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The loud whooshing of pumps circulated around him as he lay on the platform waiting for his cue to jump in. They usually gave him ten minutes of concentration time before the show started so Jinwoo took advantage of that as his routine, his eyes closed and mind clear. He needed his heart to be as relaxed as possible.
“Safety diver is in. Whenever you’re ready, Jinwoo.”
He opened his eyes and saw Yunhyeong, the show director crouched over him, making final fixes on Jinwoo’s crown. It should be stuck on pretty well, Jinwoo glued it to his forehead himself.
With minimal assistance, he sat up, took a normal breath and jumped in.
At once he was submerged in a blurry blue wonderland. He could roughly make out the sea creatures around him, a school of fish, manta rays, sea turtles, it was nice.
He glided along unobtrusively, pretending to be one of them, savoring the hydrodynamic quality of his newly commissioned tail that allowed him to cut through the water with almost inhuman speed.
The time to hang out with sea creatures was running out, he needed to put on a show for his human audience.
He swam close to the glass wall that separated land and sea creatures. The blobs of excited masses crowded in front, for sure enjoying the show Jinwoo put out. So he indulged them, carefully orchestrating graceful moves, almost like underwater ballet, except with both his legs bound by silicone and chrome paint.
He went close, almost pressed to the glass wall, peering curiously down at the children who were excitedly waving at him, so he waved back, blowing small bubble kisses at them. So cute. He couldn’t see them clearly, but he was sure they were cute as shit.
But then there was this tall human a few steps behind them, fit and clothed in all black. Alone. He cut a very morose figure among colorfully dressed children and their parents.
Jinwoo stopped, his hand flat on the glass. He wanted to see this man up close. He beckoned with his hand. A few seconds passed and the man stood motionless. He gestured again. The man still didn’t move. Ah how sad. He liked to play with his audience, but sometimes some of them didn’t want to. But this one just made Jinwoo extra sad because he really wanted to see him.
The air from his lungs was running out, he would have to take a breather soon. Five minutes was his usual time.
Just as he was about to wave them temporarily goodbye, the man approached and put his hand on the glass wall, directly where Jinwoo’s hand was.
In a moment of clarity, Jinwoo saw dark narrow eyes, sharp and cold but softened by a small, pink mouth. Jinwoo’s heart jumped rapidly. Oh no.
With his remaining breath, he blew out a bubble heart, smiling at the man for indulging him and gave him a wink.
Then he quickly surfaced to the hidden rest area to reclaim his breath.
Jinwoo calmed his heart and mind for a few seconds.
“You good?” Yunhyeong was hovering with the safety diver by the platform.
“Yep.” He took a moderate breath and swam down again.
But the man was gone.
*
Seunghoon walked around the aquarium, looking at the renovations made during the time he was gone. It was the same yet different. They for sure did not have mermaid shows during the time he was there.
He rubbed the place below his sternum, remembering the mermaid— no merman, from a while ago.
With a majestic golden tail, he swam in the huge tank naturally, his hair, caramel colored and slightly long, floating around his face, made a very ethereal picture.
At first, he was just awestruck by what he saw. It really was truly beautiful, his performance. Graceful. So real. He just stood there gawking at him until the merman actually pointed at him to come closer, his slender palm on the glass.
Shocked, he just stood there even as the children looked back at him. The merman tried again, Seunghoon still didn’t move, not knowing what the beautiful creature wanted. Seunghoon just kept staring at his face. Only when the merman realized Seunghoon wasn’t going to take bait that his face crumpled slightly, brows slanting gently down that Seunghoon moved.
There was an indescribable feeling in his lungs when Seunghoon saw that expression that he immediately wanted to appease the other person, so he went closer and put his hand where the merman’s palm was. When the merman saw that, his entire face lit up.
He then rewarded Seunghoon with a kiss of fluttery bubbles that he quickly shaped to a heart and swam away.
Seunghoon’s heart thumped uncomfortably in his chest amidst the appreciative applause of the small audience, breaking the spell.
He wandered aimlessly around the aquarium right after to dispel the sensation, waiting for his former boss to meet him.
