Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Parties. Surprisingly the avengers got invited to quite a few. Though they often had to turn them down due to their busy schedules, every once in a while they couldn’t refuse- especially when the party was held in their honour after saving the world. Again. 

That night was one of said parties and everyone was in attendance. And everyone was drinking- well, except Tony of course. Whilst he was extremely happy there were zero casualties this time, a first for everyone, he still didn't want to chance drinking- knowing him he’d find something to upset himself and make himself want to drink to death. And despite the great outcome of this particular fight, he wasn’t in high spirits; his brain was too full of the city clean up plans and temporary rehousing programmes he was going to have to orchestrate- that and he was too tempted by the flowing alcohol. It was making his mouth water. 

Thankfully he was self aware enough and less inclined towards self his destructive tendencies than he had been a couple years prior; so he knew better than to stick around. He’d proved to himself that he could resist temptation for a good couple hours, there was no need to push it. So he showed his face, made sure he was seen partaking in the festivities, before quietly slipping away, nodding to Clint to cover for him which the man graciously did. 

Once he’d made it home he got a text saying that he was missed, but Tony didn’t feel like playing a part today. He didn’t want to be the life of the party. He wanted to go home, eat half a dozen donuts, watch a couple movies recommended to him by his favourite little sidekick then go the fuck to bed. 

It was a little depressing. It left Tony with familiar thoughts about his own mortality, wondering when he got so old. But he did his best to ignore them, brush them off for what they were- just thoughts. He didn’t have to listen to them, he could cut himself some slack. Slack in this instance came in the form of complete ruining the calorie restrictions he’d set himself and indulging in icing glazed heaven. 

He just..wasn’t used to sober life just yet. This was the first time everyone was out without him and he was happy for his team. From what he could see from the various snapchats and messages he was being sent they were all having fun- even Bruce was letting his hair down. Maybe a little too much since Tony got a picture in the group chat of the small man doing shots up the bar with Thor, followed by photos sent privately from Nat of the doctor’s head in a toilet whilst the redhead gave the camera a thumbs up. Yeah, Tony didn’t miss that part of a night out. He did wonder what Steve would have to say though, and he noticed the blond wasn’t in any of the photos. But he didn’t think too much of it since Steve wasn’t one for showboating or taking part in those kinds of activities. He was probably huddled up in a corner somewhere being a wallflower like he always was. Tony smiled at the thought, though he felt a little bit bad. Usually he would’ve kept the blond company, when he wasn’t playing his Tony-Stark-life-of-the-party bit, but he just didn’t have the energy tonight. 

Still, being alone was a sure fire way for the demons that resided in the recesses of Tony’s mind to have a party of their own and the house felt a little empty. Pepper was in charge of keeping everyone under wraps at the party and the kid was out of town that weekend (an impending attack of that scale meant sending spider babies far, far away from the action for once). So feeling depressed and old and not wanting to stew in those feelings for once Tony started to wonder about just going to bed, seeing if he could get a good night's sleep for the first time in about twenty three years. 

When the elevator doors opened. 

“Oo-whoops.” Followed by a low giggle and Tony turned around to see none other than Steven Rogers trying to balance a stack of books and a decorative vase in the shape of an elephant he’d just been about to knock over. “Sorry m’ster elephant.”

Tony was wondering when the blond gendered the ceramic artwork, but no matter. He was more preoccupied with what he saw in front of him; instantly noticing the rosy cheeks, wobbly gate and content expression and it dawned on him very quickly. He knew what was up, he just didn’t beleive it. He considered himself a rather sane person but he genuinely couldn’t beleive his eyes. Oh my god.

Captain America was drunk.

“Hey there.” Tony said lowly, his voice softening as though he was talking to Peter when the teen was sleep walking. He approached Steve who turned around and looked at him confused- and for a scary second Tony thought he might start swinging- before a look of recognition crossed his face. 

“Oh! Hi T-Tony.” Steve smiled warmly and genuinely when his eyes focused. He looked down at himself realising he was still clutching the ornament and the books that had fallen with it. “I didn’t know you were- oh Mr. Elephant. M’sorry I’ll- I’ll and put him back.”

Tony found it funny since Steve had been the one to put it there in the first place, insisting on adding homey touches to the otherwise modern and bare apartment. He couldn’t help but notice Steve was trying to balance stuff with a cup still in his hand. And it certainly didn’t look or smell like lemonade. “Whatchya got there?”

“I don’t know, some drink thingy, I don’t know what it is.” Steve said with another slurp- holding a book and the cup up to his face using his hip to balance the other items. “It tastes really good though- you want some?”

Captain Amaerica wasn’t just drunk. He was shitfaced. 

Tony chuckled and gently pushed the cup away from his face once Steve shoved it there. “I’m good-“

“Oh no!” Steve cried, realising his error with a dramatic gasp. “No you can’t have this- oh my god I’m so sorry Tony I forgot- I’ll get rid of it!”

“Steve it’s okay, really.” Tony laughed again when Steve raced across the room to put all the books (and Mr. Elephant) on the counter so he could dispose of the offending alcohol. “You can finish it if you want to.”

Steve stopped just as he was about to pour the drink down the drain and smiled before sticking the straw back in his mouth; slurping some with a content sigh only succeeding in making Tony laugh again. It occurred to him that Steve must’ve really wanted it if he got it all the way home from the club. Come to think of it- why was Steve alone? If Captain America was struggling to fucking walk he certainly shouldn’t have been left alone. Tony checked his phone and saw multiple texts in the group chat asking where Steve went and he groaned- quickly texting that he was home and not to worry. 

But then again, maybe they should be worried. He’d  never seen Steve drunk, never even seen him touch a drop. Out of principle he’d always declined alcoholic beverages on the account that he was obsessed with only consuming healthy stuff. He rarely put anything deemed unhealthy into his body; he avoided sugar and caffeine like the plague and only really ate junk food when he absolutely had to. And Steve had mentioned not knowing what the beverage was he was consuming which only made Tony even more worried..

“Steve who gave that to you?” 

“I-I don’t know.” Steve giggled as he downed the rest of it. “But it- it’s really good. I like it more than that- the red stuff- you know the red stuff? The burny stuff in the little cups?”

“Fireball?” Who the fuck tried to get Steve to take shots. 

Steve grimaced before sticking his tongue out. Sure enough it was still stained red. “Yeah I don- I don’ like that. Made my mouth all warm.” 

Tony sighed and excepted the fact that he wasn’t gonna get a straight answer right now. But hey at least Steve had made it home and as mad as he was, he couldn’t blame the rest of the team for not noticing. Steve was an adult after all they probably didn’t realise how drunk he was, considering he never drank, and thought he was sensible enough to get home safely. Luckily he was. 

“Did you have fun at least?”

“Mhm. Lotsa fun. I didn’t really wanna dance before but after I had the burny stuff it was kinda fun.” Steve rambled. 

Now Tony was starting to regret coming home early. As if he missed that. “What made you come home early?”

“It got really loud and- well I don’t know...” Steve giggled again, only this time looked bashfully towards his feet and avoided looking the other man in the eye. Tony wasn’t sure why but he brushed it off. “How come you left?”

“Eh, you’re right it was kinda loud.” The other man shrugged. He was sure sober Steve would figure out the reason sooner or later but for now he wanted to try and get that version of Steve back; or at least a semi-sober rendition of him, not one that was struggling to stand up. 

Oh he was really struggling to stand up. Once again Steve swayed dangerously, only this time when he lent forward he didn’t take a step to catch himself, and had Tony not lurched to grab his shoulders he would’ve gotten up close and personal with the carpet. 

