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"Luda's gonna kill me," Jiyeon says as she struggles to keep pressure on her gut, keeping as much blood inside her body as possible.
"You and me both," Hyunjung tells her hastily as she drives as fast as she can, heading to HQ. Her voice is shaking and she looks pissed. "What dumbass jumps in front of a bullet."
"Can we keep this a secret," Jiyeon says as she grits her teeth.
"You moron, Luda's the team's medical doctor. You seriously don't expect me to patch you up."
"Nevermind then. Sojung still has that nasty scar from when you stitched her knife wound." Jiyeon teases or tries at least but everything is getting hazy. She feels heat on her torso and shoulder and the rest of her body is just numb. She barely hears Hyunjung when she speaks.
"Shut up, keep pressure on that wound. Jiyeon, shit, keep your eyes open. Jiyeon, hey!"
Jiyeon tries to do what she's told but everything turns black and in a second the heat turns cold and Hyunjung's voice fades into nothing.
Luda's hands start shaking as soon as the operation is finished and she leaves the med bay. She can't get the image of Jiyeon, pale, bloody and unconscious out of her mind. She had hoped moments like these would never come but they live dangerous lives, this much she understands. With Jiyeon and Hyunjung being field agents, the danger is heightened in an extreme amount and the only thing Luda can do to help them is to do her job.
Get yourself together Luda , she mentally scolds herself, they both need you to act as calm and professional as possible.
She knows she can't provide them with the medical help they need if she's floundering about like a headless chicken. But they've never come to this, never come to the point where one of them almost dies. It's always just bruises or broken bones or if they're shot, never in places where they could lose their life.
And she's on the verge of losing it and she hates it because this just seems like a viable sign for failure. She needs to do better – get herself together – to be able to handle their medical situations the best she can.
She walks in the hallway with feigned calm, trying to still her hands and just as she turns a corner, Hyunjung is heading her way in a rush.
"How is she?" She's panting but it couldn't mask the guilt in her voice.
"Alive." is all Luda manages to say but it's enough. Because she sees relief flooding Hyunjung's eyes and she breathes out a sigh as if it's her first time breathing again.
"It was my fault, Luda." Hyunjung says it, almost like a whisper. "I didn't see him and Jiyeon, she – "
"Stop, it's no one's fault." Luda heard everything from Sojung when she was monitoring the mission and everything went downhill. One of the targets had gotten close and before Hyunjung could handle him, he had pulled out a gun. One thing led to another and suddenly Jiyeon got shot in the shoulder and another bullet was fired, heading straight to her abdomen.
"Can we, can we see her?" She sounds so desperate that Luda almost says yes. But she shakes her head.
"In a few hours, unnie. Besides, she's asleep." Luda leads her away from the medical wing. When she sees Hyunjung's bruised arms and disheveled state, Luda decides that she needs her rest too, so they head to the general direction of their rooms. "You should rest, I'll wake you up later so we can see her together, okay?"
Hyunjung complies and they keep walking in silence.
When they visit Jiyeon after a few hours, they didn't expect her to be awake, much less sitting up. Jiyeon looks lively despite the near death experience and the bandages covering her torso and shoulder. There are bruises too, but those will fade, she will heal, Luda will make sure.
"You guys look like someone died." Jiyeon tries to joke and smiles at them with one of her gummy smiles and as endearing as it may be, Luda still has that tight feeling on her chest.
At the back of her mind, a voice tells her that she has to talk to them (again) about not putting their lives on the line in every single mission.
I'm a doctor, I'm not God, there's limits to things I can do for you guys if you keep this up. Luda has half the mind to actually scream the words at them but she holds her tongue. Maybe not today, she sighs.
"You shouldn't have done that," Hyunjung's voice sounds hardened, words said in quick succession. Luda looks up, expecting to see a frown, the one she always sees when Hyunjung reprimands them. Instead, she sees a storm of emotions in her eyes, desperation, annoyance, fear. "Jumping in front of the bullet for me, Jiyeon. What were you thinking?"
There was noticeable silence, almost unbearable, before Jiyeon decided to speak.
"It was a tactical decision, unnie. You're faster than me so you have a higher chance of taking him out." Jiyeon tries to explain, "My only mistake is not considering he'll fire twice. I honestly thought I'll only get shot in the shoulder so I took the chance."
"You fucking idiot." Hyunjung tells her but she sits down next to her on the edge of the bed. Hyunjung takes Jiyeon's hand and looks at her face very closely, checking for any sign of discomfort. She raises Jiyeon's hands and kisses her knuckles and presses the back of Jiyeon's hand on her cheek. "I still hate you for getting shot. Never do that again."
Luda heads to the end of the bed to grab the clipboard to read it over just to see if there were any changes or updates while she was gone. She feels two pairs of eyes look her way. She hasn't spoken since they arrived in the room and she's aware that they're staring hard because they're waiting for what she'll say.
