Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first time Hatz meets Khun, it was the day after they had just moved in to their new house.

“Hey you,” he was playing alone with his sword in their front yard when a kid called but Hatz ignores him. The kid is close to their gate but who knows if he’s calling someone else?

“The one with the sword,” the kid speaks again and that’s when Hatz finally stopped swinging his sword, turning to the boy. If Hatz haven’t heard the kid’s voice, he’d definitely think he’s a girl. The kid has shoulder length silvery blue hair with bangs. He’s wearing a white long sleeve button up, topped with a navy blue sweater vest and black shorts paired with black shoes and white socks. His skin was pale, Hatz noticed, looking at the other’s visible skin. It’s even paler than his, like the kid rarely gets sunlight on his skin. His face is devoid of expression. His sapphire blue eyes staring at Hatz’ jet black ones. “Be my friend.”

“Don’t want to.” He tells him, he doesn’t like the way the kid proposed, like he’s ordering Hatz around. “I don’t like you.”

The kid didn’t even bat an eyelash at that. “I don’t like you too but I have no choice. My mother is nagging me nonstop about how I should go and greet our new neighbour and befriend their son who’s in the same age as me.” He pulls on his hair, twisting it on his small fingers. Hatz sees a blue earring on his right earlobe because of that. “She said it’s going to help me once the school year starts.”

“That doesn’t sound like my problem.” He shuts him down again. “And I really don’t like you, you have an earring. Father said I shouldn’t be friends with a delinquent.”

The kid gasps at that, taking offense. It’s the first time he’s shown Hatz a reaction since he talked to him. “I’m not a delinquent!” He pouts, his fingers consciously reaching for his right ear, touching the precious jewelry. “And what’s wrong with having an earring? It looks good!”

 “No, it doesn’t.” Hatz counters him. “It looks ugly.”

“Hey, take that back!” The blue haired kid looks pissed now, frowning. “M’not ugly!”

Hatz considers what he said for a second before he speaks again. “If you take your earrings off, you won’t be.”

“But I don’t want to take it off!” He yells, frustrated. “It’s going to hurt so bad if I do!”

“That’s not my problem.”

The kid glares at him, lips in a thin line. “I hate you. You have a bad personality.”

“That’s fine.” Hatz shrugged, not taking offense at all. He figures it’s better that they don’t be friends anyways. “I hate you too.”

When the school year starts, Hatz didn’t know what he was expecting, but it’s definitely not this.

“You’re an outcast,” Khun states as a matter of fact. It’s been a week since the school started and while Hatz wasn’t entirely happy that he’s classmates with Khun, he figured he could just ignore the kid. He was able to successfully ignore him for the past week until now that they were left alone in the classroom while their classmates play outside. The girls are playing hide and seek while the boys are playing baseball. They tried inviting Hatz, but he honestly doesn’t like the game (Hatz refuses to admit he’s not good at it) so he refused.

“You’re one to talk.” He retorts. While he got invited to play and just refused, Khun on the other hand, wasn’t. Hatz noticed that the kids are either too scared to talk to him because of his cold personality, or just hates him in general because of how he excels in their classes way too much, as if he’s the epitome of Hermione, acting like their lessons are something he learned before he was even born. He has a way of making you feel stupid for not knowing the right answer to the teacher’s question. They think he’s too arrogant, with his monotone voice and permanent neutral expression.

It’s the first time that Hatz has seen someone receive so much hate in the span of one week.

“You really piss me off, you know?”

“I don’t care.”

They don’t talk after that.

The next time they did hold a conversation that isn’t all about insulting each other was when the blue haired kid’s mother invited them to their household.

Their mothers seems to click quickly, so much that Hatz wouldn’t be surprised if his mother tells him that they’ve been friends for a long time and this is just a proper reunion.

He tries his best to sit behave beside his mother, only looking down at his feet and ignoring their existence. The other kid is also sitting beside his mother but unlike Hatz, he’s listening to their mothers talk and even engages to it like an adult. Hatz wouldn’t admit it, but he envies the other kid a little for being able to hold his ground in front of adults.

“You kids are classmates, right?” The mother asks his son who nods his head, eyes falling down on Hatz. 

“We are.”

“You should try and be friends with each other! It’s going to be so easy and convenient since you’re neighbours.” His mother had suggested happily.

“I don’t want to.”

“I hate him.”

They said it at the same time that their mothers couldn’t help but gasp before they laugh it off like it’s just a joke. Khun and Hatz are glaring at each other now. The other crosses his arms with attitude while Hatz just looked away, glancing at his mother, hoping she sees the look in his face that means he wants to go home and he doesn’t want to be here anymore. He pulls her shirt softly but she didn’t even look his way. Hatz bites back a whine.

“You’re saying that now, but if you can just give each other a chance, you’ll create the strongest friendship.” His mother continues mindlessly, finally looking at Hatz but all she sees is her son pouting. “Come on, just try it!”

I don’t even know his name. He wanted to say but opted to stay silent.

They don’t speak for a few seconds, the boy just staring at Hatz before he smirked, cockiness oozing from him. “If he’d apologize for saying my earrings are ugly, I might consider it.”

The reaction is fast. “But it’s the truth.”

Khun definitely didn’t like that as he turns to his mother, pointing his index finger towards Hatz. “See?! He’s so hateful!”

“Hatz, that’s rude!” His mother chastised him before turning to the other family. “Please excuse him. He’s just really shy and introverted. Hatz, apologize.”

He felt a pang in his chest for having been scolded like that in front of people he doesn’t know. “But--” he starts but when he sees his Mom glaring at him, he knew he had to do it. He sighed and looked down.  “I’m sorry.”

“I can’t hear you.” The blue haired boy replies, a hint of mocking in his voice. Hatz clenches his jaw. He regrets not taking his swords with him because right now, he wants to slice the kid in half.

“I said,” he said, louder than before. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” The other insists and oh, how Hatz wants to wipe that smirk off his face.

“Calling your earrings ugly even though they really are.” He hears himself say before he can even think about it. He hears his mother call his name while the other boy’s mother just laughed, calling him cute but Hatz doesn’t care. He successfully removed the smirk off the other’s face, so that counts for something.

“That’s not how you apologize!” He yells, losing his cool for a moment before he takes three deep calming breathes probably knowing that Hatz won’t bow to him and apologize again.

“A.A, why don’t you two go upstairs and play in your room?” Khun’s mother suggests to which the two boys frowned, hating the idea. The boy, A.A, opens his mouth to protest but his mother raises her hand. “If you do, I will buy you the latest model of Lego tomorrow.”

The offer effectively shut the boy up. He looks conflicted, with the way he bit his lower lip, fists still clenched on his side. Then, he takes deep breathes with his eyes closed before turning to Hatz. “Let’s go.”

He opens his mouth to say that no, he’s not coming but his mother is nudging him which he can only understand as if you don’t go, I will take away your swords at home try me and nope, Hatz cannot and will definitely not go against that.

That’s how they find themselves walking away from their mothers, five feet apart like it’d kill them to be closer.

When they reach the door to the blue haired boy’s room, he turns to face Hatz abruptly. “Just so you know, I’m only doing this because my mother said so and it’s absolutely not because I wanted to spend time with you.”

Hatz scoffs at that. “Likewise, earrings.”

“The name is Khun, you can stop calling me that.” The boy smiles sarcastically before finally opening the door.

“No.”

His room is larger than Hatz’, the walls are painted with grey and the ceiling white. In the left side of the room, he has a flat screen television on top of a small, rectangular glass cabinet showing off his play station and controllers. On the opposite side is his bed, big enough for the two of them to sleep comfortably, covered in pitch black blanket with plain white pillows. Beside his bed stands another glass cabinet that seems to be connected with the wall, inside it is books Hatz doesn’t think he’ll ever read over the top shelf and his collections of Lego that’s neatly organized on the bottom part. He has a computer set just between his window and his said cabinet. Hatz knew their neighbour was rich, he just didn’t expect them to be this crazy rich.

They sit down in front of the flat screen, on the space big enough between the bed and the television. There’s a white carpet underneath them and while Khun is turning the TV on, his gaze falls at the pile of game diskettes the kid has beside his play station and sees Tower of God. “You play Tower of God too?”

Khun turns to face him at the sudden question, eyes flickering with interest. “I’m surprised you know that game. What’s the highest floor you’ve reached, tenth? Or is it lower?”

Hatz grins viciously at that. “Jokes on you, it’s twenty-eighth.”

He’s highly confident of himself at that, because he hasn’t met anyone who had reached it. No one among his cousins and old friends of the same age can beat him yet.

He expected Khun to look competitive and even surprised with his achievement but the blue haired boy did none of that. Instead, he mirrors Hatz grin, except his is more vicious and dark. “Oh?” Then, he takes the game out of the cabinet. “Mine’s thirty-fifth.”

With this, Hatz finds himself scowling. “You’re lying.”

“Oh, I sincerely hope so but I’m not.” Khun sings, still wearing his dirty smile that Hatz is growing to hate. “Come on, let’s play it. You can see it for yourself, whether I’m really lying or not.”

He doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t want to trust what the other boy is saying, but he really wants to play Tower of God so he agrees. “Fine.”

It was only when he saw how Khun plays as a light bearer and spear bearer in turns, adjusting on his role depending on the floor’s rules and their teammates that he realized Khun was telling the truth and together, they reached the thirty-eighth floor.

“I told you,” Khun said as soon they stopped playing because it’s time for Hatz to go home. “I don’t lie when it comes to my achievements, you know?”

Hatz grumbled something under his breath, feeling his face flush red. “Shut up.”

“Aw, you’re blushing.” Khun coos at him, snickering. Hatz badly wanted to punch him. “Well, for what it’s worth, you’re not a bad scout at all.”

Khun’s comment only infuriated him more as he leaves the boy’s room.

For some reason, the two found themselves spending more time after that.

“I think I get it now,” Khun tells him, controller in his hands. “Go to the left side of the battleground, make sure he follows you.”

Hatz clicks his tongue, not liking how Khun orders him but still does what he told him. They’ve been playing Tower of God for the whole week that it’s almost all they ever do after school. His mother teases him about how he spends time with Khun now, but he explains that it’s only because Khun has so many games that Hatz doesn’t get to play in their house. His mother didn’t have to know that it’s also because Khun is a good teammate.

Right now, he’s playing the role of a fisherman while Khun plays the spear bearer. He figured that just being a scout isn’t good enough. If Khun could play two roles and be good at it, Hatz believes that he can do the same. When he reached the place Khun told him to go, he glanced at the boy whose eyes are on the screen. “What now?”

“Wait a second,” Khun tells him, going into position. The enemy is still running towards him and Hatz can feel that he’s going to die.

“Earrings!”

“Okay, now stop moving.”

Hatz frowns upon hearing what he said. Hatz doesn’t have any idea what Khun has in his mind but he definitely knows it’s not good to do him any good if it’s a failure. “Are you seriously planning to kill me?”

“Just trust me on this, okay?” He tells him and Hatz grumbled, deciding to trust the boy. If the enemy manages to kill him, he’ll just smack Khun later in the head.

When the enemy reached him and was about to swing his burning scythe onto him, he sees Khun from behind in a long distance aiming his ice spear to hit the enemy straight in the head. It did and the body fell down in front of Hatz’ character.

“The enemy was blind,” Khun points out when they finished the floor, collecting rewards. “They only follow those who make a sound, so I got you as bait.”

“You do realize that if you were wrong you could’ve killed me, right?”

“You definitely would’ve died but I’m never wrong so there’s that I guess.” Khun shrugs nonchalantly.

“Why do you prefer playing as a light bearer than a spear bearer?” He asked him out of curiosity. It’s not that Khun isn’t good at being a light bearer. He just thinks that a spear bearer like Khun is good too. The boy has such a good and calculated aim, not anyone can do that at the age of eight.

“Oh, it’s simple.” Khun shrugs, smiling. “I like giving orders.”

When he got home from Khun’s house, his mother is watching on the living room. She took notice of his arrival immediately. “You’re back, I baked some chocolate cookies.”

He lightens up at that, eyes going towards the bowl of chocolates cookies in the coffee table. He sits beside his mother and pops one cookie in his mouth.

His mother watches him eat, a fond smile on her lips. “I see you’ve gotten close to A.A.”

Hatz frowns, shaking his head. “I haven’t.”

She arched her eyebrow at that. “You’ve been going to his house for the whole week. Don’t tell me you were there to fight.”

“Yes.”

“Right.” Her mother agrees dryly. “But you know, honey, I was telling the truth when I said you should give it a try with that boy, you know? That kid has been alone for a long time.”

“That’s because he’s insufferable. He doesn’t know kindness.”

“Darling, not everyone starts with kindness.” she calls him, hands cupping his face, her warm fingers brushing his cheek. “Some takes a long time to know it by heart, even when they’ve had it since the beginning.”

Hatz finds himself narrowing his eyes. “I don’t understand a thing, Mom.”

“Yes,” her mother replies, smiling at her son. “But someday, you will.”

Hatz doesn’t think they’re friends.

After all, aren’t friends supposed to be people you get along with? Well, that’s entirely their opposite. If you would ask him what their relationship is, Hatz would probably settle with we-can-tolerate-each-other-for-the-sake-of-playing-together as an answer. Like keeping something not because you want it, but because you need it.

It’s the truth, he’d tell himself. Hatz believes that what they have is something professional, keeping each other just for their own benefits.

Even so, Hatz doesn’t think it’s a bad thing. If you’ll ask him if he would abandon Khun once he gets himself some friends, the answer would most likely be no.

Though he said that, he didn’t think he’d actually have to choose.

Hatz looks at their classmate who’s inviting him to play dodge ball with them. He loves that game, and the thought of playing it with Khun actually appeals to him because he’d like to crush the other for always making fun of him when he loses in video games. In his defence, Hatz has always been a person who excels in physical activities more.

And he also didn’t want to go alone and leave Khun in their classroom by himself.

“Earrings,” He calls towards the other who’s just sitting on his chair, eyes on an almanac book Hatz isn’t sure he’s actually reading. The boy turns to him, eyebrow raised. “You wanna go?”

Hatz didn’t notice how his classmate flinched at his invitation because his eyes are on Khun but the blue haired boy certainly did. “No.”

Their classmate couldn’t hide the relief in his face before he smiles back at Hatz again. “Let’s go, Hatz—”

Hatz isn’t having any of it, eyes still on Khun. “Why not?”

“I don’t want to get dirty.” Khun shuts him down again and Hatz doesn’t fucking get it. Even when they hate each other’s guts, Khun never turns down a challenge.

“You’re overreacting,” Hatz scowls. “Come on, let’s go—”

“I don’t want to, okay?” Khun snaps, cutting Hatz off. “If you want to play with them then go ahead, but don’t force me to go with you.”

It took Hatz a few seconds to process what Khun just said and when it did, he’s fuming. Here he was actually inviting and making him feel like he somehow belong in the class, giving him a chance to prove their classmates that he’s not the asshole everyone thinks he is only for Khun to act like one towards him.

“Fine.” He replies, tone biting but Khun isn’t even looking at him anymore which pissed him off even more. “This is why nobody wants to be friends with you.”

He walks out and joins their classmates after that, still pissed at Khun. When they played, he played with anger. The game wasn’t even fun for him, even when he really likes playing dodge ball. All he can think of is how much he wanted to punch Khun in the face earlier.

In the end, the team who has Hatz on their team won in every game they played.

“Wow, Hatz!” His classmate praises him. “You’re really good!”

Normally, that would boost Hatz’ ego even though he wouldn’t admit it out loud, staying humble. But now, Hatz didn’t even bother thanking his classmate, too mad on his own mind.

“This is great,” one of the boys added. “You know, you should play with us more! Just leave the Khun kid.”

Now that, that didn’t sound right to his ears.

He turns to the kid who said it with eyes narrowed. “What?”

The kid smiled at that, like he was more than happy to talk to him. “We always knew you were only staying in the room because you’re too nice to leave him alone by himself whenever we play, you know?” He pauses then looks inside the classroom. “But you really shouldn’t. That kid deserves it. He’s so annoying and arrogant, no wonder his father left him. He thinks he’s above us just because he’s rich and seems smart, but we know that his mother is probably just bribing the school to let their son look smart! No one among the classroom likes him.”

If there’s one thing Hatz hates the most, it is definitely kids like this boy. Not only him, but also their classmates who nodded with the kid in agreement like he couldn’t be more right with what he said and suddenly, all his anger from Khun turned to their classmates. “And where did you get that from?”

The boy seemed startled at his question, probably expecting Hatz to just agree with what he said. “What do you mean?”

“Where did you get the idea that his mother is bribing the school?” He asks, more specific now. “Did you see her doing it?”

When he hears no answer, he continued. “I agree that the kid is rude and arrogant. I don’t like that part of him too, but you guys aren’t any better.  For you to think that his mother is bribing the school because you’re jealous he’s too good at studying? You all are awful.” He shakes his head, standing up now. “The kid is smart. He works hard at what he does and I know it because he’s my neighbour and I actually see him studying unlike any of you, and don’t mention someone’s father when you don’t know anything.”

He leaves them after that, disappointment sitting heavy on his stomach as he sits on his chair again. He glances at Khun who didn’t seem too surprised that he came back, as if he had expected it. “I’m guessing things didn’t work out well?”

He frowns. “Why do I have a feeling you had this all planned out?”

Khun gasps mockingly at that, hand on his chest. “Me? Why would I do such a thing?”

Oh, he so did. “I hate you, seriously.”

“Who do you hate more, me or our classmates?”

“Why do I have to pick?”

“Because I said so, come on, tell me.” Khun insists.

If Hatz is honest, he’d say that his classmates disappointed him more. He felt disgusted. Not because Khun is any better but because unlike their classmates, Khun knows he’s not a good kid and he doesn’t hide it. Hatz also realized that the reason why their classmates gang up on him is not because he’s arrogant. It’s because he’s good at what he do.

And they hate on him more because he doesn’t care that they do.

In the end, Hatz just rolled his eyes at Khun. “All of you suck.”

Hatz would never tell him that he’d choose Khun over their classmates, would never give the other the satisfaction. But if he’d look at the way Khun laughed at his answer, he figured he didn’t have to. Khun was smart enough to figure it out.

They were isolated for the rest of the year, but Hatz figured he didn’t really care.

The first time Khun didn’t go to school two days in a row was in tenth grade.

Hatz doesn’t really care what the boy’s reason is for not coming. It just surprised him, since Khun has always had a perfect attendance.

They’ve been with each other for seven years. He’s been dealing with Khun’s ass for seven years. In a way, he likes to think that the other boy’s company reached a point where he can bear it without feeling the urge to cut him in half with his sword. He’s gotten used to Khun’s sarcasm and sass now that he doesn’t even blink when he subtly drops an insult and instead focuses more on what he’s going to say in return. He can feel that the same goes for Khun who has gotten used to his snappish replies and his nickname earrings that he despised so much before but now, he doesn’t even give a shit anymore.

“Welcome home, babe,” her mother greets him as soon as he came home, spatula in hand. “How was school?”

“Fine,” he shrugs, taking his shoes off. “Where’s Dad?”

“Still at work, baby.” Oh god, she never stops with the endearments. “I heard that A.A. is sick, why don’t you go visit him?”

“You want me to get sick too, Ma?” He asks, dropping on their couch.

“Just let him know that you’re worried or something.”

Hatz scowls. “I’m not worried.”

His mother laughed at his reaction, pinching his nose before walking towards their kitchen. “I see you still pretend you hate each other.”

“It’s not pretending if it’s true.”

“Sure, sure.”

Hatz doesn’t like the tone of his mother’s voice. She usually does that when she’s teasing him. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

“Oh, honey.” His mother continued to laugh at him, turning to her child, amusement written all over her face. “I really don’t.”

Hatz finds himself knocking on the door to Khun’s room two days after learning the fact that Khun is sick.

But it’s not because he’s worried, no. He’s never worried for Khun. If Khun were to get hit by a car, Hatz will ask if the driver’s okay and that’s it. Okay, that’s an exaggeration. He knows he’ll probably take Khun to the hospital and punch him as soon as he wakes up for being so stupid.

He opens the door himself, knowing that Khun wouldn’t really get up to open up for him. Sick or not, Khun is a lazy bastard when it comes to opening his door for Hatz. The room was dark so Hatz went to turn the lights on.

“I can’t believe you still haven’t recovered,” was the first thing he said the moment he sees Khun lying on his death bed. He grabs Khun’s swivelling chair and sat on it beside his bed. “Your immune system is shit.”

“I’m dying.” He tells him, face pale. He has sweat on his forehead and he’s in his pajamas with his blankets covering his lower body. “Put this on my gravestone, Khun Aguero Agnis, the asian son you could’ve asked for, ridiculously handsome it’s a waste, earrings.”

“Stop being dramatic.” Hatz rolled his eyes. “I brought you some porridge.”

“You mean your mother made me some porridge.”

“Whatever you want to call it,” he opens the Tupperware, the smell of porridge filling his nostrils. Good thing he asked Khun’s mother for a spoon earlier. “Get up.”

“Don’t order a sick person around.” Khun dramatically coughs, sitting up and resting his head on the headboard. Hatz hands him the soup to which the other frowned. “I can’t do it myself.”

Hatz clicks his tongue. “What are you, a baby?”