“How about you sit down and I’ll fix you something to eat, hm?” Tony asked before Steve had the chance to get embarrassed about stumbling and nudged him towards the couch. When Steve flopped down Tony heard the wood snap with the force but the blond didn’t even notice. 

“I can make somethin’.” He said blearily when he realised Tony was about to cook for him as opposed to the other way around. Their dynamic seemed to be swapping a lot that night. 

“No no, it’s fine, I’ve got it, I haven’t eaten yet either.” Tony said quickly when Steve looked as though he was going to try and stand up. “What’re you hankerin’ for?”

Steve thought for a moment before he smirked. “Something greasy.” 

“Burgers it is then.” Tony grinned. As weird as it made him feel, Tony thought Steve was kinda..cute like this. He’d never seen him so relaxed before and he’d certainly never seen him more excited to see food in his life. 

“Oh my god thank you.” Steve groaned dramatically when Tony handed him his plate. He immediately started devouring his food, making noises worthy of a porno and Tony really, really had to refrain from commenting on it. “This is so good.”

“Yeah? You should eat crap more often.” Tony smiled at the ketchup running down the blond's chin. Once Steve stopped moaning quite so much Tony tried to get answers. “So what made you decide to drink tonight?”

“It was an accident. Someone just handed something to me and it tasted good so I drank a bunch and then I started feeling funny and Thor was laughing and I was like ‘what’ and he was like ‘don’t drink that’ and I was like ‘why’ and he said it was- I don’t know some- some cocktail thing and I was like ‘ohhh no’ .” Steve explained using his hands (one still holding a burger) and different tones of voice to convey his story.  “I only had one- b-but it went right through me and then, then I wanted s’more.”

Tony nodded understandingly, trying his best to keep up a calm facade; though inside he was wondering just how much he’d drank. Considering his metabolism body burned though it quick but also he should sober up quicker by that logic. But they didn’t know what kind of resistance to alcohol he had. Either way he was just glad Steve was sensible enough to come home when he did. “Well I think you’ve had enough now pal, don’t you?”

“Mhm. M’not sure if I like it anymore...” Steve made a funny face at the half full glass on the table. “It was fun until..”

Tony put a hand on his shoulder and cringed sympathetically, finishing the thought. “It wasn’t fun anymore?”

“Yeah. Now I just feel weird.” Steve slurred, his eyes closing as he lent his head against the back of the couch. “The rooms all..spiny.”

“Hm, that’ll happen when you mix pina colada with fireball.” Tony hummed and patted the other man’s leg. The thought occurred to him not only had he never seen Steve drink but the blond never joined in their drunk storytelling either. Of course Steve was more reserved than the rest of them anyway and tended to skip details on things but still he seemed surprised by his current symptoms. “Steve have you ever drank before..?”   

The blond shook his head as best he could without making the spinning worse. “Nope. Before the serum I never did ‘cause I was always sick and Bucky said it was a bad idea- then after all the super stuff I didn’t really get all that much downtime and when I did- well Buck still said I shouldn’t ‘cause he said- he said I’d get sloppy. Am I sloppy?”

“Nah you’re fine, I’ve seen a lot worse, blondie, don’t worry.” Tony said gently, not wanting Steve to feel self conscious of just how sloppy he was being. He knew from anyone else’s point of view, Bucky probably sounded super controlling; but Tony mirrored his concerns. Steve was too trusting and naive when he was sober let alone now. Despite being a super soldier the man was far too vulnerable and Tony hated the idea of him getting taken advantage of or embarrassing himself- the idea that he’d gotten home alone like that was terrifying enough. 

“How did you get home?”

“Cab.” Steve hiccuped.    

Great so not only was Steve picked up by a stranger after having wandered off alone in such a state he’d gone and broken all of their security measures too. Christ. He just hoped there wouldn’t be any articles about ‘Captain America’s alcohol filled adventures’ in the morning. But that was a tomorrow Tony problem, today Tony wanted to make sure that Steve never, ever did that again. He was suddenly furious, far more so than he should have been from the knowledge that his fully grown friend had taken a cab home. He hadn’t been this angry since that time Peter had snuck out to see ‘Zombie Massacre 3’ with Ned. “You should’ve called me. I would’ve picked you up- or Happy, or someone. Did you even tell anyone when you left?”

“I- I didn wanna bother anyone- ‘nd I. I didn’t know I was gonna go home I jus’ went outside for some fresh air.” Steve slurred rushedly, clearly trying to explain himself without upsetting Tony further.  “I didn’t..I didn’t know where you were. I couldn’t find you so I went outside and I jus’..started walkin’..”

“I’m sorry I should’ve told you I was heading back..” Tony muttered apologetically, feeling ultimately responsible though he hadn’t technically done anything. That was the problem, he hadn’t felt like he’d done enough even though he had no way of forseeing how that night was going to go. Maybe he just felt weird being on the other side of this scenario; getting drunk and disappearing and terrifying all of his loved ones was kind of his schtick. At least it used to be. Usually if he got drunk enough to appear visibly drunk he would black out and not remember anything- years of being a high functioning alcoholic meant he could be completely tanked without most people noticing so he wasn’t sure how things were meant to go. 

He’d never really considered how those around him felt responsible because- well he’d never been close enough to people for them to care so much and he really cared about Steve. In fact in that moment he really cared about Steve. To the point that he was making himself a bit uncomfortable with how protective he was feeling. Best to push that down and think about it later. “But look- next time don’t do that. If you wanna go home come and find me, or if you can’t you call me first, okay? No more walking home.”

“M’fine Tony, I’m a big boy.” Steve giggled, clearly he found Tony being protective weird too and tried to laugh it off. Though a second later he flinched and his face twisted. Suddenly Steve sat up straight and lent forward slightly. “Oof.”

“What?” Tony sat up straighter too, worried he was gonna barf. 

“I gotta- I neeta go to the restroom.” Steve mumbled, features pinched and he squirmed slightly. But instead of standing as Tony assumed he was about to do, he must’ve gotten comfortable again because he sat back and relaxed against the couch. 

Tony squinted at him when he closed his eyes. “Then go.”

“Hm?” Steve hummed distractedly. 

“Go piss, man.”

Steve shrugged. “It’s fine it went away again.”

With a groan Tony pushed him to get up. He knew from experience that it doesn’t just go away it comes back with a vengeance and with Steve's bladder how it was at the best of times that wouldn’t end well. But when he pushed the man’s arm it was like pushing a brick wall and he was met with total resistance. “Steve, go to the bathroom. Come on.” 

All Tony’s pushing succeeded in doing was making Steve start giggling again. “It’s fiiiiine-“

“It is not fine and if you piss on my couch you’re cleaning it- so get up.” Tony growled, having to use all of his strength to get Steve to move an inch. When Steve finally did decide to move, he almost knocked the other man off the sofa in his haste to get up. 

Tony debated on whether or not he should help Steve to the bathroom, because his staggering was considerably worse than it had been earlier that evening. Steve managed to make a relatively straight route to the bathroom look like an obstacle course and Tony severely regretted encouraging him or allowing him to finish his last drink.

Especially when he heard a crash in the bathroom. 

Tony immediately sprang up and yelled to the other man.“Steve?! Are you-“

“I’m okay!” Steve called back cheerily. Though he didn't offer any explanation as to what the noise was Tony sighed in relief and sat back down. 

Thankfully Steve stumbled back out a few minutes later, making it back to the couch without further incident. Once again as soon as he laid eyes on Tony he got that stupid sweet smile on his face. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Tony said quietly, finding himself mirroring that same smile despite himself. His smile soon fell when he watched Steve’s legs give out when he was too far away from the couch; the man’s depth perception being skewed and Tony had to pull him by his hips so he didn’t miss. “Jesus!”

