Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Here you go. One Miso Ramen.”

“Thank you.” Haida’s gaze sunk back to his phone. ‘Made it to Sapporo!’, the latest post read. ‘It’s so cold!’ Heartsick, he slurped his noodles. He was an idiot for coming all this way. Why did he always put himself in situations like this?

His phone vibrated. Inui had sent him a text: ‘What are you doing?’

Haida was unwilling to stop slurping, so it took him a moment to respond. He dimly registered someone joining him at the bar while his thumb tapped the screen.

“I’ll have the usual.”

“Coming right up, sir!” The cook’s response was enthusiastic.

Haida’s world snapped back into place in a horribly awkward moment of recognition. He blinked several times, frozen. There’s no way it was him.

“It’s pretty cold out there, Isn’t it?”

Haida whipped his head around to the source of the voice. It was him. Haida’s face grew hot as he felt himself slip into shock under the weight of conflicting emotions. Surprise, embarrassment, and guilt were among them.

It was worse when they made eye contact, “Huh?” Tadano’s eyes grew wide, a mirror to Haida’s for the briefest moment before his natural composure took over. “It’s been a while.”

When Haida first started driving, he almost hit a rabbit on the road. He was jaywalking at night. When the headlights fell on him, the guy just stood there and stared at the car, leaving it up to Haida to slam on the breaks and swerve around him. It was a traumatic experience for Haida, and ever since then, he had been hesitant to get behind the wheel. He had been angry at the time.

But now, he thought that he understood why the rabbit couldn’t move.

“What brings you here?” Tadano was either oblivious or too polite to pay mind to Haida’s numbness. He sat patiently with a small, lopsided smile while Haida found his tongue.

“Uh...the ramen!” He managed.

“Oh, yeah...this place is pretty great.” Tadano softened. “It’s my favorite.”

“Ah…” Haida was not sure what else to say. The silence following was not comfortable.

Tadano took a sip of his drink and asked, “...Is Retsy doing ok?”

It was a poignant question, and there was no way for it not to be awkward. “Yeah,” Haida admitted. “She...seems to be doing really well for herself.”

“Oh, good. I was worried. Because, you know. You tend to show up when she needs help with something.”

Haida frowned. It had not worked out very well for him, had it?

“I’m glad that she has friends who care so much.” Tadano smiled, and the conversation halted for a moment while he received his bowl of ramen. Haida noted in passing that they favored the same kind.

“Thank you,” Haida agreed, thinking of Fenneko. He could hear her now, calling him an idiot over the vast distance between them.

Tadano, meanwhile, was lost in thought. “Did you fly here?”

“Uh...yeah.” Shit. It was 11 pm and he had nowhere to go. Thank god it was Friday so no work tomorrow- but booking the last minute flight had been a real sucker-punch to his bank account. Even if he stayed in a cheap motel and took the train back, he was going to be looking at an empty fridge until the next paycheck.

Tadano regarded him with mild interest, which was not saying much given that he was predisposed to be mild in all respects. “How long were you planning to stay?”

“Just the day.”

“Want a ride back?”

“Huh?”

Tadano just smiled at him. Mildly.

“Oh- that’s really kind of you, but I’ll be ok…” Haida did not think he would ever feel totally comfortable around Tadano with the power imbalance and the history between them. The computer nerd in him was jumping at the chance to get to spend time with a tech giant, but the adult in him smacked that down with a stern, ‘you already burned this bridge’.

The donkey shook his head with a smile and replied, “It’s no trouble, Haida. Besides, there is something I want to ask you.”

Haida was too curious and broke to refuse a second time.

~

Haida enjoyed the idea of sparkling water more than he did the taste of it. The seats were comfortable and Haida had the best view, aside from the pilot. If Haida really squinted, he could make buildings and freeways out of the sparkling lights below them.

“You said that you had something you wanted to ask me,” Haida wondered aloud.

“Yeah.” Tadano’s gaze was fixed on the sky, but he smiled a little. “Resty has a lot of people in her life who she can depend on. When you stole my limo, I was squished in the backseat between you guys and even though the atmosphere was tense at the time, I remember thinking that it must be nice.”

“It must be nice...to have friends?”

“I have lots of friends, but nobody who would kidnap or steal anything for me.” Tadano chuckled.

“Yeah, well, the grass is always greener.”

“Maybe,” Tadano glanced at Haida with a comfortable, lopsided smile. “You’re a good listener. I didn’t realize it until after the fact, but you and all of Retsy’s friends are like that. You’re attentive. You support each other. I have a lot of time to think, these days. And lately, I’ve been thinking that I take too many things for granted. Maybe if I was more proactive with putting aside my assumptions…someone might ask me to help them kidnap someone someday.”

Haida couldn’t help but laugh at that. “It probably doesn’t help that you are famous. People get intimidated. But, once you push past that wall, if you can show that you’re genuinely interested in getting to know people, you will have some serious friends in no time.”

There was a contemplative moment of silence in which the plane passed through a cloud bank and snow began to swirl across the windshield.

“Ok. Haida...how are you?” The donkey switched the plane to autopilot and fixed his gaze on Haida in a lazy, but deliberate way.

“Oh.” Haida watched in dismay as the conversation backfired. Now he was the center of attention.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I just...I guess I’m kind of a hypocrite.”

“That’s ok.” Tadano’s reply was unexpectedly warm.

The hyena hesitated for a moment before cracking a guilty smile. “I didn’t really go to Hokkaido for Ramen.”

“No?” Tadano did not sound particularly surprised.

“Have you ever heard of the OTM girls?”

“No.”

“Well- neither had I. Until I found out that Retsuko was one of the lead singers. It’s an idol group.”

Tadano laughed a little, “An idol group? That’s Retsy for you.” He smiled as Haida passed him his phone to show him a picture. And then he softened. “...You found out today?”

“Yeah. She never told me about it.” Haida looked out at the stars and was a little surprised at how easy it became to tell the truth when an opportunity presented itself. “Not that she had to or anything.” He scowled at the sky as if it could soothe the salt in his wounds.

Tadano listened and after a careful examination of Haida’s tone and expression, was pleased to find that he understood. “Mm. I know that face. You like Retsky, don’t you?”

Haida whipped his head back to him. “What? It’s not like that, ok? We’re just friends.”

“You said that she never told you about being an idol, didn’t you? Pretty crazy how you ended up at her out of town concert...you obviously followed Retsy all the way up to Hokkaido.”

Haida’s scowl deepened as he realized what an awfully creepy thing it was to do. “No. Well- yeah- but no!”

Tadano studied him. It felt good to be able to correctly read someone.

“As someone who works with her, I guess I was just worried about her, that’s all.” Haida knew that it was a poor decision, and that is why he was being so defensive about it. The lack of response or visible judgment from Tadano made him want to explain even more.

“I ask how she is, a lot. She always smiles and says she is fine. How do I help her? I don’t know. I have no idea what she is thinking.”

Tadano softened as Haida continued. He could sense a recurring theme in what little he knew about Haida and his relationships with people. “Well,” he hedged, “That’s how it is.”

Haida glared at his flustered reflection in the window for a moment, before grudgingly admitting to himself, “You’re right. How Could I? I guess that I don’t really know her at all.”

“And that’s ok.”

“Huh?” Haida refocused his gaze on the donkey. He was not expecting this level of warmth and validation from someone he had only met once or twice.

“At least you know that you don’t know,” Tadano continued. “Sometimes you think you are really in sync with a person. You take it for granted. You listen to yourself instead of listening to them.” His gaze was unfocused. He snapped back when he realized that Haida was staring at him. “Hey, my bad. Just thinking out loud.”

Haida was starting to sense a recurring theme with him, too. “That’s ok,” he murmured and let his eyes drift back to the snow outside. “So was I.”
~
Tadano waved as Haida turned back to look at him from the steps of the industrial building. He thought he saw Haida smile before the limo joined in with the oncoming traffic and they lost sight of each other.

Lounging in the back seat, Tadano yawned and started to dig around for some more comfortable clothes.

“Sir,” Kobayashi was sitting in the driver's seat and ignoring the road entirely. His schnauzer whiskers made it easy for him to convey distinguished disapproval. “Isn’t that one of the troublemakers who kidnapped you?”

“Haha. Yeah.”

“I think he also assaulted me.”

“Yeah. I think so.” Tadano smiled in that mild way of his and pulled on his sweatshirt. “If something like that happens again, just let them take me, Kobayashi. There’s no need for you to get hurt.”

“No need,” The driver huffed. “No need indeed. I will NOT stand for that.”

“Hey- everything turned out ok in the end. And besides...it isn’t like I didn’t have it coming.” Tadano shrugged and sat in his desk chair. “But for what it’s worth, I’m sorry, Kobayashi. I’ll be more careful.”

“I should hope so.” He grumbled.

Smiling to himself, Tadano pulled up some schematics from his inbox. Tadano was a computer engineer, not a designer. He cared more about function than fashion. These were the latest design blueprints from his recent partnership with Tesla. With ENI-O’s help, he was making a push to normalize self-driving cars. He generally disliked having to start with such an expensive model, but nobody bought cars in the city without having disposable income. The blueprints looked good to him, it was an attractive and self-important looking car. It fit the target audience.

But it was always good to get an informed opinion. “ENI-O,” he asked. “Do you think this will work?”

Analyzing. The design fits well within the market parameters for luxury electric vehicles in this area. There is a high likelihood of success.

“Great. Thanks.” Tadano typed a quick email response*, and then closed the schematics. He sat and looked at his computer screen. It was a simple blue background.

Tadano was aware that he was in a position of privilege to have time to devote to thinking. His relationship with Retsuko had been brief, but informative, and had given him some points to consider.

The foremost one was that the person he spoke to the most on a daily basis was ENI-O. This was fine, except for that ENI-O took him at his word and did whatever he said without question (because ENI-O was not a person).

As it turns out, real people may have a multitude of reasons for doing what you say without question, and many of them are not kind. It was a failure on his part to assume that because Retsuko had not told him she was uncomfortable, that she must be happy. Tadano felt uneasy at the implication that Retsuko may have been uncomfortable without his knowing. For that matter, he felt uneasy that any of his friends might be uncomfortable or censoring themselves for his sake in order to stay in his good graces.

Not for the first time he felt frustrated that this was the world that they lived in and that an uncertain income held so much power over so many people’s lives. He was going to change that if he could. He had the power to push society in a better direction, and he was using it. But it took time.

Rome was not built in a day, but he was laying the bricks now. One of those bricks was Kobayashi, who he would ensure retired early and had whatever he wanted as thanks for his years of service. One was Retsuko, whose wishes he would respect, and whose criticism he took to heart. And one was Haida.

*
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: _

To whom it may concern,

👍

Tadano

Chapter Text

‘Are you free?’ - Tadano

‘I just got out of work. Did you want to meet up?’ - Haida

‘Yeah. Are you hungry?’ - Tadano
~
Haida watched the sushi slide past them on the conveyor belt. His face was lined with worry. Tadano made a quiet note of it while he sipped on his lime drink. It had been two days since the Hokkaido incident.

“How do you ever know if you are making the right choices?” The hyena asked him, his eyes following a particularly artfully plated tuna roll.

The doney plucked the plate from the belt and gently set it on the table between them. “What happened, Haida?”

“You were right is what happened.” Haida scowled and poked at the tuna roll with his chopsticks.

“Uh…I’m sorry?”

“I feel like...I don’t know what I’m doing. Or I don’t know what I want. And that hurts people because I can’t make up my mind about anything.”

“Ah…” Tadano watched the way the hyena’s brow furrowed. Although Haida was glaring at the tuna roll, it was obvious he wasn’t seeing it. “Is this about Retsy?”

“Uh- sort of. But no, actually. There’s this other girl...her name is Inui.”

“You spend a lot of time worrying about girls.”

“Well- It’s stressful. There’s so many expectations and implications for doing anything with a girl. I’m afraid to put labels on anything because- what if I’m just doing what people expect me to do? Am I actually happy or am I just desperate to belong?”

Tadano softened and studied his new friend for several contemplative moments before asking, “Is putting labels on relationships so important to you?”

“It’s...yeah, I guess. That’s how the world works. That’s how people recognize and make sense of things.”

“It can help people belong,” Tadano agreed. “But...I think that generally, labels are limiting, and that is probably part of the stress you are feeling right now. It’s a lot of pressure to define something that doesn’t fit in a box.”

“Huh,” Haida chuckled and hesitated, his chopsticks poised over the tuna roll.

“It’s for both of us,” Tadano reassured him.

Relieved, Haida took a bite and softened. “Well...I can’t just not choose. It’s not up to me. Inui expects and deserves a proper response.”

“Hm.” The donkey rested his chin in his hand. “Maybe so. I can see the dilemma. I’m not sure I’m qualified to be giving relationship advice…”

“That’s ok.” Haida’s ears flicked back a little. He was embarrassed when he realized how he was monopolizing their conversation. “That was a lot to unload on you. I didn’t mean to be a downer.”

“Not at all,” Tadano agreed warmly. “You’re doing me a favor.”

“I am?”

“Yeah. I’d just be working if it wasn’t for you. You’re good company, Haida.”

This, accompanied by the fondness peeking through as their eyes met startled Haida. The hyena grinned. “Thanks…” He remembered the first time they met, and how he almost punched him in the elevator. It was more the cold caution in Washimi’s eyes than it was his own self-control that stopped him. Now he was glad for it.

Haida opened and closed his mouth for a dumb moment before deciding on what to say. “So you’re...not a label guy, then?”

“No. I think it’s a disservice to the complexity of animal relationships.”

“I’m sure that makes you real popular.”

Tadano smiled and shrugged carelessly. “Yeah, well...it’s how I feel. I don’t want to hurt anybody. But I’m also not going to live inauthentically to placate society.”

“Woah. Big words, buddy. It’s 12am.”

Tadano laughed, “I’m sorry. That’s the stick talking.”

Haida thought for a moment and then asked, “The stick...up your butt?”

“You got it.”

Haida laughed, and it woke a slumbering warmth in Tadano. When Haida laughed, when he really laughed, it was loud and infectious. The table’s on either side of them started to chuckle.

Haida clapped a paw over his mouth. He tried not to do that in public. It was embarrassing. “Sorry! Sorry. I didn’t peg you for a funny guy.”

“I just know how to poke fun at myself, that’s all.” Tadano was wearing a wide, lopsided smile now. “Life’s more enjoyable that way.”

“I think you may be on to something.” Haida grinned and scarfed down another piece of tuna. “I mean- I poke fun at myself all the time, too. But I think you have a healthier way of doing it.”

“Do unto yourself as you would do onto others, and all that.”

“Are you religious?”

“No. Maybe that wasn’t the best reference.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“I just think it’s interesting because you...hm...I don’t want to offend you.”

The donkey regarded Haida with blue eyes, half-lidded and interested. “Go ahead.”

“You just seem...with your life sort of outlook and everything, that you might be Buddhist or something.”

Tadano chuckled. “No. I’m not that organized. But I do think that Buddhists are onto something with the whole ‘all life has value’, thing. I haven’t actually read that much into it. The closest thing to a doctrine I believe in is socialism.”

“Socialism.”

“Uh...yeah. I think if robots can do people’s jobs, why not release people from work and let them live the way they want to? If we want to progress we need to stop assigning worth to people based on what they can contribute to the economy.”

“That’s...idyllic.”

“Maybe.” Tadano finished off his lime drink. “Sorry- if that’s not what you wanted to hear.”

“No- it’s fine. Capitalism sucks.” Haida thought of Retsuko, hiding in the archive and eating bread crusts. “I’m with you. I just don’t know what to do about it…”

Tadano started to gather their plates into a pile and smiled at him. “You’re a kind and considerate person. That’s a great place to start.”

“Hah. If you say so.” Haidai’s mind was wandering elsewhere. He wondered if Retsuko knew what she was getting into, with the whole idol thing...he used to be in a band, although he was not nearly as popular as the OTM girls. There was a reason he had decided to quit the business.

Tadano’s smile faded into a neutral calm. “It’s getting pretty late. Do you want me to walk you to the station?”

“Oh- that’s ok. I need to stop by a convenience store first and grab a few things. Thanks for dinner, Tadano. And for the company.” Haida smiled at him and stood up. “Let me know if you ever want to meet up again.”

“Yeah,” Tadano agreed with a quiet, sinking feeling in his stomach. He smiled and walked Haida out of the restaurant. He shook his hand before he left. The donkey hesitated, before sticking his hands in his sweatshirt pocket and walking the other way.

He was dismayed by the thought that it had never occurred to Haida that they were on a date.

Chapter Text

Meeting up with Tadano became a regular thing after that. Often they went out for drinks or flew back to Hokkaido for Ramen.

It was nice for Haida to have a friend to talk to aside from Fenneko. Haida loved Fenneko to death, but she was a schemer. It was normal for him to share personal things about his love life with her, but lately, the look in her eyes had been growing more and more disapproving.

Today, he was in the staff room nursing a cup of tea when the little fox poked her head in. “Ah, so this is where you’ve been hiding.”

“I’m not hiding,” he lied and took a sip of his tea.

Fenneko walked over to him, looking entirely unconvinced. “You know- when something isn’t working for you and you’re just thinking yourself into circles, just put a pin in it and come back to it later. That’s what I do. Sometimes taking a step back and doing something else for a while can give you a fresh perspective.”

“Huh. That sounds wise.”

“And that’s all the wisdom you’re getting from me. Look at the filter that Tsunoda slapped on her latest selfie.”

Haida blinked at the phone screen suddenly in front of him. “Uh...wow.”

“Roses. That’s not her usual shtick. She’s normally more subtle. She must be trying to reel in somebody who can’t take a hint.”

“She could be,” Haida agreed without any real enthusiasm. “Fenneko, can I ask you something?”

Fenneko pulled her phone back and narrowed her eyes. “Yes?”

“If everything Tsunoda does bothers you so much, why do you spend so much energy on her?”

Fenneko glared at him. “Because I’m not going to passively let her fill the world with crap.”

Haida smirked. “But you’re so polite to her in the office? Isn’t that...uh...being passive about it?”

“Passive-aggressive is different.” Fenneko rolled her eyes and reached for a mug. “I’m not above that.”

Haida plucked up a cup from the high shelf and handed it to her. “Whatever you say.”

“Shut up. You free tonight?”

“Uh…”

“Seriously?”

“I’m sorry- I’ve got plans…”

“You’ve had plans the last couple times I asked, too.” Fenneko narrowed her eyes. “I don’t remember you being so popular. Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Haida felt himself start to sweat. Fenneko was the last person he wanted to be under scrutiny with. “Haha- what? No…”

Fenneko’s glare was unwavering. “Are you avoiding me?”

“No!” Haida panicked a little. “It’s- I’m just- I...I found someone I have a few things in common with. And it’s...a nice change of pace from everything going on here, that’s all. I’m sorry, we can meet for drinks tomorrow if you want.”

The fox’s ears perked up and her shoulders relaxed. “Oh. Ok. That sounds good.” Anything to keep Haida from moping after things he couldn’t have was a step in the right direction. It was unfortunate that Haida did not have more of a presence on social media. It was hard to dig information out of him. Luckily, Haida had an inclination to over-share, so Fenneko had never needed to before.

Haida relaxed too. “Ok. The usual place?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Fenneko sipped her tea and headed back to her desk.

~

Tadano lay in the backseat of his limo and gazed up at the ceiling. The sunroof was open, and the sky was grey and shapeless under a thick marine layer. He was thinking again.

He was thinking about his priorities.

First and foremost had to be the push towards progress and a kinder future. But there was also his own happiness to take into consideration. Freedom was important to him. Hence, his aversion to the institution of marriage. Tadano did not believe that legal handcuffs should be placed on love. Marriage introduced obligation to a relationship. And how could two people truly consent and love one another if they felt pressured to make it work by the social and legal obligations that came with a ring?

This, he understood, was a cynical perspective and not one that he shared with most of the world. But it was his, and so he was not going to compromise on it. The rub, he realized, was that going forward he needed to be more conscious of the fact that most people probably wouldn’t feel comfortable being in a relationship with him without a clear destination in mind.

Tadano loved to travel. Both in life and in romance, the journey was more important to him than the destination. This is why he did not have a real permanent address. Oh, he had a P.O box for business purposes. But he lived in his limo and his plane. That was all he needed. It probably saved him a lot of money on rent, not that it was really a concern for him. If he ever needed a real bed or a hot bath there were plenty of hotels around that were happy to have his business.

It meant that there was no one place where he could be consistently found, and that was generally a good thing. However, sometimes, for a select few people, Tadano would like to be easily accessible.

This brought him onto the subject of Haida. Tadano liked Haida. He liked his kindness and how emotional he was. Everything Haida felt, he felt with full sincerity and enthusiasm. Lately, this seemed to be more bad than good feelings, but the more time they spent together, the more Tadano caught glimpses of the goofiness and the joy that he kept stuffed down somewhere underneath all the disappointment and fear.

