Chapter Text
To: [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]]
From: [email protected]
Hi guys!
This is my first email, ever! I can’t believe it’s been two days since Mother Superion sent us all off. Well, everyone but me. It’s so boring here without you all. I know, I know, there’s other people here but I’m not FRIENDS with any of them. Anyways, here’s what I’ve done since I’ve been alone.
- eat food
- sleep
- train
- study
- repeat
Very glamorous, I know. I hope you are all doing well. Someone PLEASE email me back, I’m so bored. Don’t tell Superion I said that, okay?
Bye!
- Ava
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With a sigh, Ava turned off the computer, just like Camila had shown her. The library was empty and dark, the sun had set hours ago. Ava looked at her reflection, dim in the monitor’s screen. A sudden sob escaped her and she folded in the chair. She wrapped her arms around her chest, tightly, as she tried to regain control of her mind.
Flashes burned themselves into her mind, painfully distorting her grasp on reality. Adriel’s face. Blood. Her friends. Ava held in screams as she cowered, the flashes growing closer and closer, becoming more disorientating by the second. After several minutes of fighting, she managed to pull in a deep breath, then another. Soon, reality came flooding back in, and Ava felt as though she could breathe again.
Shakingly, she got up from the chair and exited the library, taking care to turn off any remaining lights as she went. It must have been later that she realised, because the hallways leading to her room were conspicuously empty. Ava’s footsteps echoed against the cold stone. The emptiness of all of it made her ears ring. She hated being alone.
Once she was back in her room, although it barely felt like hers, she sat on the bed. Why didn’t I mention this in the email. Ava laughed, although the sound she made was completely void of humour. Hollow. You know exactly why you didn’t mention it. You wouldn’t want anyone to worry. Plus, how awkward would it be to say in a group email? Keep this to yourself, Ava.
Slowly, Ava pulled off her shoes and changed into her pajamas. They were more modest than she would prefer, but this was a convent after all. Even if they did train demon-fighting and totally badass nuns. Laying down in bed, Ava didn’t find sleep immediately. She knew she wouldn’t, though, not since the battle.
Since she was technically on a leave of absence, she wasn’t required to attend training sessions. Ava had been anyhow. When Mother Superion gave them permission to leave, everyone seemed excited. At least, somewhat. Ava, on the other hand, felt nothing. She had nowhere to go and no one to see. So, she went to training. I definitely need it.
In the afternoons, she tried to study, although that was much harder. None of the library books were particularly well-organised, and Ava didn’t speak fifteen other languages, like everyone else around here. You know who you’re thinking of. Don’t pretend like it’s everyone. Even within her own thoughts, Ava was calling herself out.
It’s Beatrice. You can say it’s Beatrice. Ava’s heart raced at the thought. Of course, she had always thought Beatrice was pretty, although everyone at Cat’s Cradle was beautiful it seemed. It was more than that. Ever since Beatrice had worked with her at ArqTech, helping her phase through the wall, Ava had been feeling… Something.
To say that Ava didn’t have a lot of experience with feelings would be a dramatic understatement. But Beatrice made her feel. When she had first gotten the halo, she thought she had a crush on JC. Ava realised now, perhaps a bit darkly, that he was just the first cute person she had run into. More importantly, he had been exceptionally nice to her.
Without knowing anything about her, JC and his friends welcomed her into their little group. It had felt so real. Raw and personal. Looking back, however, it felt shallow. Ava thought about her relationships now, the new friendships she had forged with her sisters. These bonds were new too, of course, but they made Ava’s prior group seem shallow in comparison.
Perhaps the most shallow was her attraction to JC. Ava felt, at least partially, guilty about this. He had done nothing wrong and given Ava more help than she had likely deserved. With barely an explanation, he was ready to sail away with her, embark on a grand adventure. It was kind and sweet, sure, but Ava found herself cringing at the naïvety.
Her overwhelming attraction to Beatrice had only furthered her realisations. Every moment between them felt so charged. Ava felt her body burn with the lightest touch from Beatrice, whereas even sex with JC hadn’t made her feel the same. Granted, this realisation took a week for Ava to consciously acknowledge.
