Chapter Text
It was only supposed to be a quick check up.
A simple check-up actually. One where the doctor would prescribe him some medicine and let him go on his merry way kind of simple.
But really, what the hell?
Osomatsu had noticed a few weeks after Ichimatsu left, the calm in his head following his initial frustration and anger was met with migraines. Constant migraines. Mini migraines that happened almost twice a week. Along with these migraines were accompanied with a heavy and less energetic feel to him, though he had just assumed it was just caused by ‘emotional’ issues. But then there were the random nosebleeds he would get out of nowhere for no discernible reason. Not even in the perverse kind of way.
Yes, now that was worrisome.
Something felt off with his body. Sure, he expected he was just feeling sad for himself being the last of the sextuplets to stay at home. Plus, he wasn’t exactly the best when it came to maintaining his physical health, but something definitely felt different.
As such, Osomatsu decided it was best to get up instead of sitting in the same spot on the floor he had stayed on for days, and take a trip to the hospital.
His first assumptions during the doctor’s examination was that he must have been coming down with something like a cold or the flu.
Not a terminal illness.
Especially one in which he has been told he only had about a year left to live.
Again, what the hell?
Upon his diagnosis and trying (but failing) to listen to the advice and treatments that the doctor was suggesting, Osomatsu promptly walked out of the doctor’s office and rushed back home.
When he got back to the house, his head was hurting like crazy. Although, Osomatsu was unsure whether it was because of his newly discovered illness or because of the panic attack he was currently having.
Thankfully, his parents were not at home while he was having this extreme quarter-life crisis.
What was he going to do now?
He heard it's been said that when one is told their end is near, they become more self-aware of the life they’ve lived and whether it was worthwhile or not. Unfortunately however, deep down, Osomatsu already knew the answer. Which was why he had purposefully ignored any form of self-reflection most of the time. It was easier to handle thinking that way.
But now he had no choice.
He always knew he was a perfect piece of trash without the imminent death looming above him. He was pretty sure he failed as a person and now certainly will in life.
Before... Before everything that happened, he felt comfortable with himself. He would have taken pride in his shitty lifestyle with a laugh and carefree smile...
Osomatsu wanted to scream and laugh at the same time.
Oh man, he was going to die as everyone expected him to be. One who didn’t amount to anything special. He was going to die being known as a lazy, virgin NEET. All the while being a shitty elder brother.
Right… his brothers.
He decided to stop his panicking for a moment in order to think about what this illness would mean for his family.
If he was perfectly honest with himself, when he heard the news he had already planned to not tell them at all about it.
It wasn’t only because he thought it would be best to just keep it a secret, but he didn’t know how they were going to react. Or more specifically, he didn’t want to see how they would react.
These kinds of things… Osomatsu was never good at dealing with them.
He supposed they would be sad about it. A pit of dread formed in his stomach at the thought of the devastation on his parents’ faces and what he would put them through if they found out. As for his brothers, he wasn’t so sure.
Sure they all acted callous around each other at times, but he knew they would be disappointed as well if they found out about him. They would at least pity him, he knew that for sure. They weren’t THAT heartless. Well, at least, compared to him.
Osomatsu’s dread morphed into guilt.
When his brothers all left, they didn’t leave Osomatsu exactly on good terms. And of course, that was entirely his own fault.
He was supposed to be happy for them moving on to be proper, independent adults. But instead, he felt betrayed for some stupid, self-absorbed reason(which now he was unsure why he even acted like that in the first place) and selfishly made a pathetic pity party for himself. He had been a total complete ass to Choromatsu and the others.
He flinched as he was reminded of how he had hurt Jyushimatsu and Todomatsu. He and his brothers fought all the time, but that... he was disgusted with himself.
He was always a problem and a burden to the family. An enabler who had encouraged, maybe even strong-armed, his brothers to stay with him and be NEETs instead of being the supportive older brother he should have been. Making them all, instead, rely on and mooch off their aging parents when they should have stopped that behavior since graduating high school.
Time and time again, he had failed them.
Osomatsu thought that maybe this illness was a form of karma.
He remembered he was very sick once when he was a child. So sick that even Death had come for him. Back then, his life had been saved. He often wondered what would have happened if things turned out differently.
Perhaps he was supposed to die that day? Perhaps this is just the world trying to fix itself of their little mistake? Or perhaps he was just being overdramatic or a whiny, little man-child as usual?
"Man…"
He sat in silence for a moment. Then, Osomatsu took a long, deep breath.
“So this is how it should be, huh?” he said to himself. “Then, I guess I need to do it right this time.”
If he was going to die, so be it.
But not before he tried his damnedest to be a person worthy of being called the eldest son.