Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

17 years old Hisoka's POV:

It was a fine Saturday afternoon. The sky is blue, the grass is green, the flowers are blooming and swaying with the wind.

Yes. The blue-haired boy thought. This is just perfect. A perfect day for my perfect girl. He thought still.

He looked at the entrance of the park. And he caught his breath.

Finally. She's here. He inhaled deeply and smiled. Wow. Is this the best feeling that a person can have? Or is there more to this feeling?

He waited for her to his spot where he's seating, looking at her while she slowly walked to him. She had a smile on her face. One of the most beautiful thing he had seen in his whole existence.

She stopped in front of him. "Hi," she greeted her, smile widening on her face.

At first he was stunned. Seriously, it was like he was stuck there, his eyes fixed on her, and he can't even open his mouth to say something.

She cocked her head to the side and looked at him, confused.

That's when where he realize he should say something.

"Hey!" he grinned from ear to ear. She smiled her beautiful smile. He looked at her eyes.

"Wow." he whispered as he fell more deeply to the haze of love.

Her smile deepen. He stood up to her side, kissing her in the cheeks and hugged her as his greeting. How he wanted to do more than that.

She giggled. "Where is this coming from, eh?" she said, a little shocked of his little gestures today.

"So, let's get going?" he asked, getting excited to where they might head for today.

You see, today is their first anniversary as couple. Yeah, their first one.

"Yeah," she smiled to him and they walked out of the park, holding hands.

Today is special, as it is their first anniversary, and the first time that y/n actually escaped from the mansion. Her father was rich, he's a businessman, she said to him. The old man is just against everything she wanted. A small example of this is when she joined the camping trip in their school without informing him first, and he was just mad. He was mad at everything. He even made the principal cancelled the camping trip, and it was only because he's angry. So they can't risk him knowing about their relationship. He can't risk it. He cannot. He love her too much that he can't bear the fact that he'll lose her.

They first met in their school, he was on 8th grade that time and she was a transferee from abroad, and yeah, they were classmates.

The first time he saw her, he already felt something — though he have no idea that it would blossom like this. And as if fate was really in favor of him, she was assigned next to him. So basically, they were seatmates. And there it all started.

But he knew it was just too good to be true. They still have to hide their relationship to everyone. No one knew about them. They would only hang out when they're inside the school. Good thing they lasted a year with that kind of arrangement. It's because they love each other and there's no more reason.

They can celebrate their special day together today, because her father's currently out-of-town — her mother's dead — and she can go out freely.

They went to the zoo, ate in a fancy restaurant, watched movie and went to the nearest beach and just walk on the shore, holding hands and watched the sunset together.

When evening came, they went to a hotel to rest — they were planning to spend the whole day and night together.

Surely, right after they arrived, she went straight to bed and was sound asleep. He smiled at her, covering her with blanket before he went to shower.

After his shower he got to bed beside her and was ready to sleep, for he too was tired, but was surprised when Y/n got up from the bed and walked straight to the bathroom door.

"Don't sleep yet." she said, her voice is not her usual. She then locked the door behind her and after a while he could hear the sound of water from the shower.

His eyes narrowed and his brows met. What was that just now?

He just shrugged his shoulders, deciding that he should just wait for her.

An hour passed and she's still inside the bathroom, and he was a bit worried to what might've happened to her.

"Y/n?" he called out.

Something fell to the floor inside the bathroom before she answered. "Y-Yes.. I-I'll be out in a minute." she said, and she sounded tense, or was it just the shower? Hmmm. He thought.

Exactly after one minute, she came out of the shower, but his eyes widen. What the .. ?

She came out of the bathroom naked. Is this a dream? Is he dreaming? Or is this just his imagination?

He looked at her face and it was apple-red. Don't tell me ...? He asked to himself. She want it now?

Something in his crotch twitched, just thinking of her standing naked there and thinking of having sex with her. Yes. It's sex. They've talked about this before, but they agreed to not do it yet. It's still too early for them. But based to her actions, it has changed. He guess.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

He looked at her face and it was apple-red. Don't tell me ...? He asked to himself. She want it now?

Something in his crotch twitched, just thinking of her standing naked there and thinking of having sex with her. Yes. It's sex. They've talked about this before, but they agreed to not do it yet. It's still too early for them. But based to her actions, it has changed. He guess.

He walked towards her, grabbing a robe and covering her with it. No. I don't think she's ready yet.

He looked at her in her eyes, those dark blue eyes, and smiled. "I know you're not ready, so why the rush?" he asked her, still smiling.

She looked up to him and smiled. But the smile didn't reach her eyes. Looking at those deep blue eyes, you can say that she's sad within. Is this making her sad? This?

And from nowhere, a tear fall down her cheek, and her smile vanished. The corners of her lips are down and suddenly, she's weeping. It happened so fast that he himself wasn't able to react that fast.

"H-Hey!" he said to her, surprised. He cupped her face and just wiped all the falling tears from her cheeks. "Y/n, what's wrong?" he quietly asked her.

She then looked up and sniffed. "Do you love me?" Her eyes all watery, her nose red, there was a crease on her forehead and her brows are meeting. Oh. She's more attractive than ever.

He was a bit surprised by her question. "W-What? What are you talking about, Y/n? Of course I love you." he smiled to her again, and kissed her forehead. "I love you so much." he whispered to her ear and kissed her earlobe. She smell so sweet. He kissed her neck, to her collarbone, to her chin, then lastly, softly kissed her lips.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, closing the distance between them.

She kissed him back with more passion. He moaned. This was their first intimate kiss, like seriously, their very first. He then remembered their first kiss was when they meet up in the school comfort room to talk and hang even for a little time — yes I know. He was gonna kiss her on her cheek but she kinda like move her head to the side where he was gonna kiss and it happened. Both of their eyes widen, and their face were both red. It was an awkward moment, but it was still their very first kiss. Their second kiss happened a couple of months later, when there was a school program and the program was up til midnight. It's up to the students to stay and watch, but most of the class advisers are requiring their students to attend the program, including their section. So they had no choice, attendance is a must. While the program is on-going, both of them sneaked out and meet at the garden at the back of the school campus where big ornamental plants, tall trees and green grass are grown. They hid among the leaves (the main reason why their relationship is a big secret is because of Y/n's dad, he had spies for her in the school, including teachers and students simply because he doesn't want her slacking off and flirting and not do her things in school or maybe he's just really attached to her daughter or something)

"H-Hi," she said. She was very shy. She was even blushing.

He chuckled and walked towards her. He leaned down to her. She's really small.

"Hey," he said to her. He missed her so much. Even when they're in class — they're classmates — they don't talk too much to each other.

She smiled to him. His heart skipped a beat. What the hell? How can she smile and change every little things in him?

I'm done. He said to himself, losing control. He grabbed her and hugged her tightly like she'll be gone tomorrow. Their situation is silently driving him nuts.

She hugged him back ever so tightly.

He rested his chin on the top of her head, and kissed it. How he love her smell.

They stood like that for minutes more. After that, they lay down on the grass, talking about sweet nonsense, staring at the sky, savoring the moment. After an hour of talking and holding hands, he really can't control himself anymore. He moved on top of her — you can clearly see the surprised look on her face — and just kissed her. By that time he still doesn't know how to kiss so he just do things his way. She didn't protest though, and it made him very happy. That means she wanted this too.

They were in that position for a few minutes, and he just noticed that she was on top of him. How did that happen, he have no idea. He kissed her. She kissed back. Until they were out of breath.

They separated, both catching their breaths.

"I love you," he whispered to her ear.

She then looked to him and her face beamed, then she blushed. "I love you too ... " she replied and kissed him lightly on his lips. He responded with more urge to her kiss, and they're out of control.

His hands were everywhere, touching and feeling her curves, her body, her everything.

Her left hand was wrapped around his neck, never wanting to let him go, and her right hand is wandering from his neck to his stomach to his legs.

Hisoka snapped back to reality. It was like those memories hit him hard in the face. It hit him very hard that he realized one thing: he wanted her. He wanted her more than anything and no one can stop him.

He broke the kiss, picked her up and carried her to bed. She was surprised by his sudden action, but felt happy. She love Hisoka. She wanted him more than anything the world can offer her.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

He broke the kiss, picked her up and carried her to bed. She was surprised by his sudden action, but felt happy. She love Hisoka. She wanted him more than anything the world can offer her.

He put her down on top of the bed, lifted his shirt off and tossed it. She was staring at him, her eyes wide. Her cheeks were light pink. She's really pretty.

He crawled to her until he was on top of her and looked to her eyes.

"Do you really wanna do this? I mean, are you sure?" he asked her. He himself wanted to do this. He can't control himself anymore. But her decision is what matters most, and usually, he would just follow her to everything.

Her face turned bright red. "Yes, I'm sure."

He smiled. Before he could say another word, she wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him closer to her until their nose touched. Her face, still bright red, came closer to his until their lips came in to contact. She was kissing him very softly that it sent shivers down his spine.

Well this is new. He thought as he crashed himself down to her, fully losing himself.

He kissed her, hot and wild. He wasn't even aware of himself, knowing that he could do things like this. He entered her mouth, pushing his tongue inside her, feeling her hot mouth.

She moaned. It turned him on.

He left her mouth and kissed her neck. Oh. Her smell is driving him crazy to the edge! Damn. Her hands now resting on his head and she's breathing heavy.

He licked every inch of her neck, savoring her. He kissed and licked her earlobe, her jawline, kissed her chin, and sucked the bottom of her lip. He took the robe off her, revealing her body.

Wow. He stared at her body. Her breast is perfect with those pinkish nipples. He could feel his wood becoming harder. He cupped those round breasts that seem to fit perfectly in his hands. He licked and sucked her right nipple, while his left hand is playing and making round movements on her left nipple, making her moan out loud. She arched her body towards him, asking for more.

He's not in control anymore of himself. He just wanted her. He wanted to taste her, feel every inch of her body, and feel the warmth of her inside.

He pressed his manhood against her, making her sigh with so much pleasure. He could feel her hot breath on his neck. He let out a soft groan, as his manhood throbbed inside his boxers.

He licked her nipple one last time, and he moved downward, licking all the way from her breast to her stomach to her lower abdomen until he reached the spot. He got between her legs, pushing them apart. She's wet. Drenching wet. He licked her, causing her to gasp.

"Uuhhh ... ." she was looking down to him, eyes filled with lust.

He ran his tongue over her wet folds. She moaned, her hands on his head once again, pulling his hair, not wanting him to stop.

Before she even came, he halted. She looked up at him confused and frustrated.

"Aren't we going a little too far? Maybe we should stop —"

She kicked him in the face — not the hard-kind of kick though — and he was taken aback. Her face looking all annoyed, and she's kinda irritated too by the way he left her hanging there as she was going to come.

