Chapter Text
They all disappeared, the talk lasted no more than five minutes and he gets it, he really does. Phil Coulson has experienced it first hand, he was a field agent for many years and later a shield director.
He still remembers all the responsibilities and the little time he had to make his own life, but he does not regret it, he does not.
In Shield he found a family, maybe it took longer than he would have liked but things have calmed down over the years. He has never regretted anything and neither has this version of him.
Before Nick Fury recruited him, he was alone and entering the academy led him to meet Melinda May.
"Melinda" her name rings in his head over and over again, if only he had stayed longer, just to chat, ask her how she is doing with everything, how does it feel to be a "Professor May" and not the badas agent Melinda May.
They have sent each other occasional messages over the last year, but never anything like that, they haven't seen each other, not even in a hologram.
When he saw her walk into that room, his heart began to beat faster, Phil caught himself, suppressing the urge to reach out and hug her, he couldn't actually even touch her, but for a moment he thought she was real.
While he was sitting there he couldn't stop looking at her, she had those weird clothes for someone like Melinda, which led him immediately to the day he went to see her to join the team. At that moment, she associated her clothing with insecurity, fear and guilt.
But not now, she looks happy, radiant. He knows that she is not entirely happy away from the action, but it is how he has always imagined it in his retirement and to be completely honest he imagined next to she, teaching classes together at the academy.
Melinda snapped him out of his thoughts and he couldn't believe what he was hearing, Melinda telling him that it would do her good to have him around. His surprise was so great that he couldn't even concentrate on what the others were saying to him.
He prayed in his mind that she could stay until the end to share a few words alone, but then she had to leave and he understood.
A strange tingling ran down his spine as his hologram disappeared in front of him.
Now they are all gone and although he cannot deny how excited he feels to see Mack's surprise, to see Lola his beloved Corvette parked just a few feet from him, he is still aware that he does not have the most important person in his life.
He starts flying his beloved Corvette, first taking a few laps around town while thinking how strange it must be for civilians to see a flying car, then looking for the familiar button, obviously Mack has installed a camo system and this car is definitely sensational.
*******
A few hours have passed since he got Lola up and started to fly around the city, it feels strange to be able to do it and the tranquility all around him. It's strange because he's used to the chaos, the adrenaline rush that comes with being a shield agent, but now that he's retired in some way, he doesn't know what to do or where to go.
Hours before in that meeting with his friends, with his family he told them that he would take a year to visit the places he has always wanted, but never could for work reasons. One of those places is Ireland, he still wants to go there and read Ulysses quietly with a good glass of whiskey.
This wish brings to mind an old conversation he had with his friend, his colleague, with his beloved Melinda May, ohh, thinking of her always makes his heart skip. Who would imagine what would happen after that conversation in that library, everything happened so fast, their gazes met, his legs beginning to move towards her, then his face to meet her lips and his hands gripping her hair. He did not have time to stop to analyze the consequences of his actions.
He wants to take this trip with her, go to Ireland and other places together, walk hand in hand, enjoy this new life. But unfortunately that cannot be.
Before Melinda had to leave, she suggested joining her team at Coulson Academy, teaching classes, talking to the recruits about her experiences as Shield's agent and what is expected of being a good agent, but she honestly doesn't know how to accept the proposal. Just thinking that he will be able to be close to her makes him yearn for something more than just working together.
However, he knows that right now May's mind and heart are very confused and he doesn't want to do anything to harm her. With that thought, he decides to start his trip to Ireland, trying to find answers to so many doubts that he has in his head and heart, he knows that those doubts are engraved with Melinda's name and the longing to be close to her.
Arriving in Ireland is refreshing and relaxing, he does not want to stay in a luxurious hotel, he prefers a modest cabin facing the sea. As soon as he settles in, he grabs his book and starts reading.
At first it is difficult for him because his mind is still focused on Melinda, but over time he manages to focus on her reading. He has been so focused on this that he doesn't realize that two hours have passed.
The new facet allows him not to feel hungry, sleepy or tired, so he does not need to stop reading for any of these reasons.
He has the radio on, listens to classical and romantic music as he likes. He is so focused on his book that he has not realized that night has fallen, he looks up to see the darkness outside and just at that moment a familiar song begins to play on the radio and immediately loses all concentration.
