Chapter Text
The warmth of the sun was a sure sign that the beginning of summer was on the horizon. It was a blissful time for the locals in town. It meant that the next few weekends were a time for themselves. Time to enjoy their space, enjoy their beaches, enjoy their local restaurants and haunts, all before the influx of the shoobies was set to arrive at the beachfront rentals in Ocean City.
Lexa took a look around the small dining room, six four-top tables, each with a few people scattered, enjoying plates of crabcakes or lobster rolls—the group inside was made up of local fisherman, local shop owners, and longtime neighbors.
“Lex, I’ve got it covered,” Echo called out from behind the counter, urging yet again. “Why don’t you head out for a bit before our dinner orders start flooding. The sun will do you some good.”
Lexa turned to face her, hesitant. Echo was a fellow townie and her right-hand when it came to running the Surfer Snack Shack, “You sure?”
“Wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t,” Echo shrugged as she slathered a creamy sauce onto an ear of freshly grilled corn. “Catch some rays and just be back by four, I’ll be fine.”
Appreciative, Lexa offered her a smile and nod. She dusted her hands on the tattered apron she had on before removing it , “Okay, yeah. Thanks. Just call me if anything comes up.”
Echo waved her off with the spatula in her hand. The interaction was routine between the two—Echo had always pushed Lexa to take some time for herself, and Lexa almost always ended up giving in. They had grown up in the same neighborhood on the outskirts of Drum Point together, their families had always known each other. When Lexa made the decision to buy the old joint from Gus, she knew that Echo would be the right person to have by her side.
As Lexa stepped out of the doorway, she was met with the beating of the mid-May sun and cool breeze that she had always been in love with. The sight of the ocean appeared close in the distance, and the scent of saltwater and sand filled her senses. She took her time, making her way down to the beach locker and enjoying every bit of the familiar walk. She found the blue bin with “WOODS” spray-painted with bold black letters and unlocked the padlock. The lack of her favorite chair only meant one thing: Anya was already on the beach.
“You stole my chair,” Lexa let out a tired sigh as she set a sub-par alternative next to Anya, who appeared to be relaxing with her eyes closed.
“I borrowed it,” Anya corrected her without hesitation. She turned to face Lexa and lifted her sunglasses to rest on the top of her head, “Plus, I have more time to use it than you do, it practically belongs to me anyway.”
And she wasn’t wrong. Anya being a property manager in the area had its perks, especially before the mad rush of summer visitors fled in for vacation.
“Skewed logic,” Lexa offered as she finally took a seat. “How am I supposed to nap in this thing?” Lexa pointed to where the missing headrest should have been laying. When she grabbed the chair, she had certainly forgotten how it had seen better days prior to last summer’s end-of-season bonfire.
Recalling the incident, Anya shrugged with a grin, “It’s not my fault that Linc had too many shitty beers and decided to show off his Hulk-like strength to that group of shoobies. It’s also not my fault that you were late to our annual season kick-off today. Was the shack slammed?” The nickname for the restaurant had gone way back to when they were kids.
“No,” Lexa sat back as she tried to get as comfortable as the seat would allow her to. “I just felt bad leaving Echo, we had a few people in there.”
“She’s fine, Lex. Always is, always will be,” Anya replied. “Anyway, the sun will do you some good.”
“That’s what she told me, too,” Lexa shook her head as she wondered if the consistency between her two friends was telling of something.
Anya smirked at the knowledge, “Well, the two of us know you better than anyone else. So, we’re probably right.”
“The two of you are annoying,” Lexa countered, even though she knew there was truth behind Anya’s words.
“The two of us just care about you,” Anya let out a concerned breath. “I’m proud of you, Lex, but you work too hard. We just want to make sure you’re actually taking care of yourself.” Anya had seen it all firsthand, she had been through the emotional journey with Lexa. She wasn’t at her side at the shack the way Echo was, but she had been her rock their whole lives, and she planned on being that person for many years to come.
“I know,” Lexa sighed in exhaustion. “I know.”
“Take a nap,” Anya offered. “I’ll wake you up in an hour or two so you can get back to making those tasty crabcakes of yours.”
“Yeah,” Lexa nodded. She flashed an appreciative smile as she leaned deeper into her seat. “Thanks.”
---
“Well, I’ll be damned.”
The disbelief in her best friend’s voice woke Lexa from her beach-dazed nap. Her eyes slowly opened to face Anya, and was met with a look of shock.
Confused and sluggish, Lexa finally spoke, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost, Ahn.”
“I think I have,” she offered, eyes still affixed into the distance.
Lexa finally turned to see where Anya’s gaze had wandered, and realized the disbelief was warranted. No less than fifty feet away, and the ghost was made clear. After vanishing from their lives eleven years ago, Clarke Griffin had finally come back.
The sound of crashing waves were suddenly silenced by the look coming from the blue eyes in the distance—a look that Lexa had nearly forgotten. Clarke Griffin was back, and the familiar gaze that was now being cast in her direction brought a nostalgic swell to her chest.
