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“Huh?”
Is the first thing that leaves his mouth as their heels echo all over the empty hallway.
When Mitsuba told him there was something he wanted to tell him, Kou never thought it would be that. He’s happy for him, of course he is. He is, right? He should be.
“I told you I’d only say it once,” Mitsuba complains, back turned to him and quick steps Kou fights to keep up with.
“No, I got it,” hand instinctively reaching for the back of his neck, it feels like maybe he would rather hold something else. “But I never thought you’d be interested in a girl that much-”
“A girl?” he whines, sharp eyebrows shadowing over his eyes. “Of course I wouldn’t, there aren’t any girls that can compete with my cuteness.”
Well… that makes sense, Kou thinks. Never once he stopped to think about the implications of Mitsuba’s words when he turned down any silly love confession thrown at him, no matter how sweet or dedicated the girl was, or how he’d roll his eyes when the conversation turned to the topic; not even once he thought about the clear implications of that. Not that it would’ve mattered at all.
“A guy then,” he corrects, and somehow it doesn’t sit well within him. “I thought you’d want to be the one getting all the attention.”
Mitsuba breathes out a laugh. “Yeah, but he’s too dumb to notice.”
A text sent to him at 1am said Mitsuba needed his help with something, not with those words, and it certainly didn’t get straight to the point, an insult or two thrown in for good measure, but Kou thinks he understands Mitsuba well enough- he’d like to think that. And so Kou gladly took on the job without even knowing what it was about.
Until Mitsuba told him, just minutes ago.
His confidence abandoned him after the first couple sentences; his voice cracking at both ends, a worn sleeve being pulled way past below its original length, wandering eyes that didn’t focus on Kou’s for longer than a second and avoided his figure altogether but shined brightly as gems under the early afternoon sun. And maybe Kou’s heart stopped pumping for a long second when he heard his request. And maybe he swallowed hard and didn’t stop to ask himself why.
Maybe he did, but it has come to bite back and now he couldn’t care less that Mitsuba is crushing on boy hard enough to want to be the one taking the first step, worrying he may lose his chance if he waits, but that Mitsuba is crushing on anyone at all.
It doesn’t make sense. Why would he care? Mitsuba is his best friend, has been for a long while now, but a crush wouldn’t take that place away from him- nor would a boyfriend.
So, why do his palms sweat so much, why is his throat painfully sealed, why does his mouth hang slightly open-
And why does Mitsuba look so beautiful with the entire sky shining in his eyes?
“So will you help me or not?” his arms fold before his torso and the sky lights off for just a second, then turns away from him, finding the floor tiles more appealing.
“Of course I will!” he nods. He doesn’t need to understand himself, not now and maybe not ever. He needs to make sure Mitsuba gets what he wants.
And if what he wants happens to compress his heart for unknown reasons, Mitsuba doesn’t need to know.
Is it bad? Is it because Mitsuba likes a guy? That’s not it, is it? He’s positive he doesn’t care about that stuff at all, it’s none of his business after all.
Oh. He’s worried about who it is. What if he’s a creepy guy? What if he just gives off creepy vibes? What if he doesn’t understand Mitsuba’s feelings? Kou doesn’t want him to get hurt, and so he worries as he’d do with anyone else.
… Then why wasn’t he worried when Nene talked nonstop about her crushes?
He liked her, right? She might not like him as anything more than a friend, but she’s nice and she’s pretty and she has a cute smile, and-
And what else?
His crush on her is not new. He had time to come to terms with the fact that it won’t lead anywhere, he got past the hopeful stage ages ago, he doesn’t see every star pulling closer to her when she smiles anymore, he doesn’t take any opportunity to hold her hand anymore, he’s not jealous of Amane anymore.
So why is he jealous of someone he doesn’t know holding Mitsuba’s hand. If they’re nothing more than friends, and if he can take the thought of his crush (ex crush?) doing all those things, then why Mitsuba-
Maybe he shouldn’t try to understand. Maybe he’s better off not knowing.
