Chapter Text
There are times I look back and I ask myself how this was even possible, how my life could change in such a drastic and to be honest unrealistic way.
At 15 years old i started my battle by being diagnosed with leukemia, and at 25 I lost.
Since I was always weak I was never allowed to do anything outside so I spent all my time watching documentary’s or any shows that pop up on the history channel. I watched my parents along with my brother grow more and more concerned as the side effects of my chemotherapy were rearing their ugly head. As much as I tried to hide them I was much too fatigued to do much in terms of hiding when I felt sick.
Knowing how much I hated when they started to worry my brother spent more time with me when I was stuck at home, arguing with me and annoying me giving me at least some sense of normalcy. After a while though I started arguing that him spending so much time with me will get in the way of his baseball training he started to bring game film to my room and had me watch it with him.
In those hours of analyzing the game sense of other catchers my brother would explain the rules and strategies other teams were utilizing and when I started to show an interest he lent me any books he had on it claiming my helping him was going to make him a better catcher.
My parents would come in and watch as my twin brother and I argued or agreed over random baseball teams plays and smile seeing me more animated even through the worst of my treatment. His team would stop by too, teaching me other positional rules and thought processes other than my brothers catching position.
It was fun and honestly a great way to force myself to ignore the pain or fatigue my body is constantly going through. We would spend hours watching a baseball anime he loved of a pitcher and his journey to become the ace of his team and I got so into it I was beyond invested, he would always make fun of me but I knew he was just as addicted to the show. This became our habit even when we graduated high school and he was drafted into the MLB.
When his offers came in and we discussed his options we fought so hard on them. When he announced he was going to choose the astros I was livid. The Houston Astros were our local team being that we were born and raised in Houston, but his life dream was to be drafted into the Chicago Cubs.
I knew he was choosing the Astos to be able to stay close to me, especially with how my condition wasn’t getting any better and in fact looking a lot worse. I refused to allow him to change any of his plans because of me. Ill never forget his tears of frustration when he yelled at me
“What do you expect me to do?! Leave and lose anytime I might have with you just so I can wear that uniform? If something were to happen and I wasn’t here… here to say anything to you or to be here for mom and dad…. you know I couldn’t forgive myself!”
“I expect you to stop acting like I’m going to die any minute now! I love baseball Asher, you know why? You and baseball got me through so many hard nights! I love you and I know the best option for you is to go for the team you have been dreaming to go into since we were 7. I promise you I will fight to get better, to be able to see my stupid older brother win a world series trophy that ill take pictures with and flirt with all your handsome teammates. I wont fail you or that promise, so don’t fail me by settling.”
After that he finally agreed and moved to Chicago although he called or facetimed everyday complaining about his teammates or being stuck on the bottom of the food chain again after being the big man on campus since he started high school.
I would giggle and tell him that’s what he deserves until he can prove to them he’s not some random brat but a valuable asset. Although I want to say I got better after that I didn’t, I forced my parents to keep the details away from him but I knew he was how tired my face was and he was concerned. But we had great news soon after. I finally went into remission when I turned 20 and I called him extremely excited since I had more energy and was able to actually participate in life, I applied and was excepted into the university of Chicago and I moved into an apartment next door to my brother (due to both my parents and his insistence) I went to every one of his games after he finally made his debut as a starting catcher. I made good on my promise to flirt with his teammates much to his annoyance and they treated me like a little sister.
Everything was going so well I honestly though I was over it, that I was better… I should have known. Shortly after my 25th birthday I cut my finger cooking, and it wouldn’t stop bleeding. My heart dropped because I knew, ive been feeling tired lately but I kept telling myself it was just because my sleeping schedule was fucked up due to school.
After going to the doctor it was confirmed that the cancer was back, and it was much worse. I didn’t tell my parents or my brother for a while after knowing they would blow up when they realized I was going to refuse to do the chemo treatments again. A month after I was diagnosed my parents came up to see my brother play in the world series. I made sure to force myself into acting normal since I couldn’t let it get into his head when he and his team were so so close to winning.
On the final game I sat in the front row and watched my brother dominate with his team and I felt so proud, he pulled me into the field to take a picture with him and the trophy after they won and I was crying in it but the smile on both of our faces were close to blinding. I knew that was the last time I would be able to see him on that stage, shortly after I ended back in the hospital after I fainted during class.
When he slammed into my hospital room I knew what was coming.
“I swear to god Poppy! How could you not tell me anything?! Y..you had to go through all this alone!”
“Yeah but I wasn’t going to get in the way while you were preparing for such a big game.” It took me three days to calm him down but I knew he wasn’t angry at me. If anything he was mad at himself for not noticing anything before he found out.
After that I wasn’t allowed to leave the hospital, I didn’t have much time left so he stayed with me even though his teammates were all celebrating by going on a trip he refused to leave my side. My parents were staying at my apartment and visited me for hours everyday too, I could see the pain this was causing them but they tried to hide it.
His teammates came by to tease me into smiling or have a couple of laughs but I could tell they were emotional too, I spent so much time with them over the years he was playing for the team they got to know me too. It was a happy few weeks and I don’t regret anything, I love the people around me so I was comfortable when the time came.
You know when they tell you your life flashed before your eyes before you die you never imagine how surreal it would feel. I was surrounded by my parents and my brother watching them cover up their pain was hard but I smiled for them knowing I didn’t want them to see my sadness as the last thing they saw.
After I said my goodbye to my parents they moved aside to let my brother through and he sat down next to me. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, holding it to his forehead while he leaned against me lending me strength.
“Hey Ash,” I said and he raised his head forcing a smile on his face “just because im not around doesn’t mean you can mess around you hear me? I need you to win another world series trophy for me, I don’t care how long it takes i’ll be watching. Every award or accomplishment you have ill be watching and telling whoever’s around me up there that that’s my dork of a brother and rub it in their face how great you are.” The smile on his face becomes more genuine and he huffs out a laugh.
“You know what we always said when we were kids? If it was true we get to live another life after this one ill wait for you, ill wait so we can be twins again one day but hey” I said using our intertwined hands to tilt his face up since he was trying to hid the tears in his eyes. I force him to look at me and I give him my biggest smile “You better make me wait a long, long time you hear me!” He smiles and nods leaning in to kiss my cheek.
“Of course Pops gotta win you a few more trophies before I can face you again, lord knows you probably wont let me hear the end of it if I don’t.” I can feel myself getting weak and I can tell from his eyes he can tell too. I close my eyes and we both whispered “See you soon” that’s the last thing I remember before I closed my eyes and let go.
So it was an incredible surprise when I opened them again to a completely different room. I looked down to myself and I saw the body of a toddler….. what the fuck????
A loud thud echoed through the room pulling me out of my mini mental breakdown. Another toddler stood at the door to the strangely familiar room his hand on the door panting like he was running. There was literally nothing that should have prompted me to say it, honestly I was probably just going crazy but it was his eyes…. His eyes made me to open my mouth.
“…… Ash?” he stared at me for almost a full minute before a smile broke through and he leaned on the doorway
“Hey there Pops long time no see.”