“Well, I’ll be damned,” Lexa repeated in a whisper, her eyes still fixed onto the ones staring back at her, while the beating of her heart sped to match the flutters of the butterflies in her stomach.
Anya sat up straighter and leveled her shoulders, “I, for one, was not expecting this today. Or any other day, honestly. Ever.” She didn’t have to ask Lexa. Didn’t even have to see the look on her face. She could already imagine the things churning in her best friend’s mind.
Lexa held her stare. Her eyes couldn’t help it. Clarke Griffin was back, and now was making her way towards them. Beach chair, tote bag, and all.
“She seriously went into the beach locker and took one of our chairs?” Anya’s voice grabbed Lexa’s attention back.
“My chair,” Lexa corrected. She was too wrapped up in her thoughts to offer anything else. Clarke pretty much looked the same as she did eleven years ago. The years had clearly been kind to her. Windblown blonde hair, mesmerizing eyes, and a figure that Lexa had always been weak in the knees for. She closed her eyes. Memories started to flood her mind. The laughs. The kisses. The touches. And then the gutting feeling she had been left with when it all went away.
“Same thing,” Anya retorted as Clarke grew closer. The grimace on her face grew larger with each step Clarke took towards them.
“Well, isn’t this a sight for sore eyes?” Clarke let out once she knew the other two were within earshot. “Glad to see nothing’s changed. Same spot, same beach chairs.”
“Looks like you helped yourself to one, too,” Anya eyed the chair in her hand. Spots of rust had eaten away at some of the metal and the once-bright blues and greens had faded to softer pastel shades because of the countless hours it had spent under the Maryland sun, but it was always the chair that Clarke would use from the Woods’ beach locker.
Clarke looked down at the folding chair and planted it a careful distance from the other two. Anya’s quip and Lexa’s silence made her realize an extra foot away from them wouldn’t hurt, “I wanted to see if the locker code had changed.”
Anya’s scowl was quick to show, “So you took it as an invitation to take one?”
“Well,” Clarke shrugged. “The other two were gone, so I figured you both would be down here.”
“Yeah, well,” Anya started. “Here we are. Right where you left us a decade ago.”
“Anya,” Clarke suddenly realized she was wrong to be hopeful about the reunion, she didn’t even dare correct her that it had been more than a decade. It was eleven years, to be exact. She sat back in her chair and looked to Lexa for any sort of inkling of how she was feeling. The blank stare she was met with said enough, “I have a lot to explain. To both of you. And I promise I will, but I just wanted to come down here and see if you were still around. To let you know that I’d be in town for a while.”
“How long?” Lexa finally broke her silence.
Clarke wanted to let out the biggest sigh of relief at the sound of Lexa’s voice, but knew that would be too much. Instead, she showed a hint of a smile. “For the summer,” she started. “At least.”
“I guess we’ll have some time for all that explaining, then,” Anya matter-of-factly stated.
“Yeah,” Clarke nodded.
“What time is it?” Lexa interrupted the exchange and turned to Anya. The current scenario wasn’t something she could have ever planned for, and the nerves coursing through her had her anxious to get off of the beach. “How long was I asleep for?”
Anya knew Lexa. That had always been the case between the two. She knew what Lexa needed in the moment, and she was ready to help her stage her exit, “You should probably head back to work now. It’s been a little while.”
Thankful for the out, Lexa started to stand up. “I should get going, then.”
“I’ll bring your chair back,” Anya nodded. “Actually, maybe the shoobie princess can on her way out. You know, since she still knows the locker code and everything.”
“Are you kicking me off the beach?” Clarke turned her head in confusion.
Anya rolled her eyes, “I don’t think I can legally do that. I just meant when you decided to leave.”
“Maybe we can talk for a little?” the hopefulness in Clarke’s voice broke through.
Anya shrugged at the pleading look, “Sure.”
Clarke nodded, then turned to Lexa who was readying to leave, “I was hoping we could talk, too. Maybe tonight when you’re done working?” She let a beat go by, “If you don’t have plans.”
“Come by the shack around 8:30,” Lexa offered. A contemplative look casted over her face, “It shouldn’t be too busy around then.”
“Great,” Clarke smiled. “I’ll be there. Should I bring anything?”
“Beer,” Lexa finally cracked some semblance of a smile. “Something tells me we’ll need a few of those.”
“I can do that,” Clarke nodded. “See you then.”
---
They finally lost sight of Lexa as she walked towards the boardwalk and Clarke relaxed into her chair and took a big inhale of the salty sea air, “It feels nice to be back here.”
Anya nodded. Her apprehension had dissipated and she was now full of intrigue, “I’m sure it does. This is a great place.”
Clarke let a smile break through, “It really is.”
“So, as much as you may be enjoying beating around the bush,” Anya sat up straighter. “I’m going to have to cut to the chase here, Clarke. What brings you back?”
“I’m selling the house,” Clarke stared out at the water, not wanting to see whatever reaction Anya had. “I’m taking the summer to fix a few things up. My job’s letting me work the summer from down here, but hoping I can get it all done before August so I can list it.”
