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„Shion. How could you?!“ I scream in agony, the pain eating me up from the inside.
“I don’t even know what to say anymore…. I thought… I don’t know. I trusted you, I felt you would support me.” I wince in pain, embracing myself with my arms.
“That one time. That one time I had this feeling, you weren’t genuine and made fun of me behind my back, but I put my feelings aside, because I did not want to believe, that you of all people would do something like that!” I feel tears creeping up into my eyes, threatening to spill out, but I am not ready yet. I have to keep going and tell him how I feel.
“I trusted you! I trusted that you enjoyed our connection as much as I did and that you would not leave me, but you chose to ignore me. Like everyone else did before. You were nice and friendly and made me fall for you. And there was no sign that our feelings weren’t mutual, but then suddenly you turn around and never come back.” I hear him getting up from his chair.
“No! Stay where you are, I do not want you anywhere near me. I’ve let you come close, I even tried to be strong and reach out to you, to ask if I did something wrong, but you just… ignored me.” Now the tears make their way out of my eyes. I am hurt, so badly. I am disappointed and feel so damn alone.
“I feel betrayed…” My voice comes out as a whisper. “You were part of my safe place and I let you into my heart, because I thought surely you were a good person. Why would you reject me and hurt me. No, with you it just had to be different this time.”
I turn around to look at him. “But you did. You weren’t any different.”
I can’t even see him through the trail of tears, he is just some blurred figure, but I am happy about it. I don’t need to see him. I don’t want to see him. He can go away, leave and never come back. Because for me he already did.
I see him taking a step, coming closer and I take a step backwards, afraid of letting him come too close again.
“Angel…”
His voice is soft when he calls me. I didn’t expect it to have such an impact on me, but the tears force their way out even stronger. His steps come to a halt right in front of me. I can smell him. He smells of jasmine and lilac. I wish I could just run out of the room and leave everything behind me. Everything and everyone, including him. Why did he do this to me. He of all people!
I feel him reaching out for me and the moment he touches my arms, I start to shiver, my muscles shaking rapidly. Before I know it, I am in his arms, pressed to his chest, his arms around me. His grip is strong, but also gentle. Hiding my face in the crook of his neck, his cream-coloured hair caresses me, covers my eyes and embraces me in darkness. His smell is the strongest up here and his skin is soft against my wet cheeks.
He leans his head against mine and one hand comes up to pet my head. His touch is gentle and calming. The shaking doesn’t stop and the tears I am crying are coming out with more force. His arms around me hold me even closer, when I hear his soft voice again.
“Angel… There was no ill will behind my actions.” He breathes softly against the top of my head. “Please believe me.” His fingers softly comb through my hair. “I would never do anything to hurt you. Never.” His voice is so tender, it feels as if he’s directly caressing my wounded heart. I sob and wrap my arms around his waist, let my hand slip up to his shoulders and hold onto him for dear life, while the tears flow out of my eyes and onto his shirt, or whatever he is wearing.
“Shh…” He gathers me even closer and I feel him gently rocking me from side to side, slowly. “I am here now. And I will not leave you. You will have me at your side for as long as you can think of. I will make sure to not hurt you ever again. I will stay.” His words are a mere whisper in the wind, so soft-spoken that I barely hear them, but they resonate inside of me and make me feel warm and… loved.
I nuzzle my face deeper into the crook of his neck, taking in every little bit of his scent, every touch and every feeling of his soft skin on mine. He does not feel fragile at all, but still delicate and graceful as a flower, whose beauty might get crushed, if you squeeze it too eagerly. Nonetheless he presses me to his chest even stronger. As if I was not only holding on to him, but him also holding on to me, searching for steadiness.
I let my hands sink down his back to wrap my arms around his waist again, firmly holding him against me. His face is leaning against my head and I can tell, he is getting lost in the moment. My hair gently flows between his fingers and his breathing is getting calmer. I try to concentrate on the steady up and down of his chest against mine, try to adjust my breathing pattern, until we are in synch.
“Do not worry, Angel.” His words pour from his lips into the flowing curls of my hair. “I am here for you. Now and always. Eternally.”
My tears have stopped, but I still refuse to let go of him. I want him to hold me like this forever.
“Shion… I love you.” I whisper against the skin of his neck.
I feel his breath hitch and his fingers come to a halt, before he moves again. His head leaves my side and I feel him pulling away, just slightly, so I have time to loosen my grip on him. Suddenly unsure of what I am doing, I let go of his waist and hesitantly pull away from his neck, his soft hair uncovering my eyes. I leave them shut, afraid, what might await me, when I open them.
