Chapter Text
"Got a bit of a crush, Arryn?" Lindsay asked, standing beside the young woman who was currently ogling the new blonde reporter.
Arryn blushed heavily and sputtered, "No! N-no I do not!" Her hands flew around her desk in a hurried panic. Papers flew around and a few pens fell to the floor.
Arryn worriedly reached down to pick them up.
"Hey, are you okay?" Kara asked, walking over to the two and noticing her coworker uncharacteristically clumsy and frazzled. Kara noticed her laughing girlfriend and glared at her. "What did you do, Lindsay?"
Once Arryn had placed all the fallen items on her desk into a mound, Lindsay patted her back, making the woman jump and let out an adorable squeak.
Kara smiled when Arryn tried her hardest to compose herself, failing miserably.
"Everyone's favorite news anchor has been making googly-eyes at the station's newest member." Lindsay tossed her head in the direction of said woman who was chatting with Ashley, a reporter who had been working at the news station for quite some time.
"Aww~! That's so cute!" Kara crooned, tilting her head at Arryn. Lindsay followed suit.
"S-shut up!" Arryn folded her arms across her chest and huffed indignantly. She tried to cover up her embarrassment with false anger. "I didn't tease you, Lindsay, when you told me you liked Kara."
Lindsay piped up, her own cheeks turning a rosy pink. Kara raised an eyebrow.
"Oh? How long ago was that?"
"Four years ago." Arryn spilled, making Lindsay narrow her eyes at her. The onyx haired woman stuck out her tongue. "Karma's a bitch, Tuggey."
"Four years? We've only been going out for a year and a half!" Kara exclaimed. "You've been keeping it under wraps for that long?"
Lindsay glanced nervously around the building as a handful of eyes were on her. Kara's outburst had turned a few heads.
"Sorry! Keep going about with your day." Ms. Eberle apologized while Arryn laughed at Lindsay's face. It matched the color of her scarlet head of hair!
"We can talk about this later!" Kara informed. She slung an arm around Arryn's shoulder, alarming the dark brunette. "But right now our dear friend is too shy to ask a beauty out on a date."
"Or two." Lindsay added.
"Let's not forget about what will ensue afterwards." Kara reminded with a waggle of her eyebrows.
"S- stop! Ugh, I hate you guys. I need new friends." Arryn, who had been covering her face with her palms as Kara spoke, peeked in between her fingers to look at the blonde.
"Her name is Barbara, in case you were wondering. She's also Canadian. And Jewish. So I hope you don't mind watching hockey and celebrating Passover." Lindsay said. "On the bright side, picture how cute she looked as a kid at her bat mitzvah and wearing an oversized hockey jersey."
Arryn harrumphed and elbowed Lindsay gently. The redhead lowered her arm.
"Well I'm not the only one acting like a school girl. Meg's had a crush on Ashley for over two years now." The anchor tried to deflect attention and pointed at Meg.
The woman was at her desk, pretending to flip through important notes and reports while, in reality, her green eyes were on the slightly darker haired blonde beside Barbara.
"She hasn't gotten the courage up to ask her out so why do I have to?"
"Becaaaaaauuuse," Kara dragged out. "Lindsay and I can't be the only couple in the office. We want to go on some double dates! Besides, you deserve some happiness as much as the next gal. If you work the nerve up to ask Barbara, we promise we'll convince Meg to do the same."
"What she said!" Lindsay chimed, poking Kara's arm. The blonde smiled at her.
"You're forcing me, aren't you?"
"Yup! Now let's - ooh, she's looking our way! Goodie!"
"WHAT?!" Arryn screeched, eyes widening as the really attractive coworker met her gaze. Her breath hitched and she - as soldiers would do in war - hit the deck.
"Ow..." She grumbled as her face made contact with the hard concrete flooring.
"Arryn?" The onyx haired girl heard Ashley ask.
Shit!
If Barbara heard Ashley, that meant she knew her name! And if the blonde knew her name she'd recognize her as the foolish Texan who flopped on the floor! That meant their non-existent "relationship" was doomed from the start!
"Doomed. . ." Arryn grumbled into the ground.
She continued to silently wallow in her sorrows as Barbara continued to ask Ashley questions.
