Chapter Text
Kaneki was feeling listless and he didn’t know why.
The half-ghoul was fumbling his orders at Anteiku, either confusing the drinks or nearly breaking plates as he tried to serve the customers their orders. It got to the point that Touka excused herself, held a vice-grip on Kaneki’s collar, and dragged the poor soul to the backroom where she slammed him against the wall.
“What the hell is wrong with you today?!”
Kaneki gulped, trying to find something to look at that wasn’t her terrifying expression. He glanced up, settling on meeting her uncovered eye.
“I… I don’t know. I’m honestly trying my best...”
“Shut up, I don’t want to hear it. Get the hell out of here for tonight.”
Kaneki blinked. “Wait, but, I can still…”
“No,” And the gentle sternness in her voice took him by surprise. “It’ll only cause more trouble for the rest of us if you keep working in your state. Whatever ever it is, just take the day to relax.” Kaneki could only slowly nod in agreement and she finally let go of his collar.
“Thanks, Touka-chan.” He said, smoothing down the front of his now wrinkled work shirt. She softly scoffed and turned away, heading back to the front. Kaneki headed to the back room to change out of his work clothes and into his normal attire. He said goodbye to Hinami, stopping for a few minutes when asked about some words in the book she was reading, then left into the bright afternoon day.
The only problem was Kaneki had no idea what to do.
He wasn’t even sure what the problem was. He only knew that he didn’t feel alright, like there were eyes watching his every move. With a shake of his head, he stopped that thought, deciding on a walk through the local park.
He stopped along the way at a small café, ordering a cup of black coffee. It tasted odd without the questionable sugar cubes he’d used but Kaneki had come to appreciate the bitter taste since his operation. He looked to the sky as he stepped out the café and smiled a bit.
It was beautiful out, the sky painted in oranges and reds as the sun started to set. As he neared the park, he could hear the laughter of children as they played, mothers happily watching their children, couples walking hand in hand, elderly enjoying the peaceful afternoon; all sorts of people milling around. Kaneki watched and he was struck with the fact that there were probably ghouls amongst them.
He had no way of knowing who was what and while he was still weary of ghouls, he wasn’t scared. His run in with Nishio and especially Tsukiyama weren’t the best starting impressions but Touka, Yoshimura and Hinami were the best ghouls he’d met so far. Yomo and Uta too but he’d be lying a little if he said they didn’t intimated him a little; Yomo for his unreadable, cool gaze and Uta because he was still a bit strange to Kaneki. There were ghouls that lived in peace, who weren’t murderers, whom simply wanted to live without fear.
It wasn’t fair they had to constantly be weary of themselves simply because of their need to eat flesh to survive. If ghouls didn’t need to eat humans, if they could eat anything else, then they wouldn’t be any different from humans.
Kaneki’s hands shook.
He remembered Hinami’s mother, sacrificing herself for her daughter, so she could live. There was an injustice in her death but no one but ghouls could understand that pain. Doves only saw murders and monsters; things that needed to be eradicated.
Kaneki sighed, suddenly feeling drained. There was miscommunication between the two brought by fear and Kaneki couldn’t help but feel despair within him. He was so focused in his thoughts that Kaneki didn’t see the man in front of him until he rammed into him.
Kaneki stumbled back, about to fall but a firm hand on his bicep stopped him and he found himself being pulled back to his feet. But the cup of coffee slipped from his hands, the still hot drink splashing down his chest. He yelped, quickly pulling his sweater away from his chest before it burned him even more.
“Are you okay?” The man asked, worry evident in his tone.
Kaneki quickly stepped back, “I’m fine; I wasn’t watching where I was going.” He bent to pick up the empty cup. He was a little sad the rest went to waste. “Did any get on you…” His voice tethered out as he finally looked at the man he ran into.
It was the investigator he fought a few weeks ago. Kaneki immediately flinched away, averting his eyes. Even though he was sure the man wouldn’t identify him since he wore his mask, it didn’t stop Kaneki from feeling anxious and flighty.
