Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

KENMA P.O.V

The moon shone brightly from cracks in the curtains as if mirroring how trapped the boy in the room felt in his nightmares. Kenma was frozen in his sheets. After waking up from that same homicidal dream that haunted his nights there was one more thing. Sleep paralysis.
Kenma struggled to breathe as the surrounding walls dripped with blood and from the entrance of his doorway a long skinny figure stood. It had large hands with even larger and sharper nails that touched the floor. It stared at him with black sockets with an eerie slight glow coming from them. The thing that always made this feel so much more fucked up was the fact that it always had a large smile on its face. If he could have he would have thrown up, but he could barely breathe much less open his mouth. Then his dream surged back into his field of vision. He was sitting at a metal table and couldn't move. In Front of him was an electric chair and sitting on it was the one person he loved… Kuroo. Kuroo’s black hair wasn't his usual bed head but instead it was down and acted like a curtain against his face. His body was limp and Kenma couldn't see any signs of life coming from him. Blood dripped from Kuroo’s mouth and into a crystal wine glass. The thing from his fake reality stood there smiling as widely as ever. Then as suddenly as everything started it ended and everything melted into black.
Kenma jolted up in a frenzy. Cold sweat covered him and a sickeningly strong wave of the signature bold metallic smell of blood rolled over him. He threw up into his mouth but quickly swallowed it back down. After he caught his breath he stood up and walked to his desk.
He pulled out a notebook and a pencil then continued to flip to the next free page. Then he wrote down everything that had happened. This notebook was kind of like a dream journal but more deep and contained things much worse than the stupid fantasies that people have in their dreams. He looked at the time. 6:13 am glowed back at him and he knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep again. He didn't know why he even thought about it. He knew he was never going to get the sweet release of sleep until he was dead. Dead. That stirred thoughts around his brain. Wouldn't it be nice to be dead. Sleeping forever. Finally.
Knowing that he had to find something to keep him occupied he glanced down at the book. Slowly he peeled the pages back to the fifth page.

Page 5-
--- Kuroo was tied to a pole and the thing stood behind him. Red candles burned all around the small room we were trapped in. All he could smell was blood. From behind the pole the thing smiled as widely as ever and held a knife out to Kenma. Kenma couldn't control his own body as he grabbed the knife and his body moved closer to Kuroos. Kuroo tied to the pole let out a sob and begged to be free. Kenmas out of control body sunk the knife into Kuroo’s stomach. The scream that reverberated around the small enclosed space sounded all too real but his body still wasn't his to control. Stab after stab, scream after scream. Blood. The amount of blood gushing out of Kuroo seemed to make a river. The screams were so emotionally unbearable that it felt like a miracle when he finally stopped moving. Then Kenma was given back control. The thing in the back had blood splattered over its smile as it stared right into his eyes with its head slightly to one side. All the candles stopped burning at once and he was then sent into complete darkness.

That was one of the ones he hated but then again he hated them all. All of them had some form of Kuroo dying. The one person he loved. He wondered how much longer he could put up with this. He was getting more depressed by the day. One of his desk drawers already held quite an assortment of pills, a box of razor blades, and multiple rolls of bandages. He remembered the time when Lev walked into the bathroom while he was reapplying those bandages. He made up the excuse of it being his cat but made Lev swear to not tell Kuroo. Kuroo didn't need to know anything was wrong but to be fair he felt like Kuroo knew something. Not much but something and Kenma needed to keep it that way.

Kenma had a crush on his best friend for a while now and if he knew about all of this then Kenma knew he never had a chance. Kuroo wouldn't want to hang around a depressed kid who hallucinated things at night and dreamed of people dying.
With that Kenma also knew that his confessing window was closing and he had to do it soon.
Maybe it would just be better if I was dead. Then Kuroo won't have to deal with this. Hah. In Fact no one will. That might be what's best. Kenma reached into his drawer. He already felt numb so he didn't care. Kenma pulled out a razorblade and slowly cut into his arm. He stared transfixed at the blood dripping down his arm. The way it slowly made its way down and connected into other streams made it look like art...

