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Kuroo Tetsurou, 24, a successful young man who works for the Japan Volleyball Association Sport Promotion Division, and he’s reckless.
Who would’ve thought that in his 20’s, he’d still be as brash and reckless as he was when he was 17?
“You never change, Tetsu,” Those were Kenma’s last words to him before hanging up the phone, blocking his number, and blocking him on every social media site.
Kuroo Tetsurou may have made many stupid but understandable decisions but he rarely made mistakes.
“A mistake? Was fucking Tsukishima Kei a mistake? Was bringing him to our shared home multiple times to fuck in our bed a one time thing?” The coldness in Kenma’s voice sent a chill down Kuroo’s spine, he never spoke to him in that manner—not even once.
And Kuroo Tetsurou was left to repent for his sins.
He was left in the deafening silence.
The Nekoma graduate sat silently in his hotel room. He was in Sendai for a business meeting, far away from Kenma, far away from the mess he made.
Swirling the glass of whiskey around, he watched the dark brown liquid with tipsy eyes.
The sound of ice hitting the glass filled the room and with every ‘clink’ Kuroo felt the burn of his eyeballs intensify.
No. He wasn’t going to cry.
He didn’t want to cry because he knew the moment he let himself go, he won’t ever stop.
The white dress shirt he wore was folded up to his elbows, just like how Kenma liked.
A deep frown made its way to Kuroo’s face when he realized that it’s been so long since his boyfriend—ex boyfriend, fixed his shirt.
“I swear to god, Tetsu, for a professional business man, you don ’t know how to clean up,” Kenma scolded him softly, his morning voice melting Kuroo's heart.
It was only 7 AM but Kenma was already awake and instead of going back to sleep, he decided that might as well take the time to finish up the work he left last night.
“But babe,” Kuroo whined trying to take Kenma ’s hands that were fixing his tie but only being swatted away by said man.
He was left to stay silent, looking down to watch the concentration on his boyfriend's face, eyebrows furrowed, a pout on his sweet but dry lips.
Kuroo prayed to any God listening to him at the moment that Kenma couldn't hear how fast his heart was beating.
20+ years together and he still couldn't stop the butterflies in his stomach.
Kuroo let the puppy love look in his eyes and smile take over, resisting the urge to take out the velvet engagement ring box in his pockets and propose right then and there.
“Ok, chicken head, you can go,” The streamer slightly smiled, satisfied with his work.
Kuroo Tetsurou was a handsome man but it was Kenma Kozume who watched him grow into the Adonis that he is today.
“Thanks, kitten,” Kuroo leaned down to press his lips against Kenma ’s , the latter pulling him deeper by grabbing his black tie.
The sound of his phone going off broke Kuroo’s train of thoughts.
But he was expecting it.
This is going to be the last time. He repeated over and over again in his head.
It has to be the last time.
Setting down the glass, he hesitated for a moment.
Was he really going to do this now?
Clenching and unclenching his fists, Kuroo finally picked up the call.
“I’m gonna arrive in a few minutes,” it was Tsukishima. Of course it was him.
Kuroo looked over the room and towards where his luggage lay open, piles of suits and dress shirts spilling onto the floor.
“Tetsu, you slob,” Kuroo lost his voice when he heard Kenma’s own.
Great, he was hallucinating now.
Nobody told him heartbreak made you hallucinate.
No one told him pain made you crazy.
He could vividly see the familiar short figure on his bed playing casually on his nintendo switch.
And that cute expression he made every time he got a new game. Slightly wide eyes, kissable lips turned up ever so softly, his cheeks and the tip of his nose cutely dusted red with blush.
“Kuroo?” Tsukishima brought him back to reality.
He almost didn’t want to be taken away from his daydreams, where he could fool himself into believing that Kenma hasn’t left him, where Kenma could still look at him with love and endearment, not disgust and distrust.
“Yeah just,” Kuroo sighed, “Just, don’t wait outside my hotel room, just wait ‘till I give you a sign,”
“Alright,”
Then a silence fell between them.
Again, Kuroo couldn’t help but think of his ex boyfriend.
