Work Text:
Seoul, Summer 2006
Just another dreary Saturday. Or so Soo-hyun thought, slumping his shoulders as more commuters made their way inside the already-crowded bus. He clutched his earphones closer, for which he'd scrimped on a month's worth of lunch to get on a BOGO deal with an old Samsung model.
He lurched forward as the driver made another abrupt stop, muttering "aish, ahjussi!" on cue together with fellow riders. His mind was practically dead from an entire week at school, but he dragged himself on to an acting class that was neighborhoods away in the middle of the concrete jungle's rush hour.
Soo-hyun closed his eyes for a quick nap to Kim Hyun-chul's Wearing a Black Skirt, a 90s tune he secretly listened to that made hectic afternoons like this a little calmer. Just as he was about to fall asleep, the spine of a heavy book dropped right smack on his face, eliciting a huge ow that could be heard five rows away.
"Omo, chesuhamnida!", a husky voice from behind his seat apologized profusely. Expecting a fellow high-school boy on the cusp of puberty from that voice, Soo-hyun cursed under his breath as he took one earphone out and turned around. But instead, Soo-hyun felt a small hand reach for the book and indeed, standing behind him was a girl in a black skirt. He blinked rapidly as his eyes processed how that voice could belong to such a pretty face, expressive eyes, long lashes...
"Uhh," the girl cleared her throat and Soo-hyun realized he must have been staring for a minute longer than intended. "I was asking if you were okay, I'm so sorry." Her apologetic face was cute, Soo-hyun thought recklessly as his mind scrambled for words. "A-ah, no. I mean, gwenchana!" he yelped, making the girl cover an ear in surprise.
"I didn't notice you were standing there, have a seat," he said quickly to cover up his embarrassment. "No, I think I've troubled you enough. Besides, I noticed you were sleeping and-"
"I insist, come on," he said as politely as possible, hiding his tiny smile at the realization that she too was looking at him. Confident now, Soo-hyun continued, "I think it's a much bigger risk getting hit again by that book."
The girl scratched her head and finally relented as Soo-hyun stood and saw that he wasn't much taller than her. He briefly wondered if she took modelling gigs on the side as she definitely had the build for it. Seo Yea-ji, Soo-hyun caught the sticker on top of her book as she sat. "Kamsahamnida," she said politely as she sat and began to read again.
What was a pretty girl doing reading a book in a crowded bus on a Saturday afternoon? The song kept playing in his ear while his eyes were glued on her side profile, which was just perfect, he thought. She opened her book again and much to his surprise, it was a dictionary with tons of handwritten notes and highlights — a Korean-Spanish dictionary, he realized later on. Intrigued, he stole a closer peek, only to catch her stealing a glimpse of him too. Both of them looked away quickly, cheeks matching each other's deep red.
For once, Soo-hyun was thankful for the traffic. During the long ride, she would sometimes bite her lip in concentration and Soo-hyun gripped the handlebar tighter as his knees went weak. He was used to girls gossiping and whispering about him in buses but here was a first – a girl too pretty for her own good, knee-deep in a book, shyly stealing glances at him. His heart fluttered and just as he was about to ask her for her number, the bus slowed down. His stop.
The seconds stretched before him as he gathered up all his courage with the only Spanish phrase he knew, from Terminator re-runs no less. "Uh, miss! Hasta la vista?" he said, in complete chagrin as he practically ran out of the bus. Breathless, he caught her smiling by the window.
Until next time, Yea-ji translated in her head, holding the sentiment in her wildly beating heart.
That was the first of many Saturdays on the 6411 bus, which Soo-hyun would ride to his acting classes while Yea-ji rode to her unnie's university to wait for her to finish classes in the company of so many stray cats in the park, hoping to be treated to coffee at her sister's part-time job after.