Chapter Text

STILL KENMA P.O.V

Kenma occupied himself till 7:20 am when he got up and started preparing for school. His arm ached and panged but he kept in mind that being able to feel pain kept him momentarily rooted to earth. He slipped on a long sleeve shirt and a hoodie over that then reached for his phone. Kenma clicked it to see a few texts from Kuroo which he slowly opened.
The message read- Would you like to come stay over tonight??? You never say yes anymore but its worth a try. Please…???-
Kenma sighed and with a slight bit of guilt he sent back no i'm busy tonight. If Kuroo witnessed him going through an attack Kenma thought he might as well just been dead right then and there but to be truthful he did kinda want to go. The nightmares and paralysis had been getting more frequent and more intense lately so he couldn't risk it. He also noted that he had been suffering with slight hallucinations during school but nothing more than seeing white figures in the forest. Looking at the clock he saw it was time to depart from his nighttime cage and be let into the outdoors. Kenma grabbed his stuff and said his goodbyes to his mom then walked outside. As he was leaving though he hit his left arm on the side of the door which in turn shot pain up and down his arm but then he saw him. Kuroo stood waiting outside of his house. Kuroo was staring at him sharply or to be more specific his arm. Kenma looked down at the ground and started walking towards Kuroo while gently trying to hold his arm in the most inconspicuous way possible. Kuroo couldn't be fooled that easily and a part of Kenma always had this fact lurking at the back of his mind. Kenma finally reached Kuroos side and then they both started walking to the school. “Hey Kenma are you doing okay?” Kuroo said softly, finally attempting to break the tension. “Mmhmm yeah” he replied without really having to think about his answer. Kenma was more focused on the treetops. He felt something's eyes on him but couldn't locate it and he was sure that this gase wasn't Kuroos for the sole purpose of it feeling like a murderous and violent intending being. Kenma unconsciously moved closer to the rooster haired man next to him. Being closer to him made him feel more secure until Kuroo broke the silence again. “So i heard you got a cat…?” Kenma gulped now with Lev’s murder on his mind. “Well not really. She was a stray that I was visiting but she got a bit violent the other day and scratched my arm up a bit” Kenma really hoped he sounded convincing enough and was glad when Kuroo hummed back and didn't push the matter any further. For now at least.
They arrived at school at 8:40 am then split up to their first classes. Kenma was surprised that Kuroo hadn't asked about his text back but was again glad. He sat down and when class started he drowned them all out and next thing he knew he had fallen asleep.
The one and only Kuroo lay in front of him. Kuroo was strapped to a metal table and had tears falling from the sides of his glassy eyes. It was there smiling its sickly smile and handing him a knife. He lost the controls of his body when he took it. He cut a deep line from Kuroo’s chest down to the end of his stomach and then continued to stab in that one place repeatedly. The screams filled his senses. He desperately wanted to stop but his hands kept working. Stabbing the joints of his arms and carving out his kneecaps. Spurts of blood spattered onto his face and into his mouth. He could taste it. The blood of Kuroo running through his body. Then his body moved to Kuroo’s stomach area again and brought the knife right down on it. Blood coated the walls and the knife kept moving. It cut deeper until the knife hit the metal beneath. The knife was pulled out but it wasn't over yet. His hands worked into the incision that they had just made and pulled out Kuroo’s guts and insides. Blood covered Kenma’s face and hands as he mixed around his findings into the deep pool of crimson. Kuroo still had a voice and kept screaming as Kenma’s hands tormented his guts. Slowly poking at them with the knife and ripping parts of them into shreds. Finally. Finally the screams stopped and Kenma could collapse. Finally it was over. The thing came over to him and just stared at him until it was wrenched away from him and he saw blackness. Then Kenma became conscious again and screamed. His scream echoed around the classroom and his eyes momentarily rolled back into his head. Then he just stopped. He felt like he couldn't anymore. His eyes went back into focus to see the entire class staring at him and to his horror in the front of the classroom stood Kuroo. Kenma had 5 seconds to decide what to do and his decision was get up and leave and so he did. Kenma grabbed his bag and stuffed all of his items into it and ran out of the room and to the school exit. He ran home without looking back and when he arrived he said he was sick and quickly went up to his room where he stayed till 4:58 pm. Kuroo had seen. He had been asleep for 46 minutes. He felt sick. Kenma reached for his discarded phone and saw the spam of texts from Kuroo. He deeply breathed in and opened the messages preparing for the worst.