“Whoopsie.” Steve giggled once he was safely sat down, Tony keeping his arm wrapped around his waist to steady him. 

Whoopsie. That was all he had to say. Well Tony thought he whole fucking night was one big whoopsie to say the least. 

He could feel his heart race, starting to panic. He couldn’t help but think about what could’ve happened to Steve on the way home or god forbid if Tony had stayed at the party and not gone home himself. He could’ve gotten hurt or lost or worse- Tony didn’t even want to think about it. He found himself holding on to Steve for a little longer than necessary before pulling away again.  

Trying to shake the horrible ‘what if’s away, Tony turned his attention to the television. “You wanna watch something?”

“Nah m’just- I just wanna uhm-“ Steve murmured, his eyes starting to droop and his head fell towards his chest. 

“Hey, Steve, hey.” Tony gently grasped the blond’s chin and lifted his head back up, but Steve didn’t attempt to sit up. As soon as Tony let go again his head loll against the man’s shoulder. “I know you're tired, man, but let’s stay up for a little while, yeah? Get some water in you.”

Steve didn’t respond but he didn’t reject when Tony lifted the glass to his lips. He took a few sips before he pushed his arm away with more force than necessary and Tony ended up spilling half the glass over them. Though once again Steve doesn’t seem to notice. 

“Jesus, you coulda said you didn’t want anymore.” Tony muttered a little grouchily as he wiped off his lap. But when he looked up Steve didn’t look apologetic or giggly. His eyes were wide open and he looked almost scared. “Hey it’s okay I didn’t mean to snap-“

But that wasn’t the problem. “I don’t feel so good.” 

Tony’s eyes widened slightly as he watched the colour drain from Steve’s face. He studied him closely, looking for any indication of just how bad the man felt; trying to assess if he could make it to the bathroom or if Tony had to find a bowl. “You gonna hurl?”

“I don’t-“ Steve started to answer but was cut off by a loud gurgling in the back of his throat. “Oh no.”

“Bathroom, Steve.” Tony said quickly, having already stood up. He helped pull Steve out of his seat and tried to push him, rush him into the adjacent bathroom but it was no use. By the time they crossed the threshold past the kitchen Steve stumbled and fell to his knees, gripping onto the trash can and shoving his head inside it. Tony sighed once Steve started retching, falling to his knees beside him to rub his back. Well, better than on the floor he supposed.“Easy does it, you’re alright.”

“Oh god-“ Steve choked in between the streams of liquid gushing out of his mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

Tony smiled gently and spoke in a hushed reassuring tone. “Don’t be, you’re okay, it’s fine Steveo, it’s fine. Just get it up.”

“The burgers were really good.” Steve cried, trying to assure him it wasn’t the man’s cooking making him sick. 

“Yeah I’m sure they don’t taste that great on the way back up.”        

Despite Tony’s attempts at humour Steve couldn’t stop himself muttering apologies anymore than he could stop his stomach from convulsing. “I’m so sorry- I’m so sorry I’m not- I shouldn’t have done this- I’m so sorry Tony-“

“Hey, hey, you’re good, don’t worry about it. It’s okay, it happens to the best of us.” Tony shushed him. He was going make a joke about him being the best of them and having been in that position many a time- but Steve wouldn’t have had the energy to groan at the fake confidence. He was just groaning as his sensitive stomach purged every drop of liquid he’d consumed. And not just from his mouth.

Tony noticed the seat of Steve pants steadily getting wet from his crouched position in the kitchen. Despite having just peed it seemed his bladder couldn’t take the strain from him vomiting so violently and Tony couldn’t exactly blame it. He cringed sympathetically waiting for Steve to notice the small puddle spreading on the tile floor and start crying even harder- but it seemed the man didn’t. 

He just continued muttering apologises about wasting Tony’s time cooking and vowing to never ever drink again. “I’m so sorry- so so sorry- I’m-I’m meant to be the sensible one!”

Tony couldn’t get a word in edge ways between all the wailing, so he settled for gently rubbing the man’s back as he continued to gag into the trash can. He’d planned on waiting until Steve was done to try and help him get changed but suddenly the other man went silent. 

Alarmingly silent. 

Fuck.

“Steve? Steve?” Tony panicked when he noticed the other man’s eyes were closed and he’d gone completely laxed in his arms. “Christ. Steve you have to wake up. Steve come on, man, we’ve gotta get you cleaned up.”

Thankfully Steve stirred slightly, offering Tony a noise of recognition; though he still didn’t open his eyes. “Hmm?”

“Steve- look at me. Blondie. Klondike. Sweetcheeks- up and at ‘em.” Tony said, a little more sternly this time as he snapped his fingers in front of Steve’s face a couple times. “Hey, open your eyes.” 

Finally Steve did, but only ever so slightly- and even though his eyes were open it was clear he wasn’t focussed on anything. 

Tony bit his lip. This wasn’t good. It wasn’t good anyway but now Steve had to complicate things by peeing himself- which wouldn’t have been a problem if Bucky was there, but he couldn’t get the man changed. Well he could and he had no qualms in doing so logistically, but no way in hell was he touching Steve without the man’s expressed consent. He spoke calmly and clearly, trying to get Steve to focus on what he was saying. “I need to help you get changed okay? Do you understand?”

It seemed to work. Steve blinked a few times, attempting to open his eyes fully to study Tony's face; but it was clear he still wasn’t entirely sure what was going on. “Mm, why?”

“Because...because you spilled your drink, you’re soaked. I'm not leaving you in wet clothes all night.” Tony sighed, avoiding the truth in hopes to avoid more tears; which he did but only because Steve promptly closed his eyes again. Tony growled frustratedly and wondered if he could get DUM-E up there to clean him up instead- but the bot wasn’t exactly qualified. Tony didn’t want to be liable if Steve needed any of his.. appendages reattached and he wasn’t sure if Bruce was capable of that kind of procedure. Best to stick with the human touch. “Steve can you please open your eyes for a second?”

“Mm?” Steve jerked away again when Tony’s voice hardened, looking even more dazed than he had before only this time he looked upset; like he had no idea why he was suddenly being woken up and yelled at. 

“I’m sorry it’s just-“ Tony sighed again, his voice softening as he gently grabbed Steve’s face in both his hands. Making sure to sustain eye contact, Tony tried again to get Steve to answer him. “We need to get you changed Stevie, you can’t go to bed like this. You need my help but I’m not going to go near you unless you say it’s alright. I need you to give me verbal confirmation that this is okay.”

“Mhm it’s fine, jus’ don’ look.” Steve mumbled and Tony sighed in relief. Now that that was out of the way he could focus on actually getting him up. 

“I won’t.” Tony promised. They’d seen each other naked in passing whilst getting changed in and out of their suits hundreds of times; but this was different. This was far more intimate. Steve was vulnerable and sick, he could barely stay awake. Tony didn’t plan on even touching Steve anywhere he was just going to strip him of his soiled clothes and pull a pair of loose shorts on him; and hope he’d dry out enough to where he wouldn’t get a rash. Steve was too drunk to stand up let alone aid him in the process.    

The pair stumbled to Steve’s bedroom (that was thankfully the closest to the living room), the blond being propped up by Tony. He had one arm wrapped around his waist and the other holding Steve’s arm over his shoulders. It wasn’t the best system considering Steve was almost a foot taller and weighed twice as much, and it certainly wasn’t the best system when Steve twisted the wrong way- taking Tony with him. The brunette almost dropped him when his back twinged painfully. “Ahh fuck.”