“I’m okay but what about you? It mostly spilled on you.” He said.
Kaneki quickly shook his head, backing away just a little bit more. “It wasn’t even that hot.” He said, hoping he could quickly end this conversation. Kaneki noticed the briefcase he carried. There was no doubt that this man was working at the moment. “I’m glad none got on you. I have to leave now, bye.”
Kaneki knew it was rushed and awkward but he really want to be away from this man. But the universe must have a fun sense a humor as the man grabbed Kaneki’s forearm, forcing the young man to stop in his tracks.
“I can’t just leave without helping you clean your sweater. I also wasn’t looking where I was walking so I’m partially responsible as well.”
Kaneki quickly shook his head. “No, you don’t have to… It’s fine, really…”
The man stared at Kaneki and Kaneki couldn’t help but notice he was a fairly attractive man. There really was no time last time to really get a good look since the man was coming at him with the intent to kill.
“Really, it’s fine.” Kaneki repeated, hoping the man would let him go soon.
“What if I get you a new cup of coffee?” He asked, releasing his hold on Kaneki’s arm. “Allow me this much.”
Kaneki blinked, knowing he shouldn’t stare at another man for such a long time. But there was such a difference between the man speaking to him now and the man he fought a few weeks ago that he found his mind replying before he even had time to think about it.
“That’s… fine.”
He smiled, throwing Kaneki even more off his thoughts of the man. “My name’s Amon Koutarou.” He held out his hand and Kaneki looked at it. He placed his hand within Amon’s, feeling strength in his hand shake.
“Kaneki Ken.” He replied.
“A pleasure to meet you, Kaneki-kun.” He said. “If you don’t mind, let’s exchange numbers. I wish I could pay you back today but I have a few important errands to run.”
“I don’t mind at all!” Kaneki quickly replied. He found himself exchanging numbers with Amon and with a farewell, they parted.
Kaneki watched the man go and for an unexplainable reason, he found himself wanting to follow after the man. The man that invited him to coffee was so different from the man from the other night. Kaneki laughed nervously as he began to walk away. He reached into the messenger bag, feeling the cool surface of his mask.
“I’m must be crazy.” He said to himself. He pulled off his coffee stained sweater, glad that it didn’t stain the shirt he wore underneath. He quickly left the park, hand in messenger back, fingers gripping the mask as he watched Amon from afar. He stopped when he noticed Amon meet with another man whom carried the same briefcase and they walked together a few blocks until they sat down at a ramen booth.
Kaneki kept himself away, peeking around the corner of a building as they ate, chatting amiably with each other. He waited and watched, all the way trying to convince himself to leave while he could but didn’t. Kaneki was curious. After awhile, he chuckled to himself when he thought what he was doing and how Hide would react. This was definitely something Hide would do.
Night fell and Amon and the other man left. Kaneki ducked back into the small alleyway, holding his breath as the other man walked by. When Kaneki was sure he was gone, Kaneki slipped on his mask and followed Amon. When Amon headed towards the river way, he knew that would be his best chance to meet and still have plenty of room to escape.
Kaneki took his a deep breath, ran his hands down his mask, and ran out.
He dashed ahead Amon, surprising the man. Kaneki stopped when he was a few feet ahead and he turned around, facing Amon. At once, Amon’s body tensed and he gripped his quinque.
“Wait,” Kaneki quickly shouted, holding up his hands. “I don’t want to fight.”
Amon didn’t move nor lowered his weapon. But he did settle himself into something a relaxed position. Kaneki stared at the weapon, hoping he wouldn’t attack. He could feel the man stare coldly at him but when he didn’t attack Kaneki felt a little better.
“Eyepatch, what’s going on?” Amon asked.
“Do you really believe ghouls are the one corrupting the world?” He asked.
The question threw Amon off. What was going on?
“What are you getting at?” He asked, weary of the ghoul.
