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The perks of having a magical cat include the following:
- You don’t have to worry all the time about your safety.
- You also don’t have to worry much about being bored.
- That’s about it.
The annoying parts of having a magical cat should far outweigh the benefits - Jihoon is always upstaged by his damn cat; he gets all those pointed you’re stupid glares from his, again, damn cat; and despite its magic powers, Jihoon still has to feed and shelter the fucking cat.
Tobio, said cat, does not seem to care about the turmoil Jihoon undergoes every time he goes out to buy cat food. He’ll swish his tail ostentatiously as he pads over to the food bowl and shoot Jihoon a cold glance. Not even one moment of gratitude, that stupid cat.
“Toby, come here,” Jihoon calls, collapsing on the sofa with a deep sigh. Tobio ignores him in favor of picking at his food.
Not even fazed, Jihoon opens up his laptop and checks his email. He, along with the other impatient students of Hogwarts, has been awaiting the back-to-school letter anxiously. In the age of technology, the headmaster had reluctantly acquiesced to the nagging of students and digitized the process.
It’s much better this way, Jihoon thinks, recalling the fuss the owls made every year slipping through the chimney. There is no number of times that will acclimate you to a charred puff of bird tumbling down the fireplace, a soot-covered letter in beak.
Jihoon is pleasantly surprised to find the anticipated email sitting prettily in his inbox. Clicking on it, he scans through the text - typical school things, blah - and snaps a picture of the supply list with his phone. He’ll head to Diagon Alley in a few days, probably, to restock on potion ingredients and pick up the necessary books.
Tobio finally strides over to Jihoon’s feet and looks up at Jihoon. He meows quietly and leaps up on the sofa to curl up by Jihoon’s side. It’s quite nice.
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to heading back, too.” He voices, knowing it’s not at all what Toby tried to say. As a normal wizard, he does not, in fact, speak Cat, and thus is left to his own devices when interpreting Toby’s demands.
Tobio glares at him and looks away, clearly glowering.
Jihoon smiles innocently at the cat and makes to give him a cursory pat on the head. Naturally, Toby dodges it and flees to Jihoon’s bedroom.
✧✧✧
“ Advanced Rune Translation … Advanced… Oh!”
Jihoon’s mutterings are interrupted by someone’s upper body.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, about to scurry away when the other stops him.
“Lee Jihoon?”
Jihoon looks up slowly, the hand on his shoulder burning through his simple t-shirt. “Ah- Soonyoung,” he says, recognizing the boy immediately. “Long time no see.” He smiles nervously.
“Yeah, it’s been a long time!” Soonyoung exclaims. He sobers quickly, furrowing his brow. “So where’ve you been? You just, like, went silent on me.”
Jihoon shrugs awkwardly. “Busy,” he attempts. “Spent some time travelling and a lot of time studying.”
Soonyoung looks him over again a little skeptically but accepts his excuse regardless. “Well, I’m glad I caught you here. I missed you.” He opens up his arms for a hug, obviously expecting to be rejected, but is startled when Jihoon moves forward to indulge him.
“I missed you too, for the record,” Jihoon says, mouth pressed to Soonyoung’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to drop off the radar… but things happened.”
“Ah,” Soonyoung says. He pats Jihoon’s back stiffly, clearly still a little thrown off. “Toby here? Or did you leave him home?”
Jihoon surveys the ground. He could’ve sworn that cat was slinking around his feet just minutes ago.
Spotting him first, Soonyoung cries and scoops up Tobio. “Hello, little Kageyama,” he coos, giving him a rub on the head. “I missed you lots. How are you?”
Jihoon chuckles at the nickname and shakes his head, unsurprised by Tobio’s obvious preference for Soonyoung. The cat even cuddles up to his chest, purring softly. Jihoon rolls his eyes.
“Traitor,” he huffs, crossing his arms. “Toby likes you much better.”
“Well, I’m much more likeable, aren’t I?”
Jihoon makes a face but doesn’t bother protesting. He may be proud, but he also knows when to give in. Soonyoung is just far too gregarious. His genuine warmth can be felt within a mile’s radius, while Jihoon… tends to ward off strangers.
He watches fondly as Soonyoung plays with Toby, stroking his sleek black fur with a graceful hand. Soonyoung croons soft praises under his breath that Jihoon can't quite pick up. The sight is heartwarming.
When a few minutes have passed, Soonyoung straightens up and lowers Toby to the ground, bidding him goodbye in one last scratch at his neck. “I'll let you have your cat back now,” he explains, eyes following Toby as he weaves around their legs.
“Thanks,” Jihoon says, voice flat but tinted with affection.