Tadano wanted to see more of that Haida. He would approach this budding friendship more cautiously than he did with Retsuko. He had learned the hard way that people felt uncomfortable and duty-bound when he gave them too many expensive gifts and tried to help fix too many of their problems. Tadano just wanted the people in his life to be happy. He was happy to share. But there were problems that people had to fix on their own. It was egotistical of him to think that he could make people happy on his terms.

At the end of the day, his priority in regards to Haida was simply to facilitate his happiness in whatever way that he could. He hoped that would include being allowed to be a part of his life. He hoped...well. He was getting ahead of himself. Really, it was up to Haida, and Tadano would respect whatever Haida felt comfortable sharing with him. That was all he could do.

“ENI-O,” He asked.

Sir?

“I want to make a reservation at a nice restaurant. Somewhere with a private booth.”

Of course.

Chapter Text

“Sorry I’m late-” Tadano opened the door and stopped.

Gori was sitting on the couch across from Haida, her jaw dropped in obvious shock.

“Hey!” Tadano quickly recovered from his disappointment. He had been steadily dropping more hints and offering to take Haida on increasingly romantic outings. He wasn’t trying to push Haida into anything. He just wanted to communicate that he was open to being whatever Haida needed him to be.

Obviously Haida was not getting the message. Or maybe bringing Gori along was his way of answering without having to give a formal, awkward rejection.

No, Tadano decided as he sat down with them. Haida looked just as dismayed as he felt. Something else was going on.

“Tadano?” Gori looked at Haida. “You two are friends?”

Haida looked horribly uncomfortable, so Tadano stepped in, “Yeah, we are. It’s good to see you, Gori. It’s been a while. How are you?”

Gori smiled and sat up a little straighter. “Oh dear- I’m lovely. I just bought a new place.”

“Oh, congratulations.”

“Thank you! Would you like to see a picture? I have the most wonderful view-”
~
Somehow after two rounds of drinks and a great deal of excellent food, they had gotten back onto the subject of Haida’s love-life.

Haida was already an over-sharer, but when he drank he was unstoppable. “And she- she wants me to play bass for her,” he mumbled, his cheeks pink. “We met at a music store- did I mention? She likes punk too. She’s like...the sort of person I always imagined myself ending up with when I was a kid. She’s perfect.”

“Inui sounds like a nice girl! I say you give her a chance, Haida. You feel me?” Gori leaned over and touched his shoulder with a wide smile. She was a touchy drunk.

“Don’t got a choice,” Haida muttered and looked away from her. “You’ve said it four times now.”

“So you’ve been counting!” She laughed.

Tadano watched the interaction with a small, polite, and slightly drunk smile. He could tell that Haida was nearing the end of his nerve, but there was nothing he could do to help. Gori was a motherly force of nature.

“Whiz kid millionaire,” she said, “Faceless worker bee, how did you guys ever get to be friends? What on earth could you two have in common?”

Tadano felt his heart warm, “A lot, actually.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

Tadano was drunk, and he said the first thing that popped into his head- the reason they bonded in the first place. “We both were rejected by Retsy.”

It was the wrong thing to say. Haida took it about as well as a slap in the face. The look he gave Tadano was one of disbelief.

“What?! You were a thing?” Gori demanded.

“No! No no no- she shot me down.” Haida stammered, red.

Gori gasped, it was all the fuel she needed. “You are star-crossed as hell! That’s why you flew all the way to Hokkaido to check on her!” She smacked Haida on the back of his head.

Tadano watched all this with a mild smile. He knew that he fucked up.

“Hm. I’ve got to say though,” Gori took a long sip from her glass of champagne. “Maybe she’s not the kind of girl you think she is. Deep down, she’s pretty complicated.” The gorilla swiveled her eyes over to Tadano. “Right? You know what I’m talking about.”

Put on the spot, Tadano smiled. “Uhh...who can say.” He glanced at Haida. The hyena was staring glumly into space. This must be a hard conversation for him to sit through. He obviously had a lot of unresolved feelings about her and he felt things so strongly. Seeing him like this sobered Tadano a little. He deserved to be happy. Tadano was going to do whatever he needed to do so that Haida could be happy.

“She keeps that side of herself pretty tamped down at the office,” Gori continued, unaware of the yearning undercurrent in the room. “Inui was it? She sounds like a nice girl. I bet the two of you would get along great, Haida.”

No response.

“But there’s Retsuko.”

Still no response. Haida’s expression was grim. He did not want to encourage her. Suddenly, he had a screen shoved in his face. “What the heck?”

“I’ve got a matchmaking app in beta right now! Retsuko made an account to help QA it.” Gori grinned with stubborn determination. “Feel lucky, punk? Well- do you?”

Haida stared at the screen in obvious discomfort for a moment. “Yeah- I don’t think so.”

Tadano watched in quiet, growing dismay as Gori cornered the hyena. “Don’t be like that,” she pressed. “You know you want to!”

“Really- I’m good, thanks anyway!” Haida leaned away from her.

“You’re no fun!”

Tadano’s blue eyes flicked back and forth between the pair as the assault continued. He felt panicked. He needed to do something, but he was not a confrontational person. The two of them had completely forgotten that he existed.

“I don’t need some computer wingman!”

“Just try the damn app!” Gori insisted.

“I don’t want to use it ok?!”

“Don’t MAKE me make you tap this phone screen-!”

Tadano stood and leaned over the table, outstretching a hand. “Oh wow, you made that, Gori?” It was the only thing he could think of to get Gori to leave Haida alone. Maybe he could work the importance of consent into the conversation somehow while he was at it.

The barrage stopped immediately. “Huh?” Gori’s eyes refocused on Tadano, obviously startled.

“That’s quite a feat! Mind if I take a quick look at it?” Tadano smiled at her and turned his palm towards her.

“Wait- for real?”

“Yeah, really!” He felt relieved to have diverted her attention.

“Oh wow, am I dreaming right now?” Gori grinned and handed the phone off to the donkey.

The hyena glanced back and forth between them. He was relieved and surprised to find that suddenly the situation was de-escalated. Slowly, he put himself back to rights and sat up. He looked across the table at the pair of them. Tadano was smiling and exploring the app with Gori.

Briefly, their eyes met. Haida offered him an exhausted, but grateful smile.

Tadano’s answering smile was gentle until Gori pulled him back into the phone.
~
The commitment to keeping Gori occupied and Haida un-harassed turned out to be an extensive one. Suddenly they were in Gori’s new apartment.

Tadano had to admit it was nice. He was sitting on her couch, laptop in hand, and going through the code for Gori’s new app. As intended, she stayed glued to his side and they talked computer together.

Admittedly it was not all for Haida’s sake. As it turned out, the new app was interesting, and Tadano couldn’t resist dipping his fingers into it a little. It was during this time, with Haida out on the balcony re-charging his batteries, and Gori fawning over her app, that Tadano considered the probability that Gori would probably get her way in the end. Tadano couldn’t always be there, and Haida was bound to start lamenting his love-life again at some point.

So, on a hunch, he took it upon himself to make some minor alterations to the code.

Haida was unlikely ever to use the app in earnest, so the results probably wouldn’t matter to him. But Retsuko? Retsuko would be bored and curious someday, and she had already volunteered to beta the app. She would probably use it. And if she did, and the seed was planted, she might actually consider Haida. Of course, she might not- but if she did, that would make Haida happier than anything else Tadano could think of.

Not to mention that, while it was none of his business, he did feel that the two of them would pair well together. They both fell in love easily, were emotional, and imperfect. The two of them could bring out the best in each other. Tadano loved both of them. It would be nice to be able to bring them some joy.

Or it could backfire horribly. Tadano did not understand that. He could not imagine not wanting Haida.

For a moment, the sounds of the city flooded into the apartment as Haida stepped back inside. He slid his phone into his pocket. The smile he gave Tadano and Gori was tired, and drunk. “I’m...gonna head home.”

“Oh, ok.” Tadano looked up from the code he was manipulating in Haida’s favor. “Do you want company?”

“Ah, no...that’s ok...it’s good time to think, anyway.” Haida smiled and went to grab his coat. “You guys have a goodnight.”

“Thanks.” Tadano watched him go. “You too.”

Gori was unusually quiet during this interaction. After the door closed, she looked back at Tadano, but the donkey already had his head down in the computer again.

Chapter Text

One month later.

Gori’s app was progressing, and Tadano found that he enjoyed brainstorming with her. Every so often she would give him a call, and their conversations were a friendly mix of business and personal. Gori was good company, actually. It was a bit like having another mom- she always asked him if he was getting enough sleep (he was not).

He was expecting to have a conversation of a similar nature when he picked up the phone on a late Friday evening. He was not expecting her to ask him if he had tampered with the app.

For a moment, it felt like he swallowed a rock. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that thing with Retsuko and Haida…”

“I don’t know a thing about it.” The donkey forced himself to relax in his seat and looked out the window at the passing cars. “It’s impossible to predict the future, in any case. What’s important is believing in the path you choose and pressing on. Don’t you think?”

“Hmm. Maybe you’re right.” In her luxury apartment, Gori lay down on her couch and regarded her ceiling in a moment of quiet contemplation. “Do you like the path you chose?”

“Yes,” Tadano answered quietly.

“Even if your actions end up hurting people?”

“My actions are mine and mine alone. How people choose to react, and what they do, those are their choices to make. If I worried about offending or hurting people with every kind thing I tried to do, I would never do anything at all. I think that it is better, and braver to try and put something good into the world knowing that it may be misinterpreted than it is to contribute nothing out of the fear of criticism.”

“Huh,” Gori considered that. “It sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into it.”

“I do my best. People still end up getting hurt, regardless of how well-intentioned my actions are. But I do my best.”

There was silence on the other line.

Tadano blinked. “Did something happen?”

“Retsuko and Haida had a confrontation.”

“Ah. Are they ok?”

“It’s hard to say. Do you talk much with Retsuko anymore?”

“No. She knows how to reach me if she wants to find me. It’s up to her, and so far, she seems to want space.”

“And yet, you’re friends with Haida?”

“I’m not going to avoid being around someone just because they know Retsuko. I’m not afraid of bumping into her or anything. Life is full of coincidences and it would be silly to live in fear of that sort of thing.”

Gori phrased her next reply very carefully, “but you and Haida are not just being around each other.”

“Hm? Is that a bad thing?”

“Oh- no! No, I just...I don’t know if Haida is on the same page as you.”

“That doesn’t really bother me.”

“You are a mystery, Tadano.”

The donkey chuckled, “Relationships aren’t so transactional. We like each other's company. That’s enough.”

“I wish I could share that mindset,” Gori murmured absent-mindedly. “It seems easier to go through life without so many expectations. But I can’t just...let things be, like that. I need things from people.”

“Like what?”

“Validation, mostly.”

“Ah...well, I think you’re pretty great.”

Gori softened and smiled, “Thank you, dear.”

~

This was Haida’s favorite place to get wasted. A lot had happened, lately. He didn’t mean to hurt Inui’s feelings. He made an impulsive decision of the heart and somehow, things just kept spiraling. And then Gori had shown him the app and all logical thought got tossed out the window. Everything happened so fast.

He couldn’t say now if he had done the right thing. He thought that maybe Retsuko had actually heard him this time...he wanted to be there for her, for whatever she needed. It didn’t matter to him if that was only platonically, because he loved her. He really loved her. And at the end of the day, if he could contribute in some way to her happiness, that was enough for him. But damn- was she hard to communicate with. Sometimes it was like talking to a brick.

Fenneko had been saying his name for some time now- he suddenly realized.

“Earth to Haida,” She flicked his nose.

Groggily, Haida’s eyes fell on her. “What?”

“What is this about? You look like shit.”

“Retsuko, what else?”

Fenneko groaned and rolled her eyes. “Dammit, Haida. You really need to make up your mind.”

“I did.”

“You really need to change your mind.”

“I can’t.”

“What happened this time?” Fenneko opened the menu. She didn’t really need to. They had been here enough times that she had it memorized, but she preferred this to seeing Haida broken, again.

Haida offered Fenneko an exasperated smile. “I did something stupid.”

“Big surprise.”

“But everything is ok.”

“Bigger surprise. I don’t believe you.”

Haida chuckled and took another sip of his beer. “I told Retsuko that I wanted to be her safe harbor...You know- I tried to bring her back. Gori and Washimi thought that karaoke would be the best medicine-”

“Idiot.”

“And it was. I think? We had a huge fight. Got a lot of feelings out, on both sides...I don’t feel great about the way I went about it, I got too emotional. But she’s back now. And I think we understand each other better. So that’s something, right?”

“No.” Fenneko snapped the menu shut. “Retsuko went through a traumatic event and instead of letting her work through it herself, you forced her to come out because you were tired of waiting for her.”

“Ok- it was pretty traumatic for me too,” Haida frowned. “And how long was I supposed to wait? She hadn’t left her room in three weeks.”

“You don’t get to put a time-line on her recovery,” Fenneko answered cooly.

“So what- I was just supposed to let her spiral until she died?” The hyena snapped. He knew he was being defensive. Fenneko had touched on a quiet doubt in the back of his mind that maybe he had gone too far this time.

“Maybe!” Fenneko growled. “I don’t know. It’s not up to you, is it? It’s not so much this one instance, although this is bad, as it is the countless other times you’ve also ignored what Retsuko wanted because it didn’t suit your purposes. You constantly ignore what she tells you she wants, because you think you know better.”

“Because she never tells me what she wants!” Haida tried to lower his voice. They were getting looks. In an angry whisper, he continued, “Retsuko’s the one putting up walls and refusing to let anyone in.”

“And why do you think you have the right to break them?”

“Because it’s not healthy-”

“That’s your opinion.”

“But...she was suffering! I was just trying to help!”

“Were you?! Or were you just doing it for yourself?”

“I…” That hurt. Haida rubbed his face. “Shit.”

“Haida, Please understand that I am telling you this because I care about you. I have watched you pining after this girl for the past five years. I’ve watched you break, over and over again when it hasn’t worked out. I know it’s hard to let go. I know you love her a lot, and you’ve put a lot of time, and care, and effort into her. I know how much the constant hope and subsequent rejection must sting. But it takes two people to build a relationship, and you are hurting yourself by trying to hold onto something that is not going to happen.”

“Y-You don’t know-”

“Look at me Haida.”

Reluctantly, the hyena met her gaze. Fenneko was regarding him with deadly seriousness.

“It. Is. Not. Going. To. Happen.”

Haida took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t need to be her boyfriend...being her friend would be enough. I just want her to let me in. I want to help her.”

“If you want to help her, you’ll accept what she wants, and who she is, the way that she is. Stop trying to push your way in. Let her see you on her own terms.”

“But what if she doesn’t want to see me at all?”

“Then that’s her choice and you should respect it.”

Haida’s olive eyes welled up with tears. He put his head on the table.

Fenneko sipped on her drink and watched him. She felt a little bad about how blunt she had been, but nothing else seemed to be getting through to Haida.

“By that logic, if pining after her is what I want to do, shouldn’t that be my choice? Even if she never accepts me, why do I have to give up hope?” Haida muttered into his arms.

Fenneko’s ears flicked with annoyance. “I guess you don’t. But as your friend, when I see you making the same mistake over and over, it’s also my right to tell you that I think you’re being an idiot. And, as someone who has dealt with guys who won’t take no for an answer, I feel obligated to make you understand that your persistence is probably really uncomfortable for Retsuko and that if you’re not careful you might make things a lot worse. Think sexual harassment charges. Think burning any bridges you have between you two. If you REALLY want to be in Retsuko’s good graces...you need to give her some say over what that is going to look like. You have to be willing to accept that a mutual, happy relationship between you two might not look the way you want it to.”

“Ok,” Haida grumbled into his arms. “I get it.”

Chapter Text

“I’m sorry Gori, I’m getting another call. I’ll talk to you later, ok?”

“So popular. Have a goodnight, hun.” Gori hummed.

With a faint smile, Tadano picked up the next call. “Hey. What’s up?” It was out of the ordinary for Haida to call him this late. It was nearly two in the morning.

For a time there was no answer on the other line. Faintly, Tadano could make out the sounds of clinking glasses and talk in the background. It was definitely a bar. Then, his speech slurred, a distant Haida asked where the restroom was.

Tadano laughed to himself. “Haida?” He tried. When there was no response, he smiled and hung up. It was obviously not an intentional call. Tadano stretched out across his backseat with a yawn. He lay there for a sleepy, comfortable moment before asking, “ENI-O, when’s my next thing?”

I am afraid you will have to be more specific.

“Haha- sorry. When is my next obligation? You know, meeting or whatever.”

You have a meeting at 10:30am at Tesla’s headquarters to review the latest-

“Cool. Wake me up at 10:15.”

Alarm set for 10:15am tomorrow morning.

“Thanks,” Tadano yawned and pulled a blanket over his head.

~

At 3:46 am he got another call from Haida. Tadano got a lot of phone calls, most of which he slept through. However, important people in Tadano’s life were distinguished with a specific ringtone to ensure that they would never risk meeting the same fate. It was, unoriginally, an airhorn that was amplified through ENI-O. It could revive a dead man, and it practically did, the way Tadano slept.

With a groan, one of Tadano’s hands slithered out from underneath the blanket and tapped the speakerphone button. “...yes?”

“I don’t get it.” Haida slurred on the other end. “How come I’m the bad guy???”

Tadano was only 40% conscious. “...Haida?”

“Yeah, it’s always Haida. Haida fucked up again. Why?!”

Tadano sat up a little bit and rubbed his eyes. “You’re drunk.”

“I- AbsOlutELy. But that’s not the point.”

“Hey- It’s late, buddy. If something’s bothering you, let’s talk about it in the morning.”

“But I don’t know what to- how to fix this.”

Tadano checked the time and blinked. “Are you safe, right now? You’re not still at that bar are you?”

Haida just started sobbing on the other end. “She hates me.” He was still at the bar, and Fenneko had gotten sick of him and left him with some money for a cab some time ago.

This was a sobering sound. Tadano sat up and fumbled around for his sneakers. “Haida, where are you?”

“Ss’ my favorite place.”

“That little bar and grill off of Tōri street that you and Fenneko go to?”

“Yeah…”

“Ok. Hang tight. I’m gonna come get you, ok?”

“Oh...ok…” Haida agreed. “Wait-”

“Hmm?”

“Do you like me?”

“Yes, Haida.”

“I’m sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable.”

“You haven’t, Haida.”

“You promise?”

“I do.”

“Wow,” said Haida. “We’re best friends now.”

“I’ll be there soon, and then I’m gonna take you home, ok?”

“Can I ask you a personable- personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Why are you purple?”

“Huh. I’ve never thought about it.”

“It’s so pretty.”

“Hah, Thank you.”

“I wish I was purple.”

“You’re fine just the way you are, Haida.”

“Ugh…it’s down to ice again. Just ice. I hate ice.”

“Haida, do not drink anything else.”

“It’s fun to munch on I guess.”

“Don’t do that either- It’s bad for your teeth.”

“Are you a dentist?”

“Will you listen to me if I say yes?”

“Maybe.”

“Then, yes.”

“Not a very convincing dentist.”

“Well-”

“You’re the one. The one of the five who doesn’t agree or whatever.”

“I’m going to hang up now, Haida. I’ll be there soon.”

“Haha really? Ok.”

~

By the time he got to the bar, Haida was passed out cold with his head on a table. Tadano was not particularly surprised to find him this way. A rabbit in a staff uniform was tidying up some of the mess of bottles and napkins around him when Tadano approached.

“Oh thank god,” She whispered under her breath and left.

Sighing, Tadano looked at the sorry state of his friend and felt a deep, uncomfortable prick of guilt inside at the thought that he may have contributed somehow to this turn of events. Well- Haida choosing to get absolutely plastered was his own choice. But the hurt that inspired that decision was probably not, based on what Gori had said earlier…

Haida was drooling and he reeked. Grimacing, Tadano laid a stack of bills on the table in case Haida had left a tab, and for the staff that had to put up with him. Then he leaned over and gently tried to nudge the hyena awake. “Hey, buddy...Haida?”

He sort of moaned in reply.

Tadano resigned himself to being a caretaker for the rest of the night. He leaned over and did his best to drag Haida out of his booth and hoist him over his shoulder. He carried Haida out of the bar, and to his limo waiting for them at the curb. “ENI-O?” He grunted as he lay Haida across the backseat.

Yes?

“Could you take us to the closest hotel, please?”

Certainly.

~
Nine Hours Later.

Haida was on the event horizon of existence, and his brain was being eaten by a black hole. It was the worst hangover he had ever felt in his entire life. He felt sticky all over as if he had sweat alcohol out of his pores. He groaned and it sounded like he had a cheese grater stuck in his throat. With the world pulsing to the bass drum that was in his blood vessels, Haida opened his eyes.