"Oh, okay okay. I get it." he was silently laughing at her as he took off his boxers. It revealed his huge, rock-hard manhood. Her eyes widen, but she sneered the tiniest. She looked sexy and very seductive, being that naked and sneering like that.

"Hisoka, please don't stop next time." she said in a firm voice, all expression gone in her face. Wow. She's taking this seriously.

He smiled, and he kissed her lips softly. "Don't worry, I won't," he said in her mouth.

He took his member to his hand and guided it to her entrance, teasing her with it, making movements in circles. Now she's moaning even louder than before. He smirked. How he love to hear her unconscious moans. It's turning him on more, if that was even possible.

Slowly, he thrust inside her and she screamed in pain. He stopped dead. Her scream brought him back to his senses, and he somehow manage to take a moment and ponder the situation.

The pain in her face is not worth this pleasure and satisfaction. He could stop at any moment. All she have to do is say so. But she didn't protest. After a few seconds, she nodded. He resumed his penetration. Damn, she's tight. Looking at how small she is, he should move slowly. She's biting her lower lip, her fingers are digging on his back. This view is making him so turned on that he slides into her tight, wet folds, wrapping himself inside her wall.

"Arrghh," she cried as his balls slapped her bottom. He's fully in now, and the pain and pleasure in her face is so beautiful in his eyes.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked her.

"Y-Yes," although she's frowning. "I'm getting used to it now." she said, making circular movements with her hips raised.

That was good. Uggghh she's freaking tight.

He pulled out and slowly pushed it back in. He moved like that for a while until she was raising her hips, meeting his slow strokes. He then moved in a faster speed, making her moan and moan all over. He rested his hands on her hips, and he kissed her.

"Y/n ... " he said inside her mouth. Both of them are breathing heavy now, Hisoka was thinking of slowing his pace but instead he moved faster and thrusting even deeper inside her.

"Hisoka ... ahhhh . .." she moaned, moving the same rhythm with Hisoka, who's going in deeper and deeper inside of her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his chest.

He's getting close, pumping in and out of her tight folds, pushing deep to the edge, it was incredible.

"Oh, my ... I'm coming!" she said out loud, holding him tightly to her. He pounded in her fast and hard. One deep thrust and they both moaned in ecstasy. He felt her wall tensed around his wood as she bit his shoulder, her legs all wrapped around his hips as he shot inside her.

He fell atop of her, breathing heavily. He could feel her chest rising and falling under him.

He turned to face her and kissed her deeply.

"That was .. that was incredible." she said, now smiling. "I love you Hisoka. I love you so much." she whispered to his ear.

He kissed her again, now making her feel deeply loved by him, like no one else would. She should know that nothing can measure his love to her. He'll do anything for her. He love her more than anything in the universe.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

He kissed her again, now making her feel deeply loved by him, like no one else would. She should know that nothing can measure his love to her. He'll do anything for her. He love her more than anything in the universe.

Your POV:

Even though two months have already passed, I'm still not familiar with doing things my way. Having maids around doing all the things for you is another story, though.

I'm currently in the wet market to buy myself some fruits — I was thinking that if I buy my fruits and other stuff I need here I can save more money. I thought of buying maybe two trays of eggs and maybe noodles will be good too — well, eggs and noodles are the only thing that I can cook. I still have some difficulties adjusting to my new home and being all alone where I have to do all sorts of things — laundry, dishes, cooking my own meal — I have no choice but to cook or I will starve to death — cleaning, everything.

And this is all because of my dad. I ran away from home two months ago. Everything changed when my grandmother died — she was my mom's mother. I still remember every single detail after her funeral...

I was in my room, silently crying. How I missed my grandmother. She's the only person I can talk to with my problems, personal or not, for she listens very attentive to every word I would say. She's like a mother to me. She stayed by my side all these years, not leaving me even if I'm much of a coward to stand up against my dad. She would defend me if my dad's angry at me for some reason, especially when that day happened, when my old man discovered the truth and the guy I love left me without giving me any reasons whatsoever. She's always there, comforting me and never ever leaving my side. But one day, she just can't get up from bed, grew weak and eventually died. It's because she's just.. old.

Things started to change in the house. Right after the funeral, I haven't seen my dad in like a month or so, and when he's back, he said that I have to marry this guy as soon as the arrangements are done. I'm like "What are you even thinking, dad? I don't even know this guy! How can you sell me to him? To them? I don't even love him!"

But all he did was stare at me, then suddenly he sneered. What the hell?

"I can't do anything about it now, Y/n. It's all fixed. All that we're waiting is for Michio to arrive in the country so that you two can meet up, but until then, you are free to help with the preparations for your wedding and you are not to leave this house." He stood up and head towards the door. "Tomorrow, we will be having lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Satou, so that you can meet Michio's parents and discuss a few things with them." he said. He started on the doorknob.

Lies! Such lies! Of course he can cancel this wedding off! I bet he's the one who even proposed this! Urrrgh! And who the hell is this Satou, Michio anyway? No, I cannot let this happen.

"I'm 26 years old, dad! You can't just go and boss me around anymore!" I said, shouting at him, not able to control myself anymore.

He stopped turning the doorknob and turned to faced me, an eyebrow raised. "As long as you're working under my company and living in my house, I can control you. Do you understand that, Y/n?" he said firmly, a hint of anger in his voice now.

It's true. I'm still living under him, but I've been planning to leave this house a long time ago, but I just can't. I can't do it. And besides, I can't leave my grandmother here all alone. She's old.

And yes, I'm working in his company. I worked there after I graduated in college.

I fell silent for a moment. But then now that grandma's not here anymore, I can leave. I can leave this house and never come back forever. All I have to do is —

"Do not even think of leaving or escaping this house, Y/n." he said, as if reading my thoughts. "I'll have Toru to look after you." he said, referring to one of his bodyguards. Toru isn't the kind of bodyguard that you should underestimate. He's got some kind of hidden powers in him. He then left the room, leaving me there so confused, not knowing what to do now.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

"Do not even think of leaving or escaping this house, Y/n." he said, as if reading my thoughts. "I'll have Toru to look after you." he said, referring to one of his bodyguards. Toru isn't the kind of bodyguard that you should underestimate. He's got some kind of hidden powers in him. He then left the room, leaving me there so confused, not knowing what to do now.

I sighed, coming back to reality. I'm still walking, heading nowhere, totally forgetting why I'm in this wet market in the first place. Then I suddenly bumped into a hard something. Or someone. The impact wasn't that strong, but me being all that clumsy and feeble, I fell to the ground. I hit my bottom rather hard. I frowned, rubbing my bottom.

"Oh, I'm sorry," someone said, tugging my hand and pulling me up from the ground. The scarf that was supposed to be covering my face was off, revealing my whole face. Damn. I'm using a scarf to hide my face. I had to take precautions, now that I ran away and currently hiding from my father. I know he's looking for me. His connections is wide, and he's not the type of person who take defeats that easy. He has always been like that. That's why I can't risk being careless in every single thing that I do. But this incident today is just giving away how clumsy I can be when I'm careless. My butt still hurts a bit.

I looked up to see the stranger's face. He's tall, really tall — or maybe I'm just small — he's got short red hair, which is combed to the back of his head and his eyes are yellow. He's wearing a short-sleeved jacket, decorated with some kind of card symbols and he's wearing a face paint, with a star-shape on his right cheek and a teardrop-shape on his left cheek. Seriously, what is this guy? Is he lost or something? His outfit and face paint doesn't fit him at all, also being in a place like this. I'm kind of like in the verge of laughing at him, but I restrain myself.

He smiled. He looks weird. What is this jester doing in a wet market? Is he here to entertain these people? Maybe I'm going a bit far. Whatever he's up to is not my business. But maybe a little joke is good for me. I said to myself, silently laughing inside.

"Hello there." he greeted, smiling again. His smile is really weird — in a funny way — and I'm very close to laughing again.

"Hi," I said, returning his smile. "I'm so sorry, I was a little distracted." I said.

He chuckled. His laugh isn't that bad, though.

"It's okay. I'm distracted too .. by your beauty." he said, making one of those beautiful eyes.

Is he hitting on me? Or is he just like that all the time?

I pretended a small laugh. "Oh, you," I said, still fake-laughing. I need to get out of here. "U-uhh, I'm kind of in a hurry," I looked up at him. "I gotta go. I'm sorry again. See you around." I said, making my voice more natural.

I walked away from him as I placed the scarf over my head and knot the other two ends of it to the side of my neck, now concealing my face.

"Wait," he said. I stopped and turned to face him.

He smiled again. I looked away to stop myself from laughing inside. Believe me, he looks really funny.

"Let me make up the trouble I caused," he hesitated for a moment. "Let me walk you home."

Uh-uh. "No. I mean no it's no trouble at all. Not at all. You don't have to. Just no." I said all at once. It's not because I don't want anyone to see me walking around with him. It's just that I can't reveal to him where I'm living — or hiding. I just can't risk it. It's too dangerous.

But he insisted. And insisted. And insisted. Until I finally gave in. I can't believe a guy can be so persuasive. I'll just have to find a house and pretend I live there and then he can leave me in peace forever! Yes! That's it!

We started walking, me leading the way. I actually don't know where I'm heading. I just keep on walking. I didn't notice the alleyway we we're entering with him leading the way.

I can't stop thinking of my dad. This is all his fault. My dad's kind of a jerk. I don't know what made him like that. When I was still a kid, I used to love him and idolize him, just how little girls would be to their father. You see, when I was I think maybe 4 years old, he wasn't like that at all. He wasn't that busy all the time, and would spend most of his time with me, reading me books, playing with me, being a real father to me. But when I was 6, he just disappeared. No one knew where he went, no notes whatsoever. I think he was gone for a year and half, and that's when my grandma came. She stayed in the mansion and took care of the business my father left and looked after me. When my dad came back, grandma didn't leave the mansion, but she waived the managing of the business to my father. She stayed there, with me.

When my dad came back, everything has changed. He's not the old "daddy" I knew that would tuck me to bed and read me a story and would play with me. I was so happy that he came back, but when I hugged him, he just looked at me, as if he didn't know me. Those cold, dark eyes stared down at me as if I'm some kind of a pest that was in his way. I was so hurt by his actions, and after that, he's always been mean to me. Not wanting me to go out too much and always confining me inside the house. I only had one friend. He was the only one who approached me back then — at that time, no one really wanted to be friends with me, I don't know why though. He was so nice to me, and I fell in love with him.

Hisoka...

Memories flooded my head and now I'm feeling nothing but pain. Too. Much. Pain. Uhhh.

I feel like crying right now. Why am I remembering this now, of all times? Arrgh.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I noticed where I am. What the ... ?

I'm in a dark alley. I looked around and no one is there. The jester guy wasn't even there. Have I been alone this whole time?