Anya blinked slowly, trying to piece together everything that Clarke just shared, “You’re selling Nana G’s house?”
“Yeah,” Clarke exhaled a defeated sigh. “It’s not that I want to. It’s just no one in my family has been down here since she passed.” She took another breath and finally turned to face her, “I just think it’s time.”
“With the way you vanished,” Anya lightly shook her head. “I should have realized you being back was probably for a shitty reason.”
“I’m here all summer,” Clarke tried to smooth the conversation.
“And then gone again.”
“What’s the issue, Anya?” Clarke suddenly felt the need to to defend herself, her voice was starting to raise. “Nana died, so I stopped coming down for the summer.”
“It was much more than that, and you know it,” Anya pointed out. “Things changed a lot after you disappeared the way you did.”
“Just because I’m selling the house doesn’t mean that I won’t ever come back down here,” Clarke tried.
“You haven’t been down here, let alone spoken to us since before Nana G died. It took you this long to come back, and the only reason you’re here is because you need to fix the house to sell it,” Anya scoffed. “Let’s just call a spade a spade.”
“Still sassy as ever,” Clarke rolled her eyes.
“I’ll always be sassy,” Anya sighed, before adding. “And I’ll always be protective of Lexa. Everyone knows that. You should know that.”
Clarke cocked her head, “What does Lexa have to do with me selling the house?”
“Really?”
“Really, what?” Clarke let herself sink back into the chair. “What does Lexa have to do with that?”
“Lexa has everything to do with this,” Anya took a deep breath, a needed bout of composure to not let her annoyance get the best of her. “She’s been through a lot over the years, Clarke. And not to mention how you left things with us,” she paused. “With her.” She rubbed her temple, “You guys spent years in denial about how you really felt—even when it was so clear to everyone else. Then when you both finally came to terms with it, when you finally got together, you vanished. And yes, Nana G passed away, but you didn’t answer any of our calls or texts when we heard and tried to reach out—even Lexa’s. She was fucking ready to borrow someone’s car just to drive up to New York to make sure you were okay. You were her first everything and then you disappeared on her.”
“We were seventeen, Anya,” Clarke let out a tired sigh. “We were kids.”
“Clarke,” Anya shook her head. “We were kids when we would sneak onto the beach after it closed. We were kids when you’d steal the neighbor’s extra longboard so we would be able to ride up and down the boardwalk before you got your own. We were kids when we all got those stupid henna tattoos every year. But you and Lexa?,” she paused. “What you and Lexa wound up becoming that summer? That wasn’t kid shit anymore.”
“Fine, so maybe it wasn’t,” Clarke backed down. “But that was a lifetime ago.”
“Maybe for you.”
“What,” The annoyance in Clarke’s voice became more prevalent. “You’re really going to sit here and tell me that since we were seventeen and I stopped coming down, that Lexa’s life has been miserable?”
“Don’t be an asshole, Clarke,” Anya sighed.
“So what do you want me to say, Anya?” Clarke asked.
Anya let out another exhale as she shook her head, “Nothing. You don’t have to say anything. I’m just here looking out for my best friend, okay? Someone needs to.”
“She was my best friend, too,” Clarke added.
“Was,” Anya pointed out.
Clarke sighed in defeat. “So what? I stay this summer to fix the house and do my best to steer clear of you guys?”
“Clarke,” Anya’s voice softened. “I’ve said my part, okay? And I only said it because I’m not sure Lexa ever would. But she’s a big girl and she can decide what she wants or doesn’t want from you.”
“And what about you?” Clarke asked.
“Well if you’re going to be here for the whole summer, I guess I’m going to have to look forward to getting to know the new, fancy Clarke Griffin,” Anya sighed as she took keen notice of Clarke’s appearance.
The Clarke Griffin that they were used to was always outfitted in beat up t-shirts and tanks, with shorts clad with ice cream and taffy stains. The Clarke Griffin that was presently on the beach managed to make daytime beachwear look sleek and expensive.
Glad that the tough part of the conversation was seemingly out of the way, Clarke rolled her eyes before flashing a tired smile, “Ha. I’m boring now.”
“So are we,” Anya shrugged before she relaxed back into her chair.
---
“So, this has been fun,” Clarke let out an awkward laugh as they folded up their chairs.
“I said what needed to be said,” Anya shrugged. “But I guess it was good to see you. You heading to the shack now?”
“I’m going to run to the house and shower,” Clarke looked down at herself. “Make myself a bit more presentable.”
Anya gave Clarke a knowing look, “I see.”
“I haven’t seen her in eleven years, I just want to look nice,” Clarke didn’t know if the confession was necessary, but she wanted Anya to realize that part of her still cared. “Plus, I need to put on my Sunday best if I’m going to be eating one of Gus’ lobster rolls tonight.”
“Oh,” Anya laughed. “Guess I failed to mention that someone else is running the shack these days, but I’ll let Lexa fill you in.”
The comment flew over Clarke’s head as she offered Anya an embrace to say goodbye for the evening.
