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A lot of people would be sad in a moment like this.
But not us.
Our high school graduation ended in a blink of an eye today. It went by like usual. After the rites, it’s just the same scenario as every year-end ceremony: families taking photos, teachers congratulating their students, and friends hugging for what seems like the last time. For Nao and I, we spent the remaining time with the others. They actually planned for all 9 of us to eat out together after the ceremony in our favorite restaurant nearby, but we informed them beforehand that we made plans of our own, which they weren’t at all too surprised to hear.
“I’m still pissed you guys aren’t coming with us. After I helped you ask her out, this is what you repay me.” That was Miho.
“Shut up. You weren’t helpful at all. Anyway, that’s actually the reason why I forced Suzu to host that BBQ party and overnight last week”, I replied.
“I still don’t get why it has to be at my house and not yours.”, Suzuka countered.
“Well, first of all, you’re rich so it wouldn’t be a problem. Second, you’ll do anything for us, so thank you very much.”
“What about Konoka?”
“As much as we all love her, we all prefer your house, Suzu.”
“That’s right” “True” “I agree” came everyone’s simultaneous replies.
“Wow.”, Suzu and Konoka said at the same time in disbelief.
“And…… Manamo prefers your brother.”
“Miho!”
A wave of laughter was heard from the group as we spontaneously exchanged teasing comments like what we’ve been doing for the past six years that we’ve known each other.
Our chatter shifted to future plans to meet up and reunite at certain months (if possible) where our university schedules wouldn’t be too packed. Even though we would be seeing less and less of each other as the years pass by, we promised to always keep in touch regardless of the distance. As Suzu said, “A place where we can grow without any changes doesn’t exist. I hope we can all overcome this together.”
The time to part ways finally came. I wasn’t too surprised at all to find Suzu being the first one to cry, which started a chain reaction among us. Nao was especially quiet the entire time, but no one dared to point it out. She was silently observing the group with a soft smile. Knowing what she’s feeling right now, I held her hand, silently comforting her. Nibu, who saw the gesture, offered me a sad smile.
All of us then exchanged hugs. From the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Nao laughing at something Miho said after they broke off. I had no time to think about what Miho might’ve possibly told her because we were suddenly crushed in a giant group hug.
And with a final “see you!” from Konoka, they headed off.
Our parents went home ahead of us. About them…
We didn’t even have to mention it to them. Deep down, I know they already know about us. In my case, it was never mentioned at home. We avoid talking about it at all costs. For what reason? I’m not really sure. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid of what they would ask me to do once we’ve talked about it. But, last night, after seeing how they didn’t reject my permission to stay behind with Nao at school after graduation, I guess I should’ve talked to them about us way sooner.
For Nao, I asked her once last year about what her parents might think about us. “Don’t worry about it.” was all she said while giving me a reassuring smile.
Though we rarely go to each other’s house, except for group projects and group sleepovers, from what I’ve seen of her parents, they were very welcoming and comforting to talk to; a complete opposite of mine, who are more quiet and slow-paced.
Once the last group of teachers, parents, and students left the school grounds, we let out a sigh of relief.
Now, there’s only the two of us.
I looked at her…. and I was able to catch a glimpse of her smile.
Seeing the excitement in her eyes made me smile as well.
And so, she slowly interlaced her fingers with mine, and we turned to head back towards the school buildings.
Walking in silence with our hands swaying in between us, we started exploring the hallways like it’s our first year in middle school. Every now and then, we would casually throw in stories of our friends as we pass by different rooms and places.
“Remember when Nibu dropped that plastic frog in front of Miho on this staircase? She almost got her in an accident!”
“I remembered Miho didn’t talk to her for a week after that. Wait…. no, Miho didn’t talk to US for a week after that.”
“Well, actually, I was the only one she talked to during that period.”
“Pfft.. unfair.”
“Don’t blame me. I literally had to explain to all of you the damage you’ve done, and force you to properly apologize to her, which took all of you one week to process by the way.”
“In my defense, she doesn’t really look like the type to be gravely afraid of frogs.”
“And you really had to learn it the hard way.”
“You know, there were times I would catch Hina and Hiyori inside the music room by themselves. I would always hear Hina playing mellow tunes on the piano for Hiyori to dance ballet to.”
“Suzu and Konoka would often go to the music room too after dismissals. They would compose their songs there together like the one they performed during bunkasai this year.”
“And remember when Suzu performed that rap last year, you told me you wanted to learn how to play drums just so you guys could form a band.”
“It would be awesome! Besides, I think playing drums makes me a cooler person.”
“That’s true.”
