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Cedric Diggory was like sunshine; warm and bright.
For years, he had been your best friend. Your families had always been close, being the nearest wizarding family to their home after the Weasley’s. You and Cedric had bonded from such a young age; making pinkie promises under the large oak tree in your back garden, promising how you would always remain friends. That nothing could tear you apart.
The fates decided for you early on that you would fall in love with Cedric. You felt the cliché; falling in love with your best friend and knowing it was unrequited. Cedric simultaneously made your heart race and break. He was so impossibly wonderful and caring that a simple look from him had your heartbeat increasing something worrying. But in the same minute, the small voice in your head, reminding you that he didn’t truly see you, had your heart breaking all over again. In his presence, you felt like Icarus flying too close to the sun, to feel the warmth on your face, not realising all the while that the wax of your wings are melting and you’re about to fall, fall, fall.
For so long you had pined for your best friend. With each hug; each take of the hand and each kiss pressed to the side of your head, your heart filled with hope that he was feeling the same as you. You were hopelessly praying that one day he would look at you and for it fall into place. For him to take you into his arms and whisper promises of love and forever.
But it was nothing more than a dream.
You knew of his feelings for her; he wasn’t exactly subtle when it came to watching her from across the Great Hall or classroom. And you understood; you understood it all. How could you compare? Cho Chang was something else entirely; both her and Cedric would be the ultimate power couple for Hogwarts.
It would only be a matter of time before they’re hanging from each other’s arm as you would watch from the side line. Seemingly destined to always love him from a distance.
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Cedric bounds up to you in the Hufflepuff common room on a Wednesday afternoon, calling your name and for your attention.
“What is it?” You ask, looking up from your essay plan.
“I asked her, and she said yes!”
“You asked who? To where?”
“I asked Cho to the Yule Ball and she said yes.” Cedric grins at you, looking so happy at this news.
“That’s great, Cedric!” You crow, smiling at him, silently praying he wouldn’t see how your heart was crumbling inside your chest.
Your heart sinks at his news; some part of you hoped that he would ask you to the Ball. That he would take you and show you off to the whole school, but like a lot of things, it was only a dream. You keep the smile pasted on your face as he starts to babble about dress robes and coordinating outfits. Your heart urges you to confess; to confess every feeling you’ve ever had for him.
But he looks so happy. You couldn’t tell him now; you wouldn’t break that.
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Being in the same room as them was becoming painful. You could feel your heart crack in your chest as you watched Cedric open the Yule Ball with Cho, looking at her as if she were the only girl in the world for him. How could he not? She looked incredible; she looked like everything he could possibly want.
How your heart yearned for him to look at you that way. How it broke when you realise that he never will.
You gather your skirt in your hands, leaving the Great Hall. The scene too painful for you stay there any longer. It was masochism at this point; you were hurting yourself intentionally by staying there longer.
You pause at the stairs; sitting down to gather your breath but they soon turn to sobs. You grab at your chest with both hands as if you could physically stop the feeling of your heart cleaving itself in two.
The sound of footsteps has you wiping your eyes, but you recognise the sweet perfume of your friend Rose. She sits next to you, holding your hand tightly and directing your head onto her shoulder. She wasn’t bothered about this dance anyway; you needed her more than she needed to waltz with a boy that was going to try and kiss her later.
“Loving him shouldn’t have to hurt so much.” You cry into the shoulder of your friend, Rose.
“It shouldn’t.”
“I really thought…” You trail off, your mind finishing the sentence. I really thought something would happen.
“I know you did,” Rose murmurs, brushing the hair away from your face.
Rose is your anchor that night, letting you sob into her shoulder for another minute before helping you to your room. The sobs have you bent in two; you hold a hand to your mouth, trying to keep them in, to keep them silent but it doesn’t help.
Rose helps you out of your dress, handing you your comfiest pyjamas before helping you get into the bed. The tears are slower now, having exhausted yourself. Rose brushes your hair back with a gentle hand, lulling you to a light sleep. You know though, that you won’t be sleeping much tonight, the image of Cedric and Cho burned onto the back of your eyelids would surely haunt your dreams tonight.
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Cedric notices your absence from the Yule Ball – of course he does. His mind had been on you since you descended the stairs in your mauve velvet dress, holding hands with Rose, sending his mind into overdrive and his heart racing.
