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The message still hadn’t sunk in fully, you kept waiting for it to, but the minutes ticked past and you still felt numb.
You walked towards your apartment. You had the feeling that once you were past the threshold you would breakdown. Once you were somewhere you felt safe the walls inside you would drop.
It was only a few minutes walk but you weren’t sure if you’d make it, every step rang through you, you could hear your own breathing, it was getting worse. Were you in shock? Was this what shock felt like?
In your state of near delirium you barely noticed the other people in the street, that was until one of them bumped into you.
“Sorry, buddy, didn’t see you there,” the tall man said, a grin on his face that faltered when he saw your expression.
“Uh,” he groaned, unsure, his eyes narrowing, “Are you ok, kid?” he asked.
At the question you felt something inside you snap, suddenly and horribly. Your vision blurred as tears spilled from your eyes and your breath turned short. It took all your effort to shake your head, there was a lump in your throat stopping you from replying verbally.
“Whoa,” the man said, half chuckling with nerves, “That’s not the response I was expecting.”
“I’m going to faint,” you managed to breath out, you weren’t sure if it was loud enough for him to hear.
You felt his hand on your arm, but you were too consumed by the deafening sound of your own heartbeat to realise exactly what he was doing, your legs wobbled beneath you as if they were made of jello.
He eased you down, and you found yourself sitting on a bench.
“I’m John,” the man said, his voice confident and calm and happy. “What’s your name.”
You opened your mouth to speak but no words would leave you, you shook your head again, blinking rapidly as tears continued to roll down your cheeks.
“No name, huh?” he smiled, “I’ve been there.” He bit his lip in thought, “I was named by the Arkham guys, so… let’s see…” he looked you up and down, “How about Jamie? That’s a good name, it suits you, I think.” He let out a chuckle.
He took your hand and clasped it between his, “Now then, Jamie. I’m going to need you to take a really long deep breath. Can you try to do that?”
You nodded weakly, closing your eyes and breathing in deep.
“Now hold it,” he said, his voice sing-song.
You obliged.
After what felt like a little too long he patted your hand softly, “Now breath out, slowly,” he instructed.
You obliged.
“You’re a pro!” John said loudly, letting out a chuckle. “Ok,” he patted your hand again, “Again.”
“Breathe in-“
You did.
“-Hold it-“
You did.
“-And breathe out.”
You felt your pulse return to normal as you forced your breath to slow.
“Hey, I’ve got some gum here, you want some?” John smiled widely, moving his hands away and holding out a pack of gum after a moment.
You nodded and took some, unwrapping it with shaking hands and popping it into your mouth.
“It’s good right?” John grinned, “It’s that extra strong stuff, I love it.”
He looked you up and down, seeming a little worried still that you hadn’t said anything back to him.
“It’s good,” you forced yourself to say, chewing the gum, the taste of the strong hot mint spreading over your tongue.
It wasn’t good, but he seemed so excited at the prospect of you liking it.
“I know right!” he chuckled, “It’s the stuff in the blue wrapper,” he informed you, “It’s the best.”
He looked around, “What else is there around here that’s blue?” he asked, it sounded as if he were asking himself, but you knew what he was doing.
You forced yourself to look up and around.
“Car,” you said softly, spotting a blue car at the traffic lights.
John glanced over to where you were looking, “Oh yeah. My boyfriend’s got a car like that, but it’s black,” he rolled his eyes, “So boring, right?” He chuckled. “What else can we see that’s blue?”
You looked around for something else that was blue. Eventually your eyes landed on a poster for a movie. “That poster,” you said.
“Oh yeah,” John smiled, looking over at the poster. “I’m so excited for that movie, it’s got Adam Sandler in it, it’s going to be awful.”
You felt a soft laugh push its way past your lips involuntarily, John’s face lit up at the noise like you’d just given him $100.
“What? Don’t you like bad Adam Sandler movies? They’re great. You ever seen the water boy? I tried to watch it in Arkham and someone tried to stab me.”
You frowned slightly in disbelief. You’d heard bad things about Arkham but you hadn’t really expected to hear that.
“Anything else you see that’s blue?” John asked, looking around, “Maybe I shouldn’t have picked blue, not many blue things out today. What about green? See anything green?”
“Your hair?” you said softly.
John chuckled and laughed, “Yep! It’s my natural colour. Not many people believe me though…”
It was only now that you actually realised how strange the man looked, you hadn’t really been paying attention before.
Green hair, white skin, bright red lips. He seemed familiar but you couldn’t place him. How exactly could you not place someone who looked so unique?
“Let’s go for one more,” John grinned, “Blue or green?”
“My socks are green,” you said, suddenly remembering that you were in fact wearing green socks.
John’s grin grew wider, “Oh, nice!” He pulled away from you a little, “Let’s see?”
You stuck your foot out, pulling the hem of your jeans up a little to show off the socks, green with little red polka dots on.
“Oh, those are great! Where are they from?”
You shook your head, “I don’t know,” you frowned slightly. “They were a birthday gift.”
John scoffed, “Who the hell gives socks as a birthday gift? What a snore.”
“I asked for socks,” you admitted.
“Oh,” John rolled his eyes, “So you’re the snore,” he let out a playful chuckle. “You feeling better now?” he asked, his voice calm. “You seem better.”
You nodded. “How did you know what to do..?”
John shrugged, “I was in Arkham.” He said it as if it explained everything. Although you guessed it kind of did. In an institution like that there had to be a few inmates who suffered from panic attacks.
John glanced down at his wrist, “I’m afraid I’m gunna have to go.” He smiled at you, “My boyfriend’s taking me out for dinner and he’ll kill me if I’m late. Not literally, of course,” he chuckled, running his hand through his hair. “Are you going to be ok getting home?”
You nodded, “Yeah, I don’t live far.”
John nodded back, smiling still, “Well, alright then. Have a good day.”
You nodded again, watching as John got up and began to walk away.
He looked so familiar, but you still couldn’t place him.