Soonyoung takes a good look at Jihoon. The corner of his mouth quirks up as he says, “I’ve got to blast, but,” and there’s a hint of something sad in his tone, “Please text me back.”
He’s nodding before he registers it. “Okay,” Jihoon agrees easily, guilt pooling in his gut. “I will. Sorry.”
Brightening, Soonyoung waves as he hurries out of Flourish and Blotts, radiance restored to his beam. Jihoon stays in place as his figure shrinks and turns a corner, search for Advanced Rune Translation forgotten.
He does miss Soonyoung quite a lot. He’d thought about him often, had meant to reply to his texts asking to meet up. Whenever his thumb had hovered over the ‘send’ button, however, anxiety prickled at his skin and he’d thrown his phone to the other side of his room in frustration. He’s not sure why - it’s stupid, probably, but seeing people, talking with other people, especially outside of Hogwarts, where everything is routine and safe, frightens him. It’s hard. Jihoon’s working on it. Kind of.
“Need help finding something?”
An employee interrupts his regretful reflection and Jihoon nods, offering the man the list of books he needed. Shoving the rumination to the back of his mind, Jihoon busies himself with shopping.
✧✧✧
How Jihoon had discovered Tobio’s magic powers was a funny story.
It involved Soonyoung, who had been a chubby-cheeked second year set on befriending Jihoon. Despite being from different houses, Soonyoung attempted to break into the Ravenclaw tower every few days by offering random answers to the knocker. Jihoon found this out one day happening to witness Soonyoung at the door, sitting cross-legged as he requested riddle after riddle.
“There is a house. One enters it blind and comes out seeing. What is it?”
The boy frowns and fiddles with his wand absently. Lighting up suddenly, he answers, “The eye doctor’s office!”
He could’ve sworn the knocker paused in confusion before refusing Soonyoung admittance. Jihoon stifles an amused smile, steps forward, and supplies, “A school.” The door swings open, and Soonyoung is left staring at Jihoon with his mouth hanging open.
“How’d you do that?” he asked, incredulous.
“The trick is to not take it literally,” Jihoon advises, shutting the door softly behind him.
He finds Soonyoung camped out in front of the door every afternoon attempting to get one correct.
Both irritated and entertained, Jihoon finally hazards a question mid-April. It’s been a month since Soonyoung’s first ventures into Ravenclaw tower. “Have you gotten one right yet?”
“Nope,” he replies cheerfully. “But I’ll get one soon.” He knocks lightly to try again.
“Is the statement ‘I always lie’ truth or lie?”
Soonyoung furrows his brow. Jihoon doesn’t expect him to get it right; the paradoxical prompts are always difficult to answer. So he’s thoroughly surprised when Soonyoung pipes up, “A circle has no beginning.”
The knocker, albeit reluctantly, tells him, “Well reasoned” and creaks open.
“You just copied Luna Lovegood,” Jihoon accuses him.
“So I did some research, sue me,” Soonyoung shrugs. Then he closes the door, for some reason, and knocks again. At Jihoon’s confused look, he responds, “This is getting kind of fun.”
From that day on, Jihoon lets Soonyoung follow him around in the library and engages in light conversation with him. Kwon Soonyoung is far too intriguing to ignore.
So Jihoon is barely alarmed when Soonyoung marches into the Ravenclaw common room in the beginning of third year, his newly acquired cat bundled in his arms, announcing, “Your cat is not a regular cat!”
“Did you steal my cat?” Jihoon asks mildly.
Soonyoung’s had this weird fascination with Tobio ever since Jihoon had introduced him to the feline. He’d been tickled by the name - “You’re a total weeb, Jihoon!” he’d deemed - and pursued the cat with persistence, always asking Jihoon where his cat was and if it wanted treats.
“No, I found him,” Soonyoung dismisses readily. “Anyway, as I said, your cat isn’t normal! I was playing with him and he started glowing and the catnip mouse exploded.”
“What?”
Soonyoung repeats what he just said but slower.
Jihoon gives his cat a critical once-over. He looks fairly mundane, perhaps grumpier than other cats, but fairly mundane. His coat is shiny and well-groomed as usual, and his eyes sometimes glow placidly, but these are all normal wizarding cat things. He can’t discern anything that sets Tobio apart from other cats.
“Glow,” he commands. Toby doesn’t respond and merely gives him a judgmental glance.
Jihoon’s eye twitches.
“Anyway, I wouldn’t think too much of it, just wanted to warn you,” Soonyoung blurts out, smiling sheepishly when Jihoon turns to him. “I’ll be off, I’m really craving cookies right now. You want some?”
“I’m good,” Jihoon says. “See you.”