This silence was awkward, every second the call ran physically hurt but with Kenma it was comforting, it was serenity, it was…home.
Silence was theirs.
Silence was their love language in a way.
“I shouldn’t have called,” Kuroo let out a shaky chuckle, picking up his glass of whiskey again to down the remaining alcohol. It burned the back of his throat, the taste of leather and a little bit of citrus lingered in his tongue.
“I know,” Tsukishima answered in his usual condescending tone.
Kei couldn’t say it out loud but a pit was forming in his stomach.
It started ever since Hinata called him last week.
“I thought you were better than this, Tsukishima,” Hinata ’s voice was laced with disappointment.
In the 3 years they were teammates, Tsukishima never once heard that tone from Hinata. Not even when he refused to take the team and the game seriously.
“You don’t know me,”
“I know you enough to know that you’re above cheating,” Tsukishima scoffed at that.
“Just because you and Kageyama finally got together doesn’t mean you know everything about relationships, Hinata,” His voice was filled with venom and annoyance.
“Yamaguchi is literally right there, the one person who’s always been by your side, the one person who’s willing to give you everything but you decided to go for a taken man? A taken engaged man? ”
“Tadashi’s feelings are not my responsibi—”
“Are you willing to be just a mistake, Tsukishima Kei?”
Now that got the sharp tongued man to become quiet. It took away all his words.
Was he really willing to be a mistake?
He’s torn. He really is.
On one hand, he knew this was wrong. That he’s hurting so many people in the process. He knew that what he’s doing will be the end of him but on the other, he just can’t help it.
He’s addicted.
“Not you too,” Kei groaned.
“What do you mean— Ok, I’m not gonna beat around the bush, Hinata just told me what happened and I’m telling you this now, Kei and I’m only going to say this once, stop what you’re doing right now before it gets any worse,” Akiteru was serious, the usual joyous tone of his voice was nowhere to be found.
“I am my own person, you can’t just tell me what to do and not to do,” To be honest, Kei was starting to get annoyed by all these people messaging him and calling him about this mess. Ever since it came out Kenma and Kuroo broke off their engagement and broke up, his involvement being revealed soon after, no one has been letting him forget about it. Not even a moment to breathe.
And the one person he needed the most, his best friend, wasn ’t even sending him a word or showing any signs that he cared.
Maybe it was his doing too.
Maybe rejecting Yamaguchi and ghosting him for weeks on end wasn ’t the best decision because if he didn't then he'd have a support system right now, a voice of reason but it already happened and he can’t change the past even if he wanted to.
“Kei this is exactly what tore our family apart, you know—you saw what it did to mom when dad cheated on her,” Akiteru harshly said over the phone.
And their fight continued for hours until Akiteru’s phone died, still, the conversation didn’t end there. Until now they were still fighting over it.
I am not my father, Kei would remind himself, his grip on the steering wheel tightening.
“We shouldn’t speak,” Kuroo wanted to throw the glass in his hands, to create a million little pieces from that one whole glass, so he can finally have a visual representation of how broken his heart was.
His rib cage was doing a pathetic job of holding his heart in. Of making sure the shards didn't fall and hurt him and anyone else.
“I know,” Tsukishima repeated.
“I get lonesome sometimes,” Kuroo lamented, standing up to walk over to the large windows of his room, watching the city lights in the night light up like stars, cars underneath him moving in and out of his sight.
“And that’s why you call me up,” Kei knew many things and knowing he was only a rebound, a bed warmer for when Kenma was away for business meetings, was one of them.
“Drive safely,” Kuroo canceled the call, dropping it to the table beside him, not once tearing his gaze from the view in front of him.
“Drive safely, kitten,” The former middle blocker purred into his phone, one hand holding it and the other signing away documents he didn't even bother reading.
“Yes, Tetsu,”
“I love you, kitten,”
“I love you more, chicken little wannabe,”
Kuroo hated himself.
He hated himself so much.
Deep down he knew, that Kenma was somewhere in Tokyo, in Hinata and Kageyama’s apartment, crying his eyes out.
And he knew it was his fault but still there he was, waiting for Tsukishima to come by one last time.