“You okay?” Steve said, suddenly sounding surprisingly sober when Tony hissed in pain. Had Tony not got a look at his face he would’ve thought the blond was back to himself. 

But one look at the rosy cheeks and glazed eyes Tony could tell Steve was still far from sober. He straightened up again, clutching his back but keeping a smile plastered on his face. “I’m fine big guy. Let’s just get you in bed okay?”

“Mkay.” Steve mumbled. 

Thankfully getting Steve changed into dry clothes wasn’t too much of a hassle. He was far more productive helping remove his clothes than he had been walking, and once he was stripped it wasn’t hard to pull a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt on him. Though it had been straight forward, that wasn’t to say the pair wasn’t exhausted after the ordeal. As soon as he was changed Steve promptly flopped onto the bed with a groan, still holding on to Tony’s forearms and pulling the brunette down with him.

With a sigh Tony sat down on the edge of the bed with him for a moment whilst the blond got his bearings. After a while of propping himself up on his knees, Steve moved to lay down, only he didn’t let go of Tony as he did so. 

“Uhh, Steve what’re you doing?” Tony asked awkwardly when he moved to get up but Steve held him firm. At first he thought it was because the blond thought he was falling again, only once he laid down fully he still gripped on to Tony's forearms like his life depended on it. 

Steve turned his face into the pillow, mumbling incoherently. “I don’t..mm..jus’ don..”

“Huh?” Tony asked gently, leaning in closer to try and hear him. Though he couldn’t decipher what the man said he suddenly sounded upset and for a second he thought he was crying. 

“D-don’t go just yet..please..” Steve sniffled a little louder. 

“Okay..” Tony said calmly, not questioning him any further. Despite the slightly odd request he didn’t want the man to be self conscious- but he was admittedly a little confused. 

Despite his still drunken state Steve seemed to realise what he said and tried to explain himself. “I’m sorry I just- I really don’ like this. I feel like I’m on a boat and it- it’s not fun anymore. I don’t like it, Tony. Make it stop.”

“Hey, hey it’s okay. I know you don’t feel well, it’s alright.” Tony shushed him. He knew the feeling all too well and he couldn’t exactly blame Steve for getting frightened. It was his first time (and most definitely his last) after all, so the brunette tried his best to be of some comfort. 

“Wanna stop spinning.” Steve cried weakly, his voice cracking slightly. Even though his eyes were squeezed shut some tears started leaking down his face as he pressed himself even harder into the pillow. 

“You will, I promise. It’s gonna pass, just close your eyes okay? Deep breaths and close your eyes.” Tony instructed him, rubbing his back soothingly to try and coax him into relaxing. Once Steve let go of his arm in order to clutch the pillow to his chest, Tony shifted; but Steve must had misinterpreted the movement as Tony trying to abandon him, because he let go of the pillow and wrapped his arms around the other man’s waist instead.  

Tony froze. This was..this was unexpected. He tried to brush it off- Steve was just upset and seeking comfort- the man was drunk for Christ sakes, it didn’t mean anything- but that didn’t mean it wasn’t making Tony's heart pound and the blood rush in his ears. And it didn’t mean he didn’t want to reciprocate the affection. 

But god damn it Rogers, do it while you’re sober. “Steve. Steve, come on.”

Tony gently tried to pry the blond’s arms off of him but it only made him hold on tighter. In fact it made Steve pull him even closer, almost making Tony lay on top of him when he lost his balance for a second; and whilst Tony was pretty sure Steve hadn’t intended to do that and he’d just lost control over his strength for a moment, he had to draw the line there. 

“Stevie come on. I..I know you probably want comfort right now but I can’t do this. It’s not right, you’re drunk.     I’m not gonna let you do anything you’d regret doing later, okay?” Tony said as gently as he could without sounding condescending. He hadn’t really expected a response, he thought Steve would let go of him and that would be it. But he didn’t. 

“Wouldn’t regret it. Wanted to for ages.” Steve muttered. 

Holy shit. 

Surely not. 

“Okay well...we’ll talk about that tomorrow then, yeah? But right now you need to let me up.” Tony swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to keep his voice level; but that was kind of hard to do when Steve was still clinging to him like a koala. But eventually Tony’s words must’ve sank in and Steve relinquished his grip, whining softly when he felt Tony shift off of the mattress and sink to the floor beside the bed. “It’s okay. I’ll stay here, but I’ll sit next to you, alright? I won’t leave until you’re asleep.”

Steve seemed content with that and finally gave in, letting himself fall limp and unconscious. Though he was asleep in a matter of minutes, snoring softly, Tony didn’t leave straight away. He lingered for a while, softly rubbing the blond’s forearm and muttering to him.     “I’m not going anywhere Stevie, I’m right here.”

He sat there for a while, a long while, far longer than was necessary. He only managed to peel himself off of the floor when his back started screaming at him- and even then he found himself being drawn to the chair in the corner of Steve’s room. 

But he left. He didn’t want to stay in case- well Steve had wanted him to but- maybe when he woke up he’d regret his choices. Maybe he wouldn’t even remember. Maybe Tony didn’t want him to remember.

Or maybe he did. 

His head was swimming even more than Steve’s had been. What did he mean he’d wanted to for ages? 

Tony sat down on the couch (the part that wasn’t broken- damn he had to remember to fix that before Steve woke up), the nights events running through his mind in slow motion. Steve had wanted to for ages- what did that mean? Well it was pretty obvious what it meant Tony but- was that just the alcohol talking? Did Steve think he was Bucky or someone else? That last thought made Tony inexplicably angry for some reason, he couldn’t think why. 

He didn’t have much more time to think about it. Not ten minutes later he heard the elevator whirring and the sounds of hushed whispers and giggles behind the metal doors

‘Great,’ Tony thought. ‘Round two.’

The doors opened revealing the rest of the team in varying states of disarray. Bruce was being hoisted between Nat and Clint, the doctor looking barely consious. Nat was barefoot and Tony noticed she’d convinced Thor to hold her heels whilst she held up her boyfriend- and Tony was pretty sure Clint was wearing a different shirt than he went out in. 

So he’d missed a pretty eventful evening it seemed. Not that he’d been in any short supply of uhm..events there at home, but still. 

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits, laughing loudly and shoving one another as they piled out of the elevator; speaking in ‘hushed whispers’ or at least attempting too, the copious amounts of alcohol in their systems prohibiting their ability to control the volume of their voices. But that isn’t to say they didn’t try. 

“Shhh shhh!” Thor whispered loud enough to drown out the rest of them. 

“You Shh!” Nat laughed, playfully shoving him.

Tony rose from the couch, putting his hands on his hip and glancing at his watch. “And what time do you call this?”

“Woo! Sup Iron Man!” Clint yelled loudly, accidentally letting go of Bruce and almost dropping him, much to the smaller man’s dismay. 

“Mmmnnnfgg, no’so loud.” Bruce groaned as Clint and Nat deposited him at the kitchen table. 

“Did you guys have fun?” Tony chuckled as Clint and Nat slammed themselves down at the table too whilst Thor learn against the wall and struggled to take off his shoes. Tony had the sudden urge to help him but refrained (fricking dad brain, stupid Peter, and now stupid Steve). 

“Oodles.” Nat snorted. “You missed Thor breaking a table and Bruce puking in the car.”

“Nice.” Tony grinned. Whilst Nat was talking he retrieved a bottle of water from the fridge and placed it next to Bruce’s head, where he was laying face down on the table. “I’m sure Happy was thrilled.”

“Oh but of course.” Thor chortled. “You know I love it when Happy man gets angry.”

