Archive of Our Own

nayeon likes slow music, sana likes rock.

nayeon loves colorful dresses and skirts, sana’s entire closet is black, her usual attire a pair of black ripped jeans and combat boots.

nayeon loves chocolate milkshakes, sana prefers strawberry. nayeon wants to watch horror movies when they get together for a movie night, sana hates them. she’d much rather watch a japanese cartoon, or even a romance.

they are opposites, yet they’re best friends. where nayeon goes, sana goes; and where sana goes, nayeon follows. it has always been like that, just the two of them.

they’ve known each other since they were children, back when sana moved into the house next to nayeon’s.

curious as younger nayeon always was, she’d pulled a garden chair over to the fence separating the two neighboring backyards one day, promptly got on and, barely, peeked over the fence.

she’d previously been seeing a little girl enter that house, so she’d made it her mission to befriend her. luckily for her, the girl was sat in the backyard that day making flower crowns out of the little daisies that grew in between the grass.

“hey!” nayeon yelled at once. the other girl confused, looked around her. “over here!”

soon a pair of big brown eyes met nayeon’s, and nayeon smiled. “i’m your neighbor!”

sana looked back at her, seemingly unsure what to make of her when nayeon spoke up again.

“my name is nayeon! i’m six years old”

“six?” sana asked herself, counting in korean with her fingers, slowly. “oh!”

“you don’t understand me well?”

sana shook her head, and replied in japanese, “i’m sana, i’m 5” holding up five fingers.

“Five!” nayeon replied. Sana nodded.

“Sana,” she pointed at herself.

“Nayeon,” nayeon mirrored her.

they have been inseparable ever since.

during the months after their first meeting nayeon did her best to help sana learn korean as fast as she could - and sana was a fast learner. they had study dates every friday, which turned into play dates when sana no longer needed nayeon’s help with korean.

their parents accepted quickly that the girls were now attached at the hip, never not wanting to spend a day together or even leave with their families for vacation. where nayeon’s family wanted to go to, sana’s followed; and when sana’s family wanted to visit relatives in japan, nayeon and sana begged both of their parents to let her tag along.

sana had showed nayeon around her hometown then, introduced her to the best food and took her to her favorite playground near her old school.

-

when nayeon was 12 and sana 11, freshly in 5th grade, a new girl from kyoto transferred into their class.

sana, finally meeting a fellow japanese, naturally befriended momo. it was the cause of their first real fight, because in sana’s excitement over meeting someone like her, she forgot about nayeon sometimes.

they didn’t meet up as much anymore, sana walked around school with momo often, leaving nayeon all alone; or if they were all together, sana and momo would speak japanese with each other, completely forgetting about nayeon.

it took a week for nayeon to snap, and it ended with her crying - something she rarely does, and sana regretful, guilty, and hurt. she’d never imagined to be the reason for nayeon’s extremely rare tears.

it took a few weeks and conversations for things to slowly get back to normal, and soon nayeon and momo were friends too. (momo felt so bad after sana told her what happened that she studied harder and tried her best to befriend nayeon, too)

now, years later, it was all forgotten. nayeon and sana were nayeon and sana. and momo was simply their other best friend.

although momo felt a little bit left out sometimes, because the other two really were inseparable, she didn’t blame them, because it is what being best friends for your entire life does to you.

it all got a little better when momo met a fellow japanese girl named mina in her dance class two years later. dancing had always been momo’s passion, and mina did ballet practically since birth, now wanting to try out other styles and joining momo’s hip hop class.

they found out that mina was in the grade below, and mina was soon integrated into their little friend group. with mina, dahyun soon followed - a pale and significantly shorter girl in her grade. she was the youngest out of the five of them, and nayeon made it her personal mission to baby her whenever she could.

the five of them got along well, with sana and nayeon naturally attached at the hip, sana and momo sharing every single one of their interests, hopes and dreams, mina and momo sharing their love for dance, and mina and dahyun the calmer ones of the group to balance them out when the eldest three would get too extreme.

it would’ve all been too perfect, if it wasn’t for feelings getting in the way, of course.

-

nayeon is thirteen when she realizes she doesn’t look at boys like she’s supposed to, because she much rather looks at girls. girls are prettier, young nayeon decides.

nayeon is fourteen when her parents get a divorce and her father runs off with the woman he cheated with, and nayeon decides she hates men.

she hates her father for breaking her mom’s heart; she hates jinyoung from bio for tripping dahyun in the hall one day and making her fall and break her glasses; and she most definitely hates every boy in school that ever comes close to any of her friends.

she just thinks they’d be better off without any boys trying to worm their way into the group and eventually separate them.

when they enter high school at 16 (nayeon is 17) it all goes to hell. because now boys are more pushing than ever. suddenly everyone wants to go to the movies and kiss and dance at parties and date and — nayeon hates it.

not because it ends up separating their group somehow, no. mina and momo were always more interested in dance, or video games. dahyun was always a little behind them, being the youngest, and she didnt really stand out too much to anyone yet.

but sana. sana who grew up to be the most beautiful girl in the entire school. sana with a body to die for. sana who was so charming yet so cool at the same time - boys and girls were practically lined up to get a chance at a date with her.

and nayeon really wasn’t that much different, she had a lot of suitors as well, but she always immediately made it clear to everyone that she was not interested. like momo and mina.