In the words of Hinata, during their call yesterday: Kuroo’s heart might be broken but it was still salvageable, it could still heal—but Kenma’s heart was torn to pieces, it was irreparable and will never be the same again.
Kuroo just couldn’t understand.
Why was he doing this? Why was he going to fuck Tsukishima Kei one more time when he could use this time to figure out how to win Kenma back?
Tsukishima Kei might make Kuroo hard but Kenma Kozume made him weak.
Kenma was his life line.
His anchor.
His everything.
He basically lived all his life with Kenma by his side and now that there was a chance he might never be there for the rest of Kuroo’s life ever again—it scared Kuroo shitless.
It scared him so much he felt like he was always at the edge of a panic attack.
He doesn’t know what to do if he really does lose Kenma forever.
There isn’t enough words in the human tongue that could ever express the fear, panic, and pain that would fall upon Tetsurou if he could never hold Kenma ever again.
He doesn’t know what to do if he could never wake up to Kenma’s quiet snoring, cute bed head, and small hands gripping the front of Kuroo’s sleep shirt ever again.
He doesn't know what to do if he could never drive to the edge of the city, watch the stars on the hood of his car, eat burgers, and have quiet conversations with Kenma ever again.
He doesn't know what to do if he could never hold Kenma's hands while walking down the street, talk about his day, his plans, their plans, and hear Kenma rant about that final fantasy 7 remake ever again.
He doesn’t know what to do if he could never have the chance to walk down the aisle to marry Kenma Kozume. The moment he’s waited for, for 8 years.
‘I’m parked outside,’ Kuroo’s phone flashed but he didn't make a move, only watching as little drops of rain slowly started pouring, sliding down his window.
There was a war raging on inside him.
He knew this was wrong.
He knew this was stupid.
But that’s also what he said months ago, as he pushed Tsukishima against the wall, fervently planting kisses and bites down the blond’s pale neck.
That what he said and ignored a month ago when he pulled Tsukishima to his shared home with Kenma, pushing him towards their bed, pulling his shirt over his head.
Maybe Kenma was right.
He never changes.
But he also knew this wasn’t gonna go anywhere.
This was just physical.
Physical and nothing more.
Because as he picked up his phone, sending a simple ‘room 505’ to the man waiting downstairs, as he pushed back his messy hair back, one hand unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt, and as he sat back down on the red chair, legs spread, waiting for Tsukishima—Kenma was all he could think about.
As a knock resonated through his large hotel room, as the tall blond walked through the door without even a word from Kuroo, all the black haired man could think about was Kenma walking inside that door.
In his head, it was Kenma. Kenma. Kenma.
In his head, it was Kenma who was closing the door, who was giving him that faint smile, and who was greeting him.
“You look like shit, class traitor,” Tsukishima snickered, putting down his bag on the floor.
Slowly shifting his gaze from the floor to Kei’s brown eyes and God, he was hoping they were cat like. He hoped they were sharp and filled with exhaustion instead of cold, uninterested ones.
Without another word, Kuroo motioned for the college student to sit on his lap.
And as Tsukishima straddled the older boy, both legs on either side of Kuroo’s waist, hands beside his head, against the back rest, Kuroo falteringly reached one hand on the back of Kei’s neck to pull him into a heated kiss.
“Don’t ever try to kiss me with that disgusting lips of yours ever again,” Kenma’s voice haunted the former captain, the phantom pain of the slap against his right cheek stinging him.
Quickly pulling away from the kiss, Kuroo bit his lips, closing his eyes to try and block out all of the thoughts about Kenma—which is all of them.
Guilt was catching up to him.
His vices were watching up to him.
Tsukishima, like a fool, ignored the voice at the back of his mind, telling him to pull away and get up to leave. Instead, he moved his hips to grind against Kuroo’s crotch.
“You wore my favorite pants,” Kei leaned down to whisper in Kuroo’s ears, gasping out a quiet moan.
Kuroo struggled to keep his breathing even, he was still human.
Even through the guilt and pain in his chest, he still felt so fucking good down there.
“He—fuck—bought me those..tho-those pants,” Kuroo leaned back his head, not even aware of what he was saying, giving Kei the chance to attack his neck with kisses.