“So, what are we gonna do?” he asks instead, and doesn’t stop to remember how Mitsuba’s hand feels in his when he holds it for no reason.
Mitsuba sighs. “Just come with me.”
So it’s today. Not tomorrow, not any other day, but now. No time for Kou to dwell on anything without Mitsuba kicking his back for taking his attention off of him.
The walk to the entrance feels the same as always and yet Kou wonders why the sun feels colder on his skin that it should. Or why does it seem to warm Mitsuba so nicely; why does it seem like he’d get way more warmth from it.
Kou seldom thinks about the consequences of his actions, even when he knows they’re a lingering reality waiting to fall on top of his head, so when he notices a shadow too dark on Mitsuba’s palm, he decides it’d be best if he makes sure it’s not anything weird (what it could be, he doesn’t know).
“What are you doing?” Mitsuba pulls away once. Not strong enough to actually make Kou let him go, and stops in his tracks, puzzled gaze on their hands but nothing more than a silent question.
“Uh, I just… thought there was something-” he brings the hand closer to his face and Mitsuba does nothing to stop him. The dark shadow never was anything more than that and yet its absence makes Kou’s words stumble out of him.
Maybe he should have thought of an excuse beforehand.
“Like you didn’t just take an opportunity to hold a pretty boy’s hands like the pervert you are,” now Mitsuba pulls away for real, and Kou doesn’t stop him.
Are everyone’s hands this warm? Or is it just Mitsuba’s?
But why does it matter so much?
Slipping into his shoes, laces untied, Kou thinks about that time a stray cat scratched Mitsuba’s cheek as they walked home, and how the thought of kissing him there so maybe the pain would go away faster lingered around him for so long maybe he just learned to ignore it.
He did not, in the end, but maybe it wouldn’t have hurt him if he had.
Perhaps he doesn’t need a cat scratch to do it, perhaps it would have the same effect.
But perhaps it’s not certain; what is is that Mitsuba already has someone he would like to get kissed by. And maybe Kou should stop thinking about his friend like that.
Does that guy think Mitsuba has the whole sky in his eyes when he smiles? Will he understand when Mitsuba bursts out crying for seemingly no reason? Would he sit down and hug him when that happens? Would he be a human shield when Mitsuba doesn’t feel like looking anyone in the eye; when a too-short thirteen-year-old won’t stop pulling his hair? Would he stare at Mitsuba’s pictures for hours on end and let him ramble about things he doesn’t understand at all? Would he do any of that?
Kou would; does, will keep doing for as long as Mitsuba needs or lets him.
And would it matter if that guy doesn’t? Isn’t Kou there for Mitsuba anyway?
“If you didn’t want to help you shouldn’t have accepted,” Mitsuba complains as the red light takes too long to come.
“Huh?”
“You haven’t said a single word since we left. I could’ve done it by myself, you know…”
“Then why did you ask me to help?” he glares at Mitsuba and gets ignored for the sake of finally getting to the other side of the road.
“I thought since you’re… er, you both are stupid, you might have some idea of what I can do.”
“Doesn’t liking him make you stupid too?” the raised eyebrow does the rest.
“It’s not my fault, okay?” he whines, kicking a pebble and following as it rolls away. “I can’t help it, if I could, I’d choose to not like him, at all!” his voice muffles as the sentence continues, words blending together. “He’s an idiot, and he’s not even cute, a toddler probably does better than him at basic tasks! I can’t think of a single redeeming quality even if I try.”
Kou knows Mitsuba, and that’s why he knows, he means less than half the things he just said, if any at all. But that just means there are reasons why Mitsuba likes that guy so much, and maybe Kou would like to hear an honest answer so he could-
Could what?
What would he do if he knew?
“Who is he, anyway?” The question seems to catch Mitsuba off guard, tense shoulders as he takes two unsteady steps away from him.