sana loves the attention. plays around with it, just a little to give them a bit and leaving them wishing for more. she makes a reputation for herself, despite never even going as far as kissing someone.

and nayeon hates it. she hates when sana entertains them, hates the flirting and the mindless touching and the sheepish looks.

honestly, momo always kind of had a hunch about nayeon’s feelings.

she could tell even back when they were little kids that nayeon looked at sana differently. so when they grew up and learned about feelings and relationships and dating, it became obvious to momo.

she was the one who knew them the longest, so she saw when nayeon’s affections towards sana started changing.

she noticed when nayeon would hug sana a bit longer, when she’d mindlessly touch her arm and linger there for a bit longer than necessary, when sana would innocently take nayeon’s hands and the older girl would look at it with a kind of longing in her eyes — momo saw it all.

one day, when it was just nayeon and momo hanging out in the backyard of momo’s house (because sana was stuck at home celebrating her dad’s birthday), momo dared to voice her assumption.

“i’ve been thinking about something for a while,” momo started, catching nayeon’s eyes darting over to hers.

they were laying in the set of garden chairs momo’s mother loved so much, just laying under the warm sun and enjoying the comfortable silence.

“actually, it’s been a few years.. i waited, because i wanted to give you the opportunity to come to us and tell us...” nayeon met momo’s eyes again, panic written all over her face.

“nayeon, do you like girls?”

time stopped for a while, as nayeon stared at momo with her mouth slightly opened, holding her breath.

“i- i’m,” she stammered out, couldn’t form a sentence.

momo put on a smile, and decided to be brave, for nayeon.

“i like mina.”

if nayeon wasn’t shocked before, she surely was then. her jaw practically hit the floor.

“you what?”

momo chuckled, “can you blame me?”

the shock wore off, then, “i mean... no? i don’t know why i’m surprised. you two were basically made for each other,” nayeon quickly realized.

“i don’t remember when it started.. it feels like i’ve liked her for forever..”

and nayeon feels a lump in her throat at her words, her mind unwillingly filled with thoughts about a certain neighbor of hers. she physically shook her head to push those thoughts away, though.

“so it’s okay if you like girls. because i do too,” momo smiled at her again, and soon nayeon’s teeth were on display as a bright smile spread across her face.

“have i been that obvious?” nayeon asks, then.

momo laughs.

“i don’t think you have. it takes one to know one, i guess?”

they exchange grins, and it stays their little secret from then on.

momo doesn’t bring up her suspicions about nayeon’s feelings for sana, deciding it would be best to let the universe do its thing. (for now)

-

high school was hard. school days were longer, assignments and homework piled up, and tests became more frequent. on top of that, the girls had to handle the struggles of friendship and love, and jealousy.

sana and nayeon always arrived to school together. sana driving them in her old beat up honda civic from 1998—a hand me down gift from her father for her sixteenth birthday.

it was sana’s pride and joy, even though it was almost as old as herself. she’d worked a summer job and invested all her money into a better speaker and radio system for the car.

one thing to know about sana was that she loves music, listening to it, at least.

much to nayeon’s dismay, sana’d followed in her dad’s footsteps with his love for rock bands. and nayeon thinks sana made it her personal mission to murder her ear drums one day, always driving with the volume turned up way too high - and at 7 in the morning too.

but nayeon doesn’t adore her less for it, no, quite the opposite. she loves the way sana and her grew up to be the complete opposite of each other, yet never actually arguing or clashing with one another.

they’d arrive to school together, sana’s arm lazily thrown over nayeon’s shoulder, and nayeon would have to hide her blush more than often.

you’d think after years of knowing her and loving her nayeon wouldn’t blush at the simplest action, but it seems to nayeon that her feelings grew every day.

she couldn’t remember when it started, honestly. she couldn’t pin point the exact moment even if she tried to - it seems to her that she always loved sana.

back when they were children, when they had one of their movie nights, they’d opted to watch a cheesy romance instead of a cartoon.

sana was eight, nayeon nine, and when the protagonist and the love interest kissed each other on screen, the ever so curious little girls turned to each other and nayeon said, “i wonder what that feels like.”

sana hadn’t wasted a second to press her lips to nayeon’s, softly, making the older girl gasp in surprise.

“like that,” sana said, grinning from one ear to the other. they looked each other in the eyes for a while, before breaking out into giggles.

display of affection was normal between the two. you could always see them glued to each other, nayeon cuddled up into sana’s side, sana pressing kisses to nayeon’s cheeks, nayeon nuzzling her face into sana’s neck as they cuddle - it was something so normal.

nayeon simply couldn’t pinpoint when those normal actions made her heart beat faster and her skin tingle.

perhaps it had always been like that. perhaps it started when sana stole nayeon’s first kiss. or maybe it already happened when sana looked back at her that day when nayeon peeked over the fence.

