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oikawa always felt uncomfortable in her skin. people had often pointed out her short fluffy hair, aversion to typically 'girly things', and even how her given name — tooru — was usually a boy's name. they would call her a tomboy and laugh behind their hands.
what they didn't know is that she secretly held onto the 'boy' part of tomboy.
the only one who had never acted weirdly like that towards her was iwaizumi hajime.
he didn't seem to care about being friends with a girl, especially in a school like kitagawa daiichi where girls were vastly outnumbered by boys and there were barely any sports teams for them. they had been childhood friends for so long that any gendered distance between them was nonexistent.
tooru and hajime had often watched volleyball games together and practiced together as kids, so when they both went to kitagawa daiichi, they both tried to join the volleyball team.
of course, it was the boy's volleyball team, but tooru had too much talent to be overlooked.
it became the kitagawa daiichi co-ed volleyball team.
most people had just assumed that tooru was a boy, being on a volleyball team with entirely boys. she didn't know why she felt more comfortable like that.
in fact, tooru didn't understand why she had always liked to be called a boy. unlike other girls when they were mistaken for the other gender — offended and worried — she preferred it.
the first time she had finally understood the feelings swirling in her head was the first time she met hanamaki takahiro, after going to aoba johsai with iwaizumi.
they were in the same class, and when the teacher called out "hanamaki suzuki?" tooru's new classmate rolled his eyes and called back, "hanamaki takahiro. i'm getting it changed soon."
tooru was confused. wasn't suzuki a girl's name? she decided not to pay too much attention to it. after all, she also had a traditionally male name.
oikawa and hanamaki had become friends easily, so had iwaizumi and matsukawa issei. they banded together and all joined the volleyball team. the next incident came after their first real practice.
the four friends were strewn on the floor, panting and heaving after their upperclassmen absolutely destroyed them in multiple 3-on-3 games (iwaizumi and matsukawa alternating sets). oikawa suddenly started giggling, the other three staring at her like she was crazy.
"i could go for another set."
they all laughed.
"yeah right, you look like you just went for a swim."
"shut up hanamaki, you're not any better!"
hanamaki rolled his eyes and brought his practice jersey up to wipe his forehead, revealing a band of black just above his torso.
matsukawa clicked his tongue and smacked his friend on the arm. "takahiro, you know you're not supposed to exercise with your binder on. you could injure yourself, idiot."
the other boy just rolled his eyes and shrugged the hand off. "i'll be fine, mom. i'll take it off when i get home." this drew the attention of oikawa, who stared and without thinking, blurted out,
"why do you wear that?"
hanamaki glanced at tooru, and shared a look with matsukawa and iwaizumi. slowly, he enunciated, "i'm trans . i thought you knew?"
oikawa sat there, dumbstruck. she didn't know what that meant, and was about to ask before one of their upperclassmen shouted out, "guys — er, guys and girls — it's time to clean up!"
she despised the correction.
the rest of them didn't say more, cleaning up in mild silence, but on the way home, oikawa asked iwaizumi what hanamaki was talking about.
her best friend merely shrugged and said, "he's a trans boy. it's not out of the norm these days. don't be so close minded."
later, back in the safety of her room, tooru pulled up google on her laptop, carefully under the covers of her bed.
'what does being trans mean'
the first result was from wikipedia — "transgender people have a gender identity or gender expression that differs from their sex assigned at birth. some transgender people who desire medical assistance to transition from one sex to another identify as transsexual. transgender, often shortened as trans, is also an umbrella term."
she was confused, rereading the paragraph multiple times.
'transgender meaning' — more confusing big words
'trans girl' — no, that wasn't the right term.
'trans boy' — this was what iwa-chan said hanamaki said he was?
oikawa exhausted herself, reading articles and definitions that she didn't entirely understand. finally, she made her last search, with a feeling in the back of her head and an itch in her heart
'how do you know if you're trans?'
When you don't feel comfortable when being referred to as a boy/girl, or man/woman. When a wrong pronoun is used to describe you, it may also trigger discomfort. Some people may feel that their body is not in line with their deeply felt sense of self.
suddenly, everything clicks into place in oikawa's mind. tentatively, she imagined iwa-chan calling her a boy. "oikawa? he's kind of a shithead but he's… he's my best friend. and a damn good setter."
the feeling, the euphoria and relief that bloomed in tooru's heart was indescribable.
he said to himself incredulously, "i'm a boy."
oikawa buried his face into his pillow and made some incoherent sounds, happier than ever. the sounds of footsteps turned his giggled into muffled fake snores, but after his door closed again, tooru fell asleep with a smile on his face.
the next day, oikawa presented this information to iwaizumi on the walk to school. no warning, no preface, just, "hey iwa-chan? i'm trans."
iwaizumi just gave oikawa a smile and brought him into a hug, before pulling away.
"oikawa? he's kind of a shithead but he's… he's my best friend. and a damn good setter."
and finally, oikawa tooru felt comfortable with himself.
tooru was a boy's name, this boy's name.