The middle blocker ignored those words but deep down it hurt. It hurt so fucking much.
Because in the few months he got to sneak around with Tetsurou and the many many years he got to know him, Kei couldn’t deny the way butterflies would attack his stomach, making him feel things he wish he couldn’t.
No, he wasn’t going to deny that he did feel happy when the two broke up, he did feel happy when the thought of having Kuroo Tetsurou all to himself crossed his mind. He wasn’t going to deny he wanted to be selfish.
Was it terrible? Was it evil? Was he a home wrecker? Maybe, probably but he was human too. He had feelings too and unfortunately those feelings were love.
So who could blame him when he reveled at the sight of having People Magazine’s sexiest man alive underneath him?
Kei continued to bite and kiss on the smooth skin of Kuroo’s neck, the latter pulling on his blond locks.
At the feel of his hair between his fingers, Kuroo slightly opened his eyes, catching a glimpse of his hands in a sea of a tow headed boy’s hair. It was longer now than when they had originally first met years ago.
God he wished it was another blond hair between his fingers right now, he wished it was bleached blond, he wished it was longer, he wished it was messier and tangled and unbrushed, He wished it was Kenma’s.
Kuroo Tetsurou needed to forget even for a moment. Even for a few hours. Because the pain was killing him. Because every single fucking thing reminded him of Kenma Kozume, the man a hundred kilometres away from him right now.
In between swallowed moans, grips that could bruise, lips wandering everywhere, tangled limbs, and clothes thrown somewhere in the room—they forgot. They forgot the world existed outside the vicinity of their pressed bodies, sweat and cum stained the chair and the bed sheets.
Yes, Tsukishima knew what the aftermath of this would look like. He knew that after being fucked over and over again, he would be left to lay in underneath those sheets with nothing but his heart broken and bed empty.
Yes, Kuroo knew he was going to regret this. He knew this was going to make everything more complicated. He knew he’d have to hide this from Kenma.
They both knew this was going to end horribly but they could care less when Kuroo’s dick felt so good inside Tsukishima or the way Kei’s nails scratched at Tetsu’s back.
When their skins finally left each other, long after they left their highs, Kuroo looked over at the night stand—3:05 AM.
He sighed, already feeling his eyes starting to burn again.
Pleasure turned to pain.
In just a snap of a finger.
In just a moment of silence.
Everything came crashing back.
Kuroo couldn’t catch a break and yeah, maybe he did deserve it.
The space between his and Tsukishima’s body felt like a thousand miles, Kuroo made a conscious effort to not let his skin touch Kei’s, as if he wasn’t literally balls deep in him minutes ago.
3:10 AM
Kuroo finally decided to get up, lazily pulling up his boxers and the pants Kei adored so much, the same pants that apparently hugged his thighs just right, and the pants that Kenma bought.
Kuroo groaned silently, stretching his neck as he poured himself another glass of whiskey.
“Getting drunk to forget—”
“Save all the jokes you’re gonna make while I see how much drink I can take,”
Kuroo didn’t miss a beat as he took his glass and walked over to where he stood earlier, in front of the windows, letting himself get lost in his thoughts. In his toxic fucking thoughts.
Tsukishima felt a lump form in his throat, caught off guard at how cold and…aloof Kuroo was acting towards him but at the same time, like a masochist, he liked it, because that was the first time in days that Kuroo had said more than 5 words to him.
Letting out a shaky breathe, Tsukishima laid back down, turning his head to the other side to avoid the sight of Kuroo’s scratched up back.
Closing his eyes, Kei tried to remember the last time he felt like this. The last time he felt like his heart was being squeezed dry and his lungs forgetting to function.
“Ok, today we’re going to continue our character study on Eponine from yesterday,” Their Literature teacher instructed them to open their copy of Les Miserables.
It was the first semester of their 2nd year in high school and everything was going smoothly, smoothly until last week when Tsukishima had started to visibly show his irritation and had started to act snappier than usual.
It affected his game and frankly, Coach Ukai wasn 't having any of it.
