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Leon trudged up the sidewalk, his body trembling with exhaustion and frustration. He'd failed. Again. His squad had been killed. Again. He'd watched them die and done nothing. Again.
Numbly, he pushed the door open, eyes so unfocused that he barely saw the scene in front of him. Toby was holding a gun, and he looked pale.
"Jesus, Leon." He said, setting the firearm down. It was a Sentinel-9, Leon realized. A gun he'd helped create. Toby carried his gun. That thought had him frozen, still only halfway into the house. His bag fell from his grasp, hitting the ground with a clunk!
"Sugar?" Toby's voice barely cut through the fog. "Are you alright? You usually call me before you get home. I- I thought you were an intruder."
"Bad day." Leon's hands trembled. He didn't look up as he was guided further into the kitchen, the door shut behind him and locked. Toby walked him to the bathroom, brushing his hair out of his face.
"Is it okay if I clean you up a little bit?" He asked, guiding tired arms around his own shoulders before lifting Leon onto the counter.
"Mhm."
He was so tired, and Toby was so warm. Leon buried his face in his husband's neck, exhaling sharply. More than anything, he wanted to sleep. He wanted to be dead to the world for a while.
"-wash your face, sweet thing."
Ah, fuck. He'd completely missed whatever Toby had said.
"Mm." He tipped his chin up obediently, closing his eyes so he didn't have to meet Toby's gaze. No doubt, he'd start crying if he did. Soft, wet fabric scraped against his cheeks, wiping away dirt and grime. Distantly, he realized Toby was singing. It was some soft, sweet pop song that had been on the radio recently, but it melted his heart just the same. Leon tugged him in close, hiding his face as his chest constricted. The tears came first, gushing over his cheeks before his lungs screamed for air and he let out a sob.
"Baby..." Toby's hands cradled his head and neck, rocking him back and forth gently. "It's okay, I've gotcha."
"I'm sorry." Leon curled his fingers into fists, desperate to hide just how much he was shaking. Another sob wracked him, coming from deep within his diaphragm.
"Shh, don't apologize." Toby pressed soft kisses to a crown of brown hair. "You're allowed to cry, Leon. It's okay."
He hated how those words made him sob harder.
"C'mon." Toby hefted him upwards, carrying him like a baby koala. Even with false limbs, he was strong, and Leon was so, so grateful. He didn't trust himself to walk without falling, and any excuse to bury himself further in Toby's embrace was more than welcome.
Much quicker than he was ready for, he was set down on their duvet. Toby moved backwards, but Leon grabbed onto him as tight as he could, hiccuping out another desperate noise.
"What's wrong?"
"I don't- I-" Leon wiped his eyes, slumping his shoulders and attempting to curl into a ball. "I'm sorry-"
"You don't want me to see your face?" Toby asked. When he got a nod in response, he pulled Leon back against his chest, cradling him like a newborn. "Okay. I'll get up and turn off the light, then we'll get ready for bed. You can talk to me, or just let it all out, either way."
"Okay."
Toby kissed the top of his head again before getting up. True to his word, he kept his back turned until the light was off. In the dark, Leon felt some of the stress burn off, soothed by the extra hiding spaces and lowered expectations. He was always pretty boy, doll face, sweet cheeks... He couldn't be those things with snot and tears plastered to his skin.
"Do you want help?" Toby asked, kneeling beside him. Leon nodded, then grimaced. He can't see you, stupid, stupid, stupid, st-
"Leon?"
"Y-Yeah."
"Alright, I'm gonna touch you. It's just me." Toby's fingers graced his arm before helping him out of his jacket and tossing it on the floor. From beneath the bed, Cricket grumbled quietly, awoken by the fuss. Leon's shirt was next, set down beside the pillow. He didn't dare let someone else undo his pants, rushing to shimmy out of them. Toby let him, guiding him back into the circle of his arms when he was finished.
Well, arm.
Leon felt more tears well up, exacerbated by painful memories of his husband's death and resurrection. He would've been fine if he'd never met you, he would've been fine if-
While the previous cries had been strangled and muted, this one was raw. He pressed his face to Toby's chest, silent begging to be held tighter, to have the pain squeezed out of him. To his shock, something wet swiped across his jaw.
"Shh, shh, little lady." Toby said. "He's okay, he just needs some TLC."
Cricket whimpered, curling into a ball beside them. She nosed Leon once more as he shook and shivered. Blindly, he reached back to pat her head and scratch behind her ears.
"What's wrong, Le?" Toby finally asked, settling into the pillows. He waited, listening to muffled sniffles and hitching, labored breaths.
"My squad." Leon pulled himself closer, feeling the awful tightness in his chest multiply. He bit down as hard as he dared on his lower lip, unable to stop himself from sobbing when he ran out of air. "They were- were-" Wiping his eyes, he took a few long, deep breaths. "We were clearing out a warehouse. It was supposed to be empty, and all the guns were a- a precaution. But it wasn't and- and they all died. I let them all die." His voice broke, almost unintelligible.
"Baby." Toby tried to soothe him, heartbroken as he listened to quiet cries turn into whimpers and pitiful hiccups. "You didn't let them die."
