Work Text:
The first time we met, I hated you.
I resented every aspect of you, your money, your attitude, your personality, your ego, your morals, your revolting smirk. You.
But how come the hatred I harbored seemed too slowly fade?
Sure, you seemed to think of me the same; but why couldn't I stay like that too?
The frown I used to dawn at the sight of you, I no longer felt on my face.
I looked forwards to work, knowing you'd be there as my partner.
Of course, you'd greet me with the carbon copy disinterested face of yours, but I didn't mind.
I tended to look past the flaws I couldn't stand when I was with you.
Gradually changing to me not noticing them at all.
How did it come to this point?
You and I were on each end of the spectrum. I was the civil servant who worked my ass off just because it was my dream to get here, and you were the heir to a multi-million empire. You didn't need to dream; you could get anything & everything you want.
At first, I subdued these growing feelings, not even giving it a second thought.
But as time passed, I didn't realize how much I screwed myself over. Soon, all my thoughts were always linked back to you; you know how terrifying that is?
The fact that I've grown feelings for someone who'd never need anything from me? What could I possibly give you to win your heart?
I'm sure you could- and would settle with someone better than me, but I wished on a shooting star that I might have a chance.
That if all the planets in the galaxy aligned up, and the countless stars the littered the sky took pity on me, maybe I'd have a chance.
Maybe I'd be the only one to make you smile the way you would towards a lover.
Maybe you'd lean on me when you were going through a hurdle.
Maybe we could spend our summers at breath-taking beaches, and the harsh winters snuggled up together.
But no matter how many "maybe..." I thought of; they'd never be my reality.
I yearned for something to spark between us, but you were always to busy with your own vendetta's to notice.
Sometimes I just wanted to grab your hand and confess to you on the spot. But I always stopped myself knowing you'd reject me.
It's painful bottling up emotions as strong as affection. You mold yourself into a person that you think would impress them, no matter on constricting it is.
You stress over every little thing,
Do you think he noticed?
Or,
Was I a little awkward there?
Maybe it's a,
Should I have said something else?
Possibly,
Did he think that was weird?
What would've he done?
Maybe he'll like this?
Do you think he'll say something today?
And so on-
But the one thing those thoughts all have in common was that they all circled around Daisuke.
You don't realize how taxing it is on you when you're in love.
Some days I want to follow him around till the end of the Earth, and some days I avoid him like the plague.
There's no in-between; there is never an in-between when you catch feelings.
How I want to squeal in delight but scream in anguish at the same time- it's exhausting but exhilarating at the same time.
I'm not good with my feelings, never was.
People said I wore my heart on my sleeve; I agree with them on that.
I'm a pretty earnest guy- and I tend to present my feelings on my face, sometimes I wished I could wipe that stupid smile off my face around Daisuke.
Daisuke was quick to notice a change in my behavior; maybe that was a good sign?
At first, he ignored it, prompting me to act like it was nothing.
But you know, the longer you cage your feelings, the quicker it grows- soon outgrowing the cramped cage you stuffed it in.
One week passed,
then two.
Turning into a month,
then a few.
Six months passed, and in that time- Haru came face to face with the fact his dreams may never become a reality.
He could feel his heart reaching its breaking point, how it could no longer contain the three words he wanted to shout.
*Ba-dump*
*Ba-dump*
*Ba-dump*
Haru mustered up the courage after six grueling to tell Daisuke, let his partner know what he's thinking.
The date was Tuesday, September 22
Today was the day he'd confess to Daisuke, accepting whatever outcome came.
He didn't know when he would; there was never a good time to tell him.
The office was a no.
The parking lot was a no.
The local cafe was a no.
Inside the car was a no.
There was no place Haru found appropriate for something as big as confessing- maybe he'd have to go with the flow.
Then the time came, it was nearing 6 pm, "Inspector Katou, would you like to take a stroll outside?"
Katou jumped in his seat, "Oh! Erm- sure,"
Seeing as Haru accepted his invitation, Daisuke leaned back, waiting for Haru to gather himself.
"Okay," Haru huffed, a smile plastering his face.
