Archive of Our Own

"Never have I ever..." Shouyou looks down at his phone and nearly chokes. "I—imagined giving someone a blowjob."

Kageyama grabs the phone from him to check the screen and his face goes red as he, too, reads the text boldly displayed on the screen. "Alright, that settles it. This app is stupid."

He tosses the phone back onto Shouyou's bed and lets himself fall onto his back, landing on the futon with a soft thump. "I'm tired, can we sleep soon?"

"Oh, getting tired already, Kageyama?" Shouyou teases, grabbing his phone and looking over at him. "I thought you were going to beat me and stay up longer?"

"Shut up."

"What if I don't?"

"I'll—" Kageyama seems to deliberate for a moment. "I'll set an alarm for six in the morning."

"What if I'm still awake?"

"Then it's your own problem for not going to sleep earlier, dumbass!" Kageyama sits up to throw his pillow at Shouyou.

It hits him square in the face, and he laughs and grabs it off the bed to throw back. "You wanna fight?"

"No, wait, I—" Kageyama breaks off and throws his arms up to protect his face as the pillow comes flying back towards him.

"I'll fight you tomorrow," he grumbles, shaking the pillow a little before putting it back where it belongs and lying back down. "I'm serious, I'm tired."

Shouyou sighs. "Fine, but if I can't fall asleep yet then I'm blaming it on you."

"How is that my fault?" Kageyama asks indignantly.

"For making me go to bed so early!"

"It's one in the morning!"

"Yeah, but I bet Tanaka-san is still awake—"

"Since when is he a good measurement for a healthy sleep schedule?" Kageyama demands.

Shouyou shrugs. "Dunno. But he is a third-year, and third-years are supposed to be all responsible and stuff, so—"

"Have you met Tanaka-san?" Kageyama sounds incredulous. "Like, have you actually—"

"Yeah, I have, I just—" Shouyou breaks off. "Okay, fine, that was a stupid example. Happy?"

"Not really," Kageyama grumbles. "Let's just get ready for bed."

Shouyou jumps to his feet. "Race you to the bathroom!"

"I—get back here, dumbass!" Kageyama yells after him, but Shouyou ignores him and tears out of his room into the hallway, Kageyama close behind him. For some reason, he's ridiculously happy tonight. His mother and Natsu are off participating in some "sleep at kindergarten" thing Natsu's kindergarten organised – he isn't completely sure what the deal with it is, to be honest – but it means he has the house to himself for tonight, and his mother suggested he could have a friend over to spend the night. And because Shouyou really couldn't think of anyone else to ask, he invited Kageyama (who, by some miracle, actually agreed) and now here they are, and he's having the most fun he's had in a long time.

So far, they've mostly just played a lot of Smash Bros., and when that got boring, he downloaded a random Never Have I Ever app off the appstore. Most of the questions were either mundane ("Never have I ever eaten a bagel") or clearly meant to embarrass everyone who actually has done the thing in question ("Never have I ever taken a photo of someone without their knowledge"), but that last one was... a little over-the-top, in Shouyou's opinion.

He feels the tips of his ears heat up. Not that he hasn't thought about it. But still, what if that'd been in a larger group of friends? That would've been really embarrassing, and awkward to boot! Just imagining talking about the amount of times he's thought about—

He mentally shakes his head to clear his thoughts as they both enter the bathroom. He is not thinking about this with Kageyama standing right next to him. He's thinking about... toothpaste. Shouyou grabs the tube and squeezes a bit too much onto his toothbrush. Yup. Toothpaste. Sure love thinking about toothpaste. Mhm. Nothing else going on here. He pushes the unbidden images out of his mind and instead starts furiously scrubbing at his teeth.

Kageyama raises an eyebrow. "Do you always brush your teeth like that?"

Shouyou nods frantically and spits into the sink. "Definitely. Gotta go fast, y'know?"

"Was that a Sonic reference?"