"No, I-"
"Leon, they knew what they were signing up for when they joined the DSO. They knew what it meant to become a field agent. The government doesn't hide the program's mortality rate from new recruits. You know this. You fought them until they put it in the job description." Toby reached down, tilting Leon's head up and wiping away some the dampness on his cheeks. "You are the most selfless person I know, sugar. I don't believe for even a second that you would stand by and let anyone die."
"I kept trying, and I couldn't- there was a door and- and there were so many keys, I couldn't-" Leon's breathing sped up again.
"Shh, shh, deep breaths, baby. Deep breaths."
"I can't- I can't-"
"Leon, relax. It's okay." Toby rolled them sideways, using his body weight to anchor his hyperventilating husband. "It's just you and me, baby, you're safe."
"I'm sorry." Leon cried into his shirt, drenching the soft cotton in snot. Toby wasn't about to stop him. He could do laundry later.
"It's alright, sugar."
"It's not, they're gonna- gonna try and have me demoted, I know they will, I- I-" The rest of it became unintelligible between his hysterical breathing and the way he was hiding his face in Toby's chest.
"No, baby, they won't. For one, you're easily their best agent. Two, if they end your contract early, they have to give you a $100,000 bonus, and they're not gonna do that." Toby smiled to himself, kissing Leon's temple. "And you know what else?"
"What?" Shaking fingers curled in his clothing, desperate to hold onto him.
"Even if they did, I'd still be on your side. I would follow you to the ends of the earth, dearheart." Toby kissed him again, and then again for good measure. "Even if it seems like the sky is falling and the whole world is against you, I will always be on your side. I promised you that when I married you."
"Mm." Leon took a second, hiccuping quietly. "Stop, I'm gonna- gonna cry again."
"As long as you know how much I love you, you can cry for as long as you need." Toby told him, rolling onto his back. "C'mere."
With a quiet sniffle, Leon crawled over top of him, pushing their legs together.
"I love you." He whispered, picking at the hem of Toby's shirt and bullying the loose stitches.
"I love you too, sugar. Are you hungry?"
"Yeah." Leon nestled closer, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "Don't get up yet, please." He pressed his ear to Toby's chest, listening to his heart beat. It was cheesy and cliche, but he took comfort in listening to the steady lub-dub resonating beneath warm tissue and muscle. Distantly, he wondered if it calmed him down because Toby's heartbeat was tangible evidence that he was alive. Proof that it wasn't a dream, that Leon wasn't still stuck in his own personal hell, bouncing around a mental prison with his ghosts nipping at his heels. Ada, Simmons, Arias, everyone- always taunting him, dangling Toby over his head like it was some sort of sick-
"You're thinking again."
Leon let out a defeated whine, nodding his head.
"Talk to me." Toby said, running his fingers through the little snarls in the hair behind Leon's ears. "Tell me what's wrong."
"They would-" Leon curled in on himself. "Simmons. Ada. They would taunt me. They made jokes about you dying and told me that you didn't love me. Simmons did it because he knew I couldn't touch him, and Ada was jealous of how happy we were. She's kind of calmed down now, but for a while she was out of control." He sighed. "I just… really missed you. Every day." His voice started to wobble again, and he shut his mouth firmly to stop it.
"I'm here." Toby told him, kissing his forehead. "I'm not going anywhere. We sort of got the last laugh, didn't we?"
"Huh?" Leon wiped his face again.
"We're together, we get to see each other all the time and be a- mostly- normal couple. That's the best revenge that I can think of."
"That's all I've ever wanted." Leon sighed. "I just wanted to be normal."
"We will be." Toby promised. "Now, do you want food, or sleep?"
Leon reached up to wipe his face one last time. He took a long, deep breath to clear the last bit of despair from his lungs.
"Food."
"I thought so." Toby chuckled, the sound soft and sweet in the darkness of their room. "I made waffles this morning and saved a couple for you."
"You're the best." Leon lifted himself up so he could kiss Toby's cheek. "You always take care of me."
"That's my job, sugar. Wouldn't trade it for anything." He sat up, sliding his feet off the bed. "Meet me in the kitchen when you feel up to it, okay?"
"Yeah." Leon snagged one last kiss before collapsing back against the comforter. He laid still for a few moments, composing himself, before getting up and finding some of Toby's pajamas to wear. His next stop was the bathroom, where he washed the snot and tears from his face. His eyes were still red and bleary, but other than that, he just looked tired.
Stumbling down the hall, he paused in the archway of their kitchen. Toby was putting together a plate for him, cutting up fruit and arranging it in delicate little flower shapes. He was humming, too, quiet and melodic. Leon stared openly, trying to imprint every detail of the scene into his memory. Things like this- tender moments- kept him going.
"Come eat before it gets cold." Toby said. He set the plate down on their table before pouring them each a glass of milk and launching into a recount of his day, filling the empty space as Leon ate. Cricket came in to join them, looking particularly sleepy. She curled up around Toby's feet, grumbling in annoyance whenever he moved too much.
Leon savored it all, feeling the weight on his shoulders lift.
He was home, and everything was going to be fine.