“We aren’t the monsters that you make us out to be.” He said, looking at the man.
At that, the man scoffed, “And what of the gourmet and binge eater. Are you telling me they’re not monsters?”
“I’m not going to deny that they are,” Kaneki said. “There are ghouls who kill indiscriminately but there are also others who just want to live. We can’t help the body we were born in, that we can’t eat anything but flesh. Are you really going to condemn us simply because we want to live?!” He could feel himself getting worked up, thinking of Hinami and Touka.
“What the hell are you saying?” Amon asked. “Countless children wouldn’t have suffered so much if you ghouls weren’t around.”
Kaneki looked down at the ground. Of course there would be damage done that Kaneki had no control over. He couldn’t claim responsibility for the other ghouls or what they’ve done. He was beginning to feel like talking with Amon wouldn’t get anywhere.
“Eyepatch, why did you let me live that night?” Amon asked. Kaneki noticed that he was getting ready to use his quinque. Whether he answered or not, Kaneki knew he was going to get attacked.
“I’m not strong but I know I won’t ever let my appetite turn me into a murderer.” Kaneki gripped his hand. “I don’t want to be a killer.”
Amon paused for a moment, surprised by his words. Before he could activate his weapon, Kaneki fled, leaving Amon behind. He stood there, more confused than anything.
Kaneki ran and ran until he was home. He had pulled off the mask when he was sure Amon wasn’t following him. Once he was home, he made brewed himself a cup of coffee, adding the questionable sugar cubes he liked.
“I don’t think that went well.” He said to himself, settling down on his sofa, nursing his cup of coffee. He thought that talking to Amon would help him see some things clearly or at least calm the listlessness he was feeling. But it only made him feel even more restless. Kaneki grabbed his cell phone, noticing the text messages he missed from Hide. He smiled and began reply to Hide’s text.
Hopefully, he’d feel better by the morning.
--------
Unfortunately, the next day, he felt worse. His whole body felt heated and his chest felt tight every time he breathed. He called Yoshimura that morning, telling him he wouldn’t come into work that day. With a warm cup of morning coffee, he huddled into a ball on his bed; hoping sleep would cure him a little bit. A few hours later, Kaneki woke up to his phone ringing beside his head. He reached out from underneath the blanket, pawing the bed until he felt his phone.
“Hello?” His voice was gravelly from having just woken up.
“Is this Kaneki-kun?”
“Yes,” He replied, slowly sitting upright, the blanket slipping down to his waist. “Who is this?”
“Ah, this is Amon from yesterday.” The man over the phone said. Kaneki immediately woke up. He didn’t think Amon would call him so soon. “I was hoping I could repay you back today. I have a day off of work.”
Kaneki forgot he’d given the man his number and he didn’t want to leave the comforts of his bed. But he also didn’t want to make Amon wait. If anything, he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.
“What time?” Kaneki asked.
“Would twelve work? We can meet at the same park from yesterday.”
“Okay, we can meet there.” He replied, pulling the blanket tighter around his shoulder.
“Alright, I see you then.” Kaneki hung up, falling backwards on bed. He stared up at the ceiling, imagining how much Touka would yell and tear him a new asshole if she ever learned he somehow ended up on a coffee date with a dove. And that he’d given out his actual name. Kaneki groaned, turning to his side as he curled into himself, wrapping his arms around his knees.
“Just for thirty minutes, I can manage that much.”
-------
An hour before he was going to meet up with Amon, Kaneki rolled out of bed, trailing his blanket as a cape with him. More rest hadn’t cured him of the ache pulsing throughout his body. It was worse than before, his breathing coming up short. Kaneki looked around for medicine, chasing it down with a glass of water before he dressed. As he shrugged on his blanket, his phone beeped. He patted his pockets then looked up when it beeped again, coming from his bedroom. He quickly headed for his room when the bell rang. Kaneki stopped in his track, looking from the room to the foyer.
