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if gerard could choose a superpower, it would be time travel.
he would single-handedly make sure his parents never met. or put his younger self on intensive therapy right after learning how to talk. or never meet frank iero.
human relationships tend to be complicated but holy fuck, this is too much, even for them.
they never had anything more than a friendship with a lot of benefits, gerard can recognize this. they were a little more than friends and a little less than lovers, and that was just fine. or would've been, if gerard had not fallen in love. truly, madly, crazy deeply in love. isn't it insane how fast things can change?
everything would've been fine if gerard wasn't a jelous son of a bitch. he knew frank wasn't his, but seeing him with another person made his blood boil. he's selfish, he knows. frank promised that gerard would be the first person he would ever talk to when planning to change things, but he didn't. promises were really made to be broken, i guess.
he wasn't mad at frank for this, though. even though it seems like it. he promises he's not. he's mad at himself. mad for making himself so vulnerable and open to frank, mad that he had him as a safe harbour and now it's all gone. they had the biggest connection and gerard doesn't want to have this with anyone else. he doesn't wish to get over frank at all. and that is the absolutelly worst thing ever. being hurt instead of feeling nothing seems like the best case scenario.
gerard know he's probably at his best and he's so goddamn jealous. he hates to think frank will call his new love the same petnames he called gerard. it's so hard to be lonely now and to keep rewinding this memories. he feels empty, like a big piece of his heart is missing. and well, it is.
he really wishes they could at least remain friends. he wishes frank will see him in a little better light. he hopes frank will see him highly when he decides to move on as well.
is it bad that gerard actually wishes to keep living a lie than to accept what happened? he always thought he was good at goodbyes, but he's gone soft. and this hurts like hell. he broke the heart of the only person who ever mattered and now he truly dislikes himself. all the plans, all the promises, everything's gone. how can he be fine if frank was the one who always made everything ok?
gerard knows he'll never meet frank's expectations and it was just a matter of time for him to see it as well, but god, this hurts. he wanted to call frank and tell him he's sorry, beg him to work things out, to heal together, but he knows iero has enough respect to never even pick up the call.
the more he thinks about it, the more it hurts. he misses frank already. his sweet smile, his puppy eyes, his terrible jokes. he wanted to make things right so badly. he wanted to be with him so badly, but frank had no reasons to stay. and it wasn't fair to keep asking for a second chance. once he said he couldn't bear not being frank's favorite person in the whole world, and he meant it.
maybe it will be for the best, frank said. but he can't speak for gerard. and only gerard way knows how bad things will be eventually. they always were, but knowing frank was there for him made it easier. he doesn't really think he wants to keep going. he's so tired of this never ending sadness. so tired of being himself. he wanted to forget this ever happened, forget who he is and what he wants. start fresh, somewhere new. but he also wants to stay and hurt.
gerard likes to think their paths will cross out again eventually, and they will be able to sort things down. maybe this is just a wishful thinking. he understands if frank says no.
for quite some time, he knew frank wanted to leave, even though he kept saying he loved gerard. love is tough to understand. gerard learned this in the worst way possible.
he just wishes to go back in time and make things right.
gerard knows that it doesn't matter how much time has passed, frank will always hold a special place in his heart.
he will always be waiting for him with open arms, so they can make it work.
he will always want to go back to the only person he's capable of loving.
sometimes, love is like that. and that's ok.