There was a bottle of Pedialyte on the nightstand, and a couple of aspirins sitting in the ashtray. Haida swallowed them and downed half the bottle. Then he closed his eyes and let himself be spaghettified.

An hour later, he drank the other half of the bottle. It was only at this point that he realized he was lying on silk sheets. Still a little dazed, the hyena slowly sat up.

The curtains were drawn. Through the little light that was filtering in from outside, Haida could tell that he was in an expensive hotel room. There was an art piece on the wall directly across from him that eerily resembled a finger painting he had done in primary school. He was wearing the same clothes he had been in yesterday and he smelled like garbage. There was a note on the nightstand. With sheer force of will, Haida reached across the vastness of the bed and grabbed it.

‘You were drunk and you called me. I wasn’t sure where else to take you. Had a meeting to run to, but hope you feel better soon. Let me know you’re ok at some point.

- Tadano

P.S. There’s free breakfast in the lobby from 7-11:30 am’

Haida reached for his phone to check the time and briefly panicked when he realized it wasn’t in his pocket, only to relax a moment later when he spotted it plugged into a charger next to the bed.

It was Tuesday, 1:52pm. He had missed breakfast by a mile. He had also missed work and had four missed calls from Fenneko. Slowly, Haida sunk back into the bed and pulled a pillow over his face.

Chapter Text

“Oh good, you’re alive.”

“I’m sorry, Fenneko.” Haida was sitting on the end of his hotel bed with his phone on speaker mode. His fur was still damp from the shower, and he was wrapped in a white bathrobe. His clothes from the previous day were draped over a chair on the balcony and thinking about their life choices.

“You owe me one, dude. I had to cover for you for the whole day.”

“Thank you. Was Ton mad?”

“When isn’t he?”

“Fair enough.” Haida rubbed his face and sighed. “I’m sorry. I uh...I’m gonna do better, ok?”

The line was quiet on the other end for longer than Haida would have liked before Fenneko replied, “Please tell me you’re somewhere safe, at least. You didn’t end up in the hospital for alcohol poisoning or anything, right?”

“No, it wasn’t THAT bad.”

“I mean- you missed work so it was pretty bad.”

“Yeah, I know. I’m ok now.”

“Are you home?”

“I’m in some snazzy hotel room, actually.”

“And how the hell did you manage that?”

“Uh…” Haida glanced at the note on the nightstand. “A friend came and got me. I don’t remember anything after you left last night.”

“But you remember the conversation we had, right?”

Haida grimaced, “Yeah. Hard to forget.”

“Good…”

Haida let the moment marinate. Absentmindedly, he ran his hand over the silk sheets. At his apartment, he slept on a cheap synthetic blend. He wondered if it was worth the investment to get sheets like this. It would be a lot upfront, but it was worth it if it would be a long term investment in his mental health. He could wake up feeling like a king every day.

“So who’s your new friend? This the same person you’ve been meeting up with for a while?”

“Oh, yeah. I don’t know if I want to tell you- you’re a bit judgemental. No offense.”

“Only if the person warrants judgment.”

Haida smiled faintly. “I don’t think he does. It’s Tadano. He’s actually a really cool guy once you get to know him.”

“You’re hanging out with Retsuko’s ex?”

“See?”

“Sorry- it’s instinctual. I’ll try to set my judgment aside since it seems like he just did you a solid. But I just want to make sure you’re not in a weird situation.”

“What? How so?”

“Like-There aren’t any ulterior motives on either side?”

“Uh...not that I know of? We just meet up sometimes and eat good food.”

“It doesn’t seem like he’s prying for any information or anything?”

“Fenneko, where is all this suspicion coming from?”

“I’m just looking out for you.”

Haida got the sense that it was not nearly so altruistic. Fenneko was suspicious of everyone and everything. But, he shrugged it off. “No, he goes on about philosophical stuff sometimes and that’s the most of it. Most of the time I end up just spewing my thoughts and feelings all over him and he sits there and listens.” Haida realized this with a certain amount of guilt. Oh.

“Huh…ok. Well then, I’m glad you found a quality friend in someone. I hope this doesn’t mean you’re growing out of me.”

“Impossible,” Haida laughed.

Fenneko smiled a little. “Ok. I’m glad you’re fine, then. You want to hear the latest attention-grabbing garbage that Tsunoda posted?”

“Tell me at work tomorrow?”

“Assuming I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

“Good. I expect some good and proper butt kissing.”

“Ugh.”

“What.”

“Could you have worded that better?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You might want to bring some chapstick because those lips are gonna be parched after all the ass-”

Haida hung up before she could finish.

~

‘Hey, I’m ok. Thanks for last night.’
- Haida

‘No problem.’
- Tadano

‘I hope the hotel wasn’t too much. If that ever happens again, you can just take me home.’
- Haida

‘Sure, but I don’t know where you live?’
-Tadano

‘Are you free tonight?’
- Haida

‘Yeah.’
- Tadano

‘Want to come over?’
- Haida

‘Are you sure?’
- Tadano

‘Yeah, dinner’s on me. I owe you one. Although my place probably isn’t as fancy as you’re used to.’
- Haida

‘That doesn’t matter to me.’
- Tadano

‘Lol, here’s my address then. I’m free anytime after 5.’
- Haida

‘Ok, I’ll be there by 6. Looking forward to it.’
- Tadano

‘See you.’
- Haida

~

Haida had an hour to make something Tadano would like and he was worried about it. He was a notoriously bad cook, which was a result of general laziness and lack of practice rather than any actual abhorrence to the craft. The hyena was hunched over his stove now and gently trying to coax something flavorful into existence. If it went horribly wrong he could always resort to stir-fry.

Tadano arrived promptly at 6 pm. Feeling embarrassed and unprepared, Haida went to the door and opened it. “Hey-”

Tadano had dark rings under his eyes and he was wearing a creased suit that hung on him as if he were a mannequin that had not moved for a week.

Haida forgot what he was going to say.

“Hi, Haida.” Tadano smiled, but his eyes were vacant.

“Hi,” Haida managed to find his tongue. “You want to come in?”

Tadano nodded and took off his shoes at the door.

Haida felt something heavy in his chest that was difficult to put a name to. He showed Tadano to the dining table. “Make yourself comfortable. Dinner’s just finished.”

“Oh, what are we having?”

“Stir-fry,” Haida was embarrassed about it, but Tadano just smiled and was sincere when he said, “That sounds great. I don’t remember the last time I had a home-cooked meal. Thanks, Haida.”

The hyena felt the tension he was holding in his shoulders relax. It was stupid to worry about what Tadano thought about his apartment or his cooking. Tadano would be happy with anything Haida shared with him. That’s just who he was. So, Haida gave him a plate of food, and a glass of water, and they sat and ate together.

Haida had determined before he had opened the door that he needed to do a better job of listening to Tadano. He had done enough talking. He wanted to learn more about his friend, but Tadano didn’t say a word, and the silence stretched between them.

So Haida decided to listen to him in a different way. He observed the way his shoulders sagged, and his eyes gazed through the table. His hands were graceful as he ate, in a robotic sort of way, and his ears would flick towards Haida whenever the hyena shifted his weight or started to think about saying something. It was like he was waiting for him.

Haida hesitated, “Tadano…”

The donkey lifted his head and regarded Haida with half-lidded, unfocused blue eyes. His gaze was expectant.

“When is the last time that you got any decent sleep?”

“Oh,” said Tadano, who was surprised to find that he had been under observation the whole time.

“I mean- I don’t mean to be rude, but you look exhausted.”

“Oh it’s been...maybe two days.”

“Two days?!”

“I found myself with lots of things to take care of and they couldn’t be put off.”

“...like dragging your drunk friends off the street?”

For a moment, Haida could almost swear that the donkey blushed. “Hah- among other things. It’s fine, Haida. I don’t have any other obligations tomorrow, so I’ll sleep then.”

“Tadano,” Haida disagreed. He was quiet but firm.

Tadano smiled mildly and took another bite from his plate. When Haida did not relent, the donkey sighed and said, “Look, I’ll find a proper bed to sleep in and I’ll hibernate for a while if that would make you feel better.”

This was a mistake. Haida was actually listening to him this time. “What do you mean a proper bed?”

The silence was an answer in itself.

“Do you not own a bed?”

“Haida, um…”

“Tadano, where do you live?” Haida stared at him.

The donkey stammered, “I-” Haida had never seen him so flustered before. “I live in my limo.”

“In your limo.”

“Yeah.”

“So when you need to shower-”

“I have a gym membership. And I rent hotel rooms whenever I need to. But I spend a lot of time on the move so, it just makes sense.”

“Tadano that’s...pretty wild.”

“Is it?” The donkey frowned.

“I mean- yeah- if you can afford a home, why don’t you get one?”

“Home means different things for different people, and I am happy right now where I am.”

“But you’re not...anywhere!”

Tadano smiled warmly at Haida and said, “I’m here with you, arn’t I?”

Haida didn’t know what to say to that, and he found himself feeling conflicted- This was a guy that Haida had always looked up to from a distance, whom everything seemed to come easy for, and with whom he was now eating last-ditch-stir-fry in his modest apartment. And at the end of all that, Tadano was reassuring him that he was someone important.

He was about to reply something along the lines of, ‘But I’m not a home, you can’t come home to me at the end of the day and have food and feel safe and fall asleep here’, until he realized that of course he fucking could. What was the point of having people in your life if you couldn’t rely on them?

“Yeah,” he agreed. He thought that he understood what Tadano was trying to say now. A house is not a home, and all that, but he had never seen it taken so literally.

Both of Tadano’s ears and eyes were focused on Haida. It felt like Tadano was trying to read his mind. He would have a hard time with that, though, because not even Haida could read his own mind.

The hyena considered for a moment before offering, “You could crash here if you want. I just need some time to change the sheets.”

Tadano softened, “You don’t have to do that Haida...I’m perfectly capable of finding my own-”

“I know- I know,” Haida interrupted him. “And you can do what you want. But I’m just saying- you don’t have to. I’ve got a bed and you need a bed, so you can use it.”

“That may be true- but I’m worried you’re offering out of a sense of obligation and I don’t want that.”

“I’m offering as a matter of principle. We’re friends, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then I’ve got your back, and if you need a place to sleep then you’ve got a place to sleep. Not because I owe you, but because I know you would do the same for me.”

Tadano blinked and put down his chopsticks. It was not often that he found himself on the receiving end of someone’s generosity. “Huh...Thank you.”

~

It was not until later that night with Tadano snoring under the comforter, and Haida in a sleeping bag on the floor, that Haida finally started to feel like a decent person again.

Chapter Text

Haida’s back was sore when he got up the next morning. He tried to be quiet as he shuffled around his apartment. His morning routine consisted of getting dressed, putting together a quick breakfast, and brushing his teeth.

After he rinsed the toothpaste out of his mouth, he looked at himself in the mirror. He took a deep breath and pointed at his reflection. “You’re not going to fuck up today.”

His reflection frowned back at him. It did not appear entirely convinced. Feeling a bit silly about the whole thing, Haida went to the front door and slipped his shoes on. He took a moment to scribble a quick note to Tadano, before heading to the subway station.

He needn’t have been so careful, because nothing short of a cannon blast was going to wake up the donkey on this particular morning. He was more warm and comfortable than he had felt in years. He very much resembled a sushi roll, both in body and spirit.

Twelve hours of solid sleep later, the sushi roll sat up. It was amazing how quiet it was. Tadano had become accustomed to the rumble of engines and the clamor of a city in the background of every moment of his life.

He de-tangled himself from the comforter and stretched before climbing out of the bed. He was wearing a faded Nirvana t-shirt and flannel pajama bottoms, both of which belonged to Haida and fit surprisingly well. Tadano smiled at the thought that Haida had gotten this shirt at a past rock concert. Clothes with memories attached to them were the best kind. Tadano did not have many of those anymore. He didn’t keep anything that took up too much space.

Eyes wandering, Tadano took note of the bass guitar and amplifier tucked into a corner of the room. Tadano had taken piano lessons before, but he was always better at music in theory than he was in practice. It was one thing to understand music- it was a completely different thing to play it. No teacher could ever help him with his utter lack of motivation to practice. Like getting his license- Tadano just could not commit to anything unless he genuinely enjoyed it.

In any case- anyone who built up any amount of skill on an instrument had Tadano’s respect. He hoped Haida would let him hear him play, someday. Tadano may not be musically inclined himself, but he could still appreciate it.

Eventually, his wandering eyes settled on the bright blue pad of sticky notes on the dining table. The pen Haida had used was still lying next to it. Tadano walked over to investigate.

‘Please lock the door on your way out.’
Haida

Tadano processed the disappointment he felt that it had not been something more warm or heartfelt. He processed it, accepted it, and then quietly folded it up and threw it away. Haida did not owe him any more kindness. It was a stupid thing to feel sad about.

And yet, it reminded him that he was a guest here. His earlier comfortability faded and was replaced with the desire to make his presence here as un-imposing as possible. He walked back across the room and made the bed. He neatly folded the pajamas he had borrowed and set them at the foot of the bed. He put the pen and the sticky notes away.

And then, feeling a little out of place, Tadano checked that he had his phone and keys with him and then opened the front door. The sounds of the city rushed to meet him. Back to reality. He made sure the door was locked before it closed.

~

Work was made more uncomfortable for Haida by the conflicting desires he had to both 1) apologize to Retsuko and 2) give her some space, neither of which he was able to do while they were both on the clock and thus forced to work in professional close proximity to each other.

It came as somewhat of a relief to him when the moment the clock struck five, she was already halfway out the door. For once nobody stopped her because she had been through a traumatic event less than a month ago, and Haida and Fenneko simply would not allow it.

During their shift, the second Ton started to so much as orbit in their general direction he was met with reproachful gazes from Fenneko, Haida, and even Anai.

Ton appeared to get the message. It would not last forever, but the office was for once unified under one purpose, and that was not adding any more pressure or complications to Retsuko’s life while she healed.

Still, as Haida packed up his things, he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t enough.

On his way out, Haida bumped into Gori in the elevator. He was immediately worried given that their last interaction involved a great deal of arm wrestling, but she didn’t seem inclined to roll up her sleeves today.

Instead, Gori looked at him, and they had an awkward moment in which neither of them seemed to know how to start.

“Hey-” “How are-”, They both said at the same time.

Gori chuckled and looked away. “...I think I owe you an apology.”

“Oh,” Haida was embarrassed. He watched the floors go past them on the doors indicator meter. “No, you don’t.”

“Well, I think I may have gotten a little over-excited with my side-project and I overstepped my bounds a bit. You busy right now?”

Haida blinked.“I uh...I can spare a minute if you want to talk.”

“I do. Thanks, hun.”

The doors slid open and they stepped into the lobby together.

“I didn’t mean to push you into anything,” Gori started.

Haida shook his head. “You didn’t. I’m the one who saw the results and let it get to my head. It’s just an app, anyway. I mean-” he saw the look on Gori’s face and immediately corrected himself, “It’s a great app, I’m sure. But people aren’t algorithms that can be categorized like that.”

“Oh, the app is plenty accurate,” Gori replied, a touch defensive.“But, regardless, I probably should have gone about it in a better way. I hope you don’t think less of me for it.”

“No...it’s fine, Gori. I mean- you’re right- but it would be hypocritical of me to hold a grudge against you when I’m also making an effort not to push what I want onto other people. It’s uh...hard to put aside your own perspective when it’s something you care so much about and you need to feel...you know. Validated, for lack of a better word.”

“Yeah,” She agreed. “I’m glad you understand.”

“Well, I’ve been thinking about it a lot, too.”

“Yeah? You come to any bright conclusions?”

“Only that if you only listen to what you want to hear, how are you ever going to grow, you know?”

Gori chuckled and shook her head. “That’s funny.”

“What?”

“Tadano said something very similar.”

Haida took it as a compliment.

Chapter Text

‘Hey, you free tonight?’
- Haida

A day passed, then two. Haida was not concerned. Tadano was a busy guy.

But going on four days with no response, Haida started to feel worried. Tadano was usually pretty quick about answering texts. He tried again.

‘You busy?’
- Haida

When he still hadn’t gotten a response by the time he and Fenneko met up for drinks that night, Haida was downright perturbed. He had his phone on max volume and was disappointed when every notification he checked was not a reply.

Fenneko observed this with some annoyance as she munched on an appetizer. “What’s got your feathers in a ruffle today?”

“Oh, it’s nothing really. Tadano just hasn’t been responding to my messages.”

“I mean, he seems to be a pretty busy guy,” Fenneko tried to console him, but Haida was already shaking his head before she finished.

“Maybe you’re right..I’m just overthinking it. It’s just that normally he gets back to me pretty quick.”

“Yeah? Well, how long has it been?”

“A few days…”

“Oh, Haida. You are so needy.”

The hyena shrugged and stole one of Fenneko’s takoyaki balls, which she protested but did not actually take any steps to prevent.

She watched Haida chew it, the lines of his brow furrowed with worry, and was irritated with how pitiful he looked. Sighing, Fenneko pulled out her phone and put on her metaphorical detective’s cap. “Fine. Let me see what I can dig up.”

Haida smiled. “Thanks, Fenneko.”

“Whatever.”

Haida gave her a minute of silence while she scrolled. He sipped his Dr. Pepper and waited.

“Hm.”

“Found something?”

“Yeah. A news article from three days ago. Partnership between revolutionary AI program ENI-O and Tesla automotive falls through after bill fails to pass.”

“The bill to legalize self-driving cars didn’t go through?”

“No. I mean, are you really surprised? There’s a lot of businesses that something like that could destroy.”

“Yeah but I mean...think of all the good it would do people, and how much safer it would make the roads. New businesses can be built to reflect new needs.”

“Good luck telling that to the old businesses.”

“They are going to have to see reason at some point, right? I mean, the world changes. People’s needs change. They can’t stop that. They shouldn’t hold the world back because they can’t adapt.”

“They shouldn’t, and yet…”

“And yet,” Haida agreed glumly. “That doesn’t really explain why Tadano has been MIA, though.”

“Well, how invested was he in this project?”

“I...don’t know, actually. He doesn't talk much about work with me.”

Fenneko snorted. “You? You’re the biggest nerd I know- you love this stuff. You didn’t ask?”

Haida looked away.

“What?” Fenneko regarded Haida with a mixture of interest and amusement and squirted sriracha sauce all over the last takoyaki ball.

Haida grimaced. He suspected she did that specifically so that she wouldn’t have to share with him.

“The first time I met him I was all over him. I asked him to autograph a magazine for me. I’ve always been a big fan- you know- and this time I didn’t want to let that get in the way of me actually getting to know him as a person. He just...he seemed to me like he could use some genuine friends and it would be really cool to be able to be that for him. So I didn’t want to make things weird by trying to interview him about his work, you know? Even if I do think it’s the coolest thing ever.”

“Huh.” Fenneko flicked one of her ears. “Ok, that tracks. But it’s kind of come back to bite you in this situation I think.”

“Yeah, maybe. Should I try calling him? Would that be too much?”

“You worry a lot, dude. You don’t need my permission. But if you are going to, you may as well invite him to come have a drink with us. I’d like to meet this guy, anyway.”

Haida did not have time to unpack all the implications and concerns that he had with that. He picked up his phone and gave Tadano a call.

~

Tadano blinked in surprise. Haida was calling him. It was difficult for him to tear himself away from his work, but for Haida, he managed. He spun his chair around so he wouldn’t be distracted by his screen when he answered. “Hey, Haida. What’s up?”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah- oh, I think I forgot to respond to you.”

“Yeah, you did.”

“My bad.” Tadano felt like an idiot. It had been a rough few days for him, and he had immediately bypassed his dismay about the whole situation by jumping straight into problem-solving mode. It was an obsession by this point. His concept of the passage of time was tenuous at best when he got like this. He didn’t usually have anybody to interrupt him. “Haida, I’m sorry. That was not my intention. I’ve been trying to fix a problem…”

“Am I bothering you?”

“No- not at all. Actually, I’m glad you called. I was thinking myself in circles. I lost track of time.”

“You really suck at apologies.”

Tadano laughed, “Yeah, so I’ve been told. I hope I didn’t worry you too much. Are you mad?”

“Not really. I’m just glad you’re ok. But don’t do that again, alright? Just shoot me a thumbs up or a thumbs down or something so I know you’re not dead, just busy.”

“Did you think I was dead?” The donkey smiled. Already, his head was feeling clearer. Haida reminded him that there was more to life than code and bureaucracy.

“Not really. I was uh...more worried that you had gotten bored or annoyed with me, to be honest.”

The donkey softened. “I doubt that will never happen, Haida.”

“Are you sure? You’ve never seen me- well I guess you have seen me piss drunk, actually. I can be pretty annoying, Fenneko says.”

