeling before her as if she looked for comfort from a god, but Kanao wasn’t a god, she wasn’t even human, and the only piece of humanity she had left was wondering what to do. In between which two options will you choose if you throw that coin? There is none, so you’ll have to come up with them by yourself, but it’s too much work, isn’t it? Too much for your poor heart.

Ayaka growled, slightly backing away from Kanao and bringing her hands up to her head, where she tugged at her braided hair with burning tears on both sides of her cheeks. The frown stayed, clenching her jaw in wrath.

“I want them to burn! To burn, to burn, I want this entire village to burn so I don’t have to see them anymore! I want for them to die! For them to go to Hell and stay there! I want them to suffer, to suffer, every single one of them!” She tugged more at her hair, letting out a hot white yell that made even the last one of Kanao’s bones tremble.

“I hate them! I hate them so much! For everything they did to us! They’re demons, all of them, I should cut their heads off! Cut their heads off as if they were!” There was poison coming out from those words, burning and bitter poison proper to her and everything she represented. Kanao thought her to look like Shinobu, so much hate on someone so young.

Ayaka tugged at her hair so much the pink ribbon that kept it braided flew out somewhere else. Hair now free and messy, it flowed down her back like a black river, the black river of hell.

She took a deep breath, tears still running down her cheeks, and her face turned from one of rage into one of utter and complete desperation. There was no hope in her eyes when she poorly started sobbing again.

And then she collapsed on Kanao’s laps, tugging at her skirt still crying.

“I hate them…” she weakly sobbed. “I hate them all.”

Her fingers grabbed Kanao’s legs because Kanao was the calm during the storm, a calm place that kept you with your feet on the ground when everything around you was completely destroyed, an anchor to stay afloat in the middle of the storm.

The golden coin rang on the floor by Ayaka’s side and she skipped a bit, slowly sliding away from her with wet cheeks and red eyes. Hopelessness’s vivid painting displayed on her face.

"Heads means yes."

Kanao got up in silence, softly getting rid of Ayaka’s hands around her. Kanao disappeared in the bathroom and she took that small time to shamefully brush her tears away, looking down at the floor with a growing feeling of humiliation making its way up to her neck.

When she came back there was a hairbrush on one hand and Nezuko’s pink ribbon on the other. Ayaka could do nothing but look at her as she kneeled and started to brush her hair.

“Butterfly girl?” Ayaka softly asked, breathing heavily, and not much time passed for Ayaka to feel Kanao braiding her hair again.

They both stayed silent as Kanao tied her hair up. Ayaka looked at the floor because she wouldn’t be able to stand looking at Kanao either, and she bit her lip to push down the rest of soft sobs that still attacked her chest even when tears weren’t shed.

“What did you do?” Ayaka asked once Kanao finally got up. She nodded as an answer, and Ayaka’s eyes flew up to her thighs, where her hands were firmly perched on now that she had nothing to do with them.

Ayaka opened her mouth, finally sighing and closing her eyes to take even just a moment.

The unwavering expression came back when taking Kanao’s hands in between hers, leaving for everyone to see the sight of her nails irremediably carved on flesh. There was still no hope and Kanao thought again she looked a lot like her big sister.

“You wanted to do something, right?” Ayaka asked in a whisper, and Kanao saw waving off her kindness, pure and beautiful, she was pure and beautiful when she looked like that, smiling soft at her. And just as soft she leaned her forehead on Kanao’s hands, like a worshipper did in front of a god. “Thank you, Kanao. I’m sorry you had to be partnered up with someone as weak as me.”

Kanao’s eyes flew up for a moment to the coin on the floor, and she didn’t answer because she couldn’t decide if to do so or not. So she left Ayaka continue leaning her forehead against her hands and there was a vague feeling that told her that wouldn’t have been such a bad decision.

It was Ayaka the one to stand up from the floor, but it was Kanao the one to talk, as if going back somewhere without danger, somewhere the possibility of choosing didn’t exist.

“We must look for the demon.”

Ayaka diverted her gaze somewhere else.

“We must, that’s true.” But then she doubted, eyes flying to another corner of the room once again. “Stay here and keep an eye on the Sato man. I need to go somewhere for a moment.”

The Sun was close to setting in the horizon and neither of them had managed to see the demon.

Even so, Kanao could do nothing but obey.

«I want them to burn.»

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

From Nanami’s wrist came a crunch when Yumiko, softly holding it in between her hands, dared to squeeze it lightly.

“We shouldn’t have let her in,” Nanami started with a pained hiss. “That damn brat gets on my nerves, her and the goddamn noodles boy. Where did she get the strength to break my wrist? Just now she was a weakling.”

Yumiko frowned as she wrapped her sister’s wrist with bandages.

“She had a sword, whatever it is, I’m sure it’s something dangerous,” she whispered, lips tight. “It would be best to stay away from her as much as we can,”

Nanami agreed because it was something they always did, but Yumiko hadn’t stopped talking.

“You shouldn’t have said that.”

The glance Nanami sent her way was one usually sent toward strangers, strangers she disagreed with. Yumiko had to remind herself they were twins, but it had been a while since she had decided that didn’t make them the same.

“Ryu’s father saved Tomoko, you know,” Yumiko continued, and for a second her fingers trembled. “You shouldn’t talk ill about him or his family either.”

Once the patching up was finished she raised her gaze, finding her own reflection looking back at her with something strange on her eyes, disbelief, something close to anger, maybe even amazement.

“The hell are you talking about!?” Nanami exclaimed, throwing her hands up in the air and forgetting about the wrist, which made her let out another hiss and bring it up to her chest. Never before had Yumiko seen so much anger in a face so alike to hers directed towards her. Unknowingly she gave a step back. “I’m sure that crazy woodsman just wanted a reward! Lucky us that the bear tore him apart before he could come claim it! Besides when has Aya-san ever mattered to you!? We were children! What could she possibly be scheming, coming here after so long!?”

Yumiko pressed her lips together, feeling herself become smaller and small. She didn’t usually think about Ayaka Iwamoto, but when she did, she did it silently and never told anyone. Because after all, she couldn’t trust the people inside the walls of her house either.

And much, much time after she vanished, along with the Akadas and the Kobayashis, was when the traces of guilt started to bloom.

«Ayaka hasn’t come here with any ill intent, you’re the only one that came to that conclusion» she would have liked to say, staring at how her sister tightened the bandages around the wrist Ayaka broke. But Yumiko knew that would only anger her further.

Nanami made an effort to melt her frown and sighed deeply, then she held her twin’s hand in between the only one she had left.

Yumiko couldn’t help but fix her gaze in their intertwined fingers.

“Let’s just forget it, okay?” Nanami gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “We can’t let people outside the family meddle with our relationship.”

Yumiko squeezed back, the light breeze that came from outside slightly swaying a few stray strands of hair.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

Both of them raised their eyes, because they didn’t remember leaving any window open for the wind to come in, but they didn’t find any black head of locks covering blue eyes. The main door was left wide open.

“Tomoko?”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Up to this point, Aoi wasn’t surprised at all by the way Tanjirou fluttered around her, he had been doing so all day.

She didn’t know if it was because Kanao wasn’t there that he couldn’t waste his time training with her, or because Tanjirou had somehow carved on his veins the need to help as others worked and he didn’t.

He stayed running around from one place to the other, from one corner of the Butterfly Estate to the other as his friends slacked off. For once there was no training, Aoi wasn’t strong enough to be a worthy opponent against any of them, either.

So Shinobu had offered the pleasure of taking a day off due to Kanao’s absence, and Ayaka’s too, since she could have trained with them in replacement of Kanao, but both of them had gone off that morning and Aoi didn’t doubt it was because both of them were tsugukos. Aoi was relieved by the fact that she wasn’t a tsuguko, she wasn’t worthy of being a tsuguko, either way, not even of holding the title she had been given.

Demon slayer, none of the words that composed that name adjusted to her.

She could have been a nurse, a healer, maybe a doctor or even a caretaker, but not a demon slayer.

The sight of demons of the Final Selection had been enough to make her guts tremble their way out of her, she wouldn’t like to be filled with the word tsuguko instead, that was something even heavier.

Tanjirou looked at her with his ruby eyes peeking through the sheets. He had already come back from chopping wood and waited patiently for another chore.Aoi frowned.

“Rest,” she sharply said, while taking the clean sheets that hung in the clothes line. “Don’t you dare relapse in your recovery just because you were stubborn and trained too much. Don’t be like Ayaka.”

Tanjirou craned his neck at hearing her name, tan skin showing more in between the laundry that shook against the wind.

“That dumbass only made her back injury worse by training with Kanao, so don’t you do it either, as much as you scold her you’re just like her.” Aoi bit her lip tensely. That girl was a fool, risking the work all the residents from the Estate poured into her recovery, as worse as Aoi was compared to her, it was still infuriating. “So go rest and stop asking me for chores.”

Something close to guilt fell over Tanjirou’s face, tense smile and eyebrows furrowed upwards, and that was the only difference between him and Ayaka.

“Just one more, please?” He asked, voice nearly pleading as his earrings flicked with the wind.

Aoi thought Tanjirou must have had either a very serious problem with staying put in one place or he just wanted to keep something off his mind.

She finally gave up, leaving on his arms a recently folded pile of clean sheets. Tanjirou happily smiled.

“Get these to the closet.”

Tanjirou nodded energetically, but there was a pinch of uncertainty that flashed over his face when getting his nose close to them. It smelled of wisteria.

“Aya’s sheets?”

Aoi brought both hands to her waist, head leaning to the side.

“Is there any problem?”

“You made a mistake, you should have told me to get Aya’s sheets to her bed, not to the closet,” Tanjirou nearly stumbled over his own words, pure and honest naivety coming off him like waves, and Aoi thought he felt just like a water breathing user, crystal clear feelings cascading every time he talked.

“We needed to change the sheets since she isn’t gonna use the bed anymore,” Aoi said, raising a single eyebrow and turning around once again to take care of the laundry still waiting to be taken care of.

For the first time Tanjirou paralyzed, fire eyes fixed on her.

“Is she… going somewhere?”

Not knowing something so simple made Aoi give him a questioning look, and for a moment she believed Tanjirou was teasing her, but he stayed quiet, waiting for an honest answer.

“Tsugukos train with their masters.”

Tanjirou didn’t seem to react at that. Aoi pinched her nose.

“That means Ayaka will go back to the Stone Pillar’s Estate to continue training under him, in order to take on his title when he either retires or dies.”

A blink was the only answer Tanjirou gave her:

“Then, she’s not coming back?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Aoi laughed at the thought. “Unless she comes through that door gravely injured.”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The last shadows from the afternoon loomed over the Iwamoto’s house as Ayaka stayed on the doorside.

There was dust, dust everything, much more than the one she found during her visit, and Ayaka had to push down the urge to clean every corner of the house that saw her be born into this world, but she didn’t because that wasn’t what she came here to do.

Her hand abandoned the touch of wood when stepping in.

«There’s no warmth in this place» she thought. The shadows were long and they spread out over her house, dark, and like that, cold and empty, wasn’t how Ayaka remembered her home.

Her eyes travelled to the remains of what could have once been breakfast, messy futons on the rooms and destroyed pieces from a vase that Ayaka was sure must have fallen down in the midst of chaos. All traces of what had been plain and simple panic, bewilderment when the kakushi had said her name and even worse when her father collapsed, gaping with a hand on a heart that failed to beat when he needed it most. Ayaka frowned.

There was a stain in the wall, there where the hyottoko mask had been hanging from, looking at her all those times she had been sick and she looked back, googly eyes, thick eyebrows and a mouth twisted in a strange smirk, it had always scared her.

Her mother must have taken it when running away, just like the sword that also laid beside it, as strange of a memento as it was. Or maybe they were already too old to keep them as family relics and they had just disposed of them like trash. No, her parents wouldn’t do that, they were too attached to everything, even trash.

Ayaka laughed in bitter amusement, yeah, they were too attached to trash, after all, what worse trash was there than her? Who didn’t read any letters or ever wrote back?

But she hadn’t come here to mourn, at least, not to mourn them.

She went over to the kitchen where she had cooked breakfast so many times and rummaged in between the tools, although the Sun was just about to set it wasn’t the reason for taking out a poorly half used candle and some wet matches.

There was no incense with which to grieve, so due to its lack there was nothing but the poor candle, Ayaka regretted that fact.

“You can come out now, you don’t have to hide,” Ayaka threw at the air. There was no need to turn back to notice. A small hair of abundant and messy hair appeared by the door, big and blue eyes under that mane which eyed Ayaka with a certain enthusiasm, lips trembling in excitement and blushing cheeks.

In quick steps she joined her side and there was in her some kind of nervousness that was strange, clutching at her clothes to get the sweat off her hands and eyes shining as if she saw Ayaka like a liberating goddess.

Tomoko didn’t get her eyes off the sword on her waist. Ayaka didn’t bother looking at her, she could notice she was there without doing so, that girl was like a small bird that had been fed once and now ran after her expecting more.

Her mother’s garden was still the most beautiful thing she will ever see in her life. Ayaka didn’t react when coming across so many colours, Tomoko did, looking around everywhere with eyes wide open.

Lilies, roses, red spider lilies, jasmine was the one that spread the most and sunflowers weren’t uncommon. Ayaka recognised the soft purple flower and she wasn’t surprised by her mother growing wisteria there, maybe she had done so ever since she started training. But there was no way to know.

The grass felt fresh under her hands when Ayaka knelt before a wooden shrine, Tomoko continued looking everywhere but that didn’t stop her from getting out that pathetic candle and putting it on as she could with the wet matches.

One, two three were the ones she had to use to produce a spark, four, five, six for it to catch fire and seven eight and nine were just out of boredom and thrown to the side without any regrets.

Once there weren't any doubts about it staying alight, Ayaka clapped both hands together and lowered her head to the floor in between the crimson of the red spider lilies that had grown where his father had buried Mr Fluff. It didn’t surprise her, those flowers grew around graveyards either way, maybe that was why her grandmother’s haori was plastered with them, maybe it had been a warning, about what she’d end up surrounded by if she followed down the demon slayer’s path.

Ayaka muttered against the floor, praying under her breath for her cat’s soul. Tomoko looked at her from the side with confused eyes and skipped a bit when Ayaka opened a single eye.

“You’ve been following me all the way from your house and even so you stay quiet,” she said, still against the floor. Tomoko didn’t answer and Ayaka believed to see a pinch of fear in the way her foot flew back, as if she was considering running away in case Ayaka wanted to take her back home. “Has no one ever taught you to respect the dead?”

Tomoko shook her head with tense lips. Ayaka sighed and sat upright, holding both the small hands of the girl in between hers.

“Close your eyes and repeat with me,” she commanded, intertwining their fingers. Tomoko obeyed even if she frowned.

“Shaekoku, gijugikkodokuon, yodaibikushu.” Ayaka waited, and soon Tomoko’s voice followed.

“Shaekoku… gijugikko… gijugikkodokuon… yodaibikushu.”

Blue eyes fluttered open but when seeing Ayaka’s were still closed they did so as well.

“Kaizedaiarakan, shushochisiki, chourousharihotsu.”

“Kaizedaia- um.” Tomoko staggered, frowning and finally opening her eyes. “Why are we praying this?”

Ayaka leaned her head to the side and opened her eyes as well.

“We do this in order to ask for Buddha’s mercy and for everyone to be enlightened by his wisdom, has no one ever taught you this?”

Tomoko’s lip trembled in between her teeth, diverting her gaze to the flowers above Ayaka’s head.

“It’s just that you…” She swallowed, gathering enough courage to face her even if Ayaka deeply frowned. “Under your skin, it’s pulsing, all over your body, cold shaking rage and I just… I don’t think that’s the touch of someone that wishes for everyone to be enlightened by Buddha’s wisdom.”

Of course, because Ayaka wasn’t going to kill any demons that night no matter how many they ate.

«I want them to burn. To burn, to burn, to burn, I want this entire village to burn so I don’t have to face them anymore, I want them to die so they go to Hell and stay there. I want for them to suffer, all of them no matter who it is. To burn, I want them to burn.»

She harshly got up, abandoning her hands, and for a moment Tomoko wobbled.

“Why did you follow me?”

Tomoko gave a small scared yell and moved back, crashing against one of the countless wooden shelves. That one had small bonsais on it, Ayaka wondered if they had been there ever since her mother started exchanging letters with Genya. That hobbie of his was also something that always surprised her, Genya looked too fearsome for it.

“I just…” Tomoko swallowed, sweat running down her tremble. Then she knelt before her, such a small ball that looked like a mere stain on the ground in between so much green. “Please, protect me! That monster took possession of my father! Please, I beg of you to kill it!”

Ayaka stared, unwavering.

“I cannot help you.” Tomoko’s head shot up from the floor, clumsily scrambling back to her feet and clinging to her pants in childish desperation. Ayaka’s gaze didn’t change.

“But you have a sword! You’re a samurai! Isn’t that right!? You can do it!” She begged, that time tugging at her clothes as if she wanted to move Ayaka by force. “Samurais protect people! Don’t lie to me!”

“I’m not sure you understand,” Ayaka continued, squinting. “But I’m not a samurai, I cannot protect anyone.”

Tomoko’s small fists hit her stomach in complaint, but she didn’t move, not even flinching in pain.

“Then why do you have a sword!? Liar, you damn liar! You threatened that witch, don’t lie to me! You said you’d kill her if she came close to your family!” There was a moment in which her voice broke and her fists stopped hitting, clutching to Ayaka’s stomach where she started to feel her uniform soaking wet. “I thought that you… that you’d be able to…”

Ayaka’s hand laid softly on her hair, bringing the girl closer for her to bury her face against her stomach. Tomoko sobbed.

“Protecting isn’t always hurting others that threaten your loved ones,” she said, tenderly caressing Tomoko’s messy hair with a gaze fixed somewhere far away in the garden, maybe on Mr Fluff’s empty corpse. “You can do that and protect no one, sometimes you even hurt others while doing so.”

“But I…” Tomoko pitifully said. “I’m weak… I can’t do anything.”

Ayaka sighed, eyes, dark and tired.

“I am, too.”

The Sun started to set, and she didn’t move when the shadows loomed over them. The last traces of sunlight in the garden slowly disappeared and only darkness remained, darkness that announced the entrance of the night, and darkness was the one to welcome the creatures of the night into the scene.

“Oh, so you’re Ayaka Iwamoto,” someone from behind them said.

Ayaka turned around to find, peeking in between the garden, a young girl. She could have been her age, bright black hair and bangs cleanly cut that perfectly covered her eyebrows.

“A human,” Ayaka muttered to herself.

She happily smiled at her and Ayaka could only raise her eyebrows in questioning. Tomoko clutched more to her, trembling.

“Ah, I’ve heard so much about the Iwamoto’s daughter lately,” the girl cheerfully continued, bringing a hand up to her cheek. “Your parents always talked about you when they were here, does it have something to do with them being gone?”

She knelt at Tomoko’s height to pinch her cheek, pulling tightly under Ayaka’s confused glance.

“Is that your little sister? I don’t remember seeing her before.”

Tomoko bitterly got rid of her hold and hid under Ayaka’s haori and its wisteria.

“Ayaka-san, please,” she whispered, suddenly cold to the touch.

Her eyes were still fixed on the girl so she didn’t get to hear her.

“Do I know you?” She asked, hand flying again on top of Tomoko’s head, that appeared to tremble at the sight of the girl.

The black haired stranger whined weakly, nearly in pity.

“I thought your parents would have mentioned me at some point,” she brought a hand up to her chest, a smirk from where shiny fangs peeked. “I’m Sakura.”

Ayaka tried to remember that name in between her memories, Sakura, but nothing appeared on her mind.

“I moved here not too long ago from the city, maybe you haven’t heard of me.” Sakura smiled with closed eyes, for some reason as similar as it was to Takeshi’s it didn’t send any shiver down her back. “I take care of your mum’s garden sometimes.”

The only answer she got from Ayaka was a blink and a tilt of her head.

“Oh, don’t be like that,” she friendly patted Ayaka’s chest, at which she only gave a step back, bewildered. “I admire you lots, you know? I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Her black hair turned white when from behind her rose a scorpion’s tail, dark, shiny and poisonous. Ayaka didn’t have time to move when a hand suddenly black extended from under her clothes’ sleeve and crushed her against the wall by the throat.

Ayaka squirmed as her feet left the floor, finally stopping on her endless struggles.

That black arm squeezed more around her throat, where Rui’s threads had left scars.

Tomoko screamed, but even so she stayed paralyzed in her place, eyes wide open and sweat running down her back.

Sakura smiled at the sight as she stared up at her opponent hanging against the wall. There was a red shiny mark by her neck’s side.

“And since I admire you so much, let’s have a talk, Ayaka Iwamoto.”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

The scorpion tail of the demon rocked back and forth above their heads, slowly going from side to side as if with a life of its own. It was hungry and Ayaka was a complete meal handed to it on a silver plate.

“I guess you already know about my powers?”

“You turn people into something similar to demons through poison. You control them,” Ayaka managed to say despite the demon’s hold around her neck. She stared as the black and shining stinger hovered menacingly behind her. “I guess that’s what the thing is for.”

The demon bursted out into chuckles.

“I never believed you to be so sharp!” She said. “How haven’t you seen me!? I must admit that seeing you accusing other humans was really funny!”

Ayaka’s hand trembled. Her nichirin sword was still on the sheath tied to her waist. Night had just started but time didn’t worry her. It had never been an issue before.

Tomoko paralyzed, trembling as she stepped back in a hurry. 

The demon raised her eyebrows and fixed onto the little girl that was still there. 

“It’s been a while ever since we last saw each other, devil’s child,” she said without blinking, no effort into reaching for her. 

Tomoko flinched further and started to sob. Ayaka silently huffed. 

“Don’t you dare touch that sword,” came the threatening voice of the demon. Ayaka closed the hand that had been so dangerously close to the handle of her nichirin sword. “I see you’re not so dumb after all. Is that partner of yours knowledgeable on poison? How was it, Kanao? It’s incredible she knew how to recognize it, and so quickly too.”

Bitterness dripped from Ayaka when she spit at the demon’s face.

“Don’t you dare say Kanao’s name with that filthy mouth of yours.” 

“Are you aware of the situation you’re in right now? I could break your neck right now if I wanted to.” The demon brushed the spit away with her sleeve. 

Ayaka chuckled. 

“Go ahead, then. Kanao will do the job without me just fine,” she barked in amusement. For the first time the demon frowned in something that wasn’t satisfaction. Ayaka’s smile widened. “Besides, you won’t, why else would I still be alive if you didn’t have a use for me?” 

The demon squeezed harder as she clenched her jaw. 

“You’re not dead right now because I have a peaceful way to solve this, so shut up and listen,” she hissed. Ayaka smirked, hold around her neck ever present. 

“You’re scared of me.” 

A scraping took over the room when the demon started to grind her teeth. Ayaka didn’t know if the demons could sweat, but fat beads fell down the demon’s forehead. Despite everything, she said nothing. 

“That’s why you sent Tomoko’s father and that’s why you waited for me to be alone,” Ayaka accused, slowly turning of an unhealthy purple. “You know that if I try, if I manage to escape and get to Kanao, we’ll behead you.”

A certain shine appeared on the demon’s dark eyes, and she regained her smile as if she had never lost it. 