"Yes? No? Maybe! I don't know!" Shouyou keeps brushing. He doesn't even know what he's saying at this point, and he's fully aware that he's probably being weird, but he needs an excuse to stop thinking because if his brain keeps this up he's definitely not going to be able to sleep and—

"You're weird," Kageyama tells him, reaching for his own toothbrush. Shouyou shrugs and makes a non-committal noise through his toothbrush. If you knew what I was thinking about just now, you'd probably call me worse than that.

They finish brushing their teeth and return to Shouyou's room, and Shouyou switches the main light off and instead flips the switch on the string of fairy lights hung on the wall behind his bed. They don't illuminate the room much, but their light casts a soft glow over the room that Shouyou's always found very comforting – it's one of the main reasons he wanted fairy lights in the first place.

Kageyama grabs his bag and digs around in it for a few seconds before pulling out what looks to be a pair of pyjamas. "I'm getting changed," he mutters, before leaving the room again.

Shouyou gets changed quickly, too, and by the time Kageyama returns, wearing a nondescript black shirt and pyjama bottoms, he's lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling, now dressed in his usual sleepwear of an oversized grey T-shirt and black sweatpants, still determinedly not thinking of Never Have I Ever.

Shouyou watches as Kageyama lies down on the futon and pulls the covers over himself, then mirrors Shouyou in staring at the ceiling.

After a few moments, Shouyou reaches over and switches the fairy lights back off. "G'night, Kageyama."

There's a few beats of silence. "Night, Hinata."

Silence falls again, broken only by the sound of Kageyama shifting a little under his blanket. Then:

"...Have you ever imagined it?"

"I—wha—" Shouyou actually does choke on his own spit this time, and starts coughing.

Kageyama's already backtracking. "Sorry, that was weird, I shouldn't have—I'm sorry—"

"No, no, it's—it's fine," Shouyou manages. "I just—that surprised me." He hesitates, then pushes on. This is already weird, so he might as well add to it. Maybe it'll make Kageyama feel a little less awkward, at least, if he's not the only one being weird. (Or it might make him feel more awkward, possibly. Shouyou's not sure.) But— "I—yeah. I have."

There's silence again. Shouyou already kind of regrets what he just said, and he briefly considers going back and saying he was only joking, especially considering who he's imagined it with. But then the horrible thought enters his mind that maybe Kageyama was only joking, and now he's going to judge him horribly and Shouyou's ruined their friendship and Kageyama's never going to talk to him again—

"Oh."

"What?" Shouyou asks defensively, trying to ignore the frantic hammering of his heartbeat, because he can for the life of him not discern what that tone is supposed to convey, and with the room being completely dark it's not like he can just look at Kageyama and try to read his expression.

"Nothing. I was just wondering."

"Oh. Okay, then." Shouyou lets it hang in the air for a second. Then, because it's only fair, and it can't possibly make this situation any weirder than it already is: "Have you?"

"I—" Kageyama clears his throat. "Maybe."

Shouyou scoffs. "Maybe? Come on, you've got to know whether or not you've—"

"Okay, fine, shut up. I have."

"Oh." Shouyou pauses for a moment. "So, are you, like—"

"Gay?" Kageyama interrupts, sounding defensive. "So what if I am?"

"Nothing so what, I was just asking—" Shouyou breaks off. "Me too. Or, well. I'm pan. I think. I don't really know. It's complicated."

"Oh." They both fall silent again. Shouyou feels like a huge weight's just been lifted off his chest, but also somehow incredibly tense and vulnerable. He feels like the air between them has... changed, somehow, and he's not sure whether he likes it or not, because while he is glad he basically just came out to the guy who's the closest thing he has to a best friend, said guy is also the one he's been kind-of-crushing on for ages now, and he was not planning the conversation to take this direction tonight, but here they are, and he's not sure whether he wants to thank that stupid app or throw his phone against the wall because what if things are eternally weird between them now, and—

And he needs to stop his thoughts from spiralling and distract himself with something else right now, and the awkward silence is killing him, so he blurts out the first thing that comes into his mind: "So, uh, got any crushes?"

Immediately, Shouyou wants to punch himself in the face. Why the hell would he want to know about whatever romantic feelings Kageyama is having for other people? Is that even an appropriate question to ask someone right after they come out to you? Is—

"I—what?" Kageyama splutters, evidently just as thrown off by the question as Shouyou is.

