Chapter Text
“You ready?” Harry asked Hermione while he gently squeezed her hand. She shot him a small smile and nodded. On the other side of her stood Ron with a hand resting on her shoulder. Together they got onto the train and looked for an empty cabin where they settled in.
After everything she went through last year, Hermione couldn’t wait to start school again. She needed a steady pattern filled with normalcy. No better place than at Hogwarts. Hermione’s summer was kind of hectic. After she was released from the treatment centre for her eating disorder, Hermione had a relapse. It was painful for her and her parents, but it was a wake up call for them. The therapy, the treatments, they weren’t helping Hermione as they’d hoped. It was hard for Hermione to keep Hogwarts, magic, etc. a secret during therapy. Her parents thought magic was precisely what was making her sick. They were even considering sending her to a muggle school. But after her relapse they finally understood that this wasn’t her world anymore.
Hermione got a witch-therapist, Reminica Rindalo. Minnie for short. Mental health was rarely recognized in the Wizarding World, but a few half bloods and muggle borns have been pushing a mental health awareness campaign. Reminica was one of the only therapists in this ‘new’ field. Hermione was lucky to have gotten her as a therapist.
Immediately, Hermione clicked more with her than her previous therapist, whom she didn’t even get past a first-name basis with. To make their appointments easier, Hermione moved in with the Weasley’s. She faced a hard talk with Harry, Ron and Ginny, but all of them felt so much better after it. Her friends didn’t understand Hermione’s issues completely, but they were very understanding about them. Hermione opened up about not wanting to be treated like a fragile little girl, and they listened, though they couldn’t help to worry once in a while.
“I’m going to go say hello to some people.” Hermione announced, standing up. She carefully worded the sentence, but the boys got the message. She was going to see Blaise, Theo and Draco.
“Wait,” Harry grabbed her wrist before she left the cabin. ”Hermione, things aren’t the same. People, they change.”
“I know, Harry.” Hermione let out a small laugh.
“I- just don’t get your hopes up.” Hermione was puzzled by his wording, but didn’t inquire further.
She left the cabin and headed deeper into the train searching for her Slytherin friends. Truthfully, she wasn’t sure if they still considered her their friend. She didn’t owl them since she… left, and they didn’t owl her either. Hermione wasn’t exactly bothered by it. She had more on her mind than to worry about who owls her or not, but she still worried if they’d just forgotten about her.
Deep in her thoughts, Hermione absentmindedly slammed into another body. After collecting herself and looking up, ready to apologize, Hermione was stunned into silence. “Hi.” She managed to croak out after a few moments.
“Hi,” Blaise answered, equally stunned. “Didn’t know if you were coming back or not.” Hermione had expected a bit of a more enthusiastic greeting from him, but didn’t comment on it verbally.
“Well, here I am.”
“And are you… okay?”
“Yes, I am.” Hermione answered honestly. She got triggered once in a while, but she had learned healthy coping mechanisms and had a good support system around her. She’d still owl Minnie at least once a week. If she needed it, she’d have access to a floo call with her too.
“Good.” Blaise said, before stuffing his hands in his pockets. ”Well, take care.” And with that, he brushed past her.
Hermione’s surprise turned into insecurity and impending anger. She was expecting a kiss on the cheek, or at least a hug. Blaise was usually very giddy, just like a child, but now he was giving her the cold shoulder.
Hermione’s nerve disappeared as she headed back to her own cabin before finding the other two boys.
“Couldn’t find them.” Hermione lied through her teeth before closing the cabin door behind her. She settled back in with Harry and Ron. They didn’t really speak much, though.
Hermione wouldn’t say this out loud, but both of them have been acting differently around her. They still teased her, joked with her, but something was different in the air. At first, Hermione thought it was because of her eating disorder, but lately she was thinking it was something deeper. She had gotten a brief summary of what happened late last year from Ginny. Ron barely talked about it and Harry never mentioned it. Obviously losing Sirius was painful for him, but it was more than just grief; part of Harry just wasn’t there.