“Wh… Why? Could it be that you’re jealous?” he mocks, a hand with light pink painted nails doing nothing to hide his smile. But it wavers at both ends and Kou notices because there’s no way he wouldn’t look at Mitsuba’s smile.
“I’m not!” he answers without thinking. He doesn’t think he needs to consider his answer beforehand.
“I wouldn’t blame you, though,” Mitsuba gets his confidence back and his smile grows along with Kou’s heartrate. “I mean, I know you’ve already fallen for me, so-”
“You’re not even that cute, I can name ten people cuter than you!”
“Try then.”
Now it’s Kou who’s taken aback. He said that, didn’t he? Now he has to own up to it…
Nene comes to mind immediately, he was smitten by her the moment they met, after all. He remembers how his heartbeat got faster than ever and how hot his face was, how her laugh pulled at his heart just right, how much he wanted to make her smile- and how quick it all vanished.
… And how long he has been feeling that way around Mitsuba.
“I’m waiting,” the asshole says, shit-eating grin plastered all over his features.
“Uh, Yashiro senpai, and-”
“Ugh, it’s always her.” His shoulders drop and, is it disappointing what Kou sees in his eyes? “She’s not even that cute, I’m way cuter! You just have an awful taste.”
Mitsuba doesn’t ask about the nine people left and Kou is grateful for it. Especially since his mind just keeps repeating Mitsuba’s name, louder each time.
“What exactly are we looking for, a date place? You plan to take him somewhere to eat?” Kou’s eyes widen as an idea comes to mind: “I can cook for you if you want to!”
Mitsuba doesn’t turn around; doesn’t answer, and Kou’s smile vanishes into a thin line when he notices he doesn’t need to put on the effort. He has cooked for Mitsuba countless times before: random lunches, his favorite desserts, birthday cakes, dinner. Every one of those meals he made with all his heart put into it, so it’s nothing new. If Mitsuba asked him to, he’d comply. Though it wouldn’t be gladly and it’d lack an important bit of heart, as much as he hates to recognize.
Why? Why is that, if he helped Nene make Amane’s favorite food when she asked him to, and he was happy to help, then why is it different now? He liked her, and Mitsuba is just a friend, so why is it harder to picture him holding hands with a nameless guy?
“Nah, I’d rather just take him somewhere else,” Mitsuba’s rejection feels both like a victory and the worst of defeats. “This place is nice, care to take a look so I can make sure idiots like it too?”
“Shouldn’t you be able to tell on your own?” he gets a punch to the arm that may as well be an answer.
The place in question is a tea shop of some sort, and by the wat Mitsuba looks at the displays, Kou can tell it’s not about the tea at all. There’s a lingering jasmine smell all around them as they make their way to one of the tables. A single flowery candle rests in the middle. But Kou doesn’t focus on the beautiful paintings, nor does he try to guess what kind of flowers reside inside the candle.
“Do I know him?” he asks when what he really wants to know is if Mitsuba truly knows him.
“I mean, it’d be weird if you didn’t,” face buried between the light brown, worn edged pages of the menu, Mitsuba chokes back some kind of awkward giggle.
He doesn’t ask why.
“So he’s from our class?”
“Uh huh…”
Kou goes on to make a review of every single one of his classmates, considering if he’s ever seen Mitsuba favor one of them above the others. Is Mitsuba the type to fall for someone he barely knows? Kou doesn’t think so. It must be one of their friends then… right?
“… is it Yokoo?” he never thought a name so familiar would be so bitter and heavy on his tongue, that the imagine of a close friend would be so suddenly uncomfortable to picture.
“I wish it was! At least he’s a lot less of an idiot,” Mitsuba doesn’t look at him, but Kou can still tell he’s not lying.
If it isn’t Yokoo, it probably isn’t Satou either. Mitsuba uses the former as a human shield when he whines about Kou, eats from his lunchbox and stands closer to him than he does to Satou. But farther than he does from Kou.