Cho had to pull his attention back to her multiple times but soon gave up when she could see how occupied he was.
He hadn’t seen you leave; he didn’t know where you had gone. So he looks for Rose, knowing that you would be close by if he could find her. But he can’t and he starts to panic.
He spins Cho out before drawing her back into his arms; all the time wishing it was you he was holding close to his body. Cedric had wanted to ask you to the Yule Ball, but he couldn’t. In the end, he asked Cho. He had planted the seeds the week before he asked with longing gazes. She had said yes, but he couldn’t help but want it to be you who said yes to him.
Cedric was terrified. He was a current champion in the Triwizard Tournament – the most horrifying of challenges for witches and wizards alike but he was simply more petrified of confessing his feelings for you, to you.
He would rather face his dragon again, a thousand times over, than face your rejection.
He’s loved you all his life. He just didn’t know it until the end of Fourth Year when you smiled at him over the rim of your Butterbeer glass and something within him clicked into place.
He was just so scared of ruining your friendship. If he lost you as a friend because of his feelings, he doesn’t know what he would do. The fear of rejection and loss keeping his confession secret.
For now, you both teeter on the edge of a knife blade. Neither one willing to confess their feelings first, but their touches would linger, and their stares would last that little bit longer – eyes filled with the adoration and love they feel.
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Rose is on eggshells around you the morning after the Yule Ball; worried about what could possibly set you off again. Robotically, you get dressed and head to breakfast, plastering a serene smile on your face before you enter the Great Hall in case you into Cedric, or Cho, or worse, both of them.
You’re buttering a piece of toast when Rose asks, “How are you feeling?”
“Better. Thank you for being there last night.”
“I didn’t want to leave you; I’ve never seen you like that before.”
You point your buttery knife at her, “And you won’t ever again. Want to know why?”
Rose raises an eyebrow, “Why?”
“Because as of right now, I am going to get over Cedric Diggory.”
Rose’s eyes widen, “Really?”
You nod, biting into your toast, “Really. I have loved him for so long and it’s come to nothing. It’s time I move on.”
Cedric sits down next to you a moment later, reaching for the pumpkin juice, “Where did you go last night? I tried to look for you, but I couldn’t find you.”
You meet Rose’s eyes, “I didn’t feel too well so Rose brought me back to the common room.”
“You should’ve said something, I’d have taken you back.”
“Cedric, you’re a Triwizard Champion, they needed you there. I was fine without you, I had Rose.” You say, smiling at the girl as she nods affirming your story.
Cedric frowns, not happy with your answer. He places a hand on your forehead and then your cheek, checking your temperature. You melt into his touch before turning rigid. Reminded of your vow from only a moment ago, you pull away, chuckling, “You’re a mother hen, Ced, I swear. I’m fine, I feel a lot better now.”
You turn your attention back to your breakfast, picking at the food on your plate. The need to get over Cedric was now your most important aim. Your heart had been broken and smashed beyond recognition. It was now time to build it back up again.
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It’s hard at first; getting over Cedric because he makes it so difficult. It’s as if he dazzles you with the simplest of movements such as running a hand through his hair or grinning at you or turning a page in a book with a focused look on his face. Each action had you out of breath and your heart racing before you pulled yourself back and reminded your overly hormonal self what you were aiming to do.
Cedric notices your apprehension around him, asking you one morning, “Are you okay?”
You frown, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
Cedric fixes you with a look, “You’re pulling away from me and I don’t know why.”
Your heart stutters in your chest, “I’m just going through some things right now, Ced, but I’m okay, I promise.”
“You’re sure?” Concern overtaking his features.
“I’m sure,” You say, taking his hand in yours, “Now, let’s get some breakfast, I’m starving.”
Cedric laughs, leading you to the Great Hall. He’s still worried though; he’s noticed your distance, not being as open with him. Not pulling him in for hugs as often. Your friendship mattered so much to him; it being over a decade old. He treasured your friendship and your presence in his life more than he treasures his place on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team. Over the last week, he had felt you pull yourself far away from him, building a wall around you that he had no hope of tearing down.
Cedric’s heart falls as he begins to realise that he’s losing you.
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Michael Rhen approaches you at breakfast a week after the Yule Ball. A week after your promise to get over Cedric.
You’re sitting with Cedric as Michael joins you at the table, “Morning, (Y/N).”
