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I breathed a sigh of relief as soon as I was out the front door. Behind me, he was still trying to squeeze through the throng of people, calling for my name. I was ready to bolt when he was only a few steps away from the door when a hand touched his arm. The person behind it was blocked from my view, but I didn’t have to see to know who it was; judging from the way his furious expression melted away and immediately transformed into one that, to my disgust, softened his eyes, I knew it was him.
The angry groan that built up in my throat stayed there. My hands which wanted to clench into fists remained still, but my feet managed to move, turning me around and leading me to a bench right under the front yard’s only tree. The anger was there, sitting in my chest like a hot stone burning my lungs. Heat rose to my head, making a million violent thoughts race through my mind, but none of them let themselves known.
I wanted to punch something, maybe the bark of the tree till my knuckles bled, till my finger bones snapped like broken matchsticks.
That scene continued to play in my mind, becoming more gruesome as it went, and each one ended with me a bloody mess on the grassy floor, clutching my injured appendage to my chest and soaking my yellow, strappy sundress in blood.
I wanted to bleed, to break, and yet I sat on the bench so calmly. My eyes saw everything in front of me - the starlit sky, the shrubs rustling in the wind that made the tiny white flowers on them quiver and fall to the grassy floor - but my mind didn’t register them. It was like there was a thin, transparent curtain in front of my consciousness that kept the strong wind blowing behind it at bay. The curtain didn’t quiver, not a bit, but I knew the edges were threatening to lift. And I didn’t want to come undone, not tonight. Not with everyone watching.
I let out a long, quiet breath. I followed with an inhale, taking in the fresh air to drown away the violence running through my head like a building suffocating in smoke. I let out another breath just as a hand rested atop my shoulder, making me leap off the bench.
“It’s just me,” came a familiar voice as I spun around and my racing heart slowed.
“Tsukki,” I breathed, placing a calming hand on my chest. “You scared the shit out of me.”
He tucked both hands inside his pockets. He was wearing gray sweatpants and a white collared shirt underneath a yellow sweater.
“I heard your conversation with him,” Tsukki said. His voice sounded unfeeling, but I knew he was anything but. “Do you want to go home?”
I nodded and wordlessly we walked side by side away from the house. The music gradually died away till all there was the were the songs of the night - chirping crickets, the echo of a passing car in the distance, the trees’ leaves rustling in the wind. A chill ran through me, making me shiver, and to my surprise, Tsukki slung his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me closer against him and rubbed at my bare arm to draw some warmth. He slowed his ministrations till only his thumb rubbed pleasant circles against my skin. It did wonders to calm my racing mind. I took the liberty to bury my face in his side as we walked, trusting him to keep me from running into anything.
We stayed like that the whole way. No words were spoken between us, just me leaning into Tsukki like he was the only thing keeping me vertical and sane, and he probably was.
We reached my house. All the lights were still off, telling me that my brother wasn’t home yet. I didn’t mind being alone or having someone with me tonight, but seeing as Tsukki followed me into the house, he probably thought I did need someone right now.
I sank into the couch, pulling out the TV remote and clicked to the channel where my favorite show was playing. The couch was big enough to lie down on and there was enough room for Tsukki to settle in as well. I lay on my side, facing the TV, and Tsukki rested himself behind me. He draped an arm over my waist, pulling me close enough that his chin rested on my shoulder.
I sighed against Tsukki, drowning in his scent of fresh laundry detergent, and just—that Tsukki smell that I’d grown to know and be so accustomed to. How we were right now, just quietly laying against each other, never failed to warm my chest, like the sun peeking through the clouds after the rain ended. We also bantered from time to time. Actually, more than anyone else thought was healthy since we were borderline mean, but that wasn’t present tonight.
He knew what I needed at the moment, as he always did.
I realized then that Tsukki was like comfort food to me, and I giggled quietly.
“What?” He asked, his breath warmly fanning against my cheek.
“Nothing,” I answered, turning in my position to bury my face in his chest and entangle myself even further with him. Tsukki, the angel that he was, gave willingly, drawing me closer with his arm around my back and his leg wrapped like a warm, muscled vine against mine. He rested his chin on my head, ruffling my hear with his breath.
I continued to lay like that, letting my breathing even out till it grew deeper and the sounds of my TV show playing in the background slowly drowned away till all I heard was the steady beating of Tsukki’s heart. Soon enough, sleep took hold of me.