Someone harshly grabbed my hands from behind and locked it there, dragging me to a dead-end, causing my scarf to detach and exposing my face. I was so shocked I couldn't even shout or protest. I turned my face to the side to see who it was. It was the jester guy. I was about to shout but he covered my mouth with his hands.

"Don't even try," he whispered to my ear. I shivered.

What's going to happen to me? Is he going to kill me? I asked myself, helpless.

He stopped when he reached the corner side of the dead-end alley. He let go of my mouth but he's still holding my hands in the back.

"What are you doing, you moron? Let me go!" I shouted at him, pretending to be strong and fearless, but inside I don't know what else to do. I have never been this scared in my whole life.

He laughed. He laughed so hard and loud. It was terrifying. What in the world is this guy?

"You are such a beauty, I just can't let you go," he whispered, licking my earlobe down to my jawline. Disgusting.

"You pervert! Let me go, you disgusting —"

I halted. His grip on my hands loosened. Then he let go of it. Did he changed his mind and decided to let me go instead?

This is my chance. I ran a few meters away from him, feeling the temporary freedom and stopped to turn and face him. I looked down. There he is. Lying on the ground. I'm not certain, but he looks ... lifeless. There's lot of blood oozing from his neck. I took a step back. W-Who did this ..? Is he dead? Who killed h-him?

I looked closer to his neck. There was a deep cut in the front of his neck and a lot of blood is dripping from it. And on the right portion of it, there was a — wait, is that a playing card? Where did that come from?

I was still battling with myself, whether to leave the pervert jester behind and escape or help him when a guy from nowhere approached him. He was walking slow, as if his every moves are well calculated.

He seized the playing card from the jester's neck and turned around, facing me.

Is he the one who saved me? Why did he kill him? He could have just talked to him, he doesn't have to kill the guy!

He walked towards my direction, then stopped when he reached my spot. Is he gonna kill me too? I wanted to run. I wanted to leave this place. But my feet seems to be stuck there, and I can't move. I can't move at all.

I looked at him from head to toe. What the hell? He looks just like the guy he killed — the pervert jester. He's wearing a face paint with a star shape on his right cheek and a teardrop shape on his left cheek. His red hair is combed to the back of his head and his eyes are yellow. He's wearing a sleeveless jacket — the pervert jester was wearing a short-sleeved jacket — long pants, leg wraps and a belly band and it's decorated with suit symbols. But one thing is for sure: they don't look alike. His face is nowhere near the pervert jester.

He leaned down to me until he was an inch away from my nose. Then he smirked.

"It's been a long time," he said, leer never leaving his face.

No. This is not happening. I said to myself as epiphany hit me hard in the face.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

He leaned down to me until he was an inch away from my nose. Then he smirked.

"It's been a long time," he said, leer never leaving his face.

No. This is not happening. I said to myself as epiphany hit me hard in the face.

I was silent for a moment, measuring the situation. Funny, I was just thinking about him before I got to this mess, and then suddenly this jester that came out of nowhere, saving me from the other jester — the pervert one — looks just like him! I mean, even this guy's hair is all red and held to the back of his head, the shape of his face and nose resembles Hisoka a lot. Well, Hisoka's hair is blue though. And I cannot imagine Hisoka would wear this ridiculous outfit and wear a face paint. Well if he does though I'm gonna punch him hard in the face.

But I can't tell that. So many years have passed — how long was it? A decade or so?

But how about me? I didn't change. Nothing changed in me. I'm still the old me. Still the loving girlfriend that that a-hole left. I sighed.

Well here's my epiphany: he's going to kill me too. It's maybe because he didn't want any witness to the crime that he made. Well in the first place, he shouldn't have killed the pervert jester. There's a lot of ways to talk a problem out. But he killed him, and now he's going to kill me too. Maybe he just love to sneak into other people's business, and if he wanted to do so, he'll kill those people. I think it's his habit. He love to kill people — well these are only my theories though, and I can say this based on his actions. You can clearly see that in his eyes. Those evil-looking yellow eyes, always in a thin line.

I was actually in deep thoughts of what he said. It's been a long time. What does that even mean? I mean, what has been a long time? Is he signifying that we met before? I don't remember meeting him somewhere. Is he one of my classmate in high school? Or in college? No. I don't think so. I haven't met this guys before.I'm a hundred percent sure about that.

But I don't have time to think such nonsense. I need to formulate a plan to escape this maniac. And I need to think fast.

"Hmmmm." he said. I flinched. His voice... It's .. creepy. His eyes narrowed and he looked down at me. "Perhaps I should —" he wasn't able to finish his sentence. I landed a quick and hard punch on his face. That took a lot of effort. And strength.

I broke into a run. I was running as fast as my feet could. I was frowning too, though. I can feel my knuckle aching from the punch.

I tried to shift my head to the side a little, to see if he's following me. But he wasn't. Yes!

He was just standing there, caressing his left cheek — where I hit him — and he's smiling.

My eyes widen. His smile. It reminds me of someone, but I can't think of who. But more to it, his smile is .. it's scary. I had a goosebumps just by looking at it.

I exited the alleyway and headed straight to my apartment. Every people I passed looked at my direction.

Fortunately, my feet made it to my apartment. But it's no good. It's throbbing with so much pain. I'm even holding the gate for support. And I'm panting real hard.

This is difficult. I can't .. breathe.  If only I wouldn't look stupid crawling, I would have crawled to get inside my house.

When I can finally breathe evenly and regained strength, I entered the gate, locked it and walked straight to the door.

The owner of this apartment is a 75-year old woman. She's a widow and has no son or daughter. She lives just across the street, all by herself. She would only come and visit the apartment when she's collecting the rent. She wasn't the nice-type of old lady though. She always look at me like I'm a bother to her. Huh.

When I'm inside the house, I locked the door behind me and exhaled loudly. "Wow, I was in trouble back there." I said to myself. "Good thing I'm safe here in my —" I stopped.

Someone has break into my house! I can clearly see someone sitting on the couch. It's a guy. A big guy. I turned on the lights.

"H-Hey!" I said. "What are you — Toru?" I now recognize the guy sitting on my couch. Oh, no. I'm in BIG trouble. "What are you doing here, Toru?" I demanded.

He stood up and bowed. When he faced me, he's smiling. "To take you home, Princess." He cleared his throat. "We've been looking everywhere for you, and Boss is, well, unhappy." he said. Of all of daddy's bodyguard, I like Toru. He's obedient, polite, courteous, and he's very kind to me. He calls me Princess, since I was little.

"I don't care. Go home, Toru. Tell him you haven't found me yet." I ordered him, and walked towards the kitchen. He followed.

"But Princess —"

"Toru, please." I pleaded. "Please don't take me to him," that came out a whisper. Maybe because I'm exhausted from the long run and now here, there's another problem.

He sighed. "We have no choice, Princess. This must be done. Forgive me." He said to me. He looked behind me then nodded.

I followed to where he was looking, and was surprise to see Toru's men, all standing behind me, and they seem to have entered the house through the window and backdoor.

"Toru! I am ordering you! Stop this!" I said when his men advanced on me.

"Forgive me, Princess." that was his answer.

One of them caught me from behind and grabbed my hands and locked them to my back. I struggled and squirm and twisted, making all movements I can with my hands locked to my back. Now they pissed me.

"When I get back, I'm gonna get you all fired! Do you understand that, you idiots?" I yelled at them, still struggling. "I'll get you all fired! You! And you! Every single one of you!"

Someone covered my mouth with a white scarf. I smelled something strange from it, then suddenly felt dizzy. Everything I see turned blur.

"I'm truly sorry for this, Princess." Toru said, catching me before I fell to the floor. That was the last thing that registered to my head, and then everything became black.

I was waken by something hard against my lower abdomen. And I'm hanging upside down.

"Ohhh," I frowned, rubbing my temple. My head is aching. I'm half-awake, and everything is fuzzy.

What happened?

I feel like someone's carrying me. And it's carrying me over it's shoulder. I blinked. The person carrying me is walking, but I can't see who it is. I can't even lift my hand.

"Hmmmm?" someone said, then we stopped moving. "You should rest," the person carrying me said then resumed it's pace.

I assumed that he's talking to me and with that, I closed my eyes, escaping all the problems I know I can never break free from.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

"Hmmmm?" someone said, then we stopped moving. "You should rest," the person carrying me said then resumed it's pace.

I assume that he's talking to me and with that, I closed my eyes, escaping all the problems I know I can never break free from.

I woke up in a dimly lit room.

"Ughh," I frowned. My head is aching. Why is my head aching? I looked around the room.

Where am I? What happened?

Then memories from last occurrence flashed in my head.

Oh yeah. I said to myself as I remembered. There was this pervert jester, and another jester who saved me from the pervert jester by slicing through it's neck using a playing card but then also tried to kill me — though I haven't proven that he actually planned on killing me too. I'm still thinking about what he said, "It's been a long time". And I wonder if someone has already found the body the pervert one. Maybe I should report it to the authority. That pervert jester has got to have family that will look for him. Then, Toru found where I was hiding, and he was inside my house, and he was sitting on my couch, and he said he's going to take me home, and I told him no but he said it has to be done and said "Forgive me" and used force against me to take me home, but I argued and struggled but they made me smell that stupid handkerchief and of course, I lost consciousness and now I'm here. What did they put in that scarf, anyway? To hell with them. I really am gonna fire them once I got home. And I'm gonna punish Toru for not obeying me. But if he did obey me, he's busted and father might kill him — no I'm just exaggerating.

But seriously, where am I? Clearly, this isn't my room — the space of this room wasn't even half of my bedroom.

Toru said he's going to bring me back home, but where is that guy? Where are we?

Out of nowhere, something flashed in my head. I think it was a dream. Like a memory from another memory. Someone was carrying me over their shoulder and I was upside down. I think the person carrying me even told me to rest, but I can't be sure, the memory and everything in it was hazy. I don't even know if that actually happened.

But if it actually happened and it wasn't just a dream, then someone saved me from Toru and his men, right? And if I'm right and someone did save me, then this must be my savior's house. My savior must have brought me with him — or her — knowing that I'm not safe in my house. But that would be impossible. Toru is strong, so is his subordinates. I remembered when I heard my dad and grandma talking, and dad mentioned that all of his hired bodyguards are professional hunters — though I don't know what that means — but it sounded tough, so I bet it's some kind of organization of people with strong physique and good mental skills. Toru is my father's bodyguard, so this means that Toru and his men are "professional hunters" and they're strong and not easily defeated. And besides, no one can actually save me from that. I mean, they could only save me if they followed me to my apartment, and my apartment is a bit far from civilization, so I guess that would be impossible.

Oh well, maybe it's just a dream.

I quickly dismissed all the things in my head and stood up, deciding to check the place out. I straighten myself and walked towards the door.