“Hi Michael,” You greet, smiling. “How are you?”
“I’m good. I was hoping you could help me though.”
“I’ll try my very best.”
Michael smiles, “I’m having trouble with our History of Magic essay – the one about witch trials in Yorkshire and Lancashire. And I know that you’re the best at this subject, so I was wondering if you help me?”
You nod, “Of course. Do you want to meet in the library tomorrow evening after dinner?”
“That would be great, thank you.”
“It’s no problem, I’ll see you in the library tomorrow.”
“It’s a date.” Michael grins, getting up to leave.
You shake your head amused.
Cedric was not amused. He was not accustomed to the ugly emotion growing in his gut. Jealousy was rearing its ugly head and Cedric was having a hard time keeping a lid on it.
“I didn’t know you tutor now,” He says innocently.
“I don’t.” comes your reply.
Cedric frowns, “Then why?”
“Well, we have OWLs coming up even if you are exempt, Mr. Champion, so I’ll take all the extra studying I can get and also: why not? Michael’s nice, we get along just fine.”
“I don’t know… something seems off about him.”
“Oh, you’re just nit-picking now.” You say, hushing him. “It’s only an essay.”
But the both of you have the same thought: what if it could be more?
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The library was always quiet. Madame Pince controlling the volume with an iron fist.
You hurry to the back of the library where you know the relevant books are. You place your quill and ink on the table along with some parchment before wandering to the shelves. Your fingers run across the worn spines of the books; thinking of the thousands of students before having done the same action.
Footsteps behind you alert you to Michael’s presence. You turn to greet him with a smile on your face.
Michael smiles in return, taking a seat at the table, “Hey, (Y/N). Thank you for doing this.”
You pull a couple of books from the shelf before sitting across from him, “It’s no problem, Michael. Now what is it exactly that you need help on?”
Michael bites his lip, looking sheepish, “All of it? How much time do you have?”
You chuckle, “Until curfew. I hope you’re ready to take notes. This is a whistle stop tour.”
In no time at all, Michael had a good understanding of the differences between the different types of witchcraft practiced in Yorkshire and Lancashire as well as a decent understanding of rival families and why there is still tension in the counties today as a result of it.
Michael puts his quill down, flexing his fingers to free himself of the cramp, “Wow. You really know a lot on this subject.”
You shrug, “My family originally hail from Yorkshire. I made it my mission to know as much as I could about my ancestors.”
The grand clock above the entrance hall begins to chime signalling curfew and the end of your study session with Michael.
“That’s all we have time for, unfortunately. If you need any more help, I’m happy to help.”
“There is something you could help me with…” Michael starts.
“Oh?” You ask, pausing in stacking the books for the shelves.
“Would you like to come to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?” He says in one rushed breath.
You hesitate; your mind flashes to Cedric, thinking of all the Hogsmeade weekends you had spent with him, ambling from shop to shop and generally enjoying each other’s company.
Michael starts to look worried. But before he can say anything, you ask, “As a date?”
Michael looks away flustered, “I was hoping it would be, yes.”
You’re taken back again. Your mind flashing back to Cedric, your heart wishing it was him asking and not Michael. No, you chide yourself, he has Cho now… though you hadn’t seen him with her since the Yule Ball… NO. Michael was asking you out, he was genuinely interested in you. You think of your promise; he was handing you the opportunity to start getting over Cedric.
You smile at Michael, “I’d like that. I’ll meet you in the courtyard at nine?”
Michael’s answering grin is blinding. “That’s great. I’ll see you then.” He even goes so far to drop a kiss to your cheek before leaving the library with a whispered goodbye.
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The common room is silent when you return from the library. The majority of students had retired to their beds, but the odd straggler remains in the common room. You recognise them all as classmates as they continue to revise for the upcoming exams.
Cedric is laid across one of the couches, an arm tucked underneath his head; eyes pouring over one of his books. You watch him fondly. His exemption from the exams made him able to catch up on the books you had given to him to read.
You tap his thigh, silently telling him to shift, “What are still doing up?”
He shifts into a sitting position, shrugging, “I was waiting for you.”
Your heart softens at his whispered confession. “You didn’t have to.”
“I wanted to. Did Michael complete his essay?”
You smile, “He did, and he asked me out on a date.”
“He did what?” He asks, turning to you with wide eyes.