“You try and switch position with me, let’s see you move like a goddamn starfish.”

“Open your mouth.” He ignores him, holding the spoon towards Khun’s lips. Khun is still glaring without an actual threat before he complies. He closed his eyes as soon as the spoon reached his mouth, Hatz pulled it away just afterwards.

“How is it?”

“Great,” Khun tells him swiftly. “It’s tasty, I feel like I can go to heaven with it. Get me my best suit. I can’t go to heaven looking like a dying patient from a stinky hospi—”

“Listen here, you little shit.” He tells him, putting the Tupperware on his bedside table. He massages his forehead with his fingers before he continues.  “Today was a really fucking tiring day for me, okay? Our teachers were continuously going for my fucking ass to come visit you just because I’m your neighbour, the student council too, because for some absurd reason, they can’t work for shit when their president isn’t around and the PE period today was bloody exhausting, I just want to get this over with as soon as possible, go home and sleep.” He takes a pause to look at Khun who opened his mouth to retort but Hatz raises a hand to tell him he’s not done talking. “So what you’re going to do is get a really good fucking rest, probably the best rest of your whole fucking life and get better overnight because you’re going to drag your ass to school tomorrow and show everyone you’re alive and breathing just fine whether you like it or not.”

Khun giggles, giggles. “You said fucking four times.”

Hatz takes three deep breathes, reminding himself not to smack Khun in the head because he’s sick and he knows better but it’s quite difficult when Khun is being a piece of shit. He moves to throws some papers on him instead. “These are the notes you missed for three days.”

The blue haired arched an eyebrow, eyes scanning the papers. “You wrote this?”

“When did I ever?” He takes the Tupperware from the table again. He takes a scoop from the porridge and levels it on his lips before softly blowing on it. “The secretary did,” he corrects afterwards. “I’m telling you, that girl has a crush on you.”

“Can’t blame her,” Khun shrugs, eyes still on the papers, almost looking well again like academics bring him back to life before he sees Hatz’ hand with the spoon and takes it on his mouth. Hatz lets it stay for a second before he pulls it away. “I’m a fucking visual.”

“I’ve seen you with your bed hair. I don’t think you’re in a position to be arrogant in front of my face.”

Khun scowls at that. “Shit, you’re right.”            

Hatz sighed, too tired of Khun’s bullshit. It’s not that the boy looks bad with bed hair. He’s just really pissed if someone sees him with it, saying he feels bare and naked. He scoops with the spoon again. “Eat.” He tells him instead. “You’re going to school tomorrow.”

“And if I don’t?” Khun challenges, taking the spoon on his mouth once more, tongue flickering on his lips afterwards.

“Earrings,” Hatz calls him, a warning present in his voice. “It was a statement for a reason.”

Khun grins. “Alright.”

The next day, Khun comes to school with a face mask and spent the whole day in the clinic with Hatz taking care of him (their teachers threatened him to do so) anyways.

The first time Khun acted a little more like his age happened one night when they were huddled in Hatz’ room because the other refuses to go home.

“Go home, earrings.” Hatz tells him as he looks at the time. 9:56PM. “It’s getting late.”

“I don't want to.” He replies, body laid flat on Hatz’ bed like he owns it. His gaze is resting on the ceiling, lost in thought.

“Your mother must be looking for you.”

“Is she?”

Hatz sighed, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Alright, spill the beans.” Khun’s eyes shifted on his, questioning. "You don't usually go here unless something's wrong, you know?"

It took Khun a second before he chuckled. "Oh my, since when did you become so observant with me, Hatz?"

"Fuck off." He rolls his eyes inwardly. The other boy just laughed again, softer this time. They remained silent for a few seconds after that. There’s a faint noise coming from downstairs, probably his mother watching in the living room. It’s a full moon tonight, and the stars are out to accompany it.

“You can tell me," Hatz tells him. "Only if you want to."

"I don't want to talk about it." Khun answers, eyes looking away. "Not now."

"Then don't, but I'm here to listen whenever you're ready."

"Maybe if you get me a strawberry flavoured ice cream, I'll talk."

Hatz groans, standing up. “You’re such a high maintenance asshole.”

Khun smirks. “You know you love it.”

Hatz’ just rolled his eyes, going out to buy them two cups of ice cream.

"I heard a shitty lie from my mother today again," Khun starts after a while, spoon resting on his mouth. "She told me my Dad's coming to see me if I win the science quiz bee this year."

"You've been winning it since you first participated," Hatz points out. "You were eight back then."

"Yep," Khun shrugs nonchalantly, "and I'm going to win it again."

Hatz hums, waiting for him to continue.

“I’ve never seen my father since I was three.” Khun said it with wonder. “You see, whenever I ask Mother about him, she’ll tell me that he’ll come home to see me if I wait a little more, that all I have to do is be a good son, enough so that when he comes home, I’ll be able to look him in the eyes and—” he stops midway, taking a shaky breathe. “I’ve always known that she’s lying, but a part of me still hoped, let myself believe that he’ll really come home. After all, I’m still just a fucking child.” It’s the first time he heard the boy curse with so much sorrow and resentment. “I just wanted to hear him tell me he’s proud of whom I’ve become, that I wasn’t left behind because I was a disgrace or that I’m a bad son the kids our age portray me to be because I’m not.”

“You’re not.” Hatz hears himself say. “You’re many things, but never that.”

He sees Khun smile even for just a little at that.

“I thought about searching for him,” Khun scrunched up his nose, hugging his feet to his chest. He looks so small in his position and it’s the first time Hatz has seen him look as one. He looks a lot like his age now, just a child. “But I was terrified that he won’t react the way I want him to, that he probably won’t even know I’m his son even after all the recognition and achievements I’ve got in my sleeves.” He chuckles mostly out of bitterness and something in Hatz’ stomach churn. The sight of Khun being this empty and miserable didn’t sit well with him, not when he knows how hard the boy tries to live up to his mother’s expectations. In seven years, he’s seen Khun grow more tired and unhappy about his status in school even when his academic awards continue to pile up. “I feel like none of it would really matter if he’s not here to see any of it.”

“Because you only did it thinking he’ll come home to you.” Hatz continues the sentence and he sees the surprise in Khun’s eyes. “All of it, right?”

“Yeah,” Khun responds, and it looked like he was drowning from where he sits. “And he didn’t.”

Hatz couldn’t say anything to that.

“Then I got sick of hearing her say the same old lies, and it’s not because I’m tired of doing great at school, I’ll always be the best, shit, it’s the only thing that defines me. I just—” he pauses, eyes blown with shades of exhaustion and insecurity. “I wish she didn’t do that to me, the constant lying. I wish she trusted me more and just told me the truth because if she did, I know I would’ve turned out just fine. I just fucking wish—” he chokes, “—she tried to act more like a mother raising her own child because to me, she felt like someone else.”

It’s only in that moment that he sees a part of Khun he’s never seen before. One that he keeps hidden behind the walls he’s built for himself all these years. His inner desire to be a child, Hatz thinks as he looks at Khun and the way he spoke in the dark, the way he embraces himself like it’s the only affection he’ll ever have.

Hatz honestly feels torn. A part of him wants to comfort Khun, tell him he’s alright but Hatz is an emotionally constipated boy because they’ve never been one to be affectionate with each other so instead of telling Khun that it’s okay and he understands, what comes out is a:

“Do you want to go to an amusement park?”

He hears himself say out loud before he can even think about it. He sees the way Khun’s eyes widen, surprise colouring his face.

“An amusement park.”

He feels his face flush red. “I was just wondering since uh, I know a place.”

“I’ve never been to an amusement park,” Khun tells him honestly, a hint of smile forming on his lips and Hatz prepared himself for the teasing but Khun only chuckled softly that it only made things worse. “Is it fun?”

At that, Hatz nods his head, looking away. “It’s fine.”

“Fine?”

“Lots of rides.”

“Rides.”

“And other stuff.”

“Other stuff.”

“Will you please stop it?” Hatz frowns which made Khun laugh again, louder this time. “It’s really not that funny.”

“But it is,” Khun wipes a lone tear from his left eye with his index finger before looking at Hatz again. “Oh god, you should’ve seen the look on your face, you were avoiding my eyes and you were blushing.”

“Invitation revoked. You’re never going to experience the amusement park and the rides and the fun and it’s your fault because you decided to act like an asshole again.”

But Khun just laughed at him while he stays red like it’s the default colour of his skin. But the sound of Khun laughing wholeheartedly makes the embarrassment worth it, Hatz thought, unconsciously smiling at the sight in front of him.

It’s a good thing they talked about it on Friday night so they’re already doing it the next morning.

“Mom, I’m going out.” He tells his mother who’s sipping on her tea in their couch. He just finished preparing and Khun’s probably on his way to see him because he’s already late by five minutes.

“With?”

“Earrings.”

His mother raised her eyebrow. “Just the two of you?”

“Yes.”

She grins maliciously. “Is this a date? Do you need some money?”

Hatz stumbles on his way to get his shoes at what his mother just said. He turns to look at her, horrified. “Mom!”

“What? I’m just asking since it’s just the two of--”

“It’s not a date,” he points out despite his blushing face. “It’s not a date, Mom, and I’ve got money.”

“Alright,” his mother laughs. “I see it’s taking you guys a long time.”

“Mom!” He screams again, feeling a strong urge to cover himself, “keumanhae, jaebal.” 

“Okay, that’s enough teasing.” His mother smiles cheekily, “take care then, for your not-date.”

Hatz grumbled, storming out of their house.

“What’s this line for?” Khun asks when they were lining up to the ticket booth.

“Tickets.” He answers flatly.

“For?”

“Rides, earrings.” He rolled his eyes.

Khun scowls. “But we haven’t even seen the rides, how can you simply buy tickets so carelessly—”

“We’re going to buy the ride-all-you-can one.”

“Ride all you can?” He asks, completely oblivious. “That’s possible?”

“Yes,” he deadpans before they reach the booth. “Two tickets, please.”

“That’ll be twenty-four bucks.” The lady answered and Hatz pulls out his wallet to get the money the same time Khun pulled out his.

“It’s on me,” he points out when Khun pulls out money.

Khun arched an eyebrow. “Is this a date?”

Hatz honest to god splutters, a flush creeping across his cheeks. “What—how did you—it’s not!”

“What are you stammering for?” Khun laughs at his reaction, leaning a little towards him. “If it’s not a date then why are you paying for my ticket?”

“Because!” His voice sounds higher and louder than normal so he clears his throat, looking away. “I was the one who invited you.”

“Isn’t that how date works?”

“Oh my god, please stop saying the word date.” Hatz feels like dying. He wants to hide himself in a hole and perhaps never come out again.

Khun continues to laugh at his demise. “Alright.”

Hatz wondered if his mother’s son is really him and not Khun.

“Holy shit, that’s a really fucking big ass Ferris wheel,” Khun comments, eyes looking up at the huge Ferris wheel. “How tall even is that?”

“I don’t know, around sixty meters?”

“Well, shit.”

“Do you want to try it?”

Khun whips his head so fast to look at him he thought he broke his neck. “Fuck no!”

Hatz grins and opens his mouth to ask him if he’s scared but Khun is grabbing him by his arm, eyes somewhere else. “Look, let’s ride that one!”

He looks to where Khun pointed his index finger and sees the bump cars. “It looks fun.”

And so they did. Khun chose a black one as his car, Hatz asked why he didn’t choose the blue one just to tease him and he gave him a look that says are you seriously thinking I’d choose the colour that’s literally the same as my hair and eyes to which Hatz gave him a look that says yes.

“If you think my favourite colour is blue just because my hair is blue and my eyes is blue—”

“Your ass is blue, I get it.”

“—it’s really not.” Khun finishes as the cars starts moving. “And my ass is not blue!” He tells him a bit late before he’s driving towards Hatz who’s laughing at him.

Hatz swiftly turned his car to avoid another car carrying a kid while Khun bumps to it clumsily. He hears him curses and laughs even more, enjoying the upper hand.

“Why are things always messy in real life?” Khun comments when they were finished. “I’ve never been this chaotic in video games and mind you, I’ve never bumped my car with another unplanned.”

“That’s because you’ve never actually tried anything out of video games,” Hatz replied as they walk. “Do you seriously think reality is as simple as your flat screen conveys?”

“Of course not, stupid.” Khun rolled his eyes. “It’s exactly the reason why I prefer video games. Reality is fucked up.”

“You got that right. Come on, let’s try that next.” He points to the huge Viking Pirate Ship.

Khun nods. “It seems fine so let’s go.”

Hatz grins viciously. The ride may not seem terrifying, but Hatz remember thinking the same thing when he was a child and decided to sit at the last row to have the best experience, as what they said. Hatz has never heard such bullshit before. “Alright, we’re going for the last row.”

They do sit in the last row and Khun still looks relaxed, not knowing what awaits him. The ship soon moved and while it’s still slow and building its momentum, Hatz knows that Khun’s silent not because he decided to be silent. He turns his gaze beside him and Khun is looking visibly pale and his jaw is clenched. Hatz almost wanted to laugh when the pace fastened and Khun shut his eyes tight.

“Hey, open your eyes!” He tells him but Khun remains unmoving like a stone. “Earrings!”

When Khun still doesn’t make a move, Hatz pokes his side and only then did Khun open his eyes to glare at Hatz. “Hey, fuck off!”

Hatz chuckled, “don’t close your eyes!”

“I don’t want to—” he stops and screams, screams when the ship swings and they were up so high. Khun’s eyes are blown wide and his arms go to grab Hatz as they go down. “HOLY SHIT!”

Hatz cackled at the sight but Khun tightened his grip on Hatz’ arm like he’s aiming to break it that he couldn’t laugh anymore. “Hey, let go!”

“No, you—you’re a demon! You planned this!” Khun tells him loudly before he goes to scream “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS” loudly as they go up again and Hatz couldn’t hold his laughter anymore as Khun continues to scream bloody murder towards him. “I swear I will kill you when this is over—fuck! HATZ!”

What a sight. Hatz thinks to himself, laughing as Khun continues to scream along with the passengers. He never thought Khun was capable of such reactions.

When the ride stopped, Hatz knew he had to run as quickly as he can but as soon as he tried to stand up, Khun was already grabbing him by the neck.

“You fucking asshole,” Khun chokes him hard and Hatz knows he should really take this seriously but Khun is looking at him with wide eyes and pale face it was hilarious. “You knew this would happen!”

“Let go, let—we have to—” he tries to tell him but Khun grips his neck harder and okay, he should really take this seriously. “I’m sorry!”

It took him five apologies before Khun finally lets go of him, still glaring daggers on his way. “You’re not going to choose what to ride from now on.”

“But I was the one who paid for the tic—”

“Did I stutter?” Khun cuts him off, voice thick with anger. “And don’t talk to me, you scum fuck piece of shit.”

Hatz should really be offended now. Normally, he would never let Khun get away from all the curses but Khun’s demeanour makes him burst with laughter because he rarely loses his cool like this. It was therapeutic.

True to his words, Khun really didn’t let him choose what they can ride at all but Hatz figured he doesn’t mind anymore because he’s had his fun. When they ride the caterpillar train though, Hatz realized that he actually minds, hating the fact that he had to remain seated for a lame ass ride. Khun didn’t seem to enjoy it either, he just did it to piss Hatz off.

“Come on, earrings,” he calls out while they’re searching for another ride. “Okay, I’m sorry for what happened earlier, okay? But it’s not entirely my fault because you agreed to ride it too!”

“Shut the fuck up,” Khun tells him and nope, Hatz really isn’t going to let his twenty-four bucks go to waste so he pulls Khun by the arm.

“What are you doing?! Let me go! Let go!” Khun screams bloody murder that people even turned in their direction. Hatz felt like he was kidnapping a spoiled brat on a broad daylight. “HATZ!”

He stops in front of a food stall. He turns to the vendor and smiles politely despite his extremely pissed company. “I’d like two hotdogs and two bottles of coke please.”

When he got their order, he turns to Khun who is still glaring at him like a child who didn’t get what he wanted. “We should eat first.”

He pulled his arm away. “Fuck you.”

Yep, a child indeed. “Come on, eat your food.”

Khun grumbles but takes his food from Hatz anyways. He was pouting while he munches his food and Hatz wishes he could take a picture of it just to tease the boy or blackmail him for it but he knew he had to be good since Khun is still oozing murderous intent. “Should I buy you ice cream?”

“Bribing me won’t save your life, you insolent prick.” He snaps before biting on his food. “If it’s not strawberry flavoured I don’t want it.”

Hatz rolled his eyes playfully and bowed like a butler when he stood up. “Yes, your highness.”

Khun’s anger slowly melted along with his ice cream after that, and Hatz was even able to convince him to let him decide one ride but it’s going to be the last one and that’s it.

“Can we ride it at sunset then?” He asks Khun. “For a better experience.”

“That’s what you said earlier and I almost died.”

“This one’s legit, I swear.”

Khun just sighed and Hatz smiled gleefully. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

The two tried more rides and played in some stalls, Hatz got a stuff toy when they played for the one where you get eight bullets and your reward depends on how many did you hit. He got a perfect eight on his third try because he hates backing down in front of a challenge. He chose the big blue turtle and gave it to Khun out of nowhere.

“Why blue?” Khun scowls at the turtle but holds onto it tight anyway.

“Reminds me of you.” Hatz shrugs, laughing. “You’re blue in a lot of things, earrings.”

When the sun sets, Hatz pulled him towards the ride and stopped in front of it.

“You’re kidding.” Khun frowns.

“I promise it’s not that bad!” He tells him as they get in line for the Ferris wheel.

“Fuck, can’t you just ride it alone?”

“No.”

Khun sighed, massaging his temples. Hatz grins. “Think of it this way, I could’ve chosen the roller coaster or other terrifying rides but I chose this instead for your sake.”

“Thank you so much for that, I’m very flattered.”

Hatz chuckled at the sarcastic remark. “Come on.”

When they get on the ride, Khun doesn’t say anything as he sat in front of Hatz, gaze outside. When the cart starts to move, he can see Khun visibly going tense, hands going for the closest handle he can get his hands on.

“Calm down, this ride isn’t going to get fast like Vikings.” Hatz tells him, pained at the sight of Khun looking so anxious.

“I’m calm. I’m one with the wind.” Khun replies robotically. He definitely isn’t.

When they reach the top, Hatz glances outside their cart to see the city. It’s not dark enough for the city lights to appear yet, but the sight of the sun setting down and its light slowly getting dim was enthralling, as Hatz would like to describe it. The busy life of the city seems to come alive more when it’s dark, Hatz thinks.

“It’s really beautiful,” he finds himself whispering as his eyes turn to Khun. The boy also has his gaze outside, eyes full of wonder.

“It’s not bad.”

Hatz laughs softly at his comment. That sounds just like him. “Are you still scared?”

“No,” Khun answers and Hatz knows the boy is telling him the truth. “I just hate the feeling of falling down, even when I know we’re safe.”

He nods in acknowledgement. “Makes your stomach twist, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Khun groans. “It sucks.”

They fell silent after that, attention outside. Hatz swiftly pulls out his phone to take some pictures of the view and Khun hastily does the same. He takes lots of it in different angles, mostly highlighting the sunset. When he’s finished, he moves to close his camera app before he sees Khun smiling softly at his phone, still taking pictures. At that exact moment, they were going down and the sunlight hits his cheek and he was glowing. Hatz doesn’t think he’s ever had the chance to look at Khun properly like this before, unaware of his surroundings and just completely natural. He looks mesmerizing, he could probably pass to any modelling agency, Hatz thinks. He finds himself taking a picture of the boy and when the snap comes, Khun turns to where he is and their eyes met.

It was so cliché that Hatz didn’t even want to believe what’s happening but he felt like time had slowed down a little around him and all he ever sees is Khun in front of him and his blue eyes blown wide and wow, the boy is actually really—

“What?” Khun asks and just like that, the spell broke. Hatz snapped out of it as quickly as he got enchanted by the boy’s beauty.

“Nothing.” He tells him, looking away. He feels himself blushing but he dare not look in Khun’s direction until the ride is over.

The other boy doesn’t say anything after that. The next thing he knows they had stopped moving and it’s time to go.

As for their last ride though, Hatz doesn’t know how to react when they stopped in front of the one ride he’s never tried before.

“You’re kidding.” He tells him once they’re in front of it.

“What? What’s wrong with it?” Khun asks, oblivious.

In front of them stands the legendary Carousel, one Hatz really didn’t even bat an eyelash on even as a child.

“Earrings, this ride is for kids.”

“Oh,” Khun replies, and there’s a hint of disappointment in his voice and suddenly, Hatz wants to punch himself hard in the face for even opening his mouth. “Okay.”

“I’m kidding,” he pulls out and he curses at how awkward his voice came out. “I want to ride it, let’s go.”

He tries to grab Khun’s arm but the boy was quick to pull away. “Don’t,” he tells him, voice icy cold. “I know you’re only doing it because I said so. Come on, let’s go home—”

“I’m not, I just—” he stops, hesitating but Khun is looking at him with wide innocent blue eyes and suddenly, it’s become simple to admit it out loud. “I’ve never tried this before either.”

Khun stared long and hard, untrusting but when he sees no signs of Hatz lying he whispers. “Really?”

He nods. “Really.”

The blue haired boy frowns. “What the fuck? You suck.”

