Work Text:
I dropped the tools in frustration.
“This is so fucking stupid!”
I felt like standing up and pacing. Instead, I picked them up again and went back to sawing the plank in half. My frustration turned into rage, a beast in my stomach that wouldn’t let me stop shaking, but wouldn’t let me take a break from the arduous work either.
Rose-ghost appeared in the corner of my vision. At first I was pissed.
“Fuck off.”
She seemed to retract a bit. This made me feel incredibly guilty. It didn’t last long; as soon as I opened my mouth to apologize, she came back full force. The whispering always hit me weird. I hated the sound of polyphony going through my ears, invading them. I hated that it made me lose track of where Rose ends and the ghosts begin. Rose at this point might not be anything except a ghost but it’s only right to honor her. As her human self lay sleeping in her room in the house, her robot self walked, eternally sleepless. Her ghost stood in front of me now. Multiple timelines made everyone lose track of who they were. I don’t know who I am now. I’m not sure I ever did.
Her stare seemed to bore holes into my skull. I kept sawing until the plank was two pieces, it fell to the ground with a clatter. I picked up another one.
She opened her mouth again. I wasn’t looking, but I heard her. I felt it. I tried to saw louder. My head roared. ‘Didn’t you hear me the first time? Are you stupid? Are you? I said fuck off!’ I felt awful for even considering saying those things. But they continued. Her energy flickered, almost as if she could hear me somehow. I hoped she couldn’t, for both our sakes. I don’t like mind readers. I don’t even like people who wish they could read minds. In fact, I think I like them less.
When she finally left, I decided it was really time to get some rest. I dropped the saw, walked out of the room, closed the door, and went straight to the main house. The bathroom was down the hall from my room; the whole house seemed to be always expanding. Looking in the mirror was one of my least favorite things but today it seemed necessary. I could recognize parts of my face but not the whole.
Four main parts were reflected at me in the mirror today. Upper left was Jade. To the right, a mishmash of June before and after her transition started. Dave was in the lower right and finally, Rose’s mouth seemed to frown at me from the lower left corner of my face.