Chapter Text
Johan dreams of his sister.
Of course he does. Nothing surprising here. It's not the first time. Most of the time, these dreams focus on her revenge. Her pathetic, but still entertaining, hunt.
He had wanted so badly to know if she would be able to pull the trigger as soon as they meet again that his impatient mind offered him those dreams. In the meanwhile.
Could she? Could she shoot him in the head like she did back then? Or wouldn’t she dare to do it this time? She could be too afraid, too broken to end everything once and for all. Or too generous, who knows.
Anna is the epitome of kindness and forgiveness. Compassion. She has always been, unlike him. That kindness of hers, he surprised himself to enjoy it, clinging to it, even though he could despise it at the same time.
He liked dreaming of his sister. It never bored him.
Sometimes, in some of his dreams, she would fire at him, without any hesitation. Her hand firmly holding a gun and pointing it at him. She would face him without trembling, her beautiful eyes looking right into his own.
No compassion. No kindness. No fear. The true face of a monster. A beautiful monster, similar to his.
However, in other dreams, she would fail. She would try to pull the trigger, but would lower her gun with shaking hands, bursting into tears and shaking her head. Looking down. Failing to shoot him. That was so disappointing.
Anna putting an end to his life is indeed his favorite scenario. It would be such an honor, to be killed by her. She would be right to murder him. She would be finally free from him, freed from a burden that looked like her.
Well, now he knows how it turned out. She didn’t shoot him. She couldn't. Disappointing, but predictable.
However, this current dream is quite different. That’s intriguing. He wonders what triggers that change. It looks more like a memory than an actual dream. What is happening? Johan is not sure.
They’re children again, walking together, her hand holding his own. Trying to fight the devastating and freezing wind lashing their face. Alone. It’s like they’re the only two people in the whole world.
He has a plan, and his sister trusts him. She follows him without any question. She looks at him with so much trust and tenderness… That’s why he mustn’t fail. He has to get her away from the monster. To get her to safety, by crossing the border.
They have to keep walking.
That is why he killed the couple who had offered them food. The two children were starving, so this help was welcomed, and they indeed looked nice, but Johan knew better. He didn’t trust them. At all. In fact, he doesn’t trust anyone except his sister, and especially not adults.
They can abuse them, just like the others did. Just like their mother did.
He has to eliminate the witnesses of their escape. So that the monster won’t find them.
They have to keep walking.
That doesn’t mean they can’t have a break, though. They’re both haggard right now. They're still standing only out of desperation. They hardly move their trembling and weak legs. His sister is the only one who shows her tiredness.
Johan keeps his unreadable mask over his features, but he quickly nods at his sister when she asks – almost begs him – to stop.
They both stop, sitting down on the hot sand close to each other. Their feet hurt. Their shoes are ruined. Johan notices that his sister’s feet and calf are bloody.
He’ll have to take a look at that.
Johan looks up at her. She is trying to wipe away the dust staining her pink dress. Even though she is dirty, she is so perfect.
She is the most beautiful being in the entire world.
“Brother, are you alright?” She looks at him worryingly, her kind and sweet voice breaking the silence, and he smiles at her. He manages to do so without controlling his mouth.
It just comes.
He doesn’t answer though. Instead, he takes a look at their provision. He doesn’t allow his expression to change, but worry stabs inside his chest. They’re running out of food and water. He doesn’t mind for himself, but his sister will need more to eat.
He takes one sandwich, and he hands it to her. “Eat,” he just says. He won't eat tonight. His sister’s face lights up. As she takes it, she grins at him. “Thanks, brother!”
He wishes he could be that innocent, that joyful for small things. Just like her. But he can’t. He can’t feel the way she feels. He doesn’t know if he’s ever been capable of that, even.
He doesn't move, watching his sister. Then, she giggles for some reason. She doesn’t start eating as Johan expects. He slightly frowns while his sister cuts her sandwich in two parts, keeps one - the smallest - for herself and hands him the other one. “That’s for you!”
He doesn’t take it, and he shakes his head. His face remains unreadable, but he feels something. Something warm. Tenderness. “You need to eat.”
“You too!” She replies, stubborn. She folds her arms. “I’m not eating if you don’t, brother!”
Johan purses his lips. He starts thinking of how he could make her change her mind, using the right words to manipulate her, but by looking at her severe eyes, he cedes. He knows that look. He knows everything about her.
It means that she is not going to give in, that if he doesn’t do as she said, she is going to insist, maybe throw a tantrum.
