Work Text:
Palette
Ohno Satoshi holds his palette while moving his brush on the canvas. He can’t really fathom why lately he can only draw sad pictures. He usually finds it easier to draw Nino’s happy face, but lately, all he draws are Nino’s sad expressions. Even only in drawing, seeing Nino’s face in pain like that hurts him in the worst way possible. He’s sure that there is something wrong, but really, he can’t point out what.
He takes a step back after drawing the last line of the painting. He watches his just-finished-painting carefully. It is a beautiful painting. The most beautiful painting of Nino he has made over the years, actually. Yet Nino’s expression there bothers him. He knows that he was the one drawing it, but it’s painful to see Nino’s sorrowful expression captured beautifully like that. It’s even more bothering that he has never actually seen Nino made that expression before. Well he did on his movie. But this one on his painting is really Nino, not some other guy he’s trying to act out.
Ohno Satoshi has no idea that he has just drawn the future. And he has no idea that the next morning he will wake up with his feelings for Nino no longer exist.
He has no idea.
---
Broken Vow
Nino can’t believe what he just heard. The whole sentence sounded like bullshit to him, but Ohno’s serious expression told him that what he said was anything but it.
“What do you mean by ‘we can’t keep going on like this’? We’ve done this for countless years and it has been okay. I like it, you like it, we like it, heck, even that old Kitagawa guy likes it because apparently it’s good for the fan services. You’re aware that we’re lucky, right? I mean, look at Sho and Jun, they have to control themselves all the time in front of camera and behind it just because that man disagreed about their relationship,” Nino talks the whole paragraph in one take of breath. He’s so angry to find that his boyfriend decided to end their relationship without a logical reason out of the blue.
Ohno just stares at him, not uttering any words. His eyes give out a look that Nino can’t even understand what. It’s somewhere between sad, angry, hurt, and something else he can’t say what.
“We had a promise to go through everything together. We vowed that we’ll keep going, fighting for our love even how hard it will become,” Nino takes a deep breath before he says, “you pushes me to make that promise before, Ohno Satoshi, not that I didn’t want to, but to find now that you are the one who’s breaking it, and while our relationship has no hardship at all is...” Nino loses his words. It’s just too painful for him. He loves his Oh chan, he does. He can’t imagine continue his life without being able to own that man. He’s an insecure person after all. He needs to be assured that he’s good enough as a human being, and owning Ohno has been the best assurance he has.
But now this guy wants to end everything with me? What the fuck.
“Kazu...” Ohno calls out his name, moving closer to him to try to console him with a hug.
“Don’t ‘Kazu’ me, Oh chan. Don’t you also dare to hug me if you’re going to let go and never hug me again afterward. Really. Don’t you dare,” he says coldly, holding every cell in his body from snapping and shouting to this very guy in front of him.
Ohno sighs. “I’m sorry, Nino. I just. I didn’t think this day would come, really. I have no idea how could I possibly come into this. I just found that I woke up this morning and I realized that I can’t be with you anymore. The love I felt to you, the feeling I thought will never stop, was suddenly drained just like that.”
“Bullshit!” Nino snaps. What excuse is that even? “Indeed, I do have no idea, Oh chan. That’s why it sounds like bullshit for me and I can’t take it.”
“Nino, I didn’t mean to...”
“Well you have hurt me. However you didn’t mean to, you’ve hurt me. How do you think I could possibly not be hurt because of that? You and your bizarre way of thinking things,” Nino takes a deep breath.
“You know where’s the door, right, Oh chan? Now go. Go and don’t you dare stepping your feet into this room again,” Nino says coldly.
Ohno hesitates for a bit, but he understands that there is nothing he can do to talk Nino into this. Even he doesn’t really understand what it is actually, that’s why his explanation sounds like bullshit. He makes his way to the door, opens it, and glances back to Nino for the last time.
“I just want to say that, I will only hurt you if I keep this relationship going even though I know well that my heart’s no longer wanting it,” Ohno says his last line before makes his leave.
Inside the apartment room, Nino slumps to the floor. He still can’t understand what’s going on and he doesn’t really want to. His tears rolling over his cheeks without he realizes, but there’s no sob. His life is crumbling down and he’s pretty surprised that he feels numb about that.
---
"I'm angry because that doesn't suit you"
When Nino wakes up the next morning, he’s a little bit confused on why he has been sleeping on the floor of his living room and not on the comfort of his bed. He’s confused on why he’s sleeping alone instead of curling warm and safe inside his boyfriend’s arms because he’s pretty sure that his boyfriend was there yesterday.
