Chapter Text
I. You
3 October, 2009
Dear diary, I don't know how ..
Should I believe this or this is just a dream, only a night fantasy, cruel illusion of my ill and mad mind?
My search goes on and on but will it work?
Let's see....
.... It was only a beginning of a new road in her grey life. Grey? Or bright? Who knows. Even she still doesn't know what the hell is going on, but let's come back to the start.
It was autumn, middle of autumn. Time of rains and broken dreams. And also her birthday. Maybe she would like to be born some winter day, or spring, or even summer, June perhaps, but it was October. Anyway, she was always happy on her birthday, 6th October. That year was special for her. And that day she was 16. Beautiful age, isn't it?
But who could know what would happen the upcoming year...
It was a very hard year for all, but it had passed pretty fast.
Maritta could never believe that had happened to her that rainy October day. If one had told this would happen to her she'd laugh and tell that they were all mad, but now she could have hardly been surprised.
Anyway, she was in love... Some days she hated herself for this and today it was exactly that kind of day.
- What the hell? Why me, why always me?? - cried she sitting at her writing table. Riita was thinking about last year and a half of her life and tried to find a logical explanation but it was too far from logic.
- Why is my life not normal? Maybe it's me abnormal? Oh, it's madness. - sighed she getting up and walking around the room.
Suddenly the phone rang. She cried out and trying to be calm answered the call.
- Yes?
- Hei.. - said the voice from her deepest dreams.
- Hi.. Am I asleep? - asked Maritta totally shocked.
- Sorry, what? - his voice became confused.
- Uhmm, nothing, anteeksi. - she smiled and sat on the coach. - why..
- ..am I calling? - told he and laughed. - well, it couldn't be a surprise anymore, I guess...
- Ah? What are you talking about, Lauri? - she couldn't understand a word now.
- Well, you'll see tomorrow. - said he smiling, but she couldn't see that.
- It's not funny.. what the hell? Please, tell me. - asked she becoming annoyed.
- Tomorrow.. See you then. Dear...
Short beeps made her lost at all. 'What does it mean?' - thought she.
- Oh shit, the train!! - yelled she looking at her watch.
She wasn't late having an hour before her train to Kiev left. Arriving at time to the station one thought tore her mind.
'No.. it's impossible..' - thought she with astonishment. 'Hah, impossible is nothing. You should remember this since that very day.'
II. Forever mine.
"Your touch, my bliss
Beauty always comes with dark thoughts..."
That was midnight, Lauri couldn't fall asleep. He thought about the past. About those days when he was sure that she would never leave him. Those long nights that seemed so endless, and she was so close....
Now she was far away. Too far...
«Dear Lauri,
I just want to write you a letter. A long letter like it was many years ago. Maybe this is a foolish idea, but I want to.
I want to tell you one only thing and the long letter will be much shorter than I hoped.
I wanted to tell one important thing that you maybe know without telling it, but still...
I love you. And I'm not lying... It's truth.
Don't be angry about this, please...
Love, Maritta."
He found her letter near the pillow on his bed.
"Don't be angry..." - repeated he. 'How could I be angry...' - thought he and sighed.
That was a long sleepless night for him. First night without her. He decided to write a letter to her.
"I wish I could see you, touch you, feel you again like for the first time.. I wish you were mine... again." - he stopped for a while. - but were you mine? - asked he himself. This question left without an answer.
... Red dawn played with her dark hair making it different colours from light brown to bright red. She was still sleeping so he could watch her silence and purity.
Only one day before it seemed just impossible for her and for him. Or not for him.
-Your dream became real... We've met... - whispered he stroked her neck.
- And yours? - asked she through a sleep.
He looked at her eyes now open and turned to him. Deep blue of that ocean was calling for him seducing him forevermore...
- Mine too... - he bent and kissed her lips calling his name.
III. If I only could...
"Riita,
I miss you. I miss our time, those moments of love, when we were never alone... I miss us.