“In Bruce’s deference he mostly made it out of the window.” Clint chimed in while Bruce groaned loudly, his way of saying ‘shut up’.

Tony was so busy surveying the scene, finding it incredibly satisfying to be the only sober one or once, that he almost forgot why he’d been in such a bad mood. That was until Nat asked; “Is Steve okay?”

“No he’s not okay.” Tony said darkly, feeling the anger he felt earlier rising again. Angry that Steve had been tricked into drinking and angry that he’d been left to wander home alone. Also angry and confused about his feelings- though he couldn’t exactly blame the rest of them for that last one. 

They all sobered up slightly, looking to Tony questioningly. “What? Why what happened?”

As upset as he was, whether it was entirely warranted or not, he didn’t want to worry them; not now that everything had turned out alright. He was also conscious of embarrassing Steve with the details. The blond was likely going to be traumatised anyway, he didn’t need Tony spilling his secrets on top of everything else. That and he’d likely never live it down, not with the assholes in their house- and for once Tony didn’t include himself in that category. “He was hammered guys, he’d never drank before you should’ve kept an eye on him.”

Usually that would’ve sounded stupid since Steve was a a grown man; he didn’t need babysitting but they all felt guilty. They all understood what a momentous occasion one's first time partaking in a little bit too much of the devils nectar was- just a shame that they’d missed it. And an even bigger shame for Steve that it hadn’t gone down so well. But how out of character for Captain wholesome to have towed the line. 

Come to think of it everyone was a little out of character that evening. Steve and Bruce got black out drunk when they were usually the rational sensible ones- and it was down to Nat down and Tony to keep them from killing themselves. Clint usually fell someone in between though this was one of the less sober times Tony had seen. Well at least Thor was consistent; he was drunk off of his ass though no one could tell because drunk Thor was incredibly similar in temperament and spirits as sober Thor. If anything he was more subdued after a few ‘flagons’. 

“Bullshit Steve doesn’t drink.” Clint scoffed in disbelief, slurring slightly as he stood up (for what reason Tony wasn’t sure because he just stood there swaying). 

“Did you miss the part where I said he’s never drank before, birdbrain?” Tony rolled his eyes. “No he doesn’t drink, but this time he did and you fuckers left him to walk home from the club alone.”

That last part seemed to resonate, a guilty look crossing Clint’s face. “Oh shit.”

Nat looked upset too though it was for a slightly different reason. “As if we missed it.”

“But is he alright?” Thor asked, his tone serious for once. 

Tony debated telling them at the very least he’d gotten sick, but he didn’t. “Yeah he’s fine, he was just giggly. I had to wrangle him into bed.”

“I’m sure you both enjoyed that.” Clint grinned and Thor snorted from his spot on the couch. 

“Hardy har- not while he’s drunk. Don’t even go there.” Tony scowled, feeling his face flood with warmth. He just hoped he wasn’t blushing as much as he felt he was. 

But even if he was no one else noticed; all they noticed was the dishes in the sink and Clint especially was highly offended. “I was just kiddin- oh my god you made burgers and you didn’t even make me any?!”

“Ugh. Sit down.” Tony groaned when all three of them (bar Bruce who was asleep at the dining table) whooped excitedly at the promise of food. Is this what sober life is like? He felt like a parent. More so than when he was taking care of Peter.

Whilst the others were busy devouring their food like a pack of hungry animals, Bruce gingerly peeled his face off of the table. “Tony..?”

“What?”

“Can I have some juice?” He asked weakly before he head butted the glass again. 

“Yes you can have some juice.” Tony sighed. Yep. Definitely felt like he was taking care of Peter. As soon as the burgers (and juice) were gone, he decided that four in the morning was a reasonable time to call it quits on being the only mature adult; a role he did not feel best suited for. “Okay, diner’s closed. You’re all fed, now fuck off to bed.”

“What Steve gets tucked in and we don’t?” Nat pouted, though her eyes were glinting evilly. Despite the amount she’d had to drink she still knew exactly how to push Tony's buttons; but for once he didn’t bite. 

“You’re going the right way for a smacked ass if you really want to be treated like a kid.” Tony rolled his eyes. 

“And whose to say I wouldn’t like that?” Nat giggled drunkenly as she walked past, having to pause for a moment to regain her balance before resuming her saunter. Like Tony she was pretty good at hiding how drunk she was; she had a similar tolerance too but after a whole night of binging on an empty stomach the cracks were more than starting to show. 

“I’m sure that would hurt Bruce’s feelings.” Tony muttered. Bruce himself was still passed out and drooling on the table, so Tony helped get him up and handed him off to Clint. “Come on, B.”

“Mmnnhuh? Mary I told you m’not seeing any patients today.” Bruce mumbled as he was hoisted onto Clint’s shoulder. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll be sure to tell Mrs. Higgins to come back tomorrow.” Tony said seriously, to which Bruce nodded his thanks and promptly went back to sleep. “Go on guys get to bed so I can sleep.”

“We ain’t that drunk.” Clint snorted, despite the fact he was literally carrying Bruce and Nat had just wandered into the wrong bedroom. 

“Mhm.” Tony hummed noncommittally, glancing at Thor who was conked out on the sofa. He thought briefly about waking him up but he was too tired. He couldn’t be bothered to wrangle the god into bed too, not after the night he’d had. He just didn’t have the energy. So instead he just threw a blanket over him, slipped a pillow beneath his head and called it a night; after placing a bucket next to him, you know, just in case. 

All in all it was quarter to five by the time Tony finally crawled into bed. So much for that good night's sleep. 

Chapter Text

“Morning Steve!” Clint yelled loudly in the blond’s ear when he shuffled into the kitchen the next morning; making Steve groan. 

“Mmm morning.” He mumbled, trying his best to act as normal as possible. But that was easier said than done. He’d woken up soaked in sweat- at least he hoped it was just sweat- dizzy and nauseated. More alarmingly he didn’t actually remember going to bed. The last thing he remembered he’d been wandering through the club looking for Tony. He had wanted to tell him something but he couldn’t for the life of him remember what..

It didn’t take him long to figure out what had happened. He’d hoped in vain it was just some kind of delayed concussion from the fight the previous day, but he’d had a full physical before they’d gotten the green light to go out. That meant that he’d..oh god. 

He hadn’t had time to panic too much about it; not long after he’d woken up his stomach churned and he’d had to run to the restroom. After spending the first half an hour of his morning with his head stuck in the toilet he started to feel a sense of deja vu. God what had happened last night? Please don’t tell him he’d been sick when he’d gotten home? Good god he hoped no one saw- no. No he’d been alone when he got home, he remembered that much. He’d waved down a cab because- because Tony wasn’t there and-

Oh fuck, Tony had already been home. He’d left early, that’s why Steve couldn’t find him and- oh god no. No no no- surely he just went to be or went down to the lab right? There’s no way he would’ve seen him stumbling in?

Just then Steve remembered what he’d been wanting to tell the other man. Something he’d wanted to tell him for a long time but never had the courage too. But apparently after half a bottle of Malibu and a shot of cinnamon whiskey he had all the bravery in the world. 

Groaning for an entirely different reason than his stomach Steve sat up on his knees. He put his head in his hands and tried desperately to think; just what had happened when he got home? Try as he might he only got flashes, brief glimpses of the evening. Tony had in fact been upstairs when he got home- great- and had made him something to eat, he remembered that (with a small smile thinking how sweet that was- only his smile fell very quickly when he remembered) then Steve had started feeling sick and-

He cringed and glanced over to the corner of the room at his laundry basket. Oh god, no. 