He does not move far from me. I can still feel his chest right in front of mine, his hands moving down my arms. His left taking my right hand into his, gently caressing my palm. My eyes still closed, his hand moves up to my cheek and his fingers follow the streaks of my tears, carefully touching the sore skin.
“Open your eyes, angel.” I hesitate, but slowly open them to look at him. His face is right in front of mine, so close I can barely see into his eyes. Periwinkle blue and like two shining stars. I am amazed by his beauty. The last tears in my eyes let the edges of his face appear a bit blurry, but the light reflects in my wet eyes and it looks as if his hair is covered in golden sparks.
“I need you to look at me, when I open my heart to you.” His voice is deep and soft, like a silken scarf wrapped around my neck. My heart jumps and starts racing. Something in my stomach turns around and makes me shiver in excitement. His hand does not leave my cheek, instead covers it, gently caressing, before he looks into my eyes, his gaze softening even more.
“Angel… “, he speaks. His thumb rubbing over my fingers, he parts his lips. “I love you.” He seems nervous but his eyes locked with mine tell me of his certainty. “You mean the world to me.” He swallows. “And more…”
My heart beats slowly and I realize I forgot to breathe. When I take a deep breath, my heart starts hammering in my chest, while I look into his violescent eyes, that are as soft and shiny as clouds in the first sunlight of the day.
“Shion…” My voice is trembling, but smooth.
“I wish to look at you for hours and memorize that soft look on your face, so I can permanently have those rosy cheeks of yours for myself.” He speaks softly and I can feel his breath on my lips, when he moves in closer. “I love you, Angel.” Gentle fingers tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “I am going to say it over and over again until you believe me. I wish for you to be by my side. For you to be with me.”
His thumb wanders across my lower lip. “I wish to grant you everything you can think of. I wish to bring you the stars, so your eyes never stop shining. I wish…” His beautiful face moves closer and my eyes flutter close. “… to taste…” I can feel his words brush over my lips “…the shimmer on your lips…”
His last words, a mere whisper, gets fused in between our lips when they finally melt into each other. His kiss is soft and gentle, so slow, it’s almost painful. Inside of me a storm is raging at its peak, tossing and turning, growling in thunder and sparking lightning.
My hands move up to his face, to feel his skin, to pull him closer again until our bodies are pressed against each other. His lips move on mine, slightly pulling away, only to capture them again, with indescribable gentleness. I feel his hands curl around my waist, holding me, keeping me steady, while his mouth is glued to mine. Both our lips are trembling, when he finally parts his. I follow him, my tongue shyly pushing forward.
I find him ready, waiting for me just to make the final move. He gently brushes the tip of his tongue against mine. The warmth and silken softness of his tongue silences the storm inside of me. I suddenly feel completely calm and content, while our tongues slowly slide against each other, prying and tasting, caressing, dancing.
The tension between our lips is rising, like every touch and every stroke of his tongue is amplifying the attraction between us. Until we finally pull apart again, only for his lips to come crushing onto mine. The kiss is deep, hungry, as if I was a feast and he was a man starving. His arms press me closer and my fingers reach out for his soft curls.
He devours me, with slow but almost painful force. My tongue searching for his with every move of his mouth against mine. When I find him, he brushes against me, roughly, but quickly dancing around my tongue, chasing it, when I pull back into my mouth.
The smell of jasmine gets stronger when he bends me over and his curls fall onto my face, tickling my skin. His hold on me is strong enough to lay me down on his bed, while his lips are fused with mine. He does not let go of me, when his hand cups my face. With a last slow brush of his warm tongue against mine he loosens his grip on me and the kiss gets softer again. Gentle caresses on my lips warm my insides and a soft moan escapes my mouth.
He captures it with his and our tongues meet again, carefully and painfully slowly sliding against each other. With a final brush against the tip of his my tongue freezes in place and I revel in the softness of his warmth, before our lips are sealed by each other and hold onto one another for an unbearable tense moment, before he finally pulls away.
My eyes open slowly and meet his right above me, staring at me like two sparkling gems.
“Angel…” His voice is a whisper in the trees, brought by the nightly breeze.
I can hear him say my name over and over again while the vision of him begins to fade. His cream-coloured curls melt into the shadows. His eyes two stars in the night sky. My name on his lips just a breeze playing with the trees in front of my window.
“Shion…” My words a mere whisper in the silence of the night, I start to tremble.
The darkness comes crashing over me, when the last touches of his fingers leave me and his lips on mine turn into a fleeting memory. A dream scented of jasmine and summer lilac came to life in the darkness of the night. A dream in which I was held, I was kissed, a dream in which I was loved. Alive at night, forgotten in the light of the breaking dawn.