“But you weren’t trying.” Ayaka was left speechless, as a drowning beep drowned her ears. “You wanted me to eat all those people, and we both know that Kanao of yours does nothing unless orderd to, so if you played dumb and spent the night here, outside the village, as I ate all those humans just to kill me later, no one would have placed any guilt on you.” 

The small form that was Tomoko on the floor raised her gaze up at her. 

“Ayaka-san?”

The demon lifted Ayaka higher against the wall and Tomoko’s eyes, fearful and blue, followed her. 

“Look at her, you weak and helpless creature! She’s as much of a demon as the people you hate so much!”

Tomoko pressed her lips together, trembling as she went back to her feet. 

“You’re lying! Ayaka-san isn’t like them! Ayaka-san isn’t like the people from this village, she protected me!” And she shook her head from side to side in stubbornness, as if wanting to erase the fact that there was a white and burning wrath under her skin against all of them. The same fury and resentment as all of them.   

“Like your father!? That man threw himself at my arms the moment I showed an ankle!” The demon yelled. There was a bitter fury on her, and Ayaka believed to see suffering for a moment. She wondered if this was the same kind of demon as Rui. “If that goddamn lumberjack hadn’t attacked me I would have ended with you, too! If it hadn’t been because of him my lord wouldn’t have snatched the Lower Moon title away from me! I had to feed off his corpse in the woods for months!”

Then, Ayaka remembered Ryu’s tears, so honestly even her unsufficient sight had been able to notice. So throwing her leg back, she kicked at the air. 

The demon stared, stunned, because she had kicked nothingness. But when Ayaka’s hips followed their lead and up, finally sitting on her arm, she yelled. The sword was fast enough to get out of its sheath and cut the hand, still spinning. What was left of the twisted limb went back to its place and the demon fell to the floor, blood spluttering from the cut. 

Ayaka went back to her feet and took Tomoko. There was a sudden pain on her neck she ignored while taking a better hold of the girl and jumping back, huffing while being relieved of getting rid of that feeling of choking.

Fingers started to appear marked there where the demon had pressed and Ayaka’s white neck pulsed purple with the omen of swelling. She hid her mouth behind her arm so the demon didn’t hear as she coughed. 

“Are you stupid!?” The demon yelled, as her hair started to shake once more. It formed a white fan that extended tall and imposing along with the scorpion tail as they both clattered. “

A part of her skin started to throb and Ayaka brought a hand to her neck. When she looked at it again, there was blood. 

“Ayaka-san.” Tomoko didn’t need to say it for Ayaka to know, but she did. “It’s the same mark my dad had.” 

The white hair of the demon continued shaking up along with her tail as she laughed. 

“When the Sun rises and the poison finally kicks in, you’ll turn into a demon puppet!” She laughed once more, as if celebrating Ayaka falling into her webs. “Tell the Demon Slaying Corps you’ve beheaded me! If you do, I’ll hide for a few years in order not to raise suspicions, I’ll eat all these people and I’ll get the poison off your body! We won’t see each other again, both of us benefit from this!” 

Ayaka found it difficult to breathe the more time passed. Tomoko on her arms squeaked when noticing how pale she looked. Small breaches of bloody red making its way on the dark pit that were her eyes.   

“Ayaka-san.” At first Tomoko whispered, grabbing onto Oyakata-sama’s haori. Ayaka continued looking at the demon with mouth slightly agape, something under her upper lip shone sharp and it wasn’t the thin line of saliva. Suddenly, she was hungry, and the demon waited for an answer. “Ayaka-san!” 

She shook her head from side to side and finally growled. 

“You’re right, Tomoko, I-” Ayaka whispered, brows knitting together. “You have to tell Kanao and tell the village to evacuate.”   

“They won’t listen to me! If I tell them there’s a demon they won’t believe me, you have to come with me!” Tomoko grabbed onto her haori and insistently tugged it. Ayaka’s eyes were fixed on the candle she used to pray for Fluff’s soul.

She harshly turned her face to Tomoko. 

“Will they evacuate if it’s a fire?” 

Tomoko blinked. “What?” 

Ayaka’s gaze hardened.

“Will they evacuate if you tell them there’s a fire?” 

Her small braids shook from side to side when she nodded.

“Okay, sorry about this,” Ayaka said, always whispering when turning her gaze back to the demon. Then she threw Tomoko up to the air. “Go get Kanao!”

Ayaka kicked her so strongly through the door that Tomoko was sent flying fast enough for Ayaka to dodge one of the black and twisted arms the demon sent her way once again. 

She jumped to the side and had to bend down to dodge the other one. The demon extended this time both her arms from where she was, as if they were branches from a tree that grew from her.

Ayaka grabbed a pot hanging above ashes and lifted it up so the next time she threw her arms at her they bounced back, distracting the demon enough so for her to grab the oil next to the firewood, usually used during winter. 

She used it to protect herself one more time from the demon’s arms when going to the backyard, letting go of it before the demon attacked one more time and made the oil burst everywhere. 

Most of the flowers were covered by oil, apart from the shiny and greasy path she had marked from the kitchen until there. Ayaka nearly wanted to gag at the sight, but pushed that urge down.

The demon looked at her with eyes wide open, stopping for a moment on her frenetic attack. She watched in pure horror at how Ayaka took the candle she had prayed for Fluff not too long ago and, smiling, announced: 

“Burn.”

The candle was thrown to the ground and Ayaka jumped back, scratching her face in the path in between the plants to get out as fast as she could from the garden. There was a beeping when crashing against the floor, but she rolled and went back to her feet, as much as the cuts stinged. 

Her mother’s garden was set alight, orange and burning fire that made all those plants her mother had taken care of become smaller and smaller under the power of something stronger than them. 

Ayaka watched at how the fire possessed her house as she started to run towards the rice fields. She stopped for a moment when reaching the earthy path. She didn’t know why, but when seeing the ceiling collapse over itself, how all that building tumbled down, it made her want to cry. 

The cold wind of the night crashed against her cheeks and Ayaka stared without blinking. The stars appeared like distant points and the Moon rose slowly over the horizon, lighting her way on its fullest state. 

She could see how every single one of her mother’s plants, all of them which she had named and given them a special kind of care, faded away as the fire devoured them. 

The kitchen where she had cooked so many times was tainted black. The comfortable and warm rooms where her and her parents had spent the winter nights snuggled together, looking out the window at the rain waiting for the harvest of that year to grow with the water from the skies, they also were reduced to nothing. 

The deck of karuta cards they had used on their free time, Ayaka winning every single one of them, the futons where so much sweat and blood she had spilled on her worst night and over where her parents had cried as much as she had suffered, everything, absolutely everything was consumed before her eyes. The smell of burnt wisteria, scorched and disgusting wisteria, reached her nose and Ayaka thought that such an unpleasant smell would stun Tanjirou.

Then something in between the flames, something huge that rose over the ruins of the house, something bigger, much bigger that grew and continued growing, of the black of a twisted tree. 

The demon inside yelled and her voice pierced through the air. 

Deep and distorted and hurting, the demon yelled. 

Ayaka wanted to cry about that too.   

What was left of her house was destroyed when the demon continued growing, black because of the fire and her extension power. Then, she fixed her eyes on Ayaka and that was when she realized she should continue running. 

So, doing that, Ayaka wondered. 

«What’s up with arachnid demons lately?»

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The coin clattered against the table when Kanao flipped it. 

“Heads means yes.”

She flipped it again and her eyes looked impassively at how it spun and spun without stopping, golden shine spinning along with it. 

“Tails means no.”

The Sato man stayed by her side, tied to the bed with the lanterns and Kanao didn’t even bother looking at him as she continued flipping the coin.

Ayaka-san left a while ago and the Sun had already set. Kanao’s commands were for her to kill the demon, she knew that more than anyone, but Ayaka-san hadn’t come back yet and she could do nothing without her. Because they got told to partner up to defeat the demon and she wasn’t about to violate a command because if she didn’t follow it she had no other possibility, no other safe option to which go to that wasn’t something she thought by herself, and what Kanao thought was dangerous, dangerous and risky and never ever would she dare listen to her own thoughts because she didn’t want to die. 

There was a worry drilling at the back of her mind, so small and insignificant Kanao didn’t even pay attention to it.

“Kanao.” Kanae’s voice came to her mind for some reason. “Someday the voice on your heart will be big enough to decide for yourself, but until then, use your coin.”

Her eyes went back to the coin and she flipped it once more, waiting for it to tell her what to do but it couldn’t because it was a coin and the only answers she’d get were yes or no and this time it wasn’t only two paths. 

All her body itched, screaming, screaming for her to do something because the Moon rose more and more in the sky. 

Kanao Tsuyuri, what do you want to do? In between which two options you haven’t thought of will you choose? Kanao Tsuyuri will stay like a doll? Girl without a name or a surname, that will be what you’ll stay as?

After spinning and spinning and spinning and spinning for what felt like years, the coin gave her the answer she needed, because “heads meant yes”. 

«Yes», Kanao repeated to convince herself. «At least I’ll be a living doll, which is better than being a dead human.»

“You’ll find a special person, and then, you won’t have to use your coin anymore.”

“Ayaka-san! Kanao-san! Ayaka-san, she is-!” The door to the room suddenly opened with a bang. Kanao had to look down to find her own reflection as a child. She blinked to realize it was just Tomoko. 

It looked like she had been kicked so strongly she had been dragged all throughout the rice fields, traces of dirt and dust covering her completely with her uncared for hair and small and thin body. 

The kimono had been slightly untied, and the ribs were deeply marked on her chest, and if looking down, too, in places more hidden so they couldn’t be seen; scars, bruises, hits that had surely been given on places easily hidden under the clothes. 

How many times have you been hit? How many times have you cried and suffered under the hands of people with your same blood? To that question, the coin didn’t have an answer. 

For the first time ever since what felt a long time, Kanao was trembling instead of sweating. 

Tomoko grabbed onto Kanao’s demon slayer uniform, grazing then with the tender white skin her injuries underneath the skirt. 

“We have to evacuate the village! The demon, the monster, Ayaka-san is fighting right now! She told me to-!”

Kanao harshly got up the moment she heard a new command and nearly sighed in relief when finally having a command to follow, something she could do flipping her coin. 

“Okay,” she said, not wavering even for a second when getting up from the place she’d been sitting on for the last several hours. But Tomoko didn’t look at her nor did she get her to where she needed to go, instead, she stayed clutching to Kanao’s skirt with her sight fixed somewhere behind her. 

“Dad…” Tomoko’s lip trembled, and from her came a muffled sob when abandoning the safety of Kanao’s side to run to the Sato man.

She fell on her knees before him and hugged his sleeping body, crying only like a child could, wholehearted and openly. 

“Dad! Dad where have you been!? I’ve been waiting for you to come get me all this time! My aunt and my cousins have been so mean to me, dad! They badmouthed you all the time!” 

The room was tinted of orange the more Tomoko cried and she continued sobbing. Kanao looked out the window to see fire, burning and intense and destructive fire, and a huge and black thing in between the flames. 

The scream that came from that huge thing reached Kanao’s bones, that tinkled like bells before the wind. And she had to grab onto the windowsill in order not to fall. The pitiful sobs, however, continued, but there was something different then. 

The body of the Sato man, eyes rolled back, started to tremble too. And it wasn’t a tremble as light as a bell’s.

He slowly rose, without an apparent reaction to the girl made out of his flesh sitting on his lap. Veins were deeply carved on his forehead and Kanao knew something had changed, because that human hadn’t looked like a demon before, even with the fangs and the red eyes. But now, saliva dripping from his jaws and black nails as long as knives, Kanao started to consider the idea.

Tomoko loudly crashed against the floor when the Sato man jumped at Kanao, and the red lanterns weren’t enough to stop him, breaking the ropes as if they were made out of paper on the way to his neck. 

The sharp claws were directed to her face. But Kanao was fast enough to bend down and punch him in the stomach at the right moment. The man was sent flying, breath being taken away from him with the strength of the blow. Kanao took it away once more when kicking him on the stomach so harshly she sent him to the other side of the room. 

She couldn’t cut his head off because he wasn’t a demon, but he wasn’t human either, so she followed the orders given to her. “Incapacitate those no-demons that get on your way.”

So the next time the human jumped at her, jaws open, shining the fangs on them and ready to devour, Kanao took out her sword. 

It was enough with slashing his right ankle and then his left, two quick flicks of the wrist made the job as the floor was splashed with blood. But at least it wasn’t his head. 

He should have thanked Kanao about that, who was still wondering if that thing was really a demon or not. He didn’t look like a demon, she was sure about that, but the fangs and the bloodlust made her doubt. 

Ayaka had been right when being suspicious of all those people, as they all looked like demons without fangs. Kanao saw then that the line between humans and demons was very thin on that village. Or maybe there wasn’t only one way to be a demon.

Blood gushed out her father’s legs, slowly making its way towards Tomoko’s legs, who stayed still before Kanao’s expectant stare. 

She stretched her hand out to the girl who,with  crimson stains on her kimono, held onto it, trying to avoid the sight of blood on the floor with all the strength she had left.

“He’ll be okay, it doesn’t matter.” Kanao didn’t need the coin to decide to say that. Tomoko looked up at her, pressing her lips together as if wanting them not to tremble. The legs of the Sato man stayed bloody on the floor, and as much bloodlust as he exuded and as blind as he was, he didn’t have the healing powers of a demon. Kanao was comforted by the fact that she wouldn’t have to kill more demons than necessary if able to avoid it. 

Tomoko nodded although her eyes turned watery and her stare wavered. And by the hand, they got out of the room and then out of the noodles stall.   

The light of the fire in the distance grew more and more the more that black thing on the horizon came closer, and leading the chase, like a black shadow with eyes that shone more and more of a demonic red, Kanao saw Ayaka.

The streets were bursting with villagers getting out of their houses, the entire village was tinted by the warmth of the fire and for once, there was a threat bigger than the intentions of the neighbour next door.

All of them were fidgeting, panic quickly spreading in between them like thin lines of gunpowder set alight by the small spark of uncertainty and distrust.

“Fire! There’s a fire! We have to evacuate! Go to the other side of the river!” Tomoko yelled.

Curious and sceptic heads turned to her direction, all of them raising a questioning eyebrow as if expecting for Tomoko to reveal second intentions.

“If you stay here you’ll all die!” She tried a second time, but everyone appeared to be fluttering around the place like chickens, a confused and constant muttering drowning Tomoko’s pleads.   

It was Ryu who, when hearing them, joined them both at the doorway of the noodles stall. 

Kanao gave her a lazy stare at the same time as he left the rice sacks he had been carrying into the counter.

“What happened? Where’s Aya-san?” He cleaned the sweat off his brow, looking everywhere for Ayaka, but she wasn’t there. 

“It’s the demon! Ayaka-san is fighting against him! She wants us to evacuate!” Tomoko was the one to answer, hurriedly and with the worry for her father permanently pushed aside to some corner on her mind. 

Ryu looked at the orange shine that covered everything he could see, air more asphyxiating as time went on. The flames of Hell had come up there to welcome them. 

“Can I do something?”

That civilians couldn’t meddle with demon slayers’ business had been one of the first rules told to Kanao, because those who hadn’t suffered the intense training needed to overcome the Final Selection had no possibility to defeat any demon.

And yet the coin clattered when falling against Kanao’s open palm. 

“Heads means yes.”

“Help us evacuate,” Kanao said, and she didn’t sink her nails on her legs but she did play with the brim of her skirt. “Ayaka-san said the woodsman is respected by everyone, you’re the woodsman’s son, they’ll listen to you.”

Horror plastered all across Ryu’s face at the idea and Kanao couldn’t figure out what it was that scared him so much. Kanao didn’t usually feel fear, she only feared one thing, maybe two, so she wasn’t able to find out the root of fear on others. 

“I don’t think… that’s not a good idea.” Ryu scratched his cheek, rubbing nervously against his skin as if that would give him a solution. For some reason his face acquired the colour green of nausea. 

“Help us evacuate,” Kanao repeated again, voice as absent as always.

Ryu’s father had told him countless times to look down. When living in a village such as this, to the brim with demons as one was only human, it wasn’t good to stand out, it wasn’t good to rise above over with kindness or acts of goodness because that would put you somewhere people could see you, and then they’d start whispering.

What was he doing trying to pretend to be a kind guy? He surely wanted to seem good to others because he believed himself better than everyone, because he held a malicious intent behind that veil of fake kindness, because he wanted to believe himself someone being kind.

So it was best to stay quiet, looking down and pretending to be a demon, separated from them every day and hiding the few humanity you have left and that day after day was snatched away. 

That was what Ryu did with Ayaka, wasn’t it? He stayed looking down without uttering a word as the demons walked all over her right in front of him. But he preferred it to be her over him, because when living in between demons for an entire life, there was nothing more terrifying than them smelling your fear, then smelling your humanity, only to throw themselves at you. 

As in that village there were only two kinds of creatures, humans and demons, and when one was born on one side or another, it was hard to change.

Ryu thought about Ayaka, and he thought about her gaze and her freezing winds that had once been warm, along with her icy mountain that had once held flowers and fresh fruit, now only remaining the barren meadows holding nothing. And Ryu wondered how Ayaka Iwamoto had managed to turn into a predator, how Ayaka Iwamoto had managed to turn into a demon. 

She used to look up at him hoping that Ryu, being human like her, helped her something, that he defended her against all those demon children that feasted on her when hungry. 

But Ryu had buried that humanity deep under the ground, and had instead watched how they teared her apart like crazy dogs until from her there was nothing left but the bones, until she rose from her tomb with the skeleton covered by a new skin with demon flesh under it. And at least Ryu had been able to keep his humanity, because as much fear as he felt everyday as much as he wanted to leave and not come back, being the only human left, now that the Iwamotos and the Kobayashis were gone, comforted him.

At least, him and his father had still been humans before he died and left him alone.

Ryu’s gaze went down to Tomoko, whose eyes held hope, and he remembered his father had saved that girl. And that, as scared as he had been, as scared as Ryu, Teru Takahashi had died human in an act of kindness, exposing himself to all those demonic gazes that would have undoubtedly thrown themselves at him if he hadn’t died. 

Ryu didn’t want to become a demon, he wanted to die human. So taking one last breath of air, he yelled:

“A house is on fire! We have to evacuate the village immediately to be safe!” He got on top of the counter of the noodles’ stall as everyone turned their heads to look at him, at him and only him, a human against an entire village of demons. He could feel it, the bloodlust that came from each one of them. He didn’t care. “We have to go to the other side of the river! All of us! To avoid the fire catching up to us! We’ll be safe near the water, before the smoke kills us one by one!” 

Strangely, approving mutters started to spread through the crowd, nods shared for once in between them all as they started to go, in a hurry, to the outskirts of the village, to the wooden bridge Ayaka and Ryu’s fathers had built by themselves.

Kanao left Tomoko on his arms. Ryu blinked, estranged, in between the swirl of people.

“Civilians are to be kept safe.” That was the only explanation she offered. “The children and the old people are the priority. I’ll stay here to join Ayaka-san and defeat the demon.” 

The last exchange Ryu had with Kanao, while she still didn’t have a broken leg, was a calm stare.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“You look terrible.” 

Kanao’s figure appeared by the end of the rice fields, and Ayaka, although covered in disgusting sweat and definitely not in a good mood, was glad about finally reuniting with her. 

She didn’t appreciate the comment, but she knew she must have looked closely to how she did when under a fever. And she knew by experience it wasn’t a pretty sight.   

“You look perfect,” Ayaka said without stopping as Kanao joined her. And so they ran down the main street, empty as if no one lived there. Ayaka liked that perspective, although she knew she shouldn’t have. 

"Power level of the demon?" Kanao started.

"Ex Demon Moon." 

"Any Blood Demon Art?"

Ayaka threw a look on Kanao's direction, scrunching up her face so she noticed the growing fangs under her lips, but Kanao only gave her a blink. Ayaka sighed.

"Manipulation through poison, it activates at sunrise and gives the victim demon traits."

"Any physical damage or victims up until now?" 

"My house is on fire, Kanao."

"What about the victims?" 

"If you haven't let anyone die while I was gone, then no, no victims up until now. And let's keep it that way."

Both of them stopped on their feet and turned around. Kanao looked confident, decisive for the first time without her coin like when she fought against Ayaka on the Natagumo mountain. Hand on the handle of the sword and feet firmly fixed on the floor, Ayaka thought she’d like to be as unmoving. 

The light from the demon on fire appeared by the entry to the village, huge, much more taller than any demon they could have ever encountered, and that meant her head was high above too. 

“Kanao,” Ayaka called. She staggered lightly and had to take a breath of air but didn’t stop her from finally leaning into Kanao’s shoulder. Abundant saliva dripped down her chin, peeking from under the recent fangs,and the black pits she had for eyes looked more and more like a doorway to the red hell. Even so they stayed steady when fixing onto the purple ones from her partner and although she looked sweaty and from her came off a strong bloodlust, under all that, Kanao thought Ayaka looked pretty when she was determined to protect someone. “I have a plan.” 

Both of them felt the warmth of the fire from the demon the closer she got them, asphyxiating and ashy, lighting everything of an intense orange, consuming and overwhelming orange.

“Well,” Ayaka said one last time. “If we die, I’m glad I got to die alongside you, Kanao.” 

And in her silence, Kanao would have liked to say the same, but she hadn’t known that at the time.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

«Aya trusts you.» That was the lie Tanjirou had been trying to carve on his mind for hours. Maybe if he repeated it another dozen times along with the hundred he had already done, he would be finally able to believe it. «She simply didn’t tell you she’d go back under Himejima-san’s wing, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it because Aya can do whatever she wants.»

That was the only truth on his thoughts. Aya could do whatever she wanted without having to take his feelings into account. Even when she had said, as much as Tanjirou himself had insisted, that he was important. 

And for the first time in years his life didn’t belong to a great goal he had to achieve through a path of blood and sweat, silently burning in warm sunlight until from Tanjirou there was nothing else left but hate for Muzan Kibutsuji. 

She had been the one to claim not wanting to see him burn and she had been the one to wish for him to be selfish. 

«Then maybe I lied to you,» the Aya on his head said, insolently and mocking and a thousand things more that yelled she was enjoying his suffering. Maybe the real Aya had also been mocking him all along, maybe she had been lying all the time and she didn’t care about Tanjirou, she didn’t care about Tanjirou at all. Because Aya was selfish and arrogant and too proud for her own good and that's not something he could change or that will disappear soon, and he had been focusing too much on Aya's sweet and kind wisteria scent that was scarce instead of the other ones, more abundant and horrendous. 

And maybe he shouldn't have, if not, he wouldn't be holding a torch with Aya's name carved on the handle in golden letters.

Maybe Aya hadn’t lied to him, but that was a truth he won’t be able to hide. 

She had been the one to insist and she had been the one to tell him to trust her. And he had, ever since the first moment it was Tanjirou who told him about what Muzan Kibutsuji had done to his family all moments even if he shouldn’t have, even if the smell of pride and selfishness and distrust was bigger than the one of her kindness, pure and fresh, but he had. 

«Why can’t you do the same?» Tanjirou asked the Aya that was his conscience. «It wouldn’t have mattered if you had left to go with Himejima-san. Why can’t you trust me like I trust you? Do you really see me like such a fool?»

«Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to die?»

She sent him a vague, uninterested stare. She simply didn’t care. And there was something about it that annoyed him to no end. 

“I should check if Nezuko has come out of her box,” Tanjirou finally muttered, and that was what he did. 