It’s not like he’d be able to keep it a secret forever anyway, right? Kou would eventually notice…
Maybe he doesn’t want to notice; maybe he doesn’t want to know.
But then again, he does. Even when it hurts, deep down and for some reason he doesn’t want to understand (one he understands, one he won’t recognize).
“Wouldn’t it be easier if you just told me?”
A tiny spoon clings under Mitsuba’s fingers.
“You should’ve figured it out on your own already,” a flicker of light under his bangs sits right between Kou’s eyes for a second that feels like a hundred. “I thought I was pretty obvious,” then a sigh that ends with one of his cheeks squished against a sleeved hand. “but of course you wouldn’t notice.”
“Maybe you’re just not as obvious as you thought!” Crossed arms land on top of the table, the shift of his body making his feet bump into something.
Under the table, he sees Mitsuba’s sneakers, closer to him than their owner.
“No, he’s just too much of an idiot,” the annoying grin of the first few times is gone. His eyes drift from side to side, anywhere but right in front of him, and the tip of his shoe bumps into one of Kou’s legs.
It’s no surprise Mitsuba talks like that even about someone he likes as more than a friend. Maybe Kou is being irrational, but somehow, it feels so painfully theirs. Why even is he so focused on his friend calling him names?
“How long have you liked him, anyway?” seems like a good enough question to ask.
Not like it matters.
“Far too long.”
It’s until there’s two plates between them, full of sweets, and two cups of tea Kou is not sure how he’s gonna pay for (since Mitsuba never does if he can help it), that he speaks again.
“If you don’t want to like him then why are you planning to confess?”
At the other end of the table, Mitsuba chokes on his tea, cheeks growing red behind his sleeves, but still not a word said.
“I think he should know, I guess.”
“So you’re sure he likes you back?”
If-
If he doesn’t… what then?
And why does Kou’s face grow hotter by the second as he represses back an echoing voice- his own, that tells him Mitsuba wouldn’t have to worry about that, if… if it was Kou the one he liked.
Why? Isn’t Mitsuba just a friend to him? An important one; one that he’d leave everything behind for, one that he’d stay awake all night for again, just to make sure he’s going to sleep well in the end, one that he would hold, hug (kiss?), whenever needed, whenever wanted, but nothing more than a friend in the end.
… Right?
He can’t like Mitsuba. He can’t and so why are his hands so warm and why is the entire sky, be it night or day, in his eyes, and why is his smile bright enough to light everything up and make Kou’s heart race, and why are his cheeks so soft when he wipes fake or real tears away from them and why does his hair feel like silk between his fingers and why does it smells of vanilla or strawberry and why-
And why wouldn’t he like him?
Mitsuba is annoying, a brat, foulmouthed, a crybaby and completely unbearable and yet that couldn’t be more endearing. Maybe not everyone can look deeper than that, but Kou can and so he doesn’t mind being called stupid, because Mitsuba lets him hold his hand sometimes without complaining. He doesn’t mind Mitsuba saying he’s ugly because he knows his face and back decorate Mitsuba’s walls along with pretty flowers, birds and landscapes. He doesn’t mind being kicked in the shins out of nowhere because he’s never gotten hurt from it and Mitsuba doesn’t really complain when he does it back. He doesn’t mind the ugly sobs or loud whines, or the snot in his shirt because it all goes away if he holds him close for long enough.
But that’s not a pretty discovery to make when Mitsuba is going to confess to someone else in no time; when he should be rooting for him and whoever that guy is (he still can, just like he’s done before).
Maybe love doesn’t smile back at him as bright as he does to the world, but if he can make that a payment so it smiles even brighter on those he loves, then he doesn’t mind. He doesn’t mind at all.
His heart doesn’t exactly smile but his eyes do because happiness comes in a lot of shapes and Mitsuba’s smile is the most important one.