After panicking for an hour, still trying to remember the details from the night before, Steve tried to pull himself together. He took a shower, even though his head was throbbing like someone had it in a vice, and tried to make himself look semi presentable. Maybe if he looked fine he’d be able to act fine and convince the others that he hadn’t made a complete fool of himself. Well, except Tony of course, but he’d just avoid him. That shouldn’t be hard, they lived in a big house. Now that he was really thinking about it, he didn’t what to know what had happened. He wanted to pretend it had never happened- whatever it was- whether he..whether he’d said it or not. 

But even after getting dressed in people clothes, he still felt absolutely vile. Though he tried not to let that on, even with Clint deliberately yelling to exacerbate his already egregious headache. 

“Sleep well?” Clint practically screamed, or maybe he wasn’t, Steve couldn’t really tell the difference any more. Every sound was like nails on a chalkboard, and the usually warm lighting in the kitchen was blindingly bright. God his eyes hurt- his literal eyeballs hurt. That was a new sensation, one he really hoped never to get used to.

He swallowed thickly, trying to accumulate enough saliva in his mouth to be able to talk; but for some reason despite the fact he’d chugged half a gallon of water after he’d thrown up, his mouth was unbearably dry. It was like his mouth and his head were full of cotton wool. “Yeah- yeah I guess, did you?”

“Mhm.” Clint smiled knowingly, even more so when he spotted the blush rising on Steve’s face. 

“I-is Tony up?” Steve tried to ask nonchalantly, but his voice was audibly tight. 

“Who knows.” Nat shrugged, slurping her coffee. 

A voice behind them, emanating from the hallway answered. “Yes he is. He was down in the lab.” 

“Good morning Anthony.” Thor hummed through a yawn as he stretched, having only just woken up still on the couch. 

“Good morning Thor.” Tony smiled, happy to note the god hadn’t needed to use the bucket in the night. He didn’t even reprimand him for using his full first name. Tony slid into the kitchen, dodging around Steve in order to get to the coffee maker. He didn’t deliberately avoid eye contact but he also didn’t look at Steve either; though the blond took his ambivalence as something else, not Tony’s attempt to emulate normal behaviour. 

“How you feeling, Cap?” Nat said in a sing song voice as she walked up behind him and shook the man’s head. Steve groaned loudly and gripped his ears; so much for trying to act as normal as possible. 

“Everyone leave Steve alone, pick on Bruce instead.” Tony said authoritatively and Bruce grumbled before laying his head on the table, much like he had the previous night. 

Steve wasn’t the only one looking worse for wear. Bruce was sprawled out on the kitchen table, occasionally sipping from his mug of- just what the hell was he drinking? Probably some miracle hangover cure but whatever the purplish, brownish liquid was, it made Steve’s stomach churn even more violently. 

That was until he smelt bacon. 

He turned to realise that the oven had been on the whole time and Tony was pulling a tray of various breakfast foods out of it. At least it looked like Tony, but the Tony Steve knew didn’t even know how to work the stove. In fact the sight made him uncomfortable. Then again, seeing the other man leaning over made him feel..weird at the best of times, let alone when he was making food. Maybe it was just the nausea. 

But Tony didn’t seem to notice him staring. He continued busing himself around the kitchen, plating up the food before sticking the trays on the table. “Grubs up drunkies. Get it while it’s hot.” 

“You didn’t have to cook..” Steve mumbled as he watched the others eagerly grab their food and sit down. He wanted to join them because it smelled fantastic despite him usually hating anything greasy or remotely fattening- but his stomach couldn’t seem to decide between being hungry or wanting to throw up. And he also felt guilty for not being able to do his usual duties; he was the self proclaimed resident cook, he was usually one cooking them a meal when they’d all stumbled home t three in the morning- but now it was his turn, and he didn’t like it.

“I know. I didn’t have to do a lot of things.” Tony shrugged. He didn’t partake in the meal he’d made either, instead he stayed leaning against the counter next to Steve and drinking his coffee. After a moment of silence he turned to the other man. “How are you feeling?”

Steve debated on claiming he was fine, but he very clearly wasn’t. And despite having a very limited memory of the previous evening, Steve could hazard a guess that Tony already knew how bad he felt. There was also a distinct lack of teasing in his tone (for once) that made it hard for Steve to lie. “My head, hurts my mouth is dry and I’m starving but nauseous at the same time.” 

Tony smiled, not meanly, and turned to the fridge. He pulled out a glass that had already been chilling, which Steve thought was strange since it looked like regular orange juice. “Drink this.”

“What is it?” He wrinkled his nose, instantly suspicious. 

“Oh what you don’t trust me now?” Tony asked, waggling his eyes suggestively. He had to bite his tongue to stop himself from adding something to the effect of; ‘Even after last night?’

“Weeeell-“

“Just drink it. It’s nothing crazy I promise.” Tony chuckled. With trepidation Steve started drinking it, chugging it down at first just in case it was something vile, but he found it wasn’t nearly as unpleasant as he was afraid of. Tony waited until he’d polished off half the glass before disclosing what the mild liquid was. “Half water, half orange juice, pinch of salt. It’s like a homemade isotonic drink.” 

“We have Gatorade in the fridge.” Steve said quizzically, wiping his mouth. 

“This works better and the flavour isn’t as strong, less likely to make you puke. Give me some credit Steve, this ain’t my first rodeo.” Tony smirked. “You think you can stomach some food now?”

“Maybe..” Steve said with a small apprehensive grimace. The orange juice cocktail certainly felt heavy in his stomach but he didn’t feel the need to immediately evacuate it either...that and the food did smell really good...

“Come on Steveo, hangover food is the best trust me.” Clint said between mouthfuls and popping Tylenol. He pulled a chair out ready for Steve to sit, enticing him further by piling food onto the empty plate. 

Bruce also nodded enthusiastically. “Bacon fixes everything.” 

“Thanks for the advice, but I don’t think my heart will agree.” Steve chuckled as he sat down. The meal really was everything he tried to avoid usually but he couldn’t help himself. 

“Your hearts fine, I’m the one who should be worried.” Tony chuckled. Not that Tony was eating breakfast anyway, he’d already drunk his body weight in coffee after last night's escapades. 

“Yes I saw the doughnuts in the trash can.” The Doctor murmured disapprovingly, as he himself shoved a heaped forkful of syrup covered pancake into his mouth. 

“You didn’t see any whiskey bottles did you?” Tony asked with a scowl. The lesser of two evils, Bruce shook his head no. “Then shut up and eat your pancakes.” 

That was when Steve suddenly moaned and everyone looked at him. He didn’t even have the wherewithal to be embarrassed about his sudden outburst, he was too busy enjoying his food. “Mm, okay, Bruce was right, bacon really does fix everything.” 

“Trust me I’m a Doctor.” Bruce grinned, as did everyone else. Much like Tony the previous night it was novel to them seeing Steve partake in such unhealthy food willingly, let alone enjoying it. Just like the previous night Tony himself was concerned about the blond overloading his stomach. 

“Just eat slowly. I don’t want my cooking going to waste this time.” Tony said quietly, making the blond cringe and blush profusely. 

Tony immediately felt a stab of guilt. He hadn’t been reminding him to tease him, he was genuinely concerned. But Nat, seeing Steve’s discomfort, quickly followed it up. “Yeah it’s so rare that he actually lifts a finger, better savour it.” 

“You know nothing of my fingers.” Tony muttered. For once he hadn’t been trying to be dirty but Nat still laughed. 

“Gross.” 