He ran around the Butterfly Estate and the Moon looked at him from the sky on his goose chase for his sister. There was no one in the corridors at midnight and it wasn’t something that surprised him, it was Aoi the first one he came across, already in her pajamas and hair free of her usual ponytails ready to go to bed. 

“Your sister is in the backyard,” she told him with a wave of her hand. She had a strange expression on her face when Tanjirou softly bowed to thank her. Tanjirou had been too soft that afternoon. “Tell the girls to go to bed soon!”

And she left, muttering something about Kobayashi. 

It was only natural for it to smell like flowers when Shinobu’s garden was involved, that was why the Iwamoto family hid there so well. 

“Fight against me another time! Again, again!” 

«Ah, I thought I heard Inosuke’s voice,» Tanjirou thought, the closer he came to the backyard. When he opened the door that led outside, just like it was completely normal, Inosuke’s body along with his boar mask was thrown against him. 

On the other side was Makoto Iwamoto smiling softly, fists on his waist like those who witnessed the effort of an entire year poured in the rice fields finally flourish in the form of golden grains. 

The small entourage of cheerful girls yelped along with Yuu on one side of the garden. Naho, Sumi and Kiyo seemed to be always fluttering around him and that was one of those occasions. They were singing and playing, on their own world where complicated medical terms were casually thrown around. 

“Don’t be so tough on them, Mako!” The voice of Aya’s mother came from not too far away, and if Tanjirou wasn’t wrong and his sight was clear enough, he believed to see Zenitsu was with her. 

“That was weak already. I’m rusty, darling!” Makoto yelled back.

Black and orange braids appear above both heads, human and boar, and Tanjirou found his sister’s pink eyes. Then came the smoke. 

Ashy and disgusting smoke came in puffs from Kaede, and equally ashy and disgusting smoke cme from the wooden pipe on her hand at the same time as she stared at them from above with unmoving eyes, and they were too alike to the eyes of the Aya on his head. 

“Ah, Tanjirou-san, I was wondering when you’d appear,” she greeted, and her smell was carved on Nezuko’s braids. Ever since when did Nezuko have her hair in braids? 

“Hello, Kaede-san,” Tanjirou said in a strangled groan. Inosuke pushed himself up by standing on his stomach and he could do nothing but let out another strangled groan. 

“Gonpachiro, that guy is from who Akiko inherited the strength!” 

“That’s Aya’s dad, Inosuke,” he muttered out of breath. “They’re family, that’s why they smell the same.” 

In the end Inosuke rolled outside Tanjirou’s stomach, going once again to make a lunge at Aya’s dad. He dodged him, easily grabbing him by the shoulder and the forehead and guiding him where he wanted as weak as he appeared and Inosuke, again, ended up flying until crashing against the garden wall. 

It was Aya’s dad the one to stretch out a hand to Tanjirou and bring him to his feet. Zenitsu’s teasing chuckles came from his place on Kaori’s lap, who distractedly played with his blond hair.

“Zenitsu-san, you’re a very hardworking boy,” Kaori started, and Zenitsu covered his mouth with a hand in order for her not to hear his mocking. Instead, he turned around with an innocent smile and eyes full of stars, as if the praises that came from her were the best thing he could ever achieve. “But please, don’t laugh at Inosuke when he gets hurt.” 

“But that boar is always so mean to me, Kaori-san!” he whined on her legs, high pitched voice as he was used to. “I think that, at the very least, I have the right to laugh at him when he gets hurt for being an idiot!” 

“That’s not an excuse. It’s not okay to be mean to others.” She nearly looked guilty when scolding him. And then she saw Tanjirou walk up to them from the other side of the porch and started cheerfully waving at him. “Ah, Tanjirou-san! Hello!” 

Nezuko ran down Tanjirou’s legs and settled under Kaori’s hand as if that was a sign for her to go up to her and Nezuko was a well trained dog. Her sister appeared the happiest she had ever looked in years when Kaori started caressing her head. 

“Nezuko, I didn’t gesture for you to come,” Kaori said, guilty for something that wasn’t her fault although she continued patting Nezuko’s head. Zenitsu tugged insistently at Kaori’s sleeve to receive the same attention and both hands ended up busy, although it didn’t seem to matter to her. “I never thought a demon could be so adorable. I guess it’s the braids.” 

Kaede huffed.

“They could be better. It’s been years ever since I’ve braided anyone’s hair, my sisters wouldn’t have accepted such a mess,” she said, as smoky as when she greeted Tanjirou. He could do nothing but wrinkle up his nose. Nezuko’s perfect braids shined under the moonlight, he couldn’t figure out what kind of mess there was. “As adorable as she is, she’s the reason for us to be here. I remembered her to be smaller on that box of yours, Tanjirou.” 

Neuko’s unnervingly pink eyes appeared to become even more unnerving. 

“You knew I carried a demon along with me?” Tanjirou tilted his head to the side in confusion. Nezuko imitated him only a moment later. 

“Everyone knew.” Kaede took another disgusting puff of smoke just to point at her daughter. “Kaori was the first one to notice.” 

She gestured to the Kamado siblings with a guilty smile.

“Sorry for causing you trouble,” was the first thing to come out of Tanjirou’s mouth. “It really wasn’t my intention to get you in all of this.”

Aya’s grandma shook off his apology as she continued smoking from her pipe. “Believe me, living for some time in the Butterfly Estate is the least of our problems, at least we still have a home to go ba-”

“Repeat that again, hag! Repeat what you said about me being a beast!” That time Inosuke’s boar head peeked in between the plants where he had been ever since Aya’s dad threw him. 

“I never thought he’d be like me,” Kaede muttered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I should have stayed quiet.” 

“Tell Kamaboko what you said about me!” Inosuke exclaimed once more, green and shiny branches firmly fixed on his boar head. Shinobu would scold him when seeing the scratches on his clothes.

“Boar,” Kaede started, inhaling another puff of smoke. “I already told you that you being a beast as strong as you’re uncontrolled doesn’t mean you come any close to a Pillar’s level.”

Zenitsu from Kaori’s legs let out a nosy cackle. She looked at him, scolding, and that made him shut up. 

“Inosuke-san,” Kaori curiously eyed the boar’s waist, blue shine there. “Did Kanamori bring you the swords? Let me see them!” 

Aya’s mother took the swords with a shine on her eyes, enthusiasm proper to a little girl’s. 

“The blades are too thick, he should have spent more time polishing them. Oh, why are there so many ashes? He poured them into water too fast, now they’re slightly lopsided.” Her finger slid down the blades unil touching the serrated part and her expression broke completely, sending Inosuke a glance with something pulsing under it. “Despite its flaws… these are excellent swords… why did you do this to them?” 

Tanjirou then smelled the burning and sour taste that he had been smelling ever since he knew her. 

“Oh, no, she’s angry,” Kaede muttered under her breath.

“I’m not angry!” Aya’s mother fastly replied. A lonely eyebrow furrowed strongly above her tense smile. Zenitsu gave a few steps back in a panic as if he had just seen a demon. Nezuko followed him slowly. “It’s just that… I don’t understand why you’d do something like this to such good swords… it’s… it’s…” 

The hand of Aya’s dad settled on Tanjrou’s shoulder, and his face, ever smiling, appeared by his side. 

“Do you wanna practice too, Tanjirou-san?” 

Kaori still smelled of stinky wrath, Kaede stared in amusement and Inosuke appeared to feel coming from Kaori her fighting spirit hidden behind her smile. 

As much as he knew he’d have to stop them if a fight were to break out, Tanjirou was too tired to care. 

“I would like that,” he replied and Makoto patted his shoulder, eyeing the exhausted on Tanjirou’s form and the blooming fight on the corner. 

“Let’s go somewhere else.” 

“That guy is super strong! He’s gonna break your bones, Tanjirou!” Zenitsu yelled from his hideout against Kaori, receiving a vague wave as a reply from his part. 

“Don’t be too hard on him, Mako!” Kaede warned, due to Kaori’s lack. 

“I promise I won’t kill him!” Aya’s father replied. 

Tanjirou yelled at the girls when walking by their side “Aoi said to go to bed soon!” and it was Kobayashi who gave him a resigned sigh, thanked him with a nod and dragged the girls inside. 

“You know, no one wanted to practice with me back on the village,” Makoto started, once Zenitsu’s, Kaori’s or Inosuke’s voices couldn’t be heard, as he finally turned around to Tanjirou and adopted a defensive stance. “Rumours about me wanting to show off, so I’ve never taught anyone.” 

Tanjirou raised his fists rather clumsily as an answer, because he knew about swords, not about hand to hand combat. 

“I’ll be okay with whatever you teach me,” he answered, then raising only an eyebrow in confusion. Makoto never moved his eyes from his form. “How did you do to throw- OOF!”

The world was spinning, but he realized it was him, not the world who spinned, when finding himself on the ground, cheek against the grass and Aya’s father imprisoning Tanjirou’s arm behind his own back. 

“That was fast,” he painfully groaned, then a whisper under his breath. “You would have gotten along splendidly with Sabito.” 

Makoto got up, setting Tanjirou free to rub there where he had left his fingermarks. “I guess the villagers were somehow right, I did want to show off a bit. Do you wanna try again?” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

And when Makoto punched him for the twentieth time and Tanjirou found himself sweating, bent over his own stomach with a crashing pain, the fact that he was terrible, very terrible, in hand to hand combat fell over him.  

“Do you need a little break?” Aya’s father laid a warm hand on his shoulder and that made Tanjirou nod, because he didn’t just need it, he had been wishing for it since the tenth punch. 

Of course he couldn’t suggest it himself or mention that he had been feeling the broken bones that healed days ago ever since the fifth punch, that was only natural and taken for granted. If he had been someone else maybe he would have, but Tanjirou was the eldest brother. And that, for some reason that he never found, something he had yet to understand, made it all make sense. 

Both sit on the porch on that part of the garden, Aya’s father looking better than him, and although he wasn’t sweaty or exhausted, there was an extremely tired and worn out smell coming from him, like old furniture and autumn. And it only got worse as time passed.

“Your friends are nice people,” Makoto started, as if he couldn’t stand the silence between them even if Tanjirou couldn’t talk because his throat was too dry.

Despite that he swallowed, considering the words that came out of his mouth that he needs a moment to understand. 

“Ah, Inosuke and Zenitsu? Yeah, although they’re annoying sometimes, both of them smell of kindness.” Then he bit his lip. “Although Inosuke smells less of kindness in comparison to Zenitsu, he usually smells of pride.” 

Aya’s dad bursted out laughing, giving him a comforting pat on the shoulder. Tanjirou smiled. 

“They’re so funny, are they not?” 

“They are.”

Makoto’s warmth felt just like his father’s, but Tanjirou didn’t allow himself to think too much about it. 

“They love to slack off during training, but I guess you already know that.” He sighed heavily like someone who got grey hair to blame on mischievous sons. “In the end we end up indulging them. Kaori the most. It’s easy to love them.” 

Tanjirou’s suns didn’t shine as much as they used to, but to replace them he had the kindness candles that came from Makoto Iwamoto. 

«I don’t understand why Aya wouldn’t want to stay with you.» The malicious thought easily slid in between the creaks on his mind carved by Aya’s absence. «You’re such good people.»

Tanjirou felt an overwhelming urge to cry.

The father hand settled on his shoulder once again, turning around to look at him with words unsaid under his eyes. 

“Besides training, that wasn’t the only reason why I wanted to get away from the others.” Weak candles shone on his gaze. “I’d like for you to write a letter in my stead.” 

Tanjirou craned up his neck. “Ah, you don’t know how to write?” 

Makoto pitifully shook his head. 

“I never had the opportunity to learn, but I’m glad my daughter could, although I couldn’t teach her myself.” Then he let out a snort that Tanjirou supposed was a chuckle. “She always had to take two baths because she got entirely stained with the ink.” 

Tanjirou imagined a small Aya covered in ink, five or six years old  as pale and grumpy as the fifteen year old one, cheeks puffed out in a tantrum and muttering about hating to be so dirty. The thought made him laugh. 

It was easy to find paper, ink and a brush in Shinobu's office, it was easier to sit under the moonlight with mister Iwamoto by his side. Tanjirou believed for a moment to see a checkered haori over his shoulders, when he blinked again, it was only the old and comfortable brown haori he usually wore. 

“Who are you gonna write to?” He raised an eyebrow in genuine confusion. “I guess not to Aya?”

Makoto shook his head. 

“I wanted to write a letter to my mother.”

“So your mother’s still alive!” Tanjirou exclaimed, because with how old Aya’s parents were, it was surprising Kaede wasn’t still underground. “What’s her name?” 

“I don’t remember how her name’s written, you can simply address it to mother.”

Tanjirou shook off his worries with a wave of his hand. “What do you want me to tell her?” 

Aya’s father hummed, deep in his thoughts as he tapped his chin.

“I wanted to tell her I was someone good until the end. I’m not especially good with words, can you try doing that for me?”

Tanjirou nodded, looking down at the paper where he’d started to slide the brush through. “Don’t worry, I’m sure that no matter the words you use, that you do it will bring her great happiness.” 

Makoto’s soft smile widened. “I guess you’re right. Tell her that the others are well and that I think about her every day. That I also made sure to be kind to everyone like she told me, and that I kept my word until my last breath… is that enough?” 

“Yes, I’ll do my best.” Tanjirou nodded once more. The only sound present after on that corner of the garden was the sound of the brush staining the paper.

The ever smiling Makoto stared at him, and even if he eyed from time to time the way Tanjirou’s hand painted different kanjis, it was as if he was looking at a wall, eyes moving from side to side as if it mattered more the form of the black of the ink that impregnated the white over the words themselves. 

At last, Tanjirou softly blew on them and they both patiently waited for the places where fat drops remained to dry. Once they did, Makoto folded the letter and took from his pocket a lighter, the kind used to make sparks. 

Then, he set the letter on fire.

“Mister Iwamoto!” Tanjirou nervously staggered, moving his hands endlessly as he witnessed,in a panic, how the letter slowly got consumed by the fire. “Why did you do that!? Now I’ll have to write it again! You can’t send ashes to your mother!” 

Makoto raised the letter up to the sky, looking with candle eyes that went out how his own letter got consumed at the same time.

“You’re wrong about that, Tanjirou.” Then he looked at him and softly smiled. “This is the only way to make the words engraved on letters reach the land of the dead.” 

Makoto Iwamoto felt just like his father, and it wasn’t only the warm and the comforting pats on the back. They both had the same smell of green summer meadow, slowly turning into dead autumn leaves.  

“I would like for you to write something else for me, Tanjirou,” he asked again. Tanjirou wasn’t able to refuse, because he felt, a second time, an overwhelming urge to cry.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«Mako, be kind, no matter what, please, that’s… the only thing I’ll ever ask out of you.»

Those were the words his mother had exhaled on her last breath and those were the words Makoto had lived by from the tender age of twelve years old.

What had he done before turning into a sweet twelve year old boy? Of course, he engaged in street fights.

“You’re so ugly you should thank me when I break your nose! At least that way it will be easier to look at you without feeling nauseous!”

The huge form of the boy much older than him turned to his direction and Makoto got what he wanted, for him to stop paying attention to the shiny cherries he had been enjoying with such gusto.

His gaze was joined, too, by the ones from the boys accompanying him. But that wasn’t any problem. 

“What the hell did you just say?” 

Makoto stuck his tongue out. “That you’re ugly! Do I have to repeat it!? I’m surprised you don’t know that already!” 

Anger was quick to make people blind, that was something fastly learned when living in the streets and something Makoto had used to his benefit so many times it was something he didn’t remember not having engraved on his mind.

So he smiled, because stupid people were so, so unpredictable. 

That was how he dodge the blow destined to break a pair of ribs and how he slid in between the hands trying to grab him.

Breaking bones, giving bruises, giving out purple eyes was something daily by then, that was why it was so easy to break a few fingers when they’re too focused on Makoto to truly pay attention, and with twisted fingers the shiny, delicious and so wished cherries finally fall.  

Red and right on season, Makoto was sure they must have been taken right from the tree after a year of hard work, but why make the effort for an entire year when the possibility of being smarter and taking them from someone else was right there?

Makoto didn’t have any house or land where to harvest endless rows of cherries, so even if he wanted to, even if he poured every single drop of energy on his being to make things right, he had nothing to his name, and without a name he is no one.

Because his mother had died and he had been too young to remember her name or even her face, and there was no one to offer a place where to lay his body once dead, so if he didn’t get one by his own hand, he would never get it. 

The world was cruel and unjust and that was why one had to be as equally cruel and unjust in order not to be dragged by the waves without anything to clutch to. And the last words of his mothers, her hazy appearance, from which he only remembered the mole on the right cheekbone and the warm smiles, weren’t enough to convince him of the contrary. 

Peace was for boys with a family that could afford to have a warm meal every day, it was easy to yell ceasefire when not living in between the bullets, having shot so many back there wasn’t any place left where to feel safe. And as much as he wanted to go out, his home had been destroyed by the bullets, which was why he was on the battlefield in the first place.  

The cherries tasted metallic when he threw handfuls at his mouth, blood he couldn’t focus on cleaning drowned his mouth bursting from his nose, but Makoto preferred to eat bloody cherries over eating nothing. 

There was something that rustled on his chest, and his ribs had been broken enough to know that was what had happened, but adrenaline was strong and hunger, along with the wish to live just one more day, had always been the biggest reason of humanity. 

“Who would have thought them so insistent,” he muttered to himself when throwing a glance above his shoulder and finding the same group of boys running after him. Makoto clicked his tongue in annoyance. “I guess I’ll have to get them off my back.” 

He patted the knife that hid under his clothes. He had never had to use it, only easily taking it from a shop and staying there, like a last resource he would never use. He wondered if he’d have to use it against them, because he didn’t believe in being able to run much more. The idea didn’t hit him with the horror it should have.

Like that, running rampant and yelling profanities, they were nothing more than wild bulls that were driven mad when seeing red, and red were the cherries Makoto had on his hand and red was the blood that covered them on his mouth when eating them. Once he finished, he stuck his tongue out and rose the empty stem over his head. He never knew a colour could provoke such intense feelings. 

They wouldn’t reach him as much as he ran, their sandals were too new and precious to run that much, and barefoot was how Makoto ran best. And they didn’t reach him, because they stopped with eyes wide open, grabbing one another in a rush to put an end to their race, and Makoto could have called them “stupid!” one last time before losing sight of them if not because the next time he gave a step, he found nothing but air.

The ground under his feet disappeared and found the bottom of a cliff that appeared to have no end. 

“Fuck.” That was what he managed to say right before rolling all the way down. 

Anger was as blinding as excessive confidence, that was a lesson he still needed to learn. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Death enveloped him, comforting and warm, thick fog solidifying around him and turning into a sticky spider web. Unfortunately, it dissipated and turned again into mist that didn’t touch him, being welcomed back into consciousness by small sobs. 

“Who the hell cries in Heaven?” Makoto wondered, raspy throat from what he guessed was lack of water for days. He didn’t expect Heaven to weakly smell of disgusting rotten eggs. 

He leaned on both elbows and then felt the broken ribs, along with what felt like a hundred injuries. When spitting to the side, the few spit left painted the orange leaves on the ground of a crimson tone. 

At least he was grateful for having eaten those cherries before falling, they would be rotting on his hands if he hadn’t. 

The muffled beeping on his ears disappeared enough to be able to distinguish from where the sobs came from and, leaning on a tree trunk with her face buried in between her hands, Makoto found a girl.

«She’s huge,» was the first thing that crossed his mind. Because the soft pink nor the delicate features appeared to be sculpted on the royal palace could hide the fact that the girl was much bigger than what kids her age were, at the very least, if Makoto was correct in thinking she was her age and not just an adult crying with a face that looked too childish.

“Hey you, what the hell is your problem?” he managed to scramble up to his feet and drag himself to her. Her crying was drilling a headache on him and it was too painful to let it go. 

The girl became silent and stared at him with open eyes, making her shut up and for Makoto not to add a headache to his long lists of things that hurt. 

“You look like you just came back from the dead” And those were the first words Kaori Iwamoto told her husband when meeting him.

Makoto simply raised an eyebrow and stuck a finger inside his ear.  

“Yeah, I probably have.” 

The girl’s gaze avidly travelled up to the blood on his forehead and the way she trembled told Makoto everything he needed to know about her. But he could do nothing else but continue scratching the inside of his ear as he eyed around them, cliffs surrounding the place everywhere.

“Do you have any idea how to get away from here?” he asked, bringing his attention back to the girl once more. She stayed still as if waiting for another reaction from him, but since he didn’t give it to her, relief dripped from her. 

“Then you don’t know who I am? Not even where you are?” 

She received a stare of narrowed eyes as an answer.

“Should I? Please, don’t tell me you’re one of those rich girls that think they’re better than everyone else just because their parents have money.” Makoto wrinkled his nose up when looking at her strangely clean hair and the way she moved, perfect posture even when bent over herself to cry and hair up in ways too complicated for a peasant to wear. “Oh, you’re really one of those pretentious rich girls, hm.” His voice faded when his head started to spin again. “Yeah, I think I’ll turn into a corpse soon instead of staying resurrected.” 

He collapsed just like that against the floor, the rich girl letting out a horrified yell at the same time. 

Death appeared to be the only thing able to make him ignore the pain of his injuries at this point, but the hands on the girl didn’t feel like the ones from a girl that had spent all her life learning how to pour tea and walk elegantly on her knees. In fact, they felt much more rough than how the hands of the oldest felt after a life of work. 

“What the hell… are you doing?” Makoto wondered. He achieved, by pure objection to death, to open an eye to see how the girl with iron on her eyes tore her shiny kimono appart.

“I’m treating your wounds! Do you pretend for me not to!? You’re not scared of me, you could be the only friend I have in this goddamn village!” 

Makoto let out a dry chuckle. “Why would I be scared of you? I’ve defeated bigger guys than you, you know? Pretentious girls like you are seriously the worst.” 

“You don’t know me!” She exclaimed. And he had the certainty that she was tightening his bandages tightly in order to get back to him. “What makes you think I’m a rich pretentious girl!? This is a humble village, you know!? We earn a living the best way we can!” 

“Because you’re pretty.” The mutter came from somewhere of unconsciousness, being set free in a moment where the blackness drowned his mind and the mist of death thickened.

“You are, too!” Kaori barked back in enthusiasm. “You have very pretty eyes! They’re very warm!” 

“I inherited them from my mother.” The words come gush out down his tongue like from a dam. He didn’t notice they were tears that ran down his cheeks instead of his own thoughts. “I’m Makoto.”  

“Okay! And I’m Kaori and I will not let you die today!” 

“I’m glad to hear that, Kaori.” 

And Makoto thought about his mother when looking at the pretty and sweaty face of the rich girl when trying with all her might not to let a stranger die. 

Kaori stopped for a moment on her frenetic shakes to take in his face. 

“You seriously look… very sad. You really look miserable.”

«Your mother must be… very happy to have you as a daughter, isn’t she, Kaori?»

She smelled like flowers. He was sure the rich girl lived in a palace full of colourful flowers everywhere. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Turned out there was a small path, a weakly traced way in between the rocks and the cliffs that circled Kaori’s birth village. That was the one Makoto went down through every day, after a long day of searching for food in the shops of the market where he hadn’t stolen enough to be recognized and usually western foreigners. He enjoyed those last ones the most, he could insult them as much as he wanted because they couldn’t understand him, and the people brought along with them to translate on business exchanges weren’t courageous enough to tell them what Makoto’s yelling really meant.