Kei would never tell a soul but it was because of the news that shook the entire high school volleyball world, the news that Hinata couldn ’t shut up about, the news that admittedly the entire world was waiting for. Kuroo had finally confessed to Kenma. His childhood best friend and the one boy he had been in love with for years.
Kei ’s brown eyes looked outside, watching dark clouds slowly but surely take over what was supposed to be a clear blue sky.
That ’s weird, the weather didn’t mention of any rain today.
Raining just like the day Eponine was walking down those grimy, dirty French streets, singing her broken heart out.
Kei wondered what it would be like to freely cry your eyes out and scream at the world, asking why—why you ’ve been cursed to love someone who barely spares a single glance your way.
He wondered what it would be like to admit out loud, that the one thing that ’s keeping him on his feet at this point is his burning love and desire for that Cheshire grinning boy.
“Mr. Tsukishima, can you recall what we’ve discussed yesterday?” Their teacher’s voice snatched Kei’s attention from his silent brooding, turning around with a chalk in their hand, not waiting for the boy to stand up and answer before writing something on the black board.
“Eponine is one of the characters in Les Miserables, she was once a rich, pampered girl but in the future is shown to be poor and impoverished, the most striking part of her character is her undying one sided love for Marius, even sacrificing herself for his sake,” Tsukishima easily remembered the summary of yesterday ’s lesson but to remember it brought him pain.
It made him reflect on himself and those stupid fucking feelings he held close to his chest.
“And what do you think of her character?” Their teacher turned around, a knowing smile on her face.
From all the years she ’s taught literature and her years as a literature student herself, she knew full well how much Eponine’s character resonated with wistful, pining, love struck teenagers.
“I think,” Kei took a moment to collect his thoughts, eyes lowering to the opened book in front of him.
“I think her story is devastating, how she fell for someone who could never look at her the same way she looked at him. It’s also realistic, I think? Victor Hugo didn’t give us a happy ending or even a slight hint that Marius felt some type of romantic feeling for her because let’s be honest, you can ’t make someone fall for you if they really don’t want to . But I also think it ’s stupid how she was so accepting of her disposition,” Kei tilted his head a little.
“She was so accepting of being the ghost behind Marius’ shoulder, of being that whisper in the wind, she didn’t complain, she just yearned and her heart being broken into a thousand pieces was okay. She was content with loving on her own, she was okay with the fact that Marius’ world will still keep on turning even without her presence. She was a martyr and I guess I don’t like that about her because I can’t ever see myself like that, maybe it’s envy, not sure,” Though Kei stopped talking, he still stood and his teacher knew well enough there was one last thing he wanted to say.
Kei continued to think, hesitating to let out the words he ’s thought so hard over and over again in his head last night as he stared down at his copy of Les Miserables.
His teacher scanned the room, looking at the faces of his classmates—how their brows were furrowed as they try to process his words and some had downcast eyes, knowing exactly what he was trying to say.
But there was one boy who was looking directly at Tsukishima Kei and his teacher didn ’t fail to notice this.
Green hair messy and freckled cheeks pale with realization.
Love triangle maybe? The teacher asked herself. Love square? She couldn’t help but let her heartache for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.
Love was messy, love was difficult, it was headache inducing, it was everywhere and at the same time it was nowhere.
Love gave nothing but problems upon overlapping problems and yet we still search for it. We go out of our way to fall even if the fall meant your heart would be wrapped in bandages at the end of the day.
“She didn’t expect for him to love her back and that’s what’s so hard to accept because not one person in this room right now will admit that they’ll act as selflessly as that. Eponine believed that she didn’t need to be loved, she believed that to love was enough for her. If Icarus flew too close to the sun then Eponine flew too far from the sun. ” Who knew Tsukishima Kei was poetic?
Kei didn’t really understand how she was so content and satisfied with where she stood in Marius’ life because for Tsukishima Kie he wanted nothing more than to stand on top of Tokyo Skytree and just shout how much Kuroo Tetsurou made him feel.
He wanted to stand on the tallest tower and let the world know that Kuroo Tetsurou made him feel things he never thought he could.
But he couldn ’t.
And that crushed him much more than he thought it ever would.