“Don’t look so shocked, Cedric. Just because you don’t find me attractive doesn’t mean that others don’t.” You say, hurt.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
You look down at your hands, fingers fiddling with themselves. Cedric sighs, placing a finger under your chin, lifting your face to look you in the eyes. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that,” he repeats.
“How did you mean it then?” You question, your eyes narrowing.
Cedric pulls away, his mouth a thin line, “I just didn’t think he would move that fast.”
“Well he did, and I said yes.”
An awkward silence falls between the two of you. Bodies angled to each other, but eyes focused on the fire as minds begin to wander.
You think of your feelings for the teenager sat next to you. These overwhelming, defining feelings that you hold for him and you wonder whether Michael would be the one to help you move on. Whether Michael could be the one to help you revert back to friendship with Cedric. You wanted to chuckle as your heart whispered how impossible that task would be. You glance at Cedric, curious as to whether he had any clue about how entirely he owned your heart.
You pat his knee, deciding you had thought enough for the night. You hope for a dreamless sleep, “I’m heading up for the night. I’ll see you at breakfast?”
Cedric smiles smally, “I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
You smile in return, walking away from him before his words could settle in your skin.
Cedric watches you walk away, no longer ignoring the deep ache in his chest. He was starting to lose you; the distance between the two of you increasing. As Cedric sits there, book open on his lap, watching the spot where he had last seen you, he promises himself that he would not lose you from his life.
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Cedric found it hard to leave you alone over the next week. Finding any and all excuses to sit next to you; to touch you. The jealousy he felt over your date with Michael had him interjecting into conversations and disturbing seating plans so he could be near you. He waited for you to pull away, for you to tell him off, but you never did. Hope bloomed in his stomach and in his chest at that.
Your heart basked in the attention; wanting nothing more than Cedric to wrap his arm around that little bit tighter and for him to distract you from another conversation. Your mind berated your heart for enjoying this too much; the small voice in the back of your mind reminded you constantly that you were supposed to be moving on from him and here he was putting a spanner in the plan.
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Bounding down the stairs to the common room, you pause in front of a mirror to check how your hair looks. Deciding it was good enough, you enter the common room to find Cedric sat on your usual couch, staring away into nothing.
You tap him on the shoulder, “Are you okay? You look to be lost in your thoughts.”
He hums before answering, “I’m good. You look lovely by the way.”
You look down at your outfit, brushing out invisible creases; heart racing from his compliment. You internally scold yourself for reacting this way. “Thank you, Cedric.”
Cedric nods. His heart breaks as he sees how you’ve dressed up for Michael and how happy you look to be meeting him. He wishes he had told you earlier; confessed to you before the Yule Ball how much he adored you because if he had, he would be the one to be walking you to Hogsmeade, to be sharing a butterbeer, to be whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
Instead, he’s resigned himself to the fact that after today, he will have lost you forever.
He watches you check your watch, brushing your fingers through your hair one more time before going to meet Michael.
He decides to take the moment to plead, to beg you not to go. To stay with him; spend the day with him so he can gather the courage to tell you how he feels. How he has felt for years but didn’t know until last year and if you would give him the chance, he would spend the rest of his life earning your affection and showing you just how deep his love for you runs.
Cedric grabs your hand, making you turn to face him, “Don’t go,” he pleads.
“I have to, Cedric.” You pull your hand from his grip, rushing out of the common room to meet Michael in the courtyard.
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The day with Michael had been pleasant. You had walked around Hogsmeade, entering the bookshop and Honeyduke’s to stock up on your stash of cauldron cakes. Michael, ever the gentlemen, had paid for your sweets with a smile and a wink at your protests.
The pit in your stomach was getting larger; you felt awful for not feeling anything more for Michael other than friendship. But your heart would not let you forget the brunette Hufflepuff you had left in the common room with a dejected look on his face.
The conversation with Cedric had played on your mind all day. His face as you left the common room, was printed onto the back of your eyelids. He had look so crestfallen, as if he had accepted some terrible fate. Your chest aches at the memory of it.
Michael takes your hand as he pulls you into The Three Broomsticks for a butterbeer or two. You head to a small table as he goes to the bar for your drinks.
“Thank you.” You say as Michael places a foaming glass in front of you. You immediately take a drink, relishing the sweet butterscotch taste. You wipe your mouth on a napkin before smiling at Michael. “Thank you for today, I’ve had a lot of fun.”