-

when sana was sixteen, and nayeon seventeen, they were on a party with momo and mina. it was just their second real party they’d ever been to that involved alcohol, so they didn’t know their tolerance well back then.

nayeon was piss drunk within an hour, and sana wasn’t better off either.

when the ever present game of spin a bottle that teenagers loved to do started, nayeon and sana foolishly joined.

mina and momo stayed back, not wanting to waste their first kiss while drunk and most likely with a stranger.

when the bottle landed on nayeon and the eyes of drop dead gorgeous park jihyo met her, she felt herself blush. she didn’t like jihyo, not at all, but she was still a pretty girl who was about to kiss her.

the boys in the round shouted in joy, and it made nayeon want to roll her eyes to the back of her head, but then jihyo was in front of her cupping her jaw and then her lips were on hers - and they were gone as quickly.

it was just a simple peck, and nayeon understood, when the angry eyes of jihyo’s friend jeongyeon met hers after she opened her eyes again.

when nayeon reached forward to spin the bottle she was sure her heart was about to jump out of her chest.

why did she agree to do this again? in her head, she was praying it wouldn’t land on a boy. she’d take anyone, but not a boy. that was beneath her.

the bottle spun and spun and landed back in her direction, but a little to the left. right where sana sat.

nayeon’s world stopped, and now her heart was about to jump out of her chest. she slowly turned her head, seeing sana already looking at her with wide eyes.

‘you can do this, it’s just your best friend’ nayeon thought to herself. ‘who you’ve been in love with your entire life,’ her mind added automatically.

the corner of sana’s lips curled up, and her body slowly turned to nayeon. her hand was already making her way up to the back of nayeon’s neck, and nayeon felt frozen.

it was hot, way too hot, and she could bet that she was as red as a tomato.

‘it’s just a simple peck, nothing-

sana’s soft lips met hers, and she tasted of jellies and vodka, and her hand was in her hair pulling her closer.

nayeon couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything, thought it was about to be over anyways, but then a tongue forced itself into nayeon’s mouth, slowly and carefully.

she shivered, suddenly it was cold and everything was tingling and oh my fucking-

sana pulled back, grinning, and nayeon blinked.

sana stood up, announced she has played enough, and pulled nayeon away with her.

“jesus christ,” momo said when the two reached her and mina in the back of the room.

“fun game, huh?” sana giggled, took her cup back from mina and took several sips.

nayeon forced herself to smile, to not look like she’d seen a ghost anymore. she had the urge to scream out in joy, and her heartbeat was still ragged.

sana and her never spoke about it again. it was just for the game, after all. but nayeon found herself dreaming about it every night.

-

“dubu!” nayeon shouts down the hall, catching the girl just as she is about to enter the cafeteria.

“ah, hi, unnie,” dahyun answers, smile as bright as ever, and waits as nayeon catches up with her so they can go in together.

“how was class?” nayeon asks, swinging an arm around the shorter girl and ruffling up her hair as they walk through the cafeteria to their usual table.

dahyun groans a bit and moves to get her hair out of her face,

“good, i got an A+ on my music theory test!”

“aww, i’m so proud of you, come here,” nayeon coos, pressing a kiss to dahyun’s temple.

when she pulls back they reach their usual table, where momo, mina and sana are already sitting.

she is about to greet her friends, when she notices the presence of a brown haired girl next to sana, animately talking to her.

by the glow in her eyes, and sana’s signature flirty smile, the interaction is not about school related things.

“hi,” nayeon throws into the round, not meeting momo nor mina’s eyes as she sits down and grabs her lunch out of her backpack.

it really isn’t her place, it really shouldn’t, but nayeon’s mood is sour in an instant. she hates that she’s so jealous, when sana isn’t even hers to be jealous about.

she tries to ignore the whispers of sana and the unknown girl next to her, or the way the girl giggles at every other thing sana says; she tries not to look at sana, for seeing the playful look in her eyes would surely stab her like a knife. nayeon hates feeling like this.

“unnie,” momo addresses her, making her look up from her untouched food and send her a questioning look.

“eat something, we have PE after lunch.” nayeon gives her a smile, and it’s genuine.

she’s thankful for momo in situations like these, always getting her out of her head somehow and taking care of her.

it doesn’t take long after that until the still unknown girl is finally gone, and sana’s attention immediately falls on nayeon.

“hey, are we still up for after school?” sana asks, a warm smile on her face - the complete opposite of the mischievous smile she wore just moments ago.

“of course, unless you have somewhere else you need to be...?” nayeon leaves the question open, rather wanting to ask something like ‘why, do you want to spend time with her instead?’

“just checking in,” sana grins and starts eating, too.

“hey, sana-unnie, who was that?” dahyun asks innocently enough, but she knows she’s doing a favor for the other girls gathered around the table.

“oh just eunha,” sana waves her off, as if the girl doesn’t matter to her at all - which she probably doesn’t.

that is how sana is. sana loves to flirt, and she is insanely good at it. but she has never done anything further than that, never even kissed anyone (apart from nayeon, twice).

she always stops the flirting as soon as they want more of her, always saves up her firsts for someone deserving of then. and sana likes it that way.

-

sana and nayeon are naturally laying in sana’s bed, legs tangled and arms holding each other. sana’s hand is in nayeon’s hair, stroking it lightly as some anime plays on tv - neither of them are paying much attention to it anymore.

sana’s soothing movements are almost lulling nayeon to sleep, but sana’s heart right below nayeon’s head is beating a bit too heavily.

it is in moments like these where nayeon entertains the possibility of sana feeling the same for her, but the louder voice in her head always tells her that sana’s rapid heart beat has nothing to do with her.

“my mom is going out again more, you know,” nayeon speaks, filling the long silence.