“I’m not sure how many times I am going to have to tell you that I like you before you believe me,” Tadano murmured. He glanced back at his screen, but only to turn it off. “But I don’t mind. I’ll keep saying it until you don’t need to hear it anymore. I’m sorry for making you doubt it.”

It took the hyena several seconds to find his voice, “Thanks.”

Tadano smiled. “You’re welcome.”

“Um- are you still busy? Fenneko and I, we’re having drinks right now. You could join us if you want. I know you’re probably really bummed about the whole car thing but...Fenneko and I are pretty good listeners if you need to take a load off. And the drinks are cheap.”

“Huh,” Tadano chuckled. “You know, that doesn’t sound like a bad idea.”

Chapter Text

Fenneko scrutinized Tadano as he joined them at the table. He was wearing a hoodie. It was likely that he prioritized comfort. Not vain. Good. He had a mild sort of smile and he didn’t offer his hand to shake. Instead, he said, “Hey, you must be Fenneko. I’ve heard a lot about you.” He was doing his best to facilitate a casual atmosphere. He addressed Fenneko before Haida, so he seemed to want to make a good first impression.

“Oh really?” Fenneko cast a quick, dubious glance in Haida’s direction.

The hyena smiled sheepishly.

“Yeah. I’ve heard you’re a great friend,” Tadano replied. Flattery. The suggestion of friendship. It was important to him that this meeting go well.

“Haha,” Fenneko responded flatly. She would use that to her advantage. “I’ve heard that about you, too. Aside from your tendency to disappear every once in a while.”

Tadano’s body language was subtle. His eyes widened just the slightest bit, but it was enough for Fenneko to pick up on. He was surprised. Flattery usually worked for him, and Fenneko could understand why. He was charming. She was immune, however, for a number of reasons, the most relevant one being that he was not really meeting her as a friend for some drinks. He was being interviewed.

Tadano did not seem to realize this yet because he was amiable about the criticism. He chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck. “Haha- yeah I need to get better about that. Sorry.”

Haida intercepted, “It’s cool, we already hashed it out.” He gave Fenneko a warning glance. Haida knew her well enough to understand what was up. Fenneko ignored him.

“It must have been really upsetting. Your deal not going through.”

There was a heaviness to the look Tadano gave her, hiding just underneath the smile. “Yeah. It’s a bummer.”

“Must have lost you a lot of money,” Fenneko pressed.

Haida looked flustered. “Oh, haha, does anybody want to share some fries with me?”

One of Tadano’s ears swiveled in Haida’s direction, but his eyes stayed on the fox. He was starting to pick up on what was going on. “The money isn’t a concern for me,” he disagreed.

“Huh. That’s unique.”

“How do you figure?”

“As a business model, I mean.”

“I’m not trying to run a business.”

“Wow. You’re really bad at it, then,” Fenneko offered him a toothy smile before taking a long swig of her drink. She maintained eye contact the entire time.

Tadano blinked. Fenneko read the dismay and confusion on his face, which he was no longer attempting to mask behind a smile. “Fenneko, did I do something to offend you?”

“Not yet.”

Tadano glanced at Haida, who looked mortified, and then back at her. His eyes were soft. He did not like conflict. Good. “If there’s something you want to ask me, just ask me.” He was blunt, which also pleased Fenneko.

She did not let him see it. “It’s a strange coincidence that you end up being entangled with so many of my friends and coworkers. Why is that?”

“It is a funny coincidence,” Tadano agreed. “It wasn’t intentional on my part if that’s what you’re asking. You just so happen to be friends with a lot of good people, and I like having them in my life. Does that bother you?” He was trying to turn the lens back on her.

But Fenneko was not going to allow it. “Why Haida, specifically?”

Haida scowled and pointed his chopsticks at Fenneko. “Hey, knock it off. Tadano- you don’t have to answer that.”

“No- it’s fine, Haida.” Tadano put a hand on Haida’s arm and looked back at Fenneko. “You’re only doing this because you want to make sure that I’m not going to hurt the people you care about, right?” Considerate.

“Yeah,” she answered.

Haida put the chopsticks down. He was embarrassed. Too bad, this was for his own good.

“I don’t know what to say to reassure you, other than I am not intending to hurt or take advantage of anyone. I just genuinely enjoy hanging out with Haida and Gori, that’s it.” His hand lingered on Haida’s arm for a fraction longer than was strictly necessary. Interesting.

“If it is just pleasure and not business, why did you recently hire Gori as a marketing advisor?”

Tadano’s eyes widened again. “Where did you hear that?” Genuine shock.

“I have a knack for researching.”

Tadano considered her for a moment before replying, “My business for me, is personal. I’m trying to change the public’s opinion about self-driving cars. I can’t do it alone. Gori heard about what happened and offered to help.”

“Huh. You’re really serious about the car thing, then. It’s a long term plan for you?”

“Everything is a long term plan for me,” The donkey agreed.

“Everything?” Fenneko pressed.

He looked away. “Well...no. There are some things you can’t plan for.”

Fenneko sat back in her seat and took a sip of her drink. She was satisfied. “Fair enough.”

“What the hell, Fenneko,” Haida muttered.

“What? I had to make sure he was good.”

“By interrogating him?”

“Hey- Tadano offered and I took him up on it.”

Haida looked at the donkey, who smiled mildly in return. “Well, I did,” he agreed.

Haida shook his head. “That was way out of line. He’s my friend, and I don’t need or want your permission about it.”

Fenneko blinked. Haida was glaring at her. He was embarrassed. She set her drink down and looked at Tadano. “Tadano, did I upset you?”

Tadano’s eyes were far away, but at the mention of his name, they refocused on Fenneko. “No,” he answered softly. He smiled. “It takes a lot more than that to hurt my feelings. It was coming from a place of concern, wasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“Do you feel better about me, now?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s ok,” Tadano hummed. “I’m glad Haida has someone in his life who cares about him so much.”

“Too much,” Haida muttered. “Regardless of how Tadano feels about it, that was invasive and rude.”

“I know you want me to apologize, Haida, but if I did it would only be to make you feel better, not because I actually am. I figured out what I wanted to know and Tadano and I avoided two hours of roundabout small talk by being blunt about it. I’m sorry if it seemed harsh to you.”

“And what exactly did you figure out?” Haida grumbled. “I could have told you that he wasn’t a serial killer.”

Fenneko shrugged. “As far as I can tell- and sorry Tadano I know you’re right there-”

Tadano just chuckled.

“-he likes you for similar reasons that I do. Which is that you are an enormous idiot and that without you, life would be boring.”

“Gee, thanks,” Haida rolled his eyes.

“You’re welcome.” Fenneko smiled her first genuine smile of the night and flagged down a waiter. She paid for the first round of drinks, which was as close as Haida was going to get to an actual apology. He accepted it.

~

A few drinks later, Haida was thinking. It was obvious because he was frowning into his glass and had not said anything in a while.

“Haida,” Tadano prodded him gently. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I just...it’s no wonder you’re so gloomy all the time.”

“I’m gloomy all the time?” Tadano smiled at him. “This is news to me.” He was flattered to find that Haida had been thinking of him.

“Sorry- you’re one of the most laid back guys I know, so maybe gloomy is the wrong word. What I mean is…”

“Distracted?” A buzzed Fenneko suggested. “Wrapped up in your own bullshit?”

“Yeah, let’s go with that,” Haida nodded and glanced at his purple friend. “How are you not sick of your job, yet? You live in it.”

“How are you not sick of yours?” Tadano’s smile quirked with amusement.

Haida felt warm and he laughed, embarrassed. “Because I never liked it to begin with.”

“I don’t understand that,” said Tadano.

“Well- it’s simple really. You do what you do because you love it, right?”

“Hm.” Tadano followed his words with a nod. He was a little drunk. “Yeah.”

“Right. Well, imagine being forced to do what you love for the rest of your life, but you don’t really get to do what you love- because you have to do it the way other people want you to.”

“I guess that would get pretty frustrating over time,” Tadano agreed. “Or you would have to get really good at compartmentalizing.”

“Exactly. Or your fire is going to burn out and you end up hating it. That’s why I choose a career for money, not love. Because then I get to go home and do what I love without other people telling me how to do it.”

“Bass guitar?” Tadano guessed.

Haida smiled. “You got me.”

“I do. But the downside to that is that you end up doing something you hate for most of your life. That seems like such a waste.”

“Well, I find things to like about it.” Haida glanced at Fenneko.

Fenneko grinned and flipped him off, an affectionate gesture which Haida returned.

“I’m glad that it works for you. But I don’t think that could work for me.” Tadano looked at his hands. “I just can’t imagine doing anything else. And frankly, I don’t think that it’s a compromise people should have to make.”

“That’s valid, and in an ideal world, yeah, they shouldn’t,” Fenneko replied. “But here we are. I get where Haida’s coming from. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like it’s a bad thing you like your work. I wish I had something I loved that much. You just have to be careful not to let it consume your whole life, you know? Everyone should have something that just belongs to them. Something the world doesn’t have a say in.”

“Huh. Thanks.”

“For what?”

“Helping. With that.”

“Hey, that’s what friends are for.” Fenneko tipped her glass towards him.

The three of them clinked their glasses together in a mock-cheer. Haida’s depth perception was severely impacted by beer, however, and he ended up enthusiastically smashing his glass into the other two with more force than intended, splashing alcohol everywhere.

“Dammit,” he said afterward while pushing soggy napkins all over the table. “That would have been a cool kind of movie moment if I hadn’t screwed it up.”

“It was cool,” Fenneko assured him.

“Very cool,” Tadano agreed. Beer was soaked into his sleeve.

Haida smiled.

Chapter Text

“Vanilla?”

“What?” Tadano looked at his ice cream and then back at Haida. “Is something wrong?”

“No, but dude, you’ve got to admit that you have a bit of a trend towards uh...bland.”

“Just because something is simple doesn’t mean that it’s not good.” Tadano smiled and sat down on a bench.

Haida sat next to him, “Yeah? You’re probably right. But just because something is complex doesn’t mean that it isn’t good, either.”

The donkey laughed. “Ok, that’s a fair point. In that case, may I try a bite of your black cherry ice-cream?”

“You may,” Haida agreed smugly. He let Tadano dip his spoon into it and waited for him to try it before asking, “So?”

“Hm,” said Tadano. “This is good.”

“Right? It’s the best flavor.”

“Are you sure about that?” Tadano chuckled. “There are flavors you haven’t tried yet. You might change your mind someday.”

“That’s someday. This is today. And today my favorite flavor is black cherry.”

Tadano scoffed and relaxed. They were sitting together on a bench in an outdoor shopping mall. The ice cream stand that they had gotten their treats from was steadily rolling away into the distance, being pushed by a personable polar bear.

It had been a few days since Tadano had been invited to go out drinking with Fenneko, and Haida had been doing a lot of thinking since then. Haida was in what some might call a “funk”. He felt confused and directionless without the anchor of the hope that he had always held for Retsuko. Maybe a part of him quietly assumed that if he wanted her badly enough, she would come around someday. But Fenneko had slapped that admittedly juvenile hope, and stomped on it, and set it alight for good measure.

It was unfortunate for Haida that he was a complex person, and that as such, his actions did not always make sense. Haida had known at the time that he was being impulsive when he dragged Retsuko into that karaoke bar, but he did it anyway because he felt like he would die if he had to work in the office and look across his desk and see a stranger in her place. He had not been thinking about what it would be like for Retsuko at the time. It was hard for him to be calm and rational about things when shit hit the fan.

Did that make him a bad person? No. He didn’t think so. It just made him a person who did a stupid thing, and now he did not know how to fix it. Hence, the confusion. How does a person heal when they aren’t the one who is broken?

From far away, Tadano took the ice cream from Haida’s hand and gave him a napkin. The polar bear had been generous with the portion size and it was dripping down the edges of the styrofoam cup and onto his hand.

“Oh, crap.” Haida took the napkin. “Thanks.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” Tadano was slightly dismayed to find that he now had ice cream dripping all over his own hand, too. It was the logical consequence of his actions. He knew it would happen. And yet he still found himself disappointed and uncomfortably sticky. He tried to solve the problem with more napkins and was only somewhat successful.

“Have you ever messed up, Tadano?”

“Huh?” Tadano offered the cup back to Haida. It was swaddled in damp napkins.

Haida reluctantly took it back. “Have you ever screwed up something so bad, that you felt like you couldn’t do anything to fix it?”

“Hm.” Tadano thought about that. He looked at some of the animals passing them. Mothers and children. Students. Friends. “Yeah, I have.”

“What did you do?” Haida looked at him.

“I carried the weight of that mistake with me and tried to be better. Time passed. The people affected healed in their own ways- nothing to do with me. And eventually, I forgave myself.”

That was not the answer that Haida wanted to hear. He frowned.

The glance that Tadano gave him was sympathetic. “You’re really hard on yourself, I think.”

Haida chuckled and prodded at the ice cream with his spoon. “Isn’t everyone?”

“Hard to say.” Tadano gave him a soft look and asked, “What this is about?”

“The app said we were 100% compatible,” Haida muttered, mostly to himself. “And I wanted so badly to believe it.”

The donkey looked away.

“It felt like fate,” Haida continued, gazing into his cup. “I think I would have a lot easier time forgiving myself if it weren’t for that stupid match…now there’s a part of me that is saying, ‘Look! This is proof!’ and so I can’t really let go although I KNOW it’s what I need to do. It’s stupid to want to believe something so badly that you’re willing to overlook all the red flags just so that you don’t have to face reality. I hate that I can’t just get over it. I feel like such an idiot.”

Tadano was silent for a long time.

The hyena lifted his head and looked at him. “...Tadano?”

Tadano took a deep breath and eventually said, “It wasn’t fate.” His voice had gone flat.

Haida stared at him.

“You were there when I was adjusting the code,” Tadano prompted him.

Haida blinked, and Tadano could almost hear the gears turning in his head.

Haida’s hackles raised as he understood. “Tadano, what the FUCK. WHY would you- What the hell were you thinking?!”

“I wasn’t expecting you to ever see it. You fought so hard against Gori in the restaurant.”

“What the fuck.”

“I thought if Retsuko might use it though- and I wanted you to have that chance.”

“Oh, good!” Haida snapped and stood up. “Great! The whole world is trying to wingman me- I don’t need or want your help! You made things infinitely worse, Tadano!”

Tadano frowned and said, “I didn’t make you do anything, Haida.”

“Bullshit.” Haida slammed his half-finished ice cream into a nearby trash can and walked away.

~

Tadano sat on the bench for a long time after that. He clenched and unclenched his sticky hands and people avoided him. It happened so quickly, he felt. How did it happen so quickly? A moment. A word. A variable in a piece of code. That was all it took. How could thirty seconds feel like an eternity, and like nothing at all?

It was Kobayashi who eventually found him. It seemed like Haida had only just left a moment ago, but suddenly the sun was dipping below the clock tower and painting the world pink. It seemed a great unfairness that the sky could be so beautiful at a time like this.

“Sir,” The schnauzer said gently. “Let’s go home.”

Wordlessly, Tadano leaned into him.

Kobayashi held him and gave him a pat on the back. “It will be ok,” he said. And then a moment later, “Oh...you are sticky.”

Chapter Text

Haida knew he was being irrational about it but he couldn’t help it.

He was in his apartment, and he was pacing. Haida wished that he had stuck around longer because there were a lot of things that were bubbling underneath the surface that he wanted to say to Tadano. But whenever he got this emotional he made bad choices and he said things that he would later regret. Haida was making a dedicated effort to learn from his mistakes. So, he removed himself from the situation as quickly as possible, and now here he was, simmering like a stew and creating traffic patterns in his carpet.

It would be easy to put all the blame on Tadano. Haida never would have done what he did if he had not seen the match. Tadano had opened himself up to be the perfect scapegoat. And yet, despite all of that, the hyena just couldn’t bring himself to be genuinely angry at him. Sure, he was angry at the choice Tadano had made. It was inconsiderate and frankly egotistical of him to assume his help was wanted. But Haida had made his fair share of poor choices, too. That didn’t make him a bad person, and he didn’t think Tadano was a bad person either. Naive, maybe, but not bad. Tadano didn’t seem to have anything to gain from this aside from the satisfaction of having helped a friend.

“I’m not sure how many times I am going to have to tell you that I like you before you believe me,” His voice had been soft and sad over the phone when he said that.

Haida sat down on the edge of his bed. He sighed and rubbed his face. Tadano genuinely liked him. Haida believed that. He didn’t seem like the sort of person who would intentionally try to hurt someone.

But the heart often lags behind the mind. Haida wasn’t ready to forgive him.

~

Time passed, and Haida let it. He took the time for himself to process. Tadano left him alone. The donkey probably thought that Haida didn’t want anything to do with him. He was waiting for Haida to be ready to talk.

Haida appreciated that, although it was not entirely true. He couldn’t tell if it was pride or anxiety that stopped him from wanting to be the first one to reach out. He was not good with conflict.

On day three of processing and avoiding the inevitable, Haida was browsing through his news feed on the way to work. The top article announced a press release that would take place later that day. Tadano was going to be talking about Freeride Inc’s next big project. Haida made sure to bookmark it to watch later.

~

“Hey,” Said Fenneko. It was lunch. She was sitting next to him at their usual office table. “The plastic plant on Ton’s desk has been more lively than you, lately. You feeling ok?”

Haida glanced at Retsuko and then back at her. He was finding it difficult to talk to Fenneko about the new depression he found himself in for a number of reasons. The first being that Fenneko was not his therapist. Haida felt like lately, he had been dominating a large portion of their conversations with his personal issues. Fenneko was a great friend. She was always supportive- or very unsupportive, depending on what the situation warranted. She always listened. Haida worried that he was being greedy with her time and attention. He didn’t want to bother her, and besides, it was embarrassing to admit that the new friend she had been suspicious about had done something wrong.

Which brought him to his second point of concern: if Fenneko knew that Tadano had done something to hurt his feelings, she might never fully trust him again. This was a problem because in an ideal world Haida would like to have an uncomplicated and symbiotic relationship with both of them.

Third, and finally, Retsuko was right there, sitting at the table with them and eating lunch like she usually did. How awkward would it be to bring up Tadano now? Haida had no idea how she felt about him and he wasn’t about to find out. She had enough to deal with without having to listen to the relationship drama between Haida and her ex-boyfriend.

Haida’s answer, thus, was chosen carefully. “I just have some stuff I need to process on my own. I’ll be fine.”

Fenneko narrowed her eyes. “Yeah…?” It was both an invitation and an accusation.

“Yeah.” Haida raised his eyebrows at her. There was a warning in his expression.

Fenneko raised her eyebrows, too. It was a wordless question.

He met her gaze and held it, unmoving.

The fox drummed her fingertips on the table. She was annoyed. Eventually, she nodded.

Haida relaxed, looked down at his bento, and took a bite out of a rice ball.

Retsuko continued eating her lunch. The telepathy they shared wasn’t anything new and she wisely assumed that she wouldn’t like knowing what it was about. Best to just move on.

~

It was later that evening, and Haida was browsing through his favorite record store. He had come here after work to distract himself. He was not successful. He had come to the conclusion that he wanted an apology. He wanted Tadano to reach out and acknowledge that he hurt him and that he was sorry.

The problem was that Tadano didn’t seem to be the sort of person who was inclined towards apologizing if he didn’t feel like he was in the wrong. Haida didn’t know how to communicate to him that he had, in fact, done something wrong without adding more fuel to the fire.

“I carried the weight of that mistake with me and tried to be better,” he had said.

Haida thought it was foolish to carry the weight alone like that. It took two people to find closure. It was good to give people space to heal if that’s what they wanted. But that’s not what Haida wanted.

He wasn’t sure what to do.

His fingers stopped on an album cover that he hadn’t seen before. He pulled it out to examine it. It was a metal album titled, “The beast of hypocrisy.”

Haida stared at it for a moment and then put it back.

~

Through his laptop screen, Haida watched as applause echoed through the hall and lights came up on a dark stage. Tadano stood illuminated in white light wearing a smart suit and a smile on his face. Behind him, the schematics for his self-driving car were projected on the wall. Clean, crisp, and vibrant.

“Welcome, everyone. I’m glad you could make it. I’m here with you today to talk about something new on the horizon. You may recall some of the past contributions that ENI-O has made to the tech industry. ENI-O has revolutionized the way that devices process data. It has connected people in ways that no other company AI or otherwise can boast of before. We have helped to transform smart phones, smart tablets, smart watches, and even smart refrigerators. I mean- why do we need smart refrigerators?”

There was a general, sensible chuckle.

“So why is it that it has taken us so long to get around to smart cars? Not just smart cars, but AI-powered self-driving vehicles. Many of us waste hours sitting in traffic every day. It’s bad for our mental health, and it’s bad for the environment. Can you imagine the things you could do with the time that a self-driving car could give back to you?”