*
It seemed that the man was at the aquarium every time Jinwoo had a show. He only had a couple of shows a month, on the days his sister Jisoo wasn’t available, Jinwoo covered for her. The demand for male mermaids wasn’t really so high, and he only got into it because Jisoo coerced him and it was kinda fun. So the man being there specifically only when Jinwoo showed was a bit… flattering.
He knew that the man only came for Jinwoo because one time he asked Jisoo about it, and she had clearer underwater eyes than Jinwoo, she said that she didn’t see such a man on her shows.
Knowing this, he paid special attention to the man whenever he was under. Nothing like the first time, but more like blowing bubbles towards him or throwing a wink. He never thought that his life would devolve to having to flirt in a mermaid prosthetics.
He really, really wanted to meet this man in person, but there was no way for him to find out as it wasn’t appropriate for the aquarium staff to fraternize with guests. All he could hope for was this man to make up his mind and wait for Jinwoo in the parking lot and ‘fraternize’ with him.
But if wishes were horses then beggars would ride. It never actually happened.
*
It was at the most random circumstance that they first met without the two foot glass barrier between them and a bilateral availability of oxygen.
They met at a coffee shop.
“Can I get a small iced caramel macchiato with the cold brew espresso, one pump of vanilla, extra ice, no whip, with a sprinkle of nutmeg please?”
To Seunghoon who only did iced Americano, or latte if he was feeling adventurous, this order caught his attention.
“Jinwoo.” He uttered before he could stop himself.
The man turned.
Without the mermaid makeup and the blue glaze of deep water, Jinwoo’s otherworldly appearance took on a more warm and appealing effect. His hair looked so soft that Seunghoon wanted to run his fingers through.
Jinwoo’s eyes widened and suddenly smiled. A full, megawatt, blinding smile.
“So this is what you look like!” Jinwoo exclaimed.
*
He was at least half a head taller than Jinwoo with shoulders broader than his imagination. He was wearing black again. He was always wearing black, that was how Jinwoo was able to distinguish him even through the water and glass. But now, Jinwoo could clearly see his face and appreciate it. Yes, he was as handsome as Jinwoo fantasized.
Lee Seunghoon was his name. He used to be a full time marine biologist at the aquarium two years ago, now he only came in a few times a month to observe and research. Those few times a month just happened to be the days Jinwoo had shows.
“How did you get into this type of job?” Seunghoon asked casually, sipping on his coffee.
Jinwoo watched as his lips wrapped around the straw, his Adam's apple moving as he drank.
“It’s my sister who’s an actual professional mermaid.” Jinwoo explained ignoring the unconscious sex appeal of the person sitting across from him. “I subbed for her when she got injured and there weren’t any mermaids with freediving experience around.”
“So you’re a freediver?”
Jinwoo beamed. “Back in college, I was a competitive freediver. My best time was twelve minutes and forty seconds. Now it’s just a hobby.”
“Twelve minutes? That’s amazing!” Seunghoon exclaimed. “I can’t even hold my breath for thirty seconds.”
“Ah, then we need to work on your lung capacity.” Jinwoo said off hand, not realizing how suggestive it sounded until after a few seconds. Then he felt his ears get hot.
Seunghoon graciously glossed over it. “Why did you stop competing?”
Too much risk. He and his sister wanted to train to become professional freedivers, but their cousin who was a freediver before them, suddenly died of decompression sickness.
Just seeing what the death did to their aunt and uncle, Jinwoo and his sister couldn’t bear the thought of their parents having to go through that, so they both decided to stop.
They still freedived, but not like before. Just recreationally and for the sake of not losing skills.
“It’s too risky.” Jinwoo said simply.
“So what do you do now?” There wasn’t any judgement in Seunghoon’s tone unlike the people Jinwoo previously talked to about it.
“I own a ceramics shop and I custom make ceramics by order.” Art school was a great choice for Jinwoo. He learned the skills and built his connections there. He wouldn’t have had a fallback plan if he didn’t go.
*
He didn’t know what it was about Jinwoo (aside from being absurdly beautiful) that drew Seunghoon. Maybe it was how free he was. Or how he just did everything straight on. Or how obstacles were just detours for him. Jinwoo was genuinely interesting to Seunghoon.