Daisuke took the signal and walked out of the office, Haru following right behind him.
Outside was kinda breezy seeing as today was the first day of fall,
"It's a little chilly outside," Haru remarked, Daisuke hummed in response.
It's been a while since the two of them went out somewhere, no real reason behind why.
In the back of Haru's mind, the idea of confessing kept infiltrating his thoughts.
"What are you think of?" Daisuke asked, catching Haru off guard,
"Oh- um... nothing important,"
Daisuke glanced to the side, "Really? Okay then,"
The steps their shoes made against the sidewalk rung in Haru's ear, knowing each step was a second he'd never get back.
Right now was the perfect moment to tell him,
Even if it was a little chilly and Haru's cheeks flushed red from the breeze,
Even though they weren't in a pretty park, or by a pond,
Even if it looked like Haru made zero progress,
It's now or never.
Haru hung back a little, letting his head drop. The setting sun behind him that sent streaks of reds and oranges into the sky.
Daisuke noticed Haru wasn't in his peripheral vision and stoped in his track, turning his body around to face Haru, "Inspector? Something the matter?"
Haru could feel his heart beating out of his chest, the cold sweat he felt even though outside was chilly, his clammy hands squeeze into a ball.
"Kambe," Haru began, he could feel his throat run dry, "I-... Ever since the day I met you, I hated your guts with a passion,"
Daisuke shifted in his spot, confused but still listening,
"Everything about you was oil to a gas fire that fueled the hatred I held for you, but then one day, that feeling that made my stomach turn disappeared. I don't know what it was, maybe it was your charms or the fact I had to see your smirking face every day, but I found comfort in it. I grew fond of seeing you, and every minute I spent with you passed like a second instead,"
The sun behind Haru visibly sunk into the horizon, a blanket of darkness washed over the city.
Haru bit his lip, "I know I'm rambling now, and how you're wondering what I'm going on about... But the thing is," Haru paused, picking his head up to look at Daisuke,
"I'm in love with you Daisuke,"
There, he finally said it, after six months of restless pinning, he finally got it off his chest. Haru felt like the world was lifted off his shoulders, but his joy was outlived.
"I'm sorry..." Daisuke turned his head, looking at the ground beside him.
The satisfaction on Haru's face dissipated, he felt his eyes begin to water, clouding his vision,
"Right, I forgot there was always a reply," Haru chuckled pitifully.
Daisuke avoided Haru's shiny eyes, his teeth clenched as he furrowed his eyebrows.
The few feet between the 2 men felt like they were on opposite sides of the Earth.
Haru already prepared himself if he were to be rejected, but a part of him couldn't help but wither at the rejection.
"Do you think... in another universe, you loved me back?" Haru croaked,
Daisuke clicked his tongue, "Maybe..."
Haru felt his eyes widen from Daisuke's words.
The word "Maybe" buzzing around in his mind, Haru wanted to laugh at himself.
All the wishing and hoping he's done was futile. Of course- there was no future between them; their paths were never supposed to cross in the first place.
Haru cursed the universe, the world, himself.
Tears welled at the corners of Haru's eyes, his vision becoming more and more blurry. He felt the hot reality of his situation slide down his face.
The world was draining of color for him; he gave a weak chuckle, "Daisuke, as my last request to you, could you give me a smile?"
Daisuke's eyes widened in horror as he watched from his spot the tears pooling down Haru's burning cheeks.
All the color imagable stained the tears; it seemed to light up and sparkle even in the dark.
The stark contrast between the night and Haru's tears was breathtaking- the tears seemed to be liquified opals.
Daisuke watched as the golden color of Haru's eyes seeped away, turning grey and dull.
Daisuke ran over to Haru panicked, his face in distress.
Haru smiled as his vision turned to black; the last he saw was Daisuke running over to him in distress.
His tears turning back to normal as his vision slipped away from him,
"You looked better grinning than frightened Kambe," Haru mused.
The stars dazzled in the inky night- it didn't matter how many Daisuke plucked from above,
Haru would never see his happily ever after.