This song makes him remember so many things, so many moments lived. He hadn't listened to her for so long, he puts the book down on the coffee table and closes his eyes. His thoughts, his memories begin to spin in his head and everything is so intense that now he cannot hold back the tears.
In fact, this song has been a hymn in their relationship with May, when they studied together at the academy, when they graduated, when they got drunk together, so many moments that they shared. But now she is not by his side.
For one reason or another there is always something or someone who reminds him of Melinda and this makes it more difficult to put distance between them just so that she is okay.
*****
The time passes between reading Ulysses, listening to music and taking long walks on the beach. Almost without realizing it, two weeks have passed and he can recognize that his attempts to forget about Melinda are not working at all, instead of pushing him away they bring him closer, make him yearn to be with her every day, share, laugh and be happy.
He knows that she and the real Phil Coulson went to Tahiti to share their final weeks, but he doesn't know what really happened. They kissed? Did they have these long walks on the beach accompanied by the crazy meaningless conversations? Did he make her laugh enough? (his laugh and smile is something he has always loved about her) Did he tell her everything he feels for her since he met her at the academy? Did he have enough time to show her all his love? There are many unanswered questions that have been spinning in your head lately.
He wants to do all this with her, tell her how much he loves her, kiss and hug her, hold her hand, take long walks, swim together, run after her and take her in his arms. Recover lost time.
But he knows that she is still in love with her Phil, the real Phil, not this set of cables and screws attached to the memories of what was once the real Phil Coulson.
And he understands her, he really does, he also always considered her irreplaceable, he could not change his beloved Melinda May for anything in this world. He couldn't even bear the thought of losing her forever and sticking with an LMD version.
These are the last clear memories he has, first the Melinda May more docile and sweet than ever, they flirting, she about to kiss him that night in the car, the kiss in the library, the betrayal, the fake version of her on a bed, and then him desperately searching for her and accepting that Melinda May has always been his everything. He still can't forgive himself for not realizing that she wasn't real.
He returns to the cabin where he is installed, he perches in the center of his room; and here is where everything becomes clear. Realizes that he has the right to be happy, that he is not stealing anyone's life, he did not ask to return in this way, but here he is.
He have felt sad, devastated, and even a flash of guilt. But for the first time he wants to be selfish and think only about himself and his happiness, but to achieve this he needs a fundamental piece, she is his Melinda May.
Now he is convinced that she is the only person who can make him happy and is determined to do everything for her. Even if he have to move sky, sea and land, they will be happy.
Phil decides that the time in Ireland has been enough, it is time to go home and manage everything for his plan of "conquest", because that is what he will do; this new version of Phil Coulson is going to win the heart of Melinda May.
She still loves Phil Coulson that has died, and understands him perfectly. That is why he will fight from another trench, he will make Melinda fall in love with this new Coulson, he will create new memories. Has a powerful advantage, know perfectly she likes and what does not likes.
Upon arriving in Los Angeles, he decides to buy an apartment in a nice and quiet building. This whole process takes two days. The next step is to look for work, but ortunately he has a proposal as a professor at the academy and he will not let it pass.
The next day he arrives very early at the place, some of the cadets recognize him immediately, however, none dares to approach him. He keeps walking and he comes across the gigantic name in front of him "ACADEMIA COULSON", it still feels strange to see his name etched on the wall of such an important place, he looks at the giant letters for one more moment before continuing on his way.
Minutes later, he arrives at the office of the person who offered to give him the job, but it is still very early and he may not have arrived yet. He looks at the name written on the glass of the door and smiles proudly "Dir. Melinda May"
About twenty minutes pass when the office door opens to reveal a beautiful Asian woman. When he sees her, he falls in love with her more and would not have imagined that this would be possible.
At first Melinda is unaware of her presence, she closes the door behind her looking for something in her bag and heads to her desk.
“Hey, good morning”
Melinda is a little scared, she does not wait for anyone so early in her office, when she looks up she finds Coulson's face and those eyes that she loves so much. She is speechless, watching him rise from his chair and approach her.
Waking up this morning Melinda envision all kinds of scenarios, things she would have to figure out during the day, but she never imagined finding Phil Coulson in her office.