They exchanged numbers naturally, their conversation continuing through text and sometimes random calls. The first time Seunghoon called Jinwoo, his heart was beating so fast that he almost wished Jinwoo didn’t pick up. But he did pick up on the second ring. Now it was just normal to call whenever they were free.
“Hey, sorry, my hands are full of clay right now, wanna facetime instead?” Jinwoo answered when Seunghoon called one afternoon.
Seunghoon was about to say he was just going to call another time, but Jinwoo already ended the call and facetimed him. He was sitting in front of a pottery wheel with a headband and an apron on when Seunghoon accepted the call.
“Hey.” Seunghoon said, throat dry.
“What’s up?”
“You seem busy.”
“Nah, I’m actually just finishing up, this is my last piece. Wanna come over?”
He had never been to Jinwoo’s studio, though Jinwoo sent him a lot of pictures of his works.
Seunghoon knew where it was, but was always reluctant to just swing by in case Jinwoo was busy. By now, they both knew each other’s schedules and knew when to call or expect a text back, so it was actually his own reservations why he didn’t just willy nilly go to Jinwoo’s space, or meet with him after his mermaid gigs, even though they were technically coworkers.
It’s not that there was anything wrong with Jinwoo. It was Seunghoon himself that was holding him back. For whatever reason.
So they stayed like this. Friends with a lot of tension.
*
He looked out of place in Jinwoo’s studio.
First off, everything was low hanging. Jinwoo bought the place from an older couple that wished to retire with their children. It was old, well maintained, quaint. It was also built for a generation that wasn’t so tall.
“Watch your head.” Jinwoo said and heard a dull thud as Seunghoon crossed the threshold. Tall people problems.
“Did it hurt?” He asked, watching Seunghoon rub the top of his head. Jinwoo took pity on him and replaced Seunghoon’s hand so he could rub his crown, where there was a sizable lump.
“It’s okay. Daily hazards.” Seunghoon murmured.
“You’re dressed too nicely.”
Seunghoon dressed fashionably even though his entire color scheme was black or some other dark neutral color. This time, Jinwoo was worried because the obvious quality of Seunghoon’s clothes might get ruined from the clay.
“Ah… sorry?” Seunghoon said sheepishly.
“No, no. That was my bad. You’re wearing your usual clothes.” Jinwoo laughed. “Do you mind wearing a smock then? To protect your clothes?”
“Too hot. An apron should be fine. I don’t mind these clothes.”
A telltale sign that Seunghoon was more well off than he let on. But then he was a marine biologist and those made money, right?
So rather than taking Seunghoon to the pottery wheel, Jinwoo decided to just have them play with clay.
*
Seunghoon’s pottery collection started growing, from the little frog he formed himself the first time, to little pots and jewelry dishes.
Jinwoo also sent him specially made pieces from time to time, exquisite cups and saucers, platters, bowls. He checked the internet how much Jinwoo charged for his pieces and he almost dropped the cup he was holding.
Needless to say, that particular cup wasn’t even in the limited edition part of the catalog, but if it were, Seunghoon would’ve just broken a very expensive collector’s piece that he was using on a regular basis without any concept of its monetary worth.
“Jinwoo… your ceramics. Why do you give them to me?”
Jinwoo’s eyes widened, “You don’t like them?” His tone held a bit of hurt that Seunghoon’s breath caught.
“It’s not that! They’re very lovely, just… they’re very expensive and I feel bad taking free product when you could’ve—”
“Price is relative. I give my pottery to my friends, people who are important to me.” Jinwoo waved his worries away.
But Seunghoon’s head was stuck on the ‘people who are important to me’ part that he walked around all day in a daze.
He never questioned Jinwoo giving him pieces anymore, but he had a newfound appreciation when he was using them.
They made whatever was put in them infinitely better.
*
Seunghoon checked his phone for the nth time for the past two hours and he still hasn’t received a text from Jinwoo. Usually Jinwoo sent him a text as soon as he woke up. His days started later than Seunghoon, he wasn’t much of an early riser, so Seunghoon didn’t try to disturb him.