Soonyoung breezes out of the Ravenclaw common room, probably in the direction of the kitchens. That boy, he’s a kind of chameleon. That is, he’s always showing new sides of his personality, usually appearing from the friends he collected like Pokemon. As a Gryffindor, the boy had started out like a typical proud first year, sticking his chest out and striking poses. Gradually, to the surprise of many, his more affable and patient sides were displayed. People began to wonder if he was actually a Hufflepuff.
Then his classmates realized his ambition. Though he was naturally quite decent at studying, Soonyoung academically excelled because of the many secret hours he put in at the library. He also possessed a competitive spirit that expressed itself in Quidditch.
And finally, Jihoon had wondered if Soonyoung’s diligence in trying the Ravenclaw knocker riddles and exceptionally good grades hinted at even a Ravenclaw streak.
It was confusing. It made Jihoon wary, at first, of Soonyoung’s genuity. And yet it made Soonyoung all the more interesting.
A paw at his ankle shakes him out of his thoughts.
He looks down to meet Tobio’s green eyes. The cat meows impatiently and flicks his ears, a sign of his hunger. Jihoon checks the clock in surprise. It’s past their dinner time, but he had been distracted by first previewing for classes and then thinking about Soonyoung. How embarrassing.
He flicks off his desk light and bids Tobio to follow him. A useless effort, because the cat is already striding past him in anticipation of his dinner. Jihoon makes a face when Tobio looks back at him and he feels a little lighter when the cat looks away in disdain. His cat does care about him, even if the main motivation is food.
His parents aren't due to return until past ten, so he eats slowly and quietly, watching a show passively. It’s about a magical academy and he laughs to himself about the inaccuracies.
✧✧✧
The first of September arrives much too quickly (though he’ll admit he’s looking forward to it just a tiny bit) and Jihoon finds himself at King’s Cross Station with a trunk and Toby’s carrier in tow.
His parents hadn't come because they were busy with work, and he was perfectly capable of navigating to the station on his own. He’s half heartedly wishing for their moral support, though, as he’s pushing his way through the throngs of people, all fixed on their routes.
Lightly jogging through the wall into Platform Nine and Three Quarters, he stops to breathe and survey the bustle. It's nice to see such familiar faces again, and it's nice to be surrounded by open displays of magic again, and Jihoon smiles big and wide, absolutely taken with the cheery atmosphere.
It’s ten minutes to eleven, so he has time to shuffle through the crowd and look for an empty compartment. Five years of boarding the train has taught him not to wait up for Soonyoung, who usually makes it on the train just in the nick of time. Soonyoung has an odd way of finding him no matter where he is, so Jihoon has faith in his ability to find him on the Hogwarts Express.
When he gets on the train, he lets Toby out of the carrier, and though the cat obviously would rather be lounging alone at home or eating, he follows Jihoon dutifully as they comb through the compartments. Upon finding an empty one, he slides open the door and Toby immediately clambers onto the seat, curling up and closing his eyes. Jihoon smiles at his sleepy state and puts his trunk up as quietly as possible.
There’s not much else to do while he waits, so he stares out the window and watches parents kiss first-years goodbye and nag older students to remember all of their luggage. It’s a heartwarming sight and he kind of misses his parents a little, but he shakes away the feeling quickly. There’s nothing he can do about it now, and he can at least look forward to sending them a letter once he gets to school.
A single knock on the glass door interrupts his thoughts. Looking up, he smiles when he sees two of his other good friends.
Junhui lets Wonwoo and himself in, sliding the door shut softly behind him. For some reason, his Hufflepuff scarf is slung over his shoulders, even though it’s nowhere near cold enough to warrant such dress. Wonwoo seems unfazed.
“It’s good to see you,” Jihoon says, not sure how to greet friends he hasn’t spoken to since the end of the school year.
Wonwoo silently arranges their luggage on the rack and lets Junhui do the talking. “It’s good to hear you! I mean, your face is nice to look at, too. But your voice really makes me feel like we’re heading back to school.”
“That’s… sweet?”
It really has been awhile. Junhui seems to be about the same, but Jihoon feels like he’s missed out on something.
Wonwoo, when he sits, with Junhui beside him, keeps watching Junhui. His eyes follow the animated hand gestures he makes, and he only adds a snarky comment every few minutes, which is an improvement. It’s not like he’s a changed person, but again. Jihoon’s missed something, and he’s not quite sure he likes feeling like this.
Fortunately, before he can blunder too much socially, Soonyoung bursts into the train car and wipes his forehead, looking harried. There are twenty seconds to eleven o’clock, which quite explains the hustling he must have done to get in this state. His t-shirt is rumpled past decency and his hair is a complete mess.