Hermione and Harry have always been close. He was her chosen family and she his. They told each other everything and sometimes when they met up in the muggle world in their holidays people would mistake them for a couple. Last year, everything changed. Harry didn’t even notice Hermione pulling back from him. That was probably what was making it so hard for them to click. Hermione felt Harry didn’t trust her anymore. Nothing ever made his trust waver, not even when she befriended the notoriously evil Slytherins, but this did. He couldn’t rely on her anymore.
When the train stopped, the three friends gathered their things and got off. Hermione struggled a bit with her heavy bags. Her mind briefly flashed back to the previous year when she returned from Christmas holiday and Draco carried her bags for her. They weren’t nearly as heavy, but she remembered clear as day how much more she struggled with them. The thought of how brittle and frail her body was at the time made Hermione shiver. What’s worse was that nobody noticed. No one but Draco.
Hermione’s eyes shot out over the crowd of students, looking for the familiar platinum hair. Her heart slightly faltered when she realized he was nowhere to be seen. Draco had been on her mind a lot. At first, she tried to convince herself her feelings for him were just a side effect of a starved delirium, but not once did she fail to blush when she thought of him. Hermione felt so silly for convincing herself he didn’t care about her. She was so blinded by her own insecurities, she completely ignored the fact that Draco always brought her food and made sure she ate, even noticing when she stopped. She ignored how he stopped drinking. For her . She ignored how he kissed her.
Hermione’s head was more clear now, and she realized both of them were flirting and playing for almost a whole year. It wasn’t one sided. All she wanted to do was tell him how stupid she was and explain everything to him. And then recreate the moment they shared in the Infirmary last year (and then some).
This year, Hermione was once again sharing a room with Ginny. The girl didn’t sit with them on the train because she and Harry broke up last year and Ron still didn’t know they dated in the first place. Hermione felt guilty for missing such a big point in Ginny’s life. Especially since she felt partly responsible. Everything was going fine with them before Hermione overdosed.
Ginny reassured her that it was not her fault at all. She said that Harry didn’t think it was safe for them to continue dating, and Ginny felt guilty about hiding it from Ron, but Hermione knew there was more to the story. But she didn’t pry about it.
Hermione was hoping she could catch Draco and Theo before dinner started, but once again, she couldn’t find them. She thought about maybe sneaking into the Slytherin common room after dinner, but then she saw Theo, Draco and Blaise enter the Great hall together. They were late to the feast. Hermione smiled and waved at them, but they looked right through her, as if she were see-through. Hermione’s face faltered. Maybe they hadn’t seen her. Deep inside, Hermione knew better. They had definitely seen her and even if they hadn’t, Blaise would’ve told them she was back. Why didn’t they look for her to say ‘hi’? It was like they were avoiding her.
All throughout dinner Hermione was looking at the three boys. Not once did any of them spare her a glance. Near the end of dinner, Astoria Greengrass swooped in next to Draco. Hermione’s eyes widened. Why is she there? Hermione’s heart and jaw dropped when she saw what happened next: Astoria looped her arm through Draco’s and clutched it while placing a kiss on his cheek.
Hermione wanted to cry then and there, but kept herself composed while she tried to rationalize the situation. Draco didn’t owe her anything. She left. He was well within his rights to move on, even though they never officially had something to move on from. It still hurt. But Astoria? Of all people, why did it have to be Astoria? She was one of the nicer girls from Slytherin, and definitely the prettiest, even if she was younger than everyone else. Hermione couldn’t help but envy her slightly.
“When did that happen?” Hermione asked Padma, who was sitting next to her. Nobody but Harry, the Weasleys and the 3 Slytherins (though in much less detail) knew about why Hermione really left. A rumor circulated school about her passing out from too much stress. It was believable and not surprising, so everyone just went with it. No one had asked Hermione to confirm, because everyone assumed it was true.
“Dunno. I think they got engaged some time over the summer.” Padma answered.
“Engaged?” Hermione exclaimed. They have never even spoken. Not last year at least. How could Draco forget about her so easily.
“It’s pureblood tradition. I’m pretty sure it’s arranged.” Hermione took note of Draco’s careless demeanor. He didn’t react at all when Astoria kissed him. It didn’t even look like he was listening to the girl.