But it was already hours since he was supposed to rise and Seunghoon was worried, so he called Jinwoo anyway.
Jinwoo answered on the fifth ring.
“Hello?” His voice was croaky and hoarse.
“Hey. You still sleeping?”
“Mm. Caught a cold I think. Feel like death.” Jinwoo said.
Even more worried now, “Have you seen a doctor?”
“No need. Took cold meds, I just need to sleep.” Jinwoo’s words were slurred, Seunghoon felt bad for keeping him up.
“Oh, okay. Rest well.” He heard Jinwoo’s soft ‘mm’ and the call ended.
Of course Seunghoon wasn’t going to leave it at that. Getting off early from work, he swung by the grocery to buy ingredients for food that’s easy on the stomach.
Jinwoo lived on top of his workshop, Seunghoon got into the back garden through the small gate behind the house. He then climbed up the stairs and knocked on Jinwoo’s door.
A couple of seconds passed and there was no answer. He knocked again. Finally he heard rustling inside and soft footsteps. The door opened and there stood Jinwoo, wearing an oversized shirt, face flushed and hair wet.
“Hey, sorry I took a shower. Felt gross. Come in, come in.”
Jinwoo’s apartment was spacious and bright with lots of hanging plants and displayed artwork, totally unlike his low hanging workshop, but somehow had the same warm feel. “Did you build this after you bought the workshop?” He asked.
“Nah. The old couple had it built for their son, but the son didn’t want the place.”
“Lucky for you then.”
“Mmhmm.”
Seunghoon stood there awkwardly holding a bag of groceries while Jinwoo also stood there dazed and totally out of it. Setting the bag on the floor, he took Jinwoo’s hot wrist and led him to the sofa. “You sit here and rest.” He ordered, and went to the bathroom to look for a towel. When he found one, he returned to Jinwoo and dried his hair.
Jinwoo’s hair was very silky, the strands were cool against his fingers. He ran the towel over and over again until he was satisfied that it was dry enough. When he was done, Jinwoo was already asleep.
*
Maybe letting Seunghoon into his home had them cross unknown boundaries between them, when before their friendship was confined to neutral territories of coffee shops and the studio. Maybe the boundary was Jinwoo letting someone take care of him in the most basic level of human need for comfort. Maybe it was Seunghoon leaving his work early to tend to Jinwoo even though they were only friends. Or maybe it was Seunghoon spending the night and Jinwoo allowing it.
Whatever it was, the door was opened and since then they both spent a lot of time in each other’s personal spaces. Jinwoo was finally invited to Seunghoon’s house for dinner, was shown the door code and was given carte blanche to come and go as he pleased.
In return, Jinwoo gave Seunghoon a copy of his house key.
And they didn’t even kiss yet.
It was more normal to find Seunghoon cooking in Jinwoo’s kitchen than to think of them being in a relationship.
The aquarium staff didn’t even realize they knew each other.
But still, Seunghoon showed up to every one of Jinwoo’s shows and Jinwoo never forgets to blow him a heart each time.
Jinwoo did his best to enjoy what they had and not push for more. The feeling was similar to when he was about to run out of breath, the weird tight feeling, tingling and itching for the euphoria of oxygen when he was close to breaking into open air.
So Jinwoo did as always. He held his breath and calmly swam.
*
They had dinner at this seafood grill by the beach. The air was starting to cool as summer transitioned to fall. Jinwoo rubbed his hands together.
“Where did you go when you quit the aquarium two years ago?” Jinwoo asked.
While Seunghoon was quiet, he wasn’t really close mouthed about things. He always answered Jinwoo’s questions without qualms. It was Jinwoo who didn’t probe much, choosing to let Seunghoon tell him himself. But this time he was really curious.
“Hospital. I fell off the roof and broke my back.”
“What!” Jinwoo grabbed his arm to stop him, his heart was pounding in his throat. “Are you still hurt? Are you okay now? What happened?” Jinwoo wanted to ask a million questions, his muscles were shaking.
“It was a stupid accident. I was fixing some shingles, but I stepped on bad ones and slipped.” Seunghoon shrugged.
“But your back! Is it okay? Are you okay?”