“Sorry, guys, I-”
“-was running late,” the three of them chorus.
Funnily enough, it’s this one instance that makes Jihoon feel more comfortable. Five years, he reminds himself. They have five years of history, and he has nothing to worry about. They’re his friends.
As they catch each other up and share snacks, Jihoon keeps smiling, a small, shy smile. Having friends feels pretty damn good.
✧✧✧
Following the Sorting of the first-years and the Start-of-Term Feast, Jihoon and Wonwoo follow the general mass of Ravenclaws migrating to the Ravenclaw tower.
Taking a familiar route up to the tower reminds Jihoon that he’s not just returning to school. Hogwarts is a haven of sorts, even for him. When they gather at the eagle door knocker, he and Wonwoo hang back to let the first years have a go at it (it’s kind of funny at first). The prefect helps them figure it out, and soon enough they’re filing into the common room.
They let the prefects do their duty and they head straight up to the dormitories. Jihoon and Wonwoo have always had their beds adjacent to each other, so when they enter their old dormitory and see their trunks beside each other as usual, it’s comforting.
Tobio is purring on his four-poster, satisfied with the thick covers, apparently. Wonwoo gives him a light stroke before squatting down to go through his trunk. Jihoon figures he should do the same, but what he really wants to do is just lie down and take a long nap.
Still in his robes, he drapes himself on the bed, letting out a long sigh. Wonwoo glances at him briefly before returning to his task.
The few moments of silence don’t prepare Jihoon for Wonwoo’s blunt question. “So why’d you ditch us all this summer?”
It’s a simple question and not a very simple answer.
“I was- well.”
The nice thing about Wonwoo is that he doesn’t press for an answer. He’s straight to the point - Jihoon knows what he wants: not an excuse, but a genuine reason - and while it’s mildly uncomfortable, his relaxed demeanor helps him get his thoughts straightened out.
“To be honest, I’m not really sure,” he settles on, playing with his floppy bangs. “I didn’t mean to ice you guys out or anything, it just... “
“It just happened?” Wonwoo suggests, looking up with a small crooked smile. “Don’t worry about it, Jihoon. You have your reasons. When you’re ready you can tell us.”
He wants to protest; he won’t be ready, ever, because he truly doesn’t understand why. But instead, he falls quiet and murmurs a barely audible “thank-you” and sometime between their conversation and nightfall he falls asleep.
✧✧✧
The first day of classes is uneventful.
The professors don’t go easy on them, to the year’s collective dismay. After breezing through the syllabus and overview for the year, they head straight into coursework. Notably, in Transfiguration, they start immediately with transfiguring chess pieces. Wonwoo excels at it, being an enthusiastic chess player and a skilled Transfiguration student. Jihoon takes a little longer, but by the end of class, he has a queen piece preening on his desk.
Otherwise, though, nothing of interest happens. Jihoon and Wonwoo retreat to Ravenclaw tower to work on homework. Settling by a window and sitting across from each other, they fall into silence in favor of concentrating. When he’s looking up a rune, Jihoon discovers individual pages of his dictionary messed around with, bearing illustrations of tigers. He straightens up and glares furiously out the window in the direction of the Gryffindor tower. Distantly, sitting close to the fireplace, Soonyoung shivers for unknown reasons.
The four of them meet up after dinner and break into pairs, as Wonwoo bids Junhui follow him to the library, and the remaining two climb up to the Ravenclaw tower without discussion. Jihoon loosens his tie as they’re ascending the last flight of stairs, the motion rehearsed and almost instinct. Soonyoung, trailing after him, keeps his gaze fixed on Jihoon’s hands working at the blue fabric.
“What do you wanna do?”
When they’re settled in the Ravenclaw common room, Jihoon is suddenly struck by an awkward feeling. It’s that feeling you get when you and your friend finally walk into your childhood bedroom and you’re too old to play games or with toys, but you’re too young to know the protocol for this. Jihoon thinks he must still be too young to know; he wonders when he’ll ever learn this evasive secret of adulthood.
Soonyoung shrugs. “Anything you want - wait, is Toby around? I haven’t seen him all day,” he mourns.
“The bastard’s right there,” Jihoon says, gesturing with a tilt of his head at the base of the dormitory staircase. “Come here, Toby.”
Although Jihoon bids him over, his cat trots straight to Soonyoung and nudges at his ankles. The audacity of this cat, it’s really astounding.
Sitting down right there on the floor, Soonyoung gleefully plays with the black cat, transfiguring a nearby ball of fluff into a proper ball of yarn. Jihoon acknowledges the skilled magic with a small raise of the eyebrows but otherwise stays quiet as he watches Soonyoung croon over Toby. The cat drops his icy exterior and rolls around happily as Soonyoung teases him with the yarn. It’s cute, the way the cat looks like a baby kitten again, and the way Soonyoung’s eyes twinkle joyously.