“Say that again and I may just cut your tongue with my sword.”

“But you didn’t bring it with you.” Khun replies, and there’s a hint of playfulness in his voice again and okay, he’s back. Hatz is just grateful the boy didn’t sulk. “Come on then, let’s try it.”

So they did.

Hatz took notice on the fact that it’s gotten dark and their surrounding have lit up with bright lights of lamp posts and rides. Each of them got on their horses. Khun took the white one while Hatz got himself the brown one. They are beside each other and Hatz finds himself blushing at how all of the people in the ride were mostly kids accompanied by their parents. He’s pretty sure they’re the only teenagers inside.

But Khun looks downright ecstatic. You can see it from his face, how much he actually wanted to try it out and Hatz—

Hatz is unable to look away.

It was such a beautiful expression on Khun, just pure bliss and innocence it’s only dawning on Hatz that the person in front of him really is just a child inside now. He grew up not knowing how it feels like to be one because he’s never had a chance to be one. Khun, who only ever acted like an adult ever since they were kids, the perfect son who doesn’t know how to make mistakes and fuck things up like children do.

Khun, who had his childhood stolen away from him before he even gets the chance to taste it.

“Hatz?” Khun calls out and only then did Hatz blink. The ride had stopped and people are going for the exit. Khun is beside him now, still holding the blue turtle and Hatz realized he’s the only one who hasn’t left his horse. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Hatz tells him, voice hoarse. He moves to get down from his horse and Khun lets him. He feels like crying. He wants to cry because he knows Khun wouldn’t even when the world had been unfair to him, even when his parents had been cruel to him. “Yeah, I’m okay.”

Hatz missed the way Khun smiled tenderly towards him. “I had a really good time today.”

At this, the black haired boy looks at him, a smooth smile forming on his lips even as his heart feel like it’s about to burst from his chest. “Did you?”

“Yes, I’m happy you invited me out to try this.” Khun brightly concludes and it’s such a pleasing view. “Thank you.”

Hatz feels his breath hitch when Khun directed his smile toward him. The one that is grateful and true. He swallowed. “I’m—I’m glad it made you happy.”

It took them a few seconds of just staring into each other before they realize what they’re doing and looked away abruptly. Hatz can feel his ears red and he was thankful that it’s finally evening so Khun wouldn’t see it.

“L-let’s go home.”

“Okay.”

When he reached their house and his mother sees him still blushing, she just smiled.

Shibisu is a weird person.

At first, he just approached them with his burning desire to be their friend but no matter how much the two of them sway him away or downright ignore his existence, Shibisu always seems to find a way to get close to them.

Hatz knew the boy meant no harm. He knows that Shibisu wouldn’t actually dare and try because if there’s one thing the whole student population knows about, it’s to not mess with the Student Council President, Khun Aguero Agnis. It’s one of the reasons why the two of them had been left alone all this time.

But Shibisu doesn’t to give a fuck about that.

In fact, it only drove him more persistent on wanting to be friends with the two.

“You guys are more interesting and fun to be with than you think,” he tells them.

“You think we’re some kind of a fucking amusement?” Khun snaps and Hatz knows that tone. It's the one he often uses when he’s reached the limit of his patience.

“Nope, but I feel like everyone’s missing out a lot for not wanting to be friends with you.” He tells them with his meme worthy expression.

They still didn’t become friends after that, but Hatz discovered that Shibisu actually loves reading and is incredibly helpful with history and literature subjects because of it. He’s a book fanatic and it’s the reason why Khun decided to give the boy a chance since he doesn’t have anyone to talk about the books he enjoys. Shibisu gave him just that. The time he really got on Hatz’ good side though, was when he let him copy his homework in history that Hatz forgot to do. He vowed his loyalty to him after that. Besides, he was getting sick of Khun’s face anyway, and Shibisu’s personality wasn’t all that bad except he talks way too loud and has way too much energy that Hatz isn’t sure where he’s getting.

“Probably out of his ass,” Khun said when they were talking about it and they laughed it off.

The second person was Wangnan. It was actually just because they had to form a group of four for P.E. that they got him. Wangnan is a nice person, except that he’s a bit clumsy and Khun thinks he’s stupid. It really doesn’t make any sense, how stupid can you be to trip over your damn self? He asked him furiously but Hatz just answered with a shrug, deciding that stressing over it wouldn’t change the fact that Wangnan tripped. However, Hatz also noticed that he’s a very observant person and outgoing just like Shibisu. The boy is good at reading the situation when he gets serious, and he’s good at group works too so Hatz didn’t hate or dislike him at all.

Anyways, they originally had no plans to keep him around. At least that applies for Khun and Hatz because they’re so used to meeting people who’ll stick around them for a bit only to leave afterwards but of course, Shibisu had other plans. One time during lunch, Wangnan just suddenly came to their table and sat beside Shibisu like he’s always been sitting there with them as he and Shibisu talk animatedly like they’ve been friends for a very long time.

While Hatz didn’t say anything about it because he cares for what Shibisu thinks and he promised him friendship, Khun on the other hand, did none of those things.

“Shibisu,” he calls his name when the two had been laughing too loud for his liking. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kick you two out of this table right now, just one.”

At that, Shibisu chuckles nervously. “Because we’re friends?”

Khun smiled so sarcastically Hatz thought it was funny. “We’re really not.”

“But Khun, my love!” Shibisu whines, overacting. Hatz sees how Khun’s eyebrows twitch at the endearment. “What will happen if I let the two of you be? I might never see one of you after this break!”

Hatz scoffs. “I’ve been dealing with his ass for eight years. A lunch break won’t suffice to all my plans on murdering him.”

“You heard what he said,” Khun grins triumphantly even after being threatened. “Now, leave—”

“Wow,” Wangnan whispers, looking at the two of them with awe. “You guys are really something.”

Khun arched an eyebrow at what he said so Wangnan rushed to explain himself. “I mean, I heard the rumours that you’ve always been in each other’s throat but I didn’t believe it because why else would you guys stick together after all this time right? But now,” he pauses, his eyes glinting with something unrecognizable, “I can see why.”

“Well, you know what they say,” Khun says before Hatz could process what he heard, leaning towards Hatz. “Keep your friends close, and your enemies—” he tugs Hatz, arm gripping on his waist “—closer.”

Hatz took a whole second to process that their faces are so close with each other and if he leans a little bit more, their cheeks would be touching already. His brain short circuits as he sputters. “What the fuck? Get your hand off me!”

“Not when they’re still here, I won’t.”

He groans, knowing full well that Khun isn’t joking. His grip is still tight on Hatz’ waist and all Hatz can think about is that they’re too close. Because of that, Hatz directs a murderous glare on Shibisu who visibly gulped. “Leave, now.”

When they did, Khun immediately pulled away and continued with his food like nothing happened.

The third person to be their friend was Anaak. Shibisu was the one to invite her during lunch to sit on their table one day. At first, they didn’t get along. Hell, even Hatz didn’t get along with her and it was just Shibisu who insisted that Anaak was only shy, and it’s her defense mechanism to snap at people and shut them down.

“Anaak appears to be cold and arrogant only because she’s scared of attachments with people,” Shibisu explains to them when the girl isn’t around. “She doesn’t want to care too much because she never wants to get through the pain of losing someone she loves again.”

The information made Hatz act less of an asshole towards the girl but as always, Khun had other plans.

They’re in the cafeteria eating while Shibisu tells them that one story he got himself in a fight with a woman he doesn’t know.

“—so I told her that I don’t fight women, right? Because I’m a gentleman, hitting women is forbidden and it’s against my principles, but then she grabbed me by the collar and said huh?! You got a problem with my sexuality?!” It was ridiculous how he’s trying to copy the woman’s voice but ends up sounding like an old aunt, the one you hate to see in reunions because she reeks of gossip and judgment, “then I said no, I don’t have a problem with that, that it was just against my principles goddammit, but then she punched me and boy did it hurt so bad I thought she broke my nose---” Wangnan was cackling already, and even Hatz was snickering, “—and then I thought, you know what, fuck the principle, I’m going to slap this bitch so hard---”

“Good thing you did then,” Khun cuts him off, drinking on his banana milk. “Girls are so confusing. They hate being belittled so you treat them fairly, but then they hate that too.”

“Hey, I’m right here,” Anaak states, voice laced with offense.

“Never said you’re not,” Khun shrugged and they can feel it already, the building tension and Hatz is really not in the mood for this. They were just having a fun talk until Khun decided to open his mouth.

“You just insulted women in front of one.”

“It’s not an insult. You only see it as one.” Khun tells her without even looking at her and just eating his food, absolutely unbothered. “Not my fault your intellectual capacity isn’t capable of processing what I meant correctly.”

“You know what you are?” Anaak spoke loudly and shit, Hatz really isn’t up for this and so is Wangnan and Shibisu. “You’re the goddamn walking proof that men are fucking trash, Khun.”

Oh no.

“Khun, let’s---”

“What the fuck?” Khun is raising his tone now. Hatz shut his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing for the worst case scenario. “Is that how you react when you’re thrown off by facts? Bring shit out of your mouth?”

“Fuck’s sake, earrings.” Hatz snaps, turning to the blue haired boy. “Can we let it go?”

Khun glances at him sharply. “No.”

He walks out afterwards and Hatz feels a headache coming before standing up to follow Khun knowing full well that someone has to receive Khun’s burning rage or he’ll take it out on everyone.

“And I was just about to go to the good part too.” Shibisu mumbles as they watch Hatz follow where Khun went.

“Next time, choose your audience.” Wangnan pats him in the back in sympathy.

Hatz ended up at the rooftop and sees Khun just standing near the edge. He walks towards him and sighed. “Really? You couldn’t have been better than that?”

“I’m not going to act like she doesn’t piss me off when she does,” he faces him, glaring. “Her past isn’t an excuse to be a bitch.”

“Nobody’s saying it is, but you could’ve at least tried to understand what made her act like one.”

“Not when she doesn’t even try to understand mine!”

Hatz groaned. “That’s because she doesn’t have any idea about you. All she knows is what she sees, and that’s all she believes in.”

Khun scoffs. “That I’m the goddamn walking proof that men are fucking trash?”

Hatz feels a headache coming. He takes a deep breath. “Earrings, jaebal.”

Khun shuts up at that, all traces of anger leaving his face replacing it with one of a surprise. “What was that?”

“I said please.”

“No, say it in Korean one more time.”

Although confused, Hatz still did what he said. “Jaebal.”

From where he stands, he could see that Khun momentarily stopped breathing, his lips slightly open, and his eyes half lidded before he looks away immediately.

“Okay,” Khun nods, swallowing hard. “I’ll let this pass.”

Hatz frowned, confused. “What was that?”

But Khun just walked past him and left towards the door.

The fourth one to enter the circle was Endorsi. Unfortunately, their first meeting wasn't very ideal. In fact, it was very chaotic.

It was in the cafeteria, and while Hatz was talking to Shibisu on the way to their usual table, he sees a girl running towards him with a sonic speed. Long story short, he couldn't dodge on time and she bumped into him. His tray flew off along with his pasta and juice, some sauce sticking on his shirt.

Now, Hatz isn't actually very pissed. The day was going great for him, he passed the quiz he didn't review for and Khun hasn't made any move that could ruin his day in a blink. He was in a good mood, an apology would be enough to forget about this, he has his PE uniform in his locker, he can just change his shirt. It's no big deal.

But instead of apologizing, the short haired woman had the guts to scream, looking very annoyed. "Watch where you're going, dumbass!"

And that really didn't fucking sound great to his ears. "Excuse me?"

"Are you deaf?" The woman asked, incredulous. "Not only are you stupid, but also deaf? Fucking hell."

Hatz almost forgot that the person in front of him is a girl. "You're the one who wasn't looking."

"Excuse me?!"

"Oh, have you gone deaf yourself?" Hatz asks before he scoffs. "Fucking hell."

Endorsi’s eyebrow twitched at what he did, fists clenching. "Do you even know who you're talking to?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"You!" Endorsi yells, frustrated before her eyes widen a bit, then her face morphed into something akin to realization. "Oh, I see." She was oozing confidence now. "You're one of those who came from low class, no name families, huh?"

Hatz’ eyebrows furrowed. What the fuck is this bitch talking about?

"It would make sense that you don't know me, considering my status is too high you can't even see it from where you are anymore." She chuckles and Hatz opens his mouth to retaliate but she continues. "Let me introduce myself then, I'm Endorsi Jahaad, a princess. Now, bow down to me and kiss my feet as you apologize and I might just let this incident pass, ."

Hatz sees red in that terrible moment because fucking bitch was asking to get punched but before he gets to do something, someone spoke from behind him.

"What a load of crap." Khun remarks, and the whole cafeteria went silent in a blink. "You sure talk big for someone who just recently got the privilege of being a princess."

Hatz’ eyes followed Khun, who’s stepping forward to face Endorsi now, hands in his pockets. "Tell me, does power really make one mad, hm? You definitely display the tendency."

Endorsi gasps loudly, offended. "Listen—"

“No, you listen to me, dipshit.” Khun stands in front of her now, eyes sharp and unforgiving. “I don’t care who you are or who the fuck your parents are and I don’t give a shit if they treat you like a goddamn barbie in your house.” Hatz find himself holding his breath as Khun leans closer towards Endorsi. “But in this school, you’re just a student. A privileged, insufferable, self-centred student. You’re a Jahaad princess, sure, does that make you better than any of us here? No. But your personality definitely makes you the worst fucking one.” He leans back, eyes never leaving Endorsi’s whose turning red at the moment. “Now, if you dare try and humiliate him again, I swear I will do everything in my power to make your life a living hell.” Khun, the student council president, spoke loud for the whole cafeteria to hear. “Do you understand?”

Endorsi opens her mouth but shuts it again forcefully. She throws a glare towards Hatz before walking out, heels tapping loudly on the tiled floor. There’s a moment of silence where the tension remains in the air.

Khun sighed, turning to the crowd. “Alright, get back to your business, show’s done.”

The students all looked away immediately and resumed with what they were doing before. Khun turned to him afterwards. “Come on, let’s get you changed.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Hatz tells him on their way to his locker. Good thing the hallway is empty. He still feels mad towards the girl and he honestly felt satisfied to see her humiliated like that, but he didn’t want Khun to get involved. “Now all the students think you’re an asshole.”

“I wanted to and I don’t regret it,” was his response and he looked so unbothered with what he did. “Bitch was fucking annoying. She deserved every bit of what I said.”

And Hatz didn’t know what to feel about that. A part of him knows that Khun probably wouldn’t have done what he did if it’s any other student but it was Hatz. The thought makes his insides twist for some reason he can’t explain.

They reached the bathroom and Khun locks the door when he’s sure that it was just the two of them. Hatz is taking his shirt out now. Khun doesn’t say anything and just hands him his extra shirt which he gladly took. It smells like Khun’s cologne, spicy cool and seductive, Hatz doesn’t know how to describe it.

“Thank you,” he tells him when he’s done and it was the truth, “for that. And for the shirt too, I’ll hand it back to you tomorrow.”

He’s looking away from Khun, can feel that his face is red including his ears. He hears Khun chuckle.

“What? Are you getting shy for me now?” He asks, opening the door now as Hatz turns to him with a murderous glare. “I’m kidding, if you’re so thankful, you can treat me out for an ice cream.”

Hatz sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “You’re still so annoying, you know?”

Khun grins playfully, just like a kid and it was adorable but Hatz would never admit it. “You know you love it.”

Their fifth friend came like a rainbow after two raging storms in their senior year. His name is Bam.

It all happened when Khun had given Bam a tour to the campus and you can just imagine their faces when Khun brought a breathing human being in their table.

Bam isn’t hard to be friends with, he pulls people towards him. He’s got something everyone doesn’t. Hatz thinks it’s the unbelievable innocence he’s kept until now. It was refreshing, to say the least. Having an unusual person in their table since all they’ve ever done until now is bicker nonstop, Anaak and Endorsi, Endorsi and Anaak against Khun, Khun and Hatz, you name it, Shibisu and Wangnan is tired. So you can’t really blame them in calling Bam a miracle when he entered their lives and stopped the curse, the arguments.

The boy is a pure ray of sunshine it was unnatural. His overwhelming appearance changed people’s relationship and even their selves. And by people, literally everyone he talks with.

That includes Khun and Hatz, of course.

It was an obvious change, to say the least. The first one to notice the change was Shibisu and Wangnan, who kept it to themselves at first for further investigation. It all started out subtly but powerful all the same, and so they made a list.

These are the things Shibisu and Wangnan listed down on Things-You-Thought-Would-Never-Happen-In-This-Lifetime-But-Did:

1) Khun Aguero Agnis, the cold hearted, ruthless and inhumane Student Council President appears to be affected by Bam’s charms.

2) Bam is obviously gay for the said cold hearted president.

3) Said cold hearted president doesn’t seem to dislike it.

“Khun!” His very bright and happy voice fills Hatz’ ears as he sits beside Khun. They’re currently at the cafeteria and while Endorsi is missing, probably in the comfort room retouching her makeup, Bam has entered the scene flamboyantly. “Is it okay if I sit here?”

“You’re already sitting on it but sure, no problem.” Khun tells him with a smile. The boy beams at that and Shibisu and Wangnan literally covered their eyes at the sight. He was too damn bright.

“Hey, Bam!” Shibisu greets him while Wangnan waves his hand. The boy beamed impossibly brighter at that. He waved at them too, greeting them back. Really, he’s the sun himself.

“Hey, Bam.” He greets the boy when he turned to him. The boy smiled and bowed shyly before turning his attention towards Khun.

According to Khun, he’s a new student. He transferred due to family reasons and said reasons cannot be stated to the public. The boy has a chestnut hair and golden eyes. Hatz thinks the boy is cute, oozing with pure unadulterated innocence and happiness. No wonder Khun finds it hard to resist the boy’s charm. Even Endorsi is soft towards him, said he’s got the one thing every single man in this world doesn’t have.

Hatz is still thinking what the fuck was it that she’s talking about until now.

Shibisu was in the middle of telling a story about his first day on school when Endorsi came back along with Anaak, extremely pissed and left cheek swollen.

“Endorsi, what happened to your cheek?” Cinnamon Bam asks worriedly.

“What’s up?” Wangnan was the first to ask. They all stopped eating to listen to whatever she has to say.

“Some bitch thought they could mess with me and they did.” Endorsi tells them, grabbing her fork.

“You have to admit she landed a good slap,” Anaak adds.

“And I landed a good ass punch, it’s my win.” Endorsi shrugs, spinning her fork on her pasta before taking it to her mouth.

“Who do I have to bury?” Shibisu asks, stretching his knuckles. “Who’s the bitch, En?”

“Another princess from section two,” Anaak was the one to explain. “And for an extremely petty reason too.”

“I’m guessing who has a better brand of lipstick.” Wangnan says and Hatz couldn’t help but snort along with Khun. The last time Endorsi got into a fight, it’s because of a competition on who’s wearing higher heels.

“You got close this time but no.” Anaak stated. “It’s who has a better eye shadow palette.”

They all groaned except Bam who probably didn’t have any idea what a shadow palette is so Khun had to explain it to him first. “It’s makeup, they use it on their eyes specifically on eyelids or somewhere else I don’t know.”

“Seriously, En?” Hatz asks. “What’s next, who has a better hair clip?”

“She started it!” She screamed defensively. “I was just minding my own business in the bathroom, retouching my makeup when she went out of a cubicle and said random shit I couldn’t care less about!”

“It doesn’t seem like you cared less if your cheek is talking.” Khun snorts before taking Hatz’ last piece of meat from his plate. Hatz says a hey, that’s mine and moved to take it back but Khun is already popping it on his mouth and focusing on Endorsi again like he didn’t just commit a sin to Hatz.

“Well, I kind of told her that the one she’s using is just an overly expensive piece of shit and the next thing I know my cheek is burning and fuck, you know me, I’m not going to let that shit slide.”

“You definitely wouldn’t,” Khun rolled his eyes. They had a difficult time of being on the same circle of friends before because Endorsi refused to be friends unless Khun apologizes and Khun refuses to apologize. In the end, they agreed Khun will apologize if she admits she’s in the wrong, which was basically saying Endorsi apologized in the end without her knowledge.

“So I clenched my fist, punched her so hard I’ve got some of her thick ass makeup in my knuckles. You could say she’ll need three different shades of concealer to hide the bruise for the next few days.” Endorsi flexed, smirking proudly.

“Yes, we get it. You don’t do skincare every night like it’s your religion only to get slapped by a filthy hand,” Wangnan waves as Endorsi slapped his arm. “Aw!”

“Shut your mouth before I make you.” Endorsi tells him to which Wangnan frowned and moved away from her.

“That’s what she said,” Khun shrugs before drinking water on Hatz’ bottle because apparently, he’s emptied his already.

Hatz frowns, flushing red on his cheeks. “Earrings, that’s mine!”

Khun doesn’t even blink. “And you weren’t drinking it so I did you a favour and helped.”

“I was keeping it for later!”

He’s thirsty, so fucking thirsty now that he screamed too. There’s still enough for him, he realizes as he glared at Khun who just went back to his business like the thought of drinking on the same bottle of water with Hatz didn’t even bother him.

“What’s the big deal?” Shibisu asks, feigning ignorance as he sips on his banana milk. “You’ve known each other since you were, what, eight?”