"I—sorry, that was a stupid thing to ask—" Shouyou starts backtracking immediately. "I'm stupid, just forget it—"

"Yeah, you are." Kageyama sighs. Then, after a pause, he adds, in a much quieter tone: "I do, though."

If Shouyou could see Kageyama right now, he'd be staring at him, dumbstruck. "Wha—who?" he demands, trying to ignore the plummeting feeling in his chest. He's already interested in someone, then.

"I'm not telling you, dumbass!"

Shouyou puts on what he hopes is his best mortally offended but in an ironic way voice. "Awww, why? Don't you trust me?"

Evidently, though, Kageyama doesn't get the message, or maybe Shouyou just isn't as good as acting as he thought he was, because Kageyama's voice sounds completely serious when he responds: "I do. But this is just something—something I'd—rather keep to myself."

Shouyou's a little lost for words for a moment. Then he remembers he's supposed to be giving an answer, and mutters, "Well, as long as it's not, like... the Great King or someone, then—"

"Oikawa-san?" Kageyama asks, sounding horrified. "You—you think I'd—"

"No!" Shouyou amends hastily. "No, no I don't, I just—"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Kageyama grumbles, and then adds, "Well, if you're asking me, then I at least have the right to know if you have a crush on anyone, too."

Shouyou feels heat rise to his cheeks. "M—maybe!"

"Oh, so you get all sad about me not telling you mine, but you won't tell me yours either?"

"Shut up."

"No."

"Hey!"

Kageyama is silent for a moment, and Shouyou dares to breathe a sigh of relief, but then—

"Is it someone in the volleyball club?"

Shouyou can't see Kageyama's face, but he imagines it twisted into an evil grin. Is Kageyama just out to torment him now? Is this punishment for making it weird in the first place?

Well, it's not like he has much to lose. Maybe he'll wake up tomorrow and this will all have been some weird fever dream.

He hesitates for a moment, then mumbles: "...Yes, it is. You?"

"...Yeah."

Shouyou tries to ignore the little flip his heart does at that. Don't get your hopes up, he tells himself. There are plenty of attractive people on the volleyball team. Don't—

"Is yours a guy?"

"Yes." He hopes Kageyama can't hear how badly his voice is shaking right now, and his heart is thumping so loudly in his ears that Kageyama must be able to hear it, too. Shouyou's incredibly nervous, because if this goes on he might actually be forced to tell Kageyama who it is and he doesn't know if he's ready for that yet, but then again he doesn't know if he ever will be, and—

"First-year?" Kageyama asks.

Shouyou stays silent, because if he tells the truth now that's basically already revealing it, since nobody in their right mind would have a crush on Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi just isn't really his type. Then again, Kageyama doesn't know what Shouyou's type is, but he'd only be one question away from finding out, and—

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

Shit shit shit shit shit—

"What about you?" he manages.

Kageyama doesn't say anything, and Shouyou raises an eyebrow to himself in the dark. Two can play at this game, apparently.

But now his mind is racing, and he can feel a little flicker of something he might be able to call hope in his chest, because it's definitely not Tsukishima – at least he severely hopes it's not – and the only other options are Yamaguchi and, well, him, and—

They both seem to come to that realisation at the same time, because right at that moment, he hears Kageyama's breath hitch. "Fuck," the other whispers to himself, so quietly Shouyou isn't even sure he was meant to hear it.

In that moment, he makes a decision. He doesn't know where his sudden bravery is coming from, but he sits up and reaches towards the switch for his fairy lights again and flips it on, once again illuminating the room in the soft golden glow. His mouth feels very dry.

"It's... it's not Yamaguchi, is it." Kageyama's sat up too, but he's not making eye contact with Shouyou, instead seemingly fixated on a spot on the wall just above his head. His quiet voice sounds strange, and it takes a second for Shouyou to realise that Kageyama, too, sounds incredibly nervous. On edge.

"No." Shouyou's voice is even quieter. "You?"

Kageyama shakes his head. Several long seconds pass as the unspoken words hang in the air between them, the silence seeming to swell the longer it stretches until eventually, finally, Kageyama breaks it.