“So, tell me all about your summer,” Soonyoung says cheerfully, not taking his eyes off of Toby.
Jihoon taps nervously on his thighs. “I mean, nothing really happened,” he tries to lie. “Everything was normal. I studied, Toby lazed around and ate excessively…” At that, his cat looks up and glares scathingly, his green eyes flashing menacingly.
Soonyoung laughs it off. “Seems like he doesn’t agree with that testimony,” he chuckles, setting down the yarn and letting Toby have his way with it. “Come on, Ji. You’re my best friend. I can tell when you’re lying. Or at least leaving something out.”
“Wonwoo and Junhui will be offended if they hear you say that,” Jihoon says weakly.
That was something that had scared him. He and Soonyoung have always been friends - they’d practice Quidditch casually now and then, they’d check over each other’s essays, they’d hang out during free periods and complain about coursework. Last year, though, something had changed.
Overwhelmed by the new workload, they’d taken to holing up in the library and studying together. What was an occasional group study date had become a nearly daily one-on-one studying session. Not a date, Jihoon had thought assertively. Definitely not. Not even a study date. They had worked in silence most of the time, with Soonyoung cracking jokes through whispers and notes scribbled on torn scraps of paper, and Jihoon looking up from his work to smile brightly, too afraid of the librarian to laugh out loud. When Soonyoung made a really funny (or exceptionally stupid) joke, Jihoon would slap his hand over his mouth and lean over the table, hitting his head lightly to stop himself from bursting into laughter. Soonyoung would, delighted, giggle softly and follow up with something not as funny, but the direness of the situation would make Jihoon fall off his chair suppressing laughter.
That year, Soonyoung had accidentally magicked his hair a blond so white it looked silver. It had been a complete mistake, he had confided their third week back, but their classmates had been so receptive to the daring change that he’d just left it. At the time, Jihoon had teased him for being a pushover for public approval, but he’d secretly thought that Soonyoung looked really, really good. It was a combination of the hair, his growing height, and his new position as the Gryffindor Seeker, to be honest. All of this thrown at Jihoon in a period of just a few weeks had left him thinking, helplessly, that Soonyoung was getting quite attractive.
Alongside these changes, Jihoon had had a few of his own. Not as visible as Soonyoung’s, but he’d done some introspective reflection thanks to turning fifteen. Notably, he’d discovered that he was finding Soonyoung attractive. The initial shock at Soonyoung’s physical transformation gradually phased into shock at his own reactions to Soonyoung’s physical transformation. He had wanted to touch Soonyoung a lot that year. Mess with his silvery hair, sling an arm over his shoulders, reach for his wrist and drag him to the library.
Throughout the year, these impulses had grown stronger and stronger until he began giving in to them - what was a little outward affection going to do to him? - and then, as their workload climaxed in O. W. L.s and quickly dropped to just about nothing, he had had so much time to think about the awful whims that everything felt like too much.
Without a reason to meet at the library, he didn’t know how to ask to see him, so he didn’t. The last week of the school year, he’d hoped desperately to see Soonyoung in passing, in between classes, but he never even once caught sight of the familiar silver flash. And so, when they clambered onto the Hogwarts Express and Soonyoung appeared in their usual compartment, acting like nothing had happened over the last week - technically, nothing did happen, but it’s precisely this lack of anything that makes it something - Jihoon had felt his heart simultaneously grow three sizes and crumple to an unblown balloon.
They had bid awkward good-byes at the station and parted their ways with soft “Write me”s and although Jihoon had wanted to send a text to Soonyoung the moment he got home and retrieved his phone, he didn’t. He didn’t because he didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t know how he felt.
It wasn’t that he was internally homophobic or anything, but the sudden onset of real feelings for someone he’d never anticipated feelings for was so abrupt and unexpected that he felt like a completely new person. Being around Soonyoung was hard because he wanted to touch him all the time, and he wanted to stay quiet and watch Soonyoung simply be himself, because he was so fascinating, even without prompting speech or activity.
By the time Soonyoung sent him a text detailing how much he missed him and Toby, Jihoon had come to terms with the intrusive feelings and thought himself prepared to talk to Soonyoung. He had written back, “Toby is being a bastard cat as usual, don’t miss him,” and after a five minute pause during which he rewrote the same text over and over again, “I miss you too.”