They wouldn't admit it, but they scanned the bus for each other's face every time and smiled when they finally met eyes. Soo-hyun made a mental note on which stop she boarded while Yea-ji wrote down the stop he alighted too. It took them three more weeks before they could even be in close proximity, and another two weeks before they finally had the chance to sit next to each other. And that was only because Soo-hyun pretended to be deep in sleep covering two seats, denying everyone access until she finally arrived.
That became a pattern, and the regular Saturday riders soon learned by themselves what was going on, so they stopped trying to wake him up and were smiling to each other instead when he sprang awake every time the pretty girl boarded the bus. They rarely exchanged a word; Yea-ji wondered if she should drop a book on him again to spark a conversation. But it was Soo-hyun who finally broke the ice when he brought out a script from one of his theater plays.
He'd caught her reading sideways at least thrice before he offered, "do you want to read it?" to which she nodded and perused it enthusiastically. "Kim Soo-hyun?" she read from an earmark, to which he laughed and said "yes, that's me."
"Seo Yea-ji," she shyly replied and proceeded to continue reading. "So... you want to be an actor?" she asked, realizing that he had the lead role in the play. "Hmm, I like it so far, but I don't think I'm cut out for it," he replied honestly.
"Why not?"
"Well... shouldn't actors be more, I don't know, comfortable around other people? I don't think I am very much yet."
Yea-ji nodded in understanding, knowing full well what he meant to be introverted. "Mhm, I get what you mean. But also... doesn't it matter more that you like acting?"
Soo-hyun smiled at her earnest reply. "You're right. Meeting new people" like you, he almost added "helps, I guess."
"What about you – you looked interested in that," Soo-hyun asked, pointing to the script. "Don't you want to try acting?"
Yea-ji chuckled. Her laugh is as cute as her, he thought. "Me? Seriously? No way," she shook her head. "Public speaking makes me nervous as hell, but it's fun, reading things out loud and all. But acting? As a girl? With my voice?"
"What's wrong with your voice? I like it," Soo-hyun said, averting her widened eyes. "Girls pretending to be boys are popular roles nowadays too!" Nice save?
Her eyebrow furrowed in annoyance. Didn't he just say he liked my voice? Soo-hyun glanced at his watch and looked her way. "We still have about half an hour left. You said you like reading things out loud, right? How about you read the other lines while I memorize my own?"
Yea-ji tried to hide her excitement but she nodded swiftly, clearing her throat to prepare. Kyeopta, he murmured. "Let's start here," Soo-hyun pointed to a page and they began.
That, too, became a habit. Until she memorized the lines as well and commented on his acting too "from the viewer's perspective," she would say. Between script-reading and his piece-wise questions of "how do you say [word] in Spanish," their conversations ranged from teasing to their futures, and of course, ranting to each other about high school just like old friends.
Little by little, they became comfortable with light touches, his hand brushing hers when he would direct her to a page or when the driver would make a sudden turn and their shoulders pressed against each other. But to Soo-hyun, his best memory of the bus rides were when traffic was too heavy that they barely moved and Yea-ji would fall asleep on his shoulder. Autumn came and he noticed how quickly she flinched at the cold even if she was wearing a coat. As she slept peacefully, he draped his coat over her and she would purr hazily at the warmth, like all the cats she adored.
Soo-hyun smiled as he stared at her peaceful state, wishing for the world to stop just then. "You know," Yea-ji suddenly said quietly, eyes still closed. "I don't usually fall asleep this fast. But with you, it's kind of different."
His smile grew even bigger as he pat her head from the side. "Sleep," he insisted so she won't see the giddiness spreading across his face.
One Saturday, Soo-hyun fell ill. Still, he lent his coat to her just as he normally would and Yea-ji watched him shiver as it was his turn to sleep on her shoulder, tossing and turning while she felt him burning up.
"Ya, are you even well enough to go to your acting class?" By the second month, they'd switched to casual speech. "Stop handing me your coat, you need it more!" She spread it across him but his hand stopped hers, murmuring "but you'll get cold." Yea-ji was touched, but she was even more worried about his feverish hand. "Soo-hyunah, don't be stubborn. Just go home and rest," she shook his shoulder gently.