"I think she's angry at me." Luda hears Jiyeon whisper at Hyunjung and at the corner of her eye, she sees Hyunjung move so Jiyeon can lean on her shoulder.
"At both of you actually." She says with finality but she tries to keep her expressions neutral. She's mad, she's actually so mad but her heart melts as she watches the tender way Hyunjung pushes Jiyeon's hair away from her face to curl it behind her ears. "But we'll talk about this when none of you are my current patients."
Luda puts the clipboard back and heads to the other side of the bed. Up close, she can see Jiyeon's eyes and she looks so apologetic and guilty that it makes Luda lean down to give her a kiss on her forehead. Jiyeon closes her eyes with a sigh from the sensation of warmth, her lips light and careful.
Luda turns her back to them to check the IV drip before speaking, she can only think about the image of Jiyeon and her skin, pale from blood loss.
"I hate sewing you up."
"You've done it multiple times already. And we can't leave the stitching to Hyunjung unnie, she's so bad at it."
"I'm going to kill both of you."
"You can't kill me just for being bad at stitches."
"And you can't kill me for needing one."
Luda can't believe they're doing this right now. Bickering like one of them wasn't literally on the brink of death just a few hours ago.
She glares at both of them and they smile at her but their eyes are still guilt-ridden. They're just as shaken up as she is, there's no reason to be angry at them, Luda knows, not when they're just doing their job just like she's doing hers.
"Come here." Hyunjung pats the space next to Jiyeon, prompting her to sit. She doesn't do it immediately but they're staring at her with pleading eyes; she gives in and sits down with a huff next to them.
"We're sorry. We know you're just worried." Hyunjung says with a gentle voice. "But we're all committed to this job."
Jiyeon is still leaning on Hyunjung's shoulder when she speaks, "I know you're thinking that you always have to keep calm for us and be at your best all the time but you've done that already. Now shelf that doctor, and bring out my girlfriend."
Emotions clog up Luda's throat because of course she doesn't tell them but still, they know about how she's struggling to keep a level head. She blinks her eyes, trying to keep them dry.
"I just," Luda whispers as her voice shakes, "Sometimes I think about one day they'll roll one of you in but instead of bringing you in my medical wing, they bring you straight to the morgue."
And once again, the room is filled with silence as they take in her words. Because it's a true possibility, danger just comes with the nature of their job. Everytime they go on a mission, there's a possibility of not coming back.
"Hey, hey," Jiyeon calls to her, lifting her chin up to look her in the eyes. "We'll be fine, I have unnie's back out there and she's got mine."
"Just like how you got our back here in HQ," Hyunjung adds, trying to appease Luda's worries. "We'll do our best out there for you, okay? Just like how you do your best for us here."
And Luda believes them, always have and always will. It's just that sometimes the fear losing them overwhelms her.
"And I'm okay, honestly," Jiyeon assures her as she squeezes her hand. "You're like the best doctor we got here."
Luda nods as she takes all these in. Jiyeon's fine, Jiyeon's fine, they're both fine, she tells herself.
"You did a great job patching me up, really. All I really want right now is my girlfriend."
Despite wanting to keep talking about how reckless they've both been, Luda gives in because this has always been how their relationship worked, with compromising, finding a middle point and making sure that everyone's needs and wants are met.
Luda smiles softly at them finally as she watches Jiyeon move from Hyunjung's shoulder to her chest to snuggle. They both give her an encouraging smile.
"Fine, but I'm still your doctor so no," Luda waves her hands, "unnecessary activities."
"Perfect, because what I need is a lot of cuddles and they are definitely necessary." Jiyeon states and Luda rolls her eyes good naturedly at her.
Both Hyunjung and Jiyeon ended up laying back down with Jiyeon laying on Hyunjung's chest while Luda sits next to them on the bed, encouraging both of them to get more rest. They make sure to keep a careful distance, enough to not joustle Jiyeon's wounds. They stay there for a while, just enjoying each other's presence.
Luda's rubbing soothing circles on the back of Jiyeon's hand while Hyunjung hums a sweet tune, easing all three of them to relax when they hear the endless pinging of notifications on Luda's phone.
"What's that about?" Jiyeon asks when Luda picks up her phone to check. Hyunjung is looking curiously over when she types back a reply.
"Just Sojung unnie asking when you're allowed visitors."
"Oh, yeah. I think she also needs to debrief us."
"I bet the kids are dying to visit too." Hyunjung says as she remembers some of them worriedly waiting for them when Hyunjung arrives in the car while Jiyeon bled on the passenger seat.
"I told them you're not allowed visitors until tomorrow morning."
"I'm not?"
"You're not." Luda says firmly. "You need to rest."
"But we're here?" Hyunjung frowns in visible confusion.
"Girlfriend privileges." Luda winks at them with a smile.