"Toru?" I called out.

Nothing.

"Toru? Where are we?" still, no one answered.

What is happening? And what is this place?

"Toruuuuu," I called again. But nothingness answered me.

When I got to the kitchen, I could hear a faint sound of water from the shower, coming from the door next to the divider near the kitchen sink. That should be the bathroom.

"Huh?" I paused and stared at the bathroom door. "Hello? Is someone in there?"

Nothing again.

This is seriously bugging me. What the hell happened? Where's everyone? WHY IS NO ONE ANSWERING ME?!

I headed straight to the bathroom door. "Hey. Is anyone there?" Of course there's someone inside. And that someone is taking a shower.

No one answered, so I knocked on the door three times. It's loud enough for the person taking a bath inside to hear. But maybe the person inside slipped and fell to the floor and is now unconscious? Or maybe there really is no one inside the bathroom and the sound that I am hearing is just the water from the sink inside the bathroom and it's dripping to the floor.

Only one way to find out.

I turn the doorknob and opened the door.

There, behind the shower curtain is a person — I can see it's shadow from the light above him. But it's not moving. It's just standing there.

"Oy," I said to call its attention, but it didn't even move an inch.

I'm so confused. What is really happening here? Why is this person ignoring me?

"Hmmmm?" the person behind the curtain finally said. "I see, you're awake."

Obviously... The person behind the shower curtain is a guy. I can tell because of his voice. But I didn't recognize his voice. And that's odd. I didn't recognize his voice at all, but I had this strange feeling inside of me. It's like I know who's voice it was, but that's the odd thing about it — I don't know who's voice it was!

Maybe I should leave him and I'll just talk to him after he's done taking a bath. It'll be awkward if he come out of the shower and he's naked and all that.

I can feel my face turning bright red.

I decided to wait for him outside, ignoring what he said. But before I could even turn, the shower curtain moved the slightest, then the guy inside took a step outside.

He looked at me, and he's leering. He's wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, though I can perfectly see what's behind the towel — if you know what I mean.

I recognized him. This guy ... This is the jester with the playing card that saved me back then. I can't be wrong about this. He may not be wearing a face paint, or his hair not combed and held up to the back of his head .. . But I'm sure .. It's him. But how? Why?

My heart skipped a beat as it finally came to me. I swallowed slowly, looking directly to his eyes.

H-he ... . It can't b-be .. H-Hisoka? No.

I'm so stupid! How can I miss this? Stupid, stupid, stupid! I recognized this jester even without his face paint and costume, but how come I didn't recognize it as Hisoka? This is Hisoka, alright. I cannot be mistaken. How can I? I've known him for like my whole life!

My heart is beating so fast, and right now, I can't think of anything to say. It's like I've lost all the letters in the alphabet and every possible word.

I have so many questions in my head and I don't know where to start. But .. is this guy really is Hisoka? What happened to him? Why did he dye his hair red? Why is he wearing that costume back at the wet market? Why is he wearing a freaking face paint? Doesn't he know that it might damage the skin in his face? Why am I here? Where is Toru? What happened back there?

I think I'm going to have a breakdown.

As I stare deep into his eyes, those evil-looking yellow eyes — I'm still wondering how it turned yellow though — when suddenly the towel wrapped around his waist fell off.

"HEH!" I said out loud, my face turned red. My eyes acted on its own, darting straight to the place where the towel left.

"My, my. Naughty towel." He said, that nasty smile never leaving his face. He seem to enjoy the situation, his face looking all amused. I don't think being naked in front of a woman troubles him at all. He didn't even bother to pick the damn towel to cover himself up! He just stood there, smiling at me like an idiot, waiting for my reaction.

I looked up, beyond him, staring at nothing, feeling so embarrassed. I can feel my face burning. Idiot! When was the last time I saw a naked man? Oh, yeah. It was him that I last saw naked. But that was like a million years ago. My gaze moved down to his body. Wow. Look at his stomach. Those abs. It's perfect.

I stopped myself knowing that if I continue to descend, I will see him again. And besides, I'm feeling embarrassed, remember? I shouldn't be sticking my nose to where it shouldn't be. I turn around, facing the door. "G-get dressed. We'll talk later."

I can feel his stare boring on my back as I exited the bathroom. Right now, I'm feeling lost, knowing that he is back in my life again.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

I stopped myself knowing that if I continue to descend, I will see him again. And besides, I'm feeling embarrassed, remember? I shouldn't be sticking my nose to where it shouldn't be. I turn around, facing the door. "G-get dressed. We'll talk later."

I can feel his stare boring on my back as I exited the bathroom. Right now, I'm feeling lost, knowing that he is back in my life again.

I sighed as I paced back and forth inside the bedroom, his bedroom, to be exact. I have so many questions in my mind, and I don't know where to start. But first, I want to know how I got to this place, to his house. So he did follow me back then, no? I'm guessing that after the incident in the alleyway — after I punched him and escaped — he followed me to my apartment. I'm wondering how he took me from Toru though. If he has taken me by force from my father's bodyguards, then there must have been a dispute during the encounter and a conflict. Toru will never give me in without a fight, I know that. But how is that that I'm here? Does this mean that Hisoka, who followed me, all alone, defeated Toru and all of his subordinates?

Psh. That's impossible. Him?

But he did kill the pervert jester. He followed us to the alleyway, to the dead-end, where the pervert jester cornered me and Hisoka killed him, with both of us unaware that we were being followed by Hisoka himself.

I think Hisoka has a love for killing people. Although these are all just my conclusions. Things would be a lot easier if I ask him myself. I mean, what actually happened to Hisoka? How did he turned out like this? What made him like this? And where the hell is Toru? Don't tell me .. ? Hisoka killed them? All of them? Is that what I call .. defeat? Defeat means dead?

I shivered, thinking of the possibilities that Toru and his men could be dead. No, it can't be. Hisoka .. . He wouldn't have, right?

I stopped pacing and looked to the doorway. I can hear footsteps getting closer. Agh! What should I do? Where should I go? Should I hide? Where should I hide? Or maybe I should just take a seat and relax? No! I can't do that! WHAT? These are all in my head, all scrambled, as I have no idea how to face Hisoka. It's been 11 years, I think, since I last saw him. To think of it, I last saw him just a moment ago, naked, in the bathroom.

I felt my face turned red, as I remember him naked back there. That was some nice view, though.

What? What the hell am I even thinking? Nice view?

The door opened. There stood Hisoka. He's not naked now. He's wearing another one of his jester outfits, and he has face paint again. That's quick.

"H-Hisoka ... " I whispered as he entered the room and slowly walked towards the corner and sit there. As if he didn't see me. As if I was invisible. As if I wasn't there at all.

"What do you want to talk about?" he finally said, as he drew a bunch of playing cards from nowhere. Wow. That's cool.

Ehh? I thought, realizing what he just said. What's with the stupid question? He said it so natural, just as like nothing happened, like it's not something important, like I'm just someone he always talks to, like nothing to interest him in any way.

I feel like I'm losing my cool. "What are you, an idiot?" I suddenly shouted at him. "What the hell am I doing here? Where's Toru? Where am I? Why are you here? You didn't kill them, did you? What did you do to them?!" I completely lose it. His stupid question provoked me. 'What do you want to talk about?' What is he, insane? He doesn't have to ask me such question — he need to explain everything to me! I'm feeling so confused, frustrated, and I don't know anything of what is happening. I feel like ... crying.

He didn't say anything. He just stared at me while shuffling the playing cards. Then he smirked.

What ..? Why is he smiling? Does he know that I'm angry at him? If he does, then why is he smiling like that?

I really am confused. Why is he acting so strange? Why does he kept smiling on every little thing? It's not even a smile, it's a smirk. It's that kind of insolent smile. It's creepy!

He stood up, the playing cards is now nowhere to be seen, then he walked towards me.

"H-Hey .. " I said as his smile — or smirk — didn't vanish. I think it's creepy. It kind of like represents his feelings of superiority towards others, or maybe he's just this conceited. I don't know.

He walked straight towards me. I took a step back. No. I can't let him near me. I just .. can't. I don't think I can face this jester, knowing that this is Hisoka.

When he got near me, I took a step back again. And again. And again. Until I reached the bed. I lost my balance when the back of my left leg hit the end of the bed, and so I fell on top of the mattress. I am now looking above him, towering over me. He looks big when I'm lying on his bed.

"You should be thankful," he said, smirk never leaving his face. "First, I saved you from that disgusting fool, who's been copying my clothing manner in a very disgraceful way," he said. He was referring to the pervert jester. "I've always wanted to eliminate him, so I followed him to where he took hostage of you, and killed him, straight away." He is now on the bed, crawling unto me. "I never knew that it was you that he took to that dirty alley. If I knew then, I would have made him suffer a more painful death." he said, licking his lower lip like a maniac, who's lust for killing is turned on.

What? W-What is wrong with you, Hisoka? Why does it seem to me that you love killing people?

I wanted to hug him. I wanted to relieve his lust for killing people. But I can't do it. I don't know what's happening to my body. It's frozen there, beneath him.

I can feel my body shivering. He's so close to me. I can close the distance between us and kiss him, hug him, tell him how much I've missed him. Tell him how my feelings for him never left.

Wait.. So my feelings for him never disappeared?

My face is filled with mixed emotions. I can tell that he's amused by it just by looking at my face, contorted with various emotions that I myself wasn't able to hold in.

"W-What did you do to T-Toru?" I asked him. I feel so little, now that I'm under him.

"Toru. Hnn. Ah. Yes. That's why his face is so familiar. He's one of your father's bodyguards, isn't he?" he said wondering. "Don't worry. I didn't killed him. I just played with him a little." he said, smiling insolently, as if he enjoyed every single detail of his 'game' with Toru.

I have no idea what to say to him. This Hisoka, who's on top of me, is in a whole new different level than the Hisoka I knew. He's a totally new Hisoka, like he's been reborn. My biggest question is how and why did he turn into this kind of person?

Chapter Text

Flashback:

I have no idea what to say to him. This Hisoka, who's on top of me, is in a whole new different level than the Hisoka I knew. He's a totally new Hisoka, like he's been reborn. My biggest question is how and why did he turn into this kind of person?

I don't know where to start asking him questions.

