Work Text:
Various beats of music thrumming through the headphone Hongjoong is using, secluding his mind from the outside world that keeps continuing, yet Hongjoong's mind seemed to have wander far away from the glaring composing tabs in front of him, escaping the small space of his studio that has starting to feel suffocating since the last few hours. The arrow in his computer have been moving back and forth between the pause and reply button for the last five minutes, pausing at some parts of the 40 seconds he just made and replying again, again, and again.
Hongjoong thinks there's something.. not necessarily wrong, more about how something is not enough on this part, but he can't get a hold of what's lacking or what's odd of it. The don't-know-how-many times of repetition of the two third a minute long intrumentals had come to it's end, while Hongjoong has reached his limit of hearing the same unsatisfying beats. He lets out a small sigh, releasing a small part of frustation in his chest as he repeats it just one more time, even though he knows nothing will come out of it. True to what he thought, the last one was also a waste, his brain has now admitted defeat to the bright screen in front of him. So he throw his head back in agitation, let's out a loud sigh this time while running his cold fingers through the freshly re-dyed blue hair which made him looks very blueberry again.
He stared at the ceiling blankly, blinking away the sleepiness uselessly, now his mind starting to wonder whether to go back to dorm or just sleep here per usual when tired of composing beats him to mush. But then the small part of his brain thankfully still remembers of the interview schedule his group have tomorrow late morning, so he didn't pack any kits to sleep at the studio.
What time we're leaving to the interview place again?. The other part of his brain asked, but seems like none of the last cells in his brain had the answer for it, so he sits pretty abruptly to reach for his phone that has been sitting next to the keyboard. He forgot to plug it on charge, so he sent a quick tiny prayer that his phone is still alive.
The default lockscreen along with the time lights his face, 1:36 A.M. Oh, damn. He winced when he realized the date has change into tomorrow.
Unlocking his phone, he taps the notes icon and quickly scroll to read the schedule he usually writes there. Now, after finding out the group needs to arrive there at eight in the morning, that means they need to leave the dorm at 6:30, and that also means Hongjoong needs to go back to dorm as soon as possible if he doesn't want his sleeping hour to be cut more short, the blue hair paced here and there, gathering his things and stuffing them into his bag, of course still organizing them a little because he doesn't want to go through the waste of time to search small belongings in the near future.
After saving the mocking composing that Hongjoong didn't finish and turning off the computer, he locked the studio and leaves the company, perhaps jogs a little on his steps to get to dorm quickly. Tonight isn't particularly cold, fortunately, so he only stuffed his stiff overworked fingers in the pocket of his hoodie, moving them a little and creating tiny heats from the friction. He already puts in his airpods, so the small walk towards dorm won't feel too lengthy, maybe also because he needs something to fill his mind other than the composing he left behind undone.
Hongjoong knew they're still on the beginning of the second week to promote Thanxx, their schedule is still packed and it's better to stay at dorm. He did, really, he's been coming home more often since Inception promotion started, but he can't helped not to be inside his studio for a short amount of time, he's been pretty fond to the new rutinity of coming home at past midnight. Except on nights where he can't finish or be satisfied to what he's working at. Hongjoong never feels fond of those kinds of days, and because tonight is one of them, he doesn't like how his night ended today.
Moreover, this song he's been working on hasn't meet any progress since a week ago. Hongjoong going to the beginning of it, not satisfied with it, removing and adding new parts, replaying it, the beats sounds off or weird or even both, deleting and making another one or combining the deleted parts, repeat, repeat, and again, repeat. It's getting to his nerves, it's starting to squeeze his mental. Hongjoong just wants to make new songs, Hongjoong just wants to be productive but he can't even keep up with his standard, and how will people enjoy the song then?
Those neverending dark thoughts is starting cloud his brain, he doesn't even realized he's just some steps closer to the door of their dorm. Hongjoong once again thanked The One up there that has set his feet in auto pilot mode, dragging his sort of spiritless body back to his dorm. Fetching the spare dorm key that belongs to him in his sweatpants pocket, Hongjoong wonders if any if the members are awake, probably not, his mind added immediately. The tight schedule and practices all of them have makes everyone falls asleep soundly once they're all back at dorm, well, except him, of course. He's been sneaking into his dorm for near two years after their group debuted, this isn't something new to him but he can't deny the pety feeling of loneliness to arrive at a silent night, where his members were already adventuring inside their dreams.
After taking off his vetement love matter sneakers his fans sometimes mistook as one of his creations, he walks silently towards his shared room with Seonghwa. Ah, I forgot to reply his message. His exhausted brain bringing up a fact a tad too late. On his slow steps towards there, the airpod that's still playing his shuffled playlist letting out music too familiar to his ears. It's one of their songs, Thank U. Hongjoong thought of the weird coincidence when his mind just thought of the only man shared the same birth year as his in Ateez and now his phone playing a song he dedicated to the said man. Coincidences and fates twirling together again, perhaps.