"Did she just face-plant into the floor?" Barbara asked, holding in a laugh in case the woman was actually injured. Luckily, the only thing marred was Arryn's pride.
"I think so. Odd. Arryn is probably the most coordinated of us all. I could see Kara doing that, no doubt-,"
"Hey!"
"-but not Arryn. You alright, apricot?" Ashley asked, nudging the onyx haired woman's shoulder with the tip of her shoe.
An extremely muffled, "Nnnnghnoo," was the response they received.
"I think she's suffering from a severe case of killmeitis. It's a rare illness that breaks down the immune system with lethal shame and deadly humiliation. Currently, there is no solid or definite cure." Lindsay stated, over looking her patient. "Also, from study, I believe her cells are infected from a parasite called amour. Her body isn't used to its foreign ways. It's transmitted through an insect called a 'love bug'. So let me see your bite, Arryn."
"It'll only help. Where's it at? Arms? Legs? Maybe your tush?" Kara offered.
They both earned themselves a hard kick from Arryn's feet. Her face was still firmly placed into the ground.
"Are spasms common, Doctor Tuggey?" Ashley asked.
"Rare, yes. Usually the patient will convulse during treatment, if you know what I mean." Lindsay waggled her eyebrows and shrugged suggestively.
"I get what you're putting down." Ashley said. "What types of medications do you use during treatment?"
"Hmm. . . It depends on the patient's preferences - uh, I mean - body and cells. Different stimuli, y'know? As for Ms. Zech's case I would prescribe alluring blue eyed blondes." All eyes were on Barbara, with the except of Arryn who wanted the earth to engulf her.
"Oh?" Barbara said in reaction. Arryn could feel her eyes on her. She gulped. "Well I mean if its a fatal disease we can't just let her go now can we?"
Ashley, Lindsay, and Kara fist pumped in victory, puzzling the Canadian.
"Um. . .why did you-,"
"When we heard we'd be getting a new kid on campus to help out we were worried they'd be super serious," Ashley began.
"And boring," Lindsay added.
"And dull," Kara opted.
"So we were very lucky and glad to see you can joke around and have fun." Ashley finished.
"Oh I can joke, trust me. In fact, I love puns, it's a soon-to-be known fact to all of you. In Canada, people called me Barbara Pun-kelman." The blonde flaunted her hands and flipped her hair, smiling and winking at Arryn when she had looked up to gaze at Barbara.
She blushed and squeaked.
"I want to know more about this 'Arryn' girl you talk about." Barbara kneeled in front of the news anchor. She grinned widely when one grey green eye revealed itself from the burrows of her arms and her onyx bang.
"Hello." She said, exuding confidence.
Arryn gave no reply.
"Well this'll be awkward for us unless we do something about it." Lindsay informed.
"To avoid embarrassment how about we lock them in the break room? Alone?" Kara offered.
"No. The closet."
Barbara nodded, playing along with the act.
"I'll get Arryn - whoa she's light!" Lindsay said, surprised her friend weighed practically lighter than a feather.
"Good to know for future escapades - no, shenanigans - I mean therapeutics." Barbara winked, following Ashley and Kara. Lindsay carried a thrashing Arryn who equipped a furious blush.
"Put me down this instance, Lindsay!" The onyx haired woman wailed, smacking the redhead's back with her fists and tried to kick her legs. Her right foot pounded into Lindsay's stomach, the wind being knocked out of her.
"Jesus!" Lindsay heaved. "Be careful Barbara, she packs a punch."
"That's juuuust fine. I like a gal who puts up a struggle. Makes it more fun for me." The group had reached the small closet and the blonde was staring at Lindsay and Arryn's backside. "Nice ass, girl. Not too tight but not a plump rump either."
Arryn squealed in ignominy.
"Lindsay!"
"Sorry, Zech. Hueh!" Lindsay tossed Arryn into the closet, the woman hitting the floor and landing on her hip. Barbara slipped inside, Kara shutting the door with her heels.
"Well that fixes one problem. Now how to deal with Meg's crush on Ashley. . ."
"What?!"
"Oops! Shit! Forgot you were here." Lindsay snapped her fingers. "Damn."
"Don't worry, I can handle that problem on my own." Ashley assured, walking towards the direction of the other girl with red hair in question.
Kara and Lindsay high-fived.
"Sweet! No more single dates!"