Haida watched him and admired how easy he made it look. Haida could not decide whether or not he was impressed or envious of the way Tadano seemed to be just as comfortable giving a speech in front of hundreds of people, as he was lounging around in a sweatshirt and eating ramen.

It would be nice to have even a fraction of his comfortability and confidence. Dimly, Haida recalled learning about osmosis in secondary school. Molecules on opposite sides of a semi-permeable membrane would naturally start to shift through the membrane until both sides were equal. He wondered if it worked like that with people, too. Certainly, he had absorbed some of Fenneko’s cynicism and ‘take no bull-shit’ attitude over their many years of friendship. Maybe it could be like that with Tadano. If he squinted, Haida could notice it happening a little bit even now.

Tadano was still going on. Haida recognized the suit as the same one that he wore to the fateful dinner with himself and Gori. He suspected that Tadano only owned the one suit.

“Where self-driving cars currently struggle the most is in an area that some people like to call ‘the moral machine’. You see, there exists an ethical grey area with autonomous vehicles when they are put in situations with no clear safe outcome. For example, if pedestrians are jaywalking across a street at night, and the car is unable to break in time to avoid them. The car must make the decision to hit them, which would kill them, or swerve and collide with a concrete barrier, which would kill the passengers. Either way, people will die. How does a machine make a decision like that?”

“ENI-O you see is a unique AI in the sense that it doesn’t just make decisions based on a pre-determined program. ENI-O has the capability to learn like animals do, socially. It can analyze data in an instant and make an informed decision based on how other animals have behaved in similar situations. In this way, ENI-O is able to process information and react independently to factors that no programmer could ever anticipate. Car accidents of course do, and always will happen. Currently, drivers have a 1 in 103 chance of dying this way. But if you are in a self-driving vehicle, the likelihood of dying in a car accident drops from 1 in 103, to 1 in 436. That likelihood only decreases the more self-driving cars that there are on the road.”

Haida watched the live stream until its conclusion. When Tadano left the stage, it was to uproarious applause.

Haida felt irritated. He shut his laptop. He didn’t know why he was expecting Tadano to give some kind of sign that he was bothered.

~

Gori was waiting for him when he stepped back into the wings. “Wow, hun, you really got them going. You did a great job.”

“Thanks, Gori,” Tadano answered. He felt hollow. He took a drink from the water bottle she offered him. “Hey, are you busy tonight?”

“Oh, Washimi and I were going to have a girls night. On Friday’s we like to drink wine and watch The Bachelor.”

“Really?” Tadano screwed the cap back on.“That doesn’t seem like it would be Washimi’s thing.”

“Haha- it’s definitely a guilty pleasure. Why, did you need something?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing important. Go have fun with Washimi.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

“Ok, if you insist! I’ll catch up with you later then.”

“For sure.”

“Have a goodnight, Tadano. Get some rest, ok?”

“Ok,” The donkey answered, amused. They parted ways, and Tadano stuck his hands in his pockets. He walked out behind the theater to where his limo was waiting.

Kobayashi had gone home for the night, so it was just him.

Tadano took his tie off and sat in the back seat. He sat there for a long time, staring at nothing. He felt unbearably lonely. It seemed like everything he did lately went wrong, professionally, personally, and otherwise.

Up in the skies, things were simpler. It was humbling to be 20,000 feet above the world and be reminded of how small he was. His life and his problems didn’t really mean anything in the grand scheme of things, and he always knew where he was going. He could take whatever path he wanted, but he would get there. This was in contrast to his life right now, in which he felt that he was running on autopilot, and had no idea what to do next.

Then the phone rang. Tadano snatched it up. It felt like the universe was extending him an olive branch when he heard Haida say,

“Hey. Could we talk?”

Chapter Text

“Yeah, of course,” Tadano replied. He was immediately sitting up straighter.

“Is uh...is this a bad time?”

“No,” Tadano murmured. “No. I just finished with work. I’m free now.”

“Oh, yeah, I saw. You were pretty impressive up there.”

“Thanks.” The conversation stalled awkwardly. They were both standing at the edge of the unknown, and they were afraid to be the first to jump.

Haida took a deep breath and plunged in, “I want to talk about what happened.”

“So do I,” Tadano agreed.

He was so calm about it. Haida didn’t understand how he could be so calm about it. “Uh,” He said. “I know you didn’t mean anything bad, by it…” Haida waited for Tadano to butt in, to try and explain, or apologize, or anything. But the donkey was quiet on the other end of the line. It made Haida conscious of the fact that he was being listened to attentively, and that made him nervous because he had to choose his words carefully. This was not the way he was used to confrontations going.

“I may have overreacted,” he admitted. “I don’t think I realized it in the moment, but I think I was angry because that was the one thing I had left to cling to, and you took it away…”

When he found only quiet on the other end, Haida prompted him nervously, “Tadano?”

“I’m listening. I just don’t want to interrupt you.”

“Oh. Ok. It’s weird being over the phone because I can’t see your face. The silence is uh...intimidating.”

“Yeah, I get what you mean. Would it help for me to speak up more?”

“Yeah, it would.”

“Ok, then I’ll do that. So you were mad because you didn’t want to let go of Retsy?”

“Oh, yeah. Which I’ll be the first to admit, is immature of me. I’m fine, now. But more importantly, it also just felt...gross. It was a personal thing, you know? I understand the sentiment of wanting to help me out but I think where I’m really bothered- is that I wish you would have asked me first. Obviously, friends do stuff for each other all the time without asking, but that’s little stuff. Packing an extra lunch to share, and taking turns paying for drinks, and so on. But what you did was a big thing.”

“Ah,” Tadano leaned back in his seat and stared at the ceiling. “Yeah. I get it.”

Haida rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah?”

“Of course. I overstepped. I’m sorry.”

“Ah,” said Haida, who was not expecting it to be this easy.

“Was that all that you wanted to say?”

“Oh. Yeah.”

“Ok well...thanks, Haida. For letting me know. I’ll be careful to ask you before I take any big actions on your behalf in the future.”

Haida could feel the tension leaving his body, like a rope coming untethered. It was surprising to him, to be met with such openness. Haida often had conversations with Fenneko like this, but they were more one-sided. Fenneko didn’t like to be vulnerable. “Thank you...that’s all I wanted.”

“Understandably. And you’re welcome. Would you mind if I shared my side of things?”

“I mean- it would be hypocritical and selfish of me to say no.”

“Maybe. But it’s ok to be hypocritical and selfish sometimes.”

“Please don’t enable me.”

“Hah, ok...” Tadano smiled and relaxed in his seat. He looked up at the ceiling. He sorted through the bursting file cabinet of his thoughts and took a moment to find the ones that mattered.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” he settled on eventually. “Obviously that’s not what I wanted. From my side of things- I was doing something that could have potentially made you happy for the rest of your life and I wanted you to have that chance.” His tone of voice was measured and thoughtful as he continued.

“I realize now that it wasn’t my call to make. If I could go back and undo it, knowing what I do now, I would. But that isn’t how life works.”

Haida listened in somewhat stunned silence as Tadano told him, “I know that you blame me, but I was acting out of love, and I won’t apologize for that. I won’t feel guilty for being unable to predict the future. Your actions belong to you, and you alone. I feel like your anger was disproportionate because you were blaming me for what happened afterward, and that isn’t fair.”

Haida considered his words and took a careful examination of himself. Tadano’s assessment was true. Haida had been angry with him. He had tried to blame him. But Haida had a lot of time since then to think things over, and even in the heat of the moment, Haida had recognized that he was misplacing his frustration.

Haida took a deep breath and said, “I don’t blame you.”

Tadano stopped. He absorbed that. And then he asked, “Really?”

“Really. I thought a lot about it, and you were right when you said that you didn’t make me do anything. Sure, you influenced me, but I let you. What I did after that isn’t your fault.”

Tadano stared blankly at the interior of his limo and processed this new information. Haida could be really dense when it came to self-reflection sometimes, but that was not the case here. His estimation of Haida rose another notch. “Huh.”

Haida worried that Tadano might misinterpret him, and he felt the need to explain further, “I was hurt by the thing you did. But I’m not angry at you. You’re...we’re friends and it’s nice to know that you’ve got my back. Even if you didn’t go about it in the right way. I mean- everyone screws up. Honestly, it’s kind of a relief to know that you’re not perfect.”

Tadano rubbed his face. “Hah...I screw up all the time, Haida.”

“Doesn’t seem like it. You cover it up pretty well.”

“Oh- I can be more obvious about it if you would like. Would you like to see me fail more?”

“Well- yeah. I mean, wow that sounds bad. No, don’t fail more. Just don’t feel bad about it when you do, is what I mean.”

Tadano chuckled. He covered his face- which didn’t matter because Haida couldn’t see him anyway- and he grinned. It felt like he had been living his life in a dark room, and Haida had just smacked him upside the head and opened the curtains.

Haida was surprised at how relieved Tadano sounded. “Are you ok? Was that all you wanted to say to me?”

“Yeah.” Tadano wiped a tear from his eye and smiled. “Haida you…”

Haida waited. It seemed to take Tadano a long time to finish his thought.

“You’re a good person, you know?”

Haida felt his cheeks heat up. He sat down on the edge of his bed and looked at his bass guitar. “I don’t…”

“You are. Please accept the compliment.”

Haida was stubbornly silent, and so was Tadano. When it was clear that the donkey was not going to give any ground, Haida took a deep breath and said, “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Tadano murmured. “I think I understand you better now. I’m glad you called. Are you happy?”

“I wouldn’t say that I’m happy,” Haida murmured. “But I’m certainly...better. And I appreciate you listening to me. And uh...being so generally chill about everything, I guess.”

“No problem. Was there anything else…?”

“No. Uh. No.”

“Ok.”

“Did you have anything…?” Haida wondered.

“Just one small thing. Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure?”

“It was fun, hanging out with you and Fenneko. Could we do that again sometime?”

Haida laughed, then. He had not been expecting that. “Sure.”

~

Tadano felt ten pounds lighter after they hung up. He was still sitting in his limo, in the same spot, in the same clothes, and yet the world had pivoted on its axis. Haida was not angry with him. Haida had confided in him. Haida appreciated him. Tadano still felt just as much of a fool as before, but in a completely different way now.

Smiling, he touched his heart and told his computer, “That went well, I think.”

Congratulations, sir.

“Thank you. Do I have anything on the schedule for tomorrow?”

Not yet.

“Good. I think I want to look at some apartments. Will you search around for me, ENI-O? I want something low impact. Well- you know what I like.”

Indeed I do, however, I need some more specific parameters.

“Right, uh...within 50 miles of here. One-bedroom. One bath. As simple as you can find.”

There are 44 apartments for sale or rent nearby that meet your requirements.

“Thanks, ENI-O. Save them for me? I’ll look at them tomorrow.”

Understood.

Chapter Text

It was a grey day. Haida hoped that it didn’t rain later. He didn’t have an umbrella with him and it was a bit of a walk to the train station. He was standing by the water cooler and filling up his bottle. The conversation he had with Tadano was fresh in his mind. A part of him was still recovering. He had never been able to resolve a problem with so little effort before. He had become accustomed to tears, and heated arguments, and death metal. And yet, with Tadano, it was as simple as, “I’m sorry. I’ll do better.” Could things really be so easy?

He was spacing out. A throat cleared behind him. Haida had no idea how long he had been standing there, gazing out the window. He turned. “Sorry.”

It was Gori. Haida was both surprised and relieved to see her. “Oh, Hey Gori.”

“Hey, hun. You look like you’ve got something on your mind. You doing ok?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. Just thinking about stuff.”

“Yeah? I don’t mean to pry, but I’ve noticed Tadano’s been pretty down lately too. Has something been going on with you two?”

Haida regarded her with thinly veiled curiosity. “Kind of. Tadano’s been down?”

“Oh, like you wouldn’t believe.”

Haida felt guilty. He also felt a little bit pleased, which made the guilt even worse. “Huh. We had a talk the other day. We had some stuff to sort out.”

“Ah, I see. And did you sort it out?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Gori seemed to be unreasonably pleased by this. “Well, I’m so happy to hear that. You two have been through enough, I’d say. You deserve to find some happiness in each other.”

The hyena smiled faintly and made some room for her so that she could fill up her water bottle. Her word choice puzzled him a little bit. Did she think that they were a couple? He wasn’t good at responding to things in the moment like this. He needed time to process his feelings, but he supposed it was a harmless enough misunderstanding. Feeling conflicted and embarrassed, he chose to move on. “Thanks, Gori. What about you? How’s the app going?”

“Oh- it’s great! I’ve already got some investors and we are going to be launching publicly really soon.”

“Yeah? That’s...pretty impressive, actually.”

Gori blushed, and waved aside the compliment. “Oh you~ You’re so sweet.”

“No- really. I admire that you went out and learned to code and did something with it. You had an idea and you made it happen. I wish that I had that kind of drive and creativity.”

Gori’s smile softened. “We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Most of the time whether we succeed or fail has more to do with knowing when to ask for help, than it does anything else.”

Haida sighed. Everyone around him was so wise and had more life experience than he did. He felt like a goose among swans. “You’re probably right.”

“What do you mean, probably ?” Gori gave him a little smack on the back of his head.

“I mean you’re right!” Haida grimaced. “Geeze, it seems like I always get smacked around you.”

“I’ll stop smacking you when you start gaining some confidence, boy. OWN your flaws. Make your mistakes loud and proud. That’s how you grow.”

“Yes, mam.”

Gori shook her head, exasperated.

~

When he got back to his desk, Haida had a new message waiting for him on his phone.

‘How’s things?’
- Tadano

‘Things are ok. But it looks like it’s going to rain today and I forgot my umbrella.’
- Haida

‘Haha, I’ve been there. You’ve got a coat, right?’
- Tadano

‘Yeah, I do.’
- Haida

‘Good. You busy tonight?’
- Tadano

‘Nope.’
- Haida

‘Want to grab some dinner? I’ve got some good news to share.’
- Tadano

‘For sure! I’ve been craving soba.’
- Haida

‘Soba it is.’
- Tadano

‘But not good soba. Cheap, fast soba.’
- Haida

‘Ok, was there a place you had in mind?’
- Tadano

‘Yeah, there’s this spot around the block that I go to sometimes. It’s not good, but there is no other place that tastes like it and I’ve just got a craving I guess.’
- Haida

‘Sure, why not? I’ll meet you when you get off, then?’
- Tadano

‘Sounds like a plan.’
- Haida

~

Of course it was pouring by the time the clock struck five. Again, Retsuko was already in the elevator. Haida didn’t blame her. He was a little bit behind because he had spent too long talking to Gori at the water cooler today, so he stuck around for a bit to finish up.

Fenneko pushed out her chair and stretched. “Don’t stay too late. We have enough work-a-holics in this office as it is.”

“I won’t be long,” Haida agreed. His phone buzzed again, and he spared it a glance.

‘In the lobby. Brought an extra umbrella ☂️’
- Tadano

“That’s quite a smile,” Fenneko observed.

The smile in question faltered, and Haida slipped his phone back into his pocket. “Uh, yeah…” He still felt uncomfortable talking to Fenneko about this. He had a lot of things that he wanted to sort through for himself, first.

Fenneko seemed to sense that he wasn’t ready to address it yet because she just nodded to him and said, “I’m just glad to see that you’re feeling better.” She pushed in her chair. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Haida softened. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Haida got up and started to pack his things, he smiled to himself. He had a lot of people in his life who cared about him, he was realizing lately. He owed it to them to be better. And he owed it to himself. He was alone today as he took the elevator, but he wasn’t lonely.

Haida had gotten used to a lot of disappointment in his life. He was one of those kids who was a teacher’s pet in school. He got most of his validation and sense of self-worth from authority figures. This bled into his present-day work ethic. Fenneko called him ass-kisser, and that was probably true. He wanted to be well-liked, but maybe he tried too hard. He had gotten better with that as he had grown older. He wasn’t socially awkward or anything. Was he?

He supposed even if he was, that was ok. He had friends who liked him anyways. And he was starting to like himself, too. He didn’t need to be level-headed or technologically brilliant like Tadano, or witty and blunt like Fenneko. He was kind, and he was funny. He liked black-cherry icecream and punk music and he was sort of decent at computer programing. That was enough.

These were Haida’s elevator thoughts as he sunk down to the ground floor. He felt good.

Then he stepped into the lobby and saw Retsuko and Tadano standing together by the entrance. The donkey was holding an umbrella out to her. He had a warm look in his eyes, and raindrops in his hair. He was handsome, and the look Retsuko was giving him was profound and sad. Haida stopped in his tracks. It felt like he had been hit by a brick. He wasn’t sure which was worse, the way he was looking at her, or the way she was looking at him.

Half of him was fully aware of the fact that he was over-reacting and he was behaving like an idiot. They were adults. They could love who they wanted. It wasn’t a personal affront to Haida, and it didn’t say anything about his own worth. But the other half of him was too busy indulging his deepest fears for him to notice.

Their words drifted to him across the lobby and Haida did not recognize them. He had the processing power of an abacus, and the rest of the world was running on a solid-state drive. He watched like a tree rooted to the floor as Retsuko turned away from him and left the building. Eventually, he realized what must be happening. Retsuko had forgotten her umbrella too. Was she really going to walk out into the rain like that?

No. Tadano followed her. Their forms were blurred by the condensation on the windows, but a distant part of Haida registered that she eventually accepted the umbrella from him. Good. That was good.

Eventually, his feet started to move of their own accord, and he walked towards them. It felt like he was wading through molasses. By the time he fully rebooted, he was standing beside the door, and Tadano was stepping back inside.

There was a heaviness to the donkey’s expression that melted like butter when he saw Haida. “Hey, Haida,” he said. “It looks like we’ve just got the one umbrella today.”

And Haida felt like an idiot because of course, he didn’t have anything to be afraid of. This was Tadano, and Tadano was looking at him as if he was the whole world.

~
20 minutes previous.

Tadano walked up the steps of the office building and made peace with the rain. He had two umbrellas at his side, neither of which he decided to open because it was only 30 feet from his limo to the building, and he was too lazy to bother with them for such a brief amount of time.

As such, he was damp by the time he got to the lobby. It didn’t really bother him. Tadano took a seat on a bench to wait and yawned. He lay the umbrellas on the bench beside him and pulled out his phone.

‘In the lobby. Brought an extra umbrella ☂️’
- Tadano

The donkey waited around for a while. He had gotten here a little early on purpose so that he could have a few moments to himself. He enjoyed the quiet and the sound of rain on the sidewalk outside. It was coming down harder now. Tadano loved days like this. He slept better on rainy days, for some reason.

The elevator dinged. Tadano was so wrapped up in his appreciation for the weather that he almost didn’t notice the little red panda hurrying across the lobby.

Retsuko seemed to be wrapped up in her own something too because she passed him and made it to the door before realizing who he was. She froze just as she grabbed the handle, her eyes growing wide with recognition. “Tadano?” And then she turned and stared at him.

Tadano felt something turn over in his chest. It was a familiar feeling. It was bittersweet. It was like nostalgia. “Hey, Retsy,” he smiled at her. She looked like she was doing well. He was pleased by that.

Retsuko let go of the door handle and walked over to him. He stood to meet her and picked up his umbrellas.

“What are you doing here?” She asked him. While she was making a commendable effort to be polite and she was wearing a friendly smile, Tadano could tell that she was uncomfortable.

Tadano rubbed the back of his neck and smiled sheepishly. “I was waiting for Haida, actually. It’s good to see you, though. How have you been?”

“Haida?” Retsuko blinked.

“Yeah. Turns out we have a lot in common. We’re gonna go grab some soba after this. You uh...you want to join in? I’m sure Haida- ”

“Oh, um, I’ve got somewhere to be, but thanks, Tadano.” Retsuko seemed to relax a little bit.“It’s good to see you too. I was just surprised. It’s just um...it’s just a little bit awkward, I guess.”

“Haha, yeah a little. But it doesn’t have to be. There are no weird or hard feelings on my end, anyway.” Tadano regarded her with gentle, half-lidded eyes, and she looked away.

“There’s none on mine, either.” She said. “I just need some space, I think. And I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“No- no it’s fine. You don’t have anything to apologize for. You have business here, anyway, so it was inevitable.”

“Should I let you know if I’m going to be around here again?”

“No, you don’t have to do that. You have just as much right to be here as I do. Have fun with Haida, ok? I’m glad you’re doing well and making some new friends...you deserve it. I’m...going to go now.”

“Ok,” Tadano agreed with a mild smile. “Take care of yourself, Retsy.”

Retsuko offered him a small smile, and then went back to the door. She hesitated.

Tadano realized after a belated moment what was bothering her. “Do you have an umbrella?”