Standing in front of their shared room, Hongjoong took deep breathe, he didn't know why, maybe hoping Seonghwa wasn't waiting for him to come back, maybe getting somewhat anxious because the song making him feeling guilty of not coming home earlier, maybe both, or something else. Shrugging of the uneasy feeling, he opened the door and entered the room very carefully, afraid to startle his perhaps sleeping roomate. His eyes spotted Seonghwa's sleeping form on his bed, face peaceful and as handsome as ever, also beautiful, how does someone be that ethereal even on his sleep? He doesn't know either, one thing for sure he's nothing like that when he's sleeping, since he looks cute— is what fans said and his members teased him, okay, he does not agree with them fully.
While turning off the song midway when it arrive at the bridge, Hongjoong walked across the room to where his desk and cabinets for his bags located, placed his bags on the top row without removing his possessions inside of it, too much of a work, I had enough of them tonight, and reached out for the charger of his phone while fetching the phone in his pocket. After plugging it and making sure it's charging, Hongjoong goes to their wardrobe and quickly change into sleeping clothes, which were just an oversized black shirt that dwarves his figures even more and black sweatpants with white stripe at its side that reached his ankle.
When he was about to go to his own bed, his mind checking up on him if he already sets an alarm, so he went back to the desk to checked, he hasn't, *good job, brain*, he complimented his own fatigued brain. When he's about to put it back on the desk, Hongjoong, clumsy when in needs of sleep per usual, stupidly dropped his phone from a pretty good height for it to made a sound that alarmed the whole room, and it sure did. Peering his glance from the abused phone near his toes to where the other person of the room located, his eyes meets a pair of sleep-dazed round eyes, staring at him with a questioning look.
"Joong, you're back?" A deep and rough voice echoed the silent bedroom. Seonghwa was holding himself up with one elbow so he can get a better look of his roomate that just got back.
Hongjoong just nods, suddenly not trusting his voice and just walked to his own bed as if nothing happened. "Go back to sleep, Hwa", he finally voiced out, sitting on the edge of his bed, facing the other male. "It's late." He added, choosing to watch his feet when his voice cracked a little at the end, internally wincing, he probably should have drink some water before going to bed. Fidgeting his fingers, he can feel the deep stare Seonghwa giving him.
He heared the oldest took a deep breath, "Do you want some company tonight?", Seonghwa offered.
Another silence stretched between the two. Hongjoong is getting lost in his mind again, Seonghwa noticed from how he has stopped fidgeting and just sitting still, eyes still glued to the floor yet seemed so distant. "Hongjoong?" He called the shorter once more when the silence have been lingering too long.
"It's fine if you don't want—," before Seonghwa finished though, he watched how the blueberry haired stands up, cutting his words, and walks over to his bed, head still hung low. It's fine actually, atleast his leader decided to accept his offer this time, so he scooted over to one side of the bed, making room for Hongjoong that now stands at the edge of his bed.
Being closer to him, Seonghwa noticed the dark lines under his dull eyes, hair a little disheveled maybe from running his tiny fingers for many times or because he was rushing to go back home. His heart twisted, seeing how the eyes that always shines with inspiration and determination are giving him a drained gaze. Flopping to his pillow, Seonghwa patted the slightly warm empty side of his bed, signs for Hongjoong to just slip in.
The smaller complied, lifting the blanket and tuck himself under it, getting comfortable in position. Hongjoong still makes a small distance in between them both, not wanting to crowd his band mate. He lifted the blanket all away up to his head, only leaving up from his nose exposed to the coldness of their room.
This isn't something new to both of them, actually. Hongjoong going over his bed in search for the unspoken comfort he needed, and sometimes, just something what he wanted. Nights where Hongjoong just accepts his offer like these don't happen so often though, there were usual a longer silence ended with a rejection from the smaller figure in front of him. Seonghwa never pushed on his decisions. He understands well that the leader doesn't want to bother anyone, and he trusts the male knows his own limits. Yet even though he always accepts the decline open heartedly, he admits there's a part in him saddened by it, a big part actually. He only wanted Hongjoong to let go of the burden on his back for a while, but Seonghwa never dares to speak about it. He won't put Hongjoong under more pressure and starting to feel guilty about it, that's not what he wants, so he keeps them locked deeply inside.
Still examining Hongjoong's expression who's starting to relax a bit, he opens his mouth and whisper-called him,
"Hey—,"
"Seong—,"
The two said at the same time, now Hongjoong's eyes are finally looking back at him. The ash blond gesturing the pair of wide eyes to go first. After some seconds past, "Hwa, can I.." the smaller question trailed, voice becoming a whisper at the end yet Seonghwa understands well what he meant.
"Sure, come here." He answered while opening wide his arms, inviting the leader to come closer to his embrace.
Again, the leader complied, creeping little by little until he settled to his chest, Seonghwa wrapping his arms around the worn-out figure, fitting so snuggly, so perfect between his arms. One of his arms were trapped under Hongjoong's head and the bed, the other resting on top of the thin waist. It's been a while since the comeback has started, they haven't had the chance to bask on each other's warmth like this.
Seonghwa hoped his thrumming heartbeat weren't audible to him since Hongjoong is moving closer, but then he feels the smaller lets out a contented sigh, and with the sigh his exhausition seemed to seeping out. The older of the two risked a glance to look at the younger, blue strands falling to his closed eyes, the tired lines on his face are still there, but now there's also calmness radiating from him, as if Hongjoong has now find the perfect blanket to keep him warm for the night.