"Play's next week. And I have an audition to prepa-," his voice trailed off, breath heavy as he struggled to open his eyes.
She fought back against his failing resistance and put the coat on him, too forcefully perhaps that his wallet fell from one of its pockets. Yea-ji took it, saw his School ID card, and immediately ran to the front where the driver was.
"Ahjussi, which bus should I take to get to this address?" she frantically asked, pointing to the emergency details on the back.
Despite his earlier protests, he stayed still and followed her when she grabbed his hand. As they waited for another 6411 going the opposite direction at the terminal, he clung onto her like his life depended on it, which Yea-ji was starting to think was actually the case. She periodically checked his forehead and saw that he wasn't getting any better.
Yea-ji realized that his way home looked familiar on the bus, and it took a minute to register that they passed by the café where her unnie worked part-time. Her momentary delight was interrupted when he suddenly spoke.
"Yea-jiah," Soo-hyun began between heavy breaths. "Next...stop." She muttered a quick arasseo as she pulled him up gently with her weight and held onto the handrail. They were practically hugging, Yea-ji realized, and it took the bus' brake for both of his arms to drop on her shoulders and Yea-ji fought the urge to stay in his arms, a hundred thoughts flurrying her mind.
Okay, she'd already admitted to herself she had a crush on him. That was way too difficult to deny after her sister asked why she came every Saturday, and the only reason she could muster were cats. But did she "like" like him? Yea-ji looked at him intently, his arm now wrapped around her shoulder as he muttered the occasional "left" or "right" until they finally arrived.
"Omo," Yea-ji heard from above as they approached an apartment complex. A woman came running down the stairway towards them, looking weary from concern.
"Kim Soo-hyun!" she called out, immediately recognizing them. When the ahjumma held his hand, it dawned on Yea-ji that the woman was his mom. "His teacher called and said he didn't come to class. I knew he wasn't well this morning but I just got home from work-" she addressed Yea-ji, already mid-tears seeing her son's state.
"Ahjumma," Yea-ji spoke politely, and even his mother seemed stunned by her voice. "He just looks this way but I think he's not in too bad shape; he even led me here from the bus stop. You don't need to worry too much," she smiled reassuringly.
His mother took his weight from her and whispered my poor son, Soo-hyun immediately caved to her touch and hugged her. "Sorry, eomma" he began. His mom gently hit his arm, "I should be sorry. You think you should start working so young because of-"
Realizing that Yea-ji was still there, Soo-hyun interrupted his mom's impassioned speech. "Kamsahamnida. How are you getting home? It's already dark," he turned to her.
Tearing her eyes away from the touching moment, "Ah, I'll be okay. My sister works part-time two blocks away. Her shift doesn't end until 9, I think."
Yea-ji bowed to go, and Soo-hyun's mom bowed back in gratitude. "You're Yea-ji, right?" Soo-hyun's mom called out just as Yea-ji turned. She faced them and nodded. His mom went on, "Soo-hyun talks about you a lot. Thank you, and take care." Yea-ji bowed again, smiling widely.
Mother and son proceeded to go upstairs. Where'd you meet such a nice girl? Yea-ji heard his mom's voice as she made her way to the café.
After some time, his walk home became part of their Saturdays too. "Just because," Ye-ji would tell Soo-hyun, but the truth was she needed some variation in her Saturday routine to keep her unnie from getting too suspicious. At times, she'd feel the shadow of his hand on her shoulder, or the back of his hand graze against hers far too many times to be accidental. He'd whisper a quick mianhe before doing it again that Yea-ji could only giggle at his awkwardness.
"H-have you ever had a boyfriend?" Soo-hyun asked nervously on one of their walks. Yea-ji almost choked on her iced Americano, sputtering on a mere "Huh?"
"Y-you know..." Soo-hyun scratched the back of his head, and stopped walking. "How about you? Have you ever?" she put him on the spot even before he could continue.