"How long?"

"A year, at least. I've known since we lost that match against Seijoh." Shouyou's heart is hammering so hard he feels like it's going to burst out of his chest at any second. "You?"

"Don't know." Kageyama still isn't looking at him. "Feels like forever, though."

There's another stretch of tense silence that could have lasted either an hour or only a few seconds – Shouyou honestly isn't sure – until either of them speaks again. Then—

"You're an idiot," Kageyama tells him, although there's clearly no real menace behind the insult.

"Wha—hey!" Shouyou protests, fully aware of the feeling of overwhelming happiness now swelling in his chest because it's him, Kageyama likes him, Kageyama likes him—

And then Kageyama seems to muster the courage (or willpower, maybe?) to finally look at him and as they lock eyes—before he can stop himself, before he can even think about what he's doing—Shouyou is surging forward, propelling himself off his bed and at Kageyama, throwing his arms around him and knocking him onto his back onto the futon in the process.

"Ow, dumbass, what was that f—"

"I wanna kiss you," Shouyou interrupts, breathing heavily as he props himself up with his hands placed either side of Kageyama's head. He's not entirely sure his brain's caught up on processing his current actions yet, but he does know that much – he definitely wants to kiss Kageyama, wants to kiss that stupid pretty face until—

"Okay." Kageyama's voice is so quiet it's almost a whisper, and the look in his eyes as he gazes up at Shouyou makes Shouyou want to do it even more, so he surges forward and closes the gap between them.

It's not exactly smooth – more the opposite, in fact. Shouyou isn't so good at aiming, apparently, because his lips end up pressed to the corner of Kageyama's mouth instead of hitting him square-on like he'd planned, and their noses knock together somewhat clumsily as he tries to re-adjust. He can feel Kageyama smiling into the kiss, though – one of Kageyama's rare, genuine smiles – and he himself has to do the same as he finally manages to adjust his position properly, and Kageyama's hands come up to cup Shouyou's cheeks as he moves back up to breathe.

"Lie down next to me," Kageyama orders him, and scoots a little to the left as if to make room for Shouyou.

"Why don't you come up on the bed?"

"I—fine, just hurry up, I want to kiss you properly—"

Shouyou tries not to think about the tone in Kageyama's voice too hard as he nods frantically and scrambles to his feet, clambering back up onto his bed and scooting up against the wall. Kageyama follows him and lies down so they're facing each other, both of their eyes wide as they stare at each other, breathing heavily, before Kageyama grabs Shouyou's face and pulls him in again.

This time, their lips connect properly on the first try, and Shouyou makes a surprised little noise into the kiss as one of Kageyama's hands slides back and he tangles his fingers in Shouyou's hair. They break apart briefly, and Kageyama gazes at him. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

"You think I haven't been thinking about kissing you since, like, forever?" Shouyou demands, one hand coming up to fist in Kageyama's shirt, the other snaking around so he can stroke the soft little hairs at Kageyama's nape, and suddenly he's hit with the reality of what's happening all over again and he gasps as Kageyama pulls him in again for another fierce kiss, more demanding this time, and he feels a flicker of his tongue at his bottom lip and his breath hitches as they pull apart once more.

"You have?" Kageyama asks, sounding as breathless as Shouyou feels.

"I—yes, I just told you, I've liked you since—"

"I know, I know, I just..." Kageyama trails off. "It feels... really weird. Knowing we've both been wanting this for so long without ever saying anything."

"Yeah." Shouyou heaves a deep sigh that turns into a laugh halfway through. "We're idiots, aren't we?"

"Yeah." Kageyama closes the distance between them yet again, and this time, he does lick into Shouyou's mouth a little, and Shouyou lets him in without much resistance. Kageyama gasps a little as Shouyou winds his fingers into the hair at the back of his head, using his newly gained leverage to pull Kageyama in even closer. It's as Kageyama said – he's been wanting to do this for so long now; might as well do it properly now that he finally has the chance.

