Work Text:
So on the Bleach side of things:
Ichigo's called up to 1st division, he's staying at the Shiba compound just kinda enjoying life. He goes to the living world here and there, helps out when he can. Ya' know. Living his best life. Oh, Zangetsu is sealed. Just- because okay.
Yamamoto and Soifon are in the old man's office. Ichigo achieves bitch face level 4 outta 5.
Give him the rundown both verbally and with a folder (because paperwork and I said so) about this small noble family that specialized in reiatsu manipulation.
Kido was kinda their thing.
They deserted Soul Society when their bid to try and get farther up the Noble Family ladder failed and essentially they left with tails tucked between their legs. Wouldn't have been a problem if they hadn't stolen a few gigai, reiatsu cloaking devices, and an asauchi. They promptly disappeared, and they just received rumor of their potential whereabouts.
"What does this have to do with me? This is-" Ichigo gestures with the hand that holds the plain folder at the Second Division Captain. "This falls under her jurisdiction."
Soifon looks like she just ate a lemon. "It does, unfortunately, none of my men are capable of blending in without raising suspicions. We're too far removed."
Ichigo scoffs. Soifon is looking mildly murderous.
Old man taps his cane. "Shiba-Taicho, you are the best suited for this mission, and as such have been assigned the task of either retrieving or eliminating the deserters."
"Eliminating- what-" Ichigo finally opens the folder, the first page lists what the family has been getting up to. which is creating a large and powerful criminal organization. There isn't a single pie they don't have their hands in. Also, they're in the Greater London area. They were picked up on some scanner thing from the 12th that looks for these things in the background. Shhh, it makes sense.
Of course, Ichigo is incensed. It's getting a little hard to breathe in the room.
"I'm not your attack dog, Head Captain Yamamoto"
"No, but you are one of my Captains. It is preferred that they are brought in for a trial if retrieval proves unattainable than elimination has been sanctioned. There isn't a deadline for this mission, there are 3 members left of this family. You are to retrieve your communication devices and dampening tattoo at the 12th, Captain Mayuri is waiting for you."
Ichigo essentially goes lol no and calls Kisuke right there. Who says he'll have the things ready in a few hours, and oh how he's missed his favorite student.
So, Ichigo fucks off to Urahara's place. Where he gets a couple of things; a wicked nifty smartphone that also acts as a detector for the reiatsu signatures he's after, the Chrysanthemum tattoo, it's invisible because reasons, behind one of his ears which drops him down to 50%, and because this is a criminal organization Ichigo, Urahara, and Yoruichi(because she just showed up outta nowhere like she do) decide that Ichigo is going to go for punk/bodyguard and he gets a secondary tattoo that is visible and it is what amounts to an additional dampener that also scrambles his own signature so he feels completely human
The wrist guard and the teardrop shapes that showed up on Ichigo when he regained his mojo? Yeah, those. He’s spending this entire thing in a gigai that won’t look like him so nothing can be traced back in case things go wrong. If Urahara modeled it after what Ichigo looked like when he stepped out of the Dangai with black hair? Well, it’s not the eye-catching orange. Also, these little disc things that will instantly transport the target to 2nd division.
Also, because I can, he gets an earring. It’s a simple stud with a crescent moon hanging from a small chain. All of the allusions. All of them.
So at the end of it, Ichigo is mildly uncomfortable with his cover but is graciously gifted a plane ticket and a studio flat in London proper. And if he’s mildly happy about being paid to go to London and indulge the Shakespeare nerd he really is? No one has to know.
And in the Kingsmen Tailor Shop
So Round Table meeting.
“Glasses Gentlemen.” Because... Merlin.
Updates, further orders, and new missions up for grabs. Let’s say in these meetings the agents give out tips to the other agents if they think the information is pertinent and useful. (they’re one big murder family and precious marshmallows okay? okay)
The Shinzo crime family. (I know it’s the japanese prime minister just- roll with me)
They’ve been around for a very long time, at least 75 years according to records from different intelligence agencies, potentially longer. They’ve only ever gotten circumstantial evidence, nothing that will hold up in a court of law and essentially govt has decided to look the other way and the family has become fair game to whoever wants to snatch them up.
Again, Greater London area for some operations, but they’re living somewhere in the countryside in ovbs opulent mansion. Because I live for cheesy villain tropes.
The mission is to pose as a buyer of goods, because of the recent rumors of a rather lethal bodyguard it’s Harry and Eggsy for the op. (because reasons)
Harry is obvs dressed and armed to the usual standard, Eggsy is going to be slightly dressed down. Button up, vest, slacks, oxfords, no tie, and his black and gold hoodie which will “hide” the shoulder holsters.
So, you get a few meets. Ichigo the really really obvious bodyguard despite the fact that he isn’t the usual muscle. After the first meet it makes Harry wary, Eggsy doesn’t really see the threat.