“I mean, I’m cute, if he doesn’t he lacks taste,” but Kou sees right through him and the way his cocky smile isn’t as convincing. “… he better. No way he doesn’t after everything he’s done.”
Kou knows this guy, apparently, and by the looks of it, Mitsuba and him are pretty close, but he isn’t one of their mutual friends, so who in the world-?
… That can’t be right. Mitsuba has been referring to him in third person all day, for Kou to think that he- even when he just realized that kissing would probably be the best thing ever. He’s being way too hopeful for someone who just realized his crush.
“Anyway,” Mitsuba cuts his irrational train of thought. “how’s that?” if he wants Kou to buy he’s disinterested, maybe he should keep his eyes from shining like that.
“It’s good!” but its way down his throat turns out to be quite difficult. “it’ll probably taste better if I didn’t have to pay for it, though.”
Usually he doesn’t mind, but he didn’t plan ahead today so he’s not even sure they can peacefully walk away from this place. Maybe it’s time he starts thinking about how to apologize to the owner and pray they let him wash dishes instead-
“Who said you were paying?”
“Huh?”
Mitsuba never spends money on anything when Kou is near (and maybe Kou doesn’t really mind since he’s not one to buy whatever comes to mind and he doesn’t have to cover for grocery shopping, which includes his cooking supplies), so for Mitsuba to just do it out of nowhere…
“I asked you to come, and you’re… helping me, I guess, so it’s fine for today,” he takes a sip of his tea and, against the white cup, his hair and eyes offer little help disguising the pink of his cheeks. “But you’ll have to make up for it somehow!”
“Okay!”
That could mean close to anything, but Kou has learned that isn’t necessarily a bad thing, so he approaches it with enthusiasm.
“Are we going anywhere else after we’re done?”
Golden light already paints the street outside, but Mitsuba doesn’t seem to be in a hurry, taking his sweet time to munch on his chocolate chip cookies. If there’s a crumb or two in the corner of his mouth, that he has missed several times while licking his lips, and maybe they’re bothering Kou a little too much, then nobody needs to know.
They’re not his to wipe away, as Mitsuba’s hand is not his to hold.
With a clear image of what his friend means to him (because he’s never thought of Yokoo, Satou or Amane this way, they’re close and he’d do almost anything for them but they don’t wear oversized sweaters and they don’t spit halfhearted insults every other sentence, and their smiles are not the prettiest he’s ever seen, and he’s just now realizing, but he has known, deep down, for far longer, and he feels it in his bones, and in all the times Mitsuba’s image alone made his heart race), he’s now aware that he sees him as more than just that, closer to how he used to see Nene but so different altogether.
He crushed on Nene without knowing anything about her besides her smiles and her sweet words, and it took so little of him to let her go; not a tear shed, nothing more than a single second without a heartbeat. But Mitsuba said he likes someone else (as Nene always did), and Kou doesn’t- can’t accept it and start moving on, instead he forgets to breathe and forgets to tell his heart to keep beating. So maybe his feelings for Mitsuba and the ones he used to have for Nene aren’t comparable in the first place. But they’re so similar and so Kou thinks his heart might have a weakness for a little more than just a pretty smile.
Because he knows Mitsuba better than anyone (no one else has heard him cry about how much he wants to mean something but he’s too scared of past bullies to try and stand out again, but how much he hates that no one even seems to know his name, no one else has taken the time to hear him second guess everything their other friends say to him, no one else has seen each and every one of his photo albums…) and in exchange, Kou likes to think he’s been honest with Mitsuba (as honest as he can be, anyway, and only because Mitsuba pries everything out of him like both their lives depend on it, and doesn’t stop until Kou cries on his shoulder about how much the world weights down his back, and how much he wishes he could be all the things he’s not).
Kou can see through his insults and mean jokes, and what Mitsuba has let him see under all that has turned him into what Mitsuba always jokes he is- or maybe he knows… maybe he knew from before.