Ever since samurais turned useless, too many unknown people wandered Japan, wearing strange clothes and that Makoto was sure wouldn’t be comfortable. The emperor had destroyed the feudal that opposed the new winds of the West under his iron fist, and even if a long time would go by for everyone to see that with good eyes,  small pinches of the new and modern opening of Japan to the outside world were starting to be seen. 

Makoto sometimes forgot that there was much more outside those islands where the Great Japan was. To him it could matter any less what happened to the Great Japan, as long as he had pockets where to stick his hand, the Europeans could change the Rising Sun of their flag for colorful stripes like theirs for all he cared.  

He found himself smiling calmly more and more the more time he spent with Kaori, and even if his bones hurt and his muscles felt teared apart under his skin, the contagious joy that came from the rich girl like a ball of light made it just a bit more bearable. And the candle in him turned on along with the spark of the sunlight. It was a certain afternoon when Makoto would discover the demons’ existence.  

“So you have no mother or father?” Kaori rocked back and forth on her place against the rotten tree trunk. Makoto looked at her from his corner not too far away, back leaning on a rock and knees to his chest. “It’s no surprise you’re so sad, if I was an orphan I’d be like that too.” 

“You get used to it in the end.” Both of them looked up at the sky, at the small birds that flew above their heads. “I’ve never had any parents, so it’s not like I can miss them.” 

The hair perfectly up on her friend’s head leaned to the side, the hairpin that kept it like that shining there. 

“But you said you inherited your eyes from your mother.” 

“I did?”

“Yeah, when you were about to die.” She brought two fingers to each cheek and smiled proudly. “And someone saved you from turning into a corpse.”

“I might have as well ended up dead.” Makoto raised a hand up to his chest, dramatic. “I think the gods had mercy on this poor, pitiful sinner.”

Kaori gave him an irritated glance.

“Don’t say that.” And Makoto had no idea why he shouldn’t have told the truth if for the first time he didn’t have to lie. “You’re not a poor, pitiful sinner. You’re my friend. As much as you’ve stolen.” 

He raised a finger to say something although he could say nothing on his own stupefaction, and even if he could have he wouldn’t have denied it because he really wanted to believe her. 

“Steal to eat is not a sin, if it was, the gods wouldn’t have put you in such a situation.” He couldn’t ask either how she knew that before she replied. “You had rests of the Minamoto’s cherries in between your teeth, and no one except the Minamotos eats from their harvest. What else do you want me to think when I first found you covered in blood?” 

Makoto squinted for a moment, pressing his lips together in a thin, tense line.  

“Did you seriously check my mouth?” He asked.

Kaori nodded.

“You’re a weirdo,” Makoto sentenced. 

She puffed her cheeks out in a tantrum. “I am not!”

“You are!” 

“I told you I’m not!” 

“Yes you are!” Makoto started to sing. “Weirdo, Kaori Iwamoto, you’re a weirdo!” 

Kaori ended up hitting him on the shoulder so strongly it sent him flying. Makoto couldn’t force himself to be annoyed. 

There was something long wrapped in clothes she had brought along with her and that stayed by her side that she hadn’t dared to show him, and it wasn’t until he mentioned it from the ground that Kaori didn’t give him a guilty smile and took it to place it on her knees. 

Makoto slid to her side and he didn’t expect, when unrolling whatever that was, for it to be a shiny sword and a brilliant wooden bow. 

“Are those relics?” 

Kaori shrugged.

“Something like that,” she left the sword on his hands in the first place, that had fit perfectly in between her fingers deformed by blisters. “Have you ever heard about demons?” 

“Demons?” Makoto slowly repeated the name. “I never took you for the superstitious type.” 

She rolled her eyes in annoyance. 

“Don’t be stupid, how are you so sure they’re not real?” 

“Maybe because I’ve never seen one?” Makoto considered mocking her, but the tough glance with which he was welcomed told him otherwise. 

“That’s something certainly stupid, don’t you think so? Just because you haven’t seen them doesn’t mean they don’t exist,” she replied with a scowl. 

“I have other things to worry about other than imaginary monsters,” Makoto said sticking his tongue out, and he thought about the way his stomach silently rumbled and how the trembling during the night became stronger the colder winter turned. 

“There’s an organization,” Kaori started, holding her breath. “They kill demons during the night, I mean, it’s not official since the government doesn’t recognize the existence of demons, that’s why common people like you don’t know about them.”

“Did you just call me a peasant because I don’t live in a flowery palace like you?” he muttered, slightly smiling. 

“I already told you I don’t live in a palace!” She exclaimed, bringing both hands to her waist. Makoto only looked at how composed she looked simply sitting on a tree trunk. 

“Sure, whatever you say.” 

She gestured lazily and went back to look at the sword on his hand. 

“The Demon Slaying Corps, that’s what it’s called.” She snatched the sword away from his hands and raised it, light softly shining on the blade. “The demon slayers go through a tough training to be able to fight against demons, those who are more powerful are called pillars. Only very strong people join, I figured you could.” 

“And that should matter to me because...?” Makoto started, cheek lazily leaning on his hand. Kaori sent him a long stare. 

“If you join, they pay you for each demon you kill.” 

The word “pay” made him skip a bit and scramble up to his feet, so fastly Kaori pressed the sword against her chest. 

“You should have said that first! What do I have to do!? Do I have to go to the palace and greet the emperor or something!?” 

Kaori shily smiled when he took her cheerfully by the shoulders. “First you have to train to pass a test, something about a week on a mountain. I could tell you what you do well or wrong as training, I’ve seen my mother with the bow and some slayers practice with their swords a few times, but I don’t know how to do it myself. I hope that’s enough?”

“I’m sure that’s more than enough!”

And it was, throughout a winter he miraculously survived, throughout spring and ending in a new summer. Two years of training was the usual, the Final Selection took place in spring, and for next year’s, Makoto would be ready. 

Fight had come naturally to him and even if he didn’t have Kaori’s raw strength, Makoto knew how to move; what to do to easily disarm someone, the weak points of the body and how to use them against the enemy to fall prey to their own weight. And the only thing he had to do was guide them the way he wanted, to use the opponent's weight against them as big as they were or as small as one was compared to them. 

The sword, although appearing simple, wasn’t. And Kaori sent him bitter glances every time he used it wrong.

They were really harsh critics, fussy, even. That if he twisted his wrist to the side too much he’d break a bone, that if he used too much strength he’d break the blade, “that if, that if, that if” felt like her favourite expression at that point. 

They hid it in a tree trunk because the bow was, definitely, useless in his hands, And the sword was only taken out when Makoto appeared a few hours before sunset and disappeared along with the Sun, and both of them were comfortable with that. 

It wasn’t until the sword started to really become a part of his arm that Makoto didn’t meet Kaede Fujioka. 

It had to be said, too, that he had been starving. 

Inexplicably he had felt sour everytime he took something that wasn’t his or brought something fruit of someone else’s labor to his mouth. And he couldn’t survive being soft in a world as tough as his.

The ribs started to be seen more and more each day, in between training and food tasting to ashes against his tongue, the few weight he had managed to gain didn’t last for too long. 

For some reason he went to Kaori, in the middle of the night, when conscious that he wouldn’t be able to last another night as much as he had tried to push it down. 

«You’re not a sinner, you’re my friend.» If words could have fed him, he was sure Kaori’s would have, and that was the voice that echoed on his mind when going down the steep and rocky hill and when he walked past the rotten tree trunk and stone and fell time and time again  and the ones that brought him to his feet. But Makoto was, inevitably, starving, and words and ideals didn’t feed him.

Staggering, he finally walked past the place he had never crossed, trees becoming more scarce and giving path to small torches of orange fire. 

He fixed his gaze, unconsciously, on the biggest house. 

«I’m sure she lives in a palace, an iron palace that smells like flowers.»

“Kaori…” With the little breath he had left he called her name, as if she could hear him from her bed, deeply asleep and in the middle of the night. Even so, he repeated it once again. “Kaori…”

The next time he came back to himself, on his hands there was the knife that had been so safely secure under his clothes. 

He loomed over the melons in someone else’s garden. Makoto didn’t know why but he was sure it was Kaori’s garden, the shiny flowers around him smelled just like them. He, instead, smelled of trash, piss and disgusting shit. 

«You’re gonna betray her, stealing from her like this, you’re gonna betray her just like how you’ve been doing with mum all this time and that’s why you can’t remember her face and that’s why you haven’t even done the effort to try.»

He was dying, Makoto, only Makoto, there was no surname that followed, was dying.

The juice of the melons splashed his face just like how blood from someone else’s insides would when he sank the knife there, and as sweet as he knew melons were, they only tasted sour. 

But at least he was alive, that didn’t matter to him as much as it used to. After all, what use was there to being alive if he knew that when Kaori saw what he did she would never want to see him again?

So now with just his life as the only thing he had left, Makoto ate and ate and ate and ate until he could do nothing but bend over himself to puke and juices get out of him just to continue eating as if that was gonna fill something inside him along with his stomach. 

For the first time Makoto trembled because of something that wasn’t the cold. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, please forgive me, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to but I couldn’t do anything else.” His tears added a salty, warm taste that contrasted against the fresh melong and he ate and ate because that was his punishment. He didn’t know exactly who he was apologizing to, because there was no one there to listen to him. 

The one to find him was a blond braided head, wooden pipe on hand. 

Makoto coughed strongly when the smoke reached his lungs and mixed with the pitiful sobs that he couldn’t stop even if he’d stopped eating long ago and brought both hands up to his face to bury it there. 

“So you’re that kid that’s been practicing swordsmanship, I don’t think my daughter has mentioned me, I’m Kaede.” Calm eyes fixed on his trembling form. There was nothing able to make her tremble, she was a storm, after all, and a simple mortal like Makoto couldn’t fight against a god, he didn’t know why he thought he’d be able to fight against a demon. “At least you could introduce yourself, but I guess it doesn’t matter now.”

The light that weakly illuminated them came from an oil lamp on her hand. She passed her pipe to that hand to, with her free hand, slap him so strongly Makoto took his hands away from his face and stopped sobbing. 

“Never, ever, dare to take a sword again to fight against a demon. “She kneeled before him and squeezed his shoulder so tight she left the trace of her nails there. “Never. Especially with such vile reasons. You will not want to know what comes after.” 

Kaori’s familiar heard peeked from the door on the garden. She was already taller than her mother by then. 

Kaede slapped her too, and her daughter looked up at her from the ground with something close to tears on her drowsy face. 

“Children like you shouldn’t be demon slayers, you shouldn’t even know about these things.” 

Then he turned to Makoto, judging storms sparkling on her eyes. 

“What would your mother say if she knew you’re training with such selfish ends?” 

Makoto clutched strongly to his own clothes and bit onto his lips. He really did, he really tried to endure it, but it was no use.

“Shut up! That's easy for you to say! You're gonna scold me for wanting to eat!? Because a child like me wants something to get to his mouth without the danger of perishing on the mines or being crushed on the ports!? It doesn't seem complicated when you're on top of the world, right!? But us, the lowest scum of the earth, can't help it! If I could I wouldn't do this! I really wouldn't! But what's wrong about wanting to live above everything else!? Once you find yourself in my predicament, once you are forced to stain your soul with impure acts to keep on living, then your words will hold value for me! But now they're only empty words, so I don't care what you say! You won't make me feel like a dirty sinner because of something I had no choice in!”

And then he bursted into tears again.

“I’m sorry, mother! I’m sorry for not being able to follow your words as I should have!”

Kaori ran up to him to hug him. He allowed her to do so, as he thought he’d be able to survive and entire winter in between her arms. 

Kaede kneeled before him, laying a hand on his head. Makoto couldn’t see the expression she beared because his face was buried on the neck of his only friend. 

“I’ll give you… the opportunity to follow them,” she whispered against his head. “I’ve been too tough again, haven’t I? I’m sorry.”

Then, in that moment, was when Makoto finally distinguished the face of his mother, without being hazy or blurry at the sides and being able to enjoy her smile fully and completely. 

She looked just like his daughter.  

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Kaori shoved away for a moment the urge to behead Inosuke for having done that to her precious swords and looked somewhere in the distance. 

“Something wrong?” Kaede raised an eyebrow. 

“No. But I think we’ve just lost our house.” She brought both hands up to her mouth. “Oh, no, my flowers.” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

The night became day, and the demon became the Sun. 

Burning ball that consumed and shone, blistering fire that destroyed everything on its wake; the paddies turned gold as if ready for harvest as they became then murky and black. Ayaka wondered what these people would eat now that their precious likelihood was being burned down to the ground.  

This was what she had provoked, this was what her wrath had teared apart and what would be sacrificed under the rocks that fell from the cliff to blame on her wavering determination.

And although it had been years ever since Ayaka didn’t need the rice fields to survive, the sight of them as they burned made her eyes water as if she had. 

“Aniki,” she muttered, feeling the trails of demonic essence on her blood. Bones hurt, pulsing and buzzing on their attempt to bear the flesh that stopped being human the more time passed. Was this what Genya felt? Did it hurt like this every time he used his powers? The painful tremble on bones and blood, would Nezuko feel it all the time? 

Kanao looked at her and on her face there was no worry. Ayaka sometimes wondered, too, if, when the gods made the doll Kanao Tsuyuri was, they forgot to paint her expressions. Maybe they just painted Kanao’s on Ayaka, it would have explained why this pain that shouldn’t belong to her pulsed so strongly under her skin. This was what she had desired, with such eagerness that she had been a moment away from adding another sin to the list. 

It would have been easy, it would have been simple to let the demon, now aware of their intent to hunt her down, become deranged that night because of the fear of having her head cut off and in consequence eat the entire village. 

Then, when she finished, behead her and say that Ayaka had simply been too late, tell Oyakata-sama that she had been knocked out for most of the night and that she hadn’t been able to kill the demon before she ate all those people. It wasn’t uncommon or strange for dozens of people to perish, and Ayaka’s village would have just been another tragedy, which she would have enjoyed from the shadows without the blame ever directed at her.

But Kanao’s purple eyes were there, unmoving and powerful and unwavering. Why had Ayaka stared at her so much during the Final Selection? Right, because she had been brilliant, untouchable, even. Kanao was a true demon slayer, Ayaka, allowing her determination to tremble because of her own wrath, wasn’t. 

That was the truth of it all, those with vile motives didn’t survive for long in the corps. Shishou had said that countless times. 

“Aniki,” Ayaka repeated once more, because if she died there she wouldn’t be able to apologize to her brother. 

Maybe Kanao would know what to do, maybe the unbreakable tsuguko would have an answer as to why it hurt so much to be a demon and how to stop hurting. But even if Ayaka looked at her, pleading, as she clutched to her shoulder, because it hurt so much it was hard to stay on her feet, Kanao looked back and it didn’t seem like there was anything on her eyes. 

All that time Ayaka had believed Kanao bearer of the answer, she had been bearer of nothing, and that was so foreign that Ayaka even wondered if her shishou wasn’t a bearer, either. 

Like the Sun in which the demon had turned into in the middle of the night, everything burnt on her path.  

The first row of houses sparked, creaking on the first moments, omen to the wooden pillars burning down and collapsing, either if they wanted to or not. 

“No…” Ayaka painfully whispered. “Now they won’t have anywhere to go, the people from the village, if we don’t cut her head off soon…”

But as much as she pleaded, the demon, turned into a black and abhorrent mass with paws that came out from everywhere, kept walking toward her. Houses burnt and creaked. That fire was different to Tanjirou’s fire, how could Ayaka have desired a fire different to Tanjirou’s? 

“I’m gonna kill them, I’m gonna kill you! I’m gonna kill you for doing this to me!” The demon yelled, consuming only like how the Sun would be able to burn. Her flesh turned into ash and left the burnt eyelids out, her white hair had disappeared too, and what had once been healthy and pretty skin was now nothing but black charcoal. 

“We won’t be able to cut her head off if she’s burning,” Kanao pointed out, as she had been commanded to prioritize her life over killing demons. Shinobu hadn’t wanted to lose a sister a second time. “We have to think about a way to either do it without getting burnt or putting off the fire.”

“I think I know what we have to do,” Ayaka muttered against her shoulder. “The villagers are at the other side of the bridge, aren’t they? That will be enough.” 

For the second time Ayaka stared at the flames and thought about Tanjirou, and how that smell of burnt remains was nothing like his. 

A girl held her hand, eyes with a small fire and short hair. She looked like a corpse. 

«I want to go back to Tanjirou» she said. «I miss him, here it’s only cold and he was so warm»

«We can’t go back home» Ayaka reminded her, and even if she knew, tears kept falling from the girl’s eyes. «As much as we want, we can’t go back. You know it will hurt to witness as he burns down to the ground, trying to kill Muzan Kibutsuji»

The girl looked down, nearly regretful. 

«This hurts the same, you always use the excuse that others don’t want you close but only you think that, because you’re scared that if Tanjirou dies you’ll break completely. That’s just selfish» 

«You already know what happened with Yuu, we can’t let it happen again, even if that makes me selfish» Ayaka looked at her for a second too long. «You’re pretty bold today, that’s new, you usually whisper some things and then you disappear, how long are you gonna stay?»

«I’m tired of living in between snow!» The girl replied, and she squeezed her hand as if wanting to hurt Ayaka, but she was so weak she couldn’t even do that. «I want for spring to come back! You said that if you turned into a tsuguko that the snow would melt and spring would come back, but that’s a lie! I want to feel the Sun again! And turning into a Pillar won’t bring that back either! I wanna get out! I want to go back to aniki!»

«We can’t» Ayaka didn’t stop holding the girl’s hand although she scratched her and carved bloody half moons on her hand. «Aniki truly doesn’t want to see us, so leave already»

«You’re just mad at dad! Tanjirou’s not dad! The samurai always yells that it’s his fault and I agree!» Then she sobbed, a pitiful and painful sound. «Why did dad abandon us!? Does he care about other people more than us!?»

And that was the last thing she heard from the girl before Kanao’s voice made her blink and she disappeared. 

“Ayaka-san,” Kanao said, and she had to hold her shoulders tighter in order to prevent Ayaka from falling to the floor. “You don’t look very well.”

“I look sick,” she added without blinking. Then she chuckled drily. “But when don’t I?” 

Kanao slid her gaze a second time over her red eyes. No, Ayaka-san looked like a demon.  

“Are you so mean all the time?” Kanao asked, eyebrows slightly knitting together. 

“Yeah, but I’m also extremely brilliant.” Ayaka gave her a smile that didn’t make Kanao put on any expression. Then she looked back, at the oil lamps and small torches in the distance, the only thing the villagers had been able to take from their houses in a panic. Ayaka looked at the bridge over the river too, at the kanji for stone, “iwa”, that was carved on the first planch. It was the “iwa” for Iwamoto. She guessed Ryu’s father hadn’t wanted to carve his. “I prefer to destroy a bridge over letting the entire village burn down.”

Both of them stared at the demon, coming closer and closer. 

“Damn you! Because of what you’ve done to me, because you’ve hurt me! How dare you!?” The demon screamed. 

“She’s getting too close.” Ayaka said out loud. “I need you to distract the demon, Kanao. Her arms can kinda shoot out of her body, I thought you should know. The trees near the bridge will be a good place. I’ll be waiting there. The demon will follow you, so there shouldn’t be any problem.” 

Kanao nodded. “Should I stay away from the houses?” 

“As much as you can.” 

Ayaka disappeared in the night, and it was Kanao the one to confront the demon upfront and lead her away from the village, toward the forest and the river. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The tsuguko was fast and light on her feet the more she jumped in between the trees. 

The demon continued attacking, but Flower Breathing was as quick as Kanao, as she dodged her arms that were as deadly missiles on fire.

“Ayaka-san, hurry up!” 

Ayaka felt under her feet and the wooden planks; the water, how strongly it pushed against the rocks underneath and its great power. 

Her father had built that bridge, even if he hadn’t had to, even if no one would thank him and even if everyone looked at him over their shoulders for letting them take advantage of their kindness.

«Why did you do that?» Ayaka asked him. «Why were you kind to them? Although they loathed, didn’t you care? Didn’t it matter to you that these people hated you? Doesn’t it matter that they walked over you time and time again? Doesn’t that hurt as much as walking over other people?»

The green of the garden of the Butterfly Estate was vivid and beautiful. Makoto wished Tanjirou goodnight as he went back inside.

“I just became softer. I wanted to follow my mother’s words and I sacrificed that, like how you wanted to do what was right and sacrificed our house to do so.” Makoto looked at the distance, over the garden wall of the Butterfly Estate. “Was that the answer you wanted, Ayaka?” 

The water’s rumbling under her feet so strongly it muffled Ayaka’s ears, and she couldn’t hear anything just like she couldn’t see anything, not with the demon blood pulsing inside her, not with the wrath of what had turned her into something inhuman. 

“Namu amida butsu,” Ayaka muttered, handle of her sword tightly secured on her hands. “Namu amida butsu.”

«Think about the moments that anger you the most»

“The people from the village,” she whispered. The fangs shone when she clenched her jaw. “The people from the village anger me.”

She kept praying “namu amida butsu” time and time again, heart pulsing strongly on her ears.

«They took advantage of me and my parents» she thought, growling becoming louder. «They walked over us, they treated us like trash, as they talked behind our backs. I hate them»

“Stone Breathing, Fifth Form: Arcs of Justice” she exhaled against the cold night, a night that became heavy with the thick mist of the fifth form, surely destroying everything in its wake, no matter what. 

«I could finish them off right here» The thought bloomed on her mind without wanting to, but that was to be expected when using Repeating Actions. «If I turn around, I could kill them all. Right this instant, and I wouldn’t have to think about them anymore because they’d be dead, unable to hurt us, ever again»

But Tomoko was there too, and Ryu, and Ayaka had to remind her cloudy and demonic conscience that she had to honour the title given to her, that of the demon slayer. Kanao’s purple eyes, in the distance, helped her do so, and the sight of her beloved tsuguko brought her back to earth. 

Ayaka stared at the bridge once more, and ah, she really couldn’t do it. 

She gave two steps forward, leaving behind the wood and being welcome by the earth. Her sword, heavy with all its strength, ended up bursting the shore of the river with a loud “boom”.

Another path was made for the water to go through, one Ayaka had carved and one that went toward the demon. The water exploded then, like an overflowing dam, dragging Ayaka along with it too. . 

A wave rose high over the trees and Kanao turned around, static for a moment but fast enough to jump back. A second was all it took for the wave not to drag her too. 

“Ayaka-san, this wasn’t what we said we’d do!” Kanao screamed, eyes desperately searching for something in the water, and she wouldn’t know what two options to choose from. 

The demon was pushed back with the water. There was a hiss when the fire was put off around her. 

The water stopped shortly after and Ayaka finally appeared, coughing and trembling in the floor. When Kanao held her in her arms she was shivering and soaking wet.

Then Ayaka jumped at her neck.

Kanao was fast enough to stop her, fangs sinking on her forearm as saliva dripped down her chin. 

“Ayaka-san,” Kanao said, with another hand grabbing both her wrists and pulling them above her head, where she couldn’t reach her. “Calm down.”

She softly growled as an answer, red veins shining on her eyes. Kanao talked again, squeezing tighter. “Ayaka-san, calm down.”