After flipping her off and finishing his coffee, Tony chucked his cup in the sink (hey he’d cooked breakfast, you expect him to do the dishes as well? Who do you think he is?) and turned to leave. “Well, since none of you are dead I think my job here is done. I’ve gotta get some actual work done after you fuckers destroyed the city.”

“It’s pronounced saved.” Clint smirked, glancing at the window and at the plumes of smoke in the distance. As if Tony was one to talk, it was hardly like he hadn’t contributed heavily to the destruction. 

“God help us if Tony is left to be the sensible sober one.” Nat shook her head.

“Oh how the turns have tabled.” Bruce sighed. At first everyone chuckled thinking he was deliberately flipping his words, but when he looked at them quizzically they stopped. 

“You alright there, B?” Tony asked gently. 

Bruce was quiet for a moment before he hiccuped and looked longingly down the hall way. “I think..I think imma go lay down.”

“You do that honey.” Nat said sweetly though she was smirking as she patted his shoulder. 

“You might wanna go take a nap too Barton. Gotta sober up before this afternoon, don’t want Nick seeing you like this.” Tony nodded towards the archer. 

Clint scoffed as he stood to throw his dishes in the sink. “I ain’t even that hung over.”

“You sure about that cowboy?” Tony laughed as he jokingly slapped Clint’s ass as he walked by; making the archer and everyone else realise the man had neglected to put pants on- though he was wearing shoes. Everyone immediately erupted into laughter at his expense as they’d been waiting all morning for him to notice- only Steve didn’t. He could help but feel a little jealous  secondhand embarrassment for the man.

“Aw shit.” Clint frowned down at himself before glaring accusingly at Nat. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Figured you were letting yourself breathe.” Nat shrugged. 

Tony chuckled before he went to head back down to the lab. “Later losers.”

Before he could reach the elevator an uncharacteristically small voice called after him. “Uh, wait, Anthony?”

“What is it Thor?”

“Uhm, I regret to inform you that I may have slightly accidentally broken the couch a little bit.” The bearded god smiled sheepishly, shifting slightly and making the wood crack loudly. 

“Don’t worry about it big guy, I was getting kinda sick of that colour anyway. I’ll get a new one in.” Tony smiled gently and clapped a hand on Thor’s shoulder; before realised he’d sounded much too nice and had to balance himself out. “Or maybe Steve can find a nice patchwork one with a bunch of matching throw pillows since he loves interior decorating all of a sudden.” 

“What is your aversion to home comforts?” Steve sighed, momentarily forgetting that he was still trying to avoid making eye contact with the man; but Tony’s teasing had worked. 

“Hmm, just the homey and comfy parts, everything else is fine.” Tony smirked, resisting the urge to wink at the blond since even he knew that would be too much. Even just the smirk has Steve blushing and looking away again when he remembered he was trying to avoid him . 

Which was pretty easy for a good part of the day. Tony had retreated first to his lab then up to his office to deal with the mountains of paperwork he had waiting for him; and the rest of the Avengers dispersed as well, whether that be tending to their work duties or their hangovers. At first Steve had followed Bruce’s footsteps, and for the first time since he’d joined the army tried to take a nap in the middle of the day- only it didn’t work. He just laid there, tossing and turning (which did nothing to quell the churning in his stomach) and thinking. 

What had he said to Tony that night? The man was acting fine, but Steve knew from experience Tony was well practised at acting fine even when the world was falling apart around him- sometimes literally. He was too good of an actor to let on if something had happened- good or bad. But let’s be honest, what good could have come from Steve getting so drunk that he couldn’t remember what happened the next day? He hardly would have had any strokes of genius of major epiphanies. 

That wasn’t to say he wouldn’t have voiced an epiphany he’d already had, but had yet to divulge…

Fuck, what if he’d said it? 

He had to know- no he didn’t want to know he-

What if he had said it, but Tony was completely and utterly repulsed by it and didn’t want to hurt his feelings? God he must’ve thought Steve was so pathetic all drunk and spouting shit about having a crush on him like he was some fifteen year old after his first beer. He probably thought Steve was sad and pathetic and-

But what if he didn’t think that?

No, of course he did, if Tony even slightly felt the same way he would’ve been confident enough to talk to him about it. 

But what if he wasn’t?

Tony picked his moments to be shy and well, what if he didn’t want to embarass Steve by bringing it up before he was ready? Maybe Tony wanted to wait for sober Steve to build up the courage to have a conversation about it. Pshh, like that was ever gonna happen. 

Then again Steve might not have even said anything at all- he just didn’t know and not knowing was driving him fucking insane. 

He had to know.

Without announcing himself Steve barged into Tony's office. Well, barged by his standards, which meant he gently opened the door and shut it behind himself. Tony didn’t even offer him a look in his direction, not a sarcastic ‘hello Steven,’ or an angry sigh for having been interrupted. Not that Steve really gave him the chance as he almost immediately blurted out; “Are you busy?”

“A little.” Tony hummed quietly. He was sat at his desk, sitting crossed legged in his chair, hunched over like a gargoyle, staring intently at his laptop. He sighed quietly when he realised Steve hadn’t taken that answer for what it was; a polite ‘go away’. “Why, what’s up?”

“Did I throw up last night?” Without thinking too much about it (as he’d done plenty of thinking that day already) Steve just said it. 

“A little.” Tony repeated in the same tone. 

“And Uhm..” Steve trailed off, looking at his pants and back up. He didn’t want to say it, it was too cringey. He suddenly felt the nausea from earlier creeping back up his throat. “Wet..wet myself.?”

Tony hesitated, taking a sharp intake of breath through his nose. He suddenly sounded irritated by the blond’s questioning, though he did peer over the top of his laptop to give him a look. “Steve, what does it matter?”

“Because that’s humiliating.”

“If it’s so humiliating why do you wanna talk about it? Why not just forget, I already have.” Tony sighed, turning back to his laptop, trying to leave the conversation there. While he agreed Steve had every right to try and recover as much of his memory as possible, he wasn’t going to allow him to torture himself over it. He had no desire to talk about it. He didn’t see why it mattered. The only part that mattered was the weird tightness he’d felt in his chest all day as his brain had repeated the words ‘wanted to for ages’ over and fucking over. But he wasn’t even sure if Steve remembered saying that, so why were they having this conversation? 

Steve shook his head, blushing brightly. “No you haven’t.” 

“Yes. I have.” Tony said adamantly. He was trying his best to keep up his aloof, uncaring demeanour but Steve was making that really, really difficult. Standing there, his cheeks all red and blue eyes shining. For fucksake, Rogers, why do you have to make this so hard? “I’ve forgotten, I don’t care and I don’t think any less of you.”

“Why not? You should. I’m so preachy about people not pushing their limits and not drinking too much and- and I went and did it and-“

“You’re also the guy who preaches about how everyone makes mistakes and it’s okay so long as you don’t make the same mistake twice- and trust me, I won’t be giving you the opportunity to make the same mistake again. I’m not letting you out of my fucking sight from now on.” Tony snapped, unable to catch himself. But then he sighed, lowering his tone again and trying desperately to keep his attention focused on his laptop. “It was your first time, cut yourself some slack.” 

Steve just stood there, shaking slightly, his jaw clenched. He knew he should just give up, walk away, but he couldn’t. He had to know. “Did I try and kiss you?”

“No.” Tony said lowly. When Steve still didn’t move Tony growled. Fine, Rogers, let’s have it your way. He was going to give you some time, see if you wanted to talk about it like sober, rational adults, but no, let’s do this while you’re hung over and he’s drowning in work while it’s all still nice and fresh . He slammed his laptop shut and wheeled his chair away from his desk, turning to give Steve his full undivided attention. “Why? Did you want to?”