So then-
Mitsuba knows.
Of course Mitsuba doesn’t owe him anything, least of all reciprocating his feelings, but why did he pick him of all people if he’s aware- what if he’s not?
Maybe Mitsuba doesn’t know and he’s just thinking about it too much. He shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. He should be burying those feelings already; freshly dug and yet so crucial to push under again. It can’t wait, because if everything goes well, Mitsuba should get a boyfriend, and Kou can’t put his feelings first and himself between them.
“Just say you don’t want to spend time with me and go,” Mitsuba rolls his eyes, but the way his lower lip quivers gives away how much he fears that possibility (does it even exist?).
“I’m just asking because it’s getting late, of course I want to be here!” Mitsuba’s lips no longer press against each other; relaxing instead in a shy smile.
“You just take any opportunity to admit you’re in love with me, don’t you?”
“I’m not!” and for the first time he’s thrown a napkin at Mitsuba’s face after that statement, he doesn’t believe a word that comes out of his mouth.
“Sure, since you hide it so well…”
Kou groans as he bites down a soft cookie, not losing sight of Mitsuba’s eyes even when he makes the effort to focus on the various paintings around them. His chair creaks when he props one leg up as he downs the remaining crumbs on his tongue with a sip of lukewarm tea.
“Why did you insist we came here today? It was already late… are you planning to confess tomorrow or what?” he means it as a joke, but his heart stops anyway (if it was even beating to begin with).
“Tomorrow?” his shoulders drop and he tugs a little on his collar. “I made up my mind over the weekend, I can’t wait anymore!”
“Oh, did you do it earlier and now you’re just looking for a nice place to take him to? He already accepted-?”
“Do you even pay attention to me? I said I was going to, now I’m not so sure, maybe he doesn’t deserve me,” he sighs, and Kou kicks back that voice in his head that tells him that Mitsuba is right, that guy doesn’t deserve him, because he’s not entitled to him in any way and Mitsuba is just being an asshole without meaning it like always.
He must care about him a lot.
“So if it’s not tomorrow, when are you doing it?”
“Today.”
Soft. Mitsuba’s voice cracks but it’s so soft. He is annoying and he whines more often than not, but his voice can be as soft as he wants it to be, Kou gets to hear him speak like that and now he recognizes it makes his heart melt.
But there’s no time for warm feelings at the bottom of his stomach.
“Today?” he asks perhaps a little too loud. “So you’re meeting up or-?”
Eyes wide but still entirely focused on the ones that reflect the sky even when there’s not any before them, he notices the way Mitsuba’s hands shift under the table and how he seems to be biting the inside of his cheeks.
One of his hands reach out to tuck some errant strands behind his ear and finally, their eyes meet, “already did- I mean… already am.”
“You are? So you-?”
If the coffee shop was as soft as sweet cookies, as soft as Mitsuba’s hair and as easily disturbed as Kou’s heartbeat, it’d surely come crumbling down at the mere thought of housing the place where everything suddenly hit Kou in the face, where the thing getting buried were not his feelings but himself entirely.
“Did you figure it out already or do I have to spell it out?” cross armed on the table, eyes lost somewhere Kou’s eyes won’t focus, Mitsuba mumbles like the arrogant brat he is.
“Haven’t you been referring to him in third person all day?”
“Yeah and I’ve been hinting out the obvious all day too! I’m taking you on a date, dumbass, I thought you’d at least notice!”
“How was I even supposed to know? You call everyone an idiot!” every word makes his face grow hotter.
“I said we were close and that he wasn’t Yokoo, how many people do you think I’m close with, huh?”
“It could’ve been Satou!”
“Really? You think so? How much of an idiot can you be? I’m already offended you think I’d like Yokoo!” he lets out a long sigh as his expression softens. “Anyway! That’s not important! Just… turn me down already or… whatever,” there’s a certain ring to Mitsuba’s voice when he’s about to cry, one that Kou knows all too well, and one that his fake crying lacks, but right now it’s loud and clear.