"B-But why did you save me from Toru?" I asked. Even if he knew that it was me, why would he bother saving me? He left me 11 years ago, without a word, without any reason whatsoever. That should be enough for him to ignore me, if he really have finished all the things between us. Come to think of it, I should be mad at him for leaving me. But why am I not feeling any hatred now? Maybe because after all these years, I still love him. Or maybe simply because he's here right now that all of my pain and suffering have .. disappeared. I sure hate him back then though. I was so miserable .. . I've been crying for nights . . It's like it wouldn't stop. Nothing to stop the pain. Every night, or rather whenever I'm alone, especially when I'm at home, I would always cry. It was just too much for me. My young heart was very much hurt. It was just one small incident and he was gone. He was nowhere to be found the next day. At first I thought he was just ditching class. But then it became weeks then months. I was so worried that I even escaped the bodyguard that was suppose to drive me home just to visit his house. But when I got to their building, his uncle said Hisoka left with some woman. He didn't know who was the woman, nor where they were going. And so that's it for my forever. It slipped right out of my grip. But what hurts the most was .. "I-I'm so sorry, Y/n. You see, he left with this woman. H-He didn't even introduce to her, for he said that they were in a hurry. He said that he wanted them to leave this place as soon as possible. He also said t-that he will not be returning here anymore." His uncle said that to me. He left .. with a woman. A woman. Yeah. A lot of things happened after that.

"I would've been more entertained if I got the chance to kill that bodyguard of yours," he said that with a hint of regret in his voice, completely ignoring my question.

I looked at him in the eyes. "Who are you? Y-You're not Hisoka, r-right?" I don't know, but that question came out of nowhere.

"Mmmm?" he leaned down to me. "I'm not quite sure if I understand that question, but .." he paused. "do you want to find out?" he asked smirking, eyes narrowed.

HEH?! He closed the distance between us, and kissed me deep and greedy. He entered my mouth straight away, and I don't know why I welcomed it. His tongue tastes like .. . It's like from a faraway land, or a dream, or a memory. The movements of it inside my mouth are strange, but oddly familiar. His lips moved from my lips to my earlobe, licked and suckled it, then to my jawline where he bit and kissed it.

I gasped as his lips went to my neck, licking the soft spot where the Hisoka I knew love to lick and suck. He stayed there for a while, making me moan. His tongue on my soft spot .. It's making me feel good. He is now atop of me, resting his whole body to mine. He's heavy.

His lips are now on my chin, and then went back to my lips, biting and sucking my lower lip. He's kissing me hot and greedy, as if he hasn't kissed anyone in a very long time now. His hot tongue, making swift and smooth movements inside my mouth. I responded, reciprocating his movements. I heard his quiet moan.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him closer and closer to me. His scent. The years that passed might have changed it, but it's still there. That familiar scent of him. I missed it.

"H-Hisoka .. " I said in the middle of the kiss. Yes. It's him. This jester is really Hisoka, no doubts about that now. He's proven himself quite enough.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

I wrapped my arms around his neck, tugging him closer and closer to me. His scent. The years that passed might have changed it, but it's still there. That familiar scent of him. I missed it.

"H-Hisoka .. " I said in the middle of the kiss. Yes. It's him. This jester is really Hisoka, no doubts about that now. He's proven himself quite enough.

"Hey Y/n, are you gonna join the school trip? I bet it'll be lots of fun," Tera asked me smiling. She's in the same class as me and she's a member of the student council. They're in charge of the preparations of the activities that'll be held next month.

"Err .. I don't actually know. I'll ask my grandmother first," I answered, returning her smile.

"It'll be wonderful if you could join. Most of the places we'll visit will be in Yorkshin City. It's a three-day travel, so we'll be staying in a hotel." she stopped, then added. "And I think after the three-day trip, the students who joined the trip and those who're interested can join the camping. It will be held just outside Takizawa City. It'll also be a three-day camping, so you should join." she was smiling again, and she's really pretty. She kind of like give me all the details, and I think it looks like she really wanted me to join. Well maybe that really is her job. She's very responsible. I like her.

"Yeah, sure. Count me in." I answered. I don't know if I really can join, since I haven't asked my grandmother first — I really don't want to ask my father. I know he wouldn't permit me to join. He's kind of evil, not wanting me to join anything here in school. Good thing grandmother is always there. I know she'll be okay with it.

"Oh really?" Tera's voice change a little, making it a little high pitched. It sounded like a ... mockery. "That'd be great." she smiled, her voice came back to it's normal tone. She then left and went to her friends' table.

"Are you really going to go?" someone said, and I think it's talking to me. That voice. I know that very well. How can I not know?

It's Hisoka. I turned to face him and smiled. "I'm not sure. I haven't asked my grandmother about this yet. But I kind of want to try . .. and join them," I said, referring to our classmates who's chatting happily, as if having no problems at all.

He smiled. "Nnn. Of course."

"So . . should we join?" I asked him. "What do you think?"

"Hey guys, look. Hisoka and Y/n. They're actually talking."

"Why is he talking to her?"

"Does he have any idea how rich her family is? He's no match for her. He's from Meteor City, isn't he? He should know his place."

"I wouldn't talk to her, either. She looks scary."

"Yeah. Her father will screw you if you talk to her."

Those were .. . . really something. I was silent. I don't know how to react to it. They're my classmates. I know everyone always keeps an eye on me, since my father is rich and all that. And also, because of that, I don't have friends at all. No one approached me in the first day of classes until now. And so since then I'm always alone. They would only talk to me when they need to ask or clarify something, just like Tera a while ago.

"Why you .. ." Hisoka was about to punch one of them but ...

"No! Hisoka stop." I grabbed his wrist as he was about to go for the hit. "It's.. It's not worth it .. " I whispered.

Right now, I feel angry. I'm feeling like I'm about to explode in anger — my reaction was a little slow, though. But still, how dare them insult Hisoka like that. They have no right to say such things to him!

"Tch." I heard him said. He took a step back, rubbing his forehead.

*SLAP*

"Idiots." I said as I slapped one of them in the cheeks — the one who's always very loud and would always say insults and such. They talk too much. I can always hear them talking, gossiping about everything. I even heard myself being insulted sometimes — make that most of the time — but I would just let it go. I would always think, "It's not worth it." "They're so noisy." "They talk too much." "Don't mind them." "I'll just mind my own business." "No, I can't hear them." "I can't hear anything." "Wow, this is a beautiful day for insults, I'll let them go." "Just let it go." But now, I can't bear it, insulting Hisoka, saying things to him. They can insult me all they want, talk bad things about how my father is such a powerful man and all of our money, but they can't do that to Hisoka. They just can't. I won't forgive them.

Everyone inside the classroom stopped whatever they're doing and is staring at us. The whole room was silent. Oh. Damn. I'm making a scene now.

"S-Sorry, Y-Y/n!"

"W-We're really s-sorry!"

"S-So sorry!"

Baka! I thought. So now they're apologizing? They were just insulting Hisoka and me a moment ago, and now they're saying sorry? What's wrong with these people? Are they mentally fit?

Hisoka grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the classroom. He was walking fast, dragging me with him. And I think he don't know where to go. He's just walking while tugging me in the hand.

We ended up in an empty Science Room, which was on the fourth floor. No one was around the time we got to the fourth floor. He entered the room, pulling me with him. Once we were inside, he locked the door and kissed me.

I was surprised. But then I welcomed him, kissing him deeper.

"I'm sorry you have to hear those things," he said, his forehead resting on my forehead. He's just an inch away from my body. I can feel his hot breath on my mouth.

I sighed. "I hate them."

He chuckled. "You're very brave back there." he said. I felt my cheeks burn. We're now together for over a year but I still feel shy around him. Especially when we're this close to each other.

I smiled at him. "I just don't want to hear them talking crap about you."

"I don't like it when they talk like that about you, too. They're so noisy." he answered.

"Yeah. But . . what now?" I asked him. I wonder what came to our classmates' mind when they saw Hisoka grabbing me by the hand, walking out of the classroom. Would they think that we're in a relationship or something? But they can't come to that conclusion. Hisoka and I have always been careful when we're in public. So maybe they won't come up with that kind of idea. Maybe they would just think that we just walked out of the room because of the situation, that we're just escaping the occurrence.

"Hey," he said. He smiled then kissed the tip of my nose. "Don't worry. They won't find out." then he kissed me again. His hands on my hips, pulling me closer to him.

Right now, I don't want anything. I just want to be with him in the moment. I don't care about my classmates. I don't care about what they have to say or think. I don't care about anyone. I don't care anymore. Right now, what matters is that Hisoka is here.

I want to join the school trip to Yorkshin City to be with Hisoka. I want to join the camping to be with Hisoka. Maybe the real reason why I wanted to join both of the activity is because I know that Hisoka will join, and that means more time with him. Maybe it wasn't because I wanted to mingle and associate with my classmates. It was all because of him. I just wanted to be near him for as long as the situation would allow. I won't let anything to slip out and miss a thing, especially when it's about being with him. I . . I really love him. So much.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

I want to join the school trip to Yorkshin City to be with Hisoka. I want to join the camping to be with Hisoka. Maybe the real reason why I wanted to join both of the activity is because I know that Hisoka will join, and that means more time with him. Maybe it wasn't because I wanted to mingle and associate with my classmates. It was all because of him. I just wanted to be near him for as long as the situation would allow. I won't let anything to slip out and miss a thing, especially when it's about being with him. I . . I really love him. So much.

Today's the day. I said to myself. Yes. It is today. The school trip! Yay! I was so happy that I could join. More likely, I was so, so happy that my father had to leave urgently for some kind of business trip. And I think my grandmother said he'll be gone for three to four weeks, since his business trip was abroad. So yes, I was so happy when I heard about it. Also, my grandmother permitted me to join the school trip so my happiness is tripled, if that's even possible. Well, I really am just plain happy that somehow, things worked out just fine, even though I didn't plan it to be like this. But ... . I didn't get to ride the school bus that was used for the trip. My grandmother instructed Toru to drive me to the meeting place which is in the hotel where we’ll be staying the first night, though I have this feeling that it won't just end up in the hotel. I think he'll follow me to make sure nothing wrong is to happen. And that also, I think it was an order from grandmother. But it's only Toru. He's fun to be with. I can be reckless as I can, be all the way with my own, and not worry about what he has to say to my grandma. All I have to do is not do things overboard, and Toru will be fine with it. Sometimes, I think he's always somewhere, unseen, always following me. But he never really does do full reports on my father of what I am doing in school, or such things. He really is a good guy. I can trust him with my few personal things. But how didn't I think of this before? Let's see. I can't trust anyone with my relationship with Hisoka, and I haven't talked about this to my grandmother. I was really intending on telling her about Hisoka, but I always ended up nervous and scared that I couldn't talk when I'm already in front of her. I mean, what would she say? What if she does not like Hisoka? What if she does not approve of our relationship? What if she disagree and be mad at me for not listening to father to never interact with anybody in school? Yes, just like that, there are so many 'what ifs' in my head when I think about it. Sometimes, I just wish that I could be a normal person, wanted to feel the sensations of love and being loved. That isn't so hard when you put it that way, right? Who in this world wouldn't want to feel love, anyway? Love is such a great thing that could happen to a person's life. It may come to your life as startling or out of the blue, but it'll be best if you cherish the moment, enjoy it to the fullest, and feel blessed that you can actually experience it. That's why I wanted to enjoy the school trip and the camping. I wanted to spend more time with him — I mean Hisoka — if that could be possible in any way. It's like I don't get enough by just looking at him in the classroom. Well one cannot be fully satisfied just by looking at the person you love, right? It's like I always wanted to touch him, feel his skin, hold his hand, kiss him, and make him feel that he is the most loved person in the world. I just wanted to do sweet things with him, like a normal teenager do with their boyfriends/girlfriends. But in my situation, that's impossible. My dad clearly said, "Don't talk to anyone in your class, understand? Those filthy things. You are nothing like them. You don't belong to those kind of people. If only that old woman isn't here, things wouldn't have been this complicated."