Slowly, Ayaka stopped biting, stopped looking at her with bloodthirsty eyes. Stopped looking like a starving demon.

“Kanao,” she whispered, as if in a moment of clarity. Ayaka buried her nose in the gap between her neck and shoulder, and that was where she muttered: 

“I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t wait for the demon to get to the bridge, so I thought this’d work too, even if I got dragged by the water too.” She paused. “I’m sorry, I can’t just push my feelings aside like you do.” 

“I already know that,” Kanao said, slowly going back to her feet. Despite the fact that the anger seemed to be gone, now Ayaka looked more like Tomoko’s father than she had ever done. Kanao was starting to doubt that she was even human at this point. “My orders are to kill demons and kept my partners safe. I’ll hide you somewhere, I don’t think you’re in any condition to fight.” 

«If you’re going to the forest, wait for me, will you?»

It was sudden, it was sharp and it hurt. Ayaka whimpered and Kanao stopped in some branch, eyebrows knitting together.

«Now that I take a good look at her, that partner of yours is really pretty, I bet many men desire to get her hands on her»

“Shut up!” Ayaka yelled, eyes hurting like they had never done before.

“Ayaka-san,” Kanao started, doubtful. “I haven’t said anything.” 

«Your body is so weak it will dissolve when the poison fully kicks in, so pathetic»

Ayaka whimpered again. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt. 

A black arm flew past their heads. It wasn’t luck that made them dodge it, but Kanao. 

The demon, in the distance, bursted out laughing.

“I can see through your eyes now that a few hours have passed, stupid girl! Do you think the doll deal was a lie!?”

Ayaka brought both hands up to her face as if that would make the demon stop seeing through the present the gods had given her, that which she was the proudest of. 

“How many have you turned into puppets!?” She bitterly accused. “That’s why I mistook Ryu for a demon and that’s I believed the twins and their mother to be demons, too! How much time have you been turning humans into demons in this village!?” 

“That’s funny, because I’ve only turned two people into puppets here!” Another arm flew toward them and Kanao dodged it, all the while carrying Ayaka on her arms. “And you’re one of them!”

“You’re lying!” Ayaka yelled. “There’s no way there are only two puppets here! There were too many demons! It could have been the entire village!” 

Two, three, four arms flew restlessly, predicting where they would end up (seeing where they were going) five, six, seven, the last one grazed Kanao’s foot. She noticed they were much more than when Ayaka wasn’t with her. 

“They were all too distrustful so I had no opportunities! I could only turn that bastard!” The demon continued. That time Kanao had to use the sword to cut off an arm that was too close, and all the others that came after. Ayaka’s eyes only became more demonic. “But you prefer to believe that your eyes can’t be wrong! That’s just pure arrogance!” 

“Ayaka-san, close your eyes.” Only because Kanao was the one to ask, she did, although growling in annoyance. Slowly, the amount of arms slowly decreased.  “We won’t be able to cut her head off if she’s able to see what we do. Keep them closed.”

Ayaka opened them and complained:  

“I can’t do that! How do you expect me to fight!?” 

Instantly a fist flew right next to their heads, this time painting Kanao’s cheeks with a bruise. 

She thought about the taste of Kanao’s blood on her tongue and the bleeding injuries on her forearms. It was time to act accordingly to her title of tsuguko.

“Kanao,” Ayaka whispered. Ah, she was pretty, very much so. Ayaka carefully wiped away some blood from her cheek, she wouldn’t want for her to be dirty. 

The violets in Kanao’s eyes buried their roots in the warm earth of Ayaka’s. And for the first time, all those feelings that hadn’t been able to flourish, passing by like dead leaves on barren land, finally found somewhere to bloom. Ayaka smiled with the gentleness of a flower meadow. 

«Maybe I can allow for spring to come back» Ayaka told herself, side eyeing the girl that held her hand. «If it’s Kanao, who sees just as much as me, then maybe…»

But first, let’s indulge in the winter one last time.

“Break the bridge,” she said through clenched teeth. “Tear it down into tiny little pieces in my stead.” 

She held Kanao down, putting herself in between her and the demon, and that was how the demon finally grabbed onto her, taking a hold on Oyakata-sama’s haori, and dragged her inside her mouth. 

Kanao looked sad, ever since when could she do that? And more importantly, why would she be sad? 

The last thoughts that crossed her mind while being devoured in an instant was just how much she admired Kanao Tsuyuri and her unbreakable determination. After all, her own wavering was what had made her be devoured. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The insides of the demon weren’t what she expected. They felt warm, it was dark but it wasn’t sticky or humid. 

When she opened her eyes there was no darkness or warm insides. Overall, Ayaka saw a lot of all. 

All of them stood before her, rows and rows of faces that covered the bottom of the sea until her sight could see nothing else. All of them were on the sea with her, but not all of them drowned. 

Blond head, brunettes, Ayaka saw a bunch of them with moles and others with light eyes, there was also her and her father’s brown. 

There were faces covered in ashes, iron on their gazes, but they managed to stay afloat. Ayaka noticed the blond ones seemed to stiffen in the water as they tried not to drown just like she did, they also had eyes of light colours, purples, pinks, blues, all of them were small and delicate. 

Those with black hair had broad shoulders and beared the strength of the sea, and the ones of moles and brown eyes didn’t even seem to notice they were underwater, as if it was natural for them to be there. 

Leading them all there was a small women, soft purple on her eyes. She was the one that drowned the most. 

But no matter how they looked like, there was something in common. They were all crying. 

“Ayaka,” she called, tears easily lost in the water. She was beautiful, careful and sharp edges adorning her face, impeccable no matter where she looked like. Her eyes were as big as hers. “Please, let go. Don’t go down this path.” 

“What path?” And the echo rumbled on her ears. 

“Has someone died?”Ayaka asked, and they only sobbed louder. 

“The path of wrath and resentment,” the woman talked again, light hair swaying with the waves, Her purple eyes had a garden of wisteria in them. “Please, another cycle of pain will start. If you don’t put an end to it then… You recognize what I’m talking about, right?  The pain.”

“It’s just that you… Under your skin, it’s pulsing, all over your body, cold shaking rage and I just… I don’t think that’s the touch of someone that wishes for everyone to be enlightened by Buddha’s wisdom.”

Ayaka’s hair swayed along with the waves too. 

“Cycle of pain?” 

The woman nodded. 

“It’s easy for us to be consumed by hate. And if you let it reign your heart, you’ll never be able to love anyone.”

“And how do you know that!?” Ayaka clicked her tongue. “You’re just spitting out nonsense, you don’t know-” 

“I want them to burn! To burn, to burn, I want this entire village to burn so I don’t have to see them anymore! I want for them to die! For them to go to Hell and stay there! I want them to suffer, to suffer, every single one of them!”

“You can’t love anyone right now.” Ayaka nearly choked with her own spit. The woman stared down at her, all silky clothes and golden threads. She had to remind herself her family came from rice farmers, not royalty. “Why do you fight against it? That’s right, there’s nothing stopping you from being happy, and yet you choose to be miserable and hold onto your fury.”

“That’s just my own pride,” Ayaka answered with a frown. “I can’t let anyone-” 

“Ah, you fear you’ll get hurt,” the woman cut her off. “It’s not the first time I see this, and it won’t be the last time either, that’s for sure. You hate them, right? You hate those that hurt you, so now you’ll be consumed by rage and bitterness like every other Fujioka before you. And that’s how another shackle is added to the chain.” 

The water was warm and tasted like nothing on her tongue. Ayaka thought this felt like the milky lake she had felt with Oyakata-sama, there was nothing able to hurt her here. That knowledge made her stop struggling and consequently stop drowning. The water went inside her, to her lungs, and came out just like air. It was just as natural as breathing. 

“I should be honest,” the woman kneeled before her, so delicately she didn’t make a sound. “I was the one to start this and I’ve been punished for doing so, waiting at the door of hell to see my offspring suffer for eternity. And for that I’m truly sorry, Ayaka. Although it has already been broken once, I’m asking you to stop it.”

That woman didn’t look consumed by wrath or hate. She was small and thin, unable to harm even a small fly with her graceful manners. The wisteria that seemed to follow her wherever she went was sweet and soft. 

“It has been broken before?” Ayaka asked, irremediably enjoying the woman’s flowers. “I… I don’t understand, who are you?” 

She looked up from the floor and at her. Her gaze was much stronger than her grandma’s.

“My name is Ai, I’m the matriarch of the Fujioka family.” 

Ayaka’s eyes slid to the people behind her looking at all those blond heads. They cried and sobbed, would it be silently or lamenting in frustration. Was that what she meant? 

“You said it was already broken once,” she exhaled against the water. “Who and how did they do it?” 

“That’s simple,” Ai smiled. “Your mother chose to be kind.”

Ayaka growled. 

“I don’t understand a thing of what you’re saying!” 

Slowly, all of them started to disappear. Firstly the ones that knew how to breath, then the ones that stayed afloat and lastly, one by one, all the Fujiokas with light and big eyes.

In the end, Ai was the only one left. 

Ayaka stared as her face of royalty disappeared in the sand. She had no clue what just happened.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

«Ayaka-san asked you to kill the demon. Then do so»

The sword trembled in between her hands. Kanao buzzed, buzzed, buzzed and buzzed now that feelings had been able to take root somewhere and bloom. (Hadn’t you decided to stay a doll? Hadn’t you decided to stay living?)

Kanao thinks about Shinobu, who would drown in her own grief if she were to ever lose another sister. But she kept buzzing, so she soon forgot. Feelings were new, unknown and overwhelming. Kanao could only think about how that demon swallowed her friend whole, without even  chewing. 

In between commands and coins, there was space for something else.

Those embers she had liked to look at so much, they were gone. 

And that demon had eaten Ayaka. That comet that felt unstoppable, as Kanao was a still moon in the sky. 

“You won’t be able to reach the head, you won’t!” The demon yelled, stubborn. 

«Sure I won’t» Kanao thought.

The demon kept yelling and screaming pleads and curses Kanao didn’t bother listening to. 

Kanao was unstoppable, because when an immovable object like her moved, she did so with an incredible strength. 

It was still night time, hours away from sunrise. Kanao could care less. 

She finally saw the bridge.

“Flower Breathing, Fifth Form: Peonies of Futility”

The red of blood didn’t seem to change for anyone. Kanao jumped in between the demons arms at the same as she slashed them, but she was too close to the main body. 

She jumped on one, slashed two that threw themselves at her, and then cut the one she had been on. She fell on another one and repeated, this time she slashed three, she stabbed another one in order not to fall, kicking the body to jump again once again. 

This time she got to be higher and higher, arms following her up like dogs wanting to devour her.

Kanao looked at them from above and smiled.  

“Stone Breathing, First Form: Serpentinite Bipolar”

The wooden planks screamed under the weight of the demon and the gray shine of Ayaka’s sword appeared in the darkness. 

The creak that might as well have been rocks being teared down to pieces echoed in the forest. The silver of her sword painted a path down the demon’s stomach that was followed by blood, cutting the demon in half from the inside.

“Namu amida butsu, bitch!”

Such was the strength of the form that the bridge collapsed under their feet, just like they had wanted in the first place. The lower part of the demon got separated from the one with the head, arms now too far away from Kanao, high up in the sky, for them to be a problem.

“Flower Breathing, Sixth Form: Whirling Peach” 

Kanao spun and spun, the demon looked at her, horrified, just like she would have if death was before her. 

The pink and white sank under the demon’s neck and it continued spinning. Now without arms or puppets, she was completely at her mercy.

“Don’t kill me, please, I’ll do whatever you want but please don’t-...!” Her voice was muffled when Kanao reached the throat, a second later, her head was sent flying and fell on the shore of the river along with Kanao. 

The body of the demon was dragged by the river, she was lucky Kanao was there because she was the one to grab Ayaka before she could be dragged by the river too, and took her out of the water. 

She trembled, soaking wet and clutching to Kanao and her white cape as if that could keep her warm. 

“You’ve… good work,” Ayaka said against her chest, turning around in search for something. “You’ve… Kanao… I need…” 

“The demon already died,” Kanao assured her, as she saw Ayaka crawling towards the head. 

“No…” She flinched in pain, shoulders trembling but never stopping as she dragged herself through the floor. Kanao didn’t stop her because there was no command that told her to do so. “The… the demon… demon… it… hurts…” 

She started to scream, enraged, when seeing Ayaka go up to her. 

“Don’t get any closer! You’ve hurt me enough! What else do you want from me!? Let me die in peace!” 

Ayaka, with her demonic stare and her fangs, stretched out her claws and took her from the floor. Surprisingly soft, she hugged her to her chest. 

“It hurts… right? It hurts to be a demon… I don’t want to hurt you… so please… have another chance in your next life… Be happy… without hurting.” 

Ayaka knew she didn’t have Tanjirou’s sunlight touch, but she hoped that, at least, moonlight would be enough. 

After all, the only thing the Moon did was reflect the Sun’s light.

The head stopped screaming against her, paralyzed and turning into dust. 

«What is this? What do you want from me? What was my name?»

She remembered the dark alley, danger in the night, an old man following her and tainting her honour, disgusting hands touching and leaving her on the floor like trash when she finished. 

A dirty soul, a tainted soul. After, the only thing left to do was take revenge. 

She killed the man that hurt her, being a demon, it wasn’t hard. But others could do the same, don’t let them, control them just like they want to control you. 

It was dark, the alleyway was scary and dangerous. 

But then the Moon appeared, shining where the unknown reigned. She decided to turn back and take another path back home. 

“Daruma!” Her sister called her in the distance. “We’re gonna be late for dinner!” 

Daruma looked one last time at the alley, with the feeling that something bad would happen if she went there. She was lucky she wouldn’t.

Ayaka cried in silence, and her tears fell on the ashes of the demon as she disappeared completely. She could do nothing else for her except hope she got another chance in her next life. 

“Ayaka-san, Kanao-san!” Tomoko ran up to them, Ryu following closely. “You killed the demon, you killed it!”

She stopped on her tracks the moment she saw Ayaka, screaming when seeing the sharp and black pupils that painted her eyes, like a cat’s. 

“Ayaka-san... don’t tell me that you too…” She shook her head, because Ayaka wasn’t a demon, even if she looked like one. 

“The people from the village are very angry, Aya-san, they-” 

Complains in the distance started to bloom. All those people Ayaka and Kanao had saved appeared with a weak light coming from the lamps and torches. They were trembling, hungry and furious, and Ayaka was the one to clearly blame in all that. 

“How could you burn down our paddies!? How are we gonna eat now, you stupid brat!?” A man lifted Ayaka over the floor by the neck of her uniform, she didn’t have strength left to struggle against him. “My children will be hungry now, just because you stuck your nose in all this!?” 

Another woman lunged at her, sinking her nails on her shoulders. 

“My house has collapsed! How are you gonna pay for this, huh!? I’m sure you wanted this to happen from the start! You’re just like your father, acting as if you’re a good person to betray us behind our backs!” 

Ayaka walked back, scared. “No, I didn’t…”

They all pushed each other to get their hands on her, scratching, tugging at their hair, squeezing that would surely make bruises bloom later on. They yelled about a lot of things, mainly about what Ayaka had made them lose. Their bridge, their fields, many houses and countless trees, aside from having changed the river’s course. Their yelling was so loud that she could hear nothing else. Ayaka felt how her fangs sharpened, growling softly. By instinct she flexed her fingers, there, where the sharp claws were. If she used them, if she barely raised a hand, a head would be torn apart without a doubt. 

Ryu was the one to put himself in between Ayaka and the villagers.

“Are you crazy!? She killed the demon!? What are you guys doing!?” They all fought against him because they all wanted a piece of the cake she was, as much as they had wanted the cake her father had been.

Ayaka leaned her head against Ryu’s shoulder, pulsing and hurting, as she kept trembling and held onto his arm, not enough guts to look up.

“The demon would have just eaten a few humans! This girl has destroyed our incomes and food! Why should I care if we could have sacrificed a few in order to have food for the winter!?” 

Ayaka’s growling became louder, rabid and thirsty dog in which she had turned.

They didn’t care about gods nor did they care about demons, they only cared about themselves. The threat of monsters or the punishment of the gods didn’t even make them flinch. Ayaka buzzed more and more, she buzzed of fury, the fury Tomoko had felt when touching her. 

“Shut up!” Ayaka showed them the fangs and that made them all stay quiet. “You’re all pathetic! Scared pathetic creatures that resort to malice to protect their weak little hearts, unable to trust anyone! What a sad life you must have!”

All of them drank her words in silence, because they had known her as the daughter of the humans Iwamoto, not as the demon slayer. 

“What use is there to blame me now!? The paddies, the houses, everything’s been destroyed! You won’t achieve anything like this! Unless you help each other out there’s no way you’ll get anywhere! And I refuse to feel like this any longer, I won’t allow you to hurt me any further! Now that I truly see you I realize that you’re all weak, pathetic and harmless, desperate to clutch to your own life! But you know what!? I’m not like you!” Then she sobbed, a pitiful and painful sound. “How can you live with this hate!? Isn’t it painful!? Doesn’t it hurt to walk over other people!?” 

Kanao’s hand settled on her shoulder, and that made the bloodlust on Ayaka’s red eyes decrease. 

“Ayaka-san,” she started, and Ayaka became still under her touch. “It doesn’t matter.”

Kanao offered her a tissue, the one she had offered to Ryu earlier that day, and Ayaka wiped her tears away. “Right… sorry, Kanao.”

The people from the village whispered, her name was the thing most repeated in their conversations along with her parents’. Ayaka pitied them, because it must have been a painful existence, being a despicable person. She, more than anyone, would know.

“Tomoko,” Ayaka exhaled in a tired sigh. The girl slowly got closer and Ayaka took her hands in between hers. “Pray with me.”

A calmness never seen before came from her, because when an unstoppable object stopped, it did so much more strongly than an unstoppable object. So they both prayed together and Tomoko noticed, in relief, that the wrath, the one that had been screaming under Ayaka’s skin, was no more. 

Ayaka prayed for the demon and Ayaka prayed for the villagers to find salvation just like she had.

Then she turned around to Ryu and took a little bag that tinkled when she placed it on his open palm. 

“You really aren’t like them,” she said, making him wrap his hands around the little bag. “Take this money and flee from here, wherever you want, but don’t let anyone hurt you anymore.” She looked down at Tomoko, who cautiously peeled at her with big, hopeful eyes. “Take her with you, too. Run away from here and never come back.”

“Aya-san! You, fiend! What do you think you’re doing!?” The forms of Nanami and Yumiko appeared in between the crowd. Ayaka stared at them, unblinking. “We’re the family of this girl! What do you mean take her away!?”

Tomoko hid under Ayaka’s wet haori at the same time as Nanami, followed by an unsure Yumiko, walked up to them. She was surprised that Nanami was still so brave after she had broken her wrist, the bandages weren’t something she could hide. 

“Aya-san, Tomoko is under our wing… this is-” Yumiko started, softer, only to jump back at the sight of the pink sword on her nose.  

“Civilians are to be protected from demons, Ayaka-san,” Kanao muttered, weakly limping. “I only see demons here, stay away if you don’t want me to cut your heads off. Corps rules.”

Yumiko was the one to hold Nanami in order for her not to lunge at Ayaka. And it was her, too, the one to drag her sister away from them, whispering:

“Leave them, mum is already fed up with her anyway.”

Kanao’s hand settled on top of Tomoko’s head once they disappeared. The unwavering Kanao Tsuyuri trembled. 

“Humans’ blood is different to demons’,” she started, soft only like she was. “You can easily be different, so don’t think you’ll be the same just because you share blood.” 

Tomoko pressed her lips together.

“Then it’s true? My father had that adventure?” 

Kanao nodded. “Like I already said, people who have your blood aren’t necessarily family.”  

She didn’t have the urge to pinch her thighs because those weren’t her feelings, that was just the truth. 

The Sun would come out soon. What was it that the demon had said? That the poison would act completely at sunrise? 

“Tomoko, I need you to look for something in my pocket, a knife,” Ayaka asked one last time. Ryu cautiously watched as Tomoko, doubting, obeyed. Ayaka took the knife from her hands, pulling the pants up and once she saw the white flesh of the thigh, sank it there.

Ryu yelled. “Ah! Aya-san! Why did you do that!?”

Pain made her go back to her senses, to crash headfirst against a wall to stay on her feet. She needs to be conscious for a few hours more.

Ayaka smiled warmly at him and Tomoko. 

“I still have to go back home.” 

Ayaka made Kanao get on her back, because there was no way she could walk all the way to the Butterfly Estate by herself, and they finally set off on their way back. 

“I wish you the best.”

Ryu thought that Ayaka Iwamoto had stopped being a predator, but she wasn’t a prey, either. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“She should be more careful,” muttered Gyoumei Himejima at the shores of the river. The water dragged the remains of the demon, that faded away in dust. “At least she cut the demon’s head off, now I’ll just have to make sure she doesn’t die.” 

He looked in between the sand and the rocks. The black remains didn’t move anything in him, although he kept crying. 

“Namu amida butsu,” he whispered under his breath. “Where is it?”

The scorpion’s tail the demon had beared finally appeared, shimmery and intact, floating in the water. Himejima’s calves got soaked when getting into the river to take it. 

“Namu namu, Ayaka, I didn’t believe you to be so careless, but at least you follow Buddha’s teachings now.” The necklace beads rattled when he clapped his hands, shiny sting in between his huge palms. “I guess I’ll have to give this to Shinobu.”

Chapter Text

“Tanjirou,” someone whispered against his cheek, so close her breath crashed there, warm and comforting breath he had missed. 

The soft touch of something cold playing with his hair made Tanjirou wake up, if only slightly. 

“Tanjirou, wake up.” The cold hand slid to his chin, with such softness he knew it could only come from one person.

Aya smiled at him, kneeling before his bed with a hand caressing his cheek just like she had done after Rui had died back then, on Natagumo mountain. 

The dark brown that had once been pits, just like the blue of Tomioka’s endless oceans, wasn’t there anymore. Instead, small embers of determination came back strongly and made the mountain flourish. Spring, Tanjirou thought, was beautiful, Aya, who carried it with her, more so.

“I’m back home.” 

A loud crash echoed throughout the nursery when Tanjirou threw himself at her and hugged her, both falling back and crashing against the floor. 

Wisteria, that was what he smelt when burying his nose in the gap between her neck and her shoulder. No resentment or fear or anger, there was not even a pinch of hate, neither for her nor for other people. And he was so happy about that. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?” Tanjirou muttered against her uniform. Aya’s arms wrapped around him, embracing, comforting. “You disappeared so suddenly that I couldn’t-”

Aya squeezed just a bit tighter, one of her hands playing with his curls.  

“I’m sorry,” she said, without offering an excuse or blaming someone else. “It was a sudden mission, you were sleeping and it was early, I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“I wouldn’t have cared if you woke me up,” Tanjirou muttered, the dark red of Aya’s haori the only thing he saw. It felt good to be there, so close to Aya and her cold that dissipated the warmth that was sometimes asphyxiating. He didn’t think he wanted to get away from her any time soon. “I just wanted you to tell me, it wouldn’t have mattered that-” 

“Tanjirou,” Aya suddenly cut him off. She laid both elbows on the floor and leaned back, still with him on her lap. “I’m not leaving.”

He had to blink for the words to truly sink in as hers. 

“You’re not?” 

Aya shook her head, smiling, the red ribbon moving along with her. 