Hermione examined him a bit closer. His eyes looked incredibly tired, with large bags underneath. His hair was untamed, and his tie was crooked. If Hermione wasn’t so head over heels for him, she would’ve said he looked like absolute shit. She couldn’t help but worry. Theo didn’t look that much better, either. Hermione wondered what happened to them.
After dinner Hermione went straight to her room, exhausted by all the seemingly minor changes around Hogwarts. After a quick shower, Hermione settled into her bed. Oh, how she missed her Hogwarts bed. She used to complain about the stiffness of them, especially compared to Draco’s fancy, imported mattress, but she could never get quite used to any other bed. They were all just too soft.
“You alright?” Ginny asked as she entered the room.
“Fine.” Hermione took note of Ginny’s appearance: her hair was up in a braided bun, her face was wearing some light make-up, and she had a short, red dress on. “Going somewhere?”
“You know how it is. Party in the common room the first day back. Fred and George have enough pepper-up potions for tomorrow’s hangovers so pretty much everyone’s going. You should come.”
“I’m pretty tired.”
“Hermione, it’s barely even nine. You should come. It’d be good for you.” Ginny said softly. She didn’t want Hermione to shut herself off from everyone like last year. Keeping her busy with social activities would hopefully keep her mind off anything else. “Besides, you can be my wingman. I’m tired of being single.”
“So you and Harry are really over, huh?” Hermione asked.
“We were over before we even broke up. And a girl like me doesn’t stay single for long.”
“I love your confidence.” Hermione said truthfully. She admired Ginny for a plethora of things. It would be impossible for her to name them all.
“Nothing’s stopping you from being just as confident.” Hermione snorted to this. “I’m serious, ‘Mione. You just need to get out of your shell a bit more. You have nothing to be insecure about. You’re breathtaking, inside and out. Not a lot of people can say that. If you’d just treat yourself a bit better.”
“I treat myself just fine,” Hermione huffed. Ginny shot her a look so she added a mumbled: “Now.”
“Hermione, get out of bed and get dressed. I’m not taking no for an answer.” Hermione knew better than to argue with Ginny. That girl had a will made of steel. She quickly pulled on a pair of mom jeans and a blue wrap shirt. “Those make your bum look good.” Ginny commented.
“Ginny!” Hermione blushed and wrapped her arms around her waist, feeling a bit self conscious.
“None of that.” Ginny swatted her hands away. “You look great stop fussing. Now let me fix that birdsnest you call hair.”
Ginny cast a quick straightening spell on Hermione’s hair. Instead of her hair being straight as needles, her frizzy bush transformed into nice curly waves. Hermione had very stubborn hair that didn’t like to work with her. It had a whole life of its own. Sleekeazy only ever worked when she used a whole bottle. This spell tamed her curls instead of straightening them out, but Hermione quite liked it like this. Maybe she could use the spell a bit more often.
After a little dash of blush and mascara, Ginny pulled Hermione out into the roaring common room. There were bottles of firewhiskey and butterbeers everywhere. The twins were playing drinking games with a few of the second years (Hermione scowled at the sight), Ron and Harry were trying to outdrink each other, the first years watched in bewilderment from a little corner.
Hermione felt completely out of her element surrounded by all this chaos. Contrary to the belief of a lot of her classmates, she really wasn’t that judgemental about drinking and partying, she just didn’t like participating herself. Hermione understood that this was generally just part of being a teenager, but she rarely felt the need to behave this way. It didn’t do much for her popularity, but Hermione never minded.
However, after what she saw Draco go through last year, she couldn’t help but feel nauseous and guilty. She couldn’t imagine how he must’ve felt during all those Slytherin parties.
“‘Mioneeee,” Ron slurred as he walked up to her with two drinking in hand. “Here, have a drink.” her swung his arm over her shoulders, pulling her in for an awkward hug while shoving a drink into her hands.
“I think you’ve had enough, Ron.” Hermione ‘joked’ and grabbed the other drink out of his grasp too, setting them down on the table. He didn’t even notice.
“Did you see me win?!” The boy was swaying, barely able to stand up straight on his two feet. Hermione gently led him to the couch and plopped them both down. “The chosen one my ass, he can’t even take a shot.”