He does not want them to quarrel. Not today. He accepts his sister's gift with a sigh, even though he is not hungry at all. He slowly takes a bite, forcing himself to chew and looking at her. She looks happy, and a lovely smile – a triumphal one too – lights up her entire face.
She then imitates him. Well, she almost devours her meal in one mouthful. They eat in silence for long minutes, both looking blankly in front of them.
They’re truly alone.
“Brother…” She sounds hesitant, now. Timid. “Do you think Mother is looking of us? Do you think… she will come back?” She is nervous now, Johan knows it because she starts playing with her blond hair in bunches.
The boy avoids his sister’s gaze, looking down. He can’t blame her for having that question in mind, but he hates hearing it.
He doesn’t want to think of Mother. She abandoned them, and failed to protect them. She pretended to care about them. Just a lie. Johan remembers crying, begging her to stay when she coldly announced that she would leave them, his sister trying to comfort him. She had been stronger than him.
He doesn’t understand his sister: she shouldn’t be waiting for Mother.
“We don’t need her,” That’s all he says. Vague and cryptic.
As always.
She sadly stares at him for long seconds, probably because she can’t analyze his measured and slow voice. “That’s a no, then…” she deduces. Yes, she is smart and she can read between the lines. “I…” she sighs and she hugs herself with her arms. “I miss her,” her voice is small. “Why did she leave us, brother? Why?”
She looks so vulnerable.
Johan doesn’t answer. That’s what he always does: he never shares anything about himself, even when he knows his sister is waiting for it. Needs it.
“I… I’m scared, brother,” and she is right to be scared. They’re in the middle of nowhere, in a hostile and dangerous environment. Alone. But everything will be alright. Because they're together now.
He closes his eyes for a second. He knows what come after her quivering voice. Tears and sobs are going to take over very soon. And he is right, because then tears pour down her face, although she tries to be silent and hide them.
He hates seeing her cry. It triggers something in him.
She is the only person who seems to influence him. They do share a connection, a connection Johan values a lot. Their mother was important to him as well, but she betrayed him. Betrayed them. She chose. She chose to get rid of his sister. If she had truly loved them, she wouldn't have chosen. She would have protected them both.
His sister deserved better.
He stands up, and he approaches his crying sister. He ignores her teary and confused eyes looking up at him. He just crouches down behind her back and gently hugs her. That's the best thing he can do.
“We’re together, and we’ll always be,” Johan calmly whispers. She sniffs, but she doesn’t resist. She cuddles up to him, pressing her back against his chest. Yes, she needs this contact. “It’s just the two of us, and we’re going to make it. You and me,” she is still crying, but his kind words seem to calm her down a bit.
He can imagine her weakly smile through her tears. “Yes… You and me, always…”
Johan nods, pleased. “Now…” Time to change topics. “Show me your leg.”
She turns her head to look at him, seeming confused for a second before realizing what he means. “Oh...” she looks down at her injured calf. It must be painful. Her lips shape a shy smile, as she wipes away her tears and clears her throat. She tries to be strong, for him. She often does that, playing the strong girl. To reassure him. “That’s nothing…”
He smiles at her, gentle. “Show me,” his voice remains firm, though.
This memory slowly trails off, and Johan can’t understand why. He wants to stay here, with his sister. Back when they were together. Back when she wasn’t aware of his destructive nature, of the monster growing inside of him, ready to explode.
Now, he must leave that memory, it seems. What’s going on? He hates being confused.
He usually controls everything, whether it is his movements, his words, his expression or the entire world around him. He then decides whether to destroy or let life run its course. Depending on his mood. If he’s bored, angered or depressed.
He’s not in control now.
It seems like he is pulled out of his memory. Violently. The scenery suddenly turns too quickly around him, and it changes.
He opens his eyes, a quivering breath stuck inside his throat. His blurry vision is overwhelmed by white everywhere. He sees white. Only white. Then little by little, it's clearer. Less blinding. And he sees shapes, and more colors. A room. That’s a room.
A medical room.
He is in a hospital, laying down on a bed. A white bed.
He is awake.
OoO
Dieter is too busy reading the cookery book to notice that the front door opens and shuts. As soon as he hears Nina’s heels striking the floor though, he understands that she is home.
“Hey Nina!”
“Dieter?” She is surprised to see him. She takes off her long coat and shoes, gathers them on the closest chair and she quickly joins him in the kitchen. “What are you doing here? Weren’t you supposed to see some friends of yours tonight?”