“Mm. I’m alright now. I did rehab for more than a year. Aside from the occasional back spasms and backaches when it’s cold, I’m okay.”
Jinwoo could feel that Seunghoon was downplaying it by a lot, but he didn’t press. However he couldn’t calm the worry he felt. It was a bit cold out and Seunghoon was only wearing a thin sweater. He wanted to bundle Seunghoon in a blanket of cotton and keep him safe so his body won’t hurt anymore. Just thinking of how serious an injury it was, how it could’ve easily killed Seunghoon made Jinwoo’s chest so tight.
“Hey.” Seunghoon’s gentle voice had Jinwoo look up. Seunghoon’s eyes were bright and warm on him, his lips quirked up at the corners. Jinwoo’s cold hand was taken by a larger one, sharing heat. “I’m okay now. The recovery was hard, but I’m okay now.”
“Okay.” Jinwoo mumbled.
“I really am okay.”
“Okay.”
Seunghoon just grinned and pulled at Jinwoo’s hand to keep walking. Neither of them commented how Seunghoon didn’t let go until they had to separate for the night.
*
Getting drunk was a revelation. Seunghoon had the alcohol tolerance of a child. Meaning he had none whatsoever. Alcohol also burned through his brain to mouth filter.
“You’re so pretty.”
Jinwoo flushed. It wasn’t the first time Seunghoon said it. The first time was when Jinwoo realized that he was already drunk after the first shot.
Seunghoon was a straightforward flirt when inebriated.
“The first time I saw you made me believe in mermaids. So beautiful.”
“Okay buddy. You need to pipe down a bit…” The other patrons were looking at them, amused. It wasn’t that Seunghoon was loud, they just tuned in to their conversation.
“I asked the director for your name. Kim Jinwoo. So pretty.”
Jinwoo hurriedly stuffed grilled meat into Seunghoon’s mouth, continuing to do so until all of their food was finished. This was successful because even when drunk, Seunghoon’s table manners were impeccable and he didn’t speak with his mouth full.
Jinwoo called the taxi to take them to Seunghoon’s house which was closer. He also didn’t want to deal with having to carry Seunghoon up the stairs of Jinwoo’s place. They didn’t need two broken backs in this relationship.
Seunghoon magically revived when they got inside. He even took a shower and brushed his teeth. But when he came out, his face was still red and his eyes glazed over. Still drunk.
Jinwoo led him to the bed and tucked him in.
“I’m gonna borrow your shower and some clothes.” Jinwoo said. He would’ve gone home, but he was so tired. Seunghoon’s couch looked very inviting.
When he was done cleaning up, he checked on Seunghoon again who was still sleeping. He then curled up on the couch and went to sleep.
Only to wake up again barely an hour later, with Seunghoon standing by the couch with a blanket.
“You’ll catch a cold.” Seunghoon said.
It wasn’t really cold in the house, but Jinwoo’s feet were. He was too lazy to look for a spare blanket.
Warmth suddenly engulfed his entire body, along with Seunghoon’s clean scent, along with Seunghoon himself.
Completely awake now, Jinwoo didn’t dare to move.
“Seunghoon.”
“Jinwoo. Kim Jinwoo.”
They were face to face, as close as the couch allowed, surrounded by the thick blanket warmed by Seunghoon’s own body. Jinwoo could almost count Seunghoon’s eyebrows. His eyelashes. The faint mole above his lip. His lips.
“So beautiful.” It was Seunghoon who said it, with eyes full of something Jinwoo could only describe as… tenderness. His heart trilled.
“I want to cherish you, Kim Jinwoo.” Soft lips pressed on Jinwoo’s forehead. He was gathered close to Seunghoon’s chest that Jinwoo could only position his face towards Seunghoon’s neck, breathing him in.
“The pain and struggle… the hours of rehab… the isolation… everything that has led me up to this moment. It’s all worth it.”
Jinwoo’s breath shuddered out of his lungs. He could only press his own lips to the hardy pulse on the base of Seunghoon’s neck in gratitude for continuing to beat as a proof of Seunghoon’s strength.
*
After that night, it was commonplace for them to just spend nights over. They even sleep in the same bed. They haven’t even properly kissed yet.