Hermione was slightly amused by her friend’s drunken stupor, although annoyed that she would now inevitably have to babysit Ron for the rest of the night. Across the room she saw Ginny getting a bit too friendly with Dean. At least one of them was having a good time. “Ron, where’s Harry?” Harry was known to have a shit tolerance, and an even shittier gag reflex. Hermione worried he might be choking on his own vile somewhere.
“Dunno, fuckin’ Cho maybe.” Ron snuggled into her side, like a little puppy.
“He moved on that fast?” Hermione muttered.
“Whatchu mean?” Ron mumbled into her shoulder. Hermione cursed herself for letting it slip, but was thankful Ron was probably too pissed to remember anything.
“Nothing.” Ron was starting to doze off and Hermione could tell. She shrugged him awake with his shoulder. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?”
Hermione struggled to carry Ron up the stairs. His legs were barely moving. She started silently cursing Ginny for making her go out in the first place. While she was getting it on with Dean, Hermione was stuck taking care of her brother.
Hermione finally got Ron into bed. She took off his shoes before throwing a blanket over him. She couldn’t help but laugh to herself. Everyone always joked that she was the mom of the group, and now she was finally starting to believe them. This was very motherly of her.
“Hermy?” Ron mumbled into his pillow. Hermione rolled her eyes in annoyance at the nickname. Sometimes she hated her parents for naming her ‘Hermione’. Even her first (and only) boyfriend struggled to pronounce her name until they were months into the relationship.
“Yes, Ronald?”
“I’m gonna be sick.” Before Hermione could even process his words, he was spewing all his contents out on her jeans. Hermione’s mind couldn’t help but flash to last year, when she was sitting on the tile, bathroom floor with her fingers so far down her throat, her knuckles would bruise.
“Ron!” Hermione shrieked. Right on cue, 2 other boys entered the room. One burst out laughing. Cormac. “Shut up, McLaggen!” Usually Hermione wouldn’t have snapped like that on someone she barely ever spoke to, but she couldn’t find the humor in this situation.
“Get a load of this, Harry. Now both you and your best mate can’t hold their drinks.” Cormac teased as he, similarly to how Hermione did with Ron, plopped Harry down on his bed. Harry wasn’t much better off than Ron, but at least he’d already purged his stomach in the bathroom.
“Dick.” Hermione muttered under her breath, earning another hefty laugh from Cormac.
“I’m just kidding.” He smiled and scourgified Hermione’s clothes.
“Thanks.” Hermione had left her wand in her room. She wouldn’t have wanted a repeat of last year, when Draco threw up on her and Theo told her to throw on his clothes. She guessed she didn’t mind it all too bad, since she did indeed keep his clothes, and even wore them when she was getting treated for her disorder. They comforted her. Hermione even charmed them so that Draco’s scent wouldn’t leave them.
“No problemo.” The two awkwardly stood in the room, next to drunken boys that both smelled of whiskey and bile. Neither really knew what to say, until Cormac broke the tension. “So… you were talking about my dick?”
Hermione’s jaw dropped as she felt her face starting to heat up. “I- I was not!”
“Lighten up, ‘Mione. I’m just teasing.” Hermione didn’t like that he used her nickname. ‘’Mione’ was reserved for friends, and she doubted how much she’d want to befriend a guy who makes such crude comments barely knowing a girl.
“Very funny.” Hermione said sarcastically. “Well, I should be going.”
“Stay.” Cormac gently grabbed her arm before she could move past him. “Imagine the rumors if you come down from the boys’ dormitory, hair all messy. Wait ‘till the party’s over.”
“The party won’t be over for hours.” Hermione wiggled out of his grip. “And my hair isn’t messy.” Ginny made sure of that.
Cormac quickly ruffled Hermione’s hair with his now free hand. “It is now.” He laughed as if it was the funniest thing. Hermione forced out a small chuckle out of politeness. “So, how was your summer?”
The pair ended up having a nice conversation. After Hermione got over her initial annoyance, she realized Cormac really wasn’t that bad. Especially when he cut the crude jokes. He was actually funny. The two were laughing for hours, and not once did Harry or Ron wake up. Mclaggen even gave her his robes after she shivered.
Hermione went to bed with a smile on her face that night, happy she listened to Ginny (who didn’t show up until 5 am).