“hm?” sana hums.

“i think she might be seeing someone again, or wanting to, i don’t know,” nayeon wonders.

“what do you think about it?” sana asks her ever so softly, always careful when this kind of topic arises.

nayeon shrugs a little, “it could be good for her, i think...”

“but?” sana asks, and of course she knows there is a ‘but’.

“i want her to be happy, but at the same time i’m scared for her.. she went through so much because of-“ she leaves the sentence hanging there, unfinished.

sana understands. “you’ve got to trust her a little, i think she’s more careful now. and even then, we can’t change what happens to us, and all you can do in the end is be there for her,” sana says ever so wisely, and nayeon sighs.

“i know, but i just.. i just wish it wasn’t like this. why do people just... stop loving each other?” sana’s hand now wanders down to stroke nayeon’s back.

“i don’t know, nayeonie.. it just happens,” sana says softly.

“it makes me terrified of.. everything. love, i guess,” nayeon admits.

sana smiles, but nayeon can’t see it, her head still resting on sana’s chest. “you’ve never tried, of course you’re scared,” sana answers.

“because i.. i just... i’m not like you, sana,” nayeon sighs.

“oh, nayeonie,” sana chuckles, “i haven’t, either.”

“no?” nayeon lifts her head to look at her. sana shakes her head.

“i flirt, but i don’t fall in love,” sana says, smiling.

“well.. i guess,” nayeon moves to lay back down.

“why?”

“why what?” sana laughs.

“why do you never go further?” nayeon asks.

“my heart won’t let me.”

the conversation ends there, but nayeon is more than confused. what does sana mean with that? is she unable to feel romantic feelings for people? is that why she would never entertain anyone for long, so that she wouldn’t break their heart? because that would honestly be so much worse, for nayeon.

it would mean she doesn’t even have the slightest of chances with sana, and that was way less than the possible chance she thought she has now (which is about a one in a millionth chance) because, really, how possible is it that two best friends would grow up to be hopelessly in love with each other yet never do anything about it for 17 years?

either sana doesn’t feel the same way, or they are both just extreme cowards. (nayeon wishes for the latter, of course).

-

the next time nayeon sees eunha is outside on the school’s soccer field, talking to sana animately as momo and nayeon are stretching for today’s PE lesson that will be held outside, because the sun is finally out and warm.

nayeon never noticed that eunha was in their PE class too, never noticed her anywhere, actually. but now she sees her everywhere. and more than often she’s around sana.

it leaves nayeon moping around for the rest of the day every time she sees them together - which happens way too often. momo is tired of it.

“i hate to see you like this,” momo says, stopping her stretching, like nayeon has long done as her eyes are fixated on the two girls far away from them, talking while stretching.

sana has her trademark flirtatious smile on, and nayeon hates how she can’t even tear her eyes away.

“nayeon,” momo calls for her again.

“hm?”

“you’ve got to do something,” momo says.

“what?” nayeon asks, tearing her eyes off the two girls and resuming her stretching.

this is what nayeon is best at, acting oblivious. she knows momo knows of her feelings for sana, has known for years. but they’ve never spoken about it, nayeon too afraid to voice her feelings and make them an even more painful reality.

“you can act dumb all you want, but i know you. i’ve known you for half of my life. if you’re not gonna do something about her, then you’re gonna have to try and move on,” momo says, and it’s almost painful how harsh her words come out.

it must be the years of frustration from watching nayeon pine over sana piled up and finally being released, and nayeon would be offended, or hurt, if she didn’t feel so frustrated too.

nayeon just looks at her, unable to answer.

“i’m serious. see if someone else can win your heart, because you deserve it. i hate seeing you like this all the time,” momo adds then.

nayeon shakes her head, with a smile. “do something about mina first.”

momo glares at her playfully, rolls her eyes. “i’m shy.”

“you’re ridiculous,” nayeon laughs. “it’s clear that you’re both disgustingly in love with each other, like, i almost think you’re soulmates, if such thing existed.”

“it’s not as easy as it sounds, okay? mina is... she’s perfect. how do you gain the courage to ask someone as incredible and beautiful as her out? especially when you’re just little old momo,” the younger girl gestures to herself, and nayeon frowns

“don’t even imply anything like that, ever. you’re amazing, momo. you’re like.. everything anyone could ever want.”

“is this a love confession?” sana’s voice suddenly appears behind them. she has a playful smile on her lips, but something is off about it. there is something in her eyes that completely contrasts it.

“i’m giving her a pep talk,” nayeon rolls her eyes, turning back around to momo as sana settles in front of them.

“and here i was thinking you’re finally admitting to being in love with me. we could be so great together, nayeonie,” momo says, reaching for nayeon with her hands before nayeon swats them away.

“shut up before i tell mina,” nayeon says, and momo pouts, leaning forward to put her head in nayeon’s lap. it makes nayeon laugh, how momo pouts and cuddles up to her so suddenly.

“you’re so annoying,” she laughs, looking up to catch sana’s eyes on her. her face falls, because sana is looking at her weirdly, and she can’t decipher what is in her eyes.

“hey! gather around, you’ve done enough stretching!” their coach suddenly calls out, clapping his hands twice to gain their attention.

momo straightens back up, sana stands up and soon they are gathering around their coach to proceed with the class, their moment completely forgotten.

but sana’s look never leaves nayeon’s mind, not even later when she’s laying in bed.

she keeps tossing and turning, her mind too loud and busy to let her rest. she huffs out, frustrated, and turns around to grab her phone.

