Work Text:
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Monster
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24 June 1996, 10:00 P.M. - Astronomy Tower
"Go away." A sad and forlorn voice spoke as he heard the gentle footfalls of the one person who had always stayed by his side.
Ever since I could remember,
Everything inside of me,
Just wanted to fit in (Oh oh oh oh)
I was never one for pretenders,
Everything I tried to be,
Just wouldn't settle in (Oh oh oh oh)
"Harry…" The bushy-haired girl said softly.
"'Mione, leave me alone."
"No," Hermione spoke firmly.
"No?"
"Mmhm. I'm not leaving you alone, Harry. Not after what happened."
Harry let out a humourless chuckle.
"What happened? I killed someone! I let my best friends get hurt! I let Sirius die, Hermione. What could possibly make you even stay close to me?!"
"Harry you killed in self-defence!"
"Self-defence? She had fallen on the ground and her wand was not in reach. I killed her because I wanted to! And, more than that I got you guys hurt! Ginny fractured her ankle, you got hit by a curse that could have adverse effects, Ron may never be able to speak coherently again, Neville has a broken nose and Sirius is dead!"
"Harry, I'm okay. Do you really think Madam Pomfrey would let me go if I wasn't?"
Harry snorted, "Please, Hermione. I may not be as smart as you but I'm not an idiot. I know you snuck out of bed. You're still hurt and it's all my fault."
If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because,
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
A soft and warm hand squeezed his left shoulder but he refused to meet the chocolate eyes, for which he would do almost anything.
"Harry, it was not your fault!" Hermione told him.
Harry buried his face in his hands, "It was my fault! I should have listened to you that it was a trap! I got you hurt and it killed me to conclude that without you I would be dead three times over and I always get you hurt!"
"Harry." She said his name in a soft voice.
Harry shook his head, "Go away, 'Mione."
"I will not."
"Why won't you listen to me, Mia? Don't you see how I hurt you?"
Hermione raised an eyebrow, "You hurt me? Tell me, did you throw the curse?"
"No, but…"
"Did you send the basilisk after me?"
"No, but…"
"Did you let the troll into the school?"
"No, but…"
"Then, you didn't hurt me. It was either the Death Eaters or Voldemort himself."
"I… uh… It's better if you stay away from me!"
I'm only a man with a chamber who's got me,
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I've turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger.
"Harry, I will never ever leave your side."
"You should! I'm dangerous to be around and now I know that I have a death sentence hanging above me. It's better you get to enjoy your life away from me and do not suffer from staying by my side."
"Death sentence?"
Harry removed his face from his hands and slid out of her grip. He walked towards the railing of the highest tower in Hogwarts and gazed at the constellation Canis Major.
"He called me James, you know? During the battle. While we were duelling Lucius Malfoy, he said, "Nice one, James." I didn't mind because I'd rather be my father and die saving my child rather than a boy whose biggest problem is not asking out a girl but rather a megalomaniac Dark Lord."
"Harry?"
He looked into the brown eyes which were teary-eyed but held the determination he loved. The determination in the eyes of the girl he loved to know how he was going to die and wouldn't probably live to see his eighteenth birthday.
Yes, he had concluded that he loved Hermione Granger more than anyone in the world. He had an inkling in his second year when she was petrified, but he had brushed it off but after the battle of the DoM, seeing her lying on the bed with that god awful purple bruise, had made him realise that without Hermione Granger he would be nothing.
Of course, that had led to the conclusion that she should be nowhere near him because he wanted to keep her safe from harm and anywhere within 20 feet was not safe. He stared at her face examining her features wondering if he should tell her.
Her pale and freckled cheeks were slightly red from anger at his brooding. Her bushy hair wasn't as bushy as when they were eleven but still had volume and gave her an appearance which Harry thought was spectacular. Of course, he was slightly biased because he loved her.
No, I should tell her. Maybe that will push her away.
He took a deep breath and began telling her the prophecy and what Dumbledore had told him.
Can I clear my conscience,
If I'm different from the rest,
Do I have to run and hide? (Oh oh oh oh)
I never said that I want this,
This burden came to me,
And it's made it's home inside (Oh oh oh oh)
Hermione had tears leaking out of her eyes and she approached him with her left hand covering her mouth, "Oh, Harry."
He moved out of her grip, shocked, "Why are you still here? That was supposed to make you realise that I'm dangerous and you should stay away from me!"
"What?"
"I'm dangerous, Hermione. Why can't you understand that simple thing?"
Hermione had gone from sad to angry, "Because I'm your best friend!"
"Yes, but Ronald is as well but you don't see him here, do you? He gets that I'm fucking dangerous and I would only get you all killed."
"You know as well, why Ronald isn't here, Harry. Don't you take advantage of the attack on him from the cognivores."
"See, and why was he attacked because I had to fucking rush to the Department of Mysteries just because that bastard, Voldemort planted a fake vision in my mind."
"He was hurt because we chose to follow you!" She was shouting by now.
"And what would have happened if I didn't know any of you?! You would be sitting in the Common Room unhurt, snogging each other." He cursed himself for letting the last part slip out.
He had let his emotions get the better of him and spoke the words which had haunted him. He knew that Hermione liked Ron and because he didn't want to jeopardise his friendship with Ron, Harry had decided not to make a move.
"What?"
If I told you what I was,
Would you turn your back on me?