Michael grins, “I have as well. But I think I’ve had more fun than you.”
You run a finger around the rim of your glass, “Michael…” You start, but he cuts you off.
“It’s Cedric, isn’t it?”
You bite your lip, nodding.
“It’s okay, I suspected as much when I first asked you out. It was confirmed when I saw his reaction.”
“His reaction?”
“The possessiveness.”
You nod, remembering it, “I’m really sorry, I thought I could… can we be friends?”
Michael smiles at you, “We can be friends.”
You sigh in relief, “Thank you, Michael.”
“You know he’s jealous.” He states, sipping at his butterbeer.
“Who?”
“Who? Cedric.”
“No, he isn’t.”
“I’m telling you; he totally is.”
You think back to his possessiveness over the last week. He had never been like that; not once over the time you had known him. It only started when Michael had asked you to help with his essay and then asked you out.
Everything clicks into place; you drop your head into your hands with a groan. Michael laughs, “I told you so.”
Michael walks you back to the school and the Hufflepuff common room, making you promise to tell him what happens tomorrow. He squeezes your shoulder before walking away. You take a deep breath, steeling yourself for the conversation you’re about to have.
Cedric hadn’t moved from where you left him this morning. He remained sat on the brown leather couch, his eyes on the fire but his mind elsewhere. You throw yourself down beside him. Cedric leans back into the couch; your legs going over his.
Cedric’s fingers draw aimless patterns on your legs as he apologises, “I’m sorry about this morning. I was out of line.”
You nod, “Yes, you were. But I appreciate your apology.”
“Did you have a nice time?” Cedric asks, punishing himself for his actions this morning.
“It was interesting,” You start, “Or at least, Michael told me something interesting.”
“I’m all ears.”
“He told me you were jealous of him, but I denied it of course because if you had feelings for me in any sense you would have told me by now, right?”
Cedric is silent; seeming very focused on the seam of your jeans as he traces a fingertip up it. You repress a shiver at the feel.
“Right, Cedric?” You repeat.
“Michael was right.” Cedric whispers, looking down.
“He was?”
“No, he is. I’m jealous. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t in the end.”
“Why didn’t you say anything, Ced?”
“I was worried that I would ruin our friendship. We’ve been friends for so long, I thought if I suddenly confessed how I felt, you wouldn’t believe me, and you’d reject me.”
You sigh, “This is a mess.”
Cedric frowns, “What is?”
“We’ve been dancing around each other and being miserable all because we were scared to ruin what we already have.”
“We?”
You fiddle with your fingers, eyes focused on the fire, “I’ve felt jealous too, and heartbroken. I promised myself I would get over you.”
Cedric swallows around the sudden lump in throat, “And have you?”
You sigh, shaking your head, “I don’t think I ever could. I was so destroyed watching you at the Yule Ball with Cho, and I completely understood why you asked as her. She’s gorgeous and comes from a prestigious family. The match works.”
“I asked Cho to the Yule Ball because I panicked. I thought if I asked you, you would see through to my feelings for you. She called things off after the first two dances, she realised that I was looking for you.”
“We’ve both messed up, haven’t we?”
Cedric nods, taking one of your hands in his. “I think we have.”
You point at him, “Alright, naked truth time, Cedric. Are you ready?”
He raises an eyebrow, “As I’ll ever be.”
“Do you like me?”
Cedric blushes, “I think I more than like you. I think I love you.”
“Oh… I didn’t expect that.” You answer, your body warming at his words.
“Your turn: what do you feel for me?”
“I think I love you too.”
“You do?”
You fiddle with your fingers, “Yeah, I don’t know the exact moment it happened. It was just one day that I realised that I was in love with you, but you didn’t see me for so long. All I wanted to be was somebody more to you.”
Cedric closes his eyes as if in pain, “I royally screwed up, I hurt your feelings so badly. Will you ever forgive me?”
You purse your lips. You hold your hand out for him to take, which he does, “On one condition.”
“And that is?”
“You take me on a date.”
He grins, “I can definitely do that. Can I do something before though?”
You raise an eyebrow, “And that is?”
Cedric suddenly becomes shy, “Can I kiss you?”
“I’d really like that.”
Cedric smiles before he leans in.