“Shut up.” Steve snapped, face flaming. Now that Tony was finally looking at him he found that he didn’t want him too. He vehemently avoided eye contact, looking anywhere but the man’s face, which by now was smirking; going from aloof to teasing. Steve ought to have known really, Tony had a limited number of moods. Only he was pretty sure he’d seen a new one last night- if only he could remember. 

“Ouch, language Steven. Sticks and stones.” Tony gasped in mock horror, holding a hand over his arc pretending to look hurt. But when Steve continued to stare at the floor and not him he dropped the act, slipping back into a more serious tone. “I’m serious you didn’t. You got a little teary towards the end of the night, everyone gets emotional when they’re drunk. You didn’t feel well, you got upset and you wanted me to lay down with you until you fell asleep. That’s all.”

“And did you?” Steve asked quietly, though he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. Maybe he should have left it until it wasn’t so recent and fresh in his mind, when the embarrassment wasn’t so strong- but he’d left this issue unresolved for long enough and just look what happened. It took him being drunk and making a fool of himself for him to even attempt to confront the it. 

“No.” Tony said in a flat low tone that left no room for confusion or misinterpretation. “I wouldn’t get in bed with you while you were drunk-“

“I didn’t mean like that.” Steve said quickly. Tony had previously thought it was impossible for the blond to get any redder but he was proved wrong. 

“I know what you meant, I’m just stating a fact right now. I don’t want to blur any lines here when you’ve already lost some of your memory, okay? I want to make this very clear. I didn’t even sit on the bed while you were in it. Well after you let go of me I didn’t.” Tony chuckled lightly, though now it was him who sounded embarrassed. He quickly shook himself off, not wanting Steve to realise he had any kind of emotional involvement with the memory; he was trying to reassure him after all, he didn’t want to make himself conscious by realising Tony didn’t want him to let go. That he had enjoyed taking care of him. Stupid drunk blond ass, why did he have to be so fucking cute . “I sat on the floor for a while making sure you didn’t choke on your own puke then I came back out to the living room. Then everyone else wanted food so I made them food and went downstairs. That’s all that happened.”    

The pair were silent for a moment, Steve obviously trying to recover the memory now he’d been told what happened; though Tony misconstrued his silence as not believing him. “If you’re really nervous about everything you can watch JARVIS’ footage.”

“Oh my god I’d rather die.” Steve said with a groan, putting his face in his hands. “Can’t you delete it?”

“You know I can’t.” Tony said softly. They had to have 24 hour surveillance of all common areas, it was part of their S.H.I.E.L.D contract. 

“If anyone else sees that I think I’d..” Steve wavered, and for a second he looked dangerously close to crying and before Tony had a chance to think he’d gotten out of his chair and was crouching in front of the other man. He took Steve’s face in his hands and forced him to look at him. 

“Steve look at me.” Tony said quietly but sternly, though his voice shook when he realised what he was doing. The closeness had been instinctual on his part, it was the only way he knew how to get through to him, to make sure he really heard what he was saying. He needed him to know it was okay, and suddenly his persona went out the window. “I know you’re embarrassed. I know you’re upset, it’s natural. It’s gonna be really embarrassing for a long time but one day you’ll look back and realise it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything. It was a silly mistake but oh well. You’ll cringe every now and then, but that’s it. It doesn’t really matter and I know it sounds corny as shit but it happens to everyone. No one thinks any less of you, I promise. You’ve heard all our stories, you’ve seen me like that.”

“No I haven’t.” Steve shook his head as best he could before Tony’s hands slipped off of his cheeks and down into his shoulders instead. “Even when you’d get black out drunk you never peed yourself or threw up or tried to get someone else into bed with you.”

“That last one is not true.” Tony grinned. Oh the stories he could tell- but maybe later. “And you were far more innocent about it than I was. Besides, I used to do those things. Well I don’t know if I ever pissed myself but I mean probably at some point. But I used to lose my memory and puke everywhere- it was only after years of doing that to myself that that stopped. Would you feel better if I did it so you could take care of me instead?”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Steve shook his head, mad that Tony would suggest such a thing even in jest; not after how far he’d come. “On another note I am very proud of you.”

Tony pulled away to sit back in his own chair with a roll of his eyes. “Oh don’t start with that shit.” 

“No I am.” Steve said, his voice stronger than it had been the entire conversation. “And I know you don’t like hearing it but I’m gonna tell you anyway, I’m so proud of you. You walked away from it when even I couldn’t. That's gotta be some kind of achievement.” 

Tony hadn’t thought about it like that and the comparison made him hum thoughtfully. “Yeah, guess it is.”    

After a moment of silence, just when Tony was starting to think his pep talk had worked Steve groaned again; resting his head in his hands and covering his face. “I can’t believe I peed myself.”

“Steve, you pee yourself all the time.” Tony laughed. Out of everything that had happened the night before that was hardly the most embarrassing. He would’ve thought the throwing up and trying to coerce him into bed would’ve been more mortifying. And naming one of their house decorations something incredibly unoriginal- like come on Steve, Tony knew you were drunk but Mr. Elephant? Show some creativity. 

“Tony!” Steve snapped. “Out in the field.” 

“Yeah, and that time Clint didn’t pull over quick enough-“

“We were still in the field! We were in the car for like three hours for that mission!” 

But Tony continued, enjoying being able to tease the soldier even if it was only to distract him. “And that time Nat took too long in the shower. And when you lift too much in the gym without-“

“ Okay Tony!”  Steve yelled, cutting him off. He huffed and crossed his arms across his chest, sinking down in his seat, making himself look like a disgruntled teenager. “God, even when you’re comforting me you still manage to be such an asshole.” 

Tony smiled gleefully and span in his chair a couple times, god he loved making the blond mad. He shouldn’t, especially when he was trying to make him feel better, but something about getting the prince of patience all riled up was just addictive. That and he knew if Steve was back to bickering with him he must at least feel a little better.  

Only Tony couldn’t relish in the feeling for much longer because once again Steve reminded himself of another embarrassing detail. “And throwing up, god I haven’t thrown up in ages…”

“Can we just forget about it, please? I don’t want you getting upset over this.” Tony sighed gently, but Steve refused to move from his crumpled position. He looked so defeated and Tony..Tony didn’t really know what to do. He wasn’t used to not being able to fix things, especially Steve’s mood. Like the blond had said, even when he was being comforting he was an asshole- because that’s what worked. Tony was consistently himself and that was usually enough to cheer Steve up, but for the first time ever it wasn’t working so he decided to switch tact. He decided to say something he’d been thinking for a while but never had the opportunity to say. “If it helps, you were very cute.”

Steve rolled his eyes before the words sank in. “No that doesn’t help I- did you just use the word cute?” 

“Yes. Yes I did.” Tony said flatly though his heart was pounding. 

Steve stared at him, studying him, trying to figure out what kind of joke Tony was playing. “About me..?”

“Also yes. And maybe if you hadn’t been drunk off your ass we coulda done something about that. But maybe next time.” Tony shrugged, smirking when Steve’s mouth fell open, looking like a caricature of shock. Only he knew his reaction was real, and for some reason that was really satisfying. “When you pick your jaw up off the floor feel free to come and have a chat with me about it, doll.” 

Tony stood up and pinched his cheek with a wink, before he walked out into the living room; leaving Steve to sit there gobsmacked and process what he’d just said. He figured the blond would need a minute and he was right. 

What the fuck just…? Did Tony just..? 

His thought was interrupted by a thudding sound, followed by his housemates yelling. 

“Who put that piece of junk there-“

“Nat don’t you dare touch Mr. Elephant!”