Merlin promptly tells Eggsy to shut up, the bodyguard didn’t exist until 4 months ago. He “apparently” works for a “security firm” with a really posh flat in London, and has apparently ordered 2 suits through the Tailor shop.
They do recon on him, the name they can find is Connor Rikkin and yeah, he “goes to work” gets picked up by the family and then comes back later in the day and clocks out and then returns back to his flat. It’s a regular schedule for a week and a half, of which he and then he is picked up and not returned that night. Which so happens to be the night before the scheduled meet right.
With such a large buy (they didn’t really specify what they wanted just they had X amount to work with) it does lure out the family. Or at least the 2 sons. The matriarch, who hasn’t left the safety of the veritable castle in almost 5 years, doesn’t attend.
So, they start in a really nice restaurant. Ichigo and his “second” are the ones to meet them. Our murder babies catch his accented english. He casually informs them he’s originally from Japan, Ichigo gives them a sharp smile and mentions better paying job opportunities. I mean the value of the yen is just plummeting and the pound the euro are just doing so much better.
“Well, he’s not wrong.” Merlin totally snarks in their ears.
(Insert the “please shut up” face Harry makes when Eggsy glances over at him)
So they move from the restaurant and get into two Mercedes because villain trope, it takes them to a shipping port.
Ichigo looks at them both and promptly decides to use this to his advantage, walks to the trunk and takes out the sealed zangetsu.
Merlin and Eggsy’s “What the actual fuck.” Happens in stereo.
Ichigo walks past them, waving over his shoulder for them to follow him.
“Please gentlemen, this way.”
They’re 100% freaked out
Merlin is Not Happy but morbidly optimistic.
(See this is why I didn’t write this out because I can’t Kingsmen to save my life but I love them)
Harry is absolutely unaffected, except he is but I’m not sure is murderous glee would show on his face or not. I mean, come on, it’s Harry Hart.
So, they get brought to a block of shipping containers, there are 4 containers all lined up each containing a different product. Drugs, Weapons, Various Techy bits, and people are in the last one.
Ichigo only clenches his jaw after opening the last and stands guard over that one while the brothers talk shop with Harry.
Eggsy is v. tense, Merlin notices the other two bodyguards shifting around as the transaction begins to go down. Half is paid now with half of their purchase, the other half of the transaction will happen at the mansion in a weeks time. They’ll be contacted with a time and place over the next few days.
Harry and Eggsy are led to one of the Mercedes with their drugs/guns/tech loaded in to the back.
Ichigo complains loudly about having to move so much so suddenly in Japanese to his bosses.
They something like it’s what we’re paying us to do it needs to be gone in the next hour.
Harry and Eggsy drive off.
Merlin mentions the apparent riff between bodyguard and employer.
Harry sees it as something they could use, Merlin then brings up that “Connor” has a final fitting/pick-up of his suit 5 days from now.
Kingsmen has a large amount of illegal contraband that they can now use for other missions etc, and Harry has a fitting appointment in 5 days to attend.
Bleachie
So Ichigo gets back to his flat that night and calls Kisuke and absolutely goes OFF about human trafficking. He’d figured but he’d only been promoted to the upper echelon in this past week. He’s only just gotten access to the brothers instead of going through their second, who ran into some trouble 2 weeks ago and ended up dead.
Kisuke casually mentions that the discs might not be reliable, he did only have 24 hours to work on them after all. Ichigo briefly goes “Well that’s a shame then.”
So on the day of his fitting, subsequently the same day he sends the message with the time and place for that evening, he gets a cab to the shop. Yoruichi insisted on it, much to someone's consternation and fan waving denial. Ahem
He meets the shop guy first who goes to get his tailor for the final fitting, who then brings out Harry. Ichigo only hesitates for a second before activating bitch face #2 and follows Harry into fitting room 2.
The full outfit is hanging on a coathook, black oxfords under them. Harry tells him to get dressed and let him know when he’s finished so he can make sure it doesn’t need any adjustments.
So it’s a black suit with dark red pinstriping, black vest and black button-down, and a blood-red tie with silver crescent moon cufflinks. (Cufflinks are trackers, which is of course picked up by Kisuke’s monitoring kido thing he gave Ichigo)
Ichigo steps out all kitted out, and low and behold- it fits perfectly, and he looks disgustingly lethal. (Also Ichigo in a suit? Yes please)
Tense pleasantries are exchanged, Ichigo throwing a flippant “I’ll enjoy working with you later.”
Again a call to Kisuke. He knew there were humans after this family but having run into them like this was a small surprise. Kisuke mentions the cufflinks, Ichigo just laughs. After all, what his gigai is wearing doesn’t transfer to his soul.
So, later that evening Ichigo meets Harry and Eggsy again at the same restaurant, Eggsy comments on Ichigo’s suit. “Looking good there Connor.”
“I know, this is quality work, I’d be rather upset if it didn’t.”
Or something, cocky snarky Captain Ichigo is a thing in my head.