It was as though he was drowning, he was drowning, and his lungs burned and begged for air.
His chest felt numb, numb from the overwhelming pain that hit him, numb with trying its best to keep up with the plethora of emotions that was flooding the boy at that moment.
His heart was like it was being squeezed dry from its blood and he ’s trying his best to pry off those hands that were trying so hard to kill him.
Tsukishima was trying his best to erase the love that was going to be his downfall.
Their teacher ’s eyes went back to Yamaguchi noticing the way the boy slumped in his seat.
Tsukishima Kei was wrong.
Someone in that room was willing to admit that they were a hopeless, helpless martyr.
Someone in that room was Eponine and it surely wasn’t Tsukishima, as he has so vaguely suggested earlier. It was his best friend.
Their teacher cleared her throat, same sad smile on her face, thanking Kei before continuing on to the lesson.
“Does anyone have anything else to say about Eponine’s character before we continue on to Enjolras’ character?” Their teacher finished discussing, looking down at her watch to see that they had a couple of minutes left before the bell rang.
No one raised their hands.
“Well then, Mr. Yamaguchi,” The literature teacher called upon the boy, he had been distracted ever since the start of classes.
The boy nervously stood up from where he sat.
“We have discussed the fact that Eponine never confessed to Marius, only silently pining over him, If you were in Eponine’s shoes right now, what would you tell your Marius?”
Yamaguchi swallowed his saliva, hands shaking ever so slightly, previously lifeless cheeks now covered in a thick hue of red.
“I..I’m…” Yamaguchi stuttered, fiddling with his fingers, a habit he’s tried so hard to ditch.
“Close your eyes, Mr. Yamaguchi, concentrate and imagine yourself as Eponine, standing right in front of the man you’ve been chasing for years, the one you’ve seen fall in love with someone else right in front of your own eyes,” Those words hit too close to home but Tadashi wasn’t gonna say anything, he wasn’t going to admit that he did see himself in Eponine’s shoes.
He wasn ’t going to admit out loud that he watched Tsukishima Kei fall in love with Kuroo Tetsurou with his own eyes. He wasn’t going to admit how Tsukishima’s guarded heart opened up just for a guy he barely met a year ago but not for him, his best friend for almost a decade.
“I’m…” Yamaguchi let out a shaky sigh, closing his eyes, trying to collect the strength to speak up.
“I love you but only on my own but that’s fine with me, I do not expect you to love me back as I’ve seen the way you look at Kur— Cosette, ” Yamaguchi blushed even harder, if that was even possible, at his almost slip up. He almost said Kuroo.
“I thought…I thought I was less in love with you today than I did yesterday, I thought I was less in love with you than the day I’ve realized I was in love with you—but it seems like dear Aphrodite wants to prove me wrong as I look into your eyes. Your eyes that I’ve unfortunately made into my home. But again, I do not expect you to return my love. I do not dare to hope for it. I’ve learned that a long time ago. I do not think you can break my heart because you can’t break a heart that doesn’t even expect anything more than you’ve already made me feel,”
Tadashi exhaled. Glad his little speech was finally done.
Wondering why everyone was so quiet, opening his eyes he was met with the sight of his classmates and teacher ’s shocked, sympathetic, and understanding faces.
And when Tadashi looked up to catch his teacher ’s eyes, he knew, he understood why she called him.
He knew that she knew—or vaguely knew—the suffering he was putting himself through.
To love another and not expect to be loved back.
Kei opened his eyes, realizing he had fallen asleep, looking over his shoulders at the feeling of the bed dipping with a new weight added onto the mattress.
Kuroo had emptied 3 bottles and he smelled terribly of alcohol but even then, his manly, expensive scent still stuck around.
Kuroo groaned when his head hit the soft pillows, he wasn’t drunk, no, he couldn’t afford getting drunk and waking up with a hang over when he has work to do tomorrow.
Not when he already has a plan on how to win back his Kenma.
His Kenma who he hurt so much.
Kuroo could still remember how he looked when he found out.
His hair that was usually pulled back had been a mess, his face wet with tears, broken sobs escaping his cracked pale lips.