Sent by Kuroo
-hey I hope you are okay.
-i should have stopped you from running out like that but Kenma listen you can trust me. You can tell me what's going on. I'll listen to you and help you as much as I can. You cant push me away now after we have been friends for so long. So when you are ready please talk to me. Please….

Kenma clicked the phone off and threw it onto the carpet. Tears flowed out of his eyes uncontrollably. He lay like this for the next hour until he calmed down and the tears finally died. He somewhat heard a knock on the downstairs door but ignored it thinking it was some mail or something of the matter. That changed when he heard a knock on his own locked door. Behind it he could hear the voice of the one and only Kuroo. He had brought his work from school. “I'm just going to leave this out here.” No reply. “Kenma, I'll be waiting…” Those words stuck with him as he heard Kuroo’s receding footsteps.

Chapter Text

KENMA P.O.V AGAIN OMG IM SORRY KUROO GETS A CHAPTER SOON I SWEAR

Kenmas home life was nothing short of a nightmare on its own. His parents were happily divorced or well at least his mom was. He lived with his mom since he was 10. Kenmas dad was an alcoholic and drug addict who used to abuse him when he was mad. Every so often his dad would come to the door and beg to be let back or for money but both Kenma and his mom had just about enough of his shit and called the cops. Kenma was glad he didn't have to see his dad ever again unless that was seeing him on the news either dead or being led to a life sentence in prison. He sighed as he went through the papers that Kuroo had dropped off for him the day before. Its not like he was actually planning on going back to school for a while after yesterday. Hell no. who in their right minds would go back to school after screaming in the middle of class. No Kenmas goal was to be the least noticed and what happened yesterday definitely made him a wild topic of interest around school. He shivered. It was cold and rainy as it had been for a while now and that was not helping his mood. Glancing at the clock which read 2:30 pm then back at his half filled out papers he realized how quiet the house was. His mom had left at 9:00 am and he had been alone since then. The silence was broken when he heard the entrance door being opened. Maybe his mom was home early. He glanced back at the clock. 3:23 pm. Then he heard loud heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. Thats when he knew he was no longer safe as the weight of those footsteps belonged to his one and only fucking disgusting father.
His door suddenly was thrown open before he could have reacted and then Kenma found himself pinned down on his bedroom floor. “Oh Kenma thats a face I haven't seen in such a long time” a heavy smell of whisky and beer hit Kenma in the face as his father talked. Kenmas was trying to get away. He was desperate but his father had a surprising amount of strength and handle for being drunk. His father peeled up his hoodie sleeves to see the bandages crisscrossing around. His father gave a sick smile. Kenmas father began to punch and smack his arms where the bandages were covering. Kenma screamed and his father laughed hysterically. Then all of a sudden it stopped. Then he heard a familiar voice but it was cold as ice.
“What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing.” Kuroo said with the sharpest and clearest pronunciation that he had ever heard. Kenmas dad whimpered lightly and that triggered Kuroo to kick his dad right in the stomach. Kenma looked at Kuroos face. Kuroo looked mad. No not mad. Livid. Beyond livid. Kuroo kept kicking until Kenmas dad passed out and Kuroo picked his phone out of his pocket and called the police.
The cops came and went quickly retreiving what they came for and left leaving Kuroo and Kenma alone together. Kuroo turned to face him and said bluntly but strongly “Kenma I need to see your arms.” There was no way Kenma could be let off on this one. Not with the tone that Kuroo had said that in. He knew there was no escape and he didnt even have the energy to try and fight it. Instead he just sat on his bed and held his arm out for inspection. Kuroo lightly touched Kenmas arm and slowly peeled the bandages off. Kuroo tried to hold back a gasp but it slipped through his lips. “Kenma what the fuck is this? This wasnt done by any cat…” Kuroo looked up directly into Kenmas eyes. This is when he realized that Kuroo actually kinda believed him when he said it was a cat even if he had his doubts. Blood dripped down his arm and seeped into his sleeve while other droplets rolled off of his fingers. Oh how crimson is such a pretty color Kenma thought to himself. Kenma refused to speak back so Kuroo went and got some more bandages from his volleyball bag. Kuroo came back looking really worried which in turn made Kenma feel really guilty. As Kuroo was wrapping up his arm he spoke again “ Your mom wants me to stay over tonight...and well since its Friday she kinda asked till Monday.” God. Fucking. Damnit. Thought Kenma. “And while you may not be talking to me now just know I'm here for you. I'm here to listen to you. I'm here to help you get through everything. And while Im gonna be staying here you might as well start sharing a bit don't you think?” Kuroo finished at the same time he finished tying the bandages. Kenma couldn't speak. Just nodded instead. “I'll give you some time to open up. There's no rush” Kuroo said softly as he got up and brushed the side of Kenmas face lightly.