She blushed and muttered, “It wasn’t supposed to rain today.”

Tadano walked over to her. He offered her one of his.

She knew he was going to do that. She looked up at him heavily. “Tadano-”

“I can drive. You have to walk. And I have two of them. It’s fine, Retsy. You can keep it, even. No obligation to give it back.”

Gently, Retsuko pushed the umbrella back at him. She smiled. “I know. It’s ok.”

“But-”

“I don’t want any more help. I’ll be fine on my own. Don’t worry about me.” And then, holding his gaze for another moment, and with a bittersweet smile, she opened the door and stepped outside.

Tadano watched her go and felt a part of himself go with her. Why was she so stubborn? It was just an umbrella. Then, realizing how stupid this was, he followed her. Retsy was going to get absolutely soaked and possibly sick because she didn’t want his help? Haida’s words came back to him in a rush and he called after her from the doorway, “You would do the same for me, wouldn’t you?”

Retsuko stopped.

“What’s the point of having friends if you can’t rely on them?” Tadano asked. And then he held the umbrella out to her.

Retsuko turned and stared at him.

“I don’t want you to get sick,” Tadano said.

Tears welled up in Retsuko’s eyes and something softened in her. She took it.

~

Walking back into the lobby, Tadano was surprised to find Haida standing just beyond the door, staring at him. Tadano read confliction and confusion on his face. It was unclear how much of the conversation that Haida had heard, but Tadano didn’t feel the need to explain, nor did he feel ashamed. He felt like he had done the right thing. Tadano offered him a faint smile. “Hey, Haida. It looks like we’ve just got the one umbrella today.”

“Yeah,” Haida said in a daze. “Thank you.”

“Are you ok?” Tadano asked.

Haida nodded. “Yeah. I’m fine. I’m glad you were able to help her...I don’t think she would have listened if it were coming from me.”

Tadano squeezed his shoulder and replied, “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Haida had an almost overwhelming urge to hug him, but he stopped himself because they were in the lobby and he could feel some of his coworkers casting them curious looks. Instead, he opened the door for Tadano and said, “Let’s go.”

Tadano smiled and stepped outside. He opened the umbrella and waited for Haida to join him, which he did, gladly.

Chapter Text

They sat down at the bar together and Haida could not resist spinning in his chair at least once. It was one of those red barstools that spun around 180 degrees and then brought you back to where you started. Haida felt like a rotary telephone.

“I’ll have the soba, please,” Tadano told the bartender as he folded the umbrella and tucked it away.

Haida glanced at him and said, “You don’t have to get that just because I’m getting that.”

“I want to try it,” Tadano smiled at him. “You like it, so it can’t be that bad.”

Haida shook his head. “Like is a strong word.”

“Ok, so maybe it’s that bad. But it’s ok to like mediocre things.”

“Ok, fine,” Haida chuckled. “I like it.”

“Cool! A soba for him too, please.” Tadano looked pleased with himself and paid for their meal.

Haida allowed it because it was dirt cheap, and he didn’t want to risk wiping the smile off his face. He let Tadano have his moment. Then he smiled and turned in his chair to face him. He had to hook his legs around the stool to keep it from pulling him back. “So. What’s the good news?”

“Oh, yeah,” The donkey hummed. “I got an apartment.”

“What? That’s amazing!”

“Haha, yeah-”

“Do you have any pictures?”

“Oh…” Tadano looked thoughtful. “No.”

“You got an apartment and you didn’t take any pictures?”

“Was I supposed to?”

“Dude, how are you going to get your security deposit back? You need pictures for insurance and stuff.”

“Huh. But that’s just if you move out, right?”

“I mean- I guess. Is this a forever place for you? What if you want to...I don’t know. Get married. Start a family. Or just upgrade?”

“Oh, I’m not going to want that.”

Haida absorbed this information as the bartender placed steaming bowls of cheap soba in front of them.

“Thank you,” Tadano said to the bartender, who nodded but otherwise ignored them.

“You don’t want to start a family?” Haida asked.

“Well- I don’t want to have kids. But family can mean all sorts of things. I think, um,” Tadano glanced at Haida. “If I found the right person or people to share my life with, I would like that. I don’t want to be alone. What about you?”

Haida poked at his noodles. “I always saw myself getting married and having kids someday.”

Tadano uttered a subdued, “Oh,” in response.

“But, I mean. I always saw myself doing a lot of things. I thought I was gonna be a rock star. I thought I was gonna be really cool and have lots of money and be famous or something.”

Tadano’s eyes rose to meet Haida’s, and they were soft.

Haida could only hold his gaze for a brief moment before he had to look away. “What I mean to say is that I’m not gonna close any doors to myself, you know? Just because I always pictured my life going one way, doesn’t mean that I’ve failed if my path leads me somewhere else. Who knows. You can’t predict the future. I’m not going to artificially steer my life in one direction because I think it will make me happy. I’m just going to try and find things that make me happy now, and see where that gets me.”

“Huh,” Tadano smiled. “I will drink to that.”

“We don’t have any drinks.”

“Not yet, we don’t.” Tadano waved the bartender over, and Haida grinned.

~

Two beers later, and Haida was leaning his elbow against the bar and giving Tadano a lopsided smile. “What do you like to think about?~”

“Huh?” The look he gave Haida was fond. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re a real philosophical guy, aren’t you? You always seem to have something important on your mind.”

“The same sort of things that you like to think about, I imagine,” Tadano’s answering smile was warm. He handled his alcohol with a great deal more decorum than Haida did.

“I hope not,” said Haida. “And this isn’t about me right now. I am trying to learn about you.”

“You care a lot about knowing people,” Tadano observed.

“Yeah, I do. To be known is to be loved, and all that.” Haida watched Tadano take another bite of his soba before asking, “Do you want to be known?”

The donkey raised his eyes from his half-empty bowl to look at Haida. He wasn’t sure if Haida understood the implications of what he had just asked. “Yes,” He kept his voice carefully level. “You can ask me anything you want.”

Haida looked pleased. He didn’t appear nervous at all. If he were intentionally flirting, he would have been more awkward about it, Tadano was sure. “I want to know what you think about when you’re alone,” Haida said, “What do you like to do? Do you spend all your time writing code?”

“No, haha. I think a little bit about everything, I suppose.”

“Everything? Like- life the universe and everything?”

“Kind of? It’s not usually so grandiose. I spend a lot of time thinking about the people I care about, and my place in the world. How to make a difference. That sort of thing.”

“Got any answers?”

Tadano blinked at him. Then he looked around the crummy noodle shack they were in, at the faded picture on the wall of the bartender posing with a large fish, and at the holiday lights strung up in the rafters. “Do you really want to have a conversation about the meaning of life right now?”

Haida hummed in agreement. “I’m trying to get to know you better.”

The donkey colored slightly and looked away. He seemed to give the matter some great thought. “I don’t know why there has to be a meaning,” he said eventually.

Haida shook his head. “Well, there has got to be, right? Otherwise, what is the point of anything?”

“Maybe the point is just to exist,” he replied. His eyes were blue, and they studied Haida with good humor. “People care too much about knowing everything. Sometimes it’s better to just appreciate the good thing you have. Knowing why it is would take the fun out of it.”

“Booo,” teased Haida. “Go write a book.”

Tadano laughed. “Ok, well what’s your answer, then?”

“I think the meaning of life is love.”

“Of course you do.”

“Wait- I want to explain.”

Tadano rested his chin in his hand and regarded him warmly. “Go ahead.”

Haida laughed. He was flustered. “Well- it’s like this, right? We live our lives, and we brush against the people around us, like ripples on water. Our waves influence each other. So, my point is to leave good ripples. I want to leave something kind behind when I’m gone. It doesn’t have to be some great, world-changing thing. Maybe it’s as simple as what we are doing right now, making a happy memory. And someday, you’ll remember this moment, and it will make you smile. And then you’ll make someone else smile. And that will happen over, and over again so that I’m never really gone. I’m just rippling out. I’m just part of the ocean now. And that’s life. That’s death. That’s what it means.”

Tadano’s smile had slowly faded as Haida spoke, and now he was looking at him with something raw in his eyes.

Haida blinked at him. “Is that stupid?”

“No. That’s beautiful.”

“Really?” Haida asked, “Because I feel like it didn’t make any sense-”

“No, it did. It did to me, anyway.”

The hyena looked away. “You’re always saying stuff like that.”

“Huh?”

“You know, whenever I start to second guess myself, you always come back at me with something like that. It makes me feel like less of an idiot, so thanks.”

“Oh, Haida,” Tadano suddenly looked exhausted. He took a swig of his beer.

“I know I know- I need to be more confident.”

“No, it’s not just that.” The donkey set down his bottle and gave Haida a serious look. “It’s that you think my opinion changes anything about you.”

Haida felt like he was saying something important. He squinted at Tadano, but it didn’t make his words any clearer.

Tadano rolled his eyes. It was the most affectionate eye-roll Haida had ever seen. “Listen, Haida. You were important before I met you. You are important now. And you will continue to be important after I’m gone. What I think about you has nothing to do with it. It’s just my opinion. That’s all.”

Haida gazed at him quietly for a moment and then said, “But it matters to me.”

Color flushed Tadano’s cheeks. He laughed a little and said, “The feeling is mutual. But I’m afraid you’ve missed the point.”

“It’s a talent of mine,” Haida agreed.

Tadano shook his head and sighed. The moment hung between them for some time before the donkey replied with a softness that Haida had not been expecting, “Maybe it’s something you just have to figure out for yourself.”

“Oh, I...I get what you’re saying,” Haida said. “And I appreciate it. I’m just deflecting with humor. It’s a coping mechanism.”

Tadano shook his head.

“I’m not actually THAT dumb,” Haida continued.

Tadano smiled. “I know.”

Haida looked up at the ceiling. He was embarrassed. “Thank you,” he said, quietly.

Tadano reached out and gave his hand a little pat. “It’s getting pretty late.”

“Yeah,” The hyena glanced at his phone and grimaced at the time. “I have to work tomorrow.”

“Do you want a ride home?”

“In the limo?” Haida was eager.

“Yeah.”

“Can I look at your computer?”

“If you want to.”

“IF I want to?” Haida grinned. “Who do you take me for? Tell me about your specs. Do you have any schematics? What do you think is the best CPU on the market right now for home builds?”

Tadano stood and picked up his umbrella. “That depends on what you want to do with it. Why don’t I just show you?”

“Ok,” said Haida. His tail was wagging.

~

When Haida got home that night, he didn’t bother turning the lights on. He kicked his shoes off at the door, walked over to his bed, and flopped down face-first on the comforter. He was happy.

Chapter Text

Against all odds, Haida continued to be happy. He woke up as if from a sweet dream, smiling. He made his breakfast and took the time to cut up some fruit into neat pieces to go along with his toast. It was a small thing but seeing all the colors on his plate made it taste better, somehow.

He brushed his teeth, put on his tie, and looked at himself in the mirror. “You’re a good person,” he told himself. He didn’t entirely believe it, but it still felt good to say.

Then, humming, he checked his pockets for his phone and keys and left for work.

Even when he was on the train and he realized that he forgot his lunch, he still felt light. It was a minor inconvenience. Maybe he would take a walk to the gas station and get a sandwich. Maybe even some pudding. It felt like a pudding kind of day.

He sat in his squeaky office chair and turned on his computer. He opened his binder. He started on his work, and his mind wandered. What were some appropriate housewarming gifts to give someone?

Fenneko was staring at him from across the desk.

He smiled at her.

She raised her eyebrows and pointedly shuffled her papers for a moment before going back to work.

~

At lunchtime, she walked with him to the food-mart. “You are floating, dude.”

“Am I?” Haida wondered.

“Got some good news?” Fenneko examined him carefully. She was pleased to see him so bright, and a little concerned that it may be for a stupid reason.

“No, not really. Just having a good day.”

“That’s good,” said the fox. The doorbell jingled as they stepped into the little shop.

Haida made a bee-line for the refrigerated section to scrutinize the pudding. Fenneko shook her head and went to inspect the magazines. She liked staying up to date on celebrity drama. It was a few minutes before Haida found her again. He was carrying a plastic-wrapped sandwich and a chocolate pudding in a paper bag. “Anything interesting?” he asked her.

“Not particularly,” Fenneko shrugged and put back the gaming magazine she had been inspecting back on the shelf. It had a picture of the sexy unicorn on the cover.

Haida was just about to say something smart about it when he spotted the tips of some purple ears on the shelf behind it. Immediately, Haida shifted the weight of his lunch under one arm and reached out to pick up the magazine. It was an edition of Tech Geek that he didn’t have yet. The picture was from the press release Tadano had given the week prior. Haida liked his sharp suit and the easy smile on his face. He pretended to read the cover for a long time.

Fenneko glanced at the magazine and then back at Haida, “Just buy it…”

“...yeah,” he agreed. “I don’t have this one yet.” He took it up to the counter.

~

“Oh,” said Haida. It was 4:30 pm. He was looking at his phone. They were back at work and pretending to be busy until it was time to clock out.

Fenneko sighed and asked, “What is it?”

Haida showed her the text.

‘Hey, Haida. Want to see the new place?”
- Tadano

Fenneko’s eyes grew round. “An invitation to hang out at a millionaire’s apartment? Sign me the fuck up.”

Haida laughed a little bit and said, “I’m sure he would be cool with you tagging along.”

“Hell yeah, do you think he has a bar? I bet he does.”

~

It was a box with eggshell walls. The floor was hardwood with linoleum in the kitchen. The laminate clung to his soles and made sticky sounds whenever Haida walked on it. An electric stove. A futon. A tiny refrigerator. This place looked like the inside of a tissue box.

“Hmm,” said Haida. “It’s...how do I put this…”

“It sucks,” said Fenneko.

Haida elbowed her.

“Does it?” Tadano wondered. He looked around with the hint of a smile. “I think it’s good. I don’t need much.”

“I think it’s great,” Haida lied and offered Tadano the box he had brought with him.

“What’s this?” Tadano asked.

“It’s a housewarming present. Sorry, I didn’t have time to wrap it.”

“Oh,” Tadano softened. “I wasn’t expecting anything. You didn’t have to do that.”

“Haha- It’s nothing,” Haida rubbed the back of his neck.

“Should I open it now?”

“Sure, if you want to.”

With a twinkle in his eye, Tadano carried the little box over to the kitchen counter to open it. It was the most politically correct, affordable, bland gift you could give to someone as a housewarming present. It was a vanilla candle.

But Tadano was looking at it as if it were a precious treasure. He was genuinely touched. “Thank you. Vanilla is my favorite.”

“I know,” Haida blushed.

Tadano placed it on the counter and smiled. “I will have to get a table so that I have somewhere to put it.”

Fenneko chuckled, “Normally you get candles for tables, not the other way around.”

“It’s good to take care of things that are important to you,” Tadano replied. In saying so, he adjusted the way the candle was facing on the counter and hummed to himself. “Can I get either of you something to drink?”

Fenneko noted Haida’s wagging tail. “Sure,” she said. She was quietly hoping that a secret bar would materialize out of a wall or something. But no- Tadano walked over to his mini-fridge and pulled out some bottles of water. She resigned herself to an ordinary evening.

~

Afterward, Fenneko convinced Haida to go out for some proper drinks. It was while nursing one such beverage that Haida asked her, “Do I have a problem?”

“Yes,” Fenneko was absorbed in her katsudon. “You will have to be more specific.”

“I think I like Tadano.”

“Oh,” Fenneko lifted her head. She was shocked to hear him admit it. Haida had not said those words since he started crushing on Retsuko. It had been years. Even with Inui, he had danced around it and pointedly avoided any opportunity to openly acknowledge it. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t know,” Haida admitted. “I mean- I’ve always admired him. It’s hard to tell how much is me really liking him or me wanting to be him.”

“Hm,” said Fenneko. “I don’t think that’s healthy.”

“I know. I need to get better with not comparing myself to other people,” Haida idly pushed his napkin around on the table.

“Is that the problem you’re asking about? Comparing yourself to others?” He had Fenneko’s full attention now. She was studying him, but it was with good intent.

Not for the first time Haida was grateful to have her on his side. He trusted her to give him an honest opinion with his best interest at heart, even if it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “No,” he said. “I’m worried that I have a bad habit of latching onto people that I can’t ever hope to be with.”

Fenneko stared at him for a moment. She frowned. “Hm. Maybe.”

Haida groaned and rubbed his face. That was not what he wanted to hear.

“Well, before you get all dismal about it, what makes you think that you don’t have a shot?”

Haida sighed. “Well he’s…”

Fenneko waited.

“...super-rich and attractive and could probably be with anyone he wanted to be with.”

“Ok, let’s think about this logically though, Haida. Who does he want to be with?”

“Uh…Retsuko?”

“Wrong. That bullet’s been shot, and the horse is dead.”

Haida winced at the imagery and rested his chin on his hand. “I don’t know, then,” he regarded his friend glumly. “He hasn’t really talked to me about ex’s. I don’t know if he has a type…”

“Even if he did, they are exes for a reason. Why would you want to be like them?”

“Huh,” said Haida, who was always impressed by Fenneko’s ability to break down complicated things into simple parts. “That’s a good point.”

“Have you tried flirting? Does he respond well to your attention?”

Haida frowned. “He’s kind of the same...everywhere, all the time. He’s always so relaxed. I don’t know if I have ever seen him get nervous with me.”

“Just because you get nervous when you like somebody doesn’t mean that he does. Maybe he shows it in different ways. Think about it- is there anything else he does that could be interpreted romantically?”

“He uh...I guess he does text me a lot.”

“Ok…”

“He usually responds pretty quickly. We do a lot of things together. He likes to take me out to eat. We both like food, I guess.”

“How often do you two hang out?”

“A few times a week…”

“Uh-huh. Does he make time like that for his other friends?”

“Well, he and Gori spend a lot of time together.”

“They work together.”

“Right,” Haida agreed. He rubbed the back of his neck. “Um...he bought me a hotel room...he came to work just to bring me an umbrella...I don’t know, Fenneko. It’s not really the big things, it’s the little things. Like how he listens to me like what I have to say is the most important thing in the world. But I don’t know if that’s an indication of anything romantic or not. I mean- you listen to me, too.”

“Yeah. There’s certainly some overlap with platonic and romantic love. But for argument’s sake let's focus on the latter. He also tried very hard to make a good impression on me,” Fenneko helped him out a little. “I suspect because he knows that I am important to you. And he cares about things that are important to you.”

Haida blinked. “But that’s just him being a good person.”

“He might like you, Haida.”

“Why???”

“Why does anyone like anyone? The heart is a mystery.”

“I just- I don’t know if he does- but if he did- that would be insane? What do I have to offer?”

“Why don’t you ask him yourself?”

“No way.”

“Why don’t you try to hold his hand and see what happens?”

“Absolutely not. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, it’s really important to me.”

“Then do nothing and never find out.” Fenneko shrugged and resumed her meal, which had grown disappointingly luke-warm.

Haida rested his head against the table in typical conflicted Haida fashion and was ignored until Fenneko had finished her dinner.

~

Haida gasped on the taxi ride home.

“What,” said Fenneko. She was grumpy. She was buzzed and half asleep next to him. They were stuck in traffic.

“Tadano texted me. He wants to hang out on Thursday.”

“And this is shocking because…?”

“What should I do?”

“Show up with a dozen roses and profess your undying love- or let me sleep.”

“Oh I can’t do that,” Haida worried. “That would never work.”

“You are your own worst enemy,” replied Fenneko, who was slipping back into unconsciousness.

“Ugh.” Haida scowled at his own reflection on his phone screen. “I know. Maybe I should suggest we go somewhere with a more romantic tone? See how he responds?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Fenneko mumbled.

“Maybe a garden,” Haida daydreamed. “Or a park. What are some good parks around here…” He was talking to himself by this point. “Oh. What about Rikugien gardens?”

Fenneko replied with a snore. Haida hardly noticed.

Chapter Text

Tadano waited by the entrance to Rikugien gardens with his hands tucked into the fleece pockets of his sweatshirt. He had been pleasantly surprised by Haida’s suggestion to come here. This felt different. It felt nice. It was a mystery that he was looking forward to solving. What was the special occasion?

It could, of course, be nothing at all. A walk between friends in the park. That would be lovely, too.

But when Haida came jogging up the sidewalk to meet him, Tadano quickly determined that this was not the case.

Haida was visibly nervous. He was panting from the jog, and his hands were fumbling. They could not decide how to greet Tadano. Eventually, one of them gave him an awkward pat on the arm. “Hey,” he said. “You look comfortable. You really like that sweatshirt, huh?”

“Oh, yeah.” Tadano gave him a warm smile. He tried to put Haida at ease by visibly projecting comfort. “I got it at an airport in Dublin. I really liked Dublin.”