He grumbles at that. “That’s not the point.”

He hates sharing drinks, he’s disgusted with it and Khun knows it and yet he still did what he did. He’s contemplating on buying another bottle or just sucking it up because he doesn’t want to look affected even though he definitely is. He groans before choosing the latter. If it wasn’t Khun he would buy another bottle without a doubt. No one looked at him do it except Shibisu who’s grinning like a mad man and Hatz already knows he should’ve been the last person to see it.

“Why are you so red, Hatz?” Shibisu asked and he chokes, going into a coughing fit. Now all eyes turn to him including Khun’s.

He shot a murderous glare at Shibisu who’s having the best moment of his life. “I’m going to kill you.”

It’s the only warning he gets before Hatz goes to grab him by the neck and choke him hard the boy paled. No one even dared to stop him and just laughed at Shibisu.

“I’m sorry!” He screams, tears forming on his eyes and only then did Hatz let him go. “Fuck, this will bruise, you know!”

But Hatz isn’t listening anymore and the ring bells, everyone stands up to go back to their classes not caring about Shibisu at all, except Wangnan who just pats him in the back, still laughing.

It took Hatz longer before he’s finally seeing the changes himself. He knew Khun and Bam have grown incredibly close for the past two months but he honestly didn’t mind. They had still been going home at the same time anyway, and that includes waiting for each other depending on the situation. It’s not like their relationship turned sour after Bam, they just rarely get some alone time anymore.

“Lately, we rarely get to see you with Khun.” Shibisu tells him one time when they’re in the library.

“What about it?” Hatz asks without looking. They’re pretending to study for their quiz later this afternoon. Wangnan is asleep so it’s just the two of them talking.

“It’s just weird, you know?” Shibisu taps his pen on the desk. “Before, you guys were incapable of being separated, even when you despise each other the most. Ah, the difficult times.” He reminisced, head resting on his hand.

“Shouldn’t you be grateful that we aren’t the same as before?”

Shibisu shakes his head like he sees Hatz as a hopeless man. “You don’t get it.” His gaze falls on Wangnan then. “Before, it was me and Wangnan and you and Khun. Now it’s the three of us and Khun and Bam.”

Hatz doesn’t say anything, just scribbling on his notes and Shibisu sighed. “You have to admit you lost something there, Hatz.”

In Shibisu and Wangnan’s Things-You-Thought-Would-Never-Happen-In-This-Lifetime-But-Did List:

1) Khun Aguero Agnis, the cold hearted, ruthless and inhumane Student Council President appears to be affected by Bam’s charms.

2) Bam is obviously gay for the said cold hearted president

3) Said cold hearted president doesn’t seem to dislike it

4) KhunHatz has been slowly but efficiently growing apart as Bam entered the picture.

As much as Hatz wants to believe that nothing changed and that even if something did it’s not a big deal, a part of him knows it is. He knows by the way Khun almost always talks about Bam with him and how unusual the boy is. It’s their new normal, walking together to school and talking about the rare and bizarre things Bam did the day before, be separated with their circle of friends, Bam on Khun, Shibisu and Wangnan on Hatz while the two remaining girls switches though they mostly go to Shibisu’s too. They still have the same circle of friends, but Hatz almost feels that they don’t.

But isn’t this fine? He thought as his eyes wandered to where Khun is sitting. He’s talking with Bam, Bam speaking animatedly while Khun listens attentively on what he has to say, a smile pasted on his lips and Hatz knows that smile. It’s not his smile that gives other people, the adults or their other friends when he’s being cocky or when he’s teasing. That’s his smile when he doesn’t even know he’s smiling. That’s his real smile, and Hatz is conflicted with how he feels about it.

Isn’t it fine? It is, it should be.

So why does he feel an unpleasant feeling sitting on his stomach?

“See you tomorrow, Aguero!” Hatz feels his heart drop at hearing Bam say Khun’s real name before going his separate way home and he hates that it did, hates the way his ears felt like bleeding on the sound of it.

“Same!” Khun waves before walking towards Hatz who had started walking. The boy had to run to catch up to him. “Hatz!”

Hatz doesn’t say anything even when Khun’s already on his side, eyes on the road. He doesn’t want to see him, he doesn’t want to be here, and he wants to go home and cower and hide because he doesn’t feel good.

“Hey, why are you walking so fast?” Khun asks but Hatz can’t hear him, too busy with the noise of his own mind. Khun narrowed his eyes and stopped walking and pulls Hatz from his bag. Hatz stops but he doesn’t turn to look at Khun. “Hatz.”

Hatz sighed. “What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Khun isn’t buying his bullshit. “Stop lying. Tell me what’s wro—”

“I’m just tired, okay? Let’s go ho—”

“Then why can’t you look at me?” Hatz feels his breath hitch at what Khun said, his heart pounding hard in his chest. “Why aren’t you looking at me, Hatz?”

He then turns to Khun. “It’s nothing, I’m just—” he stops, seeing Khun’s heavy gaze on him and he swallowed. “It’s really nothing, can we just go home? Please.”

Khun remains silent, just watching Hatz be uncomfortable under his gaze before he sighed. “Fine.”

When he got home, he avoided his mother and went straight to bed in an attempt to run away from everything.

“Can you believe it,” Shibisu mutters, his eyes watching Khun and Bam in front of them with Hatz and Wangnan beside him. They’re too busy with what they’re talking about that they can’t hear them. “My children, can you believe it?”

“Believe what,” Hatz asks, voice dead. He’s not sitting beside Khun on lunch today, exchanging seats with Anaak. If the other boy noticed it, he doesn’t say anything.

“Khun is letting a human, wait no, Bam, because I think he’s above humanity, call him by his real name.” Shibisu states, eyes still on the two. “Who even is he?”

“An angel,” Wangnan replies. “An angel sent to cut off Khun’s horns.”

Hatz scoffs, making the two buys turn to him with a look. He raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“You scoffed.”

“What about it?”

“You literally scoffed right after I said Bam’s an angel,” Wangnan specified.

“No, I scoffed right after you said something about Khun’s horns getting cut off.”

“Same thing.”

Hatz rolled his eyes and Shibisu dramatically gasped at the sight. “Wangnan.”

“Shibisu.”

“Is this jealousy I smell or have my nose gone too sensitive?”

“No, that’s definitely jeal—”

“I’m not jealous, what the fuck?” He asked, irritated but the two boys just looked even more suspicious at him. “Stop it before I pull your eyeballs off their sockets.”

The two looked away immediately and resumed eating. Hatz resumed eating too, with Khun and Bam’s laugh on the background.

It was on the way home that Hatz couldn’t keep his mouth fucking shut anymore when he hears Bam call Khun by his real name once more. Bam gets away first and Khun has reached his side before his lips decided to move on their fucking own.

“I’m surprised you let him call you by your first name.”

Khun hums, not even looking surprised. “He was persistent, told me he’d like to call me by my true name, said it suits me more.” He takes a pause. “I didn’t have a choice, his doe eyes makes you agree with anything he wants, you know? It’s unfair.”

Hatz just hums in return, not saying anything more. He couldn’t trust his mouth now. He couldn’t fucking trust any part of his body to not give away something, anything.

But he forgot silence has its own fucking story to tell too and Khun is listening to it.

“What, are you jealous? Do you want to call me by my first name too?” He asks and Hatz feels himself going red at the teasing. This is no time for jokes, goddammit.

“Fuck off.”

“Thought you’d say that,” Khun snickers before they fell into silence again. Hatz walking almost remotely while Khun walks like he always do. “But I won’t mind if you call me by my name, Hatz.”

That stopped Hatz from walking.

“What?” He asked with voice just above whisper.

Khun stopped walking too, turning to him. He smiled, smiled at Hatz. Not the cocky one or the teasing one, but the fond one that almost says you’re so stupid and hopeless without actually meaning it. “I said I wouldn’t mind if you call me by my name.”

And Hatz almost takes it, if not for the sickening feeling on his stomach that says what the fuck, you don’t deserve it because how could he? He spent days being so fucking petty about Khun letting Bam call him by his real name and he hates how the fact that Bam had to be persistent about it just so Khun will allow him to do so while Hatz didn’t even have to fucking ask for it gives him a weird strange of satisfaction he feels sick and so utterly disgusted with himself.

He don’t deserve this, he can’t take it, he can’t fucking—

“Earrings is fine,” he hears himself say, voice tight. “It would be a huge pain in the ass to change how I’ve been calling you this whole time.”

Khun doesn’t say anything but he has an unreadable look on his face that Hatz wants to hide away from because he feels like Khun is reading him. “You’re right.” He tells him, voice devoid of emotion. “Let’s just go.”

Hatz did the right thing. He did.

So why isn’t he happy?

It was in the cold of the night in Hatz’ room as he tries to fall asleep when his mother has bid him goodnight and the moon isn’t out that it crossed his mind.

If they weren’t each other’s first company, would they fall close to each other like this? If they knew each other a bit too late, would they have seen themselves getting along together well enough to be friends?

Of course they wouldn’t, Hatz thought as he laughs bitterly in spite of himself. Why would they? They hated each other for a long time, they were just forced to be with each other as kids and it’s the only thing that pulled them in each other’s orbits.

Unlike Khun and Bam.

With Bam, they didn’t need time. They didn’t need years to know each other well enough to enjoy each other’s company. They just fit, completely and perfectly, like putting a jigsaw piece to its right place.

With Hatz and Khun, everything was forced. They were obviously mismatched. It was just their parents and their environment that caused them to stick together. It was only because there’s just two of growing up. That’s all there is to it.

Everything about their relationship screams fake and unnatural that Hatz felt overwhelmed with the realization. He didn’t get a wink of sleep that night.

“You look like crap.” Khun greets him the next morning.

I feel like crap. He wants to say but held his tongue. For some reason, he didn’t want to engage in a conversation with Khun.

Khun of course, noticed that. “Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?”

“Yes.” He tells him flatly. So don’t talk to me.

But the other boy didn’t quite get the hidden message, because he’s rushing to walk to Hatz’ side, eyes scrutinizing. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he tells him and hopes, hopes the other would stop asking questions so he can walk in peace and clear his mind before they reach their school.

Khun did stop asking questions but he didn’t stop talking and to Hatz’ incoming headache, decided it’s the perfect time to talk about Bam.

“Well, I have some story to tell. So yesterday, Bam was assigned to clean the room with Rachel, right? Guess what the bitch decided to pull out of her stinky ass—”

“Earrings,” he cuts him off, eyes shut tight. Suddenly, all the pent up emotions he’s carried under his shoulders this whole time feels so fucking heavy and he just wants to burst. He even stopped walking, taking deep breathes to calm himself down. Khun stopped in his tracks too, eyes looking warily at him as if he felt the sudden tension. “I’m really, really not in the mood for your daily talk of Bam-and-Khun’s adventures, okay? So can you please, for the love of god, shut up?”

Khun just stared, and it was a long one where he has that look Hatz can’t decipher and when he thought Khun would tell him to go fuck himself with a stick, all he ever said was “okay.”

They don’t talk on the way to school. In fact, they don’t talk for the rest of the week.

“Wow,” Shibisu comments as soon as he got onto his seat, one week after him and Khun stopped going to school together. “You look like crap.”

“I’ve been told.”

“Wait actually, no—you look like a broke college student who got robbed off his remaining money to buy materials for his project the night before the deadline and you’ve decided to just fuck everything else and get yourself run over by a fucking truck but you miraculously didn’t die so here you are.”

Hatz scrunched his nose. “That’s weirdly specific.”

“You look a lot more like crap than last week, and you looked like a zombie back then.” Wangnan adds, ever so helpful. He scrunched his nose. “Did you even shower?”

“Do you want to die?”

Wangnan immediately raised his hands in surrender. “I have yet to find a girlfriend so I’ll pass.”

“If you would just get over your dilemma and finally hook up with Xiaxia from the other section, maybe you would.” Shibisu tells him.

“I already told you that she’s not an option! That girl’s weird as fuck. She spilled her hot coffee on me by accident God knows how what caused when we went on a date before, and she has this weird obsession with horoscope!”

“Oh god, not the horoscope.”

“She asked for my zodiac sign and when I said I’m a cancer, her whole damn face twisted in disgust and said, so you’re one of those bastards huh, like what the fuck?”

“Fuck.” Shibisu grunts. “Well, she’s on the top ten most attractive seniors.”

“Then I’ll look on the junior’s list.”

Hatz groans, massaging his head. It hurts like hell, what’s with his constant headache lately. Shibisu eyed him with concern. “Have you been getting any sleep? You really look like crap.”

“I’m fine, I’ve had worse.” He tells him before his eyes hover over to where Khun is sitting, he’s talking with Bam like the usual but there is no smile present in his face.

He doesn’t let himself stare for too long before the boy notices and just proceeds to talking with Shibisu and Wangnan.

To his surprise, Bam came to him alone after school one time when’s he’s on his way to meet the others who are waiting for him before they go the new restaurant that opened today. By others he meant everyone except Khun and Bam. Khun refused because he said he have to go home early today and Bam because he have to be somewhere today.

“Hatz,” he greets him, a nervous smile on his face. “Can we talk?”

Hatz has no excuse to say no except that he just doesn’t want to talk to Bam, too busy feeling ashamed of himself and there’s no way he’s going to say that so he nods meekly. “Sure.”

“Are you mad at me?” Fuck, okay. Straightforward Bam is definitely not his favourite Bam.

“No,” he doesn’t have any right to be. Bam is an angel to their lives. He’s their saviour, the one holding them in their right place. No one in their right fucking mind would hate him. “Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, because I like Aguero?” Hatz’ eyes widened at that, mouth hanging open. This person doesn’t really think twice before saying what he feels, huh. “I feel like I’m stealing him away from you, which is definitely not what I’m trying to do, I swear! I just like hanging out with him.”

“I’m not mad at you,” he tells him because really, he isn’t. “And you’re not stealing him away from me, Bam. Khun isn’t mine, he’s his own’s.”

For that, he knows he said the right things and he’s almost proud of himself.

Bam nods, eyes still boring holes on Hatz. “Do you like him?”

Hatz literally choked on nothing at what Bam said, blushing at a rapid rate as he coughs. “Fuck—” and Bam was quick to rub his back until he decided to slam his hand on it so hard Hatz literally bounced away. The boy has some unknown strength in him. When Bam moves to slam it again, Hatz turned his face to him, raising his hand. “I’m okay, I just—I’m okay.”

Bam retracts his hand and smiled at Hatz so innocently like he didn’t just literally whack Hatz’ lungs.

“I don’t—” he starts, looking at Bam again. What does he tell him? “I don’t. Not like that.”

Why does it feel like that’s not the entire truth, Hatz hears a voice inside his head but shuts it down swiftly and flashes a smile on Bam.

“Oh, okay,” Bam beams and something about it doesn’t sit right with Hatz, like he said something wrong. “Thank you for clearing things out, Mr. Hatz!”

No, Hatz wants to say but he doesn’t know why so he doesn’t and just lets Bam walk away from him.

“Okay Hatz,” Shibisu calls him once they got themselves some seat. “This is an intervention.”

His brows furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Exactly what he said,” Endorsi rolled her eyes. “We’re so sick and tired of watching you and Khun like you’re in some kind of a romance movie and we’re in the part where it gets angsty.”

Hatz opens his mouth to retaliate but Shibisu raises his hand to stop him. “What really happened?”

“With what?”

“Goddammit, he’s taking the hard way.” Anaak groans. “We’re not blind, we have eyes and we use it and what we see is you guys avoiding each other like the plague.”

“Well, maybe you need to get your eyes checked.”

“You haven’t been talking.” Wangnan adds, ever so helpful. “Everyone noticed it.”

“Oh,” Hatz mutters, finally getting the gist of what they came here for. “No, nothing happened.”

They all looked at him like they want to either smash his head with a baseball bat or cut it with his own sword. “Right.”

“We just don’t walk to school like before now.” He adds like it changes shit.

“Why?”

“I don’t know?”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Endorsi asks, looking pissed now. “You guys wait for each other every time before going home and now Khun doesn’t even ask where you are anymore and head straight towards the gate alone.”

“Is that so?” He replies, imagining Khun doing it as he nods to himself. “Okay.”

Endorsi groans, reaching out for the menu. “You’re hopeless.”

“Hatz,” Shibisu, their most patient friend calls him. “In case you forgot, you guys are best friends.”

“We’re not.” He denies faster than the wind.

Wangnan arched an eyebrow. “You were attached to the hip before we even became friends.”

“We were just used to it.”

“You always ask for each other’s presence whenever you get separated for a long time.”

“We were just used to it.”

“You know each other like the back of your hands, and you’re sensitive not to hit each other on a sour spot during argume—”

“That’s because we grew up together,” he cuts him off now. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

“Fuck this shit, I’m out.” Anaak flips, grabbing the menu herself. “You’re a lost case.”

“Hatz,” Shibisu tries again and Hatz wants to snap at him for being so fucking persistent but he also knows that Shibisu won’t be doing this if he doesn’t see anything wrong so he lets him speak. “When we entered your lives, you guys remained inseparable.” He doesn’t say anything to that and just waits for Shibisu to finish his spiel. “Not until Bam.”

Hatz wants to laugh, feeling pathetic. Of course it’s Bam.

“Did, did he cause this?” Shibisu asks him slowly and very carefully, like he’s walking on egg shells around Hatz which he might not be before but he definitely is now. “Did Bam cause this?”

“No,” was the answer Hatz gave him. It’s the truth, Bam didn’t cause them to be like this, it was Hatz who did this to them. He was an asshole and he doesn’t know how to stop being an asshole anymore so he just runs away from it like his problems will solve their selves on their own. “No, he didn’t.”

“Then—” fuck, Shibisu’s not finished yet, “—do you have feelings for Khun?”

Hatz frowns, everyone seems to ask him about this nowadays. “No, that’s weird.”

The denial tasted wrong on his tongue but he ignores it.

“Excuse me,” Endorsi calls for a waiter and Hatz heaves a sigh, thankful that it’s over until he sees Shibisu looking at him as he mouths this isn’t over yet. “I’d like a kani salad and banana milkshake.”

“Ew, healthy living.” Wangnan comments and yelps when Endorsi slaps his arm again. “That really hurts, you know?”

“I want some fries, regular, and cheese burger. For drinks I’ll have coke,” Anaak adds.

The boys rushed to get the menu and tell the waiter their orders too. In the end, Hatz and Shibisu just ordered what Anaak did on a whim except Shibisu didn’t order fries but chicken wings while Wangnan gets himself an actual dish saying it’s going to be his dinner since nobody’s at their home tonight and he’s too lazy to cook.

When the waiter walked away, Shibisu turned to Hatz with an incredulous look. “What do you mean it’s weird? Because you’re both boys? I didn’t raise you to be a homoph—”

“Fuck you, I’m not a homophobic.” He cuts him off and sees Shibisu’s relieved expression for a fraction of second before he comes back with an even more conflicted look.

“What’s weird then?”

Hatz sighed. “Because it’s Khun,” he breathes and sees that everyone’s eyes on him now. “It’s Khun and he isn’t—”

He stops. Isn’t what?

“Isn’t?” Endorsi asks but Hatz doesn’t know what to say anymore.

He’s terrified of how the sentence might end and he’s not sure if he wants to hear it come out his mouth.

“Drop the topic,” he tells them and when Shibisu opens his mouth he beats him to it. “I’m begging you, please.”

That shut them up. There’s a resigned look on their faces but Hatz would rather take it than anything else. It took them a while before Wangnan was able to suggest something they can talk about without tension but Hatz was just thankful the topic wasn’t brought up anymore.

Hatz doesn’t know where he realized it but the next thing he knows is it’s snowing outside and he’s searching for Khun. Contrary to popular belief, Khun is prone to cold. He hates cold and he almost doesn’t want to go out when it’s snowing because he can’t bear it sometimes so Hatz always reminds him to bring hot packs with him before school or does it himself.

“Have you seen earrings?” He asks Shibisu who’s on the hallway on the way home.

“Yeah actually, he was just with me and Bam just n—”

“Where is he now?” He cuts him off, he doesn’t have time for this. Shibisu looks stunned before pointing towards the gate and Hatz runs to it without a second thought.

He finally sees him on the sidewalk just beside the gate, even among the crowds of kids there, he knows it’s Khun. He just knows. “Earrings!”

At that, Khun stopped walking but he didn’t turn to look at him. Hatz goes to where he is, he’s wearing simple white duffel and black jeans with black boots. God, the boy doesn’t even have a scarf.

“Are you crazy?! Why didn’t you bring a scarf with you?! It’s winter season!” Hatz scolds him, quickly untangling his own from his neck and he wasn’t even looking at Khun and just putting it to him like they haven’t been avoiding each other for the past three months.

“I forgot,” was Khun’s answer, eyes on Hatz who is taking out some hot pack from his bag.

“Give me your hands,” he tells him but Khun doesn’t follow him. Instead, he just stares. “Earrings—”

“Why are you doing this?” Khun asks him suddenly Hatz was taken aback. “You didn’t seem to mind me these past few months, what changed?”

And okay, it’s slowly dawning on him just what the fuck it is that he’s doing and he finds himself slowly backing away from Khun. The blue haired boy doesn’t say anything, eyes still on him as if he’s just waiting for Hatz to say something.