"H—hah—'yama—", Shouyou whimpers as Kageyama gives his hair a light tug, and they break apart again, although their foreheads are still leaning together. Shouyou can't see much in the dimly lit room, but Kageyama's pupils are blown wide and when Shouyou moves his hand from Kageyama's chest to touch his face instead, his cheek is warm. (All of Kageyama is warm. Every place their skin is touching feels like it's on fire.)

Then, something else occurs to Shouyou, and he voices the question without much thought. "So, are we, like, dating now?"

"Don't know," Kageyama says quietly. "If you want to."

"Of course I want to, I'm asking whether you—"

"Yes, I do. Since... always, really." Kageyama's brow furrows and his eyebrows knit together in what Shouyou by now knows is Kageyama's thinking face. "Since... yeah. That match we lost against Seijoh, at least. Maybe even since Nekoma. I wasn't, like... completely aware of it yet, but it was there."

"I—hey, that's even longer than me!" Shouyou laughs. "Wow, Kageyama! I had no idea you could catch feelings this easil—"

"I don't," Kageyama interrupts him. "Or, at least... I didn't. I don't know anymore. With you, things are different. They've... always been different, really. Like everything else, too."

At that, Shouyou's chest seems to positively swell with happiness and he surges forwards and presses their lips together once more to relieve it, and this time it's him who licks into Kageyama's mouth without hesitation, and their tongues roll together and—

"H—Hinata, fuck—" Kageyama gasps against his mouth. "I—wait, wait—"

Shouyou doesn't want to stop, but he pulls back all the same, staring into Kageyama's eyes, blue unlike any he's ever seen before. He's always liked those eyes – just from looking at them, it's impossible to tell what Kageyama is thinking, making Shouyou feel like it's a mystery he's desperate to solve. They draw him in like none other do, and he revels in the fact that those eyes are looking at him and only him, and that he's the reason for the darkened look of... something in those beautiful eyes of this breathtaking boy. "What?" he asks, breathless.

"I—can we stop? For now? Before—uh—well—" Kageyama blushes red. "I—I want to take things slow," he confesses. "At least a bit. And—well—this is, uh—"

"Oh—oh, you mean—" Shouyou can feel his own face flushing too. Now that Kageyama mentions it, things were getting kind of, uh, stuffy. "Y—yeah, we can—we can wait. Of course. We—yeah."

There's a moment of silence, in which they both stare at each other, both seeming unsure what to do next. Then, Kageyama moves his hands down out of Shouyou's hair onto his back and crushes him against his chest in what Shouyou quickly realises is Kageyama's awkward version of a hug. Shouyou mirrors him, his hands moving so his left arm is wrapped around Kageyama, his right braced against his chest again, and nuzzles his face into Kageyama's neck, breathing in deeply and sighing at the familiar scent of him, though now ten times stronger now that he's inhaling it directly like this.

"What are you doing, dumbass." Kageyama's voice sounds sleepy, and he jostles Shouyou a little as he stretches to flip the switch on the fairy lights, plunging the room into darkness once more.

"You smell nice," Shouyou mumbles against him, suddenly feeling very tired as well. "'Nd you're warm."

"Oh." Kageyama seems unsure of what to say to that.

Shouyou sighs and smiles against Kageyama's skin. God, he loves him. "Good night, Bakageyama. Who is now also my boyfriend." He pauses. Wow, that feels... interesting to say. "Kageyama Tobio is my boyfriend." He considers the sentence for a moment, revelling in it. "I like it."

Kageyama snorts and presses his face into Shouyou's hair, and it takes Shouyou a second to realise Kageyama just kissed the top of his head. "Good night, dumbass." His tone is nothing but fond, and Shouyou's heart jumps and he has to stop an audible squeak of happiness from escaping him. Instead, he hugs Kageyama tighter for a short moment to relieve the burst of happy energy, and Kageyama briefly tightens his grasp, too.

Love you, Shouyou thinks to himself, and smiles again. It's probably too soon to say that to him already – even if it does feel like an eternity that he's had a crush on Kageyama – but still. He likes the idea of saying it to him someday.

And with that thought on his mind, wrapped securely in Kageyama's arms, feeling happy and warm and content, he quickly drifts off to sleep.