1:23, it reads.

nayeon knows it’s a far shot, but tries anyways.

imyeowo:

i can’t sleep :(

the response comes back a minute later, to nayeon’s surprise.

satozaki <3:

me neither.. wanna come?

nayeon smiles, grabs her blanket to pull it away.

imyeowo:

be there in 5

it takes her all but twenty seconds to put on socks and shoes and she writes a sticky note for her mother and sticks it to her door, so she would see when she’d come to wake nayeon up the next morning.

quietly, and because she’s done this hundreds of times already, nayeon sneaks out of the house and into sana’s backyard, climbs up the fire ladder next to sana’s balcony and quickly stands in front of the already opened door.

she makes her way inside, tip toeing, seeing sana’s body turned away from her on her bed. she takes off her shoes and socks, puts her phone on the nightstand and lifts the blanket up to get in bed behind sana.

“hey,” sana whispers as nayeon wraps her arm around her waist, nose nuzzled into her neck.

sana’s body is warm, and everything nayeon needed tonight.

“hi,” nayeon replies, smiling.

sana can’t see, of course, so nayeon pulls her closer. sana finds nayeon’s hand above her stomach and intertwines it with hers.

turns out, it was everything the both of them needed that night, as they were both asleep within minutes.

sana always had that effect on nayeon - every time they’d hang out and cuddle like this in her bed, nayeon would either fall asleep or be close to doing so.

and nayeon always loves sleeping beside sana more than alone, anyways.

-

momo was serious when she said she wanted nayeon to move on, because she wouldn’t stop talking about possible girlfriends for nayeon the following week.

it started off innocently enough, with momo pointing out how someone would look at nayeon, or momo asking ‘look, isn’t she pretty?’ at a girl passing them in the hall.

later momo would come to lunch with a little slip of paper in her hand, passing it to nayeon.

“some girl told me to give this to you,” she said, but nayeon knew it was a set up.

eyeing the slip, she saw numbers scribbled on it, and rolled her eyes. “well aren’t you persistent,” nayeon only said, and momo gave her a grin.

on thursday that week, nayeon was on her way to class trying to round a corner when she suddenly lost balance as a strong force knocked her back.

there were hands around her arms in seconds, and nayeon would’ve surely landed on the floor if it wasn’t for them.

she looks up at the culprit who almost knocked her down, and meets a pair of brown eyes looking at her with worry.

“i’m so sorry,” she hears the girl scramble out somehow, as nayeon slowly comes back to her senses.

“wow, okay, i’m fine,” nayeon breathes out, a bit shaken still.

“i’m sorry, i should’ve been more careful. i was just in a hurry and-“

“hey, pause. i’m fine, really. don’t worry about it,” nayeon gives the girl an honest smile.

“i’ve never seen you here?”

“oh, yea,” the girl says, smiles a little, “i came here only this year and we don’t share any classes, i think. i don’t blame you.”

“oh! well, i’m nayeon.”

“i know. i mean-“ nayeon laughs, then, because the girl blushes so cutely and it’s incredible endearing.

“i’m jisoo,” the girl then says, suddenly too shy to look nayeon in the eyes again.

“nice to meet you, jisoo,” nayeon smiles.

“well, i, uh, have to go because i was still kind of supposed to be rushing, but, it was nice to meet you? to bump into you, i guess, literally, okay, bye!” jisoo blabbers out, and is gone before nayeon can say anything else.

nayeon wears a smile on her face when she reaches her class; momo throws her a questioning look.

she should’ve known momo would question her as soon as class was over.

“so?” momo appears behind her the second nayeon left the room, on her way to the cafeteria.

“so what?”

“what the hell were you so smily about earlier?”

nayeon laughs a little, “can’t a girl smile?”

“no, you usually walk around with the biggest frown on your face, especially that early in the morning,” momo replies again and is now fully walking beside her.

“touché,” nayeon simply says.

“so you’re not gonna tell me?”

“nope,” nayeon laughs.

“what best friend you are.”

when they reach the cafeteria sana, mina and dahyun are already there, sitting at their usual table.

sana gives nayeon a wide smile, one that warms nayeon’s chest every time, and she reciprocates it easily.

nayeon takes the seat beside sana, who naturally throws an arm around her.

when nayeon gets her lunch out and begins to eat, sana has her head on her shoulder, occasionally asking nayeon for a bite (and, of course, she gives her one every single time).

momo and mina are busy talking to each other about whatever, dahyun is on her phone, scowling, texting her younger sister chaeyoung (apparently chaeyoung isn’t in school today because she wanted to take her girlfriend tzuyu out for some weird kind of art date).

so nayeon and sana are in their own world, like so often, sharing nayeon’s sandwich and apple.

that is, until a girl walks by, and nayeon recognizes her. jisoo waves a little, a smile on her face, and nayeon mirrors it and lifts her hand to greet her back.

jisoo walks past their table and sits down with three other girls, and finally nayeon tears her eyes off of her.

“who was that?” momo asks immediately, and nayeon snorts.

“you’re so nosy,” she says, but quickly realizes all of her friends are looking at her and waiting for her answer. sana even sat up straight again.