“I’m not going anywhere. I don’t have to train with shishou even if I’m a tsuguko. I sent him a crow rejecting his offer just a while ago.” 

“So you’re… not leaving.” Tanjirou repeated under his breath, leaning back overwhelmed. 

She sighed with a joy few times seen on her. Aya didn’t stop smiling, and Tanjirou could only smell the vanilla characteristic of her wisteria that bloomed along with her kindness. 

Aya slowly got closer to him and held his hand. Tanjirou stepped back so she didn’t see his blush.  

“Do you want me to tell you something?” 

She got even closer, whispering with a childish enthusiasm as if it was a secret a little girl told her friend convinced that it was the most precious thing in the world, and trusting him enough to tell.

“I’m gonna stay here, with you and the others. I’ll send a letter to aniki, I’ll apologize to Zenitsu the moment he wakes up and I’ll talk to my parents. I’ll make everything go back to how it used to be, because I love my family, I love aniki, I love shishou, I love them more than anything, more so than being a pillar.” Tanjirou wasn’t able to remember the moment Aya had gotten so close, enough so for their noses to touch, nor when she laid a hand on his cheek or when he wrapped his arms around her again. “And I love you too, Tanjirou.” 

It was easy to untie the red ribbon on Aya’s hair as she finally closed the distance between their lips and kissed him. Tanjirou buried his hand in between the charcoal of her hair and Aya got both hands to the back of his neck, soft in everything that wasn’t killing demons.

Tanjirou must have been burning, slowly being consumed by the torch on his heart that turned brighter and got out of his control. 

Aya slowly backed away from him, not too much, just enough to take a deep breath of air.

“I love you.” Tanjirou confessed in a sigh that came from the deepest part of him, as if he had said that a thousand, a million times, giving her a sweet kiss only a moment later. “Aya,” another short kiss. “I love you.” 

Her hair was soft the more he played with it and Aya’s white hands slid down to his chest, lightly squeezing his shoulders. Tanjirou rose a hand to her cheek, caressing the mole there. 

Aya leaned on it, enjoying the harsh touch at the same time as she looked at him with brown eyes that had nothing but love in them. 

He took a moment to admire her under the moonlight and kissed her again and Aya was sweet and soft and her kisses tasted just like her kindness smelled like. 

A loud crash made Tanjirou open his eyes and he found himself, again, looking up at the patterns on the ceiling.

The Sun had yet to rise and the strong beating of his heart drowned out anything else he could have heard. 

Tanjirou looked to the side of the bed where he found messy sheets. He must have kicked him away while sleeping. The feeling of burning didn’t go away even if he woke up. an incessant tingle tortured his skin, so much he couldn’t even feel the touch of the soft pajamas he was dressed with. 

Another crash came from the distance along with a small, insistent shrill, as if someone was scratching the wood of the floor. 

He wondered if it was Nezuko, in her box now that dawn was soon to follow and trying to distract herself enough to fall asleep. But Nezuko’s box was by the side of his bed. 

The shrill came from the doors of the Butterfly Estate, loud and never ending that turned more grotesque the more it went on. 

The trails of claws were the first thing he saw, plastered on the wall of the entry hall erratically, no clean slashes. It didn’t smell like a demon, Tanjirou was sure about that, but he recognized Kanao’s smell. 

His sense of smell had never lied to him and that was what he found. Kanao sweated generously with trembling eyes, a hand paralyzed above her pocket as if unable to get it in. 

What he didn’t smell was Aya, whose hand was leaning on the trace at the end of the path the scratch had marked down the wall.

She wobbled, sliding further down and ending up on her knees, Kanao still on her back. 

Having trouble breathing she laid her on the floor, sitting by her side. And then she sank her nails on the wooden planks and squeezed as much as she could. 

Kanao was only injured on the leg that hung uselessly but she sweated as much as Aya who, with clenched jaw and claws firmly fixed on the floor, repressed a pained moan as she trembled without rest.

«Go to the Butterfly Estate in case of getting heavily injured» That was a truth and now that she had, Kanao had nothing else to do. Even if there was something that yelled, but in that command there was nothing that told her to ask Ayaka-san if she was okay. And her own will was so small she was unable to flip her coin. 

“Aya,” Tanjirou muttered in confusion, giving a step toward her. From Aya’s mouth the saliva dropped in thin lines, and down her chin, and when she looked at Tanjirou on her eyes he didn’t see brown nor did he see any love, but the red of Muzan Kibutsuji’s, the red of Aya’s old haori with its spider lilies and the red from the blood of his family with their insides in the snow. 

Aya jumped at him, clumsily crashing against his chest and making both of them fall to the floor, getting tangled with each other's limbs.

As close as they were he wasn’t able to smell wisteria, no delicious vanilla and no sweet spring. 

«She’s losing her scent» Tanjirou thought. Terror attacked him with its icy claws right at the heart. «Aya is losing her wisteria scent just like Nezuko lost her smell of candy.»

Aya’s head rubbed further against his chest, slowly going up to his neck and staying there, breathing anxiously.

Her claws didn’t slah Tanjirou nor did they raise against him, simply staying behind his back, arms around him. 

As much of a demon as she appeared to be, Aya was still as strong as always as she squeezed Tanjirou into a hug, and that assured him Aya hadn’t turned into a demon. 

Relief dissipated the terror and Tanjirou returned the hug, trying not to focus on the hazy eyes or the fangs. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

“Round, round, go round, Waterwheel, go round. Go round, and call Mr. Sun. Go round, and call Mr. Sun.”

Ayaka thought about memories from childhood, afternoons spent with Yuu, singing and playing. She wished she wouldn’t have had to be tied down to a bed to do so, that Yuu hadn’t been forced to sit down by her side to play, that he hadn’t been forced to stay by her side instead of being able to run and jump. She had been happy, in blissful ignorance enjoying the hard boiled rice and her parents’ love. She had eaten mochi on New Years with her grandmother and she had celebrated the harvests just like any other kid.   

“I’m home,” Ayaka whispered, trying desperately not to squirm in pain. “I’m home… home… home…” 

And so they sang and sang until their throats ached and laughing was something they had been doing for hours. 

“Birds, bugs, beasts, grass, trees, flowers. Bring spring and summer, fall and winter. Round, round, go round, Waterwheel, go round. Go round, and call Mr. Sun. Go round, and call Mr. Sun”

«I’ll make everything go back to how it used to be.» Her own promise echoed like thunder in the night. «We’ll sing and be happy again. In the end, I don’t know how to, but I promise I’ll make everything go back to how it used to be.»

Something small and warm moved up and down over her back, it was rough and brought her a wave of comfort.

Tanjirou rubbed circles on Ayaka’s back. And she allowed herself to fall languid over him, all tension melting away from her body and slowly sliding out of her.

“Mister Sun… Mister… Sun… Sun… Sun… Sun…” she repeated time and time again, burying her nose deeper in a place she didn’t know to smell the charcoal. Charcoal meant protection, she’d be safe as long as she was with the charcoal, that was something her human part whispered.

«I missed you» That thought suddenly appeared in her mind, making her grab desperately onto the soft cloth that covered something warm in the process. «I missed you so much.»

Being here, in between the arms of Mister Sun, felt just like singing with Yuu again, like eating mochi with her grandma and like playing karuta with her parents. 

“Mister Sun,” Ayaka asked with a tugging voice. “Embrace… embrace.. embrace me… mister Sun.” 

And mister Sun did, so strongly he snatched her breath away, but like this, feeling loved, Ayaka found an inch of the drunk and childish happiness from her childhood.

So she stayed with the charcoal and the safety that came from him. The charcoal would never hurt her, the charcoal would never want to see her get hurt, the charcoal loved her and she wished she could have loved him the same way. 

She could have stayed there, even if the poison made her flesh rot and only left her bones, even if her veins burned and her blood boiled. She wouldn’t have cared as long as she could smell the charcoal. 

But Ayaka’s mind travelled somewhere and with her also travelled her demonic senses, there was something that smelled  more like home than this one. Out in the garden, on the wooden planks of the porch. 

Sins had a very specific smell. At first they smelled like darkness, ashes and hell flames along with apples poisoned in temptation and bathed on the metal of blood. If one was a demon the apples rotted and they turned into disgusting oil. It didn’t matter if it was the human’s blood or the demon’s oil, because the red spider lilies were born from there, as the ultimate symbol of perdition.

In Nezuko’s case, whose only sin had been to turn into a demon, they were only clean ashes. Then, when the sins turned lighter and one did what was right, they turned white and clean, jasmine, lilies, even wisteria if the person had been someone especially good and merciful. 

But redeemed sins weren’t one or the other, they didn’t smell like apples nor did they smell like flowers. Instead, they smelled like both.

Ayaka started to growl softly, the more she felt that smell the less she focused on the charcoal. 

“Home, home, home, home.”

Mister Sun felt under his arms how she let go of him, struggling against his hold the louder she growled. 

For the second time Tanjirou confused Aya with Nezuko, because in that moment, she growled just like his sister had. The most similar to her, however, was that Aya smelled just like Nezuko. 

Just like Nezuko when she had tried to kill him.

Aya struggled more, pushing against his chest for him to let her go and to finally kill whoever had her so angry. A spark in the form of smell, that was everything she had needed to be consumed by fury. 

Tanjirou held her wrists and she fought, even more endlessly, kicking and trying to scratch him to the best of her ability. 

“Aya, stop! What’s wrong!? Does it hurt!?” 

Finally she laid her foot on the ground. Even bent down as Tanjirou held onto her wrists, she struggled, tugging back with all her might. When she saw it was useless she kicked him on the stomach with her tsuneate and that made Tanjirou let go of her wrists with a pained squeak. 

She tried to walk over him, to use him as a platform to jump, but Tanjirou’s determination was strong and he got to grab her haori. Aya was pushed back and crashed against Tanjirou, as they both rolled over the floor before a sweaty Kanao, who watched the scene with doe eyes.

Aya went back to her feet as Tanjirou tugged the wisteria plastered on white cloth, desperately trying to grab onto something solid, an arm, a leg, even a finger, but he wasn’t fast enough because Aya tugged one last time and the haori slid from her shoulders. Tanjirou fell back with it and now that she saw herself free, Aya ran, wherever she wanted to go.

“Home, home, home, home.”

Oyalata-sama’s haori stayed on Tanjirou’s hand when he ran after her, yelling her name as if expecting for Aya to recognize it, but she didn’t even turn around. She smelled of wrath, now that the smell of wisteria was gone, there was only wrath. 

But it was different. Aya had always been furious with someone, but from that burning wrath there was nothing left. That wasn’t like the other. It wasn’t bitter, only salty, as if born from her own tears, and it looked like it had always been there, only covered by the more violent smell of the other one. 

Aya ran through the Butterfly Estate and finally reached the doors to the garden. For some reason, when going out, Tanjirou heard her growling come to a sudden halt.

He found her paralyzed, fighting to breath and with both fists at the sides of her waist, blood pouring from them. As if she had squeezed so tightly she made herself bleed.

Makoto smiled at them both, soft as always. There was something behind that smile that said he already knew this would happen. He didn’t look horrified at the fangs on Aya and he didn’t look horrified at everything else. 

“I have everything under control,” he muttered, averting his gaze to Tanjirou, who held tighter onto Oyakata-sama’s haori. “You can leave it to me.”

Tanjirou took one last breath of air and looked at Aya, who stayed looking at her father. Blood continued to pour down her palms.

He gave a step back and finally left, still with the haori on his hands. It was the only thing that remained smelling of wisteria. 

Makoto looked at him as he left, finally turning around to face his daughter. 

“Do you wanna look at the sunrise with me, Ayaka?” Her father offered, patting his lap. She continued to stare, intensely, but never daring to growl or show him the fangs. 

“O... O… okay,” she managed to mutter with hazy eyes, slowly kneeling before her father and leaning her head on his lap.  

Ayaka coughed, a weak and small cough, so pathetic it was pitiful to see her. 

The blush on her cheeks remained although Yuu wasn’t close and there was nothing to be ashamed of. Leaning her head against her father’s knees, on the porch of their house as they both stared out, at the great storms that left their kindness fall over the rice fields. 

It rained, which meant the rice would grow healthy and they’d be able to eat as much as they wanted that winter, without worrying about smaller portions to pay Ayaka’s medicine or giving up buying pretty clothes. That brought her happiness. 

“And seeing his clan was in danger, Nobunaga took the decision to bravely confront the forty thousand men with just three thousand soldiers,” Makoto narrated, caressing Ayaka’s hair who looked at him with wide open eyes.

“Did he win? Did Nobunaga manage to win?” She covered her mouth with both hands, giggling. “He’s been fighting against his family to take over his clan, he can’t die now! He must lead the family now that his father's dead! I’m sure he did a super strategy and killed Imagawa!” 

Makoto played with one of her strands of hair, never ceasing to smile.

“If you keep interrupting, I won’t be able to tell you what happened.”

Ayaka puffed her cheeks out, crossing her arms over her chest and looking somewhere else. A moment passed until she muttered again. 

“Then did he do a super strategy or not?” 

“Yes, he did a super strategy,” her father nodded in a defeated sigh. 

She yelled in joy. 

“I’m sure Nobunaga could have defeated even the emperor if he had wanted!” She imitated a sword tearing someone else’s insides. “Nobunaga Oda defeats his enemies once more! Invincible Nobunaga, invincible Nobunaga! He’ll unify Japan and will end all wars!”

Makoto weakly chuckled. “Nobunaga couldn’t unify Japan by himself, don’t rush ahead.” 

Ayaka looked at him as if he had said the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard.  

“But Nobunaga was the strongest, I’m sure he could have defeated them all,” she said with a pout. Then, more cheerfully, she exclaimed. “Some day I want to be like Nobunaga! I’ll get you and mom a palace and you won’t have to worry about food anymore! My rice fields will always be gold and since I’ll be a strong samurai you won’t have to by me any medicine! You’ll dress with silk clothes everyday and Yuu will live with us too! All of us will be happy and-!”

Her voice was harshly interrupted when Ayaka was forced to flinch, being overwhelmed by a coughing fit. 

“The samurais age has already come to an end,” Makoto said, softly patting the back of an Ayaka with teary eyes. “You wouldn't be able to be like Nobunaga, at least not the Nobunaga you believe him to be.”

Ayaka relaxed on his lap, the rain clattering nonstop and bringing with it the cold wind that made her shiver. 

She played with the ends of Makoto’s clothes, a frown displayed on her face.

“Yeah… I already know that, but it would be nice, right?” She turned around to look at her father’s face. “But over being a samurai, I think I’d just prefer the rice fields, so you and mum never get hungry.”

Makoto’s smile widened. 

“Hmmm, is that what you want?” Ayaka shily nodded, turning around so her nose rubbed against his stomach. “You’re a very kind and good person, A-chan.

She looked at him in wonder. 

“And why is that? I just love you and mom, I also love Yuu and Kobayashi-san, and Fluff too, do you think he’ll like living in a palace? He’ll leave fur everywhere but-” Ayaka interrupted herself when feeling a drop fall on her cheek, wondering if the rain had reached the porch. When a second one came, she raised her gaze to realize that the water came from her father’s eyes. She got her feet in a hurry, leaving the lap she had been so comfortable in. “Dad! What’s wrong!? Did I say something that upset you!?” 

He squeezed her tighter against his chest in a way that Ayaka could only feel how her kimono got soaked, buried her nose in between his clothes.

“You’re such a kind person and that makes me… happy,” he muttered against his daughter’s head. “That you aren’t like me makes me happy. I also hope you get those golden rice fields you want so much.” 

“Dad,” Ayaka worriedly called the more he soaked her clothes. 

“D… dad…” 

Her father’s lap now felt smaller, but even if it was uncomfortable to lean her head there and Ayaka’s neck ached, she didn’t care. 

She blinked to find that her hands had moved on their own, sinking the claws on her father’s knees and tainting them further with blood. 

And when she looked up, he was pitifully smiling.

“You’re angry at me, right?” He started, never letting out any pained hiss. “I’m sorry.” 

Ayaka’s red eyes stayed fixed on him and his face, the wrinkles that spoke of years of work, the brown on the eyes, the smile that never left his mouth. Ayaka squeezed on his knees tighter. He bled more, but there was no reaction from him apart from a slight furrow of his brow that disappeared as soon as it came.

“What do you… what do you… mean?” 

That was the first time Ayaka saw her father abandon his smile and squint. Had he ever looked so serious? 

“You’re angry because I chose kindness over you and your mother.” 

Ayaka shook her head, looking at the green of the garden. The claws squeezed tighter. 

“No… no.. that’s not… no… I hate the village… the village… I hate the village… Because of what they did… of what they did to us..” 

Her father grabbed her cheeks to force her to look at him, the harsher Makoto had ever been. 

“You’re angry because I let them take advantage of us, and I preferred to do that over not being kind.” 

She struggled against him, but the claws were already sinking deep on her father’s flesh. 

“No… that’s not… true.” 

“Then why are you angry?” His father asked, making Ayaka look him in the eye as he kept her head still. 

Ayaka growled and tried to get away from his touch.

“Because… because you… Angry because you… don’t hate me.” She huffed, still struggling against his grasp although never leaving his lap. “Because I left… I left and you don’t… don’t hate me. I’m angry because you don’t hate me… It makes me… angry… yell… hit… hit me… what… whatever you want but do something.... after the way… the way I treated you… after everything… why are you still… like this? why are you like this? I want you to do something… I don’t care what it is.. but stop allowing others to walk… to walk… to walk over you.” 

Makoto seemed to pity her even if he was the one being walked over. The first rays of sunlight started to peek, bit by bit lighting the roof of the Butterfly Estate.

“I can’t do that, as much as I love you, I cannot,” he weakly muttered, that time without daring ay a hand on her. “I’ve wanted to live the way my mother left for me on her last breath, even if I sacrificed you and your mother on the way.” 

Ayaka’s breathing was shaggy. “But you… you suffered… too?” 

His father averted his gaze towards the horizon, slightly frowning. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“No?” Ayaka wondered, as if that made everything she ever knew crumble down. 

Her parents suffered, her parents burned and her parents were miserable because they sacrificed their happiness for other people. That had always been true, ever since Ayaka could see, what did he mean by no?

“I spent a long time walking over others.” A deep sigh came from the darkest part of Makoto’s chest. “And I think hurting other people is… more painful than sacrificing other things… And I preferred for others to look at us over their shoulder instead of being a bad son. I’ve always know, that those people hated us, and I never cared. Although it must be hard to believe, you’re not the only one who can see that kind of stuff. But I didn’t know the consequences would affect you so much, or your mother either. I should have thought about it, but I’m just as selfish as you, I was only kind to follow my mother’s words. I’m not kind the way your mother is, Ayaka, I was only satisfying my own ego. I’m sorry.”

She finally frowned and pursed her lips back, daring to show him the sharp fans.

“I… hate you.” Ayaka’s voice was muffled against her father. “I… hate you… hate you.., hate you.. .hate you… all this time… all this time… I’ve hated you for being… weak... and pathetic.. weak, pathetic man… pathetic.. pathetic… you let them walk over you… you let them walk over us… I hate you… hate you… hate you…” 

“I’m sorry you hate me.” The only thing her father did was caress her hair, even when the fangs shone in the darkness. “It really wasn’t my intention to make you feel like this, I guess that wasn’t very kind of me.,, not that I’m a kind person to begin with.”

Ayaka shook her head once again and got closer to his stomach, wrapping her arms around him. 

“No... no he’s not that… Dad… is a very kind person.” She stopped for a moment to take in a deep breath. “Don’t lie… dad’s kind, because he’s always been… good… no matter what… so don’t lie… dad’s a very… very kind person.”

Makoto smiled, all sadness dissipating from his expression as his eyebrows relaxed.

“Is that what you think?” Ayaka’s nose rubbed against his clothes when nodding. Makoto dared touch her cheek, Ayaka didn’t flinch. “I’m glad you think so… But it’s nothing special.” 

“Spe… special?” She repeated in confusion. 

Dawn’s sunlight slowly descended upon the Butterfly Estate’s roof, banishing the demons to somewhere away until night fell again. 

“Yeah,” he nodded. Ayaka was now holding his hand, his daughter’s skin was much colder than usual. “Even if not everyone around you will be kind and not everyone will be good, you have to stay on your feet and defend what you believe is right despite what everyone else says. That’s what truly means to be a mountain.”

Ayaka’s face slightly peeked from in between his clothes, the place she had chosen to hide, and looking at him with eyes wide open. 

“You didn’t… you didn’t hate the village?” 

Her father tilted his head to the side. 

“Did you?”

“Yes.” Ayaka answered without a doubt. “I hated… them… but if I continue… doing so… then… then I won’t be able to live a peaceful life… I won’t feed the hate… nor the fury… anymore… Hurting other people… that way of living… it must hurt… So I refuse… to hate them anymore.”

Makoto brought a hand up to his chin, seemingly in thought. 

“Then what will you do? Will you love them?” 

She stayed silent. Her father sighed, allowing all tension to slide off his shoulders. 

The butterflies fluttered in between the flowers, like fish swimming in between the reefs at the bottom of the sea. 

A dark sea in which Ayaka never learned to swim. The butterflies fluttered around Takeshi’s head on the ground, who showed her a pair of fangs just like hers. 

“No… No, I will not love them…” Ayaka finally muttered. “They do not… deserve it… But I… I guess… my compassion… I can give them as much…” 

The sea was asphyxiating the more Ayaka spent on it unable to swim, but now she managed to stay above the waves. Somehow, there was something floating she could grab onto in order to breathe. 

“That’s a bold declaration, isn’t it? You even look like a mountain,” Makoto said, smiling at her. There was the compassion again. “I did love them… it’s a pity they couldn’t love me back.” 

Ayaka looked at her father, at the warm brown eyes she had inherited.

“I think… I think I’m dying,” she whispered, when the Sun rose completely and illuminated Makoto’s figure. “Will it hurt? Dad… will it hurt?” 

He bent down to kiss her forehead. 

“It won’t hurt, I promise.” He assured, the light of the candles weakly staggering on its last moments. 

For some reason, Ayaka had the feeling that this would be the last time she’d see her father. 

The poison finally kicked in and she closed her eyes. Not much time passed for her to relax and turn languid on his lap as the hold she’d had on her father’s hand melted away, hand slowly going down. 

“Ara, ara, as reckless as her aniki.” 

Shinobu Kochou’s form appeared from the corner, one hand on her waist and a syringe ready on the other. 

“Please, Himejima-san, don’t ask me such things out of the blue, hmmm?” She warned, smiling, at the Stone Pillar behind her. “You have a certainly rude tsuguko.”

Shinobu was covered as Himejima stepped in, the red beads around his toned arms clattering when he clapped. 

“Namu amida butsu,” he muttered. The river of tears so characteristic of him shone under the sunlight of dawn. “Sorry about the trouble, Shinobu. Ayaka is usually more careful, I don’t know what happened this time. I must thank you for this.” murmura. 

Shinobu offered a vague wave to brush it off as she kneeled before Ayaka, giving the syringe a light flick before injecting it on her neck. 

Instantly, Ayaka’s skin acquired a much more alive colour, contrasting with the pitiful greyish white. 

“No problem. Just make sure your tsuguko doesn’t make Kanao break any more bones.” Shinobu dedicated Himejima a closed eyed smile. “That demon could have easily been killed. Ayaka must have done something really stupid to end up like this.” 