“It’s just that—” he cuts himself off. What is he even trying to say? That he found himself searching for Khun by instinct the moment he saw the snow pouring outside? That for some weird ass reason, the snow reminds him of Khun? Like hell if that’ll make sense.

But Khun is just standing in front of him, shivering but not moving to leave. He purse his lips, thinking of a proper explanation. “It’s really cold, okay? I know you hate feeling cold.”

“So?” Khun presses. “What’s it to you?”

There’s no bite in the way he said it, just genuine curiosity. Like a child asking why something exist, what its purpose for existing. Hatz stared at him for two whole seconds and the boy just blinks at him, expression neutral. Then he takes Khun’s hands, opens his cold palms and puts hot pack on it before closing it again. “I don’t want you to feel cold.”

Khun’s gaze remains heavy on his face. “Is that so?”

“Yes.” He replies, coldness seeping on his neck. “So take care of yourself, jaebal.”

Khun sighed at that, eyes closing for a moment as he shivers. He fixes the striped black and white scarf on his neck before putting his hands back on his pocket. He walks away, not waiting for Hatz anymore. Something about it hurts Hatz, his heart clenching at the sight of Khun turning away from him but he knows he doesn’t deserve to be by his side. Not now, when he will only hinder Khun’s happiness. That’s not what he wants at all.

“This is fine,” he whispers to himself as he watch Khun’s figure get further and further. “It should be.”

“Honey, did something happen?”

Here’s the thing, his mother is a very patient mother. She always waits for Hatz to open up. She’s not one to rush things and ask if something is wrong or what happened so if she’s asking this now, Hatz must’ve really looked like an absolute shit.

“Is it really written on my face that something did?” He asks her still. “Do I look like a crap to you now too, Mom?”

“Yes,” she replied blatantly, her smile never leaving her face. “You haven’t been looking well for the past three months and it’s Christmas.” She points out. “You love Christmas, hon.”

Hatz heaves a sigh, going to where his Mom is. He lays his head on her lap and straightens his body on the couch. It’s been a few days since Christmas break started and a week after he talked to Khun on the sidewalk.

“Mom,” he calls out to which her Mom just hums. “How do you know if you like someone?”

“Oh my, have you finally realized?”

“Mom.”

“I’m kidding,” she tells him, laughing softly before she moves to caress his head. “I guess when you want to look good for them, or want them to notice you and when you want to spend more time with the person.”

Hatz scowls, thinking about it. “That doesn’t sound like how I feel.”

“Well, maybe your feelings are much deeper than that.”

He looks at his mother at that. “What do you mean?”

“Darling, there are cases when like turns into something more,” she brushes his hair off his forehead. “Like love.”

His breath gets caught at that. The word terrifies him but there’s a feeling of something clicking into place upon hearing it. He gets up to sit beside his mother. “Love?”

“Yes,” her mother agrees easily. “Love is being in a crowded place and see them anyways, that’s how special they are. Love is accepting each other’s differences because you want them for who they are despite their flaws. Love is watching that person do absolutely nothing and think, yeah, I really want this person by my side. Love can be selfish like that,” her mother laughs ever so softly like she’s telling him a story before she cups his cheek. “But love is also selfless in a way that you’ll put their happiness over yours, and you’re willing to let yours go if it meant theirs.”

At that, Hatz feels tears fall on his cheek and he almost thought that maybe it’s raining in their house if it weren’t for the painful squeeze in his heart that says it’s him. It’s him and he’s crying.

“Mom,” he chokes as more tears come out. “Mom.”

“Yes, love.” His mother answers to his calls, pulling him to her embrace as he bursts into tears. It hurts, his heart hurts. “I’m here, Mom is here.”

He never knew he’s capable of feeling intense feelings like this until now, and he never thought that the reason behind it would be Khun, the bane of his existence. Everything about it is just so cliché and he hates it but he’s fallen in love even when he didn’t even mean to.

“I love hi-im.” He whispers brokenly. “I love him, Mom.”

“I know,” his mother replies. She goes to rub his back softly and kiss his hair. “I know.”

Hatz spent his whole Christmas break dealing with his issues so he can finally, finally fix things with him and Khun. His mother has never left his side all throughout and he was thankful for the support she’s giving him.

“Why don’t you just go talk to him now?” His Mom asks when he said he’ll be waiting after Christmas break before he talks to Khun.

“Because I’m not ready to see him yet,” he tells him truthfully. “And I want to take all the time I need for this. I don’t want to ruin this.”

His mother doesn’t say anything for a while before she breaks into a smile. “You’re really growing up now, huh?”

“Mom.”

“Alright, I won’t say anything anymo—”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, cutting her off. He’s not looking at her and he can feel himself blushing but he knows he has to say this. His mother deserves to hear at least this much, “for being here with me, and for accepting me wholeheartedly for who I am.”

His mother looks bewildered for a second before her eyes shine with unshed tears and then she’s pulling him to her arms, hugging him tight. “How could I not? You’re the best son I could’ve asked for.”

“Now you’re the one being cheesy.”

“It’s true!” His mom tells him. “And you’re welcome.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles again and it feels good. He’s really lucky. “Thank you, Mom.”

Hatz finds himself standing in front of Khun’s house so early in the morning for the first day of school after Christmas break. He’s anxious to the bones and a part of him wants to chicken out but he didn’t waste his whole Christmas break reflecting for shit only to be a coward.

He hears the sound of their gate opening and shit, Khun is stepping out of their house but he hasn’t seen Hatz yet. He wants to run away, he can still run away and pretend this is a coincidence but—

“Hey.” He greets him and Khun flinched, turning behind him to see Hatz. He feels his heart beat fast when he realizes the boy is wearing his scarf.

“Hey.” He greets back tentatively.

Hatz clears his throat. Calm the fuck down. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since we uh, walked together to school.”

“And talked, actually.” Khun adds. “It’s been three months.”

“Right.” He replies and the line went dead. Hatz seriously wants to hide himself in a hole now but he promised his mom he will fix this shit today and he promised not to break that promise. “Listen, I’m sorry.”

Khun is only staring at him, blue eyes piercing so he took it as a sign to continue. “I was an asshole to you when you didn’t deserve it.” He takes a pause and looks away, ashamed. “I was just dealing with my shit and I—I needed some time to think about it. I’m really sorry.”

The answer didn’t come quick but it still did. “It’s alright, nothing to be done about that anymore.” Khun heaves a sigh. “Will you ever tell me about it though?”

“I will, I promise.” He makes a lot of promises now, huh. “Just not now.”

Even Khun seems surprised at that development. “Okay.”

Hatz fidgets, he hates the last part the most. “Also, we’ve been together for almost ten years and I just, we never actually asked each other this question before so,” he looks at Khun who is waiting for him to continue with one eyebrow raised. He swallowed hard. “Can we be friends?”

Khun’s eyes widen, his lips parting for a bit. “I asked that before.”

“You didn’t.” He was quick to deny, he remembers what happened clearly. “You said, be my friend, like you’re ordering me around and that’s it.”

The boy suppresses a smile. “Did I?”

Hatz can feel himself smiling too. “Yes, stupid.”

His eyebrow arched. “I don’t think you should be calling me that when you’re asking me to be friends.”

Hatz groans. “Come on, this is getting embarrassing.”

“And I like it, come on, say the magic word.” He’s teasing him now, huh.

“Earrings.” He pleads.

“Wrong.”

“Please.”

“Make it Korean.”

Hatz rolled his eyes fondly. “Jaebal.”

“Offer accepted. We’re officially friends, you should be honoured.”

“God, you’re still so insufferable.” He rolls his eyes then they start to walk. “Did you bring yourself gloves and hot packs?”

At this, Khun grins sheepishly. “You have extra, yes?”

Hatz immediately regrets doing what he did when Khun announced it to their friends that it was Hatz who asked to be friends.

“Finally,” Shibisu exclaims, wiping legit tears on his cheeks. “Took you guys long enough, I thought we’re going to grow old waiting.”

“Stop being dramatic,” Hatz rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling nonetheless.

“Fuck, why does this feel like an engagement announcement?” Anaak embraces herself and shivers. “I’m getting the domestic vibes.”

“Anaak, my child, shut the fuck up before they start being awkward again.” Shibisu tells her, eyes still on the two who had just reconciled. “This is the best way to start the first day of school after Christmas break, don’t you think so?”

Endorsi rolled her eyes. “It took them three months to fix God knows what kind of argument they had, guess how many years will it take for them to get—” Endorsi couldn’t finish what she’s about to say because Wangnan puts his hand on her mouth.

“Don’t mind her.” Wangnan smiles sheepishly as Endorsi try to remove his hand.

“I’m happy you finally fixed things,” Bam enters the conversation, ever so bright. “Aguero has also been sulking for---”

“Bam, stop talking.” Khun cuts him off and there’s a smile on his face which Hatz can only interpret as threatening.

Bam just smiles cheekily.

“You changed.” Shibisu tells him when they’re once again alone in the library. Hansung Yu was feeling fucking petty and decided the best way to get it out of his system is to make them suffer by making them summarize three whole chapters in their notes he have yet to discuss. “Something about you changed.”

Hatz doesn’t even look up from his notes. “Did I?”

“You looked like you were going through the worst existential crisis of the decade three months ago but here you are now looking like you found the solution to racism,” Shibisu continues. “What happened to you during Christmas break?”

Hatz stopped writing to look at Shibisu now. It wouldn’t hurt to be honest with Shibisu, right? Out of everyone in their circle of friends, Shibisu is the closest to him next to Khun. “Nothing much. I just realized things—”

“What things?”

Hatz rolled his eyes at Shibisu’s horrible attempt of ignorance. “Feelings.”

Shibisu arched an eyebrow, a smirk forming on his lips. “Oh, I like that.”

“I realized my feelings for him and I’ve come terms with it.”

There’s a sound of a pen hitting the floor as Shibisu looks at him with wide eyes. “Oh my god,” he mumbles. “Really?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Holy shit,” Shibisu covers his mouth dramatically with a hand. “Emotionally constipated Hatz accepting his feelings? What the fuck, is the world ending?”

“Stop overreacting.”

“Shut the fuck up, I’m allowed to react like this,” Shibisu insists, picking his pen up from the floor. “Do you know how tired I’ve been, how tired we all have been seeing you guys circling around each other like rabbits, and don’t even get me started with the unending pining—”

“You seem to misunderstand.” Hatz cuts his friend off. “I don’t have plans on telling him.”

There’s a whole second of Shibisu’s face morphing into a look of confusion. “Wait, what?”

“I said I don’t—”

“I know, I heard you the first time.” Shibisu waves a hand. “I said what like, what in the world of fuck do you mean by not having plans on telling him?”

“It’s unrequited, okay?” Hatz explains. “He likes Bam, they like each other. I’m not going to be an idiot and ruin everything we recently fixed by confessing my feelings and getting in the way of him and the person he actually fucking likes and likes him back. I mean, have you seen the way Bam looks at him? He looks at Khun like he hang the moon and stars.”

There’s a long moment of silence and Hatz thinks Shibisu shut up for good now before he hears him speak again. “Did he tell you that?”

Hatz furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“Did he tell you that he likes Bam?” Shibisu asks more specifically.

Hatz scoffs. “Does he really have to? I’m not blind—”

“But you don’t have the eyes of god either,” Shibisu cuts him off, he’s looking at him with an unreadable expression. “I bet you ten thousand bucks you don’t know that Wangnan actually likes Endorsi.”

“That’s not related to—” he stops, “wait, really?”

“Give me my fucking money.”

“No, wait, holy shit—seriously?” He asks again because the news really came unexpected to him. The two have always been fighting nonstop, yet Wangnan actually likes Endorsi?

Shibisu nods with a poker face. “Seriously, but we’re not going to talk about Wangnan and his masochistic ass, we’re here to talk about you.” He points to Hatz with his pen. “It’s not just what you see that’s happening, you know? Your two eyes doesn’t mean shit if you’re looking onto something useless much more than something that actually matters.”

“You might as well could’ve called me blind.”

“It’s the things in between.” Shibisu presses, ignoring his snarky remark. “The things you see but don’t quite understand the meaning behind. The things you don’t give flying fucks about because you think it’s not a big deal but the truth is, it actually fucking is. It could even change everything.”

Hatz opens his mouth only to close it again, not really having any idea what Shibisu is talking about.

Shibisu smiles, knowing Hatz so well the lack of reaction doesn’t even surprise him anymore and continues. “So what if Bam looks at him like he hang the moon and stars above? Hatz, have you seen the way you look at Khun?” He takes a pause and puts both of his hands down the table, eyes never leaving Hatz’. “You look at him like you could be shot dead on the spot and still not have a single ounce of regret because you got to fucking do what you love doing the most one last time before your heart decided to stop beating.”

There’s so much, so much denial hanging on the tip of his tongue but he knows all of it would sound bullshit to Shibisu’s ears and it frustrates him so much that all he could say was:

“I fucking hate you and your big brain.”

“Thank you, I use it plenty more times than you do with yours.”

“You talk a lot like my Mother without cursing, do you know that?”

“I’m a liberated teenager without a child, I can do and say whatever the fuck I want.”

“Goddammit, Isu.” He couldn’t help but curse, feeling a headache coming. “Here I was minding my own peace of mind before you decided to open your big mouth and talk about abstract things you know I don’t fucking understand.”

“Trust me,” Shibisu says, “you’re going to thank me later for this and when you do, do it with alcohol at my dorm.”

Hatz frowns. “You live in your goddamn house.”

“See, this is why it’s going to take you a really fucking long time,” Shibisu snickers. “We would be old enough to drink and fuck around in our college dorms by the time you figure out what I said because that’s what you are, a slow witted, remarkably hot but useless fucker.

Hatz isn’t going to lie, he gets a lot of love letters from girls every Valentine’s since junior high school because he’s, as Shibisu likes to call him, a remarkably hot but useless fucker (the major population of students doesn’t know the second part though). The first year he did, he was so embarrassed to go home with chocolates and letters. Now, he doesn’t even blink when he opens his locker and see some love letters in it.

But getting confessed to is a whole different level, much more from someone he knows and is getting along with.

“Hatz, I—I’ve always liked you since we became close—I mean, when you first talked to me and helped me from the library when I needed help!” The girl, Yeon Ehwa, tells him as she avoids his gaze. She’s blushing hard and Hatz can tell it took her a lot of will power to be able to do this. “If it’s not too much to ask, will you please be my Valentine’s date?!”

Yeon Ehwa is a good girl, just clumsy in a lot of ways. The first time they talked, she was reaching for some book and fell from the ladder she’s standing on but Hatz was quick enough to save her from falling on her butt. She’s very nice and feminine, and her family is well known. Hatz certainly doesn’t dislike her at all.

But he’s also established the fact that he’s in love with someone else.

“Uh.” He starts wisely. How does one deal with a confession anyway? “Thank you for liking me, Ehwa.”

Ehwa looks at him and she looks so crestfallen that Hatz feels like an asshole. “Is that a no?”

Well, shit.

“It’s not—” he starts and sees the hope in her eyes and god, does he really feel like a bastard if he says no to her now. He clears his throat. “I mean, sure, we can date.”

Ehwa brightens up and that’s how he knew he’s fucked.

“Hatz,” Wangnan greets him fifteen minutes after Ehwa confessed. He’s returned to the room like nothing happened, like he didn’t just have a mental breakdown in the men’s bathroom and here are his friends looking at him with judgmental eyes. “You got confessed by Yeon Ehwa?”

“Uh, yes.” He replies, frowning. “How did you guys even know that?”

“Everybody knows,” was Shibisu’s reply before looking at their classmates. Hatz followed his gaze and sees that they are all staring at them, at him with a meaningful look.

“How does it feel to be popular?” Anaak teases but no, it’s not funny.

“Is it really a big deal?” He scowls.

Shibisu scoffs. “Is it really a big deal?” He laughs so loud and sarcastically Hatz feels goosebumps. “Darling, Yeon Ehwa, daughter of the Yeon family who owns a goddamn hospital confessed to you and here you are asking if it’s a big deal.”

“Did you accept it?” This time, it was Khun who’s asking him.

“Accept what?” He blinks stupidly.

Khun rolled his eyes. “Her confession, obviously, what else?”

“Oh,” he mumbles. “Yeah, I did.”

Khun stares at him for a few seconds before he speaks. “You’ve never accepted a confession before.”

“I’ve never been confessed to before.” He corrects but instantly regrets it when he sees Khun’s eyebrow raise.

“You mean to tell me that all the letters that’s huddled in your locker all these years weren’t one?”

He swallowed. “This is the first time someone actually confessed in front of my face.”

“So just because she’s got more guts than the others, you just accept it when you don’t even like her back.” Khun muses before nodding his head. “Okay.”

Cinnamon Bam decided it’s his time to enter the conversation and goes to touch Khun’s back. “Aguero, are you okay?”

Hatz should’ve seen it coming. He knew it’s bound to come bite him in the ass, his feelings. He had hoped that it wouldn’t eat him alive, that he’ll be able to suppress the urge to claim what isn’t his or be jealous. He’s been able to take it all in for the past month.

But when he sees Khun turn to Bam, sees all the tension in his shoulder disappear like it wasn’t even there as he smiled softly at the boy and speak the lines of yes Bam, of course, Hatz didn’t really fucking like it too much.

So his mouth decided to spew some bullshit again.

“How are you sure I don’t like Ehwa back?” He asks with his voice loud and calling attention.

Khun glances at him and sees his eyebrows furrow and okay, that’s his face when he’s pissed. Yeah, Hatz really fucked up now. “Are you fucking serious?”

He shrugs, feigning ignorance. “Maybe I am, what about it?”

The tension around them amplifies.

“Uh, guys?” Shibisu tries to interrupt after a few seconds of the suffocating tension. “Are we okay? Are we good here?”

“We’re perfect.” Khun answers in a heartbeat, eyes still focused on Hatz before he looked away to look at their friends, a deadly smile on his lips. “I have to go, student council duties, go have lunch without me.”

Hatz feels like an absolute piece of shit now, the consequences of his actions dawning on him. He can see Shibisu looking murderous towards him and he tried hard not to focus on that.

“Can I come with you?” He hears Bam say with his innocent, hopeful, golden doe eyes directed towards Khun. “Please?”

Don’t say yes don’t say yes don’t say—

“Sure, Bam.” Khun answered swiftly.

Hatz wishes the pain comes with a warning.

“Okay Hatz,” Shibisu starts once it was just the two of them in the library alone again. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

Hatz didn’t really want this. He just wants to go home so bad and hide in his bed like reality will take mercy on him and fix his situation but Shibisu just had to drag his ass to talk.

He pursed his lips. “Fuck, I don’t know, Ehwa’s hard to reject, I couldn’t—”

“You could, but you didn’t.”

“She looked so hopeful, goddammit.” He pulls on his hair, frustrated. “I couldn’t be an asshole.”

“But you are, you fucking are.” Shibisu tells him and yeah, that’s exactly what he needs to hear right now. “You became one when you agreed to date when you’re obviously, irrevocably whipped for someone else, what the fuck was that?”

“Jesus, I know I fucked up, okay?” He hissed. “I don’t even know why I did what I did or—or said what I fucking said, I—I didn’t even mean it, it’s just that—”

“Bam breathed around Khun and all your self-control went to shit.” Shibisu finishes his sentence for him. Hatz bites his lower lip and looks away. “You said you’re going to be happy for him.”

Hatz doesn’t say anything.

“You said if it’s Bam that’s going to make him happy then be it, that you’re going to put his happiness over yours and you’ll support it but you’re here, being so fucking immature and—”

“I’m trying, okay?!” He spoke a little too loud. It was a good thing they sat on the secluded area of the library. Rumours have it that this is the place where students secretly kiss and fuck but Hatz couldn’t give a fuck about that now. “I’m fucking trying, I want to be happy for him, I want to be his best man on their goddamn wedding my fucking self but it’s just so hard to see it, to see them.”

Shibisu’s eyes turned soft at that. “Oh, Hatz.”

“I know he would never look at me the same way,” he says, voice hoarse. “I know that already, that I’ll never be in par with Bam. I just—” he stops, feeling his heart throb painfully in his chest and tears forming in his eyes and he looks up to stop it but fuck, it’s already pouring out like waterfalls. “Oh, for fuck’s sake—”

Then Shibisu is pulling him to his embrace. He’s on the same height as Shibisu but because of the sudden action, he lost balance and his face fell to Shibisu’s chest. He feels Shibisu’s hand on his back rubbing it as the tears continue to fall.

“I’m sorry,” Shibisu whispers. “I’m sorry. It must be hard for you.”

Hatz closed his eyes at that. It’s been a month since he’s accepted his feelings for Khun, a month since he’s accepted that it’s not mutual. He’s fine with it. He’s learning to be okay with the sight of Khun and Bam being happy, to the sight of Khun flashing his rare and genuine smile towards someone that isn’t him.

But one month isn’t enough, he wants to say. He needs more time to get used to it. More time to be able to look at the boy and feel nothing. A part of him wishes he can just rip his heart off him whenever he sees them so he wouldn’t be able to feel pain at all. A part of him thinks that maybe—

“Maybe remaining friends isn’t a good idea while I have these hideous feelings for him.” He hears himself mutter before pulling away from Shibisu and wiping his tears away from his face. Good thing he was able to stop it in time before he couldn’t breathe because of snot, which would be disgusting and annoying to wipe.