“her name is jisoo. she bumped into me this morning, literally - almost knocked me down,” nayeon answers, and momo’s eyebrows rise.

nayeon knows what’s coming next -

“she’s pretty,” momo says.

“yes?”

“you should ask her out,” momo shrugs, as if she said something completely reasonable.

“excuse me?” nayeon nearly chokes on her own spit.

there’s a giggle from mina, and dahyun is smiling. momo looks at her seriously - and nayeon doesn’t dare to look at sana. too afraid of what would look back at her, a possible look of indifference.

“i’m serious. she’s pretty, you got all smily because of her, perfect!”

“pause, what?” dahyun asks.

momo grins, “nayeonie here came into class this morning smiling like a child on christmas morning.”

“i did not smile like that!” nayeon defends herself immediately, because momo always loved to exaggerate.

“okay maybe she didn’t smile like that, but you were still all smily!” momo lifts an accusing finger and pouts, and nayeon catches the look of absolute adoration in mina’s eyes.

trust mina to look like a fool in love even when momo is annoying nayeon.

“that’s still no reason to ask someone out! i don’t even know her,” nayeon huffs, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“why are you so against it?” sana suddenly asks, and nayeon freezes. she didn’t think sana would actually say something, much less suggesting she should ask jisoo out.

“because she’s ~scared,” dahyun answers in a sing-song tone.

ignoring her racing thoughts, nayeon scowls at dahyun, “absolutely not.”

momo grins mischievously and replies, “oh really? how come you’ve never dated anyone despite having at least a hundred chances to.”

and nayeon is confused because momo knows. momo knows that nayeon has been in love with sana since she can remember, which is why she never tried dating anyone. because she knows her heart will only ever belong to sana.

nayeon should’ve known it was bait, just a trick to rile her up and make her cave in, yet, “how does that prove anything? i can totally ask someone out, i’m not scared.” she scoffs.

“so do it then,” momo challenges, again. their eyes meet, and it’s intense. nayeon is upset, because why would momo turn against her like this? while momo, it seems like she’s amused. like this is all a fun game to her.

“fine.” nayeon stands up, strides over to where she knows jisoo sits, and halts.

“hey,” she says, putting on a smile as four pairs of eyes look back at her.

“oh, hi,” jisoo replies, while the other three just look at her.

“hey, i’m nayeon,” nayeon addresses the other three, for politeness.

the three girls are friendly, then, offering their names and kind smiles, before nayeon turns back to jisoo.

“i was wondering, if i could have your number?” jisoo is visibly surprised, but smiles. in a matter of seconds she pulls her phone out of her pocket and hands it to nayeon.

“give me yours, i’ll text you,” she says, and nayeon smiles triumphantly.

the deed is over in minutes, and nayeon is back at her standard table, momo grinning from one ear to the other.

“now that wasn’t so hard, right?” momo asks.

“shut up.”

-

jisoo texted her after school, and they found time to text a bit here and there.

nayeon realized she likes jisoo’s personality, and likes texting her, which is why she finds herself almost glued to her phone when she was supposed to be giving sana her attention.

they were just hanging out, supposed to be watching a movie together, but nayeon paid more attention to her phone.

“you don’t need to be here, you know?” sana says, suddenly, and her voice is small.

nayeon, surprised at how hurt she sounds, immediately puts her phone away and sits up to look at sana better.

”i get it, you like her, it’s all new and exciting - but you could’ve just said you didn’t want to hang out today instead of ignoring me the entire time.”

“no! i want to be here, with you. i’m sorry, i didn’t notice how awful i was being,” nayeon scrambles out, and sana looks back at her.

”it’s clear sana is upset, and nayeon is filled with regret.

“i’m sorry, sana,” nayeon says again, softly, and reaches out to take her hand and intertwine their fingers.

“just come here,” sana replies, forgiving way too easily and opening her arms for nayeon to cuddle into.

they spend the rest of the day like this - cuddled up, sana’s fingers grazing over nayeon’s arms once in a while and making her skin tingle.

the earlier situation completely forgotten, they lay in their usual position, hearts beating in sync, nayeon slowly falling asleep in sana’s arms.

-

nayeon thinks back to what momo said earlier; they were on their way to class, and momo was pressuring nayeon about finally asking jisoo out for real. on a date.

she likes jisoo, sure, but her heart belongs to sana. there’s nothing that can change that.

why would she risk hurting jisoo by leading her on and not returning her feelings?

then, suddenly, a text came.

jisoo: do you want to go out for milkshakes? my treat

an hour later nayeon found herself sitting in front of jisoo in a café, milkshakes already sat in front of them.

they are talking about jisoo’s dog, innocently enough, but a thought keeps nagging nayeon.

the fact that jisoo asked her out means nayeon already led her on - which she decided she didn’t want to.

she has to come clean, better now than when it’s too late.

so when they are on a walk afterwards and they share a moment of silence, nayeon speaks.

“jisoo i... i have to tell you something.” her eyes are on the ground, too afraid to meet jisoo’s eyes.

“i know i kind of... led you on. i really didn’t want to, but i... i don’t know. the reason i asked for you number that day was out of pure spite against momo, because she said i was too scared to ask a girl out. and honestly, i know it’s horrible, but i don’t regret it. i actually like you as a person, you’re kind and funny and... all that stuff. i’m horrible at this... but i.. i never thought it could actually lead to something, you know? you and i, i mean.” nayeon finally looks up, then, and she meets jisoo’s familiar kind eyes.