My father has always been against the idea of my grandmother letting me go to a public school. He said that the teaching-learning process in public schools are low-quality or something below average, and what he said is that it is disgusting, that it sickens him knowing that my grandmother could even thought of such a thing — letting me go to a public school, and that’s it's a disgrace that I would be going to a public school like that. But since I have been gone away for a very long time studying abroad, my grandmother doesn't want to be separated from me anymore. And I feel the same way. You see, the nearest private school — also the most exclusive and expensive one — is the town beside Kai City, which is like a 3 to 4 hours if you travel by plane here, in our city, Takizawa. So yeah, it's pretty far. And my grandmother never really likes long trips, so she suggested that I should go to the nearest school which my father clearly disagrees to. It’s not such a bad thing though, getting to experience going to a public school.

 I don't know, but my father just can't refuse or decline to whatever my grandmother says. It's like she ranks even on a higher level than him, only that she doesn't show that part of her very much. She just takes things slow, maybe partly because she's old. But it's very positive that my grandmother is somehow superior over my father. Although these are just what I thought.

"Toru, are we there yet?" I asked Toru, as I've gotten impatient. Yorkshin City sure is far from Takizawa.

"Almost there, Princess." he answered.

Fifteen more minutes passed before the car went to a halt.

Finally, we're in Yorkshin City.

I got out of the car, but I didn't see anyone in particular of South High — South High is the name of our school — in the entrance of the hotel. Even in the lobby. Well maybe they're still on their way here.

Toru checked me in and accompanied me to my room, carrying my things. 

We arrived at the room. The room is big and it’s good for two people. But the whole space is just as big as my bedroom though. There are pretty wood carvings in the living room and fresh looking paintings in the bedroom. The bed is huge too. There are two televisions, one in the living room and one in the bedroom. The kitchen is big too — I froze in delight when I saw the chocolates and ice cream in the fridge. I’m gonna eat all of those later.

"They have people for that, you know," I said as he set my bags full of my stuff on the bed.

He only chuckled. "I'll be going now, Princess."

This is still unclear to me. "Wait, Toru. So where are you staying tonight?" I asked him, since I have this feeling that he will not be leaving the hotel, rather, he will not be leaving me until this school trip ends. He is staying here to watch over me as my grandmother instructed, I think.

His face didn't give any expression. However, he hesitated before answering my question.

"Room 708, Princess." Hah! See? There! I knew it! Ohhh grandmother, can't you just give me any freedom for just a little while? This is clearly not going to be a real school trip if Toru is tailing me all the way to the third day of this trip!

"Don't worry, Princess.” He said as he noticed my reaction. “I will not be following you during the free periods and during the tour. You can ride the bus tomorrow for your next destination." He said. He bowed then left the room. 

Now what? I know he said that he wouldn't be following me, but that's just too good to be true. I know that even if he said that, he'll still follow me around. Now how will I be able to spend the free periods with Hisoka when Toru is somewhere, always watching over me? Oh, this is more complicated than I thought. 

The first day of the trip is mostly free period, that's how I think it is. Today is the first day, and I think that the first place to visit is the Yorkshin Capitol. We will be observing the subject and then we will be making reviews about it. After the Yorkshin Capitol, it’s going to be the most awaited — the free period, where students can wander and roam the city, only to be back before the given curfew. 

I don't have a phone with me — no one in the house wanted to give me and also, I'm not allowed to have one — so I can't contact Hisoka at all. I can’t ask him if they have arrive in the hotel.

Maybe I can borrow Toru's? But that'll be complicated. I wonder though if Toru actually knew about my relationship with Hisoka. I can feel him — or maybe it’s one of his men — following us the whole day when I was with Hisoka on our first anniversary where we spent the whole day together. As I recall, my father wasn't around that time, and also my grandmother, that's why I was able to sneak out the house and meet with Hisoka. That day was the most memorable day of my life. Hisoka and I did that thing and it was wonderful. I never have imagined that a person can be in such bliss with that. It was fantastic.

I can't take this anymore. I want to see him. I want to see Hisoka. I wanted to hear his voice calling my name, touch his hands, and feel the heat of his body. Oops, I think I just thought of him too much. It's decided then. I'm going to Toru and ask him to buy me a phone. With that, I can talk to him or message him whenever I want.

Lately, my feelings for Hisoka seem to be deepening. It's like I just can't get enough of him. I always wanted to see him and be with him. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. Back on our first year of being a couple, I wasn't really like this. I'm contented just by looking at him from afar, knowing that I'm loved by this guy and nothing else. But now, it's just him. It's all about him. Everything is revolving around him that I just wanted to spend my forever with him. I may sound insane, but that's my feelings for him. I sighed. I wish he's also like this with me so that it's fair.

When I got to the seventh floor, I searched for the room 708. That's Toru's room, so he should be there. I'll just ask him to buy me a phone and that's it. I can call Hisoka all I want. 

But I remembered. I don't have Hisoka's phone number.

BAKA! 

Oh, my gosh. I really am stupid. How can I contact Hisoka if I don't even have his phone number? Uurrgghhh can I be dumber than this?

But if I go to his room, I can ask for his contact number and maybe I can ask him if he would like to spend the free period with me. That way, I'll get his number, I'll get to ask him to spend the free period with me, and I get to see him! It's like hitting two — no three birds with one stone! Yay!

But wait. I don't know what room he's assigned to.

Dammit!

I knocked my forehead a few times. This is so frustrating. It is frustrating to be this stupid. How dumb can I be?

"Well, you don't have a girlfriend, and I don't have a boyfriend, so it'll be fine. You don't have to worry. Just go out with me and I'll give you everything you need. I can satisfy your desires." someone said in a very seductive voice. I'm still walking in the hallway, but I can't see anyone in the long passageway. It must be in the crossing of the hallways to the other side of the building. 

As I turned left to go to the other side of the building to look for Toru's room, I saw a couple talking at the far end of the of the corner of the hallway. That must be where the voice came from. The girl was blocking the guy's way, his back against the wall while the girl's body seems like a solid lump to the guy's body that he can't get out of there. Her left hand is on the guy's waist, and her right hand on the guy's nape, pulling him to her face.

They were about to kiss, and I don't want to trouble them by entering the hallway so I stopped walking. Good thing they didn't notice me standing there. Maybe I'll just come back for Toru. I can't ruin the couple's romantic moment together. Besides, if they wanted to kiss in the hallway, it's their business, not mine. They can flirt all they want, I don't care. I can flirt with Hisoka when I got his number.

I was about to walk away when I noticed that both of them were wearing uniforms the same as South High. Oh, the buses must've arrived! This two must've joined the school trip too and now they're here at the hotel. That means Hisoka is here, too! I got to hurry and look for him. But I wonder what year this two are. Well, I really don't care.

But wait wait wait. Is that .. . Tera? I smiled as I realized that it was Tera. Tera's seducing the guy! She's so cool! I can't even make that kind of voice around Hisoka and I don't think I will. It's full of lust. It's just not my thing. So Tera is this kind of girl. I never knew that she's fooling around with boys and seducing them. Well it's because I never hang out with anyone, so I don't know anything about them.

Before they could even kiss, the guy straightened up and looked away. "No, Tera. Stop this." that voice. It's .. D-Don't tell me . .?

"Hi .. H-Hisoka?" I quietly said. Both of them stiffened and looked at my direction.

Chapter Text

Flashback:

Before they could even kiss, the guy straightened up and looked away. "No, Tera. Stop this." that voice. It's .. D-Don't tell me . .?

"Hi .. H-Hisoka?" I quietly said. Both of them stiffened and looked at my direction.

I-I-I can't believe this. This is a dream, right? Anyone, someone, tell me this is just a freaking dream! 

My heart. It's hurting very much. 

PAIN. Pain is everywhere. I can feel pain in my heart and in my head. I can even see pain right before my eyes, it's like it's spelled in front of me. 

"Y/n?" Hisoka asked, his eyes widening. He pushed Tera away and started walking towards me.

"Hey!" Tera said, surprise is visible in her voice.

Hisoka started explaining, ignoring Tera. "Wa-Wait! Th-This is not what it looks —"

"H-Hisoka... You .. . Hisoka is an idiot!" I said to him as I ran away from the scene, heading straight to the elevator. "Don't follow me, you ..  you .. You!" I said as I saw him running towards my direction.

"Hey! Wait, Y/n! I'm sorry! This is not what you think it is!" he said, still running. Tera followed too. When she caught up with him, she stopped him, grabbing his arms, directing his attention at her.

"Hisoka, what is this?" she asked as Hisoka finally faced her. She had no idea of what is going on.

"What hell, Tera? Get out of the way!" he said angrily at her. It was the first time I've seen Hisoka's face like that. It was frustrated and angry and somehow, it looks like it's going to cry.

At last, the elevator door closed. I saw Hisoka pushed Tera to the side and headed to the elevator. But he saw that it’s too late, staring at the closing door of the elevator, with me inside it.

When I finally got inside my room, I feel so weak. It was like all of the energy I just had was drained from my body, like I'm all out of power. 

Hisoka. He was flirting with another girl. They were so close to each other. Their bodies were touching. And Tera was going to kiss him. Why? How can he do this to me? Well, he did stop her before they could kiss. But that's not the point! The point is that he let the situation came to that that they almost kiss! Why didn't he stop her before she could even lay hands on him? Does that mean that he feel the same for Tera, too? And that Tera, she's a real b*tch. Grrrrrrr. I hate her. She can flirt and seduce all the guys she want, but not Hisoka! Not my Hisoka. I'm going to kill her! But to think of it, no one knows that Hisoka's my boyfriend. It's a secret. No one really knows, and so that means that Tera has no idea that Hisoka is in a relationship with me. Agggghnnn still! That is so not the point right now.

I'm so pissed that I couldn't even think straight. I just wanted to hit something, to shout, to let all my anger come out. 

"Arrrrghhh! Hisoka! You idiot! How can you do this to me? I hate you!" I shouted. 