“Ugh, I just want to sleep.” He grumbled, heading towards the door as the bell rang again.
Hide greeted him as soon as Kaneki opened the door, “Yo, Kaneki! You look like shit.”
Kaneki smiled despite himself, knowing it was only going to encourage Hide. Hide grinned as he let himself in.
“Was that text you?”
“Yep,” He replied, turning to face Kaneki. “Touka texted me earlier saying, ‘Make sure that idiot isn’t dead’.”
Kaneki chuckled. Of course Touka would insult even when he was sick. “I’m fine.”
“Like hell you are,” was Hide’s instant reply. “Didn’t you hear the ‘you look like shit part’?”
“Loud and clear.” Kaneki said as he walked around Hide to his bedroom. The blond followed behind him, watching as Kaneki began to rummage through his closet.
“Then why aren’t you resting like you should be?”
Kaneki sighed as he picked out a shirt. “I have… someone to meet.” Kaneki looked at Hide and he could see the gears turn in Hide’s mind. He grinned and Kaneki could hear his thoughts before he spoke them.
“No, it’s not a date.” Kaneki said before Hide could. “I kinda bumped into someone when I wasn’t looking yesterday and my coffee spilled on me. He offered me a new cup as an apology but couldn’t do it yesterday.”
“He?” Hide looked almost hurt. “I never knew you swung that way. And to think you couldn’t trust me enough to come out…”
“Hide!” Kaneki whined, earning a grin from his blond friend. “Like I said, it’s not like that.” He stripped out of his pajamas down to his boxer-briefs. Hide mischievously grinned, whistling at Kaneki as he bent over to pull on his jeans. Hide was met with face full of cotton pants that Kaneki threw at him.
“Why are we even friends?”
“I’m obviously the best. Why else?” Hide said, rather proudly. Kaneki rolled his eyes as he continued to dress. “So who are you meeting if it isn’t a date? ‘Cause this really seems like a date.”
Kaneki paused for a moment before he answered. “A Dove named Amon-san.”
The grin on Hide’s quickly fell as he stared at Kaneki. “Hey, that’s… Kaneki, what the hell?”
Kaneki pulled his blue cardigan on, running his hands down his chest. “I know… but, I want to get this done as soon as possible. I’m only going to spend an half an hour with him then I’ll think of an excuse to leave.” He didn’t mention the fact that he had run into Amon after the incident. It was dangerously stupid and he didn’t want to worry Hide.
If anything, Kaneki was grateful Hide was still his best friend despite finding out he was part ghoul now. Kaneki could make jokes about why he was Hide’s friend when they were teasing each other, but Kaneki would always be thankful towards Hide for meddling his way into his life. He was glad to have a friend like him.
“For being such a book worm, you’re real stupid, you know that?” Hide said, crossing his arms over his chest.
Kaneki chuckled, scratching his face. “I know.”
“Twenty minutes.” Hide said. “Text me when you meet him. Then I’ll call you after your 20 minutes are up to bail you the hell out of there. You really don’t look well.”
“Alright.” Kaneki said. He pulled on his jacket, stuffing his phone into his pocket. He slipped on is medical eye patch and grabbed the doorknob to the front door. “I’m heading out now.”
--------
Kaneki sat on a bench in the park, near where they met, as he waited for Amon. He was a little bit earlier but in the time he spent waiting, a steady painful pulse bounced around his head. He groaned, rubbing at his temples. He regretted stepping out and agreeing to this meeting, with a dove no less, but the fact that Hide was waiting to get him out of this arrangement made him swallow down the pain.
“I can do this.” He said, hand clutching his phone. It was only twenty minutes.
“Kaneki, over here.”
Kaneki looked up, seeing Amon just a few feet away from him. Kaneki got to his feet, waving to the man. He wasn’t dressed in that grey trench coat doves usually wore and Kaneki couldn’t see him carrying that briefcase. He was dressed casually, in a jacket and jeans, and Kaneki almost didn’t know what to make of it. He quickly sent a text to Hide to start the count before he walked towards Amon.