“it’s pathetic, actually. i should’ve never even.. entertained you, i guess. because i... i’m in love with someone.”

jisoo’s eyes widen a bit, but she doesn’t look upset. it’s silent for a bit, then-

“of course,” jisoo says. “it’s sana.”

nayeon stops walking, panics, “w-what?”

her mind runs a mile per second, full of questions akin to ‘am i that obvious?’ and ‘if jisoo knows, what if sana does too?’

“i don’t blame you, it’s hard not to fall in love with someone you’ve known your entire life that’s so... charming,” jisoo answers, “i’m not mad at you, either. i liked getting to know you, even if it only happened because of your pride.”

“i- jisoo.. how did you know it was sana?” nayeon sounds breathless.

“lucky guess,” jisoo smiles. “i know it couldn’t be momo, nor dahyun, and the two times i looked at you at school during lunch there was something about the way you looked at sana... i don’t know.”

“i can’t... she can’t know this! she doesn’t know, right? it’s not that obvious, right?” nayeon talks fast, her eyes full of panic, and jisoo’s face softens.

she lays a hand on nayeon’s shoulder.

“hey, calm down,” jisoo says, “has sana ever treated you differently? was there ever a moment where she behaves odd?”

nayeon’s mind immediately goes back to that day where they were outside during PE and sana looked at her all weird - but it couldn’t have been because she found out about her feelings, right?

“i mean, yeah, b-but i don’t think it had anything to do with that,” nayeon speaks.

“see, so she probably doesn’t know,” jisoo smiles again, “why do you not want her to know anyways?”

they continue walking then, as nayeon answers, “are you crazy? i don’t want to lose her.”

“why would you lose her? you’ve been best friends all your life.”

“exactly,” nayeon runs her hand through her hair, “it would make everything awkward.”

“i doubt that, but also... she could feel the same for you, you know?”

nayeon stops walking again, looking at jisoo in disbelief, “right.”

“i’m serious,” jisoo laughs.

they continue walking. “you never know until you try.”

“if i try and she doesn’t feel the same for me, which she doesn’t, it would all be awkward and a mess and — i would lose her. i can’t risk that.”

“oh nayeon,” jisoo just says, taking nayeon’s arm for comfort.

-

momo, somehow knowing about jisoo and nayeon’s date, asks her how it went the day after (nayeon assumes sana told her).

“soooo.. did you kiss?” nayeon, who was previously just standing by her locker and taking her books out, almost lets them fall to the ground when momo appears behind her.

“momo, what the fuck.”

momo snorts, patting nayeon’s back. “how are you so easily scared?”

“ha ha, very funny,” nayeon rolls her eyes.

“and no we did not kiss. i realized i was being an asshole by leading her on when i know i can’t love her, and i told her that.”

“boo, you’re no fun!” momo complains instantly.

“listen, i don’t want to hurt anybody, okay?” nayeon is serious, and momo straightens instantly.

“i know, i’m sorry. i was joking,” there’s a pout on her lips, one that nayeon could never resist.

“it’s fine, hirai,” nayeon rolls her eyes, but her lips are curled up.

“you could’ve kissed her though,” momo jokes again, smirking, and before nayeon can say anything, arms appear around both of their shoulders from behind.

“who kissed who?” it was sana, her voice sweet and cheerful despite the earliness of the morning.

“n-“ nayeon starts, but momo speaks louder, “nayeon kissed jisoo!”

“oh,” sana answers, immediately, her arms loosening around them as nayeon throws a murderous glare at momo.

“oo! mina’s there!” momo runs off to the other side of the hall where their other friend is, head deep in her locker.

“sana, i-“ nayeon starts again, but is interrupted again when jisoo suddenly appears, coming from momo’s direction.

“hey!” she strides forward and pulls nayeon into a hug, arms wrapping around her waist. nayeon is a bit surprised, but hugs her back.

“good morning,” she says. when they pull apart, sana is gone, and nayeon catches sight of her near momo and mina, who have now been joined by dahyun.

“you look... not in a good mood, what’s up?”

“just momo being.. momo, i’ll survive it,” nayeon tries to smile, and jisoo laughs.

“i hope so; hey, i better get going, jennie needed something from me before class, but i’ll see you!” nayeon nods, and jisoo is gone in seconds.

when she approaches her friends, she gets dragged away by momo.

“sana is totally jealous!” she whisper-yells, a forceful grip on nayeon’s arm as they round the corner.

“jesus christ, what the hell was that for?”

“nayeon, i was trying to see if sana would get jealous! and she did!”

nayeon rolls her eyes, “you have lost your mind.”

momo looks back at her, disbelief in her eyes, “you’re so... why don’t you believe me! i swear, she was jealous.”

“why would she get fucking jealous? she spends her days flirting with anyone who comes near her but gets jealous the second someone is close to me? that doesn’t make sense!”

“yo, sh!” momo suddenly hits her.

“what the fuck,” nayeon rubs her pained arm as mina, sana and dahyun walk up to them.

“well, are you two done doing whatever you were doing?” mina asks, chuckling, and momo gives her the biggest grin.