I grabbed the lamp from the side table in the living room and threw it to the wall. It made a loud crashing sound before it fell to the ground, broken. I then grabbed the vase and the remote control from the side table too and threw it again, but this time, I threw it on the TV. Now this time, it even made a louder breaking noise and it seems that the television was grounded that it let out a sound when the vase and remote control hit it. All the fragments from the vase and the TV are now scattered on the floor. I threw everything that I see on the living room. Making loud sounds of crashing and breaking. The living room was a mess. But I don't care about that now. I just wanted to let my anger all out.

That actually helped, my anger seemed to lessen a little. But now that my anger has lessened, pain towered over my feelings. It's pain. Pain is everywhere. I can feel pain, throbbing inside my body, and it's hurting me. I want to cry. I want to cry so loud and let the pain all out of my system. But I can't. I don't know why, but I just can't. I can't cry. Why? Why can't I cry, now, of all times, when I'm most hurt? 

Hisoka betrayed me. If he really does love me, he shouldn't be going near any woman! He should've prevented it before they got to the point that they were about to kiss! And how did they ended up together like that, anyway? Ughhh the more I think about it the more I'm getting pissed again. I just couldn't stop myself. It's like my head is going to explode.

Am I jealous? Is this jealousy?

Hell no! Of course I'm not jealous! I'm just feeling strange, that's all! I'm having this strange feeling because I caught the two of them. I'm just weird. I'm not jealous. I'm freaking weird, but I will never admit that I'm jealous! This is not jealousy, okay?

My knees weakened and trembled, and I fell to the floor. This strange feeling is new to me, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm really weird when it comes to Hisoka. He made me feel new emotions that I've never felt before. Even this sensation I'm feeling right now that I call weird is new to me.

I covered face with my palms, embracing my whole self with my hands. I just wanted to make the pain go away. It shouldn't be hard now, right? But I wonder how though. How do you make a pain go away?

The door suddenly opened, and Hisoka entered the room. 

"Eh?" why is he here? How did he know the number of my room? Where did he get the key card? Did I drop my key card somewhere?

His face was worried when he searched the room. It was sad-kind of worried. He did not see me sitting there yet.

"Y/n —" He called out. He saw me then, sitting on the floor. 

I feel like crying when I saw his worried face. 

"Y/n! What the .. ." he said, when he finally noticed the mess in the living room, all scattered objects on the floor. "What happened here? Did you hurt yourself??"

I didn't answer him. I just looked at him in the eyes. Now the tears that wouldn't come out a little while ago flowed. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop the tears from falling. This is just too hard for me. 

He hurried towards me, embracing me from the back.

"I'm so sorry. You shouldn't have seen that. It's my fault. S-Sorry." he said to my ear, tightening his embrace. 

"Hell yeah, it's your fault, you idiot! Why are you flirting with her? Why are you even with her? You like her, don't you? Hisoka, you're such an idiot! I hate you!" I shouted, trying to get out of his embrace. I wanted to hit him, I wanted to make him feel the pain I'm feeling. I wanted him to suffer, like how I am suffering right now.

"Y-You .. You hate me?" he said. He's hands around my body loosened, until he finally let go of me.

"I hate you, you moron!" I couldn't control the tears anymore. This time, it really poured out. It's like all of me are being expressed through the tears. I'm in so much pain, Hisoka should know this.

I moved away from him and faced him. His head was bent down. "I'm sorry! Please forgive me," he bowed, until his forehead touched the floor.

"H-Hey," wait, that's not what I want. I don't want him bowing down over me. My tears stopped, but I'm still sobbing.

I just wanted him to explain what happened back there. Why is he letting her touch him? Especially that close. And don't forget that they were about to kiss!

Now that I remember it, the tears flowed again. What is wrong with me? I'm so scared of losing Hisoka. I was scared when a thought came to me, thinking that one day I'll lose him to another girl, that other girls might steal him from me, that he might fall in love with another girl, everything. I don't want any of that to happen. I don't want him away from me. I just want him to be always beside me and never leave my side. That's how much I love him.

But in our situation, with our relationship kept as a secret, there is a chance that that might happen. Hisoka's not a saint, and sin in this world is everywhere. He could fall in love with another girl, since our relationship is kept like this. I shouldn't blame him. I should understand him. But he entered this relationship with me. He's the one who started this. He wanted this relationship. That's why he should finish this to the end. With me.

"Wh-Why did you kiss her, Hisoka?" that's what came out of my mouth, still sobbing. I started to relax a bit.

He suddenly straighten up and looked at me. "Wha—? I did not kiss her! She was the one who came to me, she said she wanted me," he cleared his throat, then he came closer to me. "She's always been following me around, always asking me out. I’ve always been avoiding her. But this time, she cornered me."

That's .. . actually true. Shoot. I forgot! Hisoka was popular among girls! I even remember being so irritated everytime he would receive gifts from those girls, or when they confess to him, asking him to date them, or when girls would come over our classroom, clinging to his arms, asking for his number and a date. Ohhhh. This is so annoying. It's because of his good looks, his tall height, his lean body, and his perfect pale skin that girls like him. He's not much into sports and clubs but still, every girl in the campus wanted to be his girlfriend. How can I forget about this kind of thing? Everyone knows he's from Meteor City — Meteor City is known as a junkyard, inhabited by outcasts and people who live there does not exist in any official records — but even with that fact, girls are still into him. Every girl is willing to die just to be his girlfriend. But even so, many people hate him because of the fact that he's from Meteor City. But he's not living in Meteor City anymore. His so-called uncle took him in and educated him, making him a real person with real official records now.

But still! Even if she cornered him, if he really doesn't want to be cornered, he could've just gone off from her. That wouldn't be so hard, right? He really is an idiot!

But I can't be stubborn now. This is the very first trial that we need conquer throughout our more than a year relationship. Not everything is going to be my way. I have a responsibility to Hisoka, I'm committed to him. I should always be understanding. I'm the reason why we have to keep this relationship a secret, that we can't show off our love for each other. He's been understanding my problems with my father since the very beginning. I should be too. I know I'm stubborn and annoying. But it’s Hisoka that we’re talking about here. That should be enough. This is just because the very first time that in the history of our relationship that I've been this jealous — there! I said it! I'm jealous. I'm jealous, okay? But I love him. I love him so so much. When it comes to a relationship, it's not always about the other one's pride or ego. It's about grasping the meaning of your relationship, about understanding how one is acting stupid. It's all about understanding how love works, even if it's very complex, or even if it's impossible to explain. Well then, I'll forgive him.

He saw that I started relaxing."I'm really sorry, Y/n. I promise, it won't happen again." he finally came to my side and hugged me, kissing the top of my head.

"You better be, you idiot," I said, still making little sounds from the sob. I was just jealous. That's all. This new experience thought me something — never trust a woman like Tera. No no no wait. I don't think that's it. Oh! It's understanding and trusting the feelings of you other half, right? That should be it. 

And furthermore, Hisoka stopped the kiss before it could happen. More reason to really forgive him, even if it was all just a coincidence that he was with Tera that time and that they were in that kind of position.

"Stop crying now," he said. He lifted my face and looked straight to my eyes. He smiled, kissing my tears away. Because of this action, more tears flowed. I just really can't stop myself from crying. I thought for a second there that we can no longer be with each other. I thought for a second that he likes Tera. I even thought that he'll replace me with her. Why didn't I just trust his feelings for me? His feelings for me is absolute. I am very sure about that. That's why I'm letting it slip away this time. 

"I just wanted to be with Hisoka," I said, still sobbing. I can't get over my sobs! This is so embarrassing. I'm the worst! How can I face him after I'm done crying?

He chuckled. He looks happy. He kissed my forehead. "Do you want to know what I want?" he asked, smiling.

What does he want?

I shook my head. I know I'm all messed up. My hair is all over my face and my nose and eyes are all red and the fact that I'm still making 'hic' noises is a proof that I'm acting like a stubborn kid.

"What I want the most is . .. I want to spend more time with Y/n. I want to make up with her, and I want her to know that I'll never leave her, that I love her now, and forever. I'll always make her smile and —"

I kissed him. His words drowned me. I really wish that we could stay like this forever. I wish to stay in his arms. I don't want to let him go. 

"Where did you get my key card, anyway?" I asked when I back away from his mouth a little.

"Some guy wandering around the hallway gave it to me. He said that we must fix this. Or the Princess will be sad. I don't know what he's talking about, but I figured that it must have to do with you." he answered while planting small kisses on my neck. He pulled me to his lap, still kissing my neck.

TORU! That must be Toru. There's no one else, right? I smiled. Of course it's him. I feel happy. So he knew about our relationship. He knew about Hisoka! But he's quiet about it, which is making me very very happy right now. I knew it. He knows everything. He gave Hisoka my key card because he doesn't want me to be sad because of what'd happened. He really is a good guy. I'm blessed that I get to know someone like him. My father trust Toru with his life, so that's how you can rate Toru from my father's view. That's why my father trust him to look after me. I have to start treating Toru nice. I shouldn't be rude to him like I always am around him. I should thank him. Yes. Maybe I should. 

Chapter Text

Flashback:

"Some guy wandering around the hallway gave it to me. He said that we must fix this. Or the Princess will be sad. I don't know what he's talking about, but I figured that it must have to do with you." he answered while planting small kisses on my neck. He pulled me to his lap, still kissing my neck.

TORU!That must be Toru. There's no one else, right? I have to start treating Toru nice. I shouldn't be rude to him like I always am around him. I should thank him. Yes. Maybe I should.

"I .. . I L-LIKE YOU! Please consider my feelings and .. . and please g-go out with me!"

Everyone inside the classroom stopped chatting and doing random things. Now their attention is on us. It was Sho from class 5. He just confessed to me ... what he feels about me. Oh, my.

"E-Erm .. . Ahh, it-it's .. . that's . .." I don't know what to say to him. I was so stunned that I couldn't even move or say something to let the mood light up even a little.

I simply looked at Hisoka's direction. I wanted to see his reaction to this. But he was glaring at Sho. I think if a glare can kill, Sho would be dead by now. When he looked at me, his glare was even somehow more powerful. His glare was going to kill me! Is he mad at me or something? Why is he mad at me? I didn't even do anything!

"I-It's okay! You don't have to answer me right now," he smiled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "I-I'll be going now," he smiled at me again then left the room.

I was left at the door speechless. What was that? Did that really happened? I mean, Sho? Was that Sho?

Yes! That was Sho! I mean, he's the most popular guy in school! He's been playing with a lot of girls, well at least that was what the rumor says that I always hear when I'm walking in the corridor. Everyone is always talking about how he changes his girlfriend every week. He's a player. Most of my classmates — they're all girls — drool over him. They treat him like a God. Well I can't blame them. Sho is really handsome. Like a playboy-ish handsome, like in the middle of being an adult and adolescent. The frame of his face is perfect, and his body is muscular somehow — though I have only observed this when he confessed to me just now. He's also from the basketball club and he's always active when it comes to school activities and such. But even so, he's still a player. No one forgets about that.