Before his brain catches up and his memories of last night hit him like a struck of lightning. Oh. He broke up with me yesterday. We have broken up apparently. We don’t exist anymore. Wow. He’s surprised that he really doesn’t feel anything about that. Maybe sometimes some things are too painful to be felt.
He checks his phone, there are tons of e-mails from Ohno, which he completely ignores, and some other from his manager telling him about his schedule today. Honestly, he doesn’t feel like working today, but if he doesn’t go to work, then he can’t earn money. If he can’t earn money, he won’t be able to even feel a little bit better about his life. He stretches up then makes his way to the shower.
His mind was likely on autopilot mode because the next time he blinks, he finds himself on a set already, his clothes are already changed to the ones for the show and not the ones of his. There are cameras and everybody is looking to him, like waiting for him to say something. He blinks. Shit. I’m screwing this up, right? But then Ohno, who sits beside him, (why is he sitting there?) manages to do some help for him. He answers the question that was given to him with some answers he’s not really sure what.
After Ohno finishes answering the question, he reaches out to Nino’s hand and squeezes it. Yes, in front of the camera. He’s sure their fans will be fainted when they see this episode airs later. He doesn’t let go, though. It will be bad for the publicity if he does so. So he lets Ohno does what he wants to do.
Ohno is still holding his hand after the filming is over and they’re walking to the green room. Nino frees his hand rudely from Ohno’s hold and dashes to the green room. He’s angry beyond reason that Ohno feels like it’s okay to do that even when their relationship’s over already.
He changes his clothes in a rush, he wants to be home soon. Being around Ohno will only make him angry and really, it’s exhausting to be angry all the time.
But seems like the heaven hates him. As soon as he’s done changing his clothes, Ohno is there, looking at him with his usual lazy eyes.
“Why are you angry with me?” he asks like he’s trying to imply that there’s no reason to be angry at him.
“Really? You’re asking me why I’m angry with you?” Nino replies. He really is not in the mood for this.
“Yea. I’ve done the filming well. Fans won’t even notice that we’ve already broken up,” Ohno says lightly.
Nino clenches his fist, this old man is giving me a headache.
“That was what you were worried about, right? That when people know we’re broken it will be bad for publicity? So, why are you angry, really?” Ohno says indifferently.
“I’m angry because that doesn’t suit you,” Nino hisses. “That fake ‘we’re in love’ attitude doesn’t suit you. It’s disgusting.”
“What’s disgusting, Nino?” suddenly there’s another sound replying to their conversation. It’s Jun.
“Maybe he was talking about the sex they had last night,” Aiba joins too, giggling all the way.
Nino sends piercing glance to both of them. Really, guys?
“We’ve broken up. And apparently I’m a disgusting creature for Nino now,” Ohno answers them.
“You guys are what?! Why?” Jun exclaims in surprise.
“Because he woke up in the morning and he doesn’t love me anymore,” Nino hisses. “Now if you guys will excuse me, I have no business here anymore, so I’ll go home. Ja, mata,” Nino makes his way to the door but then someone who just walks in grabs his arm.
“You’re not going anywhere until we settle this down,” Sho orders him.
Nino tries to yank his arm off but Sho’s grip is of course stronger.
“What do we need to settle down, guys? Me and Oh chan are done. But rest assured, the fan service will keep going, you guys don’t have to worry about anything,”
“Let him go, Sho,” Ohno says from the corner of the room, “it’s not his fault. It’s mine. It’s all my fault. I can explain it all to you guys but if he wants to leave then let him.”
Sho, Jun, and Aiba exchange glances. It’s not the first time they have to witness this couple doing silly fights, but they can feel that there’s something different today.
Sho loosens his grip. Nino’s arm is free now, but now that Ohno said that he will explain everything he can’t decide if he wants to stay or leave.
“If you stay, maybe you will hear something I wasn’t able to explain before,” Ohno tells him like he’s been reading his mind all the time.
Nino just stands still. A part of him wants to stay and listen to his ex-boyfriend, but the other parts are begging him to leave because it’s too painful to handle.
Ohno decides to use the moment to start explain himself. He sits on the nearest chair.
“I suggest you all to take a seat because I’m afraid this is going to be long,” he says to the others.