Jinwoo was stressed.
He was normally outgoing in his relationships but this was different. Even though Seunghoon pretty much confessed to him that one drunken night, Jinwoo would rather wait for Seunghoon to take initiative. Why? Because he was stupid. And horny. Good grief, he was horny.
They’ve known each other for months already and they did nothing but hang out, hold hands and cuddle.
“I’m going to shave my head soon, move to Tibet and become a monk.” Jinwoo muttered while he struggled to put his tail on.
“While you would still look good with a bald head, I would be very sad if you move so far away.” Seunghoon was suddenly right next to him and Jinwoo was flustered. What was he doing in there?
“He’s your safety diver this month.” Yunhyeong answered Jinwoo’s unspoken question. “Jiwon took classes on your schedule.”
Still skeptical, Jinwoo looked at Seunghoon who was already suited up, the skin tight wetsuit doing marvelous things for his body. Don’t look down. Don’t look down. Don’t—
“Don’t worry, I have a lot of experience scuba diving and being around marine life.”
Jinwoo wasn’t worried about that, Seunghoon was a marine biologist, it wasn’t impossible that he knew how to scuba.
“But the cold?” He said.
“I have a wetsuit on. You’re naked.” Seunghoon traced the painted silicone scales over Jinwoo’s thighs with his finger. Even through the thick material, Jinwoo almost felt the electric touch as if Seunghoon touched his bare skin.
His breath hitched. No good.
They wheeled him to the platform and set Jinwoo down on it so he could easily drop into the water.
“Fifteen minutes before showtime.” Yunhyeong said.
Seunghoon started gearing up on the side while Jinwoo lay flat on the floor, regulating his breathing and heart rate.
“I’ll be right there with you, even though I’m just a human with an oxygen tank.” Seunghoon said jokingly.
“We need to work on your lung capacity.” Jinwoo grinned, remembering their earliest conversation.
Jinwoo signalled to Yunhyeong that he was ready, Seunghoon went in first, keeping an unobtrusive distance from the audience view. Jinwoo dropped in and was transported back into his watery world. He really loved it, being surrounded by colorful marine life, the small fishes that swam peacefully like silver darts around him.
Somehow, knowing that Seunghoon was there with him, the water that usually chilled him to his core was warmer, more comfortable. Safe.
When he was nearing his five minute breather, he didn’t go up.
Seunghoon knew his entire routine. Jinwoo took three breathers for his entire fifteen minute show. But this time he didn’t.
Jinwoo swam to Seunghoon, languidly, doing twists and graceful arcs until they were hidden from the audience. Jinwoo could clearly see the confusion in Seunghoon’s eyes through the goggles, his hand holding on to Jinwoo’s arm, the other hand motioning in question if Jinwoo needed help going up.
Jinwoo shook his head and placed his hand over Seunghoon’s oxygen mouthpiece. Seunghoon took it out immediately and offered it to Jinwoo.
Once Jinwoo took a few breaths, he gave it back to Seunghoon with a pat on his cheek.
He did the same thing for the second breather.
But for the last one, Jinwoo took breaths and before he returned the mouthpiece to Seunghoon, he swiftly moved forward and gave Seunghoon a kiss, blew him a bubble heart and swam away grinning.
*
“Great show as usual.” Yunhyeong commented as Jinwoo and Seunghoon rested on the side, waiting for the hoyer lift that would hoist Jinwoo back up on the platform.
Jinwoo had his arms on the edge, eyes closed as he breathed deeply.
“You said we’re going to work on my lung capacity.” Seunghoon said. Jinwoo opened his eyes.
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
Jinwoo’s heart stuttered. All of a sudden the water felt quite cold.
“Because you make me feel breathless.” Seunghoon finished.
It took a few seconds before Jinwoo started laughing, his worries completely gone. He then put his arms over Seunghoon’s wide shoulders, with Seunghoon’s arms around Jinwoo’s waist, supporting their weight in the water.
“We need to work on your pickup lin— “ Jinwoo didn’t get to finish as his lips were taken into custody by very demanding ones, challenging his freediving skills.
They both concluded that their lungs needed more training.