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Would they know? When you are gone. Would they see it immediately when they walk in? How would they find you? On the bathroom floor perhaps, the bruises on your neck never again healing? Inside the bathtub or maybe just the shower, your blood mixing with the overflowing cold water? (Although you would rather save yourself the embarrassment of ever being seen naked.) Would they cry? Scream? Would they believe their eyes? That someone like you would ever do such a thing, someone so strong and nonchalant and with such a bright future ahead of yourself? So much to look forward to, to wonder about, to live through and experience? Would they accept the reality that you've abandoned it all? Could they?
Why does it matter. When you're gone you wouldn't have to know the answer to any of that anyway. Pity the living — because by that point you would be finished, done, allowed to dissipate into nothingness. You wouldn't even remember them. You wouldn't even know.
Because if you did, you would know that they will know. Not immediately, at first, when they walk into whatever space it is that you're in, looking for you or perhaps just needing to use the area in general. But the realization will hit them like a ton of bricks, when they see what has happened, what pain you must've suffered through before arriving at the final moment of your life. They will cry. They will scream. They will weep and grieve and beg for you, even. But there is one thing they won't do. They will not believe their eyes, not because they believe you wouldn't do it, but because they believe you didn't deserve it, none of this suffering, none at all. Your bright future, your acquaintances, your possessions... none of that mattered to you and none of it will matter to them. You're the most important. You've always been the most important, and you will always be, in their world or in the next, or even just in their memories.
So, please. Stay here. Stay strong. Because you are their beloved, and the possibility that you don't know can never change the fact, that there is nothing they won't do to make yourself your own beloved, as well.