“Hope tonight goes well,” Anya said into the hug. “You should give Linc a visit at the hardware store if you think you’ll need a hand with the house. He’s running the shop now.”
Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the mention of him, “Good to know. Thanks.”
Anya finally let go of the embrace. “Get out of here so you can get ready. Don’t want to keep our little Lexa waiting.”
“Our Lexa,” Clarke repeated hesitantly. She wanted to believe it was true, but after hearing what Anya had to say earlier, something inside her stopped her from getting her hopes up.
“Yep,” Anya nodded with a bit of encouragement. She had seen Lexa’s misery firsthand. And though Clarke was the cause of it, a part of her still knew it was probably just as hard for her, “I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
---
The walk back to the house, though familiar, felt extraordinarily different than it had ever been in the past. The sidewalks of Drum Point were still lined with lilac sea breezes and tall Elijah Blues, and the scent of saltwater still wafted from the ocean. But despite knowing her Nana wouldn’t be there waiting, her walks in her earlier years were normally accompanied by Lexa, always making sure she got home safely.
She thought back to what Anya had said, and Clarke knew she was right. Years of friendship. Years of falling in love without even realizing it. A whirlwind summer of a romance. And then nothing. Clarke disappeared on the first person she truly loved. And as hard as it was for her, she couldn’t imagine how hard it could have been for Lexa, the innocent bystander who had to abide by Clarke's decision. When she first pulled away, the feeling of regret loomed over her head like a storm cloud. As the years went on, it slowly subsided. Out of sight, out of mind. She moved on, and knew Lexa would too. But now, especially after her conversation with Anya, she knew that she should have just picked up the phone or taken a drive to the beach. She should have had the difficult conversation. She realized now that Lexa deserved at least that.
Clarke was worried that Lexa’s earlier silence was an indication of how the evening was going to be. She was worried that every ounce of connection had vanished when she did. Not sure what to expect from Lexa, especially after Anya shared what Lexa had felt, her nerves started to truly kick in. For the duration of their friendship, their relationship, Lexa was never someone that she tried to impress. Clarke was used to being herself around her, that’s just how they were. But now, she was frantically trying to decide what to wear, how to do her hair, and what kind of makeup she wanted to throw on her face—all things that would have never crossed her mind in summers’ past.
Her shower was quick. She rid her sun-kissed skin of the bits of sand that had traveled back to the house with her and washed away the familiar scent of the ocean breeze. She rummaged through her unpacked bags, wondering why she packed all the things she did. The decision to drive down was done in a bit of haste. But now, sifting through her belongings, she didn’t understand why she had packed so many lavish luxuries. There was no need for expensive cocktail dresses, no need for designer blouses and skirts. She was at the beach. She was at the beach and was there to fix the house and potentially salvage her relationships with people in town that she willingly walked away from. She knew that she needed to dress the part. She gave up with the findings in that one bag and went to her larger luggage. Clothes were flung across the room and landed on the bed and the floor. She reached a little deeper and finally found something useful. She put on the simple blue sundress, left her hair down with soft beach waves, and touched up a light face of makeup.
She decided to leave her bulky purse and designer wallet behind as she stuck her license and credit card in her dress’ pocket. She picked up her phone, and decided it was time to start her walk back to town.
8:15. The perfect amount of time for her to pick up a six-pack before strolling into the shack.
---
“You can head out for the night, Echo. I don’t mind closing up,” Lexa offered, hopeful that she would take her up on it. She looked at her phone for the time and knew Clarke was set to arrive any minute.
“You haven’t put anything away yet and we haven’t had an order in thirty minutes,” Echo ignored her friend as she made her observation. “Are you planning on making something still?”
“Yeah,” Lexa nodded, she hadn’t mentioned her run in with Clarke earlier. Echo was good friends with her as well when they were younger, as well, but Lexa couldn’t bring herself to explain it. She was thankful the shack was busy when she got back, thankful that she didn’t have to talk about it, “Just dinner.”
“Okay,” Echo was apprehensive. It wasn’t like Lexa to be vague, especially while they were working, but she decided not to prod. Lexa was normally chatty after a good afternoon’s rest on the beach, but she was pretty quiet after today’s break. She came back with a different glow about her, but Echo couldn’t pinpoint what it was. “If you’re sure.”
“Absolutely,” Lexa offered a genuine smile.
Lexa made her way behind the counter, her back was towards Echo and the small dining room, and started to prepare something.
“Oh,” Echo let out as she neared the front door. The surprise in her voice was matched by the look on her face and everything suddenly made sense, “Holy shit, that explains a lot. I see why you’re trying to rush me out of here.”
Lexa immediately turned around and watched as Clarke approached with a brown paper bag under her arm and a huge smile fixed onto her face at the sight of Echo.
“Clarke Griffin?” Echo nearly gasped as the door swung open. “Holy shit, it’s been years,” she immediately wrapped her arms around Clarke in a tight embrace. When she finally let go, she took a good look at her. “Holy shit, you look fucking amazing.” She turned back towards the brunette. “Lexa! You didn’t tell me Clarke was in town.”
