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The first one is Janet. She is one of Rachel’s co-stars in Funny Girl and "she is absolutely perfect for you, Sam, I swear!", so Sam accepts to meet her. His love life has been quite sad recently, and maybe a blind date can be the right solution. He’s actually pretty excited about the date and spends one hour and a half deciding what to wear.
It takes all about ten minutes for Sam to see that Janet is not perfect for him. It’s not like she isn’t nice, or cute, or even funny in her own way: it’s just that Janet is exactly like Rachel, only taller.
Sam tries really hard not to groan when she says for the fourth time how talented she is and how Broadway is obviously her destiny, and he swears he would never listen to Rachel again.
The first one is Eli. He studies law at Columbia with Sebastian. As Blaine’s best friend, he’s maybe the one who knows him the best, so Blaine feels safe and ready to give Eli a chance. Chestnut hair, blue sparkling eyes and broad shoulders, Eli looks just like a model and Blaine has to admit Sebastian was right.
Except Eli is maybe the most boring person Blaine has ever met, including Mr Thompson, his Chemistry teacher (and if you studied at Dalton you can understand that means a lot). He talks and talks and talks even more, and he laugh at his own lame jokes. Blaine tries to drown himself in his mojito, hoping that rhum can help him.
After his third drink Blaine realises that he can put Eli’s mouth to a better use, making him finally shut up. He kisses him and his ears exult.
Eli kisses damn well, and it’s been so long since the last time that Blaine let him drag him to his house.
Everything becomes hot and sexy, and Blaine even thinks he can put up with Eli’s boringness just for this, when Eli asks him to call him “daddy”.
He doesn’t speak to Sebastian for two weeks.
The second one is Mercedes. That may sound strange, because they already know each other, but after her senior year they didn’t keep in touch, so.
They go on a double date with Kurt and Adam and they have a lot of fun. After two months of dating, Sam is convinced they are going to be together for quite a while: they have fun together and they get along really well; Mercedes doesn’t mind his dorkiness - for most of the time anyway. The months she spend in New York for recording her new album could very easily become the best of Sam’s life: he’s got a job he likes, an awesome girlfriend and some crazy friends. He feels content and satisfied.
He really should know better. After two months of dating, during a quiet evening at home, Mercedes breaks up with him: apparently he’s too “white”.
Sam doesn’t even want to think about that.
The second one is Jeremiah. This time Thad is handling the situation and after the double date he and Sebastian spend with Blaine and Jeremiah, Blaine almost kisses Thad in gratitude. Jeremiah works in the same store as Thad and he is great: he’s mature and sophisticated, with blonde curls that scream to be touched.
Blaine floats on a cloud for more than a month. His love life is next to perfect: his boyfriend is sweet, caring and smart; he laughs at his jokes and has a pure look of adoration in his eyes when they kiss. They spend most of the time in Jeremiah’s loft, watching movies and cuddling on the couch, and Blaine feels so safe and wanted that he doesn’t really realise something is wrong.
But something is definitely wrong. Everything crushes on Blaine when on San Valentine he surprises Jeremiah at the store with a red rose and his boyfriend’s face turns pale.
Turns out Jeremiah hasn’t come out yet. He said his secret only to Thad (without telling him he was a secret, Thad assures near to tears) after Sebastian came to the store once, but nobody else does. Not his colleagues, or his friends or even his parents.
Blaine consider himself patient and supportive, but he can return in the closet: he came out of it when he was fourteen and he has always been so proud of his achievements. He can’t go back.
The third one is Larry. He plays the bass in Dani’s band so if everything turns awkward they could always talk about music - that’s what Sam keeps repeating himself on the way to the date.
The lack of topics is not the problem, though. Larry turns out to be the most awful personification of all the terrible stereotypes about rockers.
Sam is not high maintenance by all means, but if something is important in his significant one is that he must shower. This is not negotiable.
The third one is Josh. Blaine doesn’t want to talk about it.
He doesn’t speak to Jeff for four months.
The fourth one is Mercedes, again. No questions, please.
The fourth one is Louis. He works at Vogue with his new friend Kurt, from NYADA. Kurt assures him that they could get along well and Blaine trusts him enough to go on a date with him.
Blaine’s best friend is Sebastian, the most demanding, snob and snooty person to ever exist. At least that’s what he thought before meeting Louis.
The fifth one is Glenn. He works at the Spotlight diner. Rachel said he has been really impressed by Sam when he came to bring Santana the keys she forgot at home. Sam has to admit he feels flattered by the situation and agrees to have dinner with him.
Glenn is nice and likes almost everything Sam does. They like the same movies, the same comics, the same actors, the same TV series, the same artists, the same kind of music. It would be weird if Sam wasn’t so excited about it. He’s always wanted someone who really understands him and who could share his interests with. Obviously Glenn would never make fun of him for his dorkiness or his passion for comics. They could even go to Comic-Con together! Sam may cry.
“So you’re an only child? That sounds so weird to me” Sam laughs and thinks about how to describe his siblings to Glenn.
“Of course, you’ve got a sister and a brother!” Glenn says immediately. He gets pale before Sam can even process he has never told him about Stevie and Stacy. “I mean…”
He tries to remedy but it’s too late. Eventually he must confess: he looked on Sam’s Facebook profile to know what he likes in order to be the perfect man for him.
Sam really tries to find it flattering instead of creepy, but the magic is already gone.
The fifth one is Jordan. He lives next to Nick and Blaine thinks he could be the one: he’s smart, charming and they share so much interest that talking never gets boring; he also went to a private school so he can easily relate to a lot of his stories (also, he’s proudly out. That’s important).
They are on their sixth date and Blaine feels like he could easily fall in love with him. He already imagines them walking hand in hand on New York’s street during Christmas, the decorations’ light making their love shine (it’s actually the 12th October and maybe he’s a little too romantic, but he’s an artist after all). They would never spend Christmas together, though.
They’re having lunch in a nice but crowded family restaurant. They are talking about the musical they saw two days before (because yes, Jordan also like Broadway, isn’t he just perfect for Blaine?) when Jordan suddenly interrupts what is saying and calls the waitress: he insults her because she forgot his fries and Blaine jumps in his seat when he asks her if she’s retarded or something.
No, they won’t spend Christmas together. Most definitely.
(The girl asks him out after he put Jordan back in his place e forced him to apologize. Too bad she is not really his type.)
The sixth one is Debbie. Sam’s going to meet her at Kurt’s party on Saturday.
The sixth one is Rick. Blaine’s going to meet him at Kurt’s party on Saturday.