”Ah... Manamo’s special hiding place.”
“Wasn’t this your hiding place as well?”
“What?”
“Those days when you told me you wanted some time alone, Manamo would ask me why I left you crying over mangas in the library. Miho overheard her talking to me about it once and I got an earful from her even though I said countless times that we weren’t fighting and you really just wanted some time alone.”
“Heh~ I’m sorry.”
“Please. Don’t be. It’s your own personal time.”
We also talked about our admired-seniors-turned-friends who mentored us in our respective clubs during high school. They graduated only last year, but every now and then, they would visit the school to see how we’re doing, constantly giving us guidance and advice.
“Have you made up your mind about the whole ‘joining a volleyball varsity team’ yet? Kumi has been asking me for the past months. She kept telling me to persuade you into joining one.”
“I’m not surprised at all, because Shiho has also been bugging me to join one as well. But as of now, I’m only thinking of joining the varsity team maybe on my second or third year in university.”
“Good. Just like what everyone’s been saying, you have the skills and body figure. You’ll do very well.”
“Thank you. What about you?”
“I’m not sure yet on what kind of activities I want to do in university. Maybe I’ll stay on track with photography, or explore digital art.”
“Hmm. That’s nice. Well, whatever you decide to do, I’m pretty sure you’ll ace it. You always have.”
“Who told you to say that to me? Sarina or Kage?”
“Neither. It was Kyoko.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Why are you so surprised?”
“Well…..”
“*chuckles* I won’t tell her, don’t worry. And, that’s what I’ve always wanted to say to you as well. You’ve always been good and passionate in everything you do. All the new things you wanted to try, you would always find a way how to excel in them.”
“Thank you. Really.”
“You’re welcome.”
We browsed through the bulletin boards that are filled with club pictures. Literature Club, Music Club, Women’s Basketball Team, Multimedia Arts Club, Debate Club, Contemporary Dance and Ballet Club. Seeing all of our faces among these clubs makes me proud of having such hard-working friends and seniors.
We visited the darkroom too. She knows it’s one of my favorite places in the school. I’ve been practicing analog photography for over a year now, and of course, I would always have the girls as my subjects especially for portraits. There’s barely anyone who uses this room, so most photographs that were kept here are mine, but since we’re already graduating, I had to clear them out three weeks ago.
Fully taking in the used-to-be-filled-with-photographs-but-now-empty hangers remind me of--
“I would love to see you in the process of developing your films once again.” She whispered in the darkness.
“I’m sorry for the bad news, but I don’t have my camera or any of my unprocessed rolls today.” I teasingly replied from the other side of the room.
“It’s alright. Next time then.”
Next time.
Next time.
Oh.
She slowly approached my side, distracting me from my thoughts.
I turned to look at her as soon as she was standing beside me.
Without saying anything, I reached out to softly caress her cheek.
Smiling at me, she closed her eyes and buried her cheek deeper in my palm.
It’s times like this that make me think how the best moments, the most beautiful views do not necessarily need to be printed on film, or saved in a storage device somewhere.
The eyes, unlike cameras, don’t have filters that can either make or break your shot. What you see with your eyes is bare and real.
And right now, under the red hues covering the entire room, not even the most expensive, most sophisticated camera in this world can justifyingly capture her radiating beauty.
She whispered once again.
“I want to go to the rooftop.”
“Of course.”
And so, we went.
Her escape place after the library.
We rarely go here together, and when we do, I would always have my camera with me. The best shots (and my favorite shots) I have of her were mostly taken here.
For today, I let her have some time alone, knowing she needed this.
I lingered just by the entrance door to wait for her.
Being left alone with my thoughts, and on this very day out of all, is not really a good idea. I don’t actually mind all the university talks. We’ve had them countless times before, right from the beginning of senior year. In fact, I think it’s good that we share our plans with each other, but when I’m alone, just like now, that’s when everything dawns on me that--
“Hey. Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“It’s fine. You okay?”
“Yep. Come on, let’s go back already.”
We descended down the stairs and entered the school halls once again.
I really, really need to shut those thoughts out of my mind.
Just for today.
For her.
After walking back to the school halls, passing by the old rooms and checking out the newly built ones, we reached the open field once again, and we ended up on the playgrounds.
A place I hold so dearly because……
“So…. we’re here…” Nao said.
“Yeah….”
“The swings?”
“Sure.”
We sat silently on the swings for a couple of minutes, not knowing what to say to each other.
Until Nao broke the silence.
“This is where you asked me out.”
“Hehehe. Yeah.”
“And I said yes.”
“Yeah. You did.”
“Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For that day… and for every single day we spent together after that.”
We smiled at each other for a moment before shifting our eyes to look at anywhere else.
My mind drifted off to that certain day, and the mess of events leading up to that.
July 12, 2017
That was the day I asked her out.
That day I was filled with so much anxiety and tension. I couldn’t focus on school for a week, thinking about various ways on how I should pull it off.
I’ve actually talked to our friends about it a week before. Were they supportive? Of course, very much. Were they helpful?
Well……
Suzu and Miho were the first ones who gave me a conference.
“FINALLY, you’re developing the guts.” Suzu remarked.
“We’ve been waiting an eternity. Congratulations. Now, without further ado, we’re going to offer you the best ideas in which we assure you that Nao wouldn’t even think about rejecting you.” Miho added immediately.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure Nao would already say y—“
“OKAY. Suzuka, you can shut up now. As what I’ve been saying……...”
Basically, they told me that I should approach her in “a way that wouldn’t appear cringy and creepy”. Suzu told me she can help me write a poem (which would be… cringy), and Miho told me to be as blunt as possible (which would be… creepy). Konoka kinda exposed the two of them. Turns out, they’ve been thinking of ideas since third year of middle school.
Am I… that obvious?
Hina offered a few suggestions as well, but none of them ended up being useful at all because it would be unthinkable of me to act like what she had in mind.
Thank heavens for Manamo.
“Just talk to her like how you would usually talk everyday. It’s totally up to you if you want to go all disgustingly romantic and write a speech before popping the question, but knowing what Nao would want, I suggest that you don’t beat around the bush. No matter the situation, she always preferred your usual cool and composed self.”
Undoubtedly, that gave me a boost of confidence (I think).
And three years later, here we are.
It’s inevitable that this day would come when we would part ways to pursue our own individual goals. We’ve talked about it back then and we promised to be nothing but happy for each other when the time comes. That’s why we had already settled and addressed all our issues and concerns that would make this day a less pleasant one.
Or, so I thought.
She must’ve noticed me spacing out for a good amount of time, and also, my sudden change in mood, because she called out to me in her usual calm tone.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Us. And how we made it this far.”
“Yeah? Tell me about it.”
“It’s nothing. I just….. It just hit me how much I’m going to miss you.”
“Hey….. we—“
“I know. I know we promised not to bring it up today since we didn’t want our last day together to be all gloomy, but…. in three days, you’re literally about to start a new chapter of your life on the other side of the world. We will live in different time zones, and you will grow new habits. And yeah, I have the others with me here, and I know it’s you who should be feeling the loneliest, but I just – who knows what’s going to happen in the future? Of course, it’s inevitable that you’ll find new friends, new people to bond with, enter new relationships, and you will grow to love staying there. And of course, I am and will always be happy for you. But if that happens, what about me? Especially now that we agreed to stay just as friends. What if…. someday, you forget about us, about me, and stay there for good, and never return here? I know I said I will wait for you no matter how long, but… what if you forget about us?”
My voice gradually drifted away as I asked her the question that’s been continuously bugging me for the previous days.
I know that what we have together is indestructible and pure.
But, with everything about the future being uncertain, will it be enough?
Not hearing any reply from her, I continued,
“That was so out of the blue. I’m sorry. For being selfish, and for thinking so low of you. I should’ve known better.”
“Hey, hey. It’s okay. I understand.”
She stood up from her swing and approached mine. She kneeled in front of me and took my hands in hers. With her eyes locked on mine, I said,
“I just wish we have more time. It feels like the past years have gone too fast. It feels like it’s not enough for me.”
“Me too…. But the most important thing is, no matter how long or short our time was, we made it genuine and true. And when something is true, you won’t ever forget it, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then there’s nothing to worry about. You’ll always have me no matter what. Just like what you said, we will meet new people and we will undergo various changes individually. But when we see each other again, none of that will matter. It’ll be like nothing has changed. It’ll feel as if it’s only yesterday when we were sitting side-by-side here, 16-year-old Miku struggling to let out the words ‘Friday. Bubble Tea. After class. With me.’”
“*chuckles* You’re really not letting it go, huh?”
“Nope. Up until now, I am still questioning myself how I managed to be with someone who can’t even formulate a proper question. Thinking about it, it actually sounded more like you were demanding me to go out with you.”
“I was on my wit’s end. As much as I tried to appear confident that day, when the time finally came, I completely blanked out.”
“Well, you certainly failed at trying to appear confident.”
“I know. And I feel sorry for you for having to deal with that version of me.”
“I feel sorry for me too.”