It simply doesn’t make any sense.
“Didn’t you say you were sure about it?” Mitsuba doesn’t answer, instead his shoulders start shaking and Kou doesn’t need to be a genius to know it’s not the time to address Mitsuba’s cockiness as a form of reassurance. “Why would I turn you down? I-”
“Hah, I knew you had already fallen for me!” palpable arrogance but watery eyes is how Mitsuba celebrates all his accomplishments, and Kou is no stranger to that, or how fragile it all is. “How could you not? I’m so cute.”
“You’re not that cute,” it’s him rolling his eyes now because maybe they should be talking about what just happened… but that wouldn’t feel right.
“You sure?”
When Mitsuba rubs at his eyes, the piled up tears come out, but his smile doesn’t shake and so Kou doesn’t worry. Instead he looks at the entire sky before him and decides that maybe he doesn’t have to let go of his feelings, after all. Mitsuba is right there and he can hold his hands if he wants to (and he does).
“I am,” he lies. “but that’s not important.”
“No, it’s not…”
Silence falls between them and for the first time in ages, it feels like they should be actually talking instead.
“How long have you liked me?” eyes that beg for an answer is the only thing Kou encounters when he looks up.
But how is he supposed to know that? If he needs to think back, try to remember the first time his heart stopped when looking at him when he wasn’t even paying attention to it until maybe a few hours ago, then isn’t “always” the right answer?
Maybe he was eleven, and the hand of the new kid sitting in front of him was softer than clouds. Maybe he was twelve, and begging for Teru to let him buy whole packs of pudding at the grocery store, of which he would not eat a single one himself. Maybe he was thirteen and making and extra packed lunch every other day because Mitsuba hummed when Kou let him eat his home economics assignment. Maybe he’s fourteen, and it all finally clicks as he realizes, maybe he’d still like to kiss him without an excuse (and maybe he can).
“Wait, don’t answer, you probably just found out,” he snickers, and Kou should act like it’s not true, but he’s too distracted to do so. “I’ll take that as a yes. Ugh, I can’t believe I actually fell for an idiot like you, you’re lucky I noticed you in the first place.”
He is…
Not as exaggerated as Mitsuba puts it, but lucky enough to get his feelings reciprocated even when being unaware of them all that time. Because Mitsuba means so much to him.
“How long have you liked me? Since you think I’m an idiot for not knowing…”
“Already told you,” he mumbles. “far too long.”
“So you’re not sure either.”
“I am; you just have to earn it!”
“Sure.”
Perhaps neither of them need a real answer.
Gold starts turning into silver outside, and there’s nothing more than crumbs scattered between them when Mitsuba finally stands up to pay.
Kou doesn’t have trouble accepting his new found feelings, not if they’re for Mitsuba, and not if they’re welcome. He’s never had too much problems with that kind of thing, a lot of stuff flies over his head for longer than it should and so when it hits him, he embraces it like he’s always known, since it suddenly becomes so clear, maybe it’s not so far from the truth.
Mitsuba waits for him by the door, and his feet feel so light when he walks towards him, he barely notices he left the table at all.
Stepping out on the silver street, night sky above and in front of him at once, he notices just how red Mitsuba is. As if he’s expecting something- anything. Perhaps something Kou expects as well.
“So, uh…” he starts, “does this mean we’re dating now?”
There’s a pause where Mitsuba acts like he’s thinking about it, but Kou knows he’s just trying to calm down; he knows him well, after all.
“You wish!” but he offers out a hand anyway. “Come on, I need you to help me know if I’m holding his hand the right way.”
Kou’s policy has always been act first, think second (or never, depending on the situation), so the words don’t even find a meaning in his head until his fingers are laced together and they’re walking side by side in the most comfortable silence Kou has ever shared with anyone.
So, even though it’s late, he answers: “You are.”