“Good evening, Amon-san.” He greeted.
The older man smiled and Kaneki was surprised by how handsome Amon looked when he wasn’t out to kill him. Then the thought struck him. What was Amon actually like?
“Hi.” He said softly, fighting his instinct to touch the side of his head.
“Are you sure a cup of coffee is enough?” Amon asked.
Kaneki chuckled nervously. “Really, its fine,” He assured. “Do you have a café in mind?”
“Truth to told, I’m not too familiar with the area.” He replied, looking a bit apologetic. Kaneki blinked then he smiled, somehow feeling more assured about the situation.
“There’s a café not too far from here. The coffee they brew is delicious and they make really good sandwiches.” He said. Kaneki started to walk and Amon followed, falling into step.
“Are you a university student?” Amon asked.
Kaneki nodded, “A freshman at Kamii University. I’m studying Japanese literature.”
“I take it you’re a big reader?” He asked.
Kaneki nodded, lowering his gaze. “What about you? What do you do?”
He raised his eyes again, watching Amon’s profile. “I work for the Commission of Counter Ghoul as an investigator.”
So he’s not hiding that, Kaneki thought, looking away. Of course he wouldn’t hide that. Amon didn’t know who he really was. Amon thought of him as a college student.
“That’s amazing,” Kaneki said. “Don’t you get scared?”
If he didn’t feign an interest, Amon would probably get suspicious. With all the news on ghouls, it probably would seem strange if he weren’t a little interested.
“I do,” Amon said, taking Kaneki by surprise with his answer. Amon certainly didn’t look or feel afraid when they fought. “But I’m prepared. It’s a sort of job you can’t go into with half-hearted convictions.”
Kaneki slowly nodded, not quite agreeing with the content but more with the meaning. He thought about his own situation, about how appropriate that statement was. As both human and ghoul, he couldn’t be the same as he was in the beginning, when everything he knew simply shattered around his feet.
“Ah, we’re here.” Kaneki said, stopping short of just passing the café shop. It was a small old brick building, nestled between two taller, more modern buildings. Vines grew along the wall and plants were planted in front of the window, adding a sort of pleasant floral charm to the café. If it weren’t for the sign that hung above the door, it was a fairly easy shop to miss.
He led Amon into the shop, the chime above the door ringing softly. The aroma of coffee greeted them and Kaneki, despite feeling sluggish and cold, warmed up just a little bit. Working at Anteiku, while hard work, had become a place he could relax. He watched Amon walk to the counter, wondering if the man had a place he also felt a peace in.
“Kaneki-kun, what would you like?” He asked. Kaneki opened his mouth to speak but the girl at the counter spoke before he could.
“A regular coffee taken black, am I correct?” She said.
Kaneki blinked, a blush coming to his cheeks as nodded. “I really like this shop,” He said in lieu of an answer.
The girl giggled and turned to look at Amon, “And what would you like, sir?”
Kaneki idly stood by as Amon placed his order. Once done, Kaneki headed straight for a table for two near the back of the shop, lit up by the window beside it. Kaneki sat on the chair that faced the door and Amon sat opposite. “I take it this is your favorite spot to sit too?”
Kaneki blinked; face feeling hot as he looked down at the table. A feeble chuckle escaped him as he nervously ran his hand through his hair. “The atmosphere is really nice here and their coffee is delicious. Amon-san, if you ever need a moment’s peace, I really recommend this place.”
Amon nodded, a small smile shaping his lips. “I will. Though, I’m surprised you take your coffee black? You look more like the type that’ll add milk and sugar.”
Kaneki nervously laughed, once again looking down at the table. He scratched his cheek as he spoke, “I have a friend who takes it black all the time so I got curious. I found out I really liked it.”