Ava took a deep breath and turned onto her side. It was cold in her room, even though it was summer. She pulled the blanket over her shoulder and tried to relax. It’s not like she wasn’t tired, she was. Training in the heat for hours on end, only to spend the afternoon studying, was exhausting work. But, it was exhausting work that distracted Ava from the much darker emotions she was feeling, so she threw herself into it head first.
Morning crept up on her, Ava didn’t even remember falling asleep. With about as much grace as a wounded animal, Ava dragged herself out of bed. Her hair left a lot to be desired this morning, a long night of disturbed sleep left it looking like a bird’s nest. Looking in the mirror, Ava chuckled at her appearance, but stopped abruptly. She turned around, thinking that she saw Adriel in the shadow behind her.
In whipping around, however, it was obvious that there was no one there. Ava took a deep breath, feeling ashamed even though she was alone. With shaking hands, she pulled on her training clothes and tried to tame her hair. Eventually, she managed to pull it into a semi-decent ponytail.
Slipping out the door, Ava briskly walked towards the dining room, only to find that she had missed breakfast. Man, that sucks. My favourite part of the day… With a kind smile, she managed to snag a few pieces of fruit from one of the nuns that worked in the kitchen. She ate these quickly, although they did little to quell the rumbling in her stomach.
After her pitiful breakfast, Ava joined some of the other sisters in the training room. She had gotten friendly with a few of them and they all greeted her by name. Unfortunately, while everyone knew Ava’s name, she couldn’t return the favour.
“Good morning, Ava!” One of them called, cheerful, as she stretched on a mat.
“Good morning!” Ava answered, feeling like a poor halo bearer, a poor leader.
“Alright, everyone.” Mother Superion spoke from a platform at the back of the room. “We’ll be warming up with a run today.” A collective groan echoed against the high ceilings. “Then we’ll be drilling unarmed combat skills.” Ava could have sworn Mother Superion’s eyes lingered on her a moment longer than usual, but she didn’t dwell. Instead, she followed the rest of the women outside, to begin their run.
Sweat poured into her eyes as she ran. Initially, she had planned to use this opportunity to chat with some of the other sisters and try to make some new friends. That plan quickly went out the window, though, as Ava struggled to breathe. The group had barely made it 300 yards when Ava started questioning her decision to attend training at all. No, don’t question it. This is important. You might be the halo bearer, but you are still the weakest link of the group.
The rest of the training session passed without incident, although Ava failed, for the third day in a row, to make any new friends. Instead, after a quick shower, Ava was back in the library. No one seemed to ever come in and Ava idly wondered if Camila was the only one who ever actually used it. Thinking of Camila made Ava’s heart drop. How had it only been three days?
Instead of rushing to the computer, Ava forced herself to study the past warrior nuns for several hours. Only then, would she be allowed to check for any new emails. It was an oddly strict schedule, especially for someone like Ava to impose on herself. Yet, it seemed like the only thing keeping her from a complete downward spiral. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what she would do.
After studying until dinner, then eating, Ava returned to the library with a new excitement. With a smile on her face, she turned the computer on, rubbing her hands together as it booted. Once the screen sprang to life, Ava’s heart jumped as she saw two new messages in her inbox. She never thought a notification icon could bring her so much joy, yet here she was, bouncing in her seat about a collection of pixels on a screen.
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To: [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]]
From: [email protected]
Who decided on these email handles? They are horrible.
I hope everyone is doing well. I’ve been in Portugal with a few family members, although I miss training with everyone. Ava, you better be taking training seriously and not just joking around all day.
Lilith
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To: [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]], [[email protected]]
From: [email protected]
Lilith,
I picked the email handles. Ava helped. I think they are ~fun~
Everyone,
Hi! I miss you all so much! It’s weird to think I’m only a few hours away from Cat’s Cradle, it feels like a world away. I hope everyone is doing well and taking care of themselves. Make sure you are eating and drinking water. Self-care is important.
<3 Camila
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Ava smiled at the screen for several seconds, reading the messages over and over again. Neither of them were particularly long, but it was enough. Knowing that she wasn’t alone completely, even if the contact was through a screen, was enough for Ava. Deep down, however, she couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed that there were no messages from Beatrice. Maybe tomorrow. After reading through the messages once more, Ava exited the library, just as she had done the day before.