It was terrifying. He had been lying in bed, bare legs over the comforter, cheek pressed to his pillow. The room had been dark - it must’ve been around twelve that night - and being alone at night, with no sounds but the fan in the corner of his room and the distant arguing of his parents, he had felt compelled to be honest. He wanted to, in a fit of candor, say “I like you,” and list all of the wonderful, beautiful parts of Soonyoung, and tell him about how much he had suffered, holding back his hand when they were standing side by side. Terrifying.
And so he had spent his summer pondering. Pondering whether or not he should tell Soonyoung. Pondering if it was even worth it, to confess two years before they graduated and potentially spend a whole two years without the comfort of having a best friend. Pondering if Soonyoung was even gay, and if he would care if Jihoon was gay, and if he would even want to be in a relationship with him, when he is so awful at this. He’d pondered for so long that communication had trickled to a stop: he couldn’t bring himself to text for fear of spilling it all in a far flung desire to end his pondering.
Not talking to Soonyoung also meant not talking to Wonwoo and Junhui, because the ability to text one of them meant the ability to text any of them. Similarly, he didn’t know what to say to them. After exchanging the standard “How are you?” and “What are your summer plans?” there’s little to be said, and he can’t even remember what they normally talk about at school. Classwork, certainly, and what they hoped was for lunch, and the ever-present school gossip. Otherwise, he doesn’t know.
The months of July and August had whizzed by. He and his family had taken a short, week-long trip to visit their relatives in the countryside, where his grandmother had tried to teach him obscure spells, none of which are still in use. He had previewed for Transfiguration and Ancient Runes, arguably the two hardest classes he was taking next year, and dabbled in brewing potions on the floor of his bedroom. His parents had banned it, though, once he accidentally set his bed on fire.
Speaking of his parents, they had harped on him all summer (when they were around, at least) to figure out what he would do post-Hogwarts. They wanted him to join competitions for inventing spells and potions, and urged him to consider pursuing a future in spell-writing or at least being a Potioneer, both respectable professions. What Jihoon really wanted to do, he didn’t know, but it wasn’t following in his parents’ footsteps.
In September, he had realized he hadn’t once messaged his friends in August and that the messages had stopped coming altogether, and it was in this state of guilt and anxiety that he boarded the Hogwarts Express.
Realizing Soonyoung’s still waiting for an answer expectantly, Jihoon sighs. “My parents were being uptight about my studies and such,” he explains minimally.
“Ah,” Soonyoung vocalizes, but still he waits for a more comprehensive description.
“And, I don’t know, I kind of freaked out about… talking to you guys. It was awkward. Sorry, I know it’s not really a reason…”
Soonyoung shakes his head. “It’s okay,” he says gently. “I mean, I didn’t want to pressure you to reply or anything, I just really missed you. I still miss you.”
“I’m right here,” Jihoon says, not understanding.
“No, I mean, something feels off, right? Don’t you feel it too? I just miss you.”
It’s so frank and genuine, characteristic of Soonyoung, that Jihoon feels both flustered and moved. “Yeah,” he says gruffly.
Toby then pads over and rubs his head against Soonyoung’s leg, purring softly. He effectively reclaims Soonyoung’s attention, and Jihoon indulges in fondly watching Soonyoung scratch along Toby’s neck. Other students return to the tower and, curious, glance at the Gryffindor student looking perfectly at home among the blue furnishings, but they stay unbothered and quiet within their space.
✧✧✧
October ushers itself in with rainstorms and an odd howling noise at night that Jihoon figures is the wind. He does adore it, though: the slick patter of rain lulls him to sleep more nights than not, the dormitory always smells of musty old books and pumpkin, and he and Wonwoo spend late nights by the small Ravenclaw fireplace, both curled up with books. Wonwoo reads about muggle history and Jihoon reads about wandlore, and they read in silence into the early hours.
He and Soonyoung have resumed their library sessions, reconfiguring them around their schedules, and though they’re not taking all the same subjects, they still poke fun at the materials when they can. They always occupy the nook farthest from the library entrance, at first because seldom were there other students, and now because it’s their spot. Sometimes Jihoon sits down at the long table and sees Toby napping on the windowsill, and it fills his chest with warmth.
Today, Junhui and Wonwoo have joined them. Their professor had cancelled Charms and Junhui had a free period, so the four of them settled comfortably in the library, taking up the entire long table for their bags, books, and countless papers scattered around them. Wonwoo playfully tsks at Junhui’s mess of a set-up, and the Hufflepuff sticks his tongue out in retaliation.
There’s a low murmur throughout the library, due to the Charms cancellation, so they whisper instead of passing notes.
“I might drop Potions,” Junhui confesses, letting his head rest on the table. “I’m, like, just about to flunk out.”
“But then we won’t have any classes together,” Wonwoo blurts out. He seems just as taken aback as the others by his outburst.