She got up and brushed the dust away from her knees in two swift wrist flicks. As fast as she came, Shinobu disappeared in a flutter, the haori with the butterfly motif being the last thing seen of her, 

Slowly, Ayaka stopped trembling. The claws turned smaller, the fangs stopped appearing sharp and the blood dissipated from the earth on her eyes behind the closed eyelids. 

Himejima laid a hand on his tsuguko’s head, over Makoto’s.  

“Please take care of my daughter in my stead,” he asked the Stone Pillar. Himejima may have been blind, but you didn’t have to see to notice the pain in the voice of Ayaka’s father. 

“Of course,” he said, as stoic as a Buddha statue if not because of the tears. 

Makoto thanked him with his last breath, the sight of his mother on the horizon rising along with the Sun. She looked so much like his daughter. 

Silently, Himejima took Ayaka on his arms. He passed over the flowers and he passed over the nursery. Kanao didn’t look, sitting on one of the beds there with Shinobu cursing her breath as she checked her leg. 

“Aya…” Himejima abruptly stopped, turning around to hear more clearly at whoever had called his disciple’s name. 

Tanjirou clutched to Oyakata-sama’s haori on his hand which was the only thing left of her. Aya had decided to go with Himejima, she had prefered to abandon him over staying and seeing him burn down. Hadn’t she said that it would be painful? And that if he turned into someone like her father, she’d hate him? 

«But you don’t care about that» The furious Aya on his head hissed. «You’d prefer for me to stay, you’d prefer for me to get hurt over abandoning you! And you’re so goddamn selfish because of it! How dare you wish such a thing!?»

“The demon kid.” Himejima recognized his voice. “Do you need anything?” 

Tanjirou looked at Aya’s face, leaning on her master’s chest. She was peacefully sleeping, this way she wouldn't get burned by the fire of his selfishness, and that was what she had wanted. 

“No,” Tanjirou said, bringing the haori up to his chest. “I don’t need anything.” 

Himejima turned around again, walking in all his huge glory towards the door, but Tanjirou stopped him again.  

“Himejima-san.” He stayed quiet before the milky eyes of the Stone Pillar. He was, truly, immune to all the gazes from both the disciples and the master. “Have a nice trip.”  

He nodded before going out the door, he had to bend down in order not to hit his head. Tanjirou didn’t diver his gaze away from him until he disappeared.

When he turned around, Zenitsu let out a high pitched scream.

“Tanjirou, uh… she,” he hesitantly started, following Tanjirou to where the gods knew without being able to see the expression on his face. “A-chan asked me not to tell you anything and…”

He shook his head, folding Aya’s haori and leaving it on the bed. Zenitsu stayed still, expectant. What he received from him was the same smile from the usual Tanjirou.

“Let’s go train, Zenitsu,” he said, brushing away the last speck of dust from Aya’s haori and starting to walk towards the training hall. “Like this you won’t get to use Full Focus Breathing all the time.” 

“But A-chan...” Zenitsu tried again. 

“Aya decided to go with her master.” Tanjirou shrugged, warm like summer suns. “In the end that was what she wanted, to train in order to become a pillar. And who am I to oppose.”

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

In between the muffled senses and the white feelings, Ayaka dreamed about a demon.

The Butterfly Estate was as empty as it could be, taking into account the Sun hadn’t come out yet.

Kanao’s injuries weren't much, at least, Ayaka guessed, not for someone like her.

Kanao Tsuyuri, tsuguko and the one who saw just as much as Ayaka. Being a tsuguko had to do with strength, and even if Kanao didn’t blink, sigh or even mutter any words unless she wasn’t told to, she was still better than Ayaka. Faster, smarter, lighter, and that had nothing to do with Kanao’s passivity nor with her similarities to a brittle flower. And as much as Ayaka was a mountain and as much as Ayaka was a stone statue that could have had Buddha Amida’s face plastered on it, she was still inferior to a weak and simple flower.

But mountains had always shown compassion towards the weak flowers, hadn’t they? They allow for them to bury their roots in obscure gaps far above, like a point of colour where there should only be stone, but there it was, and Kanao was the kind of flower that could survive winter, after all, she had closed off her petals for a winter much worse than this one.

That was why Ayaka found herself covering Kanao’s legs in bandages, doing her best with a small frown and tongue slightly peeking in between her teeth in concentration. Who could have thought someone that had spent so much time in between cotton and syrup wouldn’t be able to clean even the smallest of cuts.

“Ayaka-san,” Kanao weakly called, and that made her raise her gaze. “There’s someone by the door.”

“Who the hell would be awake at-?” Her voice got choked down when seeing Yuu, eyes carrying heavy and black balls.

“Ah, you…” Ayaka muttered, getting her gaze back to Kanao’s injuries, spread all over her white legs. Although she was backwards to him, Ayaka looked at Yuu by the corner of her eye, the heaviness to his form, the sweat that made his hair shine unpleasantly. She didn’t like it. “What are you doing out of bed so early?”

Yuu scrunched his nose up in a way that wasn’t normal, too furious for it to be him.

“Well, sorry for not being able to sleep, not all of us have sweet dreams,” he bitterly barked, distractedly taking the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. Something under Ayaka’s skin pulsed strongly at the sight, and that melted all tension her body could have held.

“You... that’s not... that wasn’t what I…” she whispered, ears fastly turning red, fortunately hidden under her hair.

Yuu ignored her and laid a hand on the bed Kanao was sitting on, as his eyes lazily traveled across the bloody mess in which Ayaka had turned her bandages into. They were lynx eyes, she noticed, black and empty, all stars having fallen to his cheeks, and on them, with a simple look, Ayaka found a different Yuu to the one she knew. It wasn’t the one that tormented her during the night as much as his eyes drilled holes on her.

When his gaze turned so judging she couldn’t ignore it, Ayaka threw her hands up in the air and turned around to him.

“What?”

He simply pointed with a finger.

“You’re doing it wrong.”

Her cheeks burned red when she spoke:

“I already know that.” Ayaka continued to play with the cloth that as much as she tried didn’t stay around where she wanted it to stay. “If you’re gonna be muttering things like that then-”

“Oh, shut up,” Yuu told her, shoving her to the side and taking on his hands the task Ayaka had left half assed. “Leave it to me, will you? Kanao doesn’t deserve to be a victim of your pride.”

Ayaka puffed her cheeks out and furrowed her eyebrows, the patterns on the ceiling appeared much more interesting than the nocturne sky on Yuu’s eyes.

He unrolled and got rid of the bandages Ayaka had turned useless, doing so with the ease Ayaka had shown when beheading demons on the Fujikasane mountain.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” she muttered to herself, slightly backing away. Yuu leaned his head to the side, squinting.

“Nightmare.”

That explained it all.

Before Ayaka could say anything else Yuu got up, leaving behind an impeccable bandaging. Kanao blinked, without showing gratefulness or ungratefulness. When Yuu spent a while looking at her, expecting, it was Ayaka the one to talk.

“She’s just like that. Don’t worry about it.”

Ayaka stretched out a hand to Kanao, she flipped her coin and ended up accepting it, giving a light jump when getting down the bed.

“All ready, butterfly girl.” Ayaka gave the tiniest step towards her, enough so to whisper on her ear. Kanao didn’t tremble when she did, nor when Ayaka got a strong hold on her wrist. “Even if you’re a doll, you still bleed, and I greatly doubt Lady Shinobu likes that, so at least take your coin and decide not to.”

Kanao’s purple eyes flew up to Yuu’s face, who lazily stuck a finger on his ear. It seemed he hadn’t heard her, and the tiniest thought of him doing so brought with it the urge to pinch her legs.

So she flipped her coin, and instead, she found Ayaka’s face, golden, smiling and blinding. It disappeared as soon as she saw it, being welcome with heads “yes” (yes, go on, pinch your legs) and Kanao could do nothing but sweat.

Her hands trembled over the skirt, legs under it waiting for her to print bloody moons as always. But Ayaka looked at her, fists on both sides of her waist, expectant. She knew what was painted on her face (don’t pinch your legs you idiot doll) and that’s what Kanao repeated on her mind (don’t pinch your legs you idiot doll, don’t pinch your legs you idiot doll, don’t pinch your legs you idiot doll) and she gets to muffle the coin (yes, go on) (no, do not). So Kanao nodded, slowly, and got out of the room, both pairs of eyes that have known each other for a lifetime following her until she disappeared.

“Kanao is weird,” Yuu pointed out furrowing his brow when neither of them could see her.

“Not any more than I am,” Ayaka remarked, side eyeing him with raised eyebrows.

“Do you believe she has the same sight you do?” He continued, turning around to her.

“I don’t believe it, I know she does.” Ayaka shrugged, leaning back on the bed because her legs hurt too much and going to the nursery while kneeling before Kanao for a while was starting to take its toll.

The huff Yuu exhaled from the deepest part on his chest should have belonged to someone with decades behind him, not to a boy that was barely sixteen years old.

“Did you get to see your aniki?”

Maybe age accumulated throughout the past lifes one had behind, because Ayaka sounded exactly like him when sighing the same way.

“Lady Shinobu didn’t let me go in, I ended up sleeping against the door waiting for him to come out.”

Yuu pushed down a tired chuckle that turned into a snore.

“At least you got some sleep.”

Ayaka’s eyes travelled from one side of the room to the other in silence. She scratched her cheek, so nervously she thought about Kanao when someone talked to her.

“Your mother?”

Yuu’s “yeah” was silent and simple, like nipping something in the bud.

“I didn’t know that no sleep gave you such an attitude,” Ayaka commented under her breath.

Exhaustion was what Yuu’s long stare transmitted. The nocturne sky must have missed its stars.

“Everyone gets an attitude when getting no sleep,” he growled. “I'm not the exception, you know?”

There had always been things to escape her eyes, after all.

“You’re not?” She looked genuinely confused. “You don’t usually get angry, like how you don’t usually get along with kids or how you’re a coward and-”

Yuu leaned his cheek against his hand and sighed, which made Ayaka stop. His jaw tensed along with his fists.

“Why do you keep assuming things about other people?”

She blinked, confused.

“A… assume?”

Yuu bit his lip. Ayaka looked at him in childish curiosity.

“What are you talking about?” She questioned, tilting her head to the side. “You’ve never liked kids, have you? And you’ve always been a coward, I don’t understand what-”

“I’m not the kid I was when I was eleven, Ayaka!” The way his voice lashed out at her made Ayaka have the urge to give a step back, to hide from the Yuu of her nightmares. “I’m not the kid from back then, and I’m not whatever fantasy you’ve created on your mind about me! So stop believing you can see everything with those hellish eyes of yours and accept what’s right in front of you!”

By the time he was done, his breathing came out in huffs and Ayaka could do nothing but squirm, nervously trying to put distance between them.

Little by little Yuu’s furrowed brow melted at the sight and Ayaka was finally able to stop trembling when Yuu went back to the way she expected him to be.

“Sorry,” Yuu pitifully started.

She didn’t dare look him in the face.

“You’re scary when you yell,” she whispered at the floor, helplessly clutching to the sheets on the bed as if that’d do something.

“Right…” Yuu scratched the back of his neck. “I’m scary, am I not?”

Ayaka’s silence was enough of an answer.

“Sorry about that.” Yuu only offered.

A bitter chuckle echoed in the nursery.

“I think that my legs still don’t work.” Ayaka finally looked up at Yuu’s skies. “Get me to aniki’s room, hm?”

And without complain, that’s what Yuu did.

Ayaka would have expected what she already knew, a closed door without a way for her to open it and countless hours leaning against it until Genya got out or Shinobu allowed her to go in. What she found, instead, was a mohawk.

The holes on his body were nowhere to be seen. She had forgotten that happened.

Even so Ayaka couldn’t stop looking at his chest, where the biggest one had been and where she had been able to see through. But his chest was full, clean, as if nothing had happened and the hole the size of a head had been but a fantasy.

If she hadn’t seen it with her own two eyes, she would have said he was fine a few hours ago.

Her gaze was so intense that when Genya looked back, Ayaka didn’t realize.

“Are you gonna look at me all day?”

That made her skip a bit, leaning against Yuu and getting her eyes up to his face, where Genya had a furrowed brow. If she hadn’t known him she would have thought him to be angry, but she recognized it as the way his face naturally was and she simply had to accept that as something that was his.

Ayaka blinked, eyes going back to his chest and then to his face again a few times until she got dizzy. When she had no other option but to look him in the eyes, small, sharp, black, like a beast’s, Ayaka spoke:

“How… how have you been?”

There were a thousand things she wanted to tell him, people she had met and places she had gone to, “how have you been?” was none of those things.

“Oh, now you worry about me?” Genya sounded accusing, accusing enough for it to hurt. “I’ve never cared about crows, but they’re useful for something, you know? Sending letters, for example.”

"Ani-" Ayaka coughed to abruptly stop herself, all while letting Yuu adjust her on his arms. Her aniki didn’t pay any attention to him. “Genya.”

He pursed his lips as if wanting to growl at her, stomping her way. Ayaka would have stepped back if not because Yuu was holding her.

“Let’s make something clear, I’m not your family for you to walk over.” Genya’s warm breath crashed against her face the closer he was. “I’m not gonna stay quiet and smile, you understand?”

So few was the distance between them that Ayaka’s chest jolted, so fearsome was her aniki’s appearance that Ayaka’s voice faltered.

“What-?”

«This was what you had seen coming from so afar and even so you’re not prepared, how pathetic.»

“Do you know how much time it’s been ever since the Final Selection?” Genya exhaled a snort and she could see coming from him waves of anger and gunpowder, like how only his essence and his weapon were, the weapon he used to kill demons with. The same with which he appeared to bury poisoned bullets on Ayaka’s chest along with every word he said.

She was forced to set both feet on the floor, always holding onto Yuu’s forearm because she knew that if not she wouldn’t be able to stand on her own feet by herself.

“The… Final Selection?” Yes, the Final Selection, the one when Ayaka had first seen Kanao Tsuyuri and the one when Tanjirou had broken her aniki’s arm.

«A long time» Ayaka admitted in her mind, knowing the heavy weight that came from recognizing the guilt of one’s actions. «It’s been a long time.»

It was because she knew how heavy it was that she didn’t.

“And what the hell do you want?” She gave him a dismissive gesture. “I don’t have to send you any letter if I don’t want to.”

Memories of her stay in the wisteria house came to her mind, apart from sleeping on sunflower fields and braiding orange strands, a crow coming in through the window with a letter on its beak. A letter on its beak signed by aniki.

Genya continued stomping towards her, steps echoing all throughout the Butterfly Estate, grabbing her by the collar of her clothes so harshly Ayaka was forced to stay on her tiptoes in order for him not to lift her over the floor.

“I’m tired of your bullshit, you spoiled brat!” Their noses touched now and Ayaka could do nothing but frown. “Do you know what your name means, huh!? Do you!?”

“Of course I know!” She yelled, as Genya shook her from side to side. That didn’t seem to be the answer he wanted.

“Ayaka is a beautiful name, it’s a name that was lovingly chosen for you only! Do you know what Genya means!? Because I assure you it’s not something as pretty as colourful flower, you ungrateful bastard!”

“Let me go!” Ayaka’s fists started to hit against her aniki’s chest. “You’d never know what it is to be in my place! You don’t understand!”

Genya finally let go of her, letting her crash against the floor with a thud. Yuu stared at it all from where he had been, unmoving, lips tensely pressed together.

“That’s bullshit!” Genya exclaimed, hovering high above her. “You’re just a coward that can’t see anything!”

From the floor he looked much more fearsome. From the floor, Genya didn’t look like the thug Ayaka had grown to expect from him.

And just happening, Genya ended up on the floor too. Ayaka’s knuckles pulsed and he brought a hand up to his stomach, where she had punched him.

There was nothing else, only silence. Ayaka looked at her aniki and it was soon when regret bloomed in a frozen mountain where nothing should be able to flourish. But her winter had always been too merciful for it to be the winter she desired.

Ayaka’s gaze, for once, wasn’t unbreakable when looking at the way Genya flinched in pain.

“I haven’t made you end up as ashes in an urn because your parents and Shishou would cry at your funeral,” Genya muttered, small and wide open eyes on her. “But to me, you’re dead.”

«No, this isn’t what I wanted. This isn’t-»

And everything kept falling down the cliff, to blame on her wavering determination.

“Very well then! I don’t want to do anything with a demon like you!” Ayaka yelled, squeezing her eyes shut. She stopped for a moment to swallow and bit the lip that didn’t stop trembling as much as she sank her teeth there, and to stop the sob that had been a sigh away from coming out.

Genya stayed still, as paralyzed as a statue of the Buddha Amida. That was a trait he shared with her as much as he did with Himejima-shishou, and it was more painful the more he looked at her.

But she knew her aniki wasn’t her aniki, right? That all those times he had taken care of her were simply because Himejima-san asked him to, because he was forced to do so. And as much as she had enjoyed their fights and as much as she had loved him back then, Genya didn’t love her like an imoto because he had never called her as such and they had simply no other option but to live together.

She didn’t pay attention to the letters her aniki sent or how, if he had wanted to, her aniki could have been much tougher with her while living together. Because she could only look at one thing at once, and that time, she decided to look at the bad one. Just like how she had been doing ever since discovering Yuu could be as good or bad or how in the people on the village there was nothing good to look at.

“Fuck off,” Genya said unblinking, getting up and disappearing in the endless corridors of the Butterfly Estate.

Yuu finally sighed and kneeled before Ayaka, who stayed on the floor with sight somewhere far away.

“That was your aniki?” Yuu asked, grabbing her by the shoulders to help her scramble up to her feet.

Ayaka didn’t answer.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

When she woke up, the only demon left was her.

It was normal for Ayaka to be in bed for a long time, so the feeling of confusion, twilight on its earlier phase and finding herself on Himejima-shishou’s estate didn’t overwhelm her.

She had collapsed as a child countless times, again and again, however, that there was no one in the room was new.

The absence of tears had been, at the start, something Ayaka had liked.

Her parents’ absence had brought with it the absence of their tears, and she had been relieved, because always, one way or another, someone cried when she was sick, because she was slowly dying and there was nothing to do about it. Even so they cried, soaking the covers that kept her warm like one would cry over a corpse, and she always had to see them, because she saw too much and not enough at the same time.

Although her sweet parents had nothing to do with her being born weak. And after they were no more Genya and Himejima-shishou had come, both tough men, right? But as if the shadow of her parents chased her Himejima-shishou cried over her all the time, he prayed for her soul and well-being just like how her father had before a small shrine and just how her mother had imitated him, and Himejima-shishou had nothing to do with her not being strong either. Genya had spilled tears too, over the pale and sweaty body of his imoto whose soul appeared to escape from in between her fingertips. Why did everyone cry? Because of someone weak and brittle that couldn’t even control her feelings, who had turned into a demon because of it and would have to carry that sin for the rest of her life?

Everyone cried because of her and she couldn’t stand it, because they shouldn’t, not a single one of them.

She had hated for them to do so and even then, now that there was no one left to do just that, Ayaka had the urge to cry for herself on their place.

The sight of shishou’s house was, without a doubt, a familiar scene. That was true, just like waking up after being on death’s door, what wasn’t familiar, instead, was how cold and empty the Stone Pillar’s residence felt.

Ayaka only had to take a moment to realize it was because there was no one else. Ah, but she had already experimented that before. She had gotten sick, when she was eleven still, and Yuu hadn’t visited her. She remembered that right, at the start of the period in which he behaved in a strange way and she couldn’t predict what he’d do with her eyes. That time the blame of being alone fell entirely on her shoulders, not on someone else’s.

The clothes she wore weren’t her uniform, instead, she found simple light purple cloth, and Ayaka guessed she had to thank her shishou for that.

«Coward» the girl in the purple kimono whispered. Ayaka slid from under the covers and got out of bed, walking past her without daring to send any glance her way until she disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

“Maybe if she stopped repeating things I already know, my conscience would be a better help,” Ayaka muttered, kneeling before a small table in the room and grabbing both ink and paper.

The white presented before her like an uncertain future, the brush trembled above it, and she wondered why it moved so much. Ayaka had to blink in order to realize it was her hand, not the brush, the one that trembled.

“Why is this so hard?” she said, bringing a hand up to her cheek.

The kanjis for Tanjirou’s name, “charcoal”, “heal” and “son” floated on her head and that was what Ayaka wrote, slowly and as if it was the most terrifying thing she had ever done, as if she wrote “death” instead of “charcoal”.

But something told her that Tanjirou, along with Zenitsu, Inosuke and Nezuko, and with her mother and grandma, deserved something better than an apology by letter.

Taking another paper sheet, Ayaka wrote, this time with unmoving determination, “Dear aniki”.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

The crow’s caw made Ayaka lift her gaze, by then with a letter already written. The black wings of a crow she had never seen covered the sunlight from a Sun that had gotten out not too long ago.

The crow looked at her, Ayaka looked back, both with dark eyes that never left each other’s form.

Then she let another caw, not too loud nor too silent, as if she sang instead of yelled. Ayaka noticed the ribbon around her neck, perfectly complimenting her feathers. There was not even a single imperfection, no white specks under the wing or a voice that annoyed her, in that crow.

“Caw! I’m Ayaka Iwamoto’s new crow! Caw! Delighted to serve my owner! I bring a letter!”

And as impeccable as death’s messenger presented itself, it would never make its news any less devastating.

“New… crow?” She wondered, fixing her gaze on the paper tied to her paw.

Ayaka skipped a bit. Himejima-shishou was still too big even for his own house’s doors, that didn’t surprise her. What did was the silent way in which her master came into the room.

“Hime... Himejima-shishou,” she exhaled in confusion, tilting her head to the side when the crow fluttered up to her and settled on her knee. Ayaka furrowed her eyebrows, easily untying the paper from her paw with her name “colourful flower” written on it in her mother’s handwriting.

Her master’s hand appeared on her field of vision, preventing Ayaka from opening the letter with a light squeeze. She raised her gaze up to his face.

“Himejima-shishou…,” she asked. “Why are you crying?”

“Your father’s funeral,” Himejima-shishou started under the intense gaze of his disciple. “It has been postponed for a few days until you woke up to know if you’d go.”

He finally let go of Ayaka’s hand, that weakly fell against her lap, letter along with it.

“That was what your mother asked. You don’t have to read it if you don’t want to.”

«It hurts» Ayaka thought. «Why does it hurt?»

Not even the most powerful eyes of the world nor the strongest demon slayer from the corps could have avoided that, then what use were those damn eyes of hers? Because as much as you try to avoid it, pain will always catch up to you.

The ink container roared when falling and breaking in a thousand pieces, the table fell and Ayaka along with it, bringing both hands up to her face at the same time as shishou walked to the origin of the sound and hugged her.

So since Ayaka couldn’t cry for herself, she cried for someone else.

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

Chapter Text

Even four hundred years ago, when Great Japan had been drowning in constant wars guided by feudal lords that slowly poisoned the country, there had been children that didn’t wish to attend their father’s funeral.

It was ironic, Ayaka thought, that after so long, as many lights that shone brighter than the stars flooded the cities and as many beasts fed with charcoal roamed all over the country, people were always the same. 

Oda Nobunaga had been, during the Sengoku Era, the most respected and feared figure in Japan. Because Oda Nobunaga had slowly taken over a large part of the islands, winning, conquering, killing,  whoever raised a sword against him had been quickly defeated under his overwhelming power. 