“Hatz,” Shibisu calls softly. “I think—”

“I need time,” he cuts him off. “I just need some time to get over these fucked up feelings of mine.”

“Hatz darling, listen to me,” Shibisu calls him with a much calmer voice. “If you want to get over him, don’t you think it would be best to confess your feelings first?”

Hatz furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “What for?”

“So you wouldn’t have any regrets before you move on, like not telling him about it.” Shibisu explains.

He scoffs. “He’s probably just going to make fun of my feelings for him.”

“You have to try, Hatz.” Shibisu almost begs. “And do you seriously think Khun would do that?”

His petty ass says “yes.”

Shibisu heaves a sigh at that, exhausted. “Just—promise me you’d at least consider it, please? You’ll never be sure of the odds, Hatz.”

“Okay,” he agrees mindlessly. “But can you help me out with Ehwa first?”

Shibisu smiles. “Sure.”

Hatz honestly didn’t know what he’s expecting.

“I’ve always wanted to try this on a date!” Ehwa brightens up the moment they entered the amusement park. “You’re the first person that isn’t a member of Yeon family to ever come here with me.”

“Really?” Hatz asks, smiling but he’s internally screaming with how ironic Ehwa’s choice is. “That’s flattering.”

Ehwa smiles at that and shit, she looks so happy Hatz would rather jump on a cliff than hurt her. “Should we try the roller coaster first?”

“Sure.”

The ride was great, and Ehwa was sure to give Hatz some personal space which he very much appreciates. She screamed when the ride got too fast and she was fun to look at, what with the way she tried to stop herself first because she’s embarrassed.

“It’s okay,” Hatz tells her. “I don’t mind if you scream, I prefer that you don’t hold back, honestly.”

Ehwa blushed at that but Hatz really didn’t mean to make it sound flirtatious. He was just being honest. “Okay.”

When the ride was done, Ehwa suggests they should eat something first so they went to a food stall that specifically makes cotton candy and while Hatz isn’t really fond with something really sweet, he figured today will be an exemption for Ehwa.

It’s the least he can do for what he’s about to tell her.

When they entered the Ferris wheel, Hatz pondered if it’s the best time to do so. The girl is taking pictures of the view outside when Hatz decided to speak.

“Ehwa.” He calls and the girl turns to him quickly, a smile still pasted on her lips. “I actually have something to tell you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she did tense a little at Hatz’ sudden serious approach. “I’m in—”

“Can you tell me about it later?” She asks with her bright expression still present in her face. “I just want to treasure this moment while we’re at it.”

Hatz blinks in surprise. He didn’t expect the other to cut him off, much more to say what she just did so all he did was nod and mumble an okay as the ride continues to move.

“Thank you.” Ehwa tells him which he doesn’t have any idea what for but nods along anyways.

Ehwa tripped on their way out of the ride and Hatz catches her on his arms again.

“Be careful,” he tells her. “I’m not always going to be here to catch you, you know?”

The words had come out of his mouth before he could even think about it.

When he realized it, he opens his mouth to apologize but Ehwa just smiled. “I know, but you’re here now. That’s what matters, isn’t it?”

Hatz stares at her for a few seconds, connecting the dots.

Maybe, maybe Ehwa already knows what he’s going for earlier and she just wanted to extend this moment where it’s just him and her. She have this look on her face that says she knows, and if that’s the case, the confession would make sense, for her to only ask of him to be her valentine date and not actually go out with her.

Hatz is beyond grateful and he wants to let her know just that. If this is all Ehwa asks him for then he’ll give it to her wholeheartedly.

So he pulls her up so she can stand on her own, smiling. He then offered his hand. “So where do we go next?”

Ehwa is adorable, Hatz thinks when they left the amusement park and spent the remaining time to just get to know each other at a nearby fast food restaurant.

She’s carefree and shy at the same time. He learned that she loves dogs and her favourite flavour of ice cream is chocolate, just like him. She’s planning to pursue medicine for college because of her family but she actually wants to take culinary.

“I’ve got no talent for it though,” Ehwa tells him, hands holding her burger. “I tried cooking in our kitchen once, following some YouTube tutorials and I burnt it. Mom threw all the the things I used afterwards.”

Hatz laughs at that, joining Ehwa as she continues to tell him stories.

“I tried a lot of times after that,” Ehwa says, laughing embarrassedly. “I baked too, but what’s supposed to be chocolate cookies looked like blocks of coals, I swear to god, my mother almost never lets me into the kitchen anymore! It had me thinking, if I love to cook and I still can’t cook for shit, how can they expect me to survive medicine? I hate the sight of blood!”

They laughed, and it was fun. Really, she’s an interesting person. There isn’t anything to like about her at all. She’s just very natural and honest with herself, despite being shy at first.

“Ehwa,” he calls her when the sun is setting outside. “You do know, don’t you?”

Ehwa smiled softly at that. “Yes.”

The expected answer still surprises him. “How?”

She snorts, rolling her eyes playfully at him. “You’re not exactly subtle about it.”

“Was I really that obvious?” He asks, remembering all the times he had looked at Khun in his most subtle ways.

“You look at him like he’s the only person that exists.” Ehwa points out. “So yeah, you have it bad, I guess.”

“Damn,” was all he could say before he sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m more than glad to have you here with me today.” Ehwa assures him and oh, if she isn’t the most wonderful person Hatz’ has ever met. “At least I got to have you for a day, right?”

“Right.” God, she’s too good to be true. Hatz offered a thankful smile towards her. “For what it’s worth, you are a very beautiful date, Ehwa.”

If Hatz isn’t so in love with Khun, he thinks he would’ve liked her back.

“Heard you went to amusement park?” Wangnan asks him when Monday came and they’re all sitting in the cafeteria for lunch.

“Jesus, how do you guys know that?” He frowned, why is it that his friends always seem to know what’s happening?

“Some students saw you there and even have pictures of you in line for the Ferris wheel,” Endorsi explains, eyes glinting with amusement. “How romantic.”

“Yes, we did hang out on the amusement park.” He confirmed and when his friends teased him about how childish and romantic their date had been, his eyes automatically went for Khun who’s just sitting on his side, eyes on his food. He has a frown on his face like his food suddenly looked too ugly to eat. Hatz knew better than to think Khun isn’t listening to them because he’s not even talking to Bam, though he’s surprised the boy had remained silent all throughout the teasing.

That is before realization dawns on him and all he can think about is shit shit shit as he whipped his head to their friends quickly, mouth itching to clear things out. “It was her idea, she—she said she planned it beforehand, okay? I didn’t—I wasn’t,” he panics, eyes going towards Khun who is looking back at him now, “I just went along with it.”

Hatz didn’t care about their reactions and focused on Khun’s face which isn’t frowning anymore and instead coloured with surprise and, and relief?

“Alright, we understand.” Endorsi interrupts their staring contest. She has this smug look on her face that Hatz thinks is up to something. “It wasn’t your idea, we get it.”

The way she emphasized the word your makes Hatz want to throw his entire plate of food towards her direction.

When classes ended, he waited for Khun to finish something up outside of the student council office so they could go home together without the other boy’s knowledge. They didn’t really walk together to school in the morning so he wanted to make up for it now.

When the door opened revealing Khun, he stood up straight and cleared his throat making Khun glance towards him.

Hatz sees the way his cat-like eyes widens in surprise before he breathes. “Hatz?”

“That’s me,” he responds, walking closer towards the boy. The fact that Khun is still wearing his scarf makes him smile. Really, he keeps forgetting to take it because it seems to fit the other better than him.

That didn’t seem to make sense to Khun since he still looks shocked by his presence, eyes blown wide.

“I waited for you,” he clarified. “I wanted to walk home together.”

Wow, who is he and where is his confidence coming from? He would normally feel the urge to hide at this exact moment but for some reason, he feels strangely calm and at peace.

Perhaps, it’s because the person in front of him is Khun, the person he’s known for ten years and the person he fell in love with. He’s the most comfortable around him and having feelings for the other shouldn’t change that.

Khun didn’t move at first, and Hatz knows him enough to know that he’s still probably processing the unexpected situation he’s got himself in before he sighed. “Okay.”

They walked out of the school together, with no one talking. Hatz is fine with silence. He’s fine with everything that relates to Khun, honestly.

“You have hot packs?” He asks the other boy who’s only looking down as they walk.

Khun nods slowly, still not looking at him. Okay, so maybe he’s not okay with the silence anymore. “Are you okay?”

He doesn’t say anything at first, contemplating on whether to answer the question or not before he speaks. “Did you have fun?”

Hatz is confused. “Huh?”

“Your date with Ehwa,” the boy clarifies. “Was it fun?”

“Oh,” he mumbles. “Yeah, it was fun.”

“Oh.” Khun murmurs, looking down again. “Okay.”

There was a moment of silence before Khun speaks again. “What did you guys ride?”

“You know, the popular ones.” He tells him, not bothering to be specific.

But perhaps Khun wanted him to do so, since his eyebrows are furrowed like he’s thinking about it or waiting for him to say more so Hatz opens his mouth to enumerate the rides they tried but Khun beats him to it. “Including the Carousel?”

Oh.

Oh shit.

Hatz finds himself grinning like an idiot seeing Khun in such a state, dejected and sulking like a child. “What, are you jealous? Did you not want us to?”

Khun grumbles, looking away. “I’m not jealous.”

Oh, how adorable. Hatz cackles at the upset kid. “Holy shit, you are, oh my god.”

“I said I’m not!” Oh, the kid is throwing tantrums now, blushing under his scarf and Hatz can’t find it in himself to stop teasing. He’s too amused, there are butterflies in his stomach, and he’s having the best time of his life.

“You are, you should’ve seen the look on your face,” he snorts, still grinning. “You were looking down and you were pouting, oh boy, this is—”

He stops when Khun suddenly walks fast, leaving him. “Hey, wait for me!” He tells him but Khun is not listening and even walked faster. He laughs as he runs towards the boy, grabbing his arm to stop him from walking.

“Let go!” Khun snaps, pulling away but Hatz tightens his grip.

“I’m sorry,” Hatz tells him despite smiling. “I’m sorry, okay? Don’t run away like that, the sidewalk is slippery.”

Khun scoffs. “Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do, my mother?”

Hatz bites his cheek to stop himself from smiling. “Your friend, remember?”

The other boy rolled his eyes at that before attempting to pull away again but Hatz isn’t letting go. “Let me go before I—“

“We didn’t ride the Carousel.” He cuts him off.

Khun’s face morph into surprise for a fraction of second before he rolled his eyes and harshly pulled away. “You could’ve said that from the beginning.”

Hatz smiled cheekily. “Well, I like to take my time on things sometimes.”

“God, you’re so annoying.”

“Hey, this isn’t even half of what I have to put up with when you’re teasing me.”

“Tough shit.” Khun said and Hatz just laughed before they stop in front of Khun’s house.

Hatz stares at the blue haired boy for a few seconds and wonders if he should just tell him now, under this cold damn weather, in front of Khun’s house, that he’s in love with him. The idea of Khun being jealous gave him a boost, and he doesn’t know when he’ll ever get the chance to say it if not now but—

But it’s really fucking cold alright.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Hatz tells him instead and didn’t wait for Khun to respond, knowing the other would just probably tell him to fuck off so he just passed the street and went inside their house.

He forgot to take his scarf again.

He never gets the right momentum after that.

No matter how much Shibisu pushes him to do it, his coward ass always gets the best of him and every time he does find the courage to do so, Khun is with Bam and fuck it if he’ll confess with another person involve.

If he’d known this would happen, he should’ve grabbed the chance to confess that time when Khun got jealous and risked getting hypothermia.

“You’re overthinking it,” Ehwa tells him when they’re on a coffee shop hanging out.

“Am I really?” Hatz wonders as he sips on his iced cappuccino.

There is also something that has been bothering him since that time Khun had asked him if they tried the Carousel. Since that day, there are cases when Hatz and Ehwa would just be talking during breaks and Khun’s entire mood would turn sour and the boy wouldn’t talk to him and it takes a few what’s wrong and promises of ice cream before he gets him back to normal.

It’s frustrating because Hatz may be stupid, but he’s not that stupid. A huge part of him screams that that was jealousy right there, right in front of his fucking face but every time he asks Khun about it, the boy would deny it until Hatz gives up because he doesn’t want to risk pissing the other off again.

Hatz and Ehwa have grown close since the date, close enough that people mistake them for a couple sometimes. While they clarified that they aren’t and they’re just friends, the students believe that they’re lying and Hatz honestly couldn’t give a flying fuck about that.

“Yes, you most certainly are.” Ehwa tells him with a grin. “When I confessed to you, all I could think about was how sure I was that you’d reject me since I know you like someone else, so imagine my surprise when you said yes.”

“Why did you do it?” He asks her. “Why did you push with it knowing that I like someone else?”

“Because I wanted to,” Ehwa shrugs. “I wanted you to know, so I told you.”

Hatz snorts. “Could’ve fooled me if you weren’t stuttering that day—”

“Hey, it’s my first time!” Ehwa scowls, kicking his feet under the table and Hatz laughed harder. “Give me a break.”

“Well, this is going to be my first time confessing too, give me mine.”

“You’ve been trying for two weeks when all it took for me was—”

“A year, because the library incident was a year ago and you said you liked me since then.” Hatz grins to which Ehwa sputters.

“Oh god, where did the gentleman Hatz go? I swear that’s the one I liked, not this asshole in front of me.”

“This is me on a daily basis.”

The bells chimes and while Hatz didn’t turn to look at the new guest of the shop, Ehwa did and there’s a surprise in her face when she did before turning to Hatz once more.

“Oh my goodness, your man is here.” Ehwa whispers, “don’t look behind you, he’s seen me already!”

But it’s too late because his body is already moving on its own and sees Khun on the entrance with Endorsi, his cold blue eyes meeting his, expression passive.

“Fuck,” he mumbles before turning to Ehwa who’s massaging her head. “Well, there’s that I guess. Who knew this coffee shop would be a place of surprises?”

“It’s literally beside the school,” Ehwa tells him again with a roll of her eyes like she’s disappointed of him. “So you should’ve expected this.”

Hatz frowns. “Where did my beautiful date go? I swear I liked that more.”

“You rejected her so she’s gone and she’s never coming back.” Ehwa replies before sipping on her iced latte.

Hatz snorts and opens his mouth to retort something when he hears someone speak from behind him. “Who do we have here? Ehwa and—oh! Hatz!”

Endorsi is grinning viciously as she turns towards her company who seems displeased with her actions. “What do you say we crash their date, president?”

Khun rolled his eyes. “Let’s just get a table, En.”

“And we’re doing that now,” Endorsi replies, sitting beside Ehwa without consent. Ehwa looked conflicted at the sudden action because fuck Endorsi and her bold personality.

“Hey, you’re making her uncomfortable.” Hatz points out and hears someone, someone behind him scoff. He turns towards Khun who’s casually sipping on his iced vanilla latte, eyes fixed on Endorsi and Hatz isn’t really going to let that shit slide but Endorsi is already saying something again that he’s forced to look away.

“—making you uncomfortable?” Endorsi asks Ehwa who’s fidgeting on her seat. Literally everyone who can see Ehwa will say that she is indeed uncomfortable but Endorsi will always be willing to pretend she’s blind to get what she wants.

“Yes, you do.” He answers on Ehwa’s place which makes Endorsi turn to him with one eyebrow raised.

“You know, for someone who’s so adamant on saying you guys are just friends, you sure act like her boyfriend, the annoying one too.” She remarks before she sips on her banana smoothie. “The possessive type, you know what I mean?”

“It’s not acting like a possessive boyfriend. It’s being a decent human being and respecting the things that makes someone uncomfortable like invading their personal space,” he grits out. “Something you haven’t achieved for the past eighteen years of your life, En.”

“En, let’s just go.” Khun interrupts. “Let them enjoy their date.”

There he fucking goes again.

Hatz is sick of it. “It’s not a date and you know it. I told you about this, didn’t I?”

“Oh, did you really?” Khun remarks and he’s mad, Hatz can tell he’s mad. “Funny because what you told me is you’re going home early today and you’re here with your, what, girl friend?”

“I never said something about going home. I said I’m going to go ahead first because yes, I’m going to hang out with Ehwa.” He corrects, not missing the way Khun’s eyes widen for a fraction. “You misunderstood me—”

“Hold up, are we still okay here?” Endorsi butts in and only then did Hatz look away from Khun. “What is this tension I feel?”

Khun clenched his jaw. “Whatever.”

Then he walks out the shop, not even waiting for Endorsi. She whistles, standing up and stretching her arms. “Well, I’ve done my job here.”

Hatz furrowed his eyebrows. “Your job?”

Endorsi waves her hand around. “Figure the rest yourself, I’m out of here.” She stands up, winking at Ehwa before walking out the shop herself.

When they’re left alone, Ehwa breathes. “Wow.”

Hatz sighed in disbelief. “I can’t believe we just played a part on Endorsi’s play.”

“She did well,” Ehwa responds, looking outside. “You have to talk to Khun though.”

He groans at the mention of Khun’s name. “Please don’t remind me, he’s really fucking confusing.”

Ehwa takes pity on him at that. “It really be like that sometimes.”

“Did you just quote a meme?”

Ehwa grins.

“You know when I said figure the rest yourself, I didn’t mean this.” Endorsi tells him on their way to their classroom. 

By this, she probably meant letting Khun avoid him like the plague.

It’s Friday and it’s been a week since that time at the coffee shop when Khun walked out on them. The boy had been avoiding him ever since, and no amount of what’s wrong and ice cream can get the boy to talk to him again.

“He’s avoiding me, En.”

“I know. The question is why are you letting him?”

“Are you suggesting that I shouldn’t respect his decision to avoid me and push myself onto him?” He says as they enter the room with and see some of their classmates talking, “because that sounds like a good fucking plan.”

“What part of why are you avoiding me, did I do something wrong an act of disrespect?” Endorsi puts her bag down on her chair.

He drops his too, and they see Shibisu going to where they are along with Wangnan. “I already asked him that and he just fucking slammed a door in my face.”

“Then try asking him when there isn’t any door around, problem solved.” She replies smoothly.

“You and your logic will always be a question mark to me, En.”

“What are you guys talking about without us?” Shibisu asks once they got to their side.

“Nothing much, just putting some sense into his thick skull.” Endorsi grins, eyeing Anaak together with Bam enter the room. “Khun is late?”

“No, we met him at the gate. He probably went to the student council office. He should be here anytime soon.” Wangnan informs them.

That’s what he said, but the first period came and Khun is nowhere to be found.

“This is a first,” Anaak comments when their teacher left their room. “Never thought there would come a day I’ll see Khun miss a period.”

“I want to check up on him,” Bam mumbles, concern colouring his face.

Hatz is itching to check the office, knows that Khun will never not attend their class if nothing’s wrong, but he sees Khun walk inside their classroom, face devoid of expression.

“Aguero!” Bam calls and rushed to the boy’s side. “Are you okay?”

Hatz wishes he could ask him the same thing.

“I’m fine, Bam.” Khun smiles faintly at the boy before going to his seat. His eyes went to his friends but his eyes never went to Hatz.

“What happened at the office?”

“Nothing, just some paper work I couldn’t finish yesterday.” He tells them casually.

That’s a lie. He never leaves the school with unfinished work from the office even if it means he’ll stay longer than necessary. Hatz would know, he’s been with him for ten years.

But of course their friends wouldn’t, which irks Hatz because it makes him want to ask more but he held back, knowing Khun would probably act like he can’t see him again as if he’s a goddamn ghost.

When lunch break came, Khun wasn’t there to eat with them and even though Hatz wanted to look for the boy, worry eating him up, he didn’t because Bam already initiated to search for Khun. They were unusually quiet and when Khun came back to class after lunch with Bam looking fine, no one asked questions anymore.

It doesn’t mean no one wants to. Hatz still do.

So when their classes were done for the day, he lets their friend go ahead first and stayed in the room, contemplating on what to do. Khun is probably going to stop by the office like he usually does but if Hatz waits for him there, the boy might just ignore him.  

He ended up waiting on the lobby.

The cold breeze of the wind caress his face as he stands there alone, hands on his pocket. It’s getting dark, the sun no longer present. Stars are out, and Hatz is waiting for Khun.

When he hears footsteps coming from behind, he didn’t turn. He didn’t move even when the steps abruptly stopped, perhaps wondering why there’s still a person outside before someone spoke with a voice that’s all too familiar to him now. “Hatz?”

He takes a deep breath before looking behind him. Khun is just standing there, left hand holding onto the strap of his black sling bag. “Hey.”

“Why are you still here?”

“I see you’re not going to pretend I don’t exist huh,” Hatz speaks to lighten up the mood. He hears the boy grumble before he walks past him and okay, maybe he shouldn’t have said that.

He catches up to him after a few steps and matched Khun’s pace. “Earrings.”

Khun doesn’t say anything and just continues to walk. They’re getting close to the gate now. “What happened earlier?”

“None of your business.”

“Were you sick?” He asks, ignoring the attitude. He raises his hand to touch Khun’s forehead but the boy noticed that and slapped his hand away harshly.

“Don’t touch me.”