“I just got in today,” Clarke answered, sparing Lexa. “I ambushed her and Anya at the beach earlier.” She slowly looked around as she took in the familiarity of the joint. She was suddenly acutely aware that Lexa was behind the counter on the grill. She set the brown bag at a table nearby. “We’re just finishing our little catch up.”
“How long are you sticking around for?” Echo raised a tentative brow.
“The whole summer,” Clarke grinned. “Where’s the big guy? Anya mentioned he wasn’t around much anymore, but if he’s here I was hoping I could coax him into making me a lobster roll.”
“Gus?” Echo questioned.
“Who else?” Clarke questioned back.
Lexa turned back to face the food she was preparing, she knew Echo would answer the question.
“Clarke,” Echo rested her hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “He retired down to Florida. Lexa bought the place from him four years ago.” She took a pause, “She’s been running it ever since he left.”
“With help from you,” Lexa called over her shoulder as she finished making the plates of lobster rolls.
Astonished, proud, and confused, Clarke looked across the room to Lexa, “Why didn’t Anya tell me?”
“She probably figured I’d just fill you in tonight,” she shrugged as she carried the trays over to the table Clarke had set the bag on.
“Looks like you both have some catching up to do,” Echo offered with a questioning look. “Clarke, I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around. Enjoy your night, you guys.”
“I’ll probably pop in a bunch. So if you’re around, you’ll definitely be seeing me,” Clarke smiled.
Echo nodded and gave a final wave to the pair before giving them the privacy she knew they were both seeking.
“Haven’t even tried the food and you’re already planning on coming back?” Lexa raised a brow as Clarke took a seat across from her.
Clarke shrugged, “It’s always been my favorite place in town. You know that.” She gave Lexa a knowing look. She smiled as she finally looked down at the tray in front of her seat. A warm lobster roll with an extra side of butter and lemon wedges, just the way she liked it. “And if your lobster rolls look like this, you bet I’ll be coming back.”
“Well,” Lexa offered after swallowing a bite of hers. Clarke’s presence earlier nearly knocked the wind out of her. But despite the feelings she was reminded of, being back in such close proximity with Clarke provided a sense of calm and familiarity. A devious smirk suddenly appeared on her face, “If memory serves me correct, you refused to eat these without an extra gallon or so of butter, and I wanted to make sure you were properly fed.”
Thankful that Lexa’s playful side was making an appearance, Clarke’s nerves eased up. “You even remembered my order,” Clarke jokingly batted her lashes, before finally taking a huge bite. It took her a second, maybe even two or three, to chew what was in her mouth before she finally let out, “Holy shit, Lex. This is is fucking delicious.”
“Must be all that butter. You would have drank it with a straw back then if Gus would have given you one,” Lexa shrugged, taking another bite herself.
Clarke took another as she relaxed into the conversation, “There’s crack in this, isn’t there?”
“Sure,” Lexa shrugged again, hoping her nonchalant demeanor covered the blush that was creeping up her neck. “Whatever you say.”
“There’s something in the butter,” Clarke pointed out.
“There is, but I’ll be damned if I give away my secrets,” Lexa grinned. “Echo is sworn to secrecy, so don’t go barking up that tree either.”
“I’ll get it out of you by the end of the summer,” Clarke shrugged, before reaching into the bag to grab a beer for each of them. She slid one towards Lexa before she cracked open her own.
Lexa reached for the can and did the same, “You sound so sure of that.”
“I am.”
For the forty minutes that it took Lexa to clean the kitchen and close down, Clarke persisted by instilling some sort of guessing game to find out what was melted into the buttery goodness, but her relentlessness had no avail.
“Even after two beers, you still won’t tell me?” Clarke threw her hands in the air, before handing Lexa her third.
Lexa smiled as she shook her head, “Loose lips sink ships.”
Clarke sat back in her seat and opened her own beer, the slight flush in her face showing that she was starting to feel the effects of the ale, “You used to tell me everything...”
Lexa cocked her head to the side at her words. It was true, she used to tell Clarke everything, and Clarke would do the same in return. But that was a whole other lifetime ago.
Similar to Clarke, Lexa was realizing that the previous two drinks were starting to creep up on her, “All I’m saying is that I don’t give my secrets away that easily.”
Clarke nodded, “Not even to a former best friend?”
Lexa grinned, “Not even to a former best friend.”
“What are you up to for the rest of the night?” Clarke asked while drumming her fingers on the wooden tabletop. She realized that she didn’t want the night to be over in the slightest, “Anywhere you need to be?”
“Nope, all of my nightly duties are now finished,” Lexa shrugged. There was no doubt she was actually enjoying the time, enjoying being in Clarke’s presence again. She wasn’t sure if she wanted the night to end yet, but knew that if they continued on, they would be having a very inevitable conversation, “Want to walk down to the beach for a nightcap?”