It had taken an ambush from one of his allies, Akechi Matsuhide, what a despicable person, to end his life. 

The Honnou Temple had been the place where the great general Oda had decided to rest, after holding the burden on his shoulders of the countless victories that had turned him into someone even worthy of the great imperial court. 

At first it had only been a break, a place to allow his bones to rest so they weren’t tense for once, as if they were always ready to fight. They hadn’t been wrong in holding onto that instinct.

Akechi Matsuhide, along with some of his men, attacked Nobunaga during his time of rest and him, aided by his loyal vassals, confronted the traitor with their chins held up high.  

But as novel warriors as they were, most of his generals were in different points of Japan. The great hero was all alone, Nobunaga had no possibilities. 

He died, as every great warrior, committing seppuku (at least, that was what they had claimed). The temple that had been a simple stop was reduced to ashes and Nobunaga’s body along with it, and until then Ayaka dreamed about Nobunaga, whose remains had never been found, appearing in golden clothes from his place of rest after such a fierce battle. He would punish those that betrayed him and would claim his position as Japan’s rightful ruler, armour and sword on hand, bow at his back and a spear by his waist, he would kill those that ever did him any wrong. 

But Nobunaga had been dead for more than three hundred years, the samurais had been eradicated and war was now done with planes, bombs and gunpowder. And it appeared that after so long with their borders closed, once they were open the japanese had realized they didn’t have to fight in between them, they could just fight against foreigners.

And after everything, after how much life had changed from back then, the same kind of scum still remained. 

Before being a general Oda Nobunaga had been known as “Lord Fool”. The teachers in charge of his education in the arts of both war and writing said he was arrogant and disrespectful. He dressed like a mad man, with things such as tiger fur and strangely coloured clothes of short sleeves. 

But most importantly was that, at his father’s funeral, the oh great unifier of Japan had appeared wearing informal attire. Staring in amusement at his progenitor's place of eternal rest, he had thrown without a doubt a burning brazier at the shrine with the name of the dead written there. And the ashes of who gave him his blood had to put up with the way his own son humiliated him simply because he was crazy, under the amazed gazes of all those present. 

Ayaka wondered in Himejima-shishou’s residence if after going to her own father’s funeral she would have done the same. Had she ever gone, if the brazier would have been thrown toward the place where his photo rested with that smile that infuriated her so much just like Nobunaga had thrown the brazier at his father’s name.

But there was no way to know because Ayaka wouldn’t go.

Most of the time she thought about Tanjirou, at that point he must have learned how to use Full Focus Breathing all the time, Zenitsu and Inosuke too, she was sure of it because her friends were strong and smart, and there was nothing that could possibly stop them. Such dumbasses. 

Himejima-shishou’s mountain shone less brightly in comparison to the garden in the Butterfly Estate, there was no glistening grass nor there were flowers, nearly small white petals that must have bloomed by accident. The most alive place was Genya’s corner, there where he had grown countless bonsais that had left her speechless time and time again, because Genya was clumsy and a brute, but the care with which he trimmed those small trees had been astounding. By then Ayaka didn’t trust anything her eyes told her. So to avoid thinking too much about things she didn’t understand, the unknown had always meant danger (something her eyes couldn’t see had always meant danger), she trained. 

Sometimes Himejima had to stop for a minute to distinguish if the girl in his house was twelve or fifteen years old, because she felt too familiar to the way she had been back when he first took her in. A small, bitter thing that loudly exclaimed everything she said, as if people had never heard her, and constantly refused his help, dedicating her soul to becoming stronger in a nearly unnatural desperation. 

Her old clothes had been scrapped without a doubt since she had refused to wear them, huffing when seeing her hair was still short and celebrating once she could get it up on a small ponytail, loudly exclaiming her enthusiasm about putting it up on a bun once it was long enough. The child’s kimono was replaced by some hakama pants and the red haori that she used before being torn apart at some point before the pillars’ meeting, and although physical characteristics weren’t important to Himejima, she felt just like she did when she had looked like that. 

The question of how much good it had really done to make her tsuguko and offer to train her again echoed on Gyoumei’s mind a lot of the time. 

He had always known all children were selfish, petty creatures that only cared about themselves. Children’s eyes were small and they had no space on their tiny hearts for other people, less of all to distinguish between good or wrong, that was why Ayaka’s presence had been so comforting, because she had turned out to be everything he ever expected. 

Ayaka was nosy, bossy, full of herself and seemed to be stubbornly fixed on becoming stronger over defeating any demons.  Everything she did was out of pure selfish motives, of course. Just like Genya had wanted to be a demon slayer not because he wanted to kill demons, but because he wanted to get back the only family he had left, as much as that went against the wishes of said family. 

“What the fuck were you thinking, Himejima?” 

“Namu, namu,” he sighed. 

Sanemi Shinazugawa’s face came dangerously close to his. The Wind Pillar’s appearance had been described a lot of times in longing sighs by Mitsuri Kanroji; scars all over his body, bloodshot eyes and messy hair of a warm grey, whatever grey meant. 

But Gyoumei had never been intimidated by someone’s looks, certainly he couldn’t be if he wasn’t able to see them, and to him Sanemi was just someone with a hoarse voice that nearly reached the height of his shoulders. He knew by the people on the village down the mountain that Genya was supposedly just as intimidating as his brother, and that his tsuguko’s eyes could make even the oldest from the elderly die of a heart attack in the belief that the girl carried the devil’s eyes. 

But to him none of that would ever be enough, to him, Ayaka was a girl so short she reached his chest and loved the cats that always wandered around the forest. Genya was someone tall enough to reach his shoulders and he enjoyed trimming the bonsais on the back of the house, which Himejima had been forced to take care of now that he was gone. 

He had believed he had gotten rid of the chore of feeding the leftovers to the cats now that Ayaka had come back, but strangely she didn’t go back to that habit, and it was him who had to feed the dozen cats his disciple had raised during training. Namu, namu. 

So those oh so fearsome disciples of the Stone Pillar were to him nothing more than that, disciples, and the Wind Pillar was consequently nothing more than that, just another pillar. 

“Genya wanted to join the Corps, so that was the opportunity I gave him.” His fingers, who had held the chains of his weapons so many times, now grabbed onto the flute he had been incessantly playing that afternoon. 

“And why the hell did you do that!?” Sanemi yelled once more. “Now that bastard is running around the place trying to kill demons like a fool! And for what!? To become a pillar!? That’s bullshit!” 

“You said Genya isn’t your brother, right?” Himejima muttered, from whose eyes started to fall tears. “Then you shouldn’t care.” 

Sanemi threw his hands up to the air and let out a new string of colourful curses.

“Stop with the bullshit, Himejima, not with me.” 

Himejima hummed in confusion.  

“What is that «bullshit» you’re referring to?” 

“You’re trying to make me think or something! How should I know!?” Sanemi exclaimed through clenched teeth. “Stop talking in riddles with your stupid delusions of a three eyed sacred priest!”

Himejima certainly wasn’t talking in riddles. And he certainly wasn’t any three eyed sacred priest. He was a simple priest trying to play the flute. 

“If you have nothing else to say,” Himejima started one last time. “I’d like for you to go.” 

“I’m not going until you make Genya back out from the corps!” Sanemi insisted with a stomp. “Take back his status as a disciple! Throw him out! I don’t know! But make him abandon the demon slaying corps!”

“Shishou?” Ayaka’s weak voice sounded from the door. Lately his disciple sounded much more miserable, much more pained. She stayed still when seeing Sanemi and he, strangely, did the same, as if horror overwhelmed him because of the possibility of someone as insignificant as Ayaka hearing him. She warily eyed both the pillars. “What’s wrong?”  

“It’s nothing, get out of here, crazy girl,” Sanemi said with a disdainful wave of his hand. 

“You have no right to tell me that, Wind Pillar,” Ayaka hissed bitterly, walking over to the porch where Himejima usually played his flute. The pain on her voice was so easily abandoned Himejima couldn’t but believe that all kids tricked those around them with the same ease. “I only answer to my master, not to you.” 

She laid a hand on Himejima’s shoulder, poisoned daggers behind her eyes, fixed on Sanemi. 

“I can throw him out if that’s what you want, Himejima-shishou,” she suggested threatening. Himejima made no effort to take her hand off his shoulder.

Sanemi raised an eyebrow and let out a bitter laugh.

“What are you, a watch dog? Wasn’t it enough for you to protect Kamado in the pillars meeting?” He barked in teasing. She clenched her jaw before jumping at him.  

“Shut your mouth!” It was Himejima who had to harshly grab her by the wrist and tug her down so she didn’t throw herself at Sanemi in a battle that was already decided.

The small eyes that were just like her aniki’s stayed on Ayaka for a moment before smiling. 

“Oh, I remember now. What are you doing here, with Himejima, instead of with the demon kid you were going to sacrifice your life for?”

Ayaka growled as if she was truly a watchdog, eyes fixed on Sanemi as she was used to. But he was made out of the same freezing winds she had formed the snow of her winter with, so they had no effect on him. 

“That’s none of your business,” she finally muttered, when giving up in Sanemi kneeling before her and her mountain. “Wind Pillar, don’t make me say things you’ll regret.” 

Sanemi’s grey eyes scrutinized her, unsurely. 

“What could you possibly say that affects me? I don’t have any boyfriend that broke the corps rules. What? Aren’t you two going to run around together? Protecting demons that will surely eat you the moment they have the chance?”

Ayaka made yet another attempt to throw herself at him, and it was Himejima who, again, stopped her. 

“Shut up!” She yelled furiously, struggling against Himejima’s grasp. “I don’t care if you're a pillar! I don’t care if you're aniki’s brother! You’re a despicable person!” 

If tears had been running down her cheeks, if she had been sobbing over his mother’s corpse slowly fading away on her arms, it would have been the same. 

«You’re a murderer!»

«God-damn» Sanemi thought, squinting.

“You’re truly cruel!” She continued struggling. “Aniki became a slayer only to help you! He wants to be with you, you’re the reason he’s in the corps! At least you should thank him!”

Sanemi Shinazugawa had both gray eyes and hair, and there wasn’t even a pinch of colour in him Ayaka could see. It was when quiet, totally paralyzed for once by someone else’s words, that he truly looked like a stone statue.

“The only way for aniki to abandon the corps is for you to die!” She yelled one last time. “Can’t you realize that, you dumb blind idiot!?”

Her chest jolted by the time she was finished, taking big, anxious breaths of air. Slowly, Himejima-shishou’s hand slid down from her forearm, and the only thing heard was the sound the flute made when being played by Ayaka’s master.

“Who the hell do you think you are?” Sanemi muttered, eyes wide open and settled on her. 

“No one.” Ayaka tiredly huffed. “I don’t believe myself… to be anyone. I just point out what I see.” 

What she saw past good and evil and past wrath or admiration. 

“I hope I won’t have to come here a second time,” Sanemi told Himejima then, who continued endlessly playing some song Ayaka already knew by heart. 

It was only when the form of a stone statue that was Sanemi disappeared in the distance, when Ayaka couldn’t see the gray devoid of any colour anymore, that she collapsed by her shishou’s side.

Were all stone statues like that? They looked so... miserable.

She had believed herself to be a stone statue, she had believed Kanao to be a statue too. But over everything, she believed Himejima-shishou to be made out of stone.

But there was no one that was more of a stone statue than Sanemi Shinazugawa, and that was the most miserable way one could live.

The words cycle of pain echoed on her head. 

Ayaka thought about Tanjirou and Oyakata-sama. But that night she dreamed about her ancestors, who cried because of her as much as her parents, her master and her aniki had. 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

There were some days when the pain was bearable. 

Those days Ayaka sat by Himejima-shishou’s side to have tea together as they both talked about her recovery. Her master left her to train when going off on a mission and she spent the morning practicing Repeating Actions and the afternoon on Genya’s garden, with some wildcat as company. 

There were days when it wasn’t. 

Those days shishou didn’t try to take her out from bed, left food by the door and was grateful when coming back and finding the tray empty. Only trace that the corpse of his disciple wasn’t rotting inside those four walls. 

The light of dawn painted the house when Himejima came back one day from a mission and found Ayaka by the porch.

Even if she was at the peak of her recovery the crow hadn’t assigned her any mission yet. Maybe Oyakata-sama was waiting for her to do something. 

Ayaka sank her nails on the door frame, and although half her body was already out, she didn’t dare step outside. 

When Himejima laid a hand on her cheek it was cold. He asked if she had spent the night outside, uniform back on without an haori to warm her and pink ribbon keeping the braid on place. 

Instead of an answer he got was a question. 

“Shishou…” she started, trembling. “Do you believe… do you believe it possible for me to redeem my sins?”  

The oranges of dawn painted everything, oranges that might as well have been from dawn or fire that burned everything on its wake. Which one will it be, Ayaka? Which one will you decide for it to be? 

“All of us can redeem our sins and go back to Buddha Amida’s path.” That answer could have come from any other priest or monk. It was then that Ayaka realized it. 

“Do you think there are sins that can’t be redeemed?” She asked. “Do you think that there are sins so huge that their weight, no matter the good actions one does, will drag them down to hell?” 

Himejima-shishou furrowed his eyebrows.”You’re not going to hell, Ayaka.” 

“And how do you know that?” she bitterly whispered. “Do you know of my sins? Do you know what I’ve done? Are you able to see as much as Buddha? Are you able to see enough to judge me?” 

All that advice, all those words that couldn’t have come from no one but her wise master, as bearer of the key to the path of strength he was. Kanao’s purple doll eyes whispered that it wasn’t like that, Zenitsu’s strong and brown ones yelled for her to learn to see, and Nezuko’s pink ones said that her judgement had been proven wrong many times. 

“I live my life by Buddha’s teachings, that’s what matters,” Himejima-shishou said. “It’s the only way to lead a virtuous life. Redeem your sins and you’ll be able to lead a virtuous life, too.” 

Orange drowned Ayaka’s sight. She growled. 

“I do not deserve to live a peaceful life,” she clenched her jaw. “I don’t deserve to join Buddha in heaven.” 

“Why not?” Himejima-shishou didn’t blink. Ayaka sank her nails deeper in the door frame. 

“I wished for an entire village to die, shishou! Every single day I’ve wished for them to die, there’s never been a moment up until now where that wasn’t what I wanted!” Her master’s milky eyes stayed on her, wide open and unable to see. The melted snow dragged everything on its path and it couldn’t stop. “Do you still believe I can redeem myself!? That I’ll be able to join my father in Heaven once I die!?” 

“What about now?” Himejima muttered at Ayaka’s huffing form. “Do you wish for them to die now?”

Ayaka brought a hand up to her temple, blinking. “No… No, I’m too tired to hate them.”

“Then yes.”

Ayaka pressed her lips together and took his hand, guiding her master to her bedroom. With her fingers she looked for a small creak on the wall, and when hitting it, the wall opened and a burst of countless letters fell all over the floor.  

She turned around to Himejima-shishou, chest jolting. He stayed still. 

“All of this,” she started, eyebrows furrowing once again.” Do you know what all that is!? All those papers you just heard crash against the floor are my parents’ letters! I’ve read them all, and I’ve saved them here so no one saw them! I knew they missed me and even so I never wrote back! Do you still believe I can redeem myself!?” 

“Yes.”

Ayaka grabbed from her pocket the wisteria soap and threw it at her master, trembling and biting onto her lip. Himejima-shishou dodged it with ease.

“I can’t love anyone! I’m too consumed by hate to do so! Shishou, I’m rotten! The wisteria soap can’t hide the smell of acid! Buddha will accept me like this!? Smelling of sinner blood!?” 

Himejima-shishou finally laid both hands on her shoulders. Ayaka stayed still, trembling against him.

“The gods,” her shishou said, “are merciful.” 

Tears welled up on Ayaka’s eyes. She brought a hand up to her cheek to check that they were silently falling. 

“Why… why am I crying?” 

Himejima-shishou’s answer was clear and short. 

“You’re relieved, because you can make up for your sins.”

She remembered the priest that came to her village once a week, spreading out the gods’ words about salvation and holiness, about redemption and sins, about the promise of Heaven for sinners and comfort to humanity. Ayaka tightened her hold on Himejima-shishou’s clothes. 

“Do you really think so?” 

“That’s what it looks like, yes.” 

The smallest, most pathetic moan any creature could have ever uttered came from her throat just to be followed by pitiful sobs. 

“All you do is cry lately,” Himejima-shishou pointed out, pushing Ayaka closer to him the tiniest bit. 

“I have no one else to do it for me,” she replied against his chest. “Tanjirou hasn’t even sent me any letters, and he sends lots of letters!” A chuckle bloomed mid sob. “You should see his pen pals list, it’s just so goddamn long!” 

And she broke out into louder sobs. 

Himejima-san dried her tears with the back of his hand and put the wisteria soap back on her hand.  

“You can redeem yourself, Ayaka,” he said. “Whatever your sin is, you can go back to the right path.” 

She sighed, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. The bells of her village’s priest had always been loud.

“You’re a horrible teacher, Himejima-shishou,” she muttered on his chest. “Please stop leaving your students on their own and guide them correctly, that three step training is complete crap.” 

Her shishou raised his eyebrows.

“Is it?”

“Yeah, it’s total bullshit,” Ayaka told him. 

Her new crow, ribbon around her neck and silent fluttering, settled on the window. Ayaka clearly saw that the letter tied to its paw had her aniki’s name on it. 

Yes, she’d be able to redeem herself. 

Ayaka took her cheek off Himejima’s side. 

“Shishou, where the hell is Oyakata-sama’s haori?” 

ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ✿ᵒᵒ

It was the first time Ayaka went to a “train station”. 

A kind couple was the one to guide her in between the people and point out the place where to buy the ticket for the train that set off at nine from platform number seven. 

But when the couple said their goodbyes and Ayaka ended up lost in the crowd, she could do nothing but curse. 

“What the hell is a train?” she whispered under her breath, the ticket always in between her fingers. 

She asked the people around her if they had seen a strange looking trio, describing each one of her friends in detail. 

“Yeah, red hair and a checkered haori! There’s a light around him, like an angelic aura. Huh? If I mean the Buddha Amida?” 

“No, no, blond and with brown eyes! Maybe you’ve seen him crying? I’m not sure if he’d cry here or not.” 

“ A boar head! He doesn’t wear a shirt and he laughs in low cackles! He challenged someone to a fight?” 

Ayaka didn’t know if Nezuko would be in the wooden box or not, so she described her too. 

“Long hair and a ribbon just like mine, she’s biting onto some bamboo. She could be slightly shorter than me or be the size of a kid, I’m not sure. Of course I'm not joking!”

The sound of whistling and yelling “Swords! They have swords, call the police!” made Ayaka turn around with a skip. 

In the distance, Zenitsu took both Inosuke and Tanjirou and dragged them through the platform, away from the guards and yelling like how it could be expected from him. Ayaka pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing she had already found her idiots. «Oh, Buddha»

She quickly thanked the mother and daughter to whom she was describing Tanjirou’s warm eyes and started running. 

That thing everyone had called “a train” when Ayaka had asked let out a strong beep and, slowly, started to move. 

Inosuke was the first one to jump and get to the train, cackling about being the first one. Tanjirou followed him in his determination with the familiar wooden box on his back, turning around as soon as he could because he wouldn’t be able to stand leaving anyone behind. It was Zenitsu the laggard who they had to stretch out a hand to for him to get on, in between relieved sighs and pats on the back. 

Ayaka had never been the fastest nor the lightest, maybe Kanao could have reached them with her delicate steps, but Ayaka wasn’t Kanao and it was useless to think about what would happen if she was like her, like how it was no use to think about what would happen if Ayaka was like Nobunaga. She had gotten tired from running after ghosts that died long ago. 

With his sunny eyes that were much more alive than any of the samurais from the Sengoku Era could ever be, Tanjirou was the first one to see her. 

“Catch me!” Ayaka yelled at the end of the platform. 

Zenitsu yelled when Tanjirou slid from his shoulders the wooden box containing Nezuko. 

His arms wrapped around her, protecting her when both rolled over the floor and irremediably crashed against the door that guided to the insides of the wagon. 

Ayaka exhaled, allowing herself to enjoy the embers that were just like her father’s. 

“Hey,” she whispered before Tanjirou’s astonished eyes. The surprise on his face softly melted into a smile. 

“Hey.”

“I’m sorry for being late,” Ayaka said just as smiling. She played with one of the buttons on Tanjirou’s uniform but never did she stop looking at him. “I got distracted with things that aren’t important.”

If her eyes weren’t wrong Tanjirou looked happy to see her. She was, too. 

And how to forget them, the dumbasses. 

“Akami Momotaro, you were last! I won again!” 

Inosuke’s powerful arms got her up from the floor and over his head, as if Ayaka herself was a trophy. 

“What!? If this was a race you should have said so first! I refuse, I was at a disadvantage!” 

Zenitsu’s weight when throwing himself at them both made them all end up on the floor.

“A-chan! You came, A-chan!”

“Get off of me, Monitsu!” Inosuke complained, who had to put up with both Ayaka and Zenitsu on him. 

She loudly broke out into chuckles. 

“You’re stupid!”

“The hell did you just call me!?”

“A-chan, don’t be so mean!” 

When the chuckles left her without breath and Ayaka dried the tear that had unexpectedly bloomed from a single eye, it was Tanjirou the one to offer her a hand to stand up. 

“Thank you,” Ayaka said, smiling and not letting go even when she was on her feet. “Thank you for everything.” 

Tanjirou couldn’t force himself to say anything else because Aya’s smell was sweet, much more than it had ever been. Had she always smiled so much?

«Is this a dream?» he thought, when thinking too much about the way Aya smiled. «It must be, but it doesn’t seem like it.»

Nezuko peeked from the wooden box that Zenitsu had left on the corner, white and purple haori on hand.  

“Oh, Nezuko!” Aya exclaimed, kneeling at his sister’s height. She slightly turned around to Tanjirou. “You kept my haori in my stead?”

“I was going to give it to you, really.” He nervously scratched his cheek. Aya shook her head.

“I know, you don’t need to excuse yourself.” She took the haori from Nezuko’s claws and put it over her shoulders, as Tanjirou muttered an apology. “Thanks for taking care of it while I was gone, and stop apologizing. Thanks to you too, Nezuko.”

She gave him a satisfied nod and went back inside the box. 

Inosuke swang on the railing like a kid, declaring his amazement over the speed of the train through yelling. Zenitsu eyed how Nezuko disappeared with a furrowed brow. 

“You’ll carry her with you instead of leaving her in the headquarters? Isn’t that a bit too dangerous?” 

Tanjirou shook his head. 

“Nezuko is safest with me, I’ll never let us be apart again, ever.” 

Aya looked at Tanjirou from her place on the railing, without caring about the scenery before her. 

“I guess I understand,” she softly said against the cold wind of late spring nights. “Families must stay together, right? That’s the greatest gift Buddha Amida can ever give us. People that love us.”

Tanjirou sent back the same glance. 

“I guess so.”

“Oh, there they go again,” Zenitsu muttered to himself, slowly going back to the corner where Inosuke was and bringing both hands up to his ears. “The lovey dovey sound they make when they get like that is unbearable. Is it me or is it louder now?

Inosuke turned his head around to him, interrogating.  

“Huh? So when is Yuno gonna eat Tontaro’s head?”

“A-chan is not a bug, you stupid boar!” 

Ayaka looked one last time at Tanjirou’s smile. 

Yes, she’d be able to redeem herself.