And if I seem dangerous,
Would you be scared?
I get the feeling just because,
Everything I touch isn't dark enough
If this problem lies in me
"Not important."
"Harry James Potter! Tell me what you meant by that!"
Harry snapped. Oh, he snapped bad, "What I meant is that you like Ron and he likes you back and if you weren't caught up in the mess that is my life, you would be acting like normal teenagers do."
Hermione stopped short. She was silent for a few moments before she spoke, "Harry, I don't like Ron."
Harry let out a sigh of relief involuntarily. He couldn't do anything but play the last card he had kept with him.
"Hermione, I'm becoming Voldemort. I'm becoming a monster. I killed someone. And even if it was Bellatrix Lestrange, I used the curse which killed my parents, the curse I swore never to use."
"Harry…"
"Why can't you just see that there's no good in staying close to me?! Everyone I know dies, or leaves me and maybe the ones who leave, realise that I'm dangerous to be around. Then why can't you fucking understand that Hermione?"
I'm only a man with a chamber who's got me,
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I've turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger.
She raised her hand and caressed his cheek as he leaned into the warm touch, "Harry you'll never become Voldemort."
Harry clenched his teeth, "Don't you see the similarities, Hermione? Both orphans, alone in the castle, in the beginning, parselmouths and now using curses to kill people. What am I becoming if not Voldemort?"
"Harry, you'll never become Voldemort." She said firmly.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because I know you. You would never take pleasure in killing someone."
"I certainly took pleasure in killing Bellatrix."
"That's because she took someone from you. Someone who could have given you the family you've always wished for."
"But I still killed her! Dammit Hermione, why can't you just leave me so that I don't have to see you get hurt because of my actions?"
"Because they are not your actions!" She shouted at him.
"But they are because people are after my life!" He was shouting as well.
I'm only a man with a chamber who's got me,
I'm taking a stand to escape what's inside me.
A monster, a monster,
I've turned into a monster,
A monster, a monster,
And it keeps getting stronger.
Hermione raised her finger and poked him harshly on his chest, "You listen to me Harry Potter if for even one moment you think that you can just push me away, you can kiss that assumption goodbye. Because of you. Are. Stuck. With. Me. Whether you like it or not. Understood?" She glared at him and he couldn't help but marvel at her beauty.
"Why?" He heard himself asking.
He was sure that her cheeks turned darker, "Because you're my best friend." Her left eye twitched a bit.
"You're a horrible liar, 'Mione. Plus, you have a tell when it comes to lying. So, what's the real reason?"
"I don't want to tell you." She mumbled, her anger and his broodiness forgotten for the moment after Hermione's rant.
"Come on. Tell me."
She stared into his emerald green eyes and said, "Ok, but on three conditions."
"Understood."
"First, you will not laugh at me. Second, what I'm about to say, will not change anything between us. Third, if I ever hear you talk about pushing me away, I will cast a very painful curse on you and I will make sure you suffer."
"But…"
Hermione glared at him, "Promise me."
Harry sighed, "Fine. I promise."
Hermione stuttered a bit before she mumbled something out.
"You…" He repeated what he had heard of her mumbled words.
"Do you have to know?"
"Of course I do."
Hermione blew away a curl of her hair which had fallen over her eyes. Without thinking, Harry tucked some of her hair behind her hair. Hermione blushed a bit before she spoke, "Because you're more to me than just a friend."
Yup, this is how I'm going to die. An overload of euphoria. "Boy-Who-Lived dies after he learns that the love of his life loves him back." I can just imagine the headline on the Prophet.
This thought struck his mind because he honestly felt that his heart had stopped beating. An insane grin spread out on his face and his eyes glazed over slightly.
"Harry?"
He looked at her.
"You okay?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Maybe because I said that you were more than a friend to me?"
"How exactly am I more than a friend to you?"
"Don't make me do this." She buried her face in her hands.
He pried her hands away from her face and asked, "How?"
She looked down and whispered, "I think I'm in love with you." He released her wrists and grabbed her chin and made her look up into his eyes.
"Hermione Granger, you think you're in love with me but I know that I'm in love with you."
He placed his lips on hers and kissed her. Hermione was shocked for a moment before she reciprocated. Harry encircled her waist and hoisted her up as she wrapped her legs around him. She ran her hands through his hair and moaned when he ran his fingers down her spine. He nibbled her lower lip and licked it with his tongue, asking for entrance. Hermione obliged and opened her mouth. Harry explored her mouth just as her fingers tore open the white shirt he was wearing and ran her hands over his chest.
Harry pushed her up against the wall and copied her actions. He opened her shirt to reveal a lacy black bra which held her assets. He cursed Hogwarts robes to hell for hiding such brilliant assets.
"Did you plan this?" He asked her when he saw the lacy black bra.
Hermione smirked, "Maybe. I wanted to distract you from the guilt and I just wanted to tell you how I felt and see how things turned out."
"Merlin, you can distract me whenever you want if this is how you do it."
"Fine. Now, shut up and kiss me."
Harry obliged.
Hours later, after cries of passion and love, Harry found himself in the Room of Requirement with Hermione curled up next to him on a bed in the Room, Harry found the situation amusing.
He was worried about Hermione getting hurt because he was becoming what he thought was a monster. But now, he had a naked Hermione beside him who loved him.
Life couldn't be better.
…
Well, he could do without the megalomaniac but not everything can be perfect.