Ever since I transferred to this school, I never looked at any man. Or woman. It was really hard adjusting to the people around here, since no one really approached me. And also, I'm not very good in making friends or approaching people and all that.

Hisoka was the first person who approached me. He was very friendly. He smiles a lot. And it caught my attention. He's like a light that came to my world. To my dark world. Because if you try to see closer, I have always been alone, and alone means lonely. And that happens like all the time. He appeared to my life and changed on how I view things in my way. He's like an angel sent from above. That's why I fell for him. No one really noticed, but Hisoka and I used to eat lunch together on the rooftop. We would always hang there, when there's a vacant subject or when the teacher is not around. I opened up to him, my problems with my father and my problems in adapting in this new environment. He would always listen to me, and sometimes would comment and give advice. That's how I fell for him. He's like one in a million. I know a lot of people, since I've studied abroad. I met a lot of people there, and I know how people acts base on their behavior. And Hisoka, Hisoka is something that I have never come across to before. He's really something. At first, I was just interested in him, but I started to have this weird feeling everytime we're together. I always get conscious of myself when he's around, and always feel embarrassed over little things. That when I started to like him.

When I realized my feelings for him, I thought it was a one-sided love. I don't want our friendship to end, but I don't want to stay like this forever too. I wanted to let him aware of my feelings. I want him to see me as a woman and not just his classmate. And I . . . confessed to him. When we were eating lunch on the rooftop. I remember him choke when I told him that I like him. After that, he was all red, and he said that he was waiting for me to tell him that. Then he smiled and asked me if we should start going out as a couple and of course, I agreed. That was one of my happiest moments in my life. I mean, even if I just met him, I was sure of my feeling that time and until now. That's why Hisoka is my most precious treasure. Although after that we became a couple I have been awkward around him. I'm always shy and would blush in the tiniest topic that we would talk about. I always feel embarrassed when I'm around him but at the same time, I want to spend time with him even though I feel awkward.

But what will I do with Sho? Should I tell him that I'm not interested? Or that I'm not allowed to be in a relationship yet? Or should I tell him that I'm already dating someone? Lying would not solve anything. Maybe I should just tell him the truth. But if I told him the truth, would it hurt his feelings? Probably not. Maybe he's just playing with me, like he does all the time with all those girls. I should just tell him an excuse and ignore him after that. Maybe he's not even sincere about his feelings for me. But even if he is, I still can't go out with him. I love Hisoka more than him. More than anyone. There's no change in that even if someone like Sho confessed to me.

Everyone inside the classroom buzzed excitedly over the 'confession' Sho made to me. I feel embarrassed. In the first place, why does Sho have to do that in front of my classroom, where everyone could hear us? Everyone heard him, all right. He didn't have to broadcast his confession to everyone!

And why is he acting weird? Like he's more embarrassed than me or something. He's acting all awkward. I thought he was a show off and conceited or that kind of guy since everyone is saying that he's a player who changes girlfriend every once in a while.

I sighed. I tried to ignore everyone's chatters and went back to my seat. I looked at Hisoka chair. But he's not there. When did he left the room? I didn't notice at all!

I went outside to look for him. I went to the science room, the rooftop, the infirmary, but he's not there. He's nowhere to be found. Where is he? Why did he left so early? The bell hasn't ringed yet, so where did he go? Was it because of Sho? Is he mad? Why is he mad? What is wrong with him? Don't tell me he's jealous over that simple confession? What a child!

After that incident, Hisoka didn't come to school for a week. The letter from his uncle said that he caught a cold. But for a cold, he should be okay for a day. But it's been a week now. I wonder what really happened.

I wanted to visit him, but I can't. If only Toru was around and was my driver that time, I could have visited Hisoka. But Toru followed father abroad after my school trip, and the one who drives me to school is the newest addition to my father's collection of bodyguards. So I'm not particularly used to him, and he follows everything my father ordered. He's too strict. He's not like Toru at all!

That week was miserable. I didn't get to see Hisoka at all. Nothing exciting happened. Oh, I dumped Sho by the way. The next day, I talked to him properly and told him that I already have someone I like then I left. He's confession was a big issue in the whole school, though. It was really embarrassing and annoying, walking in the corridors and you're being talked at, saying things about you, being the topic of the gossip the whole week, and you have no one to talk about your feelings. Hisoka was not there the whole week. It made me depressed. What is wrong with him? I know he's not sick. He should've gotten over his cold by now. What is wrong?

Chapter Text

Flashback:

Hisoka was not there the whole week. It made me depressed. What is wrong with him? I know he's not sick. He should've gotten over his cold by now. What is wrong?

Today is the day for the school camping. Ohhh! I'm excited. But Hisoka didn't show up in the school this morning before the bus left for our destination. He didn't show up in school for a week and half already! I was excited for the camping, but sad that Hisoka didn't come. He really is troublesome. And I'm really worried about him. I was actually thinking of sneaking out of the camping to go and visit his house. I want to see him so bad. I miss him.

We arrived at the village of Aoki, just outside of Takizawa City. It was a peaceful village with a lot of trees. Everyone descended from the bus and started walking towards the forest in the village to get to the farm where the camping will take place. But I'm not in the mood. I don't want to move from my seat. It's like I'm frozen there. At school I was excited, because I thought Hisoka will come and attend the camping trip, but all of that is gone now. I just want to go back home and sleep. I'll sleep this feelings out. That shouldn't be hard.

"Feeling down, are we now, Y/n?" Tera said, appearing from nowhere. "It's not because Hisoka didn't come today that you're acting this way, right?" she smiled teasingly. It's just the two of us in the bus now. She looked around, then leaned towards me. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," she whispered, then smiled innocently.

What in the world is this girl? I'm confused.

Tera didn't say anything about the incident in the hotel to anyone. I'm grateful for that. Of course, because of my actions — and Hisoka's — anyone can conclude that I'm a jealous girlfriend, right? And Tera isn't that stupid. I know she learned about our relationship. But I wonder why she's not speaking to anyone about it. That would be a big gossip in school, you know. It'll be like the rich and poor, he princess and the beggar or slave or whatever. I'm not in the mood to try and think about things like that now.

"Anyway, we should go now. Or we'll be left alone here," she said, offering her hand to me. What exactly is happening? Isn't she mad? I thought she don't like me. Well, if that's the case, then I don't like her too.

"Come on," she said smiling, waiting for me.

"O-Okay." I'm really confused to Tera's actions. Why is she acting like this? Maybe she's just being responsible and she's just looking after me, since I'm one of her classmates. Also, since she's a member of the school council. Yeah. Maybe that's why.

When we entered the forest, she started talking. She's really talkative.

"Actually, Hisoka asked me to tell no one about your relationship. Well, he kind of begged me for it. So I said yes, I won't tell anyone. I really like Hisoka, you know? You're lucky you got to have him before me. I'm really jealous," she kept on ranting. "There was this one time, before you transferred, when a girl from another school came to our school and proposed to Hisoka! I mean like, the girl proposed! She really likes Hisoka that she wanted to marry him! Isn't that amazing? For someone like him . . . ." yeah, I never knew Tera talks this much. Pretty much the whole conversation, Tera was talking the most.

" .. . . Also one of the reasons that I decided to keep your relationship with Hisoka a secret is because, well, there was this big guy back at the hotel who talked to me. He said I shouldn't tell anyone about it," she looked at me. She stopped walking, so I stopped too. "He's one of your bodyguards, am I right?"

Big guy? At the hotel? Yes. It's Toru.

I nod.

She smiled again. "I knew it! He even offered me money just to keep me quiet!" She laughed then resumed to walk. I think Toru went a little overboard. She doesn't have to offer Tera money. It's not that necessary. She could've just talked to her. And besides, Tera wouldn't accept the money.

"It was a lot of money," she sighed. "I'm sorry, Y/n. I didn't know that you and Hisoka are a couple, you know? I really like Hisoka. But I guess I can't really do much about it now," she smiled bitterly at me. "All I can do now is to support the two of you. I wish you all the best," she said smiling to me now while patting my shoulder.

What's the sudden change in attitude? She's really weird. But I like it better this way. I returned her smile.

We entered an opening then we came to a highway. Everyone ahead is walking to straight to the other side of the road, to the other part of the forest. I guess we have to pass this road to get to the farm.

But Tera suddenly stopped walking and stood at the sidewalk. "Y/n, we're here."

"Eh?" But I thought it was suppose to be an open field, a farm? We're currently in the high way. There's no one around here, and all the other students are still walking forward to the other side of the forest.

"But, uhm, Tera, they're still walking further there," I said, pointing ahead to the other students.

"No," she looked at her wristwatch. "Where is that guy? He's late," she whispered to herself, looking left and right of the road. There was a car approaching, but I don't think that's the one she's waiting for since she didn't pay any attention to that car as it got closer to us.

But I think I heard it wrong. What is she saying again? This is creeping me out. Who's the guy that she's talking about? Who's late?

I looked at Tera. "Sorry Y/n, but I got to deal with you first," she smiled a creepy smile. I didn't get the chance to let her words sink in to my head. The car stopped in front of us and a big man with sunglasses descended and snatched me.

It happened so fast. "W-What . ? .. . Tera! Help me!" I struggled to get out of the big man's grip. As I was about to shout for help, the big man covered my mouth with a scarf. I can't shout so I writhe and twist and squirm with all my might.

I glanced at Tera. She was just standing there, smiling, not doing anything to help me. I glared at her. How could I fall into this trap? Her trap, to be more specific? She clearly held a grudge against me with that incident at the hotel and for being Hisoka's girlfriend! Tera! Tera is a really mean girl! How I hate her now! I could kill her with my hands if this big guy isn't holding me.

"Hey Y/n, have a good time. Good luck!" she shouted before the big guy in sunglasses threw me inside the car.

What does that mean?

I tried to open the door, but it's already locked. The driver started the car, and then left the big guy behind with Tera. But wait. Why did they leave that guy behind? What is Tera really planning?

When I looked back, Tera is waving goodbye. She seemed . . . happy. Of course she's freaking happy! Her plan succeeded! She got me!

"You .. . Tera! Damn!" I looked at the people inside the car. There's the driver and another one in the backseat beside me. The guy beside me wasn't looking at me. He's facing the window. "What do you want from me? I'll double — no, triple the money Tera gave you, just let me go!"

"You're really pissed off, Y/n. You should cool down first." That. Voice. I haven't heard that for a week and a half. I miss that voice. But why, of all places, am I hearing that now? Is this just hallucination? There's no way that this is happening, right? Hisoka wouldn't team up with Tera, right? RIGHT?