It was the first time Kuroo had ever seen Kenma like that—he could physically see the light escaping Kenma’s eyes, the eyes he spent mornings staring at and memorizing.
It was the first time Kuroo had ever seen Kenma look at him with so much hatred, so much spite, and distrust.
It was the way Kenma stood in front of him, hands crossed over his chest, protecting his entire body from Kuroo. It was the way Kenma looked at him like he stole all the stars and the moon from his sky, leaving him in total darkness, no light in sight to guide him.
When Kenma used to look at him, it was like he realized what love was. Every single time.
Kenma used to look at him like he was the brightest star in the sky.
Kenma used to look at him like he was the last minutes of a sunset, the colors reflecting of the ocean’s surface.
Kenma used to look at him like he saw his future.
Used to.
If Kuroo lost Kenma forever, he won't ever know the feeling of happiness ever again.
Kuroo doesn't even know if he can breathe without Kenma.
His world literally revolved around Kenma.
Everything he did was for him and always for him.
Only for him.
Tsukishima had an internal struggle, hesitating to turn on his side and face Kuroo, who again, was facing his back to him, hesitating to reach over and wrap his arm around Kuroo’s waist.
But his arm was only harshly pulled away.
“Don’t. I just wanna sleep.” Kuroo’s voice was blank, it was void of emotions, he didn’t even lift his head to look over at Kei.
So, Tsukishima waited until Kuroo’s breathing evened out, light snoring escaping his parted lips.
Tsukishima waited until he could quietly get up and clean himself up.
As he put on his shirt and slipped on his shoes, fixing his glasses, and hair, Kei couldn’t help but let a few tears finally slip down his cheeks.
Tsukishima Kei rarely cried.
It’s not that he hated crying.
It’s just that he didn’t have any reason to.
But now as he shakily buttoned up his shirt, fingers cold as ice, he finally found that reason.
Yes, maybe he was a fool for kissing him back those many months ago.
“Be my mistake,” Kuroo moaned against Tsukishima ’s lips, hands leaving no exposed skin untouched.
“Just for tonight,” Kei whispered, gripping Tetsurou ’s already messed up hair.
But that ‘Just for tonight’ became ‘This is the last time’ and that became ‘Only for this week’ until it became ‘I’ll call you again’.
And yes, Tsukishima Kei knew full well the consequences of his actions and he knew, he fucking knew that he’d be left to clean up the mess he made.
Picking up his bag, Tsukishima looked over his shoulders for one last time, taking in the sight of Kuroo laying down on the bed with nothing but the sheets covering his naked body.
Once upon a time, Tsukishima would’ve done anything to be able to even look at Kuroo Tetsurou in just his boxers.
Without another word, Kei closed the door to the hotel room and walked away.
The journey back to the parking lot was painful. A walk of shame.
Every step he took felt heavier than the last, the urge to turn around and run back to room 505 almost overtook him.
But he knew better.
He was supposed to be the smart one.
Kei smirked solemnly at the thought.
Kuroo really had a thing for blond, smart boys.
Closing the door to his car with all the energy left in him, Kei sat in silence, nothing but white noise and the sounds of car engines passing by was all that accompanied him.
The hickeys on his neck, chest, and thighs almost burned. They burned like a crucifix against a vampire’s skin.
The silence was driving him mad but he couldn’t find it in himself to start the car.
He needed to do one last thing.
With shaky hands and bated breathe, Tsukishima fished his phone from his bag.
Kuroo
I ’m deleting your number, delete mine too. This will be the last time. For your sake and for Kenma’s. I was only a mistake and I will forever be your greatest mistake.
Sent 4:24 AM
‘And I wanted you to know I’ve loved you since high school. Ever since you taught me so much how to enjoy life in Gym 3.’ Kei smiled to himself. He was the living proof that love is blind. Love made you stupid and dumb and unreasonable.
Deleting that last sentence, he threw his phone to the passenger seat and inserted his key into the ignition.
Was it all worth it?
He doesn’t know.
He’ll probably still won’t know 5 years from now.
And 5 years from now, he’ll probably close his eyes once in a while and remember that brief moment in time when he had Kuroo Tetsurou all to himself.