Chapter Text

KENMA POV
The rest of the day was a pretty mix of anxiety, fear, and boredom. Kenma could feel Kuroo watching him for the majority of the time as Kenma sat cross legged on his bed facing the window. Multiple times Kenma could catch Kuroo looking up from his phone to stare at him for a few seconds from the reflection in the window. As it reached 6pm dark storm clouds started to roll in. Kenma knew that everything was worse for him on days when there were thunderstorms. He just wanted to hide away from everyone and everything. Unconsciously he started shaking as he distanced further from reality and more into the dark caves of his thoughts. All of a sudden he was pulled back into reality by a hand on his shoulder. “K-kenma? Are you okay?” said Kuroo softly. Kenma flinched harder than he expected that he would have but nodded. “Your mom said dinner is ready and told us to come down.” said Kuroo, quickly removing his hand. Dinner went peacefully and after that was the most dreaded time of the day. Time to sleep. Kuroo had brought a sleeping back which he laid out next to Kenmas bed at his mom's request as Kenma watched his nightly terrors melt into the mold.
Kuroo switched off the lights and headed back to his makeshift sleeping area and plopped down. “Kenma...Is there anything you would like to tell me before we go to sleep?” Kuroo asked. Kenma sat up in his bed and looked down at Kuroo and spoke to him for the first time in quite a few hours. “Nothing.” Kenma said raspily. Kuroos face automatically lit up from hearing Kenma talking to him again. “Okay goodnight” Kuroo said happily as he dove into his sleeping bag.

It was about 1am and Kenma could no longer fight the waves of sleep that flooded him and he finally let his heavy and stinging eyelids close. That was a mistake. Arms wrapped around him. Warm and comforting and the arms belonged to none other than Kuroo. It was so warm and the atmosphere so light that it felt like a dream for once but then Kuroos face found Kenmas ear. “Hey Kenma. Will you kill me please.” the once light and airy atmosphere became heavy and dismal. Kuroo disapperated into mist around him and Kenma was left alone. Alone with a knife in front of him. The mist left a coating on the shiny blade sitting there. Then the thing came out. Out from the darkness around him and towards Kenma. It was different this time though. Its smile was still there and it was still long, black, and tall but its head. Its head was twisted in a sickening way. It looked like it should have been painful on a human but it somehow fit this thing perfectly. “Don't you want to release that anger and pain inside of you” it croaked as it came closer and closer. Everywhere it stepped a large puddle of blood would form and merge with the others. It lifted him without touching him and brought him over to a scene. Rolling grass hills of a cliff over a sea with large and sharp rock spires poking up out of the waves and there he was. Kuroo stood there looking at him as if to tell him to come in which he did. He ran to Kuroo as fast as he could and embraced him. Kenma felt something warm on his stomach then a blow of pain and a whisper “you will never be good enough for someone like me. You're just a fool. So how does it feel to be hurt and stabbed at for once??” Kenma fell backwards with shock from Kuroos words and from pain. Kuroo gave a smile. That smile didn't belong to Kuroo. It kept growing and growing until it was at his ears. He kneeled by Kenmas side and brought out the blade from the first room like place and twirled it around in his hand. Then without warning he took it and plunged it into Kenmas flesh. His thighs were first with small slits then he started to dig deeper and deeper until it hit bone then he moved on to do the same to his arms then stabbed the blade into both of his palms and twisted to that a fountain of blood was released. Kuroo reached for Kenmas neck and gently brushed a finger down the sides of his neck. The manic laughter that echoed around his skill from Kuroo was nauseating. The thing just kept watch in the background smiling it's sickening smile. Then Kuroo brought the knife down onto his neck and dragged it all the way across while screaming how does it feel at the top of his lungs. Kenma was thrown back to reality but before he could process what just happened he screamed. A scream full of fear and terror. The only thing was that he forgot Kuroo was sleeping next to him.