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Izuku started sweating.
You couldn't blame him- here the Number One hero was, all in his spandex-ed glory, glaring down three rising pro-heroes, all while a framed picture of a smiling Shouko rested on his table. Izuku knew that picture, by the way- he was the one who commissioned for it when Endeavor was busy being a crybaby of a drunk.
Probably not the best time to think of one's superior as a drunken crybaby when he was glaring at you enough to wonder if said superior's secret quirk was inflicting paralysis via staring.
"Now, gentlemen," Enji said, vein ticking on his forehead just as rapidly as sweat trickled down Izuku's. "We're done fucking around and pretending that one of you isn't sleeping with my daughter."
Katsuki lets out a snort. "Sure as hell isn't me, old man."
"I don't know where you got the idea Shouko and I were sleeping together, but please leave me alone." Tenya deadpanned.
Enji stared at him. "Wait. You're an Iida."
"Yes." Tenya said, looking supremely done.
Enji stared at him a little more before waving a hand and shooing him away. Tenya shrugged and walked off.
Izuku started sweating even more.
"And you?" Enji asked softly, face right up in Izuku's personal space.
Izuku may have not appreciated Endeavor, but he definitely saw his life flash in front of his eyes.
"I-I-I wouldn't sleep with Shouko!" Izuku squeaks out, hands flailing around.
Katsuki snorted loudly. It was very much warranted considering Katsuki had had the misfortune of walking in on them attempting to do it in Izuku's sidekick office.
Enji raised an eyebrow slowly, menacingly. "Oh, really?"
Izuku shook his head rapidly.
Enji narrowed his eyes, before reclining back on his very plush, soft-looking leather chair. "Hm. Then why," he held up his phone. "Did I have to see this tabloid," he picks up a tabloid and Izuku's sweating intensifies faster than the pain that intensified with breaking bones. "About my daughter getting a pregnancy test?"
Katsuki shrugs. "Tabloids are always up for juicy info, old man. Besides, that might even look like a fucking grocery story-"
"Fuyumi confirmed it." Enji deadpans.
Izuku feels faint.
Oh no.
"Well, fuck." Katsuki says, summing up Izuku's thoughts perfectly.
"So." Enji puts his elbows on the table, narrowing his eyes. "Which one of you two is it?"
Katsuki scoffed. "I'm dating Uravity. Your move."
Izuku gulps. Enji focuses that icy-laser-stare on him, and he has to act like he isn't going to die.
"And you?"
Izuku inhales. Now or never.
Goodbye, world, Izuku thinks, bravely.
"He's fucking your daughter." Katsuki says, somberly.
Izuku chokes, and glares at Katsuki. "The fuck is wrong with you?" Izuku hisses.
Katsuki just smirks back, hands in pockets. "Isn't that what happened?"
"I-"
Izuku wants to fall into despair- this, if the glint in Katsuki's eyes is anything to go by, was definitely revenge for the office incident. Oh boy- Izuku was gonna die young-
"For every second this discussion gets prolonged, the closer this building is to getting burned." Enji growls, and Izuku freezes.
"Well-" Izuku starts, cringing but not before discreetly flipping at Katsuki, who chortles.
"Say, I'm fucking leaving now. Try not to kill Deku- I promised to whoop his ass first." Katsuki drawls with a cackle at the end, raising two fingers in a salute.
Enji and Izuku stare at each other.
"How?" Enji grits out.
"H-How what?" Izuku asks, blinking.
"How on earth did you think sleeping with my daughter was a good idea?"
Izuku swallowed. "Probably because I think she's happier with me than she's ever been in her whole life?"
Enji stared at him for a long, hard time. "You're lucky I like you, Deku. And you're lucky that you're right." He finally said, exhaling.
Izuku shrugged. "Not sure if either counts as lucky in my book." He said, shrugging and not facing Enji.
Enji stared at the ceiling. "I deserve that."
Later, Izuku got some popcorn from Katsuki as a visibly not pregnant Shouko glared Endeavor down and tore him apart verbally. Apparently, Tenya had been...concerned about the situation, considering Endeavor had interrogated Sero and Kirishima the previous day.
"It was concerning." Tenya deadpanned, pushing his glasses up.
"Ah." Izuku said, munching on the popcorn along with Katsuki.
"How'd you think of bringing popcorn?" Tenya asked disapprovingly, looking at Katsuki, who was clearly enjoying this.
Katsuki grinned savagely. "Well, I saw you talking to Half 'n Half in the hallway and I figured there'd be some fucking fun." He said brightly, which caused Izuku to cringe.
"And don't you even think of talking to Izuku about our relationship again. He's your sidekick, and nothing more." Shouko was biting out, glaring at Endeavor.
"But Shouko-"
"No. I wanted to help further his hero career- and if you're not doing that, he doesn't need to be your sidekick. So lay off, old man." Shouko snarled, coldly.
Izuku giggled a little bit into his popcorn.
He loved his girlfriend, yes.
Shouko then turned to Izuku, who blinked.
"Come on. It's your day off, isn't it?" Shouko asked, softly.
"The 180 degree shift in behavior is fucking scary." Katsuki muttered to Tenya.
"I wouldn't put it that crassly, but agreed." Tenya said, dubiously.
Izuku only nodded, eyes bright as that of a puppy's. "Yep! Where are we going?"
"My place." Shouko said, simply. She may have looked impassive, but her eyes were glinting in a way Izuku was very familiar with, and he only grinned dopily as Shouko slid her arm into his, feeding a popcorn kernel to him as they walked out.
Enji looked like he was dead.
And both Katsuki and Tenya could very well relate.
"Uh...Shoucchan, what are we doing?" Izuku asked faintly, as Shouko, looming over him in his bed, removed every button on his shirt.
"Having sex." Shouko deadpanned.
"W-w-why?"
"Because my pill is fine, your condoms are fine, everything is fine, and I want to have sex."
Izuku could not really complain against that very sound piece of logic.