He's glad he can make the leader find a peace after a long night he probably dealt with. Hongjoong was never one to know how to take care of himself well, he doesn't want to seem vulnerable in front of anyone, subconscious telling him it's his job to stay strong as a leader. Seonghwa disagree with that, he wants the other to look out himself too, after all, he's still a person with limit. So he was happy that he can give the other a bare minimum comfort like this, he's also entranced that Hongjoong trusted him enough to let this side of him visible, flowers blooms deep within his heart and Seonghwa lets it happened.
Seonghwa shifted the arms under Hongjoong's a little, but it made Hongjoong shifts too. Turns out he isn't one hundred percent asleep yet, but Seonghwa is sure sleepiness already crawls into the man in front of him.
So he starts humming low, humming to a song that sounds like belongs to them both.
Hongjoong eyes cracked open a little, all these coincidences were lining up too well, might as well be a set up, he chuckled internally and closed his eyes again, aiming to just focus on the beautiful melodic Seonghwa hummed. It's always nice hearing his voice, even though it's just a hum, Hongjoong loves how soothing his voice is, how reassuring it feels.
Right now, the leader's mind wandered to the group Seoul concert, to the spesific moment of joy when this song was sung and to the memory of Seonghwa reaching out for his hand then entwined it with his always warm hand. The vision is still so vivid on the back of his mind along with the overwhelming emotions. With that spesific memory crowding his brain, some other glimpses of times where the older took care of him popping up too, filling up his heart with another emotions slowly but surely, replacing the anxiety that has been living there for almost the whole night.
Hongjoong feels a big yet gentle palm caressing his spine, dragging slowly from up and down his back in a constant slow rythms. The touches were not fleeting, not too pressing yet grounding him in a good way, giving a sort of safe emotion, reassurance reminding him he's not alone, reminding him he can lean on somebody too. So he did, he leans closer to Seonghwa, fitting his head in the crook of his neck, one hand resting between their chest while the other pulls him closer by his upper waist.
Both of their hearts are bursting with colorful emotions, exploding and overflowing their senses, but there were not the kind that ignited dynamite and fireworks, it was the kind where calm waves of the sea crashing softly to a shore, washing them over and over again and it feels so satisfying.
Seonghwa nuzzle the blue locks in front of him, a familiar scent of shampoo filling his sense of smell nicely. He keeps humming in a soft vocal, sleeps are coming back to him bit by bit, he hopes it's the same for Hongjoong too. When he reached the ending of bridge, he stopped and lowered his head a little, closing the distance to the younger's ear.
"Gomawo," Seonghwa whispered, lips brushing the tip shell of Hongjoong's ear.
Then he brought his chin to rest on top of the blue strands that tickled a bit and continued to the last chorus. If Seonghwa feels his sleep shirt dampened in a small patch where Hongjoong's head is resting, he didn't mention about it.
They don't speak about it, they don't utter a word about whatever happening between them both, even though they knew it's mutual. Why the need of talk when actions like this are clear enough to deliver their emotions, the both of them thought. Hongjoong lets the small tears stream down freely, uncaring if he soaked the older's shirt, and Seonghwa didn't mind at all. He lets the leader's emotions falls to him.
The humming has come to an end, the bedroom only filled with two breaths that shares one beat. Hongjoong and Seonghwa already drifted to their dreams, together.
.
.
.
Until the rainstorm ends
Stay with me, don't let go of my hand
When the serene morning comes
It will feel like a dream
I want to be with you
To the place where the sea sleeps.
.
.
.
Hongjoong wakes up to the feeling of gentle hand carding through his messy blue hair.
His sense of hearing also starting to register the whisper-humming of a song that lulled him to sleep last night.
He blinked his eyes to shake off the bits of sleep several times, then looked up and meets a pair of sweet black eyes gazing down at him. He inspects the latter state, hair slightly disheveled from sleep, expression lax with a little hint of sleepiness, prove that the other had just woken up too.
The humming comes to a halt, then, "Good morning," voice groggy of sleep followed.
"G'mornin," Hongjoong's equally rasp voice answered.
"Your alarm probably gonna spring to life in ten minutes," Seonghwa informed him, hands brushing some strands falling to Hongjoong's eyes to the side so he can stare at those lovely big eyes better.
Hongjoong makes a mental note of options, contemplating them one by one. Eyes still glued to the celestial eyes lingering on his own, he decided to throw the other options and close his eyelids again, moving an inch closer to Seonghwa.
Seonghwa gets the hint and wraps his arm some more tighter, continues humming to Thank U where he stops, fingers still playing with the blueberry haired like it's a very interesting thing to do. Well, everything about Hongjoong is interesting, he mumbled internally.
When Seonghwa reaches the second chorus, another voice fills up the room, light and airy, following his steps and humming as well.
In a room that sunlight starting to peek from it's window were filled with steady breaths and two different tone of voice humming the same song. In the limitation of time, they hold dear onto each other presence, appreciating the moment while it lasts.
—