Hatz frowns, not liking the attitude. “I just want to check your tempera—”

“Did I ask you to?” Khun cuts him off, his tone biting. “I didn’t, right? So don’t you fucking dare lay a finger on me and be a decent human being that respects people’s personal space.”

Khun walks past him after that but fuck it if Hatz is going to let him go after hearing those words so he moved to grab the boy’s arm and was surprised to feel it burning. Khun managed to pull away quickly afterwards, glaring daggers at him. “Stop it!”

“Goddamn, why are you being such a bitch? What the fuck did I do?” Hatz asks, anger boiling within him. It’s unfair, he doesn’t even know what he did wrong to be treated like a piece of shit. He doesn’t deserve it.

Khun doesn’t say anything, his other hand rubbing the part where Hatz touched him. Hatz clenched his fist, wanting nothing more than to scream out the frustration he’s accumulated the whole week. “I’ve been patient with you all week, giving you space and time—”

“Did I ask you for space? Did I?!” Khun cuts him off, yelling furiously now. “Why do you keep doing things I didn’t ask you to do?!”

“Because I care about your stupid ass!” Hatz screams back, outraged. “Because we’re friends, and I’ve known you long enough to know that you were lying earlier when you said you had unfinished paper work from yesterday but I let that shit slide even when I’m dying to ask because you wouldn’t even talk to me, let alone look at me like it would kill you to see me!”

“You know me?” Khun asked before laughing hysterically. “You say you know me but you didn’t even know what I fucking wanted! You want me to be grateful you gave me space? Don’t give me that shit, you were just using it as an excuse to ignore me back!”

Hatz literally forgets everything about patience at this point, totally done with the other. He can’t do this anymore. “You know what, fuck it. Just fuck everything. I don’t care anymore. I’m tired.”

He walks away, not waiting for Khun anymore. He wasn’t expecting anything. He knows very well that Khun won’t do anything to stop him from leaving so he just continued to do so, not looking back from where he left.

When he got home, he went straight to his room without even greeting his parents. He’s so tired and he just wants to rest, like the building stress he’s been ignoring for the whole week finally came down to crush every bit of him. He’s exhausted and he doesn’t want to do anything but sleep. The blanket is warm under him and it reminds him of something similar. Something hot and burning and—

Hatz snaps his eyes, realization hitting him like a truck.

Khun is sick. He was sick the whole day and kept it hidden among them. They fought on the side walk at a cold night with the other not wearing enough clothes to block the cold.

“What the fuck,” he mutters under his breath, guilt pooling in his stomach. He groans, debating on whether to check up on the boy or just let him be.

But Khun’s immune system is shit and he kind of wants to take care of the boy, something he couldn’t do the whole week. Besides, the boy seems to think Hatz likes the fact that Khun is ignoring him so he also wants to clear that shit up.

And maybe he just really wants to see Khun, but he’s not going to focus on that.

“Mom, I’m going to check on earrings, he’s sick.” He tells his Mom who’s comfortably sitting on the couch.

“Sure, love.” She agrees easily and Hatz smiled gratefully.

When he reached the other’s house, Khun’s mom easily let him in without asking why he’s there to visit late at night.

“He hasn’t gone down since he came home,” she tells him just before he goes upstairs. “Did you two fight?”

Hatz hesitates at that but the woman just smiled. “Go make up with him now.”

He smiled gratefully towards her before going to Khun’s room. When he knocks on his door, he didn’t really expect Khun to open the door for him, body covered in blanket.

“I said I’m not hung—” he stops when he realized it’s not his mother that’s standing in front of him but is very much the person who left him earlier at the sidewalk. His mouth hangs open for a whole second before he moves to slam the door but Hatz was prepared and so he was able to stop it with his foot.

“I’m here to talk,” he tells him through gritted teeth because well, the door is hurting him. “Please, let’s talk.”

Khun isn’t budging one bit. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Yes, there is.” Hatz tells him. “Please just let me in this once, then you can decide on what you want to happen later and I won’t have a say in it.”

Khun’s gaze is sharp and it continues for a few more seconds that Hatz is certain the boy wouldn’t open his door at all so he said the best word he could think of. “Please.”

The other boy tensed at the word before his eyes darken, pursing his lips.

“Five minutes.” Khun exclaims after a few seconds, opening the  door. Hatz sighed in relief. “Any longer than that and I’ll kick you out of my room.”

“Okay,” Hatz agrees easily as he enters Khun’s room. Khun turns the lights on before he joined him and sit on his bed. They don’t speak for a few seconds, but Hatz is at a disadvantage at the situation since he has a limited time to say what he wants. He clears his throat. “How are you feeling?”

Khun arched an eyebrow. “Thought you don’t care anymore?”

“That was a lie, I care.”

“Funny hearing you say that when you left me earlier.”

Hatz tensed at that, his guilt growing inside him. “I’m sorry,” the words comes rushing out his mouth. “I was really mad and tired that I—I just didn’t want to be there anymore.”

“That’s what you came here for?”

Hatz hesitates before nodding his head slowly. “Yes, but not entirely. You’re sick, of course I’d ask how you’re feeling.”

“I’m fine,” Khun replies coldly. “Get straight to the point.”

Hatz sighed. Khun is obviously lying but he’s got no time to focus on that for now. “There are two things I want to tell you and you have to listen carefully because I won’t say it again.”

He can feel Khun’s gaze heavy on him and he tries to ignore it. When he hears no response, he takes it as a sign to continue and took a deep breath before he speaks. “The first one is about what you said earlier. I, this week wasn’t fun to me okay? It really fucking wasn’t. It was a shitty week.” He sighed, remembering how pissed he was before. “I was constantly thinking where I went wrong because it was so sudden, you avoiding me, and you wouldn’t talk to me even if I ask you to. It wasn’t even a one-time thing, I asked you plenty fucking times and if you weren’t so focused into shutting me out thinking I enjoyed every bit of your absence, maybe you could’ve seen how fucking worried I was about you that I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

He sees the moment Khun stopped breathing after hearing what he said, his eyes widening for a bit and his mouth opening only to close it again. He looks so lost and shocked at the same time, struggling to comprehend what he just heard. “But you—”

“Let me finish first,” Hatz cuts him off. “I don’t think I’ll ever have the courage to say these things out loud afterwards.”

Khun closed his mouth at that. Hatz smiles weakly. His hands are trembling and his breath is shaky but the momentum is here, and he’s never going to let it slip off his grasp again.

“The second one is that I—I’m in love with you, have been for a while now and—and I know it’s not mutual, okay? I know you don’t see me the same way, that your heart is reserved for Bam and that’s okay, I’ve accepted it. I just wanted you to know how I feel.” He looks away, afraid to see how Khun will react at his confession. He can’t hear anything other than the loud beating of his heart, and wants nothing more than to run away. He bites his lower lip, pressing his thumb hard in his palm.

“What,” he hears Khun breathe and it was shaky and maybe it’s because he’s sick, Hatz doesn’t know, doesn’t sure if he ever wants to know. He fixes his gaze at Khun and his pale complexion, his sapphire eyes blown wide and lips slightly parted. His hair is dishevelled and he has sweat forming on his forehead and fuck, Hatz thinks he’s still beautiful like this. It’s unfair how he can still look so enthralling despite being sick, honestly. “What are you talking about?”

Hatz frowns. “I told you to listen carefully—”

“Wait,” Khun shakes his head and he looks anxious. “You’re not real, are you?”

Wait, what?

“What?” He asks back dumbly, at loss for words. Khun is looking at him with yearning and sadness Hatz doesn’t know what for.

“Is this,” Khun speaks again, voice tight, “I must’ve passed out in the middle of talking with, with Hatz and you’re my—my imagination, right?”

“What are you—” he stops when Khun suddenly moves from where he’s sitting to cup his cheek with his trembling hands, eyes blown wide.

“This is weird,” Khun mumbles, leaning his face so close towards Hatz that he can feel his hot breath on his face. His hot palms touch his skin and Hatz shivers involuntarily. “You feel real.”

“That’s because I am real,” Hatz responds calmly despite his internal crisis over the fact that they’re so close to each other. “You’re not dreaming, I’m literally confessing here and you think you’re dreaming?” He asks, offended as he carefully puts his hand on top of Khun’s. “See?”

Khun’s pupils dilated at that. “Shit,” he mutters, his hands pressing on Hatz’ cheeks a little harder. “Shit shit shit.”

“I think you should slee—”

“Say it again.” Khun cuts him off and Hatz is taken aback to hear the eagerness in his voice. “Say it again, this time with my name.”

Fuck, okay.

“I’m in love with you.” He repeats, his heart thumping loud and hard inside his chest but he doesn’t look away, not when Khun is looking at him like he’s scared Hatz isn’t real. “I’m in love with you, Aguero.”

Then Khun’s lips are on his and Hatz instantly froze from the contact because shit, it’s a kiss, Khun is kissing him. He can feel the other’s lips chapped and burning from the fever as the boy cradles his face. Hatz didn’t know what to do, he feels himself getting hot all over like he’s the one who’s sick but he doesn’t want to pull away. He moves his free hand to hold the back of Khun’s head and Khun is moving his lips on his own now and fuck, okay, that really sets something up on him.

Hatz doesn’t know what his favourite taste is before this but that definitely changes now that he’s gotten a taste of Khun. Khun’s taste is surprisingly sweet, Hatz realized once he started to kiss him back. It’s sweet just like strawberries and addicting like chocolates. His lips are so soft that Hatz couldn’t help but lick the boy’s lower lip and bite it making Khun moan. The sound makes him crazy and he wants nothing more than to hear it again, can feel himself burning with Khun, the sensation circulating through his body making him feel feverish but he doesn’t care. He wants more of it, more of Khun so he makes a quick slide of his hand down to Khun’s nape to deepen the kiss but freezes when—

When he feels something wet in his cheeks.

He stops in his tracks, hand removing its hold on Khun’s nape. Slowly, he pulls away even as Khun whines and tries to follow him, hands holding the boy’s shoulders so he can see it. There are tears streaming down the boy’s cheeks and Hatz feels his heart hurt at the sight, hands itching to touch the boy’s face and wipe the tears himself. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Fuck,” Khun curses as a sob breaks out of him.

“Earrings—” he starts but he doesn’t get to finish it when Khun literally cries, sobbing like a child. Hatz did the first thing he could think of and pulled the boy in his embrace. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.”

Khun is gripping tight on his chest and Hatz is holding him close as he cry. Hatz rubs circles on the boy’s back in an attempt to calm him down and continuously whispers I’m here to let him know that he’s not dreaming and all of this is real.

When his sobs had calmed down and Khun’s grip is loose, Hatz calls his name tentatively. “Earrings.”

There’s no response. He tries again, a little louder this time but the boy remained still on his arms, breathing calm and even, passed out. Hatz sighed.

Maybe confessing to a sick person was a bad idea.

Hatz moves to pull away as quiet as he can, one hand supporting Khun’s back and the other holding the boy’s head. Carefully, he puts Khun down on the bed.

When Khun is finally lying down, eyes closed and breathing normally, Hatz takes his time to look at the boy. Khun appears peaceful in his sleep, despite crying his heart out moments earlier. Hatz silently got up and went to Khun’s closet to get a towel, turning off the lights since it might wake Khun up before coming back. He turns the lampshade on though, since he needs some light to see the Khun’s face before he proceeds to wipe the boy’s tear stained cheeks softly, not wanting to wake the boy up from his sleep.

There are three things running on his mind waiting for explanations that he probably won’t be having tonight. The first one being the fact that Khun thought he was just hallucinating when Hatz confessed, the second one is when Khun told him to call him by his name, and the last one is when they kissed afterwards.

Hatz knows he had made himself clear on the fact that it isn’t a dream, but he’s not really sure if Khun understands the same thing. Hell, Khun might not even remember what happened when he wakes up tomorrow, and Hatz would be left remembering everything in high quality display alone. Still, a part of him wants to think that the kiss meant something, something. It has to, whether it’s good or bad. Whether it’s really him Khun had wanted to kiss or it’s just Khun mistaking him for someone else.

Someone who calls him by the name Aguero.

Hatz feels his heart throb at the thought. He doesn’t want it, he hates it, scared of it, but he also knows that it’s a possibility he might face whether he like it or not.

After he’s done, he puts the towel down on the bedside table and moves to stand up when Khun suddenly stirred, mumbling incomprehensible words.

“What was that?” Hatz asks, leaning close so he can hear him.

Khun groans, one hand searching blindly for something. “—go.”

Oh, so he’s telling him to leave. Of course. “Okay.”

He leans back and was about to stand up when Khun’s moving hand reach his left hand and holds onto it tight.

What?

He’s confused, eyebrows furrowing at the situation. If he’s telling him to leave, why was his hand clutching tightly on Hatz? “Earrings?”

“Don’t go,” Khun whispers more coherently now. His voice is hoarse and his eyebrows are furrowed but his eyes remains closed as he speaks once more. “Stay.”

Oh.

“Okay,” Hatz agrees, swallowing hard. He prays that the erratic beating of his heart would soon turn back to normal but it seems impossible at the moment with Khun’s hand still holding his.

The action makes Hatz smile even just a little before he descended to the floor, hand still on top of the bed. Perhaps he won’t get a wink of sleep tonight, and even if he will, it will definitely not be beside Khun so he opted to rest on the floor. His mother will understand if he doesn’t come home tonight, she always does. Hatz is absolutely certain his mother is too good for him.

“Goodnight,” he whispers to no one in particular, maybe it’s just for himself, for Khun, or for the full moon that watched everything that unfold tonight, not a single star to accompany it. Hatz smiled a little at the sight.

It shines so bright alone in the midnight sky despite not having its own light for itself.

Hatz awoke when something shifts under the blankets.

He remains still, unmoving from where he’s positioned. He’s a bit uncomfortable, his head resting on one arm while the other hand is still clutched by Khun and his body crouched below but he doesn’t have the will to move so he settles with it and tries to resume his sleep.

That is before he feels Khun’s hand slowly slip off his grasp.

He’s probably awake now, Hatz concludes. The boy doesn’t say anything, but Hatz can feel, hear his breathing. When the boy remained still for a few seconds, Hatz thought the boy finally went back to sleep until he felt a hand, Khun’s hand on his hair. He fights the urge to shiver when said hand ruffles his hair, smoothly and tenderly. That was okay, Hatz doesn’t mind the touch at all.

That is before there’s a shift on the blankets, and he feels something, something press on his hair softly he knows isn’t a hand.

Hatz knows that feeling, his mom does it to him a lot of times when she thinks he’s already asleep or when she’s telling him a story. She’s done it a lot of time with him growing up he memorized how it feels. Kissing his hair.

He feels his heart thumping loud in his ribcage like it’ll jump out any moment and he really, really wants to look up now. It doesn’t last long and Khun is pulling away before he knows it and he can’t let him, he can’t—

His hand grabs Khun’s hand before it’s gone from his head. He feels Khun flinch at the sudden action, even hears him gasp before he lifts his head up to meet the boy’s eyes.

It’s still dark outside, Hatz realized. It’s still probably dawn. Khun is staring at him like a deer caught in headlights, lips parted open. Hatz smiled weakly and he doesn’t want to make Khun uncomfortable, but he’s also tired and he just wants to get things over with.

“Earrings,” Hatz starts, voice tight and heavy with emotion. He wants to say something, wants to ask the boy if he even knows who he is, who’s in front of him, who he kissed last night but— “what was that?”

Khun’s eyes are wide, his mouth is moving without a sound and Hatz knows the boy is struggling to articulate an answer at the moment. “That was—” he stops, biting his lower lip, “that was,” the boy looks away, his fingers fidgeting Hatz only understand as an act of embarrassment and Hatz would normally let it slide, but not now. Not when his own heart is aching for answers the whole night. Khun has to give it to him, he deserves to hear something.

“Do you,” Hatz starts, ignoring the lump in his throat, “do you remember what happened?”

The boy slowly nods his head. “Yes.”

Fuck. “Including the part where—” he pauses, hesitating “where we—”

“Yes,” Khun saves him from the trouble, his voice deep and unhurried. “All of it.”

Hatz swallowed at that, fighting the urge to hide. “Why—why did you do it?”

Khun appears to be deep in thought, as if he’s choosing his words carefully before he says it. “I wanted to.”

He feels his heart jump and he finds it hard to breathe, but he tries to remain calm and collected despite the ringing in his ears. “Okay,” he replies shortly, swallowing, “why?”

To his surprise, Khun groans. There’s a lot of embarrassment in the way he did it, what’s with his hands going to cover his face. Hatz can imagine the boy is probably blushing right now. “Do I really have to say it?”

“Yes,” Hatz answers then, eyes never leaving the boy. “I think you do.”

The silence that came lasted for a few seconds but to Hatz it felt like hours, watching Khun take a deep breath before removing his hands on his face, intense blue eyes peering at him with an aim to drown him in it.

“Because I love you,” Khun tells him afterwards, voice eerily calm like he’s rehearsed what he said a lot of times before actually saying it. “And the main reason why I was avoiding you is because I thought you didn’t love me back.”

Perhaps Hatz is under the cliché moment of disbelief and shock, because he’s frozen on where he is and he doesn’t know what to do. He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but he can’t find his voice, can’t find the words he wants to say because everything just seems so unreal. There’s a strange feeling swelling in his chest, an overwhelming relief and happiness flooding his senses that he’s unable to think straight but Khun is waiting for him patiently, letting him take it in as he chokes a few words, “do you—do you mean that?”

At that, Khun smiled widely and his eyes swimming in amusement. “Yes.”

He nods as an answer and sure, that was really good. Everything feels good, Hatz is euphoric. But there’s a voice at the back of his mind that says no no no, this isn’t meant for you, even when Khun has made him feel wanted and it’s really fucking with him so— “call me by my name.”

Khun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion but Hatz shakes his head. “Call me by my name. I need to hear you say it.”

Khun’s eyes widen at that, smile fading away from his lips. There’s a recognition in his face and for a moment, Hatz is scared that Khun is going to take everything back, that everything he said until now isn’t for him but for— “Hatz.”

He swallowed at that. “Yeah,” he agrees easily and he’s drowning now, he can’t breathe, and it’s really stupid now but— “and everything you said before, was it—was it meant for me?”

There’s a pause where all Khun ever does is stare at him, blue orbs fixated upon him with a strange look before he snorts, laughter bubbling out of his lungs like he couldn’t believe Hatz dared to think it wouldn’t be him. “Yes, you fucker. It’s always been you.”

Hatz laughed clumsily at that, because that sounds exactly like Khun. That sounds exactly like Khun when he’s talking to him, to him and only him and something inside him breaks over the realization, a sob escaping his lips. The next thing he feels is his eyes burning and Khun beside him, hands cupping his face and wiping the tears that are now streaming down his cheeks. He feels himself get pulled to Khun’s embrace and he’s still burning hot but Hatz can no longer distinguish it with the flame that’s ignited in his chest. There’s a lot of questions that remains unanswered between the two of them, but none of it matters right now, not when they’re in each other’s hold safe and sound, love mutual and crystal clear.

“I thought you’re in love with Bam,” Hatz tells him when things have finally calmed down between them and they’re lying on Khun’s bed, waiting for sunrise since they can’t really go back to sleep anymore.

“You have no idea how much I wanted that thought to be true myself before when I thought you didn’t feel the same way,” he laughs and Hatz can’t even find it in him to be offended because it’s true. No one in this world wouldn’t want to fall in love with Bam. “But I just—I didn’t feel the same way I felt about you on him.”

Okay, that sounds new. “Why?”

“Because you guys are different, obviously.”

“How?” He presses and hears Khun groan and he smiled cheekily.

“Because I’m in love with you,” he tells him, looking away from embarrassment. “That’s different.”

“When did you realize you are?” He asks again and laughs when Khun throws a pillow at him. “That’s my last question! I promise.”

Khun grumbles, and Hatz honestly finds it adorable. “On my fourteenth birthday. You spent the whole day with me even when you had somewhere to be,” he tells him, and holy shit, that’s a surprise. Hatz didn’t even think about that time being something special. He and his mom had to visit a relative but he refused to leave Khun alone in their house to spend his birthday so he stayed.

Hatz is speechless. He figured his feelings for Hatz even before him? How could he not have seen it? Was Khun really that good at hiding his feelings or was he just an idiot? He blinks dumbly at Khun before choking out a “yeah?”

The other boy snorts at the lack of reaction, moving to face Hatz again. “What about you?”

“What about me?” He asks, still dumbfounded.

“Same question,” Khun explains, laughing softly. “Damn, are you really that surprised with what I said?”

“Kind of,” he admits, sobering up. “But to answer your question, it was during Christmas break. I had assumptions before that, what I feel for you, I knew there’s something there that I—” a pause, “that I don’t feel for anybody else.”

When Khun remains silent, he continues. “The past three months before that was hell, everyone was coming for my ass to interfere, and,” he stops to lick his lips, “and Bam even asked me if I liked you back then.”

Khun hums. “And you said you didn’t.”

His eyes widened at that. “How did you know that?”

“Bam tells me everything.”

Wow, that shit is betrayal alright. He can’t believe Bam decided it would be nice to tell Khun about that. “Okay, but that’s because I was still under the impression that I just didn’t want you taken away from me.”

“Okay,” Khun agrees easily, laughing a little. “But I really thought you liked Ehwa back.”

Hatz snorts. “She’s beautiful, that’s for sure.”