Kaneki listened to Amon talk, most of it being on his workout routine since Kaneki had curiously asked where Amon went for a moment’s reprieve. It was very easy to see that Amon was well built, even when he wore his suit, but less so when he wore casual clothes.
“So could you easily suplex someone?” He asked, excitement laced through his voice. Amon blinked, not quite sure what to make of him but he chuckled.
“I can.” He said just as the waitress arrived with their drinks. She placed the black coffee in front of Kaneki and handed Amon his cappuccino.
“Please feel free to call me over should you need anything else.” She said before she walked away.
Kaneki nursed his cup, the thick and heavy aroma filled his nostrils and Kaneki could feel some tension in his shoulder melt away. Tension he hadn’t realized he was still holding on too. He let it cool a little before he took a sip.
“Their coffee is good.” Amon said, already drinking. Kaneki smiled in agreement, taking another slow slip when a sharp pain pierced through head. He gritted his teeth, carefully setting his cup down as another lance of pain shot through him.
“Kaneki-kun…?”
“I’m fine.” Kaneki said, trying to hold back how much he was actually hurting. Amon frowned, clearly not buying it.
“I’ll... head to the restroom.” He said. He stood, chair sliding back. He stood, taking a single step forward and felt fine. But when he took the other step, he dropped like some puppet with its string cut. Amon immediately was at his side, trying to shake him awake but Kaneki only groaned, face flushed and lips parted as he tried to breathe.
He couldn’t hear Amon but Kaneki could feel his arms on his back. He struggled to open his eyes and when he did, Amon’s expression changed so suddenly. He looked confused, then worried, maybe there was fear too, Kaneki couldn’t tell. His vision vanished and the last thing he heard before he completely lost consciousness was his cellphone ringing.
-------
Kaneki sat alone in a chair, bound and surrounded by pitch black darkness. He struggled to move but he was unable to even lift the chair. The half ghoul looked around, hoping something could give me a clue to his location but the utter darkness was impenetrable. There was nothing; not even a breeze. It was just stillness that kept him company.
“Hello?”
There wasn’t a response. His heart began to thump harder against his chest when he felt a cold chill run down his spine. Footsteps echoed behind him, getting louder as they approached. Sweat beaded on his forehead, rolling down as a hand touched his shoulder with a surprising gentle touch that he had to look up.
His eyes widened, fear striking his heart as Amon looked down at him. Without saying a word, he continued to walk forward and that was when he noticed Amon’s quinque in his other hand. Kaneki swallowed the dry lump as he kept his eyes focused on it.
“Amon-san, please…!” Kaneki pleaded, struggling against the chains that bound him to the chair. It rattled around, metal clanking against each other but they didn’t budge. Kaneki looked down at his wrist, frustration bubbling in his chest. He quickly looked back up, to face Amon, when the words he wanted to say died before they ever made it out his lips.
His face wasn’t normal. Blank scribbles obscured his face, constantly moving, like angry writing given life. Another chill ran down his body as sweat slowly rolled down his face. Amon flicked his wrist and his quinque opened. It formed into the weapon he had destroyed that rainy night.
The black scribbles parted where Amon’s mouth was supposed to be and it spoke with a voice that was neither man nor woman, “Right the wrong that has perpetrated this world and die.”
Kaneki screamed, body bolting upright from the bed. He gasped harshly, chest heaving as he tried to calm his breathing. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face, sliding along his jaw line to drip down from his chin to the blanket that covered his lap. He lifted his hand, to wipe his forehead, when the rattling noise of chains alerted him.
He looked around and that was when he realized he wasn’t in his own room.
The bedroom he was in was dark and he could make out a dresser and some dumbbells by the door. Kaneki inched forward, sliding closer to the edge of the bed when he heard more chains rattling and a pressure on his neck. He touched his neck and felt a collar tied around it. He ran his fingers over it, feeling for a clasp but instead he found a chain link.
He turned his head, following the link as it connected to the bed.