“No kidding?” It seemed to work. Haida’s shoulders softened, and he followed Tadano to the entrance. In a short time, they were walking down the well-worn path together. “Is there anywhere in the world you haven’t been yet?”

“For sure,” Tadano smiled and admired the grass, and the trees, and the frog-song. “I’ve never been to Portugal. Or Alaska.”

“Huh,” Haida thought aloud. “What do you think is the most beautiful place in the world?”

Tadano felt himself smile and he gave Haida a warm look. He thought that Haida’s apartment was beautiful. It felt lived in, and loved. He still wanted to hear him play that bass guitar. When he opened his mouth to give him a more socially acceptable answer, “Africa,” is what fell out.

One of Haida’s large ears flicked in surprise. “Africa?”

“It's a beautiful place,” Tadano replied with more enthusiasm as his memory stirred. “It's not just a big desert like they show in movies. There are mountains. Waterfalls. The pyramids. The Serengeti. Not to mention the different cultures and food and music. The history."

“Hm. I never thought much about going to Africa. But you’re making me reconsider.”

“I’ll take you there,” Tadano offered with no hesitation or shame.

Haida laughed, rubbed the back of his neck, and looked away. “I couldn’t get the time off work…”

Tadano glanced at him, and then back at the trees. They were coming up to a bridge overlooking the stream that wound its way through the park. “Yeah,” he agreed softly. “I guess not.”

Haida stopped on the bridge and watched the water on its smooth journey below. Tadano lingered with him and followed his gaze.

“Tadano,” Haida’s voice cracked.

Tadano looked up at him. “Yes?”

“Do you remember early on when we had dinner at that sushi joint?”

“I do.”

Haida smiled a little, “We talked about labels.”

“Ah.”

“Do you still feel the same way about them?”

Tadano hesitated as he combed through the vaults of his memory. He struggled to recall much of the conversation at all. He remembered hearing Haida laugh for the first time that day. It was a good day. “You may need to be more specific.”

“Sorry, um...do you still think that labels are unnecessary and that they do a disservice to the complexity of animal relationships?”

Tadano was embarrassed to recognize his own words. “Oh. Yes, and no.”

Haida scoffed a little at his incredibly unhelpful answer.

It made Tadano smile. “I’m sorry. It doesn’t help that this is such a broad subject. I still think labels can be constricting and limiting, yes. But they can also be comforting and...I liked the way you worded it. Help people make sense of the world?”

“Yeah,” Haida chuckled and looked at his hands. They were gripping the rails of the bridge tightly. “...yeah.”

Tadano, who made an art of studying Haida, was acutely aware of how uncomfortable the hyena was at this moment. That would not do at all.“What’s up, Haida?”

“I, uh,” Haida swallowed. “I really- I was thinking. Um. We are good friends. And I will always be your friend. But I was wondering how attached you are to that label? Exclusively?”

Tadano was stunned for a moment, but it was only a brief one. Almost immediately, something relaxed in him. Oh. He had been worried that this would be something serious, but all of this stress and nervousness was borne out of love. It was just love. “Haida,” he assured him warmly. “You can put whatever label you want on us. It doesn’t matter to me. Just as long as you are happy.”

Haida’s shoulders softened, and he rubbed his face. He looked exasperated. “I like you, Tadano.”

“I like you too,” the donkey replied immediately.

Haida laughed softly, and then frowned and looked at him for a long, serious moment.

Tadano’s smile faded. He wasn’t sure what Haida was searching for but it appeared that he didn’t find it because he shortly asked,

“Do you really?”

“Yes,” Tadano studied him, worried.

“...Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t want to complicate things for you. And I don’t need us to be anything more than we are.”

“If I didn’t bring this up, would you ever have told me?”

“Probably not.”

“Tadano, why? If you are feeling things you can’t just bottle them up forever.”

(Tadano was pretty sure that he could).

“It’s not healthy,” Haida continued. “I want to know about the things you are thinking and feeling. It’s not fair to make me push to find out what’s going on with you.”

Tadano felt uneasy and conflicted. He looked into the stream below them and chose his words carefully, “It doesn't feel important most of the time. I would rather you be comfortable. What we have is good. I don't want to overcomplicate things."

“That’s a problem, Tadano! You get why that’s a problem, right?”

The donkey’s silence was an answer in itself.

“Tadano,” Haida snapped.

Tadano looked at him with sad, half-lidded blue eyes.

“Your feelings are important,” Haida growled. He was deeply frustrated. The low rumble in his throat made Tadano’s ears prick up. It was a new and interesting sound. “I can handle being uncomfortable. I’m not going to run away if we aren't always on the same page,” The hyena continued. “Don’t give up on communicating with me before you give me the chance. You’re always telling me that I matter and that I deserve to be happy. So don’t be a hypocrite.”

For a moment, Tadano was actually offended. But then he allowed himself to absorb Haida’s words, and he forced himself to really consider them. Begrudgingly, he could see that Haida had a point. Also begrudgingly, he recognized the avoidance of his feelings for Haida was a defense mechanism. Somewhere deep down he was afraid. He had messed up with Retsuko by assuming that they had wanted the same thing. Now, perhaps, he was overcompensating by being hyper-sensitive to Haida’s needs. And maybe Haida was right. That wasn’t fair to either of them.

So, frightened that the door he was opening was not one he could close, Tadano reached for Haida’s hand. It felt like he was jumping blind, not knowing if he was going to find the next step, or tumble into an abyss. Their hands found each other on the bridge. Haida’s palm turned to meet him and their fingers intertwined. It was warm.

It was the reassurance he needed. “I love you,” Tadano told him.

The moment hung between them for a few precious seconds before Haida nodded and met his gaze. He squeezed his hand.

And then Haida’s eyes started to water.

“Haida,” Tadano worried. He patted his pockets, but he didn’t have any tissues on him.

“How are you so damn calm all the time?” Haida demanded.

Tadano didn’t know how to answer that question, because it was not at all accurate.

“You love me?” Haida continued, full of emotion. “I- I don’t-”

“You don’t have to say it back,” Tadano reassured him gently.

“But what does love even mean to you? You said you don’t like labels, you don’t want to get married or start a family, so I’m not sure…”

Tadano’s answer was simple and warm. “Making ripples with you.”

Haida grew still as he processed those words. And then he took a big sniff and wiped his eyes. He nodded.

Tadano smiled at him. “I know you feel that I don’t tell you much of what’s going on with me...but I think maybe you’re overestimating how much I feel. It doesn’t take much to make me happy. I don’t want or expect anything from you. I just like being around you. I like making memories with you.”

“Is that a nice way of saying that I over-think things too much?” Haida scoffed softly.

“Make of it what you will,” Tadano brushed his thumb over Haida’s knuckles.

Haida nodded. And then frowned. “Wait-”

“Hm?”

“Have we been going on dates this whole time?”

“It’s not a date unless both parties consent to it. So no.”

“How many of them would you have consented to being dates???”

“Pretty much all of them.”

“Oh my god. Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“You had enough to worry about.”

“Ugh."

“Is this a date?” Tadano wondered.

“Yes!”

“Oh,” The donkey smiled. “This was a good suggestion, then.”

“Are we dating now?!” Haida demanded.

“If you would like.”

“Oh my god. You are insufferable. Yes.”

“Ok,” Tadano agreed warmly.

“You’re my boyfriend now,” Haida clarified.

“That has a nice ring to it.”

“Cool. Great. Well, I’m glad we got that straightened out.” Haida shook his head and smiled. “You- um...hm.”

Tadano waited for him to finish his thought and enjoyed the beautiful afternoon.

“You want to go get some Ramen with me?” Haida asked him eventually.

Tadano hummed and turned to look at him. His gaze was warm. “Yes, I do.”

“Cool,” said Haida. “Very cool. Super cool.”

And so they did.

Chapter Text

The city was alive and thriving despite the late hour and the pouring rain. Haida smiled and watched the raindrops percussive descent down the ramen shop window. The water glowed in pinpricks of red and blue from the neon sign above the door.

“This is a lot of rain for December,” the hyena observed. He was full, and warm, and happy.

“Climate change,” Tadano agreed. He was sitting on the barstool beside him, an exact mirror of where they had been sitting on that fateful day Haida had first come to Hokkaido.

It had been a pathetic waste of his time, money, and heart to buy that plane ticket. It had also opened a door that turned out to be exactly what he needed to move on. It’s funny how life does that to a person. The best and worst of it are often the same thing.

Haida turned his gaze from the window to look at his friend and partner.

Tadano’s gaze had already been on him, and he smiled as their eyes met.

“What are you thinking about?” Haida asked him.

“How strange and wonderful the world can be,” Tadano replied. “What are you thinking about?” He had a vague, sleepy sort of look in his eyes. His mind was floating somewhere far away and peaceful while his body responded for him like an automatic voice messaging system.

Haida hummed and drummed his fingertips on the laminate countertop. “I’m trying to remember the lyrics to this old song from a musical...”

“Oh?” Mild interest. “I didn’t know you liked musicals.”

“I don’t. But there’s this one I always think about on days like this. My mom used to sing it to me. I always get it stuck in my head, but I only remember the first verse of the chorus.”

“What is it?” Tadano’s eyes brightened at the prospect of getting to hear Haida sing.

Haida was pleased. “Take a wild guess.”

Tadano glanced at the rainy window. Across the street, a vendor was hanging up holiday decorations. After a few moments of deliberation, he was forced to admit, “I don’t really like musicals, either.”

“It’s singing in the rain.”

“Oh. Duh. Well, you can look up the lyrics, can’t you? You’ve got a computer in your pocket.”

“I could do that. But you said it yourself- knowing everything takes the fun out of it.”

Tadano laughed, “That’s not quite what I meant.”

“I’m singing in the rain,” Haida sang. There were two other people in the Ramen shop, one of whom was the cook, and both of them gave him a look.

Tadano’s eyes wrinkled as he smiled a large, unrestrained smile.

“Just singing in the rain,” Haida continued. He got up and did a little spin on his heel. He was not quite drunk enough to actually dance. “What a glorious feeling, It’s raining again. I’m singing in the rain. I’m still singing in the rain. This is an awful amount of singing and rain.”

The cook told him, “This isn’t a karaoke bar.”

“It could be,” Haida offered, and he was so warm and good-natured about it that the cook couldn’t help but grin. “I don’t think so,” he replied.

“Come on,” Tadano took Haida’s arm. “It’s getting late, anyway.”

~

Outside, standing under the overhang, Tadano regarded Haida warmly. “You’re a goofball today.”

“Yeah,” said Haida. “I’m trying to listen to my impulses more. Good things seem to happen when I do.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” They were looking at each other. And it was raining. The moment was developing a romantic sort of flavor until Haida said, “Where is the car parked?”

“Around the block.”

“Oh, cool.” Haida looked out at the glistening street. It smelled wet and fresh, and the asphalt shimmered under the orange street lights. “I kind of want to just forget the umbrella and walk there.”

“Why?” Tadano blinked. “You will get cold, and wet.”

“Well, I just thought…” Now Haida seemed embarrassed. They both regarded each other, confused. “I just thought it would be spontaneous and romantic or something,” Haida finished. “Sorry, I ruined it.”

“Oh,” said Tadano. He shifted his weight awkwardly and then said, “You don’t have to try to be romantic. Nothing needs to change between us.”

“You don’t want things to change?” Haida worried.

“I mean-” Tadano blushed. Haida was not sure he had ever seen Tadano blush before. “I mean I like us the way we are. And of course, we’re both going to change, that’s life. But we don’t need to do things any differently than we have been.”

Haida softened and told him, “I know we don’t have to. But I want to. This is exciting for me.”

“It is for me too...but I don’t want to feel pressured to behave in certain ways or do certain things,” the donkey admitted.

“Romantic things?” Haida asked.

“Things that society recognizes as being romantic,” Tadano agreed softly. “There’s romance for me in everything that we have been doing. In caring for each other and trusting each other. Talking. Sharing. Eating. That’s all romantic to me because it’s with you. Changing that in pursuit of something more ‘exciting’ feels...I don’t know. It feels performative. I just don’t see the point in it. Relationships don’t need flowers, or rings, or big declarations to be meaningful.”

Haida recognized the concept as a familiar one. They had talked about this before. This is why Tadano didn’t like marriage. He didn’t seem to like societal norms as a whole, actually. Haida could understand that, although he was a little concerned by it because, “They don’t make relationships any less meaningful, either.”

The donkey appeared worried. He looked away from Haida and thought about it. “I’m nervous,” he admitted eventually.

“Why?”

“I don’t want to screw this up.”

Haida smiled faintly and replied, “We might screw up anyway. It’s easy to miscommunicate and drop the ball. But if we meet in the middle, it won’t fall as far.”

Tadano scoffed, “Hah. I guess.”

They stood there together under the awning and watched a delivery truck rattle past.

“It doesn’t matter to me-,” Haida said eventually, “-how we do things. It’s nice just to have somebody who knows me, and likes me anyway.”

“Yeah but if you want rings and roses and chocolate you deserve to have that, Haida.”

“What I want changes all the time.”

“And that is true of everybody. But you giving in to what I want isn't a compromise. That’s not meeting in the middle. It has to go both ways.”

“Roses and chocolates are nice- I think they are nice- but if you don’t like them then you don’t have to change for my sake. They are good side dishes but they aren't the main course in a relationship, you know? I don’t need those things to feel full.”

The doubtful look that Tadano cast him in response made Haida feel sad. “If you were just...a ghost or a floating orb,” Haida continued, “I would still want to be with you because your company makes the world...glow. Even when you are gone, I carry a piece of you with me, and I imagine what you would say or do. And I’m better because of it.”

Tadano smiled and looked at the overhang above them. He took a deep breath. “Haida,” he said. “How can you be so unabashedly foolish in one moment, and so poetic the next?”

“I was just pondering something similar. It’s one of the great mysteries of life, I think,” Haida replied. “I am an idiot. I am a genius. I am singing in the rain. I am not.” This earned him a guffaw.

“You know what?” said Tadano. “Let’s just forget the umbrella then.”

Haida looked at him. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Tadano smiled. “It’s just rain.”

That is what he told Koyabashi, anyway, some 24 hours later.

“It was just rain?” Kobayashi looked flatly down upon his ward. He appeared altogether unimpressed.

Tadano regarded his secretary with tired, swollen eyes. He looked like a caterpillar mid-chrysalis, swaddled in blankets and covered in mucus. “That’s what I said.”

“Well, the rain has rendered you incompetent, my boy.”

“I don’t think it was the rain,” Tadano admitted. “I think it was me not changing out of my wet clothes afterward.”

“What would possess you to sit in wet clothes for who knows how long?”

Tadano sneezed.

“It was that boy, wasn’t it?”

“He was soaked, too,” Tadano admitted. “We didn’t have anything else to change into, anyway.”

“And where was your umbrella?”

Tadano looked away and reached over to pick up the warm mug of tea on his nightstand. He blew on it. “You don’t have to stay, Kobayashi. Really, I’m fine. It’s just a cold.”

“Sir…” Kobayashi looked offended. “ You pay me a lot of money to do a lot of menial things. Now, I would never imply that I am ungrateful. But I do like to feel that I am contributing something from time to time. So please allow me to help.”

Tadano gave him a tired smile. He sighed, sunk back, and allowed the pillows to swallow him whole. “If you insist.”

“I do.” Kobayashi tutted and got to work.

~

Well this sucks.
- Tadano

I know. I feel like I got hit by a bus.
- Haida

😞✌️
- Tadano

You were right, for what it’s worth. The rain was a stupid idea.
- Haida

Nah. Worth it. We should get raincoats, though. Might help with our track record.
- Tadano

Lol maybe. But in the meantime, I just made soup, do you want me to bring some over for you?
- Haida

What kind of soup?
- Tadano

The kind I made with whatever I had in my fridge.
- Haida

Mystery soup. Bring it on 😌❤️
- Tadano

Haha ok. Hang tight, I’ll be over in a bit.
- Haida
~

One metric bit later, Haida stopped in the hallway outside of Tadano’s apartment.

Standing on the welcome mat with a grocery bag under his arm and a key in his hand stood Kobayashi, who had just returned from the grocery store with supplies enough to feed a small army of people.

“Hello,” rasped Haida.

Kobayashi shook his head, opened the door, and closed it promptly behind him.

“W-Wait!” Haida followed and knocked on the door. He felt awful that he couldn’t remember the Schnauzer's name. He knew that he worked for Tadano. “Um- excuse me-”

“Now is not a good time, young man,” Kobayashi said through the door.

“I know Tadano’s not well. I brought him some soup.”

“Did you?” The door opened a crack. Kobayashi regarded the tupperware container under Haida’s arm dubiously. “What kind of soup?”

“Uh...it’s got bell peppers. And um. Eggs. Broccoli. Corn…”

Kobayashi frowned at him.

Haida stared back at him for a moment with a sinking feeling in his stomach. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water and tried to organize his thoughts. A sudden, vivid memory came rushing back to him. He had karate-chopped this man unconscious in a parking garage. This was Tadano’s Fenneko, and Haida had failed the test before he had realized he was taking it.

“Thank you for the soup,” Kobayashi said. “I’ll make sure that he gets it. But Tadano needs rest, and so do you by the looks of it. You ought to go home and sleep.” The schnauzer opened the door a little wider and offered to take the tupperware container from him.

Haida knew that if he handed it over now it would be going in the trash. “Wait,” he said. “I think that we got off on the wrong foot.”

“Do you?” His face was unmoving. He looked like the classical portrait of a disappointed father.

Haida felt deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed. With a dry throat, he replied, “Yes. I’m sorry for what I did to you when we first met. I was trying to protect one of my friends. I would do anything for the people that I care about. I know that doesn’t excuse it, but I want you to know I’m sorry anyway.”

Kobayashi’s expression darkened. “You think that’s what I am upset about?”

Haida frowned. “...is it not?”

“I’m upset because I love Tadano like a son, and I do not trust you with him. If you are here to take advantage or worm your way into his good favor with the intention of acquiring fame or money-”

“Hey man,” Haida felt himself bristling. “That’s not what this is about.”

“Really? Because your actions do not speak highly of your intentions thus far.” Kobayashi was bitter about one incident in particular which involved vanilla ice cream and a very long, silent hug.

Haida had to shove down the instinctive urge to bare his teeth. He took a step back and a deep breath. He closed his eyes and said nothing until he was ready to. Then, as calmly as he was capable, he told Kobayashi, “any hurt that I’ve caused is out of ignorance, not malice. I am sorry regardless. And I am going to be better. Starting with you.”

He lifted his head, looked Kobayashi in his eyes, and told him, “Tadano is important to me. It’s ok that you don’t trust me right now. But please give me the chance to prove to you otherwise.”

Kobayashi stood there and stared at the hyena. It was only for a few seconds, and also an eternity. His response, eventually, was to open the door a little wider. “Very well,” he said primly. “Come in. Take off your shoes. Do you know how to cut an onion properly?”

“I suspect not,” Haida’s shoulders sagged with relief. He entered the apartment and took his shoes off at the door.

“Then prepare to learn.” Kobayashi shut the door behind him.

“Kobayashi?” Tadano asked from his bed. “Is that Haida with you?”

“It is, sir.”

“Tadano,” Haida set his soup analog on the kitchen counter and walked over to the bed to embrace him. “Sorry I got you sick.”

“Haha. You got us both sick.” Tadano hugged him.

It was a small apartment. Kobayashi respectfully kept his eyes elsewhere as he set up a chopping station and arranged all the ingredients on the counter.

“What’s on the menu?” Tadano asked him as they let each other go.

“Rice porridge, mostly. Haida.”

“Yeah?”

“Come here and wash your hands. You’re going to chop this onion like I show you, and then the mushrooms.”

“Ok.” Haida did as he was told, which Tadano observed with some amusement.

“You don’t have to cook for me,” the donkey said. “We could just get take-out.”

“I shall hear of no such thing. You need lots of good healthy food made with love, and rest.” Kobayashi replied. “Now watch closely Haida. You have to leave the root intact. Cut it in half, peel the skin, and then approach it at an angle, like this.”

Haida’s expression became more serious and he leaned over the counter to watch Kobayashi’s hands work.

Tadano watched them chop and cook together with a strange feeling growing in his chest. It took it some moments for him to recognize it for what it was. It felt kind of like home.

Chapter Text

Tadano watched the moose across the table steeple his fingers and take a deep breath, as if what he were about to say pained him deeply. “Tadano...I understand the difficult position you are in. But this just isn’t what the company needs right now.”

“You realize you could stand to make millions-” the donkey started, and was cut off.

“And we could stand to lose millions. The fact of the matter is, there is not sufficient infrastructure in place to support strictly AI-powered vehicles at this point in time.” The moose was calm. Pragmatic. He was a businessman first, and a diplomat second.