I can't wait for our other meet. When will we meet?
Just tell me...
Love you, L."
She read his old letter. A silent tear fell down when she remembered that night when she came to him.
He called her and asked if she had some free time and when she told 'yes' he told where they would meet.
That was the bank of old lake, behind the house that had become their one day.
- Hi, - said she noticing him standing under the tree.
- Hello... Maritta. I have to tell you one thing. - said he walking up to her.
Cold thrill took her heart with these his words. But still the hope of something good hadn't abandoned her heart.
- Yes Lauri... - sighed she looking in his eyes.
- It's very important for me and it's not so easy to say this.. Anyway, Maritta... I love you, and you are my only light, you know...
I've been thinking a lot and... Don't you mind to live together? - asked he kneeling before her.
Tears of happiness sparkled in her eyes and whispering 'yes, sure .. I'm so happy, Lauri..' was his ever bliss.
"All my light lies in you, my angel of life.. I'll never let you go, you should know. You're mine forever and I am forever yours.
Just don't leave me alone in the dark...
All my cure lives in you, my love on dawn.. You're my everything, my light, my whole life...
I gave you once my heart, don't break, but save it.."
Reading the letter that night flew through her memory tearing her soul more and more.
'Maybe my love will never die.. And I'm afraid it's true.' - thought she weeping near the window. She was alone at home. And memories.. they were so alive in her mind. No, no, not in her mind, but in her heart... That day she remembered still like it was yesterday.
'But .... but maybe there was no 'but' now?'
She thrilled for a second, took her phone and dialed the sacramental number.
Who would know?
IV. "It's a small crime and I've got no excuse.."
When two beloved are happy together this is exactly the very time for something to happen.
For example, another person to appear.
She knew that some day it would happen, she was waiting for this.
Maritta was one of that people who believe in destiny and dreams, that if something means to be it will be for sure.
And when she was 15 years old she had one dream that had changed her life. And till that nice evening it was following her.
She knew that something would happen, something would change. She simply felt that.
Well, she was right.
When she and Lauri had quarrels she always remembered that dream.
..That happened after the concert. When she saw then Lauri her heart hurt like he was the dearest person to her in the whole world. But when she felt silent touch of Matti her heart warmed and beat faster. He embraced her and kissed. She could see Lauri over Matti’s shoulder. She saw a sparkling tear falling down from his cheek. And she felt like being between two fires. ..
She woke up then. That dream made her heart burn. ‘It was the strangest dream ever’ – thought she then.
It was a cold late night of 13th January.. or an early morn of 14th of January of 2009. Still the 14th was still the day when she wrote her first poem. The first poem devoted to Matti.
V. Another story
Well, you’ve all heard this story of Maritta and Lauri. But there is still one more tale, also very important and not less interesting.
Matti. Once Riita had a dream about him but she didn’t take that very serious. Having the only thought “Why him??” for more than a week it’s not very serious, yes.
But the dream was only a beginning. Riita always loved poetry, but had never written rhyme lines by her own. Till that very day, the 14th of January.
Matti… a man from a dream… A poetical bullshit, isn’t it? Anyway, it was her poetical bullshit and she took it really serious. Even, too much.
… A couple of years had to pass before they would meet, such a long time it was.
She felt that day would be special. She wasn’t wrong. That evening she and Lauri had to visit a party of their common friends and they couldn’t not be there.
The party was not too loud, and there were not so many people as she thought.
Still Riita didn’t like parties very much, anyway it was a loud time and she felt bad after all that alcohol and loud music.
And she wasn’t alone about this opinion. And another one was standing in front of her near the fireplace. He stood with his back to her, so she couldn’t see his face.
Maritta took a bottle of beer for a guest and a glass of wine for her. She didn’t drink wine a lot, and she’d rather drink some whiskey or even that very beer, but she wanted to make a good impression.
- Why so lonely? – asked she walking up to him.
- Hm? – guest looked at her with an asking glance and she saw his bright blue eyes.