Soo-hyun hesitantly answered, "I have."
"How many?" she was genuinely curious. "Uhm, about three? Or four, I think?" he responded shyly, avoiding her gaze.
The air thickened as neither of them said a word until Yea-ji finally answered, "I haven't had one... a boyfriend... yet."
"Really? Why?" It was his curiosity's turn. "I don't know, I'm barely a junior, for one. But I guess it hasn't really been on my mind before."
Soo-hyun stopped walking and cleared his throat, stepping in front of her. "How about now?" he cut her off.
Yea-ji's heart caught in her throat, finding her voice gone all of a sudden. "I, uh-" she started.
"Seo Yea-ji, can you be my girlfriend?" his voice boomed; at that moment, the shy and awkward boy she knew disappeared and in his place was a man, veins tightening on his neck as he gulped nervously and waited for her response.
Yea-ji stepped back, but she knew too there was no more running away from the question of her many sleepless nights. Ambiguity was safe because there was nothing but memories on the line; if anything went awry, it was going to be a heartbreak that was only hers – one she already knew too well comforting her classmates getting over their one-sided loves. But if he indeed became her boyfriend (the word itself feels foreign to her tongue), she'd allow herself to get hurt for him... which, come to think of it, she already did unwittingly.
Yea-ji thought back to the time he got sick, and there was nothing else that mattered but getting him home and making sure he was okay. She'd been one of the last girls in her class to own a phone, but she hurriedly asked her unnie for her old one when she got home from dropping him off sick just to check up on him daily. Yea-ji found his number on a note in her coat pocket; he must have slipped it in during one of her naps on the bus.
"Soo-hyunah" Yea-ji began, with a slight tremor in her voice. "Si," she finally responded with a smile, tucking a strand of her hair at the back of her ear. "What? Yea-ji, wait-" Soo-hyun yelled.
She playfully walked away while it took him at least a minute to translate from his vague memory of her Spanish-Korean index cards. "Yes? You said yes? You're my girlfriend now?" Soo-hyun caught up with her while she nodded, proud of his recall. He grabbed her hand and pulled her closer while he giddily jumped up and down. "I'm your boyfriend," Soo-hyun hummed repeatedly, swinging their intertwined hands as the sun set behind them.
When they reached his apartment, Soo-hyun had his arm around her as they trailed the path slowly in a daze. Her head resting on his shoulder, she asked him all sorts of questions about dating: what he liked about her, how they should call each other, whether he planned on telling his mom, and the limits she wanted to set about her time for studying and him. Soo-hyun only grinned and ran his hand through her hair as she looked even more adorable when she was equal parts clueless and assertive.
At the foot of the stairway, their feet came to a halt. Soo-hyun turned about to face her eye-to-eye. "We're here," he said, one hand fidgeting on the handlebar.
"We are," Yea-ji replied. Soo-hyun took one step closer to her, his face only inches away from hers. "I have a secret to tell you," she blurted out. Soo-hyun cocked his head, angling towards her. "Really? Hmm… I have one too."
Delaying hers, Yea-ji egged him on, saying "you first." Soo-hyun stepped even closer, whispering "I got the role." Before it could even fully sink in, Yea-ji's arms wrapped around him. "Congratulations! I knew you would, I really knew it!" Soo-hyun was over the moon when the studio called, but holding her this close had swiftly outranked the call as the happiest moment of his life thus far. He wrapped his arms around her too, making Yea-ji pull back in shock.
"A-about mine…" she began, looking at the stairs behind him. "I actually haven't kissed anyone before," she continued, her voice close to a murmur.
"I figured," Soo-hyun stared at her lips, his mind going places thinking what they'd feel like. To his surprise, she continued "But I, uh, I actually dreamed of it last night. You, me…" Yea-ji stared back as he licked his lips.