“I know,” Junhui bemoans. “What am I going to do without you, Wonwoo?”
The Ravenclaw fiddles with his glasses. “Probably never read a book again,” he jokes, albeit more weakly than usual.
“Probably,” Junhui agrees.
Soonyoung scratches his head. “Wait, I thought you were good at Potions.”
“Definitely not,” Jihoon supplies. “Just yesterday, he charred three desks from lighting the fire. And let’s not talk about the beans.”
He, Wonwoo, and Junhui shudder in unison. Soonyoung, on the other hand, blinks in befuddlement.
“Wait, so can you still be an Herbologist?” he asks, tapping his quill against his chin thoughtfully.
Junhui sighs. “Technically, yeah, but prospects are looking pretty grim. Nowadays, everyone wants N. E. W. T.s in all the basic subjects, yeah?”
They hum in understanding. While the requirements for most professions haven’t changed in a long time, the standards for Hogwarts students have steadily climbed. It’s hard to get hired without excelling in all of your classes, especially Transfiguration, Charms, and Potions. That was why there were so many students still taking those subjects, even in sixth year.
“So are you still going to aim for that, or…?”
It went without saying that Junhui was going to end up doing something with Herbology or Magizoology. He was a natural with plants and animals (but, interestingly, not always humans) and the Head of Hufflepuff often encouraged him to putter about in the greenhouse after hours, which was well-deserved favoritism. The problem was that he was pretty awful with Potions. Wonwoo had kept his Potions grades afloat since second year, but with Wonwoo’s own growing workload and Junhui’s dimming interest in actually studying Potions, his marks had plummeted.
“I don’t know…” he trails off, looking glum. “You know what’s dumb? The fact that Herbologists don’t even need super advanced potions knowledge to do their thing. It’s just everyone thinking that if you can pass Potions, you must be smarter or a better Herbologist or something. Honestly, O. W. L. levels should be enough.”
“Agreed,” Wonwoo mutters. “It’s getting ridiculous, the expectations from students. I heard the Ministry immediately turns down any student who doesn’t get an Outstanding in Charms and Transfiguration.”
Jihoon wrinkles his nose. His mother works at the Ministry; it’s a major source of the unrest in their household. His father, being a Muggle, often didn’t understand magical politics, and wondered why she spent such long hours resolving conflicts within the Ministry, when everyone was supposed to be on the same side anyway.
“Right?” Junhui whisper-exclaims. “And the nonverbal spell-casting, Merlin, I’m about to blow a fuse. Erupt. Throw a fit.”
“Which one?” Soonyoung asks, amused.
“All of the above,” Junhui dramatically sighs, shaking his fist in the air.
Soonyoung smiles. “It is pretty hard,” he acknowledges. “In Transfiguration I almost spoke out loud and I swear Professor Youngjoon glared at me.”
“That’s intense,” Jihoon comments. “He loves you.”
Soonyoung was Hogwarts’s Transfiguration star student. Professor Youngjoon practically raved about his natural talent and diligence, his self-discipline, his outstanding comprehension of the subject’s subtle intricacies. He frequently encouraged Soonyoung to apply for a position at Hogwarts post-graduation.
Junhui laughs under his breath. “It’s precisely because he loves him,” he says conspiratorially. “At his Careers Advice meeting last summer, Soonyoung said he wanted to be a broom-maker, and now Professor Youngjoon is acting like he’s been cheated on.”
“Is that true?” Jihoon inquires, looking to Soonyoung.
He was famously tight-lipped about plans for the future. When asked, he always said that he wanted to enjoy his time at school while he still could, and that when the time came to decide he would decide. He’d never told anyone even what field he wanted to pursue. Not even Jihoon.
Soonyoung nods wordlessly.
Judging by Wonwoo’s relatively unsurprised reaction, Jihoon figures he’s the last to know. And it sucks, because it was his fault, but still he selfishly wishes Soonyoung had told him first, and not anyone else.
“Well, you’ll be great at that,” Jihoon attempts. “I mean, you’re pretty handy with a broom.”
Immediately after making the comment, he cringes. Junhui, thankfully, laughs and hurriedly asks Wonwoo if he’s still planning on writing an improved Hogwarts: A History , letting Jihoon stew in mortified silence.
His internal beratement comes to an end when Soonyoung asks him directly, “What about you?”
“Huh?” he says, looking up to notice that Junhui and Wonwoo are whispering to each other, and Soonyoung expectantly awaiting an answer from him.
“I mean, what are your plans after graduating? Wait, you don’t have to answer… I know your parents are still on your back about this stuff.”