Soft chuckles were heard from the both of us.
Keeping our eyes locked on our joined hands, Nao spoke once again.
“I’m serious though. I always carry you and the other girls with me wherever I go. That won’t change just because I’ll be living in another country for the next four or five years. We are still young and naïve, and we still have a lot to explore and learn about the outside world. Let us grow individually first before we can continue growing together. We will have our own time in the future. We will have it all. We made it worthwhile these past years, and I’m certainly looking forward to what more we can have and build in the future.”
Another round of silence embraced the atmosphere around us as we both digested the recent conversation that we had.
After a few minutes, she slowly stood up and –
“YOU’RE IT!”
“HEY!”
Just like that, a game of tag started.
Now it feels as though we’re still first years in high school, running around in the open field. Back then, we would always play with the other girls. But at this moment, it’s just the two of us. Starting up with me chasing her as she occasionally looks back at me over her shoulder, and all of these things - how the wind blows against her hair, how her eyes complement her smile perfectly, how they sparkle with happiness despite what’s coming, and how her laughter, no matter how soft and quiet, can fill the vast surroundings - all of these embraced me with new kinds of feelings I’ve never had before.
It made me sure of one thing:
Everything’s gonna be okay.
We constantly took turns on who would be the chaser.
At one point, I managed to catch up to her by grabbing her hand. She turned to face me once she realized that I’d stopped running and didn’t release my hold. With a hint of mischief on her face, she started spinning us around in circles, catching me totally off-guard. Not what I had in mind when I grabbed her hand but, oh well, with her gentle laughter echoing all around, I just went with her momentum.
Our little games lasted for approximately half an hour, when we accidentally stumbled down blindly.
We slowly tried to catch our breath as we laid down laughing side-by-side in the middle of the empty field.
Like it’s only a natural thing, we interlocked our fingers that were resting in between us. We stayed still as we stared up at the sky, just enjoying each other’s company.
“By the way, I forgot to ask you.”
“Hmm?”
“What did Miho tell you a while ago? When everyone was messily hugging each other before they left?”
“Oh…that… *chuckles*”
“What? What is it?”
“She told me that I should inform her immediately if ever you make me cry today.”
“That girl… really…”
“She also told me not to make you cry as well.”
“Well, that’s a first.”
“I did make you shed a few tears a while ago, so….. I guess I’m in trouble now?”
“Yes. I’m telling Miho, and the rest of the girls.”
“Okay then. I’ll let you have this one.”
“Thank you.”
And it’s silent once again.
A few moments later, I turned to look at her, engraving this image of hers in my mind.
Eyes closed. Steady breaths. A smile of satisfaction and tranquility on her face.
Not long after, she opened her eyes, and turned to look at me too.
‘We’ll meet again someday. And when we do, I won’t let go of you ever again.’
It was an unspoken message, but as I lay there staring at her eyes, I know she understands.
‘I’ll be looking forward to it.’
Was her silent reply as we both smiled and closed our eyes, leaning our foreheads on each other’s.
And so we laid there, engulfed by a comfortable silence as unspoken thoughts linger on the air around us. Memories of the past six years - the friendship that bloomed into something more along the way - flashed by in front of my closed eyelids, reminding me of the happiness and peace that I’ve found in her presence.
Everything’s gonna be okay. When the time’s right, we’ll meet again. Until then, we will always have this feeling to hold on to and be our source of serenity.
Few hours later and here we are now, standing on a platform of the train station where we would usually separate on our way home.
Without saying anything, we hugged each other. It’s not the tight kind of hug that you would expect from friends about to part ways. It was light and gentle, filled with reassurance that this isn’t goodbye.
“No matter how far apart life takes us, I will always return home to you.”
She whispered in my ear.
I can feel her smile on my shoulder, which made me smile as well.
I closed my eyes and pulled her closer to me.
“I’ll be here then.”
We’ll be okay.
We stayed in each other’s arms for a few more minutes, breathing in the scent of each other.
Until we heard the signal of an incoming train.
We let go of each other as the train approached and stopped in front of us.
No more tears, only soft smiles on our faces.
Slowly, she leaned in and planted the softest kiss on my cheek.
“Take care, Miku.”
“Good luck, Nao.”
Slowly letting go of my hand, she started walking towards the open doors and inside the train.
As the doors closed, we took one last look at each other.
Despite the sound of the train roaring back to life and gradually moving forward once again, I can only hear the sound of her voice whispering to me.
‘No matter how far apart life takes us, I will always return home to you.’
There’s nothing to worry about.
We’ll meet again.
And we’ll be okay.