Soo-hyun pulled her up a step, resting her body against the handrail. He cupped his hand on her warm cheek and leaned forward, their lips meeting midway. Her eyes fluttered shut as his hand slid around her waist and the other threaded through her hair. A small moan escaped Yea-ji's mouth, its gentle vibrations sending shivers down Soo-hyun's spine. All the longing between their Saturdays came crashing through their senses, and for once there was neither yesterday nor tomorrow in their periphery.
The world around them fell silent, disturbed only by winter's first descent. The silver and grey snowflakes, once matched only by the infinite streetlights of Seoul, could now be rivaled by the warmth of the kiss that burned imprints on the memories of their youth. Catching her breath, Yea-ji felt the breeze hit her lips as soon as they left his. Their noses still brushed against each other, taking in the air and each other's scent in the same rhythm.
Soo-hyun kissed her nose and her forehead next, taking down all his walls together with hers. His lips found her ears next and whispered "actually, there's another secret I haven't told you."
Yea-ji's heart began to race again, but she merely turned her head so their eyes met again. Soo-hyun smiled at her, his voice heavy, "you, my dear, were my first kiss too." All the questions she'd otherwise ask left Yea-ji's mind, leaving only the wonder that came with every new thing he found out about him. He saw her blushing, and gave her a gentle peck. "And my second." And another one. "My third." Yea-ji giggled, almost falling down the step before he caught her by the waist. By now, Soo-hyun was getting used to holding her this close.
"My mom's out until late tonight, I have ramyeon upstairs, do you wanna-" Soo-hyun began and Yea-ji's mind stopped processing at ramyeon, until her phone vibrated and they both jumped out of each other's embrace. It was her unnie, texting her that she was getting out of her shift early.
Soo-hyun read the text too from a side glance, "next time?" he suggested, to which Yea-ji merely smiled and kissed him on the cheek. "Next time," she agreed.
It took weeks of handholding, warm hugs, and playful pecks before Soo-hyun told her why she was his first kiss among his many previous relationships. "I never felt like I wanted the person to be my last, until you," he told her, kissing the back of her hand in the middle of another bus ride. "Plus, they all never lasted until the first snow, which is the only perfect time, right?" Yea-ji pulled her hand away and smacked him on the arm. As she uncovered more of his sentimentality, he in turn peeled layers of her spunk. This girl wasn't afraid to tell him what she wanted, even if she indeed was the purest soul he met.
Ramyeon at his place was foregone soon enough when Yea-ji began her junior year, and Soo-hyun started filming for Kimchi Cheese Smile. She started formal Spanish lessons, as she only had a year before her accreditation exam; his Saturdays were taken up by shooting. On the rare days they could, the pair met in her unnie's café, in the guise of strangers sharing a table while Soo-hyun busied himself with his scripts and Yea-ji, with her practice exams. It was on one of those café dates that they stared each other for a minute in shared understanding of the impasse in their silence.
Their meetings became punctuated by longer pauses; twice every month became once, hours slid down to fifteen minutes. Kimchi began to air, and Yea-ji watched proudly as the rest of Korea fell in love with the man who never failed to text her good night despite his busy schedule. One night, he didn't. And another, until Yea-ji turned off her phone to keep herself from expecting a text and getting disappointed. On the eve of her first level Spanish exam, she called him to share her nerves but eventually gave up upon reaching 12 missed calls. The week after, he texted that he had Saturday off and wanted to meet with her on the bus. Yea-ji thought about it for a day before replying with a "Sure :)"
That Saturday, they sat beside each other again on the bus, just like old times. Soo-hyun kept saying sorry for missing her calls as the cast were invited to a dinner party that night. He forgot to take his phone out of silent mode, and he asked how her exam went. It went well, she replied, but the highs and lows of emotions had already left her by that time that she couldn't even feign enthusiasm when she told him about her teacher's compliments.