‘That’s him…’ thought she and he saw that in her eyes and smiled kindly.
- Are you Maritta, right? – asked he looking at her with bad hidden interest. Or maybe he didn’t want to hide it.
- Yes. – said she fighting her thrill and felt that she was blushing.
- I’m …
- Matti, yes? – said she suddenly.
- You’re right, - replied he and his smile became wider.
- Some beer? – asked she giving him a bottle.
- Only a little. – grinned he and blinked her.
She smiled and looked in his eyes.
‘Deep blue sea.. or sky.. Too deep, too high.’ Thought both looking at each other…
“Day 1st.
She was crying again. She didn’t tell the reason, but I don’t need her telling that. I know it without that. Again the same old story… Lauri.
I know how much he meant and still means to her. And I will do anything to make her happy. “
“Dear diary,
He is amazing. He always makes me smile, makes me really happy..
I love him…”
“Day 2nd.
How much suffering she had… because of him. Her heart still hurts, I feel that.
Even when she sleeps at night I feel her tears are silently falling down on the pillow.
Maritta, you’ll be happy. I promise.”
“Dear diary…
Last night was just amazing. Silent walk under the starlit sky and moonlight, talking and laughing…
And the dearest person near.. That’s all I ever need.
And his eyes… Two deep oceans that took me many years ago.”
The story took not only two days, but that was only beginning.
The more they spent time together, the more they fell in love with each other… Riita felt so happy like never before.
Matti tried to make her the happiest person in the whole world. And still he was winning…
VI. Angel, my pure angel….
Her diary, her poetry, her all life she had devoted to him. The man from a winter dream, her blue eyed angel, as she used to call him.
‘Finally I’ll tell him about my feelings looking in his eyes.’ - thought she. But she was afraid. She was afraid of her own shyness. She knew that he knew about her deep love for him, but…
That memory of their first ‘date’ or it’d be better to call this meeting made a smile appear at her face.
They’d met accidently – she had a vacation and he was there for some business. But that lucky coincidence (or destiny) put them together at the same time and at the same place that day…
In the evening they were walking around the park and talking about different things also discussing music and poetry.
- Matti, you write some lyrics, don’t you? – asked she looking at him with interest.
- Well… sometimes. When it’s needed. And you are very good in your writing. – replied he giving her a warm embrace.
- Oh no… - laughed she out. – You’re kidding. – said she walking up to the bench under the oak and sat down. He sat near her.
- Seriously. Your poems are very beautiful and it’s an honor to me … - he paused and looked deep in her eyes. She felt his hand on her waist.
- Well.. – sighed she and looked at him passionately. – I have a present for you… Here you are. – and she gave him a pretty big notebook. – It’s my poems that I’ve written… for you.
He sat silent looking at her and then at the notebook. Slowly he took a notebook and opened it.
“Since January 14th, 2009 till nowadays” – read he. – Thank you, dear… It’s a worthy present. Very worthy, thank you a lot. It took a lot of time, I guess.. – told he looking at filled pages.
- Yes, not a one-day work. – smiled she blushing.
- “An angel” – read he a name of one poem.
She kept her breath and looked at him with love and great suffering.
Matti saw her glance and looked at her with worrying.
- What’s wrong? Riita..? You’re so pale… Are you okay? – asked he taking her hand.
- No, no, I’m fine. Just remembered the day when..when I wrote it. – sighed she looking at his hand holding her hand. – but don’t go… - she gave him a begging look.
- No, I won’t. – told he sending a relieving smile to her. – I won’t leave you.
He embraced her and kissed her lips gently.
Their first meet lived in her memory for all this time. She came home like in a dream. She though that all was just a dream and that cruel dawn would take her back to cold reality then.. But it didn’t. In the morning she saw a message from him. “Miss you, Riita… We’ll meet soon. Kiss, Matti.”
Heaven is closer than it seems to be… And angels have blue sparkling eyes and blond hair and a smile that could kill any sorrow within.