Clarke’s heart fluttered at the thought. She had spent a little time out there with Lexa and Anya earlier, but her mind couldn’t help but wander to that last summer when they were seventeen. She knew Lexa would likely want to walk down to her favorite spot—their favorite spot—and the thought of being back in that same place, just the two of them, brought feelings back that she didn’t know were still buried.
Clarke nodded, “I’d love to. Our spot?”
Lexa smiled at the thought of it still being theirs, “Yeah, our spot.”
---
11 Summers Ago, 17-Years Old
This summer. This summer was different. It was an evolution. It was an eruption. It was the inevitable outcome of a bond formed over the last eight years. It was the best summer they could have imagined having, but time wasn’t on their side. Time had evaporated. And just like that, another summer had come and gone.
“Let’s go to our spot?” Lexa asked. A hopeful look crossed her face as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her damp board shorts. She looked around and saw Anya and Lincoln hoisting someone on top of a keg. The coast was clear for them to run off for a little bit without the fear of being endlessly teased.
Clarke grabbed her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze, “Yeah.” She nodded, “Let’s go.”
The day had dulled as it turned to night. As each minute passed, they knew they were closer to Clarke’s departure the next morning. They were dreading it far worse than any summer that had come before, but that was to be expected. Being separated was a daunting undertaking, and though they had plans to see each other throughout the year, it would never be as good as they had it for the previous three months.
They were silent on the walk. They wanted to save their words for when they reached their destination, for when Clarke could settle on top of Lexa’s lap and have her arms wrapped around her.
Once they got there, Lexa laid a small blanket down for Clarke to sit on, something she had become accustomed to doing, “I don’t want tomorrow to come.”
“Unless you’ve figured out how to stop time, I don’t think there’s anything we can really do about that, Lex,” Clarke sighed. She tugged Lexa down next to her, pulled her arms around her own waist, “But I don’t want it to come either.”
“What are we going to do?” Lexa whispered. As the day went on, her sadness became more and more apparent. “Thanksgiving feels too far away.”
“I know,” Clarke nodded. The feeling was incredibly mutual. She had spent her earlier summers making a new best friend and the later ones falling in love with her. It wasn’t until this June that she had finally come clean about her feelings and had finally acted on it. And this summer. This summer was special. This summer was full of kisses, of holding hands, of being tangled in bed after finally being able to explore every inch of one another. And this summer. This summer was ending, and Clarke was going home. “I wish I could stay. Or I wish you could come with me. I hate this.”
“You really think your parents will let you drive down in November?” Lexa asked. She saw the sadness in Clarke’s eyes and saw how they mirrored her own. She knew she was sulking all night, but realized she wanted to try and be hopeful. If not for herself, for Clarke.
Clarke nodded, “Yeah, I already asked my dad. He said it would be fine.”
“Do they know?” Lexa asked.
Clarke wiggled her brows, “That we’ve been doing the dirty all summer long?”
Lexa immediately swatted her arm, “Try again.”
“That I’m going to drive four hours alone for a booty call?” Clarke quipped.
Lexa rolled her eyes, “Clarke.”
“Yes, they know that the purpose of my visit in November will be to see and spend time with you. And yes, they know that you will be spending the week after Christmas with us,” Clarke laughed. “God,” she sighed. “I’m going to miss how serious you can be sometimes.”
“I’m going to miss a lot about you,” Lexa offered.
Clarke raised a brow, “Like?”
“I’ll show you later,” Lexa smirked as she nuzzled her face into Clarke’s neck. Kisses were peppered up towards her jawline, onto her mouth. And as sad as she was that another summer had come to its end, she was glad that this particular summer had even happened at all.
***
The walk was short and the Maryland night breeze provided a sense of calm. Lexa had thrown a couple of local craft beers and a small blanket into a bag to extend the night how they saw fit.
“It’s so beautiful out tonight,” Clarke let out in a whisper, looking up at the clear sky as they slowed their pace on the uneven sand.
Lexa nodded. “Always is this time of year. You’ve never been here this early in the season, though. Something’s more peaceful about it in May.”
“No shoobies,” Clarke grinned, as she held her sandals proudly in the air.
“Say’s the shoobie princess,” Lexa laughed, instinctively laying the small blanket down so that Clarke wouldn’t have to deal with the sand finding its way up her dress.
“So you bought Gus out, huh?” Clarke asked as she took a seat, spreading the blanket out so Lexa could also comfortably take place.
She smiled at the gesture, “He was retiring and wanting to sell for a while. I had been working for him for a few years, while still working a few other jobs. After my parents passed,” Lexa took a pause, realizing Clarke had no idea of what she had gone through, “after they passed, he started to look out for me more, I guess.”
“Wait, Lexa,” a look of worry quickly replaced the smile on Clarke’s face, “I had no idea, I’m so sorry.” She grabbed her arm, and her mind went back to her earlier conversation with Anya—now realizing what was meant when she said someone needed to look out for her. “I’m so sorry, Lex.”
“Car accident,” Lexa let out a somber exhale. She knew the night had a difficult conversation in store for it, she just didn’t realize retelling this story would be a part of that. “A truck driver lost control in a rainstorm in the spring. His breaks were fucked and he flew through a red light. He didn’t make it either.”