The meal is legit pleasant, Harry/Eggsy/Merlin notices the leather strap secured to Ichigo’s belt. Eggsy pegs it as where that ridiculous sword would hang.
Ichigo show’s them to a single Mercedes this time. When he gets into the drivers seat the back windows blackout and lock and there’s a fully black bulletproof panel that essentially traps them in the back.
The AC and the lights stay running but it’s a faraday cage (the family was known for its kido manipulation, but ya know a hundred years can make them lazy and overconfident and they’ve switched to tech only)
Merlin is pissed, comms and tracking is cut off. Eggs and Harry are tense but chill.
When they get there, Ichigo grabs his zanpaktou from the trunk before letting them out. And the black and red motif? Absolutely works k thanks.
Mansion is out stereotypical opulence you expect from a cheesy villain. The ridiculous amount of guards too.
This time they’re relieved of their weapons at the door. Umbrellas, shoes and watches are kept because really, would you deprive a proper English gentleman of his umbrella? I think not.
So, the last half of their purchase is people.
There’s let’s say something gross like 15 people. Women, young teens more girls than boys.
Yeah ew.
Anyway, Ichigo is standing by the family, one of the brothers presents the merchandise. Eggsy is visibly upset but that’s to Ichigo. Just before the end of the transaction, the brother waxed poetic about the highlights of the group, Ichigo has decided it’s enough.
He slowly draws zangetsu while saying in Japanese, “By order of Head Captain Yamamoto of the Gotei 13, for the charges of desertion, theft, and the human crimes committed in your time in the Living World I sentence you to death without chance of rebirth.”
The family fucking panics
.
Ichigo gets the matriarch and the closest brother before the second (who was able to use the asauchi and achieve shikai) also draws his but he jumps out of his gigai and then flees.
The screams attract the guards who wrongly think Harry and Eggsy have killed the family.
Ichigo tosses them weapons from that mystical aether were convenient weapons happen. THey watch him pop this pill, and for a moment it gets hard to breathe and then “Ichigo” picks up another pistol, his sword “mysteriously missing”, and sets on freeing the unfortunate souls shackled in the room.
And then well. Kingsmen do their thing and not a single guard remains alive and the brother who left his gigai… well it’s a weird dead body. Doesn’t register as a heart attack, everything just stopped all at once to the morgue doctor.
The “Battle” between Ichigo and the last Shinzou brother is kinda pathetic. He starts to call shikai and Ichigo is just all “This is just sad at this point.” and well that’s that. Zangetsu is miffed that it went so quickly, but nothing you can do for that.
Ichigo’s gigai is wrapping the girls/boys in blankets that had been retrieved from inside the house. They’re sitting on the front steps.
Ichigo hops back in, the sheathed blade suddenly shows back up. It makes a few girls jerk in surprise before he settles them.
Ichigo looks to Harry and Eggsy, asks if they can handle the rest of this. And when Harry confirms that they can and Eggsy goes to ask who the hell he is, Ichigo legit uses shunpo and fucks off back to his apartment.
Which it looks like he just vanished to everyone else.
Merlin tells them what he had said in Japanese, insert collective “what the fuck” to be attended to after the proper authorities are notified and the ones who’ve seen their faces have been darted.
So, following morning Ichigo is finishing packing for the return flight he has that day, Kisuke calls with information on who exactly they were and they might have some recording of ichigo that he needs to erase. If Ichigo can get Kisuke into their servers he’ll erase his presence. Conveniently there’s a memory stick in his bags and Ichigo doesn’t need to go in his gigai, in fact that can continue packing and getting to the airport and with Ichigo's speed he should get back to it in time for the flight
And THIS! This is what spawned this whole thing, to begin with.
Merlin/Harry/Eggsy are in HQ in Merlins office, going over the translation and what Merlin has unearthed about it. A society of the dead sounds absolutely insane, is this another international organization they need to keep their minds on and-
Ichigo walks through the wall, full captain regalia and Zangetsu in shikai with the shoulder guard.
They all turn to him, you can see the words “what the actual fuck” written on Merlin and Eggsy’s head. Harry just looks mildly perturbed, because it’s Harry.
“Ultimately, it’s nothing you can do or should worry about until after you die. We- okay
pick up after the messes that get left behind. And this is the first instance in over 100 years, which is where you come in. Everything you have must be deleted. You can do it willingly or Kisuke will take care of it, he’s got over 200 years of experience with this kind of stuff.” All nonchalant as fuck.
The data is “deleted”, lol Ichigo don’t know what he’s looking at and like hell is Merlin going to let go of a line once it’s hooked on something.
Ichigo leaves, satisfied and Merlin/Harry/Eggsy look at where Ichigo stood, look back at each other. Merlin runs a hand over his face and grabs a bottle and 3 glasses from a drawer in his desk.
“Fitting way to end a week, isn’t it?”
That’s it. NEARLY 3K WORDS OF GARBAGE but that’s it. It ate me, now ya’ll can laugh at how awful this is. K thanks