Dieter glances at her and he doesn’t like what he sees. Her face is paler than usual, and the dark circles under her eyes don’t help. She also chose today to wear a ponytail, displaying her haggard features.
She really seems tired. And Dieter knows that it’s not because of her exhausting and demanding work.
“Well…” Dieter pretends to look for the tomatoes on the work surface, using those precious seconds to think of an answer. He has to make up a convincing lie. “Yes, that was tonight, but I'm not going! One of my friend got sick!”
He winces. He could have done a better job.
“Oh, really?” A sincere smile slightly lights up her face. That’s the cheerful Nina he knows. “You’re a terrible liar…” She doesn’t sound angry or upset. She is as sweet and kind as ever, just teasing him.
Dieter can’t fool her anyway. He knows that. He shrugs, and he starts peeling the tomatoes. He then has to, wait let him see… what’s said on the cookery book? Season them with dill. Got it.
“What’s happening?” She is walking towards him to go just next to him. She takes a knife and she cuts the onions Dieter has prepared and left in a corner. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about something?” Her voice exposes her concerns. She is worried about him.
Dieter smiles at her. “No, I’m good… It’s just…” Okay, time to be honest now. “I didn’t want to leave you alone tonight…” He doesn’t need to say much more, Nina understands what he means.
Today is the anniversary of the Fortners’ death, her parents killed by Johan. She hates that date, because it forces her to go back then. To think of the horrible day when her whole world collapsed, completely destroyed by her missing brother.
A brother who is now still in the coma, as far as she knows.
Her eyes widen, astonished. Dieter is not supposed to know that. She has never mentionned it. She looks at him in the eye. Her stare is intense. It makes the boy uncomfortable. “How do you know that it's today…?” she stops, and then she understands as she gently rolls her eyes. “Oh let me guess: Tenma…?”
“Yes…” Dieter purses his lips, avoiding her blue eyes. “Maybe...”
“He told you to watch over me today?”
She is correct.
“Technically, not really,” Dieter says, his voice gentle. He is careful, he doesn’t want to upset Nina. And especially not today. “I got him on the phone two hours ago. We spoke for some time, and then he insinuated that today was…” he clears his throat. “not a fun day for you and that you may need company. I didn’t know what he was talking about, so I asked him about it, and he told me.”
“He’s impossible!” Nina sighs, shaking her head. Dieter can hear the fondness in her tone though. She is not that upset. Tenma and Nina really care for each other, so Nina can’t blame him for being protective. And Dieter needed to know eventually. “I appreciate what you’re doing, Dieter, truly, but I don’t want you to stop enjoying yourself for me.”
Dieter carefully scatters the tomatoes across the plate, mixes them with drill. He then opens the oven, and he puts the plate inside. “That’s okay! It's good to be here!”
“I’m fine, Dieter.”
She sounds convincing, but her tired face says otherwise. She knows how to lie, how to dissimulate until her body can’t take it anymore. He offers her a bright smile. “If you’re fine, then that’s perfect! We will have a nice dinner!” He points at the oven, and he raises his chin up, playing the proud boy. “Oh, and I’ve cooked! Like a chef!”
She chuckles and her blue eyes sparkle. A victory for Dieter. “Well, sorry to tell you that, Chef, but it smells like something is burning…” She is just teasing.
“Not cool!”
They both laugh. Then Nina sets the table in silence. They both sit down and they start eating. It tastes good, actually. Like always. Dieter is a skilled cook. “I wanted to go to the cemetery tonight…” she suddenly whispers, not looking at him. Her voice sounds so small all of the sudden.
"Are you sure you want to go alone?"
“Would you like to come with me?”
Dieter doesn’t bother to hide his surprise. “Yes, but... would you?”
“I don’t mind,” she shrugs and looks down, playing with her food instead of eating. “You can come with me if you want, but you can say no, it’s-” Dieter firmly interrupts her.
“I come!” He doesn’t want her to go alone.
She doesn’t say anything, but he can see that her eyes thank him for these words. They finish eating quickly, without really talking to each other. Then, Dieter calls a taxi and they’re both out, going to the cemetery.
Nina takes a deep breath in the car, and she closes her eyes. She is quiet during the drive, and Dieter can't blame her. She looks at the window to distract herself. She is prepared for this. She is. It’s still hard to see her parents’ grave. Even though she takes care of it, decorating it with flowers, it seems so tern, devoid of life.