“yes!” she wraps her arm around mina and they walk front to their respective classes.

“idiot,” nayeon mumbles, and follows along with sana and dahyun.

-

“so..,” sana fumbles with her hands, “are you going to.. date jisoo now?”

they are in nayeon’s room, nayeon laying on her stomach, working on a bio project momo and her were assigned to do together (which momo left her to do alone because she’s hanging out with mina today), and sana, sitting against the back rest of the bed, working on their math homework that nayeon already finished earlier.

it takes nayeon by surprise, and she looks up at sana from her position at the foot of the bed.

“what?”

“i-i mean.. you kissed and.. i don’t know, don’t you like her?” sana looks extremely vulnerable all of a sudden, nayeon has the urge to hug her.

“look, we didn’t kiss, that was just.. momo being stupid,” nayeon clarifies and sits up.

she moves to sit next to sana, takes her by the shoulder and gently moves her to lay down on nayeon’s lap. “and i don’t like jisoo like that either.”

“but why did you..”

“i just.. wanted to prove to momo that i could ask someone out, it was stupid,” nayeon looks ahead, sighing. her fingers are working through sana’s hair soothingly.

“i thought i would lose you,” sana speaks, voice incredibly small.

“what?” nayeon halts, sana looks up at her.

her heart starts beating faster in her chest, is sana suggesting —

“you’re my best friend,” sana says, “and i know it’s incredibly selfish but i wouldn’t want to share you with some other girl.”

nayeon’s hopes crash, and she nods, almost robotically.

there’s silence, then, “you know we’re both gonna be dating people in the future, right? you’re gonna have to share me someday,” nayeon says, with a sigh.

“but not yet, not for another while,” sana answers, “you’re still only mine.”

sana meant it as a lighthearted joke, if the cheeky smile is anything to go by, but it does things to nayeon’s heart - she hates how much her body reacts to such a simple sentence.

nayeon forces herself to ignore it, and resumes running her hand through sana’s hair as the other is clutched around sana’s soft hand.

it is silent for another while, and nayeon enjoys it. she loves just laying with sana like they always do; they don’t even need to say anything for nayeon to be happy like this.

-

-

“do you know why i never do anything with anyone?” sana asks, her voice is quiet and comes as a surprise.

they have been laying in bed for a while, the sun already vanished behind the horizon and they are basically ready to fall asleep.

nayeon thought sana was already asleep, before she spoke.

“no,” nayeon whispers, turns around to sana and tries to find her in the darkness.

her eyes adjust, and she sees sana is turned towards her, too.

“i want to save my firsts, as childish as it sounds,” sana chuckles. “i want to give them to someone special.”

“me too,” nayeon breathes out.

you, she adds mentally.

another few beats of silence, nayeon and sana are just looking at each other; sana seems to be thinking.

“i stole your first kisses, do you remember?”

heat rises up in nayeon’s chest at the words, and she finds herself blushing furiously - she’s glad it’s dark in her room.

“y-yes,” she stutters out. her throat feels incredibly dry. she always thought they would never speak about those incidents again.

sana smiles and suddenly her hand is against nayeon’s cheek.

“you’re special,” she whispers, and nayeon loses her mind, because what the fuck.

nayeon can’t form a coherent thought anymore, because the next second sana’s incredibly soft lips are suddenly on hers, her thumb stroking her cheek lightly.

her lips don’t move, just lay there against nayeon’s for a while, until she pulls away again. nayeon feels incredibly breathless when sana speaks again.

“there,” she whispers, “i gave it back.. your first one.”

nayeon has no idea how she finds her voice, truly, or how she has the courage to say this; “i don’t want you to give it back.”

“no?” sana asks, and her voice is breathy, too.

nayeon shakes her head, looking into sana’s eyes, quite like she’s being hypnotized.

“you can.. return it to me again?”

nayeon truly doesn’t know how sana can make kissing sound so incredibly innocent, but she doesn’t dwell on it for too long, because her body moves forwards and she finds sana’s lips once again.

there’s a gasp when their lips meet - they don’t know from who, but it doesn’t matter. not when their lips are moving against each other, and sana suddenly slides her tongue over nayeon’s lips, just a little. she is asking for permission, and nayeon gladly grants it to her, parting her lips.

when their tongues touch it feels electrical, and a wonderful sound escapes sana’s lips. nayeon feels her head spinning, and she grabs at sana’s hand, incredibly hard because she feels like she’s going to burst from the inside.

nayeon is somehow half above sana, she feels a hand on her hip suddenly. the touch burns.

they kiss like this for a while, until it becomes sloppy and they’re almost panting; sana’s grip on nayeon’s hip is strong, and nayeon isn’t sure if this is real life anymore.

“sana,” she breathes out, interrupting their kiss.

her chest is rising heavily, and sana attacks her lips once again as she hums an answer. it’s like she suddenly can’t get enough of her.

“is this real?” nayeon asks, pulling back once again.

“as real as the stars above in the sky, nayeonie,” sana breathes, lightly nudging her nose against nayeon’s.

“i..” she says, but nothing comes out. her breathing is still uneven.

“come here,” sana says, smiles, and moves nayeon around so she lays against her chest, in her arms. nayeon feels sana’s heartbeat, and her lips against her own temple.

“let’s sleep.. we can talk in the morning.”