“No, it’s okay,” Jihoon says without thinking. To be honest, he doesn’t want to hold anything back from Soonyoung. It’s even kind of hard to not offer all his secrets, except for the fact that it would definitely, absolutely end in catastrophe. “They still want me to write spells and such. Invent things. My mother says it’s just about the only respectable profession there is nowadays, which is just…” He doesn’t say it, but makes a face, and Soonyoung nods sympathetically.
“What do you want to do?”
“Me? I don’t even know. I guess I’ve been pretty interested in wandmaking, but we both know that’s not going to get anywhere.”
Soonyoung purses his lips. “I don’t know why you think that,” he says somewhat tensely. “You can do anything you want. And I’m not just saying that.” He straightens up in his seat and jabs a finger in Jihoon’s chest, eyes fiery. “You’re talented. You’re diligent. You’re passionate. You’re intelligent, thoughtful, creative. You’re everything anyone could ever want.” With every word, he nears Jihoon, their foreheads only an inch apart.
“I…” How is he supposed to react to that?
Soonyoung sits back. He crosses his legs under the table and swallows, visibly. “So don’t let anyone, especially not yourself, tell you that you can’t accomplish what you want. You’re capable of it all. Everything you want.”
Jihoon can feel the weight of Junhui and Wonwoo’s stares, but he doesn’t dare break eye contact with Soonyoung. “Soonyoung…”
Maybe it’s silly: a few sentences from Soonyoung and he wants to apologize for disappearing over the summer once and for all. His friends have been kind enough to not probe so far but they’re his friends for a reason, Jihoon realizes. He can trust them - with his inner revelations, with his inner fears. Just like how he would do practically anything for them, they have never failed him as friends.
He clears his throat. “The real reason why I half-vanished this summer… Well, it’s not really one reason.” He still speaks softly, but only because it’s the library, not because he’s scared anymore. And they’re listening. They’ve turned to face him, all three of them, and they’re patient, as always. Understanding, as always.
“I spent a lot of time figuring stuff out,” he begins. He’s not sure where he’s going to end up, but his words will find a way out somehow, and he thinks he can trust himself in this. For once. “The problem was that while I tried to figure everything out, I lost a sense of who I really was, I guess. Um,” and he takes a moment to breathe, “For starters, I’ve been thinking over the past year, and I’m pretty sure I’m gay.”
There are no gasps or shocked expressions. Junhui’s eyes are big, but they’re glittering with pride. Wonwoo is smiling, his teeth peeking out. Soonyoung… He’s hard to read, but he looks happy, and Jihoon’s about to forge on when the Gryffindor reaches under the table and grabs his hand, squeezing it comfortingly.
Jihoon meets Soonyoung’s eyes, feeling terribly, terribly emotional. Soonyoung’s lips inch up into a reassuring smile, and it washes a wave of heat over Jihoon.
“Um, thanks guys… But yeah, aside from that… I was trying to juggle my parents’ expectations and wishes with my own interests with my fears, I think. I was really, frankly, scared. I was scared of a lot of things, but mostly screwing up.” He bites his lip, and in his moment of hesitation Soonyoung squeezes his hand again, and he finds the strength to go on. “I wanted to reach out at first, because fuck, I missed you guys. But at the same time, I didn’t really know how to say what I wanted to say, and I didn’t want to ruin anything. What we had last year was different from the years before, I was thinking, and I just. I was scared. I was nervous. And as it all piled up… It got harder and harder to check my phone or talk to anyone. So I’m sorry. I let my fears overwhelm me and it probably hurt you guys more than I know. You guys mean a lot to me… I never meant to hurt anyone.”
Junhui stands up and hugs Jihoon right over the table. He buries his face in Jihoon’s shoulder and cries. “It’s okay, Jihoon,” he weeps. “We didn’t know you were going through so much. I’m always here for you, Jihoon, I know it might be scary but I’ll never ever judge you or anything like that for reaching out, no matter what you say. It must’ve been so hard…”
Soonyoung throws himself into the hug as well, looking teary-eyed. “We love you, Jihoon,” he sniffles. He still hasn’t let go of Jihoon’s hand, and it seems like he has no intentions of doing so.
Being the last one, Wonwoo doesn’t burst into tears or anything (that certainly would’ve been a shock) but tacks himself on, wrapping an arm around Jihoon and the other around the other two. He’s smiling widely. “Thank you for telling us, Jihoon,” he says. “You’re our best friend. We missed you so much.”
Jihoon grins back at Wonwoo, vision blurred by tears. “I love you guys.”
“As sweet as this is,” calls out a firm voice Jihoon recognizes as the librarian’s, “I’m afraid I must ask you to relocate. You’re distracting the other students.”
He supposes it is a little odd that they’re all hugging and crying over a table.