His heart sped faster; climbing up his throat as fear quickly ran through his blood like ice. Kaneki sat still, closing his eyes as he recalled what happened. He remembered feeling nauseas and went to excuse himself when he fainted. What had happened afterwards?
Kaneki groaned, unable to come up with a plausible reason for his predicament at the moment. He ran his hand through his hair, thinking, when the lights in the room flickered on. His quickly lifted his head, eyes widening when he saw Amon standing by the open door of the room.
“Amo-” He started, a smile shaping his lips when his eyes traveled to Amon’s hand. He held his quinque and the relief fled.
“Eyepatch.” He said.
Kaneki froze. He knew. Amon knew his identity, it was all over. He looked down at bed, hands clutching the bed sheets. It was all over. “…Are you going to kill me, Amon-san.” He said quietly, not bothering to lift his head.
Amon said nothing. Instead, Kaneki heard footsteps and he bitterly smiled. Of course he won’t bother answering me, Kaneki thought. There wouldn’t be a reason to. He was a Dove; their sole purpose was to eradicate ghouls no matter what. And Kaneki was just unfortunate.
“What are you, Kaneki-kun?” Amon asked, sitting down on a chair in front of the bed.
Kaneki lifted his head, surprise flitting through his eyes as he looked at Amon. The quinque was by his side but it was on the floor. He couldn’t read Amon’s expression, couldn’t understand what he was thinking but Kaneki decided this situation was infinitely better than what he originally thought was going to happen.
“…w-what do you mean?” He cautiously asked.
“Your eye.” He replied.
Kaneki immediately lifted his hand to his left eye and realized that his eyepatch was gone. He chuckled nervously and was very quick to put together what must have happened.
“I’m half a ghoul.” Kaneki said. There was no use lying or hiding it. Amon looked surprised and he leaned back on his chair.
“Half a ghoul?”
Kaneki nodded. He sat back on the bed, to relax the chain on his collar so it wasn’t pulling on his neck so much. “I don’t know if you’ll believe me or not, but everything I’m saying is the truth.”
Kaneki talked, explaining everything that had happened that lead him to wake up as a half ghoul on that hospital bed. He kept everything about Anteiku, Touka, and the others a secret. Amon didn’t need to know about them and, no matter what, they were friends. He couldn’t turn his back on his own friends. He did tell Amon about Rize, since that accident had caused her death. For further proof, he willed his eye to turn, watching the way Amon subtly flinch, hands inches away from his weapon. Kaneki felt hurt but he didn’t blame the man.
“It took awhile to come to terms with what happened with me.” He said. If he was honest, Kaneki was still trying to understand his own situation. It was like floating in limbo, not knowing where he should drop.
“Have you killed anyone?” He asked, pulling Kaneki away from his thoughts.
Kaneki quickly shook his head, “No! No matter what I am, I’m still human and I can’t kill anyone, not even if it means I will live.”
“But you seem perfectly sane,” Amon said. “I’ve seen ghouls whom have gone hungry. That’s when their true nature as monsters shows.”
Kaneki looked back down at the bed. “…Suicide victims.” He whispered.
For a while, Amon said nothing. Kaneki fidgeted under his intense gaze but he remained quiet. Amon was sorting through his thoughts and Kaneki was sure he was probably deciding when he would turn Kaneki in. So he sat and waited for his death sentence.
“So the reason you let me live is because you don’t want to be a murderer.” Amon said, surprising Kaneki once again with his words. Kaneki slowly nodded.
“…I just want to live,” Kaneki said, tone soft. “Same as you.”
It was silent for a moment longer before Amon suddenly stood up. Kaneki flinched, looking up as Amon stared at him. Without saying a word, Amon left the room, turning the lights back off as he closed the door behind him. Kaneki blinked, staring after the door before he sighed.
“I’ll just stay here then.” He called out to no one, settling himself against the headboard of the bed. He grabbed the comforter, pulled his knees up to his chest, and draped the blanket over him, resting his head on top of his knees.