Dieter’s presence is comforting, and she is grateful that he’s here. Maybe she indeed needed company tonight, after all. She’ll have to thank Tenma the next time she sees him.
They finally arrive, and as Dieter is occupied paying the taxi driver, Nina gets out of the car, arranges her coat and scarf around her neck and she narrows her eyes, trying to see. It’s really dark out here, as it’s late and there are not lots of street lights.
Dieter joins her. “Let’s go then…” she speaks, not really knowing what she has just said. Dieter takes her hand, silently telling her that he’s here. It is more efficient than empty words.
Nina weakly smiles at him, and they go. On the way, she takes the watering can, and they come close to the Fortners’ grave, stopping in front of it. As Nina waters the beautiful and colorful flowers, Dieter thinks that the grave is small. Well decorated, but still… small.
Nina doesn’t say a word. She drops the watering can next to her feet, and she then stays motionless, looking blankly down at it. It is hard to read her expression as they’re in the middle of the night.
Dieter knows she is lost in her thoughts. He hopes she relives happy memories, but he is not that naive. She must be thinking of their murder. The day she discovered their bodies. And she must also be thinking of their murderer. She was 20. Only 20. And he was 20 too.
It’s so unfair.
“They were amazing…” she suddenly says, and it’s almost a broken whisper. Dieter looks up at her. “They treated me like their own daughter. They were my family, Dieter,” her voice quivers, but her face remains expressionless. Like… too exhausted to express anything. “They didn’t deserve that. They were good people. They didn’t deserve to be killed,” she is rambling now.
Dieter doesn’t say anything. He knows she just needs to talk. He squeezes her hand. He’s here. That’s what he is saying.
Her impassive expression finally breaks. Her blue eyes fill with tears that threaten to pour down her face, and her lips are trembling. “You know, it’s hard because… It’s J…” it’s hard to say his name in front of her parents’ grave. It's just sometimes hard to say his name. She tries again. “It’s Johan who offered me this family. He’s the one who left me with them, knowing they would treat me well. He’s the one who gave me this wonderful family… But he had to destroy it. Come back and destroy everything.”
Her voice doesn’t sound angry. She is not angry at her brother anymore, not really, mostly because she forgave him a long time ago, but also because she is too exhausted now.
She has spent too much time and effort hating him, wanting nothing more than killing him. That has been useless. She understands now why her brother did this. Because he thought he had to. Because his messed up and broken mind thought he had to. To remain nameless. With no one to remember him or know his past, except for his other half. And Doctor Tenma, also. He wanted to kill her parents so that he would get his sister back.
It is not enough to justify a double homicide, of course, but understanding is an important part of her recovery. An important part that helped her forgive him and free herself from her pitiful hunt, driven by guilt and rage.
Only, the pain is still here, as intense as ever. She guesses it will never go away. She’ll have to carry that pain with her, always. Pain because of what her parents lived. Pain because of how her brilliant brother ended.
She sniffs. “You know, most of the time, I think I finally managed to move on… But then this… anniversary arrives, and… it’s like I must restart. It’s like I decline.”
Dieter shakes his head. “You’ve moved on, Nina,” he firmly claims, and he insists as she shakes her head. “You have. Remember what I told you one day? We have to share and create happy memories. We can’t stay in our past. That’s what you did, and you decided to move on. It’s normal that pain comes back, Nina. It’s painful, but it does not mean that you restart.”
He tries to smile at her. “Tomorrow is going to be a great day, you'll see!”
She smiles and she nods. She doesn’t seem convinced, but his words help her, still. “Thank you.”
Suddenly, Dieter’s phone rings. He frowns. He doesn’t know who this could be. Nina doesn’t seem to be touched by this interruption. She just stares at the grave. The boy takes his phone, and as he sees that it is Tenma, his worry grows. Why is it Tenma?
“Yes?”
“Dieter!” Tenma’s voice sounds so relieved to have him on the phone, as if he fears that he might be dead or something. He sounds out of breath, also. His panic is obvious. Blatant.
Dieter tenses up immediately, and his mouth goes dry. “Are you okay?! Where are you now?!” Tenma continues.
“Yes, I'm fine, I'm with Nina…” The boy answers, and he notices that Nina now looks down at him, frowning. “What’s happening?”
There is a silence for a long moment, a silence Dieter can’t comprehend, and then Tenma speaks again with a frightened and broken voice. Dieter feels like someone stabs him in his chest and crushes his heart. “I have just received a call… Johan… He woke up... He woke up and he escaped!”