“Lexa,” Clarke started again, grappling with how to process the conversation. She knew she had to tell Lexa about her own loss, but she had no idea that Lexa had gone through something so similar. “I am so sorry.”
“It was six years ago last month,” Lexa shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “They tell you it gets easier, but I don’t know. Anya, Linc, and Echo are all still here though, so that’s been good. Gus still checks in almost every day, though it’s probably because he’s scared I’ve burnt his place down.”
“Your place,” Clarke corrected her, removing her hand from her arm and replacing it into Lexa’s palm.
Lexa smiled at the gesture, “We all know it’ll always be his. I’m just taking care of it. And apparently paying all the bills for it.”
“Sounds like it’s yours,” Clarke squeezed her hand. “Bills and all.”
“Yeah,” Lexa nodded. “Guess you’re right. You know my parents didn’t have much, but they left me some money after they died. I had some in savings, too. Gus wouldn’t let me give him everything at once, though. He basically put me on a payment plan so I wouldn’t be left high and dry, but I squared that away a few months ago. Kind of feels like a fresh start now.”
“I’m proud of you,” Clarke unclasped their hands, raising hers to the side of Lexa’s face—a sign of friendship, if nothing more. “You’ve worked hard for this, Lex. It’s what you’ve always wanted.”
“Thanks,” Lexa reached up, placing her hand on Clarke’s—though she was unsure of what it all meant, she knew that she had missed this feeling. “I guess it is, huh? Didn’t really happen the way I would have liked it to, but I guess I did it.”
“They’d be so proud of you, too,” Clarke added, moving their hands back onto the blanket, still clasped within one another. “They knew you’d always make it.”
“Yeah, I’d like to think so, too,” Lexa stared off to the sound of crashing waves. “Well, anyway,” she let out a deep exhale. “That’s my story in a nutshell.”
“That can’t be all—that’s just the last six years,” Clarke nudged her shoulder. She wanted to hear more about Lexa’s past. “What about before that?”
Lexa shook her head and chuckled, “Before that? God. I don’t even know.” She tried to think of life before the shack, life before her parents were suddenly gone, “Before that was forever ago. We were up to the same shit. Working at Nykko’s surf shop, washing dishes at random places, babysitting shoobie kids while their parents went out and partied all night. Finished school and got my associate’s at County. Not much to tell.”
Clarke nodded as she reached into the bag to retrieve the beer they brought—realizing she needed a bit of liquid courage to ask what had been lingering on her mind since she walked into the shack earlier. She took a sip and let it slip out of her mouth, “And you and Echo?”
“Me and Echo?” Lexa asked, unsure of what to make of the question.
Clarke took an uncomfortable breath, “Are you together?”
“We work together,” Lexa stated. “And she’s one of my better friends. It’s not like that—but would it matter if it was?”
“I just–” Clarke suddenly felt like she had crossed a line, suddenly afraid she had ruined the night. “Nevermind, that was stupid.”
Lexa took Clarke’s lead by reaching into the bag for a drink of her own. She took a moment to open the can and finally have a sip, she wanted to buy enough time to figure out what she wanted to say next. Confusion flooded her mind because of Clarke’s quick interest in her dating life—but she didn’t want to hold on to the thought of what possibilities that could bring up.
“Tell me about you, now,” Lexa took another sip as she veered the conversation back on track. “Did you grace NYU with your presence? What has our shoobie princess been up to for the last eleven years?”
“Ha,” Clarke let out a sarcastic laugh. “The shoobie princess did go to NYU.” She took another sip before adding, “And hated it. I transferred to a state school after a year. Changed majors and derailed the vision of my future that I was holding onto so dearly.”
Lexa raised a brow. In their younger years, Clarke had always been so adamant about finishing from the former university, wanting to major in engineering, just like her dad, “Do tell.”
“I fell in love with a creative writing class,” Clarke shrugged. “The science and physics behind engineering wasn’t for me, but writing opened my eyes. Switched schools, switched majors, fought with mom a lot about it—apparently writers don’t make much money.”
“Was she right?” Lexa wondered.
“Yeah,” Clarke grinned. “Totally right. I still write, for me, and I’m definitely still passionate about it, but apparently there’s more money in selling your soul to the corporate devil. I’m working at a publishing house. I’m on the marketing side of things. I get to work with editors and writers once a book gets picked up by our company and help merchandise it to be ready for release dates. Not at all what I thought I’d be doing,” she admitted. “But I love it.”
“As long as you’re happy,” Lexa raised her beer to cheers Clarke.
Clarke nodded, “Happy enough, at least.”
“So, are you going to tell me what brought you here for the summer?” Lexa finally asked. “Or am I going to have to drag it out of you?”
“Anya didn’t tell you?” Clarke asked. She assumed Anya had shared some of what was said in their conversation earlier in the day.
Lexa shook her head, “Haven’t spoken to her since the beach. And she knew that we were going to see each other tonight. She’s not the type to give spoilers.”
