Work Text:
Gascon does not know his father.
He doesn't know his dad. He doesn't know the little things, like what makes him laugh, just a bit, or what makes him cry, almost. He doesn't know his dad. He doesn’t know his dads favorite food. His favorite color. Not even his birthday. He wishes he knew his dad. He wants to know his dad. He wants to know his dad loves him. He needs to know that his dad, well and truly, loves him. Because he doesn't know. He doesn't know if his dad loves him.
He doesn't even know if he'd love him back.
His mom is the same. Except he knows her less. He doesn't know her buttons, he doesn't know what to do to make her angry, he doesn't know what to do to make her notice him. He doesn't know if she loves him either. He doesn't know if he'd love her back, either.
They’re his parents. Of course he loves them. But he doesn't know how much. He doesn't know if loving them is putting more effort into it than they are. He doesn’t know if loving them is supposed to take heaps of effort, if it's supposed to be hard. He doesn't know if he loves them more than he loves his brother, his friends, or even a citizen of his home that hes only ever made eye contact with.
Gascon knows the Emperor. He knows the man. He knows the Emperor is an angry man, one who yells and shouts until he gets what is best for his people. Who scares the enemies. Who scares the citizens. Who scares his children.
Gascon also knows the job. He knows how to do it, he knows what to do, he knows what not to do. He knows about taxes, he knows how to write like an emperor, how to talk like an emperor, how to be an emperor. He knows he can never. He can never be the Emperor. He doesn't have magic. He doesn't have anything except his exceptional baby brother. His brother has a lot. Skill. Attention. His big brothers love. His big brother's genuine love, that he knows is true and true and true and he knows he loves him back just as much.
Gascon knows his baby brother. He knows that he hates tea without it being half sugar (and even then he hates it) and he knows Marcassin doesn't like sweets as much as a child his age should. He says the sugar makes his teeth feel weird. He knows his little brother sucks his thumb even though he's far too old for that. He knows his little brother is incredible at magic and likes to make thunder to fall asleep to. He knows Marcissan only does it when its just him and Gascon. He doesn't do it where anyone can hear them. He doesn't do it when he thinks his big brother isn't there.
He knows Marcassin only plays with one of his toys, a little stuffed pig. He knows that when his brother thinks he is alone he sings to the plushie Gascon let him steal when Marcissan was a toddler, and couldn't sleep with their father's rage a few bedrooms away. He knows his baby brother hates it when he feels something with just one hand, or just one foot, and when he doesn't feel textures evenly he is uncomfortable. How sometimes feeling anything at all is too much for him, and Gascon knows how to make him feel safer when it happens.He knows Marcissan loves him, and he knows he loves him right back. He knows he will do anything, no matter the cost, if his baby brother needed him to.
But he has to know it first. He doesn’t know himself. He needs to learn. The one thing he knows about his father is that he always tells him the Hamelin people need to know their strengths. But Gascon doesn’t know those. He can’t learn them in Hamelin, wrapped up in a cocoon of royal protection. He will go and he will come back. He knows it. He will be back when Marcissan needs to learn himself and he will help his brother do so. Marcissan needs to stay, he needs to learn magic from their father and maybe their mother will help, if she only has to help with one child. Gascon and Marcissan will become great, Gascon knows that they’ll go down in Hamelin's history as Marcissan, the great ruler of Hamelin and his brother Gascon. He knows.
Gascon knows his brother Gascon knows the Emperor. Gascon knows his father is the Emperor. Gascon does not know the man who calls himself his dad. He needs to learn about himself, to be the best brother to Marcissan he can possibly be.