“But?”

“She’s not you,” the words falls from his mouth easily and he realized how true it was, him only having his eyes on Khun and no one else, no matter how perfect that person might be. “It’s pretty much the same with you on Bam, maybe.”

Khun hums, eyes closing and Hatz can see him more clearly now, even with all the lights turned off. His pale blue lashes brushing his cheeks, some of his hair falling on his face, soft lips parted a little. Hatz have always known the boy is beautiful, but it doesn’t make him any less exhilarating to look at. His hand itch to touch the boy’s face but he doesn’t know how to do so—

“Stop thinking so loud,” Khun snaps him out of his reverie, eyes still closed. “And stop boring hole on my face, is there something weird on it?”

“Nothing,” he whispers, clearing his throat. “Go to sleep.”

“How am I supposed to fall asleep with you staring at me?” Khun frowns. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he tells him, feeling his face burn. “I just—nevermind.”

He feels Khun kick him on the leg and he yelps. “Tell me or I’ll kick you off my bed.”

“It’s really—stop it!” He whisper yells when Khun pinches him hard on his arm. “It hurts, okay?”

“Tell me.”

Hatz sighed. “I just—ugh, I just want to look at you, okay?” Goddamn, why was that so hard to admit? Hatz thinks it’s probably the hardest thing he’s ever done. It could even beat the confession he did last night.

The other is silent for a while, gaze heavy on his face before he laughs out loud  and pitiful Hatz realized that this, this is exactly what made it hard for him to admit as he watch the boy cackle at his suffering. “God, you’re so bad at this.”

“Hey, you’re not any better.” Hatz defends, scowling. “You can’t even look at me when you say—”

“Hush, I am now giving you the privilege to look at me for as long as you’d like.” Khun tells him and oh, Hatz definitely wants to punch him on the face now.

“I take it back, I want something else.” He tells him and before Khun can even ask him what he meant, he leans forward to kiss him. Khun gasped at the action but he doesn’t pull away, kissing him back with the same fervour. His hands went up to cup Khun’s face as he nibbles on the other’s lower lip and when the other boy is really getting into it, when his kisses became heated and hungry wanting for more, Hatz pulls away immediately leaving Khun dumbfounded.

“You should sleep,” he grins, snorting at how Khun looks utterly out of it. “Let’s sleep.”

When Khun finally came back to his senses, realizing what Hatz just did, he punched the boy in the arm so hard Hatz thinks it’ll probably bruise before turning away. Hatz spent the whole morning asking for the boy’s forgiveness.

“You look better, hon.” His Mom greets him as soon as he came home from Khun’s house.

Hatz rolled his eyes at that, knowing his mother well enough to know what she’s trying to say. “Do I?”

“Yes,” his Mom grins, eyes fixed on his face. “You’re glowing.”

Well, that was unexpected.

“I confessed,” he tells her when he sat on the couch just beside her again. “I know you’re just waiting for me to tell you what happened so here I am, telling you.”

“That’s great! Oh my, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.” Her mother claps joyfully, even going as far as to standing up from her seat. “You should invite A.A. for dinner tonight! What should I cook? Should I go for something western? He seem to like that more—”

“Mom, no.” He says, feeling a headache coming. “Just no. We’re not going to do any of that.”

“Why not?” She frowns and goddamn, she doesn’t look like a mother at the moment.

“Stop acting like we’re going to get married already,” he scolds her. “We literally just confirmed each other’s feelings.”

“Okay,” she sulks and Hatz can’t believe her mother is acting like a child at the moment.

“Next time,” he tells her in the end, cursing himself for being too soft. “Next time, Mom.”

She smiles at that before agreeing and well, he figured that’s enough.

Monday lunch was a mess.

Their friends are all staring at them incredulously specifically Shibisu and

Endorsi. They’ve been observing them suspiciously since the morning they came to school together that Hatz just wants to pull their eyes out of their sockets.

Shibisu was the first to speak, unable to handle his curiosity anymore.

“Okay, so I think we’ve waited long enough, I’ve waited long enough for you two to say something, anything, but it appears you aren’t even going to tell us what happened if we don’t ask—”

“You got that right.” Khun inserts before sipping on his banana milk.

“—so here I am, asking.” Shibisu drops his hands on the table, “what the fuck did we miss?”

Hatz looks towards his side, but Khun doesn’t even seem like he’s going to talk anytime soon. He asked Khun about it on the way to school, how they’re going to tell their friends what happened and all Khun said was:

“Let them rip their brains out guessing,” Khun shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m only ever going to tell Bam and him alone.”

“That’s cruel!” Shibisu whines when he heard Hatz’ explanation, glaring towards Khun. “How could you leave us out of it, Khun? After all we’ve been through—”

“I don’t remember going through shit with you,” Khun cuts him off to which Shibisu gasped dramatically before turning to look at Hatz, eyes accusatory.

“Hatz,” he calls and Hatz knows what’s coming. “Might I remind you about all the times I helped your ass out in the library when you can’t think for shit in essays and—”

Hatz sighed. “We fixed things, Isu. Let’s leave it at that.”

“No, I have a feeling that’s not the only thing that happened.” Endorsi enters, eyes squinting at them. “You have this vibe around you that you’ve never had before and it fucking stinks of romance and all that sappy shit I feel around couples.”

Wangnan nods, agreeing. “Perhaps Nirvana?”

Hatz hears it before he sees it. The sound of Khun’s carton of milk flying towards the boy’s face and hitting him spot on. Wangnan’s scream of pain echoed around the cafeteria and all their friends’ head turned to Khun including him. “Say that one more time and it will be the last thing you’ll ever say.”

He looked at Khun wide eyed after that sentence because holy shit, that’s kind of hot. “Well, shit.”

“Goddamn, we’re not supposed to get violent.” Shibisu exclaims, hand rubbing Wangnan’s back who has tears in his eyes.

“And you’re not supposed to assume shit and say it out loud right in front of our faces,” Khun snaps and Hatz doesn’t know why he finds the scene more amusing than terrifying that he doesn’t want it to stop.

“Shit, look at him go all heart eyes for Khun, what the fuck,” Anaak says, scrunching her nose in disgust.

“I follow your private account on twitter and I can see all your tweets about that Khun from section two I have contact with.” He says swiftly and sees the moment Anaak’s mouth fell open, eyes widening. “Try me, Anaak.”

“Goddamn, what a couple,”  Wangnan whispers, terrified at the duo they made. “I’m kind of regretting shipping them now.”

The word couple made him freeze for a second before turning to Khun. Is that what they are? They didn’t really say it out loud, they just confessed to each other but no one mentioned something about being a couple.

“Did you two get together?” All heads turned to Bam who remained silent all this time, smiling. Hatz’ mouth went dry when he realized the boy’s eyes are on him.

Of course he’d ask him. The last time he and Bam talked alone was when he asked Hatz if he liked Khun to which he said no, he didn’t, but here he is now totally in love with said boy.

Guilt pools in his stomach at the thought. “Bam—”

“Yes, Bam.” Khun cuts him off and he can’t see Khun’s expression because his body is facing the boy but his tone was careful, more serious than he’s ever been since they’ve sat there for lunch.

There’s a moment of silence after that where nobody dared to speak, the whole atmosphere turning sour at the moment before Bam speaks again. “I see.”

The boy is still smiling and the sight makes his heart throb in pain because the boy’s eyes are shining with unshed tears but he opted to keep smiling. “Uh, I have to go to the restroom, continue eating with—without me, please.”

His voice wobbled at the end and before they could even stop him, he’s out their table and rushing towards some place Hatz can only assume isn’t the restroom.

Khun doesn’t makes a move to stand and follow the boy, his face devoid of expression but Hatz knows how much the boy must be worried for Bam now. Slowly, he moves his hand to reach for Khun’s cold one making him turn to him. There isn’t anything to see on his face except the fact that he looks terrified at the moment. “Hatz.”

“I know,” Hatz tells him swiftly. “I’ll go after him, okay? It has to be me.”

Khun takes a while to respond, pursing his lips before he nods his head. “Okay.”

That’s more than enough to make him stand from where he sits and run towards where Bam went off to. He ran on the empty hallways, looking everywhere for Bam and when the boy remained nowhere in sight, he decided to check on the rooftop. There he sees the boy just standing on the edge and Hatz feels a strange feeling of deja vu except it’s not Khun this time but Bam and he is crying.

“Bam.” He calls out but the boy didn’t turn. He walks closer and when he’s just beside Bam, he calls him again. “Bam.”

The boy turns to him after that, and he’s still smiling despite his tears. “Congratulations.”

Fuck. “I’m sorry,” the words come out his mouth like air, “when you asked me before, I was telling you the truth—well, not entirely but it was what I believed at the moment.”

Bam doesn’t say anything so Hatz continues. “I only realized what I, what I really felt for him during Christmas break. I love him, Bam, and I—I swear to god, this whole time I thought he’s in love with you and I made peace with it. I only wanted to confess so I could get over him without regrets but I—” he pauses, pursing his lips, “I really didn’t know.”

He doesn’t think he can be happy if Khun loses Bam because of him. He can’t be that selfish, because even if he and Bam haven’t been the closest friends, they were friends nonetheless. He doesn’t want to lose Bam just because his relationship with Khun changed into something more. He doesn’t want this at all.

“You have nothing to say sorry for,” Bam tells him afterwards. “I knew Aguero was in love with you, he made that clear to me because he didn’t want me to have false hopes.” He wipes the tears from his cheeks and oh god, it really hurts to see Bam like this, to see him falling apart like this. “But I just love him so much, I couldn’t stop even after knowing his heart belongs to someone else.”

“Bam,” was all he could whisper, finding it hard to say more with the lump in his throat. He feels like an absolute dick and he wants to beg for the boy’s forgiveness even when the boy made it clear he have nothing to say sorry for. “Bam.”

“Back when you guys weren’t talking, I saw him looking at you from the other side of the table and it was, it was different. I’ve never seen him look at anyone that way and there’s something in there that I—I wanted for myself.” He bites his lower lip, looking away. “I wanted him to look at me like that, at least once. So I tried my luck.”

He takes a shaky breathe, Hatz could see the boy’s trembling hands. “But when he confirmed that you two are a thing earlier at the cafeteria and I saw the conviction and happiness in his eyes, I already knew that I would never be on the receiving end of that look.” He casts his golden eyes on him, a smile forming on his lips. “Because that look was reserved just for you.”

Hatz remains unmoving from where he stands, speechless.

“I want to be happy for you guys,” Bam says, sniffing. Hatz wishes he can do something more than listen to ease the boy’s pain even for just a little. “I really do, just—I just need some time.”

Ah, the irony.

“Sure,” Hatz agrees easily, smiling weakly. It’s the best he can offer for the boy without monopolizing what he and Khun has now, not like he’ll ever want to risk it anyway. “No matter how long it takes, Bam.”

“We’re still friends, right?” Bam asks and there’s a slight fear in his voice that Hatz couldn’t help but pull the boy for a hug.

“Of course,” Hatz assures him wholeheartedly, patting the boy’s back. Bam tightens his hold on Hatz. “We’ll always be friends.”

When they separate, Bam is smiling widely and Hatz knows the boy means it this time.

The walk home was silent.

Hatz has mixed feelings about the whole situation, but he can only imagine how hard it must be for Khun right now.  Bam has been the closest to the boy beside Hatz, he’s always been there for Khun so when he told Khun the boy asked for time, he expected to be met with silence.

“Hey,” he calls when the boy had been silent for a long time.

At this, Khun stops walking and glanced at him, eyes clouded. He doesn’t know what to say or how he should comfort the boy, but he wants him to know that he’s here.

“He’s going to be okay, right?” Khun starts. “He’s not—he’s not mad at me, right?”

Hatz shakes his head vehemently at that. “He’s not.”

Khun nods slowly. “I just hope he’s okay,” he tells him before he sighs. “I want to be with you like this, I want what we have now, but I never meant to hurt Bam and I don’t—I don’t want to lose what he and I have permanently, is that so selfish?”

Hatz feels his heart jump and drop so hard at that. He has never felt so conflicted with his feelings like this before. He’s happy that Khun had wanted him back, to hear him say that he wants what they currently have but he also can’t stand the fact that Khun is thinking that he’s selfish for wanting something for himself.

“You’re not selfish,” Hatz hears himself say and it’s the truth. Can you really call someone selfish for wanting happiness for himself? “And I can assure you that Bam doesn’t think you are too.”

The boy just blinks slowly at that so Hatz takes a deep breath and leans close towards the boy, hands reaching out to touch his face. “Listen to me, there’s nothing selfish about this, about you and me wanting each other like this. Bam isn’t blaming you for anything, and you’re definitely not going to lose him for this. He just needs some time.” He can feel that Khun is holding his breath all throughout his speech and he sighed. “And you’re not alone in this, okay? You have me.”

“Okay,” he hears the boy whisper and yes, that’s a good response.

Hatz smiled before pulling away, proud of Khun. “Good, but you still have to talk to him, alright? Bam probably wants to hear things from you too, things only you can tell him.”

“Yeah,” Khun’s eyes are clearer now, a little wide than normal as he keeps his gaze on Hatz and he looks kind of cute like this, Hatz fights the urge to pinch the boy’s cheek. “Yeah, okay.”

Hatz grins at that, and just because he can, he tells him the words that’s been itching to come out of his lips. “I love you.”

The boy obviously wasn’t prepared for that so he sputters, his whole face going red while Hatz just laughed at the boy. He only stopped to scream in pain when Khun had pinched his arm harshly afterwards.

When he told Ehwa about what happened, the girl laughed.

“Took you guys long enough,” she tells him. He smiled at that, he told Khun beforehand that he wants to tell Ehwa about them because the girl had helped him about a lot of things and he also just kind of wants to let her know what happened.

“He thought it would be rude though, since he still thinks you like me.” Hatz explains and Ehwa just rolled her eyes.

“Do tell him that I regret it,” she chuckles when he scowled. “I’m kidding, but tell him that I’ll be alright, I knew what I was getting into when I liked you.”

That made him think for a moment. The feeling was familiar, when he still thought that his feelings were unrequited, he had also been prepared for the outcome yet here he was, boyfriends with Khun. The thought sends a pleasant feeling to his chest. He had been so lucky. He vaguely wondered if Bam felt the same, since the boy told him he had expected it too.

“But really, all this time, you just thought he didn’t like you back?” Ehwa asks him incredulously and when he nods, she snorts. “You guys were that stupid, huh?”

“Hey!”

“No, seriously. Literally everyone in the school knows you guys have it hard for each other, I bet you fifty bucks all your friends knew about it.”

“Well, I was confused okay,” Hatz exclaims, putting his iced Americano down. “I did see signs like him being jealous of you or, or looking at me when I’m not looking but I ignored all of it because I thought he’s already had his eyes for Bam and I just—okay fuck, now I really sound stupid.”

“You noticed, huh.” Ehwa sips on her caramel macchiato frappe with a smile on her face and okay, she’s definitely enjoying this, roasting Hatz. “But maybe that’s what love does to people, you know? You’re so set into loving them that you only focus on the things they love and think, if that’s what’s going to make them happy then you’ll give them just that. That’s why you’re so sure on believing that he likes Bam,” she says, “because to you, he’s the person that makes Khun the happiest, right?”

Hatz feels as if Ehwa just took a peek at his heart after hearing what she said. “Yeah.”

“Right, and that made you overlook just how much you mean to him yourself.” Ehwa finished, still smiling and wow, how could she be so knowledgeable about love? Hatz doesn’t think the girl loved him, no, she only liked him yet she talks about it like it’s the most basic thing in the world.

“You talk as if you’ve been in love before,” he points out and was surprised when Ehwa laughed. “I’m in love, but I don’t think I could ever explain my feelings the way you do.”

“Oh boy,” she says, her eyes swimming with amusement. “Love is bound to make you speechless when it goes your way. The only reason why I get to talk about it so well is because I’ve never experienced love myself.”

“Khun, we’re not demanding too much, we just want to know who confessed first!” Shibisu whines. “We really need to know it!”

Since Hatz isn’t around, Shibisu and Endorsi had no choice but to come for Khun. They’re at the student council office after school to bother him about what happened.

“Why the fuck do you keep pushing this topic?” Khun asks irritably. “What’s it to you if who confessed first?”

Endorsi rubs her face, frustrated. “Okay, so, we had a bet—”

“What the fuck,” Khun glared murderously. “Literally fuck both of you, get out of my office.”

“Come on, Khun.” Endorsi insists. “I literally bet a hundred bucks on you! That’s how much I trusted you!”

“Ah, is that so?” Khun compiles some papers on his drawer. The idea of Endorsi losing money satisfies him. “Your loss then.”

There’s a whole second where he hears nothing until Shibisu jumps in delight, screaming and Endorsi kicking the nearest wall.

“Give me my money!” Shibisu waves his palm in front of Endorsi who just rolled her eyes before pulling out her purse. “Shit, I’m going to treat Hatz later. Boy made me so proud.”

“Buy me an ice cream while you’re at it.” Khun adds to which Shibisu raises his thumbs up. “Strawberry.”

“I can’t believe this,” Endorsi hands Shibisu the money begrudgingly, “I didn’t peg you for a coward, Khun.”

“Kiss my ass,” Khun tells her, standing up. He takes his sling bag as the two of them stands up too, ready to leave.

“Khun’s not a coward.” Shibisu points out as they step outside and Khun locks the door. “He rejected sunshine Bam for Hatz. That’s the hardest job in the world.”

“You say that but you put your bet on Hatz? Shameless.” Khun comments. Endorsi snorts despite losing money.

“Hey, don’t misunderstand,” they start walking out on the empty hallways. Khun wonders if Hatz is still on the coffee shop with Ehwa. “You may be braver than Hatz in a lot of things, but this case is different.”

Khun arched an eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I just knew that you’ll never step up to bare your feelings if it puts your friendship at risk,” Shibisu smiles. “No matter how much you want it to be more.”

“Graduation is coming,” Hatz looks to Khun who has his eyes on the ceiling. It’s been a month since the two of them got together and they are on his room for the night, empty ice cream cups on his bedside table as they just lay there side by side. “Time flies so fast.”

“Time flies so fucking fast when I’m with you, one month felt like a second.” Hatz corrects. “But it goes so fucking slow when we’re not talking. Three months felt like three years.”

Khun snorts at that. “Just say you love being with me and go.”

“Okay,” he agrees easily. “I love being with you.”

He said it so smoothly that Khun chokes on his own spit, making Hatz laugh. Oh boy, he’s starting to get so into teasing Khun these days that he can’t stop doing it more and more. The boy’s reactions never fail to amuse him. “Stop that!”

“What?” He asks innocently, biting back a smile.

“You know what I mean,” Khun grumbles, getting up to sit. “Stop it.”

“I’ll think about it,” he pauses, rolling to lie on his stomach, “okay, I don’t want to.”

“You are such an ass.”

“But you love this ass.”

To his surprise, Khun smirked appreciatively at that, his eyes hovering down his body. “It’s a nice ass.”

Oh? “You haven’t seen yours.”

Khun rolled his eyes. “Don’t misunderstand, my ass is superior.”

“Of course it is,” he licks his lips, grinning. “It’s blue.”

The pillow hits his face right away.

If you ask him if something changed since they confessed to each other, he’d say that nothing really did, except they are now in a relationship, he gets to touch the boy more, and he gets to kiss him when he wants to, which is good, but that’s it. They still act like an asshole to each other most of the time specially Khun when he’s being a bitch and student council duties is fucking his brain out but that’s okay, Hatz loves what they have either way. They are also learning to lean towards each other more, even when they weren’t used to it before. So it’s all good, everything is well. They are happy.

Time flies.

“Where are you studying for college?” He asks one night when they’re cuddling on Khun’s bed. He knew the question was inevitable so might as well get it over with. “I’m going for the one downtown.”

Khun remains silent for a while, eyes closed, his head resting on his arm. Hatz waits patiently to get him to talk, he’s used to Khun falling silent like this once in a while that he can almost hear the clogs in his head working as he sighed. “I’m still thinking.”

Hatz remembers all the invitations from top universities he saw just resting on top of Khun’s study table, unopened and smiled weakly.

He’s aware of it all. Aware of the high possibility that they’re going to separate on college, with Khun going on a different path. The boy has so much potential on his sleeves, he can literally go anywhere with only his brain with him. So if the boy wants to achieve greater heights, Hatz will never stop him, will never be selfish enough to do so. If he wants to soar higher, Hatz will let him do just that and watch him as he goes. But—

“No matter what you decide, I’ll support you, okay?” He assures the boy, just in case. He feels Khun’s head move upon hearing that as he continues. “So don’t hesitate to tell me where you’d like to go, even if it’s not on the same place as mine.”

He can feel Khun’s gaze heavy on his face before he presses a quick kiss on his lips as he whispers, “I love you.”

Hatz blinks at his boyfriend. The words took him by surprise, because Khun never actually says those words out loud and hearing it now sends a shiver down his spine and his heart stuttering on his chest.

“Love you too,” he whispers back and that was enough. Hatz didn’t need anything more right now, they’ll talk about it again when Khun brings it up afterwards. In the meantime, he settles with having Khun on his arms, warm and breathing. He kisses the boy’s forehead before cuddling him closer to which the boy gave a satisfied hum, head leaning to his chest.