“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. She recalled what Anya shared in the afternoon—how she had looked out for Lexa, and how she didn’t hold back with what her teenage radio silence did. She wasn’t sure how to process any feeling that may or may not still be there, but was suddenly scared to tell Lexa she was going to disappear just as quickly as she re-appeared. “I’m taking the summer to fix up Nana’s house so I can sell it.”
“Wow,” Lexa turned her attention back to the sound of waves crashing in the distance. It was dark out, but she wanted to make sure Clarke wouldn’t be able to see the look on her face. “I don’t blame you. You guys haven’t been down here since she passed away.”
“You and Anya had two very different reactions to that.” If it was anyone else, Clarke would be more surprised by the calm demeanor, but that was just how Lexa was—cool, calm, and collected.
“Have the summer rentals not been making it worth it? Or has it just been difficult for your dad to manage all the shoobie renter bullshit from home?”
Clarke closed her eyes and sighed, “Dad passed away last fall.”
“Clarke,” Lexa immediately reached back for her hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“Cancer,” Clarke nodded. She tried to continue, but tears were quickly forming in the corner of her eyes. “It was aggressive. Everything happened so fast. Mom and I are still trying to figure out how to deal with it all. He put Nana’s house in my name, so I guess I came down here to do this project and clear my mind.”
“I’m so sorry.” Lexa gave her hand a squeeze as she shook her head, “Why the hell didn’t Anya tell me that?”
“I didn’t tell her that part,” Clarke exhaled. “I wanted to tell you first.”
“Okay,” Lexa nodded. “Can I do anything to help out while you’re down here?”
Clarke let out a sad sigh, “Probably. To be honest, I decided to do all of this on a whim. I’m working remotely from down here, cut my hours back a little so I could do what I need to. I just got in today and couldn’t even bring myself to start going through the house to make a list. I just wanted to find you.”
“A sense of familiarity helps,” Lexa blinked at the admission. “I get that.”
Clarke wiped a stray tear that had managed to fall. “God, it feels weird to be back after all this time.” She wanted to change the subject before she got lost in her feelings about her dad.
“Does it feel right, though?” Lexa wondered out loud.
“Yeah,” Clarke finally let out the smallest of smiles. “Yeah, it does.”
The two sat in silence, drinking the rest of their beers and listening to the waves as they crashed into the shoreline. Being in each other’s presence brought them both a comfort neither realized they had needed, the company provided a soothing effect that they hadn’t felt in over a decade.
“Remember the last time we sat here, just us?” Clarke finally spoke up again. Her conversation with Anya from earlier still lingered on her mind, and if she was going to spend the summer here—spend more time with Lexa, she wanted to make sure the two would be able to move past what happened that last summer.
“I do,” Lexa nodded.
“I’m sorry I disappeared after Nana passed,” Clarke apologized. “Realizing she was gone was a lot. She was the first person that I loved that I lost. I don’t think I knew how to process it all.” She sighed before she continued, “You and I made this promise to each other that night, and I couldn’t even bring myself to return your calls and texts.”
Lexa nodded—she had gone eleven years without hearing from Clarke, let alone an apology for how things abruptly ended between them. “We were so young and you were going through something. I don’t blame you, Clarke. We were young and you dealt with it the way you had to.”
“Maybe we were, but we really loved each other,” Clarke gave her a sad smile. “And I’m sorry that I never mustered the courage to have that conversation with you.”
“I felt a little lost at first,” Lexa confessed. “Anya and I were mourning, too. I know she wasn’t our grandma the way she was yours, but she was still our Nana G. It made it even harder when I realized you didn’t want to hear from us.”
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want to—that wasn’t the case at all,” Clarke started. She looked up at Lexa, and the sadness in her eyes mirrored her own, “I had my own way of dealing with her being gone. I just ran. I don’t know how else to explain it.”
“At the very least,” Lexa started. “I’m glad we’re talking about it now.”
“Me too,” Clarke nodded, thankful that Lexa—her Lexa—was still as kind and understanding as she had always been. “To be honest, after talking to Anya earlier, I did not think this conversation was going to go well.”
“Anya is still Anya, Clarke,” Lexa rolled her eyes. “Don’t listen to her. She gets weirdly protective.”
“It’s nice she looks out for you, though,” Clarke offered. “But she was right with everything she said to me. And I just want to right my wrongs, so I needed to apologize. And I wanted to work on getting my best friend back.”
“Well,” Lexa squeezed her hand one last time before letting it go. “We have all summer long for that.”
At the loss of contact, Clarke’s mind started to swirl with emotions—her dad was gone, and so were Lexa’s parents. She was sitting side-by-side with the first person she truly loved, right where they made promises and declarations of grandeur to each other, almost eleven years ago. She looked at Lexa with a pleading eye, not even sure of what she was searching for—but Lexa knew. She just knew. She wrapped her arms around Clarke, giving her the hug she had been craving since the afternoon. Clarke relaxed into the embrace and leaned her head onto Lexa’s shoulder. It wasn’t until that moment when she realized that things could actually end up being okay.