"I got accepted to Chung-ang, but I decided to defer for a year. That's closer to where you live, right?" Soo-hyun announced excitedly. Yea-ji nodded, the thought of deferring whatever they had too nagging at the back of her mind. "Well, you know I also-"
"Omo, aren't you the guy from Kimchi Cheese Smile?" another commuter screeched. Yea-ji felt Soo-hyun's fingers leave her hand as his mind left their discussion. Yea-ji's heart, too, dropped just then as she bowed to stand up and give the fan space to talk to Soo-hyun. When she left, Yea-ji sat back down and he took her hand again, hiding it now behind his bag. He proceeded to take out his phone and lean on her shoulder while mindlessly browsing his photo gallery to show her.
Yea-ji tore her fingers away from his grip, and laced it with her other hand. Looking down, she finally let the growing lump in her throat loose, "I'm going to Spain to study journalism. I'm taking the exam this year and if I pass, I'll be leaving soon."
Soo-hyun's heart sank. He'd been looking forward to seeing her more often once he went to uni, but it dawned on him that he was making plans without asking about hers; forgetting completely that her dreams might be somewhere beyond his reach. He wanted to protest, wanted to ask her why it had to be Spain of all places, wanted to beg her to stay. But his frustration found no words, and he contented himself with faint jabs at the window beside him.
Yea-ji waited, and waited. They reached the last stop and he still refused to look at her. "Do you really not have anything to say?" she broke the deafening quiet, shifting to formal speech.
"What do you even expect me to say?" Soo-hyun said under his breath. "You're going somewhere I can't follow but I, I feel like I'm having trouble breathing now, just thinking of not seeing you for a long time. It's too much, Yea-ji, I can't-" his tears began to fall, but Yea-ji didn't want to promise him anything she couldn't give so she let him cry it out. She, too, didn't have answers for him either. When they reached the terminal, Yea-ji stood up quickly, holding back the sob that was ripping her heart apart. Soo-hyun stayed at the seat and watched her leave.
"Ya, time to go," the driver told him after ten minutes. "Just five more minutes, ahjussi" Soo-hyun weakly replied, his stare locked onto the empty seat behind him. When he did leave, he found no recourse but bottles of soju and his first pack of cigarettes. The pub owner had to drag him to a taxi using the address on his wallet. As he was led to the car, he kept yelling "are you leaving me too, ahjussi? Why are you pushing me away?" The last question filled his lonely ride home. At the foot of their stairwell, Soo-hyun skipped the step where they kissed and proceeded upstairs, embracing his visibly upset eommani until he passed out.
The next time he saw her name felt like an entire lifetime away; when the cast list for the sitcom Potato Star 2013QR3 was released. But this was a Seo Yea-ji he didn't know; the same Yea-ji he met as if for the first time when they filmed their pudding commercial a year later. Both of them were walking on eggshells, truly strangers to each other - to him, Seo Yea-ji the actress was someone he didn't know; to her, Kim Soo-hyun was the big-shot outgoing guy, far from the shy boy she met in a past life.
They kept up with the charades even years after, when their paths crossed and PD Kim sent them both the scripts for It's Okay. Yea-ji felt him trying to pierce her veil but she kept her walls up even when she received the invitation to join his agency; even when they met professionally to discuss the project; even when they were seeing each other almost everyday. Soo-hyun saw it as a second chance; to Yea-ji, it was another test for her heart that she had to pass, lest it break and crumble into pieces again.
The day after they shot the scene where Moon Kang-tae comes to Ko Moon-young's rescue in the rain and he draped his jacket over her, Yea-ji fell ill. She requested for a three-day leave, and asked not to be disturbed by anyone, including her manager. Tossing and turning in his bed that night, Soo-hyun stormed the agency to find her address. He drove all his way there, until he was face-to-face with a door that refused to open despite ten, twenty, thirty rings and knocks. Worried out his mind, Soo-hyun took his chance on her smart lock and punched the only numbers he knew from the heart.
6. 4. 1. 1. Beep. The door opened, and he saw Yea-ji standing behind it, tears brimming in her eyes.