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Jeon Jungkook sighed and stretched his arm which had been holding the cell phone for a long time. His eyes filled with tears and he hugged the pillow beside him. The heartbeat in his chest was still unstable and even snot was still flowing from his nose.
One more breath and Jungkook smiled faintly. "That was good."
Never he thought that the story would be that good. He was looking for something to read, as he finished all his task with Bangtan today.
Jungkook still vividly remembers how each character touched his heart space gently, then broke it hard and slowly rebuilt it. He was carried away by the main character's point of view, being swayed by other characters, and being knocked over by another. His emotions were being played until his fingertips ache when the main character met their climax moment.
Jungkook bit his lower lip.
Rolling over to the cooler side of the bed, Jungkook stared at the white wall of his room. His mind spoke to itself in an unclear direction. The main character's emotions still haunt his head.
Jungkook thought, does falling in love feel like that?
Jungkook lifted the pillow to cover his face. His arms hugged his pillow like hugging someone. Envisioned that the pillow is someone he is looking for. They might be the ones who give their shoulders and chest when Jungkook is sad or pat and stroke his head when he wants to be pampered.
Which one is true?
Is falling in love the same as when your fingertips ache and you look away when they sit with another?
Or
Is falling in love the same as when you can feel their scent from a distance and greet them with your best smile?
Or
When your breath is caught and your pupils are dilated but you can only see them silently?
Or
Watch them from the corner of your eye and smile to see them happy today?
Which one?
Jungkook sighed because either choice couldn't describe him at the moment. He had no thoughts to that extent, while all this and that still weighing his mind.
Yes, right? Jungkook is not talented at multi-tasking. His head and heart must have the same goal. He is just passionate about doing and trying lots of things.
Jungkook rolled back to the other side of the bed. He can't see anything with the pillow covered his eyes. His slender finger stroked his hair slowly. Secretly, Jungkook's heart was beating slowly.
"I also want someone to stroke my hair."
Jungkook's heartbeat soothes him.
He didn't ask any more about that feeling.
Lie.
Jungkook secretly hoped for it and didn't expect it either. Maybe not yet.
Then the tips of his fingers hurt again. How does it feel to join hands with—
Stop it.
He threw his pillow somewhere, got up from his bed, and turned off the room light. Staring at the shadow of the lamp outside which penetrated his room. Jungkook rolled over, closed the reading app from his cell phone, and put it beside the pillow he picked up earlier.
Jungkook is sleepy.
Jungkook had very little hope that someone would stop by in his dream and hold his hand.
Jungkook's fingertips hurt again.
Jungkook fell asleep.
"Jungkook-ah?"
Knock, knock, knock.
"Jeon Jungkook~"
He was standing in front of the closed door. He can felt the cold air wedged from the cracks on the door. His finger knocked several times on the locked wooden door in front of him.
He folded his arms across his chest. It's not usual for Jeon Jungkook to sleep at this time. Just as he was about to leave, someone opened the door from another room.
"What is wrong?"
"Jungkook?" He answered while pointing at the door before him.
He shrugged, "Asleep, maybe."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I haven't heard voices from his room since ..." his voice trailed off and checked the clock on his cell phone. "Two hours ago."
As if not satisfied, he stared at the door in front of him. "Go to sleep. You can tell him in the morning," he told the other. His eyes heavy with sleep.
He nodded and smiled at him, one of his members, and walked towards his room.
Jungkook woke up from his sleep, disturbed by the constant vibrations from his cellphone since 2 am. With his eyes half-open, he checks messages, social media notifications. Billboard Hot 100. His eyes opened wide, the sleep was gone.
His finger tapped on the messaging app. The hyungs are already excited and filling their group chat with messages and stickers.
He smiled and replied to their messages in the group chat.
He scrolled more on his messenger app and found happy birthday messages from his hyungs, his family, his friends. Then, he opened another app and found lots of wishes from fans and media for his birthday and the news.
He already at the moment when he didn't feel any different from his birthday. But he always thankful for their wishes and kindness. Right, it's my birthday today.
Jungkook replied to their messages one by one. He was smiling to himself and his heart swelled with pride to his band and fans.
He got up from his bed to drink. Walking towards the kitchen in the dim hallway, he saw someone sitting at the dining table and staring at his cellphone.
"Hyung, what are you doing?"
"Reading all of this." He smiled at him and answered while swinging his cellphone at Jungkook. Jungkook hummed and walked towards the refrigerator. His hand reaching for the water bottle inside.
Jungkook had finished half his water and he heard the dining table chair move. Footsteps approached him.
"Happy birthday, Jungkook. We love you." The hyung stroked his head once. His fingertip touched with Jungkook's for a mere second. He left Jungkook in front of the refrigerator.
Jungkook froze, but his cheeks were hot. His fingers tinkled. From that moment, he knew that he will treasure this kind of feeling forever.
Ah, so, this is how it feels.