Tadano was not the sort of person who was predisposed to fits of passion, but he could not help but think to himself that the moose had a distinctly punchable face. “The infrastructure will never be in place unless we push for it.”

They were sitting in an artificially manicured office. The table was fiberglass and supported a streamlined computer monitor, a small glass globe, and several stacks of paper which contained no less than Tokyo’s entire weight in bureaucracy.

Tadano met the businessman’s gaze and said with a calmness that was not entirely reasonable, “There is always going to be a certain amount of risk when you try to introduce change. It may be sticky at the start. But you have to think about the long-term benefits. Cleaner air. Controlled and predictable traffic. Safer roads. Efficiency. Not to mention that whichever company capitalizes on self-driving cars is going to be rolling in it in 20 years’ time. All it takes is one company willing to take the plunge.”

“We agree with Tesla, the risk is not worth the reward at the moment.”

“If creating a healthier, safer environment and getting rich isn’t worth it then what is?”

The moose had black eyes, but whatever glittered in them now was darker. “Power,” he said. “The automotive industry moves together, or it does not move at all.”

It chilled something inside Tadano. Standing beside Gori in the elevator on the way to the parking lot, Tadano turned those words over in his head again and again. It had been a long time since he had been made to feel so helpless. Tadano was smart, but he did not have the ruthlessness required to succeed in politics. He did not understand the powers at play here and he did not know how to solve this problem.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Gori observed. When the door slid open, they stepped out together and made for the limo.

When Tadano said nothing she said, “Someone will come around eventually.”

“Maybe,” he replied. “Or maybe I’ll have to do it myself.”

“Mass produce a self-driving car?” Gori raised her eyebrows and slid into the backseat.

Tadano settled next to her. “If I have to.”

“You don’t know anything about running an automotive company though, do you?”

“I don’t need to,” Tadano glanced up at the glowing red dot embedded into the roof of the car. “I have ENI-O to help me figure it out.”

Gori looked dubious, but she nodded. “Well. You certainly have the money to make it happen. If anybody can do it, you can.”

“Thank you,” he said. He sagged back into his seat and looked out the window as they pulled out of the parking lot and into the street.

Gori dug through her purse and pulled out her phone. Tadano assumed that she was checking up on her app, until his own phone buzzed. He raised his eyebrows at the notification that had appeared on the screen. “An invitation?”

“To my news years eve party.” Gori smiled. “I’ve got a great view of the fireworks from my apartment. It would be nice to have you there if you and Haida don’t already have plans.”

The donkey smiled to himself and felt some of the disappointment of the afternoon slip away at the mention of Haida’s name. “I’ll ask him and get back to you.”

“Alright,” said Gori. And then a few moments later, “Retsuko is coming, too.”

“Oh,” said Tadano.

“Mhm.” Gori looked back down at her phone.

He hesitated for a moment and watched some of the animals drift across the sidewalk on their way too and from places he may never know, living lives he would never see again. “Does she know we might be there?” He asked eventually.

“She does.” Gori did not look up. “She said that she’s looking forward to spending New Years’ with friends.”

“I see.” Tadano watched a tortoise slowly amble its way into a marketplace. He felt happy for Retsy, and concerned for Haida.

“I won’t be offended if you don’t want to come,” Gori assured him.

Tadano smiled faintly. “I want to go. I just don’t want to make things difficult for anyone.”

“Honey- you just have to keep living your best life. It isn’t your job to carry other people’s baggage for them.”

“Haha, yeah…” Tadano softened. “You’re right.” He worried too much about Haida. Best just to be there for him, even he wasn’t acting in his own best interest. Tadano had learned that lesson the hard way.

Gori beamed. She never got tired of hearing that. “Absolutely. Also, let the record state that I love a good pinot noir.”

The donkey blinked, processed this information, and then smiled. “Got it.”

~

It was later that evening. After a long day of meetings, interviews, and emails, Tadano was looking forward to spending some quality time with Haida. They were meeting at his apartment for dinner. With any luck, Tadano might be able to convince him to play his bass tonight. This was his chief motivator as he hauled himself up the concrete steps to the second-floor apartment. Walking through the door felt like coming home. Tadano shrugged off his worry, hung it on the coat rack, and then walked into the kitchen to find Haida getting started on dinner without him. “Hey,” he said. “We were supposed to do this together.”

“Don’t worry,” Haida said. “I saved the onion for you.”

Tadano groaned because the onion was the worst part. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Haida turned his head to regard him warmly. “How was your day?”

The donkey smiled his usual lazy sort of smile. “Business people are so stuffy.”

“Yeah?” Haida gave him a knife and a cutting board. “You realize I’m an accountant right?”

“That’s different. Accountants are only business adjacent. Coolest people ever.”

“Hmph. I’ll accept it.” The hyena grinned to himself (he had the widest, most good-natured smile Tadano had ever seen) and resumed his meal prepping. He was carefully cutting a bell pepper in the way that Kobayashi had taught him. His hands were measured and gentle.

Tadano stood there for a time, feeling complete.

Haida paused when he noted the stillness and asked him, “Is everything ok?”

“Hm? Oh, yes. I think the best I might be able to cut this onion is in slivers, is that ok? Mincing is not my specialty.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell Kobayashi.”

Tadano laughed. It was a sound Haida could get used to.

It wasn’t until they were seated at the table and eating together that Tadano brought up the invitation. “Gori invited us to her New Year’s Eve party.”

“Oh, sweet.”

“Retsuko is going to be there. She said she was looking forward to spending time with us as friends.”

Haida almost choked on a piece of broccoli. He took a gulp from his glass, cleared his throat, and asked, “Retsuko said that?”

“Apparently.” Tadano poked at his food. “How do you feel about it?”

“I uh…” Haida looked at him. “Nervous.”

“Me too,” Tadano agreed.

“You? Nervous?”

“It does happen on occasion.”

Haida smirked and set his drink down. He pondered for a time. Tadano let him and created fractals with the noodles on his plate.

“Do you want to go?” Haida continued eventually.

Tadano lifted his head. His blue eyes were somber. “I do. But I don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”

“It’s a little uncomfortable,” Haida agreed. “But I do...I still want…”

Tadano gave him the time he needed to find the words.

“I still care about her. I’d like to be friends. Are you ok with that?”

Tadano smiled. “You should be friends with whoever you want, Haida.”

“Yeah but…”

“As long as I have a place in your heart, I don’t care who else you share it with.” Tadano’s gaze was soft, and it ruined Haida.

“I’m talking about care in platonic terms.” Haida knew he was blushing, and saw himself reflected in the amused look the donkey gave him in return.

“You don’t need my permission,” said Tadano.

The hyena hesitated. Was he asking permission? Was he being totally honest with himself? Letting go was difficult. It was a process and it was, Haida suspected, more difficult for him than for most people. But it always started with a choice. He was here with Tadano now, choosing to move on. Choosing to love him. When he saw Retsuko at the party, he could choose to be a better friend to her, too. Maybe she would accept him and maybe she wouldn’t, but that wasn’t his decision. There was no point in worrying himself over things he could not control.

Looking at the half-lidded, smiling donkey in front of him, Haida felt appreciation for the things that he could control. “You are so weird,” he said. “And you are ruining your dinner.”

Tadano hummed in agreement and watched as Haida got up from his chair. While Haida was pondering the nature of free will, Tadano had been thinking about how best to introduce the subject of the bass guitar. It was sitting in the corner of his peripherals, glossy and polished and well-loved. “So,” Tadano said as Haida leaned over him, he assumed to take his half-finished plate. “That bass guitar-”

Haida kissed him.

It happened so quickly. In movies, time always slowed down for a kiss like this. Tadano found himself feeling robbed as Haida pulled away before he had the chance to process what had happened. His lips were soft. He was warm. And then he was gone. How dare time continue along as normal when such a spectacular event had transpired. Tadano found he was gripping the table and staring like an idiot while Haida walked away. Heart hammering. He opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out.

Haida had a rosy hue to his cheeks and was halfway to the kitchen with Tadano’s plate before the donkey managed to say, “Wait.”

Haida paused.

“I want to do that again,” said Tadano.

Haida blushed and said, “Let me put this in a container for you first.”

Chapter Text

“Bless you,” Gori beamed as she took the bottle of Pinot noir from them at the door. “Come on in, things are just getting started. Make yourselves at home.”

“Thanks, Gori.” Haida was only dimly aware that somewhere, on the other side of a chasm of social anxiety, he was smiling.

Tadano took his arm and gently guided him inside. The apartment was lit with string lights, and the floors were polished like mirrors. There was a table of snacks, a cooler full of drinks, and a bowl of punch. Soft music was playing, and people were congregating around each other in clusters. This was not like the college parties Haida had experience with. This was an adult party. People were drinking wine out of glasses with real glass.

“Breathe, Haida.” Tadano put a cup full of punch in his hand. It was not a red solo cup. Haida was not sure if he was ready for this level of responsibility.

“Right,” Haida agreed. “Yeah- I can do that.”

“If it gets to be too much, just let me know. We can bail anytime you want.”

“I’m ok, I just have to get out of my own head.”

Tadano nodded, and then laughed a little. “Where do you go to get out of your head?”

“I don’t know, your head? What would Tadano do?”

“Tadao would kiss you.”

“Not in front of all these people.”

“Haha. Ok- then Tadano would have a drink and talk to his friends. Friendship is the best cure for most illnesses, you know.”

“That’s not true. Also, I’m not sick.”

“You didn’t even consider it. And social anxiety is totally a sickness. Didn’t you actually throw up once-”

“Fine. I’m considering it.”

“The court eagerly awaits your verdict.”

“...Well from a technical standpoint- Oh no. Here comes Tsunoda.”

“Oh hello~!” Like a bedazzled sucker punch to the gut, Tsunoda was suddenly there. She was wearing a low-cut dress that appeared to have been tarred and dumped in a bucket of glitter.

“Hey Tsunoda,” said Haida.

“You didn’t tell me that you had a plus one~!” She flounced and batted her eyelashes. “Who is this handsome fellow~”

“I’m Tadano,” The donkey smiled. “Retsy told me about you. You’re the social media guru, right?”

“Oh,” she smiled, blushed, and looked away. “I don’t know about that~ Photography is just a hobby of mine. What about you?”

“Uh, I like to travel, I guess.”

“HAHAHA oh my gosh that's so funny~ me too! I went to the Caribbean on a yacht last summer and it was SO amazing. Have you ever been??”

The donkey was taking it all in stride. His posture was relaxed, and his smile was mild. “Yeah. It was beautiful. If I can ever convince Haida to come with me, it might be nice to go back someday.”

“Well I’m sure if Haida isn’t up for it someone else would love to-“

“Nah,” Tadano interrupted her.

“Oh-“

“It isn’t worth going without Haida,” Tadano explained. “If I’m going to take time off, I want to spend it with the people I love. You feel me?”

Tsunoda’s expression flattened sharply and she regarded them both with marked coolness before replying, “I feel you.”

“Cool,” Tadano hummed. “Oh I’m sorry- I’m blocking the punch.” He stepped aside.

Haida, with his sensitive ears, could hear her gritting her teeth as she walked away.

“You were saying?” Tadano was filling himself a plate full of cheese cubes with decorative toothpicks sticking out of them.

“I think you might have a point,” Haida said. “I do feel a lot better now.”

~

“I know work has been frustrating lately…” Gori cautioned Tadano as they sat together at the kitchen counter. “But tonight is a night for us to relax and unwind. Enjoy the progress we’ve made and the hope of making more in the year ahead.”

“I guess it’s just hard for me to separate work and personal life,” said the donkey apologetically. “I’ve never had much of one before.”

“Well dear, you’re going to have to get used to it. You’re well-liked around these parts, and I’m not about to let you off the hook until this app really takes off.”

Tadano chuckled, “It would take off with or without me. You’re doing all the work, after all. But thanks, Gori.”

“That is a flat lie, but you’re welcome.” She sipped her noir, smugly. “Anyway, don’t let all those big wigs get to you.”

“Do you think he was wearing a wig?”

“Who?”

“The moose.”

“It was at least a toupe.”

“Haha,” said Tadano. “Maybe I should get one. Or dye it a different color.”

“What? Why?! You have fabulous hair.”

“To make them take me more seriously.”

“Honey, they wish they had what you got. You’re going to bigger and better places and if they ain’t excited to be on board, then you are not obligated to give them a ticket.”

The donkey smiled. “You could put that on an inspirational calendar.”

Gori’s eyes spun with the possibility. “You think so?”

“Yeah, you’re full of self-help wisdom.”

And a thirst for profit. Gori cackled and took out the little notebook she always kept in her purse to scribble down the idea. “Great. Help me come up with more?”

“Hm,” thought Tadano. “I’m pretty sure that you said something about being the change you want to see at some point.”

“Yeah, that’s good!”

“Don’t let a black hole stop you from seeing the stars.”

“We should get Washimi in on this. Washimi!”

“If you can’t run, then walk,” Tadano continued.

“Hm...Washimi, do you have anything?”

“Time is money.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s already trademarked,” said Gori, who wrote it down regardless.

“Ok,” Washimi preened. “What about, be the person your enemy fears most?”

“I’m not sure-”

“I’ve got one,” Tadano interrupted. “Be alive.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Great,” said Gori. “This is a great starting point, thank you.”

“Hold on,” said Washimi. “I think he’s onto something there. What about, be prepared?”

“For what?”

“Everything, of course.”

“Or,” Tadano offered, “You could write: you can’t be prepared for everything.”

“Pick one, whichever suits your project best,” Washimi said in a tone of voice heavily implicating that her way was superior.

Gori was aware that the conversation had spiraled away from her, but she was too busy scheming in her notebook to pay it much mind. Calendars were easy to make. She could even print the first ones out on the company printers and post a few of them around the office in a bid to “boost morale”. Free advertising. “Perfect,” she said. “Thank you both.”

~

The skyline view from Gori’s apartment was stunning. The lights glittered in the buildings and on the streets below. The sky was flooded orange with light pollution. It was as if the stars had been plucked from the sky and bound to the earth.

Retsuko was a small silhouette against the glowing backdrop of the city. She stood in front of the windows, a drink in hand, and watched the cars moving far below.

Haida came to stand beside her. He was clutching onto his not-red-solo-cup as if it were a life preserver. “Hey,” he broke the silence.

Retsuko didn’t look up at him. “Hey, Haida.”

They stood like that for a time. Silent. Awkward.

“Hey, I uh...I made things weird, didn’t I?”

Retsuko smiled an uncomfortable sort of smile and looked into her wine glass. “I mean...maybe a little.”

“I’m really sorry,” said Haida.

“Listen, you don’t have to apologize. I’m embarrassed actually- you saw me when I was in a dark place. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that.”

“What? No- that was well deserved and honestly kind of impressive.”

Retsuko stifled a laugh and shook her head. “You would think that.” She looked out across the city.

Haida took a breath to say something else, but she interrupted him. “What do you want, Haida?”

The hyena stopped and looked at her. He turned the words over in his head like a baker turning over dough. “In general or-”

“From me.”

“Oh.” Haida didn’t know exactly what he was making as he rolled out the dough of his thoughts, but he was hoping that somewhere along the way it would become something edible. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I appreciate that but...I don’t need you to take care of me.”

Haida grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. “Y-Yeah...I get that. But I guess I just...figured that friends take care of each other when they need it. But I totally overstepped- it won’t happen again.”

Retsuko smiled a little. “Thanks. And I want the same, by the way. For you to be happy.”

“I-” At that moment, Haida caught a reflection of his partner in the dark glass. Tadano was smiling and talking to Gori at the kitchen counter. As if seeming to sense his gaze, there was a moment where their eyes met through the window, juxtaposed against the vibrant backdrop of the city.

“I am happy,” Haida finished quietly, and he seemed surprised to believe it was true.

Retsuko’s ears perked up. Something changed in her posture. Something relaxed.

Haida looked back down at her. There was a bit of embarrassment in the way, but he pushed through to ask her, “Do you want to be friends?”

“I thought we were friends.”

“Yeah but...I want to be a better one.”

Retsuko laughed a little bit and then smiled up at him. There was something warm and almost relieved in her eyes as she replied, “Sure. I think I would like that.”

And then, with perfect timing, the fireworks went off.

Gasps and laughs filled the room, and very quickly Retsuko and Haida were joined at the window by all their friends and (tolerated) co-workers.

“Happy new year, hun,” said Gori, and clinked her glass against Retsuko’s.

“Happy new year,” Retsuko beamed and then downed the whole thing.

Chapter Text

It was 2am, the day after New Years. They were sitting on a bench together and looking out across Tokyo bay. They were both mildly inebriated.

“Why did we stop here?” asked Haida.

“The universe told me to,” said Tadano.

It was an answer that Haida accepted without question. “It’s beautiful,” he replied. The city lights on the water's surface looked like a Van Gogh painting. The donkey beside him hummed and in a wordless moment of agreement, they took each other’s hand.

“What are you looking forward to this year?” Haida asked without tearing his gaze from the impressionist skyline.

His partner gave a heavy sigh and had to think about it.

“Woah,” said Haida. “I didn’t realize that was a loaded question.”

This gave Tadano cause to chuckle. “It just feels like I haven’t progressed at all since last year. My goals are still the same. I still haven’t accomplished them.”

“There’s more to life than just work, you know.”

“I know. But my work is something that I’m passionate about. It’s more than a paycheck.”

Haida smiled and rubbed his thumb over Tadano’s knuckles. He just gave Tadano space to talk, suspecting that it was what he needed right now.

His suspicions proved to be true. “Lately, it’s just been failure after failure. Rejection after rejection,” Tadano continued. “Growing up, I was always told that I was bright. That if I tried hard enough, I could achieve anything. I was made to feel important.”

“You are,” said Haida.

“To you,” Tadano acknowledged with a reluctant smile. “But no matter how hard I try, I can’t change anything. For all my money, and genius, and charm, at the end of the day the world doesn’t care.”

“You have a lot of fan clubs and paparazzi for someone the world doesn’t care about.”

“Hah. Entertainment and gossip. But I’m not talking about attention- I’m talking about a willingness to listen. I’m talking about change.”

The hyena softened and turned his gaze away from the bay to look at his partner. He admired the way the moonlight made his purple fur look almost silver. He didn’t say anything.

There was something deep and haunted in Tadano’s blue eyes. “I’m so afraid, Haida, that when I leave this world, it won’t be any better than when I found it. For all my efforts, I’ll have made absolutely no difference.”

“That’s bullshit, Tadano.”

“I knew you would say something like that.”

“You know me well.”

“And now you will impart on me some simplistic yet thoughtful wisdom to make me feel better?”

“If you care to hear it.”

“I do.”

“I think that you can’t see the shoulders of the people you stand on. Are they any less important than you? You are here because all of them paved the road to get you where you are. Now you’re laying down more bricks. Just because you may not get to the end of the road in your lifetime doesn’t mean that what you are doing is meaningless. The change you’re trying to bring will come about faster because of your efforts, even if you don’t get to see it.”

Tadano smiled helplessly and leaned into the creaky bench. “That’s so...unsatisfying.”

“That’s life, baby.”

Something about the way that Haida said it made Tadano snort.

“And hey- this is an awfully somber conversation to have on the first day of the new year.” Haida flashed Tadano a crooked, toothy smile. “I’ll tell you what I’m looking forward to- I’m looking forward to introducing you to my parents.”

“Yeah? Parents like me.”

“You haven’t met my parents.”

“Are they sticks in the mud or something?”

“Not exactly. They're just very...absorbed in their own lives, I guess.”

“Hm...”

“I’m also looking forward to whatever VIP tech privileges come with being your boyfriend.”

“You want to be a beta tester for our new ENIO smart watch?”

“HELL yes.”

“It can test blood sugar. You’ll have to do it five times per day and log the results.”

“Slightly less enthusiastic hell yes.”

“Anything else?” Tadano smiled.

“Well. You- I guess.”

“You’re looking forward to me?”

“I thought it went without saying.”

“It’s nice to hear you say it, anyways.” The donkey smiled, stretched, and rose. He offered Haida his hand.

Haida yawned and took it.

Tadano was wearing his default mild smile. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yeah partying is great and all but you know what’s better?”

“The silk-”

“Those silk fucking sheets that you bought me. Oh my god. I go to bed every night feeling like Julius Caesar.”

“Haha- well let’s hope you have a slightly happier ending.”

“I’ll take any death so long as it’s not boring.”

“So what if it’s boring, if it gives you the most peace? I would like to die in my sleep.” Tadano replied. They were walking now- towards the parking lot.

“Boo,” said Haida.

“Alright, then what is your ideal way to go?”

“Easy,” said Haida. “I want to be struck by lightning.”

Unfortunately for Haida, he would never be struck by lightning. His ending, as most of our endings tend to be, would be simple, and ordinary. It would feel unfinished, and perhaps even anticlimactic. But it would not be without joy. And it would not be without love.