The three of them move closer to take a seat while Nino is still standing, still have no idea what to do.
“Two days ago, I drew a painting. I have no idea why but that was a really beautiful painting. So beautiful even I was speechless when I see that. It was a painting of Nino. The most beautiful painting of Nino I’ve ever done.”
Nino freezes. He hasn’t heard this before.
“The one thing that bugged me after I’ve done that painting is, Nino’s expression is full of sorrow. I have no idea why I drew it like that. But it was painfully beautiful. So I just let it and went to sleep.”
The three of them exchange another glance. Somehow it feels awkward to listen to Ohno’s explanation because it’s not what they thought they’ll hear. They just need to know why their best friends broke up and how they can help to mend the broken hearts. What Ohno is telling them is too intimate for them to hear.
“The next morning, I woke up with strange feeling. I suddenly feel an emptiness filling my heart. I saw the painting I made the night before and I can’t even recognize it as good. That’s when I realized that somehow, the one feeling that has always been filling my heart is gone. The love I have for Nino, the one that has always been overwhelming to the point where I was sure it will last forever has gone. Disappear without reason.”
“It hurts me. It hurts to suddenly feel that my heart is empty, that I don’t feel the same way as I felt before, just over a night. It drove me crazy so I went to Nino’s place and told him everything. Actually, I was wishing that maybe we can repair it, finding a way to find my feelings to him again, but apparently, I wasn’t able to explain it like that and I only hurt him by telling him to break up.”
Nino who is still standing in front of the door starts to move closer to his friends (and ex-boyfriend). His head is spinning and he’s afraid that he’ll faint if he doesn’t sit down. It’s the first time for him to hear Ohno says that many words in one scene and he needs to digest it well before he can react properly.
“Ohno kun,” Sho calls him, clearly that it’s not just Nino who’s confused, “so you weren’t meant to break up with Nino at the first place? Then why did you do it?”
“Because I figured out that it will be too painful for him if I stay with him but I don’t love him anymore.”
Jun and Aiba exchange their glances before Jun says, “are you even sure that you don’t love him anymore? I mean, for a feeling to disappear in just one night it’s too... I don’t know, weird?”
Ohno just lifts his shoulder indifferently as a response.
“Enough with all this, Oh chan! What are you trying to say anyway?!” Nino snaps. His brain can’t take it anymore, he can’t take it anymore. He can feel his anger is bubbling up inside him.
“I don’t know what you’re trying to say, and it seems like you still don’t know what you’re trying to say either. Now I’m fed up of this and I don’t want to hear any words from you until you’ve made up your mind,” Nino stands up and makes his way to the door.
“Bye, guys, I believe you can help him sort his mind out. Sorry that I can’t be of any help right now,” he says that and leaves the green room. He heads straight to his car and drives it like a madman. His mind is so foggy right now that he couldn’t care less about anything else.
Not even when a car hits his car from the other side of the intersection.
---
Falling from the bed
Nino jerks up. His head is pounding hard and his elbow is hurting. He just fell from his bed for no apparent reason. Well, maybe because of the dream he just had. He sits up and rubs his face with his palm. What was that just now? He tries to recall what he had dreamed. He was still trying to find out when suddenly he hears a voice from someone on his bed.
“Kazu, Kazu, are you okay?” Ohno’s panic voice fills the room. The next second, Ohno’s head shows up from the top of the bed.
“Are you okay, Kazu? You just fell from the bed. I think you just had a bad dream,” Ohno sounds worried.
Nino looks up to him. He still can’t remember what he was dreaming about that made him falling from his bed, but he can still feel that dream. He feels a pain on his chest like he has lost the love of his life.
Ohno pulls out his hand to reach Nino. “Come. I’ll help you stand up,” he says.
Nino doesn’t take that hand immediately. His eyes are locked to the ring on Ohno’s ring finger. He smiles to himself and reaches that hand with his. He glances to his own ring while letting Ohno pulls him to the bed. The older guy hugs him tight once he’s on the bed again.
“Are you alright, Kazu? Does anything hurt?” Ohno asks, worried.
Nino looks to the guy who’s holding him now straight to his eyes. We’re engaged, we’re living together, and it’s all that matters, right? I can’t remember the dream anyway, so it must be something not really important, right? Besides, it’s just a dream anyway. He smiles then pulls Ohno’s